September 1, 2023 • 44 mins
Growing up in an alcoholic and abusive home made every day difficult for Suzy. She endured painful emotional and physical abuse and failed to receive the nurturing and parental guidance that is so critical to a child’s healthy development. But even after being raped at a very young age, and living in a home devoid of love, Suzy’s greatest loss would be the death of her younger brother, Bart, who died tragically by suicide.
Join me in this intimate conversation with Suzy Ryan, author, educator, Ironman athlete, and SCAD (Spontaneous Coronary Artery Dissection) survivor. After twenty-plus years of teaching bright-eyed, enthusiastic pupils and tired-eyed, apathetic ones, and everything in between, Suzy realized each student had a story to tell—some even traumatic as her own.
Her debut novel, Saving Summer, was born out of a desire to offer a bridge of hope for students, encouraging them to see themselves as victors rather than victims. Awarded Valley Middle School’s teacher of the year in 2020, Suzy now teaches 6th, 7th, and 8th grades at Carlsbad Seaside Academy. A Kansas native turned California girl, she enjoys spending time with her husband and three adult children.
https://www.Suzyryan.com
#abusesurvivor #sexualabuse #suicide #atriskstudents #teacher #compassion #rape #empathy #narcissisticparents #alcoholism #savingsummer #suzyryan #SCAD #trauma #faith #BartBradford #JackMunday
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Michelle (00:10):
Well, hey everybody, and welcome back to Qualified,
the place where incrediblepeople share their stories of
overcoming great adversity andloss to inspire you and give you
hope.
I'm Michelle Heaton.
Well, with each guest Iinterview for the show, I'm
always amazed at the level ofstrength and resilience I
(00:30):
encounter, especially given thecircumstances of the loss as
they endured.
Many have lived through deeptrauma, have tragically lost
children, spouses, siblings,parents, and also physical
abilities and even limbs, andeach and every time I am simply
(00:51):
amazed when they are able toshare with you the lessons
they've learned as they manageto move forward in life with a
new perspective and positiveoutlook.
But what I learned about myguest today truly moved me and
made me realize once again thatwe're stronger than we think we
are, that when life throws hardstuff at us, we can survive.
(01:14):
It will be hard, really hard,but we can make it, and then we
can use what we've been throughto help other people.
And that's what this podcast isall about.
So let me tell you a littleabout her.
She's a Kansas native turnedCalifornia girl.
She's a wife, a mother,best-selling author, speaker,
(01:37):
educator and Ironman athlete.
But one of her greatestattributes has to be survivor.
Her name is Suzy Ryan and it'smy great privilege to have her
as my guest on the show today.
Welcome to Qualified Suzy.
I'm so honored to be here.
I'm so excited.
Wonderful, okay, Suzy.
(01:58):
Well, I finished your book thisweek, as you know, and I
couldn't wait to talk with youand to delve into this
discussion.
So thanks again for agreeing tocome on the show.
So your book called SavingSummer is a novel that follows
the chaotic family life of avery young girl all the way
through her college years.
(02:18):
Can you just tell us why it wasimportant for you to write this
book?
Suzy (02:24):
I've been trying to write this book since I was young.
I've been trying to tell mystory because when you live
through trauma, you know thatthere's another side.
You're going to get to the end.
And I kept thinking when I wasgrowing up, even though I wasn't
(02:45):
educated in English well, and Ineeded to somehow share this,
which I equate to God, becausewhy would I even think that, why
would my mind even be goingdown that path?
But when I became older, godspoke to my heart and said I
need you to tell your story.
I want to redeem your story.
(03:07):
I want to use your story tohelp others.
And it was difficult becauseit's a novel, but it's based on
my life and the sufferingstudents told me and
unfortunately and I'm veryauthentic I was more of a people
pleaser than I even wanted toadmit.
So to share my story, God hadto say I need you to please me,
(03:31):
Suzy, you need to be a Godpleaser.
No more people pleasing.
And I need your story.
I'm going to use it and I knowthat it's going to change you by
obeying me Now with that, yousay, ok, God, let's go right.
(03:52):
And then I got serious incompleting it and now I am so
honored to be on your podcasts,like I said, but that God would
count me worthy to use mysuffering to help others.
How could I have said no?
Michelle (04:12):
So you said you're suffering.
But you said it's a novel.
So I read the book.
How much of the story is aboutSuzy and how much is about
Summer?
How much did you embellish?
If you could tell me?
Suzy (04:28):
Such a great question.
So I did get permission foranybody.
So I'm starting to sweat alittle bit, which is good,
because you got a great questionthere and in the story that was
based on a real character.
I got their permission.
I got their permission, but Idid say I would not tell about
their lives.
So you'll see in the story,when you read it, you'll know
(04:49):
why.
But for my life I will tell you.
It's all true, it's true, it'strue, it's true, it's true what
Summer suffered.
I did suffer that.
And I will tell you one thingthat I suffered that I never
told anybody, because you tellpeople little things, what you
think they can handle.
(05:11):
And one thing, and this is themost shocking maybe not, it just
depends on the reader, but inthe book, actually, at the age
of seven, I'm raped.
I say in the book I'm eightbecause I was worried that
people would not believe me,because my beta readers, who
(05:32):
read and tell me what you thinkor what they think of your book,
they said how could that havehappened?
And not that they were beingdisrespectful, but it's so
shocking.
So I moved it up to eight, butI was really seven.
I never told anybody, Michelle.
I never told anybody.
And the book I say I'm not goingto tell anybody.
I never told anybody until Iwrote the book.
(05:52):
It was so traumatic, it was sohard and I could not process it.
And one of my last editors saidyou didn't come to fruition
about rape.
That's not fixed in the novel,because in a novel you can do a
lot of tweaking and compilationcharacters.
(06:12):
And I said to her it's becauseI wasn't over it.
When the novel is, I'm stillprocessing that, but getting it
out in the light, out of theshadows.
So now I feel so empoweredbecause people who have read it,
so many people, have come up tome and said as young children
(06:36):
they were raped and no one talks.
Michelle (06:39):
Well, I'm glad you actually brought that up,
because reading that part of thebook just tore my heart out and
thinking of you, thinking ofwhat I thought was an
eight-year-old girl, was justhorrific.
And I know that it is thereality.
People don't like to talk aboutthat stuff.
(06:59):
People don't often like to talkabout grief and loss, but those
of us who have honored, it needto talk about it and it's
healing to talk about it.
So for me to read that it wasvery difficult, but my heart was
breaking for you.
So if you would, I read aboutthat incident.
(07:20):
It was in a home where a motherwas drinking using drugs for
other family members.
There was so much emotional andphysical abuse.
You even talk about a lack offood and things like that, the
whole environment.
Could you just kind of describefor us that environment that
you grew up in?
Suzy (07:41):
Yes, it was an alcoholic environment and it was difficult
, but God blessed me with someinner joy and optimism and
cheerfulness and I just bouncedalong knowing tomorrow's going
to be a better day.
Now there are consequencesbecause you can see and I know
(08:03):
your audience can't, but you cansee I travel with food all the
time.
I always have food, I alwayshave food and I have water.
I never go anywhere without itbecause I was hungry and now I
have great genetics.
But it's not a good thing whenyou've got great genetics and
you're not getting food.
It's rough.
(08:23):
It's rough and it wasn'tpersonal.
It was a very distracted homelife.
The kids were not.
The kids were not how I raisedmy kids.
Right, the kids were just partof you're doing what we do and
the motto was do as I say, notas I do, and because I told you
(08:46):
so.
And that was the motto and itwas really like being raised in
the Lord of the Flies book,because the kids were raising
themselves and when kids raisethemselves, kids get raped, kids
get in trouble, kids needparents, kids need parents at
(09:07):
home, kids need to be parentedand we were.
We were, my parents weredistracted and then my parents
divorced when I was four, whichwas so traumatic for me, and
then the stepfathers were verydifficult and they were abusive.
(09:28):
And so now you're in a situationwhere you're you're just
fragmented.
You're just fragmented, butthrough it all it's a book of
hope when you read it, because,because God gave me the ability
to know there was more and I wasgoing to be okay, and I knew
that from the time I was young.
(09:49):
I knew it and he gave me myathleticism to carry me and I'm
so thankful for that.
But what that does when you andI call it I coined it
performance based security.
When you have a performancebased security, it carries you
until you can get healthy andheal.
But it's a false God and it's aprison, because you're only as
(10:14):
good as the last thing you'vedone right.
So that's when my peoplepleasing came in right.
I could only feel okay if Iwere pleasing people, if I were
winning a race, if I had A's onmy report card.
That's how I got validated.
So then it becomes youridentity and to not please
people is it's so uncomfortablethat you do anything to not feel
(10:38):
uncomfortable.
Michelle (10:39):
Yeah, oh, Suzy, I am so sorry to hear that and thanks
for actually going deep andgiving us all the details.
As hard as I know it is for you.
So you had to endure so muchand I know how hard just divorce
alone is on kids and with thepain of loss of the family unit
(11:00):
and then the step parentdynamics, all of it's so tough.
So in the book you talk aboutyour younger brother that you
love so much and then at somepoint in the story you talk
about getting kicked out of thehouse by your stepfather and it
was a terrible turning point foryou and one of the biggest
reasons was that you would haveto leave your brother there in
(11:23):
that house, but you had nochoice.
So you dedicate the book toyour brother, Bart.
Can you talk a little bit abouthim?
Suzy (11:32):
Is the most gorgeous, beautiful, kind-hearted, sweet
boy, seven years younger than me, and I was the student at
school that was achieving.
So I was at risk, but youdidn't know it because we always
looked perfect.
He was the kid at school whoyou knew was not doing well.
(11:55):
He couldn't focus or maybe hedidn't want to focus, he was
floundering.
So I felt like as seven yearsolder that I, that almost he was
my child and I wanted to takecare of him and love him and be
there for him, and it was a joyfor me to do that.
And he was funny.
(12:16):
We would laugh so hard at themost random things and connect.
And I think that's what Imissed the most.
Growing up in that chaoticenvironment I didn't feel loved.
I did not feel loved.
But from Bart I knew he lovedme.
I knew he loved me, and whenyou grow up and you don't feel
(12:40):
loved, it is of everything thathappened to me, not feeling
loved was crushing,soul-crushing, and so I loved
Bart with that love that I didget to pour into him.
So when I did get kicked out, Ithink the saddest scene in the
(13:01):
book for me to write was I knewwhen I wrote Michelle what was
sad, because I had a hand towelby my computer and when I got
really sad I'd put it in my eyesand I saw him.
And then I'm a teacher, my dayjob, and I knew I had to get up
and teach the next day.
So I'd be like, ah, don't havetime to cry anymore.
I've got to put that down andgot to keep writing.
(13:22):
But after I got kicked out andyou know, in the story you'll
see how God did a miraclethrough a little small town who
rescued and that risk kid andI'll always be thankful for them
.
But I had to leave my brotherand I would have never left him
had I not gotten kicked out.
But even when I was 16 anddidn't know God personally, I
(13:46):
knew that God had rescued mefrom that house and somehow I
had to save myself.
But that meant leaving mybrother.
So the next day when I got toschool and by some phenomenal
series of events, the next day,I'm dressed, my hair is washed,
I've had breakfast and I've gotlunch money and I'm at school
the next day.
(14:06):
No one even knows until I'mwalking by the playground to the
high school building that goespast the playground.
Do you remember that scene.
Remember when he came up on theplayground and met us.
Yeah, because he wants to knowwhen I'm coming home.
Michelle (14:24):
Yeah, yeah, and you left him a note.
Suzy (14:28):
I did leave him a note.
He wants to know when I'mcoming home and I know I'm not
coming home.
I'm sorry that was so rough Onhis face, the abandonment of
that.
I thought you loved me, Ithought you loved me and now
you've left me because that'show I felt and I had to leave
(14:51):
because I got kicked out, I wasforced out.
But to abandon him like that, Ithat scene, writing that scene
was almost too much for me, butit healed me because writing and
taking it out of the shadowsand putting it into the light,
it heals.
And who else has had to reallysave themselves?
(15:14):
For instance, in the plane theoxygen mass comes down and we
have to put it on first beforewe can help someone.
So you have to save yourselfand and, but I getting kicked
out, god saved me because I wasnever, ever going to leave.
I would never have left him.
Michelle (15:31):
I think, if I remember correctly, you know
your stepfather told you toleave and you didn't do anything
wrong.
He just wanted you gone and itwas very difficult.
Like you say, and I just Idon't even know if you're if you
could go there to tell us whatultimately happened to Bart.
Suzy (15:53):
I will.
He didn't really have friendsand he was such a handsome boy
and he was winsome and fun, buthe was very insecure.
So he, he didn't, couldn'tblossom, he couldn't, he just he
lived in my shadow, he hung outwith me and he ended up getting
(16:16):
into drugs and he ended uptrying to kill himself three
times and then he finally killedhimself.
And what I can't say in thebook, because why tried to?
But it's hard to write thatkind of pain.
When I got the news, I screamedso loud that the neighbors came
(16:40):
to see if I was okay.
I could not stop screaming.
It was so incredibly there'snot anything in words the loss
of my baby brother.
And then you have the guilt ohmy gosh, I should not have left
(17:02):
that house until I did.
Oh my gosh, how come I didn'tsee I was the last one to seem
alive?
Why didn't I try harder?
Okay, then I'm now.
I'm the people, please areright.
Now I'm being hard on myselfand you'll see in the book how
God helps me.
You never get over it, but hehelps you get through it and
that's that's a with a beautifulpart for me to write in the
(17:24):
book, because that's what Goddid for me.
But I also kept this picture ofBart when I'm writing the book
and it's one of those picturesthat follows you.
Hmm, you know the saddest thingabout death not the saddest
thing there's.
Somebody said something spit,you don't have as many pictures
as you wish you had.
Oh, tell me Right.
So I have this picture that heis so happy in it and he's
(17:47):
looking at me and I knew fromheaven.
He was looking at me and sayingI knew you live both of our
lives together and you wouldmake my life count.
And that's what motivated me,through the hand towel of tears,
to write our story, because itredeems it.
(18:09):
It redeems it, it keeps hismemory alive.
Every time you ask me aboutBart, his name is still alive,
it's, he's still making adifference and his life has made
a difference because it's whatmade me become a teacher.
I was in sales.
I was in sales because I didn'twant to be hungry anymore.
(18:31):
I wanted to make sure I had ajob where I could.
I could support myself, nomatter what.
And then, after Bart and you've, you don't, like I said, you
don't get over it, but youreadjust yourself to what's
really important, and it wasn'timportant selling product
anymore.
It just didn't matter.
So I went back to school.
I had a business degree.
(18:52):
I went back and got my teachingcredential and that's what made
me be a teacher.
Look for at-risk kids.
Look for the hurting that hidein plain sight.
Look for the kid bouncing upand down needing attention Is
that was me?
Or looking for the one coweringin their seat Because that was
(19:13):
Bart and we together, bart and I, have made a difference for
kids.
Michelle (19:20):
Hmm, well, I mean okay, my mind is just exploding
with questions but you also, youdedicate the book to Bart, your
brother Bart, and you talkabout him in the book as a
fictional character, sort oflike yourself, and it just blew
my mind that you know everythingthat you went through and you
got out, like you said, a familyhelped you and then you had to
(19:42):
endure the pain of him stayingthere and then the guilt of
thinking I think your mom eventried to blame you for his death
and all of it and then youbecome a teacher.
So, like you said, you're usingeverything that you went
through to help other kids.
It doesn't take it away, butyou're doing something with it.
So I know there's another youngman named Jack that's in your
(20:05):
dedication and I want to knowabout your relationship with him
and why he's dedicated in thebook.
Suzy (20:12):
I love Jack.
Jack was my seventh gradestudent and I did write a story
about because the book is fullof stories that I did things
wrong.
And one of the things I didwrong when I was a freshman I
got in a car with a girl this istrue and her brother and I did
(20:32):
it so she would like me andshe's a composite character, but
that scene is true that I didget in the car with a certain
girl and two blocks down theKansas endless black gravel road
, she flipped the car, there wasno glass and we walked away
from it, which was a completemiracle.
So I wrote this story, justthis story, as in a chicken soup
(20:56):
for the soul segment, and readit to all my students.
So I did it as a teachingmoment.
Should Mrs Ryan get in the carin the middle of the night,
sneaking at 14?
No, Of course the kids know theanswer.
And then I say, did Mrs Ryanget in the car?
(21:18):
And they say yes, I said I didbecause peer pressure, I needed
her to like me.
So I read that to all mystudents.
Jack would have been in thatclassroom when I read that,
hoping, and I'd asked themhoping, what am I hoping for.
And then one student would saythat we don't make the same
mistake.
(21:38):
And I said, exactly, I'm beingvulnerable.
And that was so many years ago.
I mean, what 40?
Even talking about it today, Istart sweating.
In front of the classroom Istart sweating, and I always
have to take off my jacket andsay, OK, I'm sweating because I
made such a foolish mistake.
I remember what it felt like tothink I was going to die and
(21:59):
thinking it was my own faultbecause I knew better, but I got
to live.
So, seventh grade, Jack is now15, and he makes, getting ready
to be 16,.
He makes a foolish mistake.
So he's almost 16.
And he gets in the car in themiddle of the night, right at
(22:19):
the beginning of COVID, with abunch of kids.
They're in an SUV in two blocksfrom his house.
A girl without a driver'slicense or just a permit which
doesn't matter, Nourkees, you'renot supposed to drive in the
middle of the night she flipsthe car and Jack flips out and
dies.
Oh my gosh.
And not just one of my students.
(22:40):
A student that was sunny,optimistic, went for the hurting
kid.
It was popular, was smart,savvy, athletic, handsome.
People gravitated towards himbecause he had such an
easy-going vibe that he wasn'twanting to be popular.
(23:05):
He was popular.
He wanted to look for thehurting student and I love that
about him.
So at his candlelight hisbeautiful mom, Joe, who happens
to be my neighbor she said keepmy Jackie's memory alive.
(23:25):
And I understood, becausethat's what I do with Bart.
I need to keep his memory alive, I need to talk about it.
I need you to know Bart.
I need my readers to know Bart.
Bart's still cheering for me.
He's from heaven.
There is my sister and Ithought to myself, as I'm
writing this book and really nowserious about finishing it, I
(23:48):
thought I'm going to write aboutJack and I'm going to write him
into a scene and the real boy'sname was Johnny, who I took to
Star Wars with my brother Idon't know if you remember that
scene in the book and I wroteJack into it and Jack steals the
scene.
Because Jack stole every scenehe was in, because he was so
(24:10):
beloved and full of optimism andenergy, everything, and so I
wrote that in and I felt like norush of pleasure I think I can
even verbalize at keeping hismemory alive and his mom has
(24:32):
been so supportive and I did thesoft book launch and she came
and talked about Jack and it wasall these people and I stood
back and looked at her and Ithought we did it, Kept his
memory alive, and we're doing itright now.
Michelle (24:50):
And now I got to interject because you've given
me permission.
I started the podcast becauseof losing my son, Sean at 17,
who sounds just like Jack.
Just that kid that was gorgeousand funny but didn't want to be
popular just was because of theperson he was.
And then they die and it justhurt so bad.
(25:13):
It hurt so bad and I wouldalways mention Sean in my
podcast and then I realized Idon't want to take the attention
away from the story of theperson who I'm interviewing, but
I just want to take a minuteand honor Sean as well, because
I think you could appreciatethat, right, Suzy?
Suzy (25:31):
Oh, I am so grateful you did.
And here's my vision right nowwe have Sean, we have Jack and
we have Bart, and they're up inheaven and Jack has taught them
all to surf or maybe Sean knewhow to surf because Jack was a
surfer and they are surfing thecrystal sea and they are so
(25:52):
happy and they're cheering fromabove that we're making their
life count.
We're making their life countand redeeming it.
And Jesus says to you well done, my good and faithful servant
for the podcast, because yougave me a platform to talk about
Bart.
You give Joe's Jack a platformto be remembered.
(26:17):
And those boys, those teenageboys who died as teenagers.
They would never come backbecause heaven's so rockin'
great, but they're stopping asour cloud of witnesses to say go
, yes, and they're getting backon their oh.
They probably don't even needsurfboards, they're probably
just with their feet surfin'their crystal sea and lovin'
life Right Right and becausetheir death was used for
(26:41):
something good, exactly.
Michelle (26:44):
You know, Suzy, you mentioned Jack and it's such a
sad story because I know he wasin your class and he was so
loved by so many.
Is there a story that you canshare with us about a child that
you were able to identify asmaybe being at risk, that you
were able to help kind of comethrough a bad situation?
Suzy (27:06):
His name is Damien and he was also my seventh grade class
and then I taught sixth gradeand also seventh grade about
five years ago.
Damien was suicidal.
Damien was bright.
I knew immediately he was anat-risk kid.
He walked in with an attitudebut he was bright.
(27:27):
He would not do his work, buthe was closed, and he had a
really neat mother who was ateacher.
So I was a little confused andI loved Damien and I said to him
I know you're bright and I knowyou've got something going on
that you're not able to eitherunderstand or tell me Otherwise
(27:48):
you wouldn't be acting out inclass.
That I want you to know I loveyou.
We ended up not literally, buthe was on the train tracks twice
trying to kill himself.
That's how desperate he was.
And then he got into drugs andI've not done any drugs in my
(28:09):
life.
I saw way too many drugs.
I saw so many lives destroyedby drugs.
That was the beginning of theend for my brother.
So I made a choice that I wasgoing to stay free from drugs.
So I could tell, though beingaround him, that he was doing
drugs.
So think about he's young, andthis is actually the next year
(28:32):
when he's in eighth grade.
So I found him and I had thecounselor pulling out of his
class and bringing him to myprep period, which is our period
off for teachers.
And I said once you're mystudent, you're always my
student, and I know you're doingdrugs and I'm worried about you
and I know we got you off thetracks.
And he said I'm not suicidalanymore.
(28:53):
I said but somehow you're usingthese drugs because you've been
in so much pain and I don'tknow your pain and I understand
it.
But I'm going to fight for you.
I'm going to fight for you.
You are not going to do drugs.
They are not your friend.
I said I wish I could tell youall I knew about drugs, but I
can't because it's not ageappropriate.
I said but I want you to know Iunderstand somehow you're
(29:17):
trying to meditate and medicateyourself with drugs.
And he was aloof and he kind ofsauntered out and then he came
back.
And then he came back and hecame back.
He had more issues that I keptloving him.
Then I saw, well, then he cameback when he was in high school
to my class and he brought hisgirlfriend and he said I'm an, a
(29:41):
student.
Michelle (29:43):
You're proud.
Suzy (29:45):
He wanted to show me how well he had done and I said I
always knew you're going to makeit, because I always told him
this is going to be used forgood.
I'm okay.
I can't tell you everythingthat happened to me, but I'm
okay and I'm here to tell youyou're going to be okay and
you're going to use it for yourdestiny to help others.
Michelle (30:05):
Thank God for teachers like you, Suzy, and
thank you because it seems likekids today.
They're just going throughsuffering more and more, yeah,
more and more suffering, and wehave social media and so many
other things that you and Ididn't have, in addition to
drugs and the bullying I don'tknow, but my heart breaks for
(30:26):
kids like that and I'm so happyto know that you're there.
So, anyway, thank you for yourobedience and doing what you're
doing and listening to God'svoice.
Yeah, so proud of you.
Suzy (30:38):
Thank you.
I appreciate that and I wantyou to know, the only reason I
was able to help Damian wasbecause I had suffered and I
could feel it.
I can feel it with the kids.
I could feel it and he knew, Iknew, so he could trust me.
So when he was in eighth gradeand he got into so much trouble
in eighth grade and he would saythey would take his phone away
(30:59):
and for the day, you know, he'sjust, he's gotten so much
trouble and they would try totake it and he was so stubborn
and he would say I will not giveit.
The only person I'll let haveit is Mrs Ryan.
And so they would have to comeover and bring me his phone and
then he'd have to come back andgive it.
But I knew that's because heknew I loved him and I took that
(31:21):
as an encouragement that I wasmaking a difference and I prayed
for that kid and that was whatI could do.
And I know God got ahold of himand his story is a success
story.
And then I got to be part ofthe healing team and what that
does, michelle, which I know youknow that redeems your story.
(31:45):
It doesn't make it right but itmakes you know what the enemy
meant for evil.
God is using for good andcounted you worthy to suffer so
it can be used for good.
Michelle (32:00):
Yeah, that's very humbling, isn't it?
Suzy (32:03):
It's almost more than you can even take in.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Michelle (32:08):
In your book you talk about all the medals you won
for running track and I knowyou've been an athlete for a
long time and I mentioned theopening that year at triathlete.
But I also read and you and Ididn't talk about it before, but
I also read that you had acouple of heart incidents.
What I mean is that was that arandom thing?
Is it significant?
(32:29):
Is there anything that you wantto mention about that that's
significant to all of this?
Suzy (32:33):
It's very significant and because I should not have had a
heart attack.
I have no plaque, I have noheart disease, no one in my
family does.
I have no issues.
I'm an Iron man.
So you think about what my body, what God gave me, and a great
body, the Iron man it's.
One day you know, you swim 2.4miles, you run, you bike 112
(32:55):
miles and then, just for fun,you throw on your running shoes
and you run a marathon.
So my body is rock and muscularbecause it was my dad's and I'm
so thankful I'm strong.
So when I had three heartattacks in a week and I didn't
think they were because howwould I have a heart attack?
Because just it wouldn't happen.
(33:16):
The last one occurred in thepool, in a master's workout.
I flipped, turned and I heard avoice that said stop swimming,
get out of the pool.
And in the book, when I'mgetting ready to take a bunch of
girls driving with a permit,just like the girl that was
(33:38):
driving when Jack died.
That's why I don't judge,because I did the same thing
until I heard a voice, notknowing it was Jesus at the time
.
But when you hear a voice likethat, you obey, and so I stopped
that car right when the voicesaid stop.
And I got out and we weregetting ready to go into that,
that sinkhole size Olympic pool.
(33:58):
So God spared me.
So when I heard this voice inthe pool, after three of these
incidents and a heart attack ispainful, it is like a TV is on
your chest, you're sweating,you're cold, you're hot, you're
sick, you're feeling nauseated,it's, it's I was really in
avoidance, which heart diseaseis the number one cause of
(34:21):
women's death, and men, womendon't usually go and get checked
out because we think that we'reokay, and that was me.
So when I finally did, theystill could.
After the voice, my daughterdrove me to the urgent care.
He couldn't find anything.
They sent me to the ER.
They couldn't find anythingbecause my Iron Man's heart,
(34:43):
that God gave me, was stillprotecting me when I had a SCAD
event, that is, spontaneouscoronary artery dissection,
which means one of my arteriesis shredding.
My shredded artery thatdissected was my main artery, my
LAD, which is called theWidow-maker's Artery because of
(35:06):
all the widows it makes.
So my phenomenal cardiologist,Dr.
Carr, was so wise because if hewould have sent me home, I
would have died, if he wouldhave gone in and ballooned me
and you know, just get rid ofthe plaque.
It was shredded.
So he gave me three extra longstents and it gave me my life
(35:29):
back and I was able to—I don'tdo Ironman's anymore, I can do
anything, but I'm careful witheverything just because I want
to be wise.
But how this connects is then Igo back to school and I'm in a
training and I hear teachers youneed to identify at-risk kids,
(35:50):
because if you don't and there'sno one in their corner because
it only takes one person to lovea kid then they grow up and
they have—are you ready for this, Michelle?
Unexplained heart issues andphysical issues and premature
death.
And I was in that room and I—mymouth dropped open and I said
(36:17):
this is my story.
This is my story and this iswhy I know God had me tell my
story, to go back to let thesekids know if I'm the only one.
They are loved and they areloved.
Now we know for sure they'reloved by Jesus.
I can't say that in the publicschool, but I do love my
(36:38):
students and once they know thatyou love them, they can learn
from you and then they come andshare their stories.
Now, sometimes I've had to callCPS because I'm a mandated
reporter.
But this is why God brought meinto the classroom, so I could
share my story, so we don't havemore kids growing up from that
(37:00):
constant pressure of not feelingloved, of the anxiety of being
tense for the next thing that'sgoing to happen, so they can
heal Gosh.
Michelle (37:14):
Well, that is significant, isn't it?
That's such importantinformation that was shared with
you, as a teacher, about howtrauma can impact the heart.
You know, sometimes when wetalk about grief, we hear that
people have actually died of abroken heart after a great loss,
and there's medical evidencesimilar to what you shared about
that.
The stress, the trauma and theconstant emotional pressure can
(37:38):
truly impact a person physically, and we need to be mindful of
that.
Wow Well, Suzy, I trulyappreciate everything you've
shared, because I believethere'll be listeners out there
who will benefit from knowingthat you've been through all of
this and that you've not onlysurvived, but that you're using
it to help other people, and soI just want to summarize some of
(38:00):
the great points that you madenow.
You talked about how yourdifficult upbringing caused you
to become a people-pleaser,because things went well for you
when you were doing what otherswanted, but you realize now
that, in reality, you need to bea god-pleaser and that in doing
so, everything else falls intoplace.
You openly and candidly sharedabout a deeply personal incident
(38:24):
that occurred in your lifebeing raped at the age of seven
and you admitted that when youfinally took that memory out of
your mind and exposed it to thelight that it was actually
empowering, because you now knowthat your story can be used to
help others.
You suffered a great loss theloss of your brother, Bart, to
(38:45):
suicide, and you struggled bothin writing those words in the
book and speaking them today inthe podcast, because the loss
was so great and your love forhim so deep, which you were led
to write his story to keep hismemory alive.
And in doing so, you said, yourpain becomes less and less as
time goes by.
(39:05):
You explained what you learnedand experienced firsthand about
the impact of trauma on thehuman heart, and you now have an
even deeper understanding ofhow trauma can affect a young
person, and you're workingtirelessly each day to not only
educate young people but to lovethem and care for them with the
(39:25):
love of Christ.
You said you left your formerjob and became a teacher because
you wanted to help out riskkids, and you shared about one
of your students that turned hislife around because he realized
he was love, and that motivatesyou to keep doing what you're
doing.
So, Suzy, given everything thatyou've experienced, all of the
trauma, the abuse, emotional andphysical what other life
(39:50):
lessons do you want to sharewith someone listening right now
, who might be in a situationlike you were in and needs hope?
Suzy (39:57):
This sounds counterintuitive, but I know it
to be true and we know it's truebecause Jesus said it.
My motto is forgive fast andlove fiercely.
We have to forgive fast becausewe can't let anybody's darkness
touch us, hurt people, hurtother people.
(40:18):
So the people that hurt me,they're hurt themselves and once
you forgive, you're free,because free people, free other
people.
And I say these things likeforgive fast.
It is not easy and it is achoice, and God commands us to
(40:39):
forgive so we are not turnedover to the tormentors.
That's in the parable of theunforgiving servant and I always
thought what does that mean?
I don't want to be turned overto tormentors.
Now, I'm not telling you, Itotally know what it means.
But I think that when we don'tforgive, their darkness torments
us and it opens a door we wantto keep closed in our soul.
(41:04):
I don't want to have anythingagainst anybody.
I really know and this is goingto sound also a little
counterintuitive because I'm notsaying it was easy but I know
in my heart, my beautiful heart,with my that's here and with
the three stents in my artery,that everything that happened to
(41:26):
me, god is used for good.
That doesn't mean it is good,but he's used it for good.
It's made me who I am.
It's made me the teacher I am.
It's made me be thankful.
It's made me get up every dayand say something great is going
to happen to me.
Today I'm going to do somethinggreat for someone else today to
(41:47):
smile, to be thankful.
So all of that is venues forgood.
That helps me forgive, wow.
Michelle (41:57):
Forgive fast and love fiercely.
I love it.
Great lessons learned by thepain of deep loss.
All good, Suzy.
I just want to say thank you somuch for agreeing to come on
the show.
I really appreciate it andbefore we go, I want listeners
to know that they can go to yourwebsite, suzyryan.
(42:17):
com to learn more about you andalso to get a copy of your book
Saving Summer.
I'll put a link in the shownotes to make it easy to find.
So thank you again for being anamazing guest.
I appreciate you so much.
Suzy (42:32):
It was such a privilege and I'm inspired by what you're
doing, Michelle.
I'm inspired by your heart.
I knew from the minute I metyou you had a beautiful heart
that has been hurt but is evenbigger because you've allowed
God to use your heart for good.
Michelle (42:51):
Thank you, beautiful.
Thank you so much.
So, for those of you listening,Suzy's story is certainly a
difficult one.
She lived a hard life, devoidof the parental guidance and
love that is so critical to thehealthy development of a child,
and, as a result, she enduredhorrific abuse that would leave
(43:12):
lasting pain and scars, and then, later, she would lose her
sweet brother, the one personwho she loved and who made her
feel loved when he took his ownlife.
But the losses Suzy experiencedultimately strengthened her.
She changed her career path anddecided to become a teacher to
help at risk kids.
She finally mustered thestrength to write her story, to
(43:36):
demonstrate to others thatthey're stronger than they know,
and she's thriving in her lifetoday.
You are stronger than you know,my friend.
You may be struggling right now, but this path of pain can
serve as a proving ground ofresilience and courage that will
encourage and uplift others oneday.
(43:56):
I pray that you would beencouraged today.
You're listening right nowbecause God intended for you to
hear this message.
Don't lose hope.
Thanks for listening.
Well, hey everybody, and welcome back to Qualified,
the place where incrediblepeople share their stories of
overcoming great adversity andloss to inspire you and give you
hope.
I'm Michelle Heaton.
Well, with each guest Iinterview for the show, I'm
always amazed at the level ofstrength and resilience I
(00:30):
encounter, especially given thecircumstances of the loss as
they endured.
Many have lived through deeptrauma, have tragically lost
children, spouses, siblings,parents, and also physical
abilities and even limbs, andeach and every time I am simply
(00:51):
amazed when they are able toshare with you the lessons
they've learned as they manageto move forward in life with a
new perspective and positiveoutlook.
But what I learned about myguest today truly moved me and
made me realize once again thatwe're stronger than we think we
are, that when life throws hardstuff at us, we can survive.
(01:14):
It will be hard, really hard,but we can make it, and then we
can use what we've been throughto help other people.
And that's what this podcast isall about.
So let me tell you a littleabout her.
She's a Kansas native turnedCalifornia girl.
She's a wife, a mother,best-selling author, speaker,
(01:37):
educator and Ironman athlete.
But one of her greatestattributes has to be survivor.
Her name is Suzy Ryan and it'smy great privilege to have her
as my guest on the show today.
Welcome to Qualified Suzy.
I'm so honored to be here.
I'm so excited.
Wonderful, okay, Suzy.
(01:58):
Well, I finished your book thisweek, as you know, and I
couldn't wait to talk with youand to delve into this
discussion.
So thanks again for agreeing tocome on the show.
So your book called SavingSummer is a novel that follows
the chaotic family life of avery young girl all the way
through her college years.
(02:18):
Can you just tell us why it wasimportant for you to write this
book?
Suzy (02:24):
I've been trying to write this book since I was young.
I've been trying to tell mystory because when you live
through trauma, you know thatthere's another side.
You're going to get to the end.
And I kept thinking when I wasgrowing up, even though I wasn't
(02:45):
educated in English well, and Ineeded to somehow share this,
which I equate to God, becausewhy would I even think that, why
would my mind even be goingdown that path?
But when I became older, godspoke to my heart and said I
need you to tell your story.
I want to redeem your story.
(03:07):
I want to use your story tohelp others.
And it was difficult becauseit's a novel, but it's based on
my life and the sufferingstudents told me and
unfortunately and I'm veryauthentic I was more of a people
pleaser than I even wanted toadmit.
So to share my story, God hadto say I need you to please me,
(03:31):
Suzy, you need to be a Godpleaser.
No more people pleasing.
And I need your story.
I'm going to use it and I knowthat it's going to change you by
obeying me Now with that, yousay, ok, God, let's go right.
(03:52):
And then I got serious incompleting it and now I am so
honored to be on your podcasts,like I said, but that God would
count me worthy to use mysuffering to help others.
How could I have said no?
Michelle (04:12):
So you said you're suffering.
But you said it's a novel.
So I read the book.
How much of the story is aboutSuzy and how much is about
Summer?
How much did you embellish?
If you could tell me?
Suzy (04:28):
Such a great question.
So I did get permission foranybody.
So I'm starting to sweat alittle bit, which is good,
because you got a great questionthere and in the story that was
based on a real character.
I got their permission.
I got their permission, but Idid say I would not tell about
their lives.
So you'll see in the story,when you read it, you'll know
(04:49):
why.
But for my life I will tell you.
It's all true, it's true, it'strue, it's true, it's true what
Summer suffered.
I did suffer that.
And I will tell you one thingthat I suffered that I never
told anybody, because you tellpeople little things, what you
think they can handle.
(05:11):
And one thing, and this is themost shocking maybe not, it just
depends on the reader, but inthe book, actually, at the age
of seven, I'm raped.
I say in the book I'm eightbecause I was worried that
people would not believe me,because my beta readers, who
(05:32):
read and tell me what you thinkor what they think of your book,
they said how could that havehappened?
And not that they were beingdisrespectful, but it's so
shocking.
So I moved it up to eight, butI was really seven.
I never told anybody, Michelle.
I never told anybody.
And the book I say I'm not goingto tell anybody.
I never told anybody until Iwrote the book.
(05:52):
It was so traumatic, it was sohard and I could not process it.
And one of my last editors saidyou didn't come to fruition
about rape.
That's not fixed in the novel,because in a novel you can do a
lot of tweaking and compilationcharacters.
(06:12):
And I said to her it's becauseI wasn't over it.
When the novel is, I'm stillprocessing that, but getting it
out in the light, out of theshadows.
So now I feel so empoweredbecause people who have read it,
so many people, have come up tome and said as young children
(06:36):
they were raped and no one talks.
Michelle (06:39):
Well, I'm glad you actually brought that up,
because reading that part of thebook just tore my heart out and
thinking of you, thinking ofwhat I thought was an
eight-year-old girl, was justhorrific.
And I know that it is thereality.
People don't like to talk aboutthat stuff.
(06:59):
People don't often like to talkabout grief and loss, but those
of us who have honored, it needto talk about it and it's
healing to talk about it.
So for me to read that it wasvery difficult, but my heart was
breaking for you.
So if you would, I read aboutthat incident.
(07:20):
It was in a home where a motherwas drinking using drugs for
other family members.
There was so much emotional andphysical abuse.
You even talk about a lack offood and things like that, the
whole environment.
Could you just kind of describefor us that environment that
you grew up in?
Suzy (07:41):
Yes, it was an alcoholic environment and it was difficult
, but God blessed me with someinner joy and optimism and
cheerfulness and I just bouncedalong knowing tomorrow's going
to be a better day.
Now there are consequencesbecause you can see and I know
(08:03):
your audience can't, but you cansee I travel with food all the
time.
I always have food, I alwayshave food and I have water.
I never go anywhere without itbecause I was hungry and now I
have great genetics.
But it's not a good thing whenyou've got great genetics and
you're not getting food.
It's rough.
(08:23):
It's rough and it wasn'tpersonal.
It was a very distracted homelife.
The kids were not.
The kids were not how I raisedmy kids.
Right, the kids were just partof you're doing what we do and
the motto was do as I say, notas I do, and because I told you
(08:46):
so.
And that was the motto and itwas really like being raised in
the Lord of the Flies book,because the kids were raising
themselves and when kids raisethemselves, kids get raped, kids
get in trouble, kids needparents, kids need parents at
(09:07):
home, kids need to be parentedand we were.
We were, my parents weredistracted and then my parents
divorced when I was four, whichwas so traumatic for me, and
then the stepfathers were verydifficult and they were abusive.
(09:28):
And so now you're in a situationwhere you're you're just
fragmented.
You're just fragmented, butthrough it all it's a book of
hope when you read it, because,because God gave me the ability
to know there was more and I wasgoing to be okay, and I knew
that from the time I was young.
(09:49):
I knew it and he gave me myathleticism to carry me and I'm
so thankful for that.
But what that does when you andI call it I coined it
performance based security.
When you have a performancebased security, it carries you
until you can get healthy andheal.
But it's a false God and it's aprison, because you're only as
(10:14):
good as the last thing you'vedone right.
So that's when my peoplepleasing came in right.
I could only feel okay if Iwere pleasing people, if I were
winning a race, if I had A's onmy report card.
That's how I got validated.
So then it becomes youridentity and to not please
people is it's so uncomfortablethat you do anything to not feel
(10:38):
uncomfortable.
Michelle (10:39):
Yeah, oh, Suzy, I am so sorry to hear that and thanks
for actually going deep andgiving us all the details.
As hard as I know it is for you.
So you had to endure so muchand I know how hard just divorce
alone is on kids and with thepain of loss of the family unit
(11:00):
and then the step parentdynamics, all of it's so tough.
So in the book you talk aboutyour younger brother that you
love so much and then at somepoint in the story you talk
about getting kicked out of thehouse by your stepfather and it
was a terrible turning point foryou and one of the biggest
reasons was that you would haveto leave your brother there in
(11:23):
that house, but you had nochoice.
So you dedicate the book toyour brother, Bart.
Can you talk a little bit abouthim?
Suzy (11:32):
Is the most gorgeous, beautiful, kind-hearted, sweet
boy, seven years younger than me, and I was the student at
school that was achieving.
So I was at risk, but youdidn't know it because we always
looked perfect.
He was the kid at school whoyou knew was not doing well.
(11:55):
He couldn't focus or maybe hedidn't want to focus, he was
floundering.
So I felt like as seven yearsolder that I, that almost he was
my child and I wanted to takecare of him and love him and be
there for him, and it was a joyfor me to do that.
And he was funny.
(12:16):
We would laugh so hard at themost random things and connect.
And I think that's what Imissed the most.
Growing up in that chaoticenvironment I didn't feel loved.
I did not feel loved.
But from Bart I knew he lovedme.
I knew he loved me, and whenyou grow up and you don't feel
(12:40):
loved, it is of everything thathappened to me, not feeling
loved was crushing,soul-crushing, and so I loved
Bart with that love that I didget to pour into him.
So when I did get kicked out, Ithink the saddest scene in the
(13:01):
book for me to write was I knewwhen I wrote Michelle what was
sad, because I had a hand towelby my computer and when I got
really sad I'd put it in my eyesand I saw him.
And then I'm a teacher, my dayjob, and I knew I had to get up
and teach the next day.
So I'd be like, ah, don't havetime to cry anymore.
I've got to put that down andgot to keep writing.
(13:22):
But after I got kicked out andyou know, in the story you'll
see how God did a miraclethrough a little small town who
rescued and that risk kid andI'll always be thankful for them
.
But I had to leave my brotherand I would have never left him
had I not gotten kicked out.
But even when I was 16 anddidn't know God personally, I
(13:46):
knew that God had rescued mefrom that house and somehow I
had to save myself.
But that meant leaving mybrother.
So the next day when I got toschool and by some phenomenal
series of events, the next day,I'm dressed, my hair is washed,
I've had breakfast and I've gotlunch money and I'm at school
the next day.
(14:06):
No one even knows until I'mwalking by the playground to the
high school building that goespast the playground.
Do you remember that scene.
Remember when he came up on theplayground and met us.
Yeah, because he wants to knowwhen I'm coming home.
Michelle (14:24):
Yeah, yeah, and you left him a note.
Suzy (14:28):
I did leave him a note.
He wants to know when I'mcoming home and I know I'm not
coming home.
I'm sorry that was so rough Onhis face, the abandonment of
that.
I thought you loved me, Ithought you loved me and now
you've left me because that'show I felt and I had to leave
(14:51):
because I got kicked out, I wasforced out.
But to abandon him like that, Ithat scene, writing that scene
was almost too much for me, butit healed me because writing and
taking it out of the shadowsand putting it into the light,
it heals.
And who else has had to reallysave themselves?
(15:14):
For instance, in the plane theoxygen mass comes down and we
have to put it on first beforewe can help someone.
So you have to save yourselfand and, but I getting kicked
out, god saved me because I wasnever, ever going to leave.
I would never have left him.
Michelle (15:31):
I think, if I remember correctly, you know
your stepfather told you toleave and you didn't do anything
wrong.
He just wanted you gone and itwas very difficult.
Like you say, and I just Idon't even know if you're if you
could go there to tell us whatultimately happened to Bart.
Suzy (15:53):
I will.
He didn't really have friendsand he was such a handsome boy
and he was winsome and fun, buthe was very insecure.
So he, he didn't, couldn'tblossom, he couldn't, he just he
lived in my shadow, he hung outwith me and he ended up getting
(16:16):
into drugs and he ended uptrying to kill himself three
times and then he finally killedhimself.
And what I can't say in thebook, because why tried to?
But it's hard to write thatkind of pain.
When I got the news, I screamedso loud that the neighbors came
(16:40):
to see if I was okay.
I could not stop screaming.
It was so incredibly there'snot anything in words the loss
of my baby brother.
And then you have the guilt ohmy gosh, I should not have left
(17:02):
that house until I did.
Oh my gosh, how come I didn'tsee I was the last one to seem
alive?
Why didn't I try harder?
Okay, then I'm now.
I'm the people, please areright.
Now I'm being hard on myselfand you'll see in the book how
God helps me.
You never get over it, but hehelps you get through it and
that's that's a with a beautifulpart for me to write in the
(17:24):
book, because that's what Goddid for me.
But I also kept this picture ofBart when I'm writing the book
and it's one of those picturesthat follows you.
Hmm, you know the saddest thingabout death not the saddest
thing there's.
Somebody said something spit,you don't have as many pictures
as you wish you had.
Oh, tell me Right.
So I have this picture that heis so happy in it and he's
(17:47):
looking at me and I knew fromheaven.
He was looking at me and sayingI knew you live both of our
lives together and you wouldmake my life count.
And that's what motivated me,through the hand towel of tears,
to write our story, because itredeems it.
(18:09):
It redeems it, it keeps hismemory alive.
Every time you ask me aboutBart, his name is still alive,
it's, he's still making adifference and his life has made
a difference because it's whatmade me become a teacher.
I was in sales.
I was in sales because I didn'twant to be hungry anymore.
(18:31):
I wanted to make sure I had ajob where I could.
I could support myself, nomatter what.
And then, after Bart and you've, you don't, like I said, you
don't get over it, but youreadjust yourself to what's
really important, and it wasn'timportant selling product
anymore.
It just didn't matter.
So I went back to school.
I had a business degree.
(18:52):
I went back and got my teachingcredential and that's what made
me be a teacher.
Look for at-risk kids.
Look for the hurting that hidein plain sight.
Look for the kid bouncing upand down needing attention Is
that was me?
Or looking for the one coweringin their seat Because that was
(19:13):
Bart and we together, bart and I, have made a difference for
kids.
Michelle (19:20):
Hmm, well, I mean okay, my mind is just exploding
with questions but you also, youdedicate the book to Bart, your
brother Bart, and you talkabout him in the book as a
fictional character, sort oflike yourself, and it just blew
my mind that you know everythingthat you went through and you
got out, like you said, a familyhelped you and then you had to
(19:42):
endure the pain of him stayingthere and then the guilt of
thinking I think your mom eventried to blame you for his death
and all of it and then youbecome a teacher.
So, like you said, you're usingeverything that you went
through to help other kids.
It doesn't take it away, butyou're doing something with it.
So I know there's another youngman named Jack that's in your
(20:05):
dedication and I want to knowabout your relationship with him
and why he's dedicated in thebook.
Suzy (20:12):
I love Jack.
Jack was my seventh gradestudent and I did write a story
about because the book is fullof stories that I did things
wrong.
And one of the things I didwrong when I was a freshman I
got in a car with a girl this istrue and her brother and I did
(20:32):
it so she would like me andshe's a composite character, but
that scene is true that I didget in the car with a certain
girl and two blocks down theKansas endless black gravel road
, she flipped the car, there wasno glass and we walked away
from it, which was a completemiracle.
So I wrote this story, justthis story, as in a chicken soup
(20:56):
for the soul segment, and readit to all my students.
So I did it as a teachingmoment.
Should Mrs Ryan get in the carin the middle of the night,
sneaking at 14?
No, Of course the kids know theanswer.
And then I say, did Mrs Ryanget in the car?
(21:18):
And they say yes, I said I didbecause peer pressure, I needed
her to like me.
So I read that to all mystudents.
Jack would have been in thatclassroom when I read that,
hoping, and I'd asked themhoping, what am I hoping for.
And then one student would saythat we don't make the same
mistake.
(21:38):
And I said, exactly, I'm beingvulnerable.
And that was so many years ago.
I mean, what 40?
Even talking about it today, Istart sweating.
In front of the classroom Istart sweating, and I always
have to take off my jacket andsay, OK, I'm sweating because I
made such a foolish mistake.
I remember what it felt like tothink I was going to die and
(21:59):
thinking it was my own faultbecause I knew better, but I got
to live.
So, seventh grade, Jack is now15, and he makes, getting ready
to be 16,.
He makes a foolish mistake.
So he's almost 16.
And he gets in the car in themiddle of the night, right at
(22:19):
the beginning of COVID, with abunch of kids.
They're in an SUV in two blocksfrom his house.
A girl without a driver'slicense or just a permit which
doesn't matter, Nourkees, you'renot supposed to drive in the
middle of the night she flipsthe car and Jack flips out and
dies.
Oh my gosh.
And not just one of my students.
(22:40):
A student that was sunny,optimistic, went for the hurting
kid.
It was popular, was smart,savvy, athletic, handsome.
People gravitated towards himbecause he had such an
easy-going vibe that he wasn'twanting to be popular.
(23:05):
He was popular.
He wanted to look for thehurting student and I love that
about him.
So at his candlelight hisbeautiful mom, Joe, who happens
to be my neighbor she said keepmy Jackie's memory alive.
(23:25):
And I understood, becausethat's what I do with Bart.
I need to keep his memory alive, I need to talk about it.
I need you to know Bart.
I need my readers to know Bart.
Bart's still cheering for me.
He's from heaven.
There is my sister and Ithought to myself, as I'm
writing this book and really nowserious about finishing it, I
(23:48):
thought I'm going to write aboutJack and I'm going to write him
into a scene and the real boy'sname was Johnny, who I took to
Star Wars with my brother Idon't know if you remember that
scene in the book and I wroteJack into it and Jack steals the
scene.
Because Jack stole every scenehe was in, because he was so
(24:10):
beloved and full of optimism andenergy, everything, and so I
wrote that in and I felt like norush of pleasure I think I can
even verbalize at keeping hismemory alive and his mom has
(24:32):
been so supportive and I did thesoft book launch and she came
and talked about Jack and it wasall these people and I stood
back and looked at her and Ithought we did it, Kept his
memory alive, and we're doing itright now.
Michelle (24:50):
And now I got to interject because you've given
me permission.
I started the podcast becauseof losing my son, Sean at 17,
who sounds just like Jack.
Just that kid that was gorgeousand funny but didn't want to be
popular just was because of theperson he was.
And then they die and it justhurt so bad.
(25:13):
It hurt so bad and I wouldalways mention Sean in my
podcast and then I realized Idon't want to take the attention
away from the story of theperson who I'm interviewing, but
I just want to take a minuteand honor Sean as well, because
I think you could appreciatethat, right, Suzy?
Suzy (25:31):
Oh, I am so grateful you did.
And here's my vision right nowwe have Sean, we have Jack and
we have Bart, and they're up inheaven and Jack has taught them
all to surf or maybe Sean knewhow to surf because Jack was a
surfer and they are surfing thecrystal sea and they are so
(25:52):
happy and they're cheering fromabove that we're making their
life count.
We're making their life countand redeeming it.
And Jesus says to you well done, my good and faithful servant
for the podcast, because yougave me a platform to talk about
Bart.
You give Joe's Jack a platformto be remembered.
(26:17):
And those boys, those teenageboys who died as teenagers.
They would never come backbecause heaven's so rockin'
great, but they're stopping asour cloud of witnesses to say go
, yes, and they're getting backon their oh.
They probably don't even needsurfboards, they're probably
just with their feet surfin'their crystal sea and lovin'
life Right Right and becausetheir death was used for
(26:41):
something good, exactly.
Michelle (26:44):
You know, Suzy, you mentioned Jack and it's such a
sad story because I know he wasin your class and he was so
loved by so many.
Is there a story that you canshare with us about a child that
you were able to identify asmaybe being at risk, that you
were able to help kind of comethrough a bad situation?
Suzy (27:06):
His name is Damien and he was also my seventh grade class
and then I taught sixth gradeand also seventh grade about
five years ago.
Damien was suicidal.
Damien was bright.
I knew immediately he was anat-risk kid.
He walked in with an attitudebut he was bright.
(27:27):
He would not do his work, buthe was closed, and he had a
really neat mother who was ateacher.
So I was a little confused andI loved Damien and I said to him
I know you're bright and I knowyou've got something going on
that you're not able to eitherunderstand or tell me Otherwise
(27:48):
you wouldn't be acting out inclass.
That I want you to know I loveyou.
We ended up not literally, buthe was on the train tracks twice
trying to kill himself.
That's how desperate he was.
And then he got into drugs andI've not done any drugs in my
(28:09):
life.
I saw way too many drugs.
I saw so many lives destroyedby drugs.
That was the beginning of theend for my brother.
So I made a choice that I wasgoing to stay free from drugs.
So I could tell, though beingaround him, that he was doing
drugs.
So think about he's young, andthis is actually the next year
(28:32):
when he's in eighth grade.
So I found him and I had thecounselor pulling out of his
class and bringing him to myprep period, which is our period
off for teachers.
And I said once you're mystudent, you're always my
student, and I know you're doingdrugs and I'm worried about you
and I know we got you off thetracks.
And he said I'm not suicidalanymore.
(28:53):
I said but somehow you're usingthese drugs because you've been
in so much pain and I don'tknow your pain and I understand
it.
But I'm going to fight for you.
I'm going to fight for you.
You are not going to do drugs.
They are not your friend.
I said I wish I could tell youall I knew about drugs, but I
can't because it's not ageappropriate.
I said but I want you to know Iunderstand somehow you're
(29:17):
trying to meditate and medicateyourself with drugs.
And he was aloof and he kind ofsauntered out and then he came
back.
And then he came back and hecame back.
He had more issues that I keptloving him.
Then I saw, well, then he cameback when he was in high school
to my class and he brought hisgirlfriend and he said I'm an, a
(29:41):
student.
Michelle (29:43):
You're proud.
Suzy (29:45):
He wanted to show me how well he had done and I said I
always knew you're going to makeit, because I always told him
this is going to be used forgood.
I'm okay.
I can't tell you everythingthat happened to me, but I'm
okay and I'm here to tell youyou're going to be okay and
you're going to use it for yourdestiny to help others.
Michelle (30:05):
Thank God for teachers like you, Suzy, and
thank you because it seems likekids today.
They're just going throughsuffering more and more, yeah,
more and more suffering, and wehave social media and so many
other things that you and Ididn't have, in addition to
drugs and the bullying I don'tknow, but my heart breaks for
(30:26):
kids like that and I'm so happyto know that you're there.
So, anyway, thank you for yourobedience and doing what you're
doing and listening to God'svoice.
Yeah, so proud of you.
Suzy (30:38):
Thank you.
I appreciate that and I wantyou to know, the only reason I
was able to help Damian wasbecause I had suffered and I
could feel it.
I can feel it with the kids.
I could feel it and he knew, Iknew, so he could trust me.
So when he was in eighth gradeand he got into so much trouble
in eighth grade and he would saythey would take his phone away
(30:59):
and for the day, you know, he'sjust, he's gotten so much
trouble and they would try totake it and he was so stubborn
and he would say I will not giveit.
The only person I'll let haveit is Mrs Ryan.
And so they would have to comeover and bring me his phone and
then he'd have to come back andgive it.
But I knew that's because heknew I loved him and I took that
(31:21):
as an encouragement that I wasmaking a difference and I prayed
for that kid and that was whatI could do.
And I know God got ahold of himand his story is a success
story.
And then I got to be part ofthe healing team and what that
does, michelle, which I know youknow that redeems your story.
(31:45):
It doesn't make it right but itmakes you know what the enemy
meant for evil.
God is using for good andcounted you worthy to suffer so
it can be used for good.
Michelle (32:00):
Yeah, that's very humbling, isn't it?
Suzy (32:03):
It's almost more than you can even take in.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Michelle (32:08):
In your book you talk about all the medals you won
for running track and I knowyou've been an athlete for a
long time and I mentioned theopening that year at triathlete.
But I also read and you and Ididn't talk about it before, but
I also read that you had acouple of heart incidents.
What I mean is that was that arandom thing?
Is it significant?
(32:29):
Is there anything that you wantto mention about that that's
significant to all of this?
Suzy (32:33):
It's very significant and because I should not have had a
heart attack.
I have no plaque, I have noheart disease, no one in my
family does.
I have no issues.
I'm an Iron man.
So you think about what my body, what God gave me, and a great
body, the Iron man it's.
One day you know, you swim 2.4miles, you run, you bike 112
(32:55):
miles and then, just for fun,you throw on your running shoes
and you run a marathon.
So my body is rock and muscularbecause it was my dad's and I'm
so thankful I'm strong.
So when I had three heartattacks in a week and I didn't
think they were because howwould I have a heart attack?
Because just it wouldn't happen.
(33:16):
The last one occurred in thepool, in a master's workout.
I flipped, turned and I heard avoice that said stop swimming,
get out of the pool.
And in the book, when I'mgetting ready to take a bunch of
girls driving with a permit,just like the girl that was
(33:38):
driving when Jack died.
That's why I don't judge,because I did the same thing
until I heard a voice, notknowing it was Jesus at the time
.
But when you hear a voice likethat, you obey, and so I stopped
that car right when the voicesaid stop.
And I got out and we weregetting ready to go into that,
that sinkhole size Olympic pool.
(33:58):
So God spared me.
So when I heard this voice inthe pool, after three of these
incidents and a heart attack ispainful, it is like a TV is on
your chest, you're sweating,you're cold, you're hot, you're
sick, you're feeling nauseated,it's, it's I was really in
avoidance, which heart diseaseis the number one cause of
(34:21):
women's death, and men, womendon't usually go and get checked
out because we think that we'reokay, and that was me.
So when I finally did, theystill could.
After the voice, my daughterdrove me to the urgent care.
He couldn't find anything.
They sent me to the ER.
They couldn't find anythingbecause my Iron Man's heart,
(34:43):
that God gave me, was stillprotecting me when I had a SCAD
event, that is, spontaneouscoronary artery dissection,
which means one of my arteriesis shredding.
My shredded artery thatdissected was my main artery, my
LAD, which is called theWidow-maker's Artery because of
(35:06):
all the widows it makes.
So my phenomenal cardiologist,Dr.
Carr, was so wise because if hewould have sent me home, I
would have died, if he wouldhave gone in and ballooned me
and you know, just get rid ofthe plaque.
It was shredded.
So he gave me three extra longstents and it gave me my life
(35:29):
back and I was able to—I don'tdo Ironman's anymore, I can do
anything, but I'm careful witheverything just because I want
to be wise.
But how this connects is then Igo back to school and I'm in a
training and I hear teachers youneed to identify at-risk kids,
(35:50):
because if you don't and there'sno one in their corner because
it only takes one person to lovea kid then they grow up and
they have—are you ready for this, Michelle?
Unexplained heart issues andphysical issues and premature
death.
And I was in that room and I—mymouth dropped open and I said
(36:17):
this is my story.
This is my story and this iswhy I know God had me tell my
story, to go back to let thesekids know if I'm the only one.
They are loved and they areloved.
Now we know for sure they'reloved by Jesus.
I can't say that in the publicschool, but I do love my
(36:38):
students and once they know thatyou love them, they can learn
from you and then they come andshare their stories.
Now, sometimes I've had to callCPS because I'm a mandated
reporter.
But this is why God brought meinto the classroom, so I could
share my story, so we don't havemore kids growing up from that
(37:00):
constant pressure of not feelingloved, of the anxiety of being
tense for the next thing that'sgoing to happen, so they can
heal Gosh.
Michelle (37:14):
Well, that is significant, isn't it?
That's such importantinformation that was shared with
you, as a teacher, about howtrauma can impact the heart.
You know, sometimes when wetalk about grief, we hear that
people have actually died of abroken heart after a great loss,
and there's medical evidencesimilar to what you shared about
that.
The stress, the trauma and theconstant emotional pressure can
(37:38):
truly impact a person physically, and we need to be mindful of
that.
Wow Well, Suzy, I trulyappreciate everything you've
shared, because I believethere'll be listeners out there
who will benefit from knowingthat you've been through all of
this and that you've not onlysurvived, but that you're using
it to help other people, and soI just want to summarize some of
(38:00):
the great points that you madenow.
You talked about how yourdifficult upbringing caused you
to become a people-pleaser,because things went well for you
when you were doing what otherswanted, but you realize now
that, in reality, you need to bea god-pleaser and that in doing
so, everything else falls intoplace.
You openly and candidly sharedabout a deeply personal incident
(38:24):
that occurred in your lifebeing raped at the age of seven
and you admitted that when youfinally took that memory out of
your mind and exposed it to thelight that it was actually
empowering, because you now knowthat your story can be used to
help others.
You suffered a great loss theloss of your brother, Bart, to
(38:45):
suicide, and you struggled bothin writing those words in the
book and speaking them today inthe podcast, because the loss
was so great and your love forhim so deep, which you were led
to write his story to keep hismemory alive.
And in doing so, you said, yourpain becomes less and less as
time goes by.
(39:05):
You explained what you learnedand experienced firsthand about
the impact of trauma on thehuman heart, and you now have an
even deeper understanding ofhow trauma can affect a young
person, and you're workingtirelessly each day to not only
educate young people but to lovethem and care for them with the
(39:25):
love of Christ.
You said you left your formerjob and became a teacher because
you wanted to help out riskkids, and you shared about one
of your students that turned hislife around because he realized
he was love, and that motivatesyou to keep doing what you're
doing.
So, Suzy, given everything thatyou've experienced, all of the
trauma, the abuse, emotional andphysical what other life
(39:50):
lessons do you want to sharewith someone listening right now
, who might be in a situationlike you were in and needs hope?
Suzy (39:57):
This sounds counterintuitive, but I know it
to be true and we know it's truebecause Jesus said it.
My motto is forgive fast andlove fiercely.
We have to forgive fast becausewe can't let anybody's darkness
touch us, hurt people, hurtother people.
(40:18):
So the people that hurt me,they're hurt themselves and once
you forgive, you're free,because free people, free other
people.
And I say these things likeforgive fast.
It is not easy and it is achoice, and God commands us to
(40:39):
forgive so we are not turnedover to the tormentors.
That's in the parable of theunforgiving servant and I always
thought what does that mean?
I don't want to be turned overto tormentors.
Now, I'm not telling you, Itotally know what it means.
But I think that when we don'tforgive, their darkness torments
us and it opens a door we wantto keep closed in our soul.
(41:04):
I don't want to have anythingagainst anybody.
I really know and this is goingto sound also a little
counterintuitive because I'm notsaying it was easy but I know
in my heart, my beautiful heart,with my that's here and with
the three stents in my artery,that everything that happened to
(41:26):
me, god is used for good.
That doesn't mean it is good,but he's used it for good.
It's made me who I am.
It's made me the teacher I am.
It's made me be thankful.
It's made me get up every dayand say something great is going
to happen to me.
Today I'm going to do somethinggreat for someone else today to
(41:47):
smile, to be thankful.
So all of that is venues forgood.
That helps me forgive, wow.
Michelle (41:57):
Forgive fast and love fiercely.
I love it.
Great lessons learned by thepain of deep loss.
All good, Suzy.
I just want to say thank you somuch for agreeing to come on
the show.
I really appreciate it andbefore we go, I want listeners
to know that they can go to yourwebsite, suzyryan.
(42:17):
com to learn more about you andalso to get a copy of your book
Saving Summer.
I'll put a link in the shownotes to make it easy to find.
So thank you again for being anamazing guest.
I appreciate you so much.
Suzy (42:32):
It was such a privilege and I'm inspired by what you're
doing, Michelle.
I'm inspired by your heart.
I knew from the minute I metyou you had a beautiful heart
that has been hurt but is evenbigger because you've allowed
God to use your heart for good.
Michelle (42:51):
Thank you, beautiful.
Thank you so much.
So, for those of you listening,Suzy's story is certainly a
difficult one.
She lived a hard life, devoidof the parental guidance and
love that is so critical to thehealthy development of a child,
and, as a result, she enduredhorrific abuse that would leave
(43:12):
lasting pain and scars, and then, later, she would lose her
sweet brother, the one personwho she loved and who made her
feel loved when he took his ownlife.
But the losses Suzy experiencedultimately strengthened her.
She changed her career path anddecided to become a teacher to
help at risk kids.
She finally mustered thestrength to write her story, to
(43:36):
demonstrate to others thatthey're stronger than they know,
and she's thriving in her lifetoday.
You are stronger than you know,my friend.
You may be struggling right now, but this path of pain can
serve as a proving ground ofresilience and courage that will
encourage and uplift others oneday.
(43:56):
I pray that you would beencouraged today.
You're listening right nowbecause God intended for you to
hear this message.
Don't lose hope.
Thanks for listening.
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