September 4, 2025 • 24 mins
Ever felt that strange disorientation that comes with personal growth? That moment when you've done the work, made the changes, but suddenly feel like you're wearing someone else's skin? Don't worry—you haven't taken a wrong turn. That wobbly feeling is actually confirmation you're exactly where you need to be.
Breaking up with your old identity is a profound journey that few people talk about. After years of performing roles that kept you safe but small—the people-pleaser, the overachiever, the one who puts everyone else first—stepping into authenticity can feel simultaneously liberating and terrifying. This episode walks you through the four essential phases of this metamorphosis: the release of who you thought you had to be, the vulnerable emergence of your true self, navigating the world through fresh eyes, and the crucial practice of celebrating your evolution.
Through personal stories (including my own transformation from corporate workaholic to "President of Doing Whatever I Want"), we explore how to honor your past self while embracing the new. We dig into the uncomfortable truth that some relationships may shift or fall away as you grow, and why that's not just okay—it's necessary. You'll learn to recognize the difference between "unknown" and "unsafe," how to reframe imposter syndrome, and why those awkward growing pains are actually signs you're getting stronger.
Whether you're in the midst of transformation or sensing change on the horizon, this episode offers a roadmap for the journey ahead. Remember: "I release who I was, I embrace who I am, and I trust who I'm becoming." Your wobbliness will soon become a stride, and then a confident strut—that's mojo in action.
Ready to step fully into your authentic self? Share this episode with someone navigating their own transformation, leave a review to help others find their mojo, and tune in next week when we tackle how to stop letting the awkwardness of life hold you back from its greatest treasures.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Hey, hey, welcome back to Pocketful of Mojo.
Today we're talking aboutsomething that a lot of us don't
expect when we're on anadventure of maximizing our mojo
, and that's the disorientingfeeling of living as the new you
, the true you, the you that youare after all the change, all
the growth, all thetransformation.
(00:31):
Because, let me tell you, it'samazing, but it can be a bit
disorienting, and that could beenough to make you feel like
you're in the wrong spot.
But you're not.
So, being the Mojo Maven that Iam, I wanted to give you this
heads up so that you see itcoming.
So, fear not, mojorinos, I'mhere to help you sort out what
(00:54):
the blueprint of all that canlook like, from the release to
the metamorphosis, to navigatingthis new self.
We're going to tackle it all.
So this is the part where wetake a deep breath, we get
rooted in our best stuff and weget tuned in, tapped in and
turned on.
Hey, hey, you gorgeous creature.
(01:20):
Welcome back to Pocketful ofMojo.
How is your mojo?
Why are you so pretty?
You're shining a littlebrighter today and it looks good
on you, you doing something new.
Does it feel a littledisorienting to have somebody
notice?
Well, here's the truth In orderto get comfortable with these
new ingredients in your identity.
(01:40):
Like I don't know confidence,boundaries, self-love, putting
yourself first I can tell youthat stepping into this new you
requires a little bit of release, some letting go of the old to
make room for the new.
So this episode is called how toBreak Up with your Old Identity
.
And yeah, I mean breakup,because for many of us, we've
(02:03):
been in this long-termrelationship with a version of
ourselves that was, quitefrankly, surviving and
performing and people-pleasing,or shrinking down to fit.
And now that we know that wedon't got to do that no more, we
can finally step into the realyou, the authentic you, and it
can feel exciting and freeingand also a little
(02:25):
discombobulating, like you'veslipped into a brand new skin
that technically, was yours allalong.
But it feels like a reveal andit's fresh and it's raw and it's
a little bit strange.
So that's the sign.
That's the sign that it's timeto start letting go of who you
thought you had to be, and doingthis consciously.
(02:46):
It just really is a hugerelease.
And you get to release theroles that you performed so well
that they almost became secondnature.
So thinking of a life withoutthem is kind of hard at the
start, letting go of the versionof yourself that was, you know,
built around other people'sexpectations or maybe even your
(03:09):
own outdated beliefs of who youshould be.
And you know how we feel aboutshooting all over ourselves.
No dice Makes me think of thetime that I was so attached to
my job that I totally lost sightof what was right and what was
good for me.
And maybe you're here listeningand you're going through your
own metamorphosis and need aheads up of what to expect after
(03:33):
all this transformation,because if you're not paying
attention, it can be reallydisorienting, a little scary and
even shock you back to your oldways, just because it feels
more familiar and safe.
But unknown and unsafe are twodifferent things.
So I want to make sure thatyou're not selling yourself
(03:54):
short just because things feel alittle off or wobbly, because
those feelings are actuallyindicators that you're on the
right track.
So we're going to visit thedifferent phases of what this
breakup looks like and reallytake time to define each step.
It'll make it a little easierto navigate and you can do all
this on your own time.
(04:15):
So phase one is the release.
Quick story time.
So, you may or may not know, Iworked for Starbucks for a long
time and back in 2003, I startedat the bottom like literally
wrote coffee jockey on theapplication because I didn't
know what a barista was.
And over time I had all theroles, all the way up to store
(04:37):
manager, and then got promotedand led Central Canada learning
team for a while as a seniortraining specialist, and I was
always hungry for that nextopportunity or promotion or
elevated role.
Fuck, I was even applying forjobs in Seattle.
Like I said, this job was a bigpart of my self-image, so if I
wanted to be better, I had to dobetter, right?
(04:59):
So, being in Canada, thereweren't a ton of roles outside
of operations and even feweropportunities here in Winnipeg.
But one of my other taglines ishave passport will travel.
So when a chance to be adistrict manager in Edmonton
came up, I jumped at it.
The contract was for threemonths as an acting district
(05:19):
manager and then they wouldoffer me the role if I did well.
Well, I didn't just do well, Icrushed it.
I was kicking ass, taking names, outperforming some of my peers
who'd been doing this for along time.
I was running 13 stores.
It was chaos, but I was on topof it.
Then the contract got extendedanother three months.
(05:41):
Okay, you want me to workharder?
Hold my beer.
I got up earlier, I worked laterand, being in a city, I didn't
know well, I didn't know what Iwas missing.
So I just poured everythinginto this job to get these
results no distractions, laserfocus, all in.
And I kept getting these greatresults.
(06:01):
And you know what I wasn'tgetting Sleep.
And I kept getting these greatresults.
And you know what I wasn'tgetting Sleep, nutrition, family
, friends, joy, exercise.
And it was a slow drip, like Ididn't notice it right away.
I was busy Until one day, andby that I mean my body had been
speaking pretty clearly to methe whole time, but I
(06:22):
successfully ignored my waythrough.
You know my obsession with thisthing called success.
Well, one day, my body totallyturned on me.
I woke up sore from head to toe.
My back problems were back andacting up and I was gaining
weight.
And I was, you know, bottle ofwine and a pizza instead of
therapy, and I just findingmyself so irritable that I
(06:44):
wasn't even recognizing myself.
So, after eight months of beingout there, and they still
weren't sure if there was a jobfor me.
I finally said enough and, uponreflection, the company that I
was working for was not thecompany that I joined and it
just took popping my head out ofthe water and getting some air
(07:07):
to process and think, and thenbe able to see that this, like
professional extortion, justcouldn't keep going on.
And I realized that if I didget the job, yeah, I could do it
, and I could do it well and I'dbe handsomely rewarded.
But it would be at the expenseof literally everything else in
my life no time forrelationships or family time, or
(07:30):
rest or recovery, or heavenforbid I do any of those things.
And then that skewed guiltshows up when I'm not working
and I realized there's nopaycheck or title that was worth
that for me.
So I started to reset bystarting simple.
I started hypothetically, notcommitting to anything, just
(07:51):
exploring what would a worldlook like if I wasn't at
Starbucks anymore.
Now, simple as it sounds, thatwas a thought that I had never
entertained for one minute upuntil that point.
But now I was mindfully andconsciously releasing the part
of me that tied my worth, myskills, my dreams to a job or a
(08:12):
role at a company and I finallystarted asking myself what do I
really want?
Because I know it's not thisanymore.
So I asked if I could doanything.
What would that be?
Because while I didn't knowwhat the future would be, I knew
(08:32):
well.
I finally paid attention longenough to see that the role I
was holding no longer fit, likean old pair of jeans Just didn't
do it for me like it once did.
So time to redefine my place inthe working world, this one was
no longer a fit and I didn'tlove my job the way I knew I
could.
And I finally gave myselfpermission to move on, finally,
(08:53):
after 15 years.
For me this was a huge decision.
I was quitting my identity.
And listen, release isn't justabout dropping it and moving on.
Release often almost alwayscomes with some grief right, and
sometimes it's a big G griefand sometimes it's a little G
grief, and it's all welcome anddeserves your time and attention
(09:16):
.
And you might actually missparts of your old self.
Like you feel a little pang ofnostalgia for the one that
people could always count on orreally appreciated you and you
did things for them.
All the time you can miss thosethings and because that version
of you carried you here, andthat version of you fought those
battles, kept you safe, did thebest they could with what they
(09:37):
had.
So, instead of resenting themor burning it all down or
rejecting them or getting mad atthat version of you, we
practice forgiveness and gracegratitude.
It's not burning it all down orresenting the past experiences,
and it's not about goodbyeforever.
It's just more like thank youfor getting me to this point.
(10:00):
I've got it from here.
It's just more like thank youfor getting me to this point.
I've got it from here.
Now we can start to explorephase two, which is the
metamorphosis, the big show.
So now you're standing in yournew self and let me tell you it
is both thrilling and scary.
It feels a little bit likewalking into a party in an
outfit you've never worn before.
(10:20):
You know it looks good.
You know it looks good.
You know it's you, but youcan't help but wonder what are
people thinking and do I fit?
That's the disorienting part oftransformation.
You're not just learning abouthow to walk in new shoes.
You're building trust with yourown reflection, and it's a
simple phrase that is loadedwith insight and indicators of
(10:43):
where you need to be payingattention.
And if you're paying attention,like, for example take Mojo
Mastery, for instance it startedas an idea, like everything
does, and then it started totake shape.
I wrote a mission, I developeda framework, ideas for logos and
a blueprint and a business planfor the mission, but I was
(11:04):
doing this essentially in avacuum.
I wasn't a mojo maven to myfriends or family, and the
podcast had barely started, so Iwas still in the process of
finding my voice.
Then there was an opportunityto gather with some fellow
entrepreneurs at a networkingevent little get together thing
and even that like callingmyself an entrepreneur seemed
(11:25):
like a little bit of cosplay.
I hadn't sold anything or evenregistered a business.
So that's when I learned whatimposter syndrome was.
Anywho, that's another storyfor another episode.
But my point is I went to thisnetworking event and was called
upon to do what you do withthese things to introduce
yourself and your brand.
(11:46):
Okay, sure, yeah, okay, yeah,let's do that.
I can do that.
So, with my heart pounding in mychest, it came to my turn to
present who I was, what I do andwho I serve.
Now what came out of my mouth?
This is I don't think anybodyknows this.
What came out of my mouth nextwas a surprise to me as much as
(12:09):
it was my audience, when Iintroduced myself as a newly
promoted president, of doingwhatever I want, and I got to
tell you the reaction that I gotfrom the room.
It was just like a vitamin B12shot to the soul, like I'd never
heard myself refer to myself asthat before.
But it was a fit and it was ahit, so I ran with it.
(12:31):
I, of course, went on tofurther explain Mojo and hyped
up the podcast, but it reallybroke the ice like not just for
me but the other entrepreneursthat were at the meeting.
But it was a perfect initiationfor myself into this new
chapter.
It felt scary, it feltempowering, it felt right.
It felt right because I'd beendoing the things I needed to do
(12:56):
to tap into the real stuff andnot have to put so much thought
into how it was going to show up.
So, for you, this is wherereframing your self-image comes
in.
When you look at the mirror,instead of asking who am I to
show up like this, ask who am Inot to, and say it with the
appropriate amount of sass andvigor.
Because, real talk, who are youto show up as anything other
(13:21):
than yourself?
Who are you pleasing by holdingall that back?
Who are you shortchanging bykeeping your innate greatness to
yourself?
There's people out there thatwanna see that part of you, and
every time you present yourselfto the world in your new truth
whether that's setting aboundary or taking up more space
(13:43):
or speaking your mind or justwalking taller you're teaching
yourself to feel safe here,because at the beginning it
feels unknown.
But we know that unknown isn'tthe same as unsafe.
It's just new and you haveeverything you need to navigate
it, which takes us seamlesslyinto phase three.
(14:05):
Navigating the world is yournew self.
So what do you look for whenstepping out into the world as
the real you?
Well, here's a few signs thatyou're in the right place.
Even if it feels awkward atfirst, your old habits start to
feel a bit itchy, things thatyou used to tolerate, whether
(14:25):
it's gossip or overcommitting,or saying yes when you mean no.
These things suddenly feelheavy and uncomfortable, like a
shirt that doesn't fit anymore.
And that's not you beingdifficult, that's you growing.
And growing pains isn't just ahit show from the 80s.
It's part of change.
It's tied to your awareness andthe more tuned in you are, the
(14:49):
less you have to tolerate thatdiscomfort and you get to
nurture that feeling in your newself-image of the person who
doesn't tolerate that anymore.
And maybe these new choices feelvulnerable, like speaking up or
taking risks or being decisive.
That can be a hard one for apeople pleaser for sure.
Or maybe it's something assimple as choosing rest over
(15:12):
hustle.
People might notice and itfeels kind of naked at first,
but that's the mark of growth.
It's a signal that you're doingthe right thing, you're in the
right room.
It's a signal, it's anindicator that you're gently
stepping outside of that comfortzone.
And if you turned in a coupleof weeks ago episode 21, season
(15:32):
two you'll understand thatthat's where the magic lives.
And yeah, like we talked aboutat the top of the show, people
notice and some are going tolove it and celebrate it and
some might not, but both arefeedback.
It and some might not, but bothare feedback.
They're not final verdicts.
Your job is not to convinceanyone, it's to stay aligned
(15:53):
with your new self.
So when people notice, justobserve, say thank you, it's
true, but don't either way,don't let it hold too much water
.
You get to decide where you'regoing to check and adjust.
Pay no mind to the peanutgallery Now.
I've talked about this before,but when a recovering people
pleaser takes the empoweredchoice to please less and live
(16:17):
more, there's definitely a shiftand you'll notice that there
may or may not have been somepeople in your life that were in
a relationship with you notbecause of who you are but
because of what you could do forthem.
And as you grow into this newversion of yourself and navigate
the world through these fresheyes, with stronger boundaries
(16:37):
and clearer vision, you mightfind that some people fall away.
Their intentions become moreclear and the dynamics of your
relationship may or may not jiveanymore.
For me, I was struck by this.
On my last trip to France, Iwent back to my old neighborhood
and enjoyed my, my old hometownand all its glory for about.
(16:58):
I was there for about six weekslast fall and it was all the
things.
And I was so excited to see myold friends, to visit my old job
at the pub Shout out to thebest Irish pub in the world, by
the way, john McBurn but what Iwasn't prepared for was the
ghosts right Like the people,notably my ex-husband who popped
(17:22):
up and I observed very likevivid and overt examples of not
only the person I used to be,but these interactions really
highlighted for me, like how farI'd come, like I'd be sitting
across from my ex we're stillfriendly, we're having a coffee
and I would observe all of thesebehaviors that I tolerated for
(17:45):
so long, like his inability tostay in the moment or his
relentless habit of talking tostrangers in the middle of
another conversation, and Icould see how far I'd come in my
awareness of my needs, mystandards, my expectations for
how I'm treated in relationshipsand how I shortchanged myself
(18:07):
before in accepting less than myworth and the gap that I
created by not expressing myfeelings or expectations.
Well, it was very affirming toknow that that version of me
didn't exist anymore.
Needless to say, it was a lotto uncover, but it reflected
(18:28):
back to me how this new self ismuch more empowered and tuned
into what I need and what I want, and I'm no longer at the
bottom of the list aftereveryone else's needs are met.
It was extremely enlightening.
So the headline here is rememberthis you don't owe the world
(18:49):
the old version of you justbecause they're more comfortable
with it.
It can be tempting, but holdyour ground.
They don't get a vote.
This isn't Survivor.
So, after all that heavylifting, it is a great time for
phase four Reflect and celebrate.
(19:10):
And now, okay, listen up, theseare being real clear here.
Do not skip this part, becauseit's easy to get caught up in
the discomfort of the newnessand forget how far you've come.
Take the time to reflect.
Write down all the things thatyou've shed.
Celebrate the wins, no matterhow small, not just some of them
(19:33):
, all of them.
Something you can do is makereflection and celebration part
of your ongoing sleep routine.
Just replay the day in yourmind's eye and find the moments
that you've shown and forgivethe little trespasses.
But this is the time to focuson the wins the swings that you
took, the discomfort that youlived through, the baby risk
(19:56):
that paid off, the thing thatyou did for the first time,
regardless of how it went.
Celebrate that shit.
And maybe today, the win is thatyou paused before saying yes to
something.
Maybe it's that you woresomething that finally makes you
feel more you.
Maybe it's that you finallyadmitted to yourself that you're
(20:17):
not going back.
Maybe today's the day that youdecided that you want more,
because you know that Icelebrated after showing up at
that networking event, totallyout of my comfort zone and
showing up for the first time assomeone that I was actively
designing a life for.
In fact, I developed a newroutine that day.
At the end of the week, I go tomy favorite local spot and I
(20:40):
treat myself to some social timeand a pint and review the winds
for the day and the week.
That was A way to finish up theweek feeling on top, no matter
what the peaks and valleys I hadnavigated.
This was special time to focuson the winds, big and small.
And these little celebrationsbuild momentum.
They stitch your new identityinto your daily life until it
(21:03):
just doesn't feel new anymore.
It just feels like home.
And you don't think I'd bringyou all the way here without the
perfect mantra, do you?
Here we go I release, I embraceand I trust.
I release who I was, I embracewho I am and I trust who I'm
(21:24):
becoming.
This ties directly into release, grace and stepping fully into
this identity that's been thereall along.
You can keep it close andrepeat as needed I release, I
embrace, I trust.
So yeah, breaking up with yourold identity is messy.
(21:47):
There's release and forgivenessand grace and sometimes some
grief.
But what's on the other side isfreedom, it's alignment, the
joy of finally recognizingyourself in your own life and
feeling really fucking goodabout it.
Unapologetically, becausehere's the thing, no one's
keeping score, and if you'refeeling a little wobbly in your
(22:10):
new skin, here's your reminder.
You're not lost.
This won't last forever.
You're found now.
The comfort will come quicklyBecause it's not unknown, it's
just new and you have everythingyou need to keep going.
And with practice and then alittle bit of mojo, the
wobbliness turns into a strideand then it turns into a strut,
(22:32):
and that is mojo.
All right, my friends, that'stoday's dose of mojo.
If this episode spoke to you insome way, I want you to share it
with a friend, one who's in themiddle of their own little
transformation.
And hey, leaving a friend onewho's in the middle of their own
(22:52):
little transformation.
And hey, leaving a review onthe Apple podcast or the Spotify
.
It really helps me reach morepeople who need it, and I'd be
grateful if you took a minute todo that.
Be sure to tune in next week,when we're going to have to lean
into the cringe and stop givinga fuck and learn how to not let
the awkwardness of life stopyou.
It's a sneaky little devil andI'd hate to see you miss out on
(23:15):
life's treats due to a bit ofdiscomfort.
So make sure that you tune innext week for that.
And if you've been feeling thefall blahs and need a little
boost, tapping into your focusand want to stabilize their mood
, don't forget, go into the shownotes and grab a delicious,
effective, all natural littleextra boost on your autumn
(23:37):
adventures and get yourself somemojo gummies.
They're my go to for makingthis podcast.
So go grab the promo code andget yourself a sweet little
discount and just like that,you've got yourself your very
own pocket full of mojo.
My gorgeous friend, thank youfor being here, for listening
(23:58):
and for walking into the worldas the real you.
We all appreciate it.
So that's it for me.
I'm out of here, but I'll seeyou next time on Pocketful Mojo.
Ciao for now.
Love you, bye.
Hey, hey, welcome back to Pocketful of Mojo.
Today we're talking aboutsomething that a lot of us don't
expect when we're on anadventure of maximizing our mojo
, and that's the disorientingfeeling of living as the new you
, the true you, the you that youare after all the change, all
the growth, all thetransformation.
(00:31):
Because, let me tell you, it'samazing, but it can be a bit
disorienting, and that could beenough to make you feel like
you're in the wrong spot.
But you're not.
So, being the Mojo Maven that Iam, I wanted to give you this
heads up so that you see itcoming.
So, fear not, mojorinos, I'mhere to help you sort out what
(00:54):
the blueprint of all that canlook like, from the release to
the metamorphosis, to navigatingthis new self.
We're going to tackle it all.
So this is the part where wetake a deep breath, we get
rooted in our best stuff and weget tuned in, tapped in and
turned on.
Hey, hey, you gorgeous creature.
(01:20):
Welcome back to Pocketful ofMojo.
How is your mojo?
Why are you so pretty?
You're shining a littlebrighter today and it looks good
on you, you doing something new.
Does it feel a littledisorienting to have somebody
notice?
Well, here's the truth In orderto get comfortable with these
new ingredients in your identity.
(01:40):
Like I don't know confidence,boundaries, self-love, putting
yourself first I can tell youthat stepping into this new you
requires a little bit of release, some letting go of the old to
make room for the new.
So this episode is called how toBreak Up with your Old Identity
.
And yeah, I mean breakup,because for many of us, we've
(02:03):
been in this long-termrelationship with a version of
ourselves that was, quitefrankly, surviving and
performing and people-pleasing,or shrinking down to fit.
And now that we know that wedon't got to do that no more, we
can finally step into the realyou, the authentic you, and it
can feel exciting and freeingand also a little
(02:25):
discombobulating, like you'veslipped into a brand new skin
that technically, was yours allalong.
But it feels like a reveal andit's fresh and it's raw and it's
a little bit strange.
So that's the sign.
That's the sign that it's timeto start letting go of who you
thought you had to be, and doingthis consciously.
(02:46):
It just really is a hugerelease.
And you get to release theroles that you performed so well
that they almost became secondnature.
So thinking of a life withoutthem is kind of hard at the
start, letting go of the versionof yourself that was, you know,
built around other people'sexpectations or maybe even your
(03:09):
own outdated beliefs of who youshould be.
And you know how we feel aboutshooting all over ourselves.
No dice Makes me think of thetime that I was so attached to
my job that I totally lost sightof what was right and what was
good for me.
And maybe you're here listeningand you're going through your
own metamorphosis and need aheads up of what to expect after
(03:33):
all this transformation,because if you're not paying
attention, it can be reallydisorienting, a little scary and
even shock you back to your oldways, just because it feels
more familiar and safe.
But unknown and unsafe are twodifferent things.
So I want to make sure thatyou're not selling yourself
(03:54):
short just because things feel alittle off or wobbly, because
those feelings are actuallyindicators that you're on the
right track.
So we're going to visit thedifferent phases of what this
breakup looks like and reallytake time to define each step.
It'll make it a little easierto navigate and you can do all
this on your own time.
(04:15):
So phase one is the release.
Quick story time.
So, you may or may not know, Iworked for Starbucks for a long
time and back in 2003, I startedat the bottom like literally
wrote coffee jockey on theapplication because I didn't
know what a barista was.
And over time I had all theroles, all the way up to store
(04:37):
manager, and then got promotedand led Central Canada learning
team for a while as a seniortraining specialist, and I was
always hungry for that nextopportunity or promotion or
elevated role.
Fuck, I was even applying forjobs in Seattle.
Like I said, this job was a bigpart of my self-image, so if I
wanted to be better, I had to dobetter, right?
(04:59):
So, being in Canada, thereweren't a ton of roles outside
of operations and even feweropportunities here in Winnipeg.
But one of my other taglines ishave passport will travel.
So when a chance to be adistrict manager in Edmonton
came up, I jumped at it.
The contract was for threemonths as an acting district
(05:19):
manager and then they wouldoffer me the role if I did well.
Well, I didn't just do well, Icrushed it.
I was kicking ass, taking names, outperforming some of my peers
who'd been doing this for along time.
I was running 13 stores.
It was chaos, but I was on topof it.
Then the contract got extendedanother three months.
(05:41):
Okay, you want me to workharder?
Hold my beer.
I got up earlier, I worked laterand, being in a city, I didn't
know well, I didn't know what Iwas missing.
So I just poured everythinginto this job to get these
results no distractions, laserfocus, all in.
And I kept getting these greatresults.
(06:01):
And you know what I wasn'tgetting Sleep.
And I kept getting these greatresults.
And you know what I wasn'tgetting Sleep, nutrition, family
, friends, joy, exercise.
And it was a slow drip, like Ididn't notice it right away.
I was busy Until one day, andby that I mean my body had been
speaking pretty clearly to methe whole time, but I
(06:22):
successfully ignored my waythrough.
You know my obsession with thisthing called success.
Well, one day, my body totallyturned on me.
I woke up sore from head to toe.
My back problems were back andacting up and I was gaining
weight.
And I was, you know, bottle ofwine and a pizza instead of
therapy, and I just findingmyself so irritable that I
(06:44):
wasn't even recognizing myself.
So, after eight months of beingout there, and they still
weren't sure if there was a jobfor me.
I finally said enough and, uponreflection, the company that I
was working for was not thecompany that I joined and it
just took popping my head out ofthe water and getting some air
(07:07):
to process and think, and thenbe able to see that this, like
professional extortion, justcouldn't keep going on.
And I realized that if I didget the job, yeah, I could do it
, and I could do it well and I'dbe handsomely rewarded.
But it would be at the expenseof literally everything else in
my life no time forrelationships or family time, or
(07:30):
rest or recovery, or heavenforbid I do any of those things.
And then that skewed guiltshows up when I'm not working
and I realized there's nopaycheck or title that was worth
that for me.
So I started to reset bystarting simple.
I started hypothetically, notcommitting to anything, just
(07:51):
exploring what would a worldlook like if I wasn't at
Starbucks anymore.
Now, simple as it sounds, thatwas a thought that I had never
entertained for one minute upuntil that point.
But now I was mindfully andconsciously releasing the part
of me that tied my worth, myskills, my dreams to a job or a
(08:12):
role at a company and I finallystarted asking myself what do I
really want?
Because I know it's not thisanymore.
So I asked if I could doanything.
What would that be?
Because while I didn't knowwhat the future would be, I knew
(08:32):
well.
I finally paid attention longenough to see that the role I
was holding no longer fit, likean old pair of jeans Just didn't
do it for me like it once did.
So time to redefine my place inthe working world, this one was
no longer a fit and I didn'tlove my job the way I knew I
could.
And I finally gave myselfpermission to move on, finally,
(08:53):
after 15 years.
For me this was a huge decision.
I was quitting my identity.
And listen, release isn't justabout dropping it and moving on.
Release often almost alwayscomes with some grief right, and
sometimes it's a big G griefand sometimes it's a little G
grief, and it's all welcome anddeserves your time and attention
(09:16):
.
And you might actually missparts of your old self.
Like you feel a little pang ofnostalgia for the one that
people could always count on orreally appreciated you and you
did things for them.
All the time you can miss thosethings and because that version
of you carried you here, andthat version of you fought those
battles, kept you safe, did thebest they could with what they
(09:37):
had.
So, instead of resenting themor burning it all down or
rejecting them or getting mad atthat version of you, we
practice forgiveness and gracegratitude.
It's not burning it all down orresenting the past experiences,
and it's not about goodbyeforever.
It's just more like thank youfor getting me to this point.
(10:00):
I've got it from here.
It's just more like thank youfor getting me to this point.
I've got it from here.
Now we can start to explorephase two, which is the
metamorphosis, the big show.
So now you're standing in yournew self and let me tell you it
is both thrilling and scary.
It feels a little bit likewalking into a party in an
outfit you've never worn before.
(10:20):
You know it looks good.
You know it looks good.
You know it's you, but youcan't help but wonder what are
people thinking and do I fit?
That's the disorienting part oftransformation.
You're not just learning abouthow to walk in new shoes.
You're building trust with yourown reflection, and it's a
simple phrase that is loadedwith insight and indicators of
(10:43):
where you need to be payingattention.
And if you're paying attention,like, for example take Mojo
Mastery, for instance it startedas an idea, like everything
does, and then it started totake shape.
I wrote a mission, I developeda framework, ideas for logos and
a blueprint and a business planfor the mission, but I was
(11:04):
doing this essentially in avacuum.
I wasn't a mojo maven to myfriends or family, and the
podcast had barely started, so Iwas still in the process of
finding my voice.
Then there was an opportunityto gather with some fellow
entrepreneurs at a networkingevent little get together thing
and even that like callingmyself an entrepreneur seemed
(11:25):
like a little bit of cosplay.
I hadn't sold anything or evenregistered a business.
So that's when I learned whatimposter syndrome was.
Anywho, that's another storyfor another episode.
But my point is I went to thisnetworking event and was called
upon to do what you do withthese things to introduce
yourself and your brand.
(11:46):
Okay, sure, yeah, okay, yeah,let's do that.
I can do that.
So, with my heart pounding in mychest, it came to my turn to
present who I was, what I do andwho I serve.
Now what came out of my mouth?
This is I don't think anybodyknows this.
What came out of my mouth nextwas a surprise to me as much as
(12:09):
it was my audience, when Iintroduced myself as a newly
promoted president, of doingwhatever I want, and I got to
tell you the reaction that I gotfrom the room.
It was just like a vitamin B12shot to the soul, like I'd never
heard myself refer to myself asthat before.
But it was a fit and it was ahit, so I ran with it.
(12:31):
I, of course, went on tofurther explain Mojo and hyped
up the podcast, but it reallybroke the ice like not just for
me but the other entrepreneursthat were at the meeting.
But it was a perfect initiationfor myself into this new
chapter.
It felt scary, it feltempowering, it felt right.
It felt right because I'd beendoing the things I needed to do
(12:56):
to tap into the real stuff andnot have to put so much thought
into how it was going to show up.
So, for you, this is wherereframing your self-image comes
in.
When you look at the mirror,instead of asking who am I to
show up like this, ask who am Inot to, and say it with the
appropriate amount of sass andvigor.
Because, real talk, who are youto show up as anything other
(13:21):
than yourself?
Who are you pleasing by holdingall that back?
Who are you shortchanging bykeeping your innate greatness to
yourself?
There's people out there thatwanna see that part of you, and
every time you present yourselfto the world in your new truth
whether that's setting aboundary or taking up more space
(13:43):
or speaking your mind or justwalking taller you're teaching
yourself to feel safe here,because at the beginning it
feels unknown.
But we know that unknown isn'tthe same as unsafe.
It's just new and you haveeverything you need to navigate
it, which takes us seamlesslyinto phase three.
(14:05):
Navigating the world is yournew self.
So what do you look for whenstepping out into the world as
the real you?
Well, here's a few signs thatyou're in the right place.
Even if it feels awkward atfirst, your old habits start to
feel a bit itchy, things thatyou used to tolerate, whether
(14:25):
it's gossip or overcommitting,or saying yes when you mean no.
These things suddenly feelheavy and uncomfortable, like a
shirt that doesn't fit anymore.
And that's not you beingdifficult, that's you growing.
And growing pains isn't just ahit show from the 80s.
It's part of change.
It's tied to your awareness andthe more tuned in you are, the
(14:49):
less you have to tolerate thatdiscomfort and you get to
nurture that feeling in your newself-image of the person who
doesn't tolerate that anymore.
And maybe these new choices feelvulnerable, like speaking up or
taking risks or being decisive.
That can be a hard one for apeople pleaser for sure.
Or maybe it's something assimple as choosing rest over
(15:12):
hustle.
People might notice and itfeels kind of naked at first,
but that's the mark of growth.
It's a signal that you're doingthe right thing, you're in the
right room.
It's a signal, it's anindicator that you're gently
stepping outside of that comfortzone.
And if you turned in a coupleof weeks ago episode 21, season
(15:32):
two you'll understand thatthat's where the magic lives.
And yeah, like we talked aboutat the top of the show, people
notice and some are going tolove it and celebrate it and
some might not, but both arefeedback.
It and some might not, but bothare feedback.
They're not final verdicts.
Your job is not to convinceanyone, it's to stay aligned
(15:53):
with your new self.
So when people notice, justobserve, say thank you, it's
true, but don't either way,don't let it hold too much water
.
You get to decide where you'regoing to check and adjust.
Pay no mind to the peanutgallery Now.
I've talked about this before,but when a recovering people
pleaser takes the empoweredchoice to please less and live
(16:17):
more, there's definitely a shiftand you'll notice that there
may or may not have been somepeople in your life that were in
a relationship with you notbecause of who you are but
because of what you could do forthem.
And as you grow into this newversion of yourself and navigate
the world through these fresheyes, with stronger boundaries
(16:37):
and clearer vision, you mightfind that some people fall away.
Their intentions become moreclear and the dynamics of your
relationship may or may not jiveanymore.
For me, I was struck by this.
On my last trip to France, Iwent back to my old neighborhood
and enjoyed my, my old hometownand all its glory for about.
(16:58):
I was there for about six weekslast fall and it was all the
things.
And I was so excited to see myold friends, to visit my old job
at the pub Shout out to thebest Irish pub in the world, by
the way, john McBurn but what Iwasn't prepared for was the
ghosts right Like the people,notably my ex-husband who popped
(17:22):
up and I observed very likevivid and overt examples of not
only the person I used to be,but these interactions really
highlighted for me, like how farI'd come, like I'd be sitting
across from my ex we're stillfriendly, we're having a coffee
and I would observe all of thesebehaviors that I tolerated for
(17:45):
so long, like his inability tostay in the moment or his
relentless habit of talking tostrangers in the middle of
another conversation, and Icould see how far I'd come in my
awareness of my needs, mystandards, my expectations for
how I'm treated in relationshipsand how I shortchanged myself
(18:07):
before in accepting less than myworth and the gap that I
created by not expressing myfeelings or expectations.
Well, it was very affirming toknow that that version of me
didn't exist anymore.
Needless to say, it was a lotto uncover, but it reflected
(18:28):
back to me how this new self ismuch more empowered and tuned
into what I need and what I want, and I'm no longer at the
bottom of the list aftereveryone else's needs are met.
It was extremely enlightening.
So the headline here is rememberthis you don't owe the world
(18:49):
the old version of you justbecause they're more comfortable
with it.
It can be tempting, but holdyour ground.
They don't get a vote.
This isn't Survivor.
So, after all that heavylifting, it is a great time for
phase four Reflect and celebrate.
(19:10):
And now, okay, listen up, theseare being real clear here.
Do not skip this part, becauseit's easy to get caught up in
the discomfort of the newnessand forget how far you've come.
Take the time to reflect.
Write down all the things thatyou've shed.
Celebrate the wins, no matterhow small, not just some of them
(19:33):
, all of them.
Something you can do is makereflection and celebration part
of your ongoing sleep routine.
Just replay the day in yourmind's eye and find the moments
that you've shown and forgivethe little trespasses.
But this is the time to focuson the wins the swings that you
took, the discomfort that youlived through, the baby risk
(19:56):
that paid off, the thing thatyou did for the first time,
regardless of how it went.
Celebrate that shit.
And maybe today, the win is thatyou paused before saying yes to
something.
Maybe it's that you woresomething that finally makes you
feel more you.
Maybe it's that you finallyadmitted to yourself that you're
(20:17):
not going back.
Maybe today's the day that youdecided that you want more,
because you know that Icelebrated after showing up at
that networking event, totallyout of my comfort zone and
showing up for the first time assomeone that I was actively
designing a life for.
In fact, I developed a newroutine that day.
At the end of the week, I go tomy favorite local spot and I
(20:40):
treat myself to some social timeand a pint and review the winds
for the day and the week.
That was A way to finish up theweek feeling on top, no matter
what the peaks and valleys I hadnavigated.
This was special time to focuson the winds, big and small.
And these little celebrationsbuild momentum.
They stitch your new identityinto your daily life until it
(21:03):
just doesn't feel new anymore.
It just feels like home.
And you don't think I'd bringyou all the way here without the
perfect mantra, do you?
Here we go I release, I embraceand I trust.
I release who I was, I embracewho I am and I trust who I'm
(21:24):
becoming.
This ties directly into release, grace and stepping fully into
this identity that's been thereall along.
You can keep it close andrepeat as needed I release, I
embrace, I trust.
So yeah, breaking up with yourold identity is messy.
(21:47):
There's release and forgivenessand grace and sometimes some
grief.
But what's on the other side isfreedom, it's alignment, the
joy of finally recognizingyourself in your own life and
feeling really fucking goodabout it.
Unapologetically, becausehere's the thing, no one's
keeping score, and if you'refeeling a little wobbly in your
(22:10):
new skin, here's your reminder.
You're not lost.
This won't last forever.
You're found now.
The comfort will come quicklyBecause it's not unknown, it's
just new and you have everythingyou need to keep going.
And with practice and then alittle bit of mojo, the
wobbliness turns into a strideand then it turns into a strut,
(22:32):
and that is mojo.
All right, my friends, that'stoday's dose of mojo.
If this episode spoke to you insome way, I want you to share it
with a friend, one who's in themiddle of their own little
transformation.
And hey, leaving a friend onewho's in the middle of their own
(22:52):
little transformation.
And hey, leaving a review onthe Apple podcast or the Spotify
.
It really helps me reach morepeople who need it, and I'd be
grateful if you took a minute todo that.
Be sure to tune in next week,when we're going to have to lean
into the cringe and stop givinga fuck and learn how to not let
the awkwardness of life stopyou.
It's a sneaky little devil andI'd hate to see you miss out on
(23:15):
life's treats due to a bit ofdiscomfort.
So make sure that you tune innext week for that.
And if you've been feeling thefall blahs and need a little
boost, tapping into your focusand want to stabilize their mood
, don't forget, go into the shownotes and grab a delicious,
effective, all natural littleextra boost on your autumn
(23:37):
adventures and get yourself somemojo gummies.
They're my go to for makingthis podcast.
So go grab the promo code andget yourself a sweet little
discount and just like that,you've got yourself your very
own pocket full of mojo.
My gorgeous friend, thank youfor being here, for listening
(23:58):
and for walking into the worldas the real you.
We all appreciate it.
So that's it for me.
I'm out of here, but I'll seeyou next time on Pocketful Mojo.
Ciao for now.
Love you, bye.
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