August 4, 2023 • 38 mins
During a family vacation in Colorado, Tara's 13-year-old daughter Taylor died suddenly when she struck a tree while skiing. Still in shock, Tara and her husband were asked a question no parents ever think they will hear: "Would you be willing to donate Taylor's organs?"
In our conversation, Tara opens up about the difficult journey of grief and how Taylor's passing impacted her family. However, amidst the pain, Tara found a sense of purpose in promoting organ donation, an act that truly embodies Taylor’s selfless spirit. She shares the admirable work of the Taylor's Gift Foundation, a beacon of support for grieving families across the nation, and the crucial role of organ procurement organizations.
Tara also recounts the incredible aftermath of Taylor's passing, including the emotional moment she read Taylor's poem, 'I Am', on the Ellen DeGeneres show. The inspiring stories of the five recipients of Taylor's organs highlight the life-altering power of organ donation.
Taylor's Gift Foundation:
https://www.taylorsgift.org/
Ellen Show clip:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UU0_Joq0yRs
Good Morning America clip:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFx-TIE3zy8
#organdonation #lessonsinloss #taylorsgift #bereavedmom #losingadaughter #deathofachild #faith #adversity #loss
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Michelle (00:10):
Well, hey everybody, and welcome back to Qualified,
the place where incrediblepeople share their stories of
overcoming great adversity andloss to inspire you and give you
hope.
I'm Michelle Heaton.
When we experience the loss ofa loved one, the initial shock
and painful days that follow canbe unimaginably difficult, and
(00:35):
experts often advise grievingpeople to hold off on making big
decisions like selling a homeor moving away for at least a
year, to allow them to regainthe presence of mind required to
think objectively and make goodchoices.
But there's one decision thatin many cases, comes right away
to those left behind after theloss of the loved one, and
(00:58):
that's the decision whether ornot to donate their organs.
Well, my guest today is anamazing woman with an incredible
story.
During a family vacation inColorado in 2010, her 13 year
old daughter's life wastragically cut short in a skiing
accident, and then she and herhusband were soon faced with
(01:19):
that choice, and what followednot only helped them to find
purpose in their pain, but alsohelped five other people receive
the gift of life.
She's a devoted wife, mother,author, speaker, philanthropist
and the founder of Taylor's GiftFoundation, a nonprofit 501c3
(01:43):
organization committed toproviding emotional and grief
support to organ donor familiesthrough a program that exists to
help individuals who arewalking the path of grief.
Her name is Tara Storch andit's my great honor and
privilege to have her as myguest on the show today.
Welcome to Qualified Tara.
Tara (02:03):
Hey, Michelle, thank you for having me .
Michelle (02:06):
Well, Tara, thanks for joining me here today to share
your story and message with us.
I know listeners are just goingto be so inspired by hearing it
, but first tell us about yourdaughter, Taylor, and then, if
you would also please share whathappened on March 15th 2010.
Tara (02:25):
Sure, so I don't think you have enough time in this
podcast for me to share all thewonderful things about Taylor.
You know every parent thinkstheir child's just amazing,
right, and Taylor really wassomething special.
She was such.
She was that kid that wouldpick up her lunch tray and go
sit with someone who had nofriends.
She was that child who was soothers centered.
(02:48):
We actually had one of herreally good friends over for
dinner not too long ago who'sall grown up and an adult now,
and she said something that Ithink really talks about who
Taylor was.
She said she was.
Taylor was everybody's bestfriend, she was the one that was
present and she would listen.
When we were with her, you feltspecial and important and for
(03:11):
such a young age, that was soamazing, such a beautiful
quality about her.
And so she was a great bigsister, a precious daughter, and
we were on our spring breakvacation in Beaver Creek,
Colorado, in March of 2010, ourfirst family ski trip.
And it was on that very firstday of our vacation that, at the
(03:36):
end of the day, Taylor and myhusband and my son Ryan wanted
to have one last run before theslopes closed, and it was on
that last run that Taylor had anaccident and skid into the
trees and hit a tree and doingeverything right wearing a
helmet, good athlete.
And it was from that accidentthat she was care flighted to
(03:58):
Grand Junction, Colorado, wherewe met this huge group of
doctors who were telling us theywere doing everything they
could to save her.
And boy did they.
They did everything they couldto save our child.
And then we knew, by someconversations we were having,
that she wasn't going to survivethese injuries.
Michelle (04:21):
I am so very sorry, Tara, and I know there's just no
words to describe the feelingof hearing those words from a
doctor about your child and noway to prepare for the
devastation like that.
But you were also approached bya nurse at that time.
Tell us about that conversation.
Tara (04:42):
I will never forget this.
Todd was standing by her bedand I was sitting on a couch
beside her bed because the shockwas so overwhelming that many
times I just couldn't stand.
And so I'm sitting there andthis nurse comes on and she kind
of kneels down beside me andshe says your daughter is a
beautiful candidate for organdonation, Would you consider it?
(05:03):
And it was almost like she wasjust honoring the kindness of
who Taylor was and out of thehardest decisions we were making
, Todd and I looked at eachother and that was the easiest
thing to say yes to, because thetype of child Taylor was, she
was so other centered and weknew in our heart of hearts that
if she would have been askedthat question she absolutely
(05:25):
would have said yes.
Michelle (05:27):
I'm so glad that you had no reservations whatsoever
about making that decision,based on the person Taylor was
and how she would have handledsomething like this.
But I gotta say it's amazingthat you were able to have the
strength in those moments, whenI can imagine that the shock and
grief were just overwhelmingyou.
So let's talk about youremotional state following the
(05:50):
news.
How were you able to manage inthose early days, and where did
you turn for support and comfort?
Tara (05:59):
You know I mean the grief in the hospital I think was more
shock and confusion.
I mean our thought went fromimmediately that she's going to
be coming back with us andtrying out for her high school
volleyball team, right, I meanshe was going to be going into
high school the next year andyou know that was one question
(06:20):
we had asked the doctors is well, how long will it be until she
can be up and running playingvolleyball when we first got to
the hospital, because that wassomething she was so looking
forward to, right.
And then it just completelyflipped in the light switch
moment.
So the grief I think at thatpoint was more of shock and
confusion and almost horror,like you almost felt outside of
(06:41):
your body, right, watching whatwas going on, because it just
did not feel real.
Michelle (06:46):
Yeah, I think horror is actually a really good way to
describe those initial shockfeelings and I think many people
listening can probablycompletely understand that if
they've suffered a similar loss.
It's just surreal.
Can you tell us a little bitmore about how those days played
out for you and how that deepgrief affected you both mentally
(07:08):
and emotionally?
Tara (07:10):
Yeah, so you know that deep grief also came across with
me, that I kind of lost days Tothis to right now.
I mean Todd has talked to meabout things that I was doing
that I don't have any memory ofright.
You kind of have that fog ofgrief and I didn't know that I
(07:31):
was sitting up in bed screaming.
I had no idea that was going onand I think because sleep was
kind of the only escape and whenI woke up the heaviness of that
was so hard my body couldn'thandle it, and I think that's
how it affected me is that Iwould scream, because I woke up
(07:53):
in complete shock that this hadjust happened to our family and
that Taylor was no longer here.
It was so hard for me tocomprehend, you know, to
comprehend that our life was sodifferent and we had lost her.
I just it was so difficult tounderstand.
And so those emotions were veryraw and real.
When we wrote the book, wereally, you know, said we're not
(08:16):
gonna hold back on the rawnessof these emotions because
they're real and they're heavy.
And you know the grief ofwaking up with feeling like you
have an elephant on your chest,right that you just can't
breathe is real and how youhandle that.
Everyone handles grief sodifferently.
Todd and I were handling griefcompletely different.
(08:37):
He wanted to be around Taylor'sfriends.
I couldn't do it.
It was too hard for me.
Michelle (08:43):
Yeah, I could totally relate to those feelings.
Tara and I had similar feelingsin the beginning too.
My husband also tells me thingsnow that I absolutely cannot
remember happening about the wayI grieved, the things I did and
said it's awful.
So, given that you were bothhandling things differently, how
did you manage to get throughthis difficult emotional time as
(09:05):
a couple?
Tara (09:07):
So it was really going forward that we were introduced
to a family who were 10 yearsahead of us in losing their
child, and I remember looking atthem and thinking how in the
world did they go 10 years?
I just could not even thinkabout tomorrow.
How were they ahead?
And they had smiles on theirface and they had a clean home
(09:35):
and she had makeup on, and thosewere things that I just
couldn't function to do.
And they said something to usthat was so game changing in our
marriage and it was so simple.
We were talking about how wewere both grieving so
differently and I remember shelooked at us and she said you
(09:56):
have to give each other thegrace to grieve the way that
person needs to.
And the funny thing is is thatwe have a really strong marriage
and an incredible foundation,but we were not giving each
other that grace.
I could not figure out why hewanted to be around Taylor's
friends all the time.
I mean that was just like awfulfor me, because it was a
(10:16):
constant reminder of what I lostand he couldn't understand how
I couldn't get out of bed andthat I just couldn't function,
and so it was that difference,and so just hearing that we need
to give each other that gracereally was a light switch moment
for us in our marriage when westarted kind of, go okay, you
need to do what you need to do.
(10:39):
But yeah, I mean there was somereally dark moments for me.
I mean very dark moments andjust talking and smiling really
what we needed, being able tolook back on that, on how far
I've come, to be able to talkabout Taylor with a smile on my
face, without it just becomingthis horrible feeling in my
chest.
I think you know people say, oh, time will heal.
(11:02):
I don't think so.
I think what it does is that itlessens the sting of grief and
I think you learn to carry on.
I don't think you want to moveon, but you want to move forward
and that's what happens and youlearn to move forward, just
taking that next step and takingTaylor with us in a different
(11:24):
way.
Michelle (11:25):
Yeah, well said, and I'm so glad you shared all of
that because, yeah, in thoseearly days you just can't
imagine ever being happy orsmiling again, or even making it
to the 10 year mark.
But talking to others who havecan really be inspirational, and
it's my hope that that's whatyou're doing for listeners today
.
Well, as I said in the intro,you and your husband have
(11:46):
written a book called Taylor'sGift and in it you very openly
share about your grief and allthe emotions you experience
following Taylor's passing.
And in one place I recallreading about how you close the
door to Taylor's bedroom becauseit was just too hard to pass by
and see it and be reminded.
(12:07):
And I remember doing the samething.
It's an odd thing that otherpeople may not understand, but
it was almost like some sort ofsanctuary and I wanted it all to
myself.
So talk about what happened toyou when a friend advised you to
open the door again.
Tara (12:24):
Yeah.
So a friend of mine, you know,surprised me and came in and I
think Todd asked her to come inand just be with me.
And yes, I had closed Taylor'sdoor because every time I passed
it it was just I saw what usedto be right at her room look
like life interrupted.
Her volleyball shoes are on thefloor, you know, I mean, it
(12:45):
just looked like she should bethere.
And so I remember my friendsaying you've got to open that
door because you're robbing yourother children and friends and
family from having the joy ofher and they may want to go in
and that's how they'reconnecting with her.
And I realized that withoutrealizing that that was selfish
(13:09):
of me.
Right, and grief can be thatway, you know, sometimes because
you're so consumed with yourfeelings it's hard to look
outside of that.
And I wasn't looking and Iwasn't looking outside of that
and that door opened and Iremember being there and sitting
outside of her room and thisreflection of a cross came and
(13:30):
was just right on the carpetnext to me and I couldn't figure
out where it was coming fromand it was just how the sun was
hitting something in her window.
I don't think we could everreplicate it again, but it was
exactly how something washitting her window, that this
beautiful cross was on the floorright next to me, and it was
(13:52):
just what I needed at that time.
Michelle (13:55):
That's just amazing and I love hearing about these
totally supernatural momentsthat my guests have had, because
I've had them too and they'rereal and they're actually
comforting.
And you know, it always seemedlike, when I was at a really bad
place and feeling completelyhopeless in my grief after
losing Sean, that somethingwould happen to restore my faith
(14:17):
and remind me that he was okay.
So I love that.
You saw a cross and youcaptured that image and a photo
that's in your book, right?
Tara (14:26):
We did we did.
We were sitting there, sittingon the ground.
I said, Todd, you've got tocome up here and bring the
camera, you know, because Ithink back then it was a camera.
Michelle (14:36):
Yeah, not a phone, yeah.
Well, so, speaking of Todd, soI know from reading the book
that Todd and also your son,Ryan, were on the slopes that
day with Taylor and that Ryanwitnessed the accident.
I saw a little video clip onyour website of him talking and
then you saw how he's doingtoday.
And also you have anotherdaughter, Peyton.
(14:58):
How would you describe each oftheir grief and then the impact
of Taylor's death on your familyas a whole?
Tara (15:06):
Well, thank you for asking about them.
You know, I think they areprobably more empathetic, more
compassionate, more able to sitwith others in the hard things
than maybe they ever would havedone before.
Right, they both grieved verydifferently.
Also, ryan dealt with not onlygrief, but he dealt with the
(15:29):
trauma right.
So that was a whole differentlevel.
And Peyton was with me when allthat happened, so her
experience was completelydifferent.
And so you know, when we firststarted out as a family of four,
that was really really hard.
(15:49):
Todd and I were receiving somegrief support and we felt like
that Ryan and Peyton should havethat too.
We started looking for someonethat could help our children and
they were not receptive to it,but we felt like this is what
they needed.
We kept trying.
I think it was the secondcounselor who sat Todd and I
(16:11):
down and said you can't forceanyone to talk.
They're going to talk whenthey're ready, and it may not be
until their 20s or 30s orwhenever that will happen.
They'll be ready.
And so really, that was alsochanging, because we wanted to
help them so desperately that wefelt like that would help, but
(16:35):
it wasn't what they needed.
It really wasn't what theyneeded at that point so young
Some children that's exactlywhat they needed and it helped,
but not for our two.
They really leaned on us forthat support because we all had
that shared experience and so welearned to just love them where
they are.
That's the biggest thing we'vegot out of.
(16:56):
It is just to love where youare.
In that grief, some days arebetter than others.
Right, I mean, some days aregoing to be triggers.
But Ryan, as an adult, hascompletely made this part of him
and it is part of his story.
He talks about how it has nowstrengthened his faith.
It is part of who he is as aman and now a father, and Peyton
(17:23):
is a labor delivery nurse.
So she's there with life andshe's that caretaker and she's
with those in beautiful momentsand hard moments, and so they
both have just become incredibleadults.
Incredible adults.
Michelle (17:41):
Well, as hard as this was on all of them, I love that
it resulted in them both havinggreater empathy and compassion
for others and that Taylor'spassing has been so ingrained
into who they are today.
That's beautiful, and you mustbe so proud of them.
Well, so now let's talk aboutthe organ donation aspect of it.
(18:01):
So I thought it was interesting, and when you and I talked
before, when you were presentedwith the idea right away about
donating Taylor's organs, itseemed like there was no
apprehension whatsoever.
You both said, absolutely, it'swhat Taylor would want.
And I had to sit with that fora minute because I know that's
not an easy choice to make.
(18:22):
And so what would you say tosomeone who is apprehensive and
they think I can't make a choicelike that right now, in the
midst of grief?
Tara (18:32):
I think it's such a personal decision I really do,
and I think it's a conversationthat needs to be had before a
moment like that.
And so we had never talkedabout organ donation in our
family, not even once.
I think my husband and I hadchecked it off on our driver's
license at some point, right,but it wasn't a topic of
conversation in our home untilwe were faced with it, and it
(18:55):
was an easy decision for usbecause of Taylor, it just felt
like for her final act in thisworld to give to others.
It would have absolutely beensomething that she would have
said yes to, and we knew in thatmoment it was the right
decision for our family.
But for those who are strugglingwith it, I would just say that
(19:16):
it's a beautiful act of serviceto give to others in your final
moments, and we understand it'snot an easy topic.
We get it.
I mean to have a conversationlike that in your home, right.
I mean it's difficult becausewhen people think of organ
donation and tissue donation,they immediately think of death,
but organ, eye and tissuedonation is all about life.
(19:39):
That's what it's about, and sowe wanted to change that
conversation.
So an easy way to have thisconversation with your family
and friends is just to, insteadof saying, hey, do you want to
be an organ donor someday, whydon't you say how do you want to
outlive yourself, how do youwant to make a lasting
difference in the lives ofothers?
And you can bring up the factfor me, I want to save others
(20:00):
when I can in those last moments, and so that's an easy way to
bring it up is how do you wantto outlive yourself?
So that's the way we encouragepeople to talk about it.
But I think that in that momentit's such a personal decision
and I think you will know inthat moment what your loved one
would have wanted.
But I would just highlyencourage you have those
conversations ahead of time.
Michelle (20:21):
Yes, that's great advice and I just love it that
you're helping people in so manyways.
You understand the grievingprocess and you also understand
the gift of life that organdonation is, and, as a result of
Taylor's death, you and yourhusband have written this book
and you've started a foundationto raise awareness about organ
donation, and so everything sortof worked out for good, even in
(20:45):
the midst of tragedy so good.
So, Tara, if you would justtake a minute and please tell us
what the Taylor's GiftFoundation seeks to do, what's
the mission, and if you couldtell us what are you most proud
of about what you've achieved sofar?
Tara (21:03):
Oh, wow.
So when we first startedTaylor's Gift, Todd ran it for
the first three years and thenit was time for an executive
director to come in and takeover and take us to the next
level.
And the engine of Taylor's Giftwill always be to share the
importance of organ donation andhow to outlive yourself.
But our main focus is toprovide free grief support for
(21:27):
the donor's side.
So we're called donor familiesand you'll hear that with
Taylor's Gift a lot.
A donor family is a family whoseloved one was able to give the
gift of life to others.
So we're a donor family and wenoticed throughout the nation
there was a lack of griefsupport specifically for the
donor side.
So what I'm most proud ofreally is just the way we have
(21:53):
been able to help so many donorfamilies in their grief.
We have walked this journey andwe understand it.
You know the grief of a donorfamily is different.
It's kind of complicated in thesense you got the grief from
the sudden loss, because organand tissue donation comes out of
an accident or a tragedy itjust does Combined with the
(22:13):
silver lining that your lovedone saved others right.
So you kind of have this mix ofgrief and gratitude in a sense
kind of share the same space andwe understand that grief.
So that's what we are mostproud of is our grief support
program that we provide free todonor families across the nation
.
Michelle (22:33):
That's wonderful and so important.
So I'm just curious how dodonor families connect with you
or find out about the servicesyou offer?
Tara (22:42):
So little.
Organ donation 101.
So when there is someone in thehospital who is able to save
others through donation, thehospital reaches out to their
local organ procurementorganization, an OPO and there's
57 of them across the nation,just you know, just thinking one
per se, just kind of go fromthere.
But bigger states have more andso they reach out to their
(23:05):
local organ procurementorganization who sends over
someone who will sit with thefamily and talk to them about
organ donation and walk themthrough that process.
These are very special peoplewho will sit with these families
in their darkest hour and helpthem with that whole process,
you know, and the paperworkinvolved and things like that
(23:26):
with the family.
So they're seeing thesefamilies and so it's through
those.
We have partners with theseorgan procurement organizations
who know these donor familiesvery well and they'll let them
know about our grief supportresource.
But we also get yeah, we getthem referrals.
These donor families come to usthrough these organ procurement
(23:48):
organizations, but we also havea lot of families come to us
through word of mouth.
They heard about us on a newsstory or on national media or on
social media or through afamily member or someone at a
hospital knows about theresource we provide.
So it's through our OPOpartners and through, just
organically, word of mouth.
Michelle (24:09):
Well, speaking of the media and all of that, I want to
talk about that next.
But there was a poem thatTaylor turned in at school right
before the vacation and it wasincluded in the book, an
autobiographical poem.
It was called I Am, and thewhole poem was incredibly
beautiful, but I remember as Iwas reading, knowing that it was
right before the accident, fourthings just like jumped out at
(24:32):
me, and one of them was I wonderhow long is forever?
That was a big deal I try tomake every day like my last.
I can say with pride that I'm aChristian, wow.
And I want to be on the EllenDeGeneres show, yes, and then
something happened on the samedate a year later.
(24:54):
So could you just connect thosetwo dots for us?
Tara (24:57):
Right.
So the Ellen DeGeneres show.
Taylor loved that becausewhenever I watched that show I
just belly laughed.
I think she's just so funny.
So she put that on there, right, because I think she wanted to
do that for me, right?
I think is where that came from.
But yes, a year later to thedate that she wrote that poem, a
(25:18):
friend of mine in Californiahad won tickets at her child's
school raffle to the Ellen Showand she asked me to come with
her and it was on that date.
I'm sitting in the audience andEllen pulls me out of the
audience to sit with her and toshare about Taylor and to read
the poem to Ellen.
And it was.
(25:39):
It was so amazing how Godorchestrated all of that.
It was just beautiful thatTaylor was on the Ellen
DeGeneres show.
It came true.
Michelle (25:51):
Well, that is so cool and the details of how all that
came together are in the book,but it was just truly so amazing
and yet another one of thosebeautiful moments that seemed to
come at us that are like giftsand little blessings.
They're just so sweet and theyserve as reminders that our kids
are still here with us in a way.
(26:11):
Ok, so your book Taylor's Gift,highlights how the lives of
five people were radicallychanged because they received
Taylor's organs, and youactually ended up meeting some
of them.
Can you tell us about that?
Tara (26:26):
So her heart went to a mom , patricia, who is mom of two
and she was able to be mom again.
Jonathan has her kidney and hewas a big hiker and biker and he
wasn't able to do any of thatbecause of dialysis and Taylor's
kidney gave him his life back.
(26:47):
Her kidney in pancreas went toa man named Jeff, who really
just was a dad and such a sweetguy cowboy and he's just a sweet
, sweet man and he was insulindependent and doing dialysis.
He wasn't able to keep a jobbecause he was always so sick
(27:08):
and Taylor's kidney in pancreashas given him his life back.
He's now a grandfather.
Her cornea recipient actuallywent to a special needs child
who's now 21 and will stillFacebook message me on how she
sees well and she's happy to behave sight I mean, it's just so
sweet.
And then her liver went to ayoung child who we haven't met
(27:32):
yet, but at this point it wouldprobably be around 15 years old.
So, yeah, so she really.
That one yes of organ donationreally gave these families the
gift of time that's what it didand the gift of more birthdays
and memories and experiencestogether, which they've done Wow
(27:54):
so wonderful and I think, thething that touched me so much.
Michelle (28:00):
I mean, all the stories are wonderful, but I saw
a clip of you on Good MorningAmerica and you were with the
woman who had received Taylor'sheart and you had the
opportunity to listen to itbeating through her stethoscope.
That had to be an incrediblemoment for you.
Tara (28:19):
So, yes, that story when we met Taylor's heart recipient,
a camera crew was with us fromour local station and did a
beautiful job capturing themoment where we got to hear
Taylor's heartbeat.
And that story hit Good MorningAmerica, which really kind of
launched things nationally forTaylor's gift and the work we do
.
But that story is very powerfuland you can go to our website
(28:45):
taylorsgiftorg and see thatstory and it really makes a huge
difference.
It really makes you see whatthe gift of life can do?
Michelle (28:54):
Yes, it does, and it brought me to tears watching it
and I know others willappreciate seeing it and what
you're doing, and I'll put alink in the show notes to your
website so that listeners can gothere and see for themselves
and learn more about what you'redoing in organ donation.
So, Tara, thank you so much forbeautifully articulating not
(29:17):
only Taylor's story, her lifeand her passing, and then the
ultimate gift she gave to others.
You made some very good pointsthat I want to summarize here
because I think they're sovaluable.
You said we should understandthat initial grief can be
shocking, confusing and evenhorrifying, and that losing a
(29:38):
loved one suddenly can besurreal and there's no way to be
prepared in advance for it, butthat it's normal and to be
expected at this time.
You shared about your ownemotions and how they differed
from your husbands and how thatwas difficult to understand
until you learned that givingeach other grace was key to
(30:01):
working through this time as acouple.
You talked about how we may hearthat time will heal, but you
found that time seems to lessenthe sting of grief and that
eventually you learned to carryon and move forward, taking that
next step with your loved onein a new and different way.
(30:21):
You explained how your own griefcaused you to want to control
the environment in your home,including who had access to your
daughter's bedroom, but youlater realized that it's
important to be mindful of howothers grieve so as not to deny
them access to the things thatmay bring them joy.
You realized that we mustn'tforce someone else to talk
(30:43):
before they're ready or enterinto counseling if they resist
the idea, knowing it's moreimportant just to learn to love
them where they are in theirgrief.
And finally, you wanted us toknow that donating a loved one's
organs is a beautiful act ofservice to others and that organ
and tissue donation is notabout death but about life.
(31:06):
Tara, what other lessons haveyou learned from this great loss
in your life that you can sharewith someone listening who
needs hope right now?
Tara (31:15):
You know, it's almost like whenever we met with that other
couple that were 10 years aheadof us.
It's like how in the world arethey functioning?
And I think I think people justneed to know that they can do
it, that next step can happen.
I think probably something thatmy grief counselor shared with
(31:39):
me is that I was alwaysprojecting in the future.
For example, when this happened, I was very consumed of what it
was going to be like whenTaylor's class graduated from
high school.
I was already thinking fouryears ahead.
What she said I still use tothis day she goes how you think
(31:59):
you're going to feel then is nothow you feel now, meaning that
I'm projecting exactly how Ifeel today on four years from
now.
Know that how you feel rightnow is going to be different
tomorrow, the next day, even ayear down the road.
(32:20):
Know that you have the strengthto do it you do.
By you having that resiliencein you that you don't even know
you had, you actually are goingto inspire others because
they're going to look at you andsomeday go, wow, they did it,
they've walked this journey andyou will also be able to help
(32:41):
others because of the painyou've been through and that
comforting others is also verypart of being Jesus' hands and
feet.
To step into that with othershelps you to believe it or not.
Michelle (32:56):
Oh, it absolutely does .
I can attest to that, and Ilove that you talk about the
ability we have now to comfortothers with the comfort that
we've received from God, becausethat's actually right out of
Scripture in 2 Corinthians,Chapter one, and I truly believe
that as well.
So, Tara, can you just talk fora minute about how walking
(33:16):
through this impacted yourrelationship with God?
Tara (33:21):
You know, at first, to be honest with you, it was very
shaken Because the swirlingquestion of why, why did this
happen?
Made you kind of just go whyGod?
But then you realize that Imean, it wasn't like this light
switch moment, but I'd rather bein the dark side of grief with
(33:43):
Him than without Him.
And so, staying in that darkside of grief, I realized how
much I needed Him.
So you know, my faith wasshaken but it was never broken.
Michelle (33:57):
I'm so glad and I think having faith is key to
surviving all this hard stuff,because we can trust that we're
not alone and I know what youshared is helping someone
listening right now who'sstruggling.
But what about someone whowants to help someone else?
What can you offer to someonewho wants to support a griever
through those hard early days?
Tara (34:18):
Yeah, you know, sometimes it's hard to be friends with
someone who is grieving, right,it's just hard because you just
you feel like you don't knowwhat to say.
And I'm going to share with youa quick story of a friend of
mine who she's a very dearfriend now, but when Taylor
passed away, I didn't reallyknow her.
She was someone in my communityand what she did is that she
(34:39):
rang the doorbell and when Iopened the door I didn't know
who she was.
I had never met her before.
And she said I don't know whatto say, I just want you to know
I'm here, and that was all ittook.
And I realized that was the mostbeautiful thing to say to
somebody who is walking throughgrief, because what happens many
(35:00):
times, as you know, is thatpeople don't know what to say,
so they don't say anything atall.
That's right, and that's rightand so, and then grief becomes
very isolating and lonely, andso what she said gave this open
door to I don't know what to say, but I'm going to try.
So my advice always is to showup, be Daniella who showed up at
(35:25):
my door, ring that doorbell,you know, say I don't know what
to say, but I'm here and I thinkthat right there means so much
than someone trying to fix youright, because you're completely
changed.
You're a completely differentperson now, so I think that was
probably the best moment.
Just show up the way she did.
Michelle (35:48):
Yes, great advice Just show up.
You know so many people don'tknow what to say or do, and
that's totally understandable.
But your words are spot on.
Just show up.
That's a great comfort andgrief.
No requirements, Just bepresent.
Thank you Well, Tara, it's beenso nice having you on the show.
Thank you for sharing Taylor'sstory, your story, your family's
(36:11):
story, and for going deep intothis discussion with me because,
like me, I know your heart isto help people in any way we can
with what we've learned.
Thanks again.
Tara (36:22):
Well, thank you for having me.
I really appreciate it.
Michelle (36:26):
So for those of you listening, if you're in the
early stages of grief, you mostlikely can't even imagine things
looking brighter tomorrow orthat anything good could ever
come from losing a child.
But Tara is living proof that itcan.
Not only did she eventuallyovercome the horrific shock and
(36:46):
pain and trauma of losing Taylorsuddenly that day in the
mountains, but she and herfamily have taken what they
learned and started a foundationthat helps other people in
their grief and with thelife-saving gift of organ
donation.
Tara said she's had some verydark moments and her faith was
shaken, but she'd rather be inthe dark side of grief with God
(37:10):
than without him.
That's a good place to be.
Faith doesn't remove the painor make us miss our loved ones
any less, but faith can give ushope hope about tomorrow and
when we go through adversity andloss in life, we have a choice
about how to move forward, andwe can be bitter or better.
(37:35):
We can choose to grow, findmeaning and purpose, like Tara
did, and then one day we canhelp other people with the
lessons we learned in our loss.
Thanks for listening.
Well, hey everybody, and welcome back to Qualified,
the place where incrediblepeople share their stories of
overcoming great adversity andloss to inspire you and give you
hope.
I'm Michelle Heaton.
When we experience the loss ofa loved one, the initial shock
and painful days that follow canbe unimaginably difficult, and
(00:35):
experts often advise grievingpeople to hold off on making big
decisions like selling a homeor moving away for at least a
year, to allow them to regainthe presence of mind required to
think objectively and make goodchoices.
But there's one decision thatin many cases, comes right away
to those left behind after theloss of the loved one, and
(00:58):
that's the decision whether ornot to donate their organs.
Well, my guest today is anamazing woman with an incredible
story.
During a family vacation inColorado in 2010, her 13 year
old daughter's life wastragically cut short in a skiing
accident, and then she and herhusband were soon faced with
(01:19):
that choice, and what followednot only helped them to find
purpose in their pain, but alsohelped five other people receive
the gift of life.
She's a devoted wife, mother,author, speaker, philanthropist
and the founder of Taylor's GiftFoundation, a nonprofit 501c3
(01:43):
organization committed toproviding emotional and grief
support to organ donor familiesthrough a program that exists to
help individuals who arewalking the path of grief.
Her name is Tara Storch andit's my great honor and
privilege to have her as myguest on the show today.
Welcome to Qualified Tara.
Tara (02:03):
Hey, Michelle, thank you for having me .
Michelle (02:06):
Well, Tara, thanks for joining me here today to share
your story and message with us.
I know listeners are just goingto be so inspired by hearing it
, but first tell us about yourdaughter, Taylor, and then, if
you would also please share whathappened on March 15th 2010.
Tara (02:25):
Sure, so I don't think you have enough time in this
podcast for me to share all thewonderful things about Taylor.
You know every parent thinkstheir child's just amazing,
right, and Taylor really wassomething special.
She was such.
She was that kid that wouldpick up her lunch tray and go
sit with someone who had nofriends.
She was that child who was soothers centered.
(02:48):
We actually had one of herreally good friends over for
dinner not too long ago who'sall grown up and an adult now,
and she said something that Ithink really talks about who
Taylor was.
She said she was.
Taylor was everybody's bestfriend, she was the one that was
present and she would listen.
When we were with her, you feltspecial and important and for
(03:11):
such a young age, that was soamazing, such a beautiful
quality about her.
And so she was a great bigsister, a precious daughter, and
we were on our spring breakvacation in Beaver Creek,
Colorado, in March of 2010, ourfirst family ski trip.
And it was on that very firstday of our vacation that, at the
(03:36):
end of the day, Taylor and myhusband and my son Ryan wanted
to have one last run before theslopes closed, and it was on
that last run that Taylor had anaccident and skid into the
trees and hit a tree and doingeverything right wearing a
helmet, good athlete.
And it was from that accidentthat she was care flighted to
(03:58):
Grand Junction, Colorado, wherewe met this huge group of
doctors who were telling us theywere doing everything they
could to save her.
And boy did they.
They did everything they couldto save our child.
And then we knew, by someconversations we were having,
that she wasn't going to survivethese injuries.
Michelle (04:21):
I am so very sorry, Tara, and I know there's just no
words to describe the feelingof hearing those words from a
doctor about your child and noway to prepare for the
devastation like that.
But you were also approached bya nurse at that time.
Tell us about that conversation.
Tara (04:42):
I will never forget this.
Todd was standing by her bedand I was sitting on a couch
beside her bed because the shockwas so overwhelming that many
times I just couldn't stand.
And so I'm sitting there andthis nurse comes on and she kind
of kneels down beside me andshe says your daughter is a
beautiful candidate for organdonation, Would you consider it?
(05:03):
And it was almost like she wasjust honoring the kindness of
who Taylor was and out of thehardest decisions we were making
, Todd and I looked at eachother and that was the easiest
thing to say yes to, because thetype of child Taylor was, she
was so other centered and weknew in our heart of hearts that
if she would have been askedthat question she absolutely
(05:25):
would have said yes.
Michelle (05:27):
I'm so glad that you had no reservations whatsoever
about making that decision,based on the person Taylor was
and how she would have handledsomething like this.
But I gotta say it's amazingthat you were able to have the
strength in those moments, whenI can imagine that the shock and
grief were just overwhelmingyou.
So let's talk about youremotional state following the
(05:50):
news.
How were you able to manage inthose early days, and where did
you turn for support and comfort?
Tara (05:59):
You know I mean the grief in the hospital I think was more
shock and confusion.
I mean our thought went fromimmediately that she's going to
be coming back with us andtrying out for her high school
volleyball team, right, I meanshe was going to be going into
high school the next year andyou know that was one question
(06:20):
we had asked the doctors is well, how long will it be until she
can be up and running playingvolleyball when we first got to
the hospital, because that wassomething she was so looking
forward to, right.
And then it just completelyflipped in the light switch
moment.
So the grief I think at thatpoint was more of shock and
confusion and almost horror,like you almost felt outside of
(06:41):
your body, right, watching whatwas going on, because it just
did not feel real.
Michelle (06:46):
Yeah, I think horror is actually a really good way to
describe those initial shockfeelings and I think many people
listening can probablycompletely understand that if
they've suffered a similar loss.
It's just surreal.
Can you tell us a little bitmore about how those days played
out for you and how that deepgrief affected you both mentally
(07:08):
and emotionally?
Tara (07:10):
Yeah, so you know that deep grief also came across with
me, that I kind of lost days Tothis to right now.
I mean Todd has talked to meabout things that I was doing
that I don't have any memory ofright.
You kind of have that fog ofgrief and I didn't know that I
(07:31):
was sitting up in bed screaming.
I had no idea that was going onand I think because sleep was
kind of the only escape and whenI woke up the heaviness of that
was so hard my body couldn'thandle it, and I think that's
how it affected me is that Iwould scream, because I woke up
(07:53):
in complete shock that this hadjust happened to our family and
that Taylor was no longer here.
It was so hard for me tocomprehend, you know, to
comprehend that our life was sodifferent and we had lost her.
I just it was so difficult tounderstand.
And so those emotions were veryraw and real.
When we wrote the book, wereally, you know, said we're not
(08:16):
gonna hold back on the rawnessof these emotions because
they're real and they're heavy.
And you know the grief ofwaking up with feeling like you
have an elephant on your chest,right that you just can't
breathe is real and how youhandle that.
Everyone handles grief sodifferently.
Todd and I were handling griefcompletely different.
(08:37):
He wanted to be around Taylor'sfriends.
I couldn't do it.
It was too hard for me.
Michelle (08:43):
Yeah, I could totally relate to those feelings.
Tara and I had similar feelingsin the beginning too.
My husband also tells me thingsnow that I absolutely cannot
remember happening about the wayI grieved, the things I did and
said it's awful.
So, given that you were bothhandling things differently, how
did you manage to get throughthis difficult emotional time as
(09:05):
a couple?
Tara (09:07):
So it was really going forward that we were introduced
to a family who were 10 yearsahead of us in losing their
child, and I remember looking atthem and thinking how in the
world did they go 10 years?
I just could not even thinkabout tomorrow.
How were they ahead?
And they had smiles on theirface and they had a clean home
(09:35):
and she had makeup on, and thosewere things that I just
couldn't function to do.
And they said something to usthat was so game changing in our
marriage and it was so simple.
We were talking about how wewere both grieving so
differently and I remember shelooked at us and she said you
(09:56):
have to give each other thegrace to grieve the way that
person needs to.
And the funny thing is is thatwe have a really strong marriage
and an incredible foundation,but we were not giving each
other that grace.
I could not figure out why hewanted to be around Taylor's
friends all the time.
I mean that was just like awfulfor me, because it was a
(10:16):
constant reminder of what I lostand he couldn't understand how
I couldn't get out of bed andthat I just couldn't function,
and so it was that difference,and so just hearing that we need
to give each other that gracereally was a light switch moment
for us in our marriage when westarted kind of, go okay, you
need to do what you need to do.
(10:39):
But yeah, I mean there was somereally dark moments for me.
I mean very dark moments andjust talking and smiling really
what we needed, being able tolook back on that, on how far
I've come, to be able to talkabout Taylor with a smile on my
face, without it just becomingthis horrible feeling in my
chest.
I think you know people say, oh, time will heal.
(11:02):
I don't think so.
I think what it does is that itlessens the sting of grief and
I think you learn to carry on.
I don't think you want to moveon, but you want to move forward
and that's what happens and youlearn to move forward, just
taking that next step and takingTaylor with us in a different
(11:24):
way.
Michelle (11:25):
Yeah, well said, and I'm so glad you shared all of
that because, yeah, in thoseearly days you just can't
imagine ever being happy orsmiling again, or even making it
to the 10 year mark.
But talking to others who havecan really be inspirational, and
it's my hope that that's whatyou're doing for listeners today
.
Well, as I said in the intro,you and your husband have
(11:46):
written a book called Taylor'sGift and in it you very openly
share about your grief and allthe emotions you experience
following Taylor's passing.
And in one place I recallreading about how you close the
door to Taylor's bedroom becauseit was just too hard to pass by
and see it and be reminded.
(12:07):
And I remember doing the samething.
It's an odd thing that otherpeople may not understand, but
it was almost like some sort ofsanctuary and I wanted it all to
myself.
So talk about what happened toyou when a friend advised you to
open the door again.
Tara (12:24):
Yeah.
So a friend of mine, you know,surprised me and came in and I
think Todd asked her to come inand just be with me.
And yes, I had closed Taylor'sdoor because every time I passed
it it was just I saw what usedto be right at her room look
like life interrupted.
Her volleyball shoes are on thefloor, you know, I mean, it
(12:45):
just looked like she should bethere.
And so I remember my friendsaying you've got to open that
door because you're robbing yourother children and friends and
family from having the joy ofher and they may want to go in
and that's how they'reconnecting with her.
And I realized that withoutrealizing that that was selfish
(13:09):
of me.
Right, and grief can be thatway, you know, sometimes because
you're so consumed with yourfeelings it's hard to look
outside of that.
And I wasn't looking and Iwasn't looking outside of that
and that door opened and Iremember being there and sitting
outside of her room and thisreflection of a cross came and
(13:30):
was just right on the carpetnext to me and I couldn't figure
out where it was coming fromand it was just how the sun was
hitting something in her window.
I don't think we could everreplicate it again, but it was
exactly how something washitting her window, that this
beautiful cross was on the floorright next to me, and it was
(13:52):
just what I needed at that time.
Michelle (13:55):
That's just amazing and I love hearing about these
totally supernatural momentsthat my guests have had, because
I've had them too and they'rereal and they're actually
comforting.
And you know, it always seemedlike, when I was at a really bad
place and feeling completelyhopeless in my grief after
losing Sean, that somethingwould happen to restore my faith
(14:17):
and remind me that he was okay.
So I love that.
You saw a cross and youcaptured that image and a photo
that's in your book, right?
Tara (14:26):
We did we did.
We were sitting there, sittingon the ground.
I said, Todd, you've got tocome up here and bring the
camera, you know, because Ithink back then it was a camera.
Michelle (14:36):
Yeah, not a phone, yeah.
Well, so, speaking of Todd, soI know from reading the book
that Todd and also your son,Ryan, were on the slopes that
day with Taylor and that Ryanwitnessed the accident.
I saw a little video clip onyour website of him talking and
then you saw how he's doingtoday.
And also you have anotherdaughter, Peyton.
(14:58):
How would you describe each oftheir grief and then the impact
of Taylor's death on your familyas a whole?
Tara (15:06):
Well, thank you for asking about them.
You know, I think they areprobably more empathetic, more
compassionate, more able to sitwith others in the hard things
than maybe they ever would havedone before.
Right, they both grieved verydifferently.
Also, ryan dealt with not onlygrief, but he dealt with the
(15:29):
trauma right.
So that was a whole differentlevel.
And Peyton was with me when allthat happened, so her
experience was completelydifferent.
And so you know, when we firststarted out as a family of four,
that was really really hard.
(15:49):
Todd and I were receiving somegrief support and we felt like
that Ryan and Peyton should havethat too.
We started looking for someonethat could help our children and
they were not receptive to it,but we felt like this is what
they needed.
We kept trying.
I think it was the secondcounselor who sat Todd and I
(16:11):
down and said you can't forceanyone to talk.
They're going to talk whenthey're ready, and it may not be
until their 20s or 30s orwhenever that will happen.
They'll be ready.
And so really, that was alsochanging, because we wanted to
help them so desperately that wefelt like that would help, but
(16:35):
it wasn't what they needed.
It really wasn't what theyneeded at that point so young
Some children that's exactlywhat they needed and it helped,
but not for our two.
They really leaned on us forthat support because we all had
that shared experience and so welearned to just love them where
they are.
That's the biggest thing we'vegot out of.
(16:56):
It is just to love where youare.
In that grief, some days arebetter than others.
Right, I mean, some days aregoing to be triggers.
But Ryan, as an adult, hascompletely made this part of him
and it is part of his story.
He talks about how it has nowstrengthened his faith.
It is part of who he is as aman and now a father, and Peyton
(17:23):
is a labor delivery nurse.
So she's there with life andshe's that caretaker and she's
with those in beautiful momentsand hard moments, and so they
both have just become incredibleadults.
Incredible adults.
Michelle (17:41):
Well, as hard as this was on all of them, I love that
it resulted in them both havinggreater empathy and compassion
for others and that Taylor'spassing has been so ingrained
into who they are today.
That's beautiful, and you mustbe so proud of them.
Well, so now let's talk aboutthe organ donation aspect of it.
(18:01):
So I thought it was interesting, and when you and I talked
before, when you were presentedwith the idea right away about
donating Taylor's organs, itseemed like there was no
apprehension whatsoever.
You both said, absolutely, it'swhat Taylor would want.
And I had to sit with that fora minute because I know that's
not an easy choice to make.
(18:22):
And so what would you say tosomeone who is apprehensive and
they think I can't make a choicelike that right now, in the
midst of grief?
Tara (18:32):
I think it's such a personal decision I really do,
and I think it's a conversationthat needs to be had before a
moment like that.
And so we had never talkedabout organ donation in our
family, not even once.
I think my husband and I hadchecked it off on our driver's
license at some point, right,but it wasn't a topic of
conversation in our home untilwe were faced with it, and it
(18:55):
was an easy decision for usbecause of Taylor, it just felt
like for her final act in thisworld to give to others.
It would have absolutely beensomething that she would have
said yes to, and we knew in thatmoment it was the right
decision for our family.
But for those who are strugglingwith it, I would just say that
(19:16):
it's a beautiful act of serviceto give to others in your final
moments, and we understand it'snot an easy topic.
We get it.
I mean to have a conversationlike that in your home, right.
I mean it's difficult becausewhen people think of organ
donation and tissue donation,they immediately think of death,
but organ, eye and tissuedonation is all about life.
(19:39):
That's what it's about, and sowe wanted to change that
conversation.
So an easy way to have thisconversation with your family
and friends is just to, insteadof saying, hey, do you want to
be an organ donor someday, whydon't you say how do you want to
outlive yourself, how do youwant to make a lasting
difference in the lives ofothers?
And you can bring up the factfor me, I want to save others
(20:00):
when I can in those last moments, and so that's an easy way to
bring it up is how do you wantto outlive yourself?
So that's the way we encouragepeople to talk about it.
But I think that in that momentit's such a personal decision
and I think you will know inthat moment what your loved one
would have wanted.
But I would just highlyencourage you have those
conversations ahead of time.
Michelle (20:21):
Yes, that's great advice and I just love it that
you're helping people in so manyways.
You understand the grievingprocess and you also understand
the gift of life that organdonation is, and, as a result of
Taylor's death, you and yourhusband have written this book
and you've started a foundationto raise awareness about organ
donation, and so everything sortof worked out for good, even in
(20:45):
the midst of tragedy so good.
So, Tara, if you would justtake a minute and please tell us
what the Taylor's GiftFoundation seeks to do, what's
the mission, and if you couldtell us what are you most proud
of about what you've achieved sofar?
Tara (21:03):
Oh, wow.
So when we first startedTaylor's Gift, Todd ran it for
the first three years and thenit was time for an executive
director to come in and takeover and take us to the next
level.
And the engine of Taylor's Giftwill always be to share the
importance of organ donation andhow to outlive yourself.
But our main focus is toprovide free grief support for
(21:27):
the donor's side.
So we're called donor familiesand you'll hear that with
Taylor's Gift a lot.
A donor family is a family whoseloved one was able to give the
gift of life to others.
So we're a donor family and wenoticed throughout the nation
there was a lack of griefsupport specifically for the
donor side.
So what I'm most proud ofreally is just the way we have
(21:53):
been able to help so many donorfamilies in their grief.
We have walked this journey andwe understand it.
You know the grief of a donorfamily is different.
It's kind of complicated in thesense you got the grief from
the sudden loss, because organand tissue donation comes out of
an accident or a tragedy itjust does Combined with the
(22:13):
silver lining that your lovedone saved others right.
So you kind of have this mix ofgrief and gratitude in a sense
kind of share the same space andwe understand that grief.
So that's what we are mostproud of is our grief support
program that we provide free todonor families across the nation
.
Michelle (22:33):
That's wonderful and so important.
So I'm just curious how dodonor families connect with you
or find out about the servicesyou offer?
Tara (22:42):
So little.
Organ donation 101.
So when there is someone in thehospital who is able to save
others through donation, thehospital reaches out to their
local organ procurementorganization, an OPO and there's
57 of them across the nation,just you know, just thinking one
per se, just kind of go fromthere.
But bigger states have more andso they reach out to their
(23:05):
local organ procurementorganization who sends over
someone who will sit with thefamily and talk to them about
organ donation and walk themthrough that process.
These are very special peoplewho will sit with these families
in their darkest hour and helpthem with that whole process,
you know, and the paperworkinvolved and things like that
(23:26):
with the family.
So they're seeing thesefamilies and so it's through
those.
We have partners with theseorgan procurement organizations
who know these donor familiesvery well and they'll let them
know about our grief supportresource.
But we also get yeah, we getthem referrals.
These donor families come to usthrough these organ procurement
(23:48):
organizations, but we also havea lot of families come to us
through word of mouth.
They heard about us on a newsstory or on national media or on
social media or through afamily member or someone at a
hospital knows about theresource we provide.
So it's through our OPOpartners and through, just
organically, word of mouth.
Michelle (24:09):
Well, speaking of the media and all of that, I want to
talk about that next.
But there was a poem thatTaylor turned in at school right
before the vacation and it wasincluded in the book, an
autobiographical poem.
It was called I Am, and thewhole poem was incredibly
beautiful, but I remember as Iwas reading, knowing that it was
right before the accident, fourthings just like jumped out at
(24:32):
me, and one of them was I wonderhow long is forever?
That was a big deal I try tomake every day like my last.
I can say with pride that I'm aChristian, wow.
And I want to be on the EllenDeGeneres show, yes, and then
something happened on the samedate a year later.
(24:54):
So could you just connect thosetwo dots for us?
Tara (24:57):
Right.
So the Ellen DeGeneres show.
Taylor loved that becausewhenever I watched that show I
just belly laughed.
I think she's just so funny.
So she put that on there, right, because I think she wanted to
do that for me, right?
I think is where that came from.
But yes, a year later to thedate that she wrote that poem, a
(25:18):
friend of mine in Californiahad won tickets at her child's
school raffle to the Ellen Showand she asked me to come with
her and it was on that date.
I'm sitting in the audience andEllen pulls me out of the
audience to sit with her and toshare about Taylor and to read
the poem to Ellen.
And it was.
(25:39):
It was so amazing how Godorchestrated all of that.
It was just beautiful thatTaylor was on the Ellen
DeGeneres show.
It came true.
Michelle (25:51):
Well, that is so cool and the details of how all that
came together are in the book,but it was just truly so amazing
and yet another one of thosebeautiful moments that seemed to
come at us that are like giftsand little blessings.
They're just so sweet and theyserve as reminders that our kids
are still here with us in a way.
(26:11):
Ok, so your book Taylor's Gift,highlights how the lives of
five people were radicallychanged because they received
Taylor's organs, and youactually ended up meeting some
of them.
Can you tell us about that?
Tara (26:26):
So her heart went to a mom , patricia, who is mom of two
and she was able to be mom again.
Jonathan has her kidney and hewas a big hiker and biker and he
wasn't able to do any of thatbecause of dialysis and Taylor's
kidney gave him his life back.
(26:47):
Her kidney in pancreas went toa man named Jeff, who really
just was a dad and such a sweetguy cowboy and he's just a sweet
, sweet man and he was insulindependent and doing dialysis.
He wasn't able to keep a jobbecause he was always so sick
(27:08):
and Taylor's kidney in pancreashas given him his life back.
He's now a grandfather.
Her cornea recipient actuallywent to a special needs child
who's now 21 and will stillFacebook message me on how she
sees well and she's happy to behave sight I mean, it's just so
sweet.
And then her liver went to ayoung child who we haven't met
(27:32):
yet, but at this point it wouldprobably be around 15 years old.
So, yeah, so she really.
That one yes of organ donationreally gave these families the
gift of time that's what it didand the gift of more birthdays
and memories and experiencestogether, which they've done Wow
(27:54):
so wonderful and I think, thething that touched me so much.
Michelle (28:00):
I mean, all the stories are wonderful, but I saw
a clip of you on Good MorningAmerica and you were with the
woman who had received Taylor'sheart and you had the
opportunity to listen to itbeating through her stethoscope.
That had to be an incrediblemoment for you.
Tara (28:19):
So, yes, that story when we met Taylor's heart recipient,
a camera crew was with us fromour local station and did a
beautiful job capturing themoment where we got to hear
Taylor's heartbeat.
And that story hit Good MorningAmerica, which really kind of
launched things nationally forTaylor's gift and the work we do
.
But that story is very powerfuland you can go to our website
(28:45):
taylorsgiftorg and see thatstory and it really makes a huge
difference.
It really makes you see whatthe gift of life can do?
Michelle (28:54):
Yes, it does, and it brought me to tears watching it
and I know others willappreciate seeing it and what
you're doing, and I'll put alink in the show notes to your
website so that listeners can gothere and see for themselves
and learn more about what you'redoing in organ donation.
So, Tara, thank you so much forbeautifully articulating not
(29:17):
only Taylor's story, her lifeand her passing, and then the
ultimate gift she gave to others.
You made some very good pointsthat I want to summarize here
because I think they're sovaluable.
You said we should understandthat initial grief can be
shocking, confusing and evenhorrifying, and that losing a
(29:38):
loved one suddenly can besurreal and there's no way to be
prepared in advance for it, butthat it's normal and to be
expected at this time.
You shared about your ownemotions and how they differed
from your husbands and how thatwas difficult to understand
until you learned that givingeach other grace was key to
(30:01):
working through this time as acouple.
You talked about how we may hearthat time will heal, but you
found that time seems to lessenthe sting of grief and that
eventually you learned to carryon and move forward, taking that
next step with your loved onein a new and different way.
(30:21):
You explained how your own griefcaused you to want to control
the environment in your home,including who had access to your
daughter's bedroom, but youlater realized that it's
important to be mindful of howothers grieve so as not to deny
them access to the things thatmay bring them joy.
You realized that we mustn'tforce someone else to talk
(30:43):
before they're ready or enterinto counseling if they resist
the idea, knowing it's moreimportant just to learn to love
them where they are in theirgrief.
And finally, you wanted us toknow that donating a loved one's
organs is a beautiful act ofservice to others and that organ
and tissue donation is notabout death but about life.
(31:06):
Tara, what other lessons haveyou learned from this great loss
in your life that you can sharewith someone listening who
needs hope right now?
Tara (31:15):
You know, it's almost like whenever we met with that other
couple that were 10 years aheadof us.
It's like how in the world arethey functioning?
And I think I think people justneed to know that they can do
it, that next step can happen.
I think probably something thatmy grief counselor shared with
(31:39):
me is that I was alwaysprojecting in the future.
For example, when this happened, I was very consumed of what it
was going to be like whenTaylor's class graduated from
high school.
I was already thinking fouryears ahead.
What she said I still use tothis day she goes how you think
(31:59):
you're going to feel then is nothow you feel now, meaning that
I'm projecting exactly how Ifeel today on four years from
now.
Know that how you feel rightnow is going to be different
tomorrow, the next day, even ayear down the road.
(32:20):
Know that you have the strengthto do it you do.
By you having that resiliencein you that you don't even know
you had, you actually are goingto inspire others because
they're going to look at you andsomeday go, wow, they did it,
they've walked this journey andyou will also be able to help
(32:41):
others because of the painyou've been through and that
comforting others is also verypart of being Jesus' hands and
feet.
To step into that with othershelps you to believe it or not.
Michelle (32:56):
Oh, it absolutely does .
I can attest to that, and Ilove that you talk about the
ability we have now to comfortothers with the comfort that
we've received from God, becausethat's actually right out of
Scripture in 2 Corinthians,Chapter one, and I truly believe
that as well.
So, Tara, can you just talk fora minute about how walking
(33:16):
through this impacted yourrelationship with God?
Tara (33:21):
You know, at first, to be honest with you, it was very
shaken Because the swirlingquestion of why, why did this
happen?
Made you kind of just go whyGod?
But then you realize that Imean, it wasn't like this light
switch moment, but I'd rather bein the dark side of grief with
(33:43):
Him than without Him.
And so, staying in that darkside of grief, I realized how
much I needed Him.
So you know, my faith wasshaken but it was never broken.
Michelle (33:57):
I'm so glad and I think having faith is key to
surviving all this hard stuff,because we can trust that we're
not alone and I know what youshared is helping someone
listening right now who'sstruggling.
But what about someone whowants to help someone else?
What can you offer to someonewho wants to support a griever
through those hard early days?
Tara (34:18):
Yeah, you know, sometimes it's hard to be friends with
someone who is grieving, right,it's just hard because you just
you feel like you don't knowwhat to say.
And I'm going to share with youa quick story of a friend of
mine who she's a very dearfriend now, but when Taylor
passed away, I didn't reallyknow her.
She was someone in my communityand what she did is that she
(34:39):
rang the doorbell and when Iopened the door I didn't know
who she was.
I had never met her before.
And she said I don't know whatto say, I just want you to know
I'm here, and that was all ittook.
And I realized that was the mostbeautiful thing to say to
somebody who is walking throughgrief, because what happens many
(35:00):
times, as you know, is thatpeople don't know what to say,
so they don't say anything atall.
That's right, and that's rightand so, and then grief becomes
very isolating and lonely, andso what she said gave this open
door to I don't know what to say, but I'm going to try.
So my advice always is to showup, be Daniella who showed up at
(35:25):
my door, ring that doorbell,you know, say I don't know what
to say, but I'm here and I thinkthat right there means so much
than someone trying to fix youright, because you're completely
changed.
You're a completely differentperson now, so I think that was
probably the best moment.
Just show up the way she did.
Michelle (35:48):
Yes, great advice Just show up.
You know so many people don'tknow what to say or do, and
that's totally understandable.
But your words are spot on.
Just show up.
That's a great comfort andgrief.
No requirements, Just bepresent.
Thank you Well, Tara, it's beenso nice having you on the show.
Thank you for sharing Taylor'sstory, your story, your family's
(36:11):
story, and for going deep intothis discussion with me because,
like me, I know your heart isto help people in any way we can
with what we've learned.
Thanks again.
Tara (36:22):
Well, thank you for having me.
I really appreciate it.
Michelle (36:26):
So for those of you listening, if you're in the
early stages of grief, you mostlikely can't even imagine things
looking brighter tomorrow orthat anything good could ever
come from losing a child.
But Tara is living proof that itcan.
Not only did she eventuallyovercome the horrific shock and
(36:46):
pain and trauma of losing Taylorsuddenly that day in the
mountains, but she and herfamily have taken what they
learned and started a foundationthat helps other people in
their grief and with thelife-saving gift of organ
donation.
Tara said she's had some verydark moments and her faith was
shaken, but she'd rather be inthe dark side of grief with God
(37:10):
than without him.
That's a good place to be.
Faith doesn't remove the painor make us miss our loved ones
any less, but faith can give ushope hope about tomorrow and
when we go through adversity andloss in life, we have a choice
about how to move forward, andwe can be bitter or better.
(37:35):
We can choose to grow, findmeaning and purpose, like Tara
did, and then one day we canhelp other people with the
lessons we learned in our loss.
Thanks for listening.
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