Elf Unions and Unfair Work Conditions w/ Dingle the Elf (Privychat 37)

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
>> Hunter Hoover (00:14):
Uh, welcome back to Privy. Privy
is a podcast about bathrooms
recorded this week. I'm
a little bit undercover. I'm definitely
not in home record studio
to end our privy
Christmas celebrations.

(00:34):
Uh, my intention and my goal
is to, after three or four years of failing
to do so, bring you
Hunter's top 10
winter festive treats. Now, the
problem with this is in years past,
I've tried to bring you these festive

(00:57):
holiday, uh, offerings via my home record and my
secondary recording studio at our church
bathroom. And while the
interruptions that we have endured
have been a treasure, um, and
shout out to Santa and Mrs. Claus for stopping by in years
past, um, we gotta get to this

(01:17):
list. The top 10 list of hoovy
snacks needs to happen. And
so I am stowed away in a secret
location, not my home, not
secondary recording studio, but a secret location
unknown to any
Kris Kringle or Mrs. Kringle,
uh, unknown to any reindeer, totally off the

(01:39):
grid and removed from anywhere
where one might be able to detect me. And
of course you might hear the echo as a result. There's
a bit of an echo this week. And, uh,
that is for anonymity. We've gotta keep things
quiet, otherwise we're not gonna get through this list.
And so I am in recording studio,

(01:59):
recording studio away from recording studio. Top
secret. Uh, and to bring you
the hoovies'holiday treat list.
And in years past, I've spoken
and on this list, and they're in no particular order, you
guys understand it. Um, and in no particular order, um,
on the list is divinity. And

(02:20):
if you don't know, divinity is like little clumpy marshmallow
looking guys. And they're just sugar and they're
delicious and they're great. And it's a
key to any holiday, uh,
hualy whaty. And just get
divinity in your life. It's very good.
So second on the list, uh, of holiday goodies

(02:40):
is definitely going to be the salted nut roll.
The salted nut roll. And I'm not talking about the weird kind of
turd shaped nut log that you find
in most grocery stores. While those are delicious,
I'm talking about there's this homemade nut roll.
You know, I think one goal I
have is in this list, in

(03:01):
compiling this list of delicious treats
and getting it out to you, is that
you understand the importance not only of the word nut
rol, um, but in its significance
in our lives. It's a
delicious delight, uh, to be enjoyed by
all. It's very good, very friendly,

(03:21):
estimated in that it's so Simple.
But it's got that soft bottom.
Soft bottoms are where it's at. Next on
our list, and it's one that we
visited before. And I understand that there's
a bit of controversy around. Around this hoovie
holiday treat. Um, is the presence of

(03:41):
fudge on the Christmas
like festive treats platter the
holiday. Hello?

>> Speaker B (03:50):
Hello.

Oh, u.
Uh,
how. How did you. Who. Who are.
Who are you?

>> Speaker B (04:01):
Dingle.

Dingle?

>> Speaker B (04:03):
Yeah. I came from North Pole.

How did you. I'm stowed
away. I, uh,
have been trying to get my hoovies'holiday
treat sample list out for four years,
and I have hidden myself in this bathroom.
So I, uh, don't understand
How. How did you know I was here?

>> Speaker B (04:26):
I'm a very big fan of your podcast.

Oh, shoot.

>> Speaker B (04:29):
It's one of my favorite things to listen while I'm working, actually.

Oh. So I don't wan. Toa
assume so. Dingle, you're an elf,
Correct. Okay. Uh, I mean that in the
nicest way possible. Um,
are you, like, a traditional. What type of elf got.
Are we getting into here? Are we, like Keebler
cookie tree elf or like, what sort of elf

(04:53):
are you?

>> Speaker B (04:54):
Unfortunately, no. I'm actually
the lowest of the lows of the
elves, in all honesty. U.
Um, I'm the guy that
works.

Oh, Dingle.

>> Speaker B (05:06):
With Santa.

You work with Santa?

>> Speaker B (05:08):
Yes.

That's gotta be, like, physically.
That's gotta be, like, the best gig ever, though, working with Santa. S.
He's like the big man. No, it's the big show.

>> Speaker B (05:18):
He definitely is big.

He's big. Well, yeah, he's gotta be. He's. I
mean, he's Santa. That's. It's not a good gig.

>> Speaker B (05:25):
It is the worst gig I've ever had.
And I know as an elf, we once made cookies in
a treehouse, and the treehouse said caught onto
fire.

Yeah. So I never really understood that. It always
seemed like a bad idea.

>> Speaker B (05:39):
That's what I was saying. But no,
it just seems.

It just seems like a bad place to stick at an oven
is inside of a tree.

>> Speaker B (05:49):
You would think so.

Yeah.

>> Speaker B (05:50):
Uh, but Santa didn't.

Santa. Oh, Santa put. Santa is in chart.
Oh.

>> Speaker B (05:55):
Santa calls all the shots.

Okay, so he's like, in charge of all elves?

>> Speaker B (05:59):
Yes.

Okay, so are you like a. Are you like a toy elf
or you like a. Are you. Do you work with the reindeer?

>> Speaker B (06:06):
Um, um, I do a little bit of time with reindeer, but I
mostly actually help Santa with
his, um, toy making.
We'll say the health needs.

Health needs?

>> Speaker B (06:17):
Yeah. U. Um, you know, he's a big guy.
He can't really reach his back. So, uh, it's.

Wait a minute.

>> Speaker B (06:25):
A lot of the time it's like sponge bath type
to space.

Wait, wait, so you're
m. Uh, okay, so last year, Mrs. Claus
came on the show. She aired grievances against
Santa for a lot of things, but
she did mention that there were elves that
helped him bathe.

>> Speaker B (06:45):
That is my job.

That's your job?

>> Speaker B (06:47):
Yes. The lowest of the low.

What. How do you get. There's other
elves at the North Pole? How you. How do you
get into Santa? Scrub
duty.

>> Speaker B (07:02):
Well, speaking about the treehouse that caught on the fire,
I may or may not have been the one to preheat the
oven a little too hot that day.

O.

>> Speaker B (07:11):
And this is more of a punishment than
anything.

Got it. Oh, do you get
paid?

>> Speaker B (07:18):
Uh, about 50. 50 cents less
than everybody else.

Just out a spite.

>> Speaker B (07:24):
We only make a dollar 25 cents an hour.

Dollar 20. Is that like. Is that like North Pole dollar?
Is that like. Is that like bitcoin? What does Santa
use? Does he like. I don't know,
Is he. Is he USD?

>> Speaker B (07:37):
He is not USD. He's actually a peso. Okay,
Peso.

There you go. Mexican currency
it125 peso. That's,
um. So. But you're on one set. Uh, are you at like
75 cents then?

>> Speaker B (07:51):
Is that like that? Correct.

Okay. Uh, that seems
like not enough to be. Do
you just run his bath? Like, just get the bath ready
and.

>> Speaker B (08:01):
I would love to say yes.

Okay. So why can't you say yes? Do
you do more than running Santa's bath?

>> Speaker B (08:10):
Um, I, ah, have been known to do the
occasional feet soaking.

Okay.

>> Speaker B (08:15):
And clipping the toenails.

Uh.

>> Speaker B (08:18):
Oh, God, yeah. Yeah. It's not.
I don't recommend it.

Yeah. Do you have like, does
anybody. Can you have. Is there other elves that like, take turns
or is this like.

>> Speaker B (08:31):
I've got one other person, but he's kind of, you know,
Santa's got big legs, so he's kind of there
as like the stool or.

Okay.

>> Speaker B (08:40):
Yeah. Kind of just resting for Santa to put his legs up
there.

Oh, that sounds, um,
displeasing. Yeah. And it also sounds like a bad look
for Santa. Like, the more I learn about
Santa, the more devious he seems
he is.

>> Speaker B (08:55):
I mean.

Yeah.

>> Speaker B (08:57):
What other guy? Or, uh, I guess
who else in the world knows when, like,
you're awake at all times.

That's true.

>> Speaker B (09:05):
And. Or sleeping.

That's true. Does he hold that against you? Guys, Is that
like part of his blackmail is like, does he
blackmail the elves?

>> Speaker B (09:13):
I haven't been black.

Okay. But, uh,
uh, so the bath time.
Dingle.
Do you. Don t. You don't
scrub Santa? Do you like.
Do you bathe Santa?

>> Speaker B (09:32):
Yes. So actually.

God.

>> Speaker B (09:35):
Um. One of our favorite things to do in the North
Poles actually watch of Grey's Anatomy.

Okay. So, um, Wild
was Okay.

>> Speaker B (09:43):
I know we're very big on health and doctors.
Andado, I guess up there.

That's right. Yeah.

>> Speaker B (09:49):
Yeah.

Well, it depends on where you're at. I mean, right.

>> Speaker B (09:52):
Currently it's up there for us, but.

Right.

>> Speaker B (09:56):
Yeah, it depends where you're at. But yeah. No, um.

Grey's Anatomy.

>> Speaker B (09:59):
Yeah, it's crazy. So, uh,
it's more of a sponge bath.

Okay.

>> Speaker B (10:05):
So at least I don't have to try to get him into the
tub or anything.

Yeah, he's like. He's doing like sink bath type stuff. Yeah,
that's good.

>> Speaker B (10:13):
Yeah, good. One bowl for the
dirty water that we're getting in. One bowl that has
a bunch of clean water.

Would it be better if he was in the bath? So you didn't have to see
as much, though? Like, this is where I'm stuck
on. I've thought too much about
Santa in the bath at this point.

>> Speaker B (10:33):
I don't know if me and the other elves can make a
bathtub big enough.

Oh, shoot. He's so. Is he bigger than people
think?

>> Speaker B (10:41):
He's pushing almost £500.

500? Yes. That's a big boy.

>> Speaker B (10:45):
Yeah. We're trying to put him on a diet.

Yeah, well, but he's like only. He's like cookies only. Right.

>> Speaker B (10:50):
Cookies only. And that's the thing. Like,
his blood pressure is high. My blood
pressure is like through the roof.

Yeah.

>> Speaker B (10:59):
I can't.

Just dealing with Santa.

>> Speaker B (11:01):
Just dealing with Santa eating a bunch of sugar. Yeah,
I'm very bloated. I'm getting there too.

It'll do a guy in. Do you. Um.
So Mrs. Claus said that sometimes
Santa invites the reindeer in to bath
time with him. Are you guys also required to help scrub the
reindeer with Santa? Why does Santa do
that? I have so many questions.

>> Speaker B (11:23):
Um, I'm not sure why Santa would do that, but
yes, that is a thing we do do.

Yeah.

>> Speaker B (11:28):
Uh, it's not very often, but hu. It's
probably like a once a month thingay.
They're outside in the snow a lot, which, you know, it's a
reindeer, so I don't. I kind of
view them as. Yeah, they're outside a
husky of the deer world, I guess you want to.

Say, hey, that's pretty good. That's pretty good.

>> Speaker B (11:47):
And, uh, so we do have to get them cleaned
off a bit, but it's. Yeah, they're never
oily. It's kind of weird.

It doesn't seem like any of this should be a thing that
you're doing.

>> Speaker B (11:58):
No. And wholeheartedly, I
believe that we should have a North Poless. Union North.

So are you guys, like, uh.
Is that part of why you're here is to, like, begin the
process of unionizing?

>> Speaker B (12:12):
I mean, partially.

Partially. Okay.

>> Speaker B (12:15):
Um, but the biggest thing is my ears rang for
fudge.

Oh, yeah. You know, I have to admit,
I don't have. I mean, there was probably fudge made
in this bathroom at some point today, but, like,
I have none.

>> Speaker B (12:30):
I think that's a different kind of fudge.

Does Santa. Does Santa
make you guys interface with any of his fudge?

>> Speaker B (12:39):
No, I don't have to do that.

Okay. You don't have butt wiping?

>> Speaker B (12:42):
No.

Okay, that's good. Is there an elf who wipes the
butts, or is he, like.

>> Speaker B (12:47):
We don't necessarily wipe his.
But it's. We kind of power
wash it. Like
a standing bidet almost.

Okay. Is it like a bigger bidet?
How much girth does Santa got on his butt?
I don't.

>> Speaker B (13:08):
I would say take a. Take.
Take a medicine ball or, like, even
better, two yoga balls.

Oh, wow. Yeah.

>> Speaker B (13:17):
Yeah. It's kind of a big butt.

You know, I'm wondering. There's these videos that
sometimes parents show their kids, and it's
essentially two balloons that they have taped
together, and then they spread Nutella in between
the balloons, and then they teach
their child how to wipe their butt, and they
practice wiping the balloons to get the Nutella off.

(13:42):
Could this maybe be a thing that you guys try
with Santa? Um, I'm just trying to think
of the guy that's having you help
with bath time and sometimes,
like, pressure washing the be.
I worry, like, even though I think y'all's
unionizing might be in your best interest, I worry that
Santa's going to react strongly to it.

>> Speaker B (14:05):
If, uh, we were able to get Santa
to wipe on his own
accord, that would have to
involve a loss of 200 pounds.

Oh, okay. So we're.

>> Speaker B (14:17):
He can't really.

Jez.

>> Speaker B (14:20):
Yeah.

Have you ever seen him try? Like, I'm wondering if maybe
Santa is just not trying and he's just,
like, likes that you guys do it.

>> Speaker B (14:29):
Have you ever tried to scratch the midle
middle of your Back up top.

Yeah. Yeah.

>> Speaker B (14:35):
It's not very successful, is it?

Not usually.

>> Speaker B (14:38):
That's kind of what it looks like.

Oh, dingle. Do you guys
watch like, as he. Do you ever. Is it one of those
things where it's like. I think I just asked you if you
watched Santa poop. That's not what I mean. Um,
is it one of those things where
he begins the. And it's like, nope, you gotta try
and kind of like, you know, little kids. You want him to try something before you

(15:04):
just do it for him. Is it kind of like that where it's like every time
Santa does a brown, he's got at least attempt
it?

>> Speaker B (15:10):
Correct.

Okay.

>> Speaker B (15:11):
Yes.

Oh, so you guys watch this disaster happen for you?

>> Speaker B (15:14):
Yes. Yes.

Okay, so there's not. Okay, so this is not like
a. All right, Santa, that's enough. You can do it. He's
truly. He's truly in trouble.

>> Speaker B (15:22):
Yeah, we actually, like,
we sit there and we make sure Santa's not lying to
us. Oh, and he's fully
not capable of being able to wipe his butt.

Yeah. Has he ever. Um,
so why doesn't Mrs. Claus's help with any of
this? Have you guys ever talked to her about, like, why she's
not playing a role in her husband's
health care and wellness?

>> Speaker B (15:46):
Uh, during my time in the North Pole, I've
probably seen her once.

Really?

>> Speaker B (15:51):
Yeah.

Where do you think she's at?

>> Speaker B (15:54):
Hopefully making the chocolate milk and the hot
chocolate. Yeah, I know
that. Mrs. Claus'hot chocolate and chocolate
milk and.

Is it a game changer.

>> Speaker B (16:04):
It's the best thing I've ever had.
But I can't go ask Carlos the elf.

Yesus.

>> Speaker B (16:11):
Carlos usually always burns the milk.

Okay.

>> Speaker B (16:14):
Yeah.

Is Carlos like, help. He helps in the kitchen or is he.

>> Speaker B (16:17):
He tries.

He tries. Does he.
Does he ever, like. Does Carlos the elf ever
mix like, hot cocoa and
coffee into a concoction of any given
name?

>> Speaker B (16:30):
Yeah. And actually, uh, depending on where
you're from in the North Pole. Cause there's a little different
locations.
Um, some places
call it a ghetto mocha G.
Okay. Or a poor
man's coffee.

Oh, o. Does he do that?

>> Speaker B (16:49):
Carlos will.

Does he give it to Santa?

>> Speaker B (16:52):
Yeah. And that honestly might be why we do so much
defecation.

Okay, see. Cause my understanding, based
on Mrs. Clau's report, is that Santa's. His
poo is mostly like liquid, which.

>> Speaker B (17:05):
Is troubling that the two
stories add up. Then, you knowh.

Shoot.

>> Speaker B (17:11):
He's just drinking a lot of caffeine inst.
Instead of milk. Unless he's lactose.

That could be. I've never. I mean, these are all
questions that, uh. So when I talked to Santa years
ago, he was more
frustrated. So maybe this is a confession to
you, Dingle, and your elf partners
is in
22:23. Not. It's not important. And
Santa'totally forgiven me. It's fine. I told the kids of the

(17:38):
world that they need to catch Santa,
and the way to do it is to give him X.
So, um,
Santa was mad, but it's water under the bridge,
and I'm pretty sure Everybody involved. Santa, Mrs.
Claus, and the elves have totally moved
on. Um, but do you think,

(17:59):
like, maybe. Was there a particularly.
Do you remember a particularly bad year? Is
it, like, it probably wasn't like,
two or three years ago?

>> Speaker B (18:10):
No, just. Let's
see. I would say the worst thing that
I've ever seen was probably
three, four years ago. And,
um,
it. Have you
ever been to Minota Falls?

You know, oddly enough, Dingle, I have, uh.
I have been there. Is.
Why do you ask?

>> Speaker B (18:41):
Yeah.

Okay.

>> Speaker B (18:42):
Yeah.

Santa had his own little Multnoma
Falls.

>> Speaker B (18:46):
Yeah.

Okay.

>> Speaker B (18:47):
It did not sound pleasant. Was not pleasant.

Yeah, but y'all were, like. You didn't have to
deal with it.

>> Speaker B (18:54):
Not there? No. I was in the treehouse at that
time.

Okay, so you hadn't made it to the North Pole.
Um, so your
main concern is, like, workplace conditions.

>> Speaker B (19:06):
Correct.

At the North Pole. Okay. Do they got HR up
there? I don't know if they got hr.

>> Speaker B (19:11):
We have one person.

Yeah.

>> Speaker B (19:13):
Name's Becky.

Becky?

>> Speaker B (19:15):
Yeah. She doesn't do much.

I'assumed you've taken this concern to Becky.

>> Speaker B (19:22):
Becky's scary.

Okay. Becky.

>> Speaker B (19:26):
I wouldn't. I wouldn't talk to Becky.
Even with a megaphone, she's scary.

Well, but. But it seems like Becky's the one that could
solve the Santa diarrhea bath time
problem. For you, maybe.

>> Speaker B (19:39):
Unfortunately, she's the one who rides our schedules.

Uh. Oh, do you think Becky's putting you on
bathroom duty more often?

>> Speaker B (19:46):
Probably. And that's probably cause I complained about her
candy cane cookies not too long ago.

Becky. So Becky's kind of petty.

>> Speaker B (19:55):
Yeah.

Okay. So, Dingle, it sounds like a.
It's kind of a rough spot. Cause, like,
obviously Carlos isn't gonna be helping Santa at bath time.
He wants to be a chef. I don't know.

>> Speaker B (20:09):
What's Carlos'deal Yeah, he's just
trying to work in the kitchen. Yeah,
I don't know how successful that's going.

Are you not allowed to Work in the kitchen. Cause of the treehouse thing.

>> Speaker B (20:19):
Correct.

Got it.

>> Speaker B (20:22):
I wanted to be a baker.

Okay. Do you still want to be a
baker?

>> Speaker B (20:27):
Not after the treehouse incident.

Okay, so you got some trauma.
Um, so main grievance
scrubbing Santa. Does he.
It's not. But, like, how dirty can
he get? Like, I mean, it's Santa. He's like,
magic. Doesn't like the filth. Just magic
itself.

>> Speaker B (20:48):
Unfortunately, no.

What.

>> Speaker B (20:51):
He is, um. Let's just say
we're frequent flyers of, uh, switching out his
bedheets because. Oh, Lord, he's a big
guy. He sweats a lot in sleep.

You know, o. This is gonna be a weird question
that. I don't know why you would know the answer to this,
but when Santa sweats, is it
similar to, like, when. Like, m. I don't know
about elves, but, like, when humans sweat, it's kind
of salty. Is. Is Santa's sweat different?
Like, is he built different?

>> Speaker B (21:22):
I will not confirm nor deny the fact
that it might taste like sugar.

Oh, no. Do the.
Oh, my gosh. Do the reindeer lick Santa for,
like, as a treat.

>> Speaker B (21:34):
It wasn't the reindeer.

Dingle. No, no.
Is this. Dingle,
dingle,
dingle. It's gonna be hard for me to continue
the grievance under the
assumption that you or another elf. I'm notnna say it
was. You may or may not have licked Santa.

(21:58):
We're gonna say his armpit or his arm.
You know, he's a sweaty guy. I know. It couldn't have
been the back. Does he have back hereir?

>> Speaker B (22:06):
Yes. And it feels like
80 grit sandpaper. Oh.
So, yeah, it's pretty rough in coars and
bad.

So you. But you've had to interface with that, correct?

>> Speaker B (22:20):
That's. That's my main job of
washing Santa. I got the backside.

Like, the whole backside or, like.

>> Speaker B (22:28):
No, just his back. U. Um, okay, again,
we power wash. Yeah.

Oh, that's right. That's right.

>> Speaker B (22:34):
And I don't really have to get the
legs.

That's good.

>> Speaker B (22:38):
You know, he's kind of a big guy. He doesn't move whole
lot.

Yeah. How does he do the chimney thing? Like'm,
um. Is it just Christmas magic? Is that
just how he does it? Like, how does he do the chimney thing with.

>> Speaker B (22:50):
So Santa actually did tell me that
when he goes down a chimney, he's able to use his
magic, and he expands it out to his body
size. Okay, now what you guys
are thinking is what happens when
there is no chimney and. Or fireplace.

Right? Right.

>> Speaker B (23:09):
Whatever misconception You've heard.

Okay.

>> Speaker B (23:12):
He does not go in through your window like a
burglar.

Okay. I was gonna say, is it classic home invasion at that
point or.

>> Speaker B (23:19):
No. So, actually, again, this is where his magic comes
in. He'll put a fireplace in chimney.

He creates one.

>> Speaker B (23:25):
Yes. Just for the time being. So he can, um, slide
down because he always lands on the roof.

Is Santa. Does Santa got a thing for
sliding down shoots? Like, is that. I, uh, mean, is
he.

>> Speaker B (23:38):
I honestly believe before he wanted it be. Before
he became Santa, I think he actually wanted
to be a fireman.

Fireman, yeah. What a strange
man.

>> Speaker B (23:48):
Yeah.

You know, I will note that when I talked to
Santa, he completely left out
the fact that he has the elves aid
him to this degree.

>> Speaker B (24:00):
Why would you tell somebody that you can't help your own
self?

I guess. I guess. Yeah. It's a bad look. And it
makes sense that Mrs. Claus doesn't want any part it. Because,
you know, I mean, I think it's
hard to stare down the thing you've created. You know what I mean?

>> Speaker B (24:15):
Before there were elves, she had to do it.

Okay.

>> Speaker B (24:19):
And guess who had to clean the reindeer.

Was it Mrs. Claus?

>> Speaker B (24:24):
It was M. Mrs. Claus.

Okay, so you guys are. So
did you get hired? Or is it like a.
I dare to say, is it forced labor?

>> Speaker B (24:33):
Not forced labor. It was kind of like an adoption
agency.

Okay, that's also
interesting. Um, I don't know. I almost
wonder if forced labor is better than that even. That's
kind of dark. You guys were adopted? Are you his kids?

>> Speaker B (24:49):
Adoptive kids.

Okay.

>> Speaker B (24:52):
I've been with Santa for about one, uh, hundred fifty
years.

Oh, my gosh. And,
uh, so, Santa.
Uh, yeah, I do think you need to. I do think
we need to get some sort of unionization. HR something
in place. Cause.

>> Speaker B (25:08):
Will you help me with that?

Well, I. See I don't. Around here.
I'mnna be honest. And from where
I'm from. How do
I put this? Dingle. I struggle
sometimes to see how effective things
are.
Um, and a lot of times when I go to
hr, I don't see anything happen. And that's

(25:32):
why I was curious. And it sounds like Becky's not gonna
help. Um,
I'm trying to think of, like, who could keep Santa in line.
Cause Mrs. Claus doesn't seem willing to. She probably could,
but it sounds like she doesn't have to do it. Y'all are on
it. And she's like, I'm not breaking what's not fixed here.
Um, Jack Frost.

>> Speaker B (25:53):
You know, my. That was. That Was my
go to, man.

Really?

>> Speaker B (25:57):
Yep.

Does he help you guys out at all? Or is it like, Jack Frost
is.

>> Speaker B (26:01):
No longer allowed in the North Pole?

Did Santa banish him, or is it.

>> Speaker B (26:06):
Yeah, and there's a story behind that.

Um.

>> Speaker B (26:08):
Um. Okay, what was it?
Jack Frost went up to the North
Pole, and I believe he tricked
Santa.

Oh, yeah.

>> Speaker B (26:19):
Okay.

Okay. Yes.

>> Speaker B (26:21):
And then created fake Santa.

Yes. Have we ever thought about
maybe. Hmm. M. This is a little
unconventional. And I don't know, this might take, like, elf power
that we maybe haven't tapped into
since, like, the Treehouse days. But, like, have we
ever thought about hog tying Santa and just, like, having
Jack Frost make a fake Santa and just see if Ms. Claus doesn't
notice? Like, do it all over again.

(26:46):
Cause. Because fake Santa doesn't poop.

>> Speaker B (26:49):
So, like, I'm not against the
idea.

So, Jack Frost, if you're
listening, the elves might.
Might be behind you on this. I'm not gonna say yes,
because we love you,
Santa. Wink. Not wink, but,
like, it might be worth a shot.
And I don't know. I'm curious about
his role.

(27:13):
Um, but Mrs. Claus
doesn't support your grievance. She's. See, this is why
I'd be problematic again.

>> Speaker B (27:20):
I've only seen her about once.

Really?

>> Speaker B (27:23):
Yeah.

That's baffling because, uh,
she was here last year. She interrupted our show last
year, and,
and, man, she was just as upset with
her husband as you are with him. Maybe not just as
upset. Y'all's grievance seems a little more
real, maybe.

>> Speaker B (27:42):
The thing is, is, like, she might see
all of the other elves, but,
uh, she doesn't really see the house
elves.

She doesn't see.
Do you, um, um, Dingle.
Do you have clothes?
I, I, I One set once.
Yeah.

>> Speaker B (28:05):
See, this is two pairs of underwear.

Two pairs of underwearay.

>> Speaker B (28:08):
So what happens is,
Monday, wear them correctly.

Okay.

>> Speaker B (28:15):
Tuesday, inside out.
Wednesday, new pair.

Okay.

>> Speaker B (28:21):
Thursday, inside out.

Okay.

>> Speaker B (28:24):
Friday, we go commando because it's wash day
and because all of the house elves
wash there. Uh, closed
together.

Okay.

>> Speaker B (28:35):
You might be getting an extra large
size.

Oh, uh, so it's not like you don't own your clothes.
It's like. No. Okay.

>> Speaker B (28:43):
It's more of a rent to hire type deal.

Does. Why don't
y'all have, uh, more clothes? Is it just.

>> Speaker B (28:53):
Again, house elves only get paid $0.75,
and that's pesos.

Sh. And
Santa's. He seems as
if he has y'all making magical toys.
What would happen if y'all created, like, can you
guys, magic clothes.
What if you stole Santa suit?
I know it's too big, but you could, like, chop it up and maybe.

>> Speaker B (29:20):
You're giving me an idea.

Yeah.

>> Speaker B (29:23):
We will shove five LVEs in
there.

You guys could, like. You could, like, uh,
Space Jam, uh, the Alien
Tune Squad, like, stack yourselves.

>> Speaker B (29:34):
Up in Santy'suit or, like.

Or like, you don't even need Jack Frost.

>> Speaker B (29:39):
One of my favorite movies is the Little Rascals.

Yeah. And so, like, Grey's Anatomy
and A Little Rascal.

>> Speaker B (29:45):
Yeah. It's actually. We live our best lifeah most
of.

The time, I guess so.

>> Speaker B (29:50):
U. But there was that
scene where three boys climbed on each other's shoulders
to go get a bank loan. We can do that with Santa
with his outfit.

That's not a bad idea.
Think. Um,
do you think that could.
What are the odds? I'm trying to figure out, like, what are the odds that
y'all end up in a precarious situation with a reindeer?
Because I don't know. I have never had a confirm or
deny, but I think Santa's up to some nefarious things
with. I think it's blitzing.

(30:23):
Um, and so I'm wondering if Blitzen's gonna,
like, see y'all in the Santa suit stacked
up five atop each other and get the wrong
idea.

>> Speaker B (30:33):
Blitzens's the snitch.

Blitzen'snitch M.
What is he snitched on? Is he, like.
Do you think he knows you're here?

>> Speaker B (30:44):
No.

Okay.

>> Speaker B (30:45):
No, I took Rudolph, actually.

Uh, Rudolph. Do you like Rudolph?

>> Speaker B (30:50):
Yeah. The only thing I don't like is the nose.

The nose. Does it actually glow like in the documentary?

>> Speaker B (30:55):
Yes, but the issue with
Rudolph's nose glowing, it's kind of a
Pinocchio type deal.

O. Is it
triggered by lying, or is it triggered by something else?

>> Speaker B (31:08):
I think it's triggered by something else. But that's a
conversation for a later day.

Yeah. With probably Rudolph's
consent. He might not
like that.

>> Speaker B (31:19):
Correct.

Got it. Um. Wow. So,
Dingle, you're here. I wish I could do more for your
cause. Um,
is there a reason why the other elves have kind of, like,
also. I mean, that they're not helping you out, that they
kind of. I mean, it's dingle duty.
Again. Like, is there a reason that you get tossed

(31:41):
to this so often?

>> Speaker B (31:43):
Um, in all honesty, I believe it's because of what
my last name is. I
am Dingleberry.

You're less. What?
Okay, so
Dingleberry.

>> Speaker B (31:59):
Yes, it does. It sounds like
something that happens while in the bathroom.

Yeah. That's tough.

>> Speaker B (32:08):
You know, I think they're bullying me
because of my name.

So this is like workplace harassment.

>> Speaker B (32:14):
Yes. And that's another reason why I believe we should try
to unionize.

Well, and it also does. I mean, uh, it's hard for me to wrap my
brain around the idea that like Santa back
scrubbing is anywhere in the elf
like employee
agreement. I mean, it just simply. I struggle to
believe that.

>> Speaker B (32:33):
I've actually have never seen the employee
handbook.

Really? Yeah. That's a good tactic that a lot of employers
do. They hire you and then never show you the.

>> Speaker B (32:42):
And then another thing too actually is I've never
seen my contract that's fascting.

I mean, it starts to make one wonder if you even have
one. I mean, working under without a
contract is. It happens.
Um, but man, it can be troubling.
People get really upset when it happens.

>> Speaker B (33:01):
Oh, yeah. I think I've heard a little bit
of something about that recently.

Yeah. You know, it's just.
Yeah. Do you. Do y all have
like the Internet in the North Pole or is it
like magic Internet? U. Um, I guess that's
still Internet.

>> Speaker B (33:19):
We do have Internet, but we don't have to worry about
a satellite dish or anything.

Sweet.

>> Speaker B (33:24):
Yeah. I don't quite know how we do it. I'm actually
pretty positive that all of just
power and electricity might just come from the North
Pole.

Okay. Yeah, that's cool. Does, um,
does Elon Musk have any like, influence over the North Pole
yet? Has he met Santa? Has Santa met Elon Musk
yet? Do you know. I mean, dingle.

>> Speaker B (33:45):
Again, I will not confirm nor deny, but
I do know that he's on the. There might be
some plans for a sleigh upgrade.

Oh, okay.

>> Speaker B (33:55):
Yeah.

So it sounds like. I mean, sounds like he is
like. Yeah, do elves.
Sorry, I have so many questions. And I have some bathroom questions
to ask you. Dingle. But kind of last,
because is there an
elf like, uh,
who's like. Can you think of maybe Is there an elf whose
name that you could like, swap in? I

(34:18):
mean, if everybody's like, well, Dingleberry needs to be the one that's
like pressure washhing Santa's b.
There's gotta be somebody that's got. I mean, obviously
Carlos is on hot cocoa duty and
Becky's got the microphone, but like. Or
megaphone, but who. There's gotta
be someone that could swap you in.

>> Speaker B (34:38):
Maybe Phil.

Phil.

>> Speaker B (34:40):
Yeah, McCracken
Phil.

Oh, see? And he
sounds Irish, so he probably.
I'm not gonna Say it.
But he'd probably be good at it. You know what I'm
saying?

>> Speaker B (34:56):
Yes.

Yeah.

>> Speaker B (34:57):
100% yes.

Um, man, Phil McRaven, that's.
He. Do you think maybe, like, you could talk the other
elves into making Phil
take your spot?

>> Speaker B (35:10):
I can try.

That might be your path forward. Cause'just I'm worried
that that sounds like HR is worthless. Sorry,
Becky. You're great.
Um, and it also kind of sounds
like, you know, I feel like you turn to this
show to try to help you, and I mean,
unionize. But it also sounds like the elves are kind of throwing you to the
wolves here. And so I'm wondering how much they're

(35:33):
gonna be into it. You know, it's a classic. Our lives are good.
I don't. You know, why would I do anything?
I worry for that.

>> Speaker B (35:40):
It's. It's tough out here.

Yeah.

>> Speaker B (35:44):
But I believe we might be able to get Phil.

Phil? Yeah, dude. Phil McCracken.
It might be the only path forward. Have you ever thought of
running away from the North Pole? Like, I mean, you can
leave. Um, I mean, you're here, you've left, but, like,
do you have to return?

>> Speaker B (36:01):
I could probably go a couple days without them
realizing I'm gone.

Okay, so this is like, this is like a
journey plead for kind of
desperation, or is it like last ditch effort.

>> Speaker B (36:16):
Without the terrific things
that have happened in previous, uh,
people's lives?

Yeah.

>> Speaker B (36:24):
I would say we're close to the Charlie Banson cult.

Okay. Wow. That's.

>> Speaker B (36:28):
Without the bad thing.

That's striking. Yeah. Without the bad parts.

>> Speaker B (36:32):
Yeah, without the bad part.

Okay. Um, yeah, you
know, so think. I think what I'll say is, Becky, if you're
listening to this, you. You put your megaphone down and, like,
do something. Um, I don't think
Mrs. Claus listens. She
mostly seemed annoyed with the idea of this
entire thing. Um, but Mrs. Claus, if
for some reason you hear this, number one, I want you

(36:56):
to sort out the Rudolph thing. I've got some questions about
Rudolph's, uh, nose. Um,
but also, I think maybe you need to start playing a role in
Santa's wiping and washing or pressure washing.
I guess it's all washing. Um, I guess
reduces friction. Um,
and if y'all decide to unionize, I
mean, I guess hit me up.

(37:19):
I, uh, just, you know, I really wanna also stay off the naughty
list. That's something that I also, um, keen
on.

>> Speaker B (37:25):
So that's actually a.

Not in Sana's control
who controls the naughty list. It's actually Mrs.
Claus that makes sense. That makes a lot of sense.

>> Speaker B (37:35):
She's like everybody's mother. She knows more than.

Has Santa ever been on the naughty
list?

>> Speaker B (37:42):
Oh, yeah.

Is he on the naughty list?

>> Speaker B (37:45):
Like, not at this time being. But it is.
I've probably have seen him over there about three or four
times.

Really?

>> Speaker B (37:53):
Yeah.

And, uh, was one, like, three to four years
ago when he had a lot of diarrhea?

>> Speaker B (38:00):
Yes.
But I think. I think most of the time,
Mrs. Claus will put Santa on the naughty list just
to just like. Just to
be petty.

Yeah.

>> Speaker B (38:13):
Santa's not listening. Well, guess what?

On the naughty list, it's the classic sleeping on the couch for
Santa. Yes. Yes.

>> Speaker B (38:20):
I think that's. I think it's just. I mean,
a calm situation type deal.

Yeah. I like the idea of Mrs. Claus being in charge of
the naughty list a little more. Um.

>> Speaker B (38:30):
I don't know why she's a little bit more lenient.

Yeah. Well, it sounds like Santa can't lean at
all.

>> Speaker B (38:36):
No.

Yeah.

>> Speaker B (38:38):
If he tries, he. I'm kind swinging
like a Raing ball.

Has Santa ever fallen over and, like, you guys have to help him
up? Is there, like, a special piece of equipment
that y'all use to move Santa when he falls down?

>> Speaker B (38:51):
I will tell you that one time,
Santa was trying to walk down the stairs.

Okay, I see you said the word
trying.

>> Speaker B (39:00):
Well, he took a stumble and he fell.
And in that process, he kind of looked like
a, um, landed fish
when you're fishing.
And he. It was more of a flopping
motion.

Yeah. Uh.

>> Speaker B (39:15):
Um.

Wow. See?

>> Speaker B (39:17):
Yeah, that one was hysterical.
We have it on Elf tube.

Oh, let's go. Yeah. Do you think us
humans down here can get elf tube? Like, is that possible that we could
get that hookup?

>> Speaker B (39:28):
It is a North Pole subscription only.

Yeah.

>> Speaker B (39:31):
Yeah.

Dang it. Regional locked. Um.
Shoot. Well, little kids, if you're
listening, I don't know why you would be, but if you're a little
kid listening to this,
Santa's okay. Like,
he does some bad stuff, but we're gonna get it sorted.
You don't have to be mad at Santa. Or if you are,
um, and I might just be so bold to

(39:53):
say, and I can't stress,
this. Don't do the Xaxx thing
again. Like, you're gonna think about doing it.
Don't do it. Like, I cannot stress. Do
not Xaxx Santa this time use
Mirrax. Oh. Oh.
Spin it into that milk.

>> Speaker B (40:11):
Yes.

Oh, man. And mirroa milk. He
gonna. He's gonna. Y'all
should maybe Hook Santa up with some depends this year. Cause I have
a feeling that sleigh is gonna need a recoat if we
do the Miralax sitch.

>> Speaker B (40:28):
Monot my fals.

Um, dingle, I have some questions since you're here.
I hope it's okay. And I know I didn't really help you a
lot. Um,
yeah, that seems to be the trend whenever North Pole friends
visit me. Um, but I wanna know,
what type of toilet paper
does Santa provide you guys with up there at the North Pole? Is it.

(40:50):
It'sably. Like, it's probably pretty good. I mean.

>> Speaker B (40:55):
Have you ever used school toilet paper?

Oh. Huh? Uh, yes, it's.
Yeah.

>> Speaker B (41:02):
Yeah. We. I don't even
know if you can call it one ply.

Santa's given you bad paper.

>> Speaker B (41:09):
It's like half ply.

Is that why he pressure or has you guys pressure
was him isuse he doesn't want to use it?

>> Speaker B (41:16):
That could probably be the possibility.

You know, I'm convinced that employers
who stalk
any space, but specifically spaces
where their employees are gon toa have to wipe their butt with
bad toilet paper. I think that that's a
hostile work environment. Um, I would add that
to your list of grievances immediately.

>> Speaker B (41:40):
Very well noted.

Um, at the North Pole, does the toilet paper. Is it like an
over an under? Does. I mean,
Santa's not messing, but
actually.

>> Speaker B (41:50):
We don't have any toilet paper rolls.

Oh, okay.

>> Speaker B (41:53):
And we do have
separate bathrooms. The boy elves and the girl
elves.

Yeah.

>> Speaker B (42:00):
But we don't actually have any stalls.

Okay.

>> Speaker B (42:03):
They're more like counters.

Okay.

>> Speaker B (42:06):
And so instead of the toilet
paper roll.

Yeah.

>> Speaker B (42:10):
We actually put them in, like, the napkin boxes.

Okay.

>> Speaker B (42:14):
That you'll see at, like, burger King or McDonald'oh.

That's interesting.

>> Speaker B (42:17):
Yeah.

Is the toilet up on that counter?

>> Speaker B (42:20):
No, the toilet's down low. But,
like, if you look to the left or to the right,
you'll see a bunch of heads
but no bodies.

O. Because every, uh.

>> Speaker B (42:32):
If people are in the bathroom.

Got it. Oh, man. Yeah.

>> Speaker B (42:35):
So you do have a little bit.

Of privacy, but not enough. Not as much as
you'd want.

>> Speaker B (42:39):
Not from the front.

That's the worst spot to not have.

>> Speaker B (42:44):
Privacy when you're going to the very vulnerable.

Has Santa ever come in on y'all when you're in the bathroom?

>> Speaker B (42:50):
No, he has his own.

Right. But like. Hm. Hmm.
Has Has Rudolph ever
been in that bathroom?

>> Speaker B (42:59):
Rudolph has.

See, I'm not so sure about Rudolph.

>> Speaker B (43:03):
And it was weird because that was one of the moments
when his nose.

Got right See, I. Dang it. Rudolph.
Gosh. You know,
I notice in the documentary Rudolph's
nose when Absolute ape escape, when Clarice or
whatever her brain was. And I
think you might be onto something. I'm.
Huh huh. Um, do do

(43:28):
Dingle. Do you and the other elves, are you bar soap or
liquid soap elves?

>> Speaker B (43:33):
Um, to sw. Each his own.

Okay.

>> Speaker B (43:36):
I am a liquid soap guy.

Okay.

>> Speaker B (43:39):
I get a three in one. Peppermint smelling, so.

Oh, okay. Yeah. A little twisted. Peppermint or
like.

>> Speaker B (43:45):
Yes.

Yeah. Has Santa ever got. Man. I just. I
don't know why, but in my brain. I want to ask you if
Santa's ever got anything lodged in either fat rolls
or maybe his crack. You know,
you sit down on a peppermint patty and it. It just
gets fully yinked. And I. I just don't know. I
guess you'd find it as you wash him.

>> Speaker B (44:05):
But the strangest
thing I've been able to find.
Um,
unfortunately, I don't even know if
Santsa's probably gonna get mad at me here.

Oh. Um, I find that if you say
that it wasn't this. Oh, he can't be
mad.

>> Speaker B (44:24):
So. Okay.

It definitely wasn't this.

>> Speaker B (44:26):
So one day when I was
pressure washing.

Yeah.

>> Speaker B (44:31):
Um, one of
the, like, uh, a whiffleball baseball bat
came out.

Whoa.

>> Speaker B (44:39):
Like, I don't know if it
was vertical or horizontal, but it's just
in therewhl. Out of his crack.

That's wild.

>> Speaker B (44:47):
M. Mhm.

Hmm. Think he's, like, trying to scratch with it or like.

>> Speaker B (44:50):
I have no idea.

Santa.

>> Speaker B (44:52):
He might have been trying to pop his back.

Ooh. Oh, I bet that would.
Oh, probably would.

>> Speaker B (44:58):
Felt great. But he might have fallen asleep. I don't
really know. But yeah,
the yellow bat came out.

That's wild. I bet that bat has seen
some things. Um. I feel like I know the answer to
this based on the job that you're
forced to do, but how do you feel about
baths?

>> Speaker B (45:19):
I love them.

Oh, you. Oh, big fan. As long as it's just you. It.

>> Speaker B (45:22):
Just me.

Yeah.

>> Speaker B (45:24):
Cool.

Huh. Huh. U.

>> Speaker B (45:26):
Uh, we don't do very big.
Like, we're not a hot tub kind of place.

Yeah. Uh, does it melt the ice?

>> Speaker B (45:35):
It would.

Yeah. Okay.

>> Speaker B (45:36):
But like, for us,
we actually kind of just cut a hole
into a lake.

Okay.

>> Speaker B (45:45):
As if we were going ice fishing.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm with.

>> Speaker B (45:48):
But like, we live in the cold, so the cold
to us is the heat.

So you're like, into that?

>> Speaker B (45:54):
Yeah.

Who. Man, you know, there's Some humans that
are like. They're like cold plunge people, and they're like, oh,
it's gonna open up my pores and
fire my endorphins. And then they, like, shrink
their wean getting into this ice water, and it's like, what are we.
What are we doing?

>> Speaker B (46:10):
That's only a myth.

It's a myth.

>> Speaker B (46:12):
Yeah. Well, for us at the North Pole, we. Because we're so.

Got it.

>> Speaker B (46:16):
Immune to it.

So that's like unicorns to y'all.

>> Speaker B (46:19):
Yes.

Weird. Do you guys have unicorns in North Pole?

>> Speaker B (46:22):
I've never seen one.

Okay, that's. I was like, this seems. I gotta ask. Um, um,
besides scrubbing Santa, do you have any bathroom pet
peeves? Does Carlos do anything that annoys
you?

>> Speaker B (46:35):
Carlos is a talker.

Oh. Yeah. So, yeah,
that'll.

>> Speaker B (46:40):
So again, if you look left or look right,
you might see somebody. Uh,
Carlos will not shut up.

Yeah. Just.

>> Speaker B (46:50):
He gets me off track. Disc
concentrated.

I m. Wonder if during imo. I know that
obviously having conversation in the bathroom just doesn't make
any sense. Um, yeah.

>> Speaker B (47:03):
No, Never. Never would make sense.

But maybe the next time Carlos tries
a conversation, you can give him some really
bad hot cocoa recipes and see if maybe he gets a
demerit and see if you can get, like,
him bounced down to bathroom duty.

>> Speaker B (47:20):
That is a great idea.

Yeah.
I like the fil move better, but I just. Yeah,
I just don't know. I think Carlos has some untapped
bathroom potential that he could live up to. And maybe
Becky. Maybe Carlos. Becky Combo deal.
They could combo Santa and I
take Becky's job. Hey,

(47:44):
Becky. Uh, it's. It's like
undercover boss. We could do like an undercover boss. And
then instead of switching back, when Becky's done
undercovering, she just stays. She just stays there and
continues to wash Santa.

>> Speaker B (47:57):
Yeah, I think that's what we could try to do.

Interesting. Um, yeah, that, you know, could be onto something
there. Um, Dingle. Do you ever eat
out, like, fast food or fast
casual? U.

>> Speaker B (48:09):
Uh, yeah, we kind
of m m.
Sometimes we go to, uh,
Burger Queen.

Burger Queen.

>> Speaker B (48:19):
Yeah.

Does that. How does Burger Queen treat you? Is it. Does it. Do you in or
is it like. It. Is it kind of just. It's. It's there.

>> Speaker B (48:25):
It's okay. Yeah, I like the burgers, but then their
ice cream is pretty good too.

Huh?

>> Speaker B (48:30):
Uh, and then I also do a lot of
Delbell.

Delbell. Yeah.

>> Speaker B (48:34):
Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, man. Yeah,
Delbell. Is that like. That's got toa be a North Pole
region, like Hotspot for,
I'm assuming tacos, but I'm not.

>> Speaker B (48:45):
Yes, tacos and burritos. You are correct.
Actually, we do enjoy the. The.
I can't say authentic Mexican food,
but we do like the American made of Mexican
a lot.

That's awesome. I mean, you know, I think it's. I
think it's fascinating that. That these places are
so far spread. Do you guys have one, like, in house?
Like, do you actually have to leave the facility at the North Pole to get to it? Or
is it, like, in, like, kind of like an airport where it's in the thing?

>> Speaker B (49:13):
We actually just have one restaurant within,
like, our facility.

Yeah.

>> Speaker B (49:18):
And that's actually Wendy's Jr. Wendy's Jr.
Yeah.

Okay. Do they. Hmm.
Does. Wow. Does Wendy's June. Is it, like, because
your elves and it's smaller. Is that racist?
Are you a race. I don't even know how to ask this
question.

>> Speaker B (49:33):
We are a racist. No, it's not racist.

Okay, cool.
I've made it. I've saved myself again.
Um, does Wendy's junior Mess
yet?

>> Speaker B (49:45):
Not me, but it does mess up a lot of
the older elves.

Becky.

>> Speaker B (49:52):
Yeah.

Oh, we could foul Becky up, and then she has to be in the
bathroom, and that's how you sneak
in.

>> Speaker B (49:59):
I like that idea.

Okay, Wendy. So we're hitting Becky with
Wendy's Jr. Santa's getting mirror milk.
We gotta get something going on for Rudolph.
I think Rudolph needs to try one of these,
like, cold bath plunges that the elves are
into. I think that might be what Rudolph needs in his life.

>> Speaker B (50:18):
I think Rudolph actually needs to go to camp.

Oh, he's gotta go discover himself
out at North Pole camp with the Nor Waalsl and
the.

>> Speaker B (50:29):
Actually, it's kind of ironic. The
camp's actually in the South Pole.

Oh, really?

>> Speaker B (50:35):
Yeah.

Oh, shoot. Is it, like. Is the South Pole
evil, or is it, like. Is it just, like. Well, it's just
down there.

>> Speaker B (50:42):
Um, I've never been there, but I have heard that
the penguins down there are these.

They're pretty hostile.

>> Speaker B (50:49):
One of the scariest things. Yes.

Uh, maybe what you could do is you could figure out
how to get the penguins to team up with you. And,
like, maybe you could get the penguins
to do the Santa duty.

>> Speaker B (51:03):
And that would be a good idea. And then I could
change my name from Dingle Bery to, like,
Dingle Penguin.

Dingle Penguin. Maybe, you
know, Dingleberry, I think. I think
we. I think Dingle Penguin'something you should
lean into. Uh, maybe when
you go back to the North Pole after this.
And they're like, dingle, you're back. And you're like, yeah, but
it's Dingle Penguin now. Uh, please call
me Dingle Penguin. Um, I

(51:33):
think that might be it. That might break that
like, name association that,
that they have for you.

>> Speaker B (51:41):
This could take my weekly paycheck, but I think after
here I might be going running down to
the a government agency and doing that.

Yeah. Do you, um. Weekly paychecks that coming out
to like 5, 6 bucks, 10, 15 bucks?
Is it too soon to like,
does Santa tax the 75 cents that you
get?

>> Speaker B (52:03):
Yes.

Got it. So.

>> Speaker B (52:06):
So it's like
my gross is 75 cents an hour.

Yeah.

>> Speaker B (52:12):
But really my net is like
60 cents an hour.

Oh, man. Sant. Santa's, uh,
what does Santa do with the North Pole income
tax?

>> Speaker B (52:28):
Again, not gonna confirm nor deny, but we might
be getting some upgrades on the sleigh.

Okay. Yeah, it's that sweet, sweet Elon Musk
upgrades possibly
alleged. Um, um. Dingle, do you
ever take a shower in the dark?

>> Speaker B (52:45):
Yes. Uh,
I'm a late showerr.

Yeah.

>> Speaker B (52:50):
Yeah, so. And most of our lights
on the North Pole are on a timer.

Okay.

>> Speaker B (52:56):
And, um, well, first'supposed to be in
bed sleeping. They want to be sleeping.

What's your bedtime?

>> Speaker B (53:02):
It's actually like 6. 6pm
Correct.

So you're like out past your bedtime right now.
Yeah. Who checks on that? It's not
Becky, is it?

>> Speaker B (53:12):
No, not Becky. That's actually Kevin.
Yes.

In my brain. Have you ever. Are
you up in the North Polear? Are you familiar
with, um,
uh, Despicable Me?

>> Speaker B (53:27):
Yes, actually.

Is life kind of similar as to the
Minions? I just, I feel like. I
mean, obviously you're not yellow and you're not
one eyed. Well, I guess some of them have two eyes.

>> Speaker B (53:39):
But we are loyal.

Yeah. Except
when Santa's got you pressure washing his butthole,
like that'll undo some loyalty fast.

>> Speaker B (53:51):
You would think so, but again, I've been here
for 150 years.
Oh, no, you,
uh, loyalty lies in our
blood, Dingle. And that's
honestly probably why I've never left.

Yeah, you know,
maybe. Maybe that's just. Maybe that's where you're meant to
be. That feels wrong to say, but
I don't know. Santa seems to enjoy
it from what.

>> Speaker B (54:23):
You'Re saying, a little too much.

Yeah. Yeah. Does
his nose ever turn red?

>> Speaker B (54:31):
Yes.

Dang it. Santa. Um, Dingle, have you ever
eaten an orange in the shower as if it was an
apple?

>> Speaker B (54:39):
No.

No.

>> Speaker B (54:41):
But I think I Did ask somebody.
I've heard this before.

Yeah.

>> Speaker B (54:45):
And I'm pretty sure I asked somebody the last time I
was, uh, taking a vacation from the North
Pole.

Yeah.

>> Speaker B (54:52):
If they've ever done that. And I told them to, like,
hey, you give me your research.

Y tell me if it.

>> Speaker B (54:58):
It's, like, worth it.

I mean, uh, I think it's worth it.
I think it's worth. I think it's worth trying ones, you
know?

>> Speaker B (55:06):
Yeahthing's worth. Doesn it t have to be an orange? Like, does
cutie or Mana win?

Oh, think. I think any of those are fine.
Yeah. I'd say go in peace with all of those.

>> Speaker B (55:16):
Um, but the hard thing for us, too, is since it's so cold in the
North Pole, we don't really get that good vegetation.

Yeah. Yeah, that's true.
Um, yeah, I bet oranges are expensive
up there. That's crazy. Um,
well, this is fun.
Dingle, the lights have gone off.

>> Speaker B (55:36):
I'm scared.

Is there a light over there? Yeah.
Oh, there we go. Speaking of lights going off
in the North Pole, uh, here we are.
We just in my secret location, we just had a light turn off. That
was hooy, boogy. For a second, I thought it was gonna be dicey.
I'm not gonna lie to you. Um,
I'm confident that I'm gonna have to call a friend when we

(55:58):
try to leave this place, um, because I think they shut the lights
off out there, and I'm wondering if they have set the alarm.
Um,
it's okay. I have an inside guy. We got this. It's
gonna be fine. Um, Dingle, Dingle,
have you ever performed a waffle stomp?

>> Speaker B (56:19):
Uh, oh, yes, I have.

Oh, did you do it in Santa
shower alle?

>> Speaker B (56:26):
Yes, I did.

Oh, you.

>> Speaker B (56:28):
That's no, allegedly, it's like a power move.

Huh? Huh?

>> Speaker B (56:32):
It was the biggest thing I've ever done.

Yeah, that's brave.

>> Speaker B (56:35):
And I think I left a little bit on the drain.

Oh, shoot. Think you think Mrs. K. Claus
saw?

>> Speaker B (56:41):
I don't think this is clau saw it.
I think Santa saw it.

Is that part of this is. Is this like
revenge?

>> Speaker B (56:49):
I don't know if he knows it was me.

Oh, we could blame Phil.

>> Speaker B (56:54):
We could blame Phil.

Phil McCraken did it. Um, um,
man. Yeah, that's not a bad ideam.
Um, do I do wonder, do you ever there
the bathroom? Like, do you take any snacks in the shower or
bathroom when you go? Are you allowed to have food in the
North Pole bathroom?

>> Speaker B (57:12):
Um, yes, but, like, most of
the times like, for us elves, we don't
get the good cookies.

Oh, shoot. Really? Do you guys get, like, the extra
leavings?

>> Speaker B (57:22):
No, we get like, sugar cookies.

More times than not, it's like, almost.

>> Speaker B (57:27):
So if I go
and take it into the shower, I'm afraid it's gonna, like, dis.

Yeah, yeah. Shoot.

>> Speaker B (57:35):
Or break apartuse. It's just sugar and
flour.

I just had a terrible, terrible thought.
Are they using Santa's sweat to sweeten,
like, everything at the North Pole?

>> Speaker B (57:49):
I think that's a possibility.

It's sweat. Gate 2024. We're gonna have
to.

>> Speaker B (57:56):
If you viewers were able to see my face, my jaw
just dropped because
I have seen vials.

Yeah. Oh, it's
like Santa sweat. It's essence
of Santa.

>> Speaker B (58:11):
I think so.

That's wild. That. Ugh. Uh,
Mrs. Claus, you gotta stop.
Um, well, Dingle,
I'm glad you came. I don't feel like I
helped you.

>> Speaker B (58:25):
Um, it's okay. I just know
if we do unionize, I would ask for
you to possibly be like,
president or vice president. Maybe
you don't have to be at the North Pole.

Oh, um. I think VP is a good spot
for me. Feel like, um. I feel like I
was president. I'm gonna have to involve myself with
Santa in a way that I can't commit too.
Um, but I think VP is a good spot.
I really think that Jack Frost might be a good president.
Like, he's already got that vested

(59:03):
interest to.

>> Speaker B (59:04):
But how can we get him back?

I don't know. I don't know. Maybe
that's what I'll work on this year. I'll have to figure something out.
In my luck, Jack Frost is gonna pop
up next year and we'll see what we can do.

>> Speaker B (59:19):
Please. And if I need to be in here for a
meeting?

Oh, man. Classic three way in
the school bathroom.

>> Speaker B (59:28):
Pause.

Um, well, Dingle, we'll see what we can do.
I really appreciate you. You coming down from the North
Pole and, uh, just sharing your
story. Do you want to leave the listener with
any bathroom wisdom for from the North Pole? Or maybe just,
you know, air your grievance however you want toa leave
people with this.

>> Speaker B (59:50):
The biggest thing is if you're ever going to
use the restroom and you know, there are plenty of people
in there. Take the
poopurri.

>> Hunter Hoover (01:00:00):
Oh, yeah. Do you guys have,
like, mint, like, peppermint poopery up there?
Pepper me peppery.

>> Speaker B (01:00:06):
Wait, we actually use the honey one more?

More than that Honey. Wow.
Hmm. M. Have you ever tried? Now this is I've never
done this, but I have thought about doing it. You've introduced
a topic. Poop pori might be something we need
to discuss on the show one day. But, uh, have you ever thought about,
like taking that thing right to the source and
deodorizing the whole itself

(01:00:30):
prior to the job?

>> Speaker B (01:00:33):
That actually might be something that I might
try.

Right.

>> Speaker B (01:00:38):
And I just. I'm afraid there
might be a chemical reaction
it.

Could you hit Santa with it? You know how sometimes
like they wash your car and they like, will hit it with like a smell
goody. I don't know why they do that, but maybe you could hit like Santa with uh,
that like after. After spray
just in right up in.

>> Speaker B (01:00:58):
Them yoga balls and
accidentally telling I sneezed. Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

>> Speaker B (01:01:03):
Out.

Yeah, that could be good. Helps with the
smell.

>> Speaker B (01:01:07):
True.

Mrs. Claus probably be into it.

>> Speaker B (01:01:10):
Mrs. Claus would probably.

Rudolph's probably into it.

>> Speaker B (01:01:14):
Rudolph know might go redd if we do
that.

Rudolph. Well, dingle, I appreciate you being
herena. Um, I'm gonna. So every time
I end an episode, I guess we'll get to the holiday
the hoovie's holiday treat list next year.
Don't worry, it hasn't changed. Um, but I
always have to end the episode. So, um, I guess
there's nothing I to ll say but like thanks for being here and,

(01:01:38):
um, yeah, keep pooping in the free world.
Uh, don't be afraid to unionize your elves.
And I, um, guess take the poopur straight to the bee
hole. Just give it a shot. It's worth
anything's worth trying once. I suppose that'll do for another
episode of Privy. And now,
as always, don't forget to flush

(01:02:04):
the toilet.
That was a good flash.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Elf Unions and Unfair Work Conditions w/ Dingle the Elf (Privychat 37)