November 27, 2025 • 27 mins
Let's play a little game of "WHAT IF?"
What if your nervous system isn’t scared of compliments because you’re ungrateful, but because it learned that safety lives in overgiving? In this episode we get real about why receiving feels awkward for people pleasers and breaks down how to flip the script with warmth, humour, and brain-savvy tools you can use today.
Cuz why wait for good things to happen? We want it NOW!
We start by untangling worthiness from performance. If childhood taught you that value equals usefulness, praise and support can feel like a threat. Steph explains the brain’s love of familiarity over happiness and how that bias fuels the urge to deflect, downplay, and distract. Then we pivot to action: the two-second pause to interrupt auto-deflection, a simple gratitude script—“Thank you, that means a lot”—and micro-receiving reps that build new neural pathways through repetition and grace. Along the way, you’ll hear why receiving is an act of courage and connection, not ego; it lets others experience the joy of giving while you practice being seen without hustling.
Together we anchor a new identity with a mantra: receiving is pleasure, not pressure. You’ll learn how to calm the body when discomfort hits, how to stack small wins that shift your self-image, and how to link receiving with intrinsic self-worth. The result is practical and deeply human: steadier energy, healthier relationships, stronger boundaries, and the confidence to let good things land. If you’re ready to stop swatting away kindness and start welcoming praise, help, and love with ease, this is your playbook.
Subscribe for more mojo, share this with a friend who needs permission to receive, and leave a review telling us which tool you’ll try first. Your support helps this community grow—and helps more people learn to let goodness in.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:11):
And hello, gorgeous.
Welcome back to Pocket Full ofMojo, where your sparkle gets a
tune-up and your soul gets apeptop.
And we tune in here to ditch theburnout, level up on self-love,
and back away from all thingspeople pleasing so we can live a
life we love and love the lifewe're living.
(00:31):
I'm Steph, your mojo maven, andtoday, oh my friend, we are
going there because you know Iknow you, I see you.
Your miss, I got it.
Your miss, no, no, no, you don'thave to do that.
Your miss, I'll just handle it.
You are a gold medal-winningOlympic level giver.
(00:52):
Sometimes you even give what youdon't even have.
But the second that someonetries to pour into you, suddenly
your nervous system is likepanic, alert, unknown act of
kindness detected.
So today we're talking aboutthat deep, sneaky, oh so
familiar struggle.
(01:13):
We're going to learn how toreceive without guilt, without
deflection, or breaking into astress sweat.
So you can put down the extrastrength anti-perspirant and get
good at things like receivingcompliments and flowers and
kudos.
And yes, this is absolutelyconnected to worthiness,
self-image, and that peopleplease are wiring, you're
(01:35):
working so hard to unlearn.
By the end of the episode,you're gonna feel lighter, more
powerful, and dare I say, readyto let life love on you for
once.
So, are you tuned in, tapped in,turned on?
Then let's do that.
(01:59):
Alright, my spicy little muffin,I'm kicking down the door, and
we're gonna start with a spicylittle truth bomb.
Because receiving isn't theproblem.
Your sense of worth is.
And most people pleasers didn'tlearn to receive.
We learned to earn.
We learned to overgive andoverperform and over-prove.
(02:22):
And receiving, well, that feltdangerous and unfamiliar and
exposed.
Like someone was going to noticethat we were, you know, human
after all.
And here's the kicker (02:33):
your brain literally formed pathways
around this.
When you grew up being rewardedfor being the helper, the strong
one, the reliable one, yourbrain linked being valuable with
being useful.
So when someone compliments youor offers support or even buys
(02:54):
you a coffee, your brain's oldwiring goes, Nope, you didn't
earn this abort mission.
And then you do what you dobest.
Deflect, dismiss, downplay, anddistract.
But babe, receiving isn't aboutwhat you earn.
It's about what you're worthyof.
(03:15):
And your worth, it's intrinsic,it's built in, it's
non-negotiable, it's permanentlike a tattoo from 2006.
Now, the rub here is that yoursense of self-worth is basically
the internal story that youlearned to believe about
yourself, often long before youeven realize that these stories
(03:37):
could be questioned and molded.
And what no one tells us is thatself-worth is shaped through
early experiences, like how youwere spoken to, how you were
treated, what was praised, whatwas ignored, and what you had to
do to feel safe or valued.
Now, over time, those momentsbake themselves into your
(03:58):
identity and it quietly teachesyou whether you're enough,
whether you're lovable, andwhether you're allowed to take
up space.
Now listen up, because here'sthe game changer because
awareness lets you step outsideof that old programming.
It's that easy.
And the second that you startnoticing your patterns, like why
(04:19):
you minimize your needs, whycompliments make you squirm, why
you overgive, boom, you'vecreated the power to rewrite
them.
Awareness is the doorway.
It helps you challenge yourassumptions you didn't even know
that you were carrying andrebuild a sense of worth based
on your truth, not childhoodconditioning or survival mode
(04:42):
habits.
You're not that kid anymore.
You're not what other peoplethink or say about you.
You're you.
So the positive headline here isthat self-worth isn't set in
stone, it's updated every singletime that you choose yourself on
purpose.
How cool is that?
(05:03):
So just to repeat somethingsuper important, your worth,
whether you choose to believe itor not, is built in.
No purchase necessary, no one iskeeping score of your actions,
and your worthiness for goodthings is not some kind of
calculation, no ma'am.
Worthiness doesn't work thatway.
You are worthy.
(05:25):
Period.
Now, self-worth is the storythat you tell yourself, and no
one is going to edit that story,so why not, you know, as a lark,
start writing the story that youare worthy, that you are
amazing, that you are deservingof good things and good people
and good moments.
Huh.
(05:45):
Imagine that.
You get to write the terms andconditions, especially if the
ones written for you inchildhood are impacting your
ability to receive goodness inyour life.
So now you're asking, well, thenwhy does it feel so goddamn
awful when those good thingscome to find you?
Well, let's have a look at thatvery thing.
(06:07):
Why does receiving feel soawkward?
Well, let's nerd out for a sec.
Here's what we know your brainloves familiarity more than it
loves happiness.
I know, right?
Like, come on, brain, helpassist her out.
Because, like, we know that itprefers what's known, even if
(06:27):
what's known isn't good.
Again, why the sabotage, brain?
So, if for you, like for me, thefamiliar thing is to be a giver,
being the one who holds theemotional backpack for everyone,
being the one who keeps thewaters calm and the vibes in
check, then receiving canregister as a threat.
(06:49):
And your amygdala goes, alert,alert, someone is trying to care
for you.
That is not what we do.
But here's the good news neuronsthat fire together wire
together.
You can literally retrain yourbrain to receive without panic.
Slow, small, repetitive momentsof letting goodness create a new
(07:12):
neural pathway is the way.
Because receiving isn't apersonality trait, it's a skill.
And as we know, skills can belearned.
Like whenever you're trying torewire that old brain of yours,
repetition is key.
Celebration is essential, andgrace is the secret ingredient.
(07:33):
This may take some time, but onefoot in front of the other, you
can step into your grateful withgrace era and redefine your
self-worth one little thank youat a time.
Let me tell you a story.
A few years ago, someonecomplimented my work.
They said, Steph, this isincredible.
You changed the way I think.
(07:54):
Wow, amazing, right?
And what did I do?
Did I say thank you?
Did I let it land?
Nope.
I launched into a TED talk onwhy it wasn't that big of a
deal.
They literally stopped memid-ramble and just said, Why
won't you just let yourself becelebrated?
Oof.
Like, ma'am, please, it'sbrunch.
(08:16):
Why are you attacking me withsuch accuracy?
But that moment changed me.
It hit me that my inability toreceive was actually robbing me
of connection and robbing themof the joy of giving.
Because as a giver, I knowgiving is also a gift.
But receiving receiving is anact of courage.
(08:40):
It's an act of confidence.
And receiving is an act ofcourage and confidence because
it requires you to stand stilland open up and let yourself be
seen without performing orfixing or offering anything in
return.
Yeesh, right?
Like for a people pleaser, thatcan feel like stepping onto a
(09:01):
stage under a spotlight with noscript completely exposed.
It feels vulnerable and fragile.
It means allowing someone else'scare, support, or appreciation
to land without shrinking ordeflecting or apologizing.
You know, the trifecta of peoplepleaser go-to moves.
(09:22):
You know the ones.
Receiving means trusting thatyou're worthy of good things
without earning them.
And that alone for a peoplepleaser can be disorienting.
But just at first, you're safe.
Keep going.
I remember when I first startedputting this into practice, I
was facilitating leadershipworkshops with Starbucks, and I
(09:44):
would find myself having tonavigate something that my
people pleaser heart alwaysyearned for, but wasn't in the
habit of receiving.
And that was praise.
Like at the end of the workshop,participants would come up to me
and thank me and tell me what agood job I did and share how
impactful it was.
And I had this habit of alwaysmaking it about them.
(10:06):
Or if a colleague or a bosswould audit my workshop and give
me positive feedback, I wouldimmediately refocus the
conversation on the part thatI'd flubbed or the thing that I
could have done better.
And I was so hard on myself,just as someone was trying to
give me flowers for a job welldone.
So there I was, activelyderailing the flow of positive,
(10:28):
genuine, constructive feedback,all because I was, what,
uncomfortable?
But underneath that, I was justreally inexperienced at
receiving praise.
And I was shy to accept itbecause I feared being pompous
or high on myself.
And I remember the courage Ineeded to summon the very first
time that someone came to mewith praise and I practiced.
(10:51):
I just looked them in the eyeand I smiled and I said, thank
you.
That means a lot.
And courage for a people pleasercan be some heavy lifting.
Like in the moment, it feelsimpossible to respond any other
way than to bashfully deflectthe compliment or help that's
being offered.
(11:11):
But to put it simply, it justlooks like saying thank you
instead of oh, you don't haveto, or oh, that was nothing.
It looks like letting someonehelp without immediately
repaying the favor or carryingthat generous act around like a
debt.
It looks like taking thecompliment instead of volleying
(11:31):
it back with, no, you're thebest.
In fact, someone once told methe best way to receive a
compliment.
And sometimes when I'm feelingsassy and I got my confidence in
check, and someone complimentsme, now I just say, thank you.
It's true.
The audacity, I know.
People pleaser stuff could neverbecause receiving truly looks
(11:55):
like taking up some emotionalspace without guilt.
That's the secret sauce.
It's choosing to believe thatreceiving isn't selfish or
greedy.
It's a sign of self-respect.
And every time you let yourselfreceive, even in tiny ways,
you're quietly declaring, Ideserve to be poured into.
(12:17):
And when we talk about fillingyour cup, you don't have to take
that workload on all byyourself.
Giving yourself permission toreceive allows you to benefit
from the gifts, the talents, theenergy, the attention that other
people have and want to give toyou.
And that can help keep your cupfull and your relationships
(12:39):
healthy and strong and yourenergy topped up and your mojo
engaged.
Receiving doesn't sound so scarynow, does it?
So let's get practical, shallwe?
Let's have a look at how toactually learn how to receive.
Now, before we dive into theactual tools, let's set the
vibe.
Because learning to receiveisn't just a mindset shift, it's
(13:02):
a full-on nervous systemmakeover.
And we do love a glow-up.
Now, this is where the theorymeets the real world.
Because knowing why receiving ishard is one thing, but learning
how to let goodness in withoutspiraling into guilt, panic, or
I'll just do it myself mode,that's the magic.
(13:24):
So this next section is yourstep-by-step guide to retraining
your brain, rewiring oldpatterns, and building the kind
of confidence that shows up intiny everyday choices.
Think of it like your receivingrewire toolkit.
Simple, practical, repeatableactions that help you become the
(13:45):
person who not only givesbeautifully, and we know you're
the master in that, but receiveswith ease and grace and zero
apology.
Doesn't that sound lovely?
Let's get into it.
So, number one, we've got atwo-second rule.
When someone gives yousomething, a compliment, help, a
(14:06):
free coffee, some kind ofsupport, you're gonna smile,
you're gonna pause for twoseconds before responding.
Because what this does is itinterrupts your auto-deflect
reflex and it lets your brainregister the experience.
Now, if you're just starting tobecome aware of your instinct to
refuse help or compliments,there's gonna be this whole
(14:28):
bunch of discomfort for thosetwo little seconds.
But in two seconds, it'll pass.
I promise.
So take that two seconds tosmile, get your shoulders away
from your ears.
I said drop them and take abreath.
We're going to replace that urgeto deflect in step two, which is
(14:49):
replace that deflection with asimple script.
Find your go-to.
Because we used to say, oh no,it was nothing.
Oh, this top?
Oh, I only paid for five dollarsfor it.
Buy me a coffee.
It's not my birthday.
Try something crazy.
Try something like, thank you.
That means a lot.
(15:09):
Boom.
No justification, no returningthe compliment, no explanation.
Just let it land.
First couple of times might feela little awkward, but shift your
attention to the person giving.
Notice how they light up whenthey see your appreciation.
And if you look back on previousattempts on receiving, the ones
(15:32):
where you swatted theirgenerosity away like a mosquito,
their body language may haveslumped or the sparkle left
their eye when you seeminglyrefused their kind act.
And when you shift intoreceiving with gratitude, this
is the part where giving becomesa reciprocal activity.
(15:52):
It's win-win, all from simplysaying thank you.
And now that this is in yourawareness, you get to number
three.
Practice that micro receiving.
Just start small.
Let someone hold the door foryou.
Accept a compliment.
Let someone buy the coffee.
Say yes when help is offered.
(16:14):
Or even gulp and asking for tinyforms of support.
These tiny reps build those newneural pathways.
And micro receiving is prettymuch the best.
It's gentle, it's everyday, andit's letting the goodness in
through small, low stakesmoments.
(16:34):
It's like strength training foryour nervous system.
You want to start light so thatyou can build capacity over
time.
And for people pleasers, microreceiving looks like saying
thank you with a smile whensomeone holds the door.
Because it's nice when people donice things.
Or accepting a complimentwithout batting it back or
(16:55):
downplaying your part.
Let that friend grab the bill orgo out and ask for tiny bits of
help without spiraling intoguilt.
These moments may seem small,but they're powerful reps
because each one of them teachesyour brain, I can be supported,
I can be cared for, I'm safewhen I'm receiving.
(17:16):
And slowly these micro momentsstack on top of each other into
this new identity, and theyweave themselves into your
self-image.
That you are someone who doesn'tjust give endlessly, but
receives with confidence,gratitude, and ease.
And for my Gen Xers out there,don't get it twisted.
(17:39):
I know this feels weird.
You're not broken.
But a lot of us were taught toreceive twice a year.
We get things on our birthday,things at Christmas.
Period.
Wanting things outside thosedates is greedy and needy and
selfish.
Yeah, that's the old record.
We're grown-ups now.
We are president of doingwhatever we want.
(18:00):
And now we're streaming a newsong.
And this one puts energy andconfidence back in your cup.
Now it's time to call out theobvious.
This is the part where we tapinto our awareness, notice the
discomfort, and this time wedon't run from it.
Your chest tightens, you feelexposed, breathe.
(18:22):
Name it, feel it.
Say, this is my nervous systemlearning safety.
That's all.
Remember, your brain wantsfamiliarity.
It's not chasing happiness likeyou want it to.
So those little signal flaresthat it's sending up, it thinks
that different means danger.
So just check your surroundings.
And if nothing's on fire, thensimply say, This is my nervous
(18:45):
system, learning that receivingis safe.
And I'm worthy, damn it.
Which takes us to number five.
Connect receiving withworthiness.
Repeat after me, but lettinggood things in doesn't make me
needy.
It makes me human.
And I'm here for it.
Because receiving isn'tweakness, it's self-respect.
(19:07):
And every time you receive, youare reinforcing I am worthy of
good things without earningthem.
When we connect receiving withworthiness, there's a real
transformation that happensbecause this is the part that
goes deeper than the habits.
It hits at identity.
When you struggle to receive,what you're actually bumping up
(19:28):
against is the belief that youhave to earn everything.
Love, support, ease, kindness,praise.
So when someone offers yousomething freely, it clashes
with that current narrative thatsays, I only deserve good things
if I've worked for them.
But that's bullshit.
Receiving is you standing still,allowing goodness to reach you
(19:52):
without performance, withoutperfection, or the need for
repayment.
Not everything is a transaction.
And when you mindfully receivewith arms wide open, wide and
love in your heart, you arechoosing to believe that your
existence, not your output, isenough reason to be cared for.
(20:12):
What a fucking powerful thingthat is, let me tell you.
And when you let something land,a compliment or help or
generosity, you're not justaccepting the moment, you're
reinforcing a new truth.
I am worthy of being supportedjust as I am, right here, right
now, in this moment in time.
(20:33):
And I'm willing to accept that.
And every time you receive,you're rewiring that old wiring,
proving to your brain thatworthiness isn't conditional,
it's inherent.
You don't earn it, you embodyit.
Letting in support becomes anact of self-respect, a practice
(20:53):
of self-love, a livingdeclaration of your value.
And we know the brain lovesevidence, so start stacking.
Say it with me.
Receiving is pleasure, notpressure.
I soak it up guilt-free.
This is gonna be our mantra whenit comes to receiving.
I let it in.
(21:14):
I am worthy of receiving.
And when we repeat this daily,when we repeat it until our
nervous system stops panicking,we can repeat it while looking
at our sexy selves in thatmirror.
Repeat it until you believe it.
Receiving is a pleasure, notpressure.
I soak it up guilt-free.
(21:34):
Because a belief is just athought that we think over and
over again.
And you're in charge of dataentry.
So we say receiving is apleasure, not pressure.
And I soak it up guilt-free.
Repeat, repeat, repeat.
Receiving is a pleasure, notpressure.
I soak it up guilt-free.
(21:55):
And while you're repeating this,think about the things that feel
like pleasure.
Tap into how it feels when youfeel good.
You're training your brain toassociate receiving with
pleasure.
And by reminding yourself thatthere is no pressure attached to
receiving, it reinforms yourbrain that you're not on the
(22:16):
hook for follow-up that involvesanything more than a heartfelt
thank you.
Because receiving is pleasure,not pressure.
I soak it up guilt free.
Yes, queen, soak that shit up.
Give yourself a freaking breakfor two seconds and bask.
Bask in the glow of feeling goodfor the sake of feeling good.
(22:38):
Because what, you have too muchgood going on?
No, I didn't think so.
Because there's no such thing.
So this is the part where youcan carve out some space in your
world to make room for thingsthat make you feel good.
Receiving is pleasure, notpressure.
I soak it up guilt-free.
And that, that right there, canyou feel that?
(23:01):
That tiny spark inside you thatjust flared a little brighter.
That's the part of youremembering that receiving isn't
a threat, it's a delight.
It's pleasure, not pressure.
Every time you let yourself soakup kindness and support and
love, and you do it guilt-free,you're not just practicing a
(23:24):
skill.
You're reclaiming yourbirthright to feel good.
You're sending a bold, beautifulmessage to the world.
I'm worthy.
I'm open.
I'm ready.
And the best part is the moreyou receive, the more the
universe, life, and the peoplearound you have permission to
(23:47):
pour in even more.
So go on, love.
Step out, arms wide open,literally, metaphorically,
whatever, and just let the goodblessings flood in.
You deserve it all.
And then some.
And you'll know that you'redoing it right when you start to
notice all the wonderful thingsthat start to find you.
(24:08):
The more you engage with thispractice, the more you become a
magnet for people, ideas,support, and things that raise
you up and put the wind at yourback.
And around here, we call thatmojo.
So, lovely listener, listen up.
(24:30):
Learning to receive isn't aboutbeing spoiled or selfish.
It's about letting the universe,your people, your opportunities,
and you love you back.
Here's your reminder (24:41):
you're not too much.
You are not a burden.
You don't have to earn your joy.
You don't have to hustle foryour worth.
You are allowed to receive.
Just as you are.
Thank you so much for spendingthis time with me.
And if this episode made yourheart exhale even just a little,
(25:03):
share it with someone who needspermission to receive too.
And if you're new around theseparts, I'd love to invite you to
take a spin through the shownotes and take a minute to find
out all the ways you can giveyour mojo a little bump between
episodes.
You've got me on the Instagram,there's a quiz that'll meet you
where you're at and help guideyou to where to get started if
you want to level up your mojo.
(25:25):
And if you're ready to reallymove the needle, I've got a
seven-day mojo makeoverchallenge that doesn't add to
your plate, it simply helps youpicture what your life would be
like if you found yourself moreat the top of the priority list.
I know, what a concept.
You should check it out.
And if you're looking for adelicious, natural, effective
way to cure that brain fog,boost your energy, and level up
(25:48):
your productivity with mentalclarity and focus, I got you.
Grab 15% off today with aspecial link right there in the
show notes where you can getyour very own mojo gummies.
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(26:09):
No crash, no jitters, just laserfocus and mental clarity.
It's shown to produce similarresults to Adderall, so for my
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that you're looking for.
You know, my friend, MojoMastery is just getting started,
and you're the smarty pantsthat's here on the ground floor.
(26:30):
So stick around, stay tuned, andget ready for more mojo to come.
Next week, we're digging in andwe are confronting
confrontation.
People pleasers guide to takingup space.
We're getting real about sayingwhat you mean, standing your
ground and finally lettingyourself be seen without the
(26:50):
guilt.
I know, scary, right?
But you know I got you.
Until then, stay fabulous, takecare of yourself, keep your mojo
high and your heart open wide.
Ciao for now.
Love you, mean it.
And hello, gorgeous.
Welcome back to Pocket Full ofMojo, where your sparkle gets a
tune-up and your soul gets apeptop.
And we tune in here to ditch theburnout, level up on self-love,
and back away from all thingspeople pleasing so we can live a
life we love and love the lifewe're living.
(00:31):
I'm Steph, your mojo maven, andtoday, oh my friend, we are
going there because you know Iknow you, I see you.
Your miss, I got it.
Your miss, no, no, no, you don'thave to do that.
Your miss, I'll just handle it.
You are a gold medal-winningOlympic level giver.
(00:52):
Sometimes you even give what youdon't even have.
But the second that someonetries to pour into you, suddenly
your nervous system is likepanic, alert, unknown act of
kindness detected.
So today we're talking aboutthat deep, sneaky, oh so
familiar struggle.
(01:13):
We're going to learn how toreceive without guilt, without
deflection, or breaking into astress sweat.
So you can put down the extrastrength anti-perspirant and get
good at things like receivingcompliments and flowers and
kudos.
And yes, this is absolutelyconnected to worthiness,
self-image, and that peopleplease are wiring, you're
(01:35):
working so hard to unlearn.
By the end of the episode,you're gonna feel lighter, more
powerful, and dare I say, readyto let life love on you for
once.
So, are you tuned in, tapped in,turned on?
Then let's do that.
(01:59):
Alright, my spicy little muffin,I'm kicking down the door, and
we're gonna start with a spicylittle truth bomb.
Because receiving isn't theproblem.
Your sense of worth is.
And most people pleasers didn'tlearn to receive.
We learned to earn.
We learned to overgive andoverperform and over-prove.
(02:22):
And receiving, well, that feltdangerous and unfamiliar and
exposed.
Like someone was going to noticethat we were, you know, human
after all.
And here's the kicker (02:33):
your brain literally formed pathways
around this.
When you grew up being rewardedfor being the helper, the strong
one, the reliable one, yourbrain linked being valuable with
being useful.
So when someone compliments youor offers support or even buys
(02:54):
you a coffee, your brain's oldwiring goes, Nope, you didn't
earn this abort mission.
And then you do what you dobest.
Deflect, dismiss, downplay, anddistract.
But babe, receiving isn't aboutwhat you earn.
It's about what you're worthyof.
(03:15):
And your worth, it's intrinsic,it's built in, it's
non-negotiable, it's permanentlike a tattoo from 2006.
Now, the rub here is that yoursense of self-worth is basically
the internal story that youlearned to believe about
yourself, often long before youeven realize that these stories
(03:37):
could be questioned and molded.
And what no one tells us is thatself-worth is shaped through
early experiences, like how youwere spoken to, how you were
treated, what was praised, whatwas ignored, and what you had to
do to feel safe or valued.
Now, over time, those momentsbake themselves into your
(03:58):
identity and it quietly teachesyou whether you're enough,
whether you're lovable, andwhether you're allowed to take
up space.
Now listen up, because here'sthe game changer because
awareness lets you step outsideof that old programming.
It's that easy.
And the second that you startnoticing your patterns, like why
(04:19):
you minimize your needs, whycompliments make you squirm, why
you overgive, boom, you'vecreated the power to rewrite
them.
Awareness is the doorway.
It helps you challenge yourassumptions you didn't even know
that you were carrying andrebuild a sense of worth based
on your truth, not childhoodconditioning or survival mode
(04:42):
habits.
You're not that kid anymore.
You're not what other peoplethink or say about you.
You're you.
So the positive headline here isthat self-worth isn't set in
stone, it's updated every singletime that you choose yourself on
purpose.
How cool is that?
(05:03):
So just to repeat somethingsuper important, your worth,
whether you choose to believe itor not, is built in.
No purchase necessary, no one iskeeping score of your actions,
and your worthiness for goodthings is not some kind of
calculation, no ma'am.
Worthiness doesn't work thatway.
You are worthy.
(05:25):
Period.
Now, self-worth is the storythat you tell yourself, and no
one is going to edit that story,so why not, you know, as a lark,
start writing the story that youare worthy, that you are
amazing, that you are deservingof good things and good people
and good moments.
Huh.
(05:45):
Imagine that.
You get to write the terms andconditions, especially if the
ones written for you inchildhood are impacting your
ability to receive goodness inyour life.
So now you're asking, well, thenwhy does it feel so goddamn
awful when those good thingscome to find you?
Well, let's have a look at thatvery thing.
(06:07):
Why does receiving feel soawkward?
Well, let's nerd out for a sec.
Here's what we know your brainloves familiarity more than it
loves happiness.
I know, right?
Like, come on, brain, helpassist her out.
Because, like, we know that itprefers what's known, even if
(06:27):
what's known isn't good.
Again, why the sabotage, brain?
So, if for you, like for me, thefamiliar thing is to be a giver,
being the one who holds theemotional backpack for everyone,
being the one who keeps thewaters calm and the vibes in
check, then receiving canregister as a threat.
(06:49):
And your amygdala goes, alert,alert, someone is trying to care
for you.
That is not what we do.
But here's the good news neuronsthat fire together wire
together.
You can literally retrain yourbrain to receive without panic.
Slow, small, repetitive momentsof letting goodness create a new
(07:12):
neural pathway is the way.
Because receiving isn't apersonality trait, it's a skill.
And as we know, skills can belearned.
Like whenever you're trying torewire that old brain of yours,
repetition is key.
Celebration is essential, andgrace is the secret ingredient.
(07:33):
This may take some time, but onefoot in front of the other, you
can step into your grateful withgrace era and redefine your
self-worth one little thank youat a time.
Let me tell you a story.
A few years ago, someonecomplimented my work.
They said, Steph, this isincredible.
You changed the way I think.
(07:54):
Wow, amazing, right?
And what did I do?
Did I say thank you?
Did I let it land?
Nope.
I launched into a TED talk onwhy it wasn't that big of a
deal.
They literally stopped memid-ramble and just said, Why
won't you just let yourself becelebrated?
Oof.
Like, ma'am, please, it'sbrunch.
(08:16):
Why are you attacking me withsuch accuracy?
But that moment changed me.
It hit me that my inability toreceive was actually robbing me
of connection and robbing themof the joy of giving.
Because as a giver, I knowgiving is also a gift.
But receiving receiving is anact of courage.
(08:40):
It's an act of confidence.
And receiving is an act ofcourage and confidence because
it requires you to stand stilland open up and let yourself be
seen without performing orfixing or offering anything in
return.
Yeesh, right?
Like for a people pleaser, thatcan feel like stepping onto a
(09:01):
stage under a spotlight with noscript completely exposed.
It feels vulnerable and fragile.
It means allowing someone else'scare, support, or appreciation
to land without shrinking ordeflecting or apologizing.
You know, the trifecta of peoplepleaser go-to moves.
(09:22):
You know the ones.
Receiving means trusting thatyou're worthy of good things
without earning them.
And that alone for a peoplepleaser can be disorienting.
But just at first, you're safe.
Keep going.
I remember when I first startedputting this into practice, I
was facilitating leadershipworkshops with Starbucks, and I
(09:44):
would find myself having tonavigate something that my
people pleaser heart alwaysyearned for, but wasn't in the
habit of receiving.
And that was praise.
Like at the end of the workshop,participants would come up to me
and thank me and tell me what agood job I did and share how
impactful it was.
And I had this habit of alwaysmaking it about them.
(10:06):
Or if a colleague or a bosswould audit my workshop and give
me positive feedback, I wouldimmediately refocus the
conversation on the part thatI'd flubbed or the thing that I
could have done better.
And I was so hard on myself,just as someone was trying to
give me flowers for a job welldone.
So there I was, activelyderailing the flow of positive,
(10:28):
genuine, constructive feedback,all because I was, what,
uncomfortable?
But underneath that, I was justreally inexperienced at
receiving praise.
And I was shy to accept itbecause I feared being pompous
or high on myself.
And I remember the courage Ineeded to summon the very first
time that someone came to mewith praise and I practiced.
(10:51):
I just looked them in the eyeand I smiled and I said, thank
you.
That means a lot.
And courage for a people pleasercan be some heavy lifting.
Like in the moment, it feelsimpossible to respond any other
way than to bashfully deflectthe compliment or help that's
being offered.
(11:11):
But to put it simply, it justlooks like saying thank you
instead of oh, you don't haveto, or oh, that was nothing.
It looks like letting someonehelp without immediately
repaying the favor or carryingthat generous act around like a
debt.
It looks like taking thecompliment instead of volleying
(11:31):
it back with, no, you're thebest.
In fact, someone once told methe best way to receive a
compliment.
And sometimes when I'm feelingsassy and I got my confidence in
check, and someone complimentsme, now I just say, thank you.
It's true.
The audacity, I know.
People pleaser stuff could neverbecause receiving truly looks
(11:55):
like taking up some emotionalspace without guilt.
That's the secret sauce.
It's choosing to believe thatreceiving isn't selfish or
greedy.
It's a sign of self-respect.
And every time you let yourselfreceive, even in tiny ways,
you're quietly declaring, Ideserve to be poured into.
(12:17):
And when we talk about fillingyour cup, you don't have to take
that workload on all byyourself.
Giving yourself permission toreceive allows you to benefit
from the gifts, the talents, theenergy, the attention that other
people have and want to give toyou.
And that can help keep your cupfull and your relationships
(12:39):
healthy and strong and yourenergy topped up and your mojo
engaged.
Receiving doesn't sound so scarynow, does it?
So let's get practical, shallwe?
Let's have a look at how toactually learn how to receive.
Now, before we dive into theactual tools, let's set the
vibe.
Because learning to receiveisn't just a mindset shift, it's
(13:02):
a full-on nervous systemmakeover.
And we do love a glow-up.
Now, this is where the theorymeets the real world.
Because knowing why receiving ishard is one thing, but learning
how to let goodness in withoutspiraling into guilt, panic, or
I'll just do it myself mode,that's the magic.
(13:24):
So this next section is yourstep-by-step guide to retraining
your brain, rewiring oldpatterns, and building the kind
of confidence that shows up intiny everyday choices.
Think of it like your receivingrewire toolkit.
Simple, practical, repeatableactions that help you become the
(13:45):
person who not only givesbeautifully, and we know you're
the master in that, but receiveswith ease and grace and zero
apology.
Doesn't that sound lovely?
Let's get into it.
So, number one, we've got atwo-second rule.
When someone gives yousomething, a compliment, help, a
(14:06):
free coffee, some kind ofsupport, you're gonna smile,
you're gonna pause for twoseconds before responding.
Because what this does is itinterrupts your auto-deflect
reflex and it lets your brainregister the experience.
Now, if you're just starting tobecome aware of your instinct to
refuse help or compliments,there's gonna be this whole
(14:28):
bunch of discomfort for thosetwo little seconds.
But in two seconds, it'll pass.
I promise.
So take that two seconds tosmile, get your shoulders away
from your ears.
I said drop them and take abreath.
We're going to replace that urgeto deflect in step two, which is
(14:49):
replace that deflection with asimple script.
Find your go-to.
Because we used to say, oh no,it was nothing.
Oh, this top?
Oh, I only paid for five dollarsfor it.
Buy me a coffee.
It's not my birthday.
Try something crazy.
Try something like, thank you.
That means a lot.
(15:09):
Boom.
No justification, no returningthe compliment, no explanation.
Just let it land.
First couple of times might feela little awkward, but shift your
attention to the person giving.
Notice how they light up whenthey see your appreciation.
And if you look back on previousattempts on receiving, the ones
(15:32):
where you swatted theirgenerosity away like a mosquito,
their body language may haveslumped or the sparkle left
their eye when you seeminglyrefused their kind act.
And when you shift intoreceiving with gratitude, this
is the part where giving becomesa reciprocal activity.
(15:52):
It's win-win, all from simplysaying thank you.
And now that this is in yourawareness, you get to number
three.
Practice that micro receiving.
Just start small.
Let someone hold the door foryou.
Accept a compliment.
Let someone buy the coffee.
Say yes when help is offered.
(16:14):
Or even gulp and asking for tinyforms of support.
These tiny reps build those newneural pathways.
And micro receiving is prettymuch the best.
It's gentle, it's everyday, andit's letting the goodness in
through small, low stakesmoments.
(16:34):
It's like strength training foryour nervous system.
You want to start light so thatyou can build capacity over
time.
And for people pleasers, microreceiving looks like saying
thank you with a smile whensomeone holds the door.
Because it's nice when people donice things.
Or accepting a complimentwithout batting it back or
(16:55):
downplaying your part.
Let that friend grab the bill orgo out and ask for tiny bits of
help without spiraling intoguilt.
These moments may seem small,but they're powerful reps
because each one of them teachesyour brain, I can be supported,
I can be cared for, I'm safewhen I'm receiving.
(17:16):
And slowly these micro momentsstack on top of each other into
this new identity, and theyweave themselves into your
self-image.
That you are someone who doesn'tjust give endlessly, but
receives with confidence,gratitude, and ease.
And for my Gen Xers out there,don't get it twisted.
(17:39):
I know this feels weird.
You're not broken.
But a lot of us were taught toreceive twice a year.
We get things on our birthday,things at Christmas.
Period.
Wanting things outside thosedates is greedy and needy and
selfish.
Yeah, that's the old record.
We're grown-ups now.
We are president of doingwhatever we want.
(18:00):
And now we're streaming a newsong.
And this one puts energy andconfidence back in your cup.
Now it's time to call out theobvious.
This is the part where we tapinto our awareness, notice the
discomfort, and this time wedon't run from it.
Your chest tightens, you feelexposed, breathe.
(18:22):
Name it, feel it.
Say, this is my nervous systemlearning safety.
That's all.
Remember, your brain wantsfamiliarity.
It's not chasing happiness likeyou want it to.
So those little signal flaresthat it's sending up, it thinks
that different means danger.
So just check your surroundings.
And if nothing's on fire, thensimply say, This is my nervous
(18:45):
system, learning that receivingis safe.
And I'm worthy, damn it.
Which takes us to number five.
Connect receiving withworthiness.
Repeat after me, but lettinggood things in doesn't make me
needy.
It makes me human.
And I'm here for it.
Because receiving isn'tweakness, it's self-respect.
(19:07):
And every time you receive, youare reinforcing I am worthy of
good things without earningthem.
When we connect receiving withworthiness, there's a real
transformation that happensbecause this is the part that
goes deeper than the habits.
It hits at identity.
When you struggle to receive,what you're actually bumping up
(19:28):
against is the belief that youhave to earn everything.
Love, support, ease, kindness,praise.
So when someone offers yousomething freely, it clashes
with that current narrative thatsays, I only deserve good things
if I've worked for them.
But that's bullshit.
Receiving is you standing still,allowing goodness to reach you
(19:52):
without performance, withoutperfection, or the need for
repayment.
Not everything is a transaction.
And when you mindfully receivewith arms wide open, wide and
love in your heart, you arechoosing to believe that your
existence, not your output, isenough reason to be cared for.
(20:12):
What a fucking powerful thingthat is, let me tell you.
And when you let something land,a compliment or help or
generosity, you're not justaccepting the moment, you're
reinforcing a new truth.
I am worthy of being supportedjust as I am, right here, right
now, in this moment in time.
(20:33):
And I'm willing to accept that.
And every time you receive,you're rewiring that old wiring,
proving to your brain thatworthiness isn't conditional,
it's inherent.
You don't earn it, you embodyit.
Letting in support becomes anact of self-respect, a practice
(20:53):
of self-love, a livingdeclaration of your value.
And we know the brain lovesevidence, so start stacking.
Say it with me.
Receiving is pleasure, notpressure.
I soak it up guilt-free.
This is gonna be our mantra whenit comes to receiving.
I let it in.
(21:14):
I am worthy of receiving.
And when we repeat this daily,when we repeat it until our
nervous system stops panicking,we can repeat it while looking
at our sexy selves in thatmirror.
Repeat it until you believe it.
Receiving is a pleasure, notpressure.
I soak it up guilt-free.
(21:34):
Because a belief is just athought that we think over and
over again.
And you're in charge of dataentry.
So we say receiving is apleasure, not pressure.
And I soak it up guilt-free.
Repeat, repeat, repeat.
Receiving is a pleasure, notpressure.
I soak it up guilt-free.
(21:55):
And while you're repeating this,think about the things that feel
like pleasure.
Tap into how it feels when youfeel good.
You're training your brain toassociate receiving with
pleasure.
And by reminding yourself thatthere is no pressure attached to
receiving, it reinforms yourbrain that you're not on the
(22:16):
hook for follow-up that involvesanything more than a heartfelt
thank you.
Because receiving is pleasure,not pressure.
I soak it up guilt free.
Yes, queen, soak that shit up.
Give yourself a freaking breakfor two seconds and bask.
Bask in the glow of feeling goodfor the sake of feeling good.
(22:38):
Because what, you have too muchgood going on?
No, I didn't think so.
Because there's no such thing.
So this is the part where youcan carve out some space in your
world to make room for thingsthat make you feel good.
Receiving is pleasure, notpressure.
I soak it up guilt-free.
And that, that right there, canyou feel that?
(23:01):
That tiny spark inside you thatjust flared a little brighter.
That's the part of youremembering that receiving isn't
a threat, it's a delight.
It's pleasure, not pressure.
Every time you let yourself soakup kindness and support and
love, and you do it guilt-free,you're not just practicing a
(23:24):
skill.
You're reclaiming yourbirthright to feel good.
You're sending a bold, beautifulmessage to the world.
I'm worthy.
I'm open.
I'm ready.
And the best part is the moreyou receive, the more the
universe, life, and the peoplearound you have permission to
(23:47):
pour in even more.
So go on, love.
Step out, arms wide open,literally, metaphorically,
whatever, and just let the goodblessings flood in.
You deserve it all.
And then some.
And you'll know that you'redoing it right when you start to
notice all the wonderful thingsthat start to find you.
(24:08):
The more you engage with thispractice, the more you become a
magnet for people, ideas,support, and things that raise
you up and put the wind at yourback.
And around here, we call thatmojo.
So, lovely listener, listen up.
(24:30):
Learning to receive isn't aboutbeing spoiled or selfish.
It's about letting the universe,your people, your opportunities,
and you love you back.
Here's your reminder (24:41):
you're not too much.
You are not a burden.
You don't have to earn your joy.
You don't have to hustle foryour worth.
You are allowed to receive.
Just as you are.
Thank you so much for spendingthis time with me.
And if this episode made yourheart exhale even just a little,
(25:03):
share it with someone who needspermission to receive too.
And if you're new around theseparts, I'd love to invite you to
take a spin through the shownotes and take a minute to find
out all the ways you can giveyour mojo a little bump between
episodes.
You've got me on the Instagram,there's a quiz that'll meet you
where you're at and help guideyou to where to get started if
you want to level up your mojo.
(25:25):
And if you're ready to reallymove the needle, I've got a
seven-day mojo makeoverchallenge that doesn't add to
your plate, it simply helps youpicture what your life would be
like if you found yourself moreat the top of the priority list.
I know, what a concept.
You should check it out.
And if you're looking for adelicious, natural, effective
way to cure that brain fog,boost your energy, and level up
(25:48):
your productivity with mentalclarity and focus, I got you.
Grab 15% off today with aspecial link right there in the
show notes where you can getyour very own mojo gummies.
Made with lion's mane,cordyceps, ginseng, and all the
plant-based goodness, these mojogummies have yo back.
(26:09):
No crash, no jitters, just laserfocus and mental clarity.
It's shown to produce similarresults to Adderall, so for my
neurospicy friends out there,this could be the game changer
that you're looking for.
You know, my friend, MojoMastery is just getting started,
and you're the smarty pantsthat's here on the ground floor.
(26:30):
So stick around, stay tuned, andget ready for more mojo to come.
Next week, we're digging in andwe are confronting
confrontation.
People pleasers guide to takingup space.
We're getting real about sayingwhat you mean, standing your
ground and finally lettingyourself be seen without the
(26:50):
guilt.
I know, scary, right?
But you know I got you.
Until then, stay fabulous, takecare of yourself, keep your mojo
high and your heart open wide.
Ciao for now.
Love you, mean it.
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