March 11, 2024 • 22 mins
This week on the podcast, I'm talking to you about the mirror.
When was the last time you looked in the mirror and liked what you saw? As we get older, it can get harder. It's pretty common to see our reflection and start criticizing ourselves for all the stuff that we don't like.
What if you were able to look in the mirror and see a familiar friend whom you loved and cherished? What if you were able to compliment yourself instead of criticize?
In this episode, I'm sharing 5 things you can do each morning to make the mirror your friend, not your foe.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello everyone and welcome backto Real Brave and Unstoppable
for episode 121.
As I record this, I'm reallyworking hard on my morning
routine and, really payingattention to, you know, how I
talk to myself when I look inthe mirror.
And, it's been really helpful tokind of ground into that every
(00:24):
morning and I wanted to kind ofshare with you today some of the
things that, I've been doing.
So I'm going to start off bytelling you a story, about
myself.
I've always had a really toughrelationship with my body.
Never loved it, was alwaysreally mean to it.
The mirror was not my friend fora long time.
I've had an eating disorder,earlier in my life.
(00:46):
Totally, like, body dysmorphia.
saw in the mirror was not what Isee today in pictures.
It's like mind blowing actually.
I'm like, what was I complainingabout then?
But I also really just havealways had some really critical,
harsh self talk about how Iwasn't thin enough or in shape
enough.
My stomach is too flabby.
(01:06):
My butt's too big.
All the things, right?
We know about this.
But this of course filtered outinto how I felt about my
intelligence and my ability toachieve things as well.
Like that classic perfectionistmindset.
Now I have two kids.
I have a daughter and a son.
And the thought of passing thisdown to either one of them, but
(01:27):
especially her, being a girl, ishorrifying to me.
It's absolutely terrifying.
So there are a lot of thingsthat I've been pretty mindful of
over the years to not talk aboutor do when she's around.
Like count calories or be overlyjudgmental about my body or what
I've eaten.
I make a point to like, youknow, if we're going out for ice
cream, like have some too orcake or whatever, because I want
(01:49):
her to see that that's normal.
Like we don't need to like cutout all of the quote unquote bad
things.
Right.?
And for the most part, I thinkI've done a pretty good job with
that.
Of course I'm not perfect, butI've really made a, an
intentional effort.
But what goes on inside my headhas been a totally different
story and it's a monster that Istill battle every day.
(02:12):
It's gotten a lot better, butit's still there, that voice
that says, that's not goodenough.
But one day, several years ago,I was standing in front of the
mirror and I caught myself andlike my inner mean girl, inner
critic.
Whatever you want to call it inconversation.
Well, actually it was really herhaving the conversation with me
(02:35):
and I was totally buying intoit.
Like I was in my underwear and Iwas like pinching all the fat
rolls on my stomach and hipsthat I totally hated.
My inner mean girl was, she wastalking to me, you're so fat,
disgusting, gross.
How can you even like live withyourself for looking this way?
It kind of makes me cringe whenI think about that.
Cause oh my God, so mean.
(02:56):
Ooh.
And then I had this moment oftruth.
I was doing all the things infront of my daughter to be like
healthy and normal, quoteunquote, and to teach her not to
be unkind to herself, but Ireally wasn't in integrity with
that when it was just me and mymirror.
(03:18):
So I totally started crying.
But I thought about that, likeif I knew they were, either one
of them was treating themselvesthe way I was in that moment, I
would be totally devastated,literally devastated, because
she's beautiful.
Both of my kids are beautifuland I want them both to believe
that about themselves.
So in that moment, though, Irealized that setting an example
(03:39):
isn't really just what you do inpublic or in front of people.
It's really being in integritywith that behind closed doors.
Being in integrity with that inyour mind, in your thoughts, and
in your beliefs.
That's how we grow.
That's how we move forward whenthose things are aligned.
But also in that moment, I toldmyself that I was, I was going
to commit to work on this.
(04:01):
And notice I said, work.
For some of you this willresonate, and for some it
won't...
Um, but this is hard work.
It's hard to look in the mirrorand really, truly love what you
see.
Like we aren't taught this.
We live in a society of constantimprovement, being better.
And then like the media, out inthe world, what do you see?
(04:22):
Like it's getting better, butit's still not what we need it
to be.
We're taught to hate our bodies.
It can always be better.
And as women, I don't really, Ican't really speak for men, but
as I know as a woman, we'retaught that our bodies are
objects, tools, and if theydon't meet a certain random
standard set by, well, I'm noteven going to go there, then
(04:45):
they aren't valuable.
Well, fuck that, I say.
And that's why this work issuper important to me.
Life is too short to be at warwith myself, and, you know, the
world has way bigger problemsthan whether or not I like how
much I weigh.
And what if, just what if, mecommitting to working on this
made a difference?
(05:05):
A difference in my daughter, myson, a difference in the world,
and a difference in me.
So today I'm going to talk aboutthe mirror, being your friend.
What if instead of seeing what'swrong, you looked for all the
things that were right?
So I'm going to share today fivethings that you can say to
yourself or questions you canask each morning to really get
(05:28):
your day off to a great start.
Set the stage for your day.
So I first want to pose aquestion to you.
How is being unkind to yourselfwhen you look in the mirror
serving you?
There's a hidden benefit or afalse reward.
Otherwise we just wouldn't doit.
So what is that?
Commonly in my experienceworking with other people and in
(05:51):
myself, the false reward is thatwe think it will motivate us.
People does that sound familiar?
People who have a hard timeaccepting their body or even
loving it are afraid that ifthey do that, or in other words,
like they drop the mean bootcampdrill sergeant language, they'll
let themselves go or they'll getfat or that those harsh words
(06:13):
are actually motivating them tobe better To lose weight or get
in shape or whatever.
Well, they're totally not.
Research shows this, but some ofthe consequences of negative
self talk are depression,anxiety, increased stress,
social anxiety, reduced success,perfectionism, you know, never
being happy with yourself,limited thinking, or a hard time
(06:37):
believing in yourself,relationship challenges.
It's a lot of stuff.
Research has shown that it's nothelpful as a motivator, even
though we think it might be.
The research does show thatpositive reinforcement makes a
desired behavior more likely tohappen and can also be used to
shape behavior.
So I'm going to use, forgive me,but I'm going to use the example
(07:00):
of dog training for a minute.
So if you don't have a dog, bearwith me, but if you have a dog
and you've ever like worked ontraining a dog, you might
resonate with this.
The difference between negativereinforcement or punishment and
positive reinforcement, I'mgoing to talk about here.
So when you train a dog usingpositive reinforcement, they
learn to want to do things foryou.
(07:22):
If they don't know what you'reasking them to do, they'll try
any behavior they can to get thetreat until they land on the
right one.
The dog is learning that youyourself are the source of a
reward, even an intrinsicreward, like just being around
and interacting with.
I had a chocolate lab a longtime ago that we did clicker
(07:43):
training with her.
And one of the things that wewere supposed to do is just wait
for her to do the behavior, likesit, like she saw a treat and
she knew she had to dosomething.
And so we would wait until shesat to click and then give the
treat.
So she learned to connect theword sit with that behavior.
(08:04):
But with punishment, think aboutthis.
It's true of dogs and also likepeople, where we learn pretty
quickly that sticking your neckout can get us in trouble.
So we don't want to try anythingnew.
So in dogs, punishment canactually create behavior
problems like anxiety.
My same dog that I talked aboutwith the clicker training, we
(08:25):
adopted her, and when we firstgot her, she was really afraid
of everything.
And I'm not sure of what herbackground was, but definitely
she was not positivelyreinforced.
It took a lot of training to gether to the point where she
wasn't so afraid of punishmentanymore.
And it's the same with humans.
So externally, think about kidsin abusive households, or people
(08:45):
who have, like, tyrannicalbosses, terrible work
environments.
People shrink to not createproblems or conflict, to kind of
fly beneath the radar and notget in trouble.
So think about how that negativereinforcement or negative
motivation affects you.
Motivating yourself from a placeof self hatred instead of self
(09:06):
love.
Your higher self loves you andwants you to be motivated from a
place of love.
But if you listen to your innercritic instead, you'll never
even sustain the accomplishmentsyou reach because you can't
sustain the negativity in a waythat's good for you or your
health.
So, what do we do here?
(09:28):
First I want to talk a littlebit about thoughts and emotions,
and this relates a little bit towhat I just shared about
motivation.
So when you think the thought,I'm fat, or I'm overweight, or I
have a flabby stomach, how doyou feel?
So here's a little refresher onthis, in case you've forgotten
or haven't listened to theepisodes on thoughts and
feelings.
But our thoughts create ourfeelings.
(09:49):
This is a simplistic way oflooking at it, but thoughts
create feelings and our feelingscan fuel our actions if we're
not really intentional about it.
And most of us are not superintentional with our thoughts
all the time.
So when you think thoughts likethat, you might feel hopeless or
inferior, for example.
Recognizing this example may notresonate for everyone.
(10:09):
Some of you may never thinkthese thoughts.
And what do you do or not dowhen you feel hopeless or
inferior?
Well, this can take on a lot offorms depending on the person.
So here are some examples.
Sally might skip gym workouts.
Susie might have a day where shescrews up and says, fuck it.
(10:32):
I'll start again tomorrow.
Let me have all the cheesecaketonight or gee, that bottle of
wine looks good, especiallysince it'll help me not feel all
of these despair- y feelings.
On the other hand, Jane might goto the gym and work out extra
hard and she might end upburning out because what she's
doing is unsustainable.
Or she might overtrain leadingto exhaustion and injury, or
(10:55):
maybe she'll even hate workingout because she's associated it
with something negative.
The end result though, is thatthose actions do not lead to
loving yourself.
They just keep fueling selfloathing.
People think they'll be happieronce they get to a certain
weight or, you know, they have,they can see their bicep muscles
or whatever, right?
(11:16):
They think there'll be happythen, but most people, most
people get there and it's stillnot enough.
I want to repeat that and I wantyou to really, really take this
in.
Most people, when they get tothe goal, they think they want
to be quote unquote better.
(11:39):
It's not enough.
So what do you do then?
So here's where we have to letgo of this false reward and
really recognize that it's nothelping at all.
So what if we were able to justlove ourselves?
Just stick with me here.
What if?
Imagine a world where we wereable to love ourselves and just
want to be our best selves.
(12:01):
What if we knew what was reallyimportant to us and how we found
meaning and purpose and justfollowed that route?
What if that was possible foryou?
What if you were able to feelamazing regardless of what the
scale said or what size clothesyou wore?
The thing people don't realizeis that if you actually accept
your body, you won't be beatingit up when you look in the
(12:23):
mirror because your mind hasshifted.
You won't care about lettingyourself go because you love
yourself too much to letyourself go.
You focus on what's good foryou.
And when you feel good, youdon't focus on stuff like being
the right shape or size orcomparing yourself to the latest
cover model on Vogue.
You just won't care becauseyou'll feel amazing.
(12:45):
So what if your thought was, Ifeel amazing.
I take care of myself.
I eat healthy.
I work on being the best versionof me every day.
I'm strong.
How does that feel?
What actions do you want to takewhen you think thoughts like
that?
So this doesn't mean you can'twant to get stronger or, you
(13:05):
know, if you If you do need tolose weight, it doesn't mean you
can't want to do those things,but it means you're approaching
those things from a place oflove, not hate or self loathing.
If you wanted to encouragesomeone that you love, how would
you do it?
I doubt you'd say mean things tothem and expect them to change.
(13:25):
It's like the encouraging coachversus the yelling one.
For those of you who have playedsports, have you ever had a
coach who just yells when you dosomething wrong?
Not super motivating, right?
But if you have a coach that'slike really encouraging and, you
know, points out your mistakesor things you could do better,
but also really praises you forthe things that you do well,
(13:47):
like how much more motivating isthat?
Okay, so here is where we talkabout how to make the mirror
your friend.
And it's not going to happenovernight and you won't always
look in the mirror and go, Oh,awesome.
I love everything about this.
That's okay.
Like just acknowledge that.
It's all right, but let's, youknow, let's work on that for the
(14:10):
most part, making the mirror afriend.
Like looking in the mirror andseeing the reflection of what's
really amazing and you know, notputting so much weight on the
things you don't think areamazing because those are just
thoughts.
Each morning, I want you, andreally want you to try this,
I'll do it with you this week.
(14:31):
First thing in the morning, Iwant you to look in the mirror.
And just look at yourself.
And first, just notice how youfeel- emotionally, physically.
And just really look at yourselflovingly, and go through these
five things.
So first, notice how you'refeeling.
I notice I'm feeling judgmental.
(14:55):
I notice I'm feeling calm.
I notice I'm feeling excited.
And then, my body feels...
how does your body feel?
My body feels blank.
My body feels tense.
My body feels loose.
I feel flexible.
I feel ready to start the day.
My body feels like it's ready togo.
(15:18):
Then notice your thoughts.
I notice my thoughts are XYZ.
I notice that I'm, I'm thinkingthat my butt's too big.
I notice that I'm focusing on mywrinkles.
My wrinkles are making me lookold.
okay.
And then you want to say toyourself, I'm just observing
what's going on in myself rightnow.
(15:39):
There's nothing to fix here.
It's just an experience I'mhaving my thoughts, my feelings,
physically how I feel.
That's all just an experience.
No big deal.
I'm just noticing.
Okay, so next thing, number two,is What are three things that
you love and appreciate aboutyourself?
(16:00):
So stand in the mirror and lookat yourself and say, say it out
loud.
I appreciate and love thesethree things about myself.
Or you can say you to yourselfin the mirror.
This morning I appreciated thatI am strong.
I'm resilient.
(16:21):
I'm ready to dive in and do thework when I need to.
When I want to.
Those were three things.
Number three is what are youexcited about today?
There's got to be something,something, even if it's tiny.
So say it out loud.
Kortney, I'm excited about thisone thing today.
(16:44):
Today, I have a full day ofclients.
I'm excited to see how I canhelp people today.
Number four.
Let yourself be a work inprogress, but also recognize you
can give yourself more creditfor something today.
So, say it to yourself, Kortney,or whatever your name is, I'm
(17:05):
allowed to be a work inprogress, and one thing I can
give myself more credit fortoday is, blank.
For me, I'm dealing withsomething right now that's like
kind of hard.
So it's like, okay, I'm going togive myself a little more credit
for how I'm handling that.
Cause I'm tending to go to the,I should have done that
different, but okay, fine.
(17:26):
But what give me, what'ssomething I can give myself more
credit for?
And number five, justacknowledge that today's going
to be a great day.
You're going to make it a greatday.
So say it out loud.
I'm going to make today a greatday.
If I'm going through a toughtime, it's just like a storm.
It will pass.
(17:48):
Life is not all great, right?
We have good and we have bad.
So, of course, every day isgoing to bring a little of both.
So, let's focus on like how can,and it doesn't mean we're
ignoring the things that arehard.
But we're forcing our brain tolook at something.
We're forcing our brain to lookat the possibility that today
can be a great day.
Even if it's not all great, itcan still be great.
(18:12):
Okay.
So starting your day off and arecap here, starting your day
off this way is going to helpyou so much.
Little steps like this will addup to really big progress and
you are creating new neuralpathways in your brain.
And that takes a little time,but you can shift your mindset
about yourself.
(18:32):
And it is a work in progress.
I know this, I experienced this,but if you practice it
consistently, you'll be able toshift that mindset.
And you'll notice gradually thatyour mind will go there more
often than the old negative way.
Is it easy?
Simple?
Yes.
Easy.
Not always.
So stick with it.
(18:54):
It'll be worth it.
Okay, so one more thing.
If this resonated with you, Ihighly recommend writing down
these things on a note card orsomething.
Or you can create your ownthings to say to yourself.
You could even turn it into ajournaling practice, but I do
think it's really important todo it in front of the mirror.
So some other things that youcould try on for like saying to
(19:17):
yourself too is like, I believein myself.
I'm a really great person.
My confidence and my self esteemare high.
I know my worth.
I love who I am.
I am strong.
I am capable of overcominganything.
No challenge is too great forme.
My life is abundant andfulfilling.
(19:38):
I'm committed to my personalgrowth.
I'm proud of you that...
I forgive you for blank.
I commit to you today thatblank.
So before I go, I want to sharetwo things.
First, a couple of quotes aboutthis.
Number one, your body loves you.
Love it back.
(20:00):
Two, your body is a reflectionof your journey.
So love and accept it for allthat it is.
And I don't know who said thosefirst two quotes, but this next
one is from, is by Louise Hay, acouple of really great books and
she's it's kind of known for themirror work thing, but her, the
quote is You've been criticizingyourself for years and it hasn't
(20:20):
worked.
So try approving of yourself andsee what happens.
Love that.
So second, if you're not alreadypart of my community, I would
love to have you.
I've dropped the link below inthe show notes so you can follow
that link and get a freeworkbook that will help you
create the life you want.
A life full of purpose andmeaning and self love.
So hop on over there and I'llalso again drop that link in the
(20:42):
show notes.
Okay my friends, thank you somuch for joining me today.
I will see you next time.
Hello everyone and welcome backto Real Brave and Unstoppable
for episode 121.
As I record this, I'm reallyworking hard on my morning
routine and, really payingattention to, you know, how I
talk to myself when I look inthe mirror.
And, it's been really helpful tokind of ground into that every
(00:24):
morning and I wanted to kind ofshare with you today some of the
things that, I've been doing.
So I'm going to start off bytelling you a story, about
myself.
I've always had a really toughrelationship with my body.
Never loved it, was alwaysreally mean to it.
The mirror was not my friend fora long time.
I've had an eating disorder,earlier in my life.
(00:46):
Totally, like, body dysmorphia.
saw in the mirror was not what Isee today in pictures.
It's like mind blowing actually.
I'm like, what was I complainingabout then?
But I also really just havealways had some really critical,
harsh self talk about how Iwasn't thin enough or in shape
enough.
My stomach is too flabby.
(01:06):
My butt's too big.
All the things, right?
We know about this.
But this of course filtered outinto how I felt about my
intelligence and my ability toachieve things as well.
Like that classic perfectionistmindset.
Now I have two kids.
I have a daughter and a son.
And the thought of passing thisdown to either one of them, but
(01:27):
especially her, being a girl, ishorrifying to me.
It's absolutely terrifying.
So there are a lot of thingsthat I've been pretty mindful of
over the years to not talk aboutor do when she's around.
Like count calories or be overlyjudgmental about my body or what
I've eaten.
I make a point to like, youknow, if we're going out for ice
cream, like have some too orcake or whatever, because I want
(01:49):
her to see that that's normal.
Like we don't need to like cutout all of the quote unquote bad
things.
Right.?
And for the most part, I thinkI've done a pretty good job with
that.
Of course I'm not perfect, butI've really made a, an
intentional effort.
But what goes on inside my headhas been a totally different
story and it's a monster that Istill battle every day.
(02:12):
It's gotten a lot better, butit's still there, that voice
that says, that's not goodenough.
But one day, several years ago,I was standing in front of the
mirror and I caught myself andlike my inner mean girl, inner
critic.
Whatever you want to call it inconversation.
Well, actually it was really herhaving the conversation with me
(02:35):
and I was totally buying intoit.
Like I was in my underwear and Iwas like pinching all the fat
rolls on my stomach and hipsthat I totally hated.
My inner mean girl was, she wastalking to me, you're so fat,
disgusting, gross.
How can you even like live withyourself for looking this way?
It kind of makes me cringe whenI think about that.
Cause oh my God, so mean.
(02:56):
Ooh.
And then I had this moment oftruth.
I was doing all the things infront of my daughter to be like
healthy and normal, quoteunquote, and to teach her not to
be unkind to herself, but Ireally wasn't in integrity with
that when it was just me and mymirror.
(03:18):
So I totally started crying.
But I thought about that, likeif I knew they were, either one
of them was treating themselvesthe way I was in that moment, I
would be totally devastated,literally devastated, because
she's beautiful.
Both of my kids are beautifuland I want them both to believe
that about themselves.
So in that moment, though, Irealized that setting an example
(03:39):
isn't really just what you do inpublic or in front of people.
It's really being in integritywith that behind closed doors.
Being in integrity with that inyour mind, in your thoughts, and
in your beliefs.
That's how we grow.
That's how we move forward whenthose things are aligned.
But also in that moment, I toldmyself that I was, I was going
to commit to work on this.
(04:01):
And notice I said, work.
For some of you this willresonate, and for some it
won't...
Um, but this is hard work.
It's hard to look in the mirrorand really, truly love what you
see.
Like we aren't taught this.
We live in a society of constantimprovement, being better.
And then like the media, out inthe world, what do you see?
(04:22):
Like it's getting better, butit's still not what we need it
to be.
We're taught to hate our bodies.
It can always be better.
And as women, I don't really, Ican't really speak for men, but
as I know as a woman, we'retaught that our bodies are
objects, tools, and if theydon't meet a certain random
standard set by, well, I'm noteven going to go there, then
(04:45):
they aren't valuable.
Well, fuck that, I say.
And that's why this work issuper important to me.
Life is too short to be at warwith myself, and, you know, the
world has way bigger problemsthan whether or not I like how
much I weigh.
And what if, just what if, mecommitting to working on this
made a difference?
(05:05):
A difference in my daughter, myson, a difference in the world,
and a difference in me.
So today I'm going to talk aboutthe mirror, being your friend.
What if instead of seeing what'swrong, you looked for all the
things that were right?
So I'm going to share today fivethings that you can say to
yourself or questions you canask each morning to really get
(05:28):
your day off to a great start.
Set the stage for your day.
So I first want to pose aquestion to you.
How is being unkind to yourselfwhen you look in the mirror
serving you?
There's a hidden benefit or afalse reward.
Otherwise we just wouldn't doit.
So what is that?
Commonly in my experienceworking with other people and in
(05:51):
myself, the false reward is thatwe think it will motivate us.
People does that sound familiar?
People who have a hard timeaccepting their body or even
loving it are afraid that ifthey do that, or in other words,
like they drop the mean bootcampdrill sergeant language, they'll
let themselves go or they'll getfat or that those harsh words
(06:13):
are actually motivating them tobe better To lose weight or get
in shape or whatever.
Well, they're totally not.
Research shows this, but some ofthe consequences of negative
self talk are depression,anxiety, increased stress,
social anxiety, reduced success,perfectionism, you know, never
being happy with yourself,limited thinking, or a hard time
(06:37):
believing in yourself,relationship challenges.
It's a lot of stuff.
Research has shown that it's nothelpful as a motivator, even
though we think it might be.
The research does show thatpositive reinforcement makes a
desired behavior more likely tohappen and can also be used to
shape behavior.
So I'm going to use, forgive me,but I'm going to use the example
(07:00):
of dog training for a minute.
So if you don't have a dog, bearwith me, but if you have a dog
and you've ever like worked ontraining a dog, you might
resonate with this.
The difference between negativereinforcement or punishment and
positive reinforcement, I'mgoing to talk about here.
So when you train a dog usingpositive reinforcement, they
learn to want to do things foryou.
(07:22):
If they don't know what you'reasking them to do, they'll try
any behavior they can to get thetreat until they land on the
right one.
The dog is learning that youyourself are the source of a
reward, even an intrinsicreward, like just being around
and interacting with.
I had a chocolate lab a longtime ago that we did clicker
(07:43):
training with her.
And one of the things that wewere supposed to do is just wait
for her to do the behavior, likesit, like she saw a treat and
she knew she had to dosomething.
And so we would wait until shesat to click and then give the
treat.
So she learned to connect theword sit with that behavior.
(08:04):
But with punishment, think aboutthis.
It's true of dogs and also likepeople, where we learn pretty
quickly that sticking your neckout can get us in trouble.
So we don't want to try anythingnew.
So in dogs, punishment canactually create behavior
problems like anxiety.
My same dog that I talked aboutwith the clicker training, we
(08:25):
adopted her, and when we firstgot her, she was really afraid
of everything.
And I'm not sure of what herbackground was, but definitely
she was not positivelyreinforced.
It took a lot of training to gether to the point where she
wasn't so afraid of punishmentanymore.
And it's the same with humans.
So externally, think about kidsin abusive households, or people
(08:45):
who have, like, tyrannicalbosses, terrible work
environments.
People shrink to not createproblems or conflict, to kind of
fly beneath the radar and notget in trouble.
So think about how that negativereinforcement or negative
motivation affects you.
Motivating yourself from a placeof self hatred instead of self
(09:06):
love.
Your higher self loves you andwants you to be motivated from a
place of love.
But if you listen to your innercritic instead, you'll never
even sustain the accomplishmentsyou reach because you can't
sustain the negativity in a waythat's good for you or your
health.
So, what do we do here?
(09:28):
First I want to talk a littlebit about thoughts and emotions,
and this relates a little bit towhat I just shared about
motivation.
So when you think the thought,I'm fat, or I'm overweight, or I
have a flabby stomach, how doyou feel?
So here's a little refresher onthis, in case you've forgotten
or haven't listened to theepisodes on thoughts and
feelings.
But our thoughts create ourfeelings.
(09:49):
This is a simplistic way oflooking at it, but thoughts
create feelings and our feelingscan fuel our actions if we're
not really intentional about it.
And most of us are not superintentional with our thoughts
all the time.
So when you think thoughts likethat, you might feel hopeless or
inferior, for example.
Recognizing this example may notresonate for everyone.
(10:09):
Some of you may never thinkthese thoughts.
And what do you do or not dowhen you feel hopeless or
inferior?
Well, this can take on a lot offorms depending on the person.
So here are some examples.
Sally might skip gym workouts.
Susie might have a day where shescrews up and says, fuck it.
(10:32):
I'll start again tomorrow.
Let me have all the cheesecaketonight or gee, that bottle of
wine looks good, especiallysince it'll help me not feel all
of these despair- y feelings.
On the other hand, Jane might goto the gym and work out extra
hard and she might end upburning out because what she's
doing is unsustainable.
Or she might overtrain leadingto exhaustion and injury, or
(10:55):
maybe she'll even hate workingout because she's associated it
with something negative.
The end result though, is thatthose actions do not lead to
loving yourself.
They just keep fueling selfloathing.
People think they'll be happieronce they get to a certain
weight or, you know, they have,they can see their bicep muscles
or whatever, right?
(11:16):
They think there'll be happythen, but most people, most
people get there and it's stillnot enough.
I want to repeat that and I wantyou to really, really take this
in.
Most people, when they get tothe goal, they think they want
to be quote unquote better.
(11:39):
It's not enough.
So what do you do then?
So here's where we have to letgo of this false reward and
really recognize that it's nothelping at all.
So what if we were able to justlove ourselves?
Just stick with me here.
What if?
Imagine a world where we wereable to love ourselves and just
want to be our best selves.
(12:01):
What if we knew what was reallyimportant to us and how we found
meaning and purpose and justfollowed that route?
What if that was possible foryou?
What if you were able to feelamazing regardless of what the
scale said or what size clothesyou wore?
The thing people don't realizeis that if you actually accept
your body, you won't be beatingit up when you look in the
(12:23):
mirror because your mind hasshifted.
You won't care about lettingyourself go because you love
yourself too much to letyourself go.
You focus on what's good foryou.
And when you feel good, youdon't focus on stuff like being
the right shape or size orcomparing yourself to the latest
cover model on Vogue.
You just won't care becauseyou'll feel amazing.
(12:45):
So what if your thought was, Ifeel amazing.
I take care of myself.
I eat healthy.
I work on being the best versionof me every day.
I'm strong.
How does that feel?
What actions do you want to takewhen you think thoughts like
that?
So this doesn't mean you can'twant to get stronger or, you
(13:05):
know, if you If you do need tolose weight, it doesn't mean you
can't want to do those things,but it means you're approaching
those things from a place oflove, not hate or self loathing.
If you wanted to encouragesomeone that you love, how would
you do it?
I doubt you'd say mean things tothem and expect them to change.
(13:25):
It's like the encouraging coachversus the yelling one.
For those of you who have playedsports, have you ever had a
coach who just yells when you dosomething wrong?
Not super motivating, right?
But if you have a coach that'slike really encouraging and, you
know, points out your mistakesor things you could do better,
but also really praises you forthe things that you do well,
(13:47):
like how much more motivating isthat?
Okay, so here is where we talkabout how to make the mirror
your friend.
And it's not going to happenovernight and you won't always
look in the mirror and go, Oh,awesome.
I love everything about this.
That's okay.
Like just acknowledge that.
It's all right, but let's, youknow, let's work on that for the
(14:10):
most part, making the mirror afriend.
Like looking in the mirror andseeing the reflection of what's
really amazing and you know, notputting so much weight on the
things you don't think areamazing because those are just
thoughts.
Each morning, I want you, andreally want you to try this,
I'll do it with you this week.
(14:31):
First thing in the morning, Iwant you to look in the mirror.
And just look at yourself.
And first, just notice how youfeel- emotionally, physically.
And just really look at yourselflovingly, and go through these
five things.
So first, notice how you'refeeling.
I notice I'm feeling judgmental.
(14:55):
I notice I'm feeling calm.
I notice I'm feeling excited.
And then, my body feels...
how does your body feel?
My body feels blank.
My body feels tense.
My body feels loose.
I feel flexible.
I feel ready to start the day.
My body feels like it's ready togo.
(15:18):
Then notice your thoughts.
I notice my thoughts are XYZ.
I notice that I'm, I'm thinkingthat my butt's too big.
I notice that I'm focusing on mywrinkles.
My wrinkles are making me lookold.
okay.
And then you want to say toyourself, I'm just observing
what's going on in myself rightnow.
(15:39):
There's nothing to fix here.
It's just an experience I'mhaving my thoughts, my feelings,
physically how I feel.
That's all just an experience.
No big deal.
I'm just noticing.
Okay, so next thing, number two,is What are three things that
you love and appreciate aboutyourself?
(16:00):
So stand in the mirror and lookat yourself and say, say it out
loud.
I appreciate and love thesethree things about myself.
Or you can say you to yourselfin the mirror.
This morning I appreciated thatI am strong.
I'm resilient.
(16:21):
I'm ready to dive in and do thework when I need to.
When I want to.
Those were three things.
Number three is what are youexcited about today?
There's got to be something,something, even if it's tiny.
So say it out loud.
Kortney, I'm excited about thisone thing today.
(16:44):
Today, I have a full day ofclients.
I'm excited to see how I canhelp people today.
Number four.
Let yourself be a work inprogress, but also recognize you
can give yourself more creditfor something today.
So, say it to yourself, Kortney,or whatever your name is, I'm
(17:05):
allowed to be a work inprogress, and one thing I can
give myself more credit fortoday is, blank.
For me, I'm dealing withsomething right now that's like
kind of hard.
So it's like, okay, I'm going togive myself a little more credit
for how I'm handling that.
Cause I'm tending to go to the,I should have done that
different, but okay, fine.
(17:26):
But what give me, what'ssomething I can give myself more
credit for?
And number five, justacknowledge that today's going
to be a great day.
You're going to make it a greatday.
So say it out loud.
I'm going to make today a greatday.
If I'm going through a toughtime, it's just like a storm.
It will pass.
(17:48):
Life is not all great, right?
We have good and we have bad.
So, of course, every day isgoing to bring a little of both.
So, let's focus on like how can,and it doesn't mean we're
ignoring the things that arehard.
But we're forcing our brain tolook at something.
We're forcing our brain to lookat the possibility that today
can be a great day.
Even if it's not all great, itcan still be great.
(18:12):
Okay.
So starting your day off and arecap here, starting your day
off this way is going to helpyou so much.
Little steps like this will addup to really big progress and
you are creating new neuralpathways in your brain.
And that takes a little time,but you can shift your mindset
about yourself.
(18:32):
And it is a work in progress.
I know this, I experienced this,but if you practice it
consistently, you'll be able toshift that mindset.
And you'll notice gradually thatyour mind will go there more
often than the old negative way.
Is it easy?
Simple?
Yes.
Easy.
Not always.
So stick with it.
(18:54):
It'll be worth it.
Okay, so one more thing.
If this resonated with you, Ihighly recommend writing down
these things on a note card orsomething.
Or you can create your ownthings to say to yourself.
You could even turn it into ajournaling practice, but I do
think it's really important todo it in front of the mirror.
So some other things that youcould try on for like saying to
(19:17):
yourself too is like, I believein myself.
I'm a really great person.
My confidence and my self esteemare high.
I know my worth.
I love who I am.
I am strong.
I am capable of overcominganything.
No challenge is too great forme.
My life is abundant andfulfilling.
(19:38):
I'm committed to my personalgrowth.
I'm proud of you that...
I forgive you for blank.
I commit to you today thatblank.
So before I go, I want to sharetwo things.
First, a couple of quotes aboutthis.
Number one, your body loves you.
Love it back.
(20:00):
Two, your body is a reflectionof your journey.
So love and accept it for allthat it is.
And I don't know who said thosefirst two quotes, but this next
one is from, is by Louise Hay, acouple of really great books and
she's it's kind of known for themirror work thing, but her, the
quote is You've been criticizingyourself for years and it hasn't
(20:20):
worked.
So try approving of yourself andsee what happens.
Love that.
So second, if you're not alreadypart of my community, I would
love to have you.
I've dropped the link below inthe show notes so you can follow
that link and get a freeworkbook that will help you
create the life you want.
A life full of purpose andmeaning and self love.
So hop on over there and I'llalso again drop that link in the
(20:42):
show notes.
Okay my friends, thank you somuch for joining me today.
I will see you next time.
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