February 5, 2023 • 31 mins
Koala's are animals on our planet. They look soft and cuddly, but the more you dig into these marsupial friends, the more concerning their existence becomes. Join us in a yearly look at another creature with a strange bathroom habit as we recognize Groundhog Day yet again.
--
Connect: www.privy-cast.com
Social and Contact Links: linktr.ee/privycast
--
Music:
Intro and Outro Derived from: "Barroom Ballet" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
--
Sources:
--
https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/mammals/facts/koala
https://www.cdc.gov/std/chlamydia/stdfact-chlamydia.htm
https://thekidshouldseethis.com/post/baby-koalas-eat-their-mothers-poop
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
>> Speaker A (00:01):
Because they're, like, weird. They, like sweat milk, and their baby's
like it, and, uh, it's just
strange. And if you think that's the most disturbing
thing I'm gonna say, a baby animal does this week,
you're wrong.
Back to privy. Privy is a
(00:22):
podcast about bathrooms,
recorded from my home
bathroom. I'm your host, hunter
hoover, and I love bathrooms.
Uh, happy belated
groundhogs day, everybody. I hope you
guys, um, had the opportunity to
observe however you choose, um,
(00:44):
to do know.
It's interesting, because
little plumps of every
year, every year, the little bloke just gets
yanked right out of his hole. And here's the
thing. I can't tell you what plumpsatami saw,
because the way that I have structured and ordered my life,
(01:05):
the release of this episode is too
close to the actual
yoinking, um, of plumps atomi himself.
So I'm sorry if that's a disappointment,
but plumps atomi, at the point of this recording, is
still sound asleep in islumber, uh, and
is totally
(01:25):
unbothered by the nice blokes in the funny
hats. Um, but I hope that, uh,
I know that right now, me recording, I am looking
forward to my groundhogs day celebrations. I'll
be celebrating privately and publicly. Um, and
I hope that you were able to enjoy your celebrations
as well. Uh, and, um, that you were able to
(01:45):
observe plumps atomy's big day. But
here at privy, we have somewhat of
a tradition, um, when it comes
to the groundhog day season,
uh, every year we take
another look at one of
God's great and unique creatures.
(02:06):
There's all sorts of these little guys. And the interesting
thing is animals poop, and they do weird things with their
poop oftentimes. And so, uh,
often these animals distinguish
themselves from the
strange bathroom habits and the things it does
in the privacy of its own burrow hole or
(02:28):
otherwise. In past years,
we've discussed prairie dogs and the act of prairie
dogging. It. Um, we've also discussed the glory that
is the wombat and the terror that is their backsides.
You get that wombat, and he's just over here, like.
Just, like, butt smacking. Just
butt smacking the predators. And
(02:49):
so, here in
privy, every year, we want to take a look at one of these beautiful
creatures and just see what we can learn
from these animals. Uh,
so that's where we're going at the top of the show here. I think I need to
do a little bathroom check in.
So it's been kind of a
(03:10):
weird front and I was having kind of a
slump. Um, for those who have
been listening for some time, I record all of my
bathrooming in the poop map app.
You can join us there. Follow the privies, join
our group. Um, but I have
recorded every poop in the poop map app. And one
(03:30):
of the things that happened recently, I don't know what happened
here, but on average, I would say I
poop three to five times a day.
Now, I understand that that number is
astronomical compared to some. Um,
I'm watching these TikToks, and this one guy is like,
yeah, I've pooped once in the month of
January so far, and I'm going, sweet
(03:51):
Jesus, that's not enough.
That's troubling to me. I am
troubled. I
think my concern is I went from pooping
between three to five times a week or a
day. My bad. Um, a day. A week would be
probably normal to, like, once or twice. And it was,
like, four or five days in a row to the point where I
(04:14):
noticed it. I was like, man, I really feel like, um, this
also coincided with the
installation of a new bathroom
fixture that will be featured prominently on the show
before too long, it may be the reason that I am testing
video. Uh,
and there was a few days where I just was having
this stuff happen, but then
(04:36):
I got the great american
unclogger, uh, and that is protein.
So I had texted my wife. I said,
hey, um, Anna, can you make me a
protein shake? Now, we had
purchased this protein shake. It is made from, like,
pea protein, um, or something. I
(04:57):
don't know. Um. I do know it smells like
the bottom of a wet dumpster. It's awful smelling.
It's absolutely heinous smelling. The taste is
not terrible. It's mostly just a texture thing.
Um, but, man, this protein is real rough.
I get it. But I was not
prepared for the bathroom situation
(05:19):
that this protein shake produced, because
I drank this protein shake around 06:00 p.m.
And I kid you not, by 930, I had
the stankiest beefers, and I had to poop
so bad. I never have to go to poop that
time. My bathrooming
is focused between five and 10:00
(05:40):
a.m. And then, like, once or twice in
the afternoon. So for me to have
to go take a pre
bedtime shaz is just
not normal. It's unheard of. And it
struck me, but that's
enough. Ah, that's just enough.
(06:00):
You're over it. Everybody's like, yeah, thanks,
hunter, but we really want to hear about
this year's Groundhogs Day episode. So,
um, this year,
we're going to the land down
under. Welcome to
Australia. M. I can't do an Australian
(06:22):
Australia mite. Uh,
I can't do it. Um, the land
down under, it would seem,
is host to just the really freak of the
bunch animals on this great planet.
Um, last year,
we talked about the wombat and his
(06:42):
wonderful, butt smacking glory,
and he's cute and he's
cuddly. Ah. And he always got square
poopies, and so that's kind of cool.
But the thing that
is so just down the road from the wombat, just
down the road from our local neighborhood, wombat
is the cute and cuddly. Uh, you just want to give
(07:04):
them a big old hug. You just want to give
them just a big Old
Hug, is the koala.
We have to travel to the eucalyptus forests
of southeastern and eastern Australia.
Koalas, according to National
Geographic, ah, uh, are both a
(07:24):
MAmmal and a marSupial. Now, you're going to hear that, and
you're going to go, hunter's just special.
He doesn't know how to read. He doesn't get it. He
has goofed this thing. Now, here's the
facts. Here's straight facts about it.
I do, in fact, know how to read.
Um, the problem is,
(07:45):
I took a screenshot of this in case people didn't believe
me. But the National
Geographic website has it
twisted, because on one portion they list
it as a marSupial, and on the next portion, they list it as
a MAmMal. Either that, or I'm blowing this fat out
of proportion, and I don't understand what either of those things
is. But in my education, which, again,
(08:07):
science was, I was told science isn't real.
Uh, uh. I was under the understanding that there
is a difference between a mammal and a marsupial, that a
mammal feeds its young off the
teeth.
And I know a little bit more about how
marsupials feed their young, but it has something to do with that pouch. Do you know what I'm
saying? Um, but
(08:30):
according to Nat Geo and their website, koalas
are both mammals and marsupials. So search me. Um,
you know what? Maybe
Nat Geo's got it more figured out than I do. You know what? I'm going
to defer to them. I think it's an error, but
I digress. The koala, for our
purposes today, is, in fact, a marsupial.
(08:51):
Other noted marsupials are the
opossum, the kangaroo,
and that's all that I know because
I'm limited in my knowledge.
I think that a platypus is like
trying to be a marsupial but can't figure out how.
Um, because they're like weird. They
(09:11):
like sweat milk and their baby is like.
It's just strange. And if you think that that's the most
disturbing thing I'm going to say a baby Animal does this
week, you're wrong. Uh, the Koala
is in fact a marsupial. And much like me from grade
seven to eleven, it's got a pocket in the
front, uh, because
I would wear those weird hoodies. Do you
(09:34):
know the hoodies with the edgy teen
pocket where they
stuff their hands in it and they're. Huh,
huh. Was.
Anyway, the Koala is often
mislabeled a bear as Koala Bear. It is not
a bear. He is not a bear. That is Ursa. Ursa
is Bear and Koala, this is
(09:57):
the scientific name. And here comes a butcher of the
week. It's
fascolarkdos
scenarios now.
It's gibberish Latin
nonsense. Um, ain't it
usually. But a common misnomer
is that these Koalas, as I noted,
(10:19):
are so soft and cuddly and they're fuzzy.
But what's actually really frustrating
is that they're not like, they're
not, koalas are not fuzzy. They're like
coarse. They have coarse hair which is just awful.
When you see a cuddly little Bear Animal. He's not a
bear, but he is kind of a bear.
(10:39):
Um, you want him to be fuzzy,
you don't want them to be coarse. That's
bad though. They are a marsupial.
They have opposing thumbs on their feet. They're those
weird like rant, rant, rant feet. Um,
and they're used for climbing and they have
fused toes and the toes they use to actually
(11:00):
comb their hair. It's weird. Um,
okay.
As was noted, koalas live in the
eucalyptus forests of Australia.
But they not only live in the
eucalyptus forests, they
consume the eucalyptus. It's
(11:21):
their treat of choice. Like
little Dougie koala gets home and
he's itching for a snack. He's like, mom, I
need a snack.
And he's of age because if he's not of age that
snack's going to be troubling. And
just slinging eucalyptus at little.
(11:42):
Here's take your eucalyptus bites. Get
these going.
They consume eucalyptus.
Oh. Rip it and grip it, baby.
It's satisfactory. Ginger lime,
satisfactory. It's perfectly serviceable.
But they are one of the few
(12:04):
if not only animals on our earth
that consumes eucalyptus as part of its
diet, mostly because
usually to do so, to eat eucalyptus in this
Way would be toxic. It's usually toxic. More
on that in a moment. They eat more than a
pound of eucalyptus a day and
the koala sleeps so much
(12:27):
it's almost a joke. It's kind
of funny. They sleep about 18
to 22 hours a day and I'm just going to go out and say
it. That's all day. That's
all day. There's 24 HOurs and it's Dark for
six to ten of them. And so if they're sleeping
1820, that's all Day. Uh,
you hear that, Teens? Hey, Teens.
(12:49):
This is PSA for the Teens. I don't know if I doubt
Teens listen to this, MOSTLy because I think Teens think
podcasts are for old people who
drink Coffee too mucH, which
I mean, kind oF. But
it's not just that. It's much more than that. Okay,
Teens, but Teens,
(13:10):
uh, I'm going to just say this to you.
If you sleep for more than 12
HOuRs of a DAY,
I am going to go ahead and say you slept all
Day. If you sleep for more than 12 hours of
any 24 hours day,
I'm going to go ahead and say that you have slept all
day. So the
(13:32):
koala is sleeping 18 to 22. There's hope
for you yet, teens. Um, or you can view
that as challenge issued and really go
for the gusto on it. I would suggest
not going for the gusto on it. That's just my
perspective. Uh,
I would be remiss if me,
(13:53):
um, noted
Pokemon enthusiast, I would be remiss
if I didn't note one of the.
It is the only koala Pokemon. But right
now, who knows Pokemon company.
They're all time putting out these strange creatures.
Uh, but I would be remiss if I didn't
(14:13):
mention Kamala. Uh, he is
Pokemon's Koala
Pokemon. Um, and he's based on
this trope that the Koala sleeps too much. Like
he is asleep. Like half the time. He's got this big
log and he uses bonk people, other
characters on the head. It's pretty great.
It's a top notch design. Like, koala is a
(14:35):
great pokemon, great design, gets good screen
time in the cartoon, uh, it's all around
just a good guy. Koalas have
a really weird call that they make
and it's kind of creepy.
It is kind of creepy.
I don't know. And what's really weird
(14:57):
is much like my friend Austin
in college
Koalas don't really like. They don't really
drink much water. They don't drink water.
They get most of their moisture from the eucalyptus leaves
that they eat. Uh,
some koalas will store their
(15:18):
eucalyptus in their cheek pouches for later. So
they'll like chipmunk a big pile of eucalyptus
leaves and stuff and they're like. And they'll get
the big chuff over here to store the
eucalyptus for later, whatever. Now for
this next section we need to discuss a little bit of history
of specifically Australia. In
(15:39):
1788, the British began to send
its criminals to the land down under, thus
colonizing the area shortly
after its colonization. People did what people so
often do. They started to settle and
cut down stuff and m move into new territory
and actually settle in the Land.
(16:00):
In the 18 hundreds and 19 hundreds,
koalas were readily hunted and
harvested for their furs, boots with
the furs. What started
as threats to hunting
turned into threats via loss of
habitat. So at first they're hunted for their
furs and then they begin to encroach
(16:22):
on the eucalyptus forests, thus
causing more trouble for the koalas.
Save the KOALAS.
One KOALA. To give you some perspective here,
one koala, one small. He's not
small, he's about 3ft tall. AH, 2ft tall.
One koala needs about 100
(16:43):
trees to just itself to
maintain its diet and have sufficient
territory to itself.
So as the eucalyptus forests
shrink, the koala population does
in turn as more and more are pushed together.
Today koalas are listed as a
vulnerable species. But
(17:05):
in our modern times
a new challenger has approached the koala.
A new threat has posed itself to the koala
population. And for this portion
of the program, I'm going to take you to what I
like to call health two and the
STD unit of sex ed class.
(17:26):
Chlamydia is a common and
notably treatable Std.
The CDC notes, you may have chlamydia
and not even know it. What a TERRIFYING THOUGHT. I think
you would, um, I digress,
but
could you imagine you just go in for
(17:46):
a cold or like, you go in because
you need to get an x ray and they're like, oh, by
the way, friend, you have this.
Uh, okay.
But chlamydia has lasting health
concerns. Symptoms of chlamydia
in humans include a burning sensation when you
(18:06):
pee. Not good, very bad.
Um, there should be no burning sensation
on anywhere below the waist, in my opinion. Like, I'll
go out on a limb and say it.
The only place that have should burning sensation is your mouth when
you eat a spicy pepper, or in my case,
my eyes from the month of, like, April through October.
(18:27):
But you may also experience strange
stuff coming out of the peehole. Sweet.
Uh, what are we doing?
Like, strange quote, strange stuff coming out
of the peehole. Good lord. Pain
and swelling in the zone of truth.
Like, golly,
(18:48):
some people experience unusual soreness.
I'll bet. Rectal pain. How'd it get
back there? Bleeding very bad from
anywhere down there. Stench from the privates
and burning when peeing. No thanks
in general there, like, no, thanks in general to all
those. Just, I'm going to go ahead and
(19:08):
say no thanks to any of them.
But that's in humans. Like, when a human
being gets the chlamydia. That's what
they got going on. But what
does any of this have to do with koalas? Like,
hunter, you wished us a happy
groundhog day. You told us a strange story about
your bathrooming. You've introduced Koalas
(19:31):
to us, and they seem like a strange creature. Why are you telling us
about this Std? Well, that's because
it is kind of like one of the more growing and more
widely known facts. Now,
unfortunately, that
koalas have or carry
chlamydia. It's
an embarrassing and troubling thing to just have as a
(19:53):
fun fact about you.
Gosh, you're just an animal
trying to do his best. And when somebody hops on
the interwebs and punches in you
as an animal, they're met with the
description of the chlamydia that you carry. It's a SAD
DAY. In
(20:13):
2008, only about 10% of
all koalas had chlamydia. Those are good
NUMBERS. Worse than HUMANS, but good
NUMBERS. Uh, I guess. I
think the GOAL is ZERO. I'm going to go out
on a limb and say the goal for a percentage of
people and koalas that have
chlamydia is 0%. That's the GOAL.
(20:35):
It's not NONE, THOUGH. 10% is.
I'd wager that's more than the people who have it, right?
Right. There
has to be more koalas that have it.
Yeah, it's not worth THINKING about. NOWADAYS,
those NUMBERS are just ASTRONOMICAL. In
about ten years, we are up
(20:56):
to 80% to
90% of koalas have chlamydia.
That's almost all of THEM.
And while some of the side effects of chlamydia and koalas
are similar to those in humans, sores in the PP
zone, that can lead to infertility in koalas
it can also cause blindness.
(21:17):
So the chlamydia
is a danger to the koalas. But
like we said, the CDC told
us that this is
treatable. So then just like do what
you do to treat it. KOALAS
in HUMANS, that is US.
(21:38):
CHLAMYDIA is. I'd like to quit
talking about chlamydia, by the way.
I want to stop saying it.
I feel like I've said the word chlamydia too much
this episode and I'm sorry,
but how else do we move forward?
Take it up with the KOALAS. They're the ones who have it, not
(21:59):
me. JEEPERS.
But in CHLAMYDIA, NO, SCRATCH
that. In humans
chlamydia is treatable with
antibiotics that kill the harmful bacteria
that is causing the concerning
std. Hooray.
Antibiotics will solve this. Now
(22:20):
treatment is the same for koalas, but
koalas cannot take those antibiotics
and it is not that they are unable or that they
cannot swallow the medication or that it is allergic
to them. The problem is it works too
well and it actually kills the
bacteria in their stomachs.
Koalas have a gut
(22:42):
biome that has specifically
adjusted and has specific
amounts and types of bacteria that
help break down eucalyptus
leaves and help deal with the toxins
of eucalyptus leaves. They are special, their tum
tums are very special and they have very special
bacteria in their tummies that help what they
(23:04):
eat. But the problem is if you give them
antibiotics to cure the std, that somehow is in
their eyes as well, that will
kill the yummy bacteria that helps eat
the good green eucalyptus bushes.
So if you give a
koala those antibiotics, their natural gut
biome is going to get all sorts of whack. And then
(23:27):
it's kind of like me after eating like a pound of nachos
or uh, that protein shake, you know what
I'm saying? But if you kill all the
good eucalyptus, breaking down bacteria in the
koala to get rid of the StD,
then they aren't going to be able to eat their
eucalyptus leaves anymore. Their diet is gone,
(23:48):
they will be unable to digest it. And
in my experience, in my experience, you're going
to want to digest it like you want to
digest your. Digesting your food is a very good thing.
That's a problem. And so you'd think
that well then they must be born with that
biome in their tummy. Like they have this very good
microbiome. They must be born with it.
(24:11):
Well, we haven't gotten to the worst of koalas yet.
Maybe they're born with it.
Or maybe they suck it out of their mom's butt.
Every day we stray farther from God.
Now, if you hear that, if you hear the
sentence that I said earlier and you think to
(24:34):
yourself, well, my goodness, that's crass. Well, that's
not my problem. That's what's what we're dealing with.
It's just the TrUth. That's what koalas are doing.
Okay, as
we discussed, koalas are
marsupials
and mammals. I get it, NAt
Geo, that one's for you. We get it.
(24:57):
But koalas are marsupials and when
a marsupial is born, the baby, also known
as the joey, resides in the pouch of the mother,
where its mother feeds the joey. Here's the
DEAL. The koala's mother's milk is
great. They feed through this, like, weird. It's
kind of like LAcTAtion, but it happens inside the Pouch.
(25:17):
I don't know another word I'd like to not say again
is lactation. It doesn't
necessarily model the diet of eucalyptus.
Like, the mother's milk in the pouch
and the babies are one day going to quit being
babies and they're going to have to
leave the pouch and go eat
stuff outside the pouch. And
(25:40):
so
the koala Joeies aren't born with the
very good bacteria to break down the eucalyptus. That's
a problem because as we've already seen, the
koalas need that. That's important. That's
why the STD curing
antibiotics will not function
well. And so,
(26:02):
uh, they're not born with that bacteria. But to
get it, koala Joeys
have to commit or perform something
that I'd like to call the deed. When
the baby koala reaches an age where it can crawl from
the pouch, it commits the deed in the goal of
gaining the ability to one day be able to consume
(26:23):
eucalyptus.
The joey koala has to consume
something that has that bacteria inside it.
And so it crawls from
its mom's pouch down to its mom's
butthole and eats a
runny poop slurry called pap.
(26:45):
The weird part is the sentence,
and I'm quoting now from Internet
sources that are scientific in nature and highly
researched by me,
it says, quote, the koala
nuzzles the butt until the slurry
comes out. So that's
(27:05):
COOL. Uh,
that's why we just called it the deed. Like anytime you're
nuzzling a butthole until something comes out of it, you have
strayed far from the course.
The deed produces a sloppy wet pile
called pap, which is a transition
nutrient between the mother's milk and the
(27:25):
eucalyptus leaves. The koala will eat the rest of its
life. This pap
contains the kickstarting
bacteria for the microbiome that the
koala needs to eat the yummy eucalyptus.
And honestly, the pap is great. It
has the nutrients, it prepares
the joey koalas.
(27:47):
But, like, why
does it have to come out of the butthole?
Why would they have to eat it from the butt
area?
Why can't the mom just, like, dookie pile and
the baby, then go over and visit that? Or why can't
the mom just regurgitate something that
(28:08):
contains the pap? God, in all
of your infinite wisdom, why was this the
arrangement? Why is
Joey koala supping pap from the
mom's butthole? I don't understand it.
Koalas have to eat their mom's poop
as a means for survival. It's
troubling. It's just troubling.
(28:31):
But as we said, these blokes are
struggling between sucking their mom's
beef for poopy gut health to just kind of
being guaranteed to have chlamydia at this point. Like,
they're having a rough go. But
perhaps the future is bright.
As stated, to treat chlamydia and
(28:51):
koalas would kill their microbiome
needed for eucalyptus consumption. But
what if, after the koala was treated for
the clam, they underwent a fecal
transplant, but this time as an
adult? And with this proposal,
the lifespan, or the life pattern of a
koala would be you're born,
(29:13):
you perform the deed on your mom,
then as an adult, you contract chlamydia. It's the
DREAM. That's the top three.
You're given antibiotics, your tummy
hurts and you need to eat or have
poop injected into you so you can
continue eating those very good leaves again and likely get
(29:34):
chlamydia all over again one day?
And I think, with that in mind, I think the goal
is to get the chlamydia under control. Can we all
agree we need to get the chlamydia sQuare?
That's where we're at.
KOALAS are WEIRD. UM, they're a very
strange BEING. They have hopefully helped
you celebrate groundhogs day as you've taken in
(29:56):
another one of these amazing creatures.
I hope you had a fantastic groundhogs day.
This brings us to the end of another episode of
privy. Thank you so much for joining us. As always,
we would love for you to visit us on social
media. Follow us. There we are at Privycast
on all social media. We got discord working
(30:17):
on all sorts of things. Just go follow us there.
Uh, links in the ding dong doodly boober below has all
the social links in that in the drum IO.
Privycast. Send us an email
privycast@gmail.com. You can send us
episode suggestions, comments, concerns,
questions, if you want to be on the show. If you want to tell me about
somebody else who wants to be on the show, email us. We'd love to hear
(30:39):
from you. We'd like to just hear from you. Just say hi.
Say hi to us. Please leave us, uh,
a rating or review. The five star options are
preferred. And if you can leave us a rating on
Spotify or Apple podcasts. Um, a
dollar for every rating will be donated to the wounded
warriors project. Uh, so rate the show.
(31:00):
We would love for that. It's a great way to get the word out. Um, share
the show with a friend. Uh, just copy the URL
and just send it on out there. Uh,
spread this nonsense far and wide. We'd like to
thank Kevin McLeod and Pottington
Bear for the use of their music this week. Thank
you, Kevin and Pottington. This has been another
episode of Privy. Thank you so much for joining
(31:22):
us. Don't forget to wash your butthole.
Keep pooping in the free world. And now,
as always, don't forget to flush. Hm.
Because they're, like, weird. They, like sweat milk, and their baby's
like it, and, uh, it's just
strange. And if you think that's the most disturbing
thing I'm gonna say, a baby animal does this week,
you're wrong.
Back to privy. Privy is a
(00:22):
podcast about bathrooms,
recorded from my home
bathroom. I'm your host, hunter
hoover, and I love bathrooms.
Uh, happy belated
groundhogs day, everybody. I hope you
guys, um, had the opportunity to
observe however you choose, um,
(00:44):
to do know.
It's interesting, because
little plumps of every
year, every year, the little bloke just gets
yanked right out of his hole. And here's the
thing. I can't tell you what plumpsatami saw,
because the way that I have structured and ordered my life,
(01:05):
the release of this episode is too
close to the actual
yoinking, um, of plumps atomi himself.
So I'm sorry if that's a disappointment,
but plumps atomi, at the point of this recording, is
still sound asleep in islumber, uh, and
is totally
(01:25):
unbothered by the nice blokes in the funny
hats. Um, but I hope that, uh,
I know that right now, me recording, I am looking
forward to my groundhogs day celebrations. I'll
be celebrating privately and publicly. Um, and
I hope that you were able to enjoy your celebrations
as well. Uh, and, um, that you were able to
(01:45):
observe plumps atomy's big day. But
here at privy, we have somewhat of
a tradition, um, when it comes
to the groundhog day season,
uh, every year we take
another look at one of
God's great and unique creatures.
(02:06):
There's all sorts of these little guys. And the interesting
thing is animals poop, and they do weird things with their
poop oftentimes. And so, uh,
often these animals distinguish
themselves from the
strange bathroom habits and the things it does
in the privacy of its own burrow hole or
(02:28):
otherwise. In past years,
we've discussed prairie dogs and the act of prairie
dogging. It. Um, we've also discussed the glory that
is the wombat and the terror that is their backsides.
You get that wombat, and he's just over here, like.
Just, like, butt smacking. Just
butt smacking the predators. And
(02:49):
so, here in
privy, every year, we want to take a look at one of these beautiful
creatures and just see what we can learn
from these animals. Uh,
so that's where we're going at the top of the show here. I think I need to
do a little bathroom check in.
So it's been kind of a
(03:10):
weird front and I was having kind of a
slump. Um, for those who have
been listening for some time, I record all of my
bathrooming in the poop map app.
You can join us there. Follow the privies, join
our group. Um, but I have
recorded every poop in the poop map app. And one
(03:30):
of the things that happened recently, I don't know what happened
here, but on average, I would say I
poop three to five times a day.
Now, I understand that that number is
astronomical compared to some. Um,
I'm watching these TikToks, and this one guy is like,
yeah, I've pooped once in the month of
January so far, and I'm going, sweet
(03:51):
Jesus, that's not enough.
That's troubling to me. I am
troubled. I
think my concern is I went from pooping
between three to five times a week or a
day. My bad. Um, a day. A week would be
probably normal to, like, once or twice. And it was,
like, four or five days in a row to the point where I
(04:14):
noticed it. I was like, man, I really feel like, um, this
also coincided with the
installation of a new bathroom
fixture that will be featured prominently on the show
before too long, it may be the reason that I am testing
video. Uh,
and there was a few days where I just was having
this stuff happen, but then
(04:36):
I got the great american
unclogger, uh, and that is protein.
So I had texted my wife. I said,
hey, um, Anna, can you make me a
protein shake? Now, we had
purchased this protein shake. It is made from, like,
pea protein, um, or something. I
(04:57):
don't know. Um. I do know it smells like
the bottom of a wet dumpster. It's awful smelling.
It's absolutely heinous smelling. The taste is
not terrible. It's mostly just a texture thing.
Um, but, man, this protein is real rough.
I get it. But I was not
prepared for the bathroom situation
(05:19):
that this protein shake produced, because
I drank this protein shake around 06:00 p.m.
And I kid you not, by 930, I had
the stankiest beefers, and I had to poop
so bad. I never have to go to poop that
time. My bathrooming
is focused between five and 10:00
(05:40):
a.m. And then, like, once or twice in
the afternoon. So for me to have
to go take a pre
bedtime shaz is just
not normal. It's unheard of. And it
struck me, but that's
enough. Ah, that's just enough.
(06:00):
You're over it. Everybody's like, yeah, thanks,
hunter, but we really want to hear about
this year's Groundhogs Day episode. So,
um, this year,
we're going to the land down
under. Welcome to
Australia. M. I can't do an Australian
(06:22):
Australia mite. Uh,
I can't do it. Um, the land
down under, it would seem,
is host to just the really freak of the
bunch animals on this great planet.
Um, last year,
we talked about the wombat and his
(06:42):
wonderful, butt smacking glory,
and he's cute and he's
cuddly. Ah. And he always got square
poopies, and so that's kind of cool.
But the thing that
is so just down the road from the wombat, just
down the road from our local neighborhood, wombat
is the cute and cuddly. Uh, you just want to give
(07:04):
them a big old hug. You just want to give
them just a big Old
Hug, is the koala.
We have to travel to the eucalyptus forests
of southeastern and eastern Australia.
Koalas, according to National
Geographic, ah, uh, are both a
(07:24):
MAmmal and a marSupial. Now, you're going to hear that, and
you're going to go, hunter's just special.
He doesn't know how to read. He doesn't get it. He
has goofed this thing. Now, here's the
facts. Here's straight facts about it.
I do, in fact, know how to read.
Um, the problem is,
(07:45):
I took a screenshot of this in case people didn't believe
me. But the National
Geographic website has it
twisted, because on one portion they list
it as a marSupial, and on the next portion, they list it as
a MAmMal. Either that, or I'm blowing this fat out
of proportion, and I don't understand what either of those things
is. But in my education, which, again,
(08:07):
science was, I was told science isn't real.
Uh, uh. I was under the understanding that there
is a difference between a mammal and a marsupial, that a
mammal feeds its young off the
teeth.
And I know a little bit more about how
marsupials feed their young, but it has something to do with that pouch. Do you know what I'm
saying? Um, but
(08:30):
according to Nat Geo and their website, koalas
are both mammals and marsupials. So search me. Um,
you know what? Maybe
Nat Geo's got it more figured out than I do. You know what? I'm going
to defer to them. I think it's an error, but
I digress. The koala, for our
purposes today, is, in fact, a marsupial.
(08:51):
Other noted marsupials are the
opossum, the kangaroo,
and that's all that I know because
I'm limited in my knowledge.
I think that a platypus is like
trying to be a marsupial but can't figure out how.
Um, because they're like weird. They
(09:11):
like sweat milk and their baby is like.
It's just strange. And if you think that that's the most
disturbing thing I'm going to say a baby Animal does this
week, you're wrong. Uh, the Koala
is in fact a marsupial. And much like me from grade
seven to eleven, it's got a pocket in the
front, uh, because
I would wear those weird hoodies. Do you
(09:34):
know the hoodies with the edgy teen
pocket where they
stuff their hands in it and they're. Huh,
huh. Was.
Anyway, the Koala is often
mislabeled a bear as Koala Bear. It is not
a bear. He is not a bear. That is Ursa. Ursa
is Bear and Koala, this is
(09:57):
the scientific name. And here comes a butcher of the
week. It's
fascolarkdos
scenarios now.
It's gibberish Latin
nonsense. Um, ain't it
usually. But a common misnomer
is that these Koalas, as I noted,
(10:19):
are so soft and cuddly and they're fuzzy.
But what's actually really frustrating
is that they're not like, they're
not, koalas are not fuzzy. They're like
coarse. They have coarse hair which is just awful.
When you see a cuddly little Bear Animal. He's not a
bear, but he is kind of a bear.
(10:39):
Um, you want him to be fuzzy,
you don't want them to be coarse. That's
bad though. They are a marsupial.
They have opposing thumbs on their feet. They're those
weird like rant, rant, rant feet. Um,
and they're used for climbing and they have
fused toes and the toes they use to actually
(11:00):
comb their hair. It's weird. Um,
okay.
As was noted, koalas live in the
eucalyptus forests of Australia.
But they not only live in the
eucalyptus forests, they
consume the eucalyptus. It's
(11:21):
their treat of choice. Like
little Dougie koala gets home and
he's itching for a snack. He's like, mom, I
need a snack.
And he's of age because if he's not of age that
snack's going to be troubling. And
just slinging eucalyptus at little.
(11:42):
Here's take your eucalyptus bites. Get
these going.
They consume eucalyptus.
Oh. Rip it and grip it, baby.
It's satisfactory. Ginger lime,
satisfactory. It's perfectly serviceable.
But they are one of the few
(12:04):
if not only animals on our earth
that consumes eucalyptus as part of its
diet, mostly because
usually to do so, to eat eucalyptus in this
Way would be toxic. It's usually toxic. More
on that in a moment. They eat more than a
pound of eucalyptus a day and
the koala sleeps so much
(12:27):
it's almost a joke. It's kind
of funny. They sleep about 18
to 22 hours a day and I'm just going to go out and say
it. That's all day. That's
all day. There's 24 HOurs and it's Dark for
six to ten of them. And so if they're sleeping
1820, that's all Day. Uh,
you hear that, Teens? Hey, Teens.
(12:49):
This is PSA for the Teens. I don't know if I doubt
Teens listen to this, MOSTLy because I think Teens think
podcasts are for old people who
drink Coffee too mucH, which
I mean, kind oF. But
it's not just that. It's much more than that. Okay,
Teens, but Teens,
(13:10):
uh, I'm going to just say this to you.
If you sleep for more than 12
HOuRs of a DAY,
I am going to go ahead and say you slept all
Day. If you sleep for more than 12 hours of
any 24 hours day,
I'm going to go ahead and say that you have slept all
day. So the
(13:32):
koala is sleeping 18 to 22. There's hope
for you yet, teens. Um, or you can view
that as challenge issued and really go
for the gusto on it. I would suggest
not going for the gusto on it. That's just my
perspective. Uh,
I would be remiss if me,
(13:53):
um, noted
Pokemon enthusiast, I would be remiss
if I didn't note one of the.
It is the only koala Pokemon. But right
now, who knows Pokemon company.
They're all time putting out these strange creatures.
Uh, but I would be remiss if I didn't
(14:13):
mention Kamala. Uh, he is
Pokemon's Koala
Pokemon. Um, and he's based on
this trope that the Koala sleeps too much. Like
he is asleep. Like half the time. He's got this big
log and he uses bonk people, other
characters on the head. It's pretty great.
It's a top notch design. Like, koala is a
(14:35):
great pokemon, great design, gets good screen
time in the cartoon, uh, it's all around
just a good guy. Koalas have
a really weird call that they make
and it's kind of creepy.
It is kind of creepy.
I don't know. And what's really weird
(14:57):
is much like my friend Austin
in college
Koalas don't really like. They don't really
drink much water. They don't drink water.
They get most of their moisture from the eucalyptus leaves
that they eat. Uh,
some koalas will store their
(15:18):
eucalyptus in their cheek pouches for later. So
they'll like chipmunk a big pile of eucalyptus
leaves and stuff and they're like. And they'll get
the big chuff over here to store the
eucalyptus for later, whatever. Now for
this next section we need to discuss a little bit of history
of specifically Australia. In
(15:39):
1788, the British began to send
its criminals to the land down under, thus
colonizing the area shortly
after its colonization. People did what people so
often do. They started to settle and
cut down stuff and m move into new territory
and actually settle in the Land.
(16:00):
In the 18 hundreds and 19 hundreds,
koalas were readily hunted and
harvested for their furs, boots with
the furs. What started
as threats to hunting
turned into threats via loss of
habitat. So at first they're hunted for their
furs and then they begin to encroach
(16:22):
on the eucalyptus forests, thus
causing more trouble for the koalas.
Save the KOALAS.
One KOALA. To give you some perspective here,
one koala, one small. He's not
small, he's about 3ft tall. AH, 2ft tall.
One koala needs about 100
(16:43):
trees to just itself to
maintain its diet and have sufficient
territory to itself.
So as the eucalyptus forests
shrink, the koala population does
in turn as more and more are pushed together.
Today koalas are listed as a
vulnerable species. But
(17:05):
in our modern times
a new challenger has approached the koala.
A new threat has posed itself to the koala
population. And for this portion
of the program, I'm going to take you to what I
like to call health two and the
STD unit of sex ed class.
(17:26):
Chlamydia is a common and
notably treatable Std.
The CDC notes, you may have chlamydia
and not even know it. What a TERRIFYING THOUGHT. I think
you would, um, I digress,
but
could you imagine you just go in for
(17:46):
a cold or like, you go in because
you need to get an x ray and they're like, oh, by
the way, friend, you have this.
Uh, okay.
But chlamydia has lasting health
concerns. Symptoms of chlamydia
in humans include a burning sensation when you
(18:06):
pee. Not good, very bad.
Um, there should be no burning sensation
on anywhere below the waist, in my opinion. Like, I'll
go out on a limb and say it.
The only place that have should burning sensation is your mouth when
you eat a spicy pepper, or in my case,
my eyes from the month of, like, April through October.
(18:27):
But you may also experience strange
stuff coming out of the peehole. Sweet.
Uh, what are we doing?
Like, strange quote, strange stuff coming out
of the peehole. Good lord. Pain
and swelling in the zone of truth.
Like, golly,
(18:48):
some people experience unusual soreness.
I'll bet. Rectal pain. How'd it get
back there? Bleeding very bad from
anywhere down there. Stench from the privates
and burning when peeing. No thanks
in general there, like, no, thanks in general to all
those. Just, I'm going to go ahead and
(19:08):
say no thanks to any of them.
But that's in humans. Like, when a human
being gets the chlamydia. That's what
they got going on. But what
does any of this have to do with koalas? Like,
hunter, you wished us a happy
groundhog day. You told us a strange story about
your bathrooming. You've introduced Koalas
(19:31):
to us, and they seem like a strange creature. Why are you telling us
about this Std? Well, that's because
it is kind of like one of the more growing and more
widely known facts. Now,
unfortunately, that
koalas have or carry
chlamydia. It's
an embarrassing and troubling thing to just have as a
(19:53):
fun fact about you.
Gosh, you're just an animal
trying to do his best. And when somebody hops on
the interwebs and punches in you
as an animal, they're met with the
description of the chlamydia that you carry. It's a SAD
DAY. In
(20:13):
2008, only about 10% of
all koalas had chlamydia. Those are good
NUMBERS. Worse than HUMANS, but good
NUMBERS. Uh, I guess. I
think the GOAL is ZERO. I'm going to go out
on a limb and say the goal for a percentage of
people and koalas that have
chlamydia is 0%. That's the GOAL.
(20:35):
It's not NONE, THOUGH. 10% is.
I'd wager that's more than the people who have it, right?
Right. There
has to be more koalas that have it.
Yeah, it's not worth THINKING about. NOWADAYS,
those NUMBERS are just ASTRONOMICAL. In
about ten years, we are up
(20:56):
to 80% to
90% of koalas have chlamydia.
That's almost all of THEM.
And while some of the side effects of chlamydia and koalas
are similar to those in humans, sores in the PP
zone, that can lead to infertility in koalas
it can also cause blindness.
(21:17):
So the chlamydia
is a danger to the koalas. But
like we said, the CDC told
us that this is
treatable. So then just like do what
you do to treat it. KOALAS
in HUMANS, that is US.
(21:38):
CHLAMYDIA is. I'd like to quit
talking about chlamydia, by the way.
I want to stop saying it.
I feel like I've said the word chlamydia too much
this episode and I'm sorry,
but how else do we move forward?
Take it up with the KOALAS. They're the ones who have it, not
(21:59):
me. JEEPERS.
But in CHLAMYDIA, NO, SCRATCH
that. In humans
chlamydia is treatable with
antibiotics that kill the harmful bacteria
that is causing the concerning
std. Hooray.
Antibiotics will solve this. Now
(22:20):
treatment is the same for koalas, but
koalas cannot take those antibiotics
and it is not that they are unable or that they
cannot swallow the medication or that it is allergic
to them. The problem is it works too
well and it actually kills the
bacteria in their stomachs.
Koalas have a gut
(22:42):
biome that has specifically
adjusted and has specific
amounts and types of bacteria that
help break down eucalyptus
leaves and help deal with the toxins
of eucalyptus leaves. They are special, their tum
tums are very special and they have very special
bacteria in their tummies that help what they
(23:04):
eat. But the problem is if you give them
antibiotics to cure the std, that somehow is in
their eyes as well, that will
kill the yummy bacteria that helps eat
the good green eucalyptus bushes.
So if you give a
koala those antibiotics, their natural gut
biome is going to get all sorts of whack. And then
(23:27):
it's kind of like me after eating like a pound of nachos
or uh, that protein shake, you know what
I'm saying? But if you kill all the
good eucalyptus, breaking down bacteria in the
koala to get rid of the StD,
then they aren't going to be able to eat their
eucalyptus leaves anymore. Their diet is gone,
(23:48):
they will be unable to digest it. And
in my experience, in my experience, you're going
to want to digest it like you want to
digest your. Digesting your food is a very good thing.
That's a problem. And so you'd think
that well then they must be born with that
biome in their tummy. Like they have this very good
microbiome. They must be born with it.
(24:11):
Well, we haven't gotten to the worst of koalas yet.
Maybe they're born with it.
Or maybe they suck it out of their mom's butt.
Every day we stray farther from God.
Now, if you hear that, if you hear the
sentence that I said earlier and you think to
(24:34):
yourself, well, my goodness, that's crass. Well, that's
not my problem. That's what's what we're dealing with.
It's just the TrUth. That's what koalas are doing.
Okay, as
we discussed, koalas are
marsupials
and mammals. I get it, NAt
Geo, that one's for you. We get it.
(24:57):
But koalas are marsupials and when
a marsupial is born, the baby, also known
as the joey, resides in the pouch of the mother,
where its mother feeds the joey. Here's the
DEAL. The koala's mother's milk is
great. They feed through this, like, weird. It's
kind of like LAcTAtion, but it happens inside the Pouch.
(25:17):
I don't know another word I'd like to not say again
is lactation. It doesn't
necessarily model the diet of eucalyptus.
Like, the mother's milk in the pouch
and the babies are one day going to quit being
babies and they're going to have to
leave the pouch and go eat
stuff outside the pouch. And
(25:40):
so
the koala Joeies aren't born with the
very good bacteria to break down the eucalyptus. That's
a problem because as we've already seen, the
koalas need that. That's important. That's
why the STD curing
antibiotics will not function
well. And so,
(26:02):
uh, they're not born with that bacteria. But to
get it, koala Joeys
have to commit or perform something
that I'd like to call the deed. When
the baby koala reaches an age where it can crawl from
the pouch, it commits the deed in the goal of
gaining the ability to one day be able to consume
(26:23):
eucalyptus.
The joey koala has to consume
something that has that bacteria inside it.
And so it crawls from
its mom's pouch down to its mom's
butthole and eats a
runny poop slurry called pap.
(26:45):
The weird part is the sentence,
and I'm quoting now from Internet
sources that are scientific in nature and highly
researched by me,
it says, quote, the koala
nuzzles the butt until the slurry
comes out. So that's
(27:05):
COOL. Uh,
that's why we just called it the deed. Like anytime you're
nuzzling a butthole until something comes out of it, you have
strayed far from the course.
The deed produces a sloppy wet pile
called pap, which is a transition
nutrient between the mother's milk and the
(27:25):
eucalyptus leaves. The koala will eat the rest of its
life. This pap
contains the kickstarting
bacteria for the microbiome that the
koala needs to eat the yummy eucalyptus.
And honestly, the pap is great. It
has the nutrients, it prepares
the joey koalas.
(27:47):
But, like, why
does it have to come out of the butthole?
Why would they have to eat it from the butt
area?
Why can't the mom just, like, dookie pile and
the baby, then go over and visit that? Or why can't
the mom just regurgitate something that
(28:08):
contains the pap? God, in all
of your infinite wisdom, why was this the
arrangement? Why is
Joey koala supping pap from the
mom's butthole? I don't understand it.
Koalas have to eat their mom's poop
as a means for survival. It's
troubling. It's just troubling.
(28:31):
But as we said, these blokes are
struggling between sucking their mom's
beef for poopy gut health to just kind of
being guaranteed to have chlamydia at this point. Like,
they're having a rough go. But
perhaps the future is bright.
As stated, to treat chlamydia and
(28:51):
koalas would kill their microbiome
needed for eucalyptus consumption. But
what if, after the koala was treated for
the clam, they underwent a fecal
transplant, but this time as an
adult? And with this proposal,
the lifespan, or the life pattern of a
koala would be you're born,
(29:13):
you perform the deed on your mom,
then as an adult, you contract chlamydia. It's the
DREAM. That's the top three.
You're given antibiotics, your tummy
hurts and you need to eat or have
poop injected into you so you can
continue eating those very good leaves again and likely get
(29:34):
chlamydia all over again one day?
And I think, with that in mind, I think the goal
is to get the chlamydia under control. Can we all
agree we need to get the chlamydia sQuare?
That's where we're at.
KOALAS are WEIRD. UM, they're a very
strange BEING. They have hopefully helped
you celebrate groundhogs day as you've taken in
(29:56):
another one of these amazing creatures.
I hope you had a fantastic groundhogs day.
This brings us to the end of another episode of
privy. Thank you so much for joining us. As always,
we would love for you to visit us on social
media. Follow us. There we are at Privycast
on all social media. We got discord working
(30:17):
on all sorts of things. Just go follow us there.
Uh, links in the ding dong doodly boober below has all
the social links in that in the drum IO.
Privycast. Send us an email
privycast@gmail.com. You can send us
episode suggestions, comments, concerns,
questions, if you want to be on the show. If you want to tell me about
somebody else who wants to be on the show, email us. We'd love to hear
(30:39):
from you. We'd like to just hear from you. Just say hi.
Say hi to us. Please leave us, uh,
a rating or review. The five star options are
preferred. And if you can leave us a rating on
Spotify or Apple podcasts. Um, a
dollar for every rating will be donated to the wounded
warriors project. Uh, so rate the show.
(31:00):
We would love for that. It's a great way to get the word out. Um, share
the show with a friend. Uh, just copy the URL
and just send it on out there. Uh,
spread this nonsense far and wide. We'd like to
thank Kevin McLeod and Pottington
Bear for the use of their music this week. Thank
you, Kevin and Pottington. This has been another
episode of Privy. Thank you so much for joining
(31:22):
us. Don't forget to wash your butthole.
Keep pooping in the free world. And now,
as always, don't forget to flush. Hm.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Ridiculous History
History is beautiful, brutal and, often, ridiculous. Join Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown as they dive into some of the weirdest stories from across the span of human civilization in Ridiculous History, a podcast by iHeartRadio.