April 9, 2025 • 46 mins
Welcome to week 4 of Pretty Funny! Mario and Princess Brynne (yes, that's right) have returned from the Medieval Times to make piña coladas and recap our favorite date ever. Ride off into the sunset with us as we dive deep into some of life's greatest questions such as - would you rather be a knight, pirate, cowboy or samurai? As always, let us know your answers in the comments :)
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Yeah, buddy. You want to tell the folks what
we're drinking? Pina Coladas are Pina Colada
podcast. This is our Pina Colada pregame
podcast. Our our pregame pina colada.
Well, we pregame with Pina Coladas before podcast.
Pregame pina colada. We were pregaming Pina Coladas
at the pregame for the podcast we're.
(00:22):
Pregaming and it's a pina colada.
We had pina coladas. It's our podcast, Pregame Pina
Colada. We drank pina coladas.
We pregamed with pina coladas atthe pregame for the pretty funny
podcast. Boom, Huh.
Yeah. Is that good?
Yeah, I made them. They're good.
(00:43):
It taste so good if you like pina coladas and getting caught
in the rain. Caught in the rain.
If you're not in a yoga. Right now would be a good time
if you want to make a pina colada real quick.
Pineapple chunks, ice, little bit of rum and some pineapple
juice and that's a pina colada. Well, and cream of coconut.
(01:05):
And cream of coconut. Yes, yes.
And a cream of coconut. So if you're at work, if you're
at the gym, if you're driving, Idon't want to hear any excuses.
Pina coladas. And then let's listen to this
episode. Am I right?
Yeah, everyone make one. Hell yeah.
Hell yeah, brother, Hell yeah. All right, Broly, Intro Mario,
(01:40):
welcome back to the Pretty FunnyPodcast.
I'm Bryn. And I'm Mario.
What are we talking about today?We had one of the funnest
weekends that we've had. Yeah, since we've been together.
Oh yeah, that was a blast from the past.
We time traveled this weekend and I don't know how we don't
(02:00):
talk about this every day of ourlives.
I don't know how this hasn't come up.
Yeah, more in conversation. I don't know how this isn't more
talked about. Let's tell him what we're
talking about first. We went to Medieval Times.
Yeah, I had been never been to Medieval Times.
I had been once before best experience of my life, a little
corny, but like in the best way you.
(02:21):
No, I don't. Yeah, I don't even care.
I don't even care. Those people really were from
the medieval times. Well, with things like that, you
have to lean into them, yeah, tolike fully get all the fun.
I don't know how many people have gone to Medieval Times.
It was my first time actually going to Medieval Times.
OK, I had no idea how nice it was.
Yeah, like when I heard of medieval times and I've seen it,
(02:44):
I just thought it was like a a travelling circus, you know,
like a fair, you know, like theyjust throw up tents or
something. Ren Fairs.
Yeah, Ren fairs though are. Like, no, I'm not bashing on it.
That's just how I imagined it. You know what I mean?
I just thought it was just like this kind of travelling circus
situation, like in some parking lot somewhere in a cornfield,
Like you can go to the medieval times.
(03:04):
Like I didn't, I didn't know. That it was like a whole castle.
Yeah, it's like Disneyland. Yeah.
It's. It's legit, it's beautiful.
It's so. One thing they could do better
on, I will say, is the food. But even then, the food is like
really good for what you're doing.
No, I I like the food exactly how it was.
I like the food exactly how it was.
(03:24):
If you're not aware, at medievaltimes you are served it's dinner
and a show. The show is like real life
jousting, yes, and nights fighting I mean.
We're getting ahead of ourselves.
Like you show up there. Yeah.
And I paid to have United because you said long, long time
ago that you went to Medieval Times and you'd love to go back.
And like, that's your biggest date idea that you've had since
(03:47):
we've been together. You just really wanted to go to
Medieval Times. Yeah.
And then I saw that it was like 6 hours away.
And then we had a free weekend and I was like, boom, let's go.
Yeah. And so we went and totally worth
it. Yeah, so worth it.
You're. Looking at Princess Bryn.
I'm Princess Bryn now, but we got there.
We had to be there an hour earlyfor the knighting, yes.
And then you got a little glow sword, like a little light up.
(04:09):
Sword. No idea the practice.
Swords were going to be so nice there.
Oh yeah, like I'd go crazy at that gift shop.
Yeah, they have. They have like expensive stuff
too. Some of the stuff that they
offer is like 300 plus dollars. Yeah, for like a crown or like
some goblets. We're like the people that go to
the gift shop at the gas stationto buy a shot glass, a little
snow globe, like I am a whore for trinkets for a little
(04:36):
nickname for a little for. Get there.
I got gadgets and gizmos of plenty.
I got who's it's and what's it's?
GLOW, we're gonna stop singing so much on this podcast.
No, it literally looks like a 5 below right outside this room.
Yeah, Mario's a collector. I just like hoard things.
(04:57):
I love it like. But I also I'm a gift shop
girlie. I love going to a gift shop.
Yeah, I like show and tell. Like I like, oh, I was there for
that. And like, I like having little
tangible things. And that's why when we're at
medieval times, I went crazy. I had a glow.
I got a glow sword. I got a flag.
I really wanted one of those Shields really bad or like one
(05:18):
of the legit. Source.
Well, I guess we have to go back.
We will and we got a couple goblets.
Yeah, so we got goblets because it was like we had money
leftover from the knighting or whatever.
So we got them not for free, butlike for free.
And then we went in. We before we got in, you still
had to wait before we were let into the arena and we got shots
and a whole bottle of wine. You go up, you go up to the bar,
(05:41):
right? And they're like ringing a shame
bell from Game of Thrones. And they're like, right over
here, come here, right here. And you like, walk up and
they're in full character. If you buy one of the bullhorns,
you know, those things that you can drink and, like, blow
through, like they'll announce it like they're yelling.
It's very medieval. It's very like Disney character,
(06:03):
you know what I mean? Yeah.
Like these people locked in, they're trained professionals.
And the queen, when I was getting knighted the queen
happened to know me from TikTok.Yes, came in like said Hide.
Even then, she was still introducing herself.
Hello Brynn, I've seen you guys on the social.
And I was like, oh, what's your name?
And she was like, whatever it was.
And then she was like, my name is actually so.
And so. Yeah.
(06:25):
But then she had to ask me because, like, when you get
knighted, you're supposed to be celebrating something.
Yeah. And so they asked me, what are
you celebrating? And we had said for life and
love. And then she asked how you and I
met because she was going to announce it.
And I was like TikTok. And she was like, oh, we don't
have that in our area. I don't know what that is.
Yeah, it was good. It was funny, it was good.
Everyone there is in character, and when you go in you get put
(06:49):
into sections. So like, there's the blue, the
red we were in the black and white was like a yellow and red
section, like a Gryffindor section.
Like it literally felt like a Quidditch match, you know what I
mean? Like there was just like all the
different houses all around and everyone's taught like before
the game, like literally before the game.
There's like spotlights and stuff and there's smoke coming
(07:11):
up. It's like literally Led Zeppelin
is about to come up through them.
The mist, you know what I mean? It felt like a Tenacious D
concert in there across from you.
It's like blue sucks, blue sucks, red, yellow.
Like everyone's like going crazyfor their colors and like, it's
that mob mentality. Oh yeah.
It was like the Stanford Prison experiment.
Immediately I. The first time I ever went to
medieval times, I lost my voice because I was screaming so hard.
(07:34):
Yeah, because then after when the nights come out and the
whole ceremony starts, yes, it is amazing.
Yes. It's just, they're just fighting
and it's all staged. Of course, I realize you don't
know who's gonna win and they'reall just going head to head.
Just. Yeah, it's a tournament.
It's like literally Lord Farquaad comes out, I shit you
not onto like a pair of pet and he goes, it's him and the queen.
(07:56):
And they're like, welcome to thegames.
Like we have the green section, we have the blue section and
they like do this whole big thing and then they have horses.
You know what I realized about 1/4 of the way through medieval
times? So many horses, so many talented
horsemen and horsewomen. And I was like, you do realize
these horses actually think thatthey're in the medieval times?
(08:20):
Like it cannot be good for the horse's mental health.
Think about it. I think that they're just.
Every single night they're doingbattle.
Like every night they're jasting, they're watching these
Knights jump off and literally fight each other to the death.
Like every night. That horse is just putting on a
show for hundreds of people. Like in the medieval times, Like
(08:43):
in full cosplay. How would the horse know any
different? Like that horse goes to war
every single night. It's crazy.
I don't think horses parallel. Did you put your hand up?
Yeah. I'm sorry.
It's OK. I don't think horses care about
what time period they're in or notice.
Yeah, if you didn't know any different, if you were just
dropped in to imagine you're a horse, right?
(09:07):
You're in the pasture, you're eating grass, Fred.
The horse goes off and becomes aracehorse.
You know what I mean? I eat horse.
Jerry's pulling carriages. Why wouldn't you have?
I It was just a little. Did you get paid to do it?
Nope. You just did it for free.
Yep. You just ate horse shit.
(09:29):
Yeah. Nice.
Just imagine you're a horse in apasture and Jerry goes off to
become a racehorse. Fred's pulling carriages.
George is in Budweiser commercials.
You know what I'm talking about.Like all these horses are going
and doing things, and then you're born into the medieval
time circuit. So all you've ever known is
(09:49):
watching your parents, your loved ones go off to war and do
WWE medieval style every single night.
Like that horse thinks that it'sin medieval times.
That's all that's ever known. I kind of want to look into that
because they are like show ponies and I wonder if they're
like retired or like they're kind of out of their prime.
Oh my God. You can Google.
(10:11):
We can Google. This while he googles.
Yeah. Is this like a SeaWorld
situation? You know what I mean?
Like, these horses are trapped at medieval times, I hope.
And it's like Severance. Like they show up and they're
like, yo, like they go back to the fields where they came from,
you know? I'm talking about.
Yeah, the horses. Yeah.
And then they're like, where were you?
Where'd you go? It's like I went to a fair.
I went to a carnival. I went to a racetrack.
(10:31):
And then Jerry the horse is like, I went to the fucking
medieval times. They were like.
Calling them Jerry. I don't know anyway.
But like, imagine that horses. Hold on.
Where? No, while you Google that, I'm
going to tell my story. When we were there about midway
through, I forgot entirely that I am very allergic to horses.
And we were sitting in the frontrow and we were eating our food.
(10:51):
Because that's the other part. They give you food, we'll get
into the food. I was eating my food, just
inhaling all this horse air and I have allergy induced asthma so
I couldn't breathe and I was wheezing and coughing a lot and
Mario was asking if I was OK andI ended up leaving and sprinting
as fast as I could to the car. And that's my life story.
(11:16):
I can't multitask. I don't.
Know I can tell. I'm trying to look up where the
horses from medieval times Gove come from.
They are purebred Andalusian horses, which are all born at an
unassuming ranch in Texas. And that was in 2013.
That was like 12 years ago. Just like, where do the horses?
(11:36):
Where do they get the horses from?
They probably do have like some sort of recycling program, not
like to turn the horses into glue, but to like, you know,
move them around. You know what I'm saying?
Oh, see what's? There, there's a largest breeder
of Andalucian. Andalucian.
Horses. They're the largest breeder of.
The It's the ranch in in Texas in Sandra.
(11:58):
Chapel Creek Ranch. Is it Chapel Rhone?
Is she behind this? She's the Pink Pony Club.
We just cracked the code. Chapel Rhone is secretly an
Andalusian horse dealer from Chapel, Texas, and that is the
Pink Pony Club. Medieval Times is really a front
(12:19):
for the Gay Horse Mafia. The horses receive extensive
care from a young age, with training beginning at a young
age, including being introduced to lead ropes and halters as
weanlings and saddles. At 2, they retire.
After their performing years, the horses return to the ranch
for a peaceful retirement. Oh, see, that's nice.
OK, so they they just go to. So basically the horses get to
(12:41):
LARP. OK, so if I was a horse, if I
came back as a horse, I'd want to be a medieval times horse
because you get to do all the fun, all the live action, role
play, the Larping that you want.You're basically going to a Ren
fair in performing in a safe environment as a horse.
Yeah. I just looked it up, I literally
looked up dozen medieval times. Abuse their horses it says.
(13:06):
No they do not. They prioritize safety of both
animals and actors and treat thehorses gently.
They provide 24/7 care for theirhorses, including regular
checkups, dental care, and health care.
Each castle has a vet. I just remember going to the San
Diego Zoo, like, I'm all for animals being treated right, you
know what I mean? Like, obviously fuck SeaWorld.
Obviously I saw black. What's it?
(13:28):
What? Black?
Blackfish. Did you watch Black?
Yeah, I watched Blackfish. About SeaWorld.
Yeah, the real Free Willy story.Yeah.
Fuck SeaWorld. Fuck SeaWorld.
I've never been to a SeaWorld. Fuck SeaWorld.
Like what the fuck? What the actual fuck?
We know that the horses are treated right at medieval times.
It's not a SeaWorld situation. Yes, it was like WWE medieval
(13:53):
theater is the best way I could describe it.
Really well done in like the sword fights, the choreography.
He literally pulled the Anakin finale move against Obi Wan
Revenge of the Sith. Like you know the behind the
back when they're go. You guys know what I'm talking
about? And it was against our guy,
which just made it hurt. So.
Much worse. I've been to professional
(14:15):
sporting events and I think thiswas like in the top 10.
If you if you want to know if we'd ever hang out in real life,
would you go to Medieval Times and how much would you
immediately participate? You know what I mean?
How much would you buy in? Would you just rip your cool
card immediately and have fun? Like if you wouldn't even
(14:37):
consider going to medieval times, like we congratulations,
we we're not friends, like honestly, and that's OK, That's
fine. Do whatever you want.
But like we probably wouldn't hang out.
Like that's probably that's the best way I could put it.
Yeah, no, God no. Because you're there and your
night comes out to represent your section and you're just
immediately willing to die for this person.
(14:59):
You just want the best for this person.
You want your night to win so bad.
I will also Add all of the people that work at medieval
times are, Oh yeah, they are some attractive, yeah.
People, I told you, if we end upputting the fries in the bag,
yeah, so to speak. Like, there's so many things
(15:20):
that I would happily, gladly, proudly, loudly do.
And after going to Medieval Times, I was like, this is
something I would pursue. You got to learn how to work
with horses. That's fine.
Which is fine. That's fine.
That would be fun. My aunt lived on a ranch.
I've been on cattle drives. I've done that whole thing.
You could be the what I grew. Up in a rodeo town, I said I
could be the queen. Us being the king and queen,
(15:42):
yeah, that'd be crazy on the parapet, like announcing the
show. Yeah, I could do that for the
rest of my life. I literally have no.
Idea that was called a parapet. When I think of parapet, I think
of like service animals. Like a parapet.
Yeah. Like like a pair of like.
(16:03):
A Either like a dog with a little wheelchair attached to
their hind legs, or like a service.
Dog like a paramedic pet a parapedic, that's what you
think. You know those dogs that have
like the wheels for their back legs?
Like that's the ambulance. Yeah, that's the parapet did.
You ever see that one news clip where it was the the pig crispy
bacon? Crispy bacon.
(16:24):
Can we pull that up? Can we pull that up?
Chris P Bacon was born without the use of the thing.
Oh, God. Hello.
Hello. Everyone.
Get a good look at the cat. 'S we haven't even talked.
(16:45):
I keep mentioning it but we haven't fully talked about it.
The food. Oh yeah, the food.
At medieval times. OK, smells come here.
No, no, no, no, no. We should talk about this.
This creature that's ahead of usright now.
Why? OK.
I grew up dealing with my sister's cats, right?
(17:08):
We were a big dog family, and mysisters had cats.
Dogs were on the outside, cats were on the inside.
Cats had their space. I had mine.
You know what I mean? I didn't really care much for
the cats. I'm a big dog guy.
Yeah. I move out and we event.
What are you talking about? I don't know.
(17:28):
I don't eventually what I don't know.
I'm trying to talk about the food at Medieval times.
I can't believe you said anything negative about the food
at medieval times. OK, I can defend myself because
could the food be better if you serve that it's.
Medieval times. That's the point.
I understand. It's not going to be a Costco
rotisserie chicken, but it's going to be.
(17:50):
It's medieval times. Anyway, So what you get they 1st
come out with. Also, you get no utensils, it's
all fingers. Yeah, yeah.
It's all your hands. It's medieval times as you'd be
happy that we're even getting. Food.
So you get a little soup with a little handle on it, tomato
soup, just. And then after that goes you get
like a Little Texas toast, garlic bread, yeah.
(18:12):
And then you get the chicken anda potato.
Like half of a potato. The chicken is literally like
the sliced in half chicken laid on its side.
Yeah. And you have no utensils and you
just eat it like a rabid coyote.It was so amazing.
And then you didn't finish yours.
I ate corn. Yeah, and you get corn.
You also. Get but I love corn.
(18:33):
So it's very simple. It's very simple.
Medieval food. Very medieval esque food, yeah.
It's very good. But it's still good.
It's still good. It's got good flavor, but plain
flavor. It's just S&P, just a little
butter like it's. Nothing.
Oh my God. Yeah.
And then the lady next to us, wewere eating the chicken.
And as I was thinking, I was like, damn, this chicken could
use any semblance of seasoning. Like, it has a little seasoning
on it, but like, you know, I like a crispy skin and whatnot.
(18:55):
Yeah. And the lady next to me, I just
overhear her go Oh my God this chicken is so over seasoned.
The medieval times. The Medieval Times.
Chicken. Bare white little chunk of
chicken with like a dusting of maybe some paprika on it.
Yeah. Like paprika for color, not
flavor. Literally.
And not even like when I say a dusting, I mean like there's
(19:16):
three specks on there. It looked like 1/2 a chicken
from the medieval times. Yeah, she said.
That was spicy. She said it was too much.
Seasoning Spicy. No, not spicy, she said.
It was too much seasoning. I can't say shit though because
we've been eating pistachios that are just salt and pepper
pistachios and they are too spicy for me.
They had a lead to. Them I don't know I it's very.
Concentrated. It's very It's a concentrated
(19:38):
pistachio. I know well in like pepper when
you crack it up, can be it has. I have never sounded so white in
my entire life. Yeah, that was like literally
the most blank Word document sour cream white shit I've ever
heard in my life. Like honestly, it's too much.
Her taste buds need to lose their virginity.
You know what? I.
Mean I just can't. Like I love spice don't get me
(20:00):
wrong I love the flavor it brings.
I love spice but I hate like spicy like hot like I don't like
my mouth being in pain. No, I like the heat.
I like the heat. No, it pains me.
I've never tried a liquor that didn't taste like fucking
gasoline, you know what I mean? And they're like, no, this is
really good gasoline. Like this is diesel.
(20:20):
And I'm like, wow, still tastes like asshole like.
Spices like physical pain. I'm just saying like acquired
tastes where it's like you can handle a little heat the more
you eat it. So like you can start small and
build up and that does open likelike mango habaneros, a great
flavor that I like, but it comeswith a lot of heat.
That's why whiskey, I know it's like technically the same thing,
(20:42):
like alcohols, whiskeys, bourbons, whatever.
And they're like taste this one taste, this is good.
This is good, good alcohol. You know, this is good Scotch,
this good vodka, this good whiskey, this good tequila.
Can I make another note about spicy foods?
Yes. I don't like the way they make
my asshole feel. Yeah.
I don't like dealing with the aftermath.
(21:03):
Turns it into a chili ring. Yeah, it's a.
Hot little dirty doorbell. Oh, it's a.
Grossest thing that I just don'teven.
I have hemorrhoids and sometimesit makes them burn.
Like you're telling me I have anitchy butt hole for my fucking
hemorrhoids and now it's also going to just sting and burn and
be hellish on top of that, no. Thanks.
(21:23):
No, thank you. We don't.
Stop seeing so much on this podcast and like the tummy
gurgles, no. You literally got like Buffalo
buff, you got Buffalo hemorrhoids you got.
Like you want to eat them. No thank you.
I add those in some blue cheese.Yes please.
(21:44):
They got. Some blue cheese up front.
Future queen of medieval times, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh my God. Oh, you're great.
I'm. Sorry you just leave.
(22:08):
Give me something. There you go, you need some
tissues. Do we need tissues in here?
Want me to go get you some tissues?
Do you want your future kids to like, fully buy in to like
whimsical shit? Yes, I want my kids to.
Live a whimsy life. Yes, like I want them to be
questioning Kris Kringle into adulthood, you know what I mean?
I feel like that's so good for creativity also.
(22:30):
Yeah, they're getting their letter from Hogwarts, you know
what I'm saying? Like they're like I'm on the
roof jingling bells and stompingmy feet.
We're leaving little like dirt footprints for them.
Have you seen this? The the The Elf, The Shelf, The
Shelf Elf, Elf on the Shelf. Yeah, for the longest time, I
didn't want to do Elf on the Shelf because I was like, God,
that that's years of coming up with things to do for your
(22:53):
child. Like, and then I talked to you
about that. I brought that up this Christmas
and I was like, oh, that sounds like a lot of work.
And you were like, are you kidding me?
That sounds so fun. Yeah.
How's it work? If it's something you wanted, if
it's something you want to do, it's never work.
Well, and that's the thing too is Elf on the Shelf has been
around for such a long time now that, like Pinterest and TikTok
has so many ideas for how to setthat little dude up.
(23:15):
Yeah, but if I can get three solid years out of that Shelf
Elf with my kids, like, it'd be worth it.
And it's only 25 days of my lifefor three.
So 75 days of my child's life just doing some whimsical shit
every night that I have a year to plan for, I'm doing it.
I do mark my words. I'm going to talk so much shit
about being a great parent rightnow before we have children so
(23:40):
that we have this as like so if I like imagine or Oh my God for.
Like motivation. No, like I just thought about
something. What when we do this podcast for
all of eternity, right Once a week, every Wednesday, for the
rest of our lives, we. Will have children.
We will have children that can literally, like, look back on
(24:01):
their history. Yeah, I was like what their
parents were doing. With someone the other day.
That's actually so freaking cool.
Yeah. Like, look, Dad, we didn't do
Elfa Shelf at all. You're like so full of shit.
Yeah. What happened?
To I will say with the Elf on the Shelf thing, though, I would
love to do that. But on top of that, we're also
doing advent calendars. Yeah, I'm going to go full Clark
(24:23):
Griswold. I don't think you understand.
In my like adult life when I've had roommates, like up until I
lived with you, I would do advent calendars for my
roommates and every night I would go and put a little gift
outside their door for them to wake.
Up to Oh, that's so nice. I love doing it, it was so fun.
I can't wait for Christmas time already.
When you have someone to celebrate the holidays with,
(24:43):
it's like all you actually look forward to.
I'm so excited. No, I'm being serious.
Like, that's so sweet. But being single, yeah.
And you're going through the holidays away from, like, I
spent 10 years in the military bouncing around the people that
I was able to share my time withand serve with, that I met some
of the greatest people on earth.And they really do a great job,
(25:04):
especially where I was working in the fire department, of
making you feel like family whenyou're away from family.
And that's a huge thing. The military.
Oh, my God. I'm going to get emotional, but
the military literally will haveyou meet people from all over
and you make the best friends you'll ever make.
And then next season they're gone.
(25:27):
Like they get moved to a different base, they get out.
God forbid the worst happens, but it's just like you meet the
best friends you'll ever have inyour entire existence of being
alive if you have the pleasure of serving in the military.
And then, you know, at a certainpoint, you aren't going to be
with them. Yeah.
Like I have best friends all over this country.
(25:49):
I will say one of my biggest takeaways from Arizona,
obviously aside from medieval times, because that was the best
time of my life. Pina coladas.
I forgot they existed until we were laying by the pool and I
was like, I want a fucking pina colada.
And now we this is my second oneof the night.
I love. They're so easy too.
We've we started doing this thing where like once a month we
(26:10):
just take like a super quick road trip, like 48 hour getaway.
Like like we leave on a Friday and we come back on a Sunday if
we have a weekend free and like we'll just go do something and
it's usually like in Arizona or like California and we'll just
take A and like it was like, oh crap, we have like a weekend
that's free. I feel like it's really
(26:32):
unreasonable to like, if like doing like a date night, like
every single night, every other night, like twice a week.
That's hard. It is hard.
You can do it, but I never want like between us to feel like a
chore, you know what I mean? Like I want to make sure that
we're like, we have enough fun just between the two of us.
We do so many things together. I would like to leave the house
(26:54):
more. Yeah, and I feel like that's why
these little like, weekend once a month getaways, it's better
than what we've been doing, Yeah, for a long time.
But like, it's so nice to get out and like touch grass, but
even. Aside from like dates and stuff,
like I would like to get into the habit of just going to like
go look at a thrift store, not even buy anything, but like, go
to a thrift store, go to AI Don't want to just park the
(27:17):
park. I I suggest the park like every
other day. Yeah.
You're like a golden retriever. I'm like Park.
Yeah, it's like what? We can go to the park.
I know, and then it's funny. I like never act on it.
It's like, OK, let's go to the park.
I'm like, you're like, I really want to go to the.
I feel like you just want to getdressed for the park and then
(27:39):
talk about the park and then notactually go to the park.
No, no, no. I like fresh air.
I've been doing my outside time.I I've been doing outside time
my therapist made me. I haven't even fully done it but
my therapist told me I need to set an alarm so that I make sure
I go outside for at least 5 minutes every day.
Just in my backyard or anything like I just need to see
(28:01):
sunlight. Yeah, you're literally like
Nosferatu. We both are.
Yeah. Not to bring up Medieval Times
again, but I did see a question I really wanted to ask you.
Yes. Are you ready?
Yeah. OK.
Night. Pirate, Cowboy, Samurai.
Which one would you choose? Cowboy.
(28:22):
Cowboy. Yeah.
Really, feel free to elaborate. You don't want to be a knight.
You don't want to be a pirate. I love the cowboy aesthetic.
OK. I think out of all of those,
assuming I'm a woman, Yeah. And them, I would get a hang out
around hot Cowboys. So if I'm thinking about, like,
what kind of men I would want tohang out around with, it would.
(28:43):
I mean, like, obviously they're all supposed to be like,
Valiant, maybe not pirates, but like, Cowboys.
I want that like respect. They would probably objectify me
a lot, but I'm kind of used to that anyway.
So wait, so in you you would choose a Western universe and
you'd be some sort of cowgirl like Yellowstone?
Yeah, something like that. Yes, and I would love to ride a
horse. And just.
(29:04):
Hang out around some cattle. The medieval things completely
off to you. You don't want to mess with
that. Unless I'm like a Princess and
I'm protected. But when you say it like night,
I'm thinking I'm going to be like, what's her name?
Brianna Tarth. Yeah, Brianna Tarth.
You don't want to be like her. I don't really want to fight.
We have this conversation. Yeah, no, yeah, too.
Yeah, you right, You right, OK. I don't like fighting.
Or pirate. I could see you as like a sexy
(29:25):
pirate captain. The scurvy.
What? Think about pirates and like the
scurvy and you're out of sea. You say I don't want to be
seasick. I've been to the urologist a
time or two. I'm not scared of a little below
the belt action, I'm just. Saying.
That life doesn't. Sound fun to me, And being a
(29:46):
cowboy is dirty and grimy, but in a different way, that's true
too. You know what I mean?
I want earth, dirt and grime. I don't want ocean dirt and
grime. Yeah, I don't want that like
smelly sea smell. Yeah, I don't want to smell like
an oyster. Yeah, I don't want that.
Sally sells seashell smell. You know what?
I. Mean and like there's no way for
you to. They can't shower, can they?
Well, they could jump in the ocean.
(30:07):
I don't have a big water print, that's fine.
I'm on the same page. Being a cowboy, I could ride a
horse. Yeah.
I would love to have a horse that's like my horse, yeah.
And we just roam through fields.You do get a horse as a knight
as well though, and a samurai. But I have to wear a lot of
armor. Oh, that's true too.
I don't want to be hot and sweaty in a full suit of metal.
(30:29):
That makes sense. And that makes sense.
Chain. Have you ever felt like chain
metal? Yeah, it's heavy.
It's. So heavy.
Chainmail. What did you say?
Chain metal, Yeah. Did you think I know better?
No, I know better. Do you know that it's chainmail?
Yeah, I or did you think it was?Chainmail.
I kind of forgot the name like midway through, as I was saying,
(30:50):
and I just was like, that soundsright.
Oh, fair enough. In the whimsical, fantastical
world, as a knight, you do get ahorse.
You get a sword, you get armor. Yeah.
You may or may not have. What's your life purpose though
defending? AI know, but yeah, you're
defending some king. You're going on some bullshit
crusade defending some asshole king.
(31:12):
Yeah, versus a cowboy. I'm just out with nature.
Yeah, just overpays me top dollar, you know, like and.
I'm not wanting to be a fightingcowboy.
Have you seen A Knight's Tale? It's called the Lance.
No. Hello.
You haven't seen A Knight's Tale?
No Heath Ledger? Nope.
We have to watch that immediately.
You've seen Monty Python and theHoly Grail, I'm assuming?
OK. Yeah, good.
(31:33):
But you haven't seen A Knight's Tale.
Heath Ledger, Paul Bettany. Oh, if you have not seen A
Knight's Tale, watch He Plays Vision Paul Bettany.
OK, Yeah. He's the voice of Jarvis.
Yeah. Yeah.
You could change your stars. Just follow your feet, Will.
No to the night. I'd probably, since you want to
be in a Western world and you'reattracted to Cowboys.
(31:54):
Yeah. I'd probably grow this handlebar
mustache out. Yeah, Yeah.
Yeah, you want to ride off into the sunset with me?
Yeah, that'd be fire. I want to be like a sheep
farmer. I want to be a sheep farmer out
in the middle of nowhere with myscrumptious, delicious wife.
Right. And we're just out there tending
(32:16):
to the sheep. And then all the townsfolk come
out and go, yeah, that's just that dumb sheepherder out there
with his hot wife. They just out there tending to
the sheep. That's all they do out there.
They're up to no good. Fucking sheep farmer with his
wool. He he ain't even a cowboy.
He's a sheep boy, right? And then and then trouble comes
(32:39):
to town. The old sheriff makes his way
out to the sheep farm. Mario, I need to speak to you.
Mario and Brand. We need you to come into town.
We got a lot of hooligans and tomfoolery and Rascal re
happening in the We ride into town together on smokes and
(33:02):
Cosmo are cats that are now horses.
Oh that'd be cool. And we clean up the town.
Smokes would be one of those like grey and white speckled
horses, I can't think of what they're called.
And then Cosmo would just be like a grey stallion.
We ride into town and we get into a big gunfight and it comes
down to the three of us, ClassicMexican standoff, right?
(33:23):
And the bad guys holding me. And I'm like, take the shot,
Brynn, take the shot. And you're like, I can't, I
might hit you. I go take the shot, bring.
He killed my brother. And then bam.
And then we both fall to the ground.
I could live that life. You know what I'm saying?
I could see us together. Yeah.
You look so good. Like a little.
One of those dresses. Dresses hey boys, thanks for
(33:46):
coming. Like I just walked in Go.
Ahead, you took away my cowboy privileges.
I'm not even a cowboy in this scenario.
Anymore. What the fuck?
I said. That we're riding together into
town to clean. It up, not me being in a saloon.
Be like, hey boys, how are you doing?
You just said you wanted to be abarmaid.
No, I said I would be in the saloon.
And I'm pretty sure. You drinking?
Alcohol. So we're sitting there
afterwards. To take a shot.
(34:08):
I didn't mean I was going to be working the fucking bar.
God no. Sorry for assuming that.
Yeah, thank you. But I'd be lying if I didn't
want to see you in one of those old Western barmaid outfits, you
know what I'm saying? Only.
If you dress up like a cowboy. I was about to say, I was like,
why you? Why you get so defensive about
this? How is this patriarchy?
I'm like, hey, I'd love to see you in this.
(34:28):
I don't know this outfit. You look so good.
And then? You know what's sad?
What I have wanted to go horse riding with you for a very long
time. I still would like to, but after
my little allergy attack that I had at medieval times, I don't
know if that's like a reasonable.
Oh my God I forgot about things.I didn't know you were actually
having AI. Like you.
Never told me that you were allergic to horses.
(34:48):
First off, never said that. All the animals with fur and
dander. You never, you said cats and
dogs. You said cats, dogs, penicillin.
I'm just not normally around horses so I don't like bring
them up too often, but yeah. But we live with cats and you're
allergic to cats, you're around dogs, and you're allergic to
dogs. I've never seen.
You have like an action. You're around things that you're
(35:11):
supposedly allergic to a lot. And you do have like little.
Symptoms. Well, that's you notice when we
go to bed, like almost every single night, I have like really
bad coughing and like my breathing's kind of messed up.
Yeah, cuz you sleep in a hairball.
Yeah, the amount of cat hair on your side.
Does the cats sleep on my side? And so when I get into bed and
I'm on my side, I'm just ingesting all that cat hair?
I do love my cats though and I was thinking about this earlier
(35:34):
today. I miss the Wiener puppies.
Oh yeah. Wiener dog puppy.
If we did get a dog, if we did get a dog, what type of dog
would you get what we get? Hypoallergenic.
Oh, like a Labradoodle or some shit.
Not necessarily Labradoodle, maybe like a Samoyed.
What are hyper? You know what?
A Samoan. Samoan, isn't that like the chow
(35:56):
Chow? Looks like a chow.
I don't. Know yeah, it's like big white
fluffy yeah yeah. But then I think about all the
white fur everywhere. Allogenic dogs.
Hypoallergenic. Let's see here, the poodle
Scottish Terrier. A lot of terriers, a lot of
spaniels, a lot of they say the best list a Shih tzu EW.
(36:18):
I mean, yeah, I know, but like I, I, I like gold with the well.
And don't get me wrong, I love like a German shepherd or a
golden retriever. I love those dogs.
But I would die. If you could have a woodland
creature as like your sidekick, almost like your Pokémon, like
what animal would you choose? And you could turn into that
animal, It's like a sidekick. And you can, you can take it
(36:40):
over. You can.
You could warg into. You can warg into it.
I like the fox. I'm kind of, I'm kind of feeling
the Fox vibe. OK, I could see that.
Yeah, like a cute little even like a little desert fox.
Yeah, with the really big ears, yeah, those aren't.
OK, what would you want to be meor have or do or have or do or
be? Raccoon would go hard.
(37:01):
I would really like to be like some sort of raccoon.
That would be cool. You want to dig through trash,
You would you nasty little. A hyena would go.
Because your laugh. A hyena would be kind of cool.
Hyenas are scary. Yeah, I feel like a hyena would
be fun. A raccoon would be fun.
Ostrich. No.
Yeah. No.
(37:22):
Yeah, an ostrich. Yeah, big scary bird.
And you can run How? Big is an ostrich.
Huge. They're really big.
Do you think? Kangaroo would be crazy.
How many of you would it take totake down an ostrich?
How? Many I wouldn't want to try.
Maybe 5, maybe 10. I'm not a fight of you.
(37:43):
I've never been in a fight. Let alone with an ostrich.
OK, an ostrich is the largest and heaviest bird. 220 to 287
lbs. And measuring 6.9 to 9 feet in
height. Oh my God, 220 LB.
Those are real. 300 LB bird. It's a £300 nine foot bird.
(38:06):
Those are literal. That is actually insane, I did
not know that. Like, look at that thing and
tell me it's not a dinosaur, right?
It is a yeah, it's a dinosaur. It's a dinosaur.
They only have two toes. They live in flocks.
Oh my God. What?
£300 How fast can they run a type of.
Faster than a human I think like3046.
(38:28):
Feet. What's the biggest 43 mph?
43 mph? Oh my God, the £300 nine foot
bird running 40 mph, A velociraptor.
Like are you kidding me? That's actually insane.
Oh yeah, they kick, Yeah, they kick hard.
They kick really hard. What is the biggest animal you
(38:48):
think you could take on hand to hand combat?
Do I have a mental block becauseI feel like me just as I am I I
couldn't take on more. Than a let's just say, let's say
it's the bravest version of you.You're trying to save someone
you love, right? It's like you at your best peak
bravest moment, Chihuahua, You got a Chihuahua.
Maybe I was about to say that's that's, that's a little
(39:10):
ambitious. That's a little ambitious.
That's a little ambitious. I feel like I could do a
Chihuahua you're. Going to take some damage.
Anything I could, those things are on.
Yeah, you could beat it. You could overpower the
Chihuahua for sure. Yeah, but you're going to take
some damage. What's the biggest thing you
think you? Could OK First off I feel like
you could do a little better than a Chihuahua life or death.
You could probably get 5 chihuahuas, a Chihuahua koala.
(39:34):
A Chihuahua koala sloth. A sloth that would.
OK, the sloths can get pretty big.
Yeah, And I believe you could take one.
Can they get up moving fast if they really want to, though?
I know they're slow all the time, but.
Like and they have long. Can they move?
Quick. Oh, imagine a sloth like a move.
Quick. Yeah, that'd be terrible.
Oh my. God.
Imagine a sloth that can run as fast as an ostrich.
(39:55):
That's arms just flailing. Imagine a sloth.
I think God made sloths move slow because they would
literally just terrorize the world.
Imagine those long claws, long shaggy fur.
They climb. They're scurrying across your
ceilings. Yeah.
Oh my God. Sloths.
Like, yeah, imagine a fast sloth.
(40:15):
You. With their long fucking.
Yeah, with their nails in their lung and they're hanging upside
down. They scamper around you.
Oh, and they swim. I know Sloths swim.
Wait, no, no, no. Hold on.
We're sticking with you. We're sticking with you.
OK, So you can beat up a sloth. I said my.
I think you could take a sloth. Yeah.
How big is a sloth? Hold on.
How big is a sloth? I want to see how the biggest
animal we think. Because I can take a sloth once
(40:39):
once you reach your cap of how the biggest animal you can get.
Right. I think sloth.
Then then we'll move on to me, right?
OK, so it's like I could take ona sloth.
I'll take it from here. So like I'm just saying like I'm
2. To 2.5 feet.
Yeah, I got that bitch. Yeah, they could weigh 8 to 17
lbs. I feel like they could get
(40:59):
bigger than that. I wouldn't want to do that to a
sloth. Yes, 20 pounds, 20 lbs.
I could if I had. The slowest creature on earth, I
know, but you could take him. You could take him.
OK, your animal, your. Animal.
Oh my animal. I feel like I could take an
alligator. I feel like an alligator.
I feel like I could take an alligator.
I've watched enough Animal Planet.
I really feel like I could confidently take an alligator,
(41:21):
Yeah. I would not want to watch that
go. Down.
Yeah, I can do that. Yeah.
OK. Even if it's if it's above waist
deep then I'm in trouble. Who?
Do you think you. Are I think that like is.
He an alligator. If it's an amphibious fight
where I got a little bit of land, he's got a little bit of
water, right? Yeah.
I feel like I could take an alligator, yeah, like a like a
(41:44):
six footer, like a six foot alligator.
If you say so. Because I, I feel like I can get
on top. I might lose an arm.
I, there's a good chance I lose my arm.
Yeah, there's a good chance I lose, lose something like for
sure, for sure. There's a good chance I die.
But there's like, I'm just saying like I feel like I could
take like a six foot alligator. I think I could.
(42:04):
Is alligator jerky a thing? Alligator what?
Jerky. Why do I feel like that's a
thing? I had Gator bites when I was in
Florida. Yeah, like that.
Like fried Gator, anything fried's good.
Does it taste like chicken? Yeah, a little bit.
Yeah. It's like water chicken.
It tastes like chicken. I've had frog.
I've had what? Watery chicken.
(42:27):
Yeah, just like swamp chicken, like that's, I don't know.
It was good. It was good.
Nasty. Everyone always compares things
to chicken and it's just like, Ifeel like an average taste.
It's just, it's a good, it's like a it's a good consistency.
It's not like gross. You can eat it.
It's edible. It's like an average flavor
taste. It tastes real good breaded with
(42:47):
a bunch of seasoning. It's very big Gator bites.
Yeah. Or like smoke Gator.
I love watching those Cajun cooking videos.
Oh, I've still never had Cajun food.
Louisiana. I know I want to go to Louisiana
so bad. New Orleans is so good are.
We still going to make the flatbread?
Yes. OK, and I want to watch Ted
Lasso. Yes.
Oh my God. Real quick.
(43:07):
We finished Severance. Yeah.
If you're watching this and you work on Severance, what the fuck
are you doing watching this? Get back to work, please.
Oh my God. We need the next.
Season I would do any, I would do anything to be on that show,
be a part of that show, just be a back.
Literally just be an extra in the show.
(43:29):
Oh my God. Just like a distant goat, Audi.
Distant goat. Any.
Yeah. Oh my God.
But now we're watching Ted Lasso, also on Apple TV.
Also good. Really good, Really good.
Very, very feel. Good Apple TV out of nowhere.
Didn't you say Seth Rogen's having?
Yeah, there's a new show called the Studio or something that I
(43:49):
really want to check out. Apparently it's really good.
I don't know, I have no idea. I will say this right now and
then we can end this severance. I'm calling this now, it's
season 2. We're waiting for season 3.
If this shit goes six seasons ormore at the same caliber it is
right now, it will go down as the best show of all.
Time. It's amazing.
(44:09):
We've talked about it, I think every single episode that we've
filmed because we love it, yeah.So I don't think I've ever
recommended a show more. Everyone I talked to, it's so
good. It's just like, it's such a good
show. Like I don't want to spoil it.
We talked about a little bit theother episode.
We'll do a whole breakdown episode if that's what.
We want to make a video doing our Season 3 theories.
Yeah. So that's something we're
seriously considering doing because we're obsessed with the
(44:31):
show. Yeah.
So that's something that you guys want to see.
If you guys have seen the show, if you haven't seen the show, if
you want to check out the show, let us know.
Let us know some show recommendations.
Let us know the biggest animal you think you could beat up.
I don't know. There's a lot of stuff we talked
about. Thank.
You medieval times. Out there, yeah.
Thank you, Medieval Times. We'll be back.
Oh my God. We will be back inside of you.
That's a way to say it, yeah. I'm excited, though.
(44:54):
Oh, I'm so oh, I want to work atmedieval Times someday.
You can do that. I really do.
We love you guys so much. Yes, Thank you, guys.
Thank you guys so much for watching.
Thank you so much. And your support as always. 4
episodes. We're 4 episodes in people.
Oh my God, we're very, very excited and.
Yeah, we're available anywhere you listen to podcasts,
(45:16):
including YouTube. Yes, make sure to follow us on
all of our socials. We were top five in comedy
podcasts on Spotify. That's today, right now.
I don't know if we'll still be there when.
This comes out, I don't know if we're gonna go up.
I don't know if we're gonna go down.
We're #5 for top comedy. Which is crazy that that's
that's really crazy yeah, but we'll see This is fourth
(45:38):
episode, so I don't know how we're doing now, but we sure do
appreciate everyone watching, tuning in, listening.
We we can't thank you enough. Seriously, whatever you're
listening on, whatever you're watching on, we got a lot more
coming down the line. We're working hard for your
entertainment, so. We love you guys.
Yeah, thank you guys so much. We love you and make sure to
follow us. We're pretty.
(45:59):
Funny. We're pretty funny.
Bye.
Yeah, buddy. You want to tell the folks what
we're drinking? Pina Coladas are Pina Colada
podcast. This is our Pina Colada pregame
podcast. Our our pregame pina colada.
Well, we pregame with Pina Coladas before podcast.
Pregame pina colada. We were pregaming Pina Coladas
at the pregame for the podcast we're.
(00:22):
Pregaming and it's a pina colada.
We had pina coladas. It's our podcast, Pregame Pina
Colada. We drank pina coladas.
We pregamed with pina coladas atthe pregame for the pretty funny
podcast. Boom, Huh.
Yeah. Is that good?
Yeah, I made them. They're good.
(00:43):
It taste so good if you like pina coladas and getting caught
in the rain. Caught in the rain.
If you're not in a yoga. Right now would be a good time
if you want to make a pina colada real quick.
Pineapple chunks, ice, little bit of rum and some pineapple
juice and that's a pina colada. Well, and cream of coconut.
(01:05):
And cream of coconut. Yes, yes.
And a cream of coconut. So if you're at work, if you're
at the gym, if you're driving, Idon't want to hear any excuses.
Pina coladas. And then let's listen to this
episode. Am I right?
Yeah, everyone make one. Hell yeah.
Hell yeah, brother, Hell yeah. All right, Broly, Intro Mario,
(01:40):
welcome back to the Pretty FunnyPodcast.
I'm Bryn. And I'm Mario.
What are we talking about today?We had one of the funnest
weekends that we've had. Yeah, since we've been together.
Oh yeah, that was a blast from the past.
We time traveled this weekend and I don't know how we don't
(02:00):
talk about this every day of ourlives.
I don't know how this hasn't come up.
Yeah, more in conversation. I don't know how this isn't more
talked about. Let's tell him what we're
talking about first. We went to Medieval Times.
Yeah, I had been never been to Medieval Times.
I had been once before best experience of my life, a little
corny, but like in the best way you.
(02:21):
No, I don't. Yeah, I don't even care.
I don't even care. Those people really were from
the medieval times. Well, with things like that, you
have to lean into them, yeah, tolike fully get all the fun.
I don't know how many people have gone to Medieval Times.
It was my first time actually going to Medieval Times.
OK, I had no idea how nice it was.
Yeah, like when I heard of medieval times and I've seen it,
(02:44):
I just thought it was like a a travelling circus, you know,
like a fair, you know, like theyjust throw up tents or
something. Ren Fairs.
Yeah, Ren fairs though are. Like, no, I'm not bashing on it.
That's just how I imagined it. You know what I mean?
I just thought it was just like this kind of travelling circus
situation, like in some parking lot somewhere in a cornfield,
Like you can go to the medieval times.
(03:04):
Like I didn't, I didn't know. That it was like a whole castle.
Yeah, it's like Disneyland. Yeah.
It's. It's legit, it's beautiful.
It's so. One thing they could do better
on, I will say, is the food. But even then, the food is like
really good for what you're doing.
No, I I like the food exactly how it was.
I like the food exactly how it was.
(03:24):
If you're not aware, at medievaltimes you are served it's dinner
and a show. The show is like real life
jousting, yes, and nights fighting I mean.
We're getting ahead of ourselves.
Like you show up there. Yeah.
And I paid to have United because you said long, long time
ago that you went to Medieval Times and you'd love to go back.
And like, that's your biggest date idea that you've had since
(03:47):
we've been together. You just really wanted to go to
Medieval Times. Yeah.
And then I saw that it was like 6 hours away.
And then we had a free weekend and I was like, boom, let's go.
Yeah. And so we went and totally worth
it. Yeah, so worth it.
You're. Looking at Princess Bryn.
I'm Princess Bryn now, but we got there.
We had to be there an hour earlyfor the knighting, yes.
And then you got a little glow sword, like a little light up.
(04:09):
Sword. No idea the practice.
Swords were going to be so nice there.
Oh yeah, like I'd go crazy at that gift shop.
Yeah, they have. They have like expensive stuff
too. Some of the stuff that they
offer is like 300 plus dollars. Yeah, for like a crown or like
some goblets. We're like the people that go to
the gift shop at the gas stationto buy a shot glass, a little
snow globe, like I am a whore for trinkets for a little
(04:36):
nickname for a little for. Get there.
I got gadgets and gizmos of plenty.
I got who's it's and what's it's?
GLOW, we're gonna stop singing so much on this podcast.
No, it literally looks like a 5 below right outside this room.
Yeah, Mario's a collector. I just like hoard things.
(04:57):
I love it like. But I also I'm a gift shop
girlie. I love going to a gift shop.
Yeah, I like show and tell. Like I like, oh, I was there for
that. And like, I like having little
tangible things. And that's why when we're at
medieval times, I went crazy. I had a glow.
I got a glow sword. I got a flag.
I really wanted one of those Shields really bad or like one
(05:18):
of the legit. Source.
Well, I guess we have to go back.
We will and we got a couple goblets.
Yeah, so we got goblets because it was like we had money
leftover from the knighting or whatever.
So we got them not for free, butlike for free.
And then we went in. We before we got in, you still
had to wait before we were let into the arena and we got shots
and a whole bottle of wine. You go up, you go up to the bar,
(05:41):
right? And they're like ringing a shame
bell from Game of Thrones. And they're like, right over
here, come here, right here. And you like, walk up and
they're in full character. If you buy one of the bullhorns,
you know, those things that you can drink and, like, blow
through, like they'll announce it like they're yelling.
It's very medieval. It's very like Disney character,
(06:03):
you know what I mean? Yeah.
Like these people locked in, they're trained professionals.
And the queen, when I was getting knighted the queen
happened to know me from TikTok.Yes, came in like said Hide.
Even then, she was still introducing herself.
Hello Brynn, I've seen you guys on the social.
And I was like, oh, what's your name?
And she was like, whatever it was.
And then she was like, my name is actually so.
And so. Yeah.
(06:25):
But then she had to ask me because, like, when you get
knighted, you're supposed to be celebrating something.
Yeah. And so they asked me, what are
you celebrating? And we had said for life and
love. And then she asked how you and I
met because she was going to announce it.
And I was like TikTok. And she was like, oh, we don't
have that in our area. I don't know what that is.
Yeah, it was good. It was funny, it was good.
Everyone there is in character, and when you go in you get put
(06:49):
into sections. So like, there's the blue, the
red we were in the black and white was like a yellow and red
section, like a Gryffindor section.
Like it literally felt like a Quidditch match, you know what I
mean? Like there was just like all the
different houses all around and everyone's taught like before
the game, like literally before the game.
There's like spotlights and stuff and there's smoke coming
(07:11):
up. It's like literally Led Zeppelin
is about to come up through them.
The mist, you know what I mean? It felt like a Tenacious D
concert in there across from you.
It's like blue sucks, blue sucks, red, yellow.
Like everyone's like going crazyfor their colors and like, it's
that mob mentality. Oh yeah.
It was like the Stanford Prison experiment.
Immediately I. The first time I ever went to
medieval times, I lost my voice because I was screaming so hard.
(07:34):
Yeah, because then after when the nights come out and the
whole ceremony starts, yes, it is amazing.
Yes. It's just, they're just fighting
and it's all staged. Of course, I realize you don't
know who's gonna win and they'reall just going head to head.
Just. Yeah, it's a tournament.
It's like literally Lord Farquaad comes out, I shit you
not onto like a pair of pet and he goes, it's him and the queen.
(07:56):
And they're like, welcome to thegames.
Like we have the green section, we have the blue section and
they like do this whole big thing and then they have horses.
You know what I realized about 1/4 of the way through medieval
times? So many horses, so many talented
horsemen and horsewomen. And I was like, you do realize
these horses actually think thatthey're in the medieval times?
(08:20):
Like it cannot be good for the horse's mental health.
Think about it. I think that they're just.
Every single night they're doingbattle.
Like every night they're jasting, they're watching these
Knights jump off and literally fight each other to the death.
Like every night. That horse is just putting on a
show for hundreds of people. Like in the medieval times, Like
(08:43):
in full cosplay. How would the horse know any
different? Like that horse goes to war
every single night. It's crazy.
I don't think horses parallel. Did you put your hand up?
Yeah. I'm sorry.
It's OK. I don't think horses care about
what time period they're in or notice.
Yeah, if you didn't know any different, if you were just
dropped in to imagine you're a horse, right?
(09:07):
You're in the pasture, you're eating grass, Fred.
The horse goes off and becomes aracehorse.
You know what I mean? I eat horse.
Jerry's pulling carriages. Why wouldn't you have?
I It was just a little. Did you get paid to do it?
Nope. You just did it for free.
Yep. You just ate horse shit.
(09:29):
Yeah. Nice.
Just imagine you're a horse in apasture and Jerry goes off to
become a racehorse. Fred's pulling carriages.
George is in Budweiser commercials.
You know what I'm talking about.Like all these horses are going
and doing things, and then you're born into the medieval
time circuit. So all you've ever known is
(09:49):
watching your parents, your loved ones go off to war and do
WWE medieval style every single night.
Like that horse thinks that it'sin medieval times.
That's all that's ever known. I kind of want to look into that
because they are like show ponies and I wonder if they're
like retired or like they're kind of out of their prime.
Oh my God. You can Google.
(10:11):
We can Google. This while he googles.
Yeah. Is this like a SeaWorld
situation? You know what I mean?
Like, these horses are trapped at medieval times, I hope.
And it's like Severance. Like they show up and they're
like, yo, like they go back to the fields where they came from,
you know? I'm talking about.
Yeah, the horses. Yeah.
And then they're like, where were you?
Where'd you go? It's like I went to a fair.
I went to a carnival. I went to a racetrack.
(10:31):
And then Jerry the horse is like, I went to the fucking
medieval times. They were like.
Calling them Jerry. I don't know anyway.
But like, imagine that horses. Hold on.
Where? No, while you Google that, I'm
going to tell my story. When we were there about midway
through, I forgot entirely that I am very allergic to horses.
And we were sitting in the frontrow and we were eating our food.
(10:51):
Because that's the other part. They give you food, we'll get
into the food. I was eating my food, just
inhaling all this horse air and I have allergy induced asthma so
I couldn't breathe and I was wheezing and coughing a lot and
Mario was asking if I was OK andI ended up leaving and sprinting
as fast as I could to the car. And that's my life story.
(11:16):
I can't multitask. I don't.
Know I can tell. I'm trying to look up where the
horses from medieval times Gove come from.
They are purebred Andalusian horses, which are all born at an
unassuming ranch in Texas. And that was in 2013.
That was like 12 years ago. Just like, where do the horses?
(11:36):
Where do they get the horses from?
They probably do have like some sort of recycling program, not
like to turn the horses into glue, but to like, you know,
move them around. You know what I'm saying?
Oh, see what's? There, there's a largest breeder
of Andalucian. Andalucian.
Horses. They're the largest breeder of.
The It's the ranch in in Texas in Sandra.
(11:58):
Chapel Creek Ranch. Is it Chapel Rhone?
Is she behind this? She's the Pink Pony Club.
We just cracked the code. Chapel Rhone is secretly an
Andalusian horse dealer from Chapel, Texas, and that is the
Pink Pony Club. Medieval Times is really a front
(12:19):
for the Gay Horse Mafia. The horses receive extensive
care from a young age, with training beginning at a young
age, including being introduced to lead ropes and halters as
weanlings and saddles. At 2, they retire.
After their performing years, the horses return to the ranch
for a peaceful retirement. Oh, see, that's nice.
OK, so they they just go to. So basically the horses get to
(12:41):
LARP. OK, so if I was a horse, if I
came back as a horse, I'd want to be a medieval times horse
because you get to do all the fun, all the live action, role
play, the Larping that you want.You're basically going to a Ren
fair in performing in a safe environment as a horse.
Yeah. I just looked it up, I literally
looked up dozen medieval times. Abuse their horses it says.
(13:06):
No they do not. They prioritize safety of both
animals and actors and treat thehorses gently.
They provide 24/7 care for theirhorses, including regular
checkups, dental care, and health care.
Each castle has a vet. I just remember going to the San
Diego Zoo, like, I'm all for animals being treated right, you
know what I mean? Like, obviously fuck SeaWorld.
Obviously I saw black. What's it?
(13:28):
What? Black?
Blackfish. Did you watch Black?
Yeah, I watched Blackfish. About SeaWorld.
Yeah, the real Free Willy story.Yeah.
Fuck SeaWorld. Fuck SeaWorld.
I've never been to a SeaWorld. Fuck SeaWorld.
Like what the fuck? What the actual fuck?
We know that the horses are treated right at medieval times.
It's not a SeaWorld situation. Yes, it was like WWE medieval
(13:53):
theater is the best way I could describe it.
Really well done in like the sword fights, the choreography.
He literally pulled the Anakin finale move against Obi Wan
Revenge of the Sith. Like you know the behind the
back when they're go. You guys know what I'm talking
about? And it was against our guy,
which just made it hurt. So.
Much worse. I've been to professional
(14:15):
sporting events and I think thiswas like in the top 10.
If you if you want to know if we'd ever hang out in real life,
would you go to Medieval Times and how much would you
immediately participate? You know what I mean?
How much would you buy in? Would you just rip your cool
card immediately and have fun? Like if you wouldn't even
(14:37):
consider going to medieval times, like we congratulations,
we we're not friends, like honestly, and that's OK, That's
fine. Do whatever you want.
But like we probably wouldn't hang out.
Like that's probably that's the best way I could put it.
Yeah, no, God no. Because you're there and your
night comes out to represent your section and you're just
immediately willing to die for this person.
(14:59):
You just want the best for this person.
You want your night to win so bad.
I will also Add all of the people that work at medieval
times are, Oh yeah, they are some attractive, yeah.
People, I told you, if we end upputting the fries in the bag,
yeah, so to speak. Like, there's so many things
(15:20):
that I would happily, gladly, proudly, loudly do.
And after going to Medieval Times, I was like, this is
something I would pursue. You got to learn how to work
with horses. That's fine.
Which is fine. That's fine.
That would be fun. My aunt lived on a ranch.
I've been on cattle drives. I've done that whole thing.
You could be the what I grew. Up in a rodeo town, I said I
could be the queen. Us being the king and queen,
(15:42):
yeah, that'd be crazy on the parapet, like announcing the
show. Yeah, I could do that for the
rest of my life. I literally have no.
Idea that was called a parapet. When I think of parapet, I think
of like service animals. Like a parapet.
Yeah. Like like a pair of like.
(16:03):
A Either like a dog with a little wheelchair attached to
their hind legs, or like a service.
Dog like a paramedic pet a parapedic, that's what you
think. You know those dogs that have
like the wheels for their back legs?
Like that's the ambulance. Yeah, that's the parapet did.
You ever see that one news clip where it was the the pig crispy
bacon? Crispy bacon.
(16:24):
Can we pull that up? Can we pull that up?
Chris P Bacon was born without the use of the thing.
Oh, God. Hello.
Hello. Everyone.
Get a good look at the cat. 'S we haven't even talked.
(16:45):
I keep mentioning it but we haven't fully talked about it.
The food. Oh yeah, the food.
At medieval times. OK, smells come here.
No, no, no, no, no. We should talk about this.
This creature that's ahead of usright now.
Why? OK.
I grew up dealing with my sister's cats, right?
(17:08):
We were a big dog family, and mysisters had cats.
Dogs were on the outside, cats were on the inside.
Cats had their space. I had mine.
You know what I mean? I didn't really care much for
the cats. I'm a big dog guy.
Yeah. I move out and we event.
What are you talking about? I don't know.
(17:28):
I don't eventually what I don't know.
I'm trying to talk about the food at Medieval times.
I can't believe you said anything negative about the food
at medieval times. OK, I can defend myself because
could the food be better if you serve that it's.
Medieval times. That's the point.
I understand. It's not going to be a Costco
rotisserie chicken, but it's going to be.
(17:50):
It's medieval times. Anyway, So what you get they 1st
come out with. Also, you get no utensils, it's
all fingers. Yeah, yeah.
It's all your hands. It's medieval times as you'd be
happy that we're even getting. Food.
So you get a little soup with a little handle on it, tomato
soup, just. And then after that goes you get
like a Little Texas toast, garlic bread, yeah.
(18:12):
And then you get the chicken anda potato.
Like half of a potato. The chicken is literally like
the sliced in half chicken laid on its side.
Yeah. And you have no utensils and you
just eat it like a rabid coyote.It was so amazing.
And then you didn't finish yours.
I ate corn. Yeah, and you get corn.
You also. Get but I love corn.
(18:33):
So it's very simple. It's very simple.
Medieval food. Very medieval esque food, yeah.
It's very good. But it's still good.
It's still good. It's got good flavor, but plain
flavor. It's just S&P, just a little
butter like it's. Nothing.
Oh my God. Yeah.
And then the lady next to us, wewere eating the chicken.
And as I was thinking, I was like, damn, this chicken could
use any semblance of seasoning. Like, it has a little seasoning
on it, but like, you know, I like a crispy skin and whatnot.
(18:55):
Yeah. And the lady next to me, I just
overhear her go Oh my God this chicken is so over seasoned.
The medieval times. The Medieval Times.
Chicken. Bare white little chunk of
chicken with like a dusting of maybe some paprika on it.
Yeah. Like paprika for color, not
flavor. Literally.
And not even like when I say a dusting, I mean like there's
(19:16):
three specks on there. It looked like 1/2 a chicken
from the medieval times. Yeah, she said.
That was spicy. She said it was too much.
Seasoning Spicy. No, not spicy, she said.
It was too much seasoning. I can't say shit though because
we've been eating pistachios that are just salt and pepper
pistachios and they are too spicy for me.
They had a lead to. Them I don't know I it's very.
Concentrated. It's very It's a concentrated
(19:38):
pistachio. I know well in like pepper when
you crack it up, can be it has. I have never sounded so white in
my entire life. Yeah, that was like literally
the most blank Word document sour cream white shit I've ever
heard in my life. Like honestly, it's too much.
Her taste buds need to lose their virginity.
You know what? I.
Mean I just can't. Like I love spice don't get me
(20:00):
wrong I love the flavor it brings.
I love spice but I hate like spicy like hot like I don't like
my mouth being in pain. No, I like the heat.
I like the heat. No, it pains me.
I've never tried a liquor that didn't taste like fucking
gasoline, you know what I mean? And they're like, no, this is
really good gasoline. Like this is diesel.
(20:20):
And I'm like, wow, still tastes like asshole like.
Spices like physical pain. I'm just saying like acquired
tastes where it's like you can handle a little heat the more
you eat it. So like you can start small and
build up and that does open likelike mango habaneros, a great
flavor that I like, but it comeswith a lot of heat.
That's why whiskey, I know it's like technically the same thing,
(20:42):
like alcohols, whiskeys, bourbons, whatever.
And they're like taste this one taste, this is good.
This is good, good alcohol. You know, this is good Scotch,
this good vodka, this good whiskey, this good tequila.
Can I make another note about spicy foods?
Yes. I don't like the way they make
my asshole feel. Yeah.
I don't like dealing with the aftermath.
(21:03):
Turns it into a chili ring. Yeah, it's a.
Hot little dirty doorbell. Oh, it's a.
Grossest thing that I just don'teven.
I have hemorrhoids and sometimesit makes them burn.
Like you're telling me I have anitchy butt hole for my fucking
hemorrhoids and now it's also going to just sting and burn and
be hellish on top of that, no. Thanks.
(21:23):
No, thank you. We don't.
Stop seeing so much on this podcast and like the tummy
gurgles, no. You literally got like Buffalo
buff, you got Buffalo hemorrhoids you got.
Like you want to eat them. No thank you.
I add those in some blue cheese.Yes please.
(21:44):
They got. Some blue cheese up front.
Future queen of medieval times, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh my God. Oh, you're great.
I'm. Sorry you just leave.
(22:08):
Give me something. There you go, you need some
tissues. Do we need tissues in here?
Want me to go get you some tissues?
Do you want your future kids to like, fully buy in to like
whimsical shit? Yes, I want my kids to.
Live a whimsy life. Yes, like I want them to be
questioning Kris Kringle into adulthood, you know what I mean?
I feel like that's so good for creativity also.
(22:30):
Yeah, they're getting their letter from Hogwarts, you know
what I'm saying? Like they're like I'm on the
roof jingling bells and stompingmy feet.
We're leaving little like dirt footprints for them.
Have you seen this? The the The Elf, The Shelf, The
Shelf Elf, Elf on the Shelf. Yeah, for the longest time, I
didn't want to do Elf on the Shelf because I was like, God,
that that's years of coming up with things to do for your
(22:53):
child. Like, and then I talked to you
about that. I brought that up this Christmas
and I was like, oh, that sounds like a lot of work.
And you were like, are you kidding me?
That sounds so fun. Yeah.
How's it work? If it's something you wanted, if
it's something you want to do, it's never work.
Well, and that's the thing too is Elf on the Shelf has been
around for such a long time now that, like Pinterest and TikTok
has so many ideas for how to setthat little dude up.
(23:15):
Yeah, but if I can get three solid years out of that Shelf
Elf with my kids, like, it'd be worth it.
And it's only 25 days of my lifefor three.
So 75 days of my child's life just doing some whimsical shit
every night that I have a year to plan for, I'm doing it.
I do mark my words. I'm going to talk so much shit
about being a great parent rightnow before we have children so
(23:40):
that we have this as like so if I like imagine or Oh my God for.
Like motivation. No, like I just thought about
something. What when we do this podcast for
all of eternity, right Once a week, every Wednesday, for the
rest of our lives, we. Will have children.
We will have children that can literally, like, look back on
(24:01):
their history. Yeah, I was like what their
parents were doing. With someone the other day.
That's actually so freaking cool.
Yeah. Like, look, Dad, we didn't do
Elfa Shelf at all. You're like so full of shit.
Yeah. What happened?
To I will say with the Elf on the Shelf thing, though, I would
love to do that. But on top of that, we're also
doing advent calendars. Yeah, I'm going to go full Clark
(24:23):
Griswold. I don't think you understand.
In my like adult life when I've had roommates, like up until I
lived with you, I would do advent calendars for my
roommates and every night I would go and put a little gift
outside their door for them to wake.
Up to Oh, that's so nice. I love doing it, it was so fun.
I can't wait for Christmas time already.
When you have someone to celebrate the holidays with,
(24:43):
it's like all you actually look forward to.
I'm so excited. No, I'm being serious.
Like, that's so sweet. But being single, yeah.
And you're going through the holidays away from, like, I
spent 10 years in the military bouncing around the people that
I was able to share my time withand serve with, that I met some
of the greatest people on earth.And they really do a great job,
(25:04):
especially where I was working in the fire department, of
making you feel like family whenyou're away from family.
And that's a huge thing. The military.
Oh, my God. I'm going to get emotional, but
the military literally will haveyou meet people from all over
and you make the best friends you'll ever make.
And then next season they're gone.
(25:27):
Like they get moved to a different base, they get out.
God forbid the worst happens, but it's just like you meet the
best friends you'll ever have inyour entire existence of being
alive if you have the pleasure of serving in the military.
And then, you know, at a certainpoint, you aren't going to be
with them. Yeah.
Like I have best friends all over this country.
(25:49):
I will say one of my biggest takeaways from Arizona,
obviously aside from medieval times, because that was the best
time of my life. Pina coladas.
I forgot they existed until we were laying by the pool and I
was like, I want a fucking pina colada.
And now we this is my second oneof the night.
I love. They're so easy too.
We've we started doing this thing where like once a month we
(26:10):
just take like a super quick road trip, like 48 hour getaway.
Like like we leave on a Friday and we come back on a Sunday if
we have a weekend free and like we'll just go do something and
it's usually like in Arizona or like California and we'll just
take A and like it was like, oh crap, we have like a weekend
that's free. I feel like it's really
(26:32):
unreasonable to like, if like doing like a date night, like
every single night, every other night, like twice a week.
That's hard. It is hard.
You can do it, but I never want like between us to feel like a
chore, you know what I mean? Like I want to make sure that
we're like, we have enough fun just between the two of us.
We do so many things together. I would like to leave the house
(26:54):
more. Yeah, and I feel like that's why
these little like, weekend once a month getaways, it's better
than what we've been doing, Yeah, for a long time.
But like, it's so nice to get out and like touch grass, but
even. Aside from like dates and stuff,
like I would like to get into the habit of just going to like
go look at a thrift store, not even buy anything, but like, go
to a thrift store, go to AI Don't want to just park the
(27:17):
park. I I suggest the park like every
other day. Yeah.
You're like a golden retriever. I'm like Park.
Yeah, it's like what? We can go to the park.
I know, and then it's funny. I like never act on it.
It's like, OK, let's go to the park.
I'm like, you're like, I really want to go to the.
I feel like you just want to getdressed for the park and then
(27:39):
talk about the park and then notactually go to the park.
No, no, no. I like fresh air.
I've been doing my outside time.I I've been doing outside time
my therapist made me. I haven't even fully done it but
my therapist told me I need to set an alarm so that I make sure
I go outside for at least 5 minutes every day.
Just in my backyard or anything like I just need to see
(28:01):
sunlight. Yeah, you're literally like
Nosferatu. We both are.
Yeah. Not to bring up Medieval Times
again, but I did see a question I really wanted to ask you.
Yes. Are you ready?
Yeah. OK.
Night. Pirate, Cowboy, Samurai.
Which one would you choose? Cowboy.
(28:22):
Cowboy. Yeah.
Really, feel free to elaborate. You don't want to be a knight.
You don't want to be a pirate. I love the cowboy aesthetic.
OK. I think out of all of those,
assuming I'm a woman, Yeah. And them, I would get a hang out
around hot Cowboys. So if I'm thinking about, like,
what kind of men I would want tohang out around with, it would.
(28:43):
I mean, like, obviously they're all supposed to be like,
Valiant, maybe not pirates, but like, Cowboys.
I want that like respect. They would probably objectify me
a lot, but I'm kind of used to that anyway.
So wait, so in you you would choose a Western universe and
you'd be some sort of cowgirl like Yellowstone?
Yeah, something like that. Yes, and I would love to ride a
horse. And just.
(29:04):
Hang out around some cattle. The medieval things completely
off to you. You don't want to mess with
that. Unless I'm like a Princess and
I'm protected. But when you say it like night,
I'm thinking I'm going to be like, what's her name?
Brianna Tarth. Yeah, Brianna Tarth.
You don't want to be like her. I don't really want to fight.
We have this conversation. Yeah, no, yeah, too.
Yeah, you right, You right, OK. I don't like fighting.
Or pirate. I could see you as like a sexy
(29:25):
pirate captain. The scurvy.
What? Think about pirates and like the
scurvy and you're out of sea. You say I don't want to be
seasick. I've been to the urologist a
time or two. I'm not scared of a little below
the belt action, I'm just. Saying.
That life doesn't. Sound fun to me, And being a
(29:46):
cowboy is dirty and grimy, but in a different way, that's true
too. You know what I mean?
I want earth, dirt and grime. I don't want ocean dirt and
grime. Yeah, I don't want that like
smelly sea smell. Yeah, I don't want to smell like
an oyster. Yeah, I don't want that.
Sally sells seashell smell. You know what?
I. Mean and like there's no way for
you to. They can't shower, can they?
Well, they could jump in the ocean.
(30:07):
I don't have a big water print, that's fine.
I'm on the same page. Being a cowboy, I could ride a
horse. Yeah.
I would love to have a horse that's like my horse, yeah.
And we just roam through fields.You do get a horse as a knight
as well though, and a samurai. But I have to wear a lot of
armor. Oh, that's true too.
I don't want to be hot and sweaty in a full suit of metal.
(30:29):
That makes sense. And that makes sense.
Chain. Have you ever felt like chain
metal? Yeah, it's heavy.
It's. So heavy.
Chainmail. What did you say?
Chain metal, Yeah. Did you think I know better?
No, I know better. Do you know that it's chainmail?
Yeah, I or did you think it was?Chainmail.
I kind of forgot the name like midway through, as I was saying,
(30:50):
and I just was like, that soundsright.
Oh, fair enough. In the whimsical, fantastical
world, as a knight, you do get ahorse.
You get a sword, you get armor. Yeah.
You may or may not have. What's your life purpose though
defending? AI know, but yeah, you're
defending some king. You're going on some bullshit
crusade defending some asshole king.
(31:12):
Yeah, versus a cowboy. I'm just out with nature.
Yeah, just overpays me top dollar, you know, like and.
I'm not wanting to be a fightingcowboy.
Have you seen A Knight's Tale? It's called the Lance.
No. Hello.
You haven't seen A Knight's Tale?
No Heath Ledger? Nope.
We have to watch that immediately.
You've seen Monty Python and theHoly Grail, I'm assuming?
OK. Yeah, good.
(31:33):
But you haven't seen A Knight's Tale.
Heath Ledger, Paul Bettany. Oh, if you have not seen A
Knight's Tale, watch He Plays Vision Paul Bettany.
OK, Yeah. He's the voice of Jarvis.
Yeah. Yeah.
You could change your stars. Just follow your feet, Will.
No to the night. I'd probably, since you want to
be in a Western world and you'reattracted to Cowboys.
(31:54):
Yeah. I'd probably grow this handlebar
mustache out. Yeah, Yeah.
Yeah, you want to ride off into the sunset with me?
Yeah, that'd be fire. I want to be like a sheep
farmer. I want to be a sheep farmer out
in the middle of nowhere with myscrumptious, delicious wife.
Right. And we're just out there tending
(32:16):
to the sheep. And then all the townsfolk come
out and go, yeah, that's just that dumb sheepherder out there
with his hot wife. They just out there tending to
the sheep. That's all they do out there.
They're up to no good. Fucking sheep farmer with his
wool. He he ain't even a cowboy.
He's a sheep boy, right? And then and then trouble comes
(32:39):
to town. The old sheriff makes his way
out to the sheep farm. Mario, I need to speak to you.
Mario and Brand. We need you to come into town.
We got a lot of hooligans and tomfoolery and Rascal re
happening in the We ride into town together on smokes and
(33:02):
Cosmo are cats that are now horses.
Oh that'd be cool. And we clean up the town.
Smokes would be one of those like grey and white speckled
horses, I can't think of what they're called.
And then Cosmo would just be like a grey stallion.
We ride into town and we get into a big gunfight and it comes
down to the three of us, ClassicMexican standoff, right?
(33:23):
And the bad guys holding me. And I'm like, take the shot,
Brynn, take the shot. And you're like, I can't, I
might hit you. I go take the shot, bring.
He killed my brother. And then bam.
And then we both fall to the ground.
I could live that life. You know what I'm saying?
I could see us together. Yeah.
You look so good. Like a little.
One of those dresses. Dresses hey boys, thanks for
(33:46):
coming. Like I just walked in Go.
Ahead, you took away my cowboy privileges.
I'm not even a cowboy in this scenario.
Anymore. What the fuck?
I said. That we're riding together into
town to clean. It up, not me being in a saloon.
Be like, hey boys, how are you doing?
You just said you wanted to be abarmaid.
No, I said I would be in the saloon.
And I'm pretty sure. You drinking?
Alcohol. So we're sitting there
afterwards. To take a shot.
(34:08):
I didn't mean I was going to be working the fucking bar.
God no. Sorry for assuming that.
Yeah, thank you. But I'd be lying if I didn't
want to see you in one of those old Western barmaid outfits, you
know what I'm saying? Only.
If you dress up like a cowboy. I was about to say, I was like,
why you? Why you get so defensive about
this? How is this patriarchy?
I'm like, hey, I'd love to see you in this.
(34:28):
I don't know this outfit. You look so good.
And then? You know what's sad?
What I have wanted to go horse riding with you for a very long
time. I still would like to, but after
my little allergy attack that I had at medieval times, I don't
know if that's like a reasonable.
Oh my God I forgot about things.I didn't know you were actually
having AI. Like you.
Never told me that you were allergic to horses.
(34:48):
First off, never said that. All the animals with fur and
dander. You never, you said cats and
dogs. You said cats, dogs, penicillin.
I'm just not normally around horses so I don't like bring
them up too often, but yeah. But we live with cats and you're
allergic to cats, you're around dogs, and you're allergic to
dogs. I've never seen.
You have like an action. You're around things that you're
(35:11):
supposedly allergic to a lot. And you do have like little.
Symptoms. Well, that's you notice when we
go to bed, like almost every single night, I have like really
bad coughing and like my breathing's kind of messed up.
Yeah, cuz you sleep in a hairball.
Yeah, the amount of cat hair on your side.
Does the cats sleep on my side? And so when I get into bed and
I'm on my side, I'm just ingesting all that cat hair?
I do love my cats though and I was thinking about this earlier
(35:34):
today. I miss the Wiener puppies.
Oh yeah. Wiener dog puppy.
If we did get a dog, if we did get a dog, what type of dog
would you get what we get? Hypoallergenic.
Oh, like a Labradoodle or some shit.
Not necessarily Labradoodle, maybe like a Samoyed.
What are hyper? You know what?
A Samoan. Samoan, isn't that like the chow
(35:56):
Chow? Looks like a chow.
I don't. Know yeah, it's like big white
fluffy yeah yeah. But then I think about all the
white fur everywhere. Allogenic dogs.
Hypoallergenic. Let's see here, the poodle
Scottish Terrier. A lot of terriers, a lot of
spaniels, a lot of they say the best list a Shih tzu EW.
(36:18):
I mean, yeah, I know, but like I, I, I like gold with the well.
And don't get me wrong, I love like a German shepherd or a
golden retriever. I love those dogs.
But I would die. If you could have a woodland
creature as like your sidekick, almost like your Pokémon, like
what animal would you choose? And you could turn into that
animal, It's like a sidekick. And you can, you can take it
(36:40):
over. You can.
You could warg into. You can warg into it.
I like the fox. I'm kind of, I'm kind of feeling
the Fox vibe. OK, I could see that.
Yeah, like a cute little even like a little desert fox.
Yeah, with the really big ears, yeah, those aren't.
OK, what would you want to be meor have or do or have or do or
be? Raccoon would go hard.
(37:01):
I would really like to be like some sort of raccoon.
That would be cool. You want to dig through trash,
You would you nasty little. A hyena would go.
Because your laugh. A hyena would be kind of cool.
Hyenas are scary. Yeah, I feel like a hyena would
be fun. A raccoon would be fun.
Ostrich. No.
Yeah. No.
(37:22):
Yeah, an ostrich. Yeah, big scary bird.
And you can run How? Big is an ostrich.
Huge. They're really big.
Do you think? Kangaroo would be crazy.
How many of you would it take totake down an ostrich?
How? Many I wouldn't want to try.
Maybe 5, maybe 10. I'm not a fight of you.
(37:43):
I've never been in a fight. Let alone with an ostrich.
OK, an ostrich is the largest and heaviest bird. 220 to 287
lbs. And measuring 6.9 to 9 feet in
height. Oh my God, 220 LB.
Those are real. 300 LB bird. It's a £300 nine foot bird.
(38:06):
Those are literal. That is actually insane, I did
not know that. Like, look at that thing and
tell me it's not a dinosaur, right?
It is a yeah, it's a dinosaur. It's a dinosaur.
They only have two toes. They live in flocks.
Oh my God. What?
£300 How fast can they run a type of.
Faster than a human I think like3046.
(38:28):
Feet. What's the biggest 43 mph?
43 mph? Oh my God, the £300 nine foot
bird running 40 mph, A velociraptor.
Like are you kidding me? That's actually insane.
Oh yeah, they kick, Yeah, they kick hard.
They kick really hard. What is the biggest animal you
(38:48):
think you could take on hand to hand combat?
Do I have a mental block becauseI feel like me just as I am I I
couldn't take on more. Than a let's just say, let's say
it's the bravest version of you.You're trying to save someone
you love, right? It's like you at your best peak
bravest moment, Chihuahua, You got a Chihuahua.
Maybe I was about to say that's that's, that's a little
(39:10):
ambitious. That's a little ambitious.
That's a little ambitious. I feel like I could do a
Chihuahua you're. Going to take some damage.
Anything I could, those things are on.
Yeah, you could beat it. You could overpower the
Chihuahua for sure. Yeah, but you're going to take
some damage. What's the biggest thing you
think you? Could OK First off I feel like
you could do a little better than a Chihuahua life or death.
You could probably get 5 chihuahuas, a Chihuahua koala.
(39:34):
A Chihuahua koala sloth. A sloth that would.
OK, the sloths can get pretty big.
Yeah, And I believe you could take one.
Can they get up moving fast if they really want to, though?
I know they're slow all the time, but.
Like and they have long. Can they move?
Quick. Oh, imagine a sloth like a move.
Quick. Yeah, that'd be terrible.
Oh my. God.
Imagine a sloth that can run as fast as an ostrich.
(39:55):
That's arms just flailing. Imagine a sloth.
I think God made sloths move slow because they would
literally just terrorize the world.
Imagine those long claws, long shaggy fur.
They climb. They're scurrying across your
ceilings. Yeah.
Oh my God. Sloths.
Like, yeah, imagine a fast sloth.
(40:15):
You. With their long fucking.
Yeah, with their nails in their lung and they're hanging upside
down. They scamper around you.
Oh, and they swim. I know Sloths swim.
Wait, no, no, no. Hold on.
We're sticking with you. We're sticking with you.
OK, So you can beat up a sloth. I said my.
I think you could take a sloth. Yeah.
How big is a sloth? Hold on.
How big is a sloth? I want to see how the biggest
animal we think. Because I can take a sloth once
(40:39):
once you reach your cap of how the biggest animal you can get.
Right. I think sloth.
Then then we'll move on to me, right?
OK, so it's like I could take ona sloth.
I'll take it from here. So like I'm just saying like I'm
2. To 2.5 feet.
Yeah, I got that bitch. Yeah, they could weigh 8 to 17
lbs. I feel like they could get
(40:59):
bigger than that. I wouldn't want to do that to a
sloth. Yes, 20 pounds, 20 lbs.
I could if I had. The slowest creature on earth, I
know, but you could take him. You could take him.
OK, your animal, your. Animal.
Oh my animal. I feel like I could take an
alligator. I feel like an alligator.
I feel like I could take an alligator.
I've watched enough Animal Planet.
I really feel like I could confidently take an alligator,
(41:21):
Yeah. I would not want to watch that
go. Down.
Yeah, I can do that. Yeah.
OK. Even if it's if it's above waist
deep then I'm in trouble. Who?
Do you think you. Are I think that like is.
He an alligator. If it's an amphibious fight
where I got a little bit of land, he's got a little bit of
water, right? Yeah.
I feel like I could take an alligator, yeah, like a like a
(41:44):
six footer, like a six foot alligator.
If you say so. Because I, I feel like I can get
on top. I might lose an arm.
I, there's a good chance I lose my arm.
Yeah, there's a good chance I lose, lose something like for
sure, for sure. There's a good chance I die.
But there's like, I'm just saying like I feel like I could
take like a six foot alligator. I think I could.
(42:04):
Is alligator jerky a thing? Alligator what?
Jerky. Why do I feel like that's a
thing? I had Gator bites when I was in
Florida. Yeah, like that.
Like fried Gator, anything fried's good.
Does it taste like chicken? Yeah, a little bit.
Yeah. It's like water chicken.
It tastes like chicken. I've had frog.
I've had what? Watery chicken.
(42:27):
Yeah, just like swamp chicken, like that's, I don't know.
It was good. It was good.
Nasty. Everyone always compares things
to chicken and it's just like, Ifeel like an average taste.
It's just, it's a good, it's like a it's a good consistency.
It's not like gross. You can eat it.
It's edible. It's like an average flavor
taste. It tastes real good breaded with
(42:47):
a bunch of seasoning. It's very big Gator bites.
Yeah. Or like smoke Gator.
I love watching those Cajun cooking videos.
Oh, I've still never had Cajun food.
Louisiana. I know I want to go to Louisiana
so bad. New Orleans is so good are.
We still going to make the flatbread?
Yes. OK, and I want to watch Ted
Lasso. Yes.
Oh my God. Real quick.
(43:07):
We finished Severance. Yeah.
If you're watching this and you work on Severance, what the fuck
are you doing watching this? Get back to work, please.
Oh my God. We need the next.
Season I would do any, I would do anything to be on that show,
be a part of that show, just be a back.
Literally just be an extra in the show.
(43:29):
Oh my God. Just like a distant goat, Audi.
Distant goat. Any.
Yeah. Oh my God.
But now we're watching Ted Lasso, also on Apple TV.
Also good. Really good, Really good.
Very, very feel. Good Apple TV out of nowhere.
Didn't you say Seth Rogen's having?
Yeah, there's a new show called the Studio or something that I
(43:49):
really want to check out. Apparently it's really good.
I don't know, I have no idea. I will say this right now and
then we can end this severance. I'm calling this now, it's
season 2. We're waiting for season 3.
If this shit goes six seasons ormore at the same caliber it is
right now, it will go down as the best show of all.
Time. It's amazing.
(44:09):
We've talked about it, I think every single episode that we've
filmed because we love it, yeah.So I don't think I've ever
recommended a show more. Everyone I talked to, it's so
good. It's just like, it's such a good
show. Like I don't want to spoil it.
We talked about a little bit theother episode.
We'll do a whole breakdown episode if that's what.
We want to make a video doing our Season 3 theories.
Yeah. So that's something we're
seriously considering doing because we're obsessed with the
(44:31):
show. Yeah.
So that's something that you guys want to see.
If you guys have seen the show, if you haven't seen the show, if
you want to check out the show, let us know.
Let us know some show recommendations.
Let us know the biggest animal you think you could beat up.
I don't know. There's a lot of stuff we talked
about. Thank.
You medieval times. Out there, yeah.
Thank you, Medieval Times. We'll be back.
Oh my God. We will be back inside of you.
That's a way to say it, yeah. I'm excited, though.
(44:54):
Oh, I'm so oh, I want to work atmedieval Times someday.
You can do that. I really do.
We love you guys so much. Yes, Thank you, guys.
Thank you guys so much for watching.
Thank you so much. And your support as always. 4
episodes. We're 4 episodes in people.
Oh my God, we're very, very excited and.
Yeah, we're available anywhere you listen to podcasts,
(45:16):
including YouTube. Yes, make sure to follow us on
all of our socials. We were top five in comedy
podcasts on Spotify. That's today, right now.
I don't know if we'll still be there when.
This comes out, I don't know if we're gonna go up.
I don't know if we're gonna go down.
We're #5 for top comedy. Which is crazy that that's
that's really crazy yeah, but we'll see This is fourth
(45:38):
episode, so I don't know how we're doing now, but we sure do
appreciate everyone watching, tuning in, listening.
We we can't thank you enough. Seriously, whatever you're
listening on, whatever you're watching on, we got a lot more
coming down the line. We're working hard for your
entertainment, so. We love you guys.
Yeah, thank you guys so much. We love you and make sure to
follow us. We're pretty.
(45:59):
Funny. We're pretty funny.
Bye.
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