April 19, 2023 • 15 mins
If you're recently engaged, the last thing you want is for a homophobic vendor to rain on your parade, so here are some tips on navigating the world of wedding vendors as a queer couple.
Here are some of the directories I mentioned in the show and HIGHLY recommend:
Equally Wed
Dancing With Her
Dancing with Them
Everywhere is Queer Map
And also try finding locally made directories or even facebook groups!
Thanks so much for listening with me for 15 whole episodes! I would love it if you said hello to me on Instagram @wildlyconnectedphoto :)
The intro and all instrumentals were written, sung and recorded by @JaynaDavisMusic
Queerly Beloved, I'm so glad you joined!
Please keep the community going by checking me out on instagram @wildlyconnectedphoto and come say hi! I'd love to hear from you! :)
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Clearly beloved, welcome back tothis week's episode.
I'm Anna, your host.
I use she her pronouns, and I amso glad that you all are here.
This week's episode touches on alot of things that may have
already been touched in previousepisodes, but it's subject that
I think is really important andit's a friend of mind for a lot
(00:26):
of couples in the LGBTQcommunity.
So, They are points that I kindof wanna always be driving home
and sharing and educating on.
So we're here to talk about howto navigate the vendor world,
uh, once you are engaged.
(00:46):
and it's an important topicbecause finding people to work
with on your wedding day.
It's a big job and it's a bigdeal.
So I really wanna support folksin that journey.
And just thinking about it, it'swhen you're in the height of
excitement, you just gotengaged, you're thinking about
your wedding day, dreaming ofmarrying your person.
Like the last thing you wanna dois get caught off guard by a
(01:08):
vendor who isn't accepting, oryou just kind of feel weighed
down by having to sift throughso many vendors who aren't
really clear about whether ornot they'll work with you.
And we wanna avoid as many.
Bad encounters as possible.
So, I know it can feel likesuper daunting to try to find
(01:30):
vendors when there are so many,and it feels like there's so
many popping up all the time.
And while it might seem like in2023, everyone should accept
everyone, you're good to go.
We still aren't quite there yet,hopefully one day.
But until then, hopefully someof these tips will help you in
(01:53):
your search for queer friendlyor ally and affirming vendors.
And before I get into the nittygritty of it, I should say that
the overarching theme here isthat trying to find out if a
vendor, a venue is accepting andaffirm.
Should not be like trying tofind a needle in a haystack.
(02:14):
It should be pretty obvious andeasy to find.
Like you shouldn't feel on edgejust filling out their contact
form, not knowing what they'llsay back to you.
You should kind of just knowthat the response will be an
ecstatic gift.
So if that's the only thing thatyou get out of this, then great
(02:34):
because.
It really shouldn't be thatdifficult, but all of these tips
are here to kind of help younavigate it still.
So tip number one.
If you're using a site like theKnot or Wedding Wire or Ola, or
I know that there's probablyothers out there to help you
plan, they do have the option tofilter for quote unquote
(02:59):
supporting diversity.
And you can sort by things likelgbtq plus owned or women owned,
et cetera.
So definitely check those.
However, if you don'tspecifically check one that says
lgbtq, They don't always specifyon the knot or in that person's
(03:21):
bio if they're affirming.
So just be cautious.
You kind of don't know unlesssomeone specifically says, which
we'll keep talking about, butdefinitely make use of that
filter, to select the identitiesthat are important to you.
But otherwise, tip number two isthat there are alternative sites
out there that use purely LGBTQplus or affirming communities.
(03:44):
And some of those are equally,we equally eloped dancing with
her, dancing with them.
And then there's also usuallyones that are more location
specific, like specific tocertain cities or states.
with those sites in particular,you won't have to question
because the owners and thecreator of those directories are
(04:07):
usually queer themselves.
So highly, highly recommendthose.
And a lot of times thosedirectories also have lots of
tips and blogs and.
Post content that look likecouples like you.
So I will definitely link themin the show notes because highly
recommend.
but I will also say on a morespecific note, tip number three,
(04:32):
if you're not necessarily usingthose big sites to help you
plan, or maybe you are, butyou're still interested in just
working really locally, doingyour own kind of specific
searches.
Look on their sites, be lookingon like their footer or their
about page to see if they haveany, you know, rainbows or love
(04:54):
is love or things that wouldvery clearly indicate to you.
And if not, just look for recentwork on their Instagram or
somewhere on their site that.
They have worked with a couplethat looks like you.
It shouldn't be buried two yearsago or randomly on pride like
(05:18):
four years ago.
Like it should be somewhatrecent on their feed.
And there should also besprinklings of it, right?
It shouldn't be like they postone and done just to be like, oh
yeah, you know, we acceptedsomeone one time.
Other than that, so that's kindof what you're looking for is if
they don't necessarilyspecifically stay on their site,
(05:40):
which I personally think thateverybody should then be looking
for recent examples of theirwork with LGBTQ couples and kind
of be making sure that they aremaking an effort to share those
kinds of love storiesfrequently.
All right, tip number four,honestly.
(06:02):
Hire a planner, if you're havinga traditional wedding and
planning on inviting a decentamount of guests, hiring a
planner and a coordinator issuch a good call.
They can help you and supportyou in so many ways and make
your life so much more stressfree and honestly, beyond.
(06:28):
These planners can ask vendorsthings on your behalf so that
you don't have to, planners arethere to support you, to help
you, to help you navigate thewedding world.
So definitely feel free to askthem.
And also, beyond that, weddingplanners have such a.
(06:50):
Network of people that they'veworked with or that they know
of, that they can probablyalready give you a solid list of
people that they can confirm areLGBTQ friendly.
So definitely make use of thatbecause not only will it make
your life easier, but they arealso gonna be such a big support
to you.
(07:11):
and I think that's true for alot of vendors in general.
For myself, for example, I havemy own list of vendors beyond
photographers and videographersthat are queer owned or queer
friendly.
So really rely and lean on yourvendors in that aspect to help
you also connect with peoplethat are safe.
(07:34):
And if you're not working withthe planner, you know it's not
in your budget or maybe you'redoing something super small.
You can always ask a friend,like maybe you have a really
trusted friend or family memberthat you can be like, Hey, I'm
interested in reaching out tothis vendor, but I'm not really
sure.
can you kind of reach out tothem for me and see what they
(07:58):
say so that it's not directlyyou being like, Hey, so and so.
It's me here with the love of mylife.
Will.
Will you work with us and haveto you personally get an email
back that says, absolutely not,that I will not work with you
and be crushed.
So if not a, a planner, asks atrusted person who can kinda.
(08:20):
Help support you with that.
All right, tip number six, thisone goes out to the vendors and
also couples, because I've hadvendors ask like, what if I
don't have any portfolio piecesto share of LGBTQ weddings and
things like that?
And then for the coupleslistening, if they're kind of
(08:40):
like, yeah, you know, I foundthis one florist and I really,
really love their work.
And some of their pieces reallyspoke to me, but they haven't
shared anything of LGBTQ couple.
But you really wanna give them ashot.
You can think of things that youmight ask them, like, what would
(09:00):
you do in this situation?
And like, give a situation of,someone that it's not maybe
super clear to you, like howthey identify.
Ask them a question and see ifthey pass the vibe check.
It's all about passing the vibecheck if they haven't really
made it clear that they haveexamples of that work.
(09:23):
Cuz there truly are vendors outthere who would be lovely to
work with and really wanna workwith a community, but maybe just
haven't had that opportunity.
We don't wanna be exclusive topeople just because they don't
have a picture of someone ontheir site.
But it still can just be like a,a good little interview moment
(09:44):
just to be like, Hey, is thisperson, did they pass the vibe
check?
And this also applies to thereare venues out there who require
you to pick specific vendors.
From their lists, such as likecaterers or DJs that they've
already approved.
So in that event, you can kindof come up with a list of
(10:07):
questions to ask the, the DJs onthat list and kind of see which
one passes the vibe check themost, in the event that you were
kind of narrowed down to onlypicking from a few.
Ask them how they would addresssomeone.
Or ask how they would handlecertain situations that may come
up in your wedding that has awide group of people from the
(10:31):
community.
You know, whatever you feel isimportant to you.
Just like I said, it's all aboutthe vibe.
Check, and lastly, make surethat in your overall vibe, check
cuz it's important people.
Make sure that when you'rereaching out to vendors and
venues that it feels like trueand genuine celebration from the
(10:54):
vendor.
Cuz hear me, hear me out on thisone.
You and your partner are not apaycheck, but people who deserve
to be loved and celebrated, andI hate to say it, but I know
that there are vendors out therewho will say yes to you simply
just to get paid.
(11:15):
But like, don't let your gaydollars go to someone who isn't
head over heels, excited tocelebrate you.
When you inquire, it should bean enthusiastic yes.
Oh my gosh.
Can't wait.
You two are awesome.
Not just like us.
Sure, I'm available for thatdate.
You know, and obviously everyonehas different, different
personalities and stuff likethat, but again, read the vibes.
(11:39):
Are they truly and genuinelyexcited to celebrate with you?
That's what I got for you.
Kind of starting out with usingthe filters on big sites like
the Knot or Wedding Wire.
Otherwise, highly recommendsupporting those queer owned
(12:00):
directories that really elevateLGBTQ communities or work
specifically with allies.
and then also really, Rely notonly on your vendors, but
trusted family and friends.
I can help kind of feel thingsout for you.
And then beyond that too, justmake sure that your vendors are
(12:21):
really passing the vibe.
Check.
Make sure that they answerquestions the way that feels
right to you, and that they feellike people who are really,
truly going to, to celebrate youand your person because you
deserve nothing less.
I know that this has beentouched on on previous episodes,
(12:42):
but I think that a lot of thisis important to keep sharing and
circulating because it's a bigdeal and I want lgbtq Q couples
to feel super supported in thisdepartment, and I know that
there are, allies and vendorshere are listening as well.
And so hopefully hearing thisand hearing what potential.
(13:04):
Future couples of viewers arelooking for will kind of help
you understand what you shouldhave on your site and what kinds
of things you should be sharingand things like that.
So hopefully couples, allies,vendors, hopefully you all
walked away with something.
and again, just remember that itshould not feel.
(13:26):
I'm trying to find a needle in ahaystack.
Overall, it should feel reallyobvious to you that this person
is gonna give you anenthusiastic yes, so clearly.
Beloved, thanks for joining mehere for this kind of short and
sweet episode, and I will seeyou all here right back the same
time next week.
Clearly beloved, welcome back tothis week's episode.
I'm Anna, your host.
I use she her pronouns, and I amso glad that you all are here.
This week's episode touches on alot of things that may have
already been touched in previousepisodes, but it's subject that
I think is really important andit's a friend of mind for a lot
(00:26):
of couples in the LGBTQcommunity.
So, They are points that I kindof wanna always be driving home
and sharing and educating on.
So we're here to talk about howto navigate the vendor world,
uh, once you are engaged.
(00:46):
and it's an important topicbecause finding people to work
with on your wedding day.
It's a big job and it's a bigdeal.
So I really wanna support folksin that journey.
And just thinking about it, it'swhen you're in the height of
excitement, you just gotengaged, you're thinking about
your wedding day, dreaming ofmarrying your person.
Like the last thing you wanna dois get caught off guard by a
(01:08):
vendor who isn't accepting, oryou just kind of feel weighed
down by having to sift throughso many vendors who aren't
really clear about whether ornot they'll work with you.
And we wanna avoid as many.
Bad encounters as possible.
So, I know it can feel likesuper daunting to try to find
(01:30):
vendors when there are so many,and it feels like there's so
many popping up all the time.
And while it might seem like in2023, everyone should accept
everyone, you're good to go.
We still aren't quite there yet,hopefully one day.
But until then, hopefully someof these tips will help you in
(01:53):
your search for queer friendlyor ally and affirming vendors.
And before I get into the nittygritty of it, I should say that
the overarching theme here isthat trying to find out if a
vendor, a venue is accepting andaffirm.
Should not be like trying tofind a needle in a haystack.
(02:14):
It should be pretty obvious andeasy to find.
Like you shouldn't feel on edgejust filling out their contact
form, not knowing what they'llsay back to you.
You should kind of just knowthat the response will be an
ecstatic gift.
So if that's the only thing thatyou get out of this, then great
(02:34):
because.
It really shouldn't be thatdifficult, but all of these tips
are here to kind of help younavigate it still.
So tip number one.
If you're using a site like theKnot or Wedding Wire or Ola, or
I know that there's probablyothers out there to help you
plan, they do have the option tofilter for quote unquote
(02:59):
supporting diversity.
And you can sort by things likelgbtq plus owned or women owned,
et cetera.
So definitely check those.
However, if you don'tspecifically check one that says
lgbtq, They don't always specifyon the knot or in that person's
(03:21):
bio if they're affirming.
So just be cautious.
You kind of don't know unlesssomeone specifically says, which
we'll keep talking about, butdefinitely make use of that
filter, to select the identitiesthat are important to you.
But otherwise, tip number two isthat there are alternative sites
out there that use purely LGBTQplus or affirming communities.
(03:44):
And some of those are equally,we equally eloped dancing with
her, dancing with them.
And then there's also usuallyones that are more location
specific, like specific tocertain cities or states.
with those sites in particular,you won't have to question
because the owners and thecreator of those directories are
(04:07):
usually queer themselves.
So highly, highly recommendthose.
And a lot of times thosedirectories also have lots of
tips and blogs and.
Post content that look likecouples like you.
So I will definitely link themin the show notes because highly
recommend.
but I will also say on a morespecific note, tip number three,
(04:32):
if you're not necessarily usingthose big sites to help you
plan, or maybe you are, butyou're still interested in just
working really locally, doingyour own kind of specific
searches.
Look on their sites, be lookingon like their footer or their
about page to see if they haveany, you know, rainbows or love
(04:54):
is love or things that wouldvery clearly indicate to you.
And if not, just look for recentwork on their Instagram or
somewhere on their site that.
They have worked with a couplethat looks like you.
It shouldn't be buried two yearsago or randomly on pride like
(05:18):
four years ago.
Like it should be somewhatrecent on their feed.
And there should also besprinklings of it, right?
It shouldn't be like they postone and done just to be like, oh
yeah, you know, we acceptedsomeone one time.
Other than that, so that's kindof what you're looking for is if
they don't necessarilyspecifically stay on their site,
(05:40):
which I personally think thateverybody should then be looking
for recent examples of theirwork with LGBTQ couples and kind
of be making sure that they aremaking an effort to share those
kinds of love storiesfrequently.
All right, tip number four,honestly.
(06:02):
Hire a planner, if you're havinga traditional wedding and
planning on inviting a decentamount of guests, hiring a
planner and a coordinator issuch a good call.
They can help you and supportyou in so many ways and make
your life so much more stressfree and honestly, beyond.
(06:28):
These planners can ask vendorsthings on your behalf so that
you don't have to, planners arethere to support you, to help
you, to help you navigate thewedding world.
So definitely feel free to askthem.
And also, beyond that, weddingplanners have such a.
(06:50):
Network of people that they'veworked with or that they know
of, that they can probablyalready give you a solid list of
people that they can confirm areLGBTQ friendly.
So definitely make use of thatbecause not only will it make
your life easier, but they arealso gonna be such a big support
to you.
(07:11):
and I think that's true for alot of vendors in general.
For myself, for example, I havemy own list of vendors beyond
photographers and videographersthat are queer owned or queer
friendly.
So really rely and lean on yourvendors in that aspect to help
you also connect with peoplethat are safe.
(07:34):
And if you're not working withthe planner, you know it's not
in your budget or maybe you'redoing something super small.
You can always ask a friend,like maybe you have a really
trusted friend or family memberthat you can be like, Hey, I'm
interested in reaching out tothis vendor, but I'm not really
sure.
can you kind of reach out tothem for me and see what they
(07:58):
say so that it's not directlyyou being like, Hey, so and so.
It's me here with the love of mylife.
Will.
Will you work with us and haveto you personally get an email
back that says, absolutely not,that I will not work with you
and be crushed.
So if not a, a planner, asks atrusted person who can kinda.
(08:20):
Help support you with that.
All right, tip number six, thisone goes out to the vendors and
also couples, because I've hadvendors ask like, what if I
don't have any portfolio piecesto share of LGBTQ weddings and
things like that?
And then for the coupleslistening, if they're kind of
(08:40):
like, yeah, you know, I foundthis one florist and I really,
really love their work.
And some of their pieces reallyspoke to me, but they haven't
shared anything of LGBTQ couple.
But you really wanna give them ashot.
You can think of things that youmight ask them, like, what would
(09:00):
you do in this situation?
And like, give a situation of,someone that it's not maybe
super clear to you, like howthey identify.
Ask them a question and see ifthey pass the vibe check.
It's all about passing the vibecheck if they haven't really
made it clear that they haveexamples of that work.
(09:23):
Cuz there truly are vendors outthere who would be lovely to
work with and really wanna workwith a community, but maybe just
haven't had that opportunity.
We don't wanna be exclusive topeople just because they don't
have a picture of someone ontheir site.
But it still can just be like a,a good little interview moment
(09:44):
just to be like, Hey, is thisperson, did they pass the vibe
check?
And this also applies to thereare venues out there who require
you to pick specific vendors.
From their lists, such as likecaterers or DJs that they've
already approved.
So in that event, you can kindof come up with a list of
(10:07):
questions to ask the, the DJs onthat list and kind of see which
one passes the vibe check themost, in the event that you were
kind of narrowed down to onlypicking from a few.
Ask them how they would addresssomeone.
Or ask how they would handlecertain situations that may come
up in your wedding that has awide group of people from the
(10:31):
community.
You know, whatever you feel isimportant to you.
Just like I said, it's all aboutthe vibe.
Check, and lastly, make surethat in your overall vibe, check
cuz it's important people.
Make sure that when you'rereaching out to vendors and
venues that it feels like trueand genuine celebration from the
(10:54):
vendor.
Cuz hear me, hear me out on thisone.
You and your partner are not apaycheck, but people who deserve
to be loved and celebrated, andI hate to say it, but I know
that there are vendors out therewho will say yes to you simply
just to get paid.
(11:15):
But like, don't let your gaydollars go to someone who isn't
head over heels, excited tocelebrate you.
When you inquire, it should bean enthusiastic yes.
Oh my gosh.
Can't wait.
You two are awesome.
Not just like us.
Sure, I'm available for thatdate.
You know, and obviously everyonehas different, different
personalities and stuff likethat, but again, read the vibes.
(11:39):
Are they truly and genuinelyexcited to celebrate with you?
That's what I got for you.
Kind of starting out with usingthe filters on big sites like
the Knot or Wedding Wire.
Otherwise, highly recommendsupporting those queer owned
(12:00):
directories that really elevateLGBTQ communities or work
specifically with allies.
and then also really, Rely notonly on your vendors, but
trusted family and friends.
I can help kind of feel thingsout for you.
And then beyond that too, justmake sure that your vendors are
(12:21):
really passing the vibe.
Check.
Make sure that they answerquestions the way that feels
right to you, and that they feellike people who are really,
truly going to, to celebrate youand your person because you
deserve nothing less.
I know that this has beentouched on on previous episodes,
(12:42):
but I think that a lot of thisis important to keep sharing and
circulating because it's a bigdeal and I want lgbtq Q couples
to feel super supported in thisdepartment, and I know that
there are, allies and vendorshere are listening as well.
And so hopefully hearing thisand hearing what potential.
(13:04):
Future couples of viewers arelooking for will kind of help
you understand what you shouldhave on your site and what kinds
of things you should be sharingand things like that.
So hopefully couples, allies,vendors, hopefully you all
walked away with something.
and again, just remember that itshould not feel.
(13:26):
I'm trying to find a needle in ahaystack.
Overall, it should feel reallyobvious to you that this person
is gonna give you anenthusiastic yes, so clearly.
Beloved, thanks for joining mehere for this kind of short and
sweet episode, and I will seeyou all here right back the same
time next week.
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