April 17, 2024 • 41 mins
Gahhh sooo pumped to talk about something I've been wanting to since the start of this pod: FLOWERS! This is an aspect of weddings that still feel SOOO incredibly genderedd and I wanted to not only break those ideas down but to also hear different ideas for the future. Featuring new friends and the most rad local florists: Prairie Rose Farm and Floral
Find them on instagram @prairieroseflowers
and PLEASE DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND CHECK OUT THE PINTEREST BOARD THEY MADE FOR queer flower inspo.
Click HERE!
The intro and all instrumentals were written, sung and recorded by @JaynaDavisMusic
Queerly Beloved, I'm so glad you joined!
Please keep the community going by checking me out on instagram @wildlyconnectedphoto and come say hi! I'd love to hear from you! :)
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Quilly Beloved, welcome back tothis week's episode.
I am so stoked because this weekI have some new friends with me
here.
This is Em and Heidi of PrairieRose and I'm just gonna hand it
over to you two right away.
Love if you guys could introduceyourself, your pronouns, and any
(00:20):
identities you want to share.
I'm Heidi.
I use she, her pronouns.
And I'm Em.
I use any pronouns.
And yeah, we're queer farmers,artists, and floral designers.
And we're also partners inbusiness and in life.
I'm, I'm excited to have y'all Imean, yeah.
I would love to just start outby asking you a little bit more
(00:41):
about.
Like the journey, like how y'allended up here and why you're
passionate about this too.
So I guess like we should startwith some background.
Right.
Okay.
So we met well, we met inMichigan, but we lived in
Chicago together for a while.
And well, we lived in Chicago.
(01:02):
I worked at an urban flowerfarm.
And that's kind of like wherethe idea or like the interest
came up because I never reallythought of like combining floral
design with like the farmingaspect.
And I always like, likegardening and all that.
So I was like, this is supercool.
(01:22):
And you came and helped outsometimes too on the farm.
So that's kind of like where theinterest started and then we
New, we wanted to leave Chicagoand we're trying to figure out
where to go and like what wewanted to do.
And then we went on like a roadtrip.
We worked for another farm outin Idaho for a while and then we
(01:45):
were like driving around tryingto figure out where we wanted to
be.
We really had like, no idea whatwe were doing at that point.
It was just kind of total freeform, just, you know.
You know, we were just roaming.
We had like sold all of ourbelongings when we had moved out
of Chicago.
So we didn't really haveanything.
We were just kind of like outthere trying to figure it all
(02:05):
out.
And I think being on that farmin Idaho was really helpful.
Like we, we lived on the farm,so we were there all the time.
And it was a very rural settingand it was just, it opened up a
lot of ideas for us.
Like we.
We felt so good being out thereand working all the time.
And I think that we kind of werethinking about that, that whole
(02:27):
time we were on the road trip,just like reflecting back on it
and being like, how do we getback to that?
How do we have another spacelike that?
Yeah, and then we were likedriving back towards the Midwest
and we were like, wait, like, weneed to stay by like the Great
(02:47):
Lakes because that was like whenwe were in Chicago, that was the
big thing was like being on likeMichigan for us.
And like, a lot of ourrelationship is like based
around that our entirerelationship of being in Chicago
was surrounded around the lake.
Everything we did.
Together and separately was justto be near the lake to learn its
ecosystem and be around all ofthat.
(03:09):
And like, and that's kind of ourrelationship with all of nature,
but especially water andespecially the lake.
And so.
When we were, you know, kind oflost and trying to figure out
where we were going, it justmade sense to find our way back
to the Great Lake region.
Yeah, and then I'm from theMidwest and like, I was like, I
(03:30):
love northern Minnesota growingup.
Like, let's just go up there andlike, check it out.
And then we just like, on awhim, like, found a place to
rent, moved here.
Yeah, we lived in Duluth for thepast couple of years, a couple
of years.
Yeah, so then we were both hereworking.
(03:51):
I was doing floral work andworking on farms.
I was welding, just kind ofdoing the grind.
Yeah.
Yeah, and then I guess, like, itstill felt like kind of like a
far off dream, but then 1 ofthe, like, The farm I was
working at my boss gave me like,a little plot to try growing
(04:12):
flowers on.
And that's when we were like,well, like, we could like, do
this.
Yeah, like, actually do it.
Then we, like, had sort of beencasually looking for.
Places, but we were like, Imean, the market was insane.
Like, everything was crazy withlike, trying to find a house.
It was so I don't know.
And something with land that youcould actually farm on.
(04:35):
It's intimidating.
Yeah yeah, but then this placepopped up and like, it's further
from Duluth than we wereoriginally thinking because it
feels a lot more comfortable tobe closer to Duluth and we're
like, at least 30 minutes awayfrom Duluth which doesn't seem
like a lot when you're thinkingof other places.
(04:56):
Big cities, because it takes along time to get places, but
Duluth is small.
So 30 minutes means you're.
So, but it was so when we, like,found the place that we were
like, no, this is like, perfect.
Like, it was like, such a greatprice for like.
What it is, and it's also justlike, I don't know.
(05:18):
We are like, this is this is it.
Like, this is our spot.
I remember you sent me.
I was at work and you sent me atext and you were like, this is
the 1 and I only saw thethumbnail of the house and I was
just like, oh, my God, I knowit.
It's it's right.
Like, that's the 1.
It just felt right for somereason from the beginning.
Yeah.
Yeah, and then we wrote them aletter.
(05:41):
And that's like why we got thehouse.
Yeah, there were people biddingway over asking and they read
our letter and by chance too,because their realtor almost
didn't let them read the letterbecause that's the thing where,
I don't know, they don't wantyou to feel emotionally attached
to the cell at all, which islike your home.
Obviously you're going to beemotionally attached to it.
(06:03):
And they had had a really hardtime coming to terms with the
fact that they weren't going tolive here.
They were an older couple.
And so.
Yeah, they, they just like readour letter and they wanted us to
be the next people to caretakerthis land.
Yeah, so that was super nicetoo.
And we purposely, like, didn'tmention that we were queer in
(06:26):
the letter.
Like, we were like, trying tobe, like, Not bring that up.
So it was like kind of nervewracking when we went to go meet
them because we were like, Whoa,what if they like, weren't
expecting this?
And like, now they don't want tolike sell us the house, but they
were, they're like two oldhippies and they were just like,
didn't even bat an eye.
And we're like, so excited tomeet us.
(06:47):
So like, we already were like,this is such a good vibe.
And like, it just helped us tofeel really like comfortable
here.
It's good to, it was so good toknow that the people who had
been living here before had asimilar Like they had a similar
idea of how to live their lifeand how to like respect the
land.
And that meant a lot to usbecause a few other places we
(07:09):
had gone to, to like tour andthink about living there.
It just, it was like, yeah, wecan do this.
Right.
Like it felt, yeah, but it feltscary and coming here was like
coming to our best friend'shouse.
Like, and then all of a suddenit was like, Now we could
actually do this.
We could have a larger scalethan just the four plots we were
(07:31):
doing that year.
And so it just, we were justlike, okay, we're doing this.
Like, we're going to push forit.
Yeah, that was last August andwe were like, once we got it, it
was like, we were so busybecause the house has like a lot
of issues.
So we were like redoing some ofthe siding and like replacing
(07:54):
windows.
Like we like had no idea what wewere doing, but we were just
like YouTubing it and making itwork and like trying to like
prep a little area for likegrowing this next year.
So yeah, we were super busy.
But now we're, yeah, I guessgetting ready for our first year
(08:17):
here.
So this will be our like secondyear, I guess, but our first
year, like here in our own spotand like really like getting it
going as like a business andgetting our roots of what we
want it to be.
Yeah, because last year we wereselling to one forest.
And this year, we're, like,trying to find so many more
(08:37):
outlets since we are growing ona larger scale than what we were
that year.
Yeah, so it's just so many.
I don't know.
It's getting going.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow.
This is amazing.
And it kind of sounds like insome ways your business is sort
of this like combination of likeyour relationship and your story
(08:59):
along with like your passion fornature and the land and all of
that.
Does that seem accurate?
Yeah, that's exactly what it is.
Well, that's also why, causelike, I feel like a lot of
couples are like, Oh, I likedon't want to work.
With their partner, but also Ifeel like it's kind of a queer
thing too.
Yeah, we love working togetherand like love collaborating in
(09:22):
so many ways.
And we're like, this is actuallylike the perfect thing.
Like the goal to be have us bothworking together, like doing
this full time.
And so we're, yeah, that's whatwe're trying to do.
It's just so much like fun tolike be creative problem solving
with each other all the time andlike using different parts of
(09:43):
our brain to like come up withthings and.
It all feels like a big artproject and that's like, that
was our whole relationship sincewe since we met each other.
It was always a project that 1of us was working on that.
We were helping the other with.
And so that's just how wealready operate.
And it's like.
This is literally the perfectcomment, like all of that coming
(10:04):
together.
Yeah, beautiful.
And just like how cool too, thatyou get to be, like you said, so
hands on with this and like, Idon't know, I feel like folks
will like feel that in theflowers.
Right.
Like that, these were like grownand handled and delivered with
(10:25):
so much like care versus likebeing imported from.
Some country you've never heardof, you know what I mean?
Like, yeah, yeah.
And like, I mean, that'sdefinitely like, a part of this
whole idea and project is like,I mean, like, with growing
(10:48):
flowers, like, it's to do ourbest to, like, try to keep a
lower, like, environmentalimpact, try to have things
sourced more locally and like.
Just like, yeah, to provide likea high quality product and
something that people feelconnected to in that way, which
(11:09):
I feel like a lot of people, youknow, are becoming more aware of
that and are interested in thattype of thing.
And so it's exciting.
Yeah, absolutely.
And yeah, I would love to, Iknow the rest of the episode,
we'll be talking more aboutflorals in specific, but I do
think that it is very cool thatyou get to be where y'all are,
(11:31):
like living in a more rural areawhich can be really
intimidating.
I think as we've talked about inthe past, so I was just curious
if you guys could touch on thata little bit like what it's
like.
Being a queer couple in a ruralarea as well as like, maybe some
hopes that you have for thattoo.
(11:53):
Yeah.
Well, we both are like verycomfortable like in ourselves in
rural spaces.
And like, I always knew growingup.
Like, that's where I wanted toend up.
And I think you also felt likethat and, but then when we met
and we're like, well, we want todo that together.
And we both had never thoughtabout what that would look like,
(12:14):
like doing it with a partnerwhere you're like, not
necessarily always welcome inthose spaces.
Yeah.
Because solo, you can kind ofblend in.
Yeah.
I mean me less.
So yeah, I look really gay, butthere is an aspect of.
Going into those spaces togetherthat we learned pretty early on
(12:36):
in our journeys around andthings we were doing in rural
spaces.
Oh, that actually has this othermeaning to a lot of people.
And yeah, we kind of, I rememberwe went on like a road trip,
together just to kind of like,it was, it was like after COVID
the big quarantine.
And so we were trying to likereconnect a little bit and we
(12:57):
just decided to go on this trip.
And I remember we didn't thinkabout it.
We didn't think about what itmeant for the two of us together
to go into these spaces until,until we were in them.
And then that was scary.
We were like, Whoa, we have to,we have to think about this.
We can't just like go into themand not.
Not not know what to expect,right?
(13:19):
Yeah, we were in like, ruralNorth Dakota and people like,
people like said stuff to us.
Yeah, they were like, holy,like, can we actually.
Like, live in these types ofspaces and, like, I don't know,
so it's just kind of likenavigating that and I feel like
that took a long time and then,like, when we moved out of
Chicago, like.
You know, even at first, like,coming to Duluth, like, like, I,
(13:43):
I mean, it's not like a smalltown by any means, but it's
smaller than Chicago.
So that even is like a bit of achange.
And then coming out here was abig change.
It was definitely intimidating,but we knew we wanted to do it.
We knew we both feel so goodbeing able to be in a rural
(14:04):
rural space.
And it was kind of like, weweren't going to let that get in
the way.
I guess we're going to, like,let these ideas of.
I don't know preconceivednotions people have about us
make us not do what we wanted todo or live where we wanted to
live.
And I mean, that seems reallyintimidating and like a
struggle, but now that we'rehere.
(14:27):
And like living in this space,it's like, why is this not a
lot?
Like, why do people want togatekeep this from the gay
community?
This is, this is literally soqueer.
Like we are out here and like,tending to the land and
respecting nature and living init and being hands on and doing
things in our own, like,Honestly, queer artistic way.
(14:50):
Like we work on projects andlike, sure.
It may seem kind of chaotic toother people, the way that we're
doing it, but it's, it's the waythat we know how to make things
and how to do them.
And that is because we'reartists and because we're gay
and it works so well with beingin this rural space.
Yeah.
And it is kind of like.
(15:10):
You feel like you're in thislittle like your own space that
you're creating.
Like there aren't people likewatching you in this way because
you're just like out here.
It almost feels safe sometimeslike on our actual property.
It feels safe.
And part of that is because likethe previous owners had created
that already.
Like, we felt safe coming ontotheir property and they just
(15:31):
kind of pass that on to us.
It is this like, it is thislittle haven for us.
But I mean, it is nervewracking.
Like, we'll go like, to thelittle, like, store or bar and
we're like, oh, like, do we notbe here?
Like, oh, my gosh, but we've metsome other, like, really great.
Farmers who are like friends ofours who are like, take us to
these like little places aroundand like, because we know
(15:54):
somebody, then like the localsare like, okay, cool.
And like, people have been like,everybody we've met has been
like, so nice to us.
Yeah, so our neighbors, the onesthat we have met have been so
like, great.
They like, you know, theyrespect us and we respect them.
It's it's like, I don't know.
It feels good.
Yeah.
(16:14):
And I also think it's importantto acknowledge to that, like.
This is indigenous land, like,we're on Ojibwe land and before
there was colonization, like,there wasn't this idea that you
can't be queer, like, I feellike that's a very, like,
colonial white settler idea thatwas, like, imposed on the land
(16:37):
here and I think it's importantto, like, bring that up and Like
this, this land originally.
Was forever like, it is like,there aren't these boundaries.
Yeah, that's that is thecolonial idea that has been
imposed on the land.
And it's in some ways.
I like, think it is like,negative to the land itself to
restrict so much.
(16:58):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and I think it's importantfor us to, like, bring that up
too, because we're, we are aland based business.
We're, like, working with them,like, actually with the land, so
I think it's, yeah, important toacknowledge that and what that
means, so.
That carries a lot into how we,how we farm and how we run our
(17:21):
business, like, We aren't theoriginal caretakers and we want
to, like, respect that, youknow, like, we want to, like,
care for the land in a way thatis, like, honoring everyone who
has been here before, like,everyone, you know.
Yeah, and just, like, I mean, wetalk about this a lot, like,
when we are, you know, actuallyfarming and growing our flowers
(17:44):
and stuff.
Going along with the patterns ofnature, because it's so hard
because you want to have a lotof control and like, have things
be a certain way, but also justlike letting things.
Be how they are, like, thingsaren't always going to be
perfect.
Like, there's past pressuresometimes and, like.
Disease and, like, I don't know,the weather is going to do what
(18:06):
it wants and, like.
Just working with, like, theecosystem and, like, and
creating a place to where, like.
Other life is still welcome.
Like we, we like, we want nativeplants here still and like
wildlife to be here.
Yeah.
We cried when we mowed down theprairie for our little like
(18:26):
plot.
We were like, it was so sad.
I mean, yeah, but we did thatknowing that we were going to
tend to it in a way that wasrespectful.
So we, as sad as it was to mowdown a lot of that prairie.
We were like, we're going tocreate something good here.
That's going to be just as goodfor this ecosystem for this mini
(18:48):
ecosystem.
Yeah, we're like, we're like, sodedicated to like spreading,
like, we're like spreadingmilkweed seeds all the time.
We're like, we got to like, keepthis place amazing.
And part of that really tiesinto wanting to be a space that
is a Welcoming like to more ofthe gay community and more of
the queer community.
(19:08):
Yeah, totally.
Because a lot of, I feel like alot of folks are like nervous to
come up this way, or like, evenfolks that want to get married
and like the woods or like arural setting.
And then that can be nervewracking.
And I feel like.
That's where we're excited to bekind of like, you can like, come
(19:29):
up here and it's, it'll be like,great, you know, yeah, even just
to see see something like whatwe're doing up here.
I feel like that is like, oh,just somebody who like, maybe
those in the cities or somewhereelse and they like, are
interested in coming up here forany reason.
But especially to get married,you know, and they like, they
see something like what we'redoing.
(19:50):
Up in this space, and they'relike, oh, that isn't just this.
I don't know.
That isn't just this space forpeople that aren't me, you know,
like, it's like, oh, no, like, Ican be here too.
This is not just like, this iswelcoming, you know.
Yeah, yeah, that is so yeah,that is such a powerful
connection and I'm glad.
(20:11):
Y'all brought that up of just.
The idea that, like, yeah,originally, like, the land was
intended for everybody.
And, yeah, it's just very coolto hear you talk about it
because I know that's kind ofbeen an ongoing discussion,
right?
Of, like, exactly what you said,like, people wanting to be in
(20:32):
these spaces and feeling thepull to be in nature or be
outside of a big metropolitanarea, but they're, like, I'm
scared.
And so, like, continues tocreate such a big divide
between, you know, city andrural areas.
And so thank you for being outthere and for just reminding
(20:55):
people that it's, that'spossible.
Yeah, and we wouldn't be outhere if we hadn't seen other
queer couples doing the samething.
I mean, there's a couple ofbusinesses that like.
We look up to that are likefarmers or like woodworkers,
like queer couples, like inrural spaces running their
(21:15):
business.
And we were like, I feel likeboth of us, it was like a big,
especially when we were livingin Chicago to see that and know
that that's a possibility thatsomebody else is out there doing
that was game changing.
It meant so much to us.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
(21:36):
Well, yeah, thank you forsharing about that.
I would love to dive a littlebit more into floral
specifically.
And since the start of thispodcast, I've been so excited
about doing something like thisbecause I mean, I think, you
know, In general, and the themeof this podcast is talking about
(21:56):
the various Gendered aspects ofa wedding because they are, but
I feel like flowers play such abig role into that.
Like, people have such a cut anddry picture in their head of
like.
This is who holds the bouquet.
This is who has the boutonniere.
Like that's that.
And even thinking about some ofthe early weddings I shot where
(22:20):
for whatever reason, like maybea groomsman had to like hold the
bouquet for a second or maybelike, Maybe, yeah, the bride did
decide that, like, she wanted a,a guy friend on her side and she
asked him to hold a bouquet andjust like, even that, like that
act, I feel like you could seeon their face.
(22:42):
They're like.
Oh, my God, like, I can't whatare they scared of, though, but
even like, not knowing how tohold it.
Like, I feel like they werelike, I don't know what this is.
Like, this is a totally foreignobject.
And so I do think.
That, like, this is a really bigconversation because there's so
(23:05):
much attached to, like, thequote unquote, like, gender side
of, of florals.
So, with that being said I'mjust curious, like, how you guys
see that presenting in thewedding world and then, you
know, Maybe we'll talk aboutsome examples for alternatives.
(23:27):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, as, you know, like, thewedding industry is, like,
revolves around the bride andeverything and the flowers play
a big role into that.
Like, I mean, like,, a lot offlorists, like, that's just how
it works.
Like, that's how you take theorder.
Like, what is the bride wearing?
Like, what does she want allthis stuff?
(23:48):
It's like.
Based off of her and I thinkjust like even starting with
like changing that, like thelanguage used, like I even like
bride and groom, that's like somany, that's so many of florists
design for their forms.
It's like, yeah, exactly.
(24:09):
That's how you like take theorder.
How do you answer that if youare a gay couple?
Like I don't understand.
A lot of people are great atlike.
You know, using more inclusiveterms and that's what we're I
feel like that's like thestarting point.
Just to make that like, more ofa norm in the industry, but
yeah, and then, like, fromthere, though, there's like, I
(24:30):
feel like there's like, ageneral idea that, like, the
bride is like, the 1 who knows,like, Everything like the vibe,
the color, the aesthetic, and itwas like leading it.
And then there's just like thislike groom who was lost or
whatever.
And it's like, yeah, that's notalways the case.
And I think being open to that,like, and like, I don't know,
(24:52):
being open to that, noteverybody's going to fit into
that thing and then beingprepared for people wanting
other options and knowing whatthat might look like, having
ideas, being ready to.
Provide those alternativeoptions if people don't want
certain things, or if they want,you know, like people.
(25:15):
Yeah, I feel like there's, it'salso kind of in the floral
world, like, whatever.
The bridal bouquet is sets thetone for the wedding is kind of
like the idea.
And I think moving away fromthat to like, maybe you don't
even want personal flowers andyou just want to set the tone by
like the arch you're having orsomething like there's, there's
(25:37):
an idea that whatever the brideis, is setting the tone.
And I think, I think in general,the focus should be more on the
couple and like the vibe.
But yeah, I think, and the, youknow, flowers to have
association with gender andlike, that it's a very like
(25:58):
feminine thing, and it's girlyand whatever.
And I don't think that thatnecessarily has to be the case
either.
And that there's ways to doflowers to be like, affirming to
whatever.
Feels good for you, right?
And I mean, flowers are used andlike, we talk about this a lot,
but flowers are there at likeall aspects of life, you know,
(26:21):
it's, it's actually not thisthing that is supposed to be
feminized.
It actually is for literallyevery important moment in life
that happens.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's like a big reason why.
Like we even care about flowers.
It's like historically it's,it's super interesting.
Like that there's a reasonflowers always show up for like
(26:46):
big, like life moments, likebirth, death, marriage,
graduations, like it's like aritual marker and it means
something like symbolically, andI think that's important to
people and I think it should notbe like a, a burden and more of
like actually represent what youwant.
(27:09):
And yeah, it's more aboutrepresenting life than it is
about being a gender in acertain way.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Yeah.
That was a mic drop moment rightthere.
No, but seriously, that is like,I think that's so helpful for
putting it into perspective.
Like you're so right that it isused for so many things, but
(27:30):
people still have this tendencyto be like, it's so feminine and
I don't want.
Yeah.
So.
That's a great thing to pointout.
But yeah, I mean, let's let'stalk about it.
Like.
Again, like I said earlier,people are usually like, when
they're picturing a wedding,they're like, okay, 1, 1
bouquet, 1 boutonniere, youknow, but for those, like, I
(27:56):
don't know, like, I would justlove to hear your ideas.
Like, there's so many couples.
I think who.
Yeah, like, could someone who'swearing a dress still wear a
boutonniere?
Could someone who's wearing asuit still hold a bouquet?
Like, let's, let's talk aboutit.
Oh, absolutely.
I mean, we're talking about thequeer community.
We're already changing thingsand doing things in our own way.
(28:16):
You can have whatever you want.
Like, this is your day.
This is your marker of life, ofthe stage that you're at in
life.
And it's like, Why not choosewhatever you want?
Like you should feel comfortableand you should be able to choose
what you want for it.
Yeah.
And like florals can be made,you know, custom to you and like
custom to whatever you'rewearing.
(28:37):
Like, like people do pocketsquares, people do lapels.
Like you can have a boutonnierelike pin on florals that are
made like with the dress inmind, you can have, you can hold
a bouquet and wear a suit.
Like there's like so many.
There's so many ways you canwear flower crown.
You can just do hair flowers.
(28:58):
You could do floral rings, like,kind of whatever you want, or
like, even if you don't wantflowers on your body, like, just
having the.
Alter decorated a certain way,like whatever, whatever fits
you.
And like, I think, yeah, it'snot as rigid as it kind of seems
like there's ways that as afloral designer, like we can
(29:23):
work with you and the specificthing you're wearing.
Like, I mean, it's an art form,like.
And we're both artists, we'reused to considering the
materials of everything and thatpart of that is like, who wants
to be wearing it and like, whatdo they want it to interact
with?
Like we, like, and we're notjust like artists, like we both
are like heavily into sculpture.
(29:43):
So this is like perfect for us.
Like, I like, I'm, I'm obsessedwith the lapel thing right now.
I want to like do some crazystuff with that.
And that can go on anything.
Right.
It can be small, it can be big,it can be a whole statement, or
it can just be like an accent,like, there's so many things to
do with it, and I'm like, Ithink because we're queer and
(30:06):
we're doing the design workourselves and this is like our
focus we're bringing that to thetable already so if you want to
like come to us with these ideaslike it's you know yeah we'll go
with it we'll go and like do itexactly how you want because
that's what we're excited aboutwe're excited about kind of
breaking down these boundariesof flowers have to be this for
(30:30):
weddings they have to be in thisstrict format right and there's
like other ways to have.
Like a bouquet, like, I, you canhave like greenery or like dried
stuff.
Like, it doesn't have tonecessarily be like this, like,
really like lush flowery thing.
If you don't want it to be that,like, it can look other ways.
(30:50):
So, yeah, that is so true.
I was just thinking about that.
How, like, there's ways to haveother, yeah, other kind of
plants involved to that.
I mean, I feel like I'mcontradicting myself because we
did say like, oh, florals don'thave to be feminine, which I
agree, but.
I also understand that for somepeople they still have that
(31:13):
association and it doesn't feellike authentic to them, but
maybe like holding some fernswood or something, you know, I
feel like there's something coolabout that too.
Well, I was going to say youlike for us, like we eloped and
like I had a bouquet and you hada boot in your hand, but that's
like, That's that's what worksout right for us.
Right.
(31:33):
That's so true that.
Yeah.
I, I feel like I do try to saythat throughout episodes of the
podcast too.
It's like, just because it'slike, quote unquote, traditional
doesn't mean you can't do it.
Like, if that's what feels goodfor you.
Yeah.
We're we'll have a, a Pinterestlike mood board in the show
notes for y'all to look at andget some inspiration.
(31:53):
Cause yeah, I think there's so,there's so many options out
there, but truthfully, Iwouldn't have known what the
options were until justrecently.
So.
Yeah, be on the lookout forthat.
I guess I was just wondering, ifthere are other florists here
listening, who are curious aboutsome ways that they could be
(32:16):
more affirming in their ownbusiness in my brain, like, you
kind of just said how you wouldsort of run with, like, what
they were wearing or what thevibe was, like, practically
speaking, is that something thatyou Like, is that how you would
start?
Like, would you talk to thecouple and be like, what are you
wearing?
What's the vibe versus like,who's the bride?
(32:36):
Who's the groom, right?
Yeah.
I mean, a lot of that startswith your initial form of
filling out like who you are,what type of stuff you're
interested in.
All floors kind of have thatformat and that's the best way
for them to get like an initial.
The initial information theyneed to then have conversations
(32:58):
with you.
And a lot of changing thedynamic about this is starting
there.
And like, we said earlier, youknow, changing how it's
formatted of, like, the brideand the groom.
If you change that, you'reautomatically, like, opening up
so much more possibility for,you know, the options.
(33:19):
Yeah, and I think, like, yeah,like, we were talking about
earlier, like, thinking about itmore of, like, a representation
of, like, the couple and your,like, interest and what feels
authentic to you rather than,like, this singular focus and,
like, yeah, and then I think,like, as, like, a, a vendor,
(33:41):
like, working with clients,like, That's important.
And like, not having like thosestereotypes kind of in your
head, like, dictating what youthink somebody is going to want
versus what they actually want.
I think also like.
Something that could work forpeople is like how we were
saying that a lot of times it'sfocused around the bouquet.
(34:05):
If your form is more, is looseform and like more based on
like, do you want personalflowers?
Cause sometimes people might notwant that.
And if you start with that, Ifeel like it can open up to
like, okay, well, what is thegeneral style you're going for?
Instead of like, what's thebouquet we're going to base
(34:25):
everything based off of that.
Yeah.
That's so good.
Yeah, like keeping things prettyopen ended so that you can leave
more space for the couple toshare.
Yeah.
I mean, on our form, we use likenearly what?
Because we like, I don't know.
We like that.
I don't know if that's like aterm, but I think it's cute.
Yeah.
(34:46):
Like for both people in therelationship, like you don't
like, I feel like sometimespeople are like, well, what
terms would you use then?
Like, how do you even make itnon gender?
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
Cause I feel like people arelike, oh, like.
Then do I have to say likegroomsmaid or something?
And I'm like, no, like, we don'teven have to be labeling.
(35:06):
Like, we can just be like, howmany boutonnieres do you want?
Like, do you want bouquets forthe wedding party?
Yeah.
Wedding party.
Yeah.
Florals.
Do you want wedding party?
It doesn't have to be likeconfusing and like, yeah.
So I feel like it's this bighurdle for people to get over
sometimes.
And I'm like, it's actually somuch simpler.
(35:26):
Because then somebody even,because then even like a
straight couple could be like,well, what if we don't want to
be in that format?
And then now they can, butbefore they didn't even like
have that option.
It was just like black or white.
Like, it's so like, there's nonuance, even like not all
straight people want likeexactly that or have like
(35:48):
bridesmaids and stuff.
Like, yeah.
So I think it's like you weresaying about like, The, the what
was it like the, the bride inthat one wedding wanted like to
have like a man on her side andhe was like, well, how do I hold
the bouquet?
And I'm like, you could have himhold the bouquet and that's
awesome.
Or you could be like, oh, well,I'm going to have another option
for him.
You know, there's so manydifferent ways of doing things,
(36:10):
right?
No, that's so true.
And I'm glad you said that.
Like, I feel like that'sanother.
Reoccurring theme that I love tobring up is that, like, doing
things well for the queercommunity is like, a benefit to
everyone.
Right?
Like, it's yeah.
So super glad you said that.
Is there anything, any finalnotes you want to share, whether
it's to the couples listeningwho might be thinking about
(36:33):
their wedding or to any vendorslistening.
Any final thoughts?
What do you think?
I think I think a main thing isjust like, don't be like, scared
to.
To not do what you to, like, notdo what you want to do.
Like, if you have an idea aboutsomething for your elopement or
(36:55):
your wedding, like, you can findthe right people like there to
help you get that, you know,like.
Yeah, I mean, it can be like,intimidating sometimes to, like,
make sure that, like, the vendoryou're going with or something
is like, doing things in a waythat you want and like.
I guess just kind of like,don't, don't be afraid to do it.
(37:17):
However, you want to do it.
Right?
It's like, kind of like gettinga tattoo.
Like, you want to speak up forwhat you want.
If you're like, not that I mean,it's like an important moment in
your life and you want it to be.
You want to feel like, safe andgood about it and.
Like you're being heard.
So yeah, I think it's, it's likegood and important to choose
(37:42):
people you feel aligned with andlike be able to voice what you
want and feel comfortable.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
I love that.
Again, you guys just had greatcomparisons the whole episode,
picking out your flowers is likegetting a tattoo.
I mean, it is like, you're goingto look back and like, remember
that.
I'm like, You want it to feelgood.
(38:04):
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like a life moment.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And also like, not that therehas to be all that pressure too,
because I think there's pressureabout like, It being the best
day of your life, right?
It can also just be like, Imean, we like eloped and
probably planned it.
(38:25):
I don't even know.
We planned it super last minute,basically, and it was perfect
for us because that's that's howwe are, you know, like, yeah,
you can do it any way you want.
And that's part of like.
Being queer, you're doing ithowever way you want to do it.
And that works.
Absolutely.
You can do it any way you want.
And also we'll give you someinspiration to help that feel
(38:47):
also less scary.
Cause sometimes that can alsofeel scary on its own being
like, I have all the options andnow I'm scared.
Wow.
Well, thank you to both.
So, so much for sharing yourtime and your knowledge and
Yeah.
Everybody keep on the lookoutfor that mood board.
I think the takeaway is justlike, yeah, do, do what feels
(39:11):
right for you and hire PrairieRose for all your needs.
Yeah.
Thank you so much.
This has been so much funtalking with you.
Yeah.
We're so excited.
Yeah.
Quilly Beloved, welcome back tothis week's episode.
I am so stoked because this weekI have some new friends with me
here.
This is Em and Heidi of PrairieRose and I'm just gonna hand it
over to you two right away.
Love if you guys could introduceyourself, your pronouns, and any
(00:20):
identities you want to share.
I'm Heidi.
I use she, her pronouns.
And I'm Em.
I use any pronouns.
And yeah, we're queer farmers,artists, and floral designers.
And we're also partners inbusiness and in life.
I'm, I'm excited to have y'all Imean, yeah.
I would love to just start outby asking you a little bit more
(00:41):
about.
Like the journey, like how y'allended up here and why you're
passionate about this too.
So I guess like we should startwith some background.
Right.
Okay.
So we met well, we met inMichigan, but we lived in
Chicago together for a while.
And well, we lived in Chicago.
(01:02):
I worked at an urban flowerfarm.
And that's kind of like wherethe idea or like the interest
came up because I never reallythought of like combining floral
design with like the farmingaspect.
And I always like, likegardening and all that.
So I was like, this is supercool.
(01:22):
And you came and helped outsometimes too on the farm.
So that's kind of like where theinterest started and then we
New, we wanted to leave Chicagoand we're trying to figure out
where to go and like what wewanted to do.
And then we went on like a roadtrip.
We worked for another farm outin Idaho for a while and then we
(01:45):
were like driving around tryingto figure out where we wanted to
be.
We really had like, no idea whatwe were doing at that point.
It was just kind of total freeform, just, you know.
You know, we were just roaming.
We had like sold all of ourbelongings when we had moved out
of Chicago.
So we didn't really haveanything.
We were just kind of like outthere trying to figure it all
(02:05):
out.
And I think being on that farmin Idaho was really helpful.
Like we, we lived on the farm,so we were there all the time.
And it was a very rural settingand it was just, it opened up a
lot of ideas for us.
Like we.
We felt so good being out thereand working all the time.
And I think that we kind of werethinking about that, that whole
(02:27):
time we were on the road trip,just like reflecting back on it
and being like, how do we getback to that?
How do we have another spacelike that?
Yeah, and then we were likedriving back towards the Midwest
and we were like, wait, like, weneed to stay by like the Great
(02:47):
Lakes because that was like whenwe were in Chicago, that was the
big thing was like being on likeMichigan for us.
And like, a lot of ourrelationship is like based
around that our entirerelationship of being in Chicago
was surrounded around the lake.
Everything we did.
Together and separately was justto be near the lake to learn its
ecosystem and be around all ofthat.
(03:09):
And like, and that's kind of ourrelationship with all of nature,
but especially water andespecially the lake.
And so.
When we were, you know, kind oflost and trying to figure out
where we were going, it justmade sense to find our way back
to the Great Lake region.
Yeah, and then I'm from theMidwest and like, I was like, I
(03:30):
love northern Minnesota growingup.
Like, let's just go up there andlike, check it out.
And then we just like, on awhim, like, found a place to
rent, moved here.
Yeah, we lived in Duluth for thepast couple of years, a couple
of years.
Yeah, so then we were both hereworking.
(03:51):
I was doing floral work andworking on farms.
I was welding, just kind ofdoing the grind.
Yeah.
Yeah, and then I guess, like, itstill felt like kind of like a
far off dream, but then 1 ofthe, like, The farm I was
working at my boss gave me like,a little plot to try growing
(04:12):
flowers on.
And that's when we were like,well, like, we could like, do
this.
Yeah, like, actually do it.
Then we, like, had sort of beencasually looking for.
Places, but we were like, Imean, the market was insane.
Like, everything was crazy withlike, trying to find a house.
It was so I don't know.
And something with land that youcould actually farm on.
(04:35):
It's intimidating.
Yeah yeah, but then this placepopped up and like, it's further
from Duluth than we wereoriginally thinking because it
feels a lot more comfortable tobe closer to Duluth and we're
like, at least 30 minutes awayfrom Duluth which doesn't seem
like a lot when you're thinkingof other places.
(04:56):
Big cities, because it takes along time to get places, but
Duluth is small.
So 30 minutes means you're.
So, but it was so when we, like,found the place that we were
like, no, this is like, perfect.
Like, it was like, such a greatprice for like.
What it is, and it's also justlike, I don't know.
(05:18):
We are like, this is this is it.
Like, this is our spot.
I remember you sent me.
I was at work and you sent me atext and you were like, this is
the 1 and I only saw thethumbnail of the house and I was
just like, oh, my God, I knowit.
It's it's right.
Like, that's the 1.
It just felt right for somereason from the beginning.
Yeah.
Yeah, and then we wrote them aletter.
(05:41):
And that's like why we got thehouse.
Yeah, there were people biddingway over asking and they read
our letter and by chance too,because their realtor almost
didn't let them read the letterbecause that's the thing where,
I don't know, they don't wantyou to feel emotionally attached
to the cell at all, which islike your home.
Obviously you're going to beemotionally attached to it.
(06:03):
And they had had a really hardtime coming to terms with the
fact that they weren't going tolive here.
They were an older couple.
And so.
Yeah, they, they just like readour letter and they wanted us to
be the next people to caretakerthis land.
Yeah, so that was super nicetoo.
And we purposely, like, didn'tmention that we were queer in
(06:26):
the letter.
Like, we were like, trying tobe, like, Not bring that up.
So it was like kind of nervewracking when we went to go meet
them because we were like, Whoa,what if they like, weren't
expecting this?
And like, now they don't want tolike sell us the house, but they
were, they're like two oldhippies and they were just like,
didn't even bat an eye.
And we're like, so excited tomeet us.
(06:47):
So like, we already were like,this is such a good vibe.
And like, it just helped us tofeel really like comfortable
here.
It's good to, it was so good toknow that the people who had
been living here before had asimilar Like they had a similar
idea of how to live their lifeand how to like respect the
land.
And that meant a lot to usbecause a few other places we
(07:09):
had gone to, to like tour andthink about living there.
It just, it was like, yeah, wecan do this.
Right.
Like it felt, yeah, but it feltscary and coming here was like
coming to our best friend'shouse.
Like, and then all of a suddenit was like, Now we could
actually do this.
We could have a larger scalethan just the four plots we were
(07:31):
doing that year.
And so it just, we were justlike, okay, we're doing this.
Like, we're going to push forit.
Yeah, that was last August andwe were like, once we got it, it
was like, we were so busybecause the house has like a lot
of issues.
So we were like redoing some ofthe siding and like replacing
(07:54):
windows.
Like we like had no idea what wewere doing, but we were just
like YouTubing it and making itwork and like trying to like
prep a little area for likegrowing this next year.
So yeah, we were super busy.
But now we're, yeah, I guessgetting ready for our first year
(08:17):
here.
So this will be our like secondyear, I guess, but our first
year, like here in our own spotand like really like getting it
going as like a business andgetting our roots of what we
want it to be.
Yeah, because last year we wereselling to one forest.
And this year, we're, like,trying to find so many more
(08:37):
outlets since we are growing ona larger scale than what we were
that year.
Yeah, so it's just so many.
I don't know.
It's getting going.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow.
This is amazing.
And it kind of sounds like insome ways your business is sort
of this like combination of likeyour relationship and your story
(08:59):
along with like your passion fornature and the land and all of
that.
Does that seem accurate?
Yeah, that's exactly what it is.
Well, that's also why, causelike, I feel like a lot of
couples are like, Oh, I likedon't want to work.
With their partner, but also Ifeel like it's kind of a queer
thing too.
Yeah, we love working togetherand like love collaborating in
(09:22):
so many ways.
And we're like, this is actuallylike the perfect thing.
Like the goal to be have us bothworking together, like doing
this full time.
And so we're, yeah, that's whatwe're trying to do.
It's just so much like fun tolike be creative problem solving
with each other all the time andlike using different parts of
(09:43):
our brain to like come up withthings and.
It all feels like a big artproject and that's like, that
was our whole relationship sincewe since we met each other.
It was always a project that 1of us was working on that.
We were helping the other with.
And so that's just how wealready operate.
And it's like.
This is literally the perfectcomment, like all of that coming
(10:04):
together.
Yeah, beautiful.
And just like how cool too, thatyou get to be, like you said, so
hands on with this and like, Idon't know, I feel like folks
will like feel that in theflowers.
Right.
Like that, these were like grownand handled and delivered with
(10:25):
so much like care versus likebeing imported from.
Some country you've never heardof, you know what I mean?
Like, yeah, yeah.
And like, I mean, that'sdefinitely like, a part of this
whole idea and project is like,I mean, like, with growing
(10:48):
flowers, like, it's to do ourbest to, like, try to keep a
lower, like, environmentalimpact, try to have things
sourced more locally and like.
Just like, yeah, to provide likea high quality product and
something that people feelconnected to in that way, which
(11:09):
I feel like a lot of people, youknow, are becoming more aware of
that and are interested in thattype of thing.
And so it's exciting.
Yeah, absolutely.
And yeah, I would love to, Iknow the rest of the episode,
we'll be talking more aboutflorals in specific, but I do
think that it is very cool thatyou get to be where y'all are,
(11:31):
like living in a more rural areawhich can be really
intimidating.
I think as we've talked about inthe past, so I was just curious
if you guys could touch on thata little bit like what it's
like.
Being a queer couple in a ruralarea as well as like, maybe some
hopes that you have for thattoo.
(11:53):
Yeah.
Well, we both are like verycomfortable like in ourselves in
rural spaces.
And like, I always knew growingup.
Like, that's where I wanted toend up.
And I think you also felt likethat and, but then when we met
and we're like, well, we want todo that together.
And we both had never thoughtabout what that would look like,
(12:14):
like doing it with a partnerwhere you're like, not
necessarily always welcome inthose spaces.
Yeah.
Because solo, you can kind ofblend in.
Yeah.
I mean me less.
So yeah, I look really gay, butthere is an aspect of.
Going into those spaces togetherthat we learned pretty early on
(12:36):
in our journeys around andthings we were doing in rural
spaces.
Oh, that actually has this othermeaning to a lot of people.
And yeah, we kind of, I rememberwe went on like a road trip,
together just to kind of like,it was, it was like after COVID
the big quarantine.
And so we were trying to likereconnect a little bit and we
(12:57):
just decided to go on this trip.
And I remember we didn't thinkabout it.
We didn't think about what itmeant for the two of us together
to go into these spaces until,until we were in them.
And then that was scary.
We were like, Whoa, we have to,we have to think about this.
We can't just like go into themand not.
Not not know what to expect,right?
(13:19):
Yeah, we were in like, ruralNorth Dakota and people like,
people like said stuff to us.
Yeah, they were like, holy,like, can we actually.
Like, live in these types ofspaces and, like, I don't know,
so it's just kind of likenavigating that and I feel like
that took a long time and then,like, when we moved out of
Chicago, like.
You know, even at first, like,coming to Duluth, like, like, I,
(13:43):
I mean, it's not like a smalltown by any means, but it's
smaller than Chicago.
So that even is like a bit of achange.
And then coming out here was abig change.
It was definitely intimidating,but we knew we wanted to do it.
We knew we both feel so goodbeing able to be in a rural
(14:04):
rural space.
And it was kind of like, weweren't going to let that get in
the way.
I guess we're going to, like,let these ideas of.
I don't know preconceivednotions people have about us
make us not do what we wanted todo or live where we wanted to
live.
And I mean, that seems reallyintimidating and like a
struggle, but now that we'rehere.
(14:27):
And like living in this space,it's like, why is this not a
lot?
Like, why do people want togatekeep this from the gay
community?
This is, this is literally soqueer.
Like we are out here and like,tending to the land and
respecting nature and living init and being hands on and doing
things in our own, like,Honestly, queer artistic way.
(14:50):
Like we work on projects andlike, sure.
It may seem kind of chaotic toother people, the way that we're
doing it, but it's, it's the waythat we know how to make things
and how to do them.
And that is because we'reartists and because we're gay
and it works so well with beingin this rural space.
Yeah.
And it is kind of like.
(15:10):
You feel like you're in thislittle like your own space that
you're creating.
Like there aren't people likewatching you in this way because
you're just like out here.
It almost feels safe sometimeslike on our actual property.
It feels safe.
And part of that is because likethe previous owners had created
that already.
Like, we felt safe coming ontotheir property and they just
(15:31):
kind of pass that on to us.
It is this like, it is thislittle haven for us.
But I mean, it is nervewracking.
Like, we'll go like, to thelittle, like, store or bar and
we're like, oh, like, do we notbe here?
Like, oh, my gosh, but we've metsome other, like, really great.
Farmers who are like friends ofours who are like, take us to
these like little places aroundand like, because we know
(15:54):
somebody, then like the localsare like, okay, cool.
And like, people have been like,everybody we've met has been
like, so nice to us.
Yeah, so our neighbors, the onesthat we have met have been so
like, great.
They like, you know, theyrespect us and we respect them.
It's it's like, I don't know.
It feels good.
Yeah.
(16:14):
And I also think it's importantto acknowledge to that, like.
This is indigenous land, like,we're on Ojibwe land and before
there was colonization, like,there wasn't this idea that you
can't be queer, like, I feellike that's a very, like,
colonial white settler idea thatwas, like, imposed on the land
(16:37):
here and I think it's importantto, like, bring that up and Like
this, this land originally.
Was forever like, it is like,there aren't these boundaries.
Yeah, that's that is thecolonial idea that has been
imposed on the land.
And it's in some ways.
I like, think it is like,negative to the land itself to
restrict so much.
(16:58):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and I think it's importantfor us to, like, bring that up
too, because we're, we are aland based business.
We're, like, working with them,like, actually with the land, so
I think it's, yeah, important toacknowledge that and what that
means, so.
That carries a lot into how we,how we farm and how we run our
(17:21):
business, like, We aren't theoriginal caretakers and we want
to, like, respect that, youknow, like, we want to, like,
care for the land in a way thatis, like, honoring everyone who
has been here before, like,everyone, you know.
Yeah, and just, like, I mean, wetalk about this a lot, like,
when we are, you know, actuallyfarming and growing our flowers
(17:44):
and stuff.
Going along with the patterns ofnature, because it's so hard
because you want to have a lotof control and like, have things
be a certain way, but also justlike letting things.
Be how they are, like, thingsaren't always going to be
perfect.
Like, there's past pressuresometimes and, like.
Disease and, like, I don't know,the weather is going to do what
(18:06):
it wants and, like.
Just working with, like, theecosystem and, like, and
creating a place to where, like.
Other life is still welcome.
Like we, we like, we want nativeplants here still and like
wildlife to be here.
Yeah.
We cried when we mowed down theprairie for our little like
(18:26):
plot.
We were like, it was so sad.
I mean, yeah, but we did thatknowing that we were going to
tend to it in a way that wasrespectful.
So we, as sad as it was to mowdown a lot of that prairie.
We were like, we're going tocreate something good here.
That's going to be just as goodfor this ecosystem for this mini
(18:48):
ecosystem.
Yeah, we're like, we're like, sodedicated to like spreading,
like, we're like spreadingmilkweed seeds all the time.
We're like, we got to like, keepthis place amazing.
And part of that really tiesinto wanting to be a space that
is a Welcoming like to more ofthe gay community and more of
the queer community.
(19:08):
Yeah, totally.
Because a lot of, I feel like alot of folks are like nervous to
come up this way, or like, evenfolks that want to get married
and like the woods or like arural setting.
And then that can be nervewracking.
And I feel like.
That's where we're excited to bekind of like, you can like, come
(19:29):
up here and it's, it'll be like,great, you know, yeah, even just
to see see something like whatwe're doing up here.
I feel like that is like, oh,just somebody who like, maybe
those in the cities or somewhereelse and they like, are
interested in coming up here forany reason.
But especially to get married,you know, and they like, they
see something like what we'redoing.
(19:50):
Up in this space, and they'relike, oh, that isn't just this.
I don't know.
That isn't just this space forpeople that aren't me, you know,
like, it's like, oh, no, like, Ican be here too.
This is not just like, this iswelcoming, you know.
Yeah, yeah, that is so yeah,that is such a powerful
connection and I'm glad.
(20:11):
Y'all brought that up of just.
The idea that, like, yeah,originally, like, the land was
intended for everybody.
And, yeah, it's just very coolto hear you talk about it
because I know that's kind ofbeen an ongoing discussion,
right?
Of, like, exactly what you said,like, people wanting to be in
(20:32):
these spaces and feeling thepull to be in nature or be
outside of a big metropolitanarea, but they're, like, I'm
scared.
And so, like, continues tocreate such a big divide
between, you know, city andrural areas.
And so thank you for being outthere and for just reminding
(20:55):
people that it's, that'spossible.
Yeah, and we wouldn't be outhere if we hadn't seen other
queer couples doing the samething.
I mean, there's a couple ofbusinesses that like.
We look up to that are likefarmers or like woodworkers,
like queer couples, like inrural spaces running their
(21:15):
business.
And we were like, I feel likeboth of us, it was like a big,
especially when we were livingin Chicago to see that and know
that that's a possibility thatsomebody else is out there doing
that was game changing.
It meant so much to us.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
(21:36):
Well, yeah, thank you forsharing about that.
I would love to dive a littlebit more into floral
specifically.
And since the start of thispodcast, I've been so excited
about doing something like thisbecause I mean, I think, you
know, In general, and the themeof this podcast is talking about
(21:56):
the various Gendered aspects ofa wedding because they are, but
I feel like flowers play such abig role into that.
Like, people have such a cut anddry picture in their head of
like.
This is who holds the bouquet.
This is who has the boutonniere.
Like that's that.
And even thinking about some ofthe early weddings I shot where
(22:20):
for whatever reason, like maybea groomsman had to like hold the
bouquet for a second or maybelike, Maybe, yeah, the bride did
decide that, like, she wanted a,a guy friend on her side and she
asked him to hold a bouquet andjust like, even that, like that
act, I feel like you could seeon their face.
(22:42):
They're like.
Oh, my God, like, I can't whatare they scared of, though, but
even like, not knowing how tohold it.
Like, I feel like they werelike, I don't know what this is.
Like, this is a totally foreignobject.
And so I do think.
That, like, this is a really bigconversation because there's so
(23:05):
much attached to, like, thequote unquote, like, gender side
of, of florals.
So, with that being said I'mjust curious, like, how you guys
see that presenting in thewedding world and then, you
know, Maybe we'll talk aboutsome examples for alternatives.
(23:27):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, as, you know, like, thewedding industry is, like,
revolves around the bride andeverything and the flowers play
a big role into that.
Like, I mean, like,, a lot offlorists, like, that's just how
it works.
Like, that's how you take theorder.
Like, what is the bride wearing?
Like, what does she want allthis stuff?
(23:48):
It's like.
Based off of her and I thinkjust like even starting with
like changing that, like thelanguage used, like I even like
bride and groom, that's like somany, that's so many of florists
design for their forms.
It's like, yeah, exactly.
(24:09):
That's how you like take theorder.
How do you answer that if youare a gay couple?
Like I don't understand.
A lot of people are great atlike.
You know, using more inclusiveterms and that's what we're I
feel like that's like thestarting point.
Just to make that like, more ofa norm in the industry, but
yeah, and then, like, fromthere, though, there's like, I
(24:30):
feel like there's like, ageneral idea that, like, the
bride is like, the 1 who knows,like, Everything like the vibe,
the color, the aesthetic, and itwas like leading it.
And then there's just like thislike groom who was lost or
whatever.
And it's like, yeah, that's notalways the case.
And I think being open to that,like, and like, I don't know,
(24:52):
being open to that, noteverybody's going to fit into
that thing and then beingprepared for people wanting
other options and knowing whatthat might look like, having
ideas, being ready to.
Provide those alternativeoptions if people don't want
certain things, or if they want,you know, like people.
(25:15):
Yeah, I feel like there's, it'salso kind of in the floral
world, like, whatever.
The bridal bouquet is sets thetone for the wedding is kind of
like the idea.
And I think moving away fromthat to like, maybe you don't
even want personal flowers andyou just want to set the tone by
like the arch you're having orsomething like there's, there's
(25:37):
an idea that whatever the brideis, is setting the tone.
And I think, I think in general,the focus should be more on the
couple and like the vibe.
But yeah, I think, and the, youknow, flowers to have
association with gender andlike, that it's a very like
(25:58):
feminine thing, and it's girlyand whatever.
And I don't think that thatnecessarily has to be the case
either.
And that there's ways to doflowers to be like, affirming to
whatever.
Feels good for you, right?
And I mean, flowers are used andlike, we talk about this a lot,
but flowers are there at likeall aspects of life, you know,
(26:21):
it's, it's actually not thisthing that is supposed to be
feminized.
It actually is for literallyevery important moment in life
that happens.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's like a big reason why.
Like we even care about flowers.
It's like historically it's,it's super interesting.
Like that there's a reasonflowers always show up for like
(26:46):
big, like life moments, likebirth, death, marriage,
graduations, like it's like aritual marker and it means
something like symbolically, andI think that's important to
people and I think it should notbe like a, a burden and more of
like actually represent what youwant.
(27:09):
And yeah, it's more aboutrepresenting life than it is
about being a gender in acertain way.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Yeah.
That was a mic drop moment rightthere.
No, but seriously, that is like,I think that's so helpful for
putting it into perspective.
Like you're so right that it isused for so many things, but
(27:30):
people still have this tendencyto be like, it's so feminine and
I don't want.
Yeah.
So.
That's a great thing to pointout.
But yeah, I mean, let's let'stalk about it.
Like.
Again, like I said earlier,people are usually like, when
they're picturing a wedding,they're like, okay, 1, 1
bouquet, 1 boutonniere, youknow, but for those, like, I
(27:56):
don't know, like, I would justlove to hear your ideas.
Like, there's so many couples.
I think who.
Yeah, like, could someone who'swearing a dress still wear a
boutonniere?
Could someone who's wearing asuit still hold a bouquet?
Like, let's, let's talk aboutit.
Oh, absolutely.
I mean, we're talking about thequeer community.
We're already changing thingsand doing things in our own way.
(28:16):
You can have whatever you want.
Like, this is your day.
This is your marker of life, ofthe stage that you're at in
life.
And it's like, Why not choosewhatever you want?
Like you should feel comfortableand you should be able to choose
what you want for it.
Yeah.
And like florals can be made,you know, custom to you and like
custom to whatever you'rewearing.
(28:37):
Like, like people do pocketsquares, people do lapels.
Like you can have a boutonnierelike pin on florals that are
made like with the dress inmind, you can have, you can hold
a bouquet and wear a suit.
Like there's like so many.
There's so many ways you canwear flower crown.
You can just do hair flowers.
(28:58):
You could do floral rings, like,kind of whatever you want, or
like, even if you don't wantflowers on your body, like, just
having the.
Alter decorated a certain way,like whatever, whatever fits
you.
And like, I think, yeah, it'snot as rigid as it kind of seems
like there's ways that as afloral designer, like we can
(29:23):
work with you and the specificthing you're wearing.
Like, I mean, it's an art form,like.
And we're both artists, we'reused to considering the
materials of everything and thatpart of that is like, who wants
to be wearing it and like, whatdo they want it to interact
with?
Like we, like, and we're notjust like artists, like we both
are like heavily into sculpture.
(29:43):
So this is like perfect for us.
Like, I like, I'm, I'm obsessedwith the lapel thing right now.
I want to like do some crazystuff with that.
And that can go on anything.
Right.
It can be small, it can be big,it can be a whole statement, or
it can just be like an accent,like, there's so many things to
do with it, and I'm like, Ithink because we're queer and
(30:06):
we're doing the design workourselves and this is like our
focus we're bringing that to thetable already so if you want to
like come to us with these ideaslike it's you know yeah we'll go
with it we'll go and like do itexactly how you want because
that's what we're excited aboutwe're excited about kind of
breaking down these boundariesof flowers have to be this for
(30:30):
weddings they have to be in thisstrict format right and there's
like other ways to have.
Like a bouquet, like, I, you canhave like greenery or like dried
stuff.
Like, it doesn't have tonecessarily be like this, like,
really like lush flowery thing.
If you don't want it to be that,like, it can look other ways.
(30:50):
So, yeah, that is so true.
I was just thinking about that.
How, like, there's ways to haveother, yeah, other kind of
plants involved to that.
I mean, I feel like I'mcontradicting myself because we
did say like, oh, florals don'thave to be feminine, which I
agree, but.
I also understand that for somepeople they still have that
(31:13):
association and it doesn't feellike authentic to them, but
maybe like holding some fernswood or something, you know, I
feel like there's something coolabout that too.
Well, I was going to say youlike for us, like we eloped and
like I had a bouquet and you hada boot in your hand, but that's
like, That's that's what worksout right for us.
Right.
(31:33):
That's so true that.
Yeah.
I, I feel like I do try to saythat throughout episodes of the
podcast too.
It's like, just because it'slike, quote unquote, traditional
doesn't mean you can't do it.
Like, if that's what feels goodfor you.
Yeah.
We're we'll have a, a Pinterestlike mood board in the show
notes for y'all to look at andget some inspiration.
(31:53):
Cause yeah, I think there's so,there's so many options out
there, but truthfully, Iwouldn't have known what the
options were until justrecently.
So.
Yeah, be on the lookout forthat.
I guess I was just wondering, ifthere are other florists here
listening, who are curious aboutsome ways that they could be
(32:16):
more affirming in their ownbusiness in my brain, like, you
kind of just said how you wouldsort of run with, like, what
they were wearing or what thevibe was, like, practically
speaking, is that something thatyou Like, is that how you would
start?
Like, would you talk to thecouple and be like, what are you
wearing?
What's the vibe versus like,who's the bride?
(32:36):
Who's the groom, right?
Yeah.
I mean, a lot of that startswith your initial form of
filling out like who you are,what type of stuff you're
interested in.
All floors kind of have thatformat and that's the best way
for them to get like an initial.
The initial information theyneed to then have conversations
(32:58):
with you.
And a lot of changing thedynamic about this is starting
there.
And like, we said earlier, youknow, changing how it's
formatted of, like, the brideand the groom.
If you change that, you'reautomatically, like, opening up
so much more possibility for,you know, the options.
(33:19):
Yeah, and I think, like, yeah,like, we were talking about
earlier, like, thinking about itmore of, like, a representation
of, like, the couple and your,like, interest and what feels
authentic to you rather than,like, this singular focus and,
like, yeah, and then I think,like, as, like, a, a vendor,
(33:41):
like, working with clients,like, That's important.
And like, not having like thosestereotypes kind of in your
head, like, dictating what youthink somebody is going to want
versus what they actually want.
I think also like.
Something that could work forpeople is like how we were
saying that a lot of times it'sfocused around the bouquet.
(34:05):
If your form is more, is looseform and like more based on
like, do you want personalflowers?
Cause sometimes people might notwant that.
And if you start with that, Ifeel like it can open up to
like, okay, well, what is thegeneral style you're going for?
Instead of like, what's thebouquet we're going to base
(34:25):
everything based off of that.
Yeah.
That's so good.
Yeah, like keeping things prettyopen ended so that you can leave
more space for the couple toshare.
Yeah.
I mean, on our form, we use likenearly what?
Because we like, I don't know.
We like that.
I don't know if that's like aterm, but I think it's cute.
Yeah.
(34:46):
Like for both people in therelationship, like you don't
like, I feel like sometimespeople are like, well, what
terms would you use then?
Like, how do you even make itnon gender?
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
Cause I feel like people arelike, oh, like.
Then do I have to say likegroomsmaid or something?
And I'm like, no, like, we don'teven have to be labeling.
(35:06):
Like, we can just be like, howmany boutonnieres do you want?
Like, do you want bouquets forthe wedding party?
Yeah.
Wedding party.
Yeah.
Florals.
Do you want wedding party?
It doesn't have to be likeconfusing and like, yeah.
So I feel like it's this bighurdle for people to get over
sometimes.
And I'm like, it's actually somuch simpler.
(35:26):
Because then somebody even,because then even like a
straight couple could be like,well, what if we don't want to
be in that format?
And then now they can, butbefore they didn't even like
have that option.
It was just like black or white.
Like, it's so like, there's nonuance, even like not all
straight people want likeexactly that or have like
(35:48):
bridesmaids and stuff.
Like, yeah.
So I think it's like you weresaying about like, The, the what
was it like the, the bride inthat one wedding wanted like to
have like a man on her side andhe was like, well, how do I hold
the bouquet?
And I'm like, you could have himhold the bouquet and that's
awesome.
Or you could be like, oh, well,I'm going to have another option
for him.
You know, there's so manydifferent ways of doing things,
(36:10):
right?
No, that's so true.
And I'm glad you said that.
Like, I feel like that'sanother.
Reoccurring theme that I love tobring up is that, like, doing
things well for the queercommunity is like, a benefit to
everyone.
Right?
Like, it's yeah.
So super glad you said that.
Is there anything, any finalnotes you want to share, whether
it's to the couples listeningwho might be thinking about
(36:33):
their wedding or to any vendorslistening.
Any final thoughts?
What do you think?
I think I think a main thing isjust like, don't be like, scared
to.
To not do what you to, like, notdo what you want to do.
Like, if you have an idea aboutsomething for your elopement or
(36:55):
your wedding, like, you can findthe right people like there to
help you get that, you know,like.
Yeah, I mean, it can be like,intimidating sometimes to, like,
make sure that, like, the vendoryou're going with or something
is like, doing things in a waythat you want and like.
I guess just kind of like,don't, don't be afraid to do it.
(37:17):
However, you want to do it.
Right?
It's like, kind of like gettinga tattoo.
Like, you want to speak up forwhat you want.
If you're like, not that I mean,it's like an important moment in
your life and you want it to be.
You want to feel like, safe andgood about it and.
Like you're being heard.
So yeah, I think it's, it's likegood and important to choose
(37:42):
people you feel aligned with andlike be able to voice what you
want and feel comfortable.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
I love that.
Again, you guys just had greatcomparisons the whole episode,
picking out your flowers is likegetting a tattoo.
I mean, it is like, you're goingto look back and like, remember
that.
I'm like, You want it to feelgood.
(38:04):
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like a life moment.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And also like, not that therehas to be all that pressure too,
because I think there's pressureabout like, It being the best
day of your life, right?
It can also just be like, Imean, we like eloped and
probably planned it.
(38:25):
I don't even know.
We planned it super last minute,basically, and it was perfect
for us because that's that's howwe are, you know, like, yeah,
you can do it any way you want.
And that's part of like.
Being queer, you're doing ithowever way you want to do it.
And that works.
Absolutely.
You can do it any way you want.
And also we'll give you someinspiration to help that feel
(38:47):
also less scary.
Cause sometimes that can alsofeel scary on its own being
like, I have all the options andnow I'm scared.
Wow.
Well, thank you to both.
So, so much for sharing yourtime and your knowledge and
Yeah.
Everybody keep on the lookoutfor that mood board.
I think the takeaway is justlike, yeah, do, do what feels
(39:11):
right for you and hire PrairieRose for all your needs.
Yeah.
Thank you so much.
This has been so much funtalking with you.
Yeah.
We're so excited.
Yeah.
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