December 15, 2024 • 36 mins
As we dive further into Privy Christmas, we visit the region of Greece to learn about one of their mythological holiday creatures.
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Connect: www.privy-cast.com
Social and Contact Links: linktr.ee/privycast
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To a Freer World and Cleaner Water:
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Music:
Intro and Outro: "Barroom Ballet" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Transition Music "Christmas Village" by Aaron Kenny https://www.youtube.com/@contactkennya
Jingle Bells: Accessed via YouTube Sound Effects Library Public Domain
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Sources:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kallikantzaros
https://greekerthanthegreeks.com/greek-christmas-customs-traditions-2/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
>> Hunter Hoover (00:01):
I think. I think Mr. Tumas Vibes is something we
all ought to shoot for in 2025.
Welcome back to Privy. Privy is
a podcast about bathrooms
recorded from my home
(00:22):
bathroom. I'm your host, Hunter
Hoover, and I love bathrooms.
Welcome back, everyone. Thank you for being here. Happy
Privy Christmas. Uh, this is our. This is our
second episode of the season. Uh, we hope
that your. Your holiday cheer. Your logs have been
festive, your sprays have been holly and
jolly. Um, and yeah, we're just. We're just kicking off.
(00:45):
You know, we tried something different last time we did our
Mr. Hanky special. If you haven't listened to our Mr. Hanky
special for the year, go back, listen to the last
episode. It was an interesting time. You know,
we're trying new stuff, trying this, uh,
this format of
the watch along. We'll see if you like the watch along. Let me
know, maybe we'll do it again. But
(01:08):
there's a hustle and bustle this season, you know,
and I really feel like. I really feel like Privy
Christmas snuck up on us this year, and I
blame Thanksgiving for being so late. As of. As
of the point of this record, I still have not
decked the exterior halls. The inside, you
know, our inside halls are fully decked. I've
decked my halls so hard inside, but
(01:30):
outside they just. They. They remain but
undecked. Um, um, part of that is. Is
just the hustle and bustle, and part of it has just been wet and
cold. It's not been opportune. And
so, um, um, we're trying to get into the holiday
season and celebrate. And here on
Privy for hour
celebration of Privy Christmas,
(01:53):
we always take a yearly look at Mr. Hanky's
exciting adventures in South Park. And as I
noted, we did that last time. You can go listen to that
episode. But the other thing that we like to
do every year is we like to take a. Take
a little pause and explore some
of the stranger Christmas traditions from
(02:13):
around the world. And while
there seems to be no shortage
of strange Christmas traditions,
uh,
we aren't necessarily concerned with
why people are decorating trees with spiders,
which is a thing, or why some cultures have
(02:35):
Christmas witches, which is also
real, or why in some cases,
Santa seems to have strange ne'er
doell counterparts. Uh, u. Here on
Privy, those are interesting. And those
perhaps are maybe their own show, maybe bonus
bonus episode. But here on m. Privy, we
are specifically concerned
(02:57):
with those. Those strange
Christmas traditions that are
concerned with the bathroom or find
themselves in many ways very bathroom
adjacent. These are the bathroom
adjacent Christmas traditions around the world.
And you know, the funny thing is here, you know what's
weird? You would
(03:19):
think that the list of
things that are both
a Christmas related and
b like deal directly
with the bathroom or poop would be an
incredibly short list.
But as we've seen in years past and as we
are going to continue to see this year,
(03:42):
it's not. You would hope that those
Venn diagram circles don't overlap, but it
turns out they do in some pretty big
ways. In years past we've
discussed everything from little men who sneak into
the nativity scene to moon everyone
and take a dump behind the stable, to a
(04:02):
log that poops gifts looking at you, to d
and all to people stashing
a, ah, Christmas fish in the bathtub and the
psychedelic qualities of reindeer urine.
We've been there and we've talked about so many
things here on privy
Christmas and I want to be,
I want to give you guys a little candid honesty here for a
(04:24):
second. Every year as privy Christmas rolls
around, I start to wonder am I going to find
it like is, is the
bathroom magicnna happen for this holiday
season? Am I going to be able to find the
weird bathroom related thing to talk
about? And,
and sometimes like
(04:48):
I think maybe this year is the one where
we're going to have to come up with something else to do for the
Christmas season. I mean, there's only so many stories
and so many myths and so many folk
tales that both deal with Christmas
and the bathroom. Right? Like that. How many? There's
only a few. Right,
Right guys? But I want
(05:11):
you to know that though one
day that might be in our future as a
part of our traditions on the show. I'm
here to tell you that it is not this
year. This year we
found another one. And this year we
need to talk about the kiantt
zaros.
(05:35):
Maybe you are like me and you are
fully into your adulthood and you've never
heard the term, let alone the idea of
anything called a kiant zaro.
The way the kiant zara are
described, or I believe they're called kicant
zaro. If there's more than one, it's one of those
fun fish. And fish are plural.
(05:58):
Well, this is colicontzaros and colicont
zaro. U uh, but the
way these are described and the way their name depicts
them are two very different things.
The name colicant zaros is
somewhat debated in its origin and where it
comes from. One less believed theory is that
(06:18):
it comes from the Greek coloss
And centaus or
kentaus, meaning a beautiful
centaur. Based on this
description, you would think these would be some
handsome and beautiful four legged humanoid
creatures. And it make.
If a centaur is beautiful,
(06:39):
is it the horse part of the centaur that is
beautiful or is it the human part
also? Are there women centaurs?
I, I feel like every time I see any, like
Harry Potter or like Narnia, you always read
about male centaurs. Maybe the women centaurs are
called something else. I don't know.
(07:00):
There's, there's people out there just screaming
that I this idiot, you
fool. Um, but they're
described as beautiful centaurs. If this
is the meaning of collei Kent
Zaros, we
digress. But the origin of the name is
usually contested and it's usually
(07:21):
believed that it comes more from the
Turkish caraconallo.
This literally means black or
dark bloodsucker. What did
he say? And as such, many
have even taken them to have a
werewolf or vampiric tendency.
Now I promise listener,
(07:44):
I, uh, know I teased Christmas witches at the top of
the show. I promise we are not getting
ready to do Christmas vampires
or Christmas werewolves.
Although might not
be the worst idea for our festive
holiday season.
Either way. The picture I have in my brain,
(08:06):
whether it comes from Kicantaros the
Greek or um, Carak
Conalos the Turkish,
the picture that I have in my brain
when I hear those words and the
definitions of those words and I begin to read about them
and the ones others have put into art and drawings
are nothing like a centaur of vampire.
(08:29):
Like both of those, both of those
translations, beautiful centaur
or you know,
black or dark bloodsuckr. As
we begin to describe these creatures, you're going to
hear that neither of those descriptions is
fitting and we have strayed
far from the course if this is how we want to portray
(08:52):
them. The thing is,
what these things look like, what the
Kiontzaros look like is not
exactly agreed on. Primarily
because these creatures are part of
the solstice or Christmas season
celebrations and traditions throughout much
of Europe and Anatolia, also known as Asia
(09:14):
Minor, because they are, they are
a part of such a wide variety of
cultures, solstice traditions and myths and
folklore. The stories about
them and the descriptions of them and
the origins that that they
uh, derive from are going to
vary as, as often as the culture
(09:36):
varies. The appearance of the
colicant zaros differs and
varies between the Greeks that draw these
little holiday weirdos, showing them to have kind of
like animal parts, they have like hair and
horse legs and boeks and they're
honestly like kind of fawnish looking. They're
(09:57):
giving big Mr. Tumness vibes.
You know, I think, I think on the regular, I think if,
if you rolled up to me I think if you rolled up
to me on any given Wednesday or Thursday
and you just rando found o me
you would find that I give
probably level two to level four
(10:19):
Mr. Tumness Vibes. I
aspire to give people Mr. Tumness
Vibhes. I think, I
think Mr. Tumness VibES is something we all ought to shoot
for in 2025. There's Mr. There
a person. There's what I want to say. A
person could do much worse than Mr.
Tumness. I'm just going to say it.
(10:42):
And to. To be giving off
the Mr. Tumness whole
justtick like oh
look, I'm a pranciful little goat man
that lives in the lives in the rocks. Like it's not
the worst thing. It's better than the like casually
homeless sititch that I usually got going on. You know
what I'm saying? But yeah, big Mr. Tumness
(11:04):
going on here. Maybe that's what Mr. Tumness really is
mil. Maybe the Narnia story
does take place around Christmas. Maybe Mr. Tumas was
a colleague on Zaros
fan theory M
Some cultures depict the Ki
(11:24):
Kzaros as huge
towering monsters. Others depict
them as small, tiny little impish
creatures that sneak into your home.
Some say that they are really
just small humans and are
depicted as such and are usually depicted
as being primarily male.
(11:48):
Others say that the Colleic k Zaros
are. Have. Have body parts that are
normal size and others that are
misproportioned to the rest of the body.
You know, you got little douggie collie kzaros. He's
just. He. He's totally normal
except for he's got like a rat size body and
like a machamp from Pokemon
(12:09):
sized arm and it's right where his tail is.
He's got a flippin muscle arm. Just
scorpion out his buttsole.
But butole don't. Not the
butthole. It's the tail. I don't know. The tail doesn't come
out this tail come out the butole. How
related is the tail to the butthole? It's for another
day.
(12:32):
Others depict the Ki k Zaros as
small black demon looking humans
with with long tails. In
many stories they vermin. They
stink, they smell real bad, they're
blind and they are said to spend
their days sitting underneath the earth.
(12:52):
Now, I want to note the primary sources
and the primary tales about the
Colicontzaros come to us from Greek
folklore. And in these stories,
the Greeks believe that the Colleic kzaros
live underground where they spend their
days, day in and day out,
sawing on the trunk of the world's tree that holds
(13:15):
the earth in place. They're
chaotic. They want to destroy the earth. You know,
classic Greek earth goblins. And to do
so they spend
353
days of the year saw on a big old
tree. We gotta grip rip this guy.
Ca chica. Oh, that was a good
(13:37):
one. Felt that one. You know,
maybe if we. I'm back. I'm
back to the orange vanilla. You know, maybe if we just gave
all the cai k zaros in the world just, just a, uh,
just an orange vanilla polar seltzer. Maybe they chill out
on the world's tree. Really. Just, just,
just muffin. The world's tree.
(14:01):
Y all remember the. Y'all remember the 12 days of
Christmas? Well, it turns
out that those days are a bit sinister than we thought.
And to really, to really
appreciate the heart of the Collei
Kzaros, we have to know a
little bit about the 12 Days of Christmas. The
12 Days of Christmas is a song about gift giving
(14:23):
in the 12 days of Christmas extends
from Christmas Day December
25th all the way to
January 6th. I
know, spooky, right? For
those who are or it
runs from the birth of Jesus Christ to the
epiphany of the Three Kings Day on
(14:45):
January 6th. And, uh, what I want to say is
for all of those people that are triggered that
my tree is still up in January,
I want you to hear this. Take
that. The 12 Days of
Christmas run December 25th to
January 6th. It is totally acceptable to have your
(15:05):
Christmas tree up in January.
Now, did I have my Christmas
tree up in November? Yes, of
course. Did I have my
Christmas tree up before Thanksgiving this year? Yes,
of course. Was it
because Thanksgiving was so late this year? Absolutely not. I would have.
Anyway, so let the
(15:28):
record show I'm not. I'm not sitting here hiding it.
It is totally acceptable and I would argue
ought to be normal to have your festive
holiday Christmas tree up for at least
two months. Should be normal. Enjoy it.
Now I got. Now I got a Christmas fake. And I know all the people out
there, they're going to be like, oh, you need to have a real tree. It's not a
(15:49):
real Christmas tree. Well, here I have a couple of things to say to you.
Saving Money not lighting my house on fire.
My allergies are a little bit better. So I uh,
got, I got a Christmas fake. It's great, it's
pre lit. I plug and play and everybody's happy.
It's all good. And, and it can be up for two months. I don't have
to buy a replacement tree halfway through. But these 12
(16:09):
days of Christmas in the song
the days are kept alive through gift giving and
singing and uh, see the Grinch'note on this.
But the 12 Days of Christmas
are uh, uh, I mean really you're getting a bunch of
strange gifts like truly they're wild. But these
12 days of Christmas are the days
(16:32):
where the Cayont Zaros are
allowed to come up from out of the
earth's depths to wreak
havoc on the people up topside.
Nothing says Merry Christmas or Joyous
Festivus or a whatever holiday like
a bottom dwelling Greek hobgoblin coming to the
(16:52):
earth's surface to a real tricky surprise
on you. And
this happens on Christmas day. Usually
right after they've spent all year trying to saw through the
trunk of the earth tree. They're allowed to come
top side and as a result step away from their
work for a little time. Take a little rest. The
Kiontzaros have earned a rest. They've been trying to
(17:14):
destroy the world for 353 days and they
get 12 days off. Dang it. And they're going toa use
them while on the earth. We
really get to the heart of why we need to talk
about these dudes in the show. Much
like jolly old St. Nick. I'm sure he isn't
mad at me anymore. Like Santa and I are good now,
right? We, we had a real good talk.
(17:37):
Santa and I had a good chat a couple years ago and Mrs.
Claus, you know, she set the record straight on a lot
of things last year it was good. It was good
and things are going great up north. And the
Goblins sneaked their way into a home
after, you know, on Christmas day
through open windows, doors
(17:58):
or in some cases sneaking down
chimneys. The real question, not uh,
is not worth thinking about is who
did it first? Like
who was the first one to slide their
backside down somebody's chimney? You know what I'm saying?
That'that what the kids are calling it these days. But
who? It's not as important to worry about
(18:21):
if the Collei Kzaros did it first or if Santa did it
first. Really what we ought to be to be
wondering is who does it better
and Then if they can find a way into your home,
the Colleic co zoros are going to pull all sorts of
nasty tricks on you. Some are
simple things like getting into the sweets,
snacking down all my Oreos and dogging down my ice
(18:43):
creams. Little runts, little pieces of
mother. Oh, I. If I
catch a colic k zaros just elbow deep in a
bag of. A bag of any of my checks or checks or
goodies'm I'mnna feed them
to my dog. Like
my dog's dumb and she won't eat them. But I'BUT I will
(19:03):
attempt it. I will attempt it.
They sneak down the chimney and eat my sweets. But yeah,
Santa's the problem. They'll get into all sorts of
mischief. They steal things, they'll move stuff. They'll
just. If they'll move your keys, they'll just grab your
keys and take them from one area to another and
just hide them. Just pure chaos so you
(19:23):
can't find stuff. Some
reports say that the Collei Kzaros will
quote, just lie. And if
they're lying to you, that would presume that you
are interacting and interfacing with these strange
folklori mythical creatures.
Some reports again say they're, they're lying. Other
reports have them tormenting you,
(19:46):
serving you, you know, like stuff that
is just tormenting to the soul. Like
serving you tea instead of coffee or giving you
a brown sugar cinnamon pop tart when you asked for
mixed berry or strawberry. We'like
taking the tep off the roller and setting it
just out of arms reach on, um, the floor.
(20:07):
Taking the bathroom. Oh,
oh, you know the Collicont Zaros are going to yank the
bathroom mat anywhere in the months of November,
December, January or February. Here's the
deal. And I know, and I know I, I know I got
a little bit on this last week, but
in the months of November to February, there
must be a bath mat below the,
(20:30):
below, below the toilet. There must be.
You have to keep the dogs warm. If you get up in
the middle of the night and to shotgun splatter the
buwl, you got to keep the dogs warm.
Torment. The term, oh, the Collicont Zaros are going to
torment me. That that idea seems a little too
vague. But none of that, none
(20:50):
of those reasons are why we're here. What puts these
Christmas goblins as, as the
star of our episode is some of the antics they get up to
are very bathroom related.
One of the call. One of the reports tells
of the Collic k Zaros quote, peeing into
your drinks and urinating into your
(21:11):
holiday cooking.
So that sucks. You know, if I walk
in the kitchen and I got a little hobgoblin, just it's
got his we wiener out peeing into my soup,
I'm gonna be very upset. And that's just the
start. Imagine if you will put, put
on your imaginary think little thinker cap
(21:31):
here instead of Santa, jolly old
St. Nick on Christmas day. And for 12 days
following, you had a small impish
goblin sneaking in, takes a fat leak in your Christmas
stew or whatever you got brewing.
Where did this come from? Like
who sat down and saidmm m. Oh. Oh yeah.
And they steal your keys. Oh, that's good. Oh, and sometimes
(21:54):
they'll lie to you. Oh, that's great. Oh, and I know, let's
have them take a fat wee right into the
Christmas dinner.
No, no, Dave.
For, for goodness sake, Dave.
Every time we pitch a new folklore idea, they
don't have to pee something, you know, they don't have to
(22:17):
peer poop. It's fine. Like,
like was people's bakes and sweets randomly
coming smelling out like you'reine mid Christmas.
And they're like, uh, oh, I don't know what happened. It really
smells like pee. Like my fruitcake really
smells like somebody team rocket blasted off a fat urine
stream into it. I. I bet it was. Oh,
(22:38):
oh gosh. I bet it was those
rascally Cali Cant Zaro. Right guys?
Yeah, I, I don't suck at
baking. It's probably those guys, right guys? You
guys seen them? You've heard that? That's. This
is the least of it. Much like
Santa depositing a lump of coal into a bad kid
(22:58):
stocking. Which nowadays that could be worth
something. First of all, that colal could be worth something. But
these guys, the Collei Kzaro,
are just dropping a fatty in the sack.
Fatty in the sack. Tmtmtmtm
Name of m. Name of me every time I go camping. Fatty
in the sack. Uh, and I know I've joked a few
(23:20):
times about Santa leaving a little special brown
bag deluxe in the bad kids stockings,
but it's a joke. Like
Santa, if you're listening, and I know you're listening,
it's literally in the song.
He hears you when you are sleeping. You
know what? Actually Santa, can you chill the frick out? I don't
(23:41):
want you to hearing me when I sleeping. First of all, I know I fart.
Second of all, uh, I mouth breathed. So like don't listen
to that like and don't look at me.
Don't look at me, Santa. You sick freak.
I'm Santa. I'm sorry. You''a very nice
man. Your wife's nicer, but
you're a very nice man.
(24:02):
But, like, don't poop in the bad kids
stockings. Even though
the bad kids don't respect their parents and
they have vape at school and they call their
teacher the F word, don't poop in
their stockings. Like, I know that it would
be totally warranted and it would make
perfect sense to drop the fattest stack
(24:25):
in the bad kids stockings. Like, and I
know that if a person did that, they would be totally
justified. They would be celebrated.
But even though it is it
in all senses of the idea, all the bad
kids having fat turds
dumped into their stockings. Sounds good.
(24:45):
We should not do it. So,
yeah,
Santa, leave the stocking
stuffing to the Greek Christmas
goblins. This is truly
deviant. They pop up, they ruin your food,
they defecate all of your Christmas cheer and make the place
(25:05):
smell weird. What? What a bunch of
jerks. Should be noted,
there's a number different types of ki
kzaro. 1. The
catachnas can't stop eating. They just, they're
just pac man gobblin up all your food. They
can't get enough eats anything in sight.
And they stink while they do it. It's like they eat and they're
(25:28):
farting while they do it. The Mearas have a
big fat drum like belly that leaves terrible filthy
smells all over people's food. They're just ripping
ham. They're just fully passing beef
all over your food. You heard a pink eye. If
these guys got a hold of your pillows, you have pink eye for sure.
100%. The
mantraucose the chief. Stocky, short
(25:49):
leg, clumsy, ugly and dangerous to no one.
He hides away all day and night and goes out and
teases women. It's kind of a. He's kind of a
pig, you know, it's kind of a man ho.
You know, like he's, he needs to chill out. He's take a
cold shower, a little polar plunge, chill him out.
Next is the KSA Mecedes. These are all
types of ki k zaro, by the way. Um,
(26:12):
cops. Co cops. Some mecedes is
like a lame hunchback with the weakness for pancakes and honey.
This sounds like my type of dude. Like,
just describe me in my mid-60s hunchback with a
mean, uh, desire for pancakes and
honey. Heck, I'm halfway there
now. Sign me up. This guy and I
(26:32):
could hang if this guy wants to come on over.
Pancakes and honey. Worst case
scenario, I gotta make extra the
malipera. If housewives forget to make sure
lids are on pans, the Malapura will grab that
chance to urinate all over what's cooking. So cover your
cooking, ladies. Men. But it says
(26:53):
waies. It says housewives.
Call of Volnus is a long as
is quoted as being as quote uh, along as
a string of macaroni. He has a tail that ends in an
arrow and can pass through keyholes, sievess
and colander holds. He is extremely agile and
fast in his movements.
Pioritus has a long soft nose like an
(27:16):
elephant. He shows up shortly before the rooster growows and has
a talent of mimicking people's voices. He's over here
just doing impressions at 3am Just. Just
an absolute annoying son of a gun.
Catsipeds or Meg or
Megas Calicnaros is a goat foot.
Goat foot and he's the boss. He's vicious,
(27:36):
miserable, rude, lazy and bald with goat legs. Not a
pretty picture. He is the one that people
picture when they think of Kic k zzar. One
of them looks like a big old frog. One of them
has weird like bottom teeth
that hang over his lips. He likes to make fun of
priests, so that's kind of fun. And these
delineations seems kind of
(27:58):
senseless and more just like their variance
on the same thing. But yeah, the two
to watch out for. The ones that are peeping or
peeping, there's a peeper in there, you know what I'm saying? But
the ones that are peeing and pooping all over your food, maybe the one that's going to
fart in your cheerio is like you don't want him around. You keep him in
here. The good news though
(28:19):
is the Collei Kzaros, they only
wr wreckak this Havoc for the 12 days of
Christmas. That is because on
January 6th they are forced via
the sunlight somehow to return to the
center of the earth where they will have to start anew. Um, on
sawing down the wood world tree.
And spoiler alert. In those 12 days off,
(28:41):
the world tree has repaired itself and it's back to
normal. That's good,
I suppose. 12 days of stinky Christmas is a
small pie to pay to save the world.
But just as these little little fart goblins
exist in myth, as with all unwanted mythical
and folklore creatures, there's always a way to
ward them off and keep them at bay.
(29:06):
This year, if you're worried about the Ki
kzaros. Taking a fat deuce in your stocking or
farting all over your breakfast cereal.
Here's some ways to keep them away from your
home. The first is you can set a
colander on your doorstep. Pretty smart, right?
The reason that you want to set a colander on your
doorstep is not so you don't look like a crazed mushroom
(29:29):
smoking lunatic. It's because the
goblins you see the kicant zaros, they
can't count past the number two.
And so when they see the colander, how many holes
does a colander have? 1.
2. Oh sweet lord and heaven. What
do I do? I've hit a number that I can't utter.
(29:49):
It should be noted. It's not that the Collei Kant
zaros don't understand the concept of a number
past 2. They understand that the numbers go past
2 rather, because the number 3
is viewed as holy. They believe that to
utter the number would be to doom
themselves to destruction. So
yeah, colanders are a big line of defense. Here
(30:14):
you can paint a black cross on your doorstep. Though I
doubt this is part of the Greek culture. Maybe part of the
later Christianized or maybe Greek Orthodox defense against
these little little crap goblins.
Burning a smelly shoe in the fire or burning something
stinky in your fire pit to keep them from coming
in. This method is noted ties these creature
(30:34):
creatures to the later idea, uh, of the
Norse yule and yule log and yule
tide. They don't like the sun and run
away and hide when it comes out. Seems pretty easy
to defeat. Like keep your stews
covered and check your
stalking before you just go elbow deep into it.
(30:54):
How do they count past two to stay above
ground for the 12 days of Christmas?
Maybe it's a movement of the sun thing. Kind of how my dog
knows it's Sunday even though she can't
count. It should also be noted
many cultures have a variant of these goblins.
In Serbian folklre they're called the
caraconza where it'll jump on the back of
(31:17):
citizens walking in the dark on the 12 days of Christmas
and hitch a ride to wherever the person's going to
go. They do not treat
adulterers well either. They do not like
adulterers. In Bulgaria, they are more demonic
and seem to come out any time of the year. As such, they have
customs called the kuer to scare them
away. In Albania, these
(31:40):
are undead zombie
goblins, zomlins who move
about in January and clang about in iron
chains. To me this is
a sounding A lot like the Ghost of Christmas
past, you know, in the
thing. Oh, and by the way,
if your kid was born on one of those
(32:02):
12 days, uh, the 12 days of Christmas, or if
your kid was born on Saturday, they could
possibly become a Collei Consaros.
Born on Saturday. I've been making that
joke for a while, and it turns out has some
standing in this culture. These 12 Days
of Christmas perhaps would
(32:22):
be better off as the 12
days of Kiantzaros.
On the 12th day of creepy
Goblin Christmas, my enemies
gave to me 12 courts
of peup, 11 months of sawing,
10 stinky goblins, nine
(32:42):
origin stories, eight hours of darkness,
seven honey pancake, six stolen candies,
five stalking turds,
four small black crosses, three scary
numbers, two stinky fire shoes, and, uh,
a callander on my
doorstep.
(33:06):
Just a thought. Maybe a regional variant,
but what's the connection?
Does how does this sneak into the
solstice in the Christmas culture? If only.
If only we had a
large man who was also
proficient at sneaking into people's houses,
(33:27):
who also liked to leave things behind,
who could give the Ki Kant Zaroy a, uh,
purpose and maybe give them a means by which
they can do good, such as making toys
or taking care of the reindeer. And
he could give them a place to live where there
is less sun, maybe one of the,
(33:47):
you know, poles of the earth
somewhere. And perhaps
while they're there, they could live under an ice
cave or wherever the elves live. I, uh,
mean Collei Kant Zaro. Did I say that out loud?
Next time you set up your elf on a shelf, think about it being
a goblin on a noblin. You know what I'm saying? There's nothing
(34:09):
great that rhymes with goblin. I shot
my shot. We do it. We do all sorts of things here,
but with this theory in mind are the elves.
Do the idea of Christmas elves
possibly have some ties to
the Colecont Zarro? The
Greek Turd Goblins
(34:31):
of Greek Christmas.
That'll bring us to the end of another episode of Privy. Thank
you guys so much for being here as always. Don't forget to
leave us a rating or review. The five star options are pre. You can leave
that review on Apple podcasts or Spotify podcast
for every rating and review you leave. Will donate some money to the Wounded
warriors and Living Water International as a
(34:53):
reminder to keep pooping in the free world. This free world
was not always free. And there are parts of our
world who have less access to clean water than we do.
As a reminder to pursue cleaner water for all
you can send us an email privycastmail.com follow
us on social media @privycast. On all
social media, you can follow me. I'm at Al at 7.
(35:14):
If you're bold and daring, uh, you can follow Randy
Bolls at Randy Bowls on Instagram to check out those Randy
Bowls. Uh, send us episode suggestions, comments,
feedback'concern if you want to be a part of the show,
if you have something you want to pitch, if you want to. If you have
your own podcast and you want to like, do a little tradesy
Swapsy, I would love to have you on Privy.
(35:35):
Shoot me an email
privycastmail.com we'd love
to hear from you. This brings us to the end
of another episode of Privy. Thanks to Kevin and Poddington
and all the other places that we got our cool sound effects and
intro and outro songs. You can check them out in the Ding
Dong below. Go look at those. Thank you all
for being here. Keep pooping in the free world. Own
(35:56):
your stank, wash your butthol. And uh, now
as always, don't forget
to flash.
I think. I think Mr. Tumas Vibes is something we
all ought to shoot for in 2025.
Welcome back to Privy. Privy is
a podcast about bathrooms
recorded from my home
(00:22):
bathroom. I'm your host, Hunter
Hoover, and I love bathrooms.
Welcome back, everyone. Thank you for being here. Happy
Privy Christmas. Uh, this is our. This is our
second episode of the season. Uh, we hope
that your. Your holiday cheer. Your logs have been
festive, your sprays have been holly and
jolly. Um, and yeah, we're just. We're just kicking off.
(00:45):
You know, we tried something different last time we did our
Mr. Hanky special. If you haven't listened to our Mr. Hanky
special for the year, go back, listen to the last
episode. It was an interesting time. You know,
we're trying new stuff, trying this, uh,
this format of
the watch along. We'll see if you like the watch along. Let me
know, maybe we'll do it again. But
(01:08):
there's a hustle and bustle this season, you know,
and I really feel like. I really feel like Privy
Christmas snuck up on us this year, and I
blame Thanksgiving for being so late. As of. As
of the point of this record, I still have not
decked the exterior halls. The inside, you
know, our inside halls are fully decked. I've
decked my halls so hard inside, but
(01:30):
outside they just. They. They remain but
undecked. Um, um, part of that is. Is
just the hustle and bustle, and part of it has just been wet and
cold. It's not been opportune. And
so, um, um, we're trying to get into the holiday
season and celebrate. And here on
Privy for hour
celebration of Privy Christmas,
(01:53):
we always take a yearly look at Mr. Hanky's
exciting adventures in South Park. And as I
noted, we did that last time. You can go listen to that
episode. But the other thing that we like to
do every year is we like to take a. Take
a little pause and explore some
of the stranger Christmas traditions from
(02:13):
around the world. And while
there seems to be no shortage
of strange Christmas traditions,
uh,
we aren't necessarily concerned with
why people are decorating trees with spiders,
which is a thing, or why some cultures have
(02:35):
Christmas witches, which is also
real, or why in some cases,
Santa seems to have strange ne'er
doell counterparts. Uh, u. Here on
Privy, those are interesting. And those
perhaps are maybe their own show, maybe bonus
bonus episode. But here on m. Privy, we
are specifically concerned
(02:57):
with those. Those strange
Christmas traditions that are
concerned with the bathroom or find
themselves in many ways very bathroom
adjacent. These are the bathroom
adjacent Christmas traditions around the world.
And you know, the funny thing is here, you know what's
weird? You would
(03:19):
think that the list of
things that are both
a Christmas related and
b like deal directly
with the bathroom or poop would be an
incredibly short list.
But as we've seen in years past and as we
are going to continue to see this year,
(03:42):
it's not. You would hope that those
Venn diagram circles don't overlap, but it
turns out they do in some pretty big
ways. In years past we've
discussed everything from little men who sneak into
the nativity scene to moon everyone
and take a dump behind the stable, to a
(04:02):
log that poops gifts looking at you, to d
and all to people stashing
a, ah, Christmas fish in the bathtub and the
psychedelic qualities of reindeer urine.
We've been there and we've talked about so many
things here on privy
Christmas and I want to be,
I want to give you guys a little candid honesty here for a
(04:24):
second. Every year as privy Christmas rolls
around, I start to wonder am I going to find
it like is, is the
bathroom magicnna happen for this holiday
season? Am I going to be able to find the
weird bathroom related thing to talk
about? And,
and sometimes like
(04:48):
I think maybe this year is the one where
we're going to have to come up with something else to do for the
Christmas season. I mean, there's only so many stories
and so many myths and so many folk
tales that both deal with Christmas
and the bathroom. Right? Like that. How many? There's
only a few. Right,
Right guys? But I want
(05:11):
you to know that though one
day that might be in our future as a
part of our traditions on the show. I'm
here to tell you that it is not this
year. This year we
found another one. And this year we
need to talk about the kiantt
zaros.
(05:35):
Maybe you are like me and you are
fully into your adulthood and you've never
heard the term, let alone the idea of
anything called a kiant zaro.
The way the kiant zara are
described, or I believe they're called kicant
zaro. If there's more than one, it's one of those
fun fish. And fish are plural.
(05:58):
Well, this is colicontzaros and colicont
zaro. U uh, but the
way these are described and the way their name depicts
them are two very different things.
The name colicant zaros is
somewhat debated in its origin and where it
comes from. One less believed theory is that
(06:18):
it comes from the Greek coloss
And centaus or
kentaus, meaning a beautiful
centaur. Based on this
description, you would think these would be some
handsome and beautiful four legged humanoid
creatures. And it make.
If a centaur is beautiful,
(06:39):
is it the horse part of the centaur that is
beautiful or is it the human part
also? Are there women centaurs?
I, I feel like every time I see any, like
Harry Potter or like Narnia, you always read
about male centaurs. Maybe the women centaurs are
called something else. I don't know.
(07:00):
There's, there's people out there just screaming
that I this idiot, you
fool. Um, but they're
described as beautiful centaurs. If this
is the meaning of collei Kent
Zaros, we
digress. But the origin of the name is
usually contested and it's usually
(07:21):
believed that it comes more from the
Turkish caraconallo.
This literally means black or
dark bloodsucker. What did
he say? And as such, many
have even taken them to have a
werewolf or vampiric tendency.
Now I promise listener,
(07:44):
I, uh, know I teased Christmas witches at the top of
the show. I promise we are not getting
ready to do Christmas vampires
or Christmas werewolves.
Although might not
be the worst idea for our festive
holiday season.
Either way. The picture I have in my brain,
(08:06):
whether it comes from Kicantaros the
Greek or um, Carak
Conalos the Turkish,
the picture that I have in my brain
when I hear those words and the
definitions of those words and I begin to read about them
and the ones others have put into art and drawings
are nothing like a centaur of vampire.
(08:29):
Like both of those, both of those
translations, beautiful centaur
or you know,
black or dark bloodsuckr. As
we begin to describe these creatures, you're going to
hear that neither of those descriptions is
fitting and we have strayed
far from the course if this is how we want to portray
(08:52):
them. The thing is,
what these things look like, what the
Kiontzaros look like is not
exactly agreed on. Primarily
because these creatures are part of
the solstice or Christmas season
celebrations and traditions throughout much
of Europe and Anatolia, also known as Asia
(09:14):
Minor, because they are, they are
a part of such a wide variety of
cultures, solstice traditions and myths and
folklore. The stories about
them and the descriptions of them and
the origins that that they
uh, derive from are going to
vary as, as often as the culture
(09:36):
varies. The appearance of the
colicant zaros differs and
varies between the Greeks that draw these
little holiday weirdos, showing them to have kind of
like animal parts, they have like hair and
horse legs and boeks and they're
honestly like kind of fawnish looking. They're
(09:57):
giving big Mr. Tumness vibes.
You know, I think, I think on the regular, I think if,
if you rolled up to me I think if you rolled up
to me on any given Wednesday or Thursday
and you just rando found o me
you would find that I give
probably level two to level four
(10:19):
Mr. Tumness Vibes. I
aspire to give people Mr. Tumness
Vibhes. I think, I
think Mr. Tumness VibES is something we all ought to shoot
for in 2025. There's Mr. There
a person. There's what I want to say. A
person could do much worse than Mr.
Tumness. I'm just going to say it.
(10:42):
And to. To be giving off
the Mr. Tumness whole
justtick like oh
look, I'm a pranciful little goat man
that lives in the lives in the rocks. Like it's not
the worst thing. It's better than the like casually
homeless sititch that I usually got going on. You know
what I'm saying? But yeah, big Mr. Tumness
(11:04):
going on here. Maybe that's what Mr. Tumness really is
mil. Maybe the Narnia story
does take place around Christmas. Maybe Mr. Tumas was
a colleague on Zaros
fan theory M
Some cultures depict the Ki
(11:24):
Kzaros as huge
towering monsters. Others depict
them as small, tiny little impish
creatures that sneak into your home.
Some say that they are really
just small humans and are
depicted as such and are usually depicted
as being primarily male.
(11:48):
Others say that the Colleic k Zaros
are. Have. Have body parts that are
normal size and others that are
misproportioned to the rest of the body.
You know, you got little douggie collie kzaros. He's
just. He. He's totally normal
except for he's got like a rat size body and
like a machamp from Pokemon
(12:09):
sized arm and it's right where his tail is.
He's got a flippin muscle arm. Just
scorpion out his buttsole.
But butole don't. Not the
butthole. It's the tail. I don't know. The tail doesn't come
out this tail come out the butole. How
related is the tail to the butthole? It's for another
day.
(12:32):
Others depict the Ki k Zaros as
small black demon looking humans
with with long tails. In
many stories they vermin. They
stink, they smell real bad, they're
blind and they are said to spend
their days sitting underneath the earth.
(12:52):
Now, I want to note the primary sources
and the primary tales about the
Colicontzaros come to us from Greek
folklore. And in these stories,
the Greeks believe that the Colleic kzaros
live underground where they spend their
days, day in and day out,
sawing on the trunk of the world's tree that holds
(13:15):
the earth in place. They're
chaotic. They want to destroy the earth. You know,
classic Greek earth goblins. And to do
so they spend
353
days of the year saw on a big old
tree. We gotta grip rip this guy.
Ca chica. Oh, that was a good
(13:37):
one. Felt that one. You know,
maybe if we. I'm back. I'm
back to the orange vanilla. You know, maybe if we just gave
all the cai k zaros in the world just, just a, uh,
just an orange vanilla polar seltzer. Maybe they chill out
on the world's tree. Really. Just, just,
just muffin. The world's tree.
(14:01):
Y all remember the. Y'all remember the 12 days of
Christmas? Well, it turns
out that those days are a bit sinister than we thought.
And to really, to really
appreciate the heart of the Collei
Kzaros, we have to know a
little bit about the 12 Days of Christmas. The
12 Days of Christmas is a song about gift giving
(14:23):
in the 12 days of Christmas extends
from Christmas Day December
25th all the way to
January 6th. I
know, spooky, right? For
those who are or it
runs from the birth of Jesus Christ to the
epiphany of the Three Kings Day on
(14:45):
January 6th. And, uh, what I want to say is
for all of those people that are triggered that
my tree is still up in January,
I want you to hear this. Take
that. The 12 Days of
Christmas run December 25th to
January 6th. It is totally acceptable to have your
(15:05):
Christmas tree up in January.
Now, did I have my Christmas
tree up in November? Yes, of
course. Did I have my
Christmas tree up before Thanksgiving this year? Yes,
of course. Was it
because Thanksgiving was so late this year? Absolutely not. I would have.
Anyway, so let the
(15:28):
record show I'm not. I'm not sitting here hiding it.
It is totally acceptable and I would argue
ought to be normal to have your festive
holiday Christmas tree up for at least
two months. Should be normal. Enjoy it.
Now I got. Now I got a Christmas fake. And I know all the people out
there, they're going to be like, oh, you need to have a real tree. It's not a
(15:49):
real Christmas tree. Well, here I have a couple of things to say to you.
Saving Money not lighting my house on fire.
My allergies are a little bit better. So I uh,
got, I got a Christmas fake. It's great, it's
pre lit. I plug and play and everybody's happy.
It's all good. And, and it can be up for two months. I don't have
to buy a replacement tree halfway through. But these 12
(16:09):
days of Christmas in the song
the days are kept alive through gift giving and
singing and uh, see the Grinch'note on this.
But the 12 Days of Christmas
are uh, uh, I mean really you're getting a bunch of
strange gifts like truly they're wild. But these
12 days of Christmas are the days
(16:32):
where the Cayont Zaros are
allowed to come up from out of the
earth's depths to wreak
havoc on the people up topside.
Nothing says Merry Christmas or Joyous
Festivus or a whatever holiday like
a bottom dwelling Greek hobgoblin coming to the
(16:52):
earth's surface to a real tricky surprise
on you. And
this happens on Christmas day. Usually
right after they've spent all year trying to saw through the
trunk of the earth tree. They're allowed to come
top side and as a result step away from their
work for a little time. Take a little rest. The
Kiontzaros have earned a rest. They've been trying to
(17:14):
destroy the world for 353 days and they
get 12 days off. Dang it. And they're going toa use
them while on the earth. We
really get to the heart of why we need to talk
about these dudes in the show. Much
like jolly old St. Nick. I'm sure he isn't
mad at me anymore. Like Santa and I are good now,
right? We, we had a real good talk.
(17:37):
Santa and I had a good chat a couple years ago and Mrs.
Claus, you know, she set the record straight on a lot
of things last year it was good. It was good
and things are going great up north. And the
Goblins sneaked their way into a home
after, you know, on Christmas day
through open windows, doors
(17:58):
or in some cases sneaking down
chimneys. The real question, not uh,
is not worth thinking about is who
did it first? Like
who was the first one to slide their
backside down somebody's chimney? You know what I'm saying?
That'that what the kids are calling it these days. But
who? It's not as important to worry about
(18:21):
if the Collei Kzaros did it first or if Santa did it
first. Really what we ought to be to be
wondering is who does it better
and Then if they can find a way into your home,
the Colleic co zoros are going to pull all sorts of
nasty tricks on you. Some are
simple things like getting into the sweets,
snacking down all my Oreos and dogging down my ice
(18:43):
creams. Little runts, little pieces of
mother. Oh, I. If I
catch a colic k zaros just elbow deep in a
bag of. A bag of any of my checks or checks or
goodies'm I'mnna feed them
to my dog. Like
my dog's dumb and she won't eat them. But I'BUT I will
(19:03):
attempt it. I will attempt it.
They sneak down the chimney and eat my sweets. But yeah,
Santa's the problem. They'll get into all sorts of
mischief. They steal things, they'll move stuff. They'll
just. If they'll move your keys, they'll just grab your
keys and take them from one area to another and
just hide them. Just pure chaos so you
(19:23):
can't find stuff. Some
reports say that the Collei Kzaros will
quote, just lie. And if
they're lying to you, that would presume that you
are interacting and interfacing with these strange
folklori mythical creatures.
Some reports again say they're, they're lying. Other
reports have them tormenting you,
(19:46):
serving you, you know, like stuff that
is just tormenting to the soul. Like
serving you tea instead of coffee or giving you
a brown sugar cinnamon pop tart when you asked for
mixed berry or strawberry. We'like
taking the tep off the roller and setting it
just out of arms reach on, um, the floor.
(20:07):
Taking the bathroom. Oh,
oh, you know the Collicont Zaros are going to yank the
bathroom mat anywhere in the months of November,
December, January or February. Here's the
deal. And I know, and I know I, I know I got
a little bit on this last week, but
in the months of November to February, there
must be a bath mat below the,
(20:30):
below, below the toilet. There must be.
You have to keep the dogs warm. If you get up in
the middle of the night and to shotgun splatter the
buwl, you got to keep the dogs warm.
Torment. The term, oh, the Collicont Zaros are going to
torment me. That that idea seems a little too
vague. But none of that, none
(20:50):
of those reasons are why we're here. What puts these
Christmas goblins as, as the
star of our episode is some of the antics they get up to
are very bathroom related.
One of the call. One of the reports tells
of the Collic k Zaros quote, peeing into
your drinks and urinating into your
(21:11):
holiday cooking.
So that sucks. You know, if I walk
in the kitchen and I got a little hobgoblin, just it's
got his we wiener out peeing into my soup,
I'm gonna be very upset. And that's just the
start. Imagine if you will put, put
on your imaginary think little thinker cap
(21:31):
here instead of Santa, jolly old
St. Nick on Christmas day. And for 12 days
following, you had a small impish
goblin sneaking in, takes a fat leak in your Christmas
stew or whatever you got brewing.
Where did this come from? Like
who sat down and saidmm m. Oh. Oh yeah.
And they steal your keys. Oh, that's good. Oh, and sometimes
(21:54):
they'll lie to you. Oh, that's great. Oh, and I know, let's
have them take a fat wee right into the
Christmas dinner.
No, no, Dave.
For, for goodness sake, Dave.
Every time we pitch a new folklore idea, they
don't have to pee something, you know, they don't have to
(22:17):
peer poop. It's fine. Like,
like was people's bakes and sweets randomly
coming smelling out like you'reine mid Christmas.
And they're like, uh, oh, I don't know what happened. It really
smells like pee. Like my fruitcake really
smells like somebody team rocket blasted off a fat urine
stream into it. I. I bet it was. Oh,
(22:38):
oh gosh. I bet it was those
rascally Cali Cant Zaro. Right guys?
Yeah, I, I don't suck at
baking. It's probably those guys, right guys? You
guys seen them? You've heard that? That's. This
is the least of it. Much like
Santa depositing a lump of coal into a bad kid
(22:58):
stocking. Which nowadays that could be worth
something. First of all, that colal could be worth something. But
these guys, the Collei Kzaro,
are just dropping a fatty in the sack.
Fatty in the sack. Tmtmtmtm
Name of m. Name of me every time I go camping. Fatty
in the sack. Uh, and I know I've joked a few
(23:20):
times about Santa leaving a little special brown
bag deluxe in the bad kids stockings,
but it's a joke. Like
Santa, if you're listening, and I know you're listening,
it's literally in the song.
He hears you when you are sleeping. You
know what? Actually Santa, can you chill the frick out? I don't
(23:41):
want you to hearing me when I sleeping. First of all, I know I fart.
Second of all, uh, I mouth breathed. So like don't listen
to that like and don't look at me.
Don't look at me, Santa. You sick freak.
I'm Santa. I'm sorry. You''a very nice
man. Your wife's nicer, but
you're a very nice man.
(24:02):
But, like, don't poop in the bad kids
stockings. Even though
the bad kids don't respect their parents and
they have vape at school and they call their
teacher the F word, don't poop in
their stockings. Like, I know that it would
be totally warranted and it would make
perfect sense to drop the fattest stack
(24:25):
in the bad kids stockings. Like, and I
know that if a person did that, they would be totally
justified. They would be celebrated.
But even though it is it
in all senses of the idea, all the bad
kids having fat turds
dumped into their stockings. Sounds good.
(24:45):
We should not do it. So,
yeah,
Santa, leave the stocking
stuffing to the Greek Christmas
goblins. This is truly
deviant. They pop up, they ruin your food,
they defecate all of your Christmas cheer and make the place
(25:05):
smell weird. What? What a bunch of
jerks. Should be noted,
there's a number different types of ki
kzaro. 1. The
catachnas can't stop eating. They just, they're
just pac man gobblin up all your food. They
can't get enough eats anything in sight.
And they stink while they do it. It's like they eat and they're
(25:28):
farting while they do it. The Mearas have a
big fat drum like belly that leaves terrible filthy
smells all over people's food. They're just ripping
ham. They're just fully passing beef
all over your food. You heard a pink eye. If
these guys got a hold of your pillows, you have pink eye for sure.
100%. The
mantraucose the chief. Stocky, short
(25:49):
leg, clumsy, ugly and dangerous to no one.
He hides away all day and night and goes out and
teases women. It's kind of a. He's kind of a
pig, you know, it's kind of a man ho.
You know, like he's, he needs to chill out. He's take a
cold shower, a little polar plunge, chill him out.
Next is the KSA Mecedes. These are all
types of ki k zaro, by the way. Um,
(26:12):
cops. Co cops. Some mecedes is
like a lame hunchback with the weakness for pancakes and honey.
This sounds like my type of dude. Like,
just describe me in my mid-60s hunchback with a
mean, uh, desire for pancakes and
honey. Heck, I'm halfway there
now. Sign me up. This guy and I
(26:32):
could hang if this guy wants to come on over.
Pancakes and honey. Worst case
scenario, I gotta make extra the
malipera. If housewives forget to make sure
lids are on pans, the Malapura will grab that
chance to urinate all over what's cooking. So cover your
cooking, ladies. Men. But it says
(26:53):
waies. It says housewives.
Call of Volnus is a long as
is quoted as being as quote uh, along as
a string of macaroni. He has a tail that ends in an
arrow and can pass through keyholes, sievess
and colander holds. He is extremely agile and
fast in his movements.
Pioritus has a long soft nose like an
(27:16):
elephant. He shows up shortly before the rooster growows and has
a talent of mimicking people's voices. He's over here
just doing impressions at 3am Just. Just
an absolute annoying son of a gun.
Catsipeds or Meg or
Megas Calicnaros is a goat foot.
Goat foot and he's the boss. He's vicious,
(27:36):
miserable, rude, lazy and bald with goat legs. Not a
pretty picture. He is the one that people
picture when they think of Kic k zzar. One
of them looks like a big old frog. One of them
has weird like bottom teeth
that hang over his lips. He likes to make fun of
priests, so that's kind of fun. And these
delineations seems kind of
(27:58):
senseless and more just like their variance
on the same thing. But yeah, the two
to watch out for. The ones that are peeping or
peeping, there's a peeper in there, you know what I'm saying? But
the ones that are peeing and pooping all over your food, maybe the one that's going to
fart in your cheerio is like you don't want him around. You keep him in
here. The good news though
(28:19):
is the Collei Kzaros, they only
wr wreckak this Havoc for the 12 days of
Christmas. That is because on
January 6th they are forced via
the sunlight somehow to return to the
center of the earth where they will have to start anew. Um, on
sawing down the wood world tree.
And spoiler alert. In those 12 days off,
(28:41):
the world tree has repaired itself and it's back to
normal. That's good,
I suppose. 12 days of stinky Christmas is a
small pie to pay to save the world.
But just as these little little fart goblins
exist in myth, as with all unwanted mythical
and folklore creatures, there's always a way to
ward them off and keep them at bay.
(29:06):
This year, if you're worried about the Ki
kzaros. Taking a fat deuce in your stocking or
farting all over your breakfast cereal.
Here's some ways to keep them away from your
home. The first is you can set a
colander on your doorstep. Pretty smart, right?
The reason that you want to set a colander on your
doorstep is not so you don't look like a crazed mushroom
(29:29):
smoking lunatic. It's because the
goblins you see the kicant zaros, they
can't count past the number two.
And so when they see the colander, how many holes
does a colander have? 1.
2. Oh sweet lord and heaven. What
do I do? I've hit a number that I can't utter.
(29:49):
It should be noted. It's not that the Collei Kant
zaros don't understand the concept of a number
past 2. They understand that the numbers go past
2 rather, because the number 3
is viewed as holy. They believe that to
utter the number would be to doom
themselves to destruction. So
yeah, colanders are a big line of defense. Here
(30:14):
you can paint a black cross on your doorstep. Though I
doubt this is part of the Greek culture. Maybe part of the
later Christianized or maybe Greek Orthodox defense against
these little little crap goblins.
Burning a smelly shoe in the fire or burning something
stinky in your fire pit to keep them from coming
in. This method is noted ties these creature
(30:34):
creatures to the later idea, uh, of the
Norse yule and yule log and yule
tide. They don't like the sun and run
away and hide when it comes out. Seems pretty easy
to defeat. Like keep your stews
covered and check your
stalking before you just go elbow deep into it.
(30:54):
How do they count past two to stay above
ground for the 12 days of Christmas?
Maybe it's a movement of the sun thing. Kind of how my dog
knows it's Sunday even though she can't
count. It should also be noted
many cultures have a variant of these goblins.
In Serbian folklre they're called the
caraconza where it'll jump on the back of
(31:17):
citizens walking in the dark on the 12 days of Christmas
and hitch a ride to wherever the person's going to
go. They do not treat
adulterers well either. They do not like
adulterers. In Bulgaria, they are more demonic
and seem to come out any time of the year. As such, they have
customs called the kuer to scare them
away. In Albania, these
(31:40):
are undead zombie
goblins, zomlins who move
about in January and clang about in iron
chains. To me this is
a sounding A lot like the Ghost of Christmas
past, you know, in the
thing. Oh, and by the way,
if your kid was born on one of those
(32:02):
12 days, uh, the 12 days of Christmas, or if
your kid was born on Saturday, they could
possibly become a Collei Consaros.
Born on Saturday. I've been making that
joke for a while, and it turns out has some
standing in this culture. These 12 Days
of Christmas perhaps would
(32:22):
be better off as the 12
days of Kiantzaros.
On the 12th day of creepy
Goblin Christmas, my enemies
gave to me 12 courts
of peup, 11 months of sawing,
10 stinky goblins, nine
(32:42):
origin stories, eight hours of darkness,
seven honey pancake, six stolen candies,
five stalking turds,
four small black crosses, three scary
numbers, two stinky fire shoes, and, uh,
a callander on my
doorstep.
(33:06):
Just a thought. Maybe a regional variant,
but what's the connection?
Does how does this sneak into the
solstice in the Christmas culture? If only.
If only we had a
large man who was also
proficient at sneaking into people's houses,
(33:27):
who also liked to leave things behind,
who could give the Ki Kant Zaroy a, uh,
purpose and maybe give them a means by which
they can do good, such as making toys
or taking care of the reindeer. And
he could give them a place to live where there
is less sun, maybe one of the,
(33:47):
you know, poles of the earth
somewhere. And perhaps
while they're there, they could live under an ice
cave or wherever the elves live. I, uh,
mean Collei Kant Zaro. Did I say that out loud?
Next time you set up your elf on a shelf, think about it being
a goblin on a noblin. You know what I'm saying? There's nothing
(34:09):
great that rhymes with goblin. I shot
my shot. We do it. We do all sorts of things here,
but with this theory in mind are the elves.
Do the idea of Christmas elves
possibly have some ties to
the Colecont Zarro? The
Greek Turd Goblins
(34:31):
of Greek Christmas.
That'll bring us to the end of another episode of Privy. Thank
you guys so much for being here as always. Don't forget to
leave us a rating or review. The five star options are pre. You can leave
that review on Apple podcasts or Spotify podcast
for every rating and review you leave. Will donate some money to the Wounded
warriors and Living Water International as a
(34:53):
reminder to keep pooping in the free world. This free world
was not always free. And there are parts of our
world who have less access to clean water than we do.
As a reminder to pursue cleaner water for all
you can send us an email privycastmail.com follow
us on social media @privycast. On all
social media, you can follow me. I'm at Al at 7.
(35:14):
If you're bold and daring, uh, you can follow Randy
Bolls at Randy Bowls on Instagram to check out those Randy
Bowls. Uh, send us episode suggestions, comments,
feedback'concern if you want to be a part of the show,
if you have something you want to pitch, if you want to. If you have
your own podcast and you want to like, do a little tradesy
Swapsy, I would love to have you on Privy.
(35:35):
Shoot me an email
privycastmail.com we'd love
to hear from you. This brings us to the end
of another episode of Privy. Thanks to Kevin and Poddington
and all the other places that we got our cool sound effects and
intro and outro songs. You can check them out in the Ding
Dong below. Go look at those. Thank you all
for being here. Keep pooping in the free world. Own
(35:56):
your stank, wash your butthol. And uh, now
as always, don't forget
to flash.
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