June 7, 2024 • 28 mins
Laura endured the adversity trifecta- cancer, infidelity, and divorce. Listen in as she opens up about her bi-lateral breast cancer diagnosis, ravaging chemotherapy, congestive heart failure, a heart transplant, and coping with infidelity and divorce after 27 years of marriage.
Through it all, she not only regained her strength and recovered physically but she emerged stronger and more determined to help others.
https://www.icope2hope.com/
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Episode Transcript
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Michelle (00:09):
Well, hey everybody, and welcome back to Qualified,
the place where incrediblepeople share their stories of
overcoming great adversity andloss to inspire you and give you
hope.
I'm Michelle Heaton.
The end of a marriage can bedevastating, depending on the
circumstances and the number ofyears invested.
(00:29):
It can truly cause deepemotional pain and, in some
cases, be likened to a death.
The abrupt and sometimesunwanted end of a relationship
that will never be again canbring serious grief, and in
addition to grief, a personmight also experience anger,
fear, anxiety, loneliness,depression, and the list goes on
(00:54):
.
Divorce is a hard reality thatsome face in this life, but toss
in family trauma, a breastcancer diagnosis and then a
heart transplant and that loadwould seem way too much for any
one person to bear.
Well, my guest today lived thatstory and today she'll share
with us how she managed to notonly persevere through the hard
(01:17):
times, recover physically andemotionally, but she also chose
to use her circumstances to helpother people by writing a book
and offering support to otherswho have experienced their own
adversity in life.
Today she's a resilience coach,author and volunteer mentor
with youth aging out of thefoster care system and
(01:38):
transitioning into adulthood.
Her name is Laura Mangum-Broom,and it's my honor to have her
as my guest on the show today.
Welcome to Qualified Laura.
Laura (01:48):
Thank you, Mi michelle, I'm so excited to be here.
Michelle (01:51):
Great, glad to have you Well.
As I said in the intro, divorceis certainly not an easy thing
to live through, but you alsohad a series of other
life-changing events happen, allwithin a very short period of
time, had a series of otherlife-changing events happen, all
within a very short period oftime.
Can you just set the stage forus by talking first about your
(02:12):
breast cancer diagnosis that youreceived back in 2015 and the
treatment you received and howit all impacted you?
Laura (02:18):
Sure, sure.
And in 2015, we were threeyears into my husband's new
business, 2015, we were threeyears into my husband's new
business, and so I was handlingthe day-to-day operation to kind
of get him started.
And then I was just going tokind of take a back seat and was
hoping to get more involved inan organization I had started
becoming a mentor with.
(02:38):
And so when you're just kind ofgoing through life at them and
happy, you know, you kind of geta little jolt.
And that's what I got thesummer of 2015.
I was diagnosed with bilateralbreast cancer and I remember the
oncologist telling, you know,talking to me, you know, after I
had some scans, biopsy, and itwas just kind of like Charlie
(03:02):
Brown's teacher Womp, womp, womp, womp, biopsy and it was just
kind of like Charlie Brown'steacher.
And but then I heard her say, Ithought I heard her say but you
can beat this, you know, weknow what to do.
You just, you know, just haveto have a positive attitude and
eat healthy and and I was justkind of like it just threw me
out of that going.
I said what can you repeat that?
(03:22):
And so that just was out ofthat going.
I said what can you repeat that?
And so that just was.
That was enough to give me hope.
So I just decided I'm just goingto do exactly what you tell me
to, because I was having todecide how am I going to help my
husband run the business?
We were hoping to get to apoint where we could hire a
manager to take over my duties,but this kind of just that put
(03:43):
this to a halt, because theadditional medical expenses
insurance covered a majority ofit, but the additional medical
expenses in the time it was justhad to rethink everything, and
so I was already trying to trainsome other employees.
We had four employees.
I was trying to train some totake over some of my duties so I
(04:05):
could start getting out ofworking so much.
So, fortunately, my oncologistwas.
We lived close to one of thehospital systems here in San
Antonio, so she was part of amedical building that was just
outside of our neighborhood, soshe did chemo treatments there
in her office, and so I plannedon going to work and then she
(04:30):
was able to get me in for chemotreatments in the afternoon.
So then I would just go homeand rest and I was telling her
the dilemma I was in and shesaid well, I don't do this to
many of my patients, but I canlet you have half dose chemo
treatments for six monthsinstead of the full dose over
three months.
And she said sometimes the halfdose treatments, it's easier
(04:53):
for people to kind of maintaintheir normal routine.
And I said sign me up, I'll dowhatever you tell me, and that
was such a blessing because thefirst month it was it was
terrible, just the nausea andjust getting used to all the
drugs.
There's some pretty powerfulchemo drug and so there was a
(05:15):
sign in the chemo room that saidstay positive, it could be
worse.
And the chair that I usuallycame in, because the time that I
would come in in the afternoonthere were a couple of chairs
available but I would always sitin the chair where I could see
that sign because I just neededto concentrate on it and I did.
You know that it really helpedme get through those six months
(05:37):
of chemo treatment.
Wow, I know that was rough onyou, but I'm so glad that you
(05:59):
chose to stay focused on thatsign.
That's great.
And you told me that duringyour treatments.
You know, just, it was time forthemselves, so I'd always play
it by ear.
I kind of was one of those.
I just wanted to kind of beleft alone during it was like an
you know, a couple of hourchemo treatment.
But I sat next to a woman who,gosh, I still think about her.
(06:19):
She was in, she had terminalbreast cancer.
She waited too long to go inand get diagnosed because she
didn't want to face thediagnosis and so when her
children finally made her go inand they, you know she found out
it was too late.
She could take chemo to prolongher life.
So she decided to do that, tospend as much time with her
(06:42):
children as she could.
But she had such a positiveattitude, you know, and I time
with her children as she could.
But she had such a positiveattitude, you know, and I
thought, oh, I felt so sorry forthis woman but I was so
grateful that, you know, and shesaid, but now she was a strong
proponent of just telling everywoman she ran into go get
diagnosed.
Don't do what I did, you know.
And seeing a teenager, a youngteenage girl, when I started my
(07:08):
chemo treatments she was justfinishing hers and her high
school friends came in with someballoons and a little maybe
tear up sign that saidcongratulations.
You know last chemo and Ithought gosh you know, yeah.
Michelle (07:24):
I'm so sorry you had to go through all that.
I have a friend who'ssupporting someone in her
chemotherapy right now and justgoing into that infusion center
and sitting with her, she seesall those people like you, like
you described, and her heartgoes out to him because there's
so many different stories andages and you know, is it going
to work?
Is it not going to work?
(07:46):
You don't know, and I know thatit can cause you to feel really
bad, really horrible in somecases.
So let's talk about that.
You started the chemo.
You were going through all theinfusions, the half doses, and
then later you started toexperience some physical
symptoms you thought were out ofthe ordinary and you went to
your doctor to have it checkedout.
(08:06):
What happened?
Laura (08:10):
So over that six-month period I got used to the drugs
and everything was going better,I was more stable, and then my
last chemo treatment was onDecember 31st.
What a way to end a chemotreatment, you know fireworks
and everything and I was soexcited and within about a week
(08:32):
I just started getting out ofbreath.
I noticed some swelling in mylegs and this happened over the
next couple of months and myoncologist wanted me to see a
cardiologist and my sister Ihave a twin sister who had been
recently diagnosed withcongestive heart failure and so
(08:54):
she was seeing a goodcardiologist.
And so my oncologist knew himand got me in and he was running
some tests and trying to figureout what was going on.
Well, this went on and then hestarted thinking well, her
sister has congestive heartfailure, she's having same
symptoms.
So he told us what he thoughtit was, but he couldn't do the
(09:14):
types of tests needed to findout if it might be genetic.
So he referred us, both mysister and I, to the Advanced
Heart Failure Clinic here in SanAntonio to see if they could
find out what was going on.
And we found out it was agenetic marker.
Without the chemo treatments Iprobably would have never been
(09:35):
diagnosed with it.
But the chemo this probablyisn't the proper medical way of
explaining it, but I just saythe chemo treatments kind of
flipped on that marker.
So the heart clinic said, yes,you do have congestive heart
failure, but chemo treatmentsreally damaged your heart and
you're going to need a hearttransplant.
Michelle (09:55):
Oh my gosh.
Laura (09:57):
A lot.
Michelle (09:58):
Uh-huh, yeah Well, I'm glad you found out about the
genetic marker and now thedoctors are treating you and
your sister, since you were bothhaving the same symptoms, both
having the same symptoms, andyou told me that they gave you
both defibrillators that wouldcontinuously monitor your
heartbeat and they actuallydeliver a shock when needed to
(10:18):
restore regular heart rhythm.
That's a good thing, but againsort of scary.
Did your doctor explain whatyou should expect once it had
been put in place?
Laura (10:28):
This is how you inject humor in your difficult
situations.
We said what are the symptoms?
What do we expect if we have ashot?
And they said well, we heardifferent things.
Some people say it's just kindof like a jolt, some people say
it feels like a horse kickingyou in the chest.
And then you thought, gosh.
So my sister and I were justkind of making light of our
(10:51):
situation and just saying we'rejust going to be sitting across
the table from each other.
You know doing something and shegets a shock and I laugh at her
and then I get a shock.
Michelle (11:00):
Yeah, Anyway, we do have a positive attitude.
Laura (11:07):
Yes, I mean, what can you do at that point?
Wow.
Michelle (11:11):
So they told you you needed a heart transplant.
I mean, that was shocking, butyour heart was in bad shape and
now the doctors were telling youwhat the next steps were, and
you're trying to balance thiswith everything else you just
went through, right?
Laura (11:27):
Well, I don't think I realized how serious the
condition I was in.
My heart was just reallystarting to give out, and I was
always out of breath.
I had to walk with a cane.
I started working from homebecause you know, we're still
trying to run this business.
I was getting to the pointwhere I was.
(11:47):
You had to limit my fluidsbecause, since my heart couldn't
pump properly, it couldn'tdistribute all the fluids
throughout my body, and so Iwould retain water.
A couple of times I had to goin for them to remove the fluid
around my heart which wascausing the difficulty in
breathing, and so by the time Iwas diagnosed with a heart
(12:11):
transplant, I was working fromhome.
I couldn't do anything but justsit.
Basically, the business stillcontinued.
We had clients to serve, I'dstill go to my doctor's
appointments, still trying tofind relief, and so it was
bittersweet, I just neededrelief.
It got so bad, michelle.
(12:33):
You know we take for grantedjust being able to breathe, but
I couldn't even take a deepbreath.
I was so shallow that for me totake a deep breath, like just
to like, I wasn't even yawning,but you know how deep when you
yawn, you take that all the waydown to your throat.
I couldn't even do that.
If I felt like I needed to takea deep breath, I had to close
(12:56):
my eyes and relax, just relax mybody, just to try to breathe in
through my nose.
If I couldn't do it the firsttime, I would almost start to
get a panic feeling because Ijust wanted to take that deep
breath.
I couldn't sleep in bed.
I would sleep.
We had a like a rocking chairthat I would just kind of get a
(13:17):
pillow and kind of just sleepbent over so I could still
breathe.
I was just miserable at thispoint.
Michelle (13:24):
Yeah, that's pretty scary too, I think so this was
all leading up to the transplant.
Laura (13:32):
By the time they got me on the heart transplant list,
the pandemic was happening, andthis was early 2022.
And so the pandemic wasstarting to shut everything down
, and so the doctors wereconcerned because, with people
not moving about, it reallylowered the percentage of
(13:55):
getting organs, yes, and so,again, I don't think I really
understood the dilemma.
I was in yeah, and so theyexplained the process to me.
We had to go through someeducational classes to
understand exactly what all wasinvolved, and I just thought it
(14:17):
was going to be a simple processyou get your new heart and life
goes on, or you don't make it.
But you know, I just neededrelief.
So they said you could be inthere for weeks and they only
let you stay in the hospital forabout six weeks and they'll
send you back home.
And then, you know, wait tofind information, because, I
(14:38):
mean, it is such a specificmatch.
They have to match the bloodtype, the tissues.
There's so much that goes intomatching an organ donor.
Michelle (14:50):
So that's I mean, that's huge all of that, and you
must have just been emotionallyanxious, worried, trying to
figure out.
You know what's going to happen.
I've got a family, I've got abusiness, I've got all these
health issues, and theneventually you go into the
hospital, and this is in 2020,like you said, during COVID.
(15:10):
So it was kind of a environmentwhere a lot of visitors weren't
allowed, right?
Laura (15:15):
Oh, sure, of course.
Of course I go in right, rightwhen everything shuts down.
I can't have any visitors, Iknow.
I know I mean basically, myhusband had to drop me off and I
had to go in the hospital bymyself and, you know, I just had
to make the best of it.
Thank goodness for technology,you know, with video chat and
(15:36):
phone, and I brought work inwith me because I might as well
do work, because I'm just goingto be sitting here, you know,
and I don't like to just be idleRight.
Michelle (15:47):
I kind of joked around and said it just keeps getting
worse.
But I'm only half joking there,because it actually does get
worse.
So you're in the hospital.
What happened that caused moretrauma in your life?
Talk about that part.
Laura (16:05):
Okay, okay.
When I was in the hospital anddoing work, my husband told me
that he needed a check for about$1,500 to pay this woman he had
hired to help him with anotherside business that he had, and
he had brought her on with ourbusiness and said he needed a
(16:27):
check for $1,500 because she wasgoing to build our website or
improve our website.
And I said, well, I'll give hera deposit and that can pay up
front until I see the finishedproduct, just like we do with
all our other vendors.
And he was adamant about no,I've already told her I'd pay
her this up front.
(16:49):
And we went back and forth.
So I just said if you're goingto pay her, you write the check.
So I refused to write the check.
So he did, and I suspectedsomething might be going on.
But anytime I approached himand asked him point blank are
(17:10):
you having an affair?
Are you seeing her?
He would look me in the eye andsay, no, I'm not.
And I would just I'd find moreclues.
But I didn't have evidence.
So while I was in the hospital,he was real good about checking
in with me.
But when then, when I tried tocontact him, I usually couldn't
get a hold of him.
(17:30):
And I called the office becausehe would tell me I usually
couldn't get a hold of him and Icalled the office because he
would tell me he was at theoffice or he was working late.
And I just had to say if youdon't have any evidence, you got
to let it go.
And I expected to be in thehospital four to six weeks.
I was only in the hospitalthree weeks.
They found a heart that fast,but the doctors had a hard time
(17:57):
getting in touch with my husbandto let me know that the
procedure was over and that theheart transplant was a success.
And so my family is trying toget in touch with him to see if
the surgery is still going on orwhat is the status.
And they couldn't get a hold ofhim either.
So I guess eventually they gota hold of him.
My family kind of spares mefrom some of the details of that
(18:18):
, which is understandable, butwhen I came out of the
anesthesia the doctor was goingto come tell me what was going
on, how everything looked.
He wanted to have my husband onthe phone too to be able to tell
us both, because I was stillkind of groggy from the
medication and the doctor wouldcome in and say sometimes we're
(18:41):
still trying to get ahold ofyour husband and we've left a
voicemail, you know.
We're just waiting for him tocontact us back.
We'll try in a little bit.
But he was kind of nonchalantabout it and I didn't think much
of it either.
I had no idea what was going onbehind the scenes.
Then, surprisingly, two weekslater I was able to go home on
Mother's Day weekend.
(19:01):
Oh, I was so excited and toldthe nurse who was taking me down
to meet my husband I'm so happyto be spending Mother's Day
weekend at home.
This is the best Mother's Daygift I could possibly have.
And little did I know a monthlater the other shoe would drop.
Michelle (19:23):
So at this point you're recovering from a double
mastectomy, a heart transplantsurgery, and now you said the
other shoe's going to drop.
Tell us what happened and howyou responded.
Laura (19:36):
So I've been home from the hospital for about a month
and my legs were so weak I couldbarely get out of the chair and
my husband was home.
I was supposed to have 24-hourcare for the first three months.
After the first week my husbandstarted going into the office
(19:56):
again and I was there during theday by myself and he would call
and check on me every now andthen.
Then, after about a month, thetelltale signs were coming back
and he was coming home late atnight from the office.
So I just asked him do you wantto continue this marriage or do
(20:21):
you want something else?
And he said I just don't thinkI can make you happy.
And I realized he didn't wantto continue the marriage.
He already had somebody else inthe wings.
We had our ups and downs.
You know we've been married 27years but I never thought it
would come to this.
But I knew I had no regrets.
(20:43):
I knew I had given it my allthat I could do, and so I just
decided this was it.
You know I made that decision,but you still, you go to bed,
you get up and you go.
Well, maybe we can work thisout, but a lot of stuff that had
(21:04):
been hidden kind of came out inthe open and I realized I just
want to get this over with asquickly as possible.
And my doctors, my heart clinicdoctors, were in a panic
because I had to let them knowwhat was going on.
And you know their whole thingto me for quarantining for a
(21:25):
year.
You know, keep the stress leveldown, you know, yeah, yeah.
Michelle (21:30):
Yeah, so again, I'm really sorry, really sorry.
I mean it's difficult and Iknow that you're a woman of
faith and so I'm curious, as youwent through this process, how
you struggled with your faith,if you struggled with your faith
, and what role it played inyour, your healing and recovery.
Laura (21:50):
It was a big factor because I had gotten so busy
with the business, I was notreading the Bible daily like I
used to, and so that'simmediately what I started doing
again and thank goodness I did,because at this point I felt
like, you know, I've beenthrough a double mass act, my
(22:14):
body has been through so muchand I felt like I just was
unworthy, I was damaged goods.
You know, I didn't want to be astatistic, you know,
middle-aged woman whose husbandleft her for another woman, it's
just everything that I had beenthrough.
It's like that was kind of likejust kicking me when I was down
.
So by reading the Bible andreminding myself I'm a child of
(22:39):
God, I am, you know, fearfullyand wonderfully made.
I'm made for his purpose, andthat was so comforting because
it's like he is my father.
That's all I care about isbeing a child of God, that he
loves me unconditionally.
(22:59):
I am worthy and I will getthrough this because he's going
to help me Wow, I love it, and Ithink you absolutely did the
right thing.
Michelle (23:10):
I always say to people and I've said this on many
other episodes it seems likewhen people go through really
difficult things in life thatthey either run to God or they
run away from God.
So I'm glad that you chose torun to God.
I did the same thing and Ithink that's something that
we'll never regret.
No, so, Laura, you've beenthrough a lot.
(23:30):
My friend, you had a cancerdiagnosis and needed
chemotherapy, but whilereceiving treatments, you
focused on remaining positiveand practicing gratitude for the
blessings you have in this life.
Your cancer treatment was a lotto endure, but what was revealed
in the process would end upsaving your life.
So you were grateful even whilegoing through it.
(23:53):
And when your sister and youfound yourself in similar
situations, you chose to allowhumor to make things more
tolerable and keep your joyintact.
And when you ultimatelydiscovered that your marriage
would end, you chose to run backto God and to His Word to
strengthen your faith and keepyou focused on the truths about
(24:13):
who you are and that you'refearfully and wonderfully made.
Laura, what other lessons haveyou learned that you want to
share with listeners right now?
Laura (24:23):
Oh, I have so many life lessons, but the most important
ones that I would say thebiggest thing that was a game
changer for me was no-transcriptdifference.
(24:55):
But I mean, I got to the pointwhere I had to.
I had to literally do that.
I would start writing thingsdown that's out of my control,
but this, I can do somethingwith this.
And that kind of became mymantra is I can't do that but I
can do this.
And when we think we're do thatbut I can do this, and when we
(25:18):
think that life is out ofcontrol, and the most important
thing is you have so much withinyou that you have control over,
you have control over yourthoughts, your words and your
actions.
Like, I didn't have controlover what my husband chose to do
, but I did have a choice overwhat I could do and I had in my
situation.
I had a brand new heart, I hada second chance at life and I
(25:40):
was going to make the most of itand that's what I chose to do.
And so you know, for youraudience, just know that you can
overcome anything that you'rewilling to choose to do.
I think there's people out theregoing through tough times that
(26:01):
they just don't think they cando it.
Life's not fair, life's nevergoing to be fair.
But just because it's anobstacle doesn't mean you know
you can't turn it into anopportunity, and as I wish I
could just tell that toeverybody going through hardship
.
I mean, we pretty much have achoice between being a victim or
(26:24):
a victor, and I wholeheartedlysay choose victor.
Life is good when you can lookfor the positive and focus on
what you can do to move forward.
And I'd say that's it in anutshell Just focus on what you
(26:45):
can do and be grateful.
Michelle (26:48):
Yeah, those are great lessons, and I love the sign
that was hanging on the wall inthe infusion center.
Tell us what it said one moretime.
Laura (26:56):
Stay positive.
It could be worse.
Michelle (26:58):
It could be worse.
Laura (27:01):
And that's how you find gratitude is finding out why
things aren't worse, Right yeah?
Michelle (27:07):
Yeah, I love what you said about radical acceptance,
because I think that applies toso many types of grief and loss
in life.
It does, I mean you have toface the reality of what is and
know that you can't go backwards, accept it and then choose to
thrive again.
So I love the way that you laidthat all out for us.
Thank you very much.
Well, at this point, Laura, Ijust want to thank you so much
(27:31):
for agreeing to come on the showand be my guest today, and I'll
put a link in the show notes toyour website where guests can
go and learn more about yourbook and the services you offer.
Thank you again for coming onthe show.
What a pleasure talking withyou.
Laura (27:44):
Thank you, Michelle.
It was a joy to be here andit's just an honor to be a guest
on your podcast.
So thank you very much.
Michelle (27:53):
So, for those of you listening, you might be thinking
, wow, that's a lot for oneperson to endure Cancer,
congestive heart failure, aheart transplant surgery,
infidelity and then a divorce.
And you'd be right.
It is a lot.
But Laura chose to keep thefaith.
(28:14):
When the business no longerconsumed her time, she turned
that time back to God, and whenshe was feeling unworthy and
unloved like damaged goods, Ggod reminded her that she is
more than worthy she's His.
So my prayer is that you willremember that today, my friend,
(28:35):
that you'll remember who's onyour side and who will never
leave you, and one day you toowill be able to help someone
else with the lessons youlearned in your loss.
Thanks for listening.
Well, hey everybody, and welcome back to Qualified,
the place where incrediblepeople share their stories of
overcoming great adversity andloss to inspire you and give you
hope.
I'm Michelle Heaton.
The end of a marriage can bedevastating, depending on the
circumstances and the number ofyears invested.
(00:29):
It can truly cause deepemotional pain and, in some
cases, be likened to a death.
The abrupt and sometimesunwanted end of a relationship
that will never be again canbring serious grief, and in
addition to grief, a personmight also experience anger,
fear, anxiety, loneliness,depression, and the list goes on
(00:54):
.
Divorce is a hard reality thatsome face in this life, but toss
in family trauma, a breastcancer diagnosis and then a
heart transplant and that loadwould seem way too much for any
one person to bear.
Well, my guest today lived thatstory and today she'll share
with us how she managed to notonly persevere through the hard
(01:17):
times, recover physically andemotionally, but she also chose
to use her circumstances to helpother people by writing a book
and offering support to otherswho have experienced their own
adversity in life.
Today she's a resilience coach,author and volunteer mentor
with youth aging out of thefoster care system and
(01:38):
transitioning into adulthood.
Her name is Laura Mangum-Broom,and it's my honor to have her
as my guest on the show today.
Welcome to Qualified Laura.
Laura (01:48):
Thank you, Mi michelle, I'm so excited to be here.
Michelle (01:51):
Great, glad to have you Well.
As I said in the intro, divorceis certainly not an easy thing
to live through, but you alsohad a series of other
life-changing events happen, allwithin a very short period of
time, had a series of otherlife-changing events happen, all
within a very short period oftime.
Can you just set the stage forus by talking first about your
(02:12):
breast cancer diagnosis that youreceived back in 2015 and the
treatment you received and howit all impacted you?
Laura (02:18):
Sure, sure.
And in 2015, we were threeyears into my husband's new
business, 2015, we were threeyears into my husband's new
business, and so I was handlingthe day-to-day operation to kind
of get him started.
And then I was just going tokind of take a back seat and was
hoping to get more involved inan organization I had started
becoming a mentor with.
(02:38):
And so when you're just kind ofgoing through life at them and
happy, you know, you kind of geta little jolt.
And that's what I got thesummer of 2015.
I was diagnosed with bilateralbreast cancer and I remember the
oncologist telling, you know,talking to me, you know, after I
had some scans, biopsy, and itwas just kind of like Charlie
(03:02):
Brown's teacher Womp, womp, womp, womp, biopsy and it was just
kind of like Charlie Brown'steacher.
And but then I heard her say, Ithought I heard her say but you
can beat this, you know, weknow what to do.
You just, you know, just haveto have a positive attitude and
eat healthy and and I was justkind of like it just threw me
out of that going.
I said what can you repeat that?
(03:22):
And so that just was out ofthat going.
I said what can you repeat that?
And so that just was.
That was enough to give me hope.
So I just decided I'm just goingto do exactly what you tell me
to, because I was having todecide how am I going to help my
husband run the business?
We were hoping to get to apoint where we could hire a
manager to take over my duties,but this kind of just that put
(03:43):
this to a halt, because theadditional medical expenses
insurance covered a majority ofit, but the additional medical
expenses in the time it was justhad to rethink everything, and
so I was already trying to trainsome other employees.
We had four employees.
I was trying to train some totake over some of my duties so I
(04:05):
could start getting out ofworking so much.
So, fortunately, my oncologistwas.
We lived close to one of thehospital systems here in San
Antonio, so she was part of amedical building that was just
outside of our neighborhood, soshe did chemo treatments there
in her office, and so I plannedon going to work and then she
(04:30):
was able to get me in for chemotreatments in the afternoon.
So then I would just go homeand rest and I was telling her
the dilemma I was in and shesaid well, I don't do this to
many of my patients, but I canlet you have half dose chemo
treatments for six monthsinstead of the full dose over
three months.
And she said sometimes the halfdose treatments, it's easier
(04:53):
for people to kind of maintaintheir normal routine.
And I said sign me up, I'll dowhatever you tell me, and that
was such a blessing because thefirst month it was it was
terrible, just the nausea andjust getting used to all the
drugs.
There's some pretty powerfulchemo drug and so there was a
(05:15):
sign in the chemo room that saidstay positive, it could be
worse.
And the chair that I usuallycame in, because the time that I
would come in in the afternoonthere were a couple of chairs
available but I would always sitin the chair where I could see
that sign because I just neededto concentrate on it and I did.
You know that it really helpedme get through those six months
(05:37):
of chemo treatment.
Wow, I know that was rough onyou, but I'm so glad that you
(05:59):
chose to stay focused on thatsign.
That's great.
And you told me that duringyour treatments.
You know, just, it was time forthemselves, so I'd always play
it by ear.
I kind of was one of those.
I just wanted to kind of beleft alone during it was like an
you know, a couple of hourchemo treatment.
But I sat next to a woman who,gosh, I still think about her.
(06:19):
She was in, she had terminalbreast cancer.
She waited too long to go inand get diagnosed because she
didn't want to face thediagnosis and so when her
children finally made her go inand they, you know she found out
it was too late.
She could take chemo to prolongher life.
So she decided to do that, tospend as much time with her
(06:42):
children as she could.
But she had such a positiveattitude, you know, and I time
with her children as she could.
But she had such a positiveattitude, you know, and I
thought, oh, I felt so sorry forthis woman but I was so
grateful that, you know, and shesaid, but now she was a strong
proponent of just telling everywoman she ran into go get
diagnosed.
Don't do what I did, you know.
And seeing a teenager, a youngteenage girl, when I started my
(07:08):
chemo treatments she was justfinishing hers and her high
school friends came in with someballoons and a little maybe
tear up sign that saidcongratulations.
You know last chemo and Ithought gosh you know, yeah.
Michelle (07:24):
I'm so sorry you had to go through all that.
I have a friend who'ssupporting someone in her
chemotherapy right now and justgoing into that infusion center
and sitting with her, she seesall those people like you, like
you described, and her heartgoes out to him because there's
so many different stories andages and you know, is it going
to work?
Is it not going to work?
(07:46):
You don't know, and I know thatit can cause you to feel really
bad, really horrible in somecases.
So let's talk about that.
You started the chemo.
You were going through all theinfusions, the half doses, and
then later you started toexperience some physical
symptoms you thought were out ofthe ordinary and you went to
your doctor to have it checkedout.
(08:06):
What happened?
Laura (08:10):
So over that six-month period I got used to the drugs
and everything was going better,I was more stable, and then my
last chemo treatment was onDecember 31st.
What a way to end a chemotreatment, you know fireworks
and everything and I was soexcited and within about a week
(08:32):
I just started getting out ofbreath.
I noticed some swelling in mylegs and this happened over the
next couple of months and myoncologist wanted me to see a
cardiologist and my sister Ihave a twin sister who had been
recently diagnosed withcongestive heart failure and so
(08:54):
she was seeing a goodcardiologist.
And so my oncologist knew himand got me in and he was running
some tests and trying to figureout what was going on.
Well, this went on and then hestarted thinking well, her
sister has congestive heartfailure, she's having same
symptoms.
So he told us what he thoughtit was, but he couldn't do the
(09:14):
types of tests needed to findout if it might be genetic.
So he referred us, both mysister and I, to the Advanced
Heart Failure Clinic here in SanAntonio to see if they could
find out what was going on.
And we found out it was agenetic marker.
Without the chemo treatments Iprobably would have never been
(09:35):
diagnosed with it.
But the chemo this probablyisn't the proper medical way of
explaining it, but I just saythe chemo treatments kind of
flipped on that marker.
So the heart clinic said, yes,you do have congestive heart
failure, but chemo treatmentsreally damaged your heart and
you're going to need a hearttransplant.
Michelle (09:55):
Oh my gosh.
Laura (09:57):
A lot.
Michelle (09:58):
Uh-huh, yeah Well, I'm glad you found out about the
genetic marker and now thedoctors are treating you and
your sister, since you were bothhaving the same symptoms, both
having the same symptoms, andyou told me that they gave you
both defibrillators that wouldcontinuously monitor your
heartbeat and they actuallydeliver a shock when needed to
(10:18):
restore regular heart rhythm.
That's a good thing, but againsort of scary.
Did your doctor explain whatyou should expect once it had
been put in place?
Laura (10:28):
This is how you inject humor in your difficult
situations.
We said what are the symptoms?
What do we expect if we have ashot?
And they said well, we heardifferent things.
Some people say it's just kindof like a jolt, some people say
it feels like a horse kickingyou in the chest.
And then you thought, gosh.
So my sister and I were justkind of making light of our
(10:51):
situation and just saying we'rejust going to be sitting across
the table from each other.
You know doing something and shegets a shock and I laugh at her
and then I get a shock.
Michelle (11:00):
Yeah, Anyway, we do have a positive attitude.
Laura (11:07):
Yes, I mean, what can you do at that point?
Wow.
Michelle (11:11):
So they told you you needed a heart transplant.
I mean, that was shocking, butyour heart was in bad shape and
now the doctors were telling youwhat the next steps were, and
you're trying to balance thiswith everything else you just
went through, right?
Laura (11:27):
Well, I don't think I realized how serious the
condition I was in.
My heart was just reallystarting to give out, and I was
always out of breath.
I had to walk with a cane.
I started working from homebecause you know, we're still
trying to run this business.
I was getting to the pointwhere I was.
(11:47):
You had to limit my fluidsbecause, since my heart couldn't
pump properly, it couldn'tdistribute all the fluids
throughout my body, and so Iwould retain water.
A couple of times I had to goin for them to remove the fluid
around my heart which wascausing the difficulty in
breathing, and so by the time Iwas diagnosed with a heart
(12:11):
transplant, I was working fromhome.
I couldn't do anything but justsit.
Basically, the business stillcontinued.
We had clients to serve, I'dstill go to my doctor's
appointments, still trying tofind relief, and so it was
bittersweet, I just neededrelief.
It got so bad, michelle.
(12:33):
You know we take for grantedjust being able to breathe, but
I couldn't even take a deepbreath.
I was so shallow that for me totake a deep breath, like just
to like, I wasn't even yawning,but you know how deep when you
yawn, you take that all the waydown to your throat.
I couldn't even do that.
If I felt like I needed to takea deep breath, I had to close
(12:56):
my eyes and relax, just relax mybody, just to try to breathe in
through my nose.
If I couldn't do it the firsttime, I would almost start to
get a panic feeling because Ijust wanted to take that deep
breath.
I couldn't sleep in bed.
I would sleep.
We had a like a rocking chairthat I would just kind of get a
(13:17):
pillow and kind of just sleepbent over so I could still
breathe.
I was just miserable at thispoint.
Michelle (13:24):
Yeah, that's pretty scary too, I think so this was
all leading up to the transplant.
Laura (13:32):
By the time they got me on the heart transplant list,
the pandemic was happening, andthis was early 2022.
And so the pandemic wasstarting to shut everything down
, and so the doctors wereconcerned because, with people
not moving about, it reallylowered the percentage of
(13:55):
getting organs, yes, and so,again, I don't think I really
understood the dilemma.
I was in yeah, and so theyexplained the process to me.
We had to go through someeducational classes to
understand exactly what all wasinvolved, and I just thought it
(14:17):
was going to be a simple processyou get your new heart and life
goes on, or you don't make it.
But you know, I just neededrelief.
So they said you could be inthere for weeks and they only
let you stay in the hospital forabout six weeks and they'll
send you back home.
And then, you know, wait tofind information, because, I
(14:38):
mean, it is such a specificmatch.
They have to match the bloodtype, the tissues.
There's so much that goes intomatching an organ donor.
Michelle (14:50):
So that's I mean, that's huge all of that, and you
must have just been emotionallyanxious, worried, trying to
figure out.
You know what's going to happen.
I've got a family, I've got abusiness, I've got all these
health issues, and theneventually you go into the
hospital, and this is in 2020,like you said, during COVID.
(15:10):
So it was kind of a environmentwhere a lot of visitors weren't
allowed, right?
Laura (15:15):
Oh, sure, of course.
Of course I go in right, rightwhen everything shuts down.
I can't have any visitors, Iknow.
I know I mean basically, myhusband had to drop me off and I
had to go in the hospital bymyself and, you know, I just had
to make the best of it.
Thank goodness for technology,you know, with video chat and
(15:36):
phone, and I brought work inwith me because I might as well
do work, because I'm just goingto be sitting here, you know,
and I don't like to just be idleRight.
Michelle (15:47):
I kind of joked around and said it just keeps getting
worse.
But I'm only half joking there,because it actually does get
worse.
So you're in the hospital.
What happened that caused moretrauma in your life?
Talk about that part.
Laura (16:05):
Okay, okay.
When I was in the hospital anddoing work, my husband told me
that he needed a check for about$1,500 to pay this woman he had
hired to help him with anotherside business that he had, and
he had brought her on with ourbusiness and said he needed a
(16:27):
check for $1,500 because she wasgoing to build our website or
improve our website.
And I said, well, I'll give hera deposit and that can pay up
front until I see the finishedproduct, just like we do with
all our other vendors.
And he was adamant about no,I've already told her I'd pay
her this up front.
(16:49):
And we went back and forth.
So I just said if you're goingto pay her, you write the check.
So I refused to write the check.
So he did, and I suspectedsomething might be going on.
But anytime I approached himand asked him point blank are
(17:10):
you having an affair?
Are you seeing her?
He would look me in the eye andsay, no, I'm not.
And I would just I'd find moreclues.
But I didn't have evidence.
So while I was in the hospital,he was real good about checking
in with me.
But when then, when I tried tocontact him, I usually couldn't
get a hold of him.
(17:30):
And I called the office becausehe would tell me I usually
couldn't get a hold of him and Icalled the office because he
would tell me he was at theoffice or he was working late.
And I just had to say if youdon't have any evidence, you got
to let it go.
And I expected to be in thehospital four to six weeks.
I was only in the hospitalthree weeks.
They found a heart that fast,but the doctors had a hard time
(17:57):
getting in touch with my husbandto let me know that the
procedure was over and that theheart transplant was a success.
And so my family is trying toget in touch with him to see if
the surgery is still going on orwhat is the status.
And they couldn't get a hold ofhim either.
So I guess eventually they gota hold of him.
My family kind of spares mefrom some of the details of that
(18:18):
, which is understandable, butwhen I came out of the
anesthesia the doctor was goingto come tell me what was going
on, how everything looked.
He wanted to have my husband onthe phone too to be able to tell
us both, because I was stillkind of groggy from the
medication and the doctor wouldcome in and say sometimes we're
(18:41):
still trying to get ahold ofyour husband and we've left a
voicemail, you know.
We're just waiting for him tocontact us back.
We'll try in a little bit.
But he was kind of nonchalantabout it and I didn't think much
of it either.
I had no idea what was going onbehind the scenes.
Then, surprisingly, two weekslater I was able to go home on
Mother's Day weekend.
(19:01):
Oh, I was so excited and toldthe nurse who was taking me down
to meet my husband I'm so happyto be spending Mother's Day
weekend at home.
This is the best Mother's Daygift I could possibly have.
And little did I know a monthlater the other shoe would drop.
Michelle (19:23):
So at this point you're recovering from a double
mastectomy, a heart transplantsurgery, and now you said the
other shoe's going to drop.
Tell us what happened and howyou responded.
Laura (19:36):
So I've been home from the hospital for about a month
and my legs were so weak I couldbarely get out of the chair and
my husband was home.
I was supposed to have 24-hourcare for the first three months.
After the first week my husbandstarted going into the office
(19:56):
again and I was there during theday by myself and he would call
and check on me every now andthen.
Then, after about a month, thetelltale signs were coming back
and he was coming home late atnight from the office.
So I just asked him do you wantto continue this marriage or do
(20:21):
you want something else?
And he said I just don't thinkI can make you happy.
And I realized he didn't wantto continue the marriage.
He already had somebody else inthe wings.
We had our ups and downs.
You know we've been married 27years but I never thought it
would come to this.
But I knew I had no regrets.
(20:43):
I knew I had given it my allthat I could do, and so I just
decided this was it.
You know I made that decision,but you still, you go to bed,
you get up and you go.
Well, maybe we can work thisout, but a lot of stuff that had
(21:04):
been hidden kind of came out inthe open and I realized I just
want to get this over with asquickly as possible.
And my doctors, my heart clinicdoctors, were in a panic
because I had to let them knowwhat was going on.
And you know their whole thingto me for quarantining for a
(21:25):
year.
You know, keep the stress leveldown, you know, yeah, yeah.
Michelle (21:30):
Yeah, so again, I'm really sorry, really sorry.
I mean it's difficult and Iknow that you're a woman of
faith and so I'm curious, as youwent through this process, how
you struggled with your faith,if you struggled with your faith
, and what role it played inyour, your healing and recovery.
Laura (21:50):
It was a big factor because I had gotten so busy
with the business, I was notreading the Bible daily like I
used to, and so that'simmediately what I started doing
again and thank goodness I did,because at this point I felt
like, you know, I've beenthrough a double mass act, my
(22:14):
body has been through so muchand I felt like I just was
unworthy, I was damaged goods.
You know, I didn't want to be astatistic, you know,
middle-aged woman whose husbandleft her for another woman, it's
just everything that I had beenthrough.
It's like that was kind of likejust kicking me when I was down
.
So by reading the Bible andreminding myself I'm a child of
(22:39):
God, I am, you know, fearfullyand wonderfully made.
I'm made for his purpose, andthat was so comforting because
it's like he is my father.
That's all I care about isbeing a child of God, that he
loves me unconditionally.
(22:59):
I am worthy and I will getthrough this because he's going
to help me Wow, I love it, and Ithink you absolutely did the
right thing.
Michelle (23:10):
I always say to people and I've said this on many
other episodes it seems likewhen people go through really
difficult things in life thatthey either run to God or they
run away from God.
So I'm glad that you chose torun to God.
I did the same thing and Ithink that's something that
we'll never regret.
No, so, Laura, you've beenthrough a lot.
(23:30):
My friend, you had a cancerdiagnosis and needed
chemotherapy, but whilereceiving treatments, you
focused on remaining positiveand practicing gratitude for the
blessings you have in this life.
Your cancer treatment was a lotto endure, but what was revealed
in the process would end upsaving your life.
So you were grateful even whilegoing through it.
(23:53):
And when your sister and youfound yourself in similar
situations, you chose to allowhumor to make things more
tolerable and keep your joyintact.
And when you ultimatelydiscovered that your marriage
would end, you chose to run backto God and to His Word to
strengthen your faith and keepyou focused on the truths about
(24:13):
who you are and that you'refearfully and wonderfully made.
Laura, what other lessons haveyou learned that you want to
share with listeners right now?
Laura (24:23):
Oh, I have so many life lessons, but the most important
ones that I would say thebiggest thing that was a game
changer for me was no-transcriptdifference.
(24:55):
But I mean, I got to the pointwhere I had to.
I had to literally do that.
I would start writing thingsdown that's out of my control,
but this, I can do somethingwith this.
And that kind of became mymantra is I can't do that but I
can do this.
And when we think we're do thatbut I can do this, and when we
(25:18):
think that life is out ofcontrol, and the most important
thing is you have so much withinyou that you have control over,
you have control over yourthoughts, your words and your
actions.
Like, I didn't have controlover what my husband chose to do
, but I did have a choice overwhat I could do and I had in my
situation.
I had a brand new heart, I hada second chance at life and I
(25:40):
was going to make the most of itand that's what I chose to do.
And so you know, for youraudience, just know that you can
overcome anything that you'rewilling to choose to do.
I think there's people out theregoing through tough times that
(26:01):
they just don't think they cando it.
Life's not fair, life's nevergoing to be fair.
But just because it's anobstacle doesn't mean you know
you can't turn it into anopportunity, and as I wish I
could just tell that toeverybody going through hardship
.
I mean, we pretty much have achoice between being a victim or
(26:24):
a victor, and I wholeheartedlysay choose victor.
Life is good when you can lookfor the positive and focus on
what you can do to move forward.
And I'd say that's it in anutshell Just focus on what you
(26:45):
can do and be grateful.
Michelle (26:48):
Yeah, those are great lessons, and I love the sign
that was hanging on the wall inthe infusion center.
Tell us what it said one moretime.
Laura (26:56):
Stay positive.
It could be worse.
Michelle (26:58):
It could be worse.
Laura (27:01):
And that's how you find gratitude is finding out why
things aren't worse, Right yeah?
Michelle (27:07):
Yeah, I love what you said about radical acceptance,
because I think that applies toso many types of grief and loss
in life.
It does, I mean you have toface the reality of what is and
know that you can't go backwards, accept it and then choose to
thrive again.
So I love the way that you laidthat all out for us.
Thank you very much.
Well, at this point, Laura, Ijust want to thank you so much
(27:31):
for agreeing to come on the showand be my guest today, and I'll
put a link in the show notes toyour website where guests can
go and learn more about yourbook and the services you offer.
Thank you again for coming onthe show.
What a pleasure talking withyou.
Laura (27:44):
Thank you, Michelle.
It was a joy to be here andit's just an honor to be a guest
on your podcast.
So thank you very much.
Michelle (27:53):
So, for those of you listening, you might be thinking
, wow, that's a lot for oneperson to endure Cancer,
congestive heart failure, aheart transplant surgery,
infidelity and then a divorce.
And you'd be right.
It is a lot.
But Laura chose to keep thefaith.
(28:14):
When the business no longerconsumed her time, she turned
that time back to God, and whenshe was feeling unworthy and
unloved like damaged goods, Ggod reminded her that she is
more than worthy she's His.
So my prayer is that you willremember that today, my friend,
(28:35):
that you'll remember who's onyour side and who will never
leave you, and one day you toowill be able to help someone
else with the lessons youlearned in your loss.
Thanks for listening.
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