March 29, 2023 • 36 mins
This week, I interview my partner, Angie, and we share our experiences from childhood until now on what it's like for us to be a part of the lgbtq+ community.
The intro and all instrumentals were written, sung and recorded by @JaynaDavisMusic
Queerly Beloved, I'm so glad you joined!
Please keep the community going by checking me out on instagram @wildlyconnectedphoto and come say hi! I'd love to hear from you! :)
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Clearly.
Beloved, welcome back to thisweek's episode.
I'm so excited to have you allhere and I'm pretty excited for
this week's guest.
which is by popular demand.
Back when I first started thepodcast, I asked who or what
topics you all would like to seeon here, and quite a few of you
(00:23):
requested that my partner be onthe podcast, which you ask and
shall receive, I guess So herewith me today is my partner,
Angie.
Hey, what's up?
Every.
Angie, will you please say helloand introduce yourself through
pronouns?
Yeah.
(00:43):
Hello everybody.
I'm Angie.
I'm Anna's partner.
That is probably the mostimportant title ever.
Um, my pronouns are she her, andyeah, I'm excited to be here.
Yeah, thanks for interruptingyour busy basketball training in
March Madness.
March Madness games are going.
Yeah, it's a buzzing.
I know.
Thanks things.
(01:04):
Being with us here today?
No, it's half time right now,so.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah, you're right, you'reright.
Well, since most of the folkslistening probably don't know
you or how we met, I feel likewe should tell'em a little bit
of our story, You and I met theold fashioned way, um, through a
(01:25):
dating app hinge, so shout outHinge.
Yeah, we met about two and ahalf-ish year, well over two and
a half years ago.
We met, um, we didn't make itofficial for a little bit, but
uh, Yeah.
Well, I guess she would say thatI was being difficult because
she was trying to make moves andI was being difficult.
(01:51):
and I think that was becausethat was a little bit, I wasn't
out to anyone yet, so, and youweren't being difficult, like,
like a nuisance.
I was just like trying to crackthe code and see if you were
gay.
Like, I was just trying to like,or were you just someone that
wanted some attention?
You know, I just didn't know andI was trying to crack that code.
And you were just like, You werejust answering questions like
(02:15):
point blank and not like, Oh,again, no.
Point blank, not point blank.
No, no, no, no.
She was flirty.
But like again, was she straightgirl flirty or like gay girl?
Flirty?
I don't know.
So it was a code.
I had a crack and if you don'tknow the answer to the code,
she's gay girl.
Flirty, So yes.
And then we had our first datein the middle of winter, in the
(02:39):
middle of nowhere and in themiddle of me not telling.
A soul where I was or who I wasseeing.
So yeah.
Um, PSA for everyone out there,you need to tell at least one
person that you're going on adate with someone you've never
met before, and where that, thatlocation is just an fyi Yes,
(03:04):
would recommend.
I don't recommend my method, butuh, I was, I was doing what I
could at the time.
But you recommended the result,right?
Yeah.
Yes, I did ask you out for asecond date, 10.
Okay, well that's unimportant.
But I would say things, thingswent pretty well from there.
And it was also still like whenlike Covid was really serious
(03:25):
and so we were spending a lot oftime at each other's houses,
which I think kind of spendedalong also.
Yeah, for sure.
And then, uh, six months later,we moved in together.
Yeah.
Or I moved in with you.
Can anyone say lesbianism?
You are Now and now like yousaid, we've been together for
(03:48):
like technically like two and ahalf years.
Yeah.
Like over two and a half years.
Technically if we talk aboutwhen we started talking.
But dating wise, about two and ahalf.
Yeah.
Um, feels like 10 in a good way.
In lesbian 10.
Yes.
And like in a good way.
Not like, oh my God, we've beentogether forever.
Yeah.
No, it's been fun.
(04:09):
I hope so.
But, uh, we, we can't be toosappy here on this podcast.
We gotta, we gotta give, wegotta give facts knowledge,
important info.
So of course I wanted to haveAngie because she's my partner
and she's great, but I thoughtthat it would be a very, I
(04:34):
thought that we both had thingsto bring to the table in the
sense that we're both part ofthe LGBTQ community and.
I think that we both haveexperiences to share with people
that like, similar to how Icouldn't understand someone
else's identity that's differentfrom mine unless I hear them
(04:57):
out.
Um, you know, I think thatthere's people here who don't
necessarily know what it's likebeing a queer person living in
the world we do today.
So I just wanted to.
Have us both share ourexperiences a little bit so
that, you know, people walk awaywith a greater understanding of
(05:18):
what it's like.
So, Angie, I'm sure this is yourfavorite subject.
Oh, love it.
But please, share with thepeople anything you'd like to as
far as what your experienceshave been.
Yeah.
Well I feel like with mostpeople in the LGBTQ community,
you probably have experienceslike a laundry list of
(05:38):
experiences that you've gonethrough.
So I won't go through, you know,too many or spend too much time
on it.
But, one of the main things forthose of you out there that have
no idea what I look like, you'remissing out but I, you know,
came out of the room looking gayas hell.
Uh, short haircut for a long,long time, masculine clothing.
Just like your typical mask,lesbian.
(06:03):
Nailed it to a tea, I think But,um, and yeah, and I was very
fortunate growing up that myparents allowed me to, Be me and
I was very determined to be me.
So, for a very early, early ageI looked this way with a little
resistance.
Oh.
I mean, yeah, it was a littleresistance.
(06:24):
Like they tried to, like, theyencouraged it while also being
like, are you sure But there'sdefinitely no.
Cool them trying to force meinto dresses or anything like
that, they would ask and I wouldbe like, Nope.
And they'd be like, are yousure?
And I'd be like, yes.
And they'd be like, okay.
So I'm very grateful that myparents allowed me to be me.
(06:47):
But, um, yeah, it, and then, butI've looked this way forever.
And um, with that has come prosand cons, right?
Like you're living yourauthentic.
Self and you feel authentic toyourself, but the world, and
there's definitely a, aperception that, you know, the
way you look.
(07:08):
And I, for me anyways, I am uberaware of how I look in the
world.
Like I'm uber aware of the wayI'm presented, and I have been
from a really early age justbecause you.
just like, I'm sure a lot ofpeople out there that look like
me, it's, you know, pulled outof bathrooms, kicked out of
(07:32):
bathrooms, screamed at for, youknow, going into ladies,
anything like, just things ofthat nature.
I went to a Catholic schoolgrowing up.
We had to wear a skirt onWednesdays, which I hated and.
It was, what was the skirt?
Pink.
It was maroon plaid.
Oh, disgusting.
(07:54):
But that's besides the point.
Um, and it was more common tohear why is a boy wearing a
skirt?
Mm-hmm.
rather than, oh, there's a girlwith short hair.
So it was like, just a lot ofthings like that.
So I was, I'm, I've been veryaware of my looks and in every
situation and.
(08:16):
Yeah.
Again, two, two sides of thesword, right?
Like I, what uncomfortability doI want to choose?
Do I want to be authentic tomyself, but then be
uncomfortable in public or justhyper aware of how people
perceive me?
Or do I want to be inauthenticto myself and grow my hair out
and wear makeup and wear, youknow, more feminine clothing and
(08:39):
just not feel comfortable beingme, but be accepted in, in
society and.
and I'm not even necessarilylike saying society to a T 24 7.
always acts one way to me, butI'm just super hyper aware of
the possibility, the potential,like holding your hand in
(09:00):
public.
I'm hyper aware of what thatlooks like.
Like everything I do, I'm hype.
Like I have, like, this might betmi, but like I plan my bathroom
breaks accordingly.
Like, I make sure, like I planto drink water hours before I
have to go in public so I don'thave to go to the bathroom or
like, I just say, screw thewater today.
(09:22):
Like, we can't do it you know,because that's easier for me
than to risk running into aperson in the bathroom that's
like, what are you doing inhere?
Or, kids, which I love, youknow, kids are, but they don't
have a filter and like theyquestion everything and you walk
in and it's like, mommy.
(09:42):
And you know, so it's, I wouldrather avoid that.
So it's just like little, likeI'm, again, I'm just super aware
of how I present in public and Ijust have to take a lot of extra
and they're not necessarilynecessary.
They're just necessary in mymind to.
confrontation because I willavoid that like the plague, let
(10:03):
me tell you that.
So yeah, that's like, I mean, Ican go into specifics, but I
don't, I mean, everyone has, youknow, stories along that line,
I'm sure of one way or another.
And yeah, that's just the, themain thing for me is that things
in my past have led me to havesuch a hyper-awareness of the
(10:23):
way I look in the world and theway that can be perceived.
consequences of that.
Hmm.
Throwing it back to you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well thanks for sharing that.
How would you say like youroverall coming out experience
(10:45):
was?
Well, it's funny cuz like I,again, I look this way out of
the womb, but I didn't reallyrealize, connect the dots that I
was gay until, you know, aroundhigh school.
Um, I always thought I was gonnalive alone, have a dog, be my
own person.
So I mean, everyone knew, butexcept for me, no one wanted to
(11:07):
clue me in, which was annoying,but it's what it is.
I am someone who hates comingout, and I think that's another
thing that sometimes peopledon't realize is, and it's not
like a one time thing and you'regood to go.
Mm-hmm.
like it could, I'm getting myhaircut and I have to be like,
you know, it could be a newhairstylist.
And I could be like, okay, I'mgoing for this.
(11:29):
And then they're asking me like,how's your weekend?
things like that.
And like, I have to choose, do Iwanna say I'm hanging out with
my girlfriend?
Do I wanna go down that route?
Like it's, you know, it's justlike an everyday, it's an
everyday thing.
So, um, and I just, I just don'tlike it.
I don't like coming out, eventhough I look the way I do, I'm
(11:50):
basically, I come out when Iwalk out of the house.
So when I came out to my mom andI had a sit down conversation.
I was 24, 25, like she hadknown.
This is not new information.
I had been dating girls, um,again, not new information, but
I had sat down with her and wewere just kind of going back and
(12:12):
forth, just talking.
And I had brought up like, um,something along the fact of
like, I don't know, does itbother you that I'm this way?
And she was, my mom's reallygood at like getting information
out.
So she was like, well, what areyou talking about, And I was
like, come on now.
I, I do remember she was superaccepting and I do remember, um,
(12:35):
basically the line that she toldme was, cause I was like, I, I,
you know, I feel like everyonesaid this line at one point or
another, like I really prayedthat it would go away.
And she like stopped me in mytracks and was.
you can pray for courage andstrength to be yourself, but
never prayed away because likeyou're basically telling God he
(12:56):
made a mistake and the lastthing you are is a mistake.
So I felt like even though myparents are very Christian and
they're, they're Catholic, andthey're very deep in their
faith, that I did feel a senseof no matter what my parents,
you know, support me and loveme.
they love Anna.
So it's been a good deal andI've been very, very, very
(13:18):
fortunate on that aspect.
But as far as like coming out ingeneral, hate it.
Mm-hmm.
like, it, it's like,unfortunately it's necessary,
but like, ugh.
Such a drag, It's exhausting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Retweet that.
Very true.
Well, thank you for, for sharingthat.
(13:40):
I think it's just like, it's sointeresting.
Obviously I lived most of mylife in the closet too, even
though I think I knew maybe alittle earlier than you.
I don't know but, uh, thingsthat like, I wouldn't have ever
thought about at that time in mylife.
Yeah, I would say similar toAngie, you know, a whole, a
(14:02):
whole laundry list.
Mm-hmm.
just so many things that I couldtalk about, but similarly, went
to a Christian school.
You escaped it a little bitearlier than I did, which is,
yeah.
And luckily I went to Catholicschool and luckily they, you.
didn't really shove much downyour throat other than
(14:24):
education.
And in that they did, I waszoning out anyways, so I didn't
really feel the being gay iswrong through school or anything
like that.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
That's nice.
Sorry, I You, I skip that.
I know.
Sorry.
Thank you so much, No, so myexperience.
(14:47):
I went to a very, veryconservative, strict Christian
school that did in fact,legitimately teach us that if
you were gay, you were likebound to die young.
And it was like a very terriblesin.
And, um, things like that.
And, I know I've alreadymentioned on the podcast a
(15:10):
handful of times, but my dad isalso a pastor.
Mm-hmm.
so that makes it fun.
I also in that time, watched myolder brother get forced out of
the closet.
Um, And that was really painfulto watch cuz it, my dad did not
handle it well, obviously.
and a lot of terrible thingshappened there.
(15:32):
But also grateful in the sensethat because I got to see that,
I knew that I had to like hideit extra well and wait until I
was safe to come out.
But I think that because I hadso many like strong religious
ties, since coming out, it hasbeen like just never ending of
(15:56):
people reaching out and tryingto send me books or Bible verses
or, Hey girl, can we get coffee?
Like, I just like, I'm just notin like, I don't know, like I
don't know what to think aboutgay people.
Like can you just explain it tome?
And that still happens to thisday, even though I've been out
for.
(16:16):
not quite two years, butsomewhere around there.
Yeah, it's, it's just a lot oflike trying to defend who I am
and like Andy said, like aconstant battle of am I gonna
come out, you know, during thiswedding or whatever.
Like, I remember actually awedding I shot last year.
(16:39):
It was kind of like a lastminute switch around and I was
shooting with a, a new secondshooter that I'd never met
before and we worked the wholeday together.
Um, and I was like, prettycautious, but like not sharing
anything.
And then we were like sittingdown for our like quick 10
minute dinner break and he waslike, yeah, you know, Talking
(17:01):
about his faith and whatever,and then he was like, I'm, but
I'm not actually really evenlike convinced that like gay
people are wrong, as if he waslike so cool and like radical.
And I had to like decide in thatmoment like, am I gonna stand up
for myself?
Or like, am I just going topretend it never happened?
So yeah, a lot of stuff likethat happening.
(17:24):
How did.
Come on, give us the tea.
What'd you do?
Um, I told him, I was like,well, that's great to hear
because I am gay.
And he just stared at me and itwa it was real awkward the rest
of the night.
So fun times.
Yeah.
I recommend being gay clear withYeah.
And obviously this is not to saythat like we haven't also
(17:48):
experienced like a ton of loveand support.
Absolutely.
Like, we definitely have that inour life.
but it's, it's just like youcan't compare it to a
traditional heteronormativerelationship because it's, these
are things.
those people never have to thinkabout.
Yeah.
Um, no, for sure.
(18:08):
So I'd also like to ask you alittle bit too, on, since we've
been together for quite a whilenow, what the experience has
been like with us beingtogether.
What It's been great.
you know, you know, come on now.
I think for me again, it's justlike the hyperawareness.
(18:31):
It's so easy for me to be us andto be relaxed and, comfortable
inside our home.
And, and when we go out inpublic, I just, I feel myself
tensing up a little more.
Um, Anna loves holding hands.
I don't mind it.
I like holding hands too.
(18:52):
I like holding hands.
but it's like you're just soaware of it out in public.
Like when she grabs my hand or Igrab hers, like it is a
conscious like, okay, we'redoing this thing and we're
holding it, and we're like, it'sjust, I don't know how to
(19:13):
exactly explain it other than.
you're aware of everything youhave to decide when you're
sitting down at dinner.
Is it better for us to look likewe're dating or is it better for
us to look like we're friends?
Unfortunately, I make it looklike we're always dating, um,
again, the way I look.
But, um, that's just somethingthat again, you're just hyper
(19:35):
aware of.
You're every, every, everymoment out in public, which
sometimes.
makes you tense.
Sometimes it's like, and it'sannoying because I would, and
then again, this is somethingthat I just need to personally
work on too.
Like, I would give anything,just be totally present,
carefree, like locked in to youand what we're doing.
(19:59):
But there's always like thatlittle, looking around.
Mm-hmm.
are we safe?
Are we good?
And, and not, and I don't wantpeople to think safe as in like
all of a sudden someone's gonnacome up and have a hate crime.
Mm-hmm.
like, that's not necessarily,it's am I strong enough to
withstand the disgusted looks?
(20:20):
Mm-hmm.
and the eye rolls and the, thelooking me up and down and
questioning mm-hmm.
what we're doing.
It's, it's more the passiveaggressive.
constant double takes and stufflike that, that it just kind of
sometimes hits your confidence alittle bit.
Mm-hmm.
it makes you self conscious ofwho you are and what you're
(20:40):
doing and Yeah.
So I don't, sometimes I feellike people think that when we
say the word safe, it means thatlike, oh, we feel like we're
gonna be physically harmed.
Mm-hmm.
And while that is the case insome areas, in some instances,
I've never had to deal withphysical harm.
I'm very grateful for that.
But for me, safe just meanslike, can I be myself without
(21:06):
all this, what feels like eyeson me kind of thing?
I would just say for me, mainlyit's just again, the
hyperawareness of who we are, asindividuals, as a couple, the
way we present out in the.
but yeah, we've had a coupleweird experiences, and you wanna
explain those, but Yeah.
(21:27):
No, I think you worded thatreally well.
It's super fun.
And also just like you said,Doubting what you're doing is
also still sometimes for me,like still to this day, like, oh
my gosh, I'm going to hell, I'mgoing to hell right now.
like, even though I, that's notthe case.
Yeah, speaking of hell, one ofour, one of our top tier
(21:47):
experiences I think would bethat, Whew.
Without getting too specifichere, in a former living
situation that I was in, I hadAngie over for like, what was
supposed to just be like a chillhang night.
We were gonna have like abonfire and just like hang out.
And my roommates at the timedecided to join us and basically
(22:12):
the bonfire turned into like anattempt of.
Of them trying to like, convertus and like save our souls
lowkey tell us that we shouldlike reconsider our path and
whatnot.
So that was super fun.
That was great time.
It's uh, what's, what's theinfamous words?
(22:35):
That's just not what God intendsfor you.
Oh yeah.
I didn't say that at the bottom,but that's like the general.
That's not what we, that's notwhat God intends for you.
God has, God has better things.
Yeah.
yeah, just like you said, likethat's a perfect example of
like, when we meet new people,it's hard to not have that in
(22:55):
your brain of like, are thesepeople gonna be those kinds of
people where we're unsafe or arethey gonna be like, chill and
we're safe?
Mm-hmm.
No, I will say meeting newpeople is like a fear of mine.
And whether we're together orapart, like, again, I don't mean
to make it all about me, butlike, I, I do, look, I am not
(23:18):
your typical female, although Iidentify, you know, she, her,
uh, female.
so like, again, you know, Iwork.
the industry of kids and highschoolers and little ones and
stuff like that, and parents,and sometimes they don't see a
picture.
What do you do, Angie?
Oh, what do I do?
I'm a basketball trainer.
(23:39):
I, I sick.
Yeah, I save the world from uglybasketball.
So if you see any uglybasketball, it's just cuz they
haven't seen me yet.
but yeah, so I, like, I meet,new clients and parents quite
often.
That's when like driving to thegym is when I'm filled with the
most anxiety.
Cause I'm like, have they seenmy picture before?
Mm-hmm.
(23:59):
do they know who they're meetingor are they gonna be caught off
guard?
And yeah, I've definitely had alot of instances where people
think I'm a guy and that's likea weird guy and like, call me,
sir.
Which again, it's, it'swhatever, but like, well, I
mean, I guess not whatever, butlike it's whatever, you know.
Mm-hmm.
but it's.
That's what's on my mind goinginto new sessions, not, oh,
(24:23):
okay, this is what we're gonnado and blah, blah, blah, blah.
Like, I'm going in anxious aboutthem seeing me for the first
time.
Mm-hmm.
which, yeah, that's just likenot fun.
And again, I can do things on mypart to ease that and, and work
on that.
Just being more comfortable withwho I am and letting things
slide off my back.
But, Yeah.
(24:45):
So when it comes to us together,again, it's a very, who's safe,
who's not safe?
What is this first interactiongonna be like?
Is it gonna be awkward?
Are people, which has happenedbefore with Anna and I, people
mistaking me as your brother andoh God, you know, things like,
of that nature.
And then it's like an awkward,like, no, this isn't my brother.
(25:08):
And then it's like, oh, is youryour boyfriend?
And then it's like, no, like,and it's just like, Awkward
After awkward, after awkward,and my face blows up like a
balloon.
Redness wise.
So like, and when it does thatand it constantly, it doesn't
matter what the situation is,someone could gimme a
compliment.
Someone could just say, Hey,Angie's red face, and then my
(25:29):
eyes swell with tears forwhatever real reason, odd
reason, not real reason.
super real, super.
So it's just like, then I looklike I'm about to cry, but I'm
not.
I'm fine.
And I'm like, I'm fine man.
Look like I'm about to cry.
And it's just like, like if youwere to see me right now, like
my face is super red and like Ifeel like my eyes are really
(25:49):
watery for no reason I can GIbro.
Oh, thanks dude.
Mm-hmm.
Um, but yeah, so it's just likethings like that where it's
like, damn, meeting new peoplesucks sometimes.
Mm-hmm.
But it's also, you wanna meetnew people.
also, shall I risk it or shouldI watch Netflix tonight?
Yeah.
(26:09):
I mean, yeah, it's, that justbrought to mind too, like we
just moved into a new house.
So like we have neighbors andwe're like planning to chill
here for a minute and um, yeah,a couple weeks ago when I was
shoveling all the enormousamounts of snow we get here.
One of, uh, like he was a oldermale neighbor that came over
(26:33):
and, started talking to me andlike, we had just met each other
and he was like, well, where'syour husband?
You, you must have a husband.
You must have one of those.
And it's just like, yeah, justnever ending mind race of.
This is potential outcome, a, ifI say this and potential outcome
(26:55):
B if I say that.
So like, gotta make a decision.
Like he's staring at me, likewhat do I say?
Guess it's been an experiencesince we've been together.
Yeah.
Because yeah, it's like now I dohave a partner.
Mm-hmm.
and I don't wanna be likeputting myself back in the
closet either, like who wants todo that?
So yeah.
Before I had a partner, um, it'svery easy, like going out in
(27:18):
public more so because I somehowlike, I don't know, convinced
myself of like, No one can provethat I'm gay.
I don't have a partner.
Like, but you're gonna look atmy haircut and assume you're
correct.
But like you have no realevidence other than my haircut
to back it up.
And now that I have a partner,I'm like, oh my God, I'm gay.
(27:41):
And like people know and like Soit's just like, it's weird.
And like that small thing ofhaving a, like even if I go out
in public now without you, I'mstill.
Again, hyper aware I'm gay.
Whereas like before I met you,before I was seeing anyone, when
I would go out in, in public,like in college, that was less
(28:05):
of a thought of like, oh, peopleare gonna assume I'm gay.
People might assume that I'm adude, but not that I'm gay.
Hmm.
And like, because I didn't havea partner, there's no proof.
Mm-hmm.
So like, it's kind of weird howlike one little.
I got a partner and all of asudden I'm like self-conscious
that I'm gay out in public.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
(28:28):
if we have not convinced you onthis podcast to be gay, I don't
know what else will like at thispoint.
Yeah, Yeah.
It's a fun time.
Yeah.
No, I, I do appreciate yousharing that and it's, I don.
It's just like a reminder for metoo that I like even have a
different experience from you.
Yeah, to your point, like we'renot trying to be Debbie Downers
(28:49):
here.
Yeah, no.
We're just, there are a lot ofperks to being Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
It's the right choice for sure.
Cuz it's definitely a choice.
It's totally a choice.
Yep.
Satire folks, if you don't know.
Yeah.
It's not trying to be negativehere.
I don't think that's the goal ofthis podcast at all.
(29:09):
But the goal of this podcast isto be informative and for us all
to be learning things together.
And so I know there's so manypeople out there, like so many
vendors and allies who trulywant to do good and and want to
be loving, but it's still maybesometimes hard if you're unaware
(29:29):
of like some of the things thatpeople in the community.
go through.
Um, and obviously like we'rejust like one very small sliver
of the community.
Mm-hmm.
like we can't speak for, forpeople who have had different
experiences than us.
But I just felt like we, we havethis insight and I wouldn't be
(29:53):
doing my job if we didn't sharelike some of the things that we
experience that kind of shape.
Yeah.
You know, how we live our life.
And it's kinda, it's also eyeopening for me too, because just
like my experiences aredifferent than yours, like your
experiences are different thanmine and you still have
(30:13):
experiences.
I mean, I don't wanna likepigeonhole you, but you can at
times be quote unquote straightpassing.
Mm-hmm.
And in my mind I'm like, oh, youare so freaking lucky.
Like, but I feel like you've hada lot of stories that are, you
know, equally as unpleasant.
Whether you're at a wedding andsomeone's hitting on you, like a
(30:35):
dude's hitting on you and youhave to decide in that moment,
do I tell them?
I have a boyfriend, I have agirlfriend.
Because you know, you've hadpeople that are like, oh, well
you just haven't been with theright guy yet.
Or, you know, gross shit likethat where it's, you know,
you're also in an unsafeenvironment and.
(30:57):
And those situations again,luckily have never happened to
me.
I'm surprised cuz of the way Ilook.
I would've thought every manwould be knocking down my door
But it's fine.
It's whatever, it's like, it'sagain a good learning.
Cuz again, in my mind I'm like,wow, you're so lucky.
Like, you can go into a women'sbathroom.
How does it feel?
Mm-hmm.
(31:18):
But at the same time I'm like,you come home and you tell me
like these horror stories andI'm like, you.
Okay.
I can hold my pee I'd rather notexperience that.
so it's, you know, again, we'rea small sliver for sure, and it
even helps us to hear otherpeople's stories who, cuz
there's billions and millions ofstories out there, so, yeah.
(31:40):
Like we said, hopefully we'veconvinced you to be gay at this
point, but, um, Yeah.
We just thank you for, forhearing some of our stories and
again, I, our hope is that youdon't walk away like feeling sad
or anything, but just purelylike learning someone else's
experience.
and hopefully for those likevendors or allies out there
(32:03):
listening, like you're just ableto understand that On a wedding
day, for example, if there aretwo women or you know, some
non-binary folks gettingmarried, like they are showing
up as so much more than that.
And that's why it's so importantto create those safe spaces that
we were talking about.
(32:23):
So anyway, yeah.
before we keep being depressingYeah.
let's wrap it up here, Angie.
Is there anything else you wouldlike to share with the audience?
Um, yeah, well, be gay is numberone.
Um, and if you are gay, you'redefinitely not alone.
(32:46):
For all those folks out therewho, identify as, an LGBTQ
community, I would recommend.
um, having a photographer that'salso in the community, and I'm
not trying to like give a plughere, but wildly connected
photography.
Um, thanks babe.
Yeah, got you.
But I think it makes a hugedifference cuz we've had, you
(33:08):
know, different photo shoots.
And again, if you're someonelike me, who's hyper aware of
the way you look and present inthe world, the last thing you
want is, Feeling tense duringthe photos because you don't
know what people are thinking.
And we've had a coupleexperiences with that where I'm
like, I'm already a little tensebehind, you know, in front of
the camera.
Also there's a lot of peoplewalking by, are they judging me?
(33:31):
Are they like, mm-hmm.
what is this?
This is so gross.
That's disgusting.
Like, mm-hmm.
the last thing I want is thephotographer to also be like,
I'm getting a paycheck, butlike, I'm closing my eyes cause
like, I can't stand this.
Hopefully it's a good picture.
Yeah.
I just like recommend you if youever feel the way Anna and I
have talked about as far as likehyper aware of how we present in
(33:54):
the world, I would recommend theimportance of having someone
that sees you and got you andyou're, you're safe and
comfortable with them.
Mm-hmm.
And if it's wildly connectedphotography, I wouldn't be
surprised.
yeah, I definitely paid her tosay that.
Yeah.
Gotta make that money somehow.
(34:14):
Yes.
Well, clearly, beloved, thankyou so much for joining us on
this week's episode, and thankyou, Angie.
I know you gotta, you gotta getback to all your basketball,
whatnot.
Um, and I will see you all herenext week.
Clearly.
Beloved, welcome back to thisweek's episode.
I'm so excited to have you allhere and I'm pretty excited for
this week's guest.
which is by popular demand.
Back when I first started thepodcast, I asked who or what
topics you all would like to seeon here, and quite a few of you
(00:23):
requested that my partner be onthe podcast, which you ask and
shall receive, I guess So herewith me today is my partner,
Angie.
Hey, what's up?
Every.
Angie, will you please say helloand introduce yourself through
pronouns?
Yeah.
(00:43):
Hello everybody.
I'm Angie.
I'm Anna's partner.
That is probably the mostimportant title ever.
Um, my pronouns are she her, andyeah, I'm excited to be here.
Yeah, thanks for interruptingyour busy basketball training in
March Madness.
March Madness games are going.
Yeah, it's a buzzing.
I know.
Thanks things.
(01:04):
Being with us here today?
No, it's half time right now,so.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah, you're right, you'reright.
Well, since most of the folkslistening probably don't know
you or how we met, I feel likewe should tell'em a little bit
of our story, You and I met theold fashioned way, um, through a
(01:25):
dating app hinge, so shout outHinge.
Yeah, we met about two and ahalf-ish year, well over two and
a half years ago.
We met, um, we didn't make itofficial for a little bit, but
uh, Yeah.
Well, I guess she would say thatI was being difficult because
she was trying to make moves andI was being difficult.
(01:51):
and I think that was becausethat was a little bit, I wasn't
out to anyone yet, so, and youweren't being difficult, like,
like a nuisance.
I was just like trying to crackthe code and see if you were
gay.
Like, I was just trying to like,or were you just someone that
wanted some attention?
You know, I just didn't know andI was trying to crack that code.
And you were just like, You werejust answering questions like
(02:15):
point blank and not like, Oh,again, no.
Point blank, not point blank.
No, no, no, no.
She was flirty.
But like again, was she straightgirl flirty or like gay girl?
Flirty?
I don't know.
So it was a code.
I had a crack and if you don'tknow the answer to the code,
she's gay girl.
Flirty, So yes.
And then we had our first datein the middle of winter, in the
(02:39):
middle of nowhere and in themiddle of me not telling.
A soul where I was or who I wasseeing.
So yeah.
Um, PSA for everyone out there,you need to tell at least one
person that you're going on adate with someone you've never
met before, and where that, thatlocation is just an fyi Yes,
(03:04):
would recommend.
I don't recommend my method, butuh, I was, I was doing what I
could at the time.
But you recommended the result,right?
Yeah.
Yes, I did ask you out for asecond date, 10.
Okay, well that's unimportant.
But I would say things, thingswent pretty well from there.
And it was also still like whenlike Covid was really serious
(03:25):
and so we were spending a lot oftime at each other's houses,
which I think kind of spendedalong also.
Yeah, for sure.
And then, uh, six months later,we moved in together.
Yeah.
Or I moved in with you.
Can anyone say lesbianism?
You are Now and now like yousaid, we've been together for
(03:48):
like technically like two and ahalf years.
Yeah.
Like over two and a half years.
Technically if we talk aboutwhen we started talking.
But dating wise, about two and ahalf.
Yeah.
Um, feels like 10 in a good way.
In lesbian 10.
Yes.
And like in a good way.
Not like, oh my God, we've beentogether forever.
Yeah.
No, it's been fun.
(04:09):
I hope so.
But, uh, we, we can't be toosappy here on this podcast.
We gotta, we gotta give, wegotta give facts knowledge,
important info.
So of course I wanted to haveAngie because she's my partner
and she's great, but I thoughtthat it would be a very, I
(04:34):
thought that we both had thingsto bring to the table in the
sense that we're both part ofthe LGBTQ community and.
I think that we both haveexperiences to share with people
that like, similar to how Icouldn't understand someone
else's identity that's differentfrom mine unless I hear them
(04:57):
out.
Um, you know, I think thatthere's people here who don't
necessarily know what it's likebeing a queer person living in
the world we do today.
So I just wanted to.
Have us both share ourexperiences a little bit so
that, you know, people walk awaywith a greater understanding of
(05:18):
what it's like.
So, Angie, I'm sure this is yourfavorite subject.
Oh, love it.
But please, share with thepeople anything you'd like to as
far as what your experienceshave been.
Yeah.
Well I feel like with mostpeople in the LGBTQ community,
you probably have experienceslike a laundry list of
(05:38):
experiences that you've gonethrough.
So I won't go through, you know,too many or spend too much time
on it.
But, one of the main things forthose of you out there that have
no idea what I look like, you'remissing out but I, you know,
came out of the room looking gayas hell.
Uh, short haircut for a long,long time, masculine clothing.
Just like your typical mask,lesbian.
(06:03):
Nailed it to a tea, I think But,um, and yeah, and I was very
fortunate growing up that myparents allowed me to, Be me and
I was very determined to be me.
So, for a very early, early ageI looked this way with a little
resistance.
Oh.
I mean, yeah, it was a littleresistance.
(06:24):
Like they tried to, like, theyencouraged it while also being
like, are you sure But there'sdefinitely no.
Cool them trying to force meinto dresses or anything like
that, they would ask and I wouldbe like, Nope.
And they'd be like, are yousure?
And I'd be like, yes.
And they'd be like, okay.
So I'm very grateful that myparents allowed me to be me.
(06:47):
But, um, yeah, it, and then, butI've looked this way forever.
And um, with that has come prosand cons, right?
Like you're living yourauthentic.
Self and you feel authentic toyourself, but the world, and
there's definitely a, aperception that, you know, the
way you look.
(07:08):
And I, for me anyways, I am uberaware of how I look in the
world.
Like I'm uber aware of the wayI'm presented, and I have been
from a really early age justbecause you.
just like, I'm sure a lot ofpeople out there that look like
me, it's, you know, pulled outof bathrooms, kicked out of
(07:32):
bathrooms, screamed at for, youknow, going into ladies,
anything like, just things ofthat nature.
I went to a Catholic schoolgrowing up.
We had to wear a skirt onWednesdays, which I hated and.
It was, what was the skirt?
Pink.
It was maroon plaid.
Oh, disgusting.
(07:54):
But that's besides the point.
Um, and it was more common tohear why is a boy wearing a
skirt?
Mm-hmm.
rather than, oh, there's a girlwith short hair.
So it was like, just a lot ofthings like that.
So I was, I'm, I've been veryaware of my looks and in every
situation and.
(08:16):
Yeah.
Again, two, two sides of thesword, right?
Like I, what uncomfortability doI want to choose?
Do I want to be authentic tomyself, but then be
uncomfortable in public or justhyper aware of how people
perceive me?
Or do I want to be inauthenticto myself and grow my hair out
and wear makeup and wear, youknow, more feminine clothing and
(08:39):
just not feel comfortable beingme, but be accepted in, in
society and.
and I'm not even necessarilylike saying society to a T 24 7.
always acts one way to me, butI'm just super hyper aware of
the possibility, the potential,like holding your hand in
(09:00):
public.
I'm hyper aware of what thatlooks like.
Like everything I do, I'm hype.
Like I have, like, this might betmi, but like I plan my bathroom
breaks accordingly.
Like, I make sure, like I planto drink water hours before I
have to go in public so I don'thave to go to the bathroom or
like, I just say, screw thewater today.
(09:22):
Like, we can't do it you know,because that's easier for me
than to risk running into aperson in the bathroom that's
like, what are you doing inhere?
Or, kids, which I love, youknow, kids are, but they don't
have a filter and like theyquestion everything and you walk
in and it's like, mommy.
(09:42):
And you know, so it's, I wouldrather avoid that.
So it's just like little, likeI'm, again, I'm just super aware
of how I present in public and Ijust have to take a lot of extra
and they're not necessarilynecessary.
They're just necessary in mymind to.
confrontation because I willavoid that like the plague, let
(10:03):
me tell you that.
So yeah, that's like, I mean, Ican go into specifics, but I
don't, I mean, everyone has, youknow, stories along that line,
I'm sure of one way or another.
And yeah, that's just the, themain thing for me is that things
in my past have led me to havesuch a hyper-awareness of the
(10:23):
way I look in the world and theway that can be perceived.
consequences of that.
Hmm.
Throwing it back to you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well thanks for sharing that.
How would you say like youroverall coming out experience
(10:45):
was?
Well, it's funny cuz like I,again, I look this way out of
the womb, but I didn't reallyrealize, connect the dots that I
was gay until, you know, aroundhigh school.
Um, I always thought I was gonnalive alone, have a dog, be my
own person.
So I mean, everyone knew, butexcept for me, no one wanted to
(11:07):
clue me in, which was annoying,but it's what it is.
I am someone who hates comingout, and I think that's another
thing that sometimes peopledon't realize is, and it's not
like a one time thing and you'regood to go.
Mm-hmm.
like it could, I'm getting myhaircut and I have to be like,
you know, it could be a newhairstylist.
And I could be like, okay, I'mgoing for this.
(11:29):
And then they're asking me like,how's your weekend?
things like that.
And like, I have to choose, do Iwanna say I'm hanging out with
my girlfriend?
Do I wanna go down that route?
Like it's, you know, it's justlike an everyday, it's an
everyday thing.
So, um, and I just, I just don'tlike it.
I don't like coming out, eventhough I look the way I do, I'm
(11:50):
basically, I come out when Iwalk out of the house.
So when I came out to my mom andI had a sit down conversation.
I was 24, 25, like she hadknown.
This is not new information.
I had been dating girls, um,again, not new information, but
I had sat down with her and wewere just kind of going back and
(12:12):
forth, just talking.
And I had brought up like, um,something along the fact of
like, I don't know, does itbother you that I'm this way?
And she was, my mom's reallygood at like getting information
out.
So she was like, well, what areyou talking about, And I was
like, come on now.
I, I do remember she was superaccepting and I do remember, um,
(12:35):
basically the line that she toldme was, cause I was like, I, I,
you know, I feel like everyonesaid this line at one point or
another, like I really prayedthat it would go away.
And she like stopped me in mytracks and was.
you can pray for courage andstrength to be yourself, but
never prayed away because likeyou're basically telling God he
(12:56):
made a mistake and the lastthing you are is a mistake.
So I felt like even though myparents are very Christian and
they're, they're Catholic, andthey're very deep in their
faith, that I did feel a senseof no matter what my parents,
you know, support me and loveme.
they love Anna.
So it's been a good deal andI've been very, very, very
(13:18):
fortunate on that aspect.
But as far as like coming out ingeneral, hate it.
Mm-hmm.
like, it, it's like,unfortunately it's necessary,
but like, ugh.
Such a drag, It's exhausting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Retweet that.
Very true.
Well, thank you for, for sharingthat.
(13:40):
I think it's just like, it's sointeresting.
Obviously I lived most of mylife in the closet too, even
though I think I knew maybe alittle earlier than you.
I don't know but, uh, thingsthat like, I wouldn't have ever
thought about at that time in mylife.
Yeah, I would say similar toAngie, you know, a whole, a
(14:02):
whole laundry list.
Mm-hmm.
just so many things that I couldtalk about, but similarly, went
to a Christian school.
You escaped it a little bitearlier than I did, which is,
yeah.
And luckily I went to Catholicschool and luckily they, you.
didn't really shove much downyour throat other than
(14:24):
education.
And in that they did, I waszoning out anyways, so I didn't
really feel the being gay iswrong through school or anything
like that.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
That's nice.
Sorry, I You, I skip that.
I know.
Sorry.
Thank you so much, No, so myexperience.
(14:47):
I went to a very, veryconservative, strict Christian
school that did in fact,legitimately teach us that if
you were gay, you were likebound to die young.
And it was like a very terriblesin.
And, um, things like that.
And, I know I've alreadymentioned on the podcast a
(15:10):
handful of times, but my dad isalso a pastor.
Mm-hmm.
so that makes it fun.
I also in that time, watched myolder brother get forced out of
the closet.
Um, And that was really painfulto watch cuz it, my dad did not
handle it well, obviously.
and a lot of terrible thingshappened there.
(15:32):
But also grateful in the sensethat because I got to see that,
I knew that I had to like hideit extra well and wait until I
was safe to come out.
But I think that because I hadso many like strong religious
ties, since coming out, it hasbeen like just never ending of
(15:56):
people reaching out and tryingto send me books or Bible verses
or, Hey girl, can we get coffee?
Like, I just like, I'm just notin like, I don't know, like I
don't know what to think aboutgay people.
Like can you just explain it tome?
And that still happens to thisday, even though I've been out
for.
(16:16):
not quite two years, butsomewhere around there.
Yeah, it's, it's just a lot oflike trying to defend who I am
and like Andy said, like aconstant battle of am I gonna
come out, you know, during thiswedding or whatever.
Like, I remember actually awedding I shot last year.
(16:39):
It was kind of like a lastminute switch around and I was
shooting with a, a new secondshooter that I'd never met
before and we worked the wholeday together.
Um, and I was like, prettycautious, but like not sharing
anything.
And then we were like sittingdown for our like quick 10
minute dinner break and he waslike, yeah, you know, Talking
(17:01):
about his faith and whatever,and then he was like, I'm, but
I'm not actually really evenlike convinced that like gay
people are wrong, as if he waslike so cool and like radical.
And I had to like decide in thatmoment like, am I gonna stand up
for myself?
Or like, am I just going topretend it never happened?
So yeah, a lot of stuff likethat happening.
(17:24):
How did.
Come on, give us the tea.
What'd you do?
Um, I told him, I was like,well, that's great to hear
because I am gay.
And he just stared at me and itwa it was real awkward the rest
of the night.
So fun times.
Yeah.
I recommend being gay clear withYeah.
And obviously this is not to saythat like we haven't also
(17:48):
experienced like a ton of loveand support.
Absolutely.
Like, we definitely have that inour life.
but it's, it's just like youcan't compare it to a
traditional heteronormativerelationship because it's, these
are things.
those people never have to thinkabout.
Yeah.
Um, no, for sure.
(18:08):
So I'd also like to ask you alittle bit too, on, since we've
been together for quite a whilenow, what the experience has
been like with us beingtogether.
What It's been great.
you know, you know, come on now.
I think for me again, it's justlike the hyperawareness.
(18:31):
It's so easy for me to be us andto be relaxed and, comfortable
inside our home.
And, and when we go out inpublic, I just, I feel myself
tensing up a little more.
Um, Anna loves holding hands.
I don't mind it.
I like holding hands too.
(18:52):
I like holding hands.
but it's like you're just soaware of it out in public.
Like when she grabs my hand or Igrab hers, like it is a
conscious like, okay, we'redoing this thing and we're
holding it, and we're like, it'sjust, I don't know how to
(19:13):
exactly explain it other than.
you're aware of everything youhave to decide when you're
sitting down at dinner.
Is it better for us to look likewe're dating or is it better for
us to look like we're friends?
Unfortunately, I make it looklike we're always dating, um,
again, the way I look.
But, um, that's just somethingthat again, you're just hyper
(19:35):
aware of.
You're every, every, everymoment out in public, which
sometimes.
makes you tense.
Sometimes it's like, and it'sannoying because I would, and
then again, this is somethingthat I just need to personally
work on too.
Like, I would give anything,just be totally present,
carefree, like locked in to youand what we're doing.
(19:59):
But there's always like thatlittle, looking around.
Mm-hmm.
are we safe?
Are we good?
And, and not, and I don't wantpeople to think safe as in like
all of a sudden someone's gonnacome up and have a hate crime.
Mm-hmm.
like, that's not necessarily,it's am I strong enough to
withstand the disgusted looks?
(20:20):
Mm-hmm.
and the eye rolls and the, thelooking me up and down and
questioning mm-hmm.
what we're doing.
It's, it's more the passiveaggressive.
constant double takes and stufflike that, that it just kind of
sometimes hits your confidence alittle bit.
Mm-hmm.
it makes you self conscious ofwho you are and what you're
(20:40):
doing and Yeah.
So I don't, sometimes I feellike people think that when we
say the word safe, it means thatlike, oh, we feel like we're
gonna be physically harmed.
Mm-hmm.
And while that is the case insome areas, in some instances,
I've never had to deal withphysical harm.
I'm very grateful for that.
But for me, safe just meanslike, can I be myself without
(21:06):
all this, what feels like eyeson me kind of thing?
I would just say for me, mainlyit's just again, the
hyperawareness of who we are, asindividuals, as a couple, the
way we present out in the.
but yeah, we've had a coupleweird experiences, and you wanna
explain those, but Yeah.
(21:27):
No, I think you worded thatreally well.
It's super fun.
And also just like you said,Doubting what you're doing is
also still sometimes for me,like still to this day, like, oh
my gosh, I'm going to hell, I'mgoing to hell right now.
like, even though I, that's notthe case.
Yeah, speaking of hell, one ofour, one of our top tier
(21:47):
experiences I think would bethat, Whew.
Without getting too specifichere, in a former living
situation that I was in, I hadAngie over for like, what was
supposed to just be like a chillhang night.
We were gonna have like abonfire and just like hang out.
And my roommates at the timedecided to join us and basically
(22:12):
the bonfire turned into like anattempt of.
Of them trying to like, convertus and like save our souls
lowkey tell us that we shouldlike reconsider our path and
whatnot.
So that was super fun.
That was great time.
It's uh, what's, what's theinfamous words?
(22:35):
That's just not what God intendsfor you.
Oh yeah.
I didn't say that at the bottom,but that's like the general.
That's not what we, that's notwhat God intends for you.
God has, God has better things.
Yeah.
yeah, just like you said, likethat's a perfect example of
like, when we meet new people,it's hard to not have that in
(22:55):
your brain of like, are thesepeople gonna be those kinds of
people where we're unsafe or arethey gonna be like, chill and
we're safe?
Mm-hmm.
No, I will say meeting newpeople is like a fear of mine.
And whether we're together orapart, like, again, I don't mean
to make it all about me, butlike, I, I do, look, I am not
(23:18):
your typical female, although Iidentify, you know, she, her,
uh, female.
so like, again, you know, Iwork.
the industry of kids and highschoolers and little ones and
stuff like that, and parents,and sometimes they don't see a
picture.
What do you do, Angie?
Oh, what do I do?
I'm a basketball trainer.
(23:39):
I, I sick.
Yeah, I save the world from uglybasketball.
So if you see any uglybasketball, it's just cuz they
haven't seen me yet.
but yeah, so I, like, I meet,new clients and parents quite
often.
That's when like driving to thegym is when I'm filled with the
most anxiety.
Cause I'm like, have they seenmy picture before?
Mm-hmm.
(23:59):
do they know who they're meetingor are they gonna be caught off
guard?
And yeah, I've definitely had alot of instances where people
think I'm a guy and that's likea weird guy and like, call me,
sir.
Which again, it's, it'swhatever, but like, well, I
mean, I guess not whatever, butlike it's whatever, you know.
Mm-hmm.
but it's.
That's what's on my mind goinginto new sessions, not, oh,
(24:23):
okay, this is what we're gonnado and blah, blah, blah, blah.
Like, I'm going in anxious aboutthem seeing me for the first
time.
Mm-hmm.
which, yeah, that's just likenot fun.
And again, I can do things on mypart to ease that and, and work
on that.
Just being more comfortable withwho I am and letting things
slide off my back.
But, Yeah.
(24:45):
So when it comes to us together,again, it's a very, who's safe,
who's not safe?
What is this first interactiongonna be like?
Is it gonna be awkward?
Are people, which has happenedbefore with Anna and I, people
mistaking me as your brother andoh God, you know, things like,
of that nature.
And then it's like an awkward,like, no, this isn't my brother.
(25:08):
And then it's like, oh, is youryour boyfriend?
And then it's like, no, like,and it's just like, Awkward
After awkward, after awkward,and my face blows up like a
balloon.
Redness wise.
So like, and when it does thatand it constantly, it doesn't
matter what the situation is,someone could gimme a
compliment.
Someone could just say, Hey,Angie's red face, and then my
(25:29):
eyes swell with tears forwhatever real reason, odd
reason, not real reason.
super real, super.
So it's just like, then I looklike I'm about to cry, but I'm
not.
I'm fine.
And I'm like, I'm fine man.
Look like I'm about to cry.
And it's just like, like if youwere to see me right now, like
my face is super red and like Ifeel like my eyes are really
(25:49):
watery for no reason I can GIbro.
Oh, thanks dude.
Mm-hmm.
Um, but yeah, so it's just likethings like that where it's
like, damn, meeting new peoplesucks sometimes.
Mm-hmm.
But it's also, you wanna meetnew people.
also, shall I risk it or shouldI watch Netflix tonight?
Yeah.
(26:09):
I mean, yeah, it's, that justbrought to mind too, like we
just moved into a new house.
So like we have neighbors andwe're like planning to chill
here for a minute and um, yeah,a couple weeks ago when I was
shoveling all the enormousamounts of snow we get here.
One of, uh, like he was a oldermale neighbor that came over
(26:33):
and, started talking to me andlike, we had just met each other
and he was like, well, where'syour husband?
You, you must have a husband.
You must have one of those.
And it's just like, yeah, justnever ending mind race of.
This is potential outcome, a, ifI say this and potential outcome
(26:55):
B if I say that.
So like, gotta make a decision.
Like he's staring at me, likewhat do I say?
Guess it's been an experiencesince we've been together.
Yeah.
Because yeah, it's like now I dohave a partner.
Mm-hmm.
and I don't wanna be likeputting myself back in the
closet either, like who wants todo that?
So yeah.
Before I had a partner, um, it'svery easy, like going out in
(27:18):
public more so because I somehowlike, I don't know, convinced
myself of like, No one can provethat I'm gay.
I don't have a partner.
Like, but you're gonna look atmy haircut and assume you're
correct.
But like you have no realevidence other than my haircut
to back it up.
And now that I have a partner,I'm like, oh my God, I'm gay.
(27:41):
And like people know and like Soit's just like, it's weird.
And like that small thing ofhaving a, like even if I go out
in public now without you, I'mstill.
Again, hyper aware I'm gay.
Whereas like before I met you,before I was seeing anyone, when
I would go out in, in public,like in college, that was less
(28:05):
of a thought of like, oh, peopleare gonna assume I'm gay.
People might assume that I'm adude, but not that I'm gay.
Hmm.
And like, because I didn't havea partner, there's no proof.
Mm-hmm.
So like, it's kind of weird howlike one little.
I got a partner and all of asudden I'm like self-conscious
that I'm gay out in public.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
(28:28):
if we have not convinced you onthis podcast to be gay, I don't
know what else will like at thispoint.
Yeah, Yeah.
It's a fun time.
Yeah.
No, I, I do appreciate yousharing that and it's, I don.
It's just like a reminder for metoo that I like even have a
different experience from you.
Yeah, to your point, like we'renot trying to be Debbie Downers
(28:49):
here.
Yeah, no.
We're just, there are a lot ofperks to being Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
It's the right choice for sure.
Cuz it's definitely a choice.
It's totally a choice.
Yep.
Satire folks, if you don't know.
Yeah.
It's not trying to be negativehere.
I don't think that's the goal ofthis podcast at all.
(29:09):
But the goal of this podcast isto be informative and for us all
to be learning things together.
And so I know there's so manypeople out there, like so many
vendors and allies who trulywant to do good and and want to
be loving, but it's still maybesometimes hard if you're unaware
(29:29):
of like some of the things thatpeople in the community.
go through.
Um, and obviously like we'rejust like one very small sliver
of the community.
Mm-hmm.
like we can't speak for, forpeople who have had different
experiences than us.
But I just felt like we, we havethis insight and I wouldn't be
(29:53):
doing my job if we didn't sharelike some of the things that we
experience that kind of shape.
Yeah.
You know, how we live our life.
And it's kinda, it's also eyeopening for me too, because just
like my experiences aredifferent than yours, like your
experiences are different thanmine and you still have
(30:13):
experiences.
I mean, I don't wanna likepigeonhole you, but you can at
times be quote unquote straightpassing.
Mm-hmm.
And in my mind I'm like, oh, youare so freaking lucky.
Like, but I feel like you've hada lot of stories that are, you
know, equally as unpleasant.
Whether you're at a wedding andsomeone's hitting on you, like a
(30:35):
dude's hitting on you and youhave to decide in that moment,
do I tell them?
I have a boyfriend, I have agirlfriend.
Because you know, you've hadpeople that are like, oh, well
you just haven't been with theright guy yet.
Or, you know, gross shit likethat where it's, you know,
you're also in an unsafeenvironment and.
(30:57):
And those situations again,luckily have never happened to
me.
I'm surprised cuz of the way Ilook.
I would've thought every manwould be knocking down my door
But it's fine.
It's whatever, it's like, it'sagain a good learning.
Cuz again, in my mind I'm like,wow, you're so lucky.
Like, you can go into a women'sbathroom.
How does it feel?
Mm-hmm.
(31:18):
But at the same time I'm like,you come home and you tell me
like these horror stories andI'm like, you.
Okay.
I can hold my pee I'd rather notexperience that.
so it's, you know, again, we'rea small sliver for sure, and it
even helps us to hear otherpeople's stories who, cuz
there's billions and millions ofstories out there, so, yeah.
(31:40):
Like we said, hopefully we'veconvinced you to be gay at this
point, but, um, Yeah.
We just thank you for, forhearing some of our stories and
again, I, our hope is that youdon't walk away like feeling sad
or anything, but just purelylike learning someone else's
experience.
and hopefully for those likevendors or allies out there
(32:03):
listening, like you're just ableto understand that On a wedding
day, for example, if there aretwo women or you know, some
non-binary folks gettingmarried, like they are showing
up as so much more than that.
And that's why it's so importantto create those safe spaces that
we were talking about.
(32:23):
So anyway, yeah.
before we keep being depressingYeah.
let's wrap it up here, Angie.
Is there anything else you wouldlike to share with the audience?
Um, yeah, well, be gay is numberone.
Um, and if you are gay, you'redefinitely not alone.
(32:46):
For all those folks out therewho, identify as, an LGBTQ
community, I would recommend.
um, having a photographer that'salso in the community, and I'm
not trying to like give a plughere, but wildly connected
photography.
Um, thanks babe.
Yeah, got you.
But I think it makes a hugedifference cuz we've had, you
(33:08):
know, different photo shoots.
And again, if you're someonelike me, who's hyper aware of
the way you look and present inthe world, the last thing you
want is, Feeling tense duringthe photos because you don't
know what people are thinking.
And we've had a coupleexperiences with that where I'm
like, I'm already a little tensebehind, you know, in front of
the camera.
Also there's a lot of peoplewalking by, are they judging me?
(33:31):
Are they like, mm-hmm.
what is this?
This is so gross.
That's disgusting.
Like, mm-hmm.
the last thing I want is thephotographer to also be like,
I'm getting a paycheck, butlike, I'm closing my eyes cause
like, I can't stand this.
Hopefully it's a good picture.
Yeah.
I just like recommend you if youever feel the way Anna and I
have talked about as far as likehyper aware of how we present in
(33:54):
the world, I would recommend theimportance of having someone
that sees you and got you andyou're, you're safe and
comfortable with them.
Mm-hmm.
And if it's wildly connectedphotography, I wouldn't be
surprised.
yeah, I definitely paid her tosay that.
Yeah.
Gotta make that money somehow.
(34:14):
Yes.
Well, clearly, beloved, thankyou so much for joining us on
this week's episode, and thankyou, Angie.
I know you gotta, you gotta getback to all your basketball,
whatnot.
Um, and I will see you all herenext week.
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