December 21, 2024 • 40 mins
Crystal meth doesn’t just steal lives; it rewires them. In Part 1 of this gripping series, Hanz Gustafsson reveals the brutal realities of addiction and how he began his journey back from the brink.
Hanz Gustafsson doesn’t hold back in this brutally honest first part of a two-episode series. Once caught in the destructive grip of ice (crystal methamphetamine), Hanz takes us deep into the world of addiction, revealing the peer pressure, spiraling dependencies, and devastating consequences that come with it. He shares his experience as a user and dealer, the moment he hit rock bottom, and the path that led him to prison, where his story took a life-changing turn.
Hanz explains the addictive nature of ice, the mental toll it takes, and how it rewires the brain, creating a vicious cycle of dependence. His vivid storytelling gives a raw look at the highs, the paranoia, and the lasting damage that left him at the brink.
This episode is a dedication to families and loved ones who’ve struggled to support someone facing addiction. Hanz’s incredible transformation reminds us that there is a way out. Stay tuned for Part 2, where he reveals how he broke free and rebuilt his life into one of health, purpose, and positivity.
If you or someone you know needs help, support is available 24/7 through Alcohol and Drug Support (1800 177 833).
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to Pure Grit with Paula McGrath. If you search
the word grit, you'd see that it means to have courage,
show strength of character, passion, and perseverance. Throughout the series,
paul chat to guest from all walks of life who
have shown pure grit to get to where they are now.
(00:24):
Paula Paula, yeah, look, he it looks fine. I've done
the intro, so ready for you to talk now? Yeah,
you do your talking things.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
This podcast is a little bit of a dedication episode,
which I haven't done for a while, but this is
dedicated to all the families affected by perhaps a drug
addicted child, a friend, or even a parent, or a
brother or a sister. Welcome to another episode of Pure Grit.
My guest today, I have finally found I have been
(00:55):
wanting to find the right person to tackle this sub
and the right guest since I started Pure Grit. I
wanted someone that could be honest and raw and approach
this subject of drugs. This guest, who is certainly an
authority on this subject. He is a reformed by a
saddict also drug dealer who actually ended up in jail,
(01:17):
of course, but with so much pure grit and resilience
and determination. He was able to come off cold talk Turkey.
You should see him now. He's super fit. He's like
the kung fu master. You should see He's handsome, he's
just amazing. He's like super fit. It's incredible. It's an
incredible story. He's completely turned his love around. I can
(01:39):
actually see a movie coming out about his life, like truly.
Let me just say put that out there, because you'll go, yeah, yeah,
I heard him on Pure Grit. I know him. I
know him anyway. He's living proof that you can get
yourself clean. We've had many conversations over coffees and breakfasts.
I'm actually proud to say he's become a friend. And
(02:04):
I want to really welcome to Pure Grit Hans Gustaff
and Gustaffs and welcome Hans.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
Hey, Paul, thank you so much for the intro. It
was quite lovely.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Oh. I just you know, Hans, I'm so glad to
have met you. As I as I said in my intro,
I've really really looked for the right guest. I've never
I've never found the right person to tackle this subject
of drugs like I just haven't and I put it
out there, so obviously whenever I put it out to
(02:37):
the universe, it's finally come come to me because I
actually have some friends close friends, and I have witnessed
someone myself in the past being on ice years ago
when I lived overseas, so I haven't had anyone to
actually ask the hard questions too. And then I met
you and just by chance through through another friend. It's
(03:01):
been amazing how we've met and we've had many conversations,
and I think that you're going to help a lot
of people, Hans. I think that your story is one
that you know. Not many people come on the other
side of this insidious drug, like you are living proof
that you can do it. And I think this is
(03:23):
a it was pure grit you did it because just
start by telling everyone, like where did you grow up, Hans?
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Where did you grow up with me?
Speaker 4 (03:33):
I was firstborn, you know, I was born in the Philippines,
so I'm half a Filipino Swedish.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
That's why you look like Bruno Mars.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Too much.
Speaker 4 (03:46):
No, just it's an interesting mix where when I tell
people my background and most people look at me and
try to figure where it is. And when I tell
them the Filipino Swedish mix. It's like a bit of
like a hybrid mix. And from they're just being born
in the Philippines, And how did the best explain it?
So I was, I grew up in a you could say,
(04:06):
in a rough area and at the time, my mom
was Filipino and my dad's Swedish.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
So my dad was like around the world, travel around
for work, prospective mines and so forth.
Speaker 4 (04:15):
And through that process, I was living with my mom
and I got a younger brother in the Philippines.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
And for the first couple of years it was a
bit a bit rough.
Speaker 4 (04:25):
And each time I my father came back and I
came back a few months, I was very quite shy and.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
Didn't not intact with him.
Speaker 4 (04:33):
And from there, just as ys went by, he began
to notice that he wasn't an efficient like a good
place for me, like pre standard to live. And there's
been like several several incidents there. And there was like
a sequence of events where I'll give you an example.
So it was one like one arter noon I was
with you know, I was around, I was just sitting
(04:54):
on my dad's shoulders, you know, and we're just walking
through like just the main area and we'll walk down
the set of stairs and there was a bunch of
two bunch of guys came up, ran behind him, grabbed
his world out of his back pocket and ran And
from there, all I would recall was me just sliding
down and smashing my head on the on the pavement
(05:16):
on the stairs, and I was pretty much like consciously,
like semi unconscious.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
But I see I remember just seeing him just chasing.
Speaker 4 (05:23):
These guys down the stairs and there's his note and
Mundy flying everywhere like in the air, and you just
see every like all the other four pit Filipinos all
running in trying to grab all the.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
Bits of notes.
Speaker 4 (05:33):
So had these like sequence events, and I remember that
particular event is that's where he made it like a
decision to relocate us to Australia.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
How old How old were you.
Speaker 4 (05:44):
I was at that time when that happened. I was
about all four years old, I believe.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
So you moved out to Australia at what age?
Speaker 3 (05:55):
The age four to five?
Speaker 2 (05:56):
A thought? And you so you started school in Australia.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
On the show?
Speaker 4 (06:00):
Yes, So what happened from there? Just my dad, like
he's been around the world throughout his whole life, and
out of all the places that had been he said
a show was the best place for just put perfect
conditioning and he wanted to bring bring kidnaps and in
a better environment.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
So that's why I really like added us to the
Sunshine Coast.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
You moved to the that's where you moved to the
Sunshine Coast?
Speaker 3 (06:21):
Yeah, Sunshine Coast? Yes?
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Wow? And so where did you go to school from there?
Speaker 3 (06:26):
Because this is I believe this is in nineteen ninety five.
I think it's where I started.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
So I was there, I think towards end of like
nineteen ninety four, and a few months later started grade one.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
So that was I went to a primary school called
Star Marts.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Oh yes, yep, and I have some friends that went there.
Speaker 5 (06:44):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Good school, Yes, good school.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
So he went there. And then what about high school?
Speaker 3 (06:50):
High school?
Speaker 4 (06:51):
So I went from there, I graduated and went to
think or called Siana Catholic College.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Yes, yes, yes, okay, he went. So he went to schools.
So where what? So did you finish school hunts?
Speaker 3 (07:05):
Yes, yes, I did.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
You finish year twelve? Okay? So so where where did
life take you?
Speaker 3 (07:11):
Once? You?
Speaker 2 (07:11):
You know, you went to good schools? Your dad and
mum provided you to go to good schools. Where did
your life take a turn from there? Well? Yeah, but
how did you get to going to good schools to
get to drugs?
Speaker 4 (07:27):
Like?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
How where did you.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
So from that?
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Like?
Speaker 3 (07:30):
How could I have explained?
Speaker 4 (07:31):
So it sort of start off with during my schooling
years because math the background, you know, just from an
Asian background coming to Australia like and what was actually
found interesting was the fact that what hard was I
didn't take anything away from my parents, but just I
didn't English wasn't my first language, so like a dialogue
and from then moving to Australia and starting within a
(07:55):
few months, just throwing straight into grade one. So I'm
like just sitting in class, have absolutely no idea what's
going on. And you know, I was just a kid
death I didn't know any better, and sitting there and
everyone speaking in English and I didn't understand. So for me,
it's I like a coping mechanism, Like I went into
my own imagination world and I stayed there predominant my life.
(08:15):
And where I'm trying to get at is the fact
that kids saw me as different. I didn't know how
to interact, so I was socially awkward as a kid,
so I was heavily bullied.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Oh were you at school?
Speaker 4 (08:28):
Yes, And it was kind of timidat I was a
very shy kid, awkward, and I just didn't know how
to get along with anyone.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
And this, you know, at the time, you know what
was happening, I didn't realize how much.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
It had affected me. And from there I spied, like
you know, just stand alone depression. And I always didn't
like going to school. I always like to be in
my own little imagination world, you know. I had like
a fashionation of like playing video games and watching like
Power Rangers and superhero movies.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
And all that, just as a kid.
Speaker 4 (08:56):
And you know, and itventured off to like my father
decide to, you know, take me into do martial arts.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Charated to do some form of self defense.
Speaker 4 (09:05):
So I went through it did like this, a bit
of martial arts, you know, for like throughout my primary
school and a little bit into and.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
From there just.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
How could I first explain this? So just from there
I sort of like getting myself a little bit out there.
So I did interact with kids and during this process,
like the last bit of high during my high school years.
Was I went from when I've been shy and I
didn't really know how to interact and me to learn
how to interact with kids was I had to like
do some stupid things or like do things to get attention.
(09:37):
And that's me a form of like to get myself
out there and interact with kids. I had to do
something like that causes attention. And I was like an
attention seeker, you know, causing which you know got me
into a lot of trouble. Now, I think it was
a great tandler like was it suspended twice and oh my.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Gosh, yeah, so you're trying You're being sort of like
there was a reason why you were acting out. You
were trying to get attention.
Speaker 4 (10:00):
Yes, yes, And you know from then I think that
this is where I think it was a big changing
moment for me there where it was during that time
which was very like a people like an interesting moment
where during the great that period where I got suspended
the handing out forms of work experience for Brad Levendy
after and you know, I wanted to get into like
(10:20):
engineering and that and and during that during that sequence
where when I was suspended, I didn't get there still
out the form. I was just sitting at the office
and one of the teacher board days walks past and
mentions to me that, you know, I saw haven't done
a work experience for him, and I said, I want
to do engineering, and he said, oh, everything's all been taken.
There's only fitness industry. And at that time I didn't.
(10:43):
I didn't, I have no idea. I was like, I
was like, all right, they just put me in that,
and not realizing that time a point where that following
me one, you know, I did a work experience to
a gym, and that was the first big transformation I
went through. So I went from this shy little Asian
kid doing attention seeking, just playing video games and so forth,
(11:04):
and you know, and then getting bullied, and then from
there just when the gym and then started training and
next thing, you know, my body became just like transformed
real quickly. And from there, like the kids my gray
looked at me is different and like.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Because you started getting.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
Really fit, really fit phys changed massively. Number of kids.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
You know, I saw it, and you like, you know,
from that towards end of high school, I was really fit,
you know, like I played rugby to playing all the
different sports and so forth, and it was you know,
that's that was like the first time I can say
like I've got sort of confidence within myself, like that
I can do it. I was so used to just
getting bullied all the time, accepting like just all that.
(11:43):
And you know, at the end of the day, like
as much as I didn't like it, that I do
highly appreciated and reason why his pictures he made the
person who I am now today, and those for the kids,
they're like, I don't blame any of them. They didn't
know any better.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
No, no, and.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
Most a number of them coming and like over the
years have come and apologize to me, you know, which
is great. But you know I said, like I don't
take anything personally. It was just something that you know,
I think kids just go through.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
So yeah, you don't hold any grudges to bullies, which
I don't accept bullying, Like I just don't think bullying,
you know, it's so damaging harms And I can imagine
what you went through because you would have been you
were like you were different, that's all it was that
you were different. So so when you left school, what
(12:32):
did you do when you left.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
School from there just I O pursue the personal training.
So did that fitness course.
Speaker 4 (12:38):
And during this process is where my father like plays
big factor. He was like watch like like here, like
here of my life. You know, this is like most kids,
your dad's like your hero. And during this moment is
when I started developing different characteristics, obviously just from going
from like a nerd, it's a really fit guy, and
(12:58):
then it's you know, started it's a little bit of
the head and I started rebelling towards it, and me
and him have a bit of a discrepancy where you know,
just me being a teenager. And from there my dad
was like very like just a good human being altogether,
Like he used to what is it to us? Used
to tell me a lot of good morals, good ethics,
and just tell me a lot of.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
Things just to be a good human being in general.
Speaker 4 (13:20):
And at that time I didn't understand and and me
just being reversed and that and from there and during
that sequence my dad was he owned a taxi business.
And during this period after he finished Bastles where he
like the following year than two thousand and eight, he
suffered on the stroke but which you know, he almost
you almously. He was unfortun he was driving tax when
(13:41):
it happened. He almost lost his life, but luckily he didn't.
And during that process where I watched him over the
next year just couldn't drive, and watched him deteriorating, and
you know, and this is where it was sort of
like in talking terms, and from there, this is where
everything what little went out of control. So for me
from being a no kid to you to fitness for
(14:04):
that like fitness and from there just how can it explain?
Speaker 3 (14:10):
So my dad, it was just this very unfortunate event.
Speaker 4 (14:13):
So during the time when he was just getting himself
back together, he managed to get his license back.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
They took his broke his license because obviously he did
the concerning factors.
Speaker 4 (14:23):
And from there just you know, this is back in
two thousand and nine where you know he was there
was an incident. I was speaking to him in the
afternoon and you know, like two hours later, without even realizing,
he was on top of bud room and it was
it was a place called beef.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
He's just getting a pie, like he normally goes there
all the time.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
And from there just he goes out and then he
crosses the road and this is like a raining afternoon,
and you know, there was a lady there and she
didn't she was driving, and you know I didn't see him,
and it was just something. And then the next sequence
was he was just that collided and you know my
dad passed from that from that scene.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Oh no, hands, So he got hit by car.
Speaker 3 (15:04):
Yeah, he got hit by car.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
Yes, that's so sad. So yeah, I was just I
didn't know that about your dad.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Hands, That's that's all right.
Speaker 4 (15:14):
I was perfect form, happy to share the story as
part of join and who about who I am today?
Speaker 2 (15:19):
So did that then? Make? That would have been really
hard for you.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
It was very horrific. I was only I think eighteen
at the time.
Speaker 4 (15:26):
And yeah, you know, we'll started to build a good
relationship from there back again and see him in the
three in the afternoon. And then I was a friends,
older friend's barbecue and you know, you know, get to
get a phone for my mom around like six, and
she was crying. Couldn't understand that from there, she just
you know, I can understand. And then some other lady
(15:48):
picks up the phone and saying, we we need to come,
we need to come see you now, and so forth.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
And I was.
Speaker 4 (15:53):
I gave him the address and you know, one day
locked up, it was my brother in his CAFC uniform,
two police officers at the door, and basically it just
told me that my father just was an accident and
he didn't make it.
Speaker 5 (16:07):
And it was it was like very casual, and I
was standing there just when that moment, I just stood
there and you know, I looked to my eye had
to like all my friends just standing it all just speechless,
you know, like that's just something you don't.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Hear every day.
Speaker 4 (16:23):
From there, just you know, went down and I had
to and then by eight o'clock I had to I
was the one that had to identify his body. And
you know, it was I was probably one of the
hardest moments of life.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
And you know, and that that.
Speaker 4 (16:34):
Secret of us, that's where things sort of like one
in a big spiral downhill from there.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Wow. So that that's that was a major turning point
for you in what you just then started to rebeld,
did you from.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
Yeah, just from there just pain. There was a lot
of pattern understanding.
Speaker 4 (16:53):
It just came into this world and you know, I've
been bullied and stuff and trying to get my head
around what's going on and and try trying to figure
out and you know, my dad just was a big
moment in my life and.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
And this happened and from there, it's just this is
something I like.
Speaker 4 (17:11):
I like it was very strange at the time, but
I didn't know this would actually be a big factor.
Is like, there was a moment, you know where we
had like an open casket and that period where I
walked in and everyone was in there, and I told
everyone to, you know, just to leave so I could have.
Speaker 3 (17:27):
A moment with me and him, you know and together.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:31):
Yeah, And this is like this is where like it
was very like very profound moment. I could almost remember it,
like as it just happened like a moment ago. So
it was like standing there with like an open casket,
his head to my left and speed to the right,
and just standing there and I was just just in
such a confused moment, and you know, just kind of like.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
Like, what what the hell happened here?
Speaker 4 (17:56):
And I just yes, you just seeing afternoon and gone,
We're gone, and it's just like and I'm like, what
am I supposed to do? And you know, this is
where I had all these flashion secrets, events where of
my mind sort of like just thinking about like well,
he's saying, you just all these memories and stuff he
used to tell me, you know as a kids, saying,
be a good person, human being. So I said, look
(18:17):
all right, well, I said, look, I'll make a promise
to you, you know, and I'm grabbing his hand, holding it,
you know, close to my to my heart, like chest
and heart, and I said, look, you know, since you
brought me to this world and and I don't understand
why you sent all his messages to me, but look,
I'll make a promise to you know, so they'll make
two hours.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
I said, look, I'll climb on the top of something
and you make a.
Speaker 4 (18:37):
Good impact and so forth, and then the second one
make and change the world for a better place. You know.
That's you make a good emotion of impact, you know.
And that's about made to him. And at that time,
and it was it was like very strange moment. I
could just feel like something that was a strong presence
of him there and.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
And from there just not and move and my life
went on.
Speaker 4 (18:59):
And this is where now for me, where just st
of things started slow spoked.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
Just from there I started started drinking because.
Speaker 4 (19:07):
I don't normally drink, started drinking drinking and there's farting
from there and just causing a massive scene. And you know,
this call led to me to I got done at
the time. This is when pea plates came out, like
during like that like two thousand periods where and I
had my pea plates and I was I drank drive
(19:28):
and I getting done for d u y and I
think in that period was I think I blew pretty
much at that I think that was the highest the
peoplelate history at that time. And that's like that was
like the downpoint where my life was just getting miserable.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Just I couldn't process it.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
I didn't have it was grief.
Speaker 4 (19:46):
I didn't have time to grieve nothing, you know, just
when that happened, I just manned up and held everything
in and did the whole process and didn't have a
chance to probably agrieve and all that. And from there
it slowly led to like I was drinking hicks O
caol and then from there I moved to was it Brisbane.
I was working at a gym in the valley fitness first,
(20:08):
and this is where like it's things went went really
out of control for me where you know, at the
time you.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Were in the valley. That's when it all the valley.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
Scene, this is where it all went really insane. So
just where when the valley I.
Speaker 4 (20:23):
Saw, you know, our bodybuilding, and he was it was
unreally he was the most like massive miss Australian and everything,
unreal physique and so forth. And just from there he
just asked. I went up to him and asked him.
I said, look, I said, wow, look man, you know
I'm real phenomenal. We'll look at you and so forth.
And he goes and just he just looks at me
(20:44):
and just goes, just jump on, mate, just just jump.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
On, jump on, jump on one. I'm like, what what
do you mean, Just just get on and get on
the test. Get on the test.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Brother.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
You know, I was like, what like the steroid, yeah, sterois.
Speaker 4 (21:01):
And this is the time with me, I was just training,
you know, I was very fit and slim, but nothing
like big wise and and at that time I was
like I was all right, well, and then I went
and got my blood blood test done and and I
had like I actually had latch to know that low
level actual like low level tests astral and I was like,
oh was that.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
Was that the first drug that you ever had. Really
testosterone's just steroids is a bit different to.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
So now at that time, just yeah, I got on
the so there, I got like.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
You on the juice as they say.
Speaker 4 (21:37):
Yeah, and you know, within a few weeks, just like
like I just transformed like there was no tomorrow. And
I remember just going to the gym and everyone looking
at me just but but that was the most interesting
part was my upper body grew, okay, but it was
(21:58):
what what spun everyone out was my legs.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
Molly just went absolute next level.
Speaker 4 (22:02):
Man, it just looked just exploded, like and everyone saying, like.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
A new sense of confidence even more so.
Speaker 3 (22:11):
So yeah, that's what that's from there.
Speaker 4 (22:13):
Just yeah, that's where it got to my head, you know,
from there and and I've done security and this is
where during the process is where I started taking drugs
because I was in the ballet scene.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
What was the first drug that you tried, you know,
like the party drug.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
Well, the first party drug I took was it's a
bit out there was everyone says, a bit extreme.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
I took it was LSD.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
So okay, that's like an acid.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
Is it. Yeah? That was my very first drug. I
took it.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
That's oh my god.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
You don't normally do that. You normally work off. You
started like m DBA or like, yeah, this is what
everyone normally does.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
I went straight to that and just that was a
really powerful moment that gave a massive shift. And yeah,
and then from there just I went from you know,
being a fitness fanatic, yeah two dad, and started taking drugs.
Speaker 3 (23:02):
This is the first time. And I was not I
think it was twenty two at the times, is what
I said.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
So you were young, Yeah, you're young, yep.
Speaker 4 (23:09):
And yeah, I just instead of like I was very
anti it for like for many years, and they used
to look at people and judge people for it. And
as soon as I took it, I felt the sensations
of like the you know, the feeling good too, which
you know, just it just altered your bay chemistry. You
just felt amazing and just the rush. Everything was just
beyond belief. So I went from that, I just dived
(23:31):
straight into it heavy, started taking drugs heavily, you know,
just obviously at the start, but just over time just
started increasing and.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Doing different drugs, like whatever was going.
Speaker 3 (23:43):
Different, Yeah, different drugs.
Speaker 4 (23:44):
You know, This is where I found interesting where I
got this. This is like where people were taking different
drugs all the time, pills, cocaine, yes, And during that
time they had like things like bath salts so that
like matho drone and bath alone and so forth. Then
they all there was stage where I'm knowing. I'm like,
this is where people.
Speaker 3 (24:04):
Saw me different. I was like, fuck, I was like,
he's sounds so amazing, like but I'm just saying, everyone
just just take this, this, this and that just and
you get cooked.
Speaker 4 (24:11):
And I watched certain people just they take your minds
and you just sitting in the corner like just like
dipping out and just and I'm like, no fun. I'm like,
you know, I think as we've taken them from there.
I did some research and and that's the way I
found an interesting way. I went, oh cool, man, if
I take like, you know, a bit of MDMA, it
takes sixty million games of MDMA. And then I said,
(24:31):
I take one another one like an hour later, you
can hit you double wheremy and then it ges if
you take me, if you're if you're if you're like
completely smacked out, I don't know what's going on.
Speaker 3 (24:42):
You have a line of concaine to like level you
out right. Yes, I used to do.
Speaker 4 (24:46):
I used to do like mixes and that, and they
used to like take different drugs and different things to
enhance depending what it is. And like a week a
week prior like to like a big festival, and this
is normally so normally for like a big, bigger, big events,
and only during that process I was not too like
festivals and hate time that way.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
I would take get some five.
Speaker 4 (25:08):
HDP which is like a serotonin boostole, and so week
before I would like at two hundred milligrams a day
and I'll have heaps and bananas as well to like
really loa your serotonin levels up.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
And then on the day of the festival when you
take it, when.
Speaker 4 (25:23):
You take mdmail or the drugs, it just slams you
twice as.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
Oh god, So what what I mean you tried you
got into ice? What what made you try ice for
the first time?
Speaker 4 (25:39):
So maybe twenty that was the one drug I found
it interesting. I didn't really take twol I think it
was two years after.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
And why because it wasn't. It wasn't it wasn't so
popular then, or it.
Speaker 3 (25:53):
Wasn't yet the city I was around, it wasn't really used.
Speaker 4 (25:56):
Right, I've seen here and there, but I didn't really
because I was like I was saying, other drugs. And
this is where I found interesting where my group of
friends close like a close circle, they started getting you know,
getting into it, and I looked at it and I
was like, I was like, fucking know how to try?
Speaker 3 (26:12):
And at first it didn't really agree with me?
Speaker 4 (26:15):
And then over time, like this is over the number
of year, let's just like further like further down the track, what.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
Does what does it make you? You know, you didn't
agree with you? What did it make you feel?
Speaker 4 (26:24):
Like?
Speaker 3 (26:24):
I don't?
Speaker 2 (26:25):
I just a sort for everyone listening, well, will be
like why do you try it in the first place?
Because you know everyone knows it's highly highly addictive, and
but you said it didn't agree with you.
Speaker 4 (26:38):
Okay, Now, well, from now I knew about the drug
and stuff just I see the effects and I said no.
But eventually in that group when when you're this is
where it comes down to you.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
You're in a peer You're in a peer group, in a.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
Peer group, and this is how it starts.
Speaker 4 (26:52):
You know, you see the drug there and usually okay,
but after a while, once you're in that environment when
you see it more and more and often, yes, friends,
and you know, they tried to just have one.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
You know, I just have one.
Speaker 4 (27:03):
They just keep going over and over and pick and
eventually and eventually you just this is like you know,
you just eventually bold and tried and and you know,
go from there. And then at first I didn't agree
with me because why is because they decided because it
was my first time taking ice, so they decided to
load up a big like a big like i'd say
(27:24):
probably two points like a lot in it in the pipe.
And I just went through the pipe and it just
it smacked me out. But it was because it was
they loaded so much. It put me like an exigoning
panic mode. So I was just like and then I'll
don't forget it. So this is where oh this is.
It was still still I can recall.
Speaker 3 (27:44):
So it's actually you just said.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
They loaded it up with two points.
Speaker 3 (27:50):
Whats that, my person?
Speaker 2 (27:52):
What's a point?
Speaker 3 (27:53):
The point is so one brands So one point is
one tenth of a gramd.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
So so it's really really powerful.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
Really powerful. Yeah, it's powerful. Normally you're supposed to we
have like a point half a point of something up
to a point.
Speaker 4 (28:08):
You know, they gave me like almost like two apply
this when you're mates, man, when they load you up
drugs that you do. It's a thing where they kind
of funny to like double dose it up, you know,
and you know a lot of cases okay, but like
sometimes the person might react differently and this happens. This
is why things go bad with like with drug incidents
where friends try and egg each other on to take
(28:31):
more or give me a hit, and you know they
want to don't want to smack him out, so don't
give like just.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Loaded up a lot more to get more.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
Yep, yes, and you know just that. I remember just
when I had it. I'll just it just came to paddick.
Speaker 4 (28:45):
I had anxiety to have my heartway through the roof
and I just just sit there just trying to breathe.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
And I was like.
Speaker 4 (28:50):
Oh, this is fucking intense, man, I can't like I
can't do it. You know, they're all laughing. And so
this is actually went and went to the like this
was at the Gold Coast at the time, and yeah,
and I just from there just I know, my calm
the body and you know, they end up we end
up taking took me, well, this is during this is
like like during the afternoon, like mid afternoon, and went
(29:13):
on like along surface and we're going through and I
think there was a it was a city beach at
the time, and I was just in panic mode, and
they wanted to go in the shop. So everyone's like
cooked on ice. And this is like two or three
in the afternoon in Gold Coast surface Paradise and just
looking at it go on a city beach. Everyone's tweaking
and with me, I was in panic mo just going
(29:34):
on my head. I couldn't because I'm nevertaining for my heads,
like spinning around. I said, I said, I'm looking for
like shoes to go out with. And I see a
pair of shoes like a shoe rack and I grabbed,
you know, trying to find the right size, and I
couldn't find it. And you know, I wasn't thinking at
the time.
Speaker 3 (29:49):
I just stuck my hand in and just.
Speaker 4 (29:51):
Just ripped everything find the right size and found the
right size shoe, and you know then you know, next moment,
I look on the ground and just shoes and everything's.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
On the war and and.
Speaker 4 (30:04):
Everyone the whole sources stand at me and I'm like
this I was just I was just tweaking out.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
Fuck, like this is too much, you know.
Speaker 4 (30:11):
That's and from now I was well, from there, I
was scarred from taking.
Speaker 3 (30:15):
I didn't take for another year or so. And and
then you.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
Never touched it again for a very long time.
Speaker 4 (30:21):
Because that was for a while because that because they loaded.
When when you load up like that much, it just
it actually scars you. But obviously mean in the world
like the drug world and stuff. You eventually made my
way through and started going more on the underground scene
and so forth. And that's where when you're in that
environment and seeing that every day.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
And you know, then you when you tried it again and.
Speaker 3 (30:47):
Again had a small amount.
Speaker 4 (30:49):
So I had like like like a quarter of a
point either like you know, just you know, crush it
up and you either rather it through your nose or
you just do it out of a pipe.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (31:00):
And from then it's feeling like it's you're like a
way you alert, you feel charged, energize, and you're just
here and press like just feel good, chatty, and and
it lasts it lasts like twelve hours, like you just
you're just wide.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
Yeah, but you weren't then you would wouldn't sleep because
you wouldn't be able to sleep.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
You can't.
Speaker 4 (31:19):
You don't sleep. You're just sitting there and you're like,
you know, I'll give you an example. So if if anyone,
like if you have the feeling of like a morning
where you had a good meal, you had a great sleep,
you went and done a few activities, and you just
you really really got on top of the world, Like
that's the feeling you have, and you're like that for
like twelve hours straight.
Speaker 3 (31:39):
So you have that high.
Speaker 4 (31:41):
So and what happens, and this is the why how
people get talked and addicted to it is the fact
that when you when you're in that state for so long,
it becomes your new norm. You knew, it's like your
new baseline, and so you start seeing that as your
new standard, new norm.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
So so then you look for them next as.
Speaker 4 (32:01):
You're winding down after like the twelve hours, you know,
just you're winding down and you start going through these
withdrawls and you go, fuck, you know, you start getting
your mootions got up and down and it's horrendous.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
You go, fuck, well I need it, I mean I
need another one. You know, you have another one?
Speaker 4 (32:16):
Bad up and you feel great again, and you know
that's another twelve out and then next thing, now you're
like a whole day, you're awake and you feel good
and then and then this is where the catch is,
where it's hard to come off. You just as you're
coming down, you're looking for your next hit. So if
you have some dog there, you can just keep going.
And it's it's hard to stop. When you start, you
(32:38):
can't stop. And a lot of people when they run out,
they're fine, and then they know in the next few
hours or when they're winding down, they get these withdrawls
and so forth, so they start going, fuck, you know,
I need to need this. And this is where they
start doing things you don't normally do, where you start
chasing your excise and you go see the dealer, ask
(32:58):
him if you can get edit on taking you pixure
them up later on or.
Speaker 3 (33:03):
This is where this is That's why.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
Sends people into crime, because they've got to steal or
whatever to get the money.
Speaker 4 (33:11):
This is where like this is where people aren't realized
where when you're in that state of mind on top
of the world and becomes a new baseline when as
you're coming down.
Speaker 3 (33:21):
You go you feel like you get death from It's
the worst. It's the worst feeling.
Speaker 4 (33:26):
You're just like you just go mentally insane and you go, fuck, well,
I don't want to go through this habit.
Speaker 3 (33:30):
I just go in, you know.
Speaker 4 (33:32):
And this is what people do, go and break and
enters and so forth and start selling things or doing
exchanges and so forth.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
Stealing from their families or whatever.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
It is.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
It is it expensive, like how.
Speaker 4 (33:50):
This is like back back then, like in the two
thousands and even where it was like it was, it
was it was like a thousand dollars a gramd wow,
And it seems like a.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
Lot of money.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
But if you have like you know, only there's like
quarterble point up to points it's twenty five one hundred
bucks and you're wired for like.
Speaker 3 (34:09):
Four hours.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Still that's like, you know, then they needed again and again.
So you know, obviously why there's such a massive prime
issue harms. At the moment, you probably understand than anyone
why there's such a prime issue. And we see crazy
drivers on the freeway going like not you know, getting
(34:30):
chased by the cops because they're just wired on ice, yes,
driving like you know crazy.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
So yeah, I'll take you through.
Speaker 4 (34:38):
So when you start taking it, you know it's good
at the time, great, But as you become using using it,
and what happens is your mind, because you're on a
high fucking massive stimular here, your mind.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
Like this starts doing like this fast and fast and
far like this to a point, and.
Speaker 4 (34:55):
Then when you start taking it, your mind stays like
that permanently. So this is why people starts having just
sorted thinking, started thinking extreme, just thinking really out there things.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
And this is where powering the way it goes. People
get powering their ways. That's free.
Speaker 4 (35:10):
It's just because your mind is saberly accelerated and you
start overthinking things. And then when you start people looking
at you different and so forth, you start you start
dipping out, start seeing things in different lights, and you
start to get this in a weird it's almost like
a you've got like a like the best way exten
you got like radio, Like you know, you've got radio channels,
like different radio stations, so like you got ninety two
(35:32):
point seven mix of them go from these different channels
and they all going at the same time. And so
once once you start taking ice, you just go on
this I just we just fought the ice channel. You
go down this ice channel where bag and you get
stuck on it. And this is why people get stuck
in psychosis, no ice channel, and just you.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
Start to seeing the world.
Speaker 4 (35:52):
And when you're walking out and when someone looks at
you and it's just like a normal look, you know,
someone just an acknowledgment or something something, you automatically think, Oh,
he's fucking stand up me. You know he's gonna.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
I've seen it.
Speaker 4 (36:07):
You start dipping out where you think like what fuck
these guys know like whatever it is. And this is
where people start thinking differently and and add a paranoid.
And when you're in that world with other ice addicts,
this is where the violence and stuff started coming in.
So when you're that so so they you sit there
and everyone's staring at each other and just coming up
with the own narrative stories in the head. And from
(36:28):
there they come up where he's going to rob me,
so you can have to hit the ice or side
swappy or whatever.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
PoID thought paranoid, And this is.
Speaker 4 (36:38):
Where people snap, where they go, fuck if I don't
if if I don't make a move, now move first,
They'll do it to me first.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
And this is how this is where the violence comes from.
So you did you spiral down into that rabbit hole
like where I've seen I've seen personally years ago when
I was living in Asia, someone who is a very
successful businessman spiled down to the to the rabbit hole
of ice. So I missed at firsthand, like scurrying along
(37:10):
the streets of Hong Kong like a yeah, sunglasses on,
looking over his shoulder, with all the all the friends
trying to save him, which you couldn't. You couldn't save
him because he had to want to save himself.
Speaker 4 (37:23):
Yeah, So once you go down that rabbit hole, it's
like it's basically like that ice channel is it is
where to see people to come out of it. And
it's just because when once you go on that channel,
that's all you see and you're permanently stuck in that
in that state.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
So you eventually how how long do you think that
you were taking ice for.
Speaker 4 (37:47):
You?
Speaker 3 (37:48):
So I was taking a probably I'll say two years.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
Wow, Yeah, because they you know, they say that like frequently, Yeah,
they say that ice puts holes in the brain, irreversible,
the whole damage in the brain, Like on how long
you use it? I guess I don't know.
Speaker 4 (38:09):
Well, I agree hundred percent. It's just I took a
fair I talk like I took a fair bit as well.
And just what it does is because when you go
on that prim channel, you really wise your brain, and
what happens is your brain actually starts breaking down because
you're not using it properly.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
And brain.
Speaker 2 (38:24):
You see people lose their teeth y you know they
have I think they got. I remember seeing my husband's
mate who got he had. He was like in the shower.
My ex husband tried to save his friend so much.
He was in the shower for like I'm not joking,
(38:45):
I don't know if he had had a shower for
so long. He was in the shower arms for so long.
Because he was saying that he would see the bugs
flying out of his skin. We're like, oh, well, I
don't know he was in that shower. Well, so yeah
that the bugs were just coming out of my skin
and I watched them and they were like, oh you
know like that. The mind was just this was someone
(39:07):
who had a brilliant mind gone, just gone. And then
it would be like he had this ran, he had
this crazy book of crazy writings. Matches Redhead matches like
I read it. I looked at I was like, what
was it? All this crazy writing, just all these crazy,
mad writings of a is addict, you know, like I
(39:28):
saw it firsthand. It was actually quite It's scary because
it wasn't it wasn't the man that I knew from
the years before. You know, it was like, wow, who
is this now, Like very very very hard for someone
to see a very close friend like that. But you
(39:48):
know then it would go, oh, here's my black gloves,
my black gloves I used to rob people with, you know,
like just all this crazy and I was like, oh, okay,
you like wow. You know that was my first dealings
with many many years ago, and that was in Asia
when yeah, I had never you know, I'd never heard
(40:10):
of it before. That's Part one with Hans. Please return
for Part two. Incredible story. He's incredibly honest. He talks
about how he got clean off ice and the other
drugs and how he got caught by the police and
him going to jail and how completely transformed his life.
Hope you enjoyed Part two next week.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
Well, there you go. Thanks for listening to Pure Grit
with Paul McGrath. Now the web guy's been a very
busy boy. You can now visit the website pure grit
dot com dot au, search Pure Grip podcast on Facebook
and Instagram for the fun behind the scenes stuff. And
I was wondering why Paul had started wearing makeup. Turns
out all the chats are now on YouTube as well,
so make sure you give that a subscribe
Welcome to Pure Grit with Paula McGrath. If you search
the word grit, you'd see that it means to have courage,
show strength of character, passion, and perseverance. Throughout the series,
paul chat to guest from all walks of life who
have shown pure grit to get to where they are now.
(00:24):
Paula Paula, yeah, look, he it looks fine. I've done
the intro, so ready for you to talk now? Yeah,
you do your talking things.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
This podcast is a little bit of a dedication episode,
which I haven't done for a while, but this is
dedicated to all the families affected by perhaps a drug
addicted child, a friend, or even a parent, or a
brother or a sister. Welcome to another episode of Pure Grit.
My guest today, I have finally found I have been
(00:55):
wanting to find the right person to tackle this sub
and the right guest since I started Pure Grit. I
wanted someone that could be honest and raw and approach
this subject of drugs. This guest, who is certainly an
authority on this subject. He is a reformed by a
saddict also drug dealer who actually ended up in jail,
(01:17):
of course, but with so much pure grit and resilience
and determination. He was able to come off cold talk Turkey.
You should see him now. He's super fit. He's like
the kung fu master. You should see He's handsome, he's
just amazing. He's like super fit. It's incredible. It's an
incredible story. He's completely turned his love around. I can
(01:39):
actually see a movie coming out about his life, like truly.
Let me just say put that out there, because you'll go, yeah, yeah,
I heard him on Pure Grit. I know him. I
know him anyway. He's living proof that you can get
yourself clean. We've had many conversations over coffees and breakfasts.
I'm actually proud to say he's become a friend. And
(02:04):
I want to really welcome to Pure Grit Hans Gustaff
and Gustaffs and welcome Hans.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
Hey, Paul, thank you so much for the intro. It
was quite lovely.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Oh. I just you know, Hans, I'm so glad to
have met you. As I as I said in my intro,
I've really really looked for the right guest. I've never
I've never found the right person to tackle this subject
of drugs like I just haven't and I put it
out there, so obviously whenever I put it out to
(02:37):
the universe, it's finally come come to me because I
actually have some friends close friends, and I have witnessed
someone myself in the past being on ice years ago
when I lived overseas, so I haven't had anyone to
actually ask the hard questions too. And then I met
you and just by chance through through another friend. It's
(03:01):
been amazing how we've met and we've had many conversations,
and I think that you're going to help a lot
of people, Hans. I think that your story is one
that you know. Not many people come on the other
side of this insidious drug, like you are living proof
that you can do it. And I think this is
(03:23):
a it was pure grit you did it because just
start by telling everyone, like where did you grow up, Hans?
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Where did you grow up with me?
Speaker 4 (03:33):
I was firstborn, you know, I was born in the Philippines,
so I'm half a Filipino Swedish.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
That's why you look like Bruno Mars.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Too much.
Speaker 4 (03:46):
No, just it's an interesting mix where when I tell
people my background and most people look at me and
try to figure where it is. And when I tell
them the Filipino Swedish mix. It's like a bit of
like a hybrid mix. And from they're just being born
in the Philippines, And how did the best explain it?
So I was, I grew up in a you could say,
(04:06):
in a rough area and at the time, my mom
was Filipino and my dad's Swedish.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
So my dad was like around the world, travel around
for work, prospective mines and so forth.
Speaker 4 (04:15):
And through that process, I was living with my mom
and I got a younger brother in the Philippines.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
And for the first couple of years it was a
bit a bit rough.
Speaker 4 (04:25):
And each time I my father came back and I
came back a few months, I was very quite shy and.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
Didn't not intact with him.
Speaker 4 (04:33):
And from there, just as ys went by, he began
to notice that he wasn't an efficient like a good
place for me, like pre standard to live. And there's
been like several several incidents there. And there was like
a sequence of events where I'll give you an example.
So it was one like one arter noon I was
with you know, I was around, I was just sitting
(04:54):
on my dad's shoulders, you know, and we're just walking
through like just the main area and we'll walk down
the set of stairs and there was a bunch of
two bunch of guys came up, ran behind him, grabbed
his world out of his back pocket and ran And
from there, all I would recall was me just sliding
down and smashing my head on the on the pavement
(05:16):
on the stairs, and I was pretty much like consciously,
like semi unconscious.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
But I see I remember just seeing him just chasing.
Speaker 4 (05:23):
These guys down the stairs and there's his note and
Mundy flying everywhere like in the air, and you just
see every like all the other four pit Filipinos all
running in trying to grab all the.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
Bits of notes.
Speaker 4 (05:33):
So had these like sequence events, and I remember that
particular event is that's where he made it like a
decision to relocate us to Australia.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
How old How old were you.
Speaker 4 (05:44):
I was at that time when that happened. I was
about all four years old, I believe.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
So you moved out to Australia at what age?
Speaker 3 (05:55):
The age four to five?
Speaker 2 (05:56):
A thought? And you so you started school in Australia.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
On the show?
Speaker 4 (06:00):
Yes, So what happened from there? Just my dad, like
he's been around the world throughout his whole life, and
out of all the places that had been he said
a show was the best place for just put perfect
conditioning and he wanted to bring bring kidnaps and in
a better environment.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
So that's why I really like added us to the
Sunshine Coast.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
You moved to the that's where you moved to the
Sunshine Coast?
Speaker 3 (06:21):
Yeah, Sunshine Coast? Yes?
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Wow? And so where did you go to school from there?
Speaker 3 (06:26):
Because this is I believe this is in nineteen ninety five.
I think it's where I started.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
So I was there, I think towards end of like
nineteen ninety four, and a few months later started grade one.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
So that was I went to a primary school called
Star Marts.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Oh yes, yep, and I have some friends that went there.
Speaker 5 (06:44):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Good school, Yes, good school.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
So he went there. And then what about high school?
Speaker 3 (06:50):
High school?
Speaker 4 (06:51):
So I went from there, I graduated and went to
think or called Siana Catholic College.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Yes, yes, yes, okay, he went. So he went to schools.
So where what? So did you finish school hunts?
Speaker 3 (07:05):
Yes, yes, I did.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
You finish year twelve? Okay? So so where where did
life take you?
Speaker 3 (07:11):
Once? You?
Speaker 2 (07:11):
You know, you went to good schools? Your dad and
mum provided you to go to good schools. Where did
your life take a turn from there? Well? Yeah, but
how did you get to going to good schools to
get to drugs?
Speaker 4 (07:27):
Like?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
How where did you.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
So from that?
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Like?
Speaker 3 (07:30):
How could I have explained?
Speaker 4 (07:31):
So it sort of start off with during my schooling
years because math the background, you know, just from an
Asian background coming to Australia like and what was actually
found interesting was the fact that what hard was I
didn't take anything away from my parents, but just I
didn't English wasn't my first language, so like a dialogue
and from then moving to Australia and starting within a
(07:55):
few months, just throwing straight into grade one. So I'm
like just sitting in class, have absolutely no idea what's
going on. And you know, I was just a kid
death I didn't know any better, and sitting there and
everyone speaking in English and I didn't understand. So for me,
it's I like a coping mechanism, Like I went into
my own imagination world and I stayed there predominant my life.
(08:15):
And where I'm trying to get at is the fact
that kids saw me as different. I didn't know how
to interact, so I was socially awkward as a kid,
so I was heavily bullied.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Oh were you at school?
Speaker 4 (08:28):
Yes, And it was kind of timidat I was a
very shy kid, awkward, and I just didn't know how
to get along with anyone.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
And this, you know, at the time, you know what
was happening, I didn't realize how much.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
It had affected me. And from there I spied, like
you know, just stand alone depression. And I always didn't
like going to school. I always like to be in
my own little imagination world, you know. I had like
a fashionation of like playing video games and watching like
Power Rangers and superhero movies.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
And all that, just as a kid.
Speaker 4 (08:56):
And you know, and itventured off to like my father
decide to, you know, take me into do martial arts.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Charated to do some form of self defense.
Speaker 4 (09:05):
So I went through it did like this, a bit
of martial arts, you know, for like throughout my primary
school and a little bit into and.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
From there just.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
How could I first explain this? So just from there
I sort of like getting myself a little bit out there.
So I did interact with kids and during this process,
like the last bit of high during my high school years.
Was I went from when I've been shy and I
didn't really know how to interact and me to learn
how to interact with kids was I had to like
do some stupid things or like do things to get attention.
(09:37):
And that's me a form of like to get myself
out there and interact with kids. I had to do
something like that causes attention. And I was like an
attention seeker, you know, causing which you know got me
into a lot of trouble. Now, I think it was
a great tandler like was it suspended twice and oh my.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Gosh, yeah, so you're trying You're being sort of like
there was a reason why you were acting out. You
were trying to get attention.
Speaker 4 (10:00):
Yes, yes, And you know from then I think that
this is where I think it was a big changing
moment for me there where it was during that time
which was very like a people like an interesting moment
where during the great that period where I got suspended
the handing out forms of work experience for Brad Levendy
after and you know, I wanted to get into like
(10:20):
engineering and that and and during that during that sequence
where when I was suspended, I didn't get there still
out the form. I was just sitting at the office
and one of the teacher board days walks past and
mentions to me that, you know, I saw haven't done
a work experience for him, and I said, I want
to do engineering, and he said, oh, everything's all been taken.
There's only fitness industry. And at that time I didn't.
(10:43):
I didn't, I have no idea. I was like, I
was like, all right, they just put me in that,
and not realizing that time a point where that following
me one, you know, I did a work experience to
a gym, and that was the first big transformation I
went through. So I went from this shy little Asian
kid doing attention seeking, just playing video games and so forth,
(11:04):
and you know, and then getting bullied, and then from
there just when the gym and then started training and
next thing, you know, my body became just like transformed
real quickly. And from there, like the kids my gray
looked at me is different and like.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Because you started getting.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
Really fit, really fit phys changed massively. Number of kids.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
You know, I saw it, and you like, you know,
from that towards end of high school, I was really fit,
you know, like I played rugby to playing all the
different sports and so forth, and it was you know,
that's that was like the first time I can say
like I've got sort of confidence within myself, like that
I can do it. I was so used to just
getting bullied all the time, accepting like just all that.
(11:43):
And you know, at the end of the day, like
as much as I didn't like it, that I do
highly appreciated and reason why his pictures he made the
person who I am now today, and those for the kids,
they're like, I don't blame any of them. They didn't
know any better.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
No, no, and.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
Most a number of them coming and like over the
years have come and apologize to me, you know, which
is great. But you know I said, like I don't
take anything personally. It was just something that you know,
I think kids just go through.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
So yeah, you don't hold any grudges to bullies, which
I don't accept bullying, Like I just don't think bullying,
you know, it's so damaging harms And I can imagine
what you went through because you would have been you
were like you were different, that's all it was that
you were different. So so when you left school, what
(12:32):
did you do when you left.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
School from there just I O pursue the personal training.
So did that fitness course.
Speaker 4 (12:38):
And during this process is where my father like plays
big factor. He was like watch like like here, like
here of my life. You know, this is like most kids,
your dad's like your hero. And during this moment is
when I started developing different characteristics, obviously just from going
from like a nerd, it's a really fit guy, and
(12:58):
then it's you know, started it's a little bit of
the head and I started rebelling towards it, and me
and him have a bit of a discrepancy where you know,
just me being a teenager. And from there my dad
was like very like just a good human being altogether,
Like he used to what is it to us? Used
to tell me a lot of good morals, good ethics,
and just tell me a lot of.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
Things just to be a good human being in general.
Speaker 4 (13:20):
And at that time I didn't understand and and me
just being reversed and that and from there and during
that sequence my dad was he owned a taxi business.
And during this period after he finished Bastles where he
like the following year than two thousand and eight, he
suffered on the stroke but which you know, he almost
you almously. He was unfortun he was driving tax when
(13:41):
it happened. He almost lost his life, but luckily he didn't.
And during that process where I watched him over the
next year just couldn't drive, and watched him deteriorating, and
you know, and this is where it was sort of
like in talking terms, and from there, this is where
everything what little went out of control. So for me
from being a no kid to you to fitness for
(14:04):
that like fitness and from there just how can it explain?
Speaker 3 (14:10):
So my dad, it was just this very unfortunate event.
Speaker 4 (14:13):
So during the time when he was just getting himself
back together, he managed to get his license back.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
They took his broke his license because obviously he did
the concerning factors.
Speaker 4 (14:23):
And from there just you know, this is back in
two thousand and nine where you know he was there
was an incident. I was speaking to him in the
afternoon and you know, like two hours later, without even realizing,
he was on top of bud room and it was
it was a place called beef.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
He's just getting a pie, like he normally goes there
all the time.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
And from there just he goes out and then he
crosses the road and this is like a raining afternoon,
and you know, there was a lady there and she
didn't she was driving, and you know I didn't see him,
and it was just something. And then the next sequence
was he was just that collided and you know my
dad passed from that from that scene.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Oh no, hands, So he got hit by car.
Speaker 3 (15:04):
Yeah, he got hit by car.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
Yes, that's so sad. So yeah, I was just I
didn't know that about your dad.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Hands, That's that's all right.
Speaker 4 (15:14):
I was perfect form, happy to share the story as
part of join and who about who I am today?
Speaker 2 (15:19):
So did that then? Make? That would have been really
hard for you.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
It was very horrific. I was only I think eighteen
at the time.
Speaker 4 (15:26):
And yeah, you know, we'll started to build a good
relationship from there back again and see him in the
three in the afternoon. And then I was a friends,
older friend's barbecue and you know, you know, get to
get a phone for my mom around like six, and
she was crying. Couldn't understand that from there, she just
you know, I can understand. And then some other lady
(15:48):
picks up the phone and saying, we we need to come,
we need to come see you now, and so forth.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
And I was.
Speaker 4 (15:53):
I gave him the address and you know, one day
locked up, it was my brother in his CAFC uniform,
two police officers at the door, and basically it just
told me that my father just was an accident and
he didn't make it.
Speaker 5 (16:07):
And it was it was like very casual, and I
was standing there just when that moment, I just stood
there and you know, I looked to my eye had
to like all my friends just standing it all just speechless,
you know, like that's just something you don't.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Hear every day.
Speaker 4 (16:23):
From there, just you know, went down and I had
to and then by eight o'clock I had to I
was the one that had to identify his body. And
you know, it was I was probably one of the
hardest moments of life.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
And you know, and that that.
Speaker 4 (16:34):
Secret of us, that's where things sort of like one
in a big spiral downhill from there.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Wow. So that that's that was a major turning point
for you in what you just then started to rebeld,
did you from.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
Yeah, just from there just pain. There was a lot
of pattern understanding.
Speaker 4 (16:53):
It just came into this world and you know, I've
been bullied and stuff and trying to get my head
around what's going on and and try trying to figure
out and you know, my dad just was a big
moment in my life and.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
And this happened and from there, it's just this is
something I like.
Speaker 4 (17:11):
I like it was very strange at the time, but
I didn't know this would actually be a big factor.
Is like, there was a moment, you know where we
had like an open casket and that period where I
walked in and everyone was in there, and I told
everyone to, you know, just to leave so I could have.
Speaker 3 (17:27):
A moment with me and him, you know and together.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:31):
Yeah, And this is like this is where like it
was very like very profound moment. I could almost remember it,
like as it just happened like a moment ago. So
it was like standing there with like an open casket,
his head to my left and speed to the right,
and just standing there and I was just just in
such a confused moment, and you know, just kind of like.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
Like, what what the hell happened here?
Speaker 4 (17:56):
And I just yes, you just seeing afternoon and gone,
We're gone, and it's just like and I'm like, what
am I supposed to do? And you know, this is
where I had all these flashion secrets, events where of
my mind sort of like just thinking about like well,
he's saying, you just all these memories and stuff he
used to tell me, you know as a kids, saying,
be a good person, human being. So I said, look
(18:17):
all right, well, I said, look, I'll make a promise
to you, you know, and I'm grabbing his hand, holding it,
you know, close to my to my heart, like chest
and heart, and I said, look, you know, since you
brought me to this world and and I don't understand
why you sent all his messages to me, but look,
I'll make a promise to you know, so they'll make
two hours.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
I said, look, I'll climb on the top of something
and you make a.
Speaker 4 (18:37):
Good impact and so forth, and then the second one
make and change the world for a better place. You know.
That's you make a good emotion of impact, you know.
And that's about made to him. And at that time,
and it was it was like very strange moment. I
could just feel like something that was a strong presence
of him there and.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
And from there just not and move and my life
went on.
Speaker 4 (18:59):
And this is where now for me, where just st
of things started slow spoked.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
Just from there I started started drinking because.
Speaker 4 (19:07):
I don't normally drink, started drinking drinking and there's farting
from there and just causing a massive scene. And you know,
this call led to me to I got done at
the time. This is when pea plates came out, like
during like that like two thousand periods where and I
had my pea plates and I was I drank drive
(19:28):
and I getting done for d u y and I
think in that period was I think I blew pretty
much at that I think that was the highest the
peoplelate history at that time. And that's like that was
like the downpoint where my life was just getting miserable.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Just I couldn't process it.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
I didn't have it was grief.
Speaker 4 (19:46):
I didn't have time to grieve nothing, you know, just
when that happened, I just manned up and held everything
in and did the whole process and didn't have a
chance to probably agrieve and all that. And from there
it slowly led to like I was drinking hicks O
caol and then from there I moved to was it Brisbane.
I was working at a gym in the valley fitness first,
(20:08):
and this is where like it's things went went really
out of control for me where you know, at the
time you.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Were in the valley. That's when it all the valley.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
Scene, this is where it all went really insane. So
just where when the valley I.
Speaker 4 (20:23):
Saw, you know, our bodybuilding, and he was it was
unreally he was the most like massive miss Australian and everything,
unreal physique and so forth. And just from there he
just asked. I went up to him and asked him.
I said, look, I said, wow, look man, you know
I'm real phenomenal. We'll look at you and so forth.
And he goes and just he just looks at me
(20:44):
and just goes, just jump on, mate, just just jump.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
On, jump on, jump on one. I'm like, what what
do you mean, Just just get on and get on
the test. Get on the test.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Brother.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
You know, I was like, what like the steroid, yeah, sterois.
Speaker 4 (21:01):
And this is the time with me, I was just training,
you know, I was very fit and slim, but nothing
like big wise and and at that time I was
like I was all right, well, and then I went
and got my blood blood test done and and I
had like I actually had latch to know that low
level actual like low level tests astral and I was like,
oh was that.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
Was that the first drug that you ever had. Really
testosterone's just steroids is a bit different to.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
So now at that time, just yeah, I got on
the so there, I got like.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
You on the juice as they say.
Speaker 4 (21:37):
Yeah, and you know, within a few weeks, just like
like I just transformed like there was no tomorrow. And
I remember just going to the gym and everyone looking
at me just but but that was the most interesting
part was my upper body grew, okay, but it was
(21:58):
what what spun everyone out was my legs.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
Molly just went absolute next level.
Speaker 4 (22:02):
Man, it just looked just exploded, like and everyone saying, like.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
A new sense of confidence even more so.
Speaker 3 (22:11):
So yeah, that's what that's from there.
Speaker 4 (22:13):
Just yeah, that's where it got to my head, you know,
from there and and I've done security and this is
where during the process is where I started taking drugs
because I was in the ballet scene.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
What was the first drug that you tried, you know,
like the party drug.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
Well, the first party drug I took was it's a
bit out there was everyone says, a bit extreme.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
I took it was LSD.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
So okay, that's like an acid.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
Is it. Yeah? That was my very first drug. I
took it.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
That's oh my god.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
You don't normally do that. You normally work off. You
started like m DBA or like, yeah, this is what
everyone normally does.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
I went straight to that and just that was a
really powerful moment that gave a massive shift. And yeah,
and then from there just I went from you know,
being a fitness fanatic, yeah two dad, and started taking drugs.
Speaker 3 (23:02):
This is the first time. And I was not I
think it was twenty two at the times, is what
I said.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
So you were young, Yeah, you're young, yep.
Speaker 4 (23:09):
And yeah, I just instead of like I was very
anti it for like for many years, and they used
to look at people and judge people for it. And
as soon as I took it, I felt the sensations
of like the you know, the feeling good too, which
you know, just it just altered your bay chemistry. You
just felt amazing and just the rush. Everything was just
beyond belief. So I went from that, I just dived
(23:31):
straight into it heavy, started taking drugs heavily, you know,
just obviously at the start, but just over time just
started increasing and.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Doing different drugs, like whatever was going.
Speaker 3 (23:43):
Different, Yeah, different drugs.
Speaker 4 (23:44):
You know, This is where I found interesting where I
got this. This is like where people were taking different
drugs all the time, pills, cocaine, yes, And during that
time they had like things like bath salts so that
like matho drone and bath alone and so forth. Then
they all there was stage where I'm knowing. I'm like,
this is where people.
Speaker 3 (24:04):
Saw me different. I was like, fuck, I was like,
he's sounds so amazing, like but I'm just saying, everyone
just just take this, this, this and that just and
you get cooked.
Speaker 4 (24:11):
And I watched certain people just they take your minds
and you just sitting in the corner like just like
dipping out and just and I'm like, no fun. I'm like,
you know, I think as we've taken them from there.
I did some research and and that's the way I
found an interesting way. I went, oh cool, man, if
I take like, you know, a bit of MDMA, it
takes sixty million games of MDMA. And then I said,
(24:31):
I take one another one like an hour later, you
can hit you double wheremy and then it ges if
you take me, if you're if you're if you're like
completely smacked out, I don't know what's going on.
Speaker 3 (24:42):
You have a line of concaine to like level you
out right. Yes, I used to do.
Speaker 4 (24:46):
I used to do like mixes and that, and they
used to like take different drugs and different things to
enhance depending what it is. And like a week a
week prior like to like a big festival, and this
is normally so normally for like a big, bigger, big events,
and only during that process I was not too like
festivals and hate time that way.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
I would take get some five.
Speaker 4 (25:08):
HDP which is like a serotonin boostole, and so week
before I would like at two hundred milligrams a day
and I'll have heaps and bananas as well to like
really loa your serotonin levels up.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
And then on the day of the festival when you
take it, when.
Speaker 4 (25:23):
You take mdmail or the drugs, it just slams you
twice as.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
Oh god, So what what I mean you tried you
got into ice? What what made you try ice for
the first time?
Speaker 4 (25:39):
So maybe twenty that was the one drug I found
it interesting. I didn't really take twol I think it
was two years after.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
And why because it wasn't. It wasn't it wasn't so
popular then, or it.
Speaker 3 (25:53):
Wasn't yet the city I was around, it wasn't really used.
Speaker 4 (25:56):
Right, I've seen here and there, but I didn't really
because I was like I was saying, other drugs. And
this is where I found interesting where my group of
friends close like a close circle, they started getting you know,
getting into it, and I looked at it and I
was like, I was like, fucking know how to try?
Speaker 3 (26:12):
And at first it didn't really agree with me?
Speaker 4 (26:15):
And then over time, like this is over the number
of year, let's just like further like further down the track, what.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
Does what does it make you? You know, you didn't
agree with you? What did it make you feel?
Speaker 4 (26:24):
Like?
Speaker 3 (26:24):
I don't?
Speaker 2 (26:25):
I just a sort for everyone listening, well, will be
like why do you try it in the first place?
Because you know everyone knows it's highly highly addictive, and
but you said it didn't agree with you.
Speaker 4 (26:38):
Okay, Now, well, from now I knew about the drug
and stuff just I see the effects and I said no.
But eventually in that group when when you're this is
where it comes down to you.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
You're in a peer You're in a peer group, in a.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
Peer group, and this is how it starts.
Speaker 4 (26:52):
You know, you see the drug there and usually okay,
but after a while, once you're in that environment when
you see it more and more and often, yes, friends,
and you know, they tried to just have one.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
You know, I just have one.
Speaker 4 (27:03):
They just keep going over and over and pick and
eventually and eventually you just this is like you know,
you just eventually bold and tried and and you know,
go from there. And then at first I didn't agree
with me because why is because they decided because it
was my first time taking ice, so they decided to
load up a big like a big like i'd say
(27:24):
probably two points like a lot in it in the pipe.
And I just went through the pipe and it just
it smacked me out. But it was because it was
they loaded so much. It put me like an exigoning
panic mode. So I was just like and then I'll
don't forget it. So this is where oh this is.
It was still still I can recall.
Speaker 3 (27:44):
So it's actually you just said.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
They loaded it up with two points.
Speaker 3 (27:50):
Whats that, my person?
Speaker 2 (27:52):
What's a point?
Speaker 3 (27:53):
The point is so one brands So one point is
one tenth of a gramd.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
So so it's really really powerful.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
Really powerful. Yeah, it's powerful. Normally you're supposed to we
have like a point half a point of something up
to a point.
Speaker 4 (28:08):
You know, they gave me like almost like two apply
this when you're mates, man, when they load you up
drugs that you do. It's a thing where they kind
of funny to like double dose it up, you know,
and you know a lot of cases okay, but like
sometimes the person might react differently and this happens. This
is why things go bad with like with drug incidents
where friends try and egg each other on to take
(28:31):
more or give me a hit, and you know they
want to don't want to smack him out, so don't
give like just.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Loaded up a lot more to get more.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
Yep, yes, and you know just that. I remember just
when I had it. I'll just it just came to paddick.
Speaker 4 (28:45):
I had anxiety to have my heartway through the roof
and I just just sit there just trying to breathe.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
And I was like.
Speaker 4 (28:50):
Oh, this is fucking intense, man, I can't like I
can't do it. You know, they're all laughing. And so
this is actually went and went to the like this
was at the Gold Coast at the time, and yeah,
and I just from there just I know, my calm
the body and you know, they end up we end
up taking took me, well, this is during this is
like like during the afternoon, like mid afternoon, and went
(29:13):
on like along surface and we're going through and I
think there was a it was a city beach at
the time, and I was just in panic mode, and
they wanted to go in the shop. So everyone's like
cooked on ice. And this is like two or three
in the afternoon in Gold Coast surface Paradise and just
looking at it go on a city beach. Everyone's tweaking
and with me, I was in panic mo just going
(29:34):
on my head. I couldn't because I'm nevertaining for my heads,
like spinning around. I said, I said, I'm looking for
like shoes to go out with. And I see a
pair of shoes like a shoe rack and I grabbed,
you know, trying to find the right size, and I
couldn't find it. And you know, I wasn't thinking at
the time.
Speaker 3 (29:49):
I just stuck my hand in and just.
Speaker 4 (29:51):
Just ripped everything find the right size and found the
right size shoe, and you know then you know, next moment,
I look on the ground and just shoes and everything's.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
On the war and and.
Speaker 4 (30:04):
Everyone the whole sources stand at me and I'm like
this I was just I was just tweaking out.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
Fuck, like this is too much, you know.
Speaker 4 (30:11):
That's and from now I was well, from there, I
was scarred from taking.
Speaker 3 (30:15):
I didn't take for another year or so. And and
then you.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
Never touched it again for a very long time.
Speaker 4 (30:21):
Because that was for a while because that because they loaded.
When when you load up like that much, it just
it actually scars you. But obviously mean in the world
like the drug world and stuff. You eventually made my
way through and started going more on the underground scene
and so forth. And that's where when you're in that
environment and seeing that every day.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
And you know, then you when you tried it again and.
Speaker 3 (30:47):
Again had a small amount.
Speaker 4 (30:49):
So I had like like like a quarter of a
point either like you know, just you know, crush it
up and you either rather it through your nose or
you just do it out of a pipe.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (31:00):
And from then it's feeling like it's you're like a
way you alert, you feel charged, energize, and you're just
here and press like just feel good, chatty, and and
it lasts it lasts like twelve hours, like you just
you're just wide.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
Yeah, but you weren't then you would wouldn't sleep because
you wouldn't be able to sleep.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
You can't.
Speaker 4 (31:19):
You don't sleep. You're just sitting there and you're like,
you know, I'll give you an example. So if if anyone,
like if you have the feeling of like a morning
where you had a good meal, you had a great sleep,
you went and done a few activities, and you just
you really really got on top of the world, Like
that's the feeling you have, and you're like that for
like twelve hours straight.
Speaker 3 (31:39):
So you have that high.
Speaker 4 (31:41):
So and what happens, and this is the why how
people get talked and addicted to it is the fact
that when you when you're in that state for so long,
it becomes your new norm. You knew, it's like your
new baseline, and so you start seeing that as your
new standard, new norm.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
So so then you look for them next as.
Speaker 4 (32:01):
You're winding down after like the twelve hours, you know,
just you're winding down and you start going through these
withdrawls and you go, fuck, you know, you start getting
your mootions got up and down and it's horrendous.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
You go, fuck, well I need it, I mean I
need another one. You know, you have another one?
Speaker 4 (32:16):
Bad up and you feel great again, and you know
that's another twelve out and then next thing, now you're
like a whole day, you're awake and you feel good
and then and then this is where the catch is,
where it's hard to come off. You just as you're
coming down, you're looking for your next hit. So if
you have some dog there, you can just keep going.
And it's it's hard to stop. When you start, you
(32:38):
can't stop. And a lot of people when they run out,
they're fine, and then they know in the next few
hours or when they're winding down, they get these withdrawls
and so forth, so they start going, fuck, you know,
I need to need this. And this is where they
start doing things you don't normally do, where you start
chasing your excise and you go see the dealer, ask
(32:58):
him if you can get edit on taking you pixure
them up later on or.
Speaker 3 (33:03):
This is where this is That's why.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
Sends people into crime, because they've got to steal or
whatever to get the money.
Speaker 4 (33:11):
This is where like this is where people aren't realized
where when you're in that state of mind on top
of the world and becomes a new baseline when as
you're coming down.
Speaker 3 (33:21):
You go you feel like you get death from It's
the worst. It's the worst feeling.
Speaker 4 (33:26):
You're just like you just go mentally insane and you go, fuck, well,
I don't want to go through this habit.
Speaker 3 (33:30):
I just go in, you know.
Speaker 4 (33:32):
And this is what people do, go and break and
enters and so forth and start selling things or doing
exchanges and so forth.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
Stealing from their families or whatever.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
It is.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
It is it expensive, like how.
Speaker 4 (33:50):
This is like back back then, like in the two
thousands and even where it was like it was, it
was it was like a thousand dollars a gramd wow,
And it seems like a.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
Lot of money.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
But if you have like you know, only there's like
quarterble point up to points it's twenty five one hundred
bucks and you're wired for like.
Speaker 3 (34:09):
Four hours.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Still that's like, you know, then they needed again and again.
So you know, obviously why there's such a massive prime
issue harms. At the moment, you probably understand than anyone
why there's such a prime issue. And we see crazy
drivers on the freeway going like not you know, getting
(34:30):
chased by the cops because they're just wired on ice, yes,
driving like you know crazy.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
So yeah, I'll take you through.
Speaker 4 (34:38):
So when you start taking it, you know it's good
at the time, great, But as you become using using it,
and what happens is your mind, because you're on a
high fucking massive stimular here, your mind.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
Like this starts doing like this fast and fast and
far like this to a point, and.
Speaker 4 (34:55):
Then when you start taking it, your mind stays like
that permanently. So this is why people starts having just
sorted thinking, started thinking extreme, just thinking really out there things.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
And this is where powering the way it goes. People
get powering their ways. That's free.
Speaker 4 (35:10):
It's just because your mind is saberly accelerated and you
start overthinking things. And then when you start people looking
at you different and so forth, you start you start
dipping out, start seeing things in different lights, and you
start to get this in a weird it's almost like
a you've got like a like the best way exten
you got like radio, Like you know, you've got radio channels,
like different radio stations, so like you got ninety two
(35:32):
point seven mix of them go from these different channels
and they all going at the same time. And so
once once you start taking ice, you just go on
this I just we just fought the ice channel. You
go down this ice channel where bag and you get
stuck on it. And this is why people get stuck
in psychosis, no ice channel, and just you.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
Start to seeing the world.
Speaker 4 (35:52):
And when you're walking out and when someone looks at
you and it's just like a normal look, you know,
someone just an acknowledgment or something something, you automatically think, Oh,
he's fucking stand up me. You know he's gonna.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
I've seen it.
Speaker 4 (36:07):
You start dipping out where you think like what fuck
these guys know like whatever it is. And this is
where people start thinking differently and and add a paranoid.
And when you're in that world with other ice addicts,
this is where the violence and stuff started coming in.
So when you're that so so they you sit there
and everyone's staring at each other and just coming up
with the own narrative stories in the head. And from
(36:28):
there they come up where he's going to rob me,
so you can have to hit the ice or side
swappy or whatever.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
PoID thought paranoid, And this is.
Speaker 4 (36:38):
Where people snap, where they go, fuck if I don't
if if I don't make a move, now move first,
They'll do it to me first.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
And this is how this is where the violence comes from.
So you did you spiral down into that rabbit hole
like where I've seen I've seen personally years ago when
I was living in Asia, someone who is a very
successful businessman spiled down to the to the rabbit hole
of ice. So I missed at firsthand, like scurrying along
(37:10):
the streets of Hong Kong like a yeah, sunglasses on,
looking over his shoulder, with all the all the friends
trying to save him, which you couldn't. You couldn't save
him because he had to want to save himself.
Speaker 4 (37:23):
Yeah, So once you go down that rabbit hole, it's
like it's basically like that ice channel is it is
where to see people to come out of it. And
it's just because when once you go on that channel,
that's all you see and you're permanently stuck in that
in that state.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
So you eventually how how long do you think that
you were taking ice for.
Speaker 4 (37:47):
You?
Speaker 3 (37:48):
So I was taking a probably I'll say two years.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
Wow, Yeah, because they you know, they say that like frequently, Yeah,
they say that ice puts holes in the brain, irreversible,
the whole damage in the brain, Like on how long
you use it? I guess I don't know.
Speaker 4 (38:09):
Well, I agree hundred percent. It's just I took a
fair I talk like I took a fair bit as well.
And just what it does is because when you go
on that prim channel, you really wise your brain, and
what happens is your brain actually starts breaking down because
you're not using it properly.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
And brain.
Speaker 2 (38:24):
You see people lose their teeth y you know they
have I think they got. I remember seeing my husband's
mate who got he had. He was like in the shower.
My ex husband tried to save his friend so much.
He was in the shower for like I'm not joking,
(38:45):
I don't know if he had had a shower for
so long. He was in the shower arms for so long.
Because he was saying that he would see the bugs
flying out of his skin. We're like, oh, well, I
don't know he was in that shower. Well, so yeah
that the bugs were just coming out of my skin
and I watched them and they were like, oh you
know like that. The mind was just this was someone
(39:07):
who had a brilliant mind gone, just gone. And then
it would be like he had this ran, he had
this crazy book of crazy writings. Matches Redhead matches like
I read it. I looked at I was like, what
was it? All this crazy writing, just all these crazy,
mad writings of a is addict, you know, like I
(39:28):
saw it firsthand. It was actually quite It's scary because
it wasn't it wasn't the man that I knew from
the years before. You know, it was like, wow, who
is this now, Like very very very hard for someone
to see a very close friend like that. But you
(39:48):
know then it would go, oh, here's my black gloves,
my black gloves I used to rob people with, you know,
like just all this crazy and I was like, oh, okay,
you like wow. You know that was my first dealings
with many many years ago, and that was in Asia
when yeah, I had never you know, I'd never heard
(40:10):
of it before. That's Part one with Hans. Please return
for Part two. Incredible story. He's incredibly honest. He talks
about how he got clean off ice and the other
drugs and how he got caught by the police and
him going to jail and how completely transformed his life.
Hope you enjoyed Part two next week.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
Well, there you go. Thanks for listening to Pure Grit
with Paul McGrath. Now the web guy's been a very
busy boy. You can now visit the website pure grit
dot com dot au, search Pure Grip podcast on Facebook
and Instagram for the fun behind the scenes stuff. And
I was wondering why Paul had started wearing makeup. Turns
out all the chats are now on YouTube as well,
so make sure you give that a subscribe
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