May 17, 2023 • 28 mins
You can hire DJ for your small wedding through The Little Wedding Co OR email her directly at: nosleepmpls@gmail.com
The artist I mentioned that sings songs using they/them pronouns is Miki Ratsula on "made for them"
Here is Angie giving you some REALLY great song options:
First Dance Songs
1. Stay with you-John Legend
2. At Last-Etta James
3. Over the Rainbow-Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
4. Say you won't let go-James Arthur
5. Tender Love- Me'shell N'dgeochello
6. Love Song #1-Me'shell N'degeochello
7. Sent from Heaven-Rahsaan Patterson
8. You-Jesse Powell
9. Love me still-Chaka Khan
10. Lake by the Ocean-Maxwell
(This is one of my personal favs, because Maxwell said it's about being so happy in love, it's like being in a lake, and not even wanting to go to the ocean next to it, because you don't need anything else)
11. Latch (Acoustic)-Sam Smith
12. Only You- Parson James
13. I Choose You-Sara Bareilles
ENJOY :)
The intro and all instrumentals were written, sung and recorded by @JaynaDavisMusic
Homebody Candles MNHomebody MN are made by a local, trans-owned small business and makes candles for your wedding!
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
Queerly Beloved, I'm so glad you joined!
Please keep the community going by checking me out on instagram @wildlyconnectedphoto and come say hi! I'd love to hear from you! :)
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
All right.
Clearly beloved, welcome back tothis week's episode this week.
I'm super excited.
I am getting to chat with a dj,which I feel like, I feel like
I'm not even cool enough to behere, honestly.
Um, but today I have.
DJ Angie, is that what you say?
(00:24):
Uh, no.
Uh, I actually, my, I say theinsomnia, that's my, my special
artist name, but the insomnia.
Okay.
Yeah.
I definitely am not cool enoughto be.
Yes.
But I'm super excited to haveyou here.
I would love if you could, yeah,just introduce yourself, your
(00:44):
pronouns, any, any identitiesthat feel important to you, and
we'll go from there.
All right.
Uh, hello.
My name is, yeah, let's.
I don't know officially AngelaShepherd, but I, I go by Angie.
Um, her, he is fine by me.
Um, I, I'm not picky about that.
(01:04):
Um, and my artist's name is theInsomniac.
Um, yeah, so I, I just name myDJ under.
I also like to try to write anddraw too, so if you see anything
also it would be under thatname.
Um, yeah.
So, yeah.
And I'm, uh, head DJ for thelittle wedding company.
As well.
(01:25):
Awesome.
Wow.
All the creative things I try.
Yeah.
Super cool.
I'm wondering if you could tellus a little bit more about how
you got started in like the DJspace and just a little bit more
about what you do.
Um, so, uh, I was definitelythat kid that liked to, uh,
(01:47):
steal my parents' records.
And, um, I was the, the friendthat, uh, you know, was raving
about the new album and did youcheck this out?
And so I've always just been abig music fan.
Um, I've always just lovedmusic.
Um, so DJing for me was justkind of a natural transition and
like a dream.
(02:07):
Um, I grew up, uh, I spent my 10years in Chicago in the suburbs.
Um, and, uh, big thing that cameout of Chicago in the nineties
music-wise was house music.
Um, and so growing up with thatand seeing DJs and the
creativity and all of that justmade me want to do that.
So when I started DJing probablyabout seven, eight years ago,
(02:27):
um, It, it really just came froma love for the music and, and
sharing that and uh, and thenyeah, and then started doing
weddings as a part of that, andhere we are.
Wow.
That's super fun.
I love that.
I love hearing like how peoplecan tie it back so far and how
(02:49):
it's like still showing up foryou today.
That's super cool.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
I just love, yeah.
Music DJing, having a good time,being able to, You know, share
that with other people is justawesome.
Like, I get to do that.
It's, it's a job, but it's alsosuper fun, so, right.
Yeah.
I love that.
(03:10):
Okay, so I know we were chattingabout this a little bit before
we started recording, but a bigthing that I think that I've run
into with my couples as a lot ofthem, Our queer couples is
having concerns with vendorsand, you know, interacting with
them on their day and thingslike that.
(03:32):
So there was this interaction Ihad last October when I was
shooting a wedding, and like Istill just feel that like kind
of secondhand embarrassmentthinking about it because
they're.
Was a DJ who called the coupleup to have their first dance,
(03:53):
and very clearly was like Mr.
And Mrs.
And like everyone just was likethe whole room went silent.
It was just so uncomfortable andlike you could tell that the
person they had misgendered waslike very like hurt and upset
and so, Yeah, just like brutalto watch.
(04:15):
And so I'm just curious like howyou as a person from the
community kind of navigate thatand sort of work on create,
creating safe spaces for yourclients.
Okay.
Oh yeah.
Out, uh, it's, it's, for me it'sum, It's always just kind of a
(04:39):
simple respect thing.
Um, when I sit down and, uh,talk with my clients, you know,
um, previous to the wedding, Iwill ask, you know, um,
especially for my queerweddings, you know, what are
your pronoun preferences?
Um, one of the big questions Ialways ask is, how do you want
to be announced?
How do you, mm-hmm.
Want to be referred to.
So like if I'm announcing thereception, you know, do you want
(05:00):
to be Mrs.
And Mrs.
Mr.
And Mrs.
Um, our lovely couple.
Um, there's a lot ofnon-gendered ways to refer to
both your guests and to the, tothe couple, you know.
Um, I honestly have just triedto start making a practice of,
if I'm not sure, or just ingeneral, I just try to keep it
to, um, Non-gender specifichonorifics.
(05:23):
So when I address the crowd,I'll say, you know, honored
guests.
Um, you know, um, you know, tothe couple, our lovely couple,
our newly wet, um, there are alot of.
Simple, respectful ways to keepfrom making those kinds of
mistakes.
Um, and, and just, just beingrespectful in general.
Um, and, and also being awareof, um, your, your clients and
(05:48):
what their needs and wants are.
Um, I think that's, that's toppriority for any DJ is like, you
know, yes, we're there toprovide music, but you're also.
Um, coordinating and directingthe space and the energy that's
in there, everybody's going toflow off of what you're doing.
So your, your, your job, yoursimple bottom denominator job
(06:09):
responsibility is to, uh, youknow, handle things respectfully
and, and joyfully andprofessionally.
So, yeah.
Right.
Like, it, it's, it's somethingthat can definitely be.
A simple change.
I think there's a lot of peoplewho are under the impression of
(06:30):
like, oh, if I work a queerwedding or whatever, it's gonna
be this whole thing.
And it's like, I.
Yeah.
Like respecting people, talkingto them.
It doesn't have to be that hard.
Yeah.
It's not a, it's not a bigchange at the bottom of it,
it's, it's the same, it's, it'sthe same as same as any other
wedding.
It's two people who wannacelebrate their love and enjoy
(06:52):
their day.
And, you know, you, you respectthat in whatever way they wish
to be respected.
It's, it's simple, simple humanin, I guess to me.
I don't, I don't, I don't, Idon't overthink it a lot, so.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love that.
And to your point too, that's,Honestly, a huge reason why I
wanted to hear your perspectiveis because I don't think
(07:14):
sometimes, I don't think peoplerealize like how much work that
DJs do to make sure that thereception and evening goes well
of like keeping things flowing,keeping things happy.
Like you all do a ton of workand you also are like literally
the one holding the microphonefor a lot of the night.
So I think.
(07:37):
That the more positive influencelike we can have on DJs that
will like, that'll be hugebecause yeah, it's really
important.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So kind of on that same note of,you know, you having a lot of
(07:59):
say in how the evening goes andthings like that.
Do you feel like you ever play arole in.
Letting either couples or guestsknow, like maybe a certain song
or something like that is notthe vibe, if that makes sense.
Uh, yes.
I, I definitely, um, indifferent ways, uh, try to make
(08:27):
sure I check in, um, withcertain things or maybe certain,
um, songs that the couple.
Maybe looking at like, uh, I wasat a, uh, one wedding and um,
uh, the couple had, uh, theirolder relatives like to do
stepping and um, and as manypeople may or may not know, one
(08:47):
of the best like steppingartists out there is made an
actual album for it as R Kellyand I was like, we're gonna kind
of, maybe.
Yeah.
And I was like, if you really,really, but I'm, I'm going to
Not unless somebody specificallyrequested.
And if there's songs that likeYeah.
(09:10):
That are just, I, I, I, youknow, you want to, um, once
again, keeping the positivevibe.
You wanna make sure that you,uh, pick out songs, be thorough
about what you're picking out.
Also, um, with keeping the vibegoing.
Um, if like I have a, you know,pop mix going and, you know,
(09:33):
upbeat temple pop mix andsomebody comes over and asks
for.
Death metal.
So that's, it happens, you know,that happens.
Somebody comes over and is like,requests something and it's just
like, that's not quite it.
Um, so I, I definitely, uh, askthe couples what they want, what
maybe they don't want.
Um, you know, if there'ssomething that's, um, like you
(09:54):
said, a sensitive subject or,you know, maybe.
Country music makes them cry orsomething.
Um, you know, you coulddefinitely tailor the music cuz
once again at the, the end ofthe day it's all about what they
want and having a good time, so.
Right.
Yeah, I can imagine that beingtricky at times.
(10:15):
Just of like, it, I mean, itcould just be as simple as like,
someone is unaware thatsomething is, Problematic or
what have you.
But also, you know, I'm surethere's times where it's kind of
like, oh well, like it's just asong or whatever.
So I can imagine that beingsomewhat tricky at times, but Oh
yeah.
(10:35):
Yeah, it's definitely, um, Ithink one of the things that's
also kind of hard sometimes isthat, uh, there's some really
great love songs out there, buta lot of them sometimes are
about like, breaking up orheartbreak.
This is a really sweet lovesong, but then you like listen
to the lyrics and you're like, Idon't think I wanna play that
(10:56):
one at a wedding.
Like, that's so, yeah.
It's, it is a thing likesometimes some of the songs, um,
I, I believe there was a onehorror story I heard about
where, um, I believe one of the,uh, one of the couple was
either, um, uh, disabled.
(11:19):
And the love song that theypicked out.
I think the first line wassomething about like, when your
legs don't work anymore.
Oh, yes.
And it's, it's, it's, it wasthe, the, the, the point of the
song was like, I will love youthrough everything.
Mm-hmm.
But I don't think the DJ justkind of thought about that when
they were picking out, you know,So, yeah, grooming the music is
(11:43):
definitely one of the biggerparts of DJing.
And it is, it is a task.
It's, it's something to becautious of.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And you're sort of lettingpeople know, like, hey, like we
stand for, for good thingsaround here too.
Like, you're not, so that's,that's huge I think.
Yeah.
(12:04):
Um, okay.
So then, yeah.
Now talking about, Musicspecifics.
Another big question that I getfrom couples is like, hey,
we're, you know, getting to thatpoint where we're starting to
wanna pick a first dance song orwhatever, but like a lot of the
songs we're thinking of areactually a lot more like, you
(12:28):
know, male female language.
Then we realized, or this justfeels like so straight or
something like that.
Um, Do you have any advice forfolks in the community when
they're kind of like enteringthat realm of looking for songs?
Um, I would say one of the mainthings I always try to tell my
(12:51):
couples to remember, um, is thatat the bottom of it, it is your
day.
Um, I think a lot of timescouples get really caught up in,
oh, I gotta make sure my momlikes this, or My auntie likes
this, or grandpa wants this.
Um, and it kind of, Gets, um,derailed from focusing on the
(13:12):
couple and more focusing on whatthe family wants.
So as far as your first danceselection goes, I say, you know,
whatever makes the couple happyis paramount.
Um, so if you wanna do thechicken dance for your first one
and you wanna fla your arms ateach other and laugh, and
that's, you do that, that's oneof the main things, first of
(13:33):
all.
And, and as far as second is,uh, gender specifics and, and,
and, um, and there's a lot more,um, queer artists out here.
And so there's a lot of reallygood music.
And then there are some, I thinkartists are also trying to do
more love songs that just don'thave.
Um, any type of reference in it.
Um, so it might take a littlemore digging, but there's
(13:56):
definitely some good ones outthere.
Um, I think Mary Lambert hassome really good, um, like girl
orientated songs, uh, or femaleorientated songs.
Um, say you Won't Let Go byJames Arthur, art Arthur James,
right.
Is a willing one.
That's a nice one.
(14:17):
Um, and then there's a wholebunch of other.
Queer artist, um, uh, michan de,um, GaN, Sarah, um, oh shoot.
Sam Smith, Elton John.
Um, there's a lot of really goodsongs out there, so it might
take a little more digging toreally find what you want, but
(14:37):
if you know, if, if it'simportant to you and then.
Pick your song, pick it withconfidence.
If you and your partner feelgood about that and everybody
else can, you know, kick rocks,they'd be all right.
Yes.
I love that.
Kick rocks, so yeah, yeah, yeah.
I love that.
And yeah, I know there's anartist now too, I can't remember
(14:59):
their name, but I'll put theirname in all of the ones you just
said in the show notes.
But they're actually goingthrough and like picking out
really popular songs and.
Turning all of the genderedlyrics into like they, them
pronouns.
Wow.
Which I just think is sobeautiful.
So Yes.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
I'll put them in the show notes,but I'm gonna throw in, um, just
(15:22):
cuz DJ moment.
Um, yeah, there's some goodclassics too that are, are just
really good and everybody lovesthem.
So, like at Last by Ed James.
Classic.
Um, you know, you can't go wrongwith that.
There's some, yeah.
Some really good classics likethat.
Or maybe even, um, as asuggestion, uh, an instrumental
version maybe of something.
(15:44):
So maybe you really like thatsong and it's not rerecorded.
Find an really nice instrumentalversion of it and that way you
can just kind of take the wordsout, but still have the song
that you want.
Yeah, that's genius.
Okay.
Wow.
I think you just madeeverybody's life so much easier,
so thank you.
(16:05):
Yeah.
Okay.
And then so I know I'm, I feellike I'm going all over the
place cuz I just asked aboutfair dances, but um, like even
thinking about my, my ownpotential future wedding, I know
my parents won't be there.
And so like thinking about.
First dance is sort of like aweird idea for me.
(16:27):
Mm-hmm.
So like, In the event thatparents aren't there or parents
are choosing not to come andsupport or something like that,
um, or maybe it honestly justdoesn't feel right to the
couple, like it feels old schoolor what have you.
Have you seen or have ideas forkind of alternatives to that?
(16:49):
Oh yeah.
Um, I've definitely, I, I, Iwanna honestly say it's been a
minute since I've done like afull fledged, everything is
super traditional kind ofwedding.
Um, couples from what I'm seeingare definitely, I.
Taking, taking the format andjust kind of chopping it up to
what they want.
Um, so I, I have a coupleweddings I've booked right now
that there's no formal dances atall.
(17:11):
They have maybe, um, dinnertoasts and, uh, a couple little
games, and that's about it.
The rest of the night isdancing.
Um, as far as the parent dancinggo, once again, I, I kind of
defer back to it's your day.
Um, so if, if, if parent dancedoesn't feel.
Like what you want.
You don't have to have a parentdance.
It's your day.
(17:32):
It's whatever you want.
Um, I've had some of the awesomealternatives I've had as, uh,
one couple, um, their parentswere not coming, um, but they
did a, a family dance, so theyhad their kids come up and they
just danced with their kids andhad a good time.
Um, I have had, um, Uh, one ofthe brides did a, uh, her and,
(17:55):
um, all of her bridesmaid, um,did a, uh, like a hip hop
choreographed dance for fun.
Um, thank, yes, it's, it'swhatever you want it to be.
Um, And, and yeah, you can dancewith your kids, dance with a
grandparent or you know,whomever you want.
You, you pick what you want foryour day.
And, um, like I said, onceagain, it's, it's your choice
(18:17):
and make it what you want it tobe.
Make it your special day.
Um, create the memories that youwant for that day.
Um, and so yeah, if your parentsaren't or can't be there, um,
Then you, you maneuver ithowever you want and make it,
make it beautiful, make itspecial, and dance with whoever
you want to.
I mean, I know life is short.
(18:40):
True.
I love this energy.
Yeah.
I hope everybody listening,you're all really touching the
theme here that Angie's puttingdown because Yeah, it's.
I feel like that's a lot of whatI try to convey in this podcast
too, is like literally dowhatever the heck you want.
Yes.
But it's also, it can still besometimes like easier said than
(19:06):
done, right?
Like, yeah.
If you like always hear peopletalking about this thing or like
grew up thinking this is whatyou were gonna do, and then, you
know, suddenly you're like, oh,you know, Now I gotta do
something different.
It can feel a little bit harder,I think.
Yeah.
(19:26):
But like, exactly like you saidat the end of the day, like,
find something that makes youhappy.
Like Yeah.
That's, that's definitely it.
It's, it's.
It is your day.
It is, it is.
I I, I always tell my couplesthat it is your day.
It is what makes you happy.
(19:47):
Um, you know, your guests willenjoy it, but they're not the
ones who are gonna be looking atthe, the memory, the photo book
and be like, oh man, do youremember?
You know, so, so make the, thememories and the opportunities
and the, the things that you'regoing to be able to look back
at.
You know, hopefully in yourrenewals in 20 years and say, oh
man, you remember Uncle Dan gotout there and we were doing the
(20:10):
chicken dance and mm-hmm.
You know, make it, make it fun,make it, make it your day and
um, and, you know, take thethings that make your
relationship.
Um, special that you and yourpartner share.
Mm-hmm.
And you know, if you wanna sharethat with your family, like,
this is our thing, share that,you know, or if you just wanna
have your little special momenton the side, or however you
wanna do it, really it's yourday and there are.
(20:35):
Um, so many vendors out here andthe businesses, you have the
room to make choices.
Pick the vendors that feel goodand work for you.
Um, take that time and make surethat you're working with people
who feel good, who feel right,um, get the things that you want
and need.
It is your day, it is yourmoney, it is your choice.
(20:57):
Um, Take advantage of all ofthat.
Don't feel pressured or rushed.
Don't feel you know that youhave to follow this format or
this.
It's your day at the bottom ofit.
I, I, I, I can't emphasize thatenough.
It is your day and your guestsare there to, um, enjoy and
celebrate you.
(21:18):
It is not for them.
It's for them, but it's not forthem.
It is for them to have a spaceto celebrate you and your
partner.
Yes.
Yes, I'm just gonna like copythat clip and just like play it
seven times over and over againin the podcast cuz.
Yes.
That's so good.
(21:38):
Yeah, and I should also notetoo, there has been a handful of
times too where I'vephotographed couples doing like
a private first stance too.
Um, which I think definitelydid, like you said, it did make.
Some guests a little bit upsetor like, you know, why are we
(21:59):
here if we can't see that?
But it's sort of like, if, ifthat feels more authentic to
them.
Mm-hmm.
Because yeah, how many times youreally dance in front of a
hundred people, right?
Um, yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
And, and you know, and itdepends on, like I said, you and
your partner, some couples wantmore attention.
(22:21):
They like the glam and the glitzand everybody around there with
the cameras and ah, and somecouples like to be very low key.
They just, you know, I wannacome here, I wanna be able to
walk around the room and talkand see everybody together.
But I don't want, you know,other than the ceremony and
being there, I don't want a lotof attention.
They don't want a lot ofattention.
And that's, and that's okay.
You know, it's okay.
It can be as low key or high keyas you want it, you know, make
(22:43):
exactly.
Make it what you want.
Yes.
I love it.
Well, you have given us suchamazing ideas and advice and
everything so far, so thank youso much.
Thank you for having me to dothat.
I appreciate it.
Yeah, and I would love to reallygive you the mic cuz you're,
(23:08):
you're great at, I have in themic, um, if.
Either to couples or vendors orboth to like really have the
opportunity to like, sayanything you want to them.
What would you say?
Um, I would say, like I said,bottom line, it's your day, it's
(23:30):
your day.
Take the time.
There are, and, and I, I've seena lot more emphasis now,
especially, uh, for, for queercouples and families.
There's, um, A lot more, uh,queer friendly, open, happy
vendors that will be more than,more than willing to respect you
and cater to whatever you wantfor your wedding.
(23:52):
Um, and there's a lot, there'sa, the wedding industry has a
lot of vendors, a lot of people.
So take your time, make achoice.
Um, You know, make it your day,make it special.
Um, and if you, you know, uh, Iguess I would say if you're, you
want a small, happy wedding, Iguess you could start with a
(24:15):
little wedding company.
I'll shameless plug that, butyeah, love it a little bit.
But, uh, you know, it's, um,there's, there's a lot of queer
businesses, DJs.
So do, do.
Yeah.
Take, take the time, get itright.
Make your day special.
Remember, it's about you.
Um, and, and just enjoy it.
(24:36):
It's, it's the one special daythat you're supposed to enjoy
and look back on for the next 20years.
Make it yours.
Make it special.
Take the time, ask for help.
Ask for advice.
A lot of people in the industryare more than happy to, you
know, give advice.
It should not be overwhelming.
It should be a fun process.
Um, And it, it, you just enjoyit.
(24:58):
It should be, it should be agood, fun-loving process.
Bottom line, basically.
Yeah.
Yes, very much so.
All right.
So the very last question I havefor you is kind of what this
podcast is all based on.
Um, just kind of open-ended upfor your interpretation.
(25:18):
It's something I do for.
Almost every guest I have onhere, so I'm curious if I were
to ask you why every weddingshould be a little queer, What
would you say?
Um, variety is a spice of lifeand everything is better under
the rainbow.
Just period.
(25:40):
Just period.
Yes.
Uh, yeah, definitely.
Definitely.
Like outside the box though.
Yes, everything should be just alittle more queer.
Oh my gosh, yes.
Yeah, that's one of my favoriteanswers so far, for sure.
Oh my gosh.
Well, Angie, again, thank you sovery much for sharing your time
(26:03):
and your insight and your wisdomwith me, with us, so
appreciated.
Um, I will definitely make sureto put all of your info in the
show notes so people can findyou and.
Yeah.
Just thank you so much.
Thank you for having me.
Um, it's been a pleasure.
(26:23):
I hope that this was helpfuland, uh, yeah.
All right.
Clearly Beloved, thanks forlistening and we will see you
here next week.
All right.
Clearly beloved, welcome back tothis week's episode this week.
I'm super excited.
I am getting to chat with a dj,which I feel like, I feel like
I'm not even cool enough to behere, honestly.
Um, but today I have.
DJ Angie, is that what you say?
(00:24):
Uh, no.
Uh, I actually, my, I say theinsomnia, that's my, my special
artist name, but the insomnia.
Okay.
Yeah.
I definitely am not cool enoughto be.
Yes.
But I'm super excited to haveyou here.
I would love if you could, yeah,just introduce yourself, your
(00:44):
pronouns, any, any identitiesthat feel important to you, and
we'll go from there.
All right.
Uh, hello.
My name is, yeah, let's.
I don't know officially AngelaShepherd, but I, I go by Angie.
Um, her, he is fine by me.
Um, I, I'm not picky about that.
(01:04):
Um, and my artist's name is theInsomniac.
Um, yeah, so I, I just name myDJ under.
I also like to try to write anddraw too, so if you see anything
also it would be under thatname.
Um, yeah.
So, yeah.
And I'm, uh, head DJ for thelittle wedding company.
As well.
(01:25):
Awesome.
Wow.
All the creative things I try.
Yeah.
Super cool.
I'm wondering if you could tellus a little bit more about how
you got started in like the DJspace and just a little bit more
about what you do.
Um, so, uh, I was definitelythat kid that liked to, uh,
(01:47):
steal my parents' records.
And, um, I was the, the friendthat, uh, you know, was raving
about the new album and did youcheck this out?
And so I've always just been abig music fan.
Um, I've always just lovedmusic.
Um, so DJing for me was justkind of a natural transition and
like a dream.
(02:07):
Um, I grew up, uh, I spent my 10years in Chicago in the suburbs.
Um, and, uh, big thing that cameout of Chicago in the nineties
music-wise was house music.
Um, and so growing up with thatand seeing DJs and the
creativity and all of that justmade me want to do that.
So when I started DJing probablyabout seven, eight years ago,
(02:27):
um, It, it really just came froma love for the music and, and
sharing that and uh, and thenyeah, and then started doing
weddings as a part of that, andhere we are.
Wow.
That's super fun.
I love that.
I love hearing like how peoplecan tie it back so far and how
(02:49):
it's like still showing up foryou today.
That's super cool.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
I just love, yeah.
Music DJing, having a good time,being able to, You know, share
that with other people is justawesome.
Like, I get to do that.
It's, it's a job, but it's alsosuper fun, so, right.
Yeah.
I love that.
(03:10):
Okay, so I know we were chattingabout this a little bit before
we started recording, but a bigthing that I think that I've run
into with my couples as a lot ofthem, Our queer couples is
having concerns with vendorsand, you know, interacting with
them on their day and thingslike that.
(03:32):
So there was this interaction Ihad last October when I was
shooting a wedding, and like Istill just feel that like kind
of secondhand embarrassmentthinking about it because
they're.
Was a DJ who called the coupleup to have their first dance,
(03:53):
and very clearly was like Mr.
And Mrs.
And like everyone just was likethe whole room went silent.
It was just so uncomfortable andlike you could tell that the
person they had misgendered waslike very like hurt and upset
and so, Yeah, just like brutalto watch.
(04:15):
And so I'm just curious like howyou as a person from the
community kind of navigate thatand sort of work on create,
creating safe spaces for yourclients.
Okay.
Oh yeah.
Out, uh, it's, it's, for me it'sum, It's always just kind of a
(04:39):
simple respect thing.
Um, when I sit down and, uh,talk with my clients, you know,
um, previous to the wedding, Iwill ask, you know, um,
especially for my queerweddings, you know, what are
your pronoun preferences?
Um, one of the big questions Ialways ask is, how do you want
to be announced?
How do you, mm-hmm.
Want to be referred to.
So like if I'm announcing thereception, you know, do you want
(05:00):
to be Mrs.
And Mrs.
Mr.
And Mrs.
Um, our lovely couple.
Um, there's a lot ofnon-gendered ways to refer to
both your guests and to the, tothe couple, you know.
Um, I honestly have just triedto start making a practice of,
if I'm not sure, or just ingeneral, I just try to keep it
to, um, Non-gender specifichonorifics.
(05:23):
So when I address the crowd,I'll say, you know, honored
guests.
Um, you know, um, you know, tothe couple, our lovely couple,
our newly wet, um, there are alot of.
Simple, respectful ways to keepfrom making those kinds of
mistakes.
Um, and, and just, just beingrespectful in general.
Um, and, and also being awareof, um, your, your clients and
(05:48):
what their needs and wants are.
Um, I think that's, that's toppriority for any DJ is like, you
know, yes, we're there toprovide music, but you're also.
Um, coordinating and directingthe space and the energy that's
in there, everybody's going toflow off of what you're doing.
So your, your, your job, yoursimple bottom denominator job
(06:09):
responsibility is to, uh, youknow, handle things respectfully
and, and joyfully andprofessionally.
So, yeah.
Right.
Like, it, it's, it's somethingthat can definitely be.
A simple change.
I think there's a lot of peoplewho are under the impression of
(06:30):
like, oh, if I work a queerwedding or whatever, it's gonna
be this whole thing.
And it's like, I.
Yeah.
Like respecting people, talkingto them.
It doesn't have to be that hard.
Yeah.
It's not a, it's not a bigchange at the bottom of it,
it's, it's the same, it's, it'sthe same as same as any other
wedding.
It's two people who wannacelebrate their love and enjoy
(06:52):
their day.
And, you know, you, you respectthat in whatever way they wish
to be respected.
It's, it's simple, simple humanin, I guess to me.
I don't, I don't, I don't, Idon't overthink it a lot, so.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love that.
And to your point too, that's,Honestly, a huge reason why I
wanted to hear your perspectiveis because I don't think
(07:14):
sometimes, I don't think peoplerealize like how much work that
DJs do to make sure that thereception and evening goes well
of like keeping things flowing,keeping things happy.
Like you all do a ton of workand you also are like literally
the one holding the microphonefor a lot of the night.
So I think.
(07:37):
That the more positive influencelike we can have on DJs that
will like, that'll be hugebecause yeah, it's really
important.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So kind of on that same note of,you know, you having a lot of
(07:59):
say in how the evening goes andthings like that.
Do you feel like you ever play arole in.
Letting either couples or guestsknow, like maybe a certain song
or something like that is notthe vibe, if that makes sense.
Uh, yes.
I, I definitely, um, indifferent ways, uh, try to make
(08:27):
sure I check in, um, withcertain things or maybe certain,
um, songs that the couple.
Maybe looking at like, uh, I wasat a, uh, one wedding and um,
uh, the couple had, uh, theirolder relatives like to do
stepping and um, and as manypeople may or may not know, one
(08:47):
of the best like steppingartists out there is made an
actual album for it as R Kellyand I was like, we're gonna kind
of, maybe.
Yeah.
And I was like, if you really,really, but I'm, I'm going to
Not unless somebody specificallyrequested.
And if there's songs that likeYeah.
(09:10):
That are just, I, I, I, youknow, you want to, um, once
again, keeping the positivevibe.
You wanna make sure that you,uh, pick out songs, be thorough
about what you're picking out.
Also, um, with keeping the vibegoing.
Um, if like I have a, you know,pop mix going and, you know,
(09:33):
upbeat temple pop mix andsomebody comes over and asks
for.
Death metal.
So that's, it happens, you know,that happens.
Somebody comes over and is like,requests something and it's just
like, that's not quite it.
Um, so I, I definitely, uh, askthe couples what they want, what
maybe they don't want.
Um, you know, if there'ssomething that's, um, like you
(09:54):
said, a sensitive subject or,you know, maybe.
Country music makes them cry orsomething.
Um, you know, you coulddefinitely tailor the music cuz
once again at the, the end ofthe day it's all about what they
want and having a good time, so.
Right.
Yeah, I can imagine that beingtricky at times.
(10:15):
Just of like, it, I mean, itcould just be as simple as like,
someone is unaware thatsomething is, Problematic or
what have you.
But also, you know, I'm surethere's times where it's kind of
like, oh well, like it's just asong or whatever.
So I can imagine that beingsomewhat tricky at times, but Oh
yeah.
(10:35):
Yeah, it's definitely, um, Ithink one of the things that's
also kind of hard sometimes isthat, uh, there's some really
great love songs out there, buta lot of them sometimes are
about like, breaking up orheartbreak.
This is a really sweet lovesong, but then you like listen
to the lyrics and you're like, Idon't think I wanna play that
(10:56):
one at a wedding.
Like, that's so, yeah.
It's, it is a thing likesometimes some of the songs, um,
I, I believe there was a onehorror story I heard about
where, um, I believe one of the,uh, one of the couple was
either, um, uh, disabled.
(11:19):
And the love song that theypicked out.
I think the first line wassomething about like, when your
legs don't work anymore.
Oh, yes.
And it's, it's, it's, it wasthe, the, the, the point of the
song was like, I will love youthrough everything.
Mm-hmm.
But I don't think the DJ justkind of thought about that when
they were picking out, you know,So, yeah, grooming the music is
(11:43):
definitely one of the biggerparts of DJing.
And it is, it is a task.
It's, it's something to becautious of.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And you're sort of lettingpeople know, like, hey, like we
stand for, for good thingsaround here too.
Like, you're not, so that's,that's huge I think.
Yeah.
(12:04):
Um, okay.
So then, yeah.
Now talking about, Musicspecifics.
Another big question that I getfrom couples is like, hey,
we're, you know, getting to thatpoint where we're starting to
wanna pick a first dance song orwhatever, but like a lot of the
songs we're thinking of areactually a lot more like, you
(12:28):
know, male female language.
Then we realized, or this justfeels like so straight or
something like that.
Um, Do you have any advice forfolks in the community when
they're kind of like enteringthat realm of looking for songs?
Um, I would say one of the mainthings I always try to tell my
(12:51):
couples to remember, um, is thatat the bottom of it, it is your
day.
Um, I think a lot of timescouples get really caught up in,
oh, I gotta make sure my momlikes this, or My auntie likes
this, or grandpa wants this.
Um, and it kind of, Gets, um,derailed from focusing on the
(13:12):
couple and more focusing on whatthe family wants.
So as far as your first danceselection goes, I say, you know,
whatever makes the couple happyis paramount.
Um, so if you wanna do thechicken dance for your first one
and you wanna fla your arms ateach other and laugh, and
that's, you do that, that's oneof the main things, first of
(13:33):
all.
And, and as far as second is,uh, gender specifics and, and,
and, um, and there's a lot more,um, queer artists out here.
And so there's a lot of reallygood music.
And then there are some, I thinkartists are also trying to do
more love songs that just don'thave.
Um, any type of reference in it.
Um, so it might take a littlemore digging, but there's
(13:56):
definitely some good ones outthere.
Um, I think Mary Lambert hassome really good, um, like girl
orientated songs, uh, or femaleorientated songs.
Um, say you Won't Let Go byJames Arthur, art Arthur James,
right.
Is a willing one.
That's a nice one.
(14:17):
Um, and then there's a wholebunch of other.
Queer artist, um, uh, michan de,um, GaN, Sarah, um, oh shoot.
Sam Smith, Elton John.
Um, there's a lot of really goodsongs out there, so it might
take a little more digging toreally find what you want, but
(14:37):
if you know, if, if it'simportant to you and then.
Pick your song, pick it withconfidence.
If you and your partner feelgood about that and everybody
else can, you know, kick rocks,they'd be all right.
Yes.
I love that.
Kick rocks, so yeah, yeah, yeah.
I love that.
And yeah, I know there's anartist now too, I can't remember
(14:59):
their name, but I'll put theirname in all of the ones you just
said in the show notes.
But they're actually goingthrough and like picking out
really popular songs and.
Turning all of the genderedlyrics into like they, them
pronouns.
Wow.
Which I just think is sobeautiful.
So Yes.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
I'll put them in the show notes,but I'm gonna throw in, um, just
(15:22):
cuz DJ moment.
Um, yeah, there's some goodclassics too that are, are just
really good and everybody lovesthem.
So, like at Last by Ed James.
Classic.
Um, you know, you can't go wrongwith that.
There's some, yeah.
Some really good classics likethat.
Or maybe even, um, as asuggestion, uh, an instrumental
version maybe of something.
(15:44):
So maybe you really like thatsong and it's not rerecorded.
Find an really nice instrumentalversion of it and that way you
can just kind of take the wordsout, but still have the song
that you want.
Yeah, that's genius.
Okay.
Wow.
I think you just madeeverybody's life so much easier,
so thank you.
(16:05):
Yeah.
Okay.
And then so I know I'm, I feellike I'm going all over the
place cuz I just asked aboutfair dances, but um, like even
thinking about my, my ownpotential future wedding, I know
my parents won't be there.
And so like thinking about.
First dance is sort of like aweird idea for me.
(16:27):
Mm-hmm.
So like, In the event thatparents aren't there or parents
are choosing not to come andsupport or something like that,
um, or maybe it honestly justdoesn't feel right to the
couple, like it feels old schoolor what have you.
Have you seen or have ideas forkind of alternatives to that?
(16:49):
Oh yeah.
Um, I've definitely, I, I, Iwanna honestly say it's been a
minute since I've done like afull fledged, everything is
super traditional kind ofwedding.
Um, couples from what I'm seeingare definitely, I.
Taking, taking the format andjust kind of chopping it up to
what they want.
Um, so I, I have a coupleweddings I've booked right now
that there's no formal dances atall.
(17:11):
They have maybe, um, dinnertoasts and, uh, a couple little
games, and that's about it.
The rest of the night isdancing.
Um, as far as the parent dancinggo, once again, I, I kind of
defer back to it's your day.
Um, so if, if, if parent dancedoesn't feel.
Like what you want.
You don't have to have a parentdance.
It's your day.
(17:32):
It's whatever you want.
Um, I've had some of the awesomealternatives I've had as, uh,
one couple, um, their parentswere not coming, um, but they
did a, a family dance, so theyhad their kids come up and they
just danced with their kids andhad a good time.
Um, I have had, um, Uh, one ofthe brides did a, uh, her and,
(17:55):
um, all of her bridesmaid, um,did a, uh, like a hip hop
choreographed dance for fun.
Um, thank, yes, it's, it'swhatever you want it to be.
Um, And, and yeah, you can dancewith your kids, dance with a
grandparent or you know,whomever you want.
You, you pick what you want foryour day.
And, um, like I said, onceagain, it's, it's your choice
(18:17):
and make it what you want it tobe.
Make it your special day.
Um, create the memories that youwant for that day.
Um, and so yeah, if your parentsaren't or can't be there, um,
Then you, you maneuver ithowever you want and make it,
make it beautiful, make itspecial, and dance with whoever
you want to.
I mean, I know life is short.
(18:40):
True.
I love this energy.
Yeah.
I hope everybody listening,you're all really touching the
theme here that Angie's puttingdown because Yeah, it's.
I feel like that's a lot of whatI try to convey in this podcast
too, is like literally dowhatever the heck you want.
Yes.
But it's also, it can still besometimes like easier said than
(19:06):
done, right?
Like, yeah.
If you like always hear peopletalking about this thing or like
grew up thinking this is whatyou were gonna do, and then, you
know, suddenly you're like, oh,you know, Now I gotta do
something different.
It can feel a little bit harder,I think.
Yeah.
(19:26):
But like, exactly like you saidat the end of the day, like,
find something that makes youhappy.
Like Yeah.
That's, that's definitely it.
It's, it's.
It is your day.
It is, it is.
I I, I always tell my couplesthat it is your day.
It is what makes you happy.
(19:47):
Um, you know, your guests willenjoy it, but they're not the
ones who are gonna be looking atthe, the memory, the photo book
and be like, oh man, do youremember?
You know, so, so make the, thememories and the opportunities
and the, the things that you'regoing to be able to look back
at.
You know, hopefully in yourrenewals in 20 years and say, oh
man, you remember Uncle Dan gotout there and we were doing the
(20:10):
chicken dance and mm-hmm.
You know, make it, make it fun,make it, make it your day and
um, and, you know, take thethings that make your
relationship.
Um, special that you and yourpartner share.
Mm-hmm.
And you know, if you wanna sharethat with your family, like,
this is our thing, share that,you know, or if you just wanna
have your little special momenton the side, or however you
wanna do it, really it's yourday and there are.
(20:35):
Um, so many vendors out here andthe businesses, you have the
room to make choices.
Pick the vendors that feel goodand work for you.
Um, take that time and make surethat you're working with people
who feel good, who feel right,um, get the things that you want
and need.
It is your day, it is yourmoney, it is your choice.
(20:57):
Um, Take advantage of all ofthat.
Don't feel pressured or rushed.
Don't feel you know that youhave to follow this format or
this.
It's your day at the bottom ofit.
I, I, I, I can't emphasize thatenough.
It is your day and your guestsare there to, um, enjoy and
celebrate you.
(21:18):
It is not for them.
It's for them, but it's not forthem.
It is for them to have a spaceto celebrate you and your
partner.
Yes.
Yes, I'm just gonna like copythat clip and just like play it
seven times over and over againin the podcast cuz.
Yes.
That's so good.
(21:38):
Yeah, and I should also notetoo, there has been a handful of
times too where I'vephotographed couples doing like
a private first stance too.
Um, which I think definitelydid, like you said, it did make.
Some guests a little bit upsetor like, you know, why are we
(21:59):
here if we can't see that?
But it's sort of like, if, ifthat feels more authentic to
them.
Mm-hmm.
Because yeah, how many times youreally dance in front of a
hundred people, right?
Um, yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
And, and you know, and itdepends on, like I said, you and
your partner, some couples wantmore attention.
(22:21):
They like the glam and the glitzand everybody around there with
the cameras and ah, and somecouples like to be very low key.
They just, you know, I wannacome here, I wanna be able to
walk around the room and talkand see everybody together.
But I don't want, you know,other than the ceremony and
being there, I don't want a lotof attention.
They don't want a lot ofattention.
And that's, and that's okay.
You know, it's okay.
It can be as low key or high keyas you want it, you know, make
(22:43):
exactly.
Make it what you want.
Yes.
I love it.
Well, you have given us suchamazing ideas and advice and
everything so far, so thank youso much.
Thank you for having me to dothat.
I appreciate it.
Yeah, and I would love to reallygive you the mic cuz you're,
(23:08):
you're great at, I have in themic, um, if.
Either to couples or vendors orboth to like really have the
opportunity to like, sayanything you want to them.
What would you say?
Um, I would say, like I said,bottom line, it's your day, it's
(23:30):
your day.
Take the time.
There are, and, and I, I've seena lot more emphasis now,
especially, uh, for, for queercouples and families.
There's, um, A lot more, uh,queer friendly, open, happy
vendors that will be more than,more than willing to respect you
and cater to whatever you wantfor your wedding.
(23:52):
Um, and there's a lot, there'sa, the wedding industry has a
lot of vendors, a lot of people.
So take your time, make achoice.
Um, You know, make it your day,make it special.
Um, and if you, you know, uh, Iguess I would say if you're, you
want a small, happy wedding, Iguess you could start with a
(24:15):
little wedding company.
I'll shameless plug that, butyeah, love it a little bit.
But, uh, you know, it's, um,there's, there's a lot of queer
businesses, DJs.
So do, do.
Yeah.
Take, take the time, get itright.
Make your day special.
Remember, it's about you.
Um, and, and just enjoy it.
(24:36):
It's, it's the one special daythat you're supposed to enjoy
and look back on for the next 20years.
Make it yours.
Make it special.
Take the time, ask for help.
Ask for advice.
A lot of people in the industryare more than happy to, you
know, give advice.
It should not be overwhelming.
It should be a fun process.
Um, And it, it, you just enjoyit.
(24:58):
It should be, it should be agood, fun-loving process.
Bottom line, basically.
Yeah.
Yes, very much so.
All right.
So the very last question I havefor you is kind of what this
podcast is all based on.
Um, just kind of open-ended upfor your interpretation.
(25:18):
It's something I do for.
Almost every guest I have onhere, so I'm curious if I were
to ask you why every weddingshould be a little queer, What
would you say?
Um, variety is a spice of lifeand everything is better under
the rainbow.
Just period.
(25:40):
Just period.
Yes.
Uh, yeah, definitely.
Definitely.
Like outside the box though.
Yes, everything should be just alittle more queer.
Oh my gosh, yes.
Yeah, that's one of my favoriteanswers so far, for sure.
Oh my gosh.
Well, Angie, again, thank you sovery much for sharing your time
(26:03):
and your insight and your wisdomwith me, with us, so
appreciated.
Um, I will definitely make sureto put all of your info in the
show notes so people can findyou and.
Yeah.
Just thank you so much.
Thank you for having me.
Um, it's been a pleasure.
(26:23):
I hope that this was helpfuland, uh, yeah.
All right.
Clearly Beloved, thanks forlistening and we will see you
here next week.
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