October 9, 2025 • 26 mins
Stop chasing the polished reveal and step into the part no one posts: the messy middle. We go straight at the awkward, foggy, sometimes tear-streaked stretch between “before” and “after,” and show why it’s the most creative, honest stage of becoming. Steph shares a raw closet moment—when a wardrobe full of other people’s expectations sparked a rebellion in the form of a bright orange top—and connects it to a bigger truth: those uncomfortable realizations are data, not drama. From playlists stuck in the past to calendars nobody remembers choosing, we uncover the breadcrumb trail that leads back to your real preferences and your real confidence.
We tie lived experience to research on self-concept clarity, explaining why identity feels shaky after breakups, career pivots, or an empty nest—and how tiny, intentional choices rebuild your internal map. You’ll hear practical, heart-forward stories: a divorcee who used her daily coffee order to practice choosing for herself; a longtime caregiver who mapped what she loves, what she might love, and what she doesn’t; and a burned-out executive who finally gave herself permission to pivot into work that fits her values. Each story proves the same point: micro choices compound into momentum, and momentum restores self-trust.
Then we get tactical. Five moves you can start today—start ridiculously small, let it be messy, borrow confidence from curiosity, practice a weekly reintroduction, and try the friend mirror test—turn abstract advice into repeatable habits. Most importantly, we reframe the narrative: you’re not starting from scratch; you’re starting from truth. Your pantry is stocked with lessons, tastes, and resilience. Use them. Treat the middle like your montage—your growth lab and spark factory. If this conversation lights a spark, share it with someone in their own middle, and try one micro choice this week that’s just for you. Subscribe, leave a review, and tell us: what tiny decision will you choose today?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:10):
Alright my friend, let's get real.
Everyone loves a shiny beforeand after.
We eat those transformationstories up.
Whether it's on Instagram, HGTV,or those hypnotic reels where
something is getting powerwashed within an inch of its
life.
There's something so satisfyingabout the reveal, the side by
(00:31):
side, the look how far they'vecome moment.
But here's the thing (00:35):
nobody posts.
Nobody celebrates, nobody putsin a filter.
It's the messy middle.
You know what I'm talking about,that awkward, sticky, sometimes
tear-stained, sometimes laugh sohard you snort part of the
process where you're trying tofigure out who you even are
again.
And yeah, it's uncomfortable.
(00:56):
And yeah, it's confusing andabsolutely sometimes smells
faintly of burnt toast orregret.
So today, we're not glossingover it.
We're diving in, we're peelingit back, and we're celebrating
it.
Because that in-between partthat you're so tempted to fast
forward through, it's not thesetback, it's the magic.
(01:18):
So by the end of the episode,you're gonna see that the
middle, the undone, theuncertain, the half figured out,
might actually be the mostimportant part of your becoming.
And we're gonna unpack how tonavigate it without losing your
mojo, how to find yourself inthe fog, and how to even, dare I
(01:39):
say it, enjoy it.
So settle in because this isPocket Full of Mojo, your
antidote to burnout, self-doubt,and people pleasing.
I'm Steph, your hype woman withAside of Sass, and today we're
about to get tuned in, tappedin, turned on.
Let's do this.
(02:05):
Welcome, welcome, welcome back.
I'm your host and favorite MojoMaven Steph, and today we're
going to attempt to sort out themessy middle.
That place where you feel stuckand sometimes trapped, like
you're living someone else'slife, or maybe you've just got
the inkling that something needsto shift, but you don't know
(02:26):
where to start, and you're justkind of feeling stuck.
Because let's be honest, themiddle is where most of us live
most of the time, and you don'tjust wake up one day and
suddenly have your wholeidentity neatly figured out.
And it's certainly not a projectthat you can wrap up in an
afternoon like some Pinterestworthy mood board.
(02:47):
Nope.
It's trial and error, it'sdetours, it's highs, it's lows,
it's falling on your face, it'sdancing in your living room, and
maybe more recently it's cryingin the shower and somehow still
showing up for yourself the nextday.
Let me take you back.
Picture this pre-Mojo Mavenstuff.
Like years ago, I'm standing infront of my closet trying to
(03:10):
ignore the fact that my life isunraveling and my marriage is
falling apart.
And when I say standing in frontof my closet, I mean sitting
slash lying on the edge of mybed paralyzed after hours of
binge watching Love is Blind,you know, because apparently
watching strangers marry someonethey've never seen feels easier,
(03:30):
you know, than dealing with myown life choices.
Am I right?
Anyway, I finally mustered upthe courage to walk over to my
closet and I thought maybe, justmaybe, like if I put something
on that felt good, I could turnthe day around.
Spoiler, that is not whathappened.
I opened my closet doors and Ijust fucking froze.
(03:52):
Like all the clothes hanging inthere, like half of them weren't
even me.
Some of them were relics of thispast version of myself that I
thought I should be.
They were like professional andpolished and buttoned up.
You know, someone's idea ofappropriate.
And then another chunk of them,random compromises.
(04:12):
Things I bought because someoneelse thought they looked good on
me or because they fittechnically, but did nothing for
my soul, let alone myself-image.
And then the kicker, some ofthem weren't even mine.
They were like hand-me-downs andborrowed things, like literal
costumes, stuff that had nobusiness being in my closet in
the first place.
(04:33):
And that hit me hard.
I'd filled my closet with otherpeople's opinions, styles,
expectations.
And I realized I'd disappearedin my own closet.
Have you ever had that moment?
And maybe it wasn't a closet,but like flipping through your
playlist and realizing that yourmusic doesn't even excite you
(04:55):
anymore.
Or opening your calendar andthinking, who even signed me up
for this shit?
Or you're sitting in arestaurant staring at a menu,
realizing that you don't evenknow what you actually want to
eat, because for so long you'vejust been going along with
whatever somebody else picked.
It's jarring, it's fuckingmessy, and it feels like a punch
(05:16):
or a loss.
But here's the secret that onlyMojo knows.
It's also a breadcrumb trail.
It's a treasure chest of clues.
Because that moment in my closetwasn't just depressing.
It it was also data.
Data?
Data?
Whatever.
It was my wake-up call that I'doutsourced my preferences and
(05:39):
things that I liked and mychoices, basically my identity.
But that meant that I could takeit back.
Let me paint a picture for you.
Like I remembered pulling out abright orange top that I didn't
even remember owning.
And my first thought was like,ugh, this is hideous.
And then my second thought waslike, wait, this is actually
(06:01):
kind of fun.
Like, what if I showed up as adifferent version of myself?
And just like that, a tinylittle spark flickered inside
me.
It was like a tiny rebellionagainst the version of myself
who had gotten me here, butthought I had to be appropriate
all the time.
Now pause.
Let's zoom out for a second,because closets are just like
(06:24):
metaphors, right?
Like some people's closet momenthappens when they leave a job
and they realize that suddenlythey don't even know what
hobbies they like anymore.
Or for some, it's after abreakup.
When you suddenly have to answerquestions like, What do I want
for dinner?
How do I want to spend mySaturday?
without having to factor in thatother person.
(06:46):
And for parents, it can hit likea ton of bricks when the kids
move out, and then suddenlythere's silence where your
entire schedule used to be.
And it doesn't matter where ithappens, in the closet, in the
kitchen, in the car ride home,it feels the same.
Disorienting, lonely.
But also there's this likelittle truth that's hidden in
(07:10):
that this is the entry point tosomething super powerful.
Because after spending time inthe pity party, you will come to
the realization that this isyour chance to start over.
Not from scratch, but fromtruth, from experience.
And if you're in that messycloset moment right now, I want
(07:30):
you to hear me.
It's okay.
You're not failing.
You're waking up.
You're noticing.
And noticing is step one.
And I was thinking about thisjust the other day.
I had another moment, like veryrecently, with my own identity
playlist meltdown.
Like I realized that I hadn'tupdated my music in like a
(07:51):
really long time.
And my Spotify was like full ofsongs from my 20s, and it was
one moment of nostalgia afteranother.
And I kept playing them out ofloyalty to some past version of
me.
And then when I finally createda new playlist with songs that
made me want to dance and mademe like feel a certain way, I
(08:14):
felt it, that pulse of me comingback.
And it's that kind of smallspark that starts the wildfire
that is rediscovery.
And now, thanks to putting theright people in my life, they've
helped me really reignite mycuriosity about music.
I'm finding new artists, I loveall the time, and the dance
parties happen on the regular.
Because here's the thing: there's research that shows that (08:35):
undefined
after major life transitionslike breakups or career shifts
or kids leaving home, identitydisturbance is supernormal.
Psychologists call itself-concept clarity.
And when it dips, you feel foggyabout who you are.
And when you don't know who youare, everything feels harder.
(08:58):
Confidence tanks, decisionsstalled, anxiety, what's up?
Because you're navigatingwithout a map.
But the major headline here isthat clarity can be rebuilt
piece by piece, and that's whereMojo Mastery comes in.
Like this one client, Marissa,she went through a divorce,
tough stuff, let me tell you.
(09:20):
And we'd met for coffee to talkthrough, you know, this identity
reboot, and the most peculiarsymptom popped up.
Suddenly she couldn't decidewhat kind of coffee she liked.
Sounds small, right?
But for years she just orderedwhat her partner liked.
So we started small.
She experimented mocha with oatmilk latte, straight up black.
(09:42):
Luckily for her.
This mojo maven also doubles asa coffee master.
So this was some fun times forme.
But this little ritual ofchoosing her coffee became her
daily practice of asking, Whatdo I like?
What feels like me?
Like Starbucks calls it thatfirst sip moment where you've
been like jonesing and waitingfor this coffee and you really
(10:05):
need it today.
And you have that first sip, andyou're just you get that hit,
and you're just like, Yeah, andthen you ask yourself, where
else in my life do I dosomething?
And I'm like, Yeah.
What feels like me?
And six months later, she wasn'tjust ordering coffee with
confidence, she was pitchingherself for a promotion at work.
(10:26):
Then she was launching abusiness idea that she'd been
sitting on for years.
And the coffee question wasn'tjust about coffee.
This was the gateway to herreconnecting with her identity,
and it was this breakthrough indisguise, but she revealed so
much because she kept going, shestayed curious.
(10:47):
Another client had been a momand a caregiver for so long that
when her youngest left forcollege, she spiraled.
Who was she now?
What was she supposed to bedoing with all this time?
She never really thought aboutit before, so she felt guilty
about that because she was sobusy being wrapped up in what
everybody else needed.
(11:07):
So she's having like all ofthese whammies hit her.
So we did a simple identityexercise.
We had three columns.
What do I love?
What do I think I might love?
And what I don't love anymore.
And that messy, scribbled listbecame her roadmap.
She joined a celsa class, shestarted painting, she stopped
(11:29):
going to that book club that shehated.
And yeah, pure words, I'm back,and my sparkle is brighter than
ever.
So cute.
And then there was the seniorexecutive from 50 yards away,
her life, perfection.
She was burned out beyondbelief.
She thought that slowing downwould make her look weak, and
(11:50):
she saw what other people saidabout people who were quiet
quitting or not putting in theovertime, and she wanted no part
of that.
And it's super hard to do whenyou're the executive.
But when she finally paused, shetook the time to review her own
personal values, how she wantedto spend her precious time.
(12:11):
She actually had a really closefriend die and just caught like
that spun her into justreevaluating what's really
important.
And she's she noticed how farshe'd come and how much she'd
changed without ever taking thetime to quantify it.
And that was the moment therethat she realized that she
didn't even like her industryanymore.
(12:33):
She was pouring in herexpertise, her time, her energy.
And it was she was doing it forsomething that was not only
draining her, but it was not inalignment with who she wanted to
be.
And that was scarier thanquitting.
So she pivoted.
She started her own consultancy.
And she said to me, the hardestpart wasn't leaving the job.
(12:55):
It was admitting that I'd beenliving a life that wasn't mine
anymore.
She had to actively forgiveherself.
So the insight here, the messymiddle, it isn't about loss.
It's about permission.
Permission to know, permissionto try, permission to fail,
permission to begin again.
And for some of us, we need toaddress permission to succeed.
(13:19):
Like, what if I go after what Iwant and I get it?
I'm gonna have to let go of somethings I have now in order to
get there.
And that takes some time andwork and mental space.
But I think we'll pull thatthread on its own episode
another time.
Because it can all feel reallydisorienting.
And even the research backs thisup.
(13:40):
Studies in psychology show thatafter major life transitions,
taking small intentional actionsto just affirm what your
preferences are, it reallyrebuilds your self-concept
clarity.
That clarity, it's a direct linkto your confidence.
Like these small things likecoffee choices or playlists or
(14:02):
things that you experiment andfail at weekly, they literally
rewire your sense of self.
Okay, enough theory.
Let's get practical.
How do you navigate your messymiddle without losing your mojo?
Well, here's five things thatyou can start today.
Tiny steps, low risk, highreward, high five.
(14:24):
Number one, start ridiculouslysmall.
Your micro choices, they matter.
Everything matters.
Your coffee order, yourplaylist, your own takeout, one
that isn't trying to pleaseeverybody else.
These tiny choices build yourself-trust.
And it's surprisingly empoweringwhen you're used to considering
(14:47):
everyone else first.
These micro choices, these arelike little bricks in the
foundation of your identity.
Check out your wardrobe, goshopping for once, and get
something that makes you feelamazing.
All these little acts of tuninginto you are a massive payoff
and totally worth celebrating.
Don't forget that part.
(15:08):
Because you're hard on yourselfwhen things go south.
So the opposite should be truetoo.
Be sure to celebrate when youget a win, when you actively
choose you, because compoundinggoodness is truly the secret
sauce to mojo.
Number two, let it be messy.
Diving into crafting youridentity, it's like trying on
(15:30):
hats.
Some fit, some look ridiculous.
Try them on anyway.
The ugly ones, still valuable.
It gives you data or data.
What did we decide?
And who knows?
Maybe that ridiculous oneactually looks good on you.
Challenge your assumptions.
And I know that doing thingsimperfectly isn't exactly
(15:50):
instinctive for people pleasers.
So just go into it fully awarethat discomfort, that little
bitch, she is waiting for you.
It's on its way.
But as we've learned, discomfortis not danger.
You can override your instinctto quit and just observe it and
realize that imperfection won'tkill you.
(16:13):
I promise.
Number three, borrow someconfidence from being curious.
Instead of asking theall-encompassing question, who
am I?
Who am I supposed to be?
What's my thing?
What's my mission?
What's my passion?
Start simple, just a little biteasy.
Just like, what's interestingtoday?
(16:34):
What am I being pulled towards?
Because curiosity, it's lighter,it's less scary, and it keeps
you moving.
And to quote the famous toucanfrom The Box of Fruit Loops,
follow your nose.
It always knows.
But seriously, getting curiousis a critical part of getting to
(16:54):
know yourself.
It sidelines all of yourassumptions and it challenges
what we think we know.
Number four, the ritual ofreintroduction.
Okay, here are some journalprompts to help get you started.
Just weekly ask yourself, finishthe question.
This week I learned that I likeblank.
(17:15):
Or I remembered that I don't.
Because this is proof ofprogress, and our brain really
loves proof.
And it keeps you accountable toyourself.
And it's really rewarding to beable to look back on what you've
done and learned and failed atand say, I did that, and I'm
still here and I'm still trying.
And there is no gold starsweeter than that.
(17:38):
And then number five is fun.
It's the friend mirror test.
So this one is amazing and ithas instant payoff.
So here's the question you'regoing to ask them.
Shoot it out to like fivefriends, three will get back to
you, and it'll be a really sweetmoment and great for you and
your friendship.
And maybe have the answer forthem ready to go.
(18:00):
Here's the question.
Ask them, what is one thing thatyou see in me that I might not?
And often the answer reflectstruths that we can't see.
And the blind spots that wecarry about ourselves can be the
biggest holdup in revealing ourself-image in its truest form.
But listen, if you're currentlystuck in that messy middle, hear
(18:25):
me loud and hear me clear when Isay you're not broken.
You're just building.
I recently had a full-onmeltdown over a mojo project
that I've been promising for along time.
Like dining room table, uglycry.
Didn't want to cry alone, so Ireached out to the friend,
full-blown blubber fest.
(18:46):
Wanted to take a shower to feelbet better.
Well, I got some bonus acousticswith that crying.
Why?
Because I wanted to skip to thegood part.
And after a really great talk,my friend reminded me, you're
leveling up.
You're uncomfortable.
This means you're growing.
And I started to think about itlike a makeover movie.
Like I'm in the awkward montage.
(19:08):
This isn't a blooper reel.
It's the becoming, it's thetransformation part.
I don't have my wings yet inthis particular project.
I'm still in the cocoon.
And you, my friend, are the starof your own montage.
So if you're there right now,take a beat, laugh at the chaos,
dance in the kitchen, give themiddle finger to some
(19:31):
awkwardness, cry if you need to.
I recommend the bathroom.
The acoustics are amazing.
But keep moving.
This messy middle, it's proofthat we're alive.
It's proof that we're moving andwe're becoming extraordinary.
All the Marvel heroes, they havetheir messy middle too.
(19:51):
Tony Stark, middle is him beingtrapped in a cave with a box of
scraps.
Wonder Woman.
McGirl in the middle, she'straining, she's failing, she's
questioning herself.
But middle is where the magicbrews.
That's your montage, your growthlab, your spark factory.
It's a sign that you'rebecoming.
(20:12):
It's your sign to lean in.
Because here's the thing thatrealization it's that it's your
chance to start over, it's notfrom scratch.
It's from truth.
We gotta remember that.
Because here's the thing (20:24):
when you finally wake up in your
closet moment or your menumeltdown, or whatever your
version is, it can feel likeeverything's falling apart.
Like you've lost time, you'velost yourself, you've lost the
plot.
And the natural reaction, panic.
(20:46):
We think, great, now I've got tostart over from zero, from
nothing.
That's not fucking true.
You just gotta pause.
Because you're not starting fromscratch, you're starting from
truth.
And those are two completelydifferent launch pads.
Starting from scratch feels likeerasing your whole life.
(21:07):
Like you've wasted yearsbuilding the wrong thing.
But that's also a fucking lie.
But starting from truth, that'sacknowledging that you've
collected wisdom and preferencesand experience and resilience
along the way, even if you lostsight of yourself in the
process.
It's saying I might havedrifted, but I've still got the
(21:30):
map, and now I know where not togo.
You can just think of it likecooking.
Scratch would mean emptycupboards and no idea how to fry
an egg.
But truth means that your pantryis stocked.
You've burned a few dinners,sure, but you've also nailed a
few recipes, and now youactually know which flavors you
(21:52):
love.
You're not fumbling around withblind guesses, you're remixing
with self-awareness.
Or think about relationships.
Scratch would mean that you'rebrand new to love and fumbling
through your first heartbreak.
But the truth means that you'velived and you've loved and maybe
crashed and burned, but you'vegot the receipts.
(22:14):
And you know what you won'ttolerate anymore.
You know where you shine in apartnership, you know what red
flags are, and that they don'tlook so cute under the neon
lighting.
In career, same deal.
Scratch is stepping out ofschool, not knowing what
industry fits, but the truth isrealizing, maybe after a detour
(22:36):
or two, that you've got skillsand insights and experiences
that actually make you trulypowerful.
And even if you're pivoting,you're not clueless, you're just
resourceful.
And the magic of truth is thatit grounds you, it gives you a
foundation that's solid.
And when you start from truth,you're building something
(22:59):
sustainable.
No more chasing what looks goodon paper or what earns you
applause or what your AuntBrenda thinks is respectable.
This time, you're chasing whatfeels good, what lights you up,
what makes you feel like you.
And yes, starting from truthalso feels messy at first.
(23:20):
There's gonna be false startsand awkward experiments and
those cringy, like, did I reallyfucking try salsa dancing kind
of moments?
But that's the gift.
The mess is information, andevery misstep refines your
compass.
And every choice whispers, moreof this, less of that.
(23:41):
So if you're in that realizationmoment, don't frame it as
failure.
Frame it as freedom.
You're not empty, you're notbehind, and you're fucking
absolutely not broken.
You are standing in the middleof your life with a backpack
full of lessons and the chanceto finally build from honesty.
(24:03):
And that's not a restart button,that's a glow-up.
A true upgrade.
All right, my mojo friend,here's the takeaway.
Stop treating the messy middlelike a problem.
Treat it like a playground.
Whee! Pick one micro choice thisweek that's just for you.
(24:27):
And if you're craving a bit moremomentum, check out this mojo
makeover seven-day challenge.
In seven days, seven microshifts, big mojo.
Small steps, bigtransformations.
You'll learn how to reconnectwith yourself, reclaim your
power, and just remember whyyou're so fabulous.
(24:48):
And if this episode lit a spark,share it with somebody who's
navigating their own messymetal.
Because becoming yourself again,it's not just possible, it's
powerful.
And if you need a littlekickstart for that energy
budget, do not sleep on gettingyour mojo gummies.
Because fueling your body andyour mind is always a smart
(25:08):
investment.
So you can grab a link in theshow notes for a discount from
me to you today.
So let's start living like ourenergy is infinite and start
spending it like it matters.
Because it does.
And everybody who needs thatdeserves that.
So come back next week whenwe're gonna peel back the layers
of identity and ask, who am Iwithout the labels?
(25:32):
Spoiler.
You're more than the tanks thatsociety slaps on you.
And we're gonna prove it.
So until then, stay fabulous,seek out some fun, laugh at some
awkwardness, and just masterthat mojo.
Ciao for now.
Love you.
Bye.
Alright my friend, let's get real.
Everyone loves a shiny beforeand after.
We eat those transformationstories up.
Whether it's on Instagram, HGTV,or those hypnotic reels where
something is getting powerwashed within an inch of its
life.
There's something so satisfyingabout the reveal, the side by
(00:31):
side, the look how far they'vecome moment.
But here's the thing (00:35):
nobody posts.
Nobody celebrates, nobody putsin a filter.
It's the messy middle.
You know what I'm talking about,that awkward, sticky, sometimes
tear-stained, sometimes laugh sohard you snort part of the
process where you're trying tofigure out who you even are
again.
And yeah, it's uncomfortable.
(00:56):
And yeah, it's confusing andabsolutely sometimes smells
faintly of burnt toast orregret.
So today, we're not glossingover it.
We're diving in, we're peelingit back, and we're celebrating
it.
Because that in-between partthat you're so tempted to fast
forward through, it's not thesetback, it's the magic.
(01:18):
So by the end of the episode,you're gonna see that the
middle, the undone, theuncertain, the half figured out,
might actually be the mostimportant part of your becoming.
And we're gonna unpack how tonavigate it without losing your
mojo, how to find yourself inthe fog, and how to even, dare I
(01:39):
say it, enjoy it.
So settle in because this isPocket Full of Mojo, your
antidote to burnout, self-doubt,and people pleasing.
I'm Steph, your hype woman withAside of Sass, and today we're
about to get tuned in, tappedin, turned on.
Let's do this.
(02:05):
Welcome, welcome, welcome back.
I'm your host and favorite MojoMaven Steph, and today we're
going to attempt to sort out themessy middle.
That place where you feel stuckand sometimes trapped, like
you're living someone else'slife, or maybe you've just got
the inkling that something needsto shift, but you don't know
(02:26):
where to start, and you're justkind of feeling stuck.
Because let's be honest, themiddle is where most of us live
most of the time, and you don'tjust wake up one day and
suddenly have your wholeidentity neatly figured out.
And it's certainly not a projectthat you can wrap up in an
afternoon like some Pinterestworthy mood board.
(02:47):
Nope.
It's trial and error, it'sdetours, it's highs, it's lows,
it's falling on your face, it'sdancing in your living room, and
maybe more recently it's cryingin the shower and somehow still
showing up for yourself the nextday.
Let me take you back.
Picture this pre-Mojo Mavenstuff.
Like years ago, I'm standing infront of my closet trying to
(03:10):
ignore the fact that my life isunraveling and my marriage is
falling apart.
And when I say standing in frontof my closet, I mean sitting
slash lying on the edge of mybed paralyzed after hours of
binge watching Love is Blind,you know, because apparently
watching strangers marry someonethey've never seen feels easier,
(03:30):
you know, than dealing with myown life choices.
Am I right?
Anyway, I finally mustered upthe courage to walk over to my
closet and I thought maybe, justmaybe, like if I put something
on that felt good, I could turnthe day around.
Spoiler, that is not whathappened.
I opened my closet doors and Ijust fucking froze.
(03:52):
Like all the clothes hanging inthere, like half of them weren't
even me.
Some of them were relics of thispast version of myself that I
thought I should be.
They were like professional andpolished and buttoned up.
You know, someone's idea ofappropriate.
And then another chunk of them,random compromises.
(04:12):
Things I bought because someoneelse thought they looked good on
me or because they fittechnically, but did nothing for
my soul, let alone myself-image.
And then the kicker, some ofthem weren't even mine.
They were like hand-me-downs andborrowed things, like literal
costumes, stuff that had nobusiness being in my closet in
the first place.
(04:33):
And that hit me hard.
I'd filled my closet with otherpeople's opinions, styles,
expectations.
And I realized I'd disappearedin my own closet.
Have you ever had that moment?
And maybe it wasn't a closet,but like flipping through your
playlist and realizing that yourmusic doesn't even excite you
(04:55):
anymore.
Or opening your calendar andthinking, who even signed me up
for this shit?
Or you're sitting in arestaurant staring at a menu,
realizing that you don't evenknow what you actually want to
eat, because for so long you'vejust been going along with
whatever somebody else picked.
It's jarring, it's fuckingmessy, and it feels like a punch
(05:16):
or a loss.
But here's the secret that onlyMojo knows.
It's also a breadcrumb trail.
It's a treasure chest of clues.
Because that moment in my closetwasn't just depressing.
It it was also data.
Data?
Data?
Whatever.
It was my wake-up call that I'doutsourced my preferences and
(05:39):
things that I liked and mychoices, basically my identity.
But that meant that I could takeit back.
Let me paint a picture for you.
Like I remembered pulling out abright orange top that I didn't
even remember owning.
And my first thought was like,ugh, this is hideous.
And then my second thought waslike, wait, this is actually
(06:01):
kind of fun.
Like, what if I showed up as adifferent version of myself?
And just like that, a tinylittle spark flickered inside
me.
It was like a tiny rebellionagainst the version of myself
who had gotten me here, butthought I had to be appropriate
all the time.
Now pause.
Let's zoom out for a second,because closets are just like
(06:24):
metaphors, right?
Like some people's closet momenthappens when they leave a job
and they realize that suddenlythey don't even know what
hobbies they like anymore.
Or for some, it's after abreakup.
When you suddenly have to answerquestions like, What do I want
for dinner?
How do I want to spend mySaturday?
without having to factor in thatother person.
(06:46):
And for parents, it can hit likea ton of bricks when the kids
move out, and then suddenlythere's silence where your
entire schedule used to be.
And it doesn't matter where ithappens, in the closet, in the
kitchen, in the car ride home,it feels the same.
Disorienting, lonely.
But also there's this likelittle truth that's hidden in
(07:10):
that this is the entry point tosomething super powerful.
Because after spending time inthe pity party, you will come to
the realization that this isyour chance to start over.
Not from scratch, but fromtruth, from experience.
And if you're in that messycloset moment right now, I want
(07:30):
you to hear me.
It's okay.
You're not failing.
You're waking up.
You're noticing.
And noticing is step one.
And I was thinking about thisjust the other day.
I had another moment, like veryrecently, with my own identity
playlist meltdown.
Like I realized that I hadn'tupdated my music in like a
(07:51):
really long time.
And my Spotify was like full ofsongs from my 20s, and it was
one moment of nostalgia afteranother.
And I kept playing them out ofloyalty to some past version of
me.
And then when I finally createda new playlist with songs that
made me want to dance and mademe like feel a certain way, I
(08:14):
felt it, that pulse of me comingback.
And it's that kind of smallspark that starts the wildfire
that is rediscovery.
And now, thanks to putting theright people in my life, they've
helped me really reignite mycuriosity about music.
I'm finding new artists, I loveall the time, and the dance
parties happen on the regular.
Because here's the thing: there's research that shows that (08:35):
undefined
after major life transitionslike breakups or career shifts
or kids leaving home, identitydisturbance is supernormal.
Psychologists call itself-concept clarity.
And when it dips, you feel foggyabout who you are.
And when you don't know who youare, everything feels harder.
(08:58):
Confidence tanks, decisionsstalled, anxiety, what's up?
Because you're navigatingwithout a map.
But the major headline here isthat clarity can be rebuilt
piece by piece, and that's whereMojo Mastery comes in.
Like this one client, Marissa,she went through a divorce,
tough stuff, let me tell you.
(09:20):
And we'd met for coffee to talkthrough, you know, this identity
reboot, and the most peculiarsymptom popped up.
Suddenly she couldn't decidewhat kind of coffee she liked.
Sounds small, right?
But for years she just orderedwhat her partner liked.
So we started small.
She experimented mocha with oatmilk latte, straight up black.
(09:42):
Luckily for her.
This mojo maven also doubles asa coffee master.
So this was some fun times forme.
But this little ritual ofchoosing her coffee became her
daily practice of asking, Whatdo I like?
What feels like me?
Like Starbucks calls it thatfirst sip moment where you've
been like jonesing and waitingfor this coffee and you really
(10:05):
need it today.
And you have that first sip, andyou're just you get that hit,
and you're just like, Yeah, andthen you ask yourself, where
else in my life do I dosomething?
And I'm like, Yeah.
What feels like me?
And six months later, she wasn'tjust ordering coffee with
confidence, she was pitchingherself for a promotion at work.
(10:26):
Then she was launching abusiness idea that she'd been
sitting on for years.
And the coffee question wasn'tjust about coffee.
This was the gateway to herreconnecting with her identity,
and it was this breakthrough indisguise, but she revealed so
much because she kept going, shestayed curious.
(10:47):
Another client had been a momand a caregiver for so long that
when her youngest left forcollege, she spiraled.
Who was she now?
What was she supposed to bedoing with all this time?
She never really thought aboutit before, so she felt guilty
about that because she was sobusy being wrapped up in what
everybody else needed.
(11:07):
So she's having like all ofthese whammies hit her.
So we did a simple identityexercise.
We had three columns.
What do I love?
What do I think I might love?
And what I don't love anymore.
And that messy, scribbled listbecame her roadmap.
She joined a celsa class, shestarted painting, she stopped
(11:29):
going to that book club that shehated.
And yeah, pure words, I'm back,and my sparkle is brighter than
ever.
So cute.
And then there was the seniorexecutive from 50 yards away,
her life, perfection.
She was burned out beyondbelief.
She thought that slowing downwould make her look weak, and
(11:50):
she saw what other people saidabout people who were quiet
quitting or not putting in theovertime, and she wanted no part
of that.
And it's super hard to do whenyou're the executive.
But when she finally paused, shetook the time to review her own
personal values, how she wantedto spend her precious time.
(12:11):
She actually had a really closefriend die and just caught like
that spun her into justreevaluating what's really
important.
And she's she noticed how farshe'd come and how much she'd
changed without ever taking thetime to quantify it.
And that was the moment therethat she realized that she
didn't even like her industryanymore.
(12:33):
She was pouring in herexpertise, her time, her energy.
And it was she was doing it forsomething that was not only
draining her, but it was not inalignment with who she wanted to
be.
And that was scarier thanquitting.
So she pivoted.
She started her own consultancy.
And she said to me, the hardestpart wasn't leaving the job.
(12:55):
It was admitting that I'd beenliving a life that wasn't mine
anymore.
She had to actively forgiveherself.
So the insight here, the messymiddle, it isn't about loss.
It's about permission.
Permission to know, permissionto try, permission to fail,
permission to begin again.
And for some of us, we need toaddress permission to succeed.
(13:19):
Like, what if I go after what Iwant and I get it?
I'm gonna have to let go of somethings I have now in order to
get there.
And that takes some time andwork and mental space.
But I think we'll pull thatthread on its own episode
another time.
Because it can all feel reallydisorienting.
And even the research backs thisup.
(13:40):
Studies in psychology show thatafter major life transitions,
taking small intentional actionsto just affirm what your
preferences are, it reallyrebuilds your self-concept
clarity.
That clarity, it's a direct linkto your confidence.
Like these small things likecoffee choices or playlists or
(14:02):
things that you experiment andfail at weekly, they literally
rewire your sense of self.
Okay, enough theory.
Let's get practical.
How do you navigate your messymiddle without losing your mojo?
Well, here's five things thatyou can start today.
Tiny steps, low risk, highreward, high five.
(14:24):
Number one, start ridiculouslysmall.
Your micro choices, they matter.
Everything matters.
Your coffee order, yourplaylist, your own takeout, one
that isn't trying to pleaseeverybody else.
These tiny choices build yourself-trust.
And it's surprisingly empoweringwhen you're used to considering
(14:47):
everyone else first.
These micro choices, these arelike little bricks in the
foundation of your identity.
Check out your wardrobe, goshopping for once, and get
something that makes you feelamazing.
All these little acts of tuninginto you are a massive payoff
and totally worth celebrating.
Don't forget that part.
(15:08):
Because you're hard on yourselfwhen things go south.
So the opposite should be truetoo.
Be sure to celebrate when youget a win, when you actively
choose you, because compoundinggoodness is truly the secret
sauce to mojo.
Number two, let it be messy.
Diving into crafting youridentity, it's like trying on
(15:30):
hats.
Some fit, some look ridiculous.
Try them on anyway.
The ugly ones, still valuable.
It gives you data or data.
What did we decide?
And who knows?
Maybe that ridiculous oneactually looks good on you.
Challenge your assumptions.
And I know that doing thingsimperfectly isn't exactly
(15:50):
instinctive for people pleasers.
So just go into it fully awarethat discomfort, that little
bitch, she is waiting for you.
It's on its way.
But as we've learned, discomfortis not danger.
You can override your instinctto quit and just observe it and
realize that imperfection won'tkill you.
(16:13):
I promise.
Number three, borrow someconfidence from being curious.
Instead of asking theall-encompassing question, who
am I?
Who am I supposed to be?
What's my thing?
What's my mission?
What's my passion?
Start simple, just a little biteasy.
Just like, what's interestingtoday?
(16:34):
What am I being pulled towards?
Because curiosity, it's lighter,it's less scary, and it keeps
you moving.
And to quote the famous toucanfrom The Box of Fruit Loops,
follow your nose.
It always knows.
But seriously, getting curiousis a critical part of getting to
(16:54):
know yourself.
It sidelines all of yourassumptions and it challenges
what we think we know.
Number four, the ritual ofreintroduction.
Okay, here are some journalprompts to help get you started.
Just weekly ask yourself, finishthe question.
This week I learned that I likeblank.
(17:15):
Or I remembered that I don't.
Because this is proof ofprogress, and our brain really
loves proof.
And it keeps you accountable toyourself.
And it's really rewarding to beable to look back on what you've
done and learned and failed atand say, I did that, and I'm
still here and I'm still trying.
And there is no gold starsweeter than that.
(17:38):
And then number five is fun.
It's the friend mirror test.
So this one is amazing and ithas instant payoff.
So here's the question you'regoing to ask them.
Shoot it out to like fivefriends, three will get back to
you, and it'll be a really sweetmoment and great for you and
your friendship.
And maybe have the answer forthem ready to go.
(18:00):
Here's the question.
Ask them, what is one thing thatyou see in me that I might not?
And often the answer reflectstruths that we can't see.
And the blind spots that wecarry about ourselves can be the
biggest holdup in revealing ourself-image in its truest form.
But listen, if you're currentlystuck in that messy middle, hear
(18:25):
me loud and hear me clear when Isay you're not broken.
You're just building.
I recently had a full-onmeltdown over a mojo project
that I've been promising for along time.
Like dining room table, uglycry.
Didn't want to cry alone, so Ireached out to the friend,
full-blown blubber fest.
(18:46):
Wanted to take a shower to feelbet better.
Well, I got some bonus acousticswith that crying.
Why?
Because I wanted to skip to thegood part.
And after a really great talk,my friend reminded me, you're
leveling up.
You're uncomfortable.
This means you're growing.
And I started to think about itlike a makeover movie.
Like I'm in the awkward montage.
(19:08):
This isn't a blooper reel.
It's the becoming, it's thetransformation part.
I don't have my wings yet inthis particular project.
I'm still in the cocoon.
And you, my friend, are the starof your own montage.
So if you're there right now,take a beat, laugh at the chaos,
dance in the kitchen, give themiddle finger to some
(19:31):
awkwardness, cry if you need to.
I recommend the bathroom.
The acoustics are amazing.
But keep moving.
This messy middle, it's proofthat we're alive.
It's proof that we're moving andwe're becoming extraordinary.
All the Marvel heroes, they havetheir messy middle too.
(19:51):
Tony Stark, middle is him beingtrapped in a cave with a box of
scraps.
Wonder Woman.
McGirl in the middle, she'straining, she's failing, she's
questioning herself.
But middle is where the magicbrews.
That's your montage, your growthlab, your spark factory.
It's a sign that you'rebecoming.
(20:12):
It's your sign to lean in.
Because here's the thing thatrealization it's that it's your
chance to start over, it's notfrom scratch.
It's from truth.
We gotta remember that.
Because here's the thing (20:24):
when you finally wake up in your
closet moment or your menumeltdown, or whatever your
version is, it can feel likeeverything's falling apart.
Like you've lost time, you'velost yourself, you've lost the
plot.
And the natural reaction, panic.
(20:46):
We think, great, now I've got tostart over from zero, from
nothing.
That's not fucking true.
You just gotta pause.
Because you're not starting fromscratch, you're starting from
truth.
And those are two completelydifferent launch pads.
Starting from scratch feels likeerasing your whole life.
(21:07):
Like you've wasted yearsbuilding the wrong thing.
But that's also a fucking lie.
But starting from truth, that'sacknowledging that you've
collected wisdom and preferencesand experience and resilience
along the way, even if you lostsight of yourself in the
process.
It's saying I might havedrifted, but I've still got the
(21:30):
map, and now I know where not togo.
You can just think of it likecooking.
Scratch would mean emptycupboards and no idea how to fry
an egg.
But truth means that your pantryis stocked.
You've burned a few dinners,sure, but you've also nailed a
few recipes, and now youactually know which flavors you
(21:52):
love.
You're not fumbling around withblind guesses, you're remixing
with self-awareness.
Or think about relationships.
Scratch would mean that you'rebrand new to love and fumbling
through your first heartbreak.
But the truth means that you'velived and you've loved and maybe
crashed and burned, but you'vegot the receipts.
(22:14):
And you know what you won'ttolerate anymore.
You know where you shine in apartnership, you know what red
flags are, and that they don'tlook so cute under the neon
lighting.
In career, same deal.
Scratch is stepping out ofschool, not knowing what
industry fits, but the truth isrealizing, maybe after a detour
(22:36):
or two, that you've got skillsand insights and experiences
that actually make you trulypowerful.
And even if you're pivoting,you're not clueless, you're just
resourceful.
And the magic of truth is thatit grounds you, it gives you a
foundation that's solid.
And when you start from truth,you're building something
(22:59):
sustainable.
No more chasing what looks goodon paper or what earns you
applause or what your AuntBrenda thinks is respectable.
This time, you're chasing whatfeels good, what lights you up,
what makes you feel like you.
And yes, starting from truthalso feels messy at first.
(23:20):
There's gonna be false startsand awkward experiments and
those cringy, like, did I reallyfucking try salsa dancing kind
of moments?
But that's the gift.
The mess is information, andevery misstep refines your
compass.
And every choice whispers, moreof this, less of that.
(23:41):
So if you're in that realizationmoment, don't frame it as
failure.
Frame it as freedom.
You're not empty, you're notbehind, and you're fucking
absolutely not broken.
You are standing in the middleof your life with a backpack
full of lessons and the chanceto finally build from honesty.
(24:03):
And that's not a restart button,that's a glow-up.
A true upgrade.
All right, my mojo friend,here's the takeaway.
Stop treating the messy middlelike a problem.
Treat it like a playground.
Whee! Pick one micro choice thisweek that's just for you.
(24:27):
And if you're craving a bit moremomentum, check out this mojo
makeover seven-day challenge.
In seven days, seven microshifts, big mojo.
Small steps, bigtransformations.
You'll learn how to reconnectwith yourself, reclaim your
power, and just remember whyyou're so fabulous.
(24:48):
And if this episode lit a spark,share it with somebody who's
navigating their own messymetal.
Because becoming yourself again,it's not just possible, it's
powerful.
And if you need a littlekickstart for that energy
budget, do not sleep on gettingyour mojo gummies.
Because fueling your body andyour mind is always a smart
(25:08):
investment.
So you can grab a link in theshow notes for a discount from
me to you today.
So let's start living like ourenergy is infinite and start
spending it like it matters.
Because it does.
And everybody who needs thatdeserves that.
So come back next week whenwe're gonna peel back the layers
of identity and ask, who am Iwithout the labels?
(25:32):
Spoiler.
You're more than the tanks thatsociety slaps on you.
And we're gonna prove it.
So until then, stay fabulous,seek out some fun, laugh at some
awkwardness, and just masterthat mojo.
Ciao for now.
Love you.
Bye.
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