August 30, 2025 • 20 mins
Keeping promises to others comes naturally to most of us—but what about the commitments we make to ourselves? That daily meditation practice, the exercise routine, the boundaries we swear we'll enforce... somehow these often become negotiable when life gets hectic.
The truth? Every time you break a promise to yourself, you're quietly eroding your self-trust. Just as reliability builds trust in relationships with others, showing up for yourself consistently creates the foundation for unshakable self-confidence. When we fail to honor our commitments to ourselves, we're sending a subliminal message that our needs don't really matter—and that takes a toll on our self-worth over time.
This episode takes you through the psychology behind why we struggle to keep self-promises: our brain's preference for comfort over challenge, setting unrealistic expectations, and deep-seated beliefs about our worthiness. You'll hear a personal story about well-intentioned but misaligned health goals that were doomed to fail because they didn't connect with authentic values. Instead of self-criticism when we falter, the episode offers a framework for compassionate curiosity—questioning whether the promises we make actually align with who we are and what we truly want.
The most valuable takeaway? Practical strategies that make self-promises stick: starting smaller than you think, tying commitments to your identity rather than just tasks, using the "accountability flip" to treat yourself with the same respect you offer others, celebrating even tiny wins, and giving yourself grace when you slip up. The rewards of this practice are immense—greater confidence, stronger boundaries, deeper self-love, and expanded energy as you shed the weight of guilt and broken trust.
Ready to transform your relationship with yourself? Start with just one small, meaningful promise this week. Your future self will thank you for this foundation of self-trust you're building today. Share this episode with someone who always shows up for everyone else but forgets about themselves—they might need this reminder most of all.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Hey friend, welcome back to Pocketful of Mojo.
Today we're diving intosomething that seems simple on
the surface, but it's one of themost powerful acts of self-love
there is keeping the promisesyou make to yourself.
Think about it when you keep apromise to a friend, a partner
or a co-worker, what happens?
Trust builds, respect grows,that relationship deepens.
(00:35):
Now flip that inward.
Imagine what happens when youkeep promises to yourself.
You start to trust yourself,respect yourself and love
yourself in ways that areunshakable.
That's what we're here to dotoday.
We're going to learn how topick the right promises, give
ourselves some grace when theydon't pan out, and we're going
(00:57):
to learn to do this right now bygetting tuned in, tapped in and
turned on.
Tapped in and turned on.
Well, hello, gorgeous.
Why are you so lovely?
How are you doing Me?
Oh, I'm good, I'm good.
(01:21):
Well, I'm okay, I'm late.
This podcast didn't come out ontime.
And well, coincidentally, ifyou believe in that kind of
thing, the reason why actuallyaligns perfectly with the
podcast I had teed up for youtoday.
So here's the scoop.
This past Monday, I was in myzone.
I was crushing it.
I was planning for the mojotakeover of the world.
I found this great recordingspace.
I did a few little new trickswith my new tools and then,
(01:45):
after absolutely murdering myto-do list, I decided to stop
for a quick little cheeky beerbefore going home.
So while I was sipping away Icleaned out my email inbox and I
wrapped up the day.
I had keys in my hand and I gota text message from my brother.
Dad was on the way to thehospital.
Now I couldn't quite tell fromhis tone what was going on, but
(02:06):
with my dad and end stage heartfailure it really could be
anything.
So home I went, so I got to seemy dad, get taken away by the
ambulance and get some stufftogether, drove my brother home
and then spent the rest of theday at the hospital.
We didn't get home until late,and then the next day was really
fragile, as was the day afterthat.
And during all of those days Iwas not working on the podcast
(02:29):
as planned.
But make no mistake, mycommitment to make that podcast
never really left my stream ofconsciousness.
It just was never the thing infront of me that I was able to
do.
And then, as the week went onand I was trying to jam more and
more into my days, with moreand more on the to-do list, I
realized that something had togive.
(02:50):
And then I realized that I'mnot actually contractually or
legally bound to produce aweekly podcast.
I mean, I love you but I justcouldn't make it this Thursday.
And if I can't give myself thatgrace, then who else is going
to?
And who would I be to bestanding here talking to you
about it if I didn't know, likeI know, that it's
(03:10):
transformational to showyourself unconditional love in
the hardest times, and I don'thave a partner, but I have
wonderful, priceless humansaround me who also reminded me
to take care of myself and madesure that I was eating and
sleeping and checking in on meand sending me love of myself,
and made sure that I was eatingand sleeping and checking in on
me and sending me love.
And that's a privilege that Ihold very dear and hope that all
(03:31):
of you either have or areworking on building a tribe just
like it.
It doesn't always happenorganically, but it can be built
anytime, at any age, and ifit's the only thing that you do
in this life, you'll neverregret it.
And I own the consequences ofthese choices and I appreciate
consistency is important in aweekly podcast and if I lose you
(03:54):
as a result, then that's out ofmy control once the deed is
done.
But I can learn and I can dodifferently, like maybe bank
more episodes for the next timesomething like this happens.
But giving myself permission todo what I feel I need to do in
the moment, based on evolvingreality and literally life or
(04:15):
death circumstances, andremembering that I'm in charge,
that's all part of the game oflife.
It's all part of living withintention and making choices and
alignment and sometimes beingimperfect about it.
So here's what I did.
I observed that I wasoverwhelmed with the situation,
the decisions, the coordinating,the communicating and producing
(04:38):
a podcast just isn't hittingrecord and it's magically ready
to go as soon as I stop talkingisn't hitting record and it's
magically ready to go as soon asI stop talking.
And something that I normallydo with so much joy because it's
super fun is the production.
But all of a sudden it feltlike a giant monster mountain
and that is not the vibe whenmaking this podcast.
(04:58):
So I made the call.
I reminded myself that it'sokay to feel sad, it's okay to
be grieving instead of doing thething I said I was going to do
and that helped me remember thatthis whole life thing it's all
made up and, you know, nothingreally matters.
And then, when Friday rolledaround and I still hadn't
(05:19):
produced my weekly podcast, youknow what happened.
The goons never came, thepodcast police never showed up
because that would be ridiculousand being hard on myself for
breaking a commitment would besilly and I've been accused of
being a silly goose, but forthat crime I will do no time.
And it's important to note whatI didn't do.
(05:40):
I didn't shit talk myself aboutit.
I was really careful to payattention to my self-talk.
I made sure that no like, whycouldn't you just power through?
Or everyone's going to be sodisappointed in you, kind of
thinking.
I didn't quit because I stilllove what I do.
So all of that is to say thankyou so much for tuning in today.
All of that is to say thank youso much for tuning in today
(06:03):
Because I'm Steph and I'm yourMojo Maven and I'm the founder
of Mojo Mastery and I can tellyou that what we're going to
talk about today, thisfoundation block of all things
Mojo, is promises.
Promises Just like the promiseI made to my business to produce
a podcast every week, but thenshit went sideways and I didn't
deliver.
So we're going to start byexposing the truth that most of
(06:27):
us are rock solid at keepingpromises to other people and
pretty terrible about keepingthem for ourselves.
But every time we break our ownword, if we're not careful, it
can chip away at our self-trustand it can leave us feeling
unmotivated, guilty and evenashamed.
Ew, gross.
Why would you do that toyourself?
(06:48):
So, before we start spiraling,this episode is not going to be
about how to beat yourself up.
No, ma'am, it's about comfortand clarity and some really
practical tools.
That's what we're all about.
So we're going to unpack why webreak promises to ourselves and
how to interrogate thosereasons without judgment, and
(07:10):
what to do differently so thatyou can start building that rock
solid self-trust.
And that self-trust allows fora wobble in the road every once
in a while.
And the good news is that youcan start right from where you
are, because the big takeaway Iwant you to hear is the way you
treat your promises to yourselfsets the tone for your self-love
(07:32):
.
I got another quick story foryou.
A few years ago, I made apromise to myself that I would
get up early every morning andwrite for 30 minutes Sounded
easy enough, but what happened?
Well, day one, I hit snooze.
Day two, I justified it.
Well, I was up late, so I'mgoing to start this tomorrow.
Day three skipped again and bythe end of the week the promise
(07:57):
was worth the paper it waswritten on.
Now here's the interesting part.
No one else knew that I madethat promise.
There was no accountabilitybuddy, no deadline, no fallout
if I didn't do it.
But I knew.
And that disappointment satheavy Because it wasn't about
the writing anymore.
It was about the fact that Icouldn't rely on myself.
(08:18):
And that was the moment that Irealized something.
If I treated a friend the way Iwas treating myself making
commitments and then bailingthat friendship would fall apart
.
And yet I was doing the exactsame thing to myself over and
over.
When I put it under themicroscope, it wasn't just about
journaling.
I'd done this a lot.
(08:38):
And the real five alarms startedwhen I had the thought what's
the point in setting a goal?
I'm just going to break thehabit and get disappointed all
over again.
Uh-oh, that's not good.
That conscious thought was soloud and so out of alignment
with my true feelings aboutmyself and my ability to show up
(09:03):
for myself that it sounded likea stranger had invaded my
thoughts and the prospect ofbelieving that voice was too
much to bear.
Something had to change stat,and maybe you've been there too.
Maybe it's a health goal, maybeit's setting boundaries.
Maybe it's promising thatyou'll finally take a break that
you desperately need.
(09:23):
You make the commitment, butwhen it's time to show up, you
don't, and you're left askingyourself why can't I follow
through?
So let's break this down.
Why do we do this?
Well, there's a few reasons.
As a society, more and more wechoose comfort over challenge,
and essentially our brains lovea good comfort zone.
(09:45):
They're wired to be efficient.
Even if the promise is good foryou, it often requires
discomfort, and that's why yourbrain whispers let's just start
tomorrow.
Or maybe the promise itself isjust unrealistic.
Sometimes we aim too high, toofast, and you can't go from zero
(10:05):
workouts to five in a week yourfirst time out.
But we set that bar, we missonce and then we think, well, I
blew, it Might as well give up.
And then, for my people pleasersout there, this is a big thread
in that yarn, because if youspent years putting everyone
else.
First, it just feels easier tokeep a promise to them than it
(10:28):
does to keep the one to yourself.
Your brain has been conditionedto see your own needs as
secondary or negotiable.
And then there's the storiesthat we tell ourselves, the ones
about our self-worth.
And it's a big one, becausesometimes we break promises to
ourselves because, deep down, wedon't actually believe that
(10:50):
we're worthy of thefollow-through.
And if that one stings, let itland, but don't let it shame you
, because this is aboutawareness, not judgment.
So, instead of criticizing,let's get curious.
Here's where we're going toshift gears.
Instead of beating yourself upwhen you break a promise, let's
get curious.
(11:11):
I want you to ask yourself wasthis promise even realistic for
my life right now?
Was this something I trulywanted or something I thought I
should want?
Did I break this promisebecause of fear or fatigue or
because I wasn't clear?
And this isn't self-criticism,this is self-awareness.
(11:31):
This self-awareness is how youchange the game.
For example, maybe you promisedyourself that you'd start
journaling daily, like me, butwhen you skipped it, you felt
guilty.
Pause.
Now ask yourself did I actuallywant a journal or did I think I
should because I saw someoneelse do it on Instagram.
(11:53):
It's not your authentic promise.
No wonder it didn't stick.
And again, this totallyhappened to me recently and I
wanted to tell you about this.
So once upon a time, I wasminding my business and it hit
me that I hadn't really beengetting the weight loss results
that I'd been trying to achieveand it was time to do something
about it.
So I opened up a new browserwindow and I started researching
(12:16):
all the things I could do tolose what I had diagnosed as
water weight and get down someof the inflammation in my body
Sensible.
Right, well before I knew it, Ihad made a list with a big red
circle with a slash through it,outlining all the things I was
going to stop eating entirely.
All the things no gluten, nosugar, no alcohol, no processed
(12:37):
foods and so on and so on.
Nothing crazy, right.
And then this voice in my headwas determined that I could
commit to this for a month and Ibuilt a shopping list around it
and I said I could do thisabout 11 billiony billion times.
I'll start tomorrow.
Oh, but tomorrow's pizza nightwith dad and it's kind of our
thing.
Well, maybe I'll build in acheat day.
No, that won't work.
(12:58):
That'll confuse my body andwell, maybe, hang on, I'll look
that up.
Oh well, ok, monday, monday,I'll start for sure.
Then, after sleeping on it andindulging in another mid-morning
scroll, I found myselfstumbling across and I use this
term very loosely every fuckingweight loss ad on Instagram,
(13:23):
literally filling my feed withmessages that I needed lymphatic
drainage and GLP-1 supplementsand I should consider Ozempic,
because that seems to be reallyworking for people, and I could
get rid of my jowls with thisface sculptor, and if I played
my cards right, maybe I couldlook like an entirely different
human within weeks.
Say what?
Then?
It hit me.
I talked myself into taking ona regime that was in no way
(13:47):
aligned with who I am or what Iwant.
Now, quick disclaimer here Ibelieve that you have the right
to do whatever you choose to dowith your body.
I just hope that you do itsafely, with a doctor or a
health professional that canhelp you navigate what's best
for you.
But what I'm more talking abouthere is not the what so much as
the why.
I'd been completely convincedthat I needed to lose weight,
(14:11):
but when I interrogated my ownthoughts about it, I discovered
that my values are more alignedwith the themes of like, love,
the skin.
You're in beauty at every sizeand, quite frankly, I'm known
for saying things like a lifewithout french fries is not a
life for me.
Dramatic perhaps.
(14:36):
And my current life situation,being my dad's full-time
caregiver, doesn't give me a lotof freedom when it comes to a
social life.
So, yeah, I'm going to enjoy awhiskey on the front step at the
end of the day from time totime, and my love of good food
is one of my favorite hobbies.
Eating out would be a nightmare.
Why am I inviting all thisresistance and restriction into
my life when those arecompletely against my own
(14:57):
personal values?
And if ditching this half-bakedplan comes with a pound or two,
I think I'm at peace with that,because the truth is is I've
worked really hard to lovemyself, including the physical,
which may have been the longestand windiest road.
So to try and override my valuesystem to achieve a beauty
standard, I didn't vote for itjust didn't jive.
(15:20):
No wonder I couldn't keep mypromise.
It wasn't rooted in who Ireally am and what I really
wanted.
Does that mean I'm not healthy?
No, it just means thatSaturdays are for pizza and
Pilates, because taking care ofyourself is really important,
and I know and have proven tomyself that the more I show my
(15:41):
body love, the better I treat it.
So with this story, I want youto take what resonates with you
and leave the rest.
This could be a rant about adsand suggestive selling and how
it forms our thoughts, and ourthoughts form actions, and
without self-awareness we couldbe living someone else's life.
Or this could be a rant aboutasking yourself why you break
(16:01):
the promises that you do, and topull the thread and figure out
what's lying underneath yourrebel behavior when it comes to
keeping your word.
But I hope that whatever youuncover about yourself in that
story, you treat it with kidgloves, you give yourself some
grace, you celebrate this newlayer of yourself that you know
just a little bit better, andthat's a win.
(16:23):
That's a huge win.
Choices we all have them.
We just got to ask who are wemaking them for?
That is the question and theanswer.
The more your choices alignwith who you really are, the
more you're going to thrive, andthat's mojo.
Okay, rant over.
We will now resume regularprogramming.
(16:55):
So let's get practical.
These are some tips for keepingyour promises.
So what do we do about this?
Here are a few ways to actuallystart keeping those promises.
Number one you want to shrinkit down?
Start smaller than you think.
Tell your ambition monster tocalm down for a second.
And if you want to work outmore for example, don't promise
five days a week Start with 10minutes once or twice.
(17:16):
Prove to yourself that you canshow up and then build from
there.
Number two tie it to youridentity.
Don't just say I'll read more,say I'm becoming the kind of
person who reads before bed, andit becomes part of that
identity piece, not just a taskon your list.
Number three use theaccountability flip.
(17:38):
Ask would I break this promiseif I made it to someone else?
And if the answer is no, thenyou shouldn't break it for
yourself either.
Number four you gotta celebratethe small wins.
Every time you keep a promise,acknowledge it.
When we break it, we beatourselves up.
So why not celebrate when youactually do the thing?
(17:59):
Say it out loud yes, I showedup for me.
That's how you retrain yourbrain to connect self-trust with
pride instead of disappointment.
And number five you gotta giveyourself grace.
Breaking one promise doesn'terase all your progress.
Think of it like anyrelationship.
(18:20):
If you let a friend down once,you apologize.
You show up better next time.
Do the same for yourself.
And what's on the other side ofthis is some really great
impact.
When you start keeping yourpromises, your confidence grows.
You start to trust yourself inbigger and bigger ways.
Your boundaries get stronger.
(18:41):
You don't see yourself as laston the list anymore, because you
see the good results of whathappens when you show up for
yourself, which allows yourself-love to get deeper because
you're showing yourself that youmatter.
And then your energy expandsbecause you're not weighed down
by guilt or broken self-trust.
(19:01):
Keeping promises to yourself isthe direct pathway to freedom.
It's where self-respect,self-love and self-trust it's
like their little clubhouse.
They're all meeting there.
So here's my challenge for youthis week Make one small, doable
promise to yourself, just one,something realistic, something
(19:22):
meaningful, something you canactually follow through on, and
then keep it.
Write it down, say it out loudand prove to yourself that your
word is gold, because every bigtransformation you've dreamed of
it starts with those small,quiet moments where you choose
to show up for you.
(19:46):
So if this episode spoke to you,share it with someone who needs
to hear it, maybe a friend whoalways shows up for everyone
else but then forgets aboutthemselves.
And if you haven't yet hit,follow and don't miss next
week's episode of Pocketful Mojo.
It's going to be a good one.
And until then, keep yourpromises, keep your mojo strong
(20:07):
and remember the way you loveyourself teaches the world how
to love you too.
That's it for me, my friends, Iwish you a gorgeous day.
Look out for magic, it's comingfor you.
Ciao.
For now, love you Bye, mwah.
Hey friend, welcome back to Pocketful of Mojo.
Today we're diving intosomething that seems simple on
the surface, but it's one of themost powerful acts of self-love
there is keeping the promisesyou make to yourself.
Think about it when you keep apromise to a friend, a partner
or a co-worker, what happens?
Trust builds, respect grows,that relationship deepens.
(00:35):
Now flip that inward.
Imagine what happens when youkeep promises to yourself.
You start to trust yourself,respect yourself and love
yourself in ways that areunshakable.
That's what we're here to dotoday.
We're going to learn how topick the right promises, give
ourselves some grace when theydon't pan out, and we're going
(00:57):
to learn to do this right now bygetting tuned in, tapped in and
turned on.
Tapped in and turned on.
Well, hello, gorgeous.
Why are you so lovely?
How are you doing Me?
Oh, I'm good, I'm good.
(01:21):
Well, I'm okay, I'm late.
This podcast didn't come out ontime.
And well, coincidentally, ifyou believe in that kind of
thing, the reason why actuallyaligns perfectly with the
podcast I had teed up for youtoday.
So here's the scoop.
This past Monday, I was in myzone.
I was crushing it.
I was planning for the mojotakeover of the world.
I found this great recordingspace.
I did a few little new trickswith my new tools and then,
(01:45):
after absolutely murdering myto-do list, I decided to stop
for a quick little cheeky beerbefore going home.
So while I was sipping away Icleaned out my email inbox and I
wrapped up the day.
I had keys in my hand and I gota text message from my brother.
Dad was on the way to thehospital.
Now I couldn't quite tell fromhis tone what was going on, but
(02:06):
with my dad and end stage heartfailure it really could be
anything.
So home I went, so I got to seemy dad, get taken away by the
ambulance and get some stufftogether, drove my brother home
and then spent the rest of theday at the hospital.
We didn't get home until late,and then the next day was really
fragile, as was the day afterthat.
And during all of those days Iwas not working on the podcast
(02:29):
as planned.
But make no mistake, mycommitment to make that podcast
never really left my stream ofconsciousness.
It just was never the thing infront of me that I was able to
do.
And then, as the week went onand I was trying to jam more and
more into my days, with moreand more on the to-do list, I
realized that something had togive.
(02:50):
And then I realized that I'mnot actually contractually or
legally bound to produce aweekly podcast.
I mean, I love you but I justcouldn't make it this Thursday.
And if I can't give myself thatgrace, then who else is going
to?
And who would I be to bestanding here talking to you
about it if I didn't know, likeI know, that it's
(03:10):
transformational to showyourself unconditional love in
the hardest times, and I don'thave a partner, but I have
wonderful, priceless humansaround me who also reminded me
to take care of myself and madesure that I was eating and
sleeping and checking in on meand sending me love of myself,
and made sure that I was eatingand sleeping and checking in on
me and sending me love.
And that's a privilege that Ihold very dear and hope that all
(03:31):
of you either have or areworking on building a tribe just
like it.
It doesn't always happenorganically, but it can be built
anytime, at any age, and ifit's the only thing that you do
in this life, you'll neverregret it.
And I own the consequences ofthese choices and I appreciate
consistency is important in aweekly podcast and if I lose you
(03:54):
as a result, then that's out ofmy control once the deed is
done.
But I can learn and I can dodifferently, like maybe bank
more episodes for the next timesomething like this happens.
But giving myself permission todo what I feel I need to do in
the moment, based on evolvingreality and literally life or
(04:15):
death circumstances, andremembering that I'm in charge,
that's all part of the game oflife.
It's all part of living withintention and making choices and
alignment and sometimes beingimperfect about it.
So here's what I did.
I observed that I wasoverwhelmed with the situation,
the decisions, the coordinating,the communicating and producing
(04:38):
a podcast just isn't hittingrecord and it's magically ready
to go as soon as I stop talkingisn't hitting record and it's
magically ready to go as soon asI stop talking.
And something that I normallydo with so much joy because it's
super fun is the production.
But all of a sudden it feltlike a giant monster mountain
and that is not the vibe whenmaking this podcast.
(04:58):
So I made the call.
I reminded myself that it'sokay to feel sad, it's okay to
be grieving instead of doing thething I said I was going to do
and that helped me remember thatthis whole life thing it's all
made up and, you know, nothingreally matters.
And then, when Friday rolledaround and I still hadn't
(05:19):
produced my weekly podcast, youknow what happened.
The goons never came, thepodcast police never showed up
because that would be ridiculousand being hard on myself for
breaking a commitment would besilly and I've been accused of
being a silly goose, but forthat crime I will do no time.
And it's important to note whatI didn't do.
(05:40):
I didn't shit talk myself aboutit.
I was really careful to payattention to my self-talk.
I made sure that no like, whycouldn't you just power through?
Or everyone's going to be sodisappointed in you, kind of
thinking.
I didn't quit because I stilllove what I do.
So all of that is to say thankyou so much for tuning in today.
All of that is to say thank youso much for tuning in today
(06:03):
Because I'm Steph and I'm yourMojo Maven and I'm the founder
of Mojo Mastery and I can tellyou that what we're going to
talk about today, thisfoundation block of all things
Mojo, is promises.
Promises Just like the promiseI made to my business to produce
a podcast every week, but thenshit went sideways and I didn't
deliver.
So we're going to start byexposing the truth that most of
(06:27):
us are rock solid at keepingpromises to other people and
pretty terrible about keepingthem for ourselves.
But every time we break our ownword, if we're not careful, it
can chip away at our self-trustand it can leave us feeling
unmotivated, guilty and evenashamed.
Ew, gross.
Why would you do that toyourself?
(06:48):
So, before we start spiraling,this episode is not going to be
about how to beat yourself up.
No, ma'am, it's about comfortand clarity and some really
practical tools.
That's what we're all about.
So we're going to unpack why webreak promises to ourselves and
how to interrogate thosereasons without judgment, and
(07:10):
what to do differently so thatyou can start building that rock
solid self-trust.
And that self-trust allows fora wobble in the road every once
in a while.
And the good news is that youcan start right from where you
are, because the big takeaway Iwant you to hear is the way you
treat your promises to yourselfsets the tone for your self-love
(07:32):
.
I got another quick story foryou.
A few years ago, I made apromise to myself that I would
get up early every morning andwrite for 30 minutes Sounded
easy enough, but what happened?
Well, day one, I hit snooze.
Day two, I justified it.
Well, I was up late, so I'mgoing to start this tomorrow.
Day three skipped again and bythe end of the week the promise
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was worth the paper it waswritten on.
Now here's the interesting part.
No one else knew that I madethat promise.
There was no accountabilitybuddy, no deadline, no fallout
if I didn't do it.
But I knew.
And that disappointment satheavy Because it wasn't about
the writing anymore.
It was about the fact that Icouldn't rely on myself.
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And that was the moment that Irealized something.
If I treated a friend the way Iwas treating myself making
commitments and then bailingthat friendship would fall apart
.
And yet I was doing the exactsame thing to myself over and
over.
When I put it under themicroscope, it wasn't just about
journaling.
I'd done this a lot.
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And the real five alarms startedwhen I had the thought what's
the point in setting a goal?
I'm just going to break thehabit and get disappointed all
over again.
Uh-oh, that's not good.
That conscious thought was soloud and so out of alignment
with my true feelings aboutmyself and my ability to show up
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for myself that it sounded likea stranger had invaded my
thoughts and the prospect ofbelieving that voice was too
much to bear.
Something had to change stat,and maybe you've been there too.
Maybe it's a health goal, maybeit's setting boundaries.
Maybe it's promising thatyou'll finally take a break that
you desperately need.
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You make the commitment, butwhen it's time to show up, you
don't, and you're left askingyourself why can't I follow
through?
So let's break this down.
Why do we do this?
Well, there's a few reasons.
As a society, more and more wechoose comfort over challenge,
and essentially our brains lovea good comfort zone.
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They're wired to be efficient.
Even if the promise is good foryou, it often requires
discomfort, and that's why yourbrain whispers let's just start
tomorrow.
Or maybe the promise itself isjust unrealistic.
Sometimes we aim too high, toofast, and you can't go from zero
(10:05):
workouts to five in a week yourfirst time out.
But we set that bar, we missonce and then we think, well, I
blew, it Might as well give up.
And then, for my people pleasersout there, this is a big thread
in that yarn, because if youspent years putting everyone
else.
First, it just feels easier tokeep a promise to them than it
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does to keep the one to yourself.
Your brain has been conditionedto see your own needs as
secondary or negotiable.
And then there's the storiesthat we tell ourselves, the ones
about our self-worth.
And it's a big one, becausesometimes we break promises to
ourselves because, deep down, wedon't actually believe that
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we're worthy of thefollow-through.
And if that one stings, let itland, but don't let it shame you
, because this is aboutawareness, not judgment.
So, instead of criticizing,let's get curious.
Here's where we're going toshift gears.
Instead of beating yourself upwhen you break a promise, let's
get curious.
(11:11):
I want you to ask yourself wasthis promise even realistic for
my life right now?
Was this something I trulywanted or something I thought I
should want?
Did I break this promisebecause of fear or fatigue or
because I wasn't clear?
And this isn't self-criticism,this is self-awareness.
(11:31):
This self-awareness is how youchange the game.
For example, maybe you promisedyourself that you'd start
journaling daily, like me, butwhen you skipped it, you felt
guilty.
Pause.
Now ask yourself did I actuallywant a journal or did I think I
should because I saw someoneelse do it on Instagram.
(11:53):
It's not your authentic promise.
No wonder it didn't stick.
And again, this totallyhappened to me recently and I
wanted to tell you about this.
So once upon a time, I wasminding my business and it hit
me that I hadn't really beengetting the weight loss results
that I'd been trying to achieveand it was time to do something
about it.
So I opened up a new browserwindow and I started researching
(12:16):
all the things I could do tolose what I had diagnosed as
water weight and get down someof the inflammation in my body
Sensible.
Right, well before I knew it, Ihad made a list with a big red
circle with a slash through it,outlining all the things I was
going to stop eating entirely.
All the things no gluten, nosugar, no alcohol, no processed
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foods and so on and so on.
Nothing crazy, right.
And then this voice in my headwas determined that I could
commit to this for a month and Ibuilt a shopping list around it
and I said I could do thisabout 11 billiony billion times.
I'll start tomorrow.
Oh, but tomorrow's pizza nightwith dad and it's kind of our
thing.
Well, maybe I'll build in acheat day.
No, that won't work.
(12:58):
That'll confuse my body andwell, maybe, hang on, I'll look
that up.
Oh well, ok, monday, monday,I'll start for sure.
Then, after sleeping on it andindulging in another mid-morning
scroll, I found myselfstumbling across and I use this
term very loosely every fuckingweight loss ad on Instagram,
(13:23):
literally filling my feed withmessages that I needed lymphatic
drainage and GLP-1 supplementsand I should consider Ozempic,
because that seems to be reallyworking for people, and I could
get rid of my jowls with thisface sculptor, and if I played
my cards right, maybe I couldlook like an entirely different
human within weeks.
Say what?
Then?
It hit me.
I talked myself into taking ona regime that was in no way
(13:47):
aligned with who I am or what Iwant.
Now, quick disclaimer here Ibelieve that you have the right
to do whatever you choose to dowith your body.
I just hope that you do itsafely, with a doctor or a
health professional that canhelp you navigate what's best
for you.
But what I'm more talking abouthere is not the what so much as
the why.
I'd been completely convincedthat I needed to lose weight,
(14:11):
but when I interrogated my ownthoughts about it, I discovered
that my values are more alignedwith the themes of like, love,
the skin.
You're in beauty at every sizeand, quite frankly, I'm known
for saying things like a lifewithout french fries is not a
life for me.
Dramatic perhaps.
(14:36):
And my current life situation,being my dad's full-time
caregiver, doesn't give me a lotof freedom when it comes to a
social life.
So, yeah, I'm going to enjoy awhiskey on the front step at the
end of the day from time totime, and my love of good food
is one of my favorite hobbies.
Eating out would be a nightmare.
Why am I inviting all thisresistance and restriction into
my life when those arecompletely against my own
(14:57):
personal values?
And if ditching this half-bakedplan comes with a pound or two,
I think I'm at peace with that,because the truth is is I've
worked really hard to lovemyself, including the physical,
which may have been the longestand windiest road.
So to try and override my valuesystem to achieve a beauty
standard, I didn't vote for itjust didn't jive.
(15:20):
No wonder I couldn't keep mypromise.
It wasn't rooted in who Ireally am and what I really
wanted.
Does that mean I'm not healthy?
No, it just means thatSaturdays are for pizza and
Pilates, because taking care ofyourself is really important,
and I know and have proven tomyself that the more I show my
(15:41):
body love, the better I treat it.
So with this story, I want youto take what resonates with you
and leave the rest.
This could be a rant about adsand suggestive selling and how
it forms our thoughts, and ourthoughts form actions, and
without self-awareness we couldbe living someone else's life.
Or this could be a rant aboutasking yourself why you break
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the promises that you do, and topull the thread and figure out
what's lying underneath yourrebel behavior when it comes to
keeping your word.
But I hope that whatever youuncover about yourself in that
story, you treat it with kidgloves, you give yourself some
grace, you celebrate this newlayer of yourself that you know
just a little bit better, andthat's a win.
(16:23):
That's a huge win.
Choices we all have them.
We just got to ask who are wemaking them for?
That is the question and theanswer.
The more your choices alignwith who you really are, the
more you're going to thrive, andthat's mojo.
Okay, rant over.
We will now resume regularprogramming.
(16:55):
So let's get practical.
These are some tips for keepingyour promises.
So what do we do about this?
Here are a few ways to actuallystart keeping those promises.
Number one you want to shrinkit down?
Start smaller than you think.
Tell your ambition monster tocalm down for a second.
And if you want to work outmore for example, don't promise
five days a week Start with 10minutes once or twice.
(17:16):
Prove to yourself that you canshow up and then build from
there.
Number two tie it to youridentity.
Don't just say I'll read more,say I'm becoming the kind of
person who reads before bed, andit becomes part of that
identity piece, not just a taskon your list.
Number three use theaccountability flip.
(17:38):
Ask would I break this promiseif I made it to someone else?
And if the answer is no, thenyou shouldn't break it for
yourself either.
Number four you gotta celebratethe small wins.
Every time you keep a promise,acknowledge it.
When we break it, we beatourselves up.
So why not celebrate when youactually do the thing?
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Say it out loud yes, I showedup for me.
That's how you retrain yourbrain to connect self-trust with
pride instead of disappointment.
And number five you gotta giveyourself grace.
Breaking one promise doesn'terase all your progress.
Think of it like anyrelationship.
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If you let a friend down once,you apologize.
You show up better next time.
Do the same for yourself.
And what's on the other side ofthis is some really great
impact.
When you start keeping yourpromises, your confidence grows.
You start to trust yourself inbigger and bigger ways.
Your boundaries get stronger.
(18:41):
You don't see yourself as laston the list anymore, because you
see the good results of whathappens when you show up for
yourself, which allows yourself-love to get deeper because
you're showing yourself that youmatter.
And then your energy expandsbecause you're not weighed down
by guilt or broken self-trust.
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Keeping promises to yourself isthe direct pathway to freedom.
It's where self-respect,self-love and self-trust it's
like their little clubhouse.
They're all meeting there.
So here's my challenge for youthis week Make one small, doable
promise to yourself, just one,something realistic, something
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meaningful, something you canactually follow through on, and
then keep it.
Write it down, say it out loudand prove to yourself that your
word is gold, because every bigtransformation you've dreamed of
it starts with those small,quiet moments where you choose
to show up for you.
(19:46):
So if this episode spoke to you,share it with someone who needs
to hear it, maybe a friend whoalways shows up for everyone
else but then forgets aboutthemselves.
And if you haven't yet hit,follow and don't miss next
week's episode of Pocketful Mojo.
It's going to be a good one.
And until then, keep yourpromises, keep your mojo strong
(20:07):
and remember the way you loveyourself teaches the world how
to love you too.
That's it for me, my friends, Iwish you a gorgeous day.
Look out for magic, it's comingfor you.
Ciao.
For now, love you Bye, mwah.
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