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March 20, 2024 18 mins

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This week's episode is discussing how "tradition" plays a role in lgbtq+ weddings- but probably not in the way you're thinking :) Instead, it's discussed as an act of celebration for the queer community.
Enjoy!

The intro and all instrumentals were written, sung and recorded by @JaynaDavisMusic

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo (00:00):
Clearly a beloved.
Welcome back to this week'sepisode.
Hi.
Hello.
It's your host Ana.
She her pronouns and I am theowner of wildly connected
photography.
And I'm so happy that we aregathering here today, too.
Listen and learn and relate andjust hang out.

(00:23):
I don't think I have too manyupdates for you all other than.
I just setting up that wholelike Spotify questions slash
poll thing.
So I'm going to set one of thoseout for this episode.
So I would love if you would goput your 2 cents into whatever,

(00:44):
I still have not decided whatthe question is going to be.
It's going to be a surprise forall of us.
But if you want to go ahead and.
And answer that.
I think it would be just like afun way for this.
Podcast to feel more like acommunity and.
Yeah.
I just love hearing what y'allhave to say about this.
Speaking of what you all have tosay about things.

(01:05):
And one of the last episodeswhere I mentioned that document
that basically like laid out thelanguage of why I feel that.
You know, for so long, there'sbeen this idea of like, you can
be nice to someone, but notreally accept them.
A lot of you did ask to see thatdocument.
Indeed.
Indeed.
So.
It is kind of helpful, you know,I think sometimes it feels sort

(01:30):
of affirming again.
Ha ha pun intended.
Just to be able to see thosethings in black and white, even
though it's like a harmfulsomething it's like, oh, okay.
No, I'm not just like makingthese things up in my mind.
Like people do actually.
I write these things down, likeput them out into the world of
like, yeah, we're going to me.
We're going to be nice to gaypeople, but we don't actually

(01:52):
like accept them.
I don't know if that makes anysense, but I think, I think it
does.
So we'll go with that.
This week's episode though.
I feel like it does kind of in away.
I don't know.
I feel like I've sort of justaccidentally made this into a,
sort of like a little miniseries just about.
The importance of being LGBTQplus affirming.

(02:13):
And the reason I say that isbecause this week we're talking
about why tradition actuallymatters for queer couples in the
wedding space.
And the reason that I feel likeit kind of applies to everything
else is like, it's so importantfor people to keep showing up.
And to keep being affirming andall of the things that come with

(02:35):
that.
Because for so many of us for solong, like we didn't think that
this would be an option.
That marriage would be an optionfor us.
And even before that, thatthings like even just having a
relationship or living togetherwould be an option, you know?
It's been less than 10 yearssince it's been fully legalized,

(02:57):
like KRAS the U S obviously alittle bit longer in different
states, but like, Less than 10years for like the entire us.
And that is wild like that.
You know, it was my lifetime andsaid probably a lot of our
lifetimes for those listening,like.
It's a very, very new concept tobe able to think that marriage

(03:21):
is a possibility.
And before I kind of keep divinginto that.
I just want to say, first ofall, I just find it quite ironic
that.
You know, when I'm preparingthese episodes and doing
research and thinking aboutthem.
There's so many weddingtraditions that are like, like,
if you like, just go on Googleand look at old wedding

(03:41):
traditions, like so many of themhave to do with like chasing
away evil spirits or.
Making sure that nothing badhappens to the couple and all of
that, which in my mind, It's,you know, it's a dark joke, but
in my mind, I'm like, whoa.
We're out of evil.
So like, you know, what do wegot to find out?
Like those traditions don'tapply.

(04:04):
Ha ha.
Jokes jokes, jokes, and we'reobviously not evil.
We are all amazing humans, apart of this community.
I just think that's veryinteresting.
So I wanted to talk about.
Why tradition matters for acouple of reasons.
The first one mean what I'vealready mentioned of just that.

(04:24):
It's something that we neverthought was possible.
Even for me.
At this point, I know many ofyou have heard glimpses into my
past, but growing up.
As a pastor's kid.
And going to a private Christianhigh school.
Not only was it top that.
Having a quote, unquotehomosexual lifestyle is bad and

(04:46):
wrong and not even an option.
But also so much was taughtabout the opposite.
Like.
You know, in my case, how to bea good wife I actually was
married for a semester of highschool.
Obviously not legally, butpretty much everything, but
signing the paperwork like.
I had to, I was like assigned toman, this man proposed to me, we

(05:11):
literally had a fake wedding.
We had fake children.
We had to go through hardshipstogether.
We sent out Christmas cardslike.
I was married to a man in highschool.
'cause it was like somethinglike, so like they wanted to
teach us out.

(05:32):
Like that is what we were meantto do with our lives.
And there was no other option.
If you want to hear more aboutthat amazing experience, feel
free to reach out anytime.
But, so my point is, is thatlike, In my head, even though
like from a very early age.
I was, you know, thinking aboutwomen and.

(05:54):
Interested, even though Icouldn't always like put words
to it, like.
And my head, it just wasn't anoption.
Like the option was.
You know, Go to college, find aman, get married, have 10 kids.
Like that was just it.
And I remember always feeling.
Like honestly terrified, like,just so afraid of like what that

(06:17):
was going to look like and whatit would mean.
And.
How my life was going to changeand all of that.
And again, like, I didn't reallyhave words for that or.
Well, I was feeling that I justknew I was like constantly
afraid.
I was like, I don't, I don'twant that.
But there just wasn't really analternative.
And of course that's coming fromsomeone with a very like, You

(06:41):
know, Religious sort of bubbledexperience that maybe not
everybody has, but even forthose who didn't have that
experience, like I said, It'sonly been legal for so long.
And before that, you know,people were, of course doing
things they were having.
Sort of their own kinds ofceremonies and things like that,

(07:02):
but to not have those be.
Recognized, you know, legally orprobably to a lot of people
around them at the time.
Like.
That's so sad.
And I think.
Of course like.
Now, this is just going tospiral into a conversation about
marriage.
Like it's not that.

(07:25):
This is saying either that, youknow, marriage will absolutely
change your whole entirerelationship.
I think that's a whole otherconversation if you feel that
way, but.
You know, it's still is like,it's been around for forever.
But only been around forstraight couples for forever.
So I think.

(07:46):
Even in thinking about.
Some things for my own personalwedding.
In the future.
Won't get into the details aboutthat, but like, There are things
that I'm like.
I just I want to, I want to havethose things too, you know, like
all of the things that I neverthought that I would get to
have, or do like.

(08:07):
I want to do those things too,because now they're available to
me.
And that feels like a hugecelebratory when.
And so I think in that way forthe queer community, like.
Tradition can be seen almost aslike a win for us, right?
Like that we, we get to do ittoo.
We get to participate and we getto make it our own.

(08:28):
And I will talk about this alittle bit more at the end, but.
This is not to say like, We'reout here being like, oh, you
want to.
We want to be so traditional andgo back to the 18 hundreds and.
I don't know, do things all oldfashion.
Like that's not the point, but.
Just to be able to say, likeyou've had this for so long and

(08:52):
I think.
It's really, probably been easyfor a lot of straight couples to
like take marriage and takethese traditions for granted.
Because it's never not been anoption.
And I also think.
The other reason that traditionis important in this sentence is
just because.
You know, I talk about this evenin like the very first episode

(09:13):
of the podcast where like rightfrom the get-go.
Many queer couples are seen asquote unquote untraditional,
which is like, You know,depending on how you look at it,
that is true.
And that's something that we candefinitely use to our advantage
in terms of like the world's ouroyster, like let's run with that
energy and do whatever we want.

(09:36):
However.
I think.
Because we have that label fromthe get-go Sort of doing some of
these like traditions and.
Sort of old fashioned things.
It's a sort of a nice way toreclaim the idea that we are
just like everyone else.
I mean, Personally in myopinion, I think we're still way
cooler.

(09:56):
I'm just kidding.
But.
We want to join into, you know,like we want, we want to have
those things too.
And also, it just is interestingto think about to, you know,
reflecting on.
When gay marriage was legalizedand started to become more and
more popular and more and morevenues and things like that were

(10:18):
like starting to jump on andallow those things as well.
I feel like there were so manymoments where they like the
venue owners and vendors, orjust like, what are we.
What do we do?
Like, I don't know.
How does, how is this day gonnago?
Like I've never been to a gaywedding, all of those things,
which.
You know, valid for them in asense.

(10:38):
But it's also just funny tothink about, because there's
also a lot of things thataren't, that I think.
People just weren't thinkingabout that.
You know, like something likefirst dances or like cutting the
cake, like that's not exclusiveto like a man and woman couple,
you know, like, I don't thinkthey have that unlocking key.
Like I think.

(10:59):
That's something that's prettyuniversal for any couple.
So I think in that sense, like,Hopefully we're able to see that
a lot of those things are likenot specific to like a man or a
woman.
Of course, there are thingslike, I don't know.
What you wear or regard or tossor things like that that feel

(11:20):
more gendered, but, I think justto be able to.
Say like.
We want to participate in thosetraditions.
And it's actually like reallyeasy.
Like we can still do parentdances, even if it's not like.
Father daughter and a mother,son, like a parent dance can be
whatever you want it to be.

(11:42):
You know, I digress, but I thinkit's just nice to be able to say
like, yes, of course there is anelement of quote, unquote being
untraditional.
And in gay marriage or I'm in agay wedding.
But at the same time, like, Weare sort of reclaiming, like we

(12:03):
just.
This is just a marriage andlike, we can do the same things
and it's not weird.
I promise.
And again, like, I will end bysaying the purpose of this
episode is not at all to belike, Okay.
If you're listening, I want youto go Google all of the

(12:23):
traditions that they used to doand 1803 and apply those to your
wedding day.
No, not at all.
Like.
If you've ever looked at myInstagram or things on my
website, you know, that I'm sovery pro couples doing whatever
feels right for them.
And honestly, I am very pro.
Being quote, unquote,untraditional in the sense of

(12:46):
like, I want your wedding oryour allotment to feel exactly
like you.
To be full of things andactivities and people that feel
genuine and authentic, even ifit's not what is traditionally
done.
Like, I am so proud of that andI will always support that.
However.

(13:07):
I do think that there'ssomething really, really cool
about getting to claim whatshould have always been ours,
but hasn't always been.
And so, whatever that looks likefor you and your relationship
and your wedding planning, like.
Do that if, if you want to throwall tradition out the window,
but you're like, You know what,like, I still really want to

(13:29):
like do the whole cake thing andlike smash in your face or
whatever, or.
Maybe you do so like.
Want to do some of those moregender things like that's great.
Like you can still do thosethings.
Like I, I feel that pull in myown.
Wedding planning of like, I, youknow, Never thought that I would

(13:53):
get to like stand up in front ofpeople and like, say these words
and have it be like publiclyrecognized.
Like that is something I want todo.
I feel that pull because like,Getting to reclaim those moments
in my head of like, The fear oflike standing up across from a
man, no offense, but likestanding up across from one.

(14:15):
And having to do these thingslike so terrifying.
So like, Having the freedom tobe able to, to reclaim that and
do what is genuine to me now.
Like that's so freaking excitingand it is something to be
celebrated.
And so.
For all the couples listening.
I hope you feel the same way.

(14:36):
And I hope that this sort ofjust serves as an opportunity
for y'all to have a conversationabout what that looks like
specifically for you.
Like what things do you want tokeep?
What things did you always dreamabout, but like thought weren't
an option.
And what things just give youthe egg and you're like, no, we

(14:56):
don't need to do that.
Like, that's totally fine.
And I would say for thenon-queer folks here, if you're
listening hopefully to, yeah,you can just see that, like,
this is huge, like.
I know, especially being in theindustry, it can be pretty easy
to just be like, okay, you'reanother wedding and that's great
and amazing and all of that, butlike, No, this is huge.

(15:20):
Like.
I can guarantee that almost.
A lot of queer folks out there.
Whether they grew up religiousor not, like all had a moment of
being like, what is my lifegoing to look like?
Is this an opportunity orpossibility for me?
And so just recognizing that,like, when we do make it there,

(15:40):
like when, when it's our turn toget married, like it's a huge
deal and it's a big reason tocelebrate.
And it is kind of honestly likea moment of power and a moment
of reclaiming for us to be like,We deserve this.
Like we get to do this too.
And get to do it in our own way.
So.
That is all I have for you allthis week.

(16:02):
Kind of just short and sweet.
But I do have some.
As always very exciting guestscoming up.
I'm very, very excited for nextweek's episode.
I have some awesome guestscoming on, so please stay tuned
and.
Please watch out for the Spotifyquestion that I will probably
most likely.

(16:23):
92% likely be putting up.
Clearly beloved.
I hope you have an awesome dayafternoon, evening, whatever it
is.
And I will see you all here nextweek.
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