June 7, 2023 • 12 mins
Is it a Gay Wedding or just a Wedding? This is an episode to let you know I will be switching to a biweekly posting schedule just for the summer busy season! And also talking about finding the balance between acknowledging the queer aspects of a wedding/ couple with out making it too much or "othering" couples.
The intro and all instrumentals were written, sung and recorded by @JaynaDavisMusic
Queerly Beloved, I'm so glad you joined!
Please keep the community going by checking me out on instagram @wildlyconnectedphoto and come say hi! I'd love to hear from you! :)
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Beloved, welcome back to thisweek's episode.
I am so glad that you are hereand God, point out a few things.
First of all, if you noticedthat there was not an episode
last week, terribly sorry, um, Iam moving to a biweekly episode
(00:24):
posting schedule for the fact ofwedding season.
Is in full swing and this is mybusiest time of year, and so I
kind of gotta juggle both andwanna make sure that I am
showing up here and also givingmy clients the best possible day
(00:46):
ever.
So, I'm still here.
I will still be posting.
I'm just moving to a biweeklyschedule and hope to still have
you all joining me here everyother week because I've got some
super cool interviews coming upand have some super cool ideas
and information to keep sharingwith you all summer long.
(01:08):
So, Hope you'll all stick aroundand I'll just, uh, miss you all
a little extra every other week.
And on a similar note, I'm sureyou can all notice that, uh, the
sound is a little bit different.
So I am coming to you live fromthe outdoors, just, uh, sneaking
(01:33):
this in to give you all thatupdate.
So yeah, let's just jump on inand, we will get back into our
regular scheduled interviews andpodcasts, in two weeks.
Also, if you are listening live,then you know that it is Pride
(01:58):
Month.
Happy pride, y'all.
I am.
Always very excited for thistime of the year.
It's such a fun time to, tocelebrate and to have fun and
yeah, be a little extra.
And this year I'm a little extraexcited because I get to be a
part of the Twin Cities PrideFestival and I am so pumped to
(02:24):
get to connect with thecommunity more.
So if you're in the Twin Cities,please come say hi to me.
it's just gonna be the best, itis pride month, and so there's
this idea that a friend of minebrought to my attention that I
kind of wanted to talk about andrelate back to Pride a little
bit.
(02:45):
And so I was talking to a goodfriend of mine a couple weeks
ago, and if you're listeningthen I appreciate you so much.
Thank you for bringing this up.
But we were talking and she wastalking about how wedding
planning is going for her andher partner thus far.
And yes, they are in a queerrelationship.
(03:09):
And so she was kind of talkingabout how like her mom has.
Been really super great andsweet about the whole process,
but was telling us this storyabout how.
You know, those like supercheesy t-shirts that usually,
like the bridal party will wearthat says like Brad Trab or
(03:32):
something like that.
she was basically saying thather mom had seen something on a
TV commercial or something thatwas a similar kind of shirt, but
it was basically saying like,And not so many words.
Like I'm in the bridal party ofa gay wedding essentially.
(03:53):
And my friend was like, mom,that's great.
Like thank you for thinking ofus, but also it's okay.
Like not everything has to be agay wedding.
Like it's just a wedding.
And I thought that was sointeresting because yeah, I
(04:13):
think.
For me, obviously it is like thefocus of my business.
I'm an L G B T Q weddingphotographer.
Like that is the focus of mybusiness and so I'm always gonna
get hyped when there's a queerwedding happening and.
(04:33):
I think beyond that too, forthose of you who have listened
to pieces of my personal story,I think I get so hyped about it
because one, it's something thatI was grown up to hate, you
know, hate that kind of love andhate these kind of stories and,
and two, it's something that Ithought I would never get to
(04:56):
have, and so, Seeing them, I'mlike, heck yeah, it's a gay
wedding.
Like amazing.
Can't wait.
And at the same time, I knowthat sometimes it can, at the
same time, I know that there's afine line to walk.
Um, I think it's all aboutfinding balance, whether you're
(05:20):
a vendor, a part of theindustry, or maybe you're just a
part of the industry simply bybeing a guest.
I think it's something that youhave to kind of figure out what
that looks like for you in yourlife, because it's true.
Like I definitely do understandthat sentiment of.
It doesn't always have to be aquote unquote gay wedding.
(05:42):
Like at the end of the day, itis just a wedding.
It's two people in love who arecommitting to each other, and
that is beautiful.
And that doesn't have to be thefocus, but at the same time,
that's kind of the whole reasonfor this podcast, right?
Is that.
Gay weddings, by definition aredifferent, and sometimes those
(06:05):
differences are things that haveto be like actually
acknowledged, you know, becausepeople have to acknowledge that
their family might not be thereor that.
They have to do things a littlebit differently and sometimes
those differences are amazingthings that can be celebrated
and should be, you know, broughtup because there's some, a part
(06:28):
of someone's identity that theyreally want to love and
celebrate.
So it's kind of a both and, andsomething that I just think
everybody has to find thatbalance for themselves of.
for example, if you were goingto be a guest at a gay wedding,
(06:53):
How?
How are you thinking about that?
How are you sharing about it andspeaking on it?
Are you trying to tell everyoneyou know that you're going to a
quote unquote gay wedding justbecause you think it makes you
cool or hip or what have you, orare you doing it?
You know, using theminterchangeably and doing it in
(07:14):
a way that, you know, is justtrying to show that you're
supportive or is maybe done in away that tries to help the
couple not be misgendered orsomething like that.
Versus doing it to make yourselflook cool or, doing it in a way
that makes the couple feelothered.
(07:37):
And so I don't necessarily thinkthat there is one right answer
here of like 50% of the time youshould say it's a gay wedding
and 50% of the time youshouldn't.
Although, you know it is allabout balance.
So that's partially true.
But if you are in the industryor a vendor, and particularly if
(08:03):
you are an ally, just bethinking about how to really be
showing up thoughtfully and in away that is not just, I guess,
performative.
Okay.
This gave that rainbows for themonth of June, and then.
(08:25):
No other time, which, you know,at Target, and I think that's
even an interesting example inand of itself, of, I think
during the month of June, we areall super aware of the fact that
there's rainbows everywhere allof the time.
(08:46):
Everything's gay suddenly, evenif those companies don't
necessarily support us yearround.
And so I think that's kind of aninteresting example for the same
concept is we want to make surethat we're not just.
Doing this work and showing upthis way just for the month of
June and then the rest of theyear is kind of whatever.
(09:11):
And at the same time, you haveto find that balance of, no, I
wanna show up and I want to useinclusive language, and I want
to call the fact that this is,different kind of wedding, but.
Not in a way that's, otheringthe couple, just that they wanna
(09:34):
be celebrated differently andmaybe they have to be celebrated
differently.
And so again, I know that therewas a lot of back and forth
there and I.
Do not mean to be confusing, butas I said, I don't think that
there is one straightforwardanswer of how you should show up
(09:54):
and how you should find thatbalance of, yes, this is just a
wedding and I'm just here tolove and support versus, no,
this is like a queer weddingwith a lot of folks from the
queer.
Community and I have to, show upa little differently in that, my
(10:14):
language might be different or,Yeah, what have you.
So there's no one right answer.
I just want everyone to show upthoughtfully, whether you are a
guest or a vendor or a part ofthe wedding day itself.
I just encourage you to thinkabout finding that balance and
(10:35):
what that looks like for you.
So hopefully that was not tooconfusing and made a little bit
of sense.
And on that note, happy pride,everybody super excited to be
celebrating with you.
Not only all month long, but allyear long, celebrating ourselves
(10:57):
and our identity and ourcommunity and those who love and
support us.
That is all I have for youtoday.
So I hope you all are gearing upto have an amazing day, an
amazing pride, and I will seeyou all in two weeks from now.
Beloved, welcome back to thisweek's episode.
I am so glad that you are hereand God, point out a few things.
First of all, if you noticedthat there was not an episode
last week, terribly sorry, um, Iam moving to a biweekly episode
(00:24):
posting schedule for the fact ofwedding season.
Is in full swing and this is mybusiest time of year, and so I
kind of gotta juggle both andwanna make sure that I am
showing up here and also givingmy clients the best possible day
(00:46):
ever.
So, I'm still here.
I will still be posting.
I'm just moving to a biweeklyschedule and hope to still have
you all joining me here everyother week because I've got some
super cool interviews coming upand have some super cool ideas
and information to keep sharingwith you all summer long.
(01:08):
So, Hope you'll all stick aroundand I'll just, uh, miss you all
a little extra every other week.
And on a similar note, I'm sureyou can all notice that, uh, the
sound is a little bit different.
So I am coming to you live fromthe outdoors, just, uh, sneaking
(01:33):
this in to give you all thatupdate.
So yeah, let's just jump on inand, we will get back into our
regular scheduled interviews andpodcasts, in two weeks.
Also, if you are listening live,then you know that it is Pride
(01:58):
Month.
Happy pride, y'all.
I am.
Always very excited for thistime of the year.
It's such a fun time to, tocelebrate and to have fun and
yeah, be a little extra.
And this year I'm a little extraexcited because I get to be a
part of the Twin Cities PrideFestival and I am so pumped to
(02:24):
get to connect with thecommunity more.
So if you're in the Twin Cities,please come say hi to me.
it's just gonna be the best, itis pride month, and so there's
this idea that a friend of minebrought to my attention that I
kind of wanted to talk about andrelate back to Pride a little
bit.
(02:45):
And so I was talking to a goodfriend of mine a couple weeks
ago, and if you're listeningthen I appreciate you so much.
Thank you for bringing this up.
But we were talking and she wastalking about how wedding
planning is going for her andher partner thus far.
And yes, they are in a queerrelationship.
(03:09):
And so she was kind of talkingabout how like her mom has.
Been really super great andsweet about the whole process,
but was telling us this storyabout how.
You know, those like supercheesy t-shirts that usually,
like the bridal party will wearthat says like Brad Trab or
(03:32):
something like that.
she was basically saying thather mom had seen something on a
TV commercial or something thatwas a similar kind of shirt, but
it was basically saying like,And not so many words.
Like I'm in the bridal party ofa gay wedding essentially.
(03:53):
And my friend was like, mom,that's great.
Like thank you for thinking ofus, but also it's okay.
Like not everything has to be agay wedding.
Like it's just a wedding.
And I thought that was sointeresting because yeah, I
(04:13):
think.
For me, obviously it is like thefocus of my business.
I'm an L G B T Q weddingphotographer.
Like that is the focus of mybusiness and so I'm always gonna
get hyped when there's a queerwedding happening and.
(04:33):
I think beyond that too, forthose of you who have listened
to pieces of my personal story,I think I get so hyped about it
because one, it's something thatI was grown up to hate, you
know, hate that kind of love andhate these kind of stories and,
and two, it's something that Ithought I would never get to
(04:56):
have, and so, Seeing them, I'mlike, heck yeah, it's a gay
wedding.
Like amazing.
Can't wait.
And at the same time, I knowthat sometimes it can, at the
same time, I know that there's afine line to walk.
Um, I think it's all aboutfinding balance, whether you're
(05:20):
a vendor, a part of theindustry, or maybe you're just a
part of the industry simply bybeing a guest.
I think it's something that youhave to kind of figure out what
that looks like for you in yourlife, because it's true.
Like I definitely do understandthat sentiment of.
It doesn't always have to be aquote unquote gay wedding.
(05:42):
Like at the end of the day, itis just a wedding.
It's two people in love who arecommitting to each other, and
that is beautiful.
And that doesn't have to be thefocus, but at the same time,
that's kind of the whole reasonfor this podcast, right?
Is that.
Gay weddings, by definition aredifferent, and sometimes those
(06:05):
differences are things that haveto be like actually
acknowledged, you know, becausepeople have to acknowledge that
their family might not be thereor that.
They have to do things a littlebit differently and sometimes
those differences are amazingthings that can be celebrated
and should be, you know, broughtup because there's some, a part
(06:28):
of someone's identity that theyreally want to love and
celebrate.
So it's kind of a both and, andsomething that I just think
everybody has to find thatbalance for themselves of.
for example, if you were goingto be a guest at a gay wedding,
(06:53):
How?
How are you thinking about that?
How are you sharing about it andspeaking on it?
Are you trying to tell everyoneyou know that you're going to a
quote unquote gay wedding justbecause you think it makes you
cool or hip or what have you, orare you doing it?
You know, using theminterchangeably and doing it in
(07:14):
a way that, you know, is justtrying to show that you're
supportive or is maybe done in away that tries to help the
couple not be misgendered orsomething like that.
Versus doing it to make yourselflook cool or, doing it in a way
that makes the couple feelothered.
(07:37):
And so I don't necessarily thinkthat there is one right answer
here of like 50% of the time youshould say it's a gay wedding
and 50% of the time youshouldn't.
Although, you know it is allabout balance.
So that's partially true.
But if you are in the industryor a vendor, and particularly if
(08:03):
you are an ally, just bethinking about how to really be
showing up thoughtfully and in away that is not just, I guess,
performative.
Okay.
This gave that rainbows for themonth of June, and then.
(08:25):
No other time, which, you know,at Target, and I think that's
even an interesting example inand of itself, of, I think
during the month of June, we areall super aware of the fact that
there's rainbows everywhere allof the time.
(08:46):
Everything's gay suddenly, evenif those companies don't
necessarily support us yearround.
And so I think that's kind of aninteresting example for the same
concept is we want to make surethat we're not just.
Doing this work and showing upthis way just for the month of
June and then the rest of theyear is kind of whatever.
(09:11):
And at the same time, you haveto find that balance of, no, I
wanna show up and I want to useinclusive language, and I want
to call the fact that this is,different kind of wedding, but.
Not in a way that's, otheringthe couple, just that they wanna
(09:34):
be celebrated differently andmaybe they have to be celebrated
differently.
And so again, I know that therewas a lot of back and forth
there and I.
Do not mean to be confusing, butas I said, I don't think that
there is one straightforwardanswer of how you should show up
(09:54):
and how you should find thatbalance of, yes, this is just a
wedding and I'm just here tolove and support versus, no,
this is like a queer weddingwith a lot of folks from the
queer.
Community and I have to, show upa little differently in that, my
(10:14):
language might be different or,Yeah, what have you.
So there's no one right answer.
I just want everyone to show upthoughtfully, whether you are a
guest or a vendor or a part ofthe wedding day itself.
I just encourage you to thinkabout finding that balance and
(10:35):
what that looks like for you.
So hopefully that was not tooconfusing and made a little bit
of sense.
And on that note, happy pride,everybody super excited to be
celebrating with you.
Not only all month long, but allyear long, celebrating ourselves
(10:57):
and our identity and ourcommunity and those who love and
support us.
That is all I have for youtoday.
So I hope you all are gearing upto have an amazing day, an
amazing pride, and I will seeyou all in two weeks from now.
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