August 7, 2025 • 19 mins
Have you ever caught yourself shrinking to keep the peace? Bite your tongue when your gut is screaming otherwise? Maybe you've been told to tone down your shine or smooth out your edges. That stops now.
This episode is your permission slip to blow the walls out of that tiny box you were never meant to fit in. I'm sharing my own turning point – standing in my kitchen, paralyzed with anxiety over cleaning a tea infuser, when my higher self essentially said, "Oh hell no, we did not come here for this." That moment sparked my transformation from invisible people-pleaser to authentically taking up space.
Let's get real: people pleasing isn't about kindness – it's about control. It's a survival strategy where we manage how others perceive us to create safety. Neurologically, your brain interprets potential rejection as threat, triggering cortisol and adrenaline. But peace at the expense of your values isn't peace – it's performance. Taking up space means existing fully without apology. It's saying no without a PowerPoint presentation justifying your decision. It's asking for what you need without guilt. It's sharing your ideas even when your voice shakes.
Through neuroplasticity, you can literally rewire your response to discomfort. Each empowered choice creates a new neural pathway, turning once-overgrown trails of self-doubt into superhighways of confidence. Start small: voice preferences instead of defaulting to "whatever's fine," eliminate apology language, practice mirror affirmations, and embrace the qualities others have called "too much." Remember this mantra: "I am not too much. I'm not a burden. I take up space like I was born to."
Share this episode with someone still living small. Subscribe, leave a review, and join me next week to learn about stopping the negotiation of our non-negotiables. Keep your head high, your boundaries higher, and your pockets full of mojo.
Need help tapping into your Mojo? See ya later brain fog- these gummies are game changers! 15% OFF!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Hey, hey, and welcome back to Pocketful of Mojo, and
this is your friendly reminderthat shrinking for other
people's comfort was never inyour soul's contract.
I'm your host, steph, your MojoMaven, and today's episode is a
straight-up pep talk, and I'mgoing to be digging into the
signals that you may be playingsmall and what to do about it,
(00:33):
with a side of science and awhole lot of mojo.
This episode is all me, unmuted, just as source intended.
So if you've ever caughtyourself shrinking or biting
your tongue in the name ofkeeping the peace, if your
default mode is quiet compliance, even when your gut is
screaming otherwise, if you'vebeen taught to stop shining so
(00:56):
bright or been asked to smoothout your edges, or your mantra's
been it's fine even when it'snot, then maybe this episode is
your permission slip to blow thewalls out of that tiny box you
were never meant to fit in,because today we're talking
about taking up space like youpay rent on it on an episode
(01:18):
that I'm calling Scooch Over.
I'm Expanding, let's go.
This is the part where we gettuned in, tapped in and turned
on.
Welcome, my friend.
It's me, steph, your Mojo Maven, recovering people pleaser,
(01:38):
president of doing whatever Iwant, and I'm really happy that
you're here, because once upon atime, before Mojo Mastery,
there had to be thiscrystallizing moment, the
turning point that gave birth toall this Mojo, and for me, that
moment was when I was in mykitchen this would be about five
years ago and I stood there forwhat was certainly far too long
(02:02):
, staring at a tea infuser andtalking myself around in circles
on how to clean this teainfuser without causing any
drama or conflict.
That was the point that my lifehad come to, and it was in that
moment and it was like I left mybody and I saw myself there,
terrified to do the wrong thing.
(02:23):
And was the wrong thing toclean it wrong?
Was the wrong thing to avoidthe conflict and override my
inherent self-worth?
And, oh my God, circles, I tellyou.
And it was like, as I separatedfrom my own body and looked
down, it was my higher selfwatching all this go down and
said, oh hell, no, we did notcome here for this.
(02:46):
We did not come all this wayand have all the incredible
gifts that we have, just to beinvisible and subservient to
someone else while forgettingour own greatness.
No, ma'am, and that was whenthis caterpillar started
building a cocoon, and at thetime I was living in France.
So the conditions were ripe forme to disappear just a little
(03:10):
bit at a time Language barriers,culture shock, endless
opportunities to people, pleaseunder the guise of feeling seen
or fitting in, or even to beacknowledged, and I was starving
for it.
But during the course of theimmigration I became this
amalgamation of everything thatproved to be palatable.
(03:32):
Who was I?
Whatever you wanted me to be, Icould match your energy, as
long as it kept the peace andkept me just on the other side
of invisible.
And that was fine and it kindof worked.
But as it turns out, we are notmeant to stay in that state.
It's fine temporarily, whileyou get your bearings and figure
(03:53):
out what's going on, butwithout the shift back into
intention and alignment with myvalues.
Who I was?
Became invisible and so quietthat no one could hear me.
It was the Webster's Dictionarydefinition of people pleasing
and it was a survival strategy.
Let me say that again Peoplepleasing is a survival strategy.
(04:15):
We don't come out of the wombafraid to take up space.
It's something that we learned.
We learned that silence wassafer and maybe in your home.
Being easy was what got youlove, and maybe at school, going
unnoticed kept you out oftrouble, or maybe in your job or
your culture or yourrelationships.
(04:37):
Well, they rewarded you forbeing less, less loud, less
needy, less you, and it wasadaptive until it became a cage.
Because here's the truth mostpeople don't want to say out
loud People pleasing isn't aboutkindness, it's about control,
and not in like a malicious way,but in a let me manage how
(05:00):
others feel about me so I canfeel safe kind of way, and not
really a hot take here.
But chaos is fucking scary.
So wanting to control what youcan control is a super normal
reaction.
And I don't know if you've beenout in the world lately, but
things feel a scooch chaoticrecently, am I right?
(05:20):
And if your behavior isfrequently peace-seeking, then I
totally get it and like, okay,so nerd alert.
So, neurologically speaking,this is again that amygdala
doing its job.
When you perceive conflict orrejection, your brain is going
to go into threat mode.
Cue the cortisol and theadrenaline, because the body
(05:44):
says fix it, smooth.
It say yes, hey, look overthere.
If you can't be invisible, justget smaller, shrink, and
supposedly that's the recipe tobring you peace, but peace at
the expense of who you are andyour own values, thoughts and
ideas.
That's not peace, that's justperformance.
That's the act as if, andputting that mask on and off all
(06:08):
the time is exhausting and,honestly, it sells you short
because you don't get to be you.
So what does it mean to take upspace?
Well, let's dig into that.
Taking up space isn't aboutbeing loud or dominating the
room.
The world doesn't need everyroom to be filled with no
(06:31):
offense theater kids grabbingfor every opportunity for an
audience okay, or people whocan't read a room and barrel
through with their agendawithout considering any context
Like this, isn't that?
This is just about existingfully, unapologetically and with
intention, and it just lookslike saying no without a
follow-up PowerPointpresentation that outlines your
(06:53):
entire philosophy on why youcan't do the thing.
It means asking for what youneed without any guilt, and this
is something that I want to getreally good at.
And taking up space just meanssharing your ideas, even if your
voice shakes, and this oftencomes up in professional context
, but it's often a blind spotsometimes in our personal
(07:16):
relationships, because, you know, not all friendships can handle
the deep stuff.
But when you have that bondthat trust, you can really say
what you feel and know that thetrue you always is going to have
a soft place to land, no matterwhat.
And sometimes the space isthere.
We just leave it unoccupiedbecause maybe we're a little
(07:38):
unpracticed.
So it can be small stuff andbig stuff, you know, it can mean
wearing the red lipstick orleaving the toxic group chat or
declaring your boundaries outloud, even if it's to yourself
in the car.
You know like.
Just make sure there's a periodat the end.
Practice taking up space and sayI belong here and my means
(08:00):
matter and my presence counts,and say it until that little ick
of discomfort goes away.
It's spiritual, it's rebelliousand it's deeply healing.
Bring it into your practice.
But we don't just magicallyshow up where we want to go.
We got to pivot right.
So you don't go from ghost modeto Beyonce overnight.
(08:24):
In my experience and observation, you shift in moments.
So here's what you want to lookfor Look for that moment that
you bite your tongue in ameeting.
Look for that pause before yousay, sure, whatever works for
you, there's magic in that pause, there's an opinion in that
pause.
You want to look for that tiny,sacred second where your body
(08:48):
knows that you're shrinking.
That's your pivot point.
Your job in that moment is notto perform confidence, it's to
pause, breathe and choosedifferently, even a little, just
like hit the pause button andask yourself like what do I
actually want here?
What would I say if I wasn'tafraid of being judged or too
(09:11):
much?
Because first comes awareness,always engaging with your own
mind, paying attention, andyou'll notice those silent urges
to speak or that gut punch whenyou get spoken over or
interrupted.
Again.
This first part, this awareness.
You can think of it like adress rehearsal for the next
(09:33):
time that it happens.
Like what would you say?
How would you respond?
Because in your imaginationit's a safe place where there's
no mistakes and no consequences.
You're just exploring thepossibilities consciously.
And once again the neurosciencegives us something really
beautiful here.
It's called neuroplasty, whichmeans that you can literally
(09:54):
rewire your response todiscomfort.
Think about a forest and you'retrailblazing it.
That's how your thoughts arecreated.
So the first time you walkthrough the forest and it's
super dense and there's woods,that's a new thought.
And it's hard and you'repushing past branches and
stepping over roots and you'renot even sure you're going the
(10:15):
right way.
But the more you walk that pathover and over again, choosing
that new thought, that newreaction, that new belief, the
clearer it becomes, the morepacked down things are, the
smoother the track andeventually that once overgrown
trail becomes a well-worn path,and then it becomes a dirt road,
(10:36):
and then it becomes a neuralsuperhighway.
And the old paths, the ones ofself-doubt or fear, or people
pleasing, they just grow over,they go unused, they fade.
You are literallyre-landscaping your mind.
That's kind of a major threadthroughout Mojo.
They fade.
You are literallyre-landscaping your mind.
That's kind of a major threadthroughout Mojo.
(10:57):
And we do this one conscious,intentional, loving step at a
time.
Now I have to add the disclaimerthat the forest is for metaphor
purposes only.
Stay out of the fucking woods.
The woods are creepy, badthings happen there, and if you
do go, never, ever go, at night.
Anyway, stay out of the forest,keep the one in your mind, but
(11:20):
the real one, scary, okay.
So, yeah, remember, each timeyou make an empowered choice,
you are reinforcing a newpattern and over time, taking up
space becomes your newautopilot.
That mojo is your baseline andyou can get there from right
where you are, one step at atime.
(11:41):
So how do you start?
Jeez, you don't need to shoutto take up space.
Here's how to start reclaimingyour real estate.
Number one you got gotta voiceyour preferences.
I want you to tell me what youwant, what you really really
want.
Start with small things.
What do you actually want toeat?
(12:03):
No more whatever's good for me.
That's frustrating.
Make a decision, have somepreferences.
Check in with yourself.
What do you feel like?
What music do you like?
Let yourself choose.
Have some opinions, have somepreferences and practice sharing
them.
No more it's all good,whatever's fine.
(12:24):
Start small, have fun with itand then start observing other
people voice their opinions andtheir preferences and then try
it on.
It feels good.
Number two you got to unlearnthe apology language.
It's time to cut the fluff.
You got to tune in and reallylisten to yourself and really
(12:46):
pay attention to when you usethe words sorry, sorry, just and
whatever or fine.
That's another one, okay, sothere's four.
Absolutely.
Here are two common examples ofapology language, and people
(13:07):
pleasers are often known to usethis language as it's in the
handbook.
They'll say sorry, can I justsay something real quick?
And what you're doing here isyou're already minimizing your
voice and your presence.
Before you've even spoken,before you've said the thing
that you want to say, you canswap it for something empowering
, like I'd like to add somethinghere, or here's my take on this
(13:28):
.
Number two, and you've heardthis before and I cringe every
time.
I hope this isn't a stupidquestion, but okay.
So what you're doing there isyou're pre-apologizing for your
curiosity or your uncertaintyand that just undermines your
intelligence.
My friend, I've always said weare our own PR.
(13:50):
So what you've done there isyou've put out a press release
that you ask stupid questionsand you hope nobody notices.
So swap it for somethingempowering.
Here's a question I've beenthinking about.
Or let me ask this another way,and all of that will be much
easier after you practice.
Number three, and that is thefamous mirror talk.
(14:12):
And you know what, if you do it, nobody's going to know.
Nobody's going to know,nobody's going to know.
Do it, look your, look yourfine self in the mirror and say
I take up space like I pay renton it and I belong here.
Say it daily, say it at church,say it in the club, say it in
(14:34):
the shopping mall bathroom.
Look at yourself in the eye andsay I take up space like I pay
rent on it, I belong here, andlet your nervous system get used
to that truth.
And then there's option B.
If that's not your jam, youcould.
For all my fellow Ted Lassolovers out there, you know what
(14:57):
I'm talking about?
That thing that Rebecca does inthe mirror when she starts real
small and then she makesherself real big and she brings
her arms up and she makes hereyes wide and she opens her
mouth and sticks her tongue out.
And if you know, you know, andif you don't stop sleeping on
Ted Lasso, it's exactly what theworld needs more of right now.
So get on it.
(15:23):
Rant over Number four.
Write a too much list.
Think about all the times thatyou've been called too much.
Maybe you're too loud or toosensitive or too ambitious.
Write them all down, get aninventory and that is your
roadmap.
Be all of it, not out of spite,but because what these people
have actually been saying, ifyou take the judginess out of it
, is that this is who you arewhen you're you.
Unapologetically Be that.
(15:45):
Now I want to tell you about aclient of mine.
We'll call her Jess.
So Jess had a gift for makingpeople feel comfortable, and
while she loved that qualityabout herself, she wanted in on
it.
She wanted to feel seen herselfand felt like there was nobody
really around who made her feelthat way.
And she came to me burnt outand bitter and confused because
(16:06):
she was doing everything right.
She got all the gold stars, shewas agreeable, she was helpful,
she was low maintenance andinvisible and exhausted because
trust and belief, people whoalways try and do the right
thing get really fucking tiredof doing the right thing in the
wrong environment.
(16:26):
And resentment is a dick, andI'm basically paraphrasing what
Jess said when she was goingthrough her mojo work and all
this stuff started bubbling up.
So I asked her what was theturning point.
She said her patience wore thinwhen she started prioritizing
herself.
She wanted more for herself.
(16:47):
When she started treatingherself better, she said she
stopped saying yes to projectsthat she didn't want.
She said she spoke up in a teammeeting and felt like a
superhero for like three daysand she said her voice shook the
first few times she waspresenting, but then it didn't.
And then now she's like she'sleading and she got this
(17:09):
promotion and she's resting andshe's got like these fierce
boundaries that I wish I had,and she's really rising.
And what happened there wasthat Jess didn't change who she
was.
She stopped editing who she was, she stopped showing up as
someone she wasn't.
That's what taking up spacelooks like.
(17:31):
That's what taking up spacelooks like.
Now, let's seal this with amantra I'm not too much, I'm not
a burden.
I take up space like I was bornto Say it again Let it land,
let it ring.
I am not too much, I'm not aburden.
(17:54):
I take up space like I was bornto.
So with this hit home, myfriend, I want you to share it
with someone who's still livingsmall.
Maybe they need your nudge,maybe they need to feel seen,
they need to know that there'ssomeone else who knows what it's
like to have more to give andyou never know who's light
(18:15):
you'll help switch back on.
And hey, if you loved thisepisode, do me faves.
Follow the show, subscribe,leave a five-star review.
You know it means the world andremember your presence is not a
problem.
Your voice is not noise.
Take up space like you pay renton it Too much.
(18:35):
Nah, we're just getting started.
So until next time, keep yourhead high, your boundaries
higher and your pockets full ofmojo.
That's it for me.
I'll catch you next week whenwe learn about how to stop
negotiating our non-negotiables.
It's going to be good stuff, sowe'll see you next time.
Ciao for now.
Love you, bye you.
Hey, hey, and welcome back to Pocketful of Mojo, and
this is your friendly reminderthat shrinking for other
people's comfort was never inyour soul's contract.
I'm your host, steph, your MojoMaven, and today's episode is a
straight-up pep talk, and I'mgoing to be digging into the
signals that you may be playingsmall and what to do about it,
(00:33):
with a side of science and awhole lot of mojo.
This episode is all me, unmuted, just as source intended.
So if you've ever caughtyourself shrinking or biting
your tongue in the name ofkeeping the peace, if your
default mode is quiet compliance, even when your gut is
screaming otherwise, if you'vebeen taught to stop shining so
(00:56):
bright or been asked to smoothout your edges, or your mantra's
been it's fine even when it'snot, then maybe this episode is
your permission slip to blow thewalls out of that tiny box you
were never meant to fit in,because today we're talking
about taking up space like youpay rent on it on an episode
(01:18):
that I'm calling Scooch Over.
I'm Expanding, let's go.
This is the part where we gettuned in, tapped in and turned
on.
Welcome, my friend.
It's me, steph, your Mojo Maven, recovering people pleaser,
(01:38):
president of doing whatever Iwant, and I'm really happy that
you're here, because once upon atime, before Mojo Mastery,
there had to be thiscrystallizing moment, the
turning point that gave birth toall this Mojo, and for me, that
moment was when I was in mykitchen this would be about five
years ago and I stood there forwhat was certainly far too long
(02:02):
, staring at a tea infuser andtalking myself around in circles
on how to clean this teainfuser without causing any
drama or conflict.
That was the point that my lifehad come to, and it was in that
moment and it was like I left mybody and I saw myself there,
terrified to do the wrong thing.
(02:23):
And was the wrong thing toclean it wrong?
Was the wrong thing to avoidthe conflict and override my
inherent self-worth?
And, oh my God, circles, I tellyou.
And it was like, as I separatedfrom my own body and looked
down, it was my higher selfwatching all this go down and
said, oh hell, no, we did notcome here for this.
(02:46):
We did not come all this wayand have all the incredible
gifts that we have, just to beinvisible and subservient to
someone else while forgettingour own greatness.
No, ma'am, and that was whenthis caterpillar started
building a cocoon, and at thetime I was living in France.
So the conditions were ripe forme to disappear just a little
(03:10):
bit at a time Language barriers,culture shock, endless
opportunities to people, pleaseunder the guise of feeling seen
or fitting in, or even to beacknowledged, and I was starving
for it.
But during the course of theimmigration I became this
amalgamation of everything thatproved to be palatable.
(03:32):
Who was I?
Whatever you wanted me to be, Icould match your energy, as
long as it kept the peace andkept me just on the other side
of invisible.
And that was fine and it kindof worked.
But as it turns out, we are notmeant to stay in that state.
It's fine temporarily, whileyou get your bearings and figure
(03:53):
out what's going on, butwithout the shift back into
intention and alignment with myvalues.
Who I was?
Became invisible and so quietthat no one could hear me.
It was the Webster's Dictionarydefinition of people pleasing
and it was a survival strategy.
Let me say that again Peoplepleasing is a survival strategy.
(04:15):
We don't come out of the wombafraid to take up space.
It's something that we learned.
We learned that silence wassafer and maybe in your home.
Being easy was what got youlove, and maybe at school, going
unnoticed kept you out oftrouble, or maybe in your job or
your culture or yourrelationships.
(04:37):
Well, they rewarded you forbeing less, less loud, less
needy, less you, and it wasadaptive until it became a cage.
Because here's the truth mostpeople don't want to say out
loud People pleasing isn't aboutkindness, it's about control,
and not in like a malicious way,but in a let me manage how
(05:00):
others feel about me so I canfeel safe kind of way, and not
really a hot take here.
But chaos is fucking scary.
So wanting to control what youcan control is a super normal
reaction.
And I don't know if you've beenout in the world lately, but
things feel a scooch chaoticrecently, am I right?
(05:20):
And if your behavior isfrequently peace-seeking, then I
totally get it and like, okay,so nerd alert.
So, neurologically speaking,this is again that amygdala
doing its job.
When you perceive conflict orrejection, your brain is going
to go into threat mode.
Cue the cortisol and theadrenaline, because the body
(05:44):
says fix it, smooth.
It say yes, hey, look overthere.
If you can't be invisible, justget smaller, shrink, and
supposedly that's the recipe tobring you peace, but peace at
the expense of who you are andyour own values, thoughts and
ideas.
That's not peace, that's justperformance.
That's the act as if, andputting that mask on and off all
(06:08):
the time is exhausting and,honestly, it sells you short
because you don't get to be you.
So what does it mean to take upspace?
Well, let's dig into that.
Taking up space isn't aboutbeing loud or dominating the
room.
The world doesn't need everyroom to be filled with no
(06:31):
offense theater kids grabbingfor every opportunity for an
audience okay, or people whocan't read a room and barrel
through with their agendawithout considering any context
Like this, isn't that?
This is just about existingfully, unapologetically and with
intention, and it just lookslike saying no without a
follow-up PowerPointpresentation that outlines your
(06:53):
entire philosophy on why youcan't do the thing.
It means asking for what youneed without any guilt, and this
is something that I want to getreally good at.
And taking up space just meanssharing your ideas, even if your
voice shakes, and this oftencomes up in professional context
, but it's often a blind spotsometimes in our personal
(07:16):
relationships, because, you know, not all friendships can handle
the deep stuff.
But when you have that bondthat trust, you can really say
what you feel and know that thetrue you always is going to have
a soft place to land, no matterwhat.
And sometimes the space isthere.
We just leave it unoccupiedbecause maybe we're a little
(07:38):
unpracticed.
So it can be small stuff andbig stuff, you know, it can mean
wearing the red lipstick orleaving the toxic group chat or
declaring your boundaries outloud, even if it's to yourself
in the car.
You know like.
Just make sure there's a periodat the end.
Practice taking up space and sayI belong here and my means
(08:00):
matter and my presence counts,and say it until that little ick
of discomfort goes away.
It's spiritual, it's rebelliousand it's deeply healing.
Bring it into your practice.
But we don't just magicallyshow up where we want to go.
We got to pivot right.
So you don't go from ghost modeto Beyonce overnight.
(08:24):
In my experience and observation, you shift in moments.
So here's what you want to lookfor Look for that moment that
you bite your tongue in ameeting.
Look for that pause before yousay, sure, whatever works for
you, there's magic in that pause, there's an opinion in that
pause.
You want to look for that tiny,sacred second where your body
(08:48):
knows that you're shrinking.
That's your pivot point.
Your job in that moment is notto perform confidence, it's to
pause, breathe and choosedifferently, even a little, just
like hit the pause button andask yourself like what do I
actually want here?
What would I say if I wasn'tafraid of being judged or too
(09:11):
much?
Because first comes awareness,always engaging with your own
mind, paying attention, andyou'll notice those silent urges
to speak or that gut punch whenyou get spoken over or
interrupted.
Again.
This first part, this awareness.
You can think of it like adress rehearsal for the next
(09:33):
time that it happens.
Like what would you say?
How would you respond?
Because in your imaginationit's a safe place where there's
no mistakes and no consequences.
You're just exploring thepossibilities consciously.
And once again the neurosciencegives us something really
beautiful here.
It's called neuroplasty, whichmeans that you can literally
(09:54):
rewire your response todiscomfort.
Think about a forest and you'retrailblazing it.
That's how your thoughts arecreated.
So the first time you walkthrough the forest and it's
super dense and there's woods,that's a new thought.
And it's hard and you'repushing past branches and
stepping over roots and you'renot even sure you're going the
(10:15):
right way.
But the more you walk that pathover and over again, choosing
that new thought, that newreaction, that new belief, the
clearer it becomes, the morepacked down things are, the
smoother the track andeventually that once overgrown
trail becomes a well-worn path,and then it becomes a dirt road,
(10:36):
and then it becomes a neuralsuperhighway.
And the old paths, the ones ofself-doubt or fear, or people
pleasing, they just grow over,they go unused, they fade.
You are literallyre-landscaping your mind.
That's kind of a major threadthroughout Mojo.
They fade.
You are literallyre-landscaping your mind.
That's kind of a major threadthroughout Mojo.
(10:57):
And we do this one conscious,intentional, loving step at a
time.
Now I have to add the disclaimerthat the forest is for metaphor
purposes only.
Stay out of the fucking woods.
The woods are creepy, badthings happen there, and if you
do go, never, ever go, at night.
Anyway, stay out of the forest,keep the one in your mind, but
(11:20):
the real one, scary, okay.
So, yeah, remember, each timeyou make an empowered choice,
you are reinforcing a newpattern and over time, taking up
space becomes your newautopilot.
That mojo is your baseline andyou can get there from right
where you are, one step at atime.
(11:41):
So how do you start?
Jeez, you don't need to shoutto take up space.
Here's how to start reclaimingyour real estate.
Number one you got gotta voiceyour preferences.
I want you to tell me what youwant, what you really really
want.
Start with small things.
What do you actually want toeat?
(12:03):
No more whatever's good for me.
That's frustrating.
Make a decision, have somepreferences.
Check in with yourself.
What do you feel like?
What music do you like?
Let yourself choose.
Have some opinions, have somepreferences and practice sharing
them.
No more it's all good,whatever's fine.
(12:24):
Start small, have fun with itand then start observing other
people voice their opinions andtheir preferences and then try
it on.
It feels good.
Number two you got to unlearnthe apology language.
It's time to cut the fluff.
You got to tune in and reallylisten to yourself and really
(12:46):
pay attention to when you usethe words sorry, sorry, just and
whatever or fine.
That's another one, okay, sothere's four.
Absolutely.
Here are two common examples ofapology language, and people
(13:07):
pleasers are often known to usethis language as it's in the
handbook.
They'll say sorry, can I justsay something real quick?
And what you're doing here isyou're already minimizing your
voice and your presence.
Before you've even spoken,before you've said the thing
that you want to say, you canswap it for something empowering
, like I'd like to add somethinghere, or here's my take on this
(13:28):
.
Number two, and you've heardthis before and I cringe every
time.
I hope this isn't a stupidquestion, but okay.
So what you're doing there isyou're pre-apologizing for your
curiosity or your uncertaintyand that just undermines your
intelligence.
My friend, I've always said weare our own PR.
(13:50):
So what you've done there isyou've put out a press release
that you ask stupid questionsand you hope nobody notices.
So swap it for somethingempowering.
Here's a question I've beenthinking about.
Or let me ask this another way,and all of that will be much
easier after you practice.
Number three, and that is thefamous mirror talk.
(14:12):
And you know what, if you do it, nobody's going to know.
Nobody's going to know,nobody's going to know.
Do it, look your, look yourfine self in the mirror and say
I take up space like I pay renton it and I belong here.
Say it daily, say it at church,say it in the club, say it in
(14:34):
the shopping mall bathroom.
Look at yourself in the eye andsay I take up space like I pay
rent on it, I belong here, andlet your nervous system get used
to that truth.
And then there's option B.
If that's not your jam, youcould.
For all my fellow Ted Lassolovers out there, you know what
(14:57):
I'm talking about?
That thing that Rebecca does inthe mirror when she starts real
small and then she makesherself real big and she brings
her arms up and she makes hereyes wide and she opens her
mouth and sticks her tongue out.
And if you know, you know, andif you don't stop sleeping on
Ted Lasso, it's exactly what theworld needs more of right now.
So get on it.
(15:23):
Rant over Number four.
Write a too much list.
Think about all the times thatyou've been called too much.
Maybe you're too loud or toosensitive or too ambitious.
Write them all down, get aninventory and that is your
roadmap.
Be all of it, not out of spite,but because what these people
have actually been saying, ifyou take the judginess out of it
, is that this is who you arewhen you're you.
Unapologetically Be that.
(15:45):
Now I want to tell you about aclient of mine.
We'll call her Jess.
So Jess had a gift for makingpeople feel comfortable, and
while she loved that qualityabout herself, she wanted in on
it.
She wanted to feel seen herselfand felt like there was nobody
really around who made her feelthat way.
And she came to me burnt outand bitter and confused because
(16:06):
she was doing everything right.
She got all the gold stars, shewas agreeable, she was helpful,
she was low maintenance andinvisible and exhausted because
trust and belief, people whoalways try and do the right
thing get really fucking tiredof doing the right thing in the
wrong environment.
(16:26):
And resentment is a dick, andI'm basically paraphrasing what
Jess said when she was goingthrough her mojo work and all
this stuff started bubbling up.
So I asked her what was theturning point.
She said her patience wore thinwhen she started prioritizing
herself.
She wanted more for herself.
(16:47):
When she started treatingherself better, she said she
stopped saying yes to projectsthat she didn't want.
She said she spoke up in a teammeeting and felt like a
superhero for like three daysand she said her voice shook the
first few times she waspresenting, but then it didn't.
And then now she's like she'sleading and she got this
(17:09):
promotion and she's resting andshe's got like these fierce
boundaries that I wish I had,and she's really rising.
And what happened there wasthat Jess didn't change who she
was.
She stopped editing who she was, she stopped showing up as
someone she wasn't.
That's what taking up spacelooks like.
(17:31):
That's what taking up spacelooks like.
Now, let's seal this with amantra I'm not too much, I'm not
a burden.
I take up space like I was bornto Say it again Let it land,
let it ring.
I am not too much, I'm not aburden.
(17:54):
I take up space like I was bornto.
So with this hit home, myfriend, I want you to share it
with someone who's still livingsmall.
Maybe they need your nudge,maybe they need to feel seen,
they need to know that there'ssomeone else who knows what it's
like to have more to give andyou never know who's light
(18:15):
you'll help switch back on.
And hey, if you loved thisepisode, do me faves.
Follow the show, subscribe,leave a five-star review.
You know it means the world andremember your presence is not a
problem.
Your voice is not noise.
Take up space like you pay renton it Too much.
(18:35):
Nah, we're just getting started.
So until next time, keep yourhead high, your boundaries
higher and your pockets full ofmojo.
That's it for me.
I'll catch you next week whenwe learn about how to stop
negotiating our non-negotiables.
It's going to be good stuff, sowe'll see you next time.
Ciao for now.
Love you, bye you.
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