Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to redefining
normal.
Join us as we questionconventional thinking and talk
about the courage it takes tocreate and live a deliciously
vibrant life.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
This podcast is for
people who know there's a better
way to do life and love how weshow up in connection to others
our kids, our partners, ourbusiness and, beyond that, our
relationship with money,vitality and, more than anything
, ourselves.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
We're two shamelessly
unapologetic moms choosing to
experience the fullness of life.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
And we're collapsing
the conditioning that says you
can't live a life of pleasure,peace and abundance in the midst
of the mundane of life,responsibilities, work and kids.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Thank you for
listening in.
Let's do this.
Today, jamie and I are comingtogether to talk about how to
navigate conflict and bigemotions with our kids, so we're
going to have a little bit of aparenting conversation, which
we haven't done yet.
So I'm super excited by this.
It is Jamie's forte she.
She's amazing and we both havereally amazingly different and
(01:06):
wonderful ways that we navigateour parenting and how we've come
from and where we are currently.
We've both definitely evolvedin our parenting cycles.
So, uh, jamie, do you want tostart with?
Uh, where do we think, like aswe think about normal in the
world today in parenting, whenwe're looking at emotional
(01:27):
capacity and we're looking athelping our children to be in
their emotions and navigateconflict?
Where do you see us as asociety?
and normal at the moment.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
You know broad
generalization but I would say
that there's a lot of kind ofdropping into our own trigger
around whatever's happening andactually meeting our kids where
they're at, versus holding aposition of stability, of wisdom
, of holding.
For me personally it feels alot like there's just a lot of
(02:04):
trigger around it.
I think parents in general arereally uncomfortable with
witnessing and holding presenceand being in conflict or the
expression of big emotions byour kids guilt.
It brings up our own innerchild stuff, the way our parents
(02:25):
did it, what we think should behappening yeah, it can.
It brings up a lot.
I think when our childrenexpress big emotions or when
we're in conflict with our kidsYou'd said earlier when we were
just talking about you know oneof your kiddos having big
emotions and that part of thereason there was oftentimes big
(02:47):
like clash is because you werealso operating.
You know it's like you wereoperating at that same energy I,
my thing tends to be.
It activates a lot of likeparenting, like shame,
self-judgment, like what did Ido wrong that my kid is this
upset about something, or youknow, like if there's conflict,
(03:10):
that they're being disrespectful.
It brings up all myconditioning, the way I perceive
the way I think it should look,and then this doesn't look like
the thing that I had in my headand in that moment it becomes
really hard to stabilize, tobring awareness to what's
happening and then to connect to, like the North Star of what it
(03:32):
is that I want to create inthis relationship in this moment
, because, as parents, we'reguiding our kids on how to
navigate hard feelings, how tonavigate big emotions, how to
navigate conflict in a healthyand growth oriented way, and if
we can't model that and guidethem in that, um, we're missing
(03:55):
a huge opportunity.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
I love that, thank
you.
I was just taking a little notethere.
I love that, thank you.
I was just taking a little notethere.
Yeah, really well said, Iwanted to add into there's.
I was just taking a few littlethings as you were talking about
some things that came up as youwere speaking, and one of them
is you were talking about howparents struggle in conflict and
I wanted to kind of extend thisout.
(04:21):
It's not parenting.
I think most humans, yeah,start very uncomfortable and
struggle to be of extend thisout.
It's not parenting.
I think most humans, yeah, veryuncomfortable and struggle to
beat emotions, and I know for me, as a woman with big emotions,
I have been told I'm too muchfor many people Right, it's also
like in the context ofrelationship too, that the
(04:42):
capacity of the other human tohold emotion and there are
definitely humans in this worldwho struggle with that, right,
and you know, one of thegreatest gifts that I've been
receiving with this otherpartner has been to be able to
be seen in it and be able to beheld in it, and so I know that
there is a capacity, right, andso this is kind of the thing
that I think, as we talk aboutwhat was and what we are moving
(05:04):
into, is this capacity to belike I'm the same person, but oh
, for somebody else.
This was easy, right, and sothat's capacity, but it wasn't
because it was always easy, andI'm going to say for both of us,
like our capacity to hold ourchildren, right, you've talked
about this in your you know,blogs and all that you know you
talk about often is how like youwish in some way that you could
(05:25):
be the parent that like knewall of this to start with Right,
but neither of us did.
I yelled at my kids.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
I was totally.
I was such a yeller yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
I was totally
dysregulated and so reactive, so
reactive and this is what youwere saying.
Like Sam, was this huge mirrorfor me and I couldn't, I didn't
have the capacity to hold myselfat the time.
So there was no way I could holdhim.
And I want to say this becausethis is what's normal in a lot
of houses, right, like we wantto project all of our shit onto
our kids and we struggle to holdthem, but that's ultimately
(05:55):
because we haven't learned howto hold ourselves, and so then
we shame their emotions.
Stop that.
I can't cope with you, stoptantruming.
And the other thing that wascoming to me too, the I can't
cope with you, stop tantruming.
And the other thing that wascoming to me too, the other word
was it's inconvenient.
Right, for a lot of people it'svery inconvenient that our kids
have tantrums, but the realityis it's inconvenient as a human,
as an adult, when we havetantrums, right, and sometimes
(06:16):
we have to like say, hey,tantrum, you're going to have to
wait a minute and I can dealwith you at the end of the day,
right, but we're adults who canmanage that.
Sometimes we can't.
Sometimes we just freakingtantrum and the person who's
near us gets the thing Right,until we know what I'm saying,
like I didn't know when I didthat.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
But when we learn, we
can learn that like okay, I can
feel this, I can recognize thisand I can go and recognize that
in four hours from now, when Iam at home in my space, I can
deal with what I have in my body, in my emotional capacity.
I can deal with what I have inmy body and my emotional
capacity, right, but kids don'thave that and most adults don't
have that until we learn that,and so I think it really kind of
comes into where the normal isnow.
(06:52):
And I also would say, thiscomes into if I look at like a
really In your face perspectiveof like, if we come back down to
earth, like human, humanconnection, um, it might also it
might look like there's peoplein this world who gaslight, who
(07:17):
will literally say your emotionsstop.
I know it.
Like you have to stop crying.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Right, like you don't
know what you're feeling, or
this is inappropriate behavior,or yeah, whatever you don't know
what you're feeling right.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
This comes out and
it's really heartbreaking to
watch.
Um, right, when, when a child'slike I'm feeling and they're
like, no, you're not, you don'tknow what you're feeling right.
Or a human, we say this otherhumans, unless you know.
Again, um, one of the ways doesit come out like that, when
we're in connection andcommunication, um, it'll be a
shutdown, like the, the personmight shut down right and like a
(07:52):
lot of people might retreat andjust not actually be able to
handle it, and so then theydisappear.
So they disappear inpartnership.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
But they also didn't.
Yeah, right, like I can't withyou right now, and then then
yeah, or the, you know, sendingthem to the naughty corner,
right.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
I can't cope with you
, so I'm going to send you out
somewhere else because I can'tdeal.
So I'd say these are some ofthe behaviors that people might
see in your household or inother households that you know
for a long time is really normal, yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Yeah, still probably
is in a lot of.
In a lot of ways, and I meanthat's the whole purpose that we
have these conversations,though, isn't to shame the way
it is, but to it's like tohighlight what's going on, yeah,
and offer alternativeperspectives and why they might
be valid, because the thing isthat when we look at
(08:44):
individuation and everybodydoing things in the way that
works for them, this is going tolook different for everybody,
but ultimately it comes down toour capacity and our willingness
to feel what we're feeling andto, you know, like, explore what
it's bringing up for us and beresponsible for ourselves, and
(09:04):
we're literally redefining thesethings.
You know, it's like we'rebreaking generational cycles and
patterns by redefining.
I mean, like yesterday, rumiand I we had some conflict.
Her and I are so similar thatwe butt heads a lot.
Her and I are so similar thatwe we butt heads a lot, and you
(09:29):
know, I don't like without.
I don't even remember thespecifics necessarily, but in
the conversation, you know,there was some like hesitation
to be in conflict, and I and Iasked her if she was willing to
redefine that with me.
That conflict is ouropportunity to correct and
adjust the way that we arecommunicating with each other.
Conflict is showing us a placewhere we are not on the same
(09:52):
wavelength and so, instead ofavoiding it, instead of, like
just trying to avoid recognizingthose things, if we actually
started to welcome them as, asawareness of like, we don't see
eye to eye on this thing, howcan we communicate better so
that we're understanding eachother better and really starting
to frame conflict as anopportunity to learn more and
(10:15):
collect data and experiencesomething new with each other?
Because the like?
I told her that one of mybiggest fears is that if we
don't learn how to navigateconflict in a healthy way
because I'm the position ofpower as the parent, and then
(10:39):
she learns to just accommodatemy the way I think it should be,
that inevitably that starts tobuild resentment, whether or not
she's consciously aware of it,to the point where we don't
actually have a closerelationship because there's so
much built up resentment.
So I actually asked her if shewas willing to participate in
(11:02):
the conflict with me so that wecould continually grow together
instead of, like, continuallycreating more and more distance
without even conscious awarenesson either of our parts.
Because my biggest desire is isto always that my kids always
know that I love them and thatI'm there for them and that we
(11:24):
are a team, right, like there'snothing that they could do that
would alienate me.
And, like we talked aboutearlier, a lot of this is
correction from when they wereyounger and I would dismiss or I
would get frustrated or I wouldbe reactive in conflict, and so
I'm having to correct a lot ofthat and I'm having to
(11:46):
intentionally invite my kidsback into redefining what that
looks like now.
And luckily, you know, rumi ismature enough and present enough
to say of course, that's what Iwant too, and I don't want to
grow to that point.
And so, yes, I'm, I'm here forit and I'm a part of it, and
we're, you know, we're learninghow to be in conflict in a
(12:09):
healthy way, and I think that,like you've said, this is
important in any relationship.
It's.
I think that there's a lot ofweight in it as a parent,
because we are breaking cyclesand we're literally teaching the
next generation how all of thisworks.
So, the more that we as parents, can model things that we want
to see more of, um, you know,we're feeding that into the
(12:30):
future collective, but it'simportant in any any relating
dynamic, I think absolutely, andthank you for that.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
That was beautiful.
I'm so glad that you are havingthat conversation with her.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
Yeah, yeah, it's big,
it's, you know, it's really big
to recognize and we stayed atthe table like like it was easy
for both of us to be like, oh,I'm so frustrated, let's just,
you know, go our separate ways,which comes from you're having
big emotions right now.
Go sit and time out until youcan communicate.
That is a lot to ask of a brandnew nervous system who is
(13:06):
feeling big things and does nothave the tools to regulate, like
to send them off to be bythemselves, versus staying with
them in the big emotion, andoftentimes parents can't do that
because it feels big in oursystem.
And then when you bring humanwe have our own emotions Exactly
, Exactly In human design to.
(13:27):
Rumi has a defined emotionalcenter and mine is open, so when
she feels big things, I take itinto my body and amplify it.
Oh, so then, also with thatawareness, I'm like this is not
my emotion, but what I used todo is feel it and then act like
it was mine and make a storyabout how it was.
(13:48):
Frustration I got probably oneof the worst feelings in my body
(14:08):
you know to feel.
And Kelly Greenough who it doesthe human design part of
parenting paradox.
She was talking about howgenerators make up a majority of
the population right now and amajority of them are frustrated.
So generator auras areenveloping, right, so we
literally like wrap people inour energy.
(14:30):
And when you think about amajority of the population as
generators and then in that,frustrated generators enveloping
the people around them withfrustration, like that, it's
like it helps me to understandso much the state of the world.
Whereas if we started to teachevery design type what their
(14:51):
strategy is and what theiremotional, you know like profile
is, and what the world would belike if more generators were
satisfied and enveloping thepeople around them with
satisfaction, like yum, you knowwhich?
(15:11):
You know it's like itperpetuates success in the
projectors and peace in themanifestors.
Yeah, and what is reflectors?
Speaker 1 (15:22):
I can't remember what
reflectors, emotional, um I
would think peace, but that's me, that's manifest.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
Yeah, no, that's you,
I can't remember anyway.
Um, yeah, so also, I guess youknow it's like learning
specifically how you work, howyour child or children, and
understanding the mechanics ofit is a massive, massive gift.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Parenting with human
design is so big.
Okay, wait before I, before wego there, because I definitely
think we should go there.
Actually, I think you shouldtell them a little bit about
parenting paradox as well.
Um, but I wanted to say, if wecook back right before we take
off to that conversation, Ireally I want to really bring a
point in that Jamie and I aresitting here saying like we were
(16:12):
not, we were doing a lot of thequote, unquote, normal when we
started parenting and throughthe years, we have figured out
like this stuff for ourselvesand how to help our kids.
And I want to say this because Ithink it's really important to
have the awareness that a lot ofpeople think, oh, I fucked it
up, or I fucked my kids up, or Ican't repair this, or they're
(16:33):
too far gone, or ourrelationships too far gone.
Or, like even for me, in thecapacity of having a mom and I
who are estranged, right, my momand I've asked for repair, but
she couldn't come to the tablefor it.
And so if she came to me, ifshe didn't ever come to me one
day and say, carrie, I'm ready,let's have this conversation,
I'm all in for it.
Right, I'm all looking for itand I'm saying that as a 40, how
(16:54):
old am I?
46 year old woman, right Likethere's never too late to repair
, there's never too late tochange the situation, there's
never too late to realize thatgenerational conditioning, like,
is what you've been playing out, and there's new choices, and
there's no shame in it, there'sno judgment in it, there's no
nothing, because it's all whatwe've been taught.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
And until you have
the awareness that you're like,
oh my God, this actually isn'thealthy and there's other ways
to do this that create a farmore harmonious home, right Like
when he moved out, it was sobeautiful because I got to have
this experience of not.
I mean, well, it was sobeautiful because I got to have
this experience of parenting mykids the way I wanted to parent
them, without another influence.
That was not the influence thatI wanted to have anymore, like
(17:38):
I had grown through that and mykids and I have the most amazing
loving relationship now and wedon't fight and we work together
and with and I say this becauseI was really fucking explosive
and Sam was really fuckingexplosive and like it was
hardcore sometimes and like histantrums would be sometimes 45
minutes of smashing into me andlike hurting me right, I used to
(18:01):
stand on the inside of mybedroom door and like pound and
straight, that's it me too andand I would just sit on the
inside just crying because I'mlike what the fuck, what the
fuck do I do with this?
right, you can't let them out inthe house, right?
You can't let them out in thehouse because you're like, oh my
god, they're gonna destroy myhouse.
I couldn't let them run becausehe's gonna hurt robbie.
So I would just sit in the roomand you take it right Like it
(18:23):
was intense.
Both of us can say it but,through this process and Sam
still has right Rumi still hasreally big emotions.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
And so do I sometimes
.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
This is great, like,
like, if we're being honest,
yeah it's great and it's sobeautiful to say like we're all
still the same people but we'relearning how to navigate it very
differently, and even thingslike when you say I have big
emotions.
Like you know, this last fewweeks has been really
challenging for me.
I've had some really fuckingbig emotions and it's really
consumed me, and one of the waysthat I've handled it with my
(18:53):
kids is to say hey, guys like tobe honest.
I have been honest with themand a lot of people want to hide
it, and a lot of people want tohide, right, my heart was
broken.
So what am I going to do?
Try and hide heartbreak from mykids?
No, I'm just going to tell themhey, I've had a heartbreak and
this is what's going on.
And the first week of it I wasso fricking distant and I was
like I'm really and I it was,like it was a beautiful
conversation between us.
(19:14):
I'm like you guys, what owned,what was going on?
But through that process, theylearn that, hey, it's okay to
have some big emotions, right,because we model this for them
by having them and saying I havethese big emotions, but it's
not your problem.
I'm going to hold myself, butalso, I'm not really the most
(19:36):
present mom this week for youand I'm sorry, and that's the
balance is being able to behonest and not make it their
responsibility.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Oftentimes, kids with
very emotional parents mothers
in particular start to learnthat it's their job to take care
of their mother's emotions,because it's unsafe, Like if mom
is upset, then things getchaotic.
So I'm going to behave in a waythat doesn't trigger that.
And so there is such a nuanceddance of being honest and
(20:09):
reminding your kids that theirdevelopment, their health, their
process is important and thatthey are not responsible for you
and watching all of the subtleways that you may be creating.
You know that perception in ourkids, while still being really
authentic and honest and human,Like this, is the thing I think.
(20:31):
So often parents are expectedto not be human.
You know it's like once you getum, once you have kids like you
can't, you don't get to all ofthese things anymore, and it's
like, no, you're still the sameexact person.
Yes, there's another being nowthat's impacted by it, and there
are, there are, ways tonavigate that, and every
(20:53):
alchemical relationship ofparent child is going to be
different based on the twoindividuals at play.
My relationship with onedaughter is very different from
the other at play.
My relationship with onedaughter is very different from
the other.
And yeah, it's.
It's the capacity to hold, tobe, to even just recognize
what's moving in us, so that wedon't project that onto our kids
(21:14):
.
And I think that's somethingthat us moms who have done it in
the normal way and created sometoxic patterns in our family
dynamics is this awareness thatone of the consequences may be
that our children don't want torepair that right now.
And holding and being with thepart of us that's so scared of
(21:36):
that, you know, because itactually, I think, mirrors our
own abandonment fears from ourparents.
And now our kids are abandoningus.
And you see this a lot in ourgeneration.
I think there are a lot ofpeople our age who do not talk
to their mothers mothers inparticular or parents, and a lot
of that has to do with thatgeneration not being able to
(22:00):
apologize, to takeresponsibility for their part in
the dynamic, for reallyperpetuating the like you're the
child, I'm the parent, this ishow things work and it's our
generation that is kind ofmantling that in a lot of ways
and showing up with our kids ina way.
That's like I want to be a partof the solution and I hear you
(22:22):
and I see you and I want tounderstand you and I want to
take responsibility for my partin it.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Right, it makes me so
excited to see this generation
grow because there's so many ofus who are changing the way that
we we do this with them.
So they're going to, they'regoing to grow up with so much
less baggage I mean there'sstill going to be baggage of,
but it's different and they havea lot more awareness and I
think it's really beautiful.
You know, I'm going to say this.
(22:49):
It's I will say this BecauseI've been on some dates lately
with some younger men, or overthe time, over the years, right
Over the years, and recently,who are early 30, 27, 28, early
(23:12):
30.
And there's a part of me whoreally loves, by the way, for
those listening playing age Likeit's never been past a date.
I will say that at this pointin time.
But it's been really fascinatingfor me to meet, right Cause
some of these like some likewhat I find it's like almost
like this check-in.
I'm like one day theresomething might happen.
I'm not adverse to it, rightCause I'm kind of like where,
(23:33):
where is the spectrum?
What?
What difference does it make?
Age?
Somebody can show up in thematurity level and this is
what's been so fascinating to me, because that generation
there's a maturity that is thereinnately at that age and I find
it really friculous, right, andI'm like it really like it
really is beautiful in my heartto see the way these men show up
(23:56):
at age and I'm like good thingsare changing, like it is
beautiful to see you in this wayand it really like I don't know
, maybe this is part of the like, for my thing right now is just
like the enjoyment of gettingto see people that age and see
really how they're showing upright now and see how the
generations are moving throughpeople right, like just hearing
(24:23):
different things.
Um, so I just want to say thatI think it's really interesting
to see, as we, you know, go downthe generation, that this stuff
is showing up with more ease.
They're not having to gothrough the fricking shit show
that some of us have beenthrough at our age to change it,
because some of them are beingraised in this way, which is
beautiful.
Yeah, okay, so can we?
Can we now hop into, I thinkdoes that part feel complete,
(24:46):
cause I know that we're going tohave to wrap up soon.
So can we hop into a little, alittle piece on?
Tell us a little bit aboutparenting paradox that you're
doing and then let's have like afew minute chat.
I know it's going to be so hardfor us to say to a few minutes,
but I'm just aware of of ourtime and that we want to keep
these to time around humandesign let's start that.
Maybe we need to have like awhole show on human design and
(25:06):
parenting.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Yeah, yeah, because
that is a massive conversation.
It's a massive conversation butI think we should.
I think we should have a littletaster today, yeah Well, so
similar to your wealthcalibration.
You know I saw that you weretalking about how I've been
preparing.
I've been preparing for thisconversation for for years,
right, and so excited to finallybe in it and holding it and
(25:29):
offering it.
Parenting paradox is very muchthe same way is a body of work
that's growing and evolving overgosh, you know, I mean really
the last almost two decadesbecause I do have a 19 year old.
But you know, seriously, in thelast five years, and every time
(25:49):
it stretches me because itshows me where I am being called
, into deeper integrity with myown parenting relationships.
And I recently invited KellyGreenough, who is a brilliant
human design expert.
She's a projector, so the waythat she sees deeply into a
system is phenomenal.
(26:10):
And I finally gave her a solidinvitation that she felt a yes
to.
And so her and I are meeting ona regular basis to really help
parents understand the humandesign aspect of parent-child
relationship.
And we're combining that withthe four pillars of Parenting
Paradox and the four structuresthat help you and me and anybody
(26:34):
that wants to shift from likethe old kind of like conflict
and you know it's almost like atodds kind of dynamic between
parents and kids, teenagers inparticular, to a co-creative,
mutually respectful dynamic inthe house.
And it's just been so amazing tostart to recognize, because you
(26:57):
know, when you look at humandesign it becomes the mechanics
of the relationship and it makesit easier to not feel like it's
so personal when you totallyrecognize the mechanics.
Right, it's like, oh, this is aprojector trying to engage with
the generator and I frustratedbecause she's not responding to
me but she doesn't know how torespond.
(27:19):
That's not how she is, you know.
So what used to be like shedoesn't like me and she's being
disrespectful in this likepersonal story, is mechanical
now and it's like, oh, how do Ispeak to a projector, how do I
invite her into thisconversation?
How do I let her know that mynatural tendency is a response?
(27:39):
So that whole aspect, addingKelly Greeno's, her unique kind
of transmission, like there,I've been studying human design
for ages and there are thingsthat I've I know, I know and
I've learned.
And then she says it and I'mlike, holy fuck, that makes so
much sense now on a differentlevel of my being that I can
(28:03):
actually apply functionally tomy relationships.
Um, so parenting paradox wasgrowing, but I feel like what's
really clicked it into place wasadding this very like
mechanical, technical, humandesign to it.
Um, yeah, has been epic.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
I'm excited, you guys
, if you're so.
Basically, what we're saying isif you want some support in
your parenting, talk to Jamie,send her a message.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
Yes, and I mean like
this whole, like we're actually
creating like a self-guidedprocess or, if you want more
hands-on, and like Kelly's eyeson on you know everybody's
charts and stuff like that, likewe're we're creating lots of
different ways for parents toaccess resources, from free all
the way up to high touch stuff.
Speaker 1 (28:46):
So amazing, amazing,
amazing yeah it's been amazing.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
So okay, guys um,
okay.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
So what do we want to
say parents?
Speaker 2 (28:59):
learn.
I mean this is it's so funnybecause, like you do it via
money, I do it through parentingor relating, but it's it's
basic shadow work Like what areyou projecting into your
relationships that are makingthem toxic and start to be
responsible for what it is, thestories you're creating and the
way that you're projecting ontothis other person that you
(29:20):
really love, you know and youwant to co-create with and start
to explore what it is that,yeah, that you can do to hold
yourself in those things, tomake space for them to hold
themselves, versus this reallyweird, toxic, complicated,
distorted cycle of fighting withyou know, perceptions of each
(29:40):
other, yes, yeah, yeah, and wecan't change our kids' behavior.
So the only thing you can changeis you as a parent.
The only work you can do is onyourself and your capacity to
witness and hold your child.
When parents come to me andthey say how do I fix my child,
I don't know.
I can't help you with thatbecause that's not what we do.
(30:01):
I don't know I can't help youwith that because that's not
what we do.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
Did you ever tell you
that when I first started my my
world into my own business, itwas right after Robbie was born,
so Robbie is now 15.
And so probably about 15 yearsago, and I started doing talks
on parenting and people keptwanting me to, wanting to know
how I had such an amazing child.
And I was like, well, I'm anearly childhood teacher,
(30:27):
educator, that's my diploma ormy degree.
Yeah, I have done body work,nutrition.
By then I'd already done, youknow, neuro-linguistic
programming, like there were somany things.
I was like I suppose I probablyhave some tools in my tool belt
of why I'm, why I parent theway I do.
And, um, I started, uh, Istarted.
I even bought like supernannycom or super mama, super
(30:49):
mama, cause it was super nanny,was big super mama, and I did a
presentation.
I did the whole thing.
I was going to do mama cards,like five minute mama cards,
cause you know, in those days,those times of life, when it's
like you have five minutes andeven in that five minutes you
can't even remember that youwanted to like paint your nails,
you're like I don't know what Iwant to do for myself because
you're so freaking tired so Iwas like I wanted to make the
cards that were like these arethe things you can do for
yourself in five minutes, right,it's the whole thing planned
(31:11):
out and, just like you said,jamie, I kept talking to people
about doing it and they wantedme to fix their babies.
I'm like your baby is ninemonths old, your baby is two
years old, like there's nothingfixing, they're just mirroring
you.
Yeah, there's no all there isdoing is mirroring you.
They can't do anything else and, like, just find their little
bodies.
Yeah, I don't know.
Yeah, right, and so I didn't.
(31:34):
I dropped it all Cause I'm likeI'm not going to come in here
and it's like what you need isyou.
You need you're the one whoneeds to do the work, and so
maybe that's probably how weshould like even wrap this and
like say, and I'll wrap ittogether actually, because human
design and we were saying we'regoing to say a few things about
human design, I think you knowtalking about shadows and things
um, and knowing that we are the, we are the problem or we are
(31:58):
the thing, when you know yourown human design, you know their
human design, right.
And then if you go deeper andyou know the gene keys of it,
you know the shadows of it.
You can pinpoint exactly downto oh, I'm living in my shadow,
I'm doing that thing, it's notanything to do with them or
where you would have wanted toget pissed off and like, slam a
door and never speak to someoneagain.
I mean, this is what's beengoing on with my ex-partner and
I, right, like I wanted to slama door so hard in his face.
(32:20):
But I went.
I went oh, it's in his fuckingshadow right here.
Yeah, yeah, and you can reallystart to go.
Okay, so I have compassion.
Great, you're in your shadow.
Now I can show you.
Here's your shadow.
Yeah, here's how we can like.
This is what we can do.
Let's work through this.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
Whatever.
That is patient too, becauseyou asked him like do you want
to see, do you want tounderstand?
Because, if you don't, becausethis is actually the conflict
between me and, um, my youngestis that I tend to want to offer
alternative perspectives whenshe just wants to feel angry,
and I'm non-consensuallycoaching her and that's part of
(32:54):
the way I'm built, like I'm justlike there's a lot of other
ways to see that and there are alot of happier ways to see that
, there are a lot of easier waysto see that, and that is not
helpful when she just wants tofeel her defined, emotional,
wants to feel the frustration sothat it can move.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
But also and then
also knowing that right.
So this is another piece oflike why human design is so
important, because also, knowingthat is like we know that Rumi
is going to have to go through abig human emotional wave and we
can't stop that.
And when you're an emotional,you just can, can't, like that's
what's going to happen.
And if we teach them to embraceit and we stay out of the
process, then it allows them thespace to do what they need to
do and they actually learn howto be in their bodies and how to
follow their yeah uniqueguidance and their own systems.
(33:32):
My, our kids are intuitive asfuck.
They know themselves, they knowtheir bodies because we teach
them and we give them thesespaces to do this.
And so you know, like,understanding your human design
in relationship with anybody isa game changer.
Um, and I'm gonna say actuallyI'll just say that I know jamie
said there's parenting paradox,but both of us do human design
(33:53):
work.
I love focusing onrelationships and I actually
love focusing on money stuffwhere most people don't do human
design readings with money.
I freaking love them.
Yeah, so much about your stuffand human design.
I mostly don't realize that.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Um and all of that.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
So it's so beautiful,
so beautiful, and so I yeah.
So, anyway, I think I think weprobably need to wrap up here.
Yeah, anything else you want tosay to wrap?
Speaker 2 (34:19):
up.
Um, I nothing beyond just like.
Keep going like parenting isone of the most intense
initiations ever and you'redoing, you're doing it, you know
, like the, just to validate the, the challenge of it and to
encourage.
Keep going like there is alwaystime and space if you stay
(34:41):
present and you're willing tocontinue to stay at the table in
the relationships with yourkids or your parents or whoever.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
Yeah, yeah, yeah and
we love you, we see you, we know
you guys are doing the best youcan.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Till next week.
If you enjoyed this show, letus know.
We're all about authenticconnections, so come chat with
us on social media or email.
Links are listed in the shownotes.
Speaker 1 (35:09):
And please make sure
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