Episode 35: Let’s Talk—Marriage After Kids (From Our Side of the Story | Millennial Mom Perspective)

Episode Summary

In this episode, Christina and Kristina finally dive into a topic that’s been sitting on their “someday” list for a while: marriage after kids. Specifically, how it feels from the woman’s point of view—when you’re in the thick of raising little ones, running a household, and trying to hold on to yourself and your partnership at the same time.

Christina shares what it’s like being in the toddler trenches with two kids under four, and T reflects on how things have shifted now that her kids are older. They talk openly about the emotional weight of the mental load, how communication changes when you’re both exhausted, and why connection sometimes takes more intention than romance.

This isn’t a conversation full of advice or expert tips—it’s a real, unfiltered look at the ways relationships stretch, shift, and survive in different seasons of motherhood.

💗 Pink Spotlight

Each week, we highlight a moment, product, or practice that’s bringing us joy:

• Kristina: Using ChatGPT as a travel assistant — mapping out her Italy itinerary with her mom, day by day, complete with tips, recs, and organized plans. It’s like having a pocket-sized travel agent.
• Christina: The Colleen Rothschild “Cocktail” — her go-to combo of the Extreme Recovery Cream and Face Oil No. 9 for dry, fall skin that needs a little extra love.

🌸 Things We Mentioned

• Our episode with Courtney Cecil where we chatted about the importance of family goals. You can listen to that full episode here. 

Join the Conversation

📌 Follow us on Instagram: @prettyinpinkagain@christinatarabishy @kristinabontempo
📌 Share this episode with a friend
🎧 Subscribe and leave a review—it helps more women find this show!

Don't forget:  Leave us a written review on Apple Podcasts, DM us your address, and we’ll send you a light pink beaded bracelet with a gold pink flamingo charm—just to say thanks for being here. 💕

Hey PIPAS! Send us a text for episode feedback, ideas, and questions!

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
I'm Christina and I'm t and thisis a pretty and Pink again
podcast where motherhood meetsrediscovery.
Hello?
Hey.
Hey.
It's so nice to see your faceagain.

(00:21):
Oh, it's so good to see you.
I haven't, haven't seen you in,it's like almost been two weeks
for us, which is like I know.
A really long time.
I know.
But I know you're back.
I am back.
You haven't been following alongwith tea, where have you been?
I was in Italy.
I went the dream, my mom.
That's so nice.
We've just our family's had twocrazy weeks, so we went.

(00:42):
From, we had the race and thenthe next day my little baby
sister got engaged and we had alast minute engagement party for
her at the house.
So exciting and surprised them.
And it was just like so cute.
And my sisters like, we'reincredibly close with my sisters
and my little sister.
Like our baby, she's 25.
Mm-hmm.

(01:02):
And her And her fiance, they'reare, they're, he's from Rocky
Hill, so they've been togethersince high school.
So I just feel like they're likeour little babies.
Yeah.
He's already part of the family.
Like he's just, he's sowonderful and it was so cute.
So we had our engagement onSunday and then we like ruled
right into Yeah.
This Italy trip.
I know.
So that was just you and yourmom?
It was just me and my mom.

(01:22):
So we had a rough week leadingup to it.
I didn't even think I was gonnabe able to get away.
And I'm.
So happy that I did.
Yeah, I know you needed it.
My Nick and I were like at eachother's throats before we left
because I was stressed.
He was stressed with me leaving.
He was gonna have to assume allof the responsibilities at home.
And even though I made a sharednotes page and I arranged for

(01:46):
rides and I told him, theschedule, like that's
unchartered territory for him.
It's a long time.
And you were gone for, what wasit, like nine or 10 days?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I left on a Friday and I gotback the following Sunday.
Yeah.
That's a long time.
It was a long time to be gone.
We flew into Milan.
And we did Milan.
And then the next day we went toLake Homo.
The best.
And then the next day we camelike back to Milan.

(02:07):
And then we went to Venice,which Venice was so cool.
Beautiful.
Have you ever been there before?
Yeah.
So I did the same exact trip asyou.
That was what we did for ourhoneymoon.
Oh my God.
So we were closer to St.
Mark's Square.
So we were like in it.
Yep.
You're right there.
We were in it.
So nice.
Our hotel was like, like aneight or 10 minute walk away
from there.
Amazing.
But that city was so cool.

(02:28):
Amazing.
And then from there we went to.
We went to Florence.
Oh, on the way to Florence westopped in Pisa.
Oh, okay.
Yep.
Which was like dumb, like allthere is.
There is like the leaning betower.
Tower that's leaning.
Yep.
And you're like, okay, is thatit?
That's it.
That's it.
Is that it?

(02:49):
Yep.
Pretty much.
Okay.
Move it along.
And then we went to Florence andthen we did like this, like
really delicious wine dinner inTuscany.
And then we did the city and mymom and I like shopped till we
dropped when we were inFlorence.
I You have to that's where I didall my shopping too.
Yeah.
My phone said we did 20,000steps.
It must have been more thanthat.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because we walked all day and weate and we drank and we shopped

(03:13):
and it was like so fun.
And then we went to Rome.
And then Rome was incredible.
It was incredible.
So we like What was yourfavorite stop?
Oh gosh, I don't know.
They were all my favorites.
I loved Rome.
It's so hard.
'cause they're all so different,but then they're all just as
amazing.
Yeah.
As I think I loved Rome becauseit was like a combination of

(03:34):
like my culture, like my Italianheritage.
Mm-hmm.
Mixed with like my faith, likeI'm a Roman Catholic.
And so we went to Vatican City,we saw, St.
Peter Basilica.
We got to see all of theincredible paintings and
sculptures from Michelangelo andI'm not really a history buff.
Like I thought I was gonna go onthis trip and shop and drink and
eat, which I did.
Of course.
But I also really was soimmersed in the history of these

(03:58):
ruins and the city and thearchitecture and the beauty of
it all.
I experienced being present forthe first time in probably 13
years.
That's really cool.
It was so cool.
I feel like it was so cool thosetrips I kept saying to you.
Yeah.
It was like, it'll be lifechanging.
It was, it sounds so dramatic tosay that, but it especially,

(04:20):
it's always nice going withsomebody that's on the same like
playing field as you like thatwants to do the same things as
you.
Yes.
So it is nice when you get.
A little mix.
It's hard when you're just withsomebody that only wants to do
one thing or only wants to shop.
Yeah.
It's, but it's so nice when youcan get like a mix of it.
But I said that, and I said thatyou're gonna come back from this
trip.
It's gonna be, there's gonna beso much jammed into those nine,

(04:43):
10 days that you're like, noteven gonna fully be able to
appreciate all the things thatyou saw.
Until you're back and you'resettled.
And then you're like lookingback through your photos and
you're like, wow.
You'll have a memory triggeredwhere you're like, wow, I saw
that I did that.
And it's just one of those lifechanging trips.
It was, that's such a good wayof saying mm-hmm.
and you did, you said that to mebefore I left.
I was like, you're, I was like,you're gonna just be going.

(05:05):
'cause it's such a differentpace when you're.
On a trip like that wherethere's just so much to see,
there's so much to do.
Like you said, you're eating,drinking, shopping, sightseeing,
walking all over the place.
Like you don't you're in it.
But then there's, it's almostlike too much, right?
It's so sensory that there's malmost like too much to see and
do that You can't your braincan't process it until you're

(05:26):
back and then you're like, wow.
yes.
However, but you were sayingthat you were very present too.
I feel like because I didn'thave my kids with me and I
didn't have tasks that I waschecking my phone for and like I
wasn't toggling.
Yes.
So even though it was like onsensory overload,'cause there
was so much that I was takingin, I was present in those, you

(05:47):
were really dialed in moments.
Like I was dialed in.
That was really cool.
I love that.
It was cool.
And my mom loves to shop.
She shops like it's insane.
She was like, oh my god, daddy'sgonna freak out when he sees
this credit card bill.
I'm like, can you not?
Like you're supposed to beretiring in June.
I know, but where are you from?
Like Apple doesn't fall far fromthe tree, I know.
But it was just like watchingher shop.

(06:09):
Like I was like, you're like,this is where it's every time I
tried every anything, she's ohmy God, you have to get the bag,
you have to get the shoes, youhave to get the gelato, you have
to have two glasses of wine.
You have everything was like.
It's a must.
Everything was a yes.
Why not?
Why not?
That's the Italian way of life.
Everything was a yes and I lovethat for you guys.
We had a great time, but I amtoast.
My mom ran circles around me.
That woman does not tire.

(06:29):
I she does not freaking tire.
5:45 AM She'd wake up, ready togo.
I'm like, can I like sleep intoday?
We don't have anything until theafternoon can sleep in.
Yeah.
You're like, this is a littlebit of a vacation to me.
And she's we're in Rome.
We have so much to see.
So one morning she did, she gotup and she went to mass and I
slept in until nine o'clock.
Good for you.
I'm so happy that everythingworked out so that you were able

(06:50):
to go on your trip.
Yes.
And it's actually like a goodsegue into our episode today.
Mm-hmm.
I also feel like it was good formy husband to do my job for a
few days.
Yeah.
Because I feel before I left, Iwas looking for, I don't know
what I was looking for him.
I don't know if I was lookingfor an attagirl or a oh, this is

(07:12):
hard, or Oh, this is what youdo.
I don't even know what I waslooking for from him, but
clearly I was searching forsomething and I got it just by
me being gone for a couple ofdays.
For sure.
Because he had to do everything.
And I have to say he did areally good job.
Yeah.
I was.
He did a great job.
Was gonna my next question.
And then how did everything goat home?
He did great.
Now he has this shared calendar.

(07:33):
Now he has the notes page.
Now he knows where everybody hasto be.
He doesn't have to like ping meto find out.
Mm-hmm.
He has like access to it all.
Yep.
And that was what our like hewas immersed too.
He was immersed too.
So last night I got home at nine30 from hockey.
We had tennis and then hockeyand after school activities.
The kids were home with meyesterday, so we had a putts

(07:54):
around day, as I like to say.
And I got home late and when Igot home he was folding laundry.
I go, what are you doing?
I'm back now.
And he said, I never realizedhow much laundry there was to be
done.
I feel so lazy.
I don't do anything around here.
I'm like, okay, it's okay.
Like I, I'll take my rollback.
Like I got what I needed fromyou and I just needed you to
like to see.

(08:14):
See.
Yep.
What's done here.
So Wow.
He saw he got a crash course in,he saw all the things, but he
saw That's amazing.
I'm really happy for you andyour mom.
I'm happy that you got throughthe trip.
Yes.
And it was everything that youwanted it to be.
Yeah.
You feel like you had beenplanning this for a long time
too?
We have been.
Yeah.
We have been.
So I'm happy that I had theopportunity to go with her.

(08:34):
I'm happy we were like healthyenough to go.
I.
Was not anxious.
I wasn't like anxious that I wasgonna be anxious.
Like I didn't have any of theselike crazy swirling thoughts.
I wasn't hungry'cause I waseating constantly.
Of course.
Like I was thriving.
Good for you.
In Italy.
I love it.
And then I got home and I likehad a stomach ache the second
the flight landed becauseeverything you eat there is just

(08:56):
so fresh and good.
I know.
And it just doesn't land thesame here.
No, it doesn't land the same.
That's the perfect way toexplain it.
It's just, and for some, forbread, pasta, the wine, you can
eat all of those things.
You feel good.
You're also just so much moreactive and moving and just I
don't know.
It just, it doesn't land thesame, but it also doesn't sit
the same.
No.
Like in your body.
It's insane.

(09:16):
No, there was no grab and gowhile we were there.
We sat and ate like a chickenparm grinder.
On the step.
Like on these steps.
One day when we were waiting togo to St.
Into St.
Peter Basilica and I like ate avery large, like the sandwich I
was just making for my kids.
Just now that you saw me makinglike my mom and I consumed that
on the steps of St.
Peter Basilica.

(09:37):
Yeah.
You probably felt great.
You felt light as air.
I bet I was fine.
Followed by a gelato and somewine light as air.
I did.
I was so tired that day.
I was like, mom, can you go getme gelato from the corner stand?
She was like, sure.
Like you're so lazy and useless.
This is my time, but so we hadbeen wanting to get into this

(09:58):
conversation before you left.
We kind of batched a bunch ofthem.
Yes.
Before you left, knowing thatyou were away for a couple of
weeks, but.
We had been wanting to get intothis topic for a long time, and
we teased this on one of ourearlier episodes that this has
been like a highly requestedtopic.
Mm-hmm.
From the Pippa's.
Just about marriage.
And we're we're saying it, we'relike titling this, let's talk

(10:22):
marriage after kids.
And we're saying it's from ourside of the story.
Our point of view, because wedon't really think it's fair to
have a marriage conversationunless me and you are gonna talk
about our work wiferelationship.
We can't, it's not really fairto talk about a marriage when
it's one sided and when it's.
Just from one point of view.
It's also, it's our side of thestory.

(10:44):
It's our side of the story.
This is how things have changedfor us.
Yeah.
This is our side of the story.
So it is a personal one.
We're obviously talking abouthow things have shifted in
marriages in both of ourmarriages since becoming moms.
T has a little bit moreexperience in that just because
you got married and you startedhaving kids almost, or it's over

(11:05):
12 years ago now, and so you'vebeen in this space for a little
bit longer.
I'm curious to know if it's likeebbs and flows the way everybody
says it does and the differentkind of, layers to that.
Because I've only been a mom forfour years.
My husband and I were togetherfor 15 before having kids, and
so I have a completely differentpoint of view so far.

(11:25):
Listeners you met in college?
So together since collegetogether since my last year of
college.
He was already out of college.
Okay.
But we were together for 15years before we had Leo.
So it's a different point ofview because we were together
for so long before having thishuge shift.
I'll just say I don't think itmatters how long you've been

(11:47):
together.
The shift happens and there's nostopping it.
So you can get married and havea kid right away, or you can
wait 25 years and have a kid.
The shift is gonna happen.
Because I think before you havea kid, you have each other.
You have your jobs, you haveyour home, but things are very

(12:08):
compartmentalized.
And yes, you share a lifetogether, but things are still
separated.
When you have a child, it is nowa unit.
It's now Yes.
This new unit.
Yep.
And the word mom, really to mejust means everything.
It is it.
It's everything.
And this could be like 1950s, orthis could be like 20, 25.

(12:29):
But I think that no matter ifyou are a working mom or a stay
at home mom, you're still mom.
You still are everything.
Yeah.
You're the primary caregiver ofthat child.
Mm-hmm.
In most cases, I think.
So then.
Then your husband, typically thehusband is the worker, the
provider.
Maybe that role is split, but Istill think that the husband

(12:50):
still looks for that caretakingfrom their wife.
And now the wife is, at least inmy circumstance now, you're
split.
You're split between caring fora child who will not thrive
without your love and attention,and then your husband who you
think, oh, he can get by, he'llbe fine.
But really like that marriagerequires the same attention Yes.

(13:14):
That the child does.
Yes.
So I think that's like the startof it all.
When you're trying to thenfigure out how to allocate your
time again.
And then I think also you layeron that, the huge shift just as
a family now that you're goingthrough, there's.
Schedule changes.
There's responsibility changes,there's responsibility
additions, there's navigating,the identity shift that comes

(13:39):
with both parents.
I think that we always talkabout it coming from the mom
point of view.
Mm-hmm.
But it could come from both,sure.
There could be identity shiftsfor everybody, and now you're
navigating a partnership with alot more responsibility
underneath you.
And like to your point, amarriage and any relationship
needs constant nurturing.

(13:59):
Yes.
And you don't have the time todo that anymore.
You have to change your time.
You have to change your time.
You have to change how you spendyour time.
You can't spend your time thesame way.
One thing that I realized waslike, I never asked for alone
time or me time before I was amom.
What about you?
Because you had No, because wehad it it wasn't even on my

(14:21):
mind.
I wasn't like, oh, I need towork out.
I don't know.
You just did.
I just did.
Or I need to get in this right.
Or I need to go and do mywhatever.
Like I didn't need anything.
And after I became a mom, Ineeded all this time.
'cause I was so overstimulated.
But all of that time that Ineeded took me was even more
time away from my husband.

(14:41):
So it's like a double whammy.
So you're looking for reset timefor yourself.
That's a really good point.
And then because you need itbecause you're like, you give so
much of yourself and then, mypoor husband's probably like,
well, what the hell?
Now you don't wanna hang outwith me.
But really all it is I was like,oh my God, I need to reset
before I can reset with you.
Yeah.
Yeah, you need to get yourselfin good mental space.

(15:03):
I need to get before then youcan go and put I need to check
myself.
Yes.
And that before you can putanything else.
'cause what's the saying aboutthe filling the cup?
Like you have to have your cupfilled before you can fill
anybody else's cup.
Yeah.
So again, that just adds on likelayers and layers of how
difficult this is to navigate.
Where you need the space toreset yourself before you can

(15:25):
put energy into somebody elseand your relationship.
But we're all dealing with thetime constraints, so it's just
hard.
There's not enough hours in theday and Right.
I feel like I used to say thatbefore having kids where I've
always felt like when you have alot going on, you're just like,
oh, there's not enough hours inthe day.
And then when you have kids,you're really like, there are

(15:46):
not enough hours in the day toget everything done, to fill
your cup, to fill yourmarriage's cup.
I knew that it was on theforefront for me when my kid,
like every day like, okay, Ineed to take care of my kids.
I need to care for them.
I need to make sure that they'reclean and fed and the house is
clean.
Like the house is clean and fed,and everything on the to-do list
is done.
And then I need to take time formyself.

(16:08):
But I never put on that to-dolist.
Oh, me and Nick need time.
And I think that once that madethe list, it almost woke me up
oh my God.
Oh my God, we don't payattention to our marriage.
I think it's really easy to,we're so busy with every other
thing.
I think it's really easy to putthe relationship last.

(16:29):
Because you think and hope itwill always be there.
You think it's sturdy, you thinkit's good?
Yeah.
Because it is, your relationshipis sturdy.
Everything is good.
But just like everything else,even the St.
Sturdiest relationship stillneeds the time and attention.
And I don't even think early onbefore you have kids, you even
have to think about spendingtime together and think about

(16:50):
feeding your marriage right.
And thinking about doing nicethings for one another because
you're just doing it right.
And it's not until your time isshifted to something else that
you realize, oh, I'm not doingthat anymore.
Yeah.
And I think that the interestingthing is realizing how fast that
shift can happen.
And what I mean by that is likeyou hear people's marriages

(17:10):
falling apart, right?
And you're like, they just had akid.
How did it fall apart?
There you go.
And you're like, in your mind,you're like, wow, that was
quick.
And you don't realize how fastthings can crumble because of
how big of a shift this is.
So until you're living it andthen you're like, wow, I can't
see how fast, if this isn'tsomething that you're working on

(17:33):
and paying attention to, it cancrumble very fast.
Yeah.
Because it's such a big thing.
So why don't we talk about theidentity shift?
I feel like that's a good placeto start.
Mm-hmm.
We gave like the base layer ofwhat we wanna get into today.
Yeah.
That, you become a pa, youbecome parents, and the first
thing that sort of happens isthis, the identity shift for

(17:55):
sure.
What does that mean to you?
I think for me, like where I canget personal with this is that
the identity shift has happenedin two layers.
It's the personal identityshift, which I've talked about a
million times on this podcast.
Just having to take a step backfrom work and really like
peeling back what it meant to beme before having kids.

(18:15):
I felt like I lost a lot of thatwhen I had kids just because I
wasn't able to work the sameway.
I wasn't traveling, I wasn'tsocializing the same way.
I didn't have that me time.
So I really did feel that I waslosing myself and coming into a
new identity.
But I think also what happens isyou shift as a couple and it's

(18:36):
almost like your marriageexperiences that same cycle.
Yes.
Because it's not travelinganymore.
It's not doing any of thesethings anymore.
And I also think it's so easy,to your point before, it's easy
for.
Your partner to see you as mom.
And I don't mean that I am nowhis mom.
I mean that you're like the momof the family.

(18:56):
And so I almost felt like I waslosing my identity in that sort
of relationship scope too.
Mm-hmm.
Where it's just, it's adifferent like viewpoint, if
that makes sense.
I hear you.
And I think it's so easy to lookback and really miss yourself
before kids and miss yourrelationship before kids.

(19:16):
And so it's just a wholeidentity as like you and your
partner, plus you, plus them.
Like everyone's having anidentity crisis right.
At this point.
I think when you become parents,your sense of self expands.
Yes.
But it also fractures at thesame time.
Mm-hmm.
Because you're not the old you.
You're the new you, which is thechauffeur, the chef, the tutor,

(19:41):
and then.
Sometimes the side of you thatwas like your husband's friend
and your husband's date, likethat side doesn't really shine
through very often.
In the presence of a family.
Yep.
And you're it's hard that sideof you, that was so important,
that was such a big piece ofyou, isn't even shining through.
Yep.
Because you're taking on all ofthese other roles, like you

(20:01):
said, like your caregivers, yourproviders, your protectors, your
teachers, it takes so muchemotional and mental bandwidth
to play all of those roles thatyou need for your kids.
I feel like it's really hard tolook at each other again in
that, in the same light that youdid before, right?

(20:21):
Yeah.
Before that responsibilityshift.
Yeah.
In life.
I love prepping myself forconversations, but how could you
prep yourself for this beforeyou have.
A child?
That, my thing that I alwayswanna say is, could you even
change?
I wanna shake everybody that hada kid before me and be like, why
didn't you tell me?
And it's because you can't,there is no way to really prep

(20:43):
for it.
You can say things, but I thinkuntil you're living and
breathing it, it just wouldn'teven register to the other
person.
No.
It's like really one of thosefew experiences that like you
don't know until you're in it.
You can prepare and you can talksomebody's ear off about it, but
like they won't get it untilthey're living and breathing it
every single day.

(21:03):
I was definitely one of thosepeople that like heard all the
things, but nothing everregistered really.
Like I truly didn't understandit until I was living it.
I agree.
I guess another big piece ofthis.
This could be age, or it couldbe just having a parent is like
the physical change that occurswhen you become a mom.

(21:25):
And that, and the emotionalchanges that occur.
So it's obviously the physicaland emotional change due to
pregnancy and delivery of thebaby and your age, you're
getting older.
Mm-hmm.
Things are changing, that alwaysgoes back to, again, something
that I didn't understand beforehaving kids was like, what the
exhaustion really meant.
And I would always kind of thinkoh once you get out of the

(21:45):
sleepless nights, maybe thatexhaustion starts to go away.
And it really doesn't.
It just transforms intodifferent exhaustion.
You know what I mean?
It's it doesn't go away.
The exhaustion is always there.
It's just, it takes a new form.
And right now we're in thatwhere like the kids are super
young and.

(22:05):
We use the word likeoverstimulated and exhausted.
Almost to the point where I feellike they don't even mean
anything anymore.
We like overuse them so much.
It just goes back to not havinganything left at the end of the
day.
And at the end of the day,that's when you're supposed to
connect with yourself, connectwith your partner, your spouse,
at the end.
Like typically that's when ithappens at the end of the day.
Yep.
That's the worst time of theday.

(22:26):
It is.
At the end of the day, it is.
Like you wanna catch me in agood mood, tap me on the
shoulder at 6:00 AM Yeah.
Like I, that's a great time.
It's not a great time to connectin any sort of way at the end of
the day when you're just soburnt out and over it for the
rest of the day.
That's the time.
Again, going back to like whenyou need to take time for

(22:47):
yourself to reset, to relax, tocome down from the day.
That's a struggle.
I know, but if you think aboutit, and I'm generalizing.
Again, this is just how thingswork in my house.
It's the end of the day I wannadecompress.
What do I do to decompress?
After my kids are asleep.
Mm-hmm.
I go and I scroll on my phone.
Yeah.
Oh, guilty.

(23:07):
And then I ignore him.
Actually, Nick just sent me anarticle about this the other day
and I sent it to you.
Yeah.
It's called Fobbing.
Fobbing and it means phonesnubbing.
Yep.
So when you're on your phone andyou're not giving attention to
the person next to you.
Yep.
So my husband will waitpatiently for me to take my 15,
20 minutes on my phone becauseyou need that mindless time.

(23:30):
'cause I need that mindlesstime.
And then by the time I'm donescrolling, he's snoring.
So if that happens seven nightsa week, like then when are you
supposed to reconnect?
Then I'm like ignoring him.
It's such a bad cycle.
I know.
And I know I'm not alone inthat.
No, I know.
And I'm admitting it, that I'mlike right there with you.
That is something that we bothdo.

(23:51):
I'm definitely guilty of it andI wish I wasn't.
I wish that I could be like a Ohno.
Phone time, at the end of theday.
But honestly, that's how Isometimes decompress, which is
so sad.
I wish, I feel like I need to,it's like an escape where you're
just like, I wanna just look atsomething funny or watch

(24:12):
something mindless, somethingthat has nothing to do with you.
Something that has nothing to dowith me where I'm not feeling
needed.
I have to mentally participate.
One you don't have in one otherthing.
Don't Exactly.
I know, but.
What it's doing it's likepushing you and your partner
apart from one another, eventhough you're probably
physically very close by eachother.
Yeah.
So I'm just, again, I'm justpointing these things out.

(24:35):
Yeah.
I am by no means a relationshipexpert.
I am just going through the listof things that, again, you have
a kid, you need more time toyourself.
So now you're picking up yourphone.
Now you're on your phone more,and all of these things that
you're doing, and now resetyourself actually is having you
pushing your partner awayfurther and further away from
your partner.
Yep.
It's just, yeah.
Interesting that, that has aname now.
So I would be curious and myhusband sent me the article.

(24:57):
I know.
Of course.
Like wink, hint, hint.
That's you.
You're fobbing me again.
So yeah the article was funny.
It was like, fobbing the silentSeparator.
I'm like, oh my God.
It is because you're mean it.
I wish that I could not onlythink differently about it, but
I wish that I could actuallytake into action and not do it,
but for, it's probably a mix ofjust a terrible habit.

(25:19):
And it's also goes always backto my joke that I make about
myself, that I am such a badtexter and communicator.
And it's because I feel like Icome down from the day and it's
not only do I have texts torespond to, I have emails from
work that I didn't, it's likethere's always like a running
list.
And so sometimes yes, you aremindlessly scrolling, but then

(25:42):
sometimes I actually am like, ohno.
But like when I was thinkingabout this today, I'm actually
like sitting down to do some ofthe things that mentally were
taking up space.
In my head.
And I just always have a toughtime with the time management of
how when do you have time to bemindless about something?
Because that's the time that youneed to disconnect.

(26:03):
And then.
There's actually, sometimesthere's just a million things to
do, where you're like, this isnow my time where I don't have
somebody that's needing me andnow I wanna just sit and maybe
not even mindlessly scroll thememes.
It's oh, I wanna look for adress for family photos.
Or I wanna, do you know what Imean?
Yeah.
Some of it's like productive,mindless, if that makes sense.

(26:24):
Like no, it makes mindlessproductivity where you're like,
it makes total sense.
Like you're not always just downa rabbit hole.
'cause I sometimes feel likethat's also a bad misconception
because we're on our phone somuch that we're always just.
Not doing anything productive.
And it's no, we do our lives arelived on our phones now, so it
gets very tricky.

(26:44):
I know.
I guess if the nighttime routineis for you to unwind and
whatever that means mm-hmm.
to unwind.
And also the it, the nighttimeroutine is it's the expected
time for the couple toreconnect.
It almost seems like it's achoice.
So what, which one are you gonnachoose?
Are you gonna choose you, it'sthe phone or are you gonna
choose us?
It's the phone for whatever thereason is, or it's the

(27:07):
relationship and it is, it'sreally hard.
But when somebody says it to youlike that, like still, matter of
fact, who are you gonna choose?
Of course we wanna, you wannachoose your relationship.
Yep.
You wanna choose yourrelationship, but it, unless
those words aren't said to you,you're not gonna make that
choice.
I know.
So I would wonder if anybodyhas, that people make a no phone
rule after the kids go to sleep.

(27:28):
Or you put your phone literallylike away from you, like away in
a different room.
Or it goes to a part of the roomwhere you don't have access to
it, to just pick it up andRight.
Start ignoring each other again.
I wonder if that really doesmake a difference, or even if
you just did that like a coupleof times a week, and just, I
like that better than justsaying no phone.

(27:48):
I think maybe a couple times aweek is better.
Yeah.
Okay, on Tuesday, like tonight'sgonna we're gonna watch our show
right together and we're gonnaput the phone on do not disturb.
Yeah.
But no, we don't have a No, wedon't play.
No, we don't either.
We don't play any of thosethings.
We don't.
I know.
We wing it.
We totally wing it.
Yep.
I know.
And, but it sets a lot up foryou guys to get mad at each
other.
And same thing with us, becauseyou're like there's no

(28:09):
boundaries around this.
One night it's him picking upthe phone too many times.
One night it's me picking up thephone too many times.
Yeah.
And then we get into those too.
I know, but it's so funny howeverything else can be so
regimented.
The kids have to read for 30minutes and they have to brush
their teeth and they have to bein bed at 9:00 PM but then it's
a free for all in our room.
True.
There's no rules.
It's every man for themselves.
So now for you, you shared thatlogistically you and Raj

(28:31):
sometimes have some overlapbecause you're both working
parents.
So do you feel like sometimesyou are playing like tag your
it?
Yes.
Or you're like just workingokay, you're on now.
I'm on.
Yeah.
We do that a lot and I thinkit's good because it becomes
fair for both of us, but it alsogets, I think when your roles

(28:51):
get slippery.
It's not as organized, right?
It's not like this is your task,this is my task.
Because there is like a tag,okay, you're doing drop off
today.
Maybe I'm doing drop offtomorrow.
Maybe you're doing drop off allweek.
And so it just, it just dependson what we have going on in our
schedules for the week.

(29:12):
And you're not doing ittogether.
No.
So it's not oh, we're gonna dropoff together and then grab a
coffee.
It's no, you drop off.
So I'm working now.
You have more time today.
I have.
Like I have something to do thismorning.
I have to film something.
So that's like all business.
It is it's a lot of business.
It's a lot of logistics.
And a lot of the times we canget caught up in those types of
conversations too.

(29:33):
Where it is like you're runninghate, hate business talk.
It's like you're running notsexy about business talk like,
ugh.
Yep.
And we are guilty of that.
But it's also just becausethat's the reality, right?
It's there's so many movingparts and.
I wish that it was different,but it's, that's what we end up
talking about a lot of the timenow.
We're still very much in thethick of it with both of the

(29:55):
kids.
You are being super young, but.
We've done a couple of littletricks, I would say over the
last year that have helped.
And it's just a matter ofstaying consistent with them.
But when we can stay consistentwith them, they really do help.
And for us, we like to say thatwe wanna have a date night once
a week.
Okay.

(30:15):
So would everybody, does thatactually happen?
I would say, I would love tohave a date night once a month.
That was, that's how infrequentthat actually was taking place.
But a lot of the times it comesdown to going back, we're so
exhausted at the end of the daythat's not the time of the day
that we're feeling liveliest,that we have the most energy
that we want to have.

(30:37):
That kind of like reconnection.
It's a lot of pressure to put onyourself at the end of the day,
right?
You're like, all day you shouldbe at this time in your life, at
this time in our life, at thistime in our life, or the best
utilization of childcare'causebecause we're tired, right?
And and then it becomes extrachildcare.
And so what we've started to dois take little date either days

(30:59):
where we will go out to lunch.
We've done that a couple oftimes where we'll take a lunch
in the middle of a Friday andwe'll actually, while we have
somebody with the kids, or whilesomebody's in school, we'll be
like, okay, we're like, we canactually go out on a lunch date
and.
That is a much better time ofday.
A much more lively, I'm muchmore, I don't know.

(31:20):
I feel like it's just a, it'slike you're catching me at the
right time.
It's a better version of you,both of you.
Yes.
And what we've started to do isif that kind of seems to
interfere with work, whichsometimes it does, sometimes we
literally can't pull ourselvesaway or we have too much going
on to be able to do that.
We've taken like little happyhours where we might extend
childcare by one extra hour.

(31:42):
Have a quick bite to eat.
And those where you don't justhave to talk logistics where you
can, yeah, just where we justget to hang out a little bit.
And that has been great becauseagain, that kind of goes back to
it's a better time of the day.
It's before the chaos of theevening, and then we come back.
Refreshed and ready to take onthe rest of the evening

(32:03):
together.
Because we just had a wonderfulhour and a half, two hours
together, and now we're gonna gohome and do bedtime altogether.
And it's not super, superconsistent where it's every
week, but it's easier to do thatthan to plan a date night.
Especially as we get into thewinter where it gets dark early
and it's cold.
It's like that I'm not motivatedto go out after the kids go to

(32:24):
sleep or even late.
It's like I, because I wannacome home and I still wanna have
the time to decompress.
Because that the time after thekids go to bed is important Time
to.
Reset ourselves to reset thehouse.
Like we clean and haveeverything ready for the next
morning.
If we're get coming in and it'slate, like we're not gonna get

(32:45):
that stuff done.
And so this is just, it's somuch more productive this way.
So your microburst is supposedto reconnect you and reset you.
And if you do that microburstearlier in the day, then you
still get, it feels like itreally does.
Then you still get your own timetoo.
Yes.
So you still get Yep.
It wins for everybody.
That's a great tip.
That's, that has been our littletrick that I will say has been

(33:07):
working for us and it's beengreat.
Good.
I love that.
What about you guys?
So I guess similar to that, Nickwill randomly get outta work
early, like on a Tuesday or aThursday, and I would get
annoyed with him when he wouldbe like, do you wanna go for
lunch?
I'm like you can't ask me lastminute.
You can't just spring it on melike I have work.
Sometimes I have to do two.
And then I realize you can't beso inflexible, you have to be

(33:29):
more flexible.
You have to be able to meet himfor lunch.
If he's asking you to meet himfor lunch, otherwise he's gonna
call somebody else and meet themfor lunch.
So I started meeting him forlunch.
On these random Tuesdays andThursdays.
And then we'll get coffee afterand then he'll drive and do all
the pickups and all the dropoffs with me.
And then we like hang out in thecar and sometimes I'm like, oh

(33:50):
my God, you're so annoying.
You drive fast, you make me carsick.
And other times I'm like, oh myGod, this is so fun to be
together.
I love hanging out with you.
I know.
So that's like our littlemicroburst, but I like that
microburst.
You, nick.
Our kids are a little older now.
So we've been leaving them homealone and going to dinner.
I know.
That's dream without ababysitter.
What a dream.
Because the oldest is Yeah,babysits.

(34:11):
Yeah.
So we don't go far.
We go to dinner like in town.
Yep.
But we do that.
But I spend a lot of time withNick.
We have a lot of hobbies that wedo together.
I know that's, you guys are andI'm big on shared experiences.
I realized through doing thispodcast that's like my love
language.
So we'll do things like, playtennis or we'll go golfing or
we'll just do anything wherewe're like Nick and t and not

(34:32):
mom and dad.
Yeah.
Because when we are just mom anddad, I shouldn't say just, but
when we are mom and dad, we'renot like friends flirting with
each other and like hanging out.
It's all business.
It's oh my God.
Did you see what the kid, he goton his like math test?
Oh, he hasn't brushed his teeth.
Oh.
Can you believe oh, the mess.
Oh, the dog.
Like all of this stuff and it'snot.
It's not fun.

(34:52):
It's not light.
It's all business.
Imagine if the relationships youhad with your friends were all
business.
You wouldn't talk to themanymore.
No, it's so true.
When you talk to your friends,like you wanna tell a funny
story, you wanna laugh, youwanna obviously cry and connect
and tell them what's going on inyour life.
But it's not all business likethat.
That would suck.
Yep.
And like the relationship withmy husband half the time is all

(35:15):
business.
Ugh.
Yeah.
I don't want that.
I know.
But we have that sometimes.
I know.
There's no way around that.
It's just that then you have toput in the extra effort to make
those conversations, not aboutwhat's going on inside of the
household.
I know Nick said to me like,Ugh, you hate it when I ask you
questions.

(35:35):
I'm like, it's, I just, when Italk to you, I just don't wanna
talk business.
Mm-hmm.
I just wanna like talk.
I wanna hear about your day.
I wanna tell you about my day.
I like the very little time wehave.
I don't wanna spend it with youasking me questions about the
schedule.
Can that just live on a notespage?
And can all the other fun stuffbe between us?

(35:56):
But I also need to maybe be alittle softer sometimes because
I can sometimes be a littlesnippy with him when he asks me
questions.
I think the next hot topic isthis communication gap.
I think after you have kids,you're not just communicating to
somebody about yourself, you'recommunicating to them about

(36:20):
other people.
Your children, your dependents.
There's just a lot more tocommunicate about, so you have
more to communicate about.
So I think that if you everstruggled communicating to your
spouse beforehand you're reallygonna struggle communicating to
them effectively andrespectfully.
Yep.
When you're talking aboutanother person, my nick and I
pretty much are aligned, but wedon't always agree on stuff with

(36:43):
the kids.
How could you always agree aboutthings with your kids?
Because you're always gonna seea little piece of yourself in
one of your kids and a piece ofyour, your spouse in one of your
kids.
And there's gonna be thingsabout them that you like and
don't like.
Just like there's pieces ofyourself you like and don't
like.
Yeah.
And I think that for, at leastfor me and Nick, is one of

(37:03):
something for us that was like,oh my God, we are not
communicating well about this.
When the kids came, everythingelse with us was always really
like communicating about he andI.
A touchy subject could be likein-laws, right?
Because those are likeextensions of you.
But next to that, the biggestextension of you is your
children.
So I think that we, beingtogether for 15 years, I think

(37:27):
looking back like we must havebeen good communicators.
Sure.
I feel like we would always likework through any disagreements
or any, alignment, right?
Mm-hmm.
Issues where you're like, okay,we're not really seeing eye to
eye on that and we would alwaysbe able to work through all of
those things without a lotreally being a big thing.
And I feel like.
When you have kids.

(37:47):
I don't know.
I feel like it, again, that'sjust like another huge shift.
I do think that you're right,like it's probably because
there's so much more tocommunicate about.
And it's not just from yourpoint of view, it's not just oh,
I feel like this and I needthis.
It's so much more layered thanthat, it's I think it also goes
to that, going back to thetopics of like, when everything

(38:10):
is business and logistics, Notonly is that just not fun it's
that you then don't really checkin with each other's feelings.
Yeah.
What do you need?
What do I need?
The communication is like moretask oriented.
So you forget to check in.
Yeah.
On a non, we're calling itbusiness, but it really is like
surface level, right?

(38:31):
It's like you're, now we need togo beyond the surface level chit
chat and how are you feeling?
What's going on with you?
I feel like those conversationsbecome so much less and less if
you let them, and I think thatover time that could build a lot
of resentment.
And a lot of disconnect.
Even simple check-ins areimportant.

(38:52):
Like a daily check-in.
And I think that this all goesback to what we've been talking
about throughout this episode.
Why like those mini micro datesare important and why maybe
putting your phone down a coupleof nights a week and having
those check-ins at differentpoints throughout the day.
Like I guess whenever it is bestfor you to have a little bit of
a conversation it's not justabout the surface level

(39:15):
business.
Who's going where, who needs todo what, it's, how are you
feeling?
What do you need?
And it's not in the middle ofthe chaos, it's actual
check-ins.
Yeah.
With your partner.
But I also feel like as far ascommunication goes, I thought I
was a decent communicatorbecause I don't necessarily hold

(39:37):
a lot in I've never beensomebody that.
You're not a silent treatmentgirl.
I'm not.
No.
I'm not a silent treatment girl.
We've never done the silenttreatment really with each
other.
Sometimes we'll take a break, iflike we're getting a little
overworked about something it'sokay, let's take a pause and not
talk about this right now, orlet's cool down a little bit.
But we don't go like dayswithout talking about something.

(39:57):
And we were one of those couplesthat like never went to bed
angry.
That was like our motto at thebeginning so then I would argue
that you were a very goodcommunicator.
I was.
You were a very healthycommunicator.
I was.
Before having kids, I used to bea much better communicator and I
think that.
Again, sometimes you're just somentally burnt out and exhausted
and all of the things that we'vebeen saying, that even if there

(40:20):
is something that I want to talkabout, I don't have the mental
energy or capacity to alwaysaddress it.
So I find myself in this likestage of life in our
relationship holding a lot morein because.
I'm just burnt out insteadblurting it out or because
there's no good time to talkabout it.

(40:41):
You're like, I don't wanna havethis conversation in front of
the kids.
I don't wanna have thisconversation before bed.
I'm too tired.
I don't wanna have it firstthing in the morning because I
don't wanna start our day likethis.
And so a lot of it where I thinkbefore we used to be able to
just address whatever we had totalk about, whenever we wanted
to talk about it, and nowthere's a lot of holding back.
I think sometimes that could begood because sometimes when you

(41:03):
take a second to come down fromsomething, you're like, maybe
that doesn't even need to be aconversation.
Like always back to my thingdoesn't always doesn't have to
be a thing.
So sometimes I'm sure it savesarguments when you're just like,
you know what?
I'm not even mad about thatanymore.
Yeah.
But you know, If it's a trend,but if it's that you're too
tired to even talk.
Yeah, I think that could beproblematic.
It's not right.
That's not a good thing.
That's not a good like patternto keep repeating.

(41:25):
I think the more time we spendtogether, the more quality time
we spend together and.
Getting those little like burstswhere we can actually speak to
each other, not about logistics,not about the kids.
That helps some of those things.
And if there is something that'syou and it's a better
opportunity.
Yes.
It's the opportunity.
Then you feel comfortable andsafe enough to say it.
Yes.

(41:45):
But it is, I think communicationdefinitely gets tricky for so
many reasons when you add afamily into the mix.
Just because it's like timeconstraints, energy constraints.
Do you remember when we hadCourtney Cecil on the podcast?
And she kept saying to us like,what are your values?
What are your values?
I like really made me think likewe, I fill, Nick and I fill our
time with activities for ourchildren and like lots of work

(42:09):
commitments our goal and ourvalue is ourselves and our
relationship.
So when you keep remindingyourself that's your goal,
you'll do different things tofunnel your goal.
I loved that.
I thought that was like one ofthe best takeaways we've ever
had from anybody on thispodcast.
Yeah.
And I shared that with him.
And I just feel like it's almostlike this mantra without my

(42:32):
husband having a mantra that wesay to ourselves our goal is to
have this as a family, as a unitrelationship.
Like for me and you to have asturdy relationship.
So when we're filling ourschedule, we need to feed that
goal.
I loved that advice, and I'mglad that you brought that up
because I do even just to remindmyself and then remind our
listeners, if you haven'tlistened to that, we'll also put

(42:56):
a link to it in the show notes.
That was such a episode.
That was a great episode.
Episode.
Episode.
And it was one of the earlier onones.
Yeah, I thought that was just apiece of advice that kind of
came out of left field, of,'cause I feel like you always
hear a lot of cookie cutteradvice, and again, that one was
taking it back to what are yourvalues as an individual and as a
family, because I think that youhave, a lot of your values as a

(43:18):
person, but for you to have aconversation with your spouse
and with your family, if yourkids are old enough what are
your values?
What are your goals as a family?
And then she said that if youreally know that, then a lot of
decisions are very easy to make,right?
Because.
You say, does it align with ourkind of mission as a family?

(43:42):
No.
Okay, then no.
Yeah.
It's easier to say no to.
It's easier to say no, and Ireally liked that.
And that's also that.
And also maybe easier to sayyes, saying yes to your
relationship.
And I think that a relationshipis work.
I think even a good relationshipit is work.
I think I have a pretty decentrelationship with my husband.
I think a lot of it is rooted inlike a lot of, mutual respect

(44:04):
for one another.
I think that Nick wants to spendtime with me.
I think that's how he resets.
I have to, be respectful of thatand he has to be respectful that
I need to reset alone first.
And then I can reset with him.
And I think that requirescommunication.
Because otherwise if we didn'tcommunicate that I would be

(44:24):
like, ah, you are annoying.
And he would feel right.
And he would be like, neglect,oh, you're so distant and
neglecting.
And those are like.
Really simple needs.
I guess to that point, we talkeda little bit about I guess tips
and tricks of things that we'vedone that kind of help even a
little bit.
But are there any other thingsthat you guys do that help you

(44:46):
feel connected and just help youthrough this chapter of Yeah, so
I think when I give Nick half mytime, it makes it worse.
So when he calls me and he wantsto talk and I'm trying to talk
to him as I'm trying to mitigatemulticast a situation around the
house and also like text or cookdinner or whatever, he feels

(45:08):
ignored.
I might as well have just noteven taken his call.
So I find that with Nick, if Ican be present and give him my
full attention, he's not evenlooking for a lot, he's not
looking for like long periods oftime.
So a few mornings a week, I willwake up early with him.
I'll go downstairs, I'll havecoffee with him.

(45:30):
We'll talk for a few minutes andI will send him out the door.
It does not take a lot of time,but I feel like if I just can
give him my full attention, it'slike quality over quantity.
It's really nice quality time.
And I just feel like that's oneexample of how to do it.
But if I can give him qualitytime where I'm like very present
in it, it goes a very long way.

(45:50):
I like that.
And I feel like it doesn't needto be this big grand gesture.
Like it could be something assimple as I sit next to him at a
hockey game and I like rub hisback.
Or I'm just with him.
I'm not like sitting with thegroup of parents or whatever it
is.
And I don't know, sometimes Ithink it's nice for our kids to
see that too.
Vincent comes up from behind meand like smacks my ass and I'm

(46:11):
like, okay, is there somethingwrong with this?
But he sees his father doing it,so maybe it's not so bad.
Yeah.
So that would be my tip is if Ican do it.
Do it in a microburst of it andjust give him, give my full
attention.
But yeah, I was gonna say,you're like really in it.
Like, when you're in it, you'rereally in it.
You're focusing.

(46:31):
'Cause if I'm not, and I'm likehalf-assing it it's, I almost
make it worse because then he'slike coming back for more.
Yeah.
He's looking for more.
And then I'm like, oh my God,leave me alone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I hate when those words comeout.
Because that's like the oppositeof what I'm trying to do.
Yeah.
I definitely agree with that.
I feel like the quality time isso important for us.
Again, it's the little microdates, like where we can fit

(46:51):
them in.
I really liked your tip aboutdoing activities together.
Because that's honestlysomething that I miss so much
that we don't do a lot of, weused to spend so much time
together, but we actually usedto do a lot even just like
grocery shopping together ordoing just very simple
day-to-day things together.

(47:12):
We don't get to do that.
All the time.
I think that kind of taking itback to doing things together,
like you guys play golf togetheryou guys try to do things
together.
We try to do things together,like activities that get you out
of the house.
I think that's super helpful.
'cause I think sometimes evenwhen you say, and I know this is
dependent on situations, butsometimes when you're like, we

(47:33):
could just have a date night in.
There's something about gettingyour ass out of the house and
like getting yourself into adifferent situation.
Yeah.
That makes it a little bitbetter.
I know that that's not alwaysthe case.
I know you have to work withwhat you have sometimes.
Like you have to have a datenight in because that's the only
way it's gonna happen.
But I think that when you'rearound the energy of the house,

(47:55):
it's like, are you really gonna.
Is it gonna be the same?
You know what I mean?
I've never enjoyed a date nightin at our kitchen table.
'cause at our kitchen table, I'mmom.
Yeah.
But I do remember during COVID,we went down to the bar and had
a drink at our bar.
And I'm like, all right, I canroll with this.
Yeah, you need to.
Okay.
So it's just about changing theenvironment.
You need to change theenvironment because if you go to

(48:15):
the same environment, you'regonna play the same role.
Which is mom and dad.
And you're looking to play adifferent role.
You're looking to play likehusband, wife, yes.
Or friend or whatever.
Yes.
I like that.
'Cause I do feel like thathappens.
If we're sitting at the kitchentable, it's gonna feel like
every other night that we'resitting at the kitchen table or
if we're sitting in front of thetv.
But like even going to adifferent corner of your house
and being like, we're gonna havea drink here.

(48:37):
And it just like changes theenvironment and it gets you
feeling like there's a daynight.
So I like that.
Like just doing somethingtogether for me.
I think and for us, I wasthinking back a little bit more
about the communication pieceand something that has helped me
a ton that then in turn, I thinkhas helped us is the phrase I
feel and I need or I want.

(48:59):
Starting conversations with thatinstead of, you're not doing
this or,'cause you're, it's youkeep it on you, you keep it on
you and it's soft.
By saying, feel it's softer.
I feel soft.
It's a much more approachableway of communicating.
And so that has helped even meframe what I'm trying to say in

(49:19):
a moment of chaos when, when youhave such a quick window to be
able to communicate and you'retrying not to come across the
wrong way, I do.
It's a softer approach and Ithink it's for the person
receiving it too.
It's a softer.
Feeling I think this wholeconversation is rooted in we
love our spouse and we want ourmarriages to last.

(49:41):
We want them to last.
We want them to be good.
We wanna enjoy time with them.
There's a reason why we chosethem.
Yep.
So we're trying to be selectiveand respectful when we talk to
them.
Yeah.
That doesn't mean you're notgonna have an outburst and be
like, oh my God, I hate yourfreaking guts right now.
Mm-hmm.
Like That also happens, ofcourse.
But you want to have a good,healthy relationship.
And you're trying to figure outhow to do that.

(50:02):
I know on very limited time andsleep and resources.
It's tricky.
I actually just came from my ob.
I had like my annual appointmentand we were just catching up
because obviously this goes backto last year when she saw me for
my last annual and I was not ina good place.
And.
So we were just catching up.

(50:22):
I love her so much.
And we were talking about justhow the importance of the
relationship and just like, howare you guys doing?
And I said, oh, we're, we're somuch better now.
The kids are, as they'regrowing, it seems to be getting
a little bit easier.
Easier, it keeps some of thestrain off of the relationship.
Yes, I get it.
And she said The best way totell is if you're spending

(50:44):
quality time together and youremember how much you like each
other, then that means thatlike, when all of the other
stuff around you is not there,you're okay.
Yeah.
That's really good advice.
And I was like, yeah.
So when we've spent any sort ofquality time together it's like
you pick right back up where youleft off.
If you're really.

(51:05):
Making an attempt to spend thatquality time and not letting all
the noise get in and thebusiness and all of that.
Yes.
Like the liking each other is soimportant.
And I liked that she used theword like and not love.
'cause it's like obviously youlove your spouse, but do you
like them?
There's a difference.
There's a difference.
And yes.
When all of the other stuff islifted away, we very much still

(51:27):
like each other and wanna bearound each other.
It's just finding the time.
Allowing you that time.
To like each other.
And I was like, what a good way.
And I liked the intentional useof the word like,'cause I was
like, yeah, how important isthat?
You had a little, you need tolike that person therapy session
and your OBGYN today always Soone other tip that I will share
is that Nick and I.

(51:48):
Go away.
We travel.
Yeah.
We get the hell outta Dodge.
You do?
And it's getting harder as thekids are getting older.
I know.
It shocked me, and somebody toldme this when the kids were
young, you told me and then youtold me.
They said to me, do it whenthey're young.
Because the older they get, theharder it is.
And what I, that shocked me,took away from that was like,
because they're gonna throwparties at your house.
That was what I took from that.

(52:09):
Maybe I was just projectingbecause when my parents left me
when I was in high school, thesecond they pulled down the
street, like the keg was beingdelivered, actually while I was
on vacation this past week, Itold my mom about a few of the
parties that I had and she waslike in stitches.
She was like, I cannot believethis.
And I'm just hearing about itnow.

(52:29):
But anyway, so that's what Itook away from it.
Go away when they're younger.
It gets harder as they getolder.
But when your kids are young,it's so hard to leave.
But they don't necessarily.
Need you.
As your kids get older, theyneed you at least this is our
experience.
Yeah.
I could see that they are somuch more specific that they
want you.
Like when my kids and they canvocalize it, they vocalize it

(52:52):
and it's very clear.
And yes, there are some easierparts because then like anybody
can drive them when they'reolder.
Like when they're little, likenobody can drive them.
Like you, like mom and dad,maybe grandma, grandpa, maybe
one trusted sitter.
If you're lucky you have that,team behind you.
But when they were little, itwas easier to leave them.
Yeah.
I know I, you told me that theywould go at 7:00 PM and that was
the end of it for the night.

(53:12):
Yeah.
I can totally see that now ifyou are a young couple.
Mm-hmm.
And you can get away for a nightor two.
I encourage you to do it becauseit gets much harder to do it as
they get older.
Yep.
And then I think to that point,not overcomplicating it, which
we've definitely talked about inother episodes too, where it's
don't underestimate just goingdown the road and doing a

(53:33):
staycation somewhere.
Don't overcomplicate it.
Don't let social media, or don'tlet your own wild imagination
make you feel like you have todo something extravagant.
Make it easy on yourselves.
But just the change of sceneryis huge.
And yeah, because maybe a flightand a train and a car rental and
this and that, it's going toexhaust you more.

(53:56):
And what you're really lookingfor is just and escape to
connect and have fun.
Yep.
Laugh, create a sharedexperience.
Enjoy some food.
Remember why you like each otherand then you can come home
equipped to handle the mess thatyou will be returning home to.
Of course.
But, and your cute kids.
I know.
That is great advice..
So we can get into our lastsegment.

(54:17):
Which is our pink spot.
Right.
So, Okay.
So mine is Chachi pt, but it'show I've been using it.
Okay.
So I used it a lot when we wereon the trip.
I used it more traveling.
Ooh.
Than Google Maps.
For instance, when we were inRome, I had gotten
recommendations for every citythat we were traveling in.
So when I would arrive to acity, I would insert my travel

(54:37):
recommendations.
These are the restaurants, Iwould put the whole thing into
chat, GPT, and I would say, thisis where I am.
Yep.
This is my current location,what's near me.
And it would say, okay, this iswalking distance.
This is a taxi ride, this is awater taxi, this is how you get
there.
And my mom and I used chat chiptea to map out our whole day.
We would type it in the morningwe wanna go to this museum.

(54:59):
Where do we get tickets for it?
What's a non touristy place toeat in that location?
Oh, good idea.
And it would spit it all out atyou.
It's so much better than aGoogle search, right?
And then it would give youdirections how to get to places,
and then from there you couldclick onto Google Maps to walk.
Oh, I love it.
It was so amazing.
We used chat GPT, the entiretrip.

(55:20):
I should rephrase that.
I used chat, GPT.
Yeah.
The entire trip.
My father made it very clear tome, do not.
Follow your mother.
She has a terrible sense ofdirection.
That's great.
I like that idea.
I never even thought to do itfor traveling like that.
It was great.
I would just dump the wholething into it and it was
amazing.
So I know it really is becominglike a Google search, which is,
it was like having a littlepersonal assistant.

(55:41):
Yes.
Yes.
Telling me where to go and that.
And even just like you'resaying, like mapping out like
what makes sense so that you'renot all over the place.
Or like how do we get from hereto here?
What makes the most sense to do?
One day we went to the Vaticanand va, I didn't realize that
the Vatican isn't like a place,it's a city, and then there's
multiple places within theVatican.
People use like the term theVatican, right?
It's like Vatican City.

(56:02):
So I had put into chat GPT, wewanna go here and here.
This is the times of our tours.
And it told me like, have theUber drop you off here.
Oh wow.
Go here.
And I, it was perfect how itmapped it out for us.
'cause otherwise, how was Isupposed to know?
Good tip.
Yeah.
That's a really good tip.
I love that.
So mine is two products thatI've been using for a really

(56:24):
long time, I'm obsessed withColleen Rothschild Skincare.
Mm-hmm.
It's like my favorite skincareline, just because I use so many
products from her and.
The two that I, it's the secondlongest relationship.
You've been the second TaraRaja.
It's it, like she's just, she'smy girl.
And but the two products that Ilove, and now that we're
entering the season I'm bringingthem back into rotation like

(56:48):
almost every single day.
Is the extreme recovery cream,which is like the most
luxurious.
Moisturizer ever.
It is so amazing.
My skin like misses it when Idon't have it on.
It's like that moisturizing.
I use these at night and then Imix in her face oil number nine
into it and she calls it theColleen cocktail.

(57:09):
So it's just like moisturizerand then you squirt a little bit
of the face oil on top of it andmix it in all together.
And it is incredible.
My skin everything is gettingdry again.
I'm like, wow.
Like my skin just, it happens sofast.
One makeup get dry, things getlike crinkly.
Yes.
And then your makeup doesn't,yes.
Like your makeup doesn't set andsometimes during the summer I

(57:30):
feel like I don't need both.
I don't need like the oil andthe moisturizer, but like now
that it's getting dry, I'm like,oh, I'm bringing it back.
And I have this series onInstagram where it's called
Every Lash Drop because Iactually, oh, empty jars share
empty.
Jars I'm using these things andI'm not actually just like
trying it out for the firsttime.

(57:51):
I'm actually using every lastdrop of them.
So sometimes I will save myempties to show you guys the
receipts that I actually lovethese things.
And both of these have hadmultiple empties.
I'm obsessed with them.
And so yeah, that's bringingback my favorite moisturizer for
the fall and winter.
So I'll make sure to link thosefor you guys.
And they're available on Amazontoo.

(58:12):
That's a great, that's a greattip.
I wanna try them.
What are the price points?
The Extreme Recovery cream, itdepends on what size you get.
It is better for you to get thejumbo size if you end up liking
it.
I try to get the jumbo size ofthe cream, but it's like 75 for
the cream.
I go through that much fasterthan I do the oil.
The oil's 85.
Okay.
And you can get them together.

(58:33):
So if I'll leave a link.
'cause they have she like abundle.
She makes like a bundle.
Oh.
Which she intends to use themtogether.
Oh, I wanna try them.
Yes.
They're great.
So I will leave the link to thebundle because you can get a
little bit of a discount andI'll see if my code still works.
I don't How did you find her?
How did you So I actually mether at an LTK conference
probably like 10 years ago.

(58:53):
Wow.
And I started using her glycolicpeel pads, which I really loved.
And there was one other product,it might have been her eye
cream.
And then I was always like aSkinCeuticals girl.
And I don't know, as like myskin, as I got into my mid
thirties, I just startednoticing that the skincare I was
using wasn't working anymore.
And so I was like, I think Ineed something else.

(59:15):
And I happened to have somethingfrom her and I, it just clicked
like as soon as it was like myskin, the second it hit your
skin was me.
Yes.
The second I hit my skin, I waslike, this is the line.
Every product.
You had to change it up.
Nope.
Every product it's just like oneof those things.
Oh me, I To try it, maybe trythis cocktail.
Yeah.
Post the link.
It's great.
I'll post the link.
But I love it.
I love it so much.
All right.
And you know what else we love?

(59:35):
We love Nick and Raj.
We do.
We love you guys.
They're, even though we give ahar, even though we give you a
hard time.
I know.
Pretty much every day.
I know.
Sorry.
But maybe one day we'll be ableto convince them to come on and
sit with the pink microphones.
But.
Today was not that day.
Maybe we'll do it in the bardownstairs.
Yeah, that'll be a little bitmore fun.

(59:55):
Drinks.
It'll be more playful.
Oh my goodness.
Oh, all right.
I wanna hear from our listenersdon't leave us hanging here.
I know we're not the only one.
We putting our ourselves outthere on the line, right?
Come on, give it back.
I always love getting thecomments and everything.
And then we also have to have ashout out because we haven't
talked about the viral video.
We had a viral video, guys like,no.

(01:00:16):
And not a viral video.
Look, we had a fucking viralvideo.
Like, all right, so I'm gonnagive a quick quick recap.
Recap in case you guys don'tknow what we're talking about.
So pretty much every day, everyother day, something ridiculous
happens in our life and we sendit to each other.
It was like a Thursday onThursdays.
Usually one of us will do like aquick recap of the episode from
that week.
So the episode that week wasabout postpartum anxiety and

(01:00:39):
depression.
So the kids were off from schoolthat day.
So I put the phone down on thekitchen island, propped it up to
myself to talk about how I hadpostpartum anxiety after I had
my children, especially, I'm notvery vivacious daughter.
I'm not laughing at that,Camilla.
So she.
Jumps into the camera, knocks meon my chin, and literally the

(01:01:01):
whole video, we cut this partout.
Like she literally knocks me onmy ass.
Because you're like literallyHey we guys, we're talking about
postpartum anxiety anddepression and like here, and we
each are sharing our experiencesand Camilla just gets her little
face in the frame and then shegoes, I'm Camila and jumps and
hits T Square in the jaw.
Like you actually hear like acrunch sound.

(01:01:24):
And so she sends this to melike, stand my ass.
And you hear in that part of thevideo me being like, Ugh.
She's like whimpering in thebackground.
And so she sends me the videoand then she's like, we have to
post this, right?
I'm like, yeah, we have to postthis.
So we also send it to ourassistant Angela, who helps us
with all of our social mediaand.

(01:01:44):
She was like, no, we have toslowmo this.
This is, and also no one caresabout what you're saying before.
No.
So we end up, cut that shit outand just post this in.
So she ended up doing thaticonic slow motion where T gets
knocked in the face like threetimes.
If you don't know what I'mtalking about, go to our page
right now.
And so we were we post it and itstarted gaining traction as it

(01:02:08):
should.
And then I remember me, you andAngela were on a text message
and we're like, wow, this mighthit a hundred K views and that,
wouldn't that be crazy?
12 million views later.
We're like, I know.
Wait, what is happening?
It's up to 14.
Five.
Is it 14?
Oh my God.
This, its up to 14, five.
It's just the gifts that keepson giving.
People are still watching it.
And then the best part is someof the comments are like, this

(01:02:31):
is ai.
I'm like, no, I wish it was ai.
This actually happened to me.
I have a broken jaw.
And also the comments are like,they're amazing.
They're amazing.
And also people are like, I havebroken a nose, I have a black
eye.
I chipped it you with.
And I'm like, okay, this isliterally universe.
Motherhood is not, I know forthe week.

(01:02:52):
It is not for the week.
And yep.
So cheers tea to your viralmoment.
Oh God, you are so big, big timeright now.
Oh my.
And my daughter is like lovingthis.
She's mom, how many views do wehave?
I know how many views.
Thanks Meals for oh my god.
For that one.
'cause so good thing we'relaughing through it.
Yeah, we're laughing throughmotherhood and so there you go.
So congratulations on our mostviral video ever.

(01:03:17):
I dunno how we're gonna top thatone, but we're gonna try so
we're gonna try.
Gonna try so much.
Thank you guys so much.
Hopefully nobody will getinjured in the second.
I know.
Oh my goodness.
Second, stay safe out theremoms, and we'll talk to you guys
next week.
Bye bye.