April 23, 2025 • 24 mins
Self-image goes deeper than just appearance, influencing how we carry ourselves, speak, make decisions, and experience life as the bridge between self-perception and self-worth.
In this episode, we'll dig deeper past the surface of self image to uncover a few gems. Like:
• When we don't consciously shape our self-image, we risk letting the outside world define us
• The clothing-mood connection works both ways – what we wear can influence how we feel and vice versa
• Identifying outdated beliefs about yourself is the first step to rewriting your self-image story
• Common myths include that self-image is just about looks, that changing it is vain, and that it requires a big personality
• When you own your self-image, you stop waiting for permission to take up space
Subscribe to this podcast and follow me on Instagram @most_stephinately for daily mantras and affirmations. Check out the show notes for promo codes for Mojo gummies, my seven-day Mojo makeover challenge, and a five-question quiz to start your Mojo journey.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
self-image.
It might be surface, but it'snot shallow.
This is a gem I picked up at anetworking event recently, and
the cool thing about self-imageis that it's constantly changing
, which makes it feel soimpossible to define.
So I want to find out whatself-image is exactly, like
(00:32):
exactly.
And I want to find out what itisn't, how it's formed and what
influences it Like.
Do we influence our ownself-image?
What if we could?
What would that look like?
These questions and more onthis episode of Pocketful of
Mojo.
(00:52):
And if you're new here andasking, uh, what's Mojo?
Well, mojo is that feeling ofunshakable confidence, that
booming self-worth, like you'rean unstoppable force of nature.
Sometimes it happens byaccident, but I'm here to show
you how you can have thatfeeling every single day.
And, the best part, you can doit too and you're ready.
(01:14):
You can start from right whereyou are, because, you see, I
think I've cracked the code tobeing happy.
I'm happy all the freaking timeevery day, at least most of the
day, and possibly to anannoying degree.
But hey, I wasn't always thisway, not to flex, but I have had
breakdowns on multiplecontinents and in two languages.
(01:37):
Look, three years ago, my wholelife dumpster fire.
I lost my marriage and my momwithin weeks of each other, and
I left a home in France that Ilove and had turned into a shell
of a human being.
I had to start from the bottom,start from scratch.
It's where you start when youdon't know who you are or what
you want or where to start.
(01:57):
And spoiler alert thanks toMojo, I can say that I'm better
today than I've ever been, and Ibet you want to know how Well.
In short, I did it by payingattention and by living with
more intention, and along theway, I've created this self-love
(02:18):
first aid kit, and it's full ofamazing tools that help me
level up and navigate life withthat main character energy
everybody's talking about, and Ican triumph over life's ups and
downs with grace and awarenessand confidence that I have
everything I need and a hot take.
You also have everything youneed, and I'm not here to
gatekeep.
I want to show you how you cantoo.
In fact, I'm on a mission tohelp you tap into your best
(02:41):
stuff and remember that you haveeverything you need to live
your life on your own terms.
So hello, hello, hello andwelcome to Pocketful of Mojo.
Once again, I'm Steph, I'm yourMojo Maven, your emotional
Sherpa, that friend that you cantalk to about your feelings,
(03:02):
and I'm so glad you're here.
Quick reminder am I a therapist?
And no, do I have a degree inpsychology.
Look, I'm a flawed human beingand a recovering people pleaser
who's just figured out how totap into our best stuff.
So I'm here to remind you ofhow awesome you are and point
you in the direction of sometools that's going to help you
(03:22):
remember that you are worthy tolive the life you love and love
the life you live you in.
Let's do this Now.
All of this inside work is niceand all, but we are stardust in
a human body, or a magic meatsuit, as I like to call it.
So there comes a time, on theadventure of falling in love
with yourself, where we take alook at our look, and that's
(03:45):
look with a capital L, becausethere are more than five senses.
Let me explain.
You know how you can meetsomebody and they look how they
look, and then you get to knowthem and they look different.
Like with time, you see themdifferently.
They have more depth, moresparkle, more mystery or more
weird vibes, or good vibes, youknow, sometimes you can just
(04:09):
feel it, and the same goes foryour self-image.
Sometimes you can look atyourself and be like dang,
looking good, and then, a coupleof days or even a couple of
hours later, you catch a glimpseof yourself in some awful
winter's dressing room withhorrible fluorescent lighting
and think, oh my god, I left thehouse looking like this.
Now this is the same personwe're talking about.
(04:31):
So what changed?
I can't blame everything on badlighting, although I've tried.
So why does self-image shiftand change so much?
Who's driving the bus?
And can I please speak to themanager?
Just kidding.
But let's get to the bottom ofthis whole self-image thing once
and for all.
So let's start by expanding onthe concept of self-image.
(04:55):
What is it exactly?
Because self-image is oftenmistaken for something shallow
like just how we look or how wedress or how we present
ourselves.
But that's just our image, ourphysical, objective self.
But self-image runs deeper thanthat.
It influences how we carryourselves, how we speak, the
(05:18):
decisions we make, theboundaries we set and,
ultimately, how we go out andexperience our life.
Self-image is that bridgebetween self-perception and
self-worth.
Stay with me here, because whatI've figured out is that when we
don't pay any attention to ourself-image or if it's not in our
consciousness or awareness, wecan make the very human mistake
(05:42):
of letting the outside worlddefine us.
Uh, have you seen the outsideworld lately?
Yikes, no thanks.
So what if we took the time tolean into this idea of
self-image, approach it with ascooch of intention and get our
game on?
I mean, you're always talkingabout wanting to build
confidence and act in alignmentwith your best stuff and show up
(06:05):
with a glow up.
So what would happen if thiswas the ticket?
Because if self image isn'tabout just looks, then what is
it about?
And I think it's the story thatwe tell ourselves, because your
voice will always be theloudest voice in any room that
you're in.
Write that down, and I want youto keep that in mind as we
(06:26):
unpack this very tricky concept.
I mean, think for a momentabout what you're doing when you
surrender your self-image tothe outside world.
Honey, I don't need to tell youthat the world can be a weird,
cruel, unfair and distortedplace.
Do you really want the world incharge of something so
(06:48):
important as the story you tellyourself about yourself?
Not on my watch.
So now that we have thisawareness, we can start to write
the story ourselves and don'tbe fooled by old recipes.
I was scrolling around on theinternets the other day and
stumbled on so many who wore itbest kind of posts, and I was
(07:11):
like maybe we just stop with theidea of comparison and that
it's healthy or necessary, and Icommented as such.
So let's take the brush out ofsome stranger's hand and start
to paint our own picture ofself-love and beauty, because
basing our self-image on what weunderstand as standards from
(07:31):
the outside world, it can bedangerous, baseless and harmful.
We really cannot underestimatethe power of the society that we
live in.
We need to be careful, we needto be aware and it's good to
know the rules of the game thatwe live in.
We need to be careful, we needto be aware and it's good to
know the rules of the game thatwe're playing.
Keeping your head up and stayingaware of some of the booby
(07:52):
traps scattered throughoutadulthood that no one tells you
about it can save you a wholelot of self-loathing.
You see, when I was a wee lass,a teenager in the 90s, I wanted
to be an actress.
I loved the stage, I took manyclasses and I performed in all
the local plays.
So it was natural that I wouldpursue this as a dream right,
(08:12):
and I thought so too, until Ireally put some thought behind
it and, knowing that I was afragile, people-pleasing,
self-conscious young lady, Ireally had to think twice before
taking this on as a goal.
I knew in quotation marks basedon what society had told me,
that I wasn't conventionallybeautiful.
(08:33):
I wasn't the pretty one at myschool, I never had a boyfriend
and was further educated basedon TV movies, magazines about
what beauty was, and I wasself-aware, observant or smart
enough to know that I wasn'tthat model.
And I saw how women's beautyand image was measured in
(08:55):
society and in the entertainmentworld especially, and you can
trust that the brief for anactress in the 90s was hella
different than it is today.
Inclusion and diversity justwasn't a thing.
And I knew that if I pursued alife in acting, that I would
face constant comparison,rejection, and I knew myself
(09:17):
well enough to know that thiswas not the life for 18 year old
me.
I knew that to pursue my dreamI would have to be ready to be
critiqued on things that werenot in my control by total
strangers who held the power tohire me, or maybe so much power
as to whether or not my billsgot paid that month.
I knew the game, understood therules and decided to tap out.
(09:41):
Maybe it's something I'll pickup again one day, but looking
back, I'm glad I took care ofmyself by making the hard choice
to walk away from a big dream,not because I didn't love acting
enough, but because I loved mymental health enough and my
value system just wasn't a match.
So for me it was a no for me,dog.
(10:05):
Another hobby that I dabbled inas a teenager was depression.
You know the one theoverwhelming feeling of being
swallowed by sadness and burstsof uncontrollable crying
episodes that surface for noapparent reason, the confusion
and feeling of utterhelplessness.
To get out from under the heavyweight of feelings you can't
(10:26):
control them all just to saveyour life.
Surely driven hard by theroller coaster of puberty, I
constantly found myselfnavigating blind through random
faucet of tears, crushingself-doubt and constant
confusion.
Because I was self-aware enoughto know my life on the outside
(10:48):
was fine.
I had no trauma I could pointto that would explain these
powerful and overwhelmingfeelings I was having, and I
remember sitting at the kitchentable with my mom bawling for
apparently no reason and justlooking at my forlorn and very
confused mother saying I don'tknow why.
(11:08):
I'm just so sad all the time.
And my dear sweet mother,eternally compassionate and wise
, replied ratheruncharacteristically Well, all
you do is wear black.
Try putting on some color oncein a while.
I was gobsmacked.
How could she think it was sosimple, these feelings I was
(11:31):
having.
They were so complex, and howcould she think that my clothes
were affecting my mood?
Well, this is exhibit 248 ofhow my mom was always right,
because not even a few dayslater, I found myself feeling
rather good.
I didn't feel a lump in mythroat, I caught myself even
(11:52):
having a giggle and a smile.
And I looked down and there itwas A fire engine, red collared
shirt, bold, as bold could be,no black in sight.
Now, did the shirt affect mymood or did my mood influence
what color I would wear that day?
And, to be honest, I think it'sboth.
I think there's a relationshipthere between our consciousness
(12:15):
and our emotions and ourself-image that isn't always
overt, but there is power there,one that we can harness and use
like a tool in our toolbox, andthat experience forever changed
my relationship to clothes andcolor, and whether you subscribe
to that theory or not, it'sworth surveilling to see what
(12:37):
role your clothes play inguiding your mood and emotions.
And when we're talking about howwe show up, it's undeniable
that the wrapping paper of whowe are plays a role.
The inside can impact theoutside and the outside can
indeed have an impact on theinside.
Think about professionalathletes.
(12:58):
When they're on the court or onthe ice, they're in a uniform.
Everyone looks the same to showthat they're a team and even
before the game they show up insuits like professionals.
It's game time, it's seriousbusiness.
The outside sets the tone formindset and how they show up.
The first time I saw this, itwas the hockey team at my high
(13:21):
school.
Now, 16 and 17-year-olds wearingsuits on game day highlights
the very stark contrast inbehavior that can be influenced
by a suit, jacket and a tie on akid that normally is pulling
pigtails and chewing gum withhis mouth open, but in a suit,
shoulders are back, head is upand everything becomes more
intentional.
(13:41):
So why do they do this?
To dial in, to elevate, tointentionally create evidence
that this game is important.
It's not just any old day, it'sgame day and I say this to you
wearing a Jets jersey becauseit's playoff time.
So what would happen if youshowed up like that for yourself
(14:01):
every day?
Only you can say.
And it makes me think about theepisode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine
where Jake couldn't figure outwhy Captain Holt insisted that
he wear a tie and he does allsorts of things to avoid having
to do it, because it was justthe rebel side of him and he
couldn't figure out why.
But by the end of the episodehe realizes that he too is part
(14:23):
of a team and a professional,and wearing a tie sends the
message that not only is he partof that team, but he delivers
his skill and knowledge as aprofessional and can command and
demand for the world and histeam to respond accordingly and
like literally everything.
Nothing is that simple, not evenself-image, because when it
(14:44):
comes to self-image, there arelayers, and I've done the
research so you don't have to.
So check this out.
So first there's the outerself-image.
This is how we presentourselves our clothing, our body
language, our voice, our energy.
These things are typicallyobservable.
There's nothing subjectiveabout it.
If you're wearing jeans,there's no debate, that's what
(15:06):
you're wearing.
If you're soft-spoken and timidand hang out with your arms
crossed in the corner, thenthat's a fact that can't be
debated.
It's not good or bad, it justis.
Think of it as if you cancapture it on video.
That's your outer self-image.
Then there's the innerself-image.
These are the beliefs and thethoughts that we hold about
(15:28):
ourselves.
Now this is where it gets cool,because we can choose our
beliefs.
Beliefs are just thoughts thatwe think over and over again, so
knowing that we can feed themand nurture them and design them
the way we want our innerself-image to be.
And then, finally, there's theprojected self-image, the
(15:48):
alignment between how we feelinside and what we show the
world.
This is what I was talkingabout earlier, when there is
alignment between the inside andthe outside.
Now I want you to think abouteach of those for a moment.
What do you think and believeabout yourself?
Does it show up in your outerself-image, consciously or
(16:10):
subconsciously?
Who is driving the bus?
I remember when things werefalling apart for me in France
and I was lying on my bed and Ilooked over at my closet and I
looked at my clothes and Ialmost fell asleep.
It was so boring.
I had work clothes and like twopair of boring pants and a nice
top that didn't fit me anymore.
(16:31):
And I was struck by a veryconscious thought that wardrobe
is not a reflection of thebadass person that I am, but in
reality it was exactly areflection of who I was.
I had become bored, uninspired.
I'd become small, invisible.
I was living in a differentcountry, speaking a different
(16:53):
language and, quite frankly,wasn't 100% sure who I was or
what I was doing.
So in that moment I made adecision, a decision to choose
Choose how I was going to showup, choose what I wanted to wear
, choose how I wanted to expressmyself.
So I was going to put on myliving with intention, look and
(17:14):
get to work, and the French knowwhat's up.
This was my chance to tap intowhat they've got going on and
play the game myself.
Why not?
The way that they dressed wasso different from what I was
doing, like what they would wearto the market was literally
nicer than the nicest outfit Ihad in my closet.
So I knew something was off onthe inside and the outside and
(17:37):
it needed my attention.
Stat Now don't get it twisted.
This isn't about fitting in.
The key message here is thatit's not about changing in order
to fit into an external mold.
It's about aligning how you seeyourself with who you truly are
and loving yourself to pieces,all of it.
(17:59):
So let's lay some groundworkwith an activity.
This is about rewriting yourself-image story.
So the first step is toidentify one outdated belief
about yourself that no longerserves you.
For example, I'm not confident,I have a big nose, I'm shy.
No judgment, no spiraling.
(18:21):
Stay grounded and hold spacefor these beliefs, because
you're going to be breaking upwith them shortly.
Next we go to step two.
Ask where did this belief comefrom?
Is it true?
Who would I be without it?
Like for me, I used to think Ihad a big nose because I have my
mom's nose and she hated hernose.
(18:44):
So, of the many things she gaveme, insecurity about my nose
was one of them.
She went so far as to ask me ifI wanted to get a nose job at
the tender age of 16, to which Ipolitely declined after doing
some soul searching andrealizing that this may be
something that helps me standout, something the youngest of
(19:05):
three and a people pleaserwanted desperately.
So I went with that.
I grew up just at the righttime where fierce beauty
standards were also paired withsome of the more feminist ideals
that I hold today.
Thank goodness for that.
And I loved my mom, so lookinglike her was kind of a gift in
my eyes, despite her ownself-image.
(19:26):
So when I thought about whowould I be without my big nose,
I believed I wouldn't be myself,which takes us to the
all-important step three Replacethe outdated belief with an
empowering belief.
So, instead of saying I'm notconfident, shift to I'm learning
(19:47):
to trust myself.
I don't have a big nose, I havemy mom's nose, and that's our
legacy.
I'm not shy.
I'm learning how to put myselfin rooms where I feel safe and
encouraged to be myself.
I really want to encourage you,lovely listeners, to do
yourselves a solid and actuallywrite this down and read it
(20:07):
daily for a week.
Just watch what happens and howyour thoughts, your moods and
your wardrobe changes over thatweek, because it's always,
always important to interrogateour reality.
It's one of the keys to strongmojo, because we've grown up
surrounded by a lot of myths andmisconceptions.
(20:29):
For example, one common mythself-image.
It's all about your looks.
The truth is, it's about theenergy that you bring into the
room.
Another myth is that changingyour self-image is vain.
But the truth is it's aboutself-respect, self-love and
self-alignment and, fun fact,this is all made up and we can
(20:53):
do whatever we want, and peopledon't care as much as you think
they do.
And the more that you're you,the better you're going to feel.
You're probably going to change.
So how you show up is going tochange, too Cool, no one is one
thing.
Let them be them.
You do, you Fuck the rest.
(21:14):
Now, another myth I want toexpose is that a strong
self-image is for people withconfidence and big personalities
.
And maybe that's just not you,and this one is tricky, but
here's the truth.
The strongest self-image comesfrom loving your real,
honest-to-goodness, realist,easiest version of yourself, no
matter what that looks like.
(21:36):
No matter what that looks like,you decide Period.
And this myth does have sometruth to it.
It's just twisted a bit, and bythat I mean that when you have
a strong self-image, you end upcurating your own confidence,
and that lets your own uniquepersonality shine, big or small,
(21:57):
it's yours and that's the coolpart.
And there is no judge or juryor scorecard, and there's no
opinion that matters enough todictate how you show up in the
world.
That, my dear listener, is 100%, entirely up to you.
So for some final takeaways,just remember that self-image is
(22:18):
a tool for growth.
Your self-image, it should be areflection of your values, your
strengths and your authenticity, and not those outside external
expectations.
Remember that small changes inyour thoughts, in your posture,
in your self-talk, they have thepower to create big shifts in
(22:39):
confidence and presence, becauseself-image isn't static.
It evolves as you grow.
So this is the part where youget to own that evolution,
because when you own yourself-image, you stop waiting for
permission to take up space,and that's where the magic
happens.
(23:04):
And with that, my lovelies, Iwill wrap up this very special
episode of Pocketful of MojoMercy Boku for tuning in, and I
hope this has helped you tapinto some of that mojo of yours,
because feeling good feels goodright.
And in the meantime, if youfeel like your mojo could use a
little tune up and you want togo from stuck to unstoppable,
(23:26):
I've come up with lots of waysfor us to do this again sometime
.
Make sure you take a coupleminutes to subscribe to this
podcast and extra good, juju, ifyou leave a review, you can
follow me on Instagram atmoststefinately for daily
mantras and affirmations, and besure to show all your love with
likes and comments and sharesand you know I'm a recovering
(23:47):
people pleaser, so it means theworld to me when you do.
Look, you found me at the verybeginning of all things mojo,
and I promise there's so muchmore on the way.
All the cool links are easilyfound in the show notes.
So go have a look.
I mean you're here anyway.
I've got promo codes for Mojogummies, for focus at seven day
(24:07):
Mojo makeover challenge and somuch more to come.
And if you want to get startedon your own Mojo journey but
don't know where to start, I'vegot a simple five question quiz
that'll meet you where you're atand set you on your way,
because you can do it and I canhelp.
So be sure to tune in next weekfor the next episode.
But until then, stay classy,stay kind and remember our time
(24:31):
is limited, but our love is not.
Go spend it wildly.
Thanks for tuning in.
This has been Steph withPocketful Emojo.
Ciao for now.
self-image.
It might be surface, but it'snot shallow.
This is a gem I picked up at anetworking event recently, and
the cool thing about self-imageis that it's constantly changing
, which makes it feel soimpossible to define.
So I want to find out whatself-image is exactly, like
(00:32):
exactly.
And I want to find out what itisn't, how it's formed and what
influences it Like.
Do we influence our ownself-image?
What if we could?
What would that look like?
These questions and more onthis episode of Pocketful of
Mojo.
(00:52):
And if you're new here andasking, uh, what's Mojo?
Well, mojo is that feeling ofunshakable confidence, that
booming self-worth, like you'rean unstoppable force of nature.
Sometimes it happens byaccident, but I'm here to show
you how you can have thatfeeling every single day.
And, the best part, you can doit too and you're ready.
(01:14):
You can start from right whereyou are, because, you see, I
think I've cracked the code tobeing happy.
I'm happy all the freaking timeevery day, at least most of the
day, and possibly to anannoying degree.
But hey, I wasn't always thisway, not to flex, but I have had
breakdowns on multiplecontinents and in two languages.
(01:37):
Look, three years ago, my wholelife dumpster fire.
I lost my marriage and my momwithin weeks of each other, and
I left a home in France that Ilove and had turned into a shell
of a human being.
I had to start from the bottom,start from scratch.
It's where you start when youdon't know who you are or what
you want or where to start.
(01:57):
And spoiler alert thanks toMojo, I can say that I'm better
today than I've ever been, and Ibet you want to know how Well.
In short, I did it by payingattention and by living with
more intention, and along theway, I've created this self-love
(02:18):
first aid kit, and it's full ofamazing tools that help me
level up and navigate life withthat main character energy
everybody's talking about, and Ican triumph over life's ups and
downs with grace and awarenessand confidence that I have
everything I need and a hot take.
You also have everything youneed, and I'm not here to
gatekeep.
I want to show you how you cantoo.
In fact, I'm on a mission tohelp you tap into your best
(02:41):
stuff and remember that you haveeverything you need to live
your life on your own terms.
So hello, hello, hello andwelcome to Pocketful of Mojo.
Once again, I'm Steph, I'm yourMojo Maven, your emotional
Sherpa, that friend that you cantalk to about your feelings,
(03:02):
and I'm so glad you're here.
Quick reminder am I a therapist?
And no, do I have a degree inpsychology.
Look, I'm a flawed human beingand a recovering people pleaser
who's just figured out how totap into our best stuff.
So I'm here to remind you ofhow awesome you are and point
you in the direction of sometools that's going to help you
(03:22):
remember that you are worthy tolive the life you love and love
the life you live you in.
Let's do this Now.
All of this inside work is niceand all, but we are stardust in
a human body, or a magic meatsuit, as I like to call it.
So there comes a time, on theadventure of falling in love
with yourself, where we take alook at our look, and that's
(03:45):
look with a capital L, becausethere are more than five senses.
Let me explain.
You know how you can meetsomebody and they look how they
look, and then you get to knowthem and they look different.
Like with time, you see themdifferently.
They have more depth, moresparkle, more mystery or more
weird vibes, or good vibes, youknow, sometimes you can just
(04:09):
feel it, and the same goes foryour self-image.
Sometimes you can look atyourself and be like dang,
looking good, and then, a coupleof days or even a couple of
hours later, you catch a glimpseof yourself in some awful
winter's dressing room withhorrible fluorescent lighting
and think, oh my god, I left thehouse looking like this.
Now this is the same personwe're talking about.
(04:31):
So what changed?
I can't blame everything on badlighting, although I've tried.
So why does self-image shiftand change so much?
Who's driving the bus?
And can I please speak to themanager?
Just kidding.
But let's get to the bottom ofthis whole self-image thing once
and for all.
So let's start by expanding onthe concept of self-image.
(04:55):
What is it exactly?
Because self-image is oftenmistaken for something shallow
like just how we look or how wedress or how we present
ourselves.
But that's just our image, ourphysical, objective self.
But self-image runs deeper thanthat.
It influences how we carryourselves, how we speak, the
(05:18):
decisions we make, theboundaries we set and,
ultimately, how we go out andexperience our life.
Self-image is that bridgebetween self-perception and
self-worth.
Stay with me here, because whatI've figured out is that when we
don't pay any attention to ourself-image or if it's not in our
consciousness or awareness, wecan make the very human mistake
(05:42):
of letting the outside worlddefine us.
Uh, have you seen the outsideworld lately?
Yikes, no thanks.
So what if we took the time tolean into this idea of
self-image, approach it with ascooch of intention and get our
game on?
I mean, you're always talkingabout wanting to build
confidence and act in alignmentwith your best stuff and show up
(06:05):
with a glow up.
So what would happen if thiswas the ticket?
Because if self image isn'tabout just looks, then what is
it about?
And I think it's the story thatwe tell ourselves, because your
voice will always be theloudest voice in any room that
you're in.
Write that down, and I want youto keep that in mind as we
(06:26):
unpack this very tricky concept.
I mean, think for a momentabout what you're doing when you
surrender your self-image tothe outside world.
Honey, I don't need to tell youthat the world can be a weird,
cruel, unfair and distortedplace.
Do you really want the world incharge of something so
(06:48):
important as the story you tellyourself about yourself?
Not on my watch.
So now that we have thisawareness, we can start to write
the story ourselves and don'tbe fooled by old recipes.
I was scrolling around on theinternets the other day and
stumbled on so many who wore itbest kind of posts, and I was
(07:11):
like maybe we just stop with theidea of comparison and that
it's healthy or necessary, and Icommented as such.
So let's take the brush out ofsome stranger's hand and start
to paint our own picture ofself-love and beauty, because
basing our self-image on what weunderstand as standards from
(07:31):
the outside world, it can bedangerous, baseless and harmful.
We really cannot underestimatethe power of the society that we
live in.
We need to be careful, we needto be aware and it's good to
know the rules of the game thatwe live in.
We need to be careful, we needto be aware and it's good to
know the rules of the game thatwe're playing.
Keeping your head up and stayingaware of some of the booby
(07:52):
traps scattered throughoutadulthood that no one tells you
about it can save you a wholelot of self-loathing.
You see, when I was a wee lass,a teenager in the 90s, I wanted
to be an actress.
I loved the stage, I took manyclasses and I performed in all
the local plays.
So it was natural that I wouldpursue this as a dream right,
(08:12):
and I thought so too, until Ireally put some thought behind
it and, knowing that I was afragile, people-pleasing,
self-conscious young lady, Ireally had to think twice before
taking this on as a goal.
I knew in quotation marks basedon what society had told me,
that I wasn't conventionallybeautiful.
(08:33):
I wasn't the pretty one at myschool, I never had a boyfriend
and was further educated basedon TV movies, magazines about
what beauty was, and I wasself-aware, observant or smart
enough to know that I wasn'tthat model.
And I saw how women's beautyand image was measured in
(08:55):
society and in the entertainmentworld especially, and you can
trust that the brief for anactress in the 90s was hella
different than it is today.
Inclusion and diversity justwasn't a thing.
And I knew that if I pursued alife in acting, that I would
face constant comparison,rejection, and I knew myself
(09:17):
well enough to know that thiswas not the life for 18 year old
me.
I knew that to pursue my dreamI would have to be ready to be
critiqued on things that werenot in my control by total
strangers who held the power tohire me, or maybe so much power
as to whether or not my billsgot paid that month.
I knew the game, understood therules and decided to tap out.
(09:41):
Maybe it's something I'll pickup again one day, but looking
back, I'm glad I took care ofmyself by making the hard choice
to walk away from a big dream,not because I didn't love acting
enough, but because I loved mymental health enough and my
value system just wasn't a match.
So for me it was a no for me,dog.
(10:05):
Another hobby that I dabbled inas a teenager was depression.
You know the one theoverwhelming feeling of being
swallowed by sadness and burstsof uncontrollable crying
episodes that surface for noapparent reason, the confusion
and feeling of utterhelplessness.
To get out from under the heavyweight of feelings you can't
(10:26):
control them all just to saveyour life.
Surely driven hard by theroller coaster of puberty, I
constantly found myselfnavigating blind through random
faucet of tears, crushingself-doubt and constant
confusion.
Because I was self-aware enoughto know my life on the outside
(10:48):
was fine.
I had no trauma I could pointto that would explain these
powerful and overwhelmingfeelings I was having, and I
remember sitting at the kitchentable with my mom bawling for
apparently no reason and justlooking at my forlorn and very
confused mother saying I don'tknow why.
(11:08):
I'm just so sad all the time.
And my dear sweet mother,eternally compassionate and wise
, replied ratheruncharacteristically Well, all
you do is wear black.
Try putting on some color oncein a while.
I was gobsmacked.
How could she think it was sosimple, these feelings I was
(11:31):
having.
They were so complex, and howcould she think that my clothes
were affecting my mood?
Well, this is exhibit 248 ofhow my mom was always right,
because not even a few dayslater, I found myself feeling
rather good.
I didn't feel a lump in mythroat, I caught myself even
(11:52):
having a giggle and a smile.
And I looked down and there itwas A fire engine, red collared
shirt, bold, as bold could be,no black in sight.
Now, did the shirt affect mymood or did my mood influence
what color I would wear that day?
And, to be honest, I think it'sboth.
I think there's a relationshipthere between our consciousness
(12:15):
and our emotions and ourself-image that isn't always
overt, but there is power there,one that we can harness and use
like a tool in our toolbox, andthat experience forever changed
my relationship to clothes andcolor, and whether you subscribe
to that theory or not, it'sworth surveilling to see what
(12:37):
role your clothes play inguiding your mood and emotions.
And when we're talking about howwe show up, it's undeniable
that the wrapping paper of whowe are plays a role.
The inside can impact theoutside and the outside can
indeed have an impact on theinside.
Think about professionalathletes.
(12:58):
When they're on the court or onthe ice, they're in a uniform.
Everyone looks the same to showthat they're a team and even
before the game they show up insuits like professionals.
It's game time, it's seriousbusiness.
The outside sets the tone formindset and how they show up.
The first time I saw this, itwas the hockey team at my high
(13:21):
school.
Now, 16 and 17-year-olds wearingsuits on game day highlights
the very stark contrast inbehavior that can be influenced
by a suit, jacket and a tie on akid that normally is pulling
pigtails and chewing gum withhis mouth open, but in a suit,
shoulders are back, head is upand everything becomes more
intentional.
(13:41):
So why do they do this?
To dial in, to elevate, tointentionally create evidence
that this game is important.
It's not just any old day, it'sgame day and I say this to you
wearing a Jets jersey becauseit's playoff time.
So what would happen if youshowed up like that for yourself
(14:01):
every day?
Only you can say.
And it makes me think about theepisode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine
where Jake couldn't figure outwhy Captain Holt insisted that
he wear a tie and he does allsorts of things to avoid having
to do it, because it was justthe rebel side of him and he
couldn't figure out why.
But by the end of the episodehe realizes that he too is part
(14:23):
of a team and a professional,and wearing a tie sends the
message that not only is he partof that team, but he delivers
his skill and knowledge as aprofessional and can command and
demand for the world and histeam to respond accordingly and
like literally everything.
Nothing is that simple, not evenself-image, because when it
(14:44):
comes to self-image, there arelayers, and I've done the
research so you don't have to.
So check this out.
So first there's the outerself-image.
This is how we presentourselves our clothing, our body
language, our voice, our energy.
These things are typicallyobservable.
There's nothing subjectiveabout it.
If you're wearing jeans,there's no debate, that's what
(15:06):
you're wearing.
If you're soft-spoken and timidand hang out with your arms
crossed in the corner, thenthat's a fact that can't be
debated.
It's not good or bad, it justis.
Think of it as if you cancapture it on video.
That's your outer self-image.
Then there's the innerself-image.
These are the beliefs and thethoughts that we hold about
(15:28):
ourselves.
Now this is where it gets cool,because we can choose our
beliefs.
Beliefs are just thoughts thatwe think over and over again, so
knowing that we can feed themand nurture them and design them
the way we want our innerself-image to be.
And then, finally, there's theprojected self-image, the
(15:48):
alignment between how we feelinside and what we show the
world.
This is what I was talkingabout earlier, when there is
alignment between the inside andthe outside.
Now I want you to think abouteach of those for a moment.
What do you think and believeabout yourself?
Does it show up in your outerself-image, consciously or
(16:10):
subconsciously?
Who is driving the bus?
I remember when things werefalling apart for me in France
and I was lying on my bed and Ilooked over at my closet and I
looked at my clothes and Ialmost fell asleep.
It was so boring.
I had work clothes and like twopair of boring pants and a nice
top that didn't fit me anymore.
(16:31):
And I was struck by a veryconscious thought that wardrobe
is not a reflection of thebadass person that I am, but in
reality it was exactly areflection of who I was.
I had become bored, uninspired.
I'd become small, invisible.
I was living in a differentcountry, speaking a different
(16:53):
language and, quite frankly,wasn't 100% sure who I was or
what I was doing.
So in that moment I made adecision, a decision to choose
Choose how I was going to showup, choose what I wanted to wear
, choose how I wanted to expressmyself.
So I was going to put on myliving with intention, look and
(17:14):
get to work, and the French knowwhat's up.
This was my chance to tap intowhat they've got going on and
play the game myself.
Why not?
The way that they dressed wasso different from what I was
doing, like what they would wearto the market was literally
nicer than the nicest outfit Ihad in my closet.
So I knew something was off onthe inside and the outside and
(17:37):
it needed my attention.
Stat Now don't get it twisted.
This isn't about fitting in.
The key message here is thatit's not about changing in order
to fit into an external mold.
It's about aligning how you seeyourself with who you truly are
and loving yourself to pieces,all of it.
(17:59):
So let's lay some groundworkwith an activity.
This is about rewriting yourself-image story.
So the first step is toidentify one outdated belief
about yourself that no longerserves you.
For example, I'm not confident,I have a big nose, I'm shy.
No judgment, no spiraling.
(18:21):
Stay grounded and hold spacefor these beliefs, because
you're going to be breaking upwith them shortly.
Next we go to step two.
Ask where did this belief comefrom?
Is it true?
Who would I be without it?
Like for me, I used to think Ihad a big nose because I have my
mom's nose and she hated hernose.
(18:44):
So, of the many things she gaveme, insecurity about my nose
was one of them.
She went so far as to ask me ifI wanted to get a nose job at
the tender age of 16, to which Ipolitely declined after doing
some soul searching andrealizing that this may be
something that helps me standout, something the youngest of
(19:05):
three and a people pleaserwanted desperately.
So I went with that.
I grew up just at the righttime where fierce beauty
standards were also paired withsome of the more feminist ideals
that I hold today.
Thank goodness for that.
And I loved my mom, so lookinglike her was kind of a gift in
my eyes, despite her ownself-image.
(19:26):
So when I thought about whowould I be without my big nose,
I believed I wouldn't be myself,which takes us to the
all-important step three Replacethe outdated belief with an
empowering belief.
So, instead of saying I'm notconfident, shift to I'm learning
(19:47):
to trust myself.
I don't have a big nose, I havemy mom's nose, and that's our
legacy.
I'm not shy.
I'm learning how to put myselfin rooms where I feel safe and
encouraged to be myself.
I really want to encourage you,lovely listeners, to do
yourselves a solid and actuallywrite this down and read it
(20:07):
daily for a week.
Just watch what happens and howyour thoughts, your moods and
your wardrobe changes over thatweek, because it's always,
always important to interrogateour reality.
It's one of the keys to strongmojo, because we've grown up
surrounded by a lot of myths andmisconceptions.
(20:29):
For example, one common mythself-image.
It's all about your looks.
The truth is, it's about theenergy that you bring into the
room.
Another myth is that changingyour self-image is vain.
But the truth is it's aboutself-respect, self-love and
self-alignment and, fun fact,this is all made up and we can
(20:53):
do whatever we want, and peopledon't care as much as you think
they do.
And the more that you're you,the better you're going to feel.
You're probably going to change.
So how you show up is going tochange, too Cool, no one is one
thing.
Let them be them.
You do, you Fuck the rest.
(21:14):
Now, another myth I want toexpose is that a strong
self-image is for people withconfidence and big personalities
.
And maybe that's just not you,and this one is tricky, but
here's the truth.
The strongest self-image comesfrom loving your real,
honest-to-goodness, realist,easiest version of yourself, no
matter what that looks like.
(21:36):
No matter what that looks like,you decide Period.
And this myth does have sometruth to it.
It's just twisted a bit, and bythat I mean that when you have
a strong self-image, you end upcurating your own confidence,
and that lets your own uniquepersonality shine, big or small,
(21:57):
it's yours and that's the coolpart.
And there is no judge or juryor scorecard, and there's no
opinion that matters enough todictate how you show up in the
world.
That, my dear listener, is 100%, entirely up to you.
So for some final takeaways,just remember that self-image is
(22:18):
a tool for growth.
Your self-image, it should be areflection of your values, your
strengths and your authenticity, and not those outside external
expectations.
Remember that small changes inyour thoughts, in your posture,
in your self-talk, they have thepower to create big shifts in
(22:39):
confidence and presence, becauseself-image isn't static.
It evolves as you grow.
So this is the part where youget to own that evolution,
because when you own yourself-image, you stop waiting for
permission to take up space,and that's where the magic
happens.
(23:04):
And with that, my lovelies, Iwill wrap up this very special
episode of Pocketful of MojoMercy Boku for tuning in, and I
hope this has helped you tapinto some of that mojo of yours,
because feeling good feels goodright.
And in the meantime, if youfeel like your mojo could use a
little tune up and you want togo from stuck to unstoppable,
(23:26):
I've come up with lots of waysfor us to do this again sometime
.
Make sure you take a coupleminutes to subscribe to this
podcast and extra good, juju, ifyou leave a review, you can
follow me on Instagram atmoststefinately for daily
mantras and affirmations, and besure to show all your love with
likes and comments and sharesand you know I'm a recovering
(23:47):
people pleaser, so it means theworld to me when you do.
Look, you found me at the verybeginning of all things mojo,
and I promise there's so muchmore on the way.
All the cool links are easilyfound in the show notes.
So go have a look.
I mean you're here anyway.
I've got promo codes for Mojogummies, for focus at seven day
(24:07):
Mojo makeover challenge and somuch more to come.
And if you want to get startedon your own Mojo journey but
don't know where to start, I'vegot a simple five question quiz
that'll meet you where you're atand set you on your way,
because you can do it and I canhelp.
So be sure to tune in next weekfor the next episode.
But until then, stay classy,stay kind and remember our time
(24:31):
is limited, but our love is not.
Go spend it wildly.
Thanks for tuning in.
This has been Steph withPocketful Emojo.
Ciao for now.
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