July 24, 2025 • 20 mins
Tired of feeling wonky? Or like everyday is a spinning wheel and you start the day wondering where your feelings are going to take you?
In this week's episode, we explore why emotional stability is the ultimate flex in a world obsessed with drama and intensity. That? Sounds exhausting.
This episode offers practical tools to stay calm, grounded, and in your power even when life throws curveballs. Cuz you KNOW life be curveballin' sometimes...
Other Highlights:
• Understanding emotional dysregulation and what it feels like when your brain goes into fight-flight-freeze mode (it's not as fun as it sounds.)
• The science behind emotional chaos: how your amygdala hijacks your prefrontal cortex during triggers - yeah - science is cool.
• What emotional stability actually is (not numbing or toxic positivity) and how it feels when you've mastered it...and it's closer than you think!
• The Three R's framework:
- Recognize,
- Regulate, and
- Respond to reset your emotional state
• Five powerful mid-trigger regulation tools including "name it to tame it" and physical grounding techniques
• I'll also introduce: The STAB method: (heheh....let's get STABBY!)
- Stop,
- Take a breath,
- Acknowledge the trigger, and use your
- Body to regulate
We'll also look at (yes its a juicy episode) how emotional stability transforms your relationships, decision-making, and personal magnetism
We'll even dig into real-life examples of moving from reactive to responsive in challenging situations....this episode is going to be a game-changer.
Don't forget Mojo gummies are your delicious little sidekick on the road to emotional regulation. Hit the link in the show notes for 15% off your next moment of clarity.
Need help tapping into your Mojo? See ya later brain fog- these gummies are game changers! 15% OFF!
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
You ever meet someone who's cool as a cucumber while
everything's burning down andyou're like, how Meanwhile
you're over here, one minorinconvenience away from a
full-blown meltdown in theTarget parking lot?
Yeah, we're talking about thattoday Because, in a world that
promotes drama and emotionaloutbursts and performative
(00:34):
self-destruction masked aspassion, I'm here to tell you
that the real flex is emotionalstability.
In today's episode, we're goingto uncover how to stay
unbothered when everything's amess.
Not stuffing your feelings, notgoing numb, but staying calm,
grounded and in your power, evenwhen life throws you.
(00:55):
Curveballs mean girls,unplanned meetings with your
boss or 27 unread texts.
In this episode, I'm breakingdown what emotional
dysregulation really looks likeand feels like, and why you're
not crazy.
We're going to look at thescience behind those emotional
roller coasters.
We're going to look at whatemotional stability actually is
(01:16):
and isn't and how it feels whenyou've got it on lock.
And, as a special bonus, we'regoing to look at the tools to
help you start regulating evenin the middle of a mess.
So by the end of this episode,you're going to feel clear and
steady and low-key, invincible,like Beyonce in a blackout.
She ain't bothered.
So let's get tuned in, tappedin and turned on.
(01:45):
Welcome back to Bocca Vola Mojo,the podcast.
That's like your favoritehoodie, cozy, cool and always
got your back.
I'm your Mojo Maven, steph, andtoday we're talking about
something that doesn't getnearly enough hype in a world
obsessed with looking likeyou've got it all together Ready
, because the real flex isn'thaving six side hustles, six
(02:08):
packs or perfect productivity,it's emotional stability, baby.
So let's start by digging intowhat it looks like when you
don't have it.
Okay, let's be real.
Raise your hand if you've everhad one of those days where you
wake up kind of feeling meh andyour coffee order gets messed up
, and then your ex texts you outof nowhere and then suddenly
(02:28):
you're spiraling into a mentalexistential crisis.
And it's only 10, 0, 7 am.
Yeah, been there.
An emotional dysregulation canfeel like you're being held
hostage by your own nervoussystem.
Here's how it plays out Onelittle thing goes wrong and boom
, you're in fight, flight,freeze or full-on freak out.
(02:50):
You go from zero to 60 infeelings.
One second you're fine, thenext you're crying in the
parking lot or rage texting yourgroup chat, where every minor
inconvenience feels personal,like the universe is out to get
you and your poor brain.
It's doing backflips, trying toanalyze or fix or escape the
(03:11):
chaos, and it's exhausting andyou're not grounded, you're
reactive, you might lash out orshut down, or my go-to move,
which is to try and over-controleverything around you, just to
feel some sense of stability andcontrol.
And I've done a lot of thinkingon this and this roller coaster
(03:31):
of like guilt, shame,overthinking panic, regret,
repeat.
You know like I've been on thatroller coaster while
simultaneously and consciouslychasing that mythical word
balance when it came to my lifeand when it came to my emotions,
because the highs were fleetingand the lows were brutal and it
(03:53):
just kept going on and up anddown and drama and conflama and
passing moments of brillianceand then when you blink, you're
back to raw.
But what I do know is thatevery action is going to cause
an equal and opposite reaction.
But does it have to be sofucking bumpy Like?
How do we smooth the road?
How do we regulate and create abaseline that's below
(04:15):
annoyingly happy but aboveboring and bland, because we're
not here to put water in ourwine?
We know it's not going to besmooth waters all the time, but
does it have to be the GrandRapids?
Just give me something I cancanoe in, or like paddleboard.
You know you get me.
All right, let's pop the hoodand look at what's actually
(04:36):
happening in that beautifuloverstimulated brain of yours
Because, spoiler alert, it's notjust your ex or your boss
that's causing chaos.
It's also your amygdala, whichis part of that gorgeous brain
of yours, and it's acting like adrama queen with a megaphone.
When you're emotionallydysregulated, your prefrontal
(04:57):
cortex or your CEO brain, itbasically goes offline, pieces
out.
That's the part that handleslogic and decision-making and
impulse control.
Right when you need it, it goesaway.
Instead, the limbic systemtakes over.
This is your emotional center,your drama queen of a brain.
It's all panic, no plan.
(05:18):
So even if your inner wisdomknows you're overreacting, your
body's like nope.
We're going to DEFCON 1 overthis unanswered text.
And here's the kicker stayingin that state too long.
Here's what you get Chronicstress, fatigue, burnout, health
issues, because you're not justemotionally drained, you're
(05:38):
physically wrecked too.
So this is the part where we askthe question what is emotional
stability?
Well, let's clear it up rightoff the top, because emotional
stability it's not about beinghappy all the time, it's not
toxic positivity and it's notpretending that things don't
hurt.
It's about being able toexperience a full range of
(06:01):
emotions without being ruled bythem.
It's your ability to pauseinstead of react, or know when
to sit with a feeling and honorit and nurture it and when to
move through it and this one canbe tricky.
And it's about being able tobounce back instead of spiral
down.
It's the ability toself-regulate, to notice your
(06:23):
emotional temperature rising andsay, okay, let's take a beat.
Once again and I think I saythis every episode awareness is
key.
This is your chance to tune in,listen and really get to know
these parts of yourself andidentify what this looks like on
(06:43):
you and where you're at.
This is no time to judge.
It's not good, it's not bad, itjust is All right.
Now let's talk about what itfeels like when you've got
emotional stability on lock,Because spoiler alert it's less
crying in your car while voicenoting your therapist and more
like main character energy witha side of inner peace.
(07:05):
Because when you're emotionallystable, you're going to feel
centered, like no matter whatchaos is happening outside.
You are anchored inside andyou're going to feel calm, but
not numb.
You still feel everything, justnot all at once or out of
proportion.
You're going to feel safe inyour own skin, because you're
(07:27):
not chasing external validation,because you will have internal
peace which will make you feelunshakable, not because life
doesn't hit hard or becauseyou're playing small, but
because you trust your abilityto handle whatever comes for you
.
It's sexy, it's powerful and,best of all, it's contagious.
(07:47):
Emotionally stable peoplecreate safe spaces wherever they
go.
Now, on a personal note, I haveto say that this has been one of
the most measurable, observablebenefits that I've gotten from
applying Mojo Mastery.
My friends have even commentedon it, like I was talking to my
friend Kip the other day, and Iwas talking to her about boys,
as usual, and I was telling herabout how I'd been canceled on
(08:11):
again and, among otherconversations, she remarked
about how much more composed andlike less spirally I was about
the whole thing and it got methinking why and also how, and I
wanted to ask myself thesequestions consciously so that I
could A share them with you youcutie, patootie and B really
(08:33):
anchor my awareness in what todo next time, because there
always going to be a next timeand we can do a little on the go
practice right now.
I call it the three R's toregulate your mojo.
Our goal here back to baseline,not a high high, not a low, low
, out of the chaos and back toyou, and we can do it.
It's you, me and some scienceversus the noise.
(08:57):
Let's go.
The first thing that you want todo is recognize what am I
feeling.
Name it Not bad or ugh.
Get specific, like I feelanxious because I'm worried I'll
disappoint someone.
Shout out to my people pleasers, fway, fway, fway.
Now step number two regulate.
(09:17):
What do I need right now?
Is it a deep breath?
Is it a walk?
Is it a cold splash of water?
We're not looking for a fix,just a pause.
You're not solving the problem.
You're getting your brain andyour body ready to be able to do
so in your best interest.
Just trying to solve theproblem while you're spiraling
is taking you nowhere.
(09:37):
Good.
And then number three is torespond.
What's a wise, grounded stepthat I can take right now?
And practice this today, andeven just once a day, and you
are going to start rewiring youremotional response system.
And that's science, by the way,it's called neural plasticity.
You're literally training yourbrain to stay calm under
(10:00):
pressure.
But regulating before or afteris one thing, but regulating
mid-trigger, that's next level,that's like Jedi level, mojo
mastery.
So let's do something wild andbreak down how to regulate when
you're already in the spiralmid-trigger, mid-meltdown,
mid-i'm gonna say something I'mgonna regret.
(10:22):
First, we'll set the scene.
You're there, your heart ispounding, your chest is tight,
your jaw is clenched, your brainis gone, full toddler on a
sugar high, and you can't stringtwo calm thoughts together.
You're not thinking, you'rereacting.
So here's what's happeningphysiologically your amygdala,
(10:45):
which is your fear center, shedriving right now, all right.
And your prefrontal cortex,that's the logic part of your
brain yeah, she gone, she'smissing in action.
Your body is drenched incortisol and adrenaline and
you're officially in fight,flight, freeze fawn territory.
Now the goal here is to get thebody to calm down so the brain
(11:09):
can come back online.
So this is where we dig intoour toolbox for mid-trigger
tools.
These are the big five.
Number one name it to tame it.
The moment you feel hijacked,say what's happening out loud or
in your head.
If you're not alone, you cansay I'm feeling activated right
now and I'm not okay.
(11:29):
But I know that this is areaction and not a reflection of
who I am, and simply sayingthat immediately starts moving
your brain out of survival modeand into awareness.
Then there's number two dosomething with your body,
because your nervous system isphysical.
You can't think your way calm.
(11:50):
You have to move your way there.
So you can try a cold watersplash.
This resets your vagus nerve.
You can do box breathing, soinhale for four, hold for four,
exhale for four, hold for four.
Or you can do a wall push.
Stand and push a wall as hardas you can.
(12:10):
It gives your body something todo with all of that frenetic
energy, because this is yourchance to signal we're safe,
we're okay.
Number three orient the room.
This is called grounding.
Your body thinks you're indanger, so you got to remind it
where you are.
So you do these three things.
You look around and you namethree things.
(12:32):
You can see two things, you canhear, one thing, you can touch.
This helps re-anchor yoursenses into the present and not
the emotional past or the scaryimagined future.
Remember, the imagination is atoy and a weapon.
Awareness and facts are yourfriends here.
Number four repeat a regulatingmantra.
(12:56):
Mid-trigger is not the time forself-criticism.
You need safety, not shame.
So I want you to use shortphrases like I'm safe, I'm here
and just repeat it over and overand over again this feeling is
temporary, I can ride this wave,and a simple, steady mantra
acts like an emotional anchoruntil the storm passes.
(13:19):
And then, for number five,you're going to want to pause
your reaction because you maywant to send the text, or snap
at your partner or rage, quityour job.
And you can do that.
It's up to you.
Choices, right, but don't do itin this state.
If you're mid-trigger, delay theresponse, because even 10
(13:40):
minutes of cooling down canchange what you say or do.
You can try saying like I needa minute to come back to myself,
or let me step away for amoment, or just close the app,
put down the phone, unclenchyour jaw and repeat to yourself
I can feel big feelings withoutletting them control me.
I can slow down even in theheat of the moment.
(14:02):
This is what it looks like torewire, this is what healing
feels like.
So you're like I don't know.
This sounds like a lot of work.
So what's in it for you?
Well, here's what happens whenyou start regulating mid-trigger
regularly.
First of all, you're going toget a whole bunch of time back,
because you're going to snap outof these spirals way faster and
(14:25):
you're going to build sometrust with yourself.
That's going to feel like acoat of armor and it's going to
feel great because yourreactions won't leave you with
this shame hangover the next dayand the people around you.
They're going to feel safer,and so will you, and you'll
start creating space betweenthose triggers and your response
, and that space is your power.
(14:46):
And if this still feels like alot to remember, and if this
still feels like a lot toremember, here's a quick acronym
Stab the trigger.
It's cheeky but effective.
So S is for stop, literallyfreeze your reaction.
T take a breath.
Just one In for four.
Hold for four, out for four,hold for four.
(15:07):
The A is for acknowledge yougotta say it out loud this is a
trigger, this is old stuffshowing up.
And the B is for your body Dosomething physical to calm your
nervous system.
And you start practicing thisand you will be shocked how
quickly you shift from reactiveto responsive.
(15:28):
It's emotional fitness and it'ssexy and it's sovereign and
it's mojo as fuck.
Because, look, life is gonnalife.
People will test your patience,plans will fall apart and
feelings will bubble up likesoda in a shaken can and you
can't control that, butemotional stability, that can be
(15:49):
your superpower and it'll buildresilience.
When you get knocked down,you're not going to stay down
and it gives a glow up to yourrelationships because you feel
safer, steadier, and you'regoing to want to communicate
more because you won't bepulling punches out of fear,
which will boost your confidence.
When you trust yourself tohandle whatever comes, you can
(16:11):
stop living in fear.
Think of all the free timeyou'll have.
And it also creates clarityClarity so that you can make
better decisions because yournervous system isn't hijacking
the wheel and you canconcentrate on how to live your
life without these kinds ofinteractions.
And it can help you evaluatethe kind of people that you hang
(16:32):
with and the spaces that youfind yourself, because being
cool under pressure is not justimpressive, it's magnetic.
You're going to walk into aroom and people will feel it,
and that's mojo baby.
I'll tell you a quick story.
There was a time a couplemonths ago when someone that I
cared about totally blindsidedme with a text message.
There was a time a couplemonths ago when someone that I
cared about totally blindsidedme with a text message that felt
(16:55):
like a gut punch in a groupchat when all I was trying to do
was be supportive and the oldpeople-pleasing obsessed me
would have hit panic mode, spuna million stories in my head and
maybe even sent a regrettablewall of apology text.
But this time I felt it, I tooka breath, I put my phone down,
(17:19):
I made a cup of tea, I spenttime with my thoughts and my
feelings for a second and reallyunpacked what was written and
what it made me feel, and once Icould feel my heart rate return
to normal and my thoughtsbecome more clear, I reached out
.
Instead of reacting, Iresponded with clarity and calm
(17:39):
and kindness and power.
And you know what?
The situation didn't magicallybecome perfect, but I stayed
intact.
That felt like power, I feltlike freedom, and I caught
myself reacting differently, andit was one of the first times
that I was able to say to myselfhey, girl, I'm proud of how far
(18:00):
you've come and aftereverything that we've just
covered here today, you've goteverything you need to find
yourself on that podium of prideand realize that you too have
come so far, and all it takes isa bit of mojo.
So if you're tired of feelingtossed around by your emotions
(18:21):
like a leaf in the wind.
Remember, the real flex isemotional stability.
It's not cold, it's not boring,it's bold and it's badass and
it's available to you right now.
Try the three R's today Justonce.
See how it feels.
And if this episode gave yousomething to think about, send
(18:42):
it to someone who's navigatingtheir own storm.
Go on, share the love Becauselisten, emotional stability
isn't some boring beigepersonality trait, it's a damn
superpower.
And when you're emotionallystable, you become the eye of
the storm, not the flying lawnchair.
You're the thermostat, not thethermometer.
(19:03):
You set the tone.
You do not absorb the chaos.
So next time life tries to dragyou into the drama, remember
you don't need to match energy,you regulate it.
You don't need to react, yourespond.
You don't need to be loud to bepowerful, you just need to be
(19:24):
grounded.
And the real flex, it's walkingthrough fire without letting it
burn down your peace.
So if this episode, let a spark, share it with that friend that
needs a little reminder thatcalm is the new confidence.
And don't forget Mojo gummiesare your delicious little
sidekick on the road toemotional regulation.
(19:44):
So you can hit the link in theshow notes for 15% off your next
moment of clarity.
So until next time, keep yourhead held high, your nervous
system chill and your pocketsfull of Mojo.
That's it for me, my friend.
This has been Steph, your mojomaven, telling you to stay
fabulous and go rock the day.
Ciao for now.
(20:04):
Love you, bye.
You ever meet someone who's cool as a cucumber while
everything's burning down andyou're like, how Meanwhile
you're over here, one minorinconvenience away from a
full-blown meltdown in theTarget parking lot?
Yeah, we're talking about thattoday Because, in a world that
promotes drama and emotionaloutbursts and performative
(00:34):
self-destruction masked aspassion, I'm here to tell you
that the real flex is emotionalstability.
In today's episode, we're goingto uncover how to stay
unbothered when everything's amess.
Not stuffing your feelings, notgoing numb, but staying calm,
grounded and in your power, evenwhen life throws you.
(00:55):
Curveballs mean girls,unplanned meetings with your
boss or 27 unread texts.
In this episode, I'm breakingdown what emotional
dysregulation really looks likeand feels like, and why you're
not crazy.
We're going to look at thescience behind those emotional
roller coasters.
We're going to look at whatemotional stability actually is
(01:16):
and isn't and how it feels whenyou've got it on lock.
And, as a special bonus, we'regoing to look at the tools to
help you start regulating evenin the middle of a mess.
So by the end of this episode,you're going to feel clear and
steady and low-key, invincible,like Beyonce in a blackout.
She ain't bothered.
So let's get tuned in, tappedin and turned on.
(01:45):
Welcome back to Bocca Vola Mojo,the podcast.
That's like your favoritehoodie, cozy, cool and always
got your back.
I'm your Mojo Maven, steph, andtoday we're talking about
something that doesn't getnearly enough hype in a world
obsessed with looking likeyou've got it all together Ready
, because the real flex isn'thaving six side hustles, six
(02:08):
packs or perfect productivity,it's emotional stability, baby.
So let's start by digging intowhat it looks like when you
don't have it.
Okay, let's be real.
Raise your hand if you've everhad one of those days where you
wake up kind of feeling meh andyour coffee order gets messed up
, and then your ex texts you outof nowhere and then suddenly
(02:28):
you're spiraling into a mentalexistential crisis.
And it's only 10, 0, 7 am.
Yeah, been there.
An emotional dysregulation canfeel like you're being held
hostage by your own nervoussystem.
Here's how it plays out Onelittle thing goes wrong and boom
, you're in fight, flight,freeze or full-on freak out.
(02:50):
You go from zero to 60 infeelings.
One second you're fine, thenext you're crying in the
parking lot or rage texting yourgroup chat, where every minor
inconvenience feels personal,like the universe is out to get
you and your poor brain.
It's doing backflips, trying toanalyze or fix or escape the
(03:11):
chaos, and it's exhausting andyou're not grounded, you're
reactive, you might lash out orshut down, or my go-to move,
which is to try and over-controleverything around you, just to
feel some sense of stability andcontrol.
And I've done a lot of thinkingon this and this roller coaster
(03:31):
of like guilt, shame,overthinking panic, regret,
repeat.
You know like I've been on thatroller coaster while
simultaneously and consciouslychasing that mythical word
balance when it came to my lifeand when it came to my emotions,
because the highs were fleetingand the lows were brutal and it
(03:53):
just kept going on and up anddown and drama and conflama and
passing moments of brillianceand then when you blink, you're
back to raw.
But what I do know is thatevery action is going to cause
an equal and opposite reaction.
But does it have to be sofucking bumpy Like?
How do we smooth the road?
How do we regulate and create abaseline that's below
(04:15):
annoyingly happy but aboveboring and bland, because we're
not here to put water in ourwine?
We know it's not going to besmooth waters all the time, but
does it have to be the GrandRapids?
Just give me something I cancanoe in, or like paddleboard.
You know you get me.
All right, let's pop the hoodand look at what's actually
(04:36):
happening in that beautifuloverstimulated brain of yours
Because, spoiler alert, it's notjust your ex or your boss
that's causing chaos.
It's also your amygdala, whichis part of that gorgeous brain
of yours, and it's acting like adrama queen with a megaphone.
When you're emotionallydysregulated, your prefrontal
(04:57):
cortex or your CEO brain, itbasically goes offline, pieces
out.
That's the part that handleslogic and decision-making and
impulse control.
Right when you need it, it goesaway.
Instead, the limbic systemtakes over.
This is your emotional center,your drama queen of a brain.
It's all panic, no plan.
(05:18):
So even if your inner wisdomknows you're overreacting, your
body's like nope.
We're going to DEFCON 1 overthis unanswered text.
And here's the kicker stayingin that state too long.
Here's what you get Chronicstress, fatigue, burnout, health
issues, because you're not justemotionally drained, you're
(05:38):
physically wrecked too.
So this is the part where we askthe question what is emotional
stability?
Well, let's clear it up rightoff the top, because emotional
stability it's not about beinghappy all the time, it's not
toxic positivity and it's notpretending that things don't
hurt.
It's about being able toexperience a full range of
(06:01):
emotions without being ruled bythem.
It's your ability to pauseinstead of react, or know when
to sit with a feeling and honorit and nurture it and when to
move through it and this one canbe tricky.
And it's about being able tobounce back instead of spiral
down.
It's the ability toself-regulate, to notice your
(06:23):
emotional temperature rising andsay, okay, let's take a beat.
Once again and I think I saythis every episode awareness is
key.
This is your chance to tune in,listen and really get to know
these parts of yourself andidentify what this looks like on
(06:43):
you and where you're at.
This is no time to judge.
It's not good, it's not bad, itjust is All right.
Now let's talk about what itfeels like when you've got
emotional stability on lock,Because spoiler alert it's less
crying in your car while voicenoting your therapist and more
like main character energy witha side of inner peace.
(07:05):
Because when you're emotionallystable, you're going to feel
centered, like no matter whatchaos is happening outside.
You are anchored inside andyou're going to feel calm, but
not numb.
You still feel everything, justnot all at once or out of
proportion.
You're going to feel safe inyour own skin, because you're
(07:27):
not chasing external validation,because you will have internal
peace which will make you feelunshakable, not because life
doesn't hit hard or becauseyou're playing small, but
because you trust your abilityto handle whatever comes for you
.
It's sexy, it's powerful and,best of all, it's contagious.
(07:47):
Emotionally stable peoplecreate safe spaces wherever they
go.
Now, on a personal note, I haveto say that this has been one of
the most measurable, observablebenefits that I've gotten from
applying Mojo Mastery.
My friends have even commentedon it, like I was talking to my
friend Kip the other day, and Iwas talking to her about boys,
as usual, and I was telling herabout how I'd been canceled on
(08:11):
again and, among otherconversations, she remarked
about how much more composed andlike less spirally I was about
the whole thing and it got methinking why and also how, and I
wanted to ask myself thesequestions consciously so that I
could A share them with you youcutie, patootie and B really
(08:33):
anchor my awareness in what todo next time, because there
always going to be a next timeand we can do a little on the go
practice right now.
I call it the three R's toregulate your mojo.
Our goal here back to baseline,not a high high, not a low, low
, out of the chaos and back toyou, and we can do it.
It's you, me and some scienceversus the noise.
(08:57):
Let's go.
The first thing that you want todo is recognize what am I
feeling.
Name it Not bad or ugh.
Get specific, like I feelanxious because I'm worried I'll
disappoint someone.
Shout out to my people pleasers, fway, fway, fway.
Now step number two regulate.
(09:17):
What do I need right now?
Is it a deep breath?
Is it a walk?
Is it a cold splash of water?
We're not looking for a fix,just a pause.
You're not solving the problem.
You're getting your brain andyour body ready to be able to do
so in your best interest.
Just trying to solve theproblem while you're spiraling
is taking you nowhere.
(09:37):
Good.
And then number three is torespond.
What's a wise, grounded stepthat I can take right now?
And practice this today, andeven just once a day, and you
are going to start rewiring youremotional response system.
And that's science, by the way,it's called neural plasticity.
You're literally training yourbrain to stay calm under
(10:00):
pressure.
But regulating before or afteris one thing, but regulating
mid-trigger, that's next level,that's like Jedi level, mojo
mastery.
So let's do something wild andbreak down how to regulate when
you're already in the spiralmid-trigger, mid-meltdown,
mid-i'm gonna say something I'mgonna regret.
(10:22):
First, we'll set the scene.
You're there, your heart ispounding, your chest is tight,
your jaw is clenched, your brainis gone, full toddler on a
sugar high, and you can't stringtwo calm thoughts together.
You're not thinking, you'rereacting.
So here's what's happeningphysiologically your amygdala,
(10:45):
which is your fear center, shedriving right now, all right.
And your prefrontal cortex,that's the logic part of your
brain yeah, she gone, she'smissing in action.
Your body is drenched incortisol and adrenaline and
you're officially in fight,flight, freeze fawn territory.
Now the goal here is to get thebody to calm down so the brain
(11:09):
can come back online.
So this is where we dig intoour toolbox for mid-trigger
tools.
These are the big five.
Number one name it to tame it.
The moment you feel hijacked,say what's happening out loud or
in your head.
If you're not alone, you cansay I'm feeling activated right
now and I'm not okay.
(11:29):
But I know that this is areaction and not a reflection of
who I am, and simply sayingthat immediately starts moving
your brain out of survival modeand into awareness.
Then there's number two dosomething with your body,
because your nervous system isphysical.
You can't think your way calm.
(11:50):
You have to move your way there.
So you can try a cold watersplash.
This resets your vagus nerve.
You can do box breathing, soinhale for four, hold for four,
exhale for four, hold for four.
Or you can do a wall push.
Stand and push a wall as hardas you can.
(12:10):
It gives your body something todo with all of that frenetic
energy, because this is yourchance to signal we're safe,
we're okay.
Number three orient the room.
This is called grounding.
Your body thinks you're indanger, so you got to remind it
where you are.
So you do these three things.
You look around and you namethree things.
(12:32):
You can see two things, you canhear, one thing, you can touch.
This helps re-anchor yoursenses into the present and not
the emotional past or the scaryimagined future.
Remember, the imagination is atoy and a weapon.
Awareness and facts are yourfriends here.
Number four repeat a regulatingmantra.
(12:56):
Mid-trigger is not the time forself-criticism.
You need safety, not shame.
So I want you to use shortphrases like I'm safe, I'm here
and just repeat it over and overand over again this feeling is
temporary, I can ride this wave,and a simple, steady mantra
acts like an emotional anchoruntil the storm passes.
(13:19):
And then, for number five,you're going to want to pause
your reaction because you maywant to send the text, or snap
at your partner or rage, quityour job.
And you can do that.
It's up to you.
Choices, right, but don't do itin this state.
If you're mid-trigger, delay theresponse, because even 10
(13:40):
minutes of cooling down canchange what you say or do.
You can try saying like I needa minute to come back to myself,
or let me step away for amoment, or just close the app,
put down the phone, unclenchyour jaw and repeat to yourself
I can feel big feelings withoutletting them control me.
I can slow down even in theheat of the moment.
(14:02):
This is what it looks like torewire, this is what healing
feels like.
So you're like I don't know.
This sounds like a lot of work.
So what's in it for you?
Well, here's what happens whenyou start regulating mid-trigger
regularly.
First of all, you're going toget a whole bunch of time back,
because you're going to snap outof these spirals way faster and
(14:25):
you're going to build sometrust with yourself.
That's going to feel like acoat of armor and it's going to
feel great because yourreactions won't leave you with
this shame hangover the next dayand the people around you.
They're going to feel safer,and so will you, and you'll
start creating space betweenthose triggers and your response
, and that space is your power.
(14:46):
And if this still feels like alot to remember, and if this
still feels like a lot toremember, here's a quick acronym
Stab the trigger.
It's cheeky but effective.
So S is for stop, literallyfreeze your reaction.
T take a breath.
Just one In for four.
Hold for four, out for four,hold for four.
(15:07):
The A is for acknowledge yougotta say it out loud this is a
trigger, this is old stuffshowing up.
And the B is for your body Dosomething physical to calm your
nervous system.
And you start practicing thisand you will be shocked how
quickly you shift from reactiveto responsive.
(15:28):
It's emotional fitness and it'ssexy and it's sovereign and
it's mojo as fuck.
Because, look, life is gonnalife.
People will test your patience,plans will fall apart and
feelings will bubble up likesoda in a shaken can and you
can't control that, butemotional stability, that can be
(15:49):
your superpower and it'll buildresilience.
When you get knocked down,you're not going to stay down
and it gives a glow up to yourrelationships because you feel
safer, steadier, and you'regoing to want to communicate
more because you won't bepulling punches out of fear,
which will boost your confidence.
When you trust yourself tohandle whatever comes, you can
(16:11):
stop living in fear.
Think of all the free timeyou'll have.
And it also creates clarityClarity so that you can make
better decisions because yournervous system isn't hijacking
the wheel and you canconcentrate on how to live your
life without these kinds ofinteractions.
And it can help you evaluatethe kind of people that you hang
(16:32):
with and the spaces that youfind yourself, because being
cool under pressure is not justimpressive, it's magnetic.
You're going to walk into aroom and people will feel it,
and that's mojo baby.
I'll tell you a quick story.
There was a time a couplemonths ago when someone that I
cared about totally blindsidedme with a text message.
There was a time a couplemonths ago when someone that I
cared about totally blindsidedme with a text message that felt
(16:55):
like a gut punch in a groupchat when all I was trying to do
was be supportive and the oldpeople-pleasing obsessed me
would have hit panic mode, spuna million stories in my head and
maybe even sent a regrettablewall of apology text.
But this time I felt it, I tooka breath, I put my phone down,
(17:19):
I made a cup of tea, I spenttime with my thoughts and my
feelings for a second and reallyunpacked what was written and
what it made me feel, and once Icould feel my heart rate return
to normal and my thoughtsbecome more clear, I reached out
.
Instead of reacting, Iresponded with clarity and calm
(17:39):
and kindness and power.
And you know what?
The situation didn't magicallybecome perfect, but I stayed
intact.
That felt like power, I feltlike freedom, and I caught
myself reacting differently, andit was one of the first times
that I was able to say to myselfhey, girl, I'm proud of how far
(18:00):
you've come and aftereverything that we've just
covered here today, you've goteverything you need to find
yourself on that podium of prideand realize that you too have
come so far, and all it takes isa bit of mojo.
So if you're tired of feelingtossed around by your emotions
(18:21):
like a leaf in the wind.
Remember, the real flex isemotional stability.
It's not cold, it's not boring,it's bold and it's badass and
it's available to you right now.
Try the three R's today Justonce.
See how it feels.
And if this episode gave yousomething to think about, send
(18:42):
it to someone who's navigatingtheir own storm.
Go on, share the love Becauselisten, emotional stability
isn't some boring beigepersonality trait, it's a damn
superpower.
And when you're emotionallystable, you become the eye of
the storm, not the flying lawnchair.
You're the thermostat, not thethermometer.
(19:03):
You set the tone.
You do not absorb the chaos.
So next time life tries to dragyou into the drama, remember
you don't need to match energy,you regulate it.
You don't need to react, yourespond.
You don't need to be loud to bepowerful, you just need to be
(19:24):
grounded.
And the real flex, it's walkingthrough fire without letting it
burn down your peace.
So if this episode, let a spark, share it with that friend that
needs a little reminder thatcalm is the new confidence.
And don't forget Mojo gummiesare your delicious little
sidekick on the road toemotional regulation.
(19:44):
So you can hit the link in theshow notes for 15% off your next
moment of clarity.
So until next time, keep yourhead held high, your nervous
system chill and your pocketsfull of Mojo.
That's it for me, my friend.
This has been Steph, your mojomaven, telling you to stay
fabulous and go rock the day.
Ciao for now.
(20:04):
Love you, bye.
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