August 27, 2024 • 33 mins
What if we've been approaching intimacy all wrong? In today's episode of Redefining Normal, we challenge the conventional wisdom surrounding semen retention and its profound impact on vitality, relationships, and overall well-being. Jamy opens up about her partner Kyle’s journey with semen retention, revealing an unexpected boost in energy, desire, and a deeper emotional connection. We also dive into the science, discussing the hormonal effects of orgasm and how retaining semen can harness a man’s life force, enhancing focus and vitality, much like practices adopted by top-tier athletes.
We go beyond traditional views on pleasure and intimacy, especially within long-term relationships. Discover how intentional effort and open communication can maintain a fulfilling sex life, even amidst the chaos of family life. By shifting our focus from the climax to the journey, we emphasize savoring each moment of connection, challenging societal pressures and uncovering the joy in the process. We reflect on how rushing through intimate moments can mirror a hurried approach to life itself, urging listeners to slow down and truly savor their experiences.
Lastly, we explore the profound emotional and sexual healing necessary for deeper pleasure. Effective communication, acknowledging personal triggers, and self-responsibility in sexual desires are key themes. We delve into the alchemical nature of sexual experiences and the significant role of life force energy. Learn how men can channel this energy for greater focus and potency, and how women can harness penetrating energy for mutual benefit. Join us as we redefine norms and embrace a more vibrant, connected way of living and loving.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Keri (00:01):
Welcome to Redefining Normal.
Join us as we questionconventional thinking and talk
about the courage it takes tocreate and live a deliciously
vibrant life.
Jamy (00:10):
This podcast is for people who know there's a better way
to do life and love how we showup in connection to others our
kids, our partners, our businessand, beyond that, our
relationship with money,vitality and, more than anything
, ourselves.
Keri (00:26):
We're two shamelessly unapologetic moms choosing to
experience the fullness of life.
Jamy (00:32):
And we're collapsing the conditioning that says you can't
live a life of pleasure, peaceand abundance in the midst of
the mundane of life,responsibilities, work and kids.
Keri (00:43):
Thank you for listening in .
Let's do this.
Hello, hello, hello, welcome.
It is Keri Lynn and JamieMiranda this week.
We just stopped the recordingfrom last week where we were
talking to you about penises andblowjobs and we said we're
going to talk about ejaculationthis week.
So here we are to talk to youabout ejaculation and semen
(01:05):
retention and the power of whatthat is and why someone would
want to do it, and ourexperiences with it, and
experiences with men in ourlives who have experienced this
as well.
So, jamie, take this away.
Jamy (01:21):
Yeah, so I I don't even know where to begin.
I suppose I mean like so wewere talking about this prior to
hopping on this call um that,what like five years ago, six
years ago, um, the idea of semenretention and a man not like
ejaculating every time, like itwas almost like a, a success,
(01:44):
right, like the goal.
We did a good job, then we win.
Keri (01:48):
We did a good job.
We satisfied him right yeah.
Jamy (01:51):
So it was absurd to me, like when I started hearing
about this, I'm like why would?
Why would a man not want tocome um?
Keri (01:58):
and actually, before you actually get into it, like so
this is literally the act ofbeing able to have sexual
experiences and having a man notcome after where they normally
would have.
You know your end, the grandfinale the end right, yeah, um,
yeah.
Jamy (02:17):
So we got exposed to this in some of the circles that you
know we were in um and kylestarted to look into and explore
some of that in lots ofdifferent levels.
Um, and he actually doespractice semen retention now and
is intentional about when hedoes come.
Um, oftentimes we'll like dosome, you know, like ritual sex,
(02:39):
magic, full Mooney things, um,but there is beautiful pleasure
in that too.
Um, the reason that this cameup actually is because we were
talking about blowjobs on thelast episode.
Kyle does not um like come inthe morning, so I give him
blowjobs every morning before hegoes to work, but it's not to
(03:00):
completion, it's not to um thepoint of him coming, and that's
actually what we practice on aregular basis, or he more than I
, because that's a him thing andI I recognize that the energy,
the desire, the life alivenessin him that I feel when he is
(03:24):
retaining his energy, when he isnot just expelling all the time
, it's almost like his capacityis expanded because this, you
know, the energy of desire, ofEros, of life force, is staying
within his body and circulatingand moving in his life, versus
(03:46):
feeling desire and then justexpelling it.
It's almost like popping thebubble over and over and over
again and not being able to holdthat capacity.
He read a book called I thinkit's called Venus's Poison Arrow
or something like that, but ittalks about the hormonal,
hormonal shifts that happen in aman and a woman actually when
we orgasm.
(04:06):
But the part that I remember isthat, like the cocktail of
hormones that happen after a manorgasms actually creates a
distance between him and hiswoman, like he feels less
connection to her, less likedesire, less focus on her, and
goes a little more internal anda little, you know little,
separate.
And so I started to think aboutthat pattern in like normal
(04:30):
life, in normal relationships,whether it's marriage or
long-term relationships, butlike whether or not you're
having sex on a regular basisand coming all the time or
jacking off all day long, thatyou're literally creating a
hormonal concoction in your bodyof disconnection from your
partner that lasts like seven to10 days or something like that,
(04:52):
before the hormones come backdown and start to, you know,
rebuild.
So I think about theimplication of that as well and
I will be honest, I told Carriebefore we got on that I
recognized I just told Kyle thisthe other day that I actually
hold a little bit of judgmenttowards men who come all the
time Like I've had men you knowlike, say, you know like I
(05:18):
jacked off X number of times towhat, and I'm just like that's
not, that's not, that's notimpressive.
Like to me, it's like, um, it'sa waste of your energy and your
focus and your force and yourcapacity to like penetrate life
is diminished in that right Likeit feels like you've just um
(05:38):
expelled your power in a lot ofways for me, and I and I want to
reflect on that because I alsodon't want to be judgmental of
people's choices and like somepeople have more of that in them
than others and you can do lifeamazingly.
But I do know that, like a lotof professional athletes a lot
of like performance and likeoptimization, people actually do
(05:59):
this as well retain semenbecause of what it does in their
bodies and their focus andtheir minds and their all of
that sort of stuff.
So, um, yeah, that's mypersonal experience.
So Kyle and I have sex a lotLike.
Sometimes we'll have sexseveral times a day, um, for
long periods of time, and he andhe doesn't he doesn't come and
(06:21):
he, he feels satisfied.
I've asked him.
You know I'm like do you do youneed to like?
Are you feeling like you needsome release?
Are you feeling okay?
And he's like the, the, thepleasure along the way, and the
energetic orgasms and, and youknow, like waves of pleasure
leave me feeling just assatisfied as when I do orgasm.
But it's taken him a while toget to that point.
(06:42):
You know there is a hurdle ofgoing from coming all the time
to enjoy.
Keri (06:49):
I'm not the man, so I can't.
Actually, I'm like curious tosay I'd imagine that there is a
um, a mental, a mental thing oflike I um, I'm not satisfied
because I didn't, is probablyactually a conditioning or a
mental thing to overcome as muchas it is the physical thing.
Jamy (07:11):
And I mean think about.
There's probably some sort ofsome level of physical addiction
to the dopamine hit right Likethe, the rush of feel good
hormones, and chasing that partof it without recognizing what
then happens over and over after.
So it almost perpetuates thatcycle of now I got to chase the
dopamine hit again because I'mfeeling low, and so you just
(07:31):
keep dropping yourself more andmore into a deficit which is
just generally speaking in life.
Keri (07:37):
How many times do we do that Right Exactly?
Jamy (07:40):
And you know like I think about this from a woman's
perspective, because for me, themore I orgasm, it's different
orgasms too.
So, like G-spot orgasms andcervical orgasms uh, increase my
life force right, Like theyexpand me and turn me on more
and more and more and more.
Um, a clitoral orgasmdefinitely is similar to
(08:01):
ejaculation and that, like itdepletes me and I'm done Like
I'm I there's a dropenergetically.
So there's a difference in theorgasms and the ways that I
personally orgasm, on what theydo in my energy body, Cause,
like it, I recognize that itfelt a little like men shouldn't
come, but we get to come allthe time.
But it's like each of usrecognizing in deep honesty with
(08:25):
ourselves where does it serveus, when is it depleting us and
what are we wanting to createwith our erotic energy, with our
ecstatic current, with our lifeforce?
Keri (08:37):
It's, you know, to me, actually, what I'm hearing from
both sides of this cause.
Like we started this lastconversation last week talking
about me having my journeyaround my own orgasm, right.
Part of part of my journey hasbeen to not attach to having the
quote-unquote, like this bigorgasm, alley, right, right,
nolly orgasm, right, and it'sthe same thing as the man not
attaching to not having this andit's like it's this
(08:59):
conditioning that says like sexwasn't done right, well, good
enough.
And I'm like using words andquotes if we don't come come to,
if we don't come to the final.
Jamy (09:13):
I mean, like you know, quote like orgasm, and I find it
very goal oriented, right likeversus the pleasure of every
second during god like.
Keri (09:24):
For me, it's like my turn on is so amazing that I could
just keep going all day withouthaving this like final.
It's like I don't need to havethat to enjoy the deliciousness
of the connection of.
It feels really freaking good,right, and it allows me to
explore the little nuances in myorgasms and my energetic
(09:46):
orgasms and the little orgasmsand all these different things,
and I'm like wait, stop, like,let me feel that even more.
Like, let's back up even more.
Like, don't hook into.
And it is such a conditioningon the world's part that I'm not
good enough.
Quote unquote.
I didn't satisfy my partner.
Quote unquote.
I failed, right.
Jamy (10:05):
I failed If I did not bring you to orgasm, right and I
, both sides, men have thatpressure too and women put that
pressure a lot, like he can'teven make me orgasm.
You know, like I see that somuch snarkiness in the, the
feminine, um, you know, andlet's be real like women.
Keri (10:22):
We are not like.
Every one of us is differentand we are like and it depends
like and this is the other thingthat I'm really honoring Like
when you I love that Jamieactually said this she's 20, is
it 21 years married, yeah, andshe just told you guys she has
like a fuck ton of sex, and Iknow she does.
She's a very wealthy woman,carrie knows let's just clear
(10:42):
the air First of all on thatthat you can have two children
in your house living with youand have a fuck ton of sex and
be in a long-term marriage whereyou get to enjoy pleasure, and
I think that in and of itself islike a win that a lot of.
Jamy (10:55):
And we have been through a shit show.
We have not always had greatsex.
We have not always had a greatrelationship.
This took work and intentionand choice on both of our parts
and and it's possible Like it'sfucking possible, yeah.
Keri (11:08):
Yeah, and so I think, like that's number one, like let's
break that down and just say youcan, you can do this.
Wherever you are, like whereveryou've been, you can bring this
connection back and also, onthe other side of it, like we're
allowed to have this immenseamounts of pleasure all day,
however that looks for you, andif you, if you don't come to
some like finale of a thing,that means nothing about you, it
(11:33):
means nothing about yourpartner, it means there's
nothing that you have to likepoint a finger at and like.
The other thing I'm evenlearning is like I even had some
like strange ass conditioningaround how it had to be that I
had the orgasm and if it wasn'tlike this has been my, my
conditioning If it wasn'tbecause his cock was inside of
me and I don't have an orgasmthat way, then I'm feeling him.
(11:54):
Yeah, there's pressure rightLike oh my gosh, I want him to
know he's doing a good job, so Iwant to yeah, yeah, Like I want
it to be this way for you, butit was like it's not a it's not.
It's not like it's.
Jamy (12:06):
However, you get there and whatever it happens, however it
happens and the journey gettingthere, like maybe you don't get
there and it's still freakingamazing Right.
Keri (12:15):
And I think the other thing around that is like as
well, just like you're saying,like it's not about getting
their place and that we get torelease this pressure of that,
because if you're having sexregularly enough, truly like
there's days I don't want to, Ijust want to enjoy.
And it might just be, like youjust said, that blowjob for five
or ten minutes in the morning.
(12:35):
That's just a really beautifulconnection point.
That is not about I need tohave an orgasm, it's not about
that at all.
It's just like I want toconnect with you in this
beautiful way and now that's it,like I don't I don't want more.
Jamy (12:54):
It does not have to be a big like ordeal production thing
.
I mean, like you were sayingearlier, you know, it's like
when, when you stay in the turnon in the Eros, it's like you
can have those moments all daylong, Like you can have these
little like moments of gettingit in and enjoying that, that
connection, that playfulness,and then go back to doing the
dishes or whatever the doing.
You know, and I think too, thistakes us out of um, this like
(13:19):
goal oriented Cause I think,even like when women masturbate,
it's like this like hurry upand get to the finish, like
hurry up and complete right, andyou are missing all of the
beauty and the pleasure and theprocess of turning your body on
slowly and fully and deeply, andlike how that ripples into
everything, because, think aboutit, that's how you're orgasming
(13:42):
and bringing yourself toquote-unquote pleasure.
Where else are you doing thatin your life?
Just hurry up through thefucking process and get it done.
Like what are you living for?
If everything is just to hurryup and finish?
Like where are you?
Keri (13:56):
enjoying marriages.
Right, yes, like get it done.
And like I mean I know I'vebeen there, I've done it in a
marriage like, oh, you want sex?
Great, can you just hurry upand get inside and get it done
so we can move on with the day,because I want to go to sleep,
or, putting on that I have aheadache story, whatever the
fucking thing is right, just getit done.
Jamy (14:12):
Yeah, uh, yeah like, and it is a journey you have to feel
a lot.
I mean, I still have, liketrauma come up.
I still have, like, in all ofthe practice that we get on a
daily basis, I still havemoments where, like Haya will be
like, are you still with me?
And he'll stop and cause he canfeel that I'm something's come
(14:35):
up and it has nothing to do withhim.
And he's learned that it hasnothing to do with him.
So now he can be present andwhat's happening for me.
So it is, it's a full journey.
You do have to feel things toaccess.
It's like the paradox, right,like the extent to the pleasure
you want is the extent of thepain or the you know whatever
that you have to feel as well.
Keri (14:56):
So yeah, and I think there's also a piece in that
around, like even when you saythat, like I know for me and my
experience right now, like it'sregular that there are tears
that come and like sex getsstopped because I'm like whoa,
this is overwhelming, youtouched a spot, that's some
traumatic thing or like that.
It brings out some like holycow up in some response to that
and like the beautiful thingabout actually letting go of
(15:17):
what this looks like to acompletion or an end result
means that I'm allowed to gothrough that and it's like, hey,
we can stop and have a momentto just be like whoa, that was a
lot.
You took something inside of methat was like that was buried
years ago.
Yeah, you know no and you don'teven need to know the story
about it.
(15:37):
No, no, let it move.
Let it move however it wants tomove, and and we just get to be
there and then not feel guilty,because now I had to stop this
experience and now you're notgoing to have an orgasm and I
feel bad.
Jamy (15:48):
I've just ruined the right and that's that's like
isolating a sexual, likeintercourse, from the wholeness
of of an ever moving, expandingand contracting relationship.
So I think that it's importantcommunication, learning how to
communicate, is important forwomen to to to, you know, like,
(16:11):
first of all, be able to takeresponsibility for what's
happening, cause so often weproject and we're like.
You did something that made mefeel this way, so we do cast a
lot of blame without recognizinghis actions brought something
up in us and let's beresponsible for that and for for
communicating what's happeningwith our partner and for men to
be able to step back from tryingto fix and trying to take
(16:34):
responsibility and trying toavoid blame and recognizing you
are just holding your partnerthrough something that's moving
and doesn't mean anything aboutyou.
You know, like, this is animportant thing and I think
women too, we need to learn tocommunicate our desires and our
needs and our wants.
(16:55):
I remember I used to see, and Iprobably they're probably still
out there, but I reallycultivated, like my social media
, in a way that I don't see thisas often, but like the memes
that would shame men Cause hedoesn't even know where the
clitoris is and you know, likewhatever and I'm like, but
ladies, every, every pussy'sdifferent.
So like are you communicating?
Are you saying, hey, can youmove this way just a little bit?
(17:16):
Or you know, it's like we sitin silence and then judge that
he's not getting it right,versus being courageous enough
and it's self-responsible enoughto communicate what feels good,
what doesn't feel good, what wewant to experience, offer that
like feedback and then, whenwomen are doing that, utilize it
(17:37):
to meet the desire and createmore pleasure, versus the story
that you're doing it wrong orwhatever comes up in that as
well.
Keri (17:45):
I want to.
I want to put it like a like athing here that says, hey, jamie
, we need to have a conversationaround helping women have self
pleasure practices not in thisconversation, because then
that's how you will learn women,how what you want.
Like we can't expect our men toknow unless we know and a lot
of women don't have a selfpleasure practice to know, like
where does it feel good for me?
Because, like Jamie said, everywoman is different, which is
(18:08):
how this whole conversationstarted, because we were talking
about last week.
Every penis is different aswell my orgasms and I'm like,
wow, this is so different andthis penis is so different and I
don't know what to do with allthis stuff and all these
feelings that I'm having.
And I'm like, wow, this ishitting me in different places
and like that's an experiencethat you get to go and figure
out for yourself.
It's not, it's not necessarilyhis job, like you've got to be
(18:31):
able to express it.
Jamy (18:32):
And literally, when you start to think about sex is like
alchemy, like every differentunique pussy, every different
unique penis, and then theequation that all of those
different equations make likeit's alchemy.
Keri (18:46):
So communication is important um, okay, so we're
gonna put like a, we're gonnayes, I will.
Jamy (18:53):
I will put a note.
Keri (18:53):
Yes, we're gonna come we're gonna come back to this
one, but we've really gone likesidetracked here.
Yes, this is very jimmy and Ilike sidetracked adhd brains
talking about on.
What we're actually talkingabout is On display.
We were actually talking aboutsemen retention.
Ah, yes, if I can get us backto semen retention so that we
can like, yes, really get Fullcircle, full circle, we're full
(19:18):
circle right now, full orgasmCircle, we're full, all of it.
In the fact that I think what'sreally important to start
talking about, that we, like you, started to talk about at the
beginning, is what is why wouldwe do this, why would a man do
this and why would a woman wantto support a man to do this?
And, like Jamie mentioned herown judgments and whilst I don't
(19:39):
I mean like that's her thing, Idon't judge, you know, when
she's already said she's goingto go work on her own shit, it's
not my judgment to it and I cansay the same thing that, like
when a man has told me, causethey men in the dating world,
like I've had one too many ofthem send me messages that say,
oh my God, your picture made mewant to jack off and I had three
orgasms to you within 15minutes and I'm like I had a man
(19:59):
tell me that he that his peniswas sore from jacking off too
much.
Jamy (20:03):
I'm like dude, that's juvenile, you need to take care
of your penis.
Like do not do it so much thatit hurts, that's a problem.
Keri (20:16):
So why like and I say this in like, I'm going to ask you
what is the importance for a man?
Because I think I want to bringthis back to this real clearly
and I think for me I'll say thisto you and I'll say mine first
that for me, like, when I thinkabout this, it's even like what
we were talking about in thelast episode in our own ability
to cultivate our own life forceenergy, right, and then our
(20:40):
sexual energy is actually ourlife force energy.
When I heard this and Iactually made this like
connection I was like, oh, it'sthe same thing.
So if I can turn myself on andI can run this energy, it is my
life force energy.
It will actually drive me in mylife.
I will actually have moreenergy to do everything.
I will be more magnetic.
I will bring more of theamazingness I want in.
(21:01):
I will think about something andlike, if I bring this into life
, it's true, I think aboutsomething and like, if I bring
this into life, it's true, Ithink about something, and Jamie
and I do this all the time.
I think about something and itshows up and I'm like you
wouldn't believe I'm like, butof course we would we just say,
of course, right, because themore that you do this within
yourself as a woman, the moremagnetic we become and the more
that we, we we quite easilybring to ourselves that which we
desire, and our life manifestsbefore our own eyes.
(21:24):
And it's like I didn't evenknow how I did this, except for
the fact that I connected intomy inner self my own inner body,
my own inner life force.
I turn that on purposefully andmagical things happen.
And I'm not saying this likeyou can sit and meditate and
have a bag of money or fall onyour head.
You can masturbate yourselfinto your dreams.
You can't you actually have togo and take actions on it.
Jamy (21:45):
So let's get.
Keri (21:50):
there's a lot of fricking mishap and I think it's lame as
fuck.
Jamy (21:51):
Yeah, People can masturbate themselves to the
dreams.
That does not.
Yeah, no, that's not how itworks.
It's maybe a part of theequation, but it's not how it
works.
Keri (21:58):
Actually have to go out and take actions.
Jamy (22:00):
People we live in.
Keri (22:00):
A three-dimensional world Right.
It's useful Not because we sathere and masturbated.
It's useful because we turnourselves on regardless of
masturbation and we go out andtake action and we make things
Right.
Jamy (22:12):
In fact, oftentimes masturbation can pick up and
become a distraction Like soyeah.
Keri (22:18):
So, with that said, I will also say, and again, I'm not in
a male body, so I can'tactually speak to this from and
we may need to invite some malebodies on to speak to this.
Jamy (22:29):
I can only speak to the female response to this
happening in a male body.
Keri (22:35):
My thoughts, though, being in like I love hearing what
Kyle had to say around this.
My thought, though, being thatthe same thing happens for a man
, right, more than you.
Because if, if, like with women, we have this beautiful gift of
life that when we have orgasmslike jamie was talking about
this like oftentimes not always,but oftentimes it will turn us
on more and more and more yeah,right, with a man, it depletes
(22:56):
him, like they let go of theircum, and it will deplete them,
and most women would know you'vehad the cum, they've, they've
come and they roll over and goto sleep.
Jamy (23:05):
Yeah, right, yeah, and literally it feels like their
energy deflates.
It's like the balloon hops yeah.
Keri (23:10):
Yeah, and so it is quite literally the life force energy
leaving their body.
And so when I look at why a manwould not want to come, it's a
very personal thing, like, buildyour life force energy and take
that, and like, the beautifulthing about men is their
(23:32):
penetration.
I fucking love male penetrationand it's something Jamie and I
have done a lot of workcultivating in our own female
body of how do we learn topenetrate, because it's not
something that we even aretaught, right, but the energy
penetrated each other and ittraded Jamie has given
energetically.
I have had orgasms from Jamieat her penetration.
It has been very delicious.
This is a true story.
(23:53):
Yes, it is.
What a night or day.
Jamy (23:58):
I don't remember.
Keri (23:59):
It was a day, it was a day , and so, like we, but like, the
beautiful thing is that you canactually learn this, right,
yeah, and so when a man holdsthat, that they are able to use
this life force, energy thatthey've held in, to penetrate
life more, because they'rereleasing their, their potency,
(24:22):
right Like right, and then theycan take it and drive it into
work, drive it into their family, drive it into their own
personal, whether it's whateverachievement they're trying to
yeah, like focus, they'resharper, they're um, there's
clarity, there's drive, there'sdesire, like there's a hunger
that pulls them forward.
Jamy (24:44):
You know, and, and, and I mean like I don't remember if I
said this in the last episode orat the beginning of this one,
but like, when Kyle does come, Ican feel less magnetism to him,
like he feels less um weighted.
You know, it's like there'sless draw to him.
(25:04):
His energy is, his auric fieldfeels deflated and my body
responds.
I'm like, hmm, yeah, you know,I mean like I still love him.
It's not like I'm disgusted byhim or anything like that, but
it's like it inspires less in me.
My body is like Hmm, there's alike I don't know, just a ho-hum
sort of energy.
It's like I don't know, just aho-hum sort of energy.
(25:24):
It's like we become flat anddeflated Versus when he is
really cultivating his owncreation, life force, energy
within his body.
My body reacts, my body isdrawn to it.
My body wants to experience,wants to be close to it, wants
(25:46):
to be in his field and wants tosupport it, wants to expand it,
(26:09):
wants to be a part of it.
And it's an interesting thingto recognize, because my mind is
like what the fuck is going on?
And my body is just a yes, in alot of ways and wants to give
to him in a lot of ways.
So, and it's not even give,it's almost like reciprocate.
It's almost like it fills me upin a way that I just want to
(26:29):
like spill out what it'sinspired in me to make his life
better, to make his life fuller,to like bring him pleasure.
It's an interesting likeenergetic dynamic that I feel.
Keri (26:45):
So, men, if you're listening, hear that Right.
Jamy (26:50):
Yeah, yum, I mean like, isn't that what we're?
You know, like trying tocultivate and then we're chasing
the release which literallyreleases the thing that's
drawing her in, you know, yeah,and same, like you said, with
women.
I mean, like, like I said,different orgasms.
A clitoral orgasm usually is my, is my release?
(27:13):
Like, when I have a clitoralorgasm, I'm done, I'm, I'm ready
for bed, I'm.
It's very similar to releasingsemen, but, yeah, learning how
to bring that energy back in andexpand it, have the orgasmic, I
(27:34):
mean like the energy orgasms,the full body, fucking rolling
pleasure that just lasts forhours, the convulsions that you
know, it's like those thingsdon't happen by just avoiding
the, the expansion of thepressure and releasing over and
over again.
You know.
Keri (27:52):
So, ultimately, ultimately , what I'm hearing you say,
jamie, is that there's even morepleasure by not in, in sexual
experiences, by not releasing,yeah, yeah.
Jamy (28:03):
And I think this is the thing like a lot of people edge,
you know, like to maintain that, like tension and the feeling
of pleasure, but it's still withthe ultimate end of of coming
eventually.
You know, it's like edging inlife continually and staying in
that.
(28:23):
That's beautiful and it has itsplace, I guess, and and to be
intentional with how and whenyou're doing that, versus
mindlessly chasing the end.
Keri (28:34):
We should probably talk about, because Jamie actually
said before we got on the callthat she said I think I think it
was before we were on the call.
We've said so many thingsalready, um, that, uh, when you
guys do tend to have release,that it is intentional.
There is sex magic, and so I'mgoing to do another pin here
that we're going to have to havea conversation about sex magic.
Yes, I think sex magic is areally fricking epic thing that
(28:58):
we can talk about, that mostpeople have no idea exists and
um, and then take that intoanother conversation of like
when you are being intentional,what does that look like with
intimacy?
Jamy (29:08):
Yeah, I'll put that on the notes too.
Keri (29:11):
On the notes too, because I think it's about time that we
wrap this one.
Is there anything else that youwant to say around semen
retention and why?
And I mean, like we can't, I'mlike I'm not going to say, like
maybe we even need to havesomebody, like a guy, come on
here and talk.
Jamy (29:29):
I mean maybe Kyle can talk about.
Yeah, I mean, like we have beenexposed to a lot of men who
practice that with intention andwith education around it, um,
and I think that's our eyes toit.
Keri (29:35):
You have to learn this.
It's not something that yeahjust like wake up one day and a
guy will start you know likeyou'll start doing this.
It's like a choice, yeah.
And then it's learning and it'sunraveling, like we were saying
early right, unraveling of themental stuff that says that it
has to happen this way and thatif I don't, I'm not good enough
from a failure or whatever thething is that's coming up for
you.
Jamy (29:54):
Whatever, it's not perfect like there are lots of you know
and you might lots of lessonsand and oopses, got a little too
close to the edge there.
Yeah, maybe we can put actuallysome links to follow some guys
(30:15):
who actually talk about this,because I know I've followed a
few and really, when they're youknow, when it's a man talking
about what it does for a man, Ithink that that that that's
beautiful as well.
And women just be, I mean, like, be really curious.
Is this something for you, like, is it something to explore?
Maybe you explore it and youdecide now this isn't what I
want, and that's beautiful too,but just allowing yourself the
(30:37):
space to ask the what, if, like,what, if there is something in
this for me, and having adiscussion with your partner or
having a play with what thatmight look like.
Keri (30:48):
It's just like you said, it's not an overnight thing,
it's a, it's a journey and aprocess, and if it's something
you're curious about exploring,give it time and create space
for the and I was going to saytoo like as a woman, like it's
also like you need to lookinside yourself and see what,
what associations you have toyourself around, making sure
that they because I know for meit's like oh my god, it brings
(31:11):
up stuff of like.
If I don't like, I didn'tplease you all this stuff so
much that was huge for me.
Jamy (31:16):
Like how am I gonna know I'm doing a good job if you
don't come right?
Yeah, yeah, like it was part oflike being a good lover, being
a good pussy, being a good boy,you know all that stuff and it's
like I think I get messagesfrom Kyle like almost daily
about how magic my pussy is.
Like he's like I know I saythis a lot, but like you don't
(31:42):
understand.
You don't understand.
So, ladies, the magic isn'tnecessarily tied to the coming
at the end this is true, that'sactually not.
That's a part of that otherself-pleasure thing, like you
were talking about how a lot ofwomen just lay there.
(32:03):
We We'll add that to thatconversation, we'll add to that
conversation.
Yes.
Keri (32:10):
All right If you again, I gave this, you know, ending on
the last episode.
I know that this conversationis probably a little bit
triggering for some people.
There's probably some stuffthat has come up for you as
you've listened to us talk aboutthis, whether you're a man or a
woman, about why's the what's,what's the how's, the what ifs,
(32:32):
all of these different thingsyeah, all of it.
You're totally in the rightplace.
We love you, we see you, wehonor you, We've you know, we're
on the journey too.
We're not sitting here speakingfrom like oh my God, we are
like the experts in this,because we certainly are not, my
God.
We are like the experts in this?
because we certainly are not.
We are not, and especiallybeing a man like no, that's
definitely not true.
So if you have things you wantto share with us, if you want to
(32:52):
reach out, if you're curiousabout stuff, please do reach out
to us.
Our information is in the shownotes.
Otherwise, there will be someanother enlightening
conversation somewhere in theway as we move forward around
self-pleasure, around all theseother things we were talking
about today.
Keep joining us on the podcast,on the show, for all of these
I'm going to say, quote unquote,a little bit taboo
(33:13):
conversations that we're havingright now, breaking through
these norms and really startingto look at sexuality, sensuality
, and having these big, realconversations of what's outside
of boxes and how can we actuallylive in this pleasure field
outside of the boxes that we'vebeen conditioned to believe are
true.
Amen.
Jamy (33:32):
Until next week.
If you enjoyed this show, letus know.
We're all about authenticconnections, so come chat with
us on social media or email.
Links are listed in the shownotes.
Keri (33:45):
And please make sure to subscribe to the podcast on your
favorite platform and share themagic on your socials.
Welcome to Redefining Normal.
Join us as we questionconventional thinking and talk
about the courage it takes tocreate and live a deliciously
vibrant life.
Jamy (00:10):
This podcast is for people who know there's a better way
to do life and love how we showup in connection to others our
kids, our partners, our businessand, beyond that, our
relationship with money,vitality and, more than anything
, ourselves.
Keri (00:26):
We're two shamelessly unapologetic moms choosing to
experience the fullness of life.
Jamy (00:32):
And we're collapsing the conditioning that says you can't
live a life of pleasure, peaceand abundance in the midst of
the mundane of life,responsibilities, work and kids.
Keri (00:43):
Thank you for listening in .
Let's do this.
Hello, hello, hello, welcome.
It is Keri Lynn and JamieMiranda this week.
We just stopped the recordingfrom last week where we were
talking to you about penises andblowjobs and we said we're
going to talk about ejaculationthis week.
So here we are to talk to youabout ejaculation and semen
(01:05):
retention and the power of whatthat is and why someone would
want to do it, and ourexperiences with it, and
experiences with men in ourlives who have experienced this
as well.
So, jamie, take this away.
Jamy (01:21):
Yeah, so I I don't even know where to begin.
I suppose I mean like so wewere talking about this prior to
hopping on this call um that,what like five years ago, six
years ago, um, the idea of semenretention and a man not like
ejaculating every time, like itwas almost like a, a success,
(01:44):
right, like the goal.
We did a good job, then we win.
Keri (01:48):
We did a good job.
We satisfied him right yeah.
Jamy (01:51):
So it was absurd to me, like when I started hearing
about this, I'm like why would?
Why would a man not want tocome um?
Keri (01:58):
and actually, before you actually get into it, like so
this is literally the act ofbeing able to have sexual
experiences and having a man notcome after where they normally
would have.
You know your end, the grandfinale the end right, yeah, um,
yeah.
Jamy (02:17):
So we got exposed to this in some of the circles that you
know we were in um and kylestarted to look into and explore
some of that in lots ofdifferent levels.
Um, and he actually doespractice semen retention now and
is intentional about when hedoes come.
Um, oftentimes we'll like dosome, you know, like ritual sex,
(02:39):
magic, full Mooney things, um,but there is beautiful pleasure
in that too.
Um, the reason that this cameup actually is because we were
talking about blowjobs on thelast episode.
Kyle does not um like come inthe morning, so I give him
blowjobs every morning before hegoes to work, but it's not to
(03:00):
completion, it's not to um thepoint of him coming, and that's
actually what we practice on aregular basis, or he more than I
, because that's a him thing andI I recognize that the energy,
the desire, the life alivenessin him that I feel when he is
(03:24):
retaining his energy, when he isnot just expelling all the time
, it's almost like his capacityis expanded because this, you
know, the energy of desire, ofEros, of life force, is staying
within his body and circulatingand moving in his life, versus
(03:46):
feeling desire and then justexpelling it.
It's almost like popping thebubble over and over and over
again and not being able to holdthat capacity.
He read a book called I thinkit's called Venus's Poison Arrow
or something like that, but ittalks about the hormonal,
hormonal shifts that happen in aman and a woman actually when
we orgasm.
(04:06):
But the part that I remember isthat, like the cocktail of
hormones that happen after a manorgasms actually creates a
distance between him and hiswoman, like he feels less
connection to her, less likedesire, less focus on her, and
goes a little more internal anda little, you know little,
separate.
And so I started to think aboutthat pattern in like normal
(04:30):
life, in normal relationships,whether it's marriage or
long-term relationships, butlike whether or not you're
having sex on a regular basisand coming all the time or
jacking off all day long, thatyou're literally creating a
hormonal concoction in your bodyof disconnection from your
partner that lasts like seven to10 days or something like that,
(04:52):
before the hormones come backdown and start to, you know,
rebuild.
So I think about theimplication of that as well and
I will be honest, I told Carriebefore we got on that I
recognized I just told Kyle thisthe other day that I actually
hold a little bit of judgmenttowards men who come all the
time Like I've had men you knowlike, say, you know like I
(05:18):
jacked off X number of times towhat, and I'm just like that's
not, that's not, that's notimpressive.
Like to me, it's like, um, it'sa waste of your energy and your
focus and your force and yourcapacity to like penetrate life
is diminished in that right Likeit feels like you've just um
(05:38):
expelled your power in a lot ofways for me, and I and I want to
reflect on that because I alsodon't want to be judgmental of
people's choices and like somepeople have more of that in them
than others and you can do lifeamazingly.
But I do know that, like a lotof professional athletes a lot
of like performance and likeoptimization, people actually do
(05:59):
this as well retain semenbecause of what it does in their
bodies and their focus andtheir minds and their all of
that sort of stuff.
So, um, yeah, that's mypersonal experience.
So Kyle and I have sex a lotLike.
Sometimes we'll have sexseveral times a day, um, for
long periods of time, and he andhe doesn't he doesn't come and
(06:21):
he, he feels satisfied.
I've asked him.
You know I'm like do you do youneed to like?
Are you feeling like you needsome release?
Are you feeling okay?
And he's like the, the, thepleasure along the way, and the
energetic orgasms and, and youknow, like waves of pleasure
leave me feeling just assatisfied as when I do orgasm.
But it's taken him a while toget to that point.
(06:42):
You know there is a hurdle ofgoing from coming all the time
to enjoy.
Keri (06:49):
I'm not the man, so I can't.
Actually, I'm like curious tosay I'd imagine that there is a
um, a mental, a mental thing oflike I um, I'm not satisfied
because I didn't, is probablyactually a conditioning or a
mental thing to overcome as muchas it is the physical thing.
Jamy (07:11):
And I mean think about.
There's probably some sort ofsome level of physical addiction
to the dopamine hit right Likethe, the rush of feel good
hormones, and chasing that partof it without recognizing what
then happens over and over after.
So it almost perpetuates thatcycle of now I got to chase the
dopamine hit again because I'mfeeling low, and so you just
(07:31):
keep dropping yourself more andmore into a deficit which is
just generally speaking in life.
Keri (07:37):
How many times do we do that Right Exactly?
Jamy (07:40):
And you know like I think about this from a woman's
perspective, because for me, themore I orgasm, it's different
orgasms too.
So, like G-spot orgasms andcervical orgasms uh, increase my
life force right, Like theyexpand me and turn me on more
and more and more and more.
Um, a clitoral orgasmdefinitely is similar to
(08:01):
ejaculation and that, like itdepletes me and I'm done Like
I'm I there's a dropenergetically.
So there's a difference in theorgasms and the ways that I
personally orgasm, on what theydo in my energy body, Cause,
like it, I recognize that itfelt a little like men shouldn't
come, but we get to come allthe time.
But it's like each of usrecognizing in deep honesty with
(08:25):
ourselves where does it serveus, when is it depleting us and
what are we wanting to createwith our erotic energy, with our
ecstatic current, with our lifeforce?
Keri (08:37):
It's, you know, to me, actually, what I'm hearing from
both sides of this cause.
Like we started this lastconversation last week talking
about me having my journeyaround my own orgasm, right.
Part of part of my journey hasbeen to not attach to having the
quote-unquote, like this bigorgasm, alley, right, right,
nolly orgasm, right, and it'sthe same thing as the man not
attaching to not having this andit's like it's this
(08:59):
conditioning that says like sexwasn't done right, well, good
enough.
And I'm like using words andquotes if we don't come come to,
if we don't come to the final.
Jamy (09:13):
I mean, like you know, quote like orgasm, and I find it
very goal oriented, right likeversus the pleasure of every
second during god like.
Keri (09:24):
For me, it's like my turn on is so amazing that I could
just keep going all day withouthaving this like final.
It's like I don't need to havethat to enjoy the deliciousness
of the connection of.
It feels really freaking good,right, and it allows me to
explore the little nuances in myorgasms and my energetic
(09:46):
orgasms and the little orgasmsand all these different things,
and I'm like wait, stop, like,let me feel that even more.
Like, let's back up even more.
Like, don't hook into.
And it is such a conditioningon the world's part that I'm not
good enough.
Quote unquote.
I didn't satisfy my partner.
Quote unquote.
I failed, right.
Jamy (10:05):
I failed If I did not bring you to orgasm, right and I
, both sides, men have thatpressure too and women put that
pressure a lot, like he can'teven make me orgasm.
You know, like I see that somuch snarkiness in the, the
feminine, um, you know, andlet's be real like women.
Keri (10:22):
We are not like.
Every one of us is differentand we are like and it depends
like and this is the other thingthat I'm really honoring Like
when you I love that Jamieactually said this she's 20, is
it 21 years married, yeah, andshe just told you guys she has
like a fuck ton of sex, and Iknow she does.
She's a very wealthy woman,carrie knows let's just clear
(10:42):
the air First of all on thatthat you can have two children
in your house living with youand have a fuck ton of sex and
be in a long-term marriage whereyou get to enjoy pleasure, and
I think that in and of itself islike a win that a lot of.
Jamy (10:55):
And we have been through a shit show.
We have not always had greatsex.
We have not always had a greatrelationship.
This took work and intentionand choice on both of our parts
and and it's possible Like it'sfucking possible, yeah.
Keri (11:08):
Yeah, and so I think, like that's number one, like let's
break that down and just say youcan, you can do this.
Wherever you are, like whereveryou've been, you can bring this
connection back and also, onthe other side of it, like we're
allowed to have this immenseamounts of pleasure all day,
however that looks for you, andif you, if you don't come to
some like finale of a thing,that means nothing about you, it
(11:33):
means nothing about yourpartner, it means there's
nothing that you have to likepoint a finger at and like.
The other thing I'm evenlearning is like I even had some
like strange ass conditioningaround how it had to be that I
had the orgasm and if it wasn'tlike this has been my, my
conditioning If it wasn'tbecause his cock was inside of
me and I don't have an orgasmthat way, then I'm feeling him.
(11:54):
Yeah, there's pressure rightLike oh my gosh, I want him to
know he's doing a good job, so Iwant to yeah, yeah, Like I want
it to be this way for you, butit was like it's not a it's not.
It's not like it's.
Jamy (12:06):
However, you get there and whatever it happens, however it
happens and the journey gettingthere, like maybe you don't get
there and it's still freakingamazing Right.
Keri (12:15):
And I think the other thing around that is like as
well, just like you're saying,like it's not about getting
their place and that we get torelease this pressure of that,
because if you're having sexregularly enough, truly like
there's days I don't want to, Ijust want to enjoy.
And it might just be, like youjust said, that blowjob for five
or ten minutes in the morning.
(12:35):
That's just a really beautifulconnection point.
That is not about I need tohave an orgasm, it's not about
that at all.
It's just like I want toconnect with you in this
beautiful way and now that's it,like I don't I don't want more.
Jamy (12:54):
It does not have to be a big like ordeal production thing
.
I mean, like you were sayingearlier, you know, it's like
when, when you stay in the turnon in the Eros, it's like you
can have those moments all daylong, Like you can have these
little like moments of gettingit in and enjoying that, that
connection, that playfulness,and then go back to doing the
dishes or whatever the doing.
You know, and I think too, thistakes us out of um, this like
(13:19):
goal oriented Cause I think,even like when women masturbate,
it's like this like hurry upand get to the finish, like
hurry up and complete right, andyou are missing all of the
beauty and the pleasure and theprocess of turning your body on
slowly and fully and deeply, andlike how that ripples into
everything, because, think aboutit, that's how you're orgasming
(13:42):
and bringing yourself toquote-unquote pleasure.
Where else are you doing thatin your life?
Just hurry up through thefucking process and get it done.
Like what are you living for?
If everything is just to hurryup and finish?
Like where are you?
Keri (13:56):
enjoying marriages.
Right, yes, like get it done.
And like I mean I know I'vebeen there, I've done it in a
marriage like, oh, you want sex?
Great, can you just hurry upand get inside and get it done
so we can move on with the day,because I want to go to sleep,
or, putting on that I have aheadache story, whatever the
fucking thing is right, just getit done.
Jamy (14:12):
Yeah, uh, yeah like, and it is a journey you have to feel
a lot.
I mean, I still have, liketrauma come up.
I still have, like, in all ofthe practice that we get on a
daily basis, I still havemoments where, like Haya will be
like, are you still with me?
And he'll stop and cause he canfeel that I'm something's come
(14:35):
up and it has nothing to do withhim.
And he's learned that it hasnothing to do with him.
So now he can be present andwhat's happening for me.
So it is, it's a full journey.
You do have to feel things toaccess.
It's like the paradox, right,like the extent to the pleasure
you want is the extent of thepain or the you know whatever
that you have to feel as well.
Keri (14:56):
So yeah, and I think there's also a piece in that
around, like even when you saythat, like I know for me and my
experience right now, like it'sregular that there are tears
that come and like sex getsstopped because I'm like whoa,
this is overwhelming, youtouched a spot, that's some
traumatic thing or like that.
It brings out some like holycow up in some response to that
and like the beautiful thingabout actually letting go of
(15:17):
what this looks like to acompletion or an end result
means that I'm allowed to gothrough that and it's like, hey,
we can stop and have a momentto just be like whoa, that was a
lot.
You took something inside of methat was like that was buried
years ago.
Yeah, you know no and you don'teven need to know the story
about it.
(15:37):
No, no, let it move.
Let it move however it wants tomove, and and we just get to be
there and then not feel guilty,because now I had to stop this
experience and now you're notgoing to have an orgasm and I
feel bad.
Jamy (15:48):
I've just ruined the right and that's that's like
isolating a sexual, likeintercourse, from the wholeness
of of an ever moving, expandingand contracting relationship.
So I think that it's importantcommunication, learning how to
communicate, is important forwomen to to to, you know, like,
(16:11):
first of all, be able to takeresponsibility for what's
happening, cause so often weproject and we're like.
You did something that made mefeel this way, so we do cast a
lot of blame without recognizinghis actions brought something
up in us and let's beresponsible for that and for for
communicating what's happeningwith our partner and for men to
be able to step back from tryingto fix and trying to take
(16:34):
responsibility and trying toavoid blame and recognizing you
are just holding your partnerthrough something that's moving
and doesn't mean anything aboutyou.
You know, like, this is animportant thing and I think
women too, we need to learn tocommunicate our desires and our
needs and our wants.
(16:55):
I remember I used to see, and Iprobably they're probably still
out there, but I reallycultivated, like my social media
, in a way that I don't see thisas often, but like the memes
that would shame men Cause hedoesn't even know where the
clitoris is and you know, likewhatever and I'm like, but
ladies, every, every pussy'sdifferent.
So like are you communicating?
Are you saying, hey, can youmove this way just a little bit?
(17:16):
Or you know, it's like we sitin silence and then judge that
he's not getting it right,versus being courageous enough
and it's self-responsible enoughto communicate what feels good,
what doesn't feel good, what wewant to experience, offer that
like feedback and then, whenwomen are doing that, utilize it
(17:37):
to meet the desire and createmore pleasure, versus the story
that you're doing it wrong orwhatever comes up in that as
well.
Keri (17:45):
I want to.
I want to put it like a like athing here that says, hey, jamie
, we need to have a conversationaround helping women have self
pleasure practices not in thisconversation, because then
that's how you will learn women,how what you want.
Like we can't expect our men toknow unless we know and a lot
of women don't have a selfpleasure practice to know, like
where does it feel good for me?
Because, like Jamie said, everywoman is different, which is
(18:08):
how this whole conversationstarted, because we were talking
about last week.
Every penis is different aswell my orgasms and I'm like,
wow, this is so different andthis penis is so different and I
don't know what to do with allthis stuff and all these
feelings that I'm having.
And I'm like, wow, this ishitting me in different places
and like that's an experiencethat you get to go and figure
out for yourself.
It's not, it's not necessarilyhis job, like you've got to be
(18:31):
able to express it.
Jamy (18:32):
And literally, when you start to think about sex is like
alchemy, like every differentunique pussy, every different
unique penis, and then theequation that all of those
different equations make likeit's alchemy.
Keri (18:46):
So communication is important um, okay, so we're
gonna put like a, we're gonnayes, I will.
Jamy (18:53):
I will put a note.
Keri (18:53):
Yes, we're gonna come we're gonna come back to this
one, but we've really gone likesidetracked here.
Yes, this is very jimmy and Ilike sidetracked adhd brains
talking about on.
What we're actually talkingabout is On display.
We were actually talking aboutsemen retention.
Ah, yes, if I can get us backto semen retention so that we
can like, yes, really get Fullcircle, full circle, we're full
(19:18):
circle right now, full orgasmCircle, we're full, all of it.
In the fact that I think what'sreally important to start
talking about, that we, like you, started to talk about at the
beginning, is what is why wouldwe do this, why would a man do
this and why would a woman wantto support a man to do this?
And, like Jamie mentioned herown judgments and whilst I don't
(19:39):
I mean like that's her thing, Idon't judge, you know, when
she's already said she's goingto go work on her own shit, it's
not my judgment to it and I cansay the same thing that, like
when a man has told me, causethey men in the dating world,
like I've had one too many ofthem send me messages that say,
oh my God, your picture made mewant to jack off and I had three
orgasms to you within 15minutes and I'm like I had a man
(19:59):
tell me that he that his peniswas sore from jacking off too
much.
Jamy (20:03):
I'm like dude, that's juvenile, you need to take care
of your penis.
Like do not do it so much thatit hurts, that's a problem.
Keri (20:16):
So why like and I say this in like, I'm going to ask you
what is the importance for a man?
Because I think I want to bringthis back to this real clearly
and I think for me I'll say thisto you and I'll say mine first
that for me, like, when I thinkabout this, it's even like what
we were talking about in thelast episode in our own ability
to cultivate our own life forceenergy, right, and then our
(20:40):
sexual energy is actually ourlife force energy.
When I heard this and Iactually made this like
connection I was like, oh, it'sthe same thing.
So if I can turn myself on andI can run this energy, it is my
life force energy.
It will actually drive me in mylife.
I will actually have moreenergy to do everything.
I will be more magnetic.
I will bring more of theamazingness I want in.
(21:01):
I will think about something andlike, if I bring this into life
, it's true, I think aboutsomething and like, if I bring
this into life, it's true, Ithink about something, and Jamie
and I do this all the time.
I think about something and itshows up and I'm like you
wouldn't believe I'm like, butof course we would we just say,
of course, right, because themore that you do this within
yourself as a woman, the moremagnetic we become and the more
that we, we we quite easilybring to ourselves that which we
desire, and our life manifestsbefore our own eyes.
(21:24):
And it's like I didn't evenknow how I did this, except for
the fact that I connected intomy inner self my own inner body,
my own inner life force.
I turn that on purposefully andmagical things happen.
And I'm not saying this likeyou can sit and meditate and
have a bag of money or fall onyour head.
You can masturbate yourselfinto your dreams.
You can't you actually have togo and take actions on it.
Jamy (21:45):
So let's get.
Keri (21:50):
there's a lot of fricking mishap and I think it's lame as
fuck.
Jamy (21:51):
Yeah, People can masturbate themselves to the
dreams.
That does not.
Yeah, no, that's not how itworks.
It's maybe a part of theequation, but it's not how it
works.
Keri (21:58):
Actually have to go out and take actions.
Jamy (22:00):
People we live in.
Keri (22:00):
A three-dimensional world Right.
It's useful Not because we sathere and masturbated.
It's useful because we turnourselves on regardless of
masturbation and we go out andtake action and we make things
Right.
Jamy (22:12):
In fact, oftentimes masturbation can pick up and
become a distraction Like soyeah.
Keri (22:18):
So, with that said, I will also say, and again, I'm not in
a male body, so I can'tactually speak to this from and
we may need to invite some malebodies on to speak to this.
Jamy (22:29):
I can only speak to the female response to this
happening in a male body.
Keri (22:35):
My thoughts, though, being in like I love hearing what
Kyle had to say around this.
My thought, though, being thatthe same thing happens for a man
, right, more than you.
Because if, if, like with women, we have this beautiful gift of
life that when we have orgasmslike jamie was talking about
this like oftentimes not always,but oftentimes it will turn us
on more and more and more yeah,right, with a man, it depletes
(22:56):
him, like they let go of theircum, and it will deplete them,
and most women would know you'vehad the cum, they've, they've
come and they roll over and goto sleep.
Jamy (23:05):
Yeah, right, yeah, and literally it feels like their
energy deflates.
It's like the balloon hops yeah.
Keri (23:10):
Yeah, and so it is quite literally the life force energy
leaving their body.
And so when I look at why a manwould not want to come, it's a
very personal thing, like, buildyour life force energy and take
that, and like, the beautifulthing about men is their
(23:32):
penetration.
I fucking love male penetrationand it's something Jamie and I
have done a lot of workcultivating in our own female
body of how do we learn topenetrate, because it's not
something that we even aretaught, right, but the energy
penetrated each other and ittraded Jamie has given
energetically.
I have had orgasms from Jamieat her penetration.
It has been very delicious.
This is a true story.
(23:53):
Yes, it is.
What a night or day.
Jamy (23:58):
I don't remember.
Keri (23:59):
It was a day, it was a day , and so, like we, but like, the
beautiful thing is that you canactually learn this, right,
yeah, and so when a man holdsthat, that they are able to use
this life force, energy thatthey've held in, to penetrate
life more, because they'rereleasing their, their potency,
(24:22):
right Like right, and then theycan take it and drive it into
work, drive it into their family, drive it into their own
personal, whether it's whateverachievement they're trying to
yeah, like focus, they'resharper, they're um, there's
clarity, there's drive, there'sdesire, like there's a hunger
that pulls them forward.
Jamy (24:44):
You know, and, and, and I mean like I don't remember if I
said this in the last episode orat the beginning of this one,
but like, when Kyle does come, Ican feel less magnetism to him,
like he feels less um weighted.
You know, it's like there'sless draw to him.
(25:04):
His energy is, his auric fieldfeels deflated and my body
responds.
I'm like, hmm, yeah, you know,I mean like I still love him.
It's not like I'm disgusted byhim or anything like that, but
it's like it inspires less in me.
My body is like Hmm, there's alike I don't know, just a ho-hum
sort of energy.
It's like I don't know, just aho-hum sort of energy.
(25:24):
It's like we become flat anddeflated Versus when he is
really cultivating his owncreation, life force, energy
within his body.
My body reacts, my body isdrawn to it.
My body wants to experience,wants to be close to it, wants
(25:46):
to be in his field and wants tosupport it, wants to expand it,
(26:09):
wants to be a part of it.
And it's an interesting thingto recognize, because my mind is
like what the fuck is going on?
And my body is just a yes, in alot of ways and wants to give
to him in a lot of ways.
So, and it's not even give,it's almost like reciprocate.
It's almost like it fills me upin a way that I just want to
(26:29):
like spill out what it'sinspired in me to make his life
better, to make his life fuller,to like bring him pleasure.
It's an interesting likeenergetic dynamic that I feel.
Keri (26:45):
So, men, if you're listening, hear that Right.
Jamy (26:50):
Yeah, yum, I mean like, isn't that what we're?
You know, like trying tocultivate and then we're chasing
the release which literallyreleases the thing that's
drawing her in, you know, yeah,and same, like you said, with
women.
I mean, like, like I said,different orgasms.
A clitoral orgasm usually is my, is my release?
(27:13):
Like, when I have a clitoralorgasm, I'm done, I'm, I'm ready
for bed, I'm.
It's very similar to releasingsemen, but, yeah, learning how
to bring that energy back in andexpand it, have the orgasmic, I
(27:34):
mean like the energy orgasms,the full body, fucking rolling
pleasure that just lasts forhours, the convulsions that you
know, it's like those thingsdon't happen by just avoiding
the, the expansion of thepressure and releasing over and
over again.
You know.
Keri (27:52):
So, ultimately, ultimately , what I'm hearing you say,
jamie, is that there's even morepleasure by not in, in sexual
experiences, by not releasing,yeah, yeah.
Jamy (28:03):
And I think this is the thing like a lot of people edge,
you know, like to maintain that, like tension and the feeling
of pleasure, but it's still withthe ultimate end of of coming
eventually.
You know, it's like edging inlife continually and staying in
that.
(28:23):
That's beautiful and it has itsplace, I guess, and and to be
intentional with how and whenyou're doing that, versus
mindlessly chasing the end.
Keri (28:34):
We should probably talk about, because Jamie actually
said before we got on the callthat she said I think I think it
was before we were on the call.
We've said so many thingsalready, um, that, uh, when you
guys do tend to have release,that it is intentional.
There is sex magic, and so I'mgoing to do another pin here
that we're going to have to havea conversation about sex magic.
Yes, I think sex magic is areally fricking epic thing that
(28:58):
we can talk about, that mostpeople have no idea exists and
um, and then take that intoanother conversation of like
when you are being intentional,what does that look like with
intimacy?
Jamy (29:08):
Yeah, I'll put that on the notes too.
Keri (29:11):
On the notes too, because I think it's about time that we
wrap this one.
Is there anything else that youwant to say around semen
retention and why?
And I mean, like we can't, I'mlike I'm not going to say, like
maybe we even need to havesomebody, like a guy, come on
here and talk.
Jamy (29:29):
I mean maybe Kyle can talk about.
Yeah, I mean, like we have beenexposed to a lot of men who
practice that with intention andwith education around it, um,
and I think that's our eyes toit.
Keri (29:35):
You have to learn this.
It's not something that yeahjust like wake up one day and a
guy will start you know likeyou'll start doing this.
It's like a choice, yeah.
And then it's learning and it'sunraveling, like we were saying
early right, unraveling of themental stuff that says that it
has to happen this way and thatif I don't, I'm not good enough
from a failure or whatever thething is that's coming up for
you.
Jamy (29:54):
Whatever, it's not perfect like there are lots of you know
and you might lots of lessonsand and oopses, got a little too
close to the edge there.
Yeah, maybe we can put actuallysome links to follow some guys
(30:15):
who actually talk about this,because I know I've followed a
few and really, when they're youknow, when it's a man talking
about what it does for a man, Ithink that that that that's
beautiful as well.
And women just be, I mean, like, be really curious.
Is this something for you, like, is it something to explore?
Maybe you explore it and youdecide now this isn't what I
want, and that's beautiful too,but just allowing yourself the
(30:37):
space to ask the what, if, like,what, if there is something in
this for me, and having adiscussion with your partner or
having a play with what thatmight look like.
Keri (30:48):
It's just like you said, it's not an overnight thing,
it's a, it's a journey and aprocess, and if it's something
you're curious about exploring,give it time and create space
for the and I was going to saytoo like as a woman, like it's
also like you need to lookinside yourself and see what,
what associations you have toyourself around, making sure
that they because I know for meit's like oh my god, it brings
(31:11):
up stuff of like.
If I don't like, I didn'tplease you all this stuff so
much that was huge for me.
Jamy (31:16):
Like how am I gonna know I'm doing a good job if you
don't come right?
Yeah, yeah, like it was part oflike being a good lover, being
a good pussy, being a good boy,you know all that stuff and it's
like I think I get messagesfrom Kyle like almost daily
about how magic my pussy is.
Like he's like I know I saythis a lot, but like you don't
(31:42):
understand.
You don't understand.
So, ladies, the magic isn'tnecessarily tied to the coming
at the end this is true, that'sactually not.
That's a part of that otherself-pleasure thing, like you
were talking about how a lot ofwomen just lay there.
(32:03):
We We'll add that to thatconversation, we'll add to that
conversation.
Yes.
Keri (32:10):
All right If you again, I gave this, you know, ending on
the last episode.
I know that this conversationis probably a little bit
triggering for some people.
There's probably some stuffthat has come up for you as
you've listened to us talk aboutthis, whether you're a man or a
woman, about why's the what's,what's the how's, the what ifs,
(32:32):
all of these different thingsyeah, all of it.
You're totally in the rightplace.
We love you, we see you, wehonor you, We've you know, we're
on the journey too.
We're not sitting here speakingfrom like oh my God, we are
like the experts in this,because we certainly are not, my
God.
We are like the experts in this?
because we certainly are not.
We are not, and especiallybeing a man like no, that's
definitely not true.
So if you have things you wantto share with us, if you want to
(32:52):
reach out, if you're curiousabout stuff, please do reach out
to us.
Our information is in the shownotes.
Otherwise, there will be someanother enlightening
conversation somewhere in theway as we move forward around
self-pleasure, around all theseother things we were talking
about today.
Keep joining us on the podcast,on the show, for all of these
I'm going to say, quote unquote,a little bit taboo
(33:13):
conversations that we're havingright now, breaking through
these norms and really startingto look at sexuality, sensuality
, and having these big, realconversations of what's outside
of boxes and how can we actuallylive in this pleasure field
outside of the boxes that we'vebeen conditioned to believe are
true.
Amen.
Jamy (33:32):
Until next week.
If you enjoyed this show, letus know.
We're all about authenticconnections, so come chat with
us on social media or email.
Links are listed in the shownotes.
Keri (33:45):
And please make sure to subscribe to the podcast on your
favorite platform and share themagic on your socials.
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