Episode 23: Why Are We So Tired? The Mental Load, Emotional Labor, and Invisible Work of Motherhood

Episode Description:

Mom burnout is real. This week, we’re getting into the kind of tired that goes way beyond sleep deprivation. It’s the invisible workload—the mental and emotional weight of motherhood that never really turns off. From managing the nonstop to-do lists in our heads to carrying everyone’s feelings (including our own), we talk about why so many moms are running on fumes—and why it’s so hard to explain to anyone who doesn’t live it.

We also open up about the quiet culprits behind this deep fatigue—like decision overload, always being mentally “on,” and the hormonal shifts no one warned us about. And more importantly, we share the small things that are helping us feel a little more like ourselves again. Whether it’s outsourcing, setting boundaries, or creating tiny rituals of joy and calm, this episode is a reminder: you're not imagining it, you're not failing—and you're definitely not alone.

💗 Pink Spotlights
We’re bringing you our favorite things of the week:

Christina’s Pick: A fun iPhone lock screen trick that adds a little surprise and delight to your day. You can now rotate portraits of people, pets, or scenery on your lock screen every hour. Just press and hold your current lock screen > tap the + button > choose Photo Shuffle > select your category (Christina chose People and Pets) > pick the frequency, and done. It’s the tiniest treat when your screen lights up and your favorite faces pop up.

Kristina’s Pick: She’s back to beading—and it’s been a calming, creative outlet that makes her feel grounded again. She owns KBbeads, and this week we’re doing a little giveaway:

 ✨ Leave us a written review on Apple Podcasts, DM us your address, and we’ll send you a light pink beaded bracelet with a gold pink flamingo charm—just to say thanks for being here. 💕

👉 Next week: We’re diving deeper into the hormonal side of all this with Dr. Erica Lambert—covering everything from exhaustion to pelvic floor health. Don’t miss it.

Hey PIPAS! Send us a text for episode feedback, ideas, and questions!

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
I'm Christina and I'm t and thisis the Pretty and Pink Again
podcast where Motherhood meetsRediscovery.
Hey.
Hi.
How are you?

(00:20):
I am good.
I'm good.
How are you?
I'm good.
I think this episode is gonna beso fitting for how we're both
feeling right now.
How are you feeling right now?
I think the blanket statement isexhausted.
Oh, yes.
Yes.
But I feel like you're exhaustedfor different reasons than I'm
exhausted for.
Yes, I am in my summer adventureera.
I'm really proud of you.

(00:40):
Which is not, it is not like me.
No.
I say no to everything.
You're so busy this year andlike doing really fun things.
I am, I'm in my Yes.
Era.
Yes.
So yes, it's gonna catch up withme next week.
I feel like it's alreadycatching up with you.
Honestly.
Yes.
Joseph and Vincent were in atennis match on Wednesday.
Wednesday.
Yep.
And I met this woman and she washysterical.

(01:04):
I met her for the first time.
Our kids were playing in a matchagainst each other and I was
telling her how I went toColdplay the night before and
how I got home at 4:00 AM andhow the next day I was going on
a boat and she's wait a minute,I'm sorry.
Didn't you just tell me that youlike to be home in your pajamas?
Right.
That's, I was like, yes.
I also just told you that Irealize that the two don't
really match up.
Yeah.
But I feel like you're doing itand this is like a very good

(01:26):
thing for you.
Like I feel like you are sayingyes, you're in like an adventure
sort of era.
You're like going and having agood time and like you deserve
that.
You've reached this point ofmotherhood where you can do that
right now.
And we also have Mila sittinghere with us today.
Yes.
Hi M you have a little guest.
Do you wanna say hi into the micquick?
You can say, hi, it's summer.

(01:46):
All the kids are here.
Say hi.
Say hi, Mila.
Hi.
Hi.
This is Mila.
We talk about her a lot on thepodcast.
Yeah, we do.
But you're gonna let mommy andChristina work now, right?
Thank you.
But yeah, so we went to ColdplayTuesday.
Yep.
And that was the best show I'veever been to.
I am so jealous.
So we were supposed to be withyou guys, right?
Of course.
We ended up having to say no.

(02:06):
We're in our saying no era,which is obviously what comes
with, I was in that era too forI know, a decade, which makes
sense.
We were, we had to say nobecause we were actually in the
cape for the weekend.
Yes.
And we knew we were coming backaround that time.
And we were like, there isabsolutely no way that we'll be
able to like, do both get home,unpack the kids, get everybody
settled.

(02:27):
We had to go get the cats for myparents and then like literally
get on a bus and go out.
I was like we have wouldn't haveto say no to that, but I'm so
glad that you guys went andobviously this is because this
cold play scandal is also goingon and it's hysterical.
Oh my gosh.
But sad but hysterical, but sadbut hysterical.
You can imagine that being yourmom and dad.
No, I cannot imagine that.
So sad.
I thought about this from everyscenario.

(02:48):
I feel so bad for like theirfamily, like literally insane.
But it's just so funny becausewe were supposed to be at this
concert and you guys ended upgoing and you had a very late
night.
So I don't think that this thescandal was Tuesday.
I think it was the day after.
I think it was the day after.
Because Coldplay plays for twonights sometimes at these
stadiums.
Yeah, because it's that big.

(03:09):
So I do think that you guysmissed it.
Okay.
But it is still so crazy that itwas at the stadium that you guys
were at, right?
Yeah.
So initially when you guys hadsuggested going to Coldplay, I
was like, yeah, like I would goto a concert.
Like why not?
I think it'll be fun.
It was so much more than fun.
It's amazing.
It was, I mean, I'm obsessedwith them.
The best performance I've everseen there was fireworks, not
just like dinky little.

(03:30):
Yeah.
End of like finale fireworks,like multiple 4th of July.
Fireworks that took place.
Like the music, the messaging,they didn't stop playing
playing.
They're iconic.
They're iconic.
Iconic, yeah.
They're, they just start playingthe whole time.
They had a mother and a daughterannounce them.
Oh.
Come on stage and introducethem.
I love them so much.
And then they had people come upon stage, like random people

(03:51):
from the crowd like, come on up.
Yeah.
Very interactive.
Raja and I had gone to see themlike 10 years ago.
And fun fact, sky Full of Starswas our wedding song.
So we love, like the Coldplay iswhat a good wedding song.
It's like our band.
Oh.
So we just love them.
We saw them like 10 years agoand it was literally hands down
the best show I've ever been to.

(04:13):
And that was 10 years ago.
So that was before some of theseeven like better songs came out.
And I feel like Coldplay is verylike hot or cold with people.
Like people either love them orthey can't stand them.
And I am on the I'm obsessedbandwagon and I just love them
so much.
Yeah.
It was excellent.
And I'm so jealous.
And I was like, Ooh, who's thislead singer?
Chris Martin.
He's cute.

(04:33):
And Nicks the golf course.
You're leaving the concert witha new crush didn.
Oh my God.
No.
I didn't even know.
I see.
I love, I'm telling you likeNick and I, were not you guys.
Were not really big fans.
Not really big fans, but I am ahuge fan.
That's really cool that you'relike coming home, like leaving
Yeah.
Like with that so we leave,you're coming back.
As a fan, I love that I'mleaving as a fan.
So we leave the concert.
And there was like, just deadstop traffic.
So we, one of our friends thatwe went with had won a party bus

(04:57):
at one of an auction that hewent to like years ago, like at
a gala or something.
So he was like, oh, I'll redeemit for this.
It'll be perfect.
None of us will have to drivewhatever, blah, blah, blah.
It'll be a late night.
So wherever we got parking forthe party bus, it was just very
hard to get, it was probablyhard to get out no matter where
you were of course.
So I fell asleep on the buswhile we were in traffic on the

(05:17):
way home.
On the way home.
And I was thinking like, oh,I'll wake up and we'll be close
to home.
So one of somebody had to usethe bathroom.
So I woke up'cause the busstopped at a rest stop.
So we all got up and we wentinto the rest stop.
And I was like, where are we?
And the rest stop attendantsaid, Lincoln, Rhode Island.
I'm like, what the what?
Why are we, how are we in RhodeIsland?

(05:39):
I don't even understand.
The bus driver unfortunatelymade a wrong turn.
I guess he went.
Like 4 95 east instead of West.
Oh my God.
Yeah, because I was gonna sayyou guys, so this is, the
concert was in, outside ofBoston.
It was actually at Gillettewhere the Patriots play.
Yes.
And so you guys ended up likefurther east, further east.
So someone took a complete wrongturn, went somebody took a wrong

(05:59):
turn into the wrong state, intothe wrong state casual.
Oh, now, so when I looked at, sonow it was like 1:15 AM I'm
like, oh my God, I was supposedto be home at one 15.
Now I'm an hour and 45 minutesaway from home.
Like I didn't think we, theconcert ended like at 1130.
Yeah.
I thought we'd be home by one.
Yeah, that's was, I was thinking1, 1 30 even I was 1 31, so my

(06:22):
poor babysitter was here and I'mlike, call, I'm sending her
screenshots of where I am on amap.
And she's like, how did you getthere?
I'm like, I have no idea, but Idon't even know what to tell you
to do right now.
What time did you end up gettinghome?
Four.
Four.
We got home at four.
Yeah.
So this podcast is called,Tired.
It's called I'm Tired.
No.
This podcast title is going tobe called Why Are We So Tired?

(06:45):
And I think that you justexplained why you're so tired.
I'm gonna say something to that.
I am less tired from doing funthings Yes.
Than I am when I'm well rested.
Yep.
And I wake up and I am beinginundated with requests.
Yep.
And tasks and just things don'tseem like they are flowing.

(07:08):
Yep.
And I know you're nodding'causeyou're waiting to jump in here.
Yeah.
'cause you can't keep the wordsin.
'cause I can't because I couldnot agree with that more.
And I, I think that's when I'mtired.
I agree.
And I honestly think that wasone of the.
Most shocking parts ofmotherhood is that's why you're
tired.
And I don't think in my, I just,I don't think I ever really

(07:29):
thought about it or broke downwhy you would be so exhausted
all the time.
But that's what it is.
It's like all of the invisibleworkload, that goes into being a
parent.
That's what's exhausting.
And I totally agree with whatyou just said.
Like sometimes the, liketraveling, the jet lag, the just
being tired from doing funthings is less tiring than the

(07:51):
mundane every single day.
And you totally agreed with mewhen I said that to you.
I was like, I can't even imaginegetting in at 4:00 AM but I'm
still that exhausted.
And I'cause what did you say?
Had a good night sleep.
You said, I'm from the, everyday I'm exhausted.
Tired.
Tired.
From the day I even do, I'mdoing something ordinary.
Yes.
Yes.
And I said, that's why you'retired.

(08:11):
Yes.
'cause you just you're doingordinary things every day.
Yep.
Ordinary things are tiring.
Yep.
So we're gonna, we're gonnaunpack this because I really
think that one of the, there'sbeen a lot of things that have
surprised me about motherhood,but I just always pictured the
exhaustion from having kids ofjust the sleepless newborn

(08:32):
nights, right?
And you get out of that phase.
I had it for longer with onethan the other, but you get
outta that phase and I couldeasily say that I have a full
night's sleep right now, most ofthe time, 80, 90% of the time.
And I am still exhausted.
And I find that when I'm withthe kids, especially after the

(08:52):
weekends, which I know we'vetalked about on here, my
exhaustion is 10 out of 10 andit's, I'm like, why?
I'm still getting a full night'ssleep.
It's the daytime that's likestraight up kicking my ass right
now.
And.
So it's some are fun, but it,the exhaustion just doesn't go
away.
And I just don't think that Iwas prepared to understand why

(09:12):
that is.
And maybe I wish that someonewould've broke that down for me.
What's really, I guess there's acouple ways to look at it.
There's like a scientific way tolook at it.
Like you're probably, yourcortisol levels are probably
very high.
Because you probably live in aflight or flight.
Yep.
Fight or flight.
state of mind.
Yep.
For sure.
Because you are in survival modewhere you're just caring for

(09:33):
your children and keeping themsafe.
And that is a very nerve, thatputs your body in a very, like
it is nervous, likenerve-wracking.
Yeah.
Nervous position.
Yep.
Which is very exhausting to livein that state.
Constantly.
I've lived in that state.
I go back to that state, but Ithink I come out of it more than
I to get a little chance to andI think that's what allows you

(09:54):
to reset a little.
Do you think that comes with thekids' ages getting a little bit
older?
You're like out of that survivalmode, do you think?
Or do you think it's justpersonality?
I think it's both.
But I definitely think that whenyou have little kids, you live
in survival mode'cause you'rejust keeping them safe.
And I think yesterday we, I hungout with a group of friends that

(10:15):
are not like my group offriends.
They're my, one of mygirlfriends invited, like our
group of friends and then hergroup of friends from growing
up.
Yep.
And she included us on this likereally fun day.
And I went and so some of thegirls I had never met before and
some I knew peripherally likethat I grew up with in town that
I like reconnected with.
And we had these like greatconversations yesterday and the

(10:39):
common thread was everybody isexhausted.
Yes.
And some of these women areworking moms.
Yeah.
Some of these women are stay athome moms and the stay-at-home
moms with the little kids.
Were exhausted.
Exhausted.
They were so tired.
Yeah.
And they were just saying it'sjust like a safety thing.
Yeah, it's, I think it's just, Iwould categorize this as like

(10:59):
always being on.
And not really having a chance.
So for 13, 14 hours out of theday I'm on.
And.
It's just, there's really, evenif there's a nap, or even if
there's a slight break, itreally just doesn't give your
body a chance to catch up.
And so by the end of the day, Iam a zombie.
And so that just goes on and on.
And the summer has beenwonderful, but there's been so

(11:19):
much more family time where itis just Raja and I and the kids.
And we're, that's time we'reboth finding it.
Yeah.
So it's not just me.
We are both finding the level ofexhaustion is just, it's like
chronic fatigue at this pointwhere it just feels like you
can't get out of that foggy,exhausted feeling.
And it doesn't matter how smooththe day goes.
Obviously if the day is acomplete shit show and

(11:41):
everybody's in like a tantrumand it's just one thing wrong
after another that's, that isbeyond exhaustion.
But then even on the days wherelike everything is smooth
sailing, I'm a zombie at the endof the day.
It's just something I wasn'texpecting.
Yeah.
That's the worst when you thenyou're not even expecting it.
Yeah.
It's just, I thought that, Ithink that, I thought once you
get through the sleeplessnewborn nights, maybe even once

(12:05):
you get out of the young toddlerera, that the exhaustion goes
away.
I think it does to an extent,from what I've heard.
But I still think that thedecision making constantly, the
being on the, being the one thateverybody goes to for
everything, it's just, it's alot.
Mm-hmm.
It's a huge responsibility andthat just weighs.

(12:27):
So I'm sure that's where some ofthe exhaustion, the invisible
workload, keeping track ofeverything.
Like you said, your opening linewas like, you get requests first
thing in the mor.
I mean, It's just, you'reinundated with it first thing
until you go to bed.
Yeah.
There's a lot of requests.
It's a lot, but.
Sometimes I tell myself like,you have a great mantra, and
I'll tell myself like, this istemporary.

(12:48):
This is temporary.
For me, it's temporary until Idrop my kids off at their
activity and then I have a threehour break.
Like the boys right now are attennis lessons right now and so
now there's only two kids here.
To, yeah.
You're half to manage.
I have like half.
But you don't have that luxuryright now?
When your kids are little,you're not dropping your two
kids off.
No.
At tennis and then having threehours in the house?

(13:10):
No.
Where there's no requests comingin at you.
No.
Is what I'm saying.
I have help at home.
But that help is for work.
Yes.
So it's for work hours.
And this is to another point, Ifind that I could have the
busiest workday where I amtoggling between 50 tasks,
right?
Like I have, it's like abrowser.
That's how my mind, I feel like,works right now where it's like

(13:30):
I have a browser open andthere's 50 tabs.
Like just, there's so much goingon.
I have a lot, between thepodcast and work and then just
other things that I have goingon.
I'm sure every working mom feelslike this.
Every mom feels like this.
But there's just a lot going on.
So I'm always toggling betweentasks and, trying to keep
everything organized andtogether.
And then even on days where I amlike running around, I am so

(13:54):
much less exhausted.
So it's shocking to me.
I honestly think that being astay at home mom for me.
Would be the hardest job in theentire world.
Like I just it really wears medown.
And there's just no break.
It's like a 24 7 job.
And so for me, I could have thebusiest workday and granted, I'm

(14:15):
not a neurosurgeon, so it's notlike I have a crazy, insane job
or anything.
It doesn't matter.
A surgeon would agree with you.
I could have the busiest job, Icould have the busiest day at my
job, and I still find that it'sprobably 20 times less
exhausting than being home withthe kids all day long.
Yeah, it's crazy.
Yeah, So the weekends right noware burning me out worse than

(14:37):
the weekdays, right?
Yeah.
There's a lot of questionasking.
There's, they want a lot ofanswers.
Mm-hmm.
Sometimes you have to thinkabout the answer.
Yeah.
Sometimes they ask like multipletimes and it's just, it's like
another browser being open inyour mind.
Yeah.
And you wanna answer them.
You don't wanna ignore them.
You wouldn't ignore a coworker,but a coworker probably would
send you a message and allow youto respond Yes.

(14:58):
At your leisure.
Yes.
Yes.
Or if you were in a meeting youknew like you were blocking off
15 minutes for question andanswer time.
There's no boundaries.
When you're a mom, you havethese kids who, everything is
like open forum If you're in thekitchen, that means anybody can
just walk around the kitchen andtalk and yell and play the Alexa
and have snacks.
It's a very overstimulatingenvironment.

(15:20):
It's, yes.
So it is probably theoverstimulation that also
contributes to the fatigue.
Yes.
There's a lot ofoverstimulation.
It's crazy.
I'm tired today and I knew, Iwas like, by Friday, I'm gonna
have anxiety.
I'm gonna be okay this week, butby Friday I'm going to have
anxiety because the fun isbehind me.
I made it through.
I'm proud of myself.
I did these things.

(15:40):
Now I'm back home.
Back with my kids.
Back to the everyday.
Back to the everyday.
And on Friday I'm gonna anxiety,have anxiety.
It's today is Friday.
Yes, I know.
And that's how I feel today.
Now I'm like, oh god, what do Ihave to do?
So let's, I guess break downwhat is the invisible workload
anyway.

(16:00):
So I think that this obviouslydepends on what kind of ages
that your kids are, but I thinklike the mental to-do list, so
like the birthdays, the keepingtrack of the doctor's
appointments.
I'm not here yet, but like theteacher emails, all of the stuff
that goes into like school andbeing organized.
I've always hear people sayingthings about what day is it at

(16:22):
school?
Is it like Spirit day?
Is it.
A costume day?
Do you have to bring somethingin?
Is it like keeping track of allof that little stuff?
What is going into theirlunchbox that day?
What are they eating?
Oh my God.
Stop talking.
I'm like, literally my skin iscrawling.
No, I'm not even kidding you.
I'm sure everybody listeninghere eat.

(16:43):
It's oh God.
I know.
And then you just said it, it'slike the emotional regulation,
right?
I feel like you said somethingto that effect.
Yes.
I said I don't even know what Isaid.
I'm a little hungover actually.
No, it's like theoverstimulation you to become
dysregulated.
Yes.
And it's hard to, file thingsaway.

(17:04):
You can be, and you can be veryoverstimulated, but then you're
also still responsible toregulate everyone else's
emotions.
So it's like for yourself andfor the kids.
And then I think.
Mine right now is anticipatingneeds before they happen.
Oh, yes.
Like I'm sure you're in thattoo.
Yes.
'cause I know we've talked,you've even talked about Yes.
Like doing the prep work beforethere's a meltdown.

(17:27):
So the constant I know this isgonna happen, so I need to be
prepared or Yes.
Famous word on this podcast.
I do this all the time, liketoo, where I'm, it just creates
a spiral.
Yep.
Camille had.
Another appointment yesterdaywith a therapist, and the
therapist said, kids have theselike beautiful imaginations.
But what happens is when you useyour imagination so much, you

(17:48):
begin to create fears and thatdoesn't ever stop.
Like even as your brain maturesinto adulthood, like currently
now as a parent, like ourimagination takes off and we
create these fears and thesescenarios and this anticipation.
We know, oh, at four o'clockthis is probably what's gonna
happen, but we don't wait untilfour o'clock to let it happen.

(18:09):
We're already worried about itat two for sure.
And that two hours is more timethat we've wasted worrying and
getting upset and getting workedup.
Causing like upset andexhaustion.
Yeah.
And then even trying to.
I guess like you, you predictthat something's gonna happen,
so you're trying to remedy itbefore it happens.
Mm-hmm.

(18:29):
And so all of that mental andphysical energy that you're
using to do that, it's crazy.
It's so tiring.
So I think it's just one ofthose things I've been saying,
like I wasn't prepared for thisor it wasn't something that I
was expecting, but I honestlyjust don't think that you can
even be prepared until you're init.
So it's hard to explain it topeople unless you're in it, I

(18:51):
agree.
And also, I don't think it'sfair to explain it to people
before they're in it, Causesometimes we say I wish I had
known, it would've been nice,but would it have been nice?
I don't know if I would've evenunderstood.
No.
Because I do think that it's oneof those things, and I used to
get really mad at thisstatement, right?
Of like.
you don't know because you don'thave kids.

(19:11):
Like that.
I've heard that statementbefore.
It was very painful for me tohear that statement when Sure.
When we were trying was,especially in a state.
Yes.
Especially with some infertilityissues and when we really wanted
to be parents and just weren'tat the time.
It's that's a hard statement tohear.
But now that I'm on the otherside of it, I think that it
could be said more kindly, but Ialso do understand it, like it's

(19:33):
a club that you don't know thatyou're in until you're in it.
You don't understand the ins andouts of it until you're
literally living and breathingit every single day.
You just don't know.
And it's not, I don't thinkthat's to shade anyone who
doesn't have kids or who maybeisn't in this same.
Like sphere.
But it's true.
It's really true.

(19:53):
Like you don't know until you'rein it.
I agree.
My sister-in-law's here rightnow, Gina, she's here for the
week and she doesn't havechildren.
My children are like she, shesays are her children.
She's amazing.
But she says it all the time.
She's I don't know how you dothis day in and day out, because
when she's here, she's on.
But then she goes home.
And when she goes home, she eatsher dinner at 4:00 PM Yeah, she

(20:15):
does her workout, she does hershower, she does her lotion.
She does whatever she likes todo in her routine.
That's uninterrupted.
So she can reset.
There's no reset here.
No.
'cause there's no off time.
Time.
There's no off time.
There's no off time.
I think she would agree withthat.
Yes, I do.
I do.
I think that anybody who's notin it, who's maybe close to it
and can see it.
She's very close to it for sure.

(20:35):
Could definitely understand.
But yeah, it's definitelyinteresting'cause I think that's
to a great point.
You wanna know, but then youreally can't know.
Yeah.
It's also, it's like when youdeliver a baby for the first
time, yes.
You wanna know it's anexperience, but you wanna know.
But you don't wanna know becauseyou're gonna have your own
experience and if somebody tellsyou what it's gonna be like it

(20:56):
might create a wrong thought.
I'm almost happy, I didn't knowwhat it was gonna be like
delivering a baby for the firsttime.
For sure.
Because I don't know if Iwould've wanted to do that.
You don't need more fear.
Yes.
You don't need more fear forsomething that scary sometimes
you need to just jump in andalmost, it's like being
blissfully unaware of somethingbefore you're in it.
I think that's like whatparenthood, what motherhood is
all about.

(21:17):
But I know we talked about alist of like why we're tired.
So it's the decision fatigue,the sensory overload.
I feel like that has both of ournames written all over it.
The always on mentality.
But I wanna talk about thehormone aspect.
Yes.
We're gonna get into this alittle bit.
Yes.
With our guests over the nextcouple of weeks.
Yeah.
So we have, I'll give a, I'llgive a tease'cause she's coming

(21:39):
on next week.
I'm excited for this one.
I think it's gonna end up beingtwo the next two weeks.
Yep.
'cause there's so many differentthings to unpack.
Dr.
Erica Lambert, she's actually aurologist and she specialized,
she used to specialize in men'shealth.
Men's health.
Which is a multi-billion dollarbusiness.
And she was like, if I give onemore guy a testosterone shot,

(22:00):
like I'm going effing lose it.
Yep.
And she pivoted to women'shealth, which there is no money
in.
Interesting.
And we'll unpack all of that.
We're getting into all that.
'Cause she went throughmenopause very early on and
she'll share all of this aswell.
And she said to me, are youhaving like sleepless nights and
this and hot, hot flashes.
Hot flashes and all this.
She's these are all signs.

(22:21):
Of early menopause orperimenopause.
And what happens is you are inyour twenties, you feel great or
whatever.
You enter your thirties, youstart, those are your
childbearing years.
You start having kids, you stophaving kids, you're exhausted
from having kids.
But simultaneously what'shappening is you're having this
hormone shift.
Yes.
So there's I can't imagine evenlike for me sometimes when I'm

(22:43):
wondering what the hell is goingon in my body?
Yeah.
I'm like, this is probably acombination of the postpartum
hormones going crazy andprobably the early menopause.
Which is crazy'cause there'sjust a natural shift.
It needs to be accepted.
And it's good to know what'shappening.
Yes.
It's good to accept thecombination of the two.
Mm-hmm.
It's dangerous to be inundatedwith so much information and be

(23:05):
reaching for what it could bewhen it is not that, that'cause
that's creating like more fearand more worry, but.
I think for you, especially withthe two little kids, I would say
this is a combination.
This is a combination for sure.
So I'm really excited to haveher on next week.
So like t said, this is probablygonna be a two-parter'cause we
have so many questions.

(23:26):
This will also give us time toget your questions in Yes.
From our listeners.
So if there's anything thatyou're wanting to know, like we
have an expert on and she is inthis, like this is her bread and
butter.
So we're really excited to haveher on and be able to talk about
this.
Yeah.
We'll post something on ourInstagram for any other
questions.
But one thing that she had saidto us is that there is a lot of

(23:47):
information out there and it'shard to sift through what's
right, what's wrong, and Ireally grasp onto what she says
because she's, not to throwshade at any other provider.
She's a medical doctor, she's anmd.
She has a ton of training underher belt, and then on top of
that, she has all of this newcutting edge material with the

(24:10):
hormone replacement therapy.
All of that.
Yeah.
This will be so interesting toget into and I think just really
important because like you keepsaying, there's so much
information, it's also who hastime to sift through and we're
in this day and age, which we'vebeen talking about on here,
where there's just so muchinformation.
Yeah.
That you don't even know ifyou're like listening to an
expert who is this person.
Sometimes you just hear thingsand I feel like people just go

(24:31):
through I heard on TikTok, orlike I heard on Instagram, and
it's from who?
You know, I say that all thetime, so yeah.
I'm stranger who's not.
It's qualified, but I'm gonnalisten.
But you're like, you take bitsof information and I think this
is really gonna be a reallyinteresting conversation.
Yeah.
But I do think it's importantbecause we've, we're talking
about it and hormones are a hugereason why we're having all of

(24:52):
this fatigue.
Yeah.
And brain fog and the mom brainthat everybody loves to.
Throw out that term.
No, I think that mom brain is sotrue.
I mean, It's so real.
What do you think for you issomething that just makes you
tired to your core?
If you had to pinpoint onething, like what, like pops in
first, even if you don't wannasay it out loud, with the kids

(25:14):
for sure.
Just in general, it doesn't needto be children related.
It just for you right now,Christina what do you think?
Is that like the top of yourlist?
So when I'm having decisionfatigue, oh, that's so I that
just drains me.
Okay.
Like when I have a lot on mymind when I have a lot of things
that are moving parts and wheneverything is a little bit gray,
I just, internally it's, it isexhausting and that's how I feel

(25:38):
like motherhood is right.
It's a lot of just being inmotherhood is living in the
gray.
It's, It's living in the gray.
And so I, I think I'm, IMlearning to better at.
Living in the gray, but it'sstill really exhausting for me
to live in the gray.
So I feel like when I have a lotof things going on with work,
when I don't know what's goingon with certain aspects, I've

(26:00):
been back and forth with workand what, where do I wanna spend
my time and what, I don't have aclear cut nine to five where
it's like, these are my tasks,this is what I have to do.
So even when I wake up and I'mstarting my day, I'm what am I
doing today?
What do I need to share?
What is happening in the spacethat, like what?
What do I need to do today?
So it starts with that.

(26:21):
So it's like just.
Figuring everything out for theday.
And then it's, I just feel likeI'm constantly in that place of
not having everything naileddown, right?
And that just exhausts me to mybones.
That just constant, okay.
And I think even with the kidsit's a lot of decision fatigue.
And that's just in the day today okay, if this nap doesn't go

(26:42):
according to plan, then what doI do?
Or what am I gonna do with thekids in the afternoon?
How am I gonna help them expeltheir energy?
What are we having for dinner?
Okay, nobody's eating that.
What's the backup plan?
What time should they go to bedtonight?
Because of some it's just, it'sso much.
So you spend your day secondguessing your decisions and or
is it you just, or you're justhaving a hard time making

(27:04):
decisions?
I think it's just that I'malways question them, always
making decisions.
It's just.
Always making decisions andthere's always pros and cons to
doing things right.
Like I, we've talked about thisbefore.
It's, it could be as simple asit's too hot to bring the kids
outside right now.
Okay, so what are we gonna dofor the next two hours until
it's time?
Okay, so maybe dinner needs tobe a little bit earlier.

(27:25):
Okay, so I need to start thatnow.
It's just that constant being inprep and plan mode.
Things aren't just happening.
It exhausting.
It's exhausting.
You're making them happening.
Yes.
Okay.
So that, that to me, just offthe bat, I would say for like
from a day to day standpoint, Iguess then that would make sense
why you set the days you feelthe best are like these really
like uber productive days ofwork.

(27:46):
Probably.
'cause you don't even have tomake decisions.
Exactly.
Yep.
When I needs to be, do know Iwhat needs to be done for the
day and I have a to-do list andI could bang through it and like
I feel that productivity and Ifeel good and accomplished for
the day that, that to me is Ithen I'm almost like it
energizes me.
Like it invigorates me, but theconstant, not knowing what to do

(28:07):
and being in this gray space isdefinitely what tires me up.
How do you change your day as amom to that you can't, I don't
know, because I don't think thatyou can, and that's what we
always say.
We're asking the questions andwe don't always get the answers.
I don't think that you can.
I just think that this is just,this is how it is and I think
you have to learn to roll withthings and adapt.

(28:29):
And it's a complete personalityshift.
For some people.
No I agree with that.
I can see why, I think Laurensaid it really well to us.
A couple weeks ago, how, when,yeah.
When we had a low profile year,output what did she say?
She had said Output.
Output.
I liked that word.
Gives you your sense offulfillment and, children.
You have to be, you're in thelong game for that.

(28:50):
Yes.
You're not gonna be getting patson the back and or, and Good
job, mom, you did a great job.
Taking care of me today.
It comes way, it's very littlewins way down.
It comes way down the road.
Yep.
I think motherhood, especiallywhen you're in the early years,
it's like celebrating littlewins.
Just okay, we got through thepart of the day and everybody
was happy today.
And we, I try, I've been tryingto reframe how I think about

(29:13):
things.
Where it's not output and it'snot just success in terms of
okay.
Everybody went down for theirnap or ate well today.
It's, I'm trying to like look atthe bigger picture of things and
like happier moments and thingsthat we got to do together and
share and Yeah.
That's so important.
I think if you can sit in just afew minutes of gratitude, it'll

(29:34):
it'll perk you up a bit.
Sometimes when you sit in likefrustration and anger Yes.
It just brings you down more.
Yes.
But it's very easy to do that.
And I think that I for me and mypersonality, like I, I think
that sometimes like the toxicpositivity is also like
exhausting the guilt that youput on when you're not feeling
good.
I've been getting inundated.

(29:55):
I don't know if, I'm sorry.
Hopefully everyone else blockyour phone when I say this.
'cause then I feel like it showsup for everybody.
But I've been getting inundatedwith this like extreme positive
motherhood messaging, It's notlike we're all in this together
type of messaging.
It's shaming if you're having ahard time in the day to day.
I've been getting like somereels that pop up and I'm like,
ugh.
Stop.

(30:15):
Like I don't like the toxicpositivity.
I also don't like the, justcomplaining all of the time.
Like we say that we try to takea very neutral space in this,
with this podcast.
Yeah.
Where we don't wanna becomplaining moms.
But you also don't wanna be liketoxic positivity where you're
like, everything is just, shouldbe just so great and you should
be so grateful for everythingall the time.

(30:36):
I think that it's okay toacknowledge things, but then
it's also okay to try to dosomething about it if you are
having a hard time.
What can you do to get yourselfout of this?
That's what this, what ourmessaging is all about.
Or you have, or this is justgonna be a harder time in our
lives.
Just a harder season.
That's That's okay too.
Were you, Myla was in a dancecompetition last weekend.

(30:56):
Oh, I'm also in my adventure erabecause I was traveling all
weekend with my daughter for thedance competi.
Yeah.
Kids in their adventure era too.
They're in their adventure era.
Yeah.
Your kids are busy.
Mela is like hot and cold.
She is a lot to handle and she'salways at my side.
So I constantly have this littleball of fire beside me.
It is very hard for me to remainlike calm and neutral and not be

(31:17):
overstimulated and all thethings when I'm beside her.
But when she goes up on stage,like she lights, oh the stage,
lights it up.
And one of the moms on our danceteam sent the dance team this
quote, and it was so coolbecause I think everybody was
just like pooped by the end ofthe weekend.
Like everybody was tired, somegirls lost, some girls won.
This is a lot mixed.
Mixed bag of emotions.

(31:37):
And she said, reflect on theweekend or the day you have a
child who's healthy enough toexpress their self through
dance.
Just that's it.
Yeah.
That's the takeaway.
Just very simple.
Very simple.
Yep.
Like just.
Lean into that message.
And sometimes I like leaninginto these little messages.
It doesn't need to be this wholebig inspirational thing, or stop

(31:59):
complaining that you were hereall weekend.
Nope.
You have a child who is healthyenough to express themselves
through dance.
Okay.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna take thatone today.
Today's like celebrating a smallwin, but that's actually like a
big win if you think about that,right?
Yeah.
If you think about, if you tryto reframe yourself as you have,
he healthy, happy children.
I try to do that all the timewhen I'm in the weeds, when I

(32:20):
feel like things just aren'tgoing the way that I want them
to go.
I really try to reframe just sothat I'm not coming across as
like a complainy mom, or I amtrying to, see.
The light, right?
Like instead of just the dark,just from being tired all the
time.
I'm well, being tired all thetime is hard.
Yes, Christina.
It is really freaking hard.

(32:41):
It's, yep.
And that's honest too.
I'm tired.
Yep.
I know I was very tired when mykids were little.
I feel like I'm a little lesstired now.
Although we have an open doorpolicy in our room that if you
have a bad dream or you arescared, you can always come and
wake up.
Mom and dad, you have four.
So there is that.
You yeah.
But I don't have as much fearanymore that I'm gonna be woken

(33:03):
up.
Like I feel like you still mighthave some of that.
Yeah.
And you, ptsd, ts d fear fromthat you know's getting, you
know what, it's getting a lotbetter in terms of the waking up
in the middle of the night.
So all of like our newborn moms,if you have a newborn or just a
kid.
'cause I know that there'speople that have kids that are
in through their toddler yearsthat are still not sleeping
through the night that.
I that is just so beyondexhausting.

(33:24):
Again, I don't think that youcan, even if you hear, because
I've talked about this with someof my girlfriends before, like
I've never really been like agreat sleeper since I've been a
teen you a like sleeper,probably like in, in college, I,
that's when I started to havesleep issues where it would be
very on and off.
Like I'd have a good coupleweeks of good sleep and then I
would get into periods where Ijust was very restless and

(33:45):
couldn't sleep and anxious.
And I, so I thought that when Iwent into motherhood, I was
like, I'm used to interruptedsleep.
I'm not somebody who just passesout and can sleep like 10 hours
without waking up.
That's not me.
So I thought that I would beokay with interrupted sleep with
Leo, who was my first, it wasvery much interrupted sleep.
It was very much like gettingup.

(34:07):
Going through the motions ofhaving a baby up through the
night we're gonna feed.
Mm-hmm.
We're gonna change, we're gonna,if we have to change the outfit,
if we have to rock a little bitto sleep, he went back down.
I can almost do it on autopilot.
Especially as we went throughthe months and months with
Layla.
It was the decision making inthe middle of the night.
Aw.
So that's, I also think thatthat's not something that you

(34:30):
sometimes expect.
It's again, it goes back tothat's the level of exhaustion
when you're not justinterrupted, you're.
You're like actually makingdecisions in the middle of the
night.
Like you have to function andyou have to be like, what's the
best thing to do here?
What do I need to do?
How can I settle her back tosleep?
What needs to be done?
That is exhausting.

(34:50):
So I feel like.
That's getting better, becauseI'll sometimes have an
interrupted night of sleep whereone of them will get up.
I just need to go in and someonemight be having a bad dream, so
let's just settle them backdown.
You're not making decisions.
Yeah.
It's a little less of thatanxiety of what are we going to,
what am I gonna do?
Like, how long am I gonna be up?
So how is this gonna better?

(35:10):
How tomorrow, how is this gonnaimpact tomorrow?
So a lot of that anxiety is it'sgoing back down.
So I'm not really finding, Iknow these like in spiraling,
intrusive thoughts are verytiring.
Yes.
That's also another, they takeup a lot of space and a lot of
real estate in your brain andyour body that it does not need
to be there.
The only way to get rid of it isto have some wins.

(35:31):
Yep.
Truly, I think it, the only wayto move through that is to
replace it with better feelings.
Yep.
Better days.
And if you keep stringing theselike bad ones together, yes.
It's really hard to add a goodone to it.
It's, and so I guess to thatpoint, what would you consider
what's helping and what isn't inthat frame?
We're all exhausted.
We're all about the hacks,right?
It's what are we doing to help?

(35:53):
It's not gonna alleviate itcompletely, but what are we
doing to help?
I don't think it helps when Ishare my mental load.
You don't?
No, because I think then it'sjust me repeating what's already
on my brain.
Yeah.
I can see that.
And I don't I need to find abetter way to say this to my
husband.
'cause I think when I say it tohim and the kids, I think I come

(36:15):
across snippy and mean, becausewhat I'll say to him sometimes
is stop asking me questions he'strying to help.
That's his goal, right?
He's trying to help, he's tryingto find out like, what's the
game plan?
What's going on?
And he'll say to me, you sit andtalk on the phone with my sister
for hours.
You sit and talk on your podcastfor hours and you never wanna

(36:36):
talk to me.
I'm like.
I would love to talk to you.
You just rapid fire questions atme.
You know how, like you weresaying, like your big thing with
is decision fatigue.
For sure.
My biggest trigger is answeringquestions.
I don't wanna answer questions,I just wanna keep the answers in
my head and just do them do itright.
I don't want the people,sometimes I don't want the

(36:57):
people around me to ask mequestions.
'cause answering them isexhausting.
Yes.
Because I have to go into thefiling cabinet in my brain,
which is not organized.
Retrieve the information, sharethe information, and then
actually do it myself.
And sometimes it's just quickerif you just do it yourself.
So in most cases, I just wannado it myself.
Which I realize that's nothealthy.

(37:17):
Mm-hmm.
And I realize that's poorcommunication.
I know I'm breaking all therules, but when I am very tired,
I don't wanna, I don't wannacheck in.
I don't wanna deal it.
I'm too tired.
I totally agree with that.
And yesterday I had no cellphone service and so Nick was
home.
First world problems we hadsomebody here help.
We had like our security system,we had somebody here with the
security system.

(37:37):
We had somebody here cleaningthe pool.
Our pool was broken.
We had somebody fix it.
We had somebody here mowing thelawn like.
We are lucky enough that we hadlots of helpers yesterday
helping Nick out, but he wascalling me constantly trying to
figure out who was who.
Yep.
And what time they were comingand what we owed them.
'cause I was like, I usuallyhandle all of that.
And I had 10 missed calls fromhim.

(37:58):
Yeah.
And I got back to him at the endof the day and it was already
taken care of.
That's, I was gonna say he justdid it.
Yep.
I think that's the key.
Like you can have, because forme, I'm so grateful I had no
service.
Yes.
For me, somebody who's very typeA, I like to know everything
that's going on.
Something that's really helpedme, and I wouldn't say I'm like
a pro at this at all, it'ssomething that I work through

(38:20):
all the time, is when someoneelse is handling something, let
them handle it.
When you let them handle it.
Obviously, if they're asking youa question and they need to know
the answer, that's different.
But like when my husband istaking care of the kids,
sometimes I overstep and I tryto micromanage the situation.
It's been really difficult forme to try to take a backseat to

(38:41):
some of that, but just thatmental shift of let him handle
it, let him, if he's.
Doing this, then he has to dothe whole thing.
So how do you let him handle itand still physically be present?
I would have to leave the house.
So that's, or the state.
I usually have to leave thehouse, but I sometimes just
leave the room.
Like I, I literally just try toseparate myself and I'm like, if

(39:05):
you handle this, but then you'regonna handle it from the ground
up.
You're gonna make all thedecisions in you're way and
you'll, and honestly, with that,yes, but I have to be, yeah I
used to try to meddle a lot.
Like I would remove myself, butcome back in and be like, okay,
wait no, we need it done thisway.
Or oh, it's ti you know, we needto do this.
That's tiring for probably himtoo.
It's, It's tiring for him too.
It's tiring for the personthat's trying to help.

(39:25):
So I've had to do this in with,this goes back to our village
episode.
I've had to do this with anybodywho is helping with the kids or
the house.
Just let them do their thing andit's a mental shift.
It doesn't always work.
I have to repeat mantras tomyself, like in order to let
things go, but.
It honestly makes it a loteasier.
And I also think that it givesthe person who's stepping in and

(39:48):
taking on that load to have thefull 360 view of it.
Because there is a lot ofdecisions to make and there is a
lot of, it's not just follow thedirections because the direction
sometimes go awry and you'relike, that's the thing.
It's not just following.
It's what do you do if thishappens?
All of the different scenarios.
They may have to make decisions.

(40:08):
They have to make decisions thatyou're making the decisions for
them.
Exactly.
And if the decisions fatigue iswhat is, what you struggle with
then there's no point in havingthe, being involved in making
decisions for somebody else.
Exactly.
You might as well just do it thewhole thing yourself.
Exactly.
So I've tried to remove myself.
I have been, I think that'ssomething I've done.
I've grown tremendously withthis past year is just like

(40:29):
letting other people in and notonly just physically in, but
like mentally into, and likementally help me take over some
of the mental load.
It doesn't always go the way Iwant it to go, but and I'm
always happy to help if theregets a situation where somebody
just needs to what do I do?
Like I, I've had plenty of timeswhere my nanny will call me and

(40:51):
say, Layla woke up from her nap.
Like she, what do you want me todo here?
Do you want me to try to go backin?
Or she's fighting it and we likeproblem rectify it together.
That kind of has happened lessand less as like I've learned to
let the res go a little bit.
It's yes, please call me if youneed something.
So that's less exhausting foryou?
Yes.
Because then I feel like I'm nottrying to do both where I'm

(41:11):
trying to work, but then alsotrying to micromanage every
little thing that's happening athome.
Because then you're beingpulled.
Yes.
When you had sleepless nights asa college student or as a
newlywed, you had a sleeplessnight.
You had interrupted sleep, butyou didn't have interrupted wake
time.
No.
You had settled wake time.
Settled wake time.
Now you have unsettled waketime.
Yeah.
You're constantly beinginterrupted.

(41:32):
And that constant start, stop,start.
Yes.
Stop, start, stop is veryunsettling to a person's body.
It is.
And I understand.
I get it.
You have tiny humans.
Their job is to exhaust you.
Their job is to ask you as manyfreaking questions.
As they can ask.
And they will ask as many as youwill answer.
They will be no stop.

(41:54):
I understand that.
I get that's all par for thecourse.
But with that.
Equals, I hired mother.
It does I, period.
End statement, mic drop, done.
That's it.
That's what happens.
That's it.
And so I think that justaccepting that this is the
season of life that we're in.
There is no answer.
This is another one of thosethings where it's like, there's
just, there is no answer.

(42:15):
You can work to help yourselfthrough this season.
Yeah.
But there's no magic fix.
It's just, it's really tiring.
It's, and I would love to knowfrom moms whose kids are grown.
'cause we have a lot of peoplewith different kids.
Yeah.
Like different age ages.
We have people that have theirkids fully out of the house that
listen in and probably justreminisce.
And tell us to enjoy theseyears, while we're in them.

(42:38):
But I know we had a really sweetmessage come through yesterday.
We've had a couple.
Really nice messages comethrough.
And somebody said to you inparticular I have older kids
now.
Mm-hmm.
They're year apart.
They're like similar age boy,girl, like similar with you.
And my kids are a little oldernow and this strong-willed, like
Yep.
Curiosity, will suit them wellearly on.

(42:58):
Like those messages are soimportant and special and
hopeful they are because thistime is hard.
It is.
I know.
And I love, I feel like we'vegotten a lot of the well-rounded
messages.
Yeah.
And I feel like it's justspeaking to people just probably
putting themselves back in thisplace and remembering what it's
like to have kids all of ourages.
Yeah.
And so even when they aren't inthe same exact space that we're

(43:22):
in currently, they're not comingat it with they're not
minimizing, that they're notcoming through.
To minimize anything that we'rein currently and not to make us
feel bad, right?
Like that if we are strugglingwith some of these things.
But I just love those messagesof like hope and you are in the
hard times.
It's okay to acknowledge that itdoes get better and that's it,

(43:44):
like that's, so it's justaccepting that and like you
said, trying to find the good,in some of these times.
Yeah, I know.
And times change.
Embracing the exhaustion.
Like my kids didn't go to campthis week and they're not in
camp next week and I think a twopodcasts ago I said, what's
working for me this summer ishaving my kids engaged in
activities and.

(44:06):
There for whatever reason, likeearlier this week, I didn't have
them in anything and I had themall with me on Monday.
And Mila had a dance class.
We all went to dance class whilethey, she was doing it.
I like went to mini golf withthe boys, whatever.
Like we were just doing stufftogether.
It's like McDonald's for lunch.
And at the end of the day Nicksaid to me, you don't look tired
today.
You look like you had a goodday.

(44:27):
Usually when you're with thekids all day you're like tired,
you don't look like tired today.
That's a win.
And I said, yeah, I don't knowsometimes.
Getting them to all of theirthings is just as tiring.
I didn't have to work on Mondayand I just had to worry about
hanging out with them.
I didn't have to like worry somuch about You got to toggle.
I didn't have to toggle.
That's what I, that's a goodword.

(44:48):
I think that the dipping backand forth from like on off is
very tiring.
I didn't even think about that.
It drains your battery.
Yes.
And until you said it, if you'rejust doing one thing, that's
okay.
Yep.
It's the toggling.
So that's another one for me.
I would say the kind of decisionfatigue and the toggling back
and forth between tasks thatjust mentally drains me.

(45:09):
So I you hit it on the head,like at the end of the episode.
So it's crazy.
I listened to a podcast.
I don't know if it was.
Mel Robbins podcast, but she hadon I, I don't remember what, who
it was, I think, but I know Iwas listening to a podcast and
they talked about common threadsbetween very successful people
and very successful people chunktheir time.
And essentially that'seliminating the toggling.

(45:30):
It is.
You just, you're all in, in onething.
Yep.
You wake up early, you do yourworkout, that's your workout.
Yep.
You sit down, you work, youchunk your time.
Then you go and you mom hard,like Yep.
You chunk your time.
I agree with that.
I'm just, it's not a, it's not astrong suit of mine and I can
get easily distracted, but I'msaying that.
That eliminates that togglingand that going back and forth.

(45:51):
Mm-hmm.
And that also eliminates all ofthe decision fatigue and the
answering questions becauseyou're doing Yes.
And I think it goes back to whenyou're very present at
something.
I think that then that sets youup for success for whatever
you're doing.
So if you are at work and you'revery present and you're not
worried about all of A, B, C allof the other things that are
going on outside, yes.

(46:12):
You can really give yourself towhat you're doing.
You're more productive for apersonality like mine.
When you get the check doneyou're like, great.
You feel accomplished, you feelgood.
Then you move on, come home andyou can be present at home
again.
Check it off of we weretogether, we, I didn't have my
time split, my attention wasn'tsomewhere else.
You feel good and accomplishedin that space.

(46:35):
That's a very positive way tospin being present because I've
always taken being present withyour kids as like a.
Oh, you're never gonna get thesedays back.
You need to be present.
And I'm like, how do I bepresent when I have 500 things
on my mind?
Actually, the way you justframed it is no, if you can just
say, this is kid time.

(46:56):
Just be at kid time.
And then later or before orwhatever.
Except that you're gonna useyour time for something else.
Yes.
And I think that's, I'm suresome people do.
Maybe that's what I did onMonday.
Maybe I was just president kidtime.
And I wa and maybe that's why Iwasn't as tired probably.
And maybe,'cause I knew it wasjust gonna be for one day.
Yes.
Because the next day I hadsomething else planned.

(47:18):
Maybe it's easier to do thatwhen I, it's, I have things
lined up.
But I think that's definitelysomething that would take work.
I think that's something thatyou would have to practice.
And you have to put that intopractice every single day.
But, and I'm sure some peoplethat comes a little bit more
natural to them, but for me,that's not something that comes
natural to me.
So I'm all over the place at alltimes.
So when I'm at work, I'mthinking of the kids and what's

(47:40):
going on there.
And then when I'm with the kids,sometimes I'm like, oh no, I
just forgot I have to do, didn'tdo that.
Maybe we should try Vincent's aDH, ADHD medication.
I wonder if it would help us.
I think that we need to have onan A DHD specialist, because I
actually think, my husbandalways is like, you're always
trying to diagnose yourself,right?
Like you always need to know Ihave this right?

(48:02):
Like I'm like I, you have tolabel yourself.
And I'm like, I do.
I have to label myself.
I actually think that sincebecoming a mom, the best way to
describe how my brain works is Ihave an A DHD brain and I always
go back to the browser with 50browser tabs open.
And I'm not just on, I'm notjust on one tab.

(48:22):
I'm going back and forth okay,let me do something here and
then let me open this one andlet me do something here and
then let, and like how could yoube productive?
That's a what we were justsaying, like you're better
chunking your time, but it'sjust not something that I'm good
at.
So maybe we are gonna put thaton our wishlist of guests.
We need to find one.
If you guys have, do you knowwhat if anyone's a specialist in
this and wants to chat aboutthis or has a recommendation?

(48:43):
I think that this would be whattype?
Fascinating.
What type of person specializesin like adult, a DH, adhd, a
primary care doctor?
I'm actually very curious ifsomebody.
Could come on and talk abouteither misdiagnosis as a child
or if it's real that this couldhappen after motherhood.
Yeah, if maybe it was likealways looming and then like
motherhood just sparked it, butI feel like my brain doesn't

(49:06):
work the same that it used to.
And we can blame that onhormones.
We can blame that on just beingbusier and just having all this,
all this extra weight on you andresponsibility.
But like I, if you asked me, Iwould say yes, I have symptoms
of that for sure.
So when the boys went to thepediatrician to get their
initial diagnosis, they ended updoing it's called a neuropsych

(49:28):
evaluation, and they ended upboth having it, but like in
different ways.
One has a little morehyperactive and one has like an
inactivity in attention orsomething.
Or in attention or something.
Yes.
And I was taking the testbesides them'cause I was helping
them do it.
Yeah.
Curious.
And I'm like yep.
I have it too.
Yeah, I have it too.
I know.
I have sensory issues.
I have all, I have it all.
Yep.

(49:48):
Is that just being a mom or wasthat something that you were
before?
I know, I think it's somethingthat like we grew into.
Yeah, it's mom, a DH, adhd.
And again, I don't wanna throwaround these like I know no
things because I realize thatthey're like real and people
struggle with them for sure.
And they're serious diagnosesfor sure.
But I definitely think the opentabs in the brain.
Yep.

(50:09):
So I love that.
So we're gonna move into ourlast segment, which is our pink
spotlight.
Oh my God.
We're here already.
Yes we are.
Today's like flying by.
I know.
It is.
It's a beautiful summer day.
But, okay.
So our pink spotlight is ourlittle tip that's making life
better this week.
Do you have anything to share?

(50:30):
Oh.
Now you go first.
Okay.
So I don't know yet.
Circle back.
So mine, I'm usually the onethat's wait, what was my pig
smile?
Which goes exactly to the topicthis week?
So mine, actually, this week Iwas just in the cape with my two
best friends from home.
It was really fun.
Didn't even talk about yourtrip.
How was it?
My trip was fantastic.
Tell us about it quickly.
I wanna hear about it.
I went to Cape Cod.

(50:50):
I had a very going on and outabout my stupid adventure
errors.
So you are in one too.
I we were adventurous with thekids.
It was a really nice trip.
So we are two for two, likereally good trips this summer,
which is just, feels like a win.
I'm trying to just be like, wow.
We did a little road trip.
The rides were very hard, butonce we were there, we got in a
really good groove.

(51:10):
We were with two of my bestfriends, their family kids.
The foods that you, the foodthat you were posting looked out
of this world.
My best friend Dana is like.
A doctor, but a chef.
And she is just incredible.
So people like that follow me onInstagram wait, every year
they're like, oh my God, I can'twait to see what she's gonna
make because her food is justout of this world.
So we ate really well.
We had a really good time.

(51:30):
The kids had a really good time.
And one of her little tips thatI noticed was she has, on the
background of her phone, she haslike a rotating portrait where
every hour it's a differentphoto.
Oh.
And I didn't even realize thatyou could do this, but we were
talking about it because herkids are a little bit older than
mine.
And so she has portraits of herkids from when they were a

(51:54):
little bit younger.
Oh, cute.
And they pop up.
So every hour she has, I thinkyou could do every day, every
hour where the.
Your background, essentially onyour phone, like your lock
screen will change.
Oh, we'll just pop up as a newpicture.
And so I ended up doing itbecause I've had the same photo
of my cat, Misha from like 10years ago.
Favorite girl.
It is probably long.

(52:14):
My, my favorite person she'sbeen on my lock screen for as
long as I can remember.
And I've kept it, even when Ihad kids, because my kids would
get a, they would crack up whenthey would go and touch my phone
and it was a picture of Misha.
They would go, Misha, like itbecame a thing.
And so I didn't wanna get rid ofit'cause it was just like a
nostalgic thing.
But then I saw that you canactually add, so when you go to

(52:36):
it, I'll show you guys how to doit or I'll talk you through it.
So you go to your lock screenand you press and hold.
The lock screen and you get thislike customize button that pops
up.
So if you go to customize, youcan tap the lock screen and then
you can choose on the left handside, there's like a little
folder, and you can choose thecategories that would come up.

(52:59):
Oh.
And so you can actually, itattach pets, people, pets,
nature, or cities.
And so I clicked people andpets, and then you can actually
click into people and click thepeople that you want.
You wanna see, so I have my twokids, and then my two pets are
under there.
And so every hour I have arotating portrait.
So it's one person.
It's not you and the kids, it'sjust like the picture of the

(53:21):
kids or a picture of the pets.
And it's so cute because everyhour it rotates.
Like right now it's back onMisha.
And every hour it will rotateand and you phone picked that
picture.
It's not my phone.
You added that picture and youcan go through.
And like you could say don'tfeature this photo or don't you
know.
But I keep it as just a surpriseand it's been so cute.

(53:42):
And actually the kids now, it'slike a thing with the kids where
like Leo's been coming up to meand saying what photo is it
right now?
And sometimes it's a picture ofhim as a baby and it's been cute
because he responds to it or hewill see Layla as a baby and
he'll see the pets and it's justbeen really cute.
So I like loved that tip.
And it's now I feel like when Ilook down at my phone I'm like,
it's like exciting.

(54:02):
'cause I'm like, who's on therenow?
What a good tip.
I love it.
It's been so fun.
So she's Dana's full of allsorts of good tips.
She's, she has all the tips.
Hi Dana.
'cause you're probablylistening.
Oh, I'm so happy that you didthat.
Yes.
I'm so happy you went away withyour girlfriends.
Yes.
I know that your girlfriends isparticularly your best friends
from growing up really feel likefill you up.
They fill my cup, they fill andit's your people.

(54:23):
Yep.
You love them and they love youwith Yep.
All of their souls.
And it's been really nice for mykids to get to know my friends
in that way.
'cause we go for they're likecousins.
Four days cousins.
Yes.
We get to spend time together,we all stayed together.
Oh, that's awesome.
And it's chaotic, but it's alsoeasier, like Raja and I were
saying there was a bunch ofadults, a bunch of kids, yep.
And.
It's somehow easier, like rightaltogether, even though there's

(54:46):
like a lot more to add on andeverybody's staying in the same
house.
I'm like, this is why thevillage works that everybody
talks about.
It's because there's just likemore adults like managing it.
Don't also find if one of yourfriends' kids is like fussing,
you are like so much moreinclined to be like to step in
to scoop it and be like, Hey,come over here.
Distract you.
Yep.
And that's how it worked.
And then kids are always likemore susceptible to you too.

(55:09):
They're, and then you likeconnect with them and then you
get there's nothing more,there's nothing cooler than like
when your friends get close toyour kids.
It's so cute.
Cute.
So cute.
Like then your kids like look upto them.
Yep.
And then it's just like anotherperson that loves them.
Yes.
It's been really nice.
I'm so happy that we went again.
Good.
We've been going for forever.
But this is probably like thethird or fourth summer where
we've gone with the kidstogether.

(55:29):
Yes.
And it's just been really funbecause this is really the one
time of year where they all getto see each other.
Yes.
And I'm like, this is just socute.
I put up a really cute reel withthe summer I turned pretty the
voiceover from that.
Yes.
Because that's what we're doingWhere every Did you start
season?
Not, I have not.
Guys, you have to watch thisshow.
It is so freaking good.
I'm obsessed with that.

(55:50):
It's been like two and a halfyears.
Yes.
Since season two came out long.
It's been a long time.
I know.
I'm so excited to watch it.
It's so good.
I only watched the first episodeand I read both of the two.
You read the books, the two, Iread the books, but I didn't
read the third one because Iknew it was gonna take time for
the episode.
I didn't wanna have the spoiler,so I was like, oh, I, you wanna
watch the show first?
I think I might read it now thatit's out, but I didn't wanna

(56:11):
know what was gonna happen.
And then the show wouldn't comeout for a couple of years.
And then, so I like I reallydon't know.
Decision fatigue.
She choose You really didn'tknow what you wanted to do.
And I don't know who she choosesand I have to know.
But yes, that is such a goodshow.
Yeah.
But it's very, I feel like we'realmost giving our kids that sort
of summer where every yearthey're coming back and seeing
the, yes.
Seeing each other in the houseand that we go and stay at.

(56:33):
And so it's just been, it'sreally fun.
Who's le gonna choose?
I don't know.
Who's Leo gonna choose?
It's actually there's more girlsthan boys, so it's Leo.
Who's Leo gonna choose?
Leo's gonna choose.
Yeah.
It's so funny.
Oh, so cute.
That's awesome.
Good.
I love it.
I'm happy you had a good timeaway.
Okay, and what's yours?
Okay.
So I love to make jewelry.
I love to create you.
I know you haven't about that.

(56:53):
And I have this business, butit's more of a hobby.
It's not really like afunctioning business that's
gonna pay my rent.
Yes.
It's really like a hobbybusiness, but I love to create
things and I haven't, I likepaused doing it just because I
feel like when you are in anytype of work like your work
where you have to be creative,you have to be inspired.
And sometimes I'm not inspiredto make things right.

(57:14):
And every so often I like seesomething or I travel somewhere,
or I like get an outfit that I'mlike, oh, I wanna make something
to match.
And then I get like reinspired.
So one of my girlfriends is in awedding in a few weeks and she
had asked me to make braceletsfor the bridesmaid's dresses.
And all the bridesmaid's dressesare different.
Did you do these beautifulbeaded bracelets?
Yeah, I probably them onbracelets, necklace or whatever.
And I made all the bridesmaidsbracelets and they were all like

(57:38):
slightly different.
Some had pearls in it, some hadlike big freshwater pearls, and
I like.
Went to the bead, I went back upto the bead store that I like to
go to in Massachusetts and Ipicked everything out.
'cause I like the weight of thebeads.
Mm-hmm.
The whatever.
And I've been bead again.
That's nice.
And I find it very calming.
You've said that it's verycalming just to sit quietly and
make something.
And then see what I've made.

(57:58):
Yep.
It's productive.
And then that's it.
I put it away.
And I'm done.
It doesn't take hours to do, tomake something.
Yeah.
And they're beautiful andthey're like, they're a
statement too.
Everybody always asks when I'mwearing them.
So thank you.
We are, this will be a perfectsegment.
Yes.
So yes.
So tea makes these beautifulbracelets.
It's KB beads.
That's her business.
Mm-hmm.
We will leave the website incase you guys are curious, but

(58:21):
we also as a thank you mm-hmmare gonna be sending any of our
PPAs who leave a review on ourpodcast page on Apple.
If you leave a review, we'regoing to send you a beaded
bracelet with a, it's a pink,like it's a light pink beaded
bracelet.
Yeah.
With a flamingo.
Tiny with a flam.
Flaming tiny gold flamingo off,like dangling off of it.

(58:41):
And we're gonna send that to youas a thank you Yeah.
For writing us a review.
Because we've, in the process ofthis, we've realized how
important reviews are for thispodcast, and our show is slowly
but surely growing.
But I guess the more you review,and even if you just, click the
star button and just leave us areview that way.
But if you leave a writtenreview for us, we're gonna send

(59:04):
you a beaded bracelet, right.
as a thank you.
So the beads that I've chosenare, it's called Morganite.
And the reason why I like thepink morganite is'cause every
bead is a slightly differentshade of pink.
Yes.
It's like a pale pink.
But they're all beautiful,slightly different.
And I just feel like we're allslightly different.
Yes.
All I love be, and we're all ourown shade.
Yep.
And I love them.
And they're beautiful.
Beautiful.
And they have a little flamingocharm.

(59:25):
So what I'll do is I'll.
Post a picture of the flamingo.
Beaded bracelet and once you'vewritten your review, if you DM
us.
Yep.
And then you just DM us yourname and your address.
Yep.
We'll send them out to you.
So let us say that you wrote usand I love your dms.
Yes.
We've gotten some really niceones.
And we got a bunch about the,the the last podcast that we did
that was a little controversialthat we weren't sure how it was

(59:47):
gonna go on our gentle parentingone.
We didn't really know how it wasgonna go because this isn't a
parenting podcast, right?
We are certainly not experts.
We're just like two girlsquestioning what we're doing
with our kids and how it'smaking us feel and how it's
making them feel.
And apparently we are not aloneon that.
I know.
So people are, a lot of otherpeople are questioning what
they're doing too.

(01:00:07):
Yep.
And I got.
Stopped a couple of times justby people that we know or people
that know that I have a podcast.
And I met a couple of peoplethis week and people were like,
oh my God, you like, sounded offabout the gentle parenting and
just like really hit home forme.
And I was worried that because Ihave very little kids, I was
like, I don't think that this isreally my realm.

(01:00:28):
Yeah.
Like I didn't know if I couldspeak to this topic, that went
over very well.
And so we appreciate, we had aton of dms from that.
I appreciate anybody who came upto me in person if I saw them.
But yes we appreciate all ofyour feedback.
And if you can literally goright now on Apple Podcast,
write a review.
Mm-hmm.
Hit the five star button if youlove following along and that

(01:00:48):
will help.
Other women find this podcastbecause it helps with the
algorithm of the podcast.
And we don't wanna, if you feelinclined to leave us a review,
we really appreciate it and itwill help other people find this
podcast and we can grow alltogether.
Yes.
So thank you all so much.
Said.
All right.
So we will see you all nextweek, I know, for our
two-parter.
Yes.
Have a great week.

(01:01:09):
We'll see you then.
Bye bye.