October 22, 2024 • 50 mins
Michael grew up in N Bellmore, NY with his parents and younger sister. After graduating from Hofstra University w/ an Accounting degree, he realized before lunch time on his FIRST day at work that an accounting career would NOT be in his future. After some deep introspective thinking, he decided that he needed to make a difference in the world and realized that law enforcement was where his passion lied. He wanted to become an FBI Agent, but they were on a federal hiring freeze at the time so he applied to the Atlanta Police Dep’t where he was hired as a police officer from 1993-2003. In October 2003 Michael accepted a job with his “hometown” Suffolk County Police Dep’t on the east end of Long Island, N.Y. where he worked until October 2022 when he was medically retired after suffering a serious on-duty back injury which required (2) surgeries. Shortly after retiring, Michael began wrestling with feelings of anger, depression, and general unhappiness which plagued him until he watched a Shawn Ryan podcast and realized as he was watching an interview that he was suffering from PTSD. Michael became aware of plant based medicines to cure the various issues that he was suffering from and journeyed with Ayahuasca this past March.
The cathartic, profound changes that occurred as a result of using Ayahuasca, including essentially curing his PTSD on his FIRST journey, led him to become an advocate for both plant-based medicine usage and the military veterans and 1st responders who can benefit most from it. His life is now dedicated to these purposes.
To contact Michael:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theresilientwarrior5778/
Email: mikemorgan@theresilientwarriornation.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hi Michael, welcome to Quantum Alchemist Mastered
Podcast.
It's a pleasure to have youhere.
Please tell us a little bitabout you, your journey, how you
got to where you are today.
Go ahead, the floor is allyours.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Absolutely.
First off, thank you for havingme.
It's an honor to be here.
I guess I'll give you just aquick bio myself.
I was born and raised in LongIsland, more specifically North
Elmore, new York, which is asuburb in Nassau County.
That's the composition of thewestern portion of Long Island,
new York and the South Shore.
(00:35):
I grew up playing with myparents and my sister Very fun,
garrulous kid.
If I was a kid today I'm surethey'd be trying to put me on
ADHD meds because I had to sitnext to the teacher.
Third, fourth, fifth and sixthgrades.
(00:57):
I was a class clown Again, grewup playing sports.
That was my love, my passion inlife, ended up going to Hofstra
University in Long Island,played on their ice hockey team
and I graduated with anaccounting degree in 1991.
So my story starts there myfirst day of work in Manhattan
(01:17):
at my new accounting job.
Supposed to be so excited forthis new career that we're
embarking on job I was supposedto be so excited for this new
career that we were embarking onI was given a task at about 11
am.
During that task I actuallyfell asleep with my head in my
hand.
Got up from my desk, the kidthat was teaching me the ropes
was a little strange.
So I went over to another kidthat I had met earlier.
(01:39):
We hit it off.
I said what's up, brother, youlike this stuff?
He said F?
No, I hate it.
I'm like there is no way thatI'm sitting in a cubicle for the
next 30 years of my life makingno difference to anyone.
No one's going to know if Ilive and died doing this job.
I will make no difference toanyone in life.
(01:59):
Went deep, introspective,really thought about what I
wanted to do, and lawenforcement ended up being what
I thought I'd be great at, andFBI was specifically the job
that I wanted at the time.
Unfortunately, the feds were ona hiring freeze so I had to
wait.
I guess the first time I tookthe test was probably six years
(02:19):
later.
In the interim I had met abrother of a friend of mine.
He had moved down to Atlanta,georgia.
He was working for Pan Am whenthey went bankrupt.
The Delta picked up his wholewelding shop and brought them
down to Atlanta.
He loved it, Said he needed tocome down there.
See for yourself the place isbuilding up for the Olympics.
It's great, very inexpensive tolive there.
(02:41):
I said you know what I want?
To get out of New York I'mgoing to apply to the Atlanta
Police Department and get someexperience in law enforcement
and then when the FBI becomesavailable I'm going to get on
with those guys.
So moved down there in Augustof 93.
Ended up staying for a littleover 10 years.
It's funny.
The FBI opened up the hiringagain in like 97, 98.
(03:05):
I always did very well instandardized tests so I didn't
study.
I got a little cocky on thefirst one.
It was a pretty difficult testso I ended up failing the test.
It was algebra and trig that Ihad not seen in years and years.
So you're allowed to retest ayear later, which I did.
I studied this time, passed,got flown to Fort Lauderdale,
(03:27):
went before a board of FBIagents passed that.
My next testing was a polygraph, which I failed, although I did
not lie.
This is why I cannot standpolygraphs, because they don't
measure whether or not you'retelling the truth.
It's body's physical,physiological, physiological
reaction to the test.
So, um, that job becameunavailable.
(03:51):
And it's funny the way theuniverse works, because a few
months later I had taken a testabout three years before for my
uh, one of my hometown policedepartment suffolk county police
that's east end, long Islandand I received a letter about
six months later stating that mynumber was chosen and I went
through the whole testingprocess for those guys and I
(04:12):
ended up getting on that job,moved back to New York in 03,
october of 03, to where I stayedto my retirement in September
of 2022.
So I just want to backtrack,because I'm going to talk about,
you know, ptsd that Idiscovered in the later years.
(04:33):
My first day in field trainingout of the Atlanta Police
Academy so say we finished on aMonday afternoon I was assigned
to a midnight tour.
So the next night, tuesdaynight, we started at 11 pm and
my shift went from 11 to 7 am.
Within the first hour I hadseen my first homicide Crazy
(04:55):
story.
It was an Atlanta fire captainwho was suspended for messing
around with young girls, decidedto pick up a young prostitute
that night 16 year old girl andthen decided he wanted a small
crack.
So he goes to the local drugdealer, pulls up to a corner,
goes to buy crack, the crackdeal, looks inside and who does
he see?
But a 16 year old cousin pullsout a gun, shoots a guy in the
(05:17):
head dead.
So then my first hour, firsthomicide.
Four hours later we get a callof a second shooting, second
homicide.
I look at my buddy, who's alsogetting field trained.
We're at the second scene and Ilook at him.
I'm like sam, what did we getourselves into?
And it just, it was like thewild, wild west in atlanta.
(05:37):
I cannot even tell you howcrazy it was.
I love the action but, um, youdon't realize what a toll it
kind of takes on your psyche.
And it's not really.
Those stories are bad, but inmy thinking, these guys chose
(05:59):
that life.
It was two drug dealers and Idon't know.
It wasn't those things weren'treally what took a toll on me.
It was going through pain.
You know, you see,heartbreaking, devastating
carnage heaped upon good people.
That's when it affects you themost.
(06:22):
I remember I got a call one dayfor a unresponsive 11-year-old.
I walk in the door and the11-year-old is face up on the
floor in a living room, hismother and grandmother there, in
hysterics.
I fell for a pulse.
He was cold to the touch.
I knew he was dead instantlybut there was no way I was going
to not try to work on him rightthere.
So I'm doing CPR while thesethree ladies are behind me in
(06:44):
the worst moment of their life,and as I'm doing compressions, I
can hear liquid in this kid'schest and, uh, you know, my
medical training was not, uh,too high standards at the time,
but I knew that should not begoing on.
So, uh, as it starts coming upinto his mouth, essentially I
put him on his side.
Just then the fire departmentrolls in with the paramedics.
(07:06):
I look at them like what isgoing on?
And ends up he had bacterialmeningitis, so he had passed
away, unfortunately.
And you become callous becauseyou cannot absorb all this pain
that you're feeling.
These poor ladies just losttheir grandson, son, nephew
(07:27):
respectively.
And you're in the middle ofthat and you see this
11-year-old dead in front of youand you can't absorb that pain.
If you do, it'll take you toplaces you don't want to be.
So you learn to callous up,harden it we call it
compartmentalize, but you bury.
It is what you do.
And had I not gone to thehospital after that, where they
(07:51):
had to give me a strong dose ofantibiotics and told me to
essentially quarantine myselffor 48 hours, I would have gone
back into service and gone tothe next call.
And how are you normal afterthat?
You know you're stillprocessing what you just went
through, but bam, you're throwninto the mix and it's, you know,
(08:11):
back in service.
Give me the next call.
So you just kind of learn todeal with it.
There's no one that's at thetime things have gotten much
better now but there was no oneyou could go talk to.
You talk to your buddies, andeveryone blows it off.
It's weakness to show emotion asmen, especially in this macho
(08:31):
industry that we're in.
So it's just an example and youcan just build upon it.
There's more and more and moreand more, and it's year after
year and no one tells you how todeal with that.
You know, I've had people showme how to get big training in a
gym.
I've had people show me how tobecome a proficient fighter.
I've had people show me how tobecome very proficient at
(08:54):
firearms, but no one ever sat medown and taught me how to work
through these things mentallyand release this pain that
you're feeling, and you don'teven realize it's there.
It just kind of builds up,builds up, builds up and
eventually, unfortunately, wehit a saturation point and a lot
of times it comes out inunhealthy ways.
So let's see I'm going to fastforward to.
(09:14):
I have so many stories likethat, but there's really no need
to tell them.
It's just heartbreak on a grandscale.
So fast forward to september2020.
Um, I injured my back on duty,blew up, herniated four discs in
one shot and we triedconservative treatment.
(09:36):
About six months later, I hadto get my first back surgery.
So this is like april 1st of2021.
That actually corrected oneproblem, but, going in, my
neurosurgeon had told me it'sprobably not going to correct
the second.
So, unfortunately, you may needa second surgery, and it didn't
.
He was right.
So, about a year to the day, Ihad my second, which was a back
fusion, and they retired meabout six months later, in
(10:00):
October of 2022.
And I thought I was in a goodplace.
I thought I was done.
I put almost 30 years in and noone tells you.
Well, let me also say that fromthat point on, I had a workers'
comp case that went on foranother year.
So essentially, for three years, I wasn't allowed to work, I
(10:20):
wasn't allowed to volunteer, Iwasn't really allowed to do
anything out of the house,because they have people that
follow you around with cameras.
They want to prove that you'renot really hurt.
So I'm a very purpose-drivenindividual and I had no purpose,
and that's one thing thatyou're waking up.
I had a gym in my house butthere was really nothing to do
every day.
(10:41):
From having a job when I'm 12years old to now, not being able
to work takes a toll on you andnow I'm not a part of this
thing that was a part of for 30years, and now I'm not this
thing that I was for 30 yearsthat you identify with.
And you know, one of thebiggest loves of that job is
camaraderie, and the guys andgirls are not there every day
(11:02):
anymore.
Unfortunately, that phone stopsringing, out of sight, out of
mind, and collectively itstarted to take a toll and I was
not feeling myself.
I was not feeling happy.
I'm a pretty happy guy Startedgetting I don't know, probably a
slight depression and just wasnot feeling myself.
Anger was popping up.
(11:22):
I would be rude to my wife andI knew I was doing it.
Afterwards I'm just like whatare you doing?
And uh, couldn't, couldn't helpmyself.
You know it's weird to say, butI didn't, in some respects,
nothing crazy.
Don't let me, you know thinkthat I was doing anything crazy,
just being rude, just not anice guy at times, and I just
(11:44):
didn't like it.
And I was watching a Sean Ryanpodcast.
I'm not sure if you're familiarwith him.
He's a former Navy SEAL, he'sgot a pretty big following on
YouTube and he was interviewinganother Navy SEAL named Eddie
Penny and Eddie was recountingthe Extortion 17 incident and
that's where Chinook went downin Afghanistan killing 17 SEALs,
one of which was Eddie's bestfriend, and Eddie is recounting
(12:08):
a story about him escorting hisbest friend's body back to his
hometown.
And he was visibly upsetrightly so during the interview.
And as he's crying, all I couldthink about was a call that I
had a few years before of atwo-year-old found floating in a
pool.
And as I'm thinking about thatcall, I just broke out crying.
(12:28):
I don't want to sayhysterically, but I was crying
and my first thought was to lookinto my house to make sure that
my wife would not return fromshopping, because I would have
been so embarrassed Because,again, as men we're not supposed
to be showing emotion.
And especially the way I grew up, I grew up with a dad who was
really tough.
It was a contentiousrelationship and you know he
(12:50):
basically said like you keepthings to yourself, you keep
them in, you don't show people,because then they think you're
weak.
So you know, it's kind of theway I grew up and it's funny,
since I've started my journey inhelping others, I've never.
So if you are in theseprofessions, these violent
(13:12):
professions, one thing that I'veseen is most guys have not had
good relationships with theirfather and I don't know if we go
into these things in spite ofthem or because of them.
I don't know if we want to showthem that we're tough or just
because of them.
They made us tough, they stokedthis fire, but it is
(13:32):
overwhelming.
The overwhelming majority ofmen have not had good
relationships with their fatherand that brings them into, um,
these professions.
And you know, I don't know if,again, if it's a catalyst and
they're doing it um, we'retrying to prove to them or, you
know, in spite of them, butregardless, um.
So at that point I realized thatall these feelings I had been
(13:55):
experiencing, it was like a snapof a finger.
I'm like I have PTSD, becauseall these other calls started
popping up and they were allrelated to other people's pain
that I had watched.
I had been front row seat towhat was going on with them and
some of it was justheartbreaking.
But they all started popping upand I realized that I needed
(14:17):
help.
But I didn't think thetraditional therapy was going to
do it for me.
I can't imagine that I'd bespeaking to a man or woman
behind a desk telling them aboutthese things that I've gone
through and they're going totell me how to get through them.
And as I'm watching Sean Ryan'sshow prior to Eddie's interview
and post-interview, he'sinterviewing all these special
(14:39):
force operators and they're allcoming back broken men from war
and these are some of thestrongest mentally fortitude men
you've ever seen in your life.
But they're getting broken, butthey're also healing.
They're realizing that they'regetting broken.
But they're speaking to otheroperators who are telling them
this can help you, this can helpyou, this could help you.
And at first I was a littlepessimistic.
But then I'm like who am I tobe putting down on this stuff
(15:00):
when these guys?
They're saying that they'regetting healed and it's
ayahuasca, ibogaine, bufo,psilocybin, all these
plant-based medicines.
And in my head I'm justthinking how is this even
(15:21):
possible?
But I finally resigned myselfto the fact that I have to try
it, and my wife and I wereplanning a trip to Peru because
I didn't think it was availablein the US this is Ayahuasca
specifically.
So we moved to Florida at theend of last year, during the
course of which my wife found acenter called SoulQuest
Ayahuasca Church in Orlando.
We ended up going to retreat inthe first weekend of March,
this past March, and Rosalia,words dilute the magic of my
(15:50):
experience Once I start talkingabout it.
It was the most profoundcatholic experience I've ever
had in my life and a lot ofpeople say that they sense a
female presence as I, as Ijourney.
Now, what you do is you drinkthe ayahuasca.
It's made from two vines.
They boil the vines,essentially get the juice, drink
(16:11):
the juice and that's what'sserved to you.
So you're essentially drinkingit.
Uh, it's the most powerfulhallucinogenic in the world and
you know one thing I tell peoplethis is, it's not an enjoyable
experience.
You know people think it's adrug.
You get high, nothing of thesort.
You'll just kind of transportit to another dimension and you
(16:31):
see and hear things that younever thought possible.
Um, you know, people conversewith their dead relatives.
Um, you know some of thejourneys that people explain
that they've been on are just soincredible.
But mine was essentially asthough I was looking at a big
screen tv and I had a femalepresence in my upper left and
(16:51):
they call that mother ayahuascaand I surrendered.
You know, I went in thereknowing that I was just gonna
let whatever happened happen andI told her I surrender.
I need help.
Please help me.
I I have to get rid of my ego.
I want to get rid of this rage.
I want to get rid of this anger.
I want to become moreempathetic.
And it was like everything Iasked for was like granted with
(17:14):
like the snap of a finger.
And I remember, as the ceremonywas going on, I was watching the
volunteers in the facility tendto us and I'm like I'm just
watching them Like man.
These people are so gracefuland loving and empathetic.
I'm like that's the kind of manI want to be.
And let me preface this bysaying you know, my wife will
(17:35):
hear this every now and then.
She's like you sound like amonster when you say it, like
you had no empathy or sympathy.
She's like you're an empatheticand sympathetic man.
I'm like I know, baby, but Iwanted to be more of that.
And I remember one of theworkers kind of walked by me and
I was like, oh, I wonder wherethat effort's going.
And it wasn't.
It's just the way I speak.
(17:56):
I wasn't trying to be rude oranything like that.
It was just in my mind.
And in my mind I'm like why doyou have to say that like that?
Just, you know a guy who'shelping us and in my mind I'm
like you don't have to refer tohim like that, it's just not
nice.
And uh, it was amazing.
I sat on that thought for likefive minutes and I was like it's
(18:18):
not nice, this, I'm gonna stopdoing that.
And um, during this journey shemother I lost was bringing my
father to speak to me.
He's he's deceased and and hedidn't show.
It was amazing.
It was like there was musicgoing on.
It's just so profound whatactually happens in your mind.
(18:40):
The music was like reaching toa crescendo in my journey, but
in reality the music was stayingat the same volume it was at
and during my journey it reachedcrescendo and it just stopped.
And in reality the music wasstill going on and I'm literally
looking, waiting for my fatherto come down this alleyway and
he just doesn't show.
And I remember throwing myhands in the air and being like
(19:02):
coward.
I knew he wouldn't show, hecan't talk about emotion, but
all the stuff between he and I50-something years was just
released.
It was gone no longer and when Ithought about it I just had no
more ill will towards him.
You know, I just kind of said,or she told me, like he did the
(19:23):
best he could.
You know, this is the way hewas raised.
You try to raise.
You try to raise you to be aman.
That's the way he was shown todo it and that's the way he did
it.
And uh, it, and that's the wayhe did it.
And you know, I released it.
Everything was.
I had no more anger towards him, I had no more resentment
towards him.
It just is what it is.
And as I was coming out of thejourney, I actually had two
(19:49):
coworkers and friends who hadcommitted suicide three weeks
before.
A week apart, the sergeantactually killed himself in our
precinct locker room two daysbefore he was getting promoted
to lieutenant.
It was mind-boggling, um, and Ihad no inclination to enter
this field.
But as I'm coming out of thejourney just as clearly as you
and I are talking, the universetold me I healed you.
(20:09):
Your life's purpose is now togo forth and heal these first
responders and vets, these menand women who are suffering like
you are.
She was like I put you througheverything you've been through
for a reason.
It wasn't for naught, it's like, so you could go into that room
and they're going to see theauthenticity and that you're
genuine and you know exactlywhat they're talking about.
(20:31):
Everything that they tell youyou've either been through,
experienced, but it's not goingto phase you and you can help
them.
And I realized that was mylife's purpose at that point.
I just kind of had to sit down.
It took me a little while toimplement a plan, a few things
that are still going on, but itwas my life, life journey at
(20:55):
that point.
And after that weekend, Ifilmed a Facebook Live on
Tuesday night and I cried onFacebook, which I never would
have been capable of doing priorto that journey and had I done
it I would have been soembarrassed, but I was so proud
of myself for doing so.
And I received four calls thenext day, three from really good
(21:15):
friends of mine, one whoadmitted to having a gun in his
mouth and a not too recent pastand I told my wife, like baby, I
could have just saved one ofthese three guys' lives.
Talking to them and I'm like,if that doesn't show me that
this is my path, from this pointon, nothing will.
And I've never had so muchpassion for anything in my life
(21:37):
and I've been passionate aboutstuff incredible.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
That sounds beautiful , so let's dive into.
Let's peel the onion slightly,yeah, okay absolutely um.
So I very much resonate withyour journey and that's the
reason why I reached out to you.
We all deal with suffering,with trauma, with pain.
In my dark night of the soul Iwent through suicidal ideation,
(22:08):
mental health, depression,anxiety, you name it Very
dysregulated nervous system,very unbalanced.
I'm a nurse practitioner.
I've been in healthcare forover 10 years, so you know I was
always very scientific, notreally looking at plant medicine
as an option ever, but slowlybut surely I definitely was
(22:30):
called to the medicine.
It was a very, very strongcalling that I couldn't refuse.
I could if I wanted to, but itwas just so strong and it was
just a knowing that I just knewI had to do it.
It was part of my soul plan togo through this journey and now,
of course, in retrospect, likeyou mentioned, we see all of our
(22:54):
challenges, our life journey,et cetera, as part of the whole
plan, all along right, as partto build us up to who we are, to
be able to share, to be able torelate to others that are on
the journey, basically, justlike we are.
We're always growing, alwaysevolving, absolutely, we're.
We're always growing, alwaysevolving.
(23:14):
So how has so, for example,when you had that when you left
your job and you had the backsurgery and you lost purpose.
A lot of people lose purposefor different reasons, whether
it's an accident, a diagnosis, adivorce, whatever it may be.
At that point, did you have todeal with, aside from depression
(23:34):
, anything in regards tosuicidal ideation or negative
thoughts or intrusive thoughtsor anything mental health
related, anything at that pointlike the rock bottom part of
that?
On a more personal level,Dainty question.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
I've never had and I'm very grateful.
I've never had suicidalideation, definitely experienced
depression and my biggest gripeabout my behavior was there was
no consistency and it I knewthat's how I was acting and it
(24:15):
was not fair to my wife.
And one thing when you, onething you want from your mate is
consistency.
You just want to know howthey're going to be day to day.
You know hour to hour.
Essentially, obviously, we allget in our moods.
But I could be in a great moodand all of a sudden I thought
pop in my head and get me in abad mood and I'd be there the
rest of the day.
And one thing I've learnedsince I've entered this realm is
(24:38):
, just as a bad thought canenter your mind, you can turn
that around, put good thoughtsinto your head and think
positively.
And that's one thing that Itook forward from that.
And now when I speak to vets,first responders, I'm like
perspective is everything,everything.
Do not actually did it reallyyesterday, and I want to do this
(25:03):
more and more because it's sopowerful.
Don't look at yourself as avictim.
Don't say why me.
Don't say all I have is badluck.
No, it's the way you think.
If you think the opposite wayand empower yourself and thank
the universe for every singlething it puts you through.
I don't care how devastatingand it's easy to say, but I just
(25:27):
want to do something myself,personally, with my mom.
It was devastating to me.
You must feel that pain.
You cannot dull it withsubstances, like we all have.
You cannot run away from it,like we all have.
You must feel it.
You must heal from it.
You will come out the otherside, a different person.
You're going to evolve.
You're going to be stronger,more resilient.
(25:50):
That's something else now youcan take with you and help
someone else.
You're going to do something.
I just went through that and,healed from it.
I can speak to you from thefirst person perspective.
This is exactly the way I wasfeeling.
I know what you're talkingabout and it's happened multiple
times since, with vets andfirst responders contacting me
(26:12):
like brother or sister.
I know exactly what you'retalking about, but you cannot
make yourself a victim.
You're a warrior.
Your mind is not going toreconcile the fact that you're a
warrior that you're makingyourself a victim.
It's either or and you don'twant to make yourself a victim.
So you stay with that warriormindset, as much as it hurts.
I don't care if you're cryingevery day of your life until you
(26:33):
heal through this.
You will heal, I promise youthat.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Beautiful.
Yeah, I definitely loveshifting my perspective and my
paradigm as kind of like feel it, to heal it, and working a lot
also with our nervous system.
Because when you have adysregulated nervous system and
you're operating on fight andflight mode and just on that
sympathetic nervous systeminstead of the parasympathetic,
which is your relaxed, rest anddigest state, it's very
(27:00):
difficult to find safety in yourmind, your body and your spirit
Extremely difficult.
I don't care if you have agreat life, you can have
everything and still feel a hugevoid and not be able to feel it
and still feel like you're in arot and still not be able to
get out of it.
So to me, what I found is thatthis healing, first of all it's
(27:22):
ongoing.
It's not a, you know, sit downwith plant medicine and
everything is happy and dandy.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
From my personal experience, it's kind of just
like personal development, rightit's.
It's an ever evolving um thing,um, and for me it has a lot of
moving parts, right.
So, um, definitely, plantmedicine.
I attribute a lot to that.
I had a near death experience.
I attribute a lot to that, uminto putting me in my, in my
(27:49):
life, my life's path, um, butalso being able to to do breath
work, being able to do movement,being able to incorporate
mindful practices, being able tolearn different tools to help
me, because, instead of reactingwhich is I was running on that
programming from my subconsciousmind just being reactive to any
(28:10):
outside circumstance, now Ihave tools, now I have a bigger
awareness and a differentperception and before I react, I
can choose, so that I'mactually employing that free
will willingly, right.
So it's kind of like, yeah, wehave the pendulum, of course
we're going to be taken off, youknow, off balance, but then you
(28:32):
know, kind of what to do.
You have your techniques, yourtools to kind of bring you back
right back into that balance.
So, uh, I feel like it's likewe're working on our roots, like
, right, you want to.
Really, I feel like we've wehave had such a disconnection to
our soul, to our higher self.
And it's okay if you don'tcan't relate to this, um, but um
(28:53):
, that's just from myperspective.
I forgot I had a soul.
I thought I was just this body,so I forgot that connection to
my heart.
I was just operating from allthese archetypes, personas, max,
all these things and forgot tomake space to remember who I am
right, remember why I came hereand kind of look at, kind of
(29:15):
zoom out of life, become theobserver and kind of like,
understand all timelines from,from afar, then being able.
But then you do that plantmedicine does that for you, that
zoom out, that onenessperspective.
But then there's the otheraspect of that, which is what
I'm going to ask you now, whichis the integration portion of it
(29:36):
.
So I started my journey withplant medicine, energy work, all
these things in 2018.
And I can tell you I'm stillintegrating.
I'm still it's like that's ohmy God.
And then I next year I'm like,oh okay, so same thing, but just
a different perspective orperception of the same thing.
(29:58):
So it's kind of keeps, keepsgiving, keeps on giving.
So it's just finding, findingthat, that pearl or that gem in
the Lotus, right, maybe we're inthe mud right now, maybe we're
we're in a place of darkness, um, but I promise you it is
happening for you, it is it.
(30:20):
Time and time again it hashappened in my life, throughout
my lifetime, over and over andover, and I thought, oh, this is
the end.
I'm so, done that.
Now for real, I'm just, I can'ttake it.
I'm you, will your, your soulchooses a lot of stuff before
incarnating, and it only choosesthings that you can go through
(30:42):
and and and come out on theother side.
Everything is is reallyhappening for us.
It's just a process for us toget there to understand that
perspective of it.
So how has your integrationbeen?
That perspective of it?
So how?
Speaker 2 (30:53):
has your integration been?
It's been good.
I think that you know, on thishigher consciousness journey now
I'm learning a lot of things.
You know more specificallyabout myself, but just learning
I'm allowing things you know nowto me, my adage is it is what
(31:14):
it is.
I don't get worked up.
Everything's happening for areason.
The universe is putting me here.
It's putting me there, whateverit's doing.
If it's something that I likeand it's not there anymore now,
you have to pivot, go tosomething else.
There's always something asanother door and you know a
(31:35):
couple of things I also learnedis and I never really had I was
an anxiety-ridden individual,but I think most anxiety is
people looking backwards attheir life, things that have
happened that's already gone.
People looking at the future, atthings that haven't happened
yet.
They're not there yet Live inthe present.
As you look back, I thinkpeople tend to stay there.
(31:56):
Um, I actually had.
It's funny, I've never done adrug in my life, but I had an
opioid addiction and went torehab in 2012.
Um, I was prescribed medicinefor my back injuries and I'd
taken it as prescribed for yearsand my first marriage was not
going well.
My family and she did not getalong.
I was trying to make everyonehappy.
(32:17):
No one was happy.
Um, things would work at thatpoint weren't going that great
and I realized that if I wastaking this medicine it was
dulling all this pain.
And then I just started takingmore and more and more and more.
And after my eighth seizure Ilooked at my uh, ex-wife and I'm
started taking more and moreand more and more.
And after my eighth seizure Ilooked at my ex-wife and I'm
like I can't stop and it washumiliating, embarrassing.
(32:39):
She called my cousin at nightto come over.
It was probably 11 or 12 on aSunday.
I had to go to my parents'house the next day with my
ex-wife and my cousin tell myparents that I had to go to
rehab because I couldn't stopthis myself.
I remember being in a rehabfacility First night.
I had like three roommates.
I'm kind of looking aroundcrying to myself like how did I
(33:00):
end up here?
You know hardworking kid, puthimself through college, have a
master's degree from BostonUniversity.
I'm sitting in a rehab facility.
What are you doing?
And I've forgiven myself sincethen.
(33:21):
I made that mistake, but Ican't sit there and dwell on it
for the rest of my life.
And I remember a few monthslater, a good friend of mine,
craig Cappellino, was dying of9-11 related cancer when he was
at Suffolk County Police Academytogether Probably thought he
was an NYPD officer and we usedto have very in-depth
discussions.
He knew he was dying and I toldhim what I.
I told very few people about myrehab experience.
(33:44):
I'm like, cap, you're dying andI'm wasting my life.
Man, I'm like I was isolatingmyself in my basement doing
nothing and you have everythingto live for.
I'm like I almost wish I couldswap spots with you right now,
brother, and give you, like youknow, my healthy life.
And I was doing much better atthat point, but I was still
(34:05):
feeling guilty.
And he's like Mike.
He's like can't think like that.
He's like you screwed up you.
And he's like Mike, he's likecan't think like that.
He's like you screwed up.
You're atoning for it now.
He's like you're being a man.
He took responsibility for yourmistakes and he said the most
powerful thing to me as he'sdying.
He died like.
Two months later.
He said I never asked God, whyme?
He's like, why not me?
(34:25):
Who am I?
He goes, why shouldn't I getcancer?
And I started crying.
It still gets me emotional and,uh, my cap is probably one of
the most powerful things I'veever heard anyone say in my life
, because most people would belike what was me at that point?
And, uh, you know, I vowedafter that discussion.
(34:48):
I'm like I'm not wasting mylife anymore and got off my ass
excuse my French and did what Ihad to do to get my mind right
and he passed a couple monthslater.
I broke my heart, but it was sopowerful those few words that
he said to me why not me?
Who am I?
And that's the way I live mylife, like anything that happens
(35:08):
to me, who am I?
The only constant in change,the only constant in life, is
change, and someone's going tobe good, someone's going to be
bad.
Take the good with the bad.
Hopefully it's going to be alot less bad, but you can't
fight it, you know, and I alwayswant to have a good attitude
about anything that happens tome.
Speaker 1 (35:38):
Again.
If it's hurtfulful, I'll dealwith that pain, I'll get over it
, I'll never dull it again.
And then bam, that's anothertool.
I have to help someone else.
You know that's the sameconclusion I got to, and I've
studied a lot of major worldreligions when I was looking for
god outside of myself, um, andespecially in the eastern um,
there's this conception of justflowing with the Tao, right With
what is, and especially all thegreat sages.
(35:59):
They speak about living in thepresent moment.
And I want to just kind ofbring a little bit of light, and
my perception of things isconstantly changing.
So whatever I share now may bedifferent next year and may be
definitely different than mostpeople, which is okay changing.
So whatever I share now may bedifferent next year and maybe
definitely different than mostpeople, which is okay too.
I think it's beautiful for us tobe able to hold space for all
(36:20):
sorts of ideas and perceptions.
I believe that's how we grow.
So I'll say this after my workand my own personal journey, the
way I kind of see it, where Istand right now, is to me, all
lifetimes are happening now past, present, future, um, and being
(36:42):
able to find being mindful likeas I am drinking a cup of water
, as I am speaking to my wife,as I am spending time petting my
dog, as I'm with my beingpresent, not thinking about the
past or the future and Iactually include this into past
lives, parallel lives and alltimelines Just being in the now
(37:06):
is so, so important, and justtrusting that higher
intelligence, whatever it may befor you God, source, universe,
love, whatever it is foreveryone, is fine, it's
beautiful.
I think it's a very individualrelationship to be respected,
because your God may becompletely different than mine,
(37:28):
and that's absolutely beautifuland I honor that as well.
It's whatever helps you findthat, and so to me, happiness is
inner peace at this point, andto me that inner peace was
filled by God's source love.
Nothing else could fill it.
I looked everywhere for it andI was not able to find it.
(37:49):
And then now, trusting thathigher intelligence, that
everything that is happening inmy life, even if it's cancer,
for example, is happening for me, literally for the highest
evolution of my soul.
But getting to that place wasnot easy, place was not easy,
and still so we're not exemptfrom any human emotion, from
(38:13):
pain, from challenge fromdifficulty.
Um it, the only thing that haschanged has been our perception,
so kind of like a course inmiracles.
I don't know if you've read it.
It's a very kind of dense book,but, um, of course, in miracles
oh, it speaks just about thatUm, it's literally 365 days of
(38:35):
teaching you how to change yourperception about your current
reality.
Um, so it's really quite apowerful book.
Uh, to our list.
Yeah, of course, in miraclesit's a hard blue cover.
I would grab mine, but my dogate most of the hard cover.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
I would grab mine, but my dog ate most of the
hardcover part of it.
What kind of dog.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
Oh my, you won't believe it.
It's a multi poo.
It's little, but he eatseverything and anything he can
get his teeth.
Like look, and I'll mail you mybook that I wrote.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
But look, that's my book.
And he, those little teeth.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
Yeah so, he he's, he's my book and he those little
teeth, yeah so he's quitefeisty.
But, yeah, integration has beenand it still is a very big part
of my journey.
I'm still learning every day.
I'm still trying to share as Igo along with others.
That's why I wrote.
I've written books, I have thecourse, I have different things,
(39:34):
just to share what has helpedme.
That that is pretty much it.
It's kind of what I have here,here it is.
I hope that it may, it may serveyou, and I can relate a lot to
to your story, to your.
I think you're a testament tohow, if we take full
responsibility and we actuallyare open to change, we don't
need to know how or when or howit's going to come to us.
(39:57):
The universe will orchestrateand bring it to us as soon as
we're like okay, I want change,I want help, I'm ready.
You know it is.
I'll speak out of my familymembers and please tell me if
you've had a similar experience.
In my family.
We have addiction, we've hadsuicide, we've had all of that
stuff, and the ones that havebeen not been able to get help
(40:23):
has been because they have notallowed help, they have not
asked for the help and they'reclose to the help, like even if
you want to put them in therehab, they don't need it, even
if you want to say hey, listen,you know, I've been through a
lot Maybe.
Maybe we can talk and maybe Ican kind of give you some
pointers.
Or where we can't save anyoneunless they want to open at
(40:45):
least a little window for you tolike for, to hear why not me,
even if it's a few words thatcan shift your, your, your life
Right.
Speaker 2 (40:55):
So absolutely have you encountered that within your
own close relationships?
Yeah, I think you know, even asI'm ongoing with with this new
task of helping people, you knowI've spoken to vets, first
responders.
One specifically who had a methaddiction has a meth addiction
(41:17):
and he was getting an operation.
I guess he had meth mouth.
That's when your teeth rot outbecause you're not producing
saliva when you use meth.
So that's why the teeth rot.
So he was getting a procedureto get dentures, I guess, put in
.
He was supposed to go to rehaband then he was going to
(41:41):
coordinate the rehab with.
As soon as he was finished hewas going to fly out to Florida
at SoulQuest and I was going tokind of greet him and bring him
for an ayahuasca retreat.
Plans fell through.
You know, speaking to him it'sthe old adage is you can lead a
horse to water but you can'tmake him drink.
And look, look at my examplewhen I went to rehab.
If I refused it I wasn'twilling to get help.
Same thing when no one couldhave forced me.
I mean, yeah, if you people arelegally forced, they're bound
(42:05):
by.
Uh, you know, if they have acourt catch court case and a
judge makes them go to rehab.
I have to go to rehab.
They don't want to be there.
Nothing is going to go on with30 wasted days as soon as they
get out and a lot of them likeit because now the tolerance
level is down, so they're goingto get higher than they normally
are when they come out.
So you can't force anyone to doanything they don't want to do
(42:28):
and you can only kind of showthem what's going on.
But if they're not ready,unfortunately, you know, and
sometimes it hurts because yeah,yeah, I've seen situations
where people take their lives.
You're trying to help them.
There's nothing you can do,unfortunately, you know.
It's heartbreaking, but at thesame point you know you have to
(42:49):
heal through that and realizethere's another person 10 feet
away that needs your help aswell.
I'm not talking about if it's aclose relative or anything like
that, I'm just talking about ingeneral.
But yeah, sometimes it'sdevastating.
I have actually a very closefriend that we used to work
together and he's got severePTSD and I was trying to get him
(43:10):
to the ayahuasca, really anyplant-based medicine treatment
and I'm like, brother, pleasedon't you trust me.
I've had your life in my hands,don't you trust me?
Now he's like, yeah, I trustyou.
I'm like I will come pick youup.
It was about six hours away, Iwill drive you there, I will pay
for it.
And he's just not ready to takethat leap.
(43:33):
I'm like I promise you thiswill be life changing.
It may not, you know, cureeverything, but I promise you
it's going to put you in abetter headspace.
And uh, right now I'm still.
I've been trying for this goingon a year now.
It's very frustrating, but Ican only do my best very
frustrating, but I can only domy best.
Speaker 1 (43:52):
Yeah, Tell us a little bit more about your
purpose, your passion right now,where people can find you.
What are some of the stuff thatyou're offering?
Kind of like, shed a little bitmore light into where you stand
today, absolutely so.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
I guess my biggest platform is my Instagram account
.
That is a team morgues T.
E a M.
Underscore M O R G S.
Underscore I N C.
Team morgues Inc.
So there's where I post.
Um, a lot of stories, a lot ofreels, um, I have been working
with a healing center down herein South Florida implementing
(44:32):
their Vets and First Respondersprogram.
They have some stuff going onmanagement-wise right now.
So that's on a pause which Ihope is going to be quickly
resumed, because that is just Ican't even explain.
It's so powerful to me seeingthese vets come in.
Just I can't even explain.
It's so powerful to me seeingthese vets come in.
(44:53):
I was at one retreat where wehad two vets who were suicidal
coming into the retreat and thenext day they said those
thoughts of suicide were gone.
I tell the integration portionafter we drink the next day, I
absolutely love.
It is so powerful.
(45:13):
You're hearing the mostpersonal details of people's
lives and the pain they've gonethrough, but the healing is so
profound that most of the time Ihave tears running down my eyes
when these people are tellingstories and it's just incredible
.
So that's one center I'mworking with.
Again, universal shut that downat this point.
(45:36):
So now I'm pivoting.
I'm actually in touch withanother center right now.
We're in talks to hopefully geta first responders program
going with them.
So as soon as that's done, I'mgoing to announce it on my
Instagram.
Additionally, I'm about tostart a YouTube channel
Instagram.
Additionally, I'm about tostart a YouTube channel that's
(45:56):
going to be a kind of amulti-themed channel.
What I want to do is some of itis going to be tactical
teachings for current policeofficers.
You know I have 30 years ofexperience and I know I bring a
lot to the table.
So I want to help these guysand girls who are current on the
job and you know bring I meanI'm starting off with the
(46:17):
minutia of the job, like how toput together, how to put
together a gun belt, why I dowhat I do.
I mean the smallest, slightestdetails that can help people and
potentially save lives.
Additionally, a big componentthat's going to be mental health
.
So I want to do podcasts, justlike you're doing right now,
bring the mental health intofocus and different treatment
(46:39):
plans for these.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm alsogetting certified as a certified
peer specialist.
I just finished my educationalportion of that.
I now have to get my clinicianhours done.
Once I do that, I'll be workingfor an organization called
Project Rebirth and they're kindof married into a lot of vets
organizations and policeorganizations.
(47:00):
So if there's a member in crisisthey'll contact us.
I'll get a call, go out andspeak to so-and-so and the
beauty of it, it's HIPAAprotected.
So if I get someone who's incrisis and they have a substance
abuse issue, I don't have toreport it to the department.
We can get them help, get theminto a program, get them
treatment.
So you know, I have, I guess, alot of irons in the fire.
(47:22):
And my eventual goal I wouldlove to open up my own healing
center.
That is my absolute goal.
So, as people say, say it'salready happened.
I guess just the amount of timeis the amount of time it's going
to pass from now until when ithappens.
Who knows?
But I am just in completeconfidence that the universe has
(47:45):
me on this path and I'm goingto affect lives and that's all I
want to do.
I was telling somebody theother day I don't want accolades
, I want nothing, but I'll bepossibly walking through an
airport.
Someone taps me.
Are you mike morgan?
Yeah, what's up, brother, Ijust want to tell you you saved
my life.
You know, I saw whatever youwere doing.
That's all I want, because that, to me, is the most powerful
(48:05):
thing because, as you know, yousave one.
It's like a spider web on awindshield Once that thing
rockets it.
So many people are affected bythat one person and if you save
that one person, they're notgoing through all that trauma.
Those children are not goingthrough that trauma.
That's how drug addicts arecreated, that's how many
(48:25):
prostitutes are created.
That generational trauma beginsthere.
If you stop that and just thinkabout any typical wake or
funeral, all those people arethere.
None of those people are goingto be there because they didn't
get affected, because thatperson did not commit suicide.
It's so powerful to me andthat's my life purpose.
Speaker 1 (48:46):
That is so beautiful.
Thank you for sharing.
Speaker 2 (48:48):
Thank you for sharing .
Speaker 1 (48:50):
Thank you.
Thank you for coming on today.
It is really an honor to haveyou here to share what you're
doing, and we're going to putall your information on the
description below so that ourlisteners can follow.
They can check out your pageand see what you're up to and
what your next projects are.
Thank you again.
Speaker 2 (49:07):
Thank you very much.
It was an honor being here.
Speaker 1 (49:10):
You're welcome, Michael.
Speaker 2 (49:11):
All right, you take care.
Hi Michael, welcome to Quantum Alchemist Mastered
Podcast.
It's a pleasure to have youhere.
Please tell us a little bitabout you, your journey, how you
got to where you are today.
Go ahead, the floor is allyours.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Absolutely.
First off, thank you for havingme.
It's an honor to be here.
I guess I'll give you just aquick bio myself.
I was born and raised in LongIsland, more specifically North
Elmore, new York, which is asuburb in Nassau County.
That's the composition of thewestern portion of Long Island,
new York and the South Shore.
(00:35):
I grew up playing with myparents and my sister Very fun,
garrulous kid.
If I was a kid today I'm surethey'd be trying to put me on
ADHD meds because I had to sitnext to the teacher.
Third, fourth, fifth and sixthgrades.
(00:57):
I was a class clown Again, grewup playing sports.
That was my love, my passion inlife, ended up going to Hofstra
University in Long Island,played on their ice hockey team
and I graduated with anaccounting degree in 1991.
So my story starts there myfirst day of work in Manhattan
(01:17):
at my new accounting job.
Supposed to be so excited forthis new career that we're
embarking on job I was supposedto be so excited for this new
career that we were embarking onI was given a task at about 11
am.
During that task I actuallyfell asleep with my head in my
hand.
Got up from my desk, the kidthat was teaching me the ropes
was a little strange.
So I went over to another kidthat I had met earlier.
(01:39):
We hit it off.
I said what's up, brother, youlike this stuff?
He said F?
No, I hate it.
I'm like there is no way thatI'm sitting in a cubicle for the
next 30 years of my life makingno difference to anyone.
No one's going to know if Ilive and died doing this job.
I will make no difference toanyone in life.
(01:59):
Went deep, introspective,really thought about what I
wanted to do, and lawenforcement ended up being what
I thought I'd be great at, andFBI was specifically the job
that I wanted at the time.
Unfortunately, the feds were ona hiring freeze so I had to
wait.
I guess the first time I tookthe test was probably six years
(02:19):
later.
In the interim I had met abrother of a friend of mine.
He had moved down to Atlanta,georgia.
He was working for Pan Am whenthey went bankrupt.
The Delta picked up his wholewelding shop and brought them
down to Atlanta.
He loved it, Said he needed tocome down there.
See for yourself the place isbuilding up for the Olympics.
It's great, very inexpensive tolive there.
(02:41):
I said you know what I want?
To get out of New York I'mgoing to apply to the Atlanta
Police Department and get someexperience in law enforcement
and then when the FBI becomesavailable I'm going to get on
with those guys.
So moved down there in Augustof 93.
Ended up staying for a littleover 10 years.
It's funny.
The FBI opened up the hiringagain in like 97, 98.
(03:05):
I always did very well instandardized tests so I didn't
study.
I got a little cocky on thefirst one.
It was a pretty difficult testso I ended up failing the test.
It was algebra and trig that Ihad not seen in years and years.
So you're allowed to retest ayear later, which I did.
I studied this time, passed,got flown to Fort Lauderdale,
(03:27):
went before a board of FBIagents passed that.
My next testing was a polygraph, which I failed, although I did
not lie.
This is why I cannot standpolygraphs, because they don't
measure whether or not you'retelling the truth.
It's body's physical,physiological, physiological
reaction to the test.
So, um, that job becameunavailable.
(03:51):
And it's funny the way theuniverse works, because a few
months later I had taken a testabout three years before for my
uh, one of my hometown policedepartment suffolk county police
that's east end, long Islandand I received a letter about
six months later stating that mynumber was chosen and I went
through the whole testingprocess for those guys and I
(04:12):
ended up getting on that job,moved back to New York in 03,
october of 03, to where I stayedto my retirement in September
of 2022.
So I just want to backtrack,because I'm going to talk about,
you know, ptsd that Idiscovered in the later years.
(04:33):
My first day in field trainingout of the Atlanta Police
Academy so say we finished on aMonday afternoon I was assigned
to a midnight tour.
So the next night, tuesdaynight, we started at 11 pm and
my shift went from 11 to 7 am.
Within the first hour I hadseen my first homicide Crazy
(04:55):
story.
It was an Atlanta fire captainwho was suspended for messing
around with young girls, decidedto pick up a young prostitute
that night 16 year old girl andthen decided he wanted a small
crack.
So he goes to the local drugdealer, pulls up to a corner,
goes to buy crack, the crackdeal, looks inside and who does
he see?
But a 16 year old cousin pullsout a gun, shoots a guy in the
(05:17):
head dead.
So then my first hour, firsthomicide.
Four hours later we get a callof a second shooting, second
homicide.
I look at my buddy, who's alsogetting field trained.
We're at the second scene and Ilook at him.
I'm like sam, what did we getourselves into?
And it just, it was like thewild, wild west in atlanta.
(05:37):
I cannot even tell you howcrazy it was.
I love the action but, um, youdon't realize what a toll it
kind of takes on your psyche.
And it's not really.
Those stories are bad, but inmy thinking, these guys chose
(05:59):
that life.
It was two drug dealers and Idon't know.
It wasn't those things weren'treally what took a toll on me.
It was going through pain.
You know, you see,heartbreaking, devastating
carnage heaped upon good people.
That's when it affects you themost.
(06:22):
I remember I got a call one dayfor a unresponsive 11-year-old.
I walk in the door and the11-year-old is face up on the
floor in a living room, hismother and grandmother there, in
hysterics.
I fell for a pulse.
He was cold to the touch.
I knew he was dead instantlybut there was no way I was going
to not try to work on him rightthere.
So I'm doing CPR while thesethree ladies are behind me in
(06:44):
the worst moment of their life,and as I'm doing compressions, I
can hear liquid in this kid'schest and, uh, you know, my
medical training was not, uh,too high standards at the time,
but I knew that should not begoing on.
So, uh, as it starts coming upinto his mouth, essentially I
put him on his side.
Just then the fire departmentrolls in with the paramedics.
(07:06):
I look at them like what isgoing on?
And ends up he had bacterialmeningitis, so he had passed
away, unfortunately.
And you become callous becauseyou cannot absorb all this pain
that you're feeling.
These poor ladies just losttheir grandson, son, nephew
(07:27):
respectively.
And you're in the middle ofthat and you see this
11-year-old dead in front of youand you can't absorb that pain.
If you do, it'll take you toplaces you don't want to be.
So you learn to callous up,harden it we call it
compartmentalize, but you bury.
It is what you do.
And had I not gone to thehospital after that, where they
(07:51):
had to give me a strong dose ofantibiotics and told me to
essentially quarantine myselffor 48 hours, I would have gone
back into service and gone tothe next call.
And how are you normal afterthat?
You know you're stillprocessing what you just went
through, but bam, you're throwninto the mix and it's, you know,
(08:11):
back in service.
Give me the next call.
So you just kind of learn todeal with it.
There's no one that's at thetime things have gotten much
better now but there was no oneyou could go talk to.
You talk to your buddies, andeveryone blows it off.
It's weakness to show emotion asmen, especially in this macho
(08:31):
industry that we're in.
So it's just an example and youcan just build upon it.
There's more and more and moreand more, and it's year after
year and no one tells you how todeal with that.
You know, I've had people showme how to get big training in a
gym.
I've had people show me how tobecome a proficient fighter.
I've had people show me how tobecome very proficient at
(08:54):
firearms, but no one ever sat medown and taught me how to work
through these things mentallyand release this pain that
you're feeling, and you don'teven realize it's there.
It just kind of builds up,builds up, builds up and
eventually, unfortunately, wehit a saturation point and a lot
of times it comes out inunhealthy ways.
So let's see I'm going to fastforward to.
(09:14):
I have so many stories likethat, but there's really no need
to tell them.
It's just heartbreak on a grandscale.
So fast forward to september2020.
Um, I injured my back on duty,blew up, herniated four discs in
one shot and we triedconservative treatment.
(09:36):
About six months later, I hadto get my first back surgery.
So this is like april 1st of2021.
That actually corrected oneproblem, but, going in, my
neurosurgeon had told me it'sprobably not going to correct
the second.
So, unfortunately, you may needa second surgery, and it didn't
.
He was right.
So, about a year to the day, Ihad my second, which was a back
fusion, and they retired meabout six months later, in
(10:00):
October of 2022.
And I thought I was in a goodplace.
I thought I was done.
I put almost 30 years in and noone tells you.
Well, let me also say that fromthat point on, I had a workers'
comp case that went on foranother year.
So essentially, for three years, I wasn't allowed to work, I
(10:20):
wasn't allowed to volunteer, Iwasn't really allowed to do
anything out of the house,because they have people that
follow you around with cameras.
They want to prove that you'renot really hurt.
So I'm a very purpose-drivenindividual and I had no purpose,
and that's one thing thatyou're waking up.
I had a gym in my house butthere was really nothing to do
every day.
(10:41):
From having a job when I'm 12years old to now, not being able
to work takes a toll on you andnow I'm not a part of this
thing that was a part of for 30years, and now I'm not this
thing that I was for 30 yearsthat you identify with.
And you know, one of thebiggest loves of that job is
camaraderie, and the guys andgirls are not there every day
(11:02):
anymore.
Unfortunately, that phone stopsringing, out of sight, out of
mind, and collectively itstarted to take a toll and I was
not feeling myself.
I was not feeling happy.
I'm a pretty happy guy Startedgetting I don't know, probably a
slight depression and just wasnot feeling myself.
Anger was popping up.
(11:22):
I would be rude to my wife andI knew I was doing it.
Afterwards I'm just like whatare you doing?
And uh, couldn't, couldn't helpmyself.
You know it's weird to say, butI didn't, in some respects,
nothing crazy.
Don't let me, you know thinkthat I was doing anything crazy,
just being rude, just not anice guy at times, and I just
(11:44):
didn't like it.
And I was watching a Sean Ryanpodcast.
I'm not sure if you're familiarwith him.
He's a former Navy SEAL, he'sgot a pretty big following on
YouTube and he was interviewinganother Navy SEAL named Eddie
Penny and Eddie was recountingthe Extortion 17 incident and
that's where Chinook went downin Afghanistan killing 17 SEALs,
one of which was Eddie's bestfriend, and Eddie is recounting
(12:08):
a story about him escorting hisbest friend's body back to his
hometown.
And he was visibly upsetrightly so during the interview.
And as he's crying, all I couldthink about was a call that I
had a few years before of atwo-year-old found floating in a
pool.
And as I'm thinking about thatcall, I just broke out crying.
(12:28):
I don't want to sayhysterically, but I was crying
and my first thought was to lookinto my house to make sure that
my wife would not return fromshopping, because I would have
been so embarrassed Because,again, as men we're not supposed
to be showing emotion.
And especially the way I grew up, I grew up with a dad who was
really tough.
It was a contentiousrelationship and you know he
(12:50):
basically said like you keepthings to yourself, you keep
them in, you don't show people,because then they think you're
weak.
So you know, it's kind of theway I grew up and it's funny,
since I've started my journey inhelping others, I've never.
So if you are in theseprofessions, these violent
(13:12):
professions, one thing that I'veseen is most guys have not had
good relationships with theirfather and I don't know if we go
into these things in spite ofthem or because of them.
I don't know if we want to showthem that we're tough or just
because of them.
They made us tough, they stokedthis fire, but it is
(13:32):
overwhelming.
The overwhelming majority ofmen have not had good
relationships with their fatherand that brings them into, um,
these professions.
And you know, I don't know if,again, if it's a catalyst and
they're doing it um, we'retrying to prove to them or, you
know, in spite of them, butregardless, um.
So at that point I realized thatall these feelings I had been
(13:55):
experiencing, it was like a snapof a finger.
I'm like I have PTSD, becauseall these other calls started
popping up and they were allrelated to other people's pain
that I had watched.
I had been front row seat towhat was going on with them and
some of it was justheartbreaking.
But they all started popping upand I realized that I needed
(14:17):
help.
But I didn't think thetraditional therapy was going to
do it for me.
I can't imagine that I'd bespeaking to a man or woman
behind a desk telling them aboutthese things that I've gone
through and they're going totell me how to get through them.
And as I'm watching Sean Ryan'sshow prior to Eddie's interview
and post-interview, he'sinterviewing all these special
(14:39):
force operators and they're allcoming back broken men from war
and these are some of thestrongest mentally fortitude men
you've ever seen in your life.
But they're getting broken, butthey're also healing.
They're realizing that they'regetting broken.
But they're speaking to otheroperators who are telling them
this can help you, this can helpyou, this could help you.
And at first I was a littlepessimistic.
But then I'm like who am I tobe putting down on this stuff
(15:00):
when these guys?
They're saying that they'regetting healed and it's
ayahuasca, ibogaine, bufo,psilocybin, all these
plant-based medicines.
And in my head I'm justthinking how is this even
(15:21):
possible?
But I finally resigned myselfto the fact that I have to try
it, and my wife and I wereplanning a trip to Peru because
I didn't think it was availablein the US this is Ayahuasca
specifically.
So we moved to Florida at theend of last year, during the
course of which my wife found acenter called SoulQuest
Ayahuasca Church in Orlando.
We ended up going to retreat inthe first weekend of March,
this past March, and Rosalia,words dilute the magic of my
(15:50):
experience Once I start talkingabout it.
It was the most profoundcatholic experience I've ever
had in my life and a lot ofpeople say that they sense a
female presence as I, as Ijourney.
Now, what you do is you drinkthe ayahuasca.
It's made from two vines.
They boil the vines,essentially get the juice, drink
(16:11):
the juice and that's what'sserved to you.
So you're essentially drinkingit.
Uh, it's the most powerfulhallucinogenic in the world and
you know one thing I tell peoplethis is, it's not an enjoyable
experience.
You know people think it's adrug.
You get high, nothing of thesort.
You'll just kind of transportit to another dimension and you
(16:31):
see and hear things that younever thought possible.
Um, you know, people conversewith their dead relatives.
Um, you know some of thejourneys that people explain
that they've been on are just soincredible.
But mine was essentially asthough I was looking at a big
screen tv and I had a femalepresence in my upper left and
(16:51):
they call that mother ayahuascaand I surrendered.
You know, I went in thereknowing that I was just gonna
let whatever happened happen andI told her I surrender.
I need help.
Please help me.
I I have to get rid of my ego.
I want to get rid of this rage.
I want to get rid of this anger.
I want to become moreempathetic.
And it was like everything Iasked for was like granted with
(17:14):
like the snap of a finger.
And I remember, as the ceremonywas going on, I was watching the
volunteers in the facility tendto us and I'm like I'm just
watching them Like man.
These people are so gracefuland loving and empathetic.
I'm like that's the kind of manI want to be.
And let me preface this bysaying you know, my wife will
(17:35):
hear this every now and then.
She's like you sound like amonster when you say it, like
you had no empathy or sympathy.
She's like you're an empatheticand sympathetic man.
I'm like I know, baby, but Iwanted to be more of that.
And I remember one of theworkers kind of walked by me and
I was like, oh, I wonder wherethat effort's going.
And it wasn't.
It's just the way I speak.
(17:56):
I wasn't trying to be rude oranything like that.
It was just in my mind.
And in my mind I'm like why doyou have to say that like that?
Just, you know a guy who'shelping us and in my mind I'm
like you don't have to refer tohim like that, it's just not
nice.
And uh, it was amazing.
I sat on that thought for likefive minutes and I was like it's
(18:18):
not nice, this, I'm gonna stopdoing that.
And um, during this journey shemother I lost was bringing my
father to speak to me.
He's he's deceased and and hedidn't show.
It was amazing.
It was like there was musicgoing on.
It's just so profound whatactually happens in your mind.
(18:40):
The music was like reaching toa crescendo in my journey, but
in reality the music was stayingat the same volume it was at
and during my journey it reachedcrescendo and it just stopped.
And in reality the music wasstill going on and I'm literally
looking, waiting for my fatherto come down this alleyway and
he just doesn't show.
And I remember throwing myhands in the air and being like
(19:02):
coward.
I knew he wouldn't show, hecan't talk about emotion, but
all the stuff between he and I50-something years was just
released.
It was gone no longer and when Ithought about it I just had no
more ill will towards him.
You know, I just kind of said,or she told me, like he did the
(19:23):
best he could.
You know, this is the way hewas raised.
You try to raise.
You try to raise you to be aman.
That's the way he was shown todo it and that's the way he did
it.
And uh, it, and that's the wayhe did it.
And you know, I released it.
Everything was.
I had no more anger towards him, I had no more resentment
towards him.
It just is what it is.
And as I was coming out of thejourney, I actually had two
(19:49):
coworkers and friends who hadcommitted suicide three weeks
before.
A week apart, the sergeantactually killed himself in our
precinct locker room two daysbefore he was getting promoted
to lieutenant.
It was mind-boggling, um, and Ihad no inclination to enter
this field.
But as I'm coming out of thejourney just as clearly as you
and I are talking, the universetold me I healed you.
(20:09):
Your life's purpose is now togo forth and heal these first
responders and vets, these menand women who are suffering like
you are.
She was like I put you througheverything you've been through
for a reason.
It wasn't for naught, it's like, so you could go into that room
and they're going to see theauthenticity and that you're
genuine and you know exactlywhat they're talking about.
(20:31):
Everything that they tell youyou've either been through,
experienced, but it's not goingto phase you and you can help
them.
And I realized that was mylife's purpose at that point.
I just kind of had to sit down.
It took me a little while toimplement a plan, a few things
that are still going on, but itwas my life, life journey at
(20:55):
that point.
And after that weekend, Ifilmed a Facebook Live on
Tuesday night and I cried onFacebook, which I never would
have been capable of doing priorto that journey and had I done
it I would have been soembarrassed, but I was so proud
of myself for doing so.
And I received four calls thenext day, three from really good
(21:15):
friends of mine, one whoadmitted to having a gun in his
mouth and a not too recent pastand I told my wife, like baby, I
could have just saved one ofthese three guys' lives.
Talking to them and I'm like,if that doesn't show me that
this is my path, from this pointon, nothing will.
And I've never had so muchpassion for anything in my life
(21:37):
and I've been passionate aboutstuff incredible.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
That sounds beautiful , so let's dive into.
Let's peel the onion slightly,yeah, okay absolutely um.
So I very much resonate withyour journey and that's the
reason why I reached out to you.
We all deal with suffering,with trauma, with pain.
In my dark night of the soul Iwent through suicidal ideation,
(22:08):
mental health, depression,anxiety, you name it Very
dysregulated nervous system,very unbalanced.
I'm a nurse practitioner.
I've been in healthcare forover 10 years, so you know I was
always very scientific, notreally looking at plant medicine
as an option ever, but slowlybut surely I definitely was
(22:30):
called to the medicine.
It was a very, very strongcalling that I couldn't refuse.
I could if I wanted to, but itwas just so strong and it was
just a knowing that I just knewI had to do it.
It was part of my soul plan togo through this journey and now,
of course, in retrospect, likeyou mentioned, we see all of our
(22:54):
challenges, our life journey,et cetera, as part of the whole
plan, all along right, as partto build us up to who we are, to
be able to share, to be able torelate to others that are on
the journey, basically, justlike we are.
We're always growing, alwaysevolving, absolutely, we're.
We're always growing, alwaysevolving.
(23:14):
So how has so, for example,when you had that when you left
your job and you had the backsurgery and you lost purpose.
A lot of people lose purposefor different reasons, whether
it's an accident, a diagnosis, adivorce, whatever it may be.
At that point, did you have todeal with, aside from depression
(23:34):
, anything in regards tosuicidal ideation or negative
thoughts or intrusive thoughtsor anything mental health
related, anything at that pointlike the rock bottom part of
that?
On a more personal level,Dainty question.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
I've never had and I'm very grateful.
I've never had suicidalideation, definitely experienced
depression and my biggest gripeabout my behavior was there was
no consistency and it I knewthat's how I was acting and it
(24:15):
was not fair to my wife.
And one thing when you, onething you want from your mate is
consistency.
You just want to know howthey're going to be day to day.
You know hour to hour.
Essentially, obviously, we allget in our moods.
But I could be in a great moodand all of a sudden I thought
pop in my head and get me in abad mood and I'd be there the
rest of the day.
And one thing I've learnedsince I've entered this realm is
(24:38):
, just as a bad thought canenter your mind, you can turn
that around, put good thoughtsinto your head and think
positively.
And that's one thing that Itook forward from that.
And now when I speak to vets,first responders, I'm like
perspective is everything,everything.
Do not actually did it reallyyesterday, and I want to do this
(25:03):
more and more because it's sopowerful.
Don't look at yourself as avictim.
Don't say why me.
Don't say all I have is badluck.
No, it's the way you think.
If you think the opposite wayand empower yourself and thank
the universe for every singlething it puts you through.
I don't care how devastatingand it's easy to say, but I just
(25:27):
want to do something myself,personally, with my mom.
It was devastating to me.
You must feel that pain.
You cannot dull it withsubstances, like we all have.
You cannot run away from it,like we all have.
You must feel it.
You must heal from it.
You will come out the otherside, a different person.
You're going to evolve.
You're going to be stronger,more resilient.
(25:50):
That's something else now youcan take with you and help
someone else.
You're going to do something.
I just went through that and,healed from it.
I can speak to you from thefirst person perspective.
This is exactly the way I wasfeeling.
I know what you're talkingabout and it's happened multiple
times since, with vets andfirst responders contacting me
(26:12):
like brother or sister.
I know exactly what you'retalking about, but you cannot
make yourself a victim.
You're a warrior.
Your mind is not going toreconcile the fact that you're a
warrior that you're makingyourself a victim.
It's either or and you don'twant to make yourself a victim.
So you stay with that warriormindset, as much as it hurts.
I don't care if you're cryingevery day of your life until you
(26:33):
heal through this.
You will heal, I promise youthat.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Beautiful.
Yeah, I definitely loveshifting my perspective and my
paradigm as kind of like feel it, to heal it, and working a lot
also with our nervous system.
Because when you have adysregulated nervous system and
you're operating on fight andflight mode and just on that
sympathetic nervous systeminstead of the parasympathetic,
which is your relaxed, rest anddigest state, it's very
(27:00):
difficult to find safety in yourmind, your body and your spirit
Extremely difficult.
I don't care if you have agreat life, you can have
everything and still feel a hugevoid and not be able to feel it
and still feel like you're in arot and still not be able to
get out of it.
So to me, what I found is thatthis healing, first of all it's
(27:22):
ongoing.
It's not a, you know, sit downwith plant medicine and
everything is happy and dandy.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
From my personal experience, it's kind of just
like personal development, rightit's.
It's an ever evolving um thing,um, and for me it has a lot of
moving parts, right.
So, um, definitely, plantmedicine.
I attribute a lot to that.
I had a near death experience.
I attribute a lot to that, uminto putting me in my, in my
(27:49):
life, my life's path, um, butalso being able to to do breath
work, being able to do movement,being able to incorporate
mindful practices, being able tolearn different tools to help
me, because, instead of reactingwhich is I was running on that
programming from my subconsciousmind just being reactive to any
(28:10):
outside circumstance, now Ihave tools, now I have a bigger
awareness and a differentperception and before I react, I
can choose, so that I'mactually employing that free
will willingly, right.
So it's kind of like, yeah, wehave the pendulum, of course
we're going to be taken off, youknow, off balance, but then you
(28:32):
know, kind of what to do.
You have your techniques, yourtools to kind of bring you back
right back into that balance.
So, uh, I feel like it's likewe're working on our roots, like
, right, you want to.
Really, I feel like we've wehave had such a disconnection to
our soul, to our higher self.
And it's okay if you don'tcan't relate to this, um, but um
(28:53):
, that's just from myperspective.
I forgot I had a soul.
I thought I was just this body,so I forgot that connection to
my heart.
I was just operating from allthese archetypes, personas, max,
all these things and forgot tomake space to remember who I am
right, remember why I came hereand kind of look at, kind of
(29:15):
zoom out of life, become theobserver and kind of like,
understand all timelines from,from afar, then being able.
But then you do that plantmedicine does that for you, that
zoom out, that onenessperspective.
But then there's the otheraspect of that, which is what
I'm going to ask you now, whichis the integration portion of it
(29:36):
.
So I started my journey withplant medicine, energy work, all
these things in 2018.
And I can tell you I'm stillintegrating.
I'm still it's like that's ohmy God.
And then I next year I'm like,oh okay, so same thing, but just
a different perspective orperception of the same thing.
(29:58):
So it's kind of keeps, keepsgiving, keeps on giving.
So it's just finding, findingthat, that pearl or that gem in
the Lotus, right, maybe we're inthe mud right now, maybe we're
we're in a place of darkness, um, but I promise you it is
happening for you, it is it.
(30:20):
Time and time again it hashappened in my life, throughout
my lifetime, over and over andover, and I thought, oh, this is
the end.
I'm so, done that.
Now for real, I'm just, I can'ttake it.
I'm you, will your, your soulchooses a lot of stuff before
incarnating, and it only choosesthings that you can go through
(30:42):
and and and come out on theother side.
Everything is is reallyhappening for us.
It's just a process for us toget there to understand that
perspective of it.
So how has your integrationbeen?
That perspective of it?
So how?
Speaker 2 (30:53):
has your integration been?
It's been good.
I think that you know, on thishigher consciousness journey now
I'm learning a lot of things.
You know more specificallyabout myself, but just learning
I'm allowing things you know nowto me, my adage is it is what
(31:14):
it is.
I don't get worked up.
Everything's happening for areason.
The universe is putting me here.
It's putting me there, whateverit's doing.
If it's something that I likeand it's not there anymore now,
you have to pivot, go tosomething else.
There's always something asanother door and you know a
(31:35):
couple of things I also learnedis and I never really had I was
an anxiety-ridden individual,but I think most anxiety is
people looking backwards attheir life, things that have
happened that's already gone.
People looking at the future, atthings that haven't happened
yet.
They're not there yet Live inthe present.
As you look back, I thinkpeople tend to stay there.
(31:56):
Um, I actually had.
It's funny, I've never done adrug in my life, but I had an
opioid addiction and went torehab in 2012.
Um, I was prescribed medicinefor my back injuries and I'd
taken it as prescribed for yearsand my first marriage was not
going well.
My family and she did not getalong.
I was trying to make everyonehappy.
(32:17):
No one was happy.
Um, things would work at thatpoint weren't going that great
and I realized that if I wastaking this medicine it was
dulling all this pain.
And then I just started takingmore and more and more and more.
And after my eighth seizure Ilooked at my uh, ex-wife and I'm
started taking more and moreand more and more.
And after my eighth seizure Ilooked at my ex-wife and I'm
like I can't stop and it washumiliating, embarrassing.
(32:39):
She called my cousin at nightto come over.
It was probably 11 or 12 on aSunday.
I had to go to my parents'house the next day with my
ex-wife and my cousin tell myparents that I had to go to
rehab because I couldn't stopthis myself.
I remember being in a rehabfacility First night.
I had like three roommates.
I'm kind of looking aroundcrying to myself like how did I
(33:00):
end up here?
You know hardworking kid, puthimself through college, have a
master's degree from BostonUniversity.
I'm sitting in a rehab facility.
What are you doing?
And I've forgiven myself sincethen.
(33:21):
I made that mistake, but Ican't sit there and dwell on it
for the rest of my life.
And I remember a few monthslater, a good friend of mine,
craig Cappellino, was dying of9-11 related cancer when he was
at Suffolk County Police Academytogether Probably thought he
was an NYPD officer and we usedto have very in-depth
discussions.
He knew he was dying and I toldhim what I.
I told very few people about myrehab experience.
(33:44):
I'm like, cap, you're dying andI'm wasting my life.
Man, I'm like I was isolatingmyself in my basement doing
nothing and you have everythingto live for.
I'm like I almost wish I couldswap spots with you right now,
brother, and give you, like youknow, my healthy life.
And I was doing much better atthat point, but I was still
(34:05):
feeling guilty.
And he's like Mike.
He's like can't think like that.
He's like you screwed up you.
And he's like Mike, he's likecan't think like that.
He's like you screwed up.
You're atoning for it now.
He's like you're being a man.
He took responsibility for yourmistakes and he said the most
powerful thing to me as he'sdying.
He died like.
Two months later.
He said I never asked God, whyme?
He's like, why not me?
(34:25):
Who am I?
He goes, why shouldn't I getcancer?
And I started crying.
It still gets me emotional and,uh, my cap is probably one of
the most powerful things I'veever heard anyone say in my life
, because most people would belike what was me at that point?
And, uh, you know, I vowedafter that discussion.
(34:48):
I'm like I'm not wasting mylife anymore and got off my ass
excuse my French and did what Ihad to do to get my mind right
and he passed a couple monthslater.
I broke my heart, but it was sopowerful those few words that
he said to me why not me?
Who am I?
And that's the way I live mylife, like anything that happens
(35:08):
to me, who am I?
The only constant in change,the only constant in life, is
change, and someone's going tobe good, someone's going to be
bad.
Take the good with the bad.
Hopefully it's going to be alot less bad, but you can't
fight it, you know, and I alwayswant to have a good attitude
about anything that happens tome.
Speaker 1 (35:38):
Again.
If it's hurtfulful, I'll dealwith that pain, I'll get over it
, I'll never dull it again.
And then bam, that's anothertool.
I have to help someone else.
You know that's the sameconclusion I got to, and I've
studied a lot of major worldreligions when I was looking for
god outside of myself, um, andespecially in the eastern um,
there's this conception of justflowing with the Tao, right With
what is, and especially all thegreat sages.
(35:59):
They speak about living in thepresent moment.
And I want to just kind ofbring a little bit of light, and
my perception of things isconstantly changing.
So whatever I share now may bedifferent next year and may be
definitely different than mostpeople, which is okay changing.
So whatever I share now may bedifferent next year and maybe
definitely different than mostpeople, which is okay too.
I think it's beautiful for us tobe able to hold space for all
(36:20):
sorts of ideas and perceptions.
I believe that's how we grow.
So I'll say this after my workand my own personal journey, the
way I kind of see it, where Istand right now, is to me, all
lifetimes are happening now past, present, future, um, and being
(36:42):
able to find being mindful likeas I am drinking a cup of water
, as I am speaking to my wife,as I am spending time petting my
dog, as I'm with my beingpresent, not thinking about the
past or the future and Iactually include this into past
lives, parallel lives and alltimelines Just being in the now
(37:06):
is so, so important, and justtrusting that higher
intelligence, whatever it may befor you God, source, universe,
love, whatever it is foreveryone, is fine, it's
beautiful.
I think it's a very individualrelationship to be respected,
because your God may becompletely different than mine,
(37:28):
and that's absolutely beautifuland I honor that as well.
It's whatever helps you findthat, and so to me, happiness is
inner peace at this point, andto me that inner peace was
filled by God's source love.
Nothing else could fill it.
I looked everywhere for it andI was not able to find it.
(37:49):
And then now, trusting thathigher intelligence, that
everything that is happening inmy life, even if it's cancer,
for example, is happening for me, literally for the highest
evolution of my soul.
But getting to that place wasnot easy, place was not easy,
and still so we're not exemptfrom any human emotion, from
(38:13):
pain, from challenge fromdifficulty.
Um it, the only thing that haschanged has been our perception,
so kind of like a course inmiracles.
I don't know if you've read it.
It's a very kind of dense book,but, um, of course, in miracles
oh, it speaks just about thatUm, it's literally 365 days of
(38:35):
teaching you how to change yourperception about your current
reality.
Um, so it's really quite apowerful book.
Uh, to our list.
Yeah, of course, in miraclesit's a hard blue cover.
I would grab mine, but my dogate most of the hard cover.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
I would grab mine, but my dog ate most of the
hardcover part of it.
What kind of dog.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
Oh my, you won't believe it.
It's a multi poo.
It's little, but he eatseverything and anything he can
get his teeth.
Like look, and I'll mail you mybook that I wrote.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
But look, that's my book.
And he, those little teeth.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
Yeah so, he he's, he's my book and he those little
teeth, yeah so he's quitefeisty.
But, yeah, integration has beenand it still is a very big part
of my journey.
I'm still learning every day.
I'm still trying to share as Igo along with others.
That's why I wrote.
I've written books, I have thecourse, I have different things,
(39:34):
just to share what has helpedme.
That that is pretty much it.
It's kind of what I have here,here it is.
I hope that it may, it may serveyou, and I can relate a lot to
to your story, to your.
I think you're a testament tohow, if we take full
responsibility and we actuallyare open to change, we don't
need to know how or when or howit's going to come to us.
(39:57):
The universe will orchestrateand bring it to us as soon as
we're like okay, I want change,I want help, I'm ready.
You know it is.
I'll speak out of my familymembers and please tell me if
you've had a similar experience.
In my family.
We have addiction, we've hadsuicide, we've had all of that
stuff, and the ones that havebeen not been able to get help
(40:23):
has been because they have notallowed help, they have not
asked for the help and they'reclose to the help, like even if
you want to put them in therehab, they don't need it, even
if you want to say hey, listen,you know, I've been through a
lot Maybe.
Maybe we can talk and maybe Ican kind of give you some
pointers.
Or where we can't save anyoneunless they want to open at
(40:45):
least a little window for you tolike for, to hear why not me,
even if it's a few words thatcan shift your, your, your life
Right.
Speaker 2 (40:55):
So absolutely have you encountered that within your
own close relationships?
Yeah, I think you know, even asI'm ongoing with with this new
task of helping people, you knowI've spoken to vets, first
responders.
One specifically who had a methaddiction has a meth addiction
(41:17):
and he was getting an operation.
I guess he had meth mouth.
That's when your teeth rot outbecause you're not producing
saliva when you use meth.
So that's why the teeth rot.
So he was getting a procedureto get dentures, I guess, put in
.
He was supposed to go to rehaband then he was going to
(41:41):
coordinate the rehab with.
As soon as he was finished hewas going to fly out to Florida
at SoulQuest and I was going tokind of greet him and bring him
for an ayahuasca retreat.
Plans fell through.
You know, speaking to him it'sthe old adage is you can lead a
horse to water but you can'tmake him drink.
And look, look at my examplewhen I went to rehab.
If I refused it I wasn'twilling to get help.
Same thing when no one couldhave forced me.
I mean, yeah, if you people arelegally forced, they're bound
(42:05):
by.
Uh, you know, if they have acourt catch court case and a
judge makes them go to rehab.
I have to go to rehab.
They don't want to be there.
Nothing is going to go on with30 wasted days as soon as they
get out and a lot of them likeit because now the tolerance
level is down, so they're goingto get higher than they normally
are when they come out.
So you can't force anyone to doanything they don't want to do
(42:28):
and you can only kind of showthem what's going on.
But if they're not ready,unfortunately, you know, and
sometimes it hurts because yeah,yeah, I've seen situations
where people take their lives.
You're trying to help them.
There's nothing you can do,unfortunately, you know.
It's heartbreaking, but at thesame point you know you have to
(42:49):
heal through that and realizethere's another person 10 feet
away that needs your help aswell.
I'm not talking about if it's aclose relative or anything like
that, I'm just talking about ingeneral.
But yeah, sometimes it'sdevastating.
I have actually a very closefriend that we used to work
together and he's got severePTSD and I was trying to get him
(43:10):
to the ayahuasca, really anyplant-based medicine treatment
and I'm like, brother, pleasedon't you trust me.
I've had your life in my hands,don't you trust me?
Now he's like, yeah, I trustyou.
I'm like I will come pick youup.
It was about six hours away, Iwill drive you there, I will pay
for it.
And he's just not ready to takethat leap.
(43:33):
I'm like I promise you thiswill be life changing.
It may not, you know, cureeverything, but I promise you
it's going to put you in abetter headspace.
And uh, right now I'm still.
I've been trying for this goingon a year now.
It's very frustrating, but Ican only do my best very
frustrating, but I can only domy best.
Speaker 1 (43:52):
Yeah, Tell us a little bit more about your
purpose, your passion right now,where people can find you.
What are some of the stuff thatyou're offering?
Kind of like, shed a little bitmore light into where you stand
today, absolutely so.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
I guess my biggest platform is my Instagram account
.
That is a team morgues T.
E a M.
Underscore M O R G S.
Underscore I N C.
Team morgues Inc.
So there's where I post.
Um, a lot of stories, a lot ofreels, um, I have been working
with a healing center down herein South Florida implementing
(44:32):
their Vets and First Respondersprogram.
They have some stuff going onmanagement-wise right now.
So that's on a pause which Ihope is going to be quickly
resumed, because that is just Ican't even explain.
It's so powerful to me seeingthese vets come in.
Just I can't even explain.
It's so powerful to me seeingthese vets come in.
(44:53):
I was at one retreat where wehad two vets who were suicidal
coming into the retreat and thenext day they said those
thoughts of suicide were gone.
I tell the integration portionafter we drink the next day, I
absolutely love.
It is so powerful.
(45:13):
You're hearing the mostpersonal details of people's
lives and the pain they've gonethrough, but the healing is so
profound that most of the time Ihave tears running down my eyes
when these people are tellingstories and it's just incredible
.
So that's one center I'mworking with.
Again, universal shut that downat this point.
(45:36):
So now I'm pivoting.
I'm actually in touch withanother center right now.
We're in talks to hopefully geta first responders program
going with them.
So as soon as that's done, I'mgoing to announce it on my
Instagram.
Additionally, I'm about tostart a YouTube channel
Instagram.
Additionally, I'm about tostart a YouTube channel that's
(45:56):
going to be a kind of amulti-themed channel.
What I want to do is some of itis going to be tactical
teachings for current policeofficers.
You know I have 30 years ofexperience and I know I bring a
lot to the table.
So I want to help these guysand girls who are current on the
job and you know bring I meanI'm starting off with the
(46:17):
minutia of the job, like how toput together, how to put
together a gun belt, why I dowhat I do.
I mean the smallest, slightestdetails that can help people and
potentially save lives.
Additionally, a big componentthat's going to be mental health
.
So I want to do podcasts, justlike you're doing right now,
bring the mental health intofocus and different treatment
(46:39):
plans for these.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm alsogetting certified as a certified
peer specialist.
I just finished my educationalportion of that.
I now have to get my clinicianhours done.
Once I do that, I'll be workingfor an organization called
Project Rebirth and they're kindof married into a lot of vets
organizations and policeorganizations.
(47:00):
So if there's a member in crisisthey'll contact us.
I'll get a call, go out andspeak to so-and-so and the
beauty of it, it's HIPAAprotected.
So if I get someone who's incrisis and they have a substance
abuse issue, I don't have toreport it to the department.
We can get them help, get theminto a program, get them
treatment.
So you know, I have, I guess, alot of irons in the fire.
(47:22):
And my eventual goal I wouldlove to open up my own healing
center.
That is my absolute goal.
So, as people say, say it'salready happened.
I guess just the amount of timeis the amount of time it's going
to pass from now until when ithappens.
Who knows?
But I am just in completeconfidence that the universe has
(47:45):
me on this path and I'm goingto affect lives and that's all I
want to do.
I was telling somebody theother day I don't want accolades
, I want nothing, but I'll bepossibly walking through an
airport.
Someone taps me.
Are you mike morgan?
Yeah, what's up, brother, Ijust want to tell you you saved
my life.
You know, I saw whatever youwere doing.
That's all I want, because that, to me, is the most powerful
(48:05):
thing because, as you know, yousave one.
It's like a spider web on awindshield Once that thing
rockets it.
So many people are affected bythat one person and if you save
that one person, they're notgoing through all that trauma.
Those children are not goingthrough that trauma.
That's how drug addicts arecreated, that's how many
(48:25):
prostitutes are created.
That generational trauma beginsthere.
If you stop that and just thinkabout any typical wake or
funeral, all those people arethere.
None of those people are goingto be there because they didn't
get affected, because thatperson did not commit suicide.
It's so powerful to me andthat's my life purpose.
Speaker 1 (48:46):
That is so beautiful.
Thank you for sharing.
Speaker 2 (48:48):
Thank you for sharing .
Speaker 1 (48:50):
Thank you.
Thank you for coming on today.
It is really an honor to haveyou here to share what you're
doing, and we're going to putall your information on the
description below so that ourlisteners can follow.
They can check out your pageand see what you're up to and
what your next projects are.
Thank you again.
Speaker 2 (49:07):
Thank you very much.
It was an honor being here.
Speaker 1 (49:10):
You're welcome, Michael.
Speaker 2 (49:11):
All right, you take care.
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