November 20, 2024 • 33 mins
It's been a rough time since the election and I'm here to sit in that with y'all. Read here for the blog mentioned:
Post- Election resources blog
I'm also here to discuss finding our new normal and the importance of acknowledging queer couples and identities while also realizing it's normal and cool AF to be queer.
Please keep finding your community, finding moments of joy and making more community.
The intro and all instrumentals were written, sung and recorded by @JaynaDavisMusic
Queerly Beloved, I'm so glad you joined!
Please keep the community going by checking me out on instagram @wildlyconnectedphoto and come say hi! I'd love to hear from you! :)
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Micro (00:04):
I just want us all to.
Start this episode with.
Uh, one big deep breath intogether.
Wow.
Uh, it has been a very.
Weird and very rough past coupleof weeks.
(00:28):
I know, I kind of just got thepodcast up and going again, but
I took a pause.
post-election just because.
It just didn't feel quite rightto just kind of, uh, jump back
into things and to be.
Posting like.
Wedding related content as pernormal.
(00:49):
When very clearly the world.
Does not feel.
Super normal.
I think in discussing the topicof this week's episode, I hope
that it will lend itself wellto.
The concept that.
Well, I think the world is goingto be shifting a lot.
(01:11):
And that is where, of course, alot of our.
Attention's will be going.
That hopefully.
For each person and within.
Our community that we can stillfind ways to find our own
normals and.
Hopefully find ways that as theworld.
(01:33):
Changes that we are still ableto, to find peace and joy in our
lives.
But I do just want to say that.
It has been.
Uh, very.
Rough couple of weeks and it'sokay to be feeling whatever you
have felt and whatever youcontinue to feel.
(01:54):
Yeah.
Like I said, I don't think thatlife is necessarily quote
unquote going back to normal.
and in fact it has kind of justthis weird gray area, right.
Where.
The results were announced and.
Obviously, it's not a newtradition, but now we're all
kind of just sitting here.
and tell inauguration day, andit feels very weird and gray and
(02:17):
uncertain.
And it's okay to feel that.
But what I will say is that.
I know that I am so incrediblygrateful for.
Community for my friends andchosen family.
And.
For those who may have not seenon my socials the Friday post
(02:39):
election, I was.
Kind of already planning onhosting and get together for the
queer couples that I've workedwith or I'm going to work with.
And I considered canceling itcause I was just like, is this,
I don't know if this is a goodtime, but.
I kept to the event and it endedup honestly being just.
(03:01):
One of the most beautiful nightsof my life.
It was just so, so powerful.
And so comforting to be in aroom full of queer folks who we
all just got it.
Right.
Like we could just walk in theroom and know that we were all
on the same page andexperiencing the same things.
(03:21):
And.
We could be sad together, but wecould also.
Cher joy and share hope.
I guess all of this rambling isto say that I really, really
encourage you.
To find your own community,right.
We've got four long years aheadof us.
And.
(03:42):
I think that one of the bestways for us to do that is to be
in community with each other.
And I am going to try to do mypart in that.
I had many requests to keepholding these events and so.
I am hoping to once every othermonth hold an event for, for
(04:04):
queer folks to just gather and.
I think honestly, even probablydo a little bit of what I will
be discussing in this episode.
Right.
We need to, we need to feelnormal and we also need to
acknowledge that, like we'regoing through something and.
And we're going to fight, andwe're also going to celebrate
what we've gone through already.
(04:25):
So.
Definitely.
If you are a Minnesota Loco,please know that you are welcome
and keep your eyes out fordetails on that next event.
Kind of figuring out how it'sgoing to be email sustainable
and how to get the word outabout it, but just kind of want
to put that out there that Iwill definitely be hosting more
(04:47):
opportunity for us to be incommunity together.
Before I jumped into this week'sepisode, though.
One other quick thing is Iwanted to mention it is
currently in the works to havesomebody from the legal space.
Come on here.
And talk about You know, I'mjust kind of what's going on and
give advice to the communitybecause.
(05:09):
Yeah, we all have so much to do.
As far as, you know, makingdecisions about marriage and
also just making sure thatthings are as taken care of as
possible.
You know, from health caredirectives to estate planning
and, and all of those things arereally, really important.
So, I am working on havingsomebody come on the podcast to
(05:31):
chat about that.
But in the meantime, I wrotejust the short little blog.
Sharing some websites and legalresources.
I'm not obviously giving legaladvice, but.
Just sharing some resources.
Hopefully to just kind of get itstarted for you.
And also some.
Some advice and some informationtoo, if you ultimately ended up
(05:52):
deciding to sign your marriagepapers.
Or, you know, have to shiftthings around because of.
He who shall not be named.
So anyway, I will link that blogpost below and I'm hopefully
going to be continuing to sharemore resources.
But just kind of wanted to sharethat Before I dive into the
(06:12):
episode.
All right.
Like I said, I took a pause fromsharing on the podcast and
actually I had recorded thisepisode, but I've gone ahead and
rerecorded it because.
There was some things with thechanging.
Of the world and the electionthat, that I wanted to add in
and share.
And It actually feels kind oflike a very relevant time to
(06:34):
talk about these concepts.
Let me, let me just, let me justget into it because I think it
will explain itself, but.
This week, we're talking aboutthe idea of both celebrating and
normalizing LGBTQ plus folks andidentities.
We do want to normalize the ideaof being queer and being in a
(06:55):
queer relationship.
Like, we want to feel normal,but you know, it's not normal.
It's not normal going to sleep,knowing that when you wake up in
the morning, It feels like yourentire existence and all the
rights that those before you andyou yourself have fought for.
(07:15):
Could be taken away.
In the next month.
That's not normal.
And.
We as LGBTQ plus folks, we wantto feel normal.
We want to feel like we're notbeing othered.
We want to feel like we have thesame rights and access as
everyone else.
And at the same time.
(07:37):
There continues to be a lot ofpainful reminders in the world
that it's.
Not fully in the cards for usyet.
And that is why the concept ofcelebrating our identities
becomes so important.
Because we have had to fight.
Through.
So, so much to be where we are.
(07:59):
And I'm talking both on a bigscale of folks fighting
throughout history for ourexistence, you know?
Queer people have long existed.
And have had to go through somuch.
For us.
And I continue to be so gratefulfor everything that those before
us have done for us.
(08:21):
And I'm also talking about on asmall scale where individual
humans have had to fight theirown battles.
And journeys to discoverthemselves to come out.
Have had to face battles.
You know, within their owncommunities with their own,
their own friends and familiesof.
Coming out.
And what in the repercussionsthat may have come with that.
(08:42):
So.
That's why celebrating is soimportant because both on a big
and small scale queer folks havegone through so much to be where
we are.
And we'll continue to have to gothrough those things and will
therefore have to continuecelebrating.
(09:03):
All of the battles that we willcontinue to go through and we'll
continue to win because we areresilient as heck.
But I feel like it's sorelevant.
Because he, who shall not benamed being elected.
It acted as a signal to us.
And acted as a signal.
(09:23):
That we are still not seen asnormal, even though we want to
have the same normal rights iseveryone.
Our rights could be on thechopping block.
And I do want to quickly saythat.
Yes, I am talking about.
LGBTQ plus folks and LGBTQrights in this episode.
But I do acknowledge that thereare so many other.
(09:46):
Communities and minority groupsthat this election is affecting,
and we have so many other folksto support.
So I just want to make surethat.
We all know that too, that thisgoes beyond us obviously.
And we all need to be supportingeach other.
So just wanted to quicklyacknowledge that But as, as the
(10:09):
saying the selection, it servedas that reminder, right.
That.
We have.
Uh, fought so hard to be wherewe are, even though it's not
perfect.
And the election served as areminder that what we fought
for.
It could all be taken away.
But we are going to fight likehell for our community.
(10:31):
We're going to fight for rights.
We are going to push back.
And at the end of that, all.
If there ever is truly an end.
Gosh, darn it are.
Are we going to want tocelebrate?
We will want to celebrate that.
We fought like hell for ourcommunity and to celebrate
(10:52):
again, those who've come beforeus and those who will come after
us.
Right.
So I think this moment in timeis actually such a unique time
to be talking about.
This topic that I had scheduledmonths ago.
It's just, it's such a perfectreminder that.
We want to feel normal, right?
(11:13):
We want normal rights.
We want normal human rights.
But at the same time, we, we dowant to celebrate where we've
come from and we will for surewant to have a heck of a party.
When these four years are over.
So.\ That is why I kind ofrerecorded this week's episode
because it feels.
I'll be relevant.
(11:35):
And.
As I kind of shift and talkabout.
Celebration and normalizing andhow it can pertain to queer
couples in the wedding space andall of that.
I really, really wanted to sharefrom a queer perspective
because.
There's been like a hugeincrease and more folks just
(11:56):
being generally open to LGBTQfolks or in vendors saying that
they're LGBTQ friendly.
Which is great.
Right?
That's so awesome.
That's the goal like yay.
High five.
And at the same time, I feellike.
Because there's been a growingacceptance and, you know, people
trying to.
(12:18):
Be more kind and open.
I feel like with that, there'sjust been some kind of like
interesting.
Shifts and things that I'venoticed.
And so that's how I reallywanted to talk about it from my
own queer experience.
Yeah, let's talk about it.
Let's talk about the difference.
I know that the concepts ofcelebrating and normalizing
(12:41):
might seem like they.
Are at odds with each other.
But they're actually not, and Ican't be mutually exclusive.
So I'm going to talk about whatthey both are.
Why we need them.
And then also how to findbalance between the two
concepts, because.
I think that's really what I'venoticed with this increase in
(13:02):
people being open.
Is that maybe the concepts feelout of balance in one way or the
other.
And so we really want to work tofind.
A good balance between the twoconcepts.
And that will allow us.
Both as individuals in thecommunity to figure out what
that feels like for us.
(13:24):
And also for allies and vendors.
Finding that balance is how youcan be a better ally and kind of
live it out.
In your own day-to-day life.
So.
I am going to break down each ofthem.
Specifically.
But just kind of at a highlevel.
I wanted to say how these twothings interact with each other.
(13:44):
Celebration draws the attentionto the uniqueness of the LGBTQ
experience.
Of queer lives and the conceptof normalization ensures that
these identities are wovenseamlessly into everyday life.
So with them working together,they will help.
(14:05):
Fight discrimination, but theywill also affirm that queer
individuals are not justaccepted, but are also equals.
Hopefully that just kind ofgives like a high level
understanding of like how thesetwo concepts interact with each
other and why they're bothneeded.
And I also just wanted to.
Kind of give an example thatpopped into my head.
(14:27):
So you're walking down thestreet and you're run into.
Dolly Parton.
I love a good Dolly moment.
I know she's popular with thegays, so it felt relevant.
So.
You're walking down the streetand you see Dolly.
And you're probably going to bereally excited because it's
Dolly Parton.
You know, she's a talentedindividual, she's saying amazing
(14:49):
songs.
She's such a fun and uniqueperson.
But if you were kind and decenthuman, you probably also don't
want to like ruin her whole dayby screaming her name.
Drawing all this attention toher.
Also, it probably mean you beinglike.
Tackled by a security guard,which is not great.
(15:10):
But.
You because you don't wanteither of those things.
You decide to find the happymedium of quietly walking up to
her.
Approaching her and, you know,making her feel like.
Hey, I'm just, I'm here to sayhello.
I'm here to ask you how you'redoing.
(15:31):
But I'm also really excited tomeet you and I'm really, really.
Feeling excited that I get tochat with you and tell you,
thank you for your amazing songsand get to take a selfie with
you.
Are you catching my drift?
Right.
Like.
I feel like that's such a sillyexample, but it's kind of, it's
(15:51):
the idea we're going for it,right?
Like if you, if you saw DollyParton, you're going to be
excited.
You are like you realizing.
Yeah, you're cool.
And like, I'm not just going tonot acknowledge that, but at the
same time, if you're talking toher, like you also don't want to
make her feel.
Like she's an alien and screamand the spotlight's only on her
(16:15):
all the time.
Yeah, it's silly, but it works.
Okay.
Hear me out.
All right, so let's talk about.
The concept of celebrating LGBTQplus couples, LGBTQ identities.
So the idea of celebrating.
And it's something that allowsus to really acknowledge those
(16:40):
identities and acknowledge wherewe've come from.
So celebrating feels like.
A very affirming thing becauseit validates our experiences.
Our struggles are joys.
And so I think that's superimportant, right?
Because celebrating, and it's apositive thing, but I think.
(17:03):
That celebrating can also justbe.
Something you use to say.
Acknowledging also, right.
That you're acknowledging wheresomeone has come from, what
they've gone through.
And you're saying yes.
I see that as a part of who youare.
I think that celebrating.
(17:23):
It's also a means to build andconnect with community.
And I think that that's exactlywhy we have pride every year,
because it connects us.
It creates safe spaces at allowsto build new connections and
makes us feel as though we havesomewhere to belong and feel
(17:44):
solidarity within our communityand just kind of.
Like I said earlier, just know.
We that we all get it right.
So celebrating as a way to dothat too.
And also I think celebratingthese identities is a way to.
Like just acknowledge that.
(18:05):
There are so many differentkinds of humans in this world
and that all of us.
With our differences andacknowledging that those
differences can be reallybeautiful.
It just adds to the humanexperience.
Right.
So.
That's kind of what I'm talkingabout, what I'm talking about,
celebration that like, yes.
It's like, heck yeah.
(18:26):
You are awesome.
And I also see you for the fullperson that you are, where
you've come from.
Where you're going.
And that.
You know, obviously that extendsto things beyond your queer
identity, right.
It doesn't have to just be thequeer identity, but that is kind
of what we're talking about.
And so I think that.
Celebrating identities.
(18:48):
Can actually, yeah, it can looklike pride.
It can look like.
Hanging a pride flag or, youknow, having a rainbow pin or.
Just being in community withother folks it can also be
celebrating who you are and youridentity can be things like.
You know, dressing in a way thatfeels true to your identity.
(19:10):
And can also be learning aboutqueer history and it can also
just be living your day-to-daylife.
Right.
I'm celebrating.
I feel like.
We use that word so often inassociation with like a big
party or a cake or fireworks orwhatever in.
Those things are great.
And like, heck yeah.
I love a good slice of rainbowcake, but it doesn't always have
(19:34):
to be that right.
I think there's little ways tocelebrate in day-to-day life,
too.
Okay.
So moving on to talking aboutthe concept of normalization.
So this concept.
It is in there too.
Be the balancing out of thecelebration.
To create a safe space.
(19:56):
Right?
That's what normalizing does.
We want to feel normal so thatagain, not.
There's not fireworks.
When we walk into a room, right.
We can feel a normal.
And I think the idea ofnormalizing is also something.
That.
Helps to reduce stigma.
(20:17):
And it does that by challengingstereotypes and assumptions.
That folks may realize theyhave, or they might not realize
they have But right.
Like we want to feel normal.
In the same way that like othercouples feel normal.
And I think that.
(20:37):
When we strive for that, both.
As a community and what we'readvocating for.
And as allies, when we try to dothat, it makes the community
feel safe and allows us to liveour lives more freely.
And a super cool thing aboutthis too, is that the.
(20:58):
Younger generations, seeingthese things be normalized.
Just opens up so many doors forthem to feel.
Normalized and.
I feel that they can be themtrue selves.
Can be their true selves aswell.
So normalizing can look like.
(21:18):
You know, Asking asking forpronouns using pronouns.
And doing it in a very, justnonchalant way.
You know, putting them in youremail signature, putting them on
name tags.
Very casually asking people fortheirs and not making a big deal
about it.
It can be things like.
In some ways like treatingcouples the same way you would.
(21:42):
I mean, I say that was a grainof salt, cause it's like, not
always true, but like,Generally, you know, trying to
treat couples all the same.
And normalizing can also looklike protesting, like.
Advocating for rights advocate,advocating for changes,
advocating to get rid of oldharmful bills and rules and
(22:04):
Honestly, normalizing.
Also looks like just living yourday-to-day life as a queer
person.
And allowing the queer folksaround you to live their life.
In a normal day-to-day fashion.
So.
That's kind of just a breakdownof what those two things are.
What they mean and what it cankind of look like.
(22:27):
But what I really want to drivehome again, is the concept of
balance between these twoconcepts.
And I think.
To what I was saying earlierabout notice.
Noticing.
Some weird shifts as people havestarted trying to accept.
And be open to LGBTQ folks isthat it feels like.
(22:50):
They're not in balance.
And what I mean by that is.
You could talk to one person whoit feels like they are just
celebrating out the wazoo,right?
It's.
If you're thinking about ateeter-totter like.
One kid's like all the way up onthe top and like stuck up there.
Okay.
(23:11):
And.
We don't want that because thenwhat that turns into is even
though it's coming from probablya really great place, It can end
up making people feel reallyweird and it can make them feel
othered, which is what we don'twant.
Right.
We want to see people for whothey are.
But we don't want it to.
(23:33):
Also make it the only thingabout them and we don't want it
to like do it in a way that endsup making people feel weird.
Right.
So like it.
I know it's an example I'veused.
On the podcast before.
So, hopefully you're not tiredof this example, but something
that comes to mind that I'veseen other photographers do.
Is that.
(23:53):
They just try a little too hardwith the slides and the Queens
and the yes.
And the work gets and like,yeah, those things are like
finding great.
And I, I know it might sound alittle bit weird because it's
not like those things arederogatory.
But if that's all you're doingwith a queer couple, like all
day long, it's like, okay.
(24:15):
One time was probably good.
You know, like we don't, wedon't need to say sleigh.
Every other second, we don'tneed to say work at queen every
second of every picture of everymoment of every day, you know?
Whereas our heart, you guys,but.
That's just that something thatcomes to mind.
(24:35):
And it's just kind of like aneasy.
Example of sometimes when I seepeople.
Trying to celebrate a little toohard, you know, sometimes.
Sometimes it's just okay.
To like slip it in there onetime and that's good.
And move on.
But then on the other side, Whenpeople are.
(24:56):
I feel like lean too much intothe normalizing.
It's almost like.
Yes again.
Both of these things are comingfrom good places.
And when I've seen this playedout in real life, I know that
what the person is doing is, istrying to make us feel normal.
(25:17):
But then it's almost like whenthey do that.
It erases your identity, right?
So someone's saying.
Listen, it's 2024.
Like it doesn't really matterwho you are, who you love.
Like.
It's fine.
Like you don't need to make abig deal about it.
(25:39):
Why are you, you know, Sayingwhat your identities are.
Why are you putting on yourwebsite that you work with
couples?
Like, shouldn't it just beobvious that you it's 20, 24?
Like we work with everyone.
Like it's fine.
Love is love, whatever.
I get it.
Like I get what you're trying tosay, Dan, But listen, Dan.
(25:59):
When you lean too heavy intothat side of things and that's.
That's the only way you evertalk about it.
It really makes us feel asthough like our identities
aren't important at all, then.
And that's just.
Like I've said.
On both a big scale and a smallscale.
(26:21):
So many of us have had to gothrough so much to be aware.
We are.
And I think.
That also leaning too much intothe it's 20, 24.
Why does it matter mentality?
Kind of shows your privilege alittle bit in a way, because
yes.
We have made so many stridesforward.
(26:43):
And.
Also with this election.
Who knows what will happen.
But even before the selection,like it's not always butterflies
and rainbows everywhere, alwaysfor queer people.
Like that's just not the case.
That is not the reality.
You just kind of saying it's 20,24.
(27:04):
It should be obvious thateveryone works with everyone and
it's all fine.
And it's all good.
It's just, it's notacknowledging where folks have
come from.
And it's, it's like, you'resaying.
Who they are and who they foughtto be.
Where they are now is notimportant.
And that's also just not a greatlook.
So you catch my drift.
(27:24):
Like you catch why we need bothof these concepts to be in
harmony with each other and theyneed to be in balance.
And I'm not saying like it hasto be perfect.
It's okay.
If there's times that there's.
A little bit more celebrationand partying.
And there's times when it's alittle bit more.
Chill and low-key and normal.
(27:45):
But in general.
Balance.
Balances what we're going forhere.
Okay.
We.
We like a nice, nice eventeeter-totter between the two.
Okay.
So.
For the queer folks who arehere.
And listening.
I think that this is animportant concept for you to be
(28:06):
thinking about.
Within yourself as anindividual.
Right.
Like, how can you feelcelebrated?
How do you celebrate youridentity?
Like what feels good for you?
And like I sat again, it couldjust be dressing in a way that
makes you feel really good andaffirmed.
In your identity.
It could be wearing a cutelittle rainbow pin, right?
(28:27):
Like, whatever that is.
And normalizing for you as anindividual, I think could also
look like.
Maybe it's healing, the parts ofyou that.
We're told that you weredifferent in a bad way, and you
are normalizing that withinyourself and normalizing.
(28:48):
You being in the relationshipthat you're in and doing that
kind of work.
Right?
So this, this applies to us asqueer folks ourselves too.
And I think it's reallyimportant for us to have our own
versions of celebrating andnormalizing.
And then for the allies outthere listening, I would hope
that.
(29:09):
This kind of clarified whatthose two concepts are.
And hopefully you can thinkabout how you want to find that
balance in your own life, rightin how you interact with folks
and how you run your business.
All of that.
And I just want to say too I'malways open to chat about this.
Like, if you want to.
Slot into my DMS and talk abouthow that might look for your
(29:32):
business.
I am definitely open to chattingabout that.
Feel free to reach out to me atwildly connected photo on
Instagram, and I would be happyto chat.
Obviously it would be happy tochat with, with my queer friends
too.
But, yeah, it's, it's reallyimportant that you figure out
what that looks like for you inyour business, because.
(29:53):
Doing that.
And being able to find thatbalance is how you're going to
truly make LGBTQ plus folks feelgreat about working with you.
Because they will know that theywill feel seen.
But then they also just feellike they can be safe.
Right.
I think that's also kind ofanother way to talk about these
(30:13):
concepts is that you want to beseen, but we also want to be
safe.
We want to know that we have aseat at the table.
And that you're going to makesure that we have a seat and
then everyone's going to benormal at the table, but you're
also not doing it in a way thatmakes us feel weird.
When we sit down at the table.
(30:35):
Right.
Does this make sense?
Am I making sense?
Hopefully I'm making sense.
Might just be rambling.
But.
Like I said, I'm always happy tochat through the specifics of
this.
I know it's kind of.
It's it is a simple concept, butI, I know that it can feel like
a fine line trying to find thebalance.
So always happy to chat aboutit.
(30:57):
And clearly beloved.
Thank you so much for taking thetime to be together this week,
especially in the craziness ofour world.
I think.
This is a relevant topicbecause.
We aren't going back to normal.
Who knows what normal will benow.
But we are going to continue tocelebrate our community to
(31:21):
celebrate our love stories.
To celebrate new, newconnection, new community.
And.
Yeah.
I'm going to end it on thatnote.
So.
Thank you guys again so much forbeing here for being in
community with me.
If you need anything, please,please, please reach out.
(31:43):
I want to be supporting mycommunity and as many ways.
As I can over the next fouryears.
So please don't be strangers.
Please reach out.
You can email me.
You can slide in my DMS.
And I am gonna stop talking now.
Much love to all of you guys.
I just want us all to.
Start this episode with.
Uh, one big deep breath intogether.
Wow.
Uh, it has been a very.
Weird and very rough past coupleof weeks.
(00:28):
I know, I kind of just got thepodcast up and going again, but
I took a pause.
post-election just because.
It just didn't feel quite rightto just kind of, uh, jump back
into things and to be.
Posting like.
Wedding related content as pernormal.
(00:49):
When very clearly the world.
Does not feel.
Super normal.
I think in discussing the topicof this week's episode, I hope
that it will lend itself wellto.
The concept that.
Well, I think the world is goingto be shifting a lot.
(01:11):
And that is where, of course, alot of our.
Attention's will be going.
That hopefully.
For each person and within.
Our community that we can stillfind ways to find our own
normals and.
Hopefully find ways that as theworld.
(01:33):
Changes that we are still ableto, to find peace and joy in our
lives.
But I do just want to say that.
It has been.
Uh, very.
Rough couple of weeks and it'sokay to be feeling whatever you
have felt and whatever youcontinue to feel.
(01:54):
Yeah.
Like I said, I don't think thatlife is necessarily quote
unquote going back to normal.
and in fact it has kind of justthis weird gray area, right.
Where.
The results were announced and.
Obviously, it's not a newtradition, but now we're all
kind of just sitting here.
and tell inauguration day, andit feels very weird and gray and
(02:17):
uncertain.
And it's okay to feel that.
But what I will say is that.
I know that I am so incrediblygrateful for.
Community for my friends andchosen family.
And.
For those who may have not seenon my socials the Friday post
(02:39):
election, I was.
Kind of already planning onhosting and get together for the
queer couples that I've workedwith or I'm going to work with.
And I considered canceling itcause I was just like, is this,
I don't know if this is a goodtime, but.
I kept to the event and it endedup honestly being just.
(03:01):
One of the most beautiful nightsof my life.
It was just so, so powerful.
And so comforting to be in aroom full of queer folks who we
all just got it.
Right.
Like we could just walk in theroom and know that we were all
on the same page andexperiencing the same things.
(03:21):
And.
We could be sad together, but wecould also.
Cher joy and share hope.
I guess all of this rambling isto say that I really, really
encourage you.
To find your own community,right.
We've got four long years aheadof us.
And.
(03:42):
I think that one of the bestways for us to do that is to be
in community with each other.
And I am going to try to do mypart in that.
I had many requests to keepholding these events and so.
I am hoping to once every othermonth hold an event for, for
(04:04):
queer folks to just gather and.
I think honestly, even probablydo a little bit of what I will
be discussing in this episode.
Right.
We need to, we need to feelnormal and we also need to
acknowledge that, like we'regoing through something and.
And we're going to fight, andwe're also going to celebrate
what we've gone through already.
(04:25):
So.
Definitely.
If you are a Minnesota Loco,please know that you are welcome
and keep your eyes out fordetails on that next event.
Kind of figuring out how it'sgoing to be email sustainable
and how to get the word outabout it, but just kind of want
to put that out there that Iwill definitely be hosting more
(04:47):
opportunity for us to be incommunity together.
Before I jumped into this week'sepisode, though.
One other quick thing is Iwanted to mention it is
currently in the works to havesomebody from the legal space.
Come on here.
And talk about You know, I'mjust kind of what's going on and
give advice to the communitybecause.
(05:09):
Yeah, we all have so much to do.
As far as, you know, makingdecisions about marriage and
also just making sure thatthings are as taken care of as
possible.
You know, from health caredirectives to estate planning
and, and all of those things arereally, really important.
So, I am working on havingsomebody come on the podcast to
(05:31):
chat about that.
But in the meantime, I wrotejust the short little blog.
Sharing some websites and legalresources.
I'm not obviously giving legaladvice, but.
Just sharing some resources.
Hopefully to just kind of get itstarted for you.
And also some.
Some advice and some informationtoo, if you ultimately ended up
(05:52):
deciding to sign your marriagepapers.
Or, you know, have to shiftthings around because of.
He who shall not be named.
So anyway, I will link that blogpost below and I'm hopefully
going to be continuing to sharemore resources.
But just kind of wanted to sharethat Before I dive into the
(06:12):
episode.
All right.
Like I said, I took a pause fromsharing on the podcast and
actually I had recorded thisepisode, but I've gone ahead and
rerecorded it because.
There was some things with thechanging.
Of the world and the electionthat, that I wanted to add in
and share.
And It actually feels kind oflike a very relevant time to
(06:34):
talk about these concepts.
Let me, let me just, let me justget into it because I think it
will explain itself, but.
This week, we're talking aboutthe idea of both celebrating and
normalizing LGBTQ plus folks andidentities.
We do want to normalize the ideaof being queer and being in a
(06:55):
queer relationship.
Like, we want to feel normal,but you know, it's not normal.
It's not normal going to sleep,knowing that when you wake up in
the morning, It feels like yourentire existence and all the
rights that those before you andyou yourself have fought for.
(07:15):
Could be taken away.
In the next month.
That's not normal.
And.
We as LGBTQ plus folks, we wantto feel normal.
We want to feel like we're notbeing othered.
We want to feel like we have thesame rights and access as
everyone else.
And at the same time.
(07:37):
There continues to be a lot ofpainful reminders in the world
that it's.
Not fully in the cards for usyet.
And that is why the concept ofcelebrating our identities
becomes so important.
Because we have had to fight.
Through.
So, so much to be where we are.
(07:59):
And I'm talking both on a bigscale of folks fighting
throughout history for ourexistence, you know?
Queer people have long existed.
And have had to go through somuch.
For us.
And I continue to be so gratefulfor everything that those before
us have done for us.
(08:21):
And I'm also talking about on asmall scale where individual
humans have had to fight theirown battles.
And journeys to discoverthemselves to come out.
Have had to face battles.
You know, within their owncommunities with their own,
their own friends and familiesof.
Coming out.
And what in the repercussionsthat may have come with that.
(08:42):
So.
That's why celebrating is soimportant because both on a big
and small scale queer folks havegone through so much to be where
we are.
And we'll continue to have to gothrough those things and will
therefore have to continuecelebrating.
(09:03):
All of the battles that we willcontinue to go through and we'll
continue to win because we areresilient as heck.
But I feel like it's sorelevant.
Because he, who shall not benamed being elected.
It acted as a signal to us.
And acted as a signal.
(09:23):
That we are still not seen asnormal, even though we want to
have the same normal rights iseveryone.
Our rights could be on thechopping block.
And I do want to quickly saythat.
Yes, I am talking about.
LGBTQ plus folks and LGBTQrights in this episode.
But I do acknowledge that thereare so many other.
(09:46):
Communities and minority groupsthat this election is affecting,
and we have so many other folksto support.
So I just want to make surethat.
We all know that too, that thisgoes beyond us obviously.
And we all need to be supportingeach other.
So just wanted to quicklyacknowledge that But as, as the
(10:09):
saying the selection, it servedas that reminder, right.
That.
We have.
Uh, fought so hard to be wherewe are, even though it's not
perfect.
And the election served as areminder that what we fought
for.
It could all be taken away.
But we are going to fight likehell for our community.
(10:31):
We're going to fight for rights.
We are going to push back.
And at the end of that, all.
If there ever is truly an end.
Gosh, darn it are.
Are we going to want tocelebrate?
We will want to celebrate that.
We fought like hell for ourcommunity and to celebrate
(10:52):
again, those who've come beforeus and those who will come after
us.
Right.
So I think this moment in timeis actually such a unique time
to be talking about.
This topic that I had scheduledmonths ago.
It's just, it's such a perfectreminder that.
We want to feel normal, right?
(11:13):
We want normal rights.
We want normal human rights.
But at the same time, we, we dowant to celebrate where we've
come from and we will for surewant to have a heck of a party.
When these four years are over.
So.\ That is why I kind ofrerecorded this week's episode
because it feels.
I'll be relevant.
(11:35):
And.
As I kind of shift and talkabout.
Celebration and normalizing andhow it can pertain to queer
couples in the wedding space andall of that.
I really, really wanted to sharefrom a queer perspective
because.
There's been like a hugeincrease and more folks just
(11:56):
being generally open to LGBTQfolks or in vendors saying that
they're LGBTQ friendly.
Which is great.
Right?
That's so awesome.
That's the goal like yay.
High five.
And at the same time, I feellike.
Because there's been a growingacceptance and, you know, people
trying to.
(12:18):
Be more kind and open.
I feel like with that, there'sjust been some kind of like
interesting.
Shifts and things that I'venoticed.
And so that's how I reallywanted to talk about it from my
own queer experience.
Yeah, let's talk about it.
Let's talk about the difference.
I know that the concepts ofcelebrating and normalizing
(12:41):
might seem like they.
Are at odds with each other.
But they're actually not, and Ican't be mutually exclusive.
So I'm going to talk about whatthey both are.
Why we need them.
And then also how to findbalance between the two
concepts, because.
I think that's really what I'venoticed with this increase in
(13:02):
people being open.
Is that maybe the concepts feelout of balance in one way or the
other.
And so we really want to work tofind.
A good balance between the twoconcepts.
And that will allow us.
Both as individuals in thecommunity to figure out what
that feels like for us.
(13:24):
And also for allies and vendors.
Finding that balance is how youcan be a better ally and kind of
live it out.
In your own day-to-day life.
So.
I am going to break down each ofthem.
Specifically.
But just kind of at a highlevel.
I wanted to say how these twothings interact with each other.
(13:44):
Celebration draws the attentionto the uniqueness of the LGBTQ
experience.
Of queer lives and the conceptof normalization ensures that
these identities are wovenseamlessly into everyday life.
So with them working together,they will help.
(14:05):
Fight discrimination, but theywill also affirm that queer
individuals are not justaccepted, but are also equals.
Hopefully that just kind ofgives like a high level
understanding of like how thesetwo concepts interact with each
other and why they're bothneeded.
And I also just wanted to.
Kind of give an example thatpopped into my head.
(14:27):
So you're walking down thestreet and you're run into.
Dolly Parton.
I love a good Dolly moment.
I know she's popular with thegays, so it felt relevant.
So.
You're walking down the streetand you see Dolly.
And you're probably going to bereally excited because it's
Dolly Parton.
You know, she's a talentedindividual, she's saying amazing
(14:49):
songs.
She's such a fun and uniqueperson.
But if you were kind and decenthuman, you probably also don't
want to like ruin her whole dayby screaming her name.
Drawing all this attention toher.
Also, it probably mean you beinglike.
Tackled by a security guard,which is not great.
(15:10):
But.
You because you don't wanteither of those things.
You decide to find the happymedium of quietly walking up to
her.
Approaching her and, you know,making her feel like.
Hey, I'm just, I'm here to sayhello.
I'm here to ask you how you'redoing.
(15:31):
But I'm also really excited tomeet you and I'm really, really.
Feeling excited that I get tochat with you and tell you,
thank you for your amazing songsand get to take a selfie with
you.
Are you catching my drift?
Right.
Like.
I feel like that's such a sillyexample, but it's kind of, it's
(15:51):
the idea we're going for it,right?
Like if you, if you saw DollyParton, you're going to be
excited.
You are like you realizing.
Yeah, you're cool.
And like, I'm not just going tonot acknowledge that, but at the
same time, if you're talking toher, like you also don't want to
make her feel.
Like she's an alien and screamand the spotlight's only on her
(16:15):
all the time.
Yeah, it's silly, but it works.
Okay.
Hear me out.
All right, so let's talk about.
The concept of celebrating LGBTQplus couples, LGBTQ identities.
So the idea of celebrating.
And it's something that allowsus to really acknowledge those
(16:40):
identities and acknowledge wherewe've come from.
So celebrating feels like.
A very affirming thing becauseit validates our experiences.
Our struggles are joys.
And so I think that's superimportant, right?
Because celebrating, and it's apositive thing, but I think.
(17:03):
That celebrating can also justbe.
Something you use to say.
Acknowledging also, right.
That you're acknowledging wheresomeone has come from, what
they've gone through.
And you're saying yes.
I see that as a part of who youare.
I think that celebrating.
(17:23):
It's also a means to build andconnect with community.
And I think that that's exactlywhy we have pride every year,
because it connects us.
It creates safe spaces at allowsto build new connections and
makes us feel as though we havesomewhere to belong and feel
(17:44):
solidarity within our communityand just kind of.
Like I said earlier, just know.
We that we all get it right.
So celebrating as a way to dothat too.
And also I think celebratingthese identities is a way to.
Like just acknowledge that.
(18:05):
There are so many differentkinds of humans in this world
and that all of us.
With our differences andacknowledging that those
differences can be reallybeautiful.
It just adds to the humanexperience.
Right.
So.
That's kind of what I'm talkingabout, what I'm talking about,
celebration that like, yes.
It's like, heck yeah.
(18:26):
You are awesome.
And I also see you for the fullperson that you are, where
you've come from.
Where you're going.
And that.
You know, obviously that extendsto things beyond your queer
identity, right.
It doesn't have to just be thequeer identity, but that is kind
of what we're talking about.
And so I think that.
Celebrating identities.
(18:48):
Can actually, yeah, it can looklike pride.
It can look like.
Hanging a pride flag or, youknow, having a rainbow pin or.
Just being in community withother folks it can also be
celebrating who you are and youridentity can be things like.
You know, dressing in a way thatfeels true to your identity.
(19:10):
And can also be learning aboutqueer history and it can also
just be living your day-to-daylife.
Right.
I'm celebrating.
I feel like.
We use that word so often inassociation with like a big
party or a cake or fireworks orwhatever in.
Those things are great.
And like, heck yeah.
I love a good slice of rainbowcake, but it doesn't always have
(19:34):
to be that right.
I think there's little ways tocelebrate in day-to-day life,
too.
Okay.
So moving on to talking aboutthe concept of normalization.
So this concept.
It is in there too.
Be the balancing out of thecelebration.
To create a safe space.
(19:56):
Right?
That's what normalizing does.
We want to feel normal so thatagain, not.
There's not fireworks.
When we walk into a room, right.
We can feel a normal.
And I think the idea ofnormalizing is also something.
That.
Helps to reduce stigma.
(20:17):
And it does that by challengingstereotypes and assumptions.
That folks may realize theyhave, or they might not realize
they have But right.
Like we want to feel normal.
In the same way that like othercouples feel normal.
And I think that.
(20:37):
When we strive for that, both.
As a community and what we'readvocating for.
And as allies, when we try to dothat, it makes the community
feel safe and allows us to liveour lives more freely.
And a super cool thing aboutthis too, is that the.
(20:58):
Younger generations, seeingthese things be normalized.
Just opens up so many doors forthem to feel.
Normalized and.
I feel that they can be themtrue selves.
Can be their true selves aswell.
So normalizing can look like.
(21:18):
You know, Asking asking forpronouns using pronouns.
And doing it in a very, justnonchalant way.
You know, putting them in youremail signature, putting them on
name tags.
Very casually asking people fortheirs and not making a big deal
about it.
It can be things like.
In some ways like treatingcouples the same way you would.
(21:42):
I mean, I say that was a grainof salt, cause it's like, not
always true, but like,Generally, you know, trying to
treat couples all the same.
And normalizing can also looklike protesting, like.
Advocating for rights advocate,advocating for changes,
advocating to get rid of oldharmful bills and rules and
(22:04):
Honestly, normalizing.
Also looks like just living yourday-to-day life as a queer
person.
And allowing the queer folksaround you to live their life.
In a normal day-to-day fashion.
So.
That's kind of just a breakdownof what those two things are.
What they mean and what it cankind of look like.
(22:27):
But what I really want to drivehome again, is the concept of
balance between these twoconcepts.
And I think.
To what I was saying earlierabout notice.
Noticing.
Some weird shifts as people havestarted trying to accept.
And be open to LGBTQ folks isthat it feels like.
(22:50):
They're not in balance.
And what I mean by that is.
You could talk to one person whoit feels like they are just
celebrating out the wazoo,right?
It's.
If you're thinking about ateeter-totter like.
One kid's like all the way up onthe top and like stuck up there.
Okay.
(23:11):
And.
We don't want that because thenwhat that turns into is even
though it's coming from probablya really great place, It can end
up making people feel reallyweird and it can make them feel
othered, which is what we don'twant.
Right.
We want to see people for whothey are.
But we don't want it to.
(23:33):
Also make it the only thingabout them and we don't want it
to like do it in a way that endsup making people feel weird.
Right.
So like it.
I know it's an example I'veused.
On the podcast before.
So, hopefully you're not tiredof this example, but something
that comes to mind that I'veseen other photographers do.
Is that.
(23:53):
They just try a little too hardwith the slides and the Queens
and the yes.
And the work gets and like,yeah, those things are like
finding great.
And I, I know it might sound alittle bit weird because it's
not like those things arederogatory.
But if that's all you're doingwith a queer couple, like all
day long, it's like, okay.
(24:15):
One time was probably good.
You know, like we don't, wedon't need to say sleigh.
Every other second, we don'tneed to say work at queen every
second of every picture of everymoment of every day, you know?
Whereas our heart, you guys,but.
That's just that something thatcomes to mind.
(24:35):
And it's just kind of like aneasy.
Example of sometimes when I seepeople.
Trying to celebrate a little toohard, you know, sometimes.
Sometimes it's just okay.
To like slip it in there onetime and that's good.
And move on.
But then on the other side, Whenpeople are.
(24:56):
I feel like lean too much intothe normalizing.
It's almost like.
Yes again.
Both of these things are comingfrom good places.
And when I've seen this playedout in real life, I know that
what the person is doing is, istrying to make us feel normal.
(25:17):
But then it's almost like whenthey do that.
It erases your identity, right?
So someone's saying.
Listen, it's 2024.
Like it doesn't really matterwho you are, who you love.
Like.
It's fine.
Like you don't need to make abig deal about it.
(25:39):
Why are you, you know, Sayingwhat your identities are.
Why are you putting on yourwebsite that you work with
couples?
Like, shouldn't it just beobvious that you it's 20, 24?
Like we work with everyone.
Like it's fine.
Love is love, whatever.
I get it.
Like I get what you're trying tosay, Dan, But listen, Dan.
(25:59):
When you lean too heavy intothat side of things and that's.
That's the only way you evertalk about it.
It really makes us feel asthough like our identities
aren't important at all, then.
And that's just.
Like I've said.
On both a big scale and a smallscale.
(26:21):
So many of us have had to gothrough so much to be aware.
We are.
And I think.
That also leaning too much intothe it's 20, 24.
Why does it matter mentality?
Kind of shows your privilege alittle bit in a way, because
yes.
We have made so many stridesforward.
(26:43):
And.
Also with this election.
Who knows what will happen.
But even before the selection,like it's not always butterflies
and rainbows everywhere, alwaysfor queer people.
Like that's just not the case.
That is not the reality.
You just kind of saying it's 20,24.
(27:04):
It should be obvious thateveryone works with everyone and
it's all fine.
And it's all good.
It's just, it's notacknowledging where folks have
come from.
And it's, it's like, you'resaying.
Who they are and who they foughtto be.
Where they are now is notimportant.
And that's also just not a greatlook.
So you catch my drift.
(27:24):
Like you catch why we need bothof these concepts to be in
harmony with each other and theyneed to be in balance.
And I'm not saying like it hasto be perfect.
It's okay.
If there's times that there's.
A little bit more celebrationand partying.
And there's times when it's alittle bit more.
Chill and low-key and normal.
(27:45):
But in general.
Balance.
Balances what we're going forhere.
Okay.
We.
We like a nice, nice eventeeter-totter between the two.
Okay.
So.
For the queer folks who arehere.
And listening.
I think that this is animportant concept for you to be
(28:06):
thinking about.
Within yourself as anindividual.
Right.
Like, how can you feelcelebrated?
How do you celebrate youridentity?
Like what feels good for you?
And like I sat again, it couldjust be dressing in a way that
makes you feel really good andaffirmed.
In your identity.
It could be wearing a cutelittle rainbow pin, right?
(28:27):
Like, whatever that is.
And normalizing for you as anindividual, I think could also
look like.
Maybe it's healing, the parts ofyou that.
We're told that you weredifferent in a bad way, and you
are normalizing that withinyourself and normalizing.
(28:48):
You being in the relationshipthat you're in and doing that
kind of work.
Right?
So this, this applies to us asqueer folks ourselves too.
And I think it's reallyimportant for us to have our own
versions of celebrating andnormalizing.
And then for the allies outthere listening, I would hope
that.
(29:09):
This kind of clarified whatthose two concepts are.
And hopefully you can thinkabout how you want to find that
balance in your own life, rightin how you interact with folks
and how you run your business.
All of that.
And I just want to say too I'malways open to chat about this.
Like, if you want to.
Slot into my DMS and talk abouthow that might look for your
(29:32):
business.
I am definitely open to chattingabout that.
Feel free to reach out to me atwildly connected photo on
Instagram, and I would be happyto chat.
Obviously it would be happy tochat with, with my queer friends
too.
But, yeah, it's, it's reallyimportant that you figure out
what that looks like for you inyour business, because.
(29:53):
Doing that.
And being able to find thatbalance is how you're going to
truly make LGBTQ plus folks feelgreat about working with you.
Because they will know that theywill feel seen.
But then they also just feellike they can be safe.
Right.
I think that's also kind ofanother way to talk about these
(30:13):
concepts is that you want to beseen, but we also want to be
safe.
We want to know that we have aseat at the table.
And that you're going to makesure that we have a seat and
then everyone's going to benormal at the table, but you're
also not doing it in a way thatmakes us feel weird.
When we sit down at the table.
(30:35):
Right.
Does this make sense?
Am I making sense?
Hopefully I'm making sense.
Might just be rambling.
But.
Like I said, I'm always happy tochat through the specifics of
this.
I know it's kind of.
It's it is a simple concept, butI, I know that it can feel like
a fine line trying to find thebalance.
So always happy to chat aboutit.
(30:57):
And clearly beloved.
Thank you so much for taking thetime to be together this week,
especially in the craziness ofour world.
I think.
This is a relevant topicbecause.
We aren't going back to normal.
Who knows what normal will benow.
But we are going to continue tocelebrate our community to
(31:21):
celebrate our love stories.
To celebrate new, newconnection, new community.
And.
Yeah.
I'm going to end it on thatnote.
So.
Thank you guys again so much forbeing here for being in
community with me.
If you need anything, please,please, please reach out.
(31:43):
I want to be supporting mycommunity and as many ways.
As I can over the next fouryears.
So please don't be strangers.
Please reach out.
You can email me.
You can slide in my DMS.
And I am gonna stop talking now.
Much love to all of you guys.
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Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.