May 26, 2025 • 25 mins
Have you ever wondered why it’s so hard to stay consistent with healthy habits—even when you really want to? You’re not alone… and there’s a reason behind it.
In this episode, I’m breaking down the four most common habit hang-ups that silently sabotage your progress—so you can finally stop blaming yourself and start building habits that actually stick.
You'll learn:
- Why willpower isn’t the problem (and what is)
- The 4 habit hang-up types—and how to spot yours
- What to do instead of starting over again and again
- How understanding your type can shift everything
🌟 PLUS: I created a quick quiz to help you figure out which of the 4 types you are—and give you personalized strategies to move forward with clarity and confidence.
👉 Take the free quiz HERE
Links & Resources:
- 🎯 Take the quiz: kortneyrivard.com/wellness-reset
- 📲 Let’s connect on Instagram
- 🎧 Catch up on past episodes HERE
Let’s Keep the Conversation Going:
Did this episode hit home? Share your quiz results with me on Instagram or shoot me a message—I’d love to hear what type you got!
Want more?
For more information about the podcast, visit www.realbraveunstoppable.com. To learn more about your host, Kortney Rivard, visit www.kortneyrivard.com
Follow Kortney on Social media:
Instagram
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
**note (00:00):
this transcript was created from the recording. If you read it and think "whoa, kortney doesn't know how to write!" that would make sense. Computer-created transcripts can be a little wonky! Hey friends, and welcome back to
Real, brave and Unstoppable, incase you're new around here.
I'm your host Kortney Rivard.
I'm a certified life andwellness coach and certified
personal trainer, and Ispecialize in coaching women
over 40.
I help with a few things inparticular, finding strength,
confidence and energy thatlasts.
I do all of this by focusing onthe three pillars of wellness.
(00:23):
Physical, which includesexercise, healthy eating habits,
and other healthy habits thatsupport overall wellbeing, like
sleep and hydration, stressmanagement, things like that.
The pillar of the mind, whichis anything mindset or thought
related that might be holdingyou back from really loving what
you've got going on in thisphase of life.
Body image, willpower,sabotage, all or nothing
(00:46):
thinking, those sorts of things.
And the third pillar of spirit,which is really connecting with
your inner knowing, findingmeaning and purpose and joy in
life.
If you've been listening for awhile, I still really have the
same philosophies and ways ofworking with clients.
So it's not a total pivot.
I just realized in my work thatit's not about one of these
pillars in this midlife phase oflife, if you will.
(01:09):
All three of these pillars areso important and they all work
together.
Anyway, thanks for being heretoday, and today's episode is
for you.
If you've ever found yourselfstuck in that frustrating cycle
of starting strong with healthyhabits, eating better, moving
more is trying to get moresleep, things like that, but
then you fall off track again.
(01:30):
You might even wondersometimes, why can't I just be
more consistent?
Or what's wrong with me that Ican't stick with this?
I know that one is somethingthat's come up for me alot...
Both of those are ones thatcome up for me all the time.
And I hear this all the timefrom clients and friends and
(01:51):
people I talk to, the truth isthat there's nothing wrong with
you.
You're not lazy.
It's not about discipline orwillpower.
There's usually a deeperpattern at play.
Something that's quietlyworking against you.
And once you understand whatthat pattern is, you're able to
work with it, not against it,and everything shifts.
(02:11):
In fact, I've been working onsomething behind the scenes to
help you figure out what yourspecific habit hangup is and
some simple steps you can taketo overcome it, but more on that
at the end of the episode.
First, I wanna walk you throughthe four most common types I
see.
And as you listen, I bet one ofthem will feel pretty familiar.
(02:33):
So many women I work with knowwhat they should be doing when
it comes to their health andwellness.
But the problem isn'tknowledge, it's consistency.
And just to clarify the wordwellness that I use a lot.
It's everything thatcontributes to your overall
wellbeing.
So it's those three pillars.
(02:54):
It's physical health, mentalhealth, you know, your thinking
patterns and belief systems.
Also your values and the wayyou connect to yourself and
life.
Your relationships,aspirations, hopes, fears, all
of it.
There is so much informationout there.
Anyone else identify with that,like complete information
overload.
(03:14):
And the problem with most habitadvice out there is that it
doesn't account for your reallife.
The stress, the lack of time,the mental load, the past
stories you carry, which issuper important, and the
patterns that sabotage youwithout even realizing it.
Everyone is different.
So there's really no one fixout there that will work for
(03:35):
everyone.
Or one program or one, youknow, one cookie cutter thing.
When you can name the realreason behind the inconsistency,
you can stop beating yourselfup and you can start making
changes that actually stick.
So when we're aware of our ownpatterns, it makes the work we
do so much more focused andefficient.
It's sort of like if you getcaught in like a, you know, a, a
(03:59):
river or something and there'sa really strong current.
If you're not really aware ofwhat's happening, like you might
just thrash and fight, right?
But if you understand what'shappening and you start, you
kind of take stock of it andyou're like, oh, this river is
traveling this way and there's areally strong current, so if I
fight it going upstream, that'sreally gonna be exhausting.
(04:22):
And I noticed that over thereon the side of the bank, there's
a nice sandbar.
So if I just sort of drift, butkind of work my way over to the
side while I'm heading towardsthe sandbar, I will end up
there.
Well, it's kind of the samething, right?
Like you understand...
okay, so now I understand whatI'm working against, so let me
work with it.
(04:42):
That's kinda what we're talkingabout here.
When you're aware of what youare working with, you can solve
the problem methodically and youknow, use the right tools
instead of just throwingspaghetti at the wall to see
what sticks.
Hoping something works andexhausting yourself in the
process.
So that's where these fourtypes come in.
So let's break them down and asI describe each one, see if you
(05:05):
can recognize yourself in oneof them, or maybe someone close
to you.
And also you might recognizeparts of multiples of these, and
that's another place where Ican really help you because we
all have custom types.
We're all really unique people,with different challenges,
different belief systems and allthe things.
So as you listen, see if youcan identify which one resonates
(05:29):
the most.
So the first type is what Icall the disconnected doer.
The disconnected doer is reallygood at doing all the things.
You follow the plan, you checkthe boxes, maybe you even crush
your workouts or your foodplans, but it all feels kind of
joyless.
(05:49):
It's not fun.
It feels like a drag.
You aren't connected to apurpose or a meaning in the
actions you're taking.
You're going through themotions, and over time it starts
to feel empty or kind ofunsustainable you kind of like
run outta steam.
Eventually you burn out or stopbecause you're not really
connected to why it matters.
(06:10):
So the second type is foggy andfrazzled.
Foggy and frazzled's brain islike a browser with 37 tabs
open.
You're overwhelmed, you'rerunning on fumes and feel like
you can't catch your breath.
Let alone plan a healthy mealor fit in a workout.
And you know, even if you wantto make changes, you're stuck in
(06:34):
survival mode and you reallydon't have the mental clarity or
energy to follow through, whichends up meaning that
consistency can be all over theplace and you're likely beating
yourself up for not being ableto stick to anything.
Another way this can show up isif you are really just kind of
confused by all the informationout there.
(06:55):
There's so much and you're kindof like taking pieces of this
and pieces of that, but you'reexhausted and nothing feel like,
feels like it works, and itjust kind of feels like
everything's all over the place.
The third type is the all ornothing overachiever.
This is one that I've reallyidentified with in the past.
And this is where you're eitherall in or totally checked out
(07:19):
or, you know, you start reallystrong, you go really hard.
Everything feels really greatuntil something gets in your
way, disrupts your flow, andthen it all kind of just falls
apart.
For you, consistency feelsimpossible because you haven't
found that middle ground betweenPerfect and "why bother?
I failed".
Like we need to find thatmiddle ground and allow for
(07:41):
some, you know, imperfection inthere.
'cause that's really reality isnothing's perfect, it never
will be.
If you identify with this type,you are likely finding yourself
starting and stopping a lot.
You're gung-ho at thebeginning, and then when you
fall off the wagon, you feelterrible about yourself.
And this becomes a cycle thathappens over and over and over.
(08:03):
And it can be superdemotivating.
And then the fourth type is theself-sabotager.
The self-sabotager knows whatworks.
You should.
You've seen results before, butfor some reason you keep
slipping back into old habits,and it's often without even
noticing it until much later.
This type is usually driven bya deeper mindset story.
(08:27):
Maybe it's self-doubt, fear offailure, or feeling unworthy of
success.
And then until that getsaddressed, that pattern is gonna
keep repeating.
And a lot of times you'llnotice yourself thinking, "why
can't I just do this?
I know I know what to do, Ijust can't do it.
I always like, something getsin my way all the time".
(08:48):
So if you, if those words soundfamiliar, this could be your
type.
So, like I said before, thereason why this is so important
is that when you understand thepattern that's actually driving
your inconsistency, you can stoptrying to fix yourself and
instead you start working withyourself.
It's going with that current.
(09:08):
It's not about pushing harder,it's about getting clear on
what's holding you back andgently shifting it, looking for
ways to overcome that so you canmove forward with more ease,
more confidence, and way lesspressure.
We're learning how to work withthe things that are getting in
our way, like we're going toget, we get strategic about
that.
We plan ahead for those thingsthat get in our way, and then we
(09:32):
also capitalize on the thingsthat we are strong in,
capitalize on our strengths.
So now I'm gonna expand on eachof these types just a little
bit to give you a flavor forsome tips for how to work with
each of these types.
So starting with thedisconnected doer, remember this
is the type where you're doingall the things, you know, you're
(09:54):
really trying everything.
Something just still feels off.
It feels like you're goingthrough the motions and you're
not feeling, you're not reallyseeing results and you're not
really feeling like good aboutit.
You know, you're a, might be arule follower, but you still
feel kind of blah.
You crave more energy, freedom,meaning, and you're tired of
chasing the next thing.
(10:16):
You're ready for a deeperchange.
So here's what you really need.
You need a reconnection to yourbody, to your values, what
lights you up.
Wellness isn't just abouthabits and physical health as I
mentioned before.
It's also about how alive youfeel in your life.
(10:36):
And so, if you wanna take afirst really small reset step,
ask yourself this, like, whatactually makes me feel good?
And then build from that.
Not what you should do, butwhat brings energy, what brings
ease or joy, and work with that.
So if you're, you know, goingthrough the motions of going to
(10:58):
the gym every day and just goingthrough the same old workout...
and, you know, it feels likeyou're getting a workout.
Your heart rate's getting up.
You feel good while you'redoing it.
I mean, it feels like you'reexercising, but you just kind of
don't feel excited.
It maybe feels like a drag togo to the gym.
Try something different.
Ask yourself like, what do Ilike to do?
(11:19):
How do I like to move?
Do some of that, try differentthings.
You know, maybe you even needto mix it up so you're doing
different things on differentdays.
and it depends on your goalstoo.
Like if your goals are just to,to move and, you know, get some
movement in every day, there's,you know, there that's, that's
easy.
You just look for things thatyou enjoy and do something
(11:40):
different on different days.
If your goals are a little moreconcrete and you're really
looking at building strength andwanna be in the gym lifting
weights, like there's also stuffyou can do to mix things up
that way too.
So it kind of depends on whatyou're doing, but whatever
you're doing or whatever yourgoals are, you can, you know,
just make a point to mix up and,you know, bring some variety
(12:02):
into your workouts.
Same thing with food.
If you find yourself likeyou're trying to follow a meal
plan or something, and it'slike, ew, I just am bored with
this food.
Oh my gosh, no, don't do that.
Like, there's so many goodthings to eat out there that are
really good for you.
So look around, like, can youplay around with spices, like to
(12:23):
make things taste moreinteresting?
You know, if you are eating thesame thing every day, like mix
it up a little bit.
Don't think so hard about it.
One of my favorite questionsfor a lot of things when I coach
people or even myself, likedifferent things, like how can I
make it fun and easy?
If it was fun and easy, whatwould it look like?
So that might be a greatquestion for you if you identify
(12:46):
with this disconnected doertype.
Okay, so next one is foggy andfrazzled.
So remember, foggy and frazzledis, you know, you're juggling a
lot and self-care often feelslike is one more thing on an
already big list.
When you finally have a secondto breathe, you're just like,
(13:06):
Ugh, I gotta crash.
You know, maybe you feel likeyou're just constantly on for
everyone else.
Even the basics like food andmovement or rest, they feel
outta reach.
Maybe you just feel reallytired and irritable, maybe even
a little numb.
So what you actually need...
you don't need more willpoweror another You just need some
(13:26):
space to breathe to reconnectand start with tiny wins that
refill your cup instead ofdraining it more.
So your first small reset step.
Just pick one thing, one thingthat's like a non-negotiable
self-care act.
Maybe it's a 10 minute walkwhere you combine it with
(13:50):
mindfulness and really payattention to the sounds, the
temperature, what you see, likereally being present.
Maybe it's stretching whileyou're coffee brews.
Let me tell you, I know as youget older, stretching is so
important.
So, so, so important.
Any little bit you can takeadvantage of, do it.
(14:12):
Or, maybe it's going to bed 30minutes earlier.
Just small shifts.
Small shifts add up and theymatter more than you think.
Okay, so the next one is theall or nothing overachiever.
You've got motivation andyou've got drive.
But when life gets busier, youmiss a day.
(14:32):
It's easy to feel like you'vefailed.
Does that sound familiar?
But here's the truth, you don'tneed a perfect plan.
You need a kind one.
You need self-compassion.
You need a plan that works evenon your hardest days.
Or maybe you don't need theplan on your hardest days.
Maybe on your hardest days, youjust let it go and let that be
(14:53):
okay.
So if we shift it So, yourreset step...
I actually have a few littlesteps for you.
First of all actually the, theone that I really think is
important is focus on a minimumbaseline habit.
What's the smallest version ofthe habit you can always do,
even when you're tired or shorton time, like five minutes
(15:16):
counts.
It's one of my favorite things.
I mentioned it in my lastepisode on procrastination, the
five minute trick.
So like that this kind of worksalso with what you consider
your minimum baseline.
So maybe you work out like fivedays a week, and then if you
don't meet those five days aweek, you're like, "oh, I sucked
this week.
(15:37):
This was bad.
I'm so, I'm a failure.
I never can stick to anything".
Well, I mean, it was one week.
Okay, so maybe you have aminimum baseline.
So you know that in your weekswhere you don't get to things,
at least you got this minimumthing done.
So you're kind of teaching yourbrain that there's a lot of
gray area in here.
It's not like you either do itall or it doesn't count, or you
(15:57):
know, maybe it's a minimumbaseline even within one
workout.
Let's just say you're notfeeling, maybe, maybe it's your
time of the month and you justdon't feel good, or you go out
for a run and it just feelslike...
"ugh, this does not feel good.
It's hard.
It feels really hard today.
It's just not my, not my day".
You know, give yourself somegrace with that.
(16:18):
It's better to have the mindsetthat just doing a little bit
counts.
Maybe it's not what youintended or wanted to do that
day, but you know, welcome tolife.
It doesn't always work out howwe want it to.
So, you know, give yourselfthat permission that if you
don't do the whole thing thatyou planned, it's not a failure,
(16:39):
it's just different.
So how can you reframe that?
So, you know, catch that all ornothing, voice and reframe it.
Something is better thannothing.
Five minutes is better thanzero minutes.
Right.
And then also I think that whenwe can really track
consistency, not perfection,that's gonna help you a lot,
(17:02):
just track consistency.
How many times are you doingthe habit?
You can always build on that.
Your wellness journey is the,is a long game.
It's about consistency overtime, not perfection in the
short term.
So just remember that.
It's like when I work withcoaching clients, when we have
coaching practices outside ofsessions, I always tell people
(17:26):
what's going to serve them thebest is if they think about
spending a little bit of timeconsistently engaging with what
we're working on versus justdoing exercises or practices or
whatever, like right before asession.
This is the same thing, right?
It's the idea that I'm gonnajust do a little bit and I'm
gonna get in the habit of thisand it's gonna build versus let
(17:50):
me just quick do it all so Ilook good.
You're not getting as much outof that second scenario.
You're gonna get way more outof the first one 'cause you're
making it part of your life.
And you can always build onthat once you've established it
as a consistent habit.
So the last type, theself-sabotage, self-sabotage
loop.
So like I said before, like youknow what helps you feel
(18:15):
better, but when life gets busyor something throws you off,
that inner voice kicks in andsays like, oh, why bother?
And then you feel guilty,frustrated, and the cycle just
starts over.
And a lot of times too, though.
Yeah, there's like this, Imentioned earlier that there's,
there's this underlying, beliefsystem or a thought pattern that
(18:35):
it keeps us almost like safe.
So let's just say that this is,actually surprisingly common
when people are wanting to loseweight, but they're actually
deep down underneath they havethis thing about drawing
attention to themselves.
And so there's, it's asubconscious thing too, but
sometimes people willsubconsciously self-sabotage
(18:58):
'cause they are not wanting toreach that place 'cause it's,
it's scary in some way.
Or they're, maybe they fear ifthey get to that weight goal.
What if I gain it all back?
There's some stresses that areplaying into the present from
like an underlying pattern.
And it's extremely frustrating.
(19:20):
'cause it seems like a mystery,like where is this coming from?
Why can't I stick to anything?
Why do I know what to do and Istill can't do it?
It's kind of like if you gothrough this, if, if you
experience this, you mightsometimes similar to the all or
nothing overachiever, you mightfeel like a failure because like
(19:41):
I can never do anything.
"I can never stick to anything"comes up.
A lot of these types have likecommon threads to 'em, so you
may notice more than one, comeinto play, but what you actually
really need here.
Is not a new plan.
You need a mindset reset.
And most of these types, you'dneed some sort of mind mindset
(20:03):
shift, but especially here,consistency starts with
self-compassion.
Okay?
A lot of times we're reallyhard on ourselves when we don't
live up to what our expectationsare.
You know, our inner critic isnot helpful.
However, when I ask people,well, what would it be like if
you let, if you sort of quietedthat inner critic down and said,
(20:26):
"thanks, but no thanks, I'mgonna be self-compassionate and
like, it's okay." And people aretypically really afraid to kind
of let that mindset of beinghard on themselves go.
And the reason for that is thatthey're afraid that if they let
those, sorts of thoughts go, orthose belief systems go -of you
know, of being hard onthemselves, that they're afraid
(20:47):
that then they won't bemotivated to make a change, that
things will never change orthings will get worse.
They'll, you know, just end upeating really unhealthy, or
they'll end up gaining all theweight or they'll let themselves
go.
But really research shows thatwe can motivate ourselves much
more effectively with beingself-compassionate, kind to
(21:09):
ourselves.
So remember that and also knowthat it is really common to be
afraid to give up that harshself-talk because of that
reason.
So your first small reset step.
Is to take those slip ups thatyou have and rewrite the, the
(21:30):
slip ups as learning moments.
Okay, so like, didn't work outtoday.
Cool.
What got in the way?
What would help tomorrow feeleasier?
Here, I'm a really big fan ofwhat, of like just sort of
analyzing, like thinking about,okay, what didn't work?
But let's not beat ourselves upfor it.
Let's just learn from it.
So what worked?
(21:50):
I'm sure there's something.
What didn't work?
Okay, like what about this justdidn't work well, I might need
to change it?
And then the third one is, whatmight I wanna do differently in
the future?
Three extremely amazingquestions that just really help
you learn from, well help youlearn from everything.
(22:11):
So if you are nodding along andthinking, Ugh, that's totally
me if at any point during thisepisode, I've got something that
will help, I've created a shortfree quiz that will show you
exactly which of these habithangup types you are and what
you can do about it.
You'll get personalized insightplus some simple tips that you
(22:33):
can start using right away tobuild habits that actually
stick.
So when you do the quiz, you'llget your results and then
you'll get like a week longemail drip of just different
tips that you can, you know,take and put into practice
however you see fit.
So all you need to do is headon over to
(22:54):
kortneyrivard.com/quiz andthat's it.
Take the quiz.
You'll need to put in youremail address so we know where
to send the results.
But, yeah, just go take it andsee.
You'll get some valuableinformation.
It only takes a few minutes todo the quiz, and it'll give you
so much clarity.
And once you take it, send me amessage and tell me what you
(23:17):
got.
I'd love to hear what type youare, and I'd also love to hear
if you, you know, if more thanone type resonated with you.
Yeah.
So you're just know, you'restill not alone in this.
Most people I talk to strugglewith something related to all of
this, so you're definitely notalone.
And I hope this episode gaveyou a little insight and a lot
(23:38):
of encouragement as you keepmoving forward.
All right, my friends, thankyou for tuning in today to real,
brave and Unstoppable.
I hope this was helpful.
Go take that quiz and I willtalk to you next
this transcript was created from the recording. If you read it and think "whoa, kortney doesn't know how to write!" that would make sense. Computer-created transcripts can be a little wonky! Hey friends, and welcome back to
Real, brave and Unstoppable, incase you're new around here.
I'm your host Kortney Rivard.
I'm a certified life andwellness coach and certified
personal trainer, and Ispecialize in coaching women
over 40.
I help with a few things inparticular, finding strength,
confidence and energy thatlasts.
I do all of this by focusing onthe three pillars of wellness.
(00:23):
Physical, which includesexercise, healthy eating habits,
and other healthy habits thatsupport overall wellbeing, like
sleep and hydration, stressmanagement, things like that.
The pillar of the mind, whichis anything mindset or thought
related that might be holdingyou back from really loving what
you've got going on in thisphase of life.
Body image, willpower,sabotage, all or nothing
(00:46):
thinking, those sorts of things.
And the third pillar of spirit,which is really connecting with
your inner knowing, findingmeaning and purpose and joy in
life.
If you've been listening for awhile, I still really have the
same philosophies and ways ofworking with clients.
So it's not a total pivot.
I just realized in my work thatit's not about one of these
pillars in this midlife phase oflife, if you will.
(01:09):
All three of these pillars areso important and they all work
together.
Anyway, thanks for being heretoday, and today's episode is
for you.
If you've ever found yourselfstuck in that frustrating cycle
of starting strong with healthyhabits, eating better, moving
more is trying to get moresleep, things like that, but
then you fall off track again.
(01:30):
You might even wondersometimes, why can't I just be
more consistent?
Or what's wrong with me that Ican't stick with this?
I know that one is somethingthat's come up for me alot...
Both of those are ones thatcome up for me all the time.
And I hear this all the timefrom clients and friends and
(01:51):
people I talk to, the truth isthat there's nothing wrong with
you.
You're not lazy.
It's not about discipline orwillpower.
There's usually a deeperpattern at play.
Something that's quietlyworking against you.
And once you understand whatthat pattern is, you're able to
work with it, not against it,and everything shifts.
(02:11):
In fact, I've been working onsomething behind the scenes to
help you figure out what yourspecific habit hangup is and
some simple steps you can taketo overcome it, but more on that
at the end of the episode.
First, I wanna walk you throughthe four most common types I
see.
And as you listen, I bet one ofthem will feel pretty familiar.
(02:33):
So many women I work with knowwhat they should be doing when
it comes to their health andwellness.
But the problem isn'tknowledge, it's consistency.
And just to clarify the wordwellness that I use a lot.
It's everything thatcontributes to your overall
wellbeing.
So it's those three pillars.
(02:54):
It's physical health, mentalhealth, you know, your thinking
patterns and belief systems.
Also your values and the wayyou connect to yourself and
life.
Your relationships,aspirations, hopes, fears, all
of it.
There is so much informationout there.
Anyone else identify with that,like complete information
overload.
(03:14):
And the problem with most habitadvice out there is that it
doesn't account for your reallife.
The stress, the lack of time,the mental load, the past
stories you carry, which issuper important, and the
patterns that sabotage youwithout even realizing it.
Everyone is different.
So there's really no one fixout there that will work for
(03:35):
everyone.
Or one program or one, youknow, one cookie cutter thing.
When you can name the realreason behind the inconsistency,
you can stop beating yourselfup and you can start making
changes that actually stick.
So when we're aware of our ownpatterns, it makes the work we
do so much more focused andefficient.
It's sort of like if you getcaught in like a, you know, a, a
(03:59):
river or something and there'sa really strong current.
If you're not really aware ofwhat's happening, like you might
just thrash and fight, right?
But if you understand what'shappening and you start, you
kind of take stock of it andyou're like, oh, this river is
traveling this way and there's areally strong current, so if I
fight it going upstream, that'sreally gonna be exhausting.
(04:22):
And I noticed that over thereon the side of the bank, there's
a nice sandbar.
So if I just sort of drift, butkind of work my way over to the
side while I'm heading towardsthe sandbar, I will end up
there.
Well, it's kind of the samething, right?
Like you understand...
okay, so now I understand whatI'm working against, so let me
work with it.
(04:42):
That's kinda what we're talkingabout here.
When you're aware of what youare working with, you can solve
the problem methodically and youknow, use the right tools
instead of just throwingspaghetti at the wall to see
what sticks.
Hoping something works andexhausting yourself in the
process.
So that's where these fourtypes come in.
So let's break them down and asI describe each one, see if you
(05:05):
can recognize yourself in oneof them, or maybe someone close
to you.
And also you might recognizeparts of multiples of these, and
that's another place where Ican really help you because we
all have custom types.
We're all really unique people,with different challenges,
different belief systems and allthe things.
So as you listen, see if youcan identify which one resonates
(05:29):
the most.
So the first type is what Icall the disconnected doer.
The disconnected doer is reallygood at doing all the things.
You follow the plan, you checkthe boxes, maybe you even crush
your workouts or your foodplans, but it all feels kind of
joyless.
(05:49):
It's not fun.
It feels like a drag.
You aren't connected to apurpose or a meaning in the
actions you're taking.
You're going through themotions, and over time it starts
to feel empty or kind ofunsustainable you kind of like
run outta steam.
Eventually you burn out or stopbecause you're not really
connected to why it matters.
(06:10):
So the second type is foggy andfrazzled.
Foggy and frazzled's brain islike a browser with 37 tabs
open.
You're overwhelmed, you'rerunning on fumes and feel like
you can't catch your breath.
Let alone plan a healthy mealor fit in a workout.
And you know, even if you wantto make changes, you're stuck in
(06:34):
survival mode and you reallydon't have the mental clarity or
energy to follow through, whichends up meaning that
consistency can be all over theplace and you're likely beating
yourself up for not being ableto stick to anything.
Another way this can show up isif you are really just kind of
confused by all the informationout there.
(06:55):
There's so much and you're kindof like taking pieces of this
and pieces of that, but you'reexhausted and nothing feel like,
feels like it works, and itjust kind of feels like
everything's all over the place.
The third type is the all ornothing overachiever.
This is one that I've reallyidentified with in the past.
And this is where you're eitherall in or totally checked out
(07:19):
or, you know, you start reallystrong, you go really hard.
Everything feels really greatuntil something gets in your
way, disrupts your flow, andthen it all kind of just falls
apart.
For you, consistency feelsimpossible because you haven't
found that middle ground betweenPerfect and "why bother?
I failed".
Like we need to find thatmiddle ground and allow for
(07:41):
some, you know, imperfection inthere.
'cause that's really reality isnothing's perfect, it never
will be.
If you identify with this type,you are likely finding yourself
starting and stopping a lot.
You're gung-ho at thebeginning, and then when you
fall off the wagon, you feelterrible about yourself.
And this becomes a cycle thathappens over and over and over.
(08:03):
And it can be superdemotivating.
And then the fourth type is theself-sabotager.
The self-sabotager knows whatworks.
You should.
You've seen results before, butfor some reason you keep
slipping back into old habits,and it's often without even
noticing it until much later.
This type is usually driven bya deeper mindset story.
(08:27):
Maybe it's self-doubt, fear offailure, or feeling unworthy of
success.
And then until that getsaddressed, that pattern is gonna
keep repeating.
And a lot of times you'llnotice yourself thinking, "why
can't I just do this?
I know I know what to do, Ijust can't do it.
I always like, something getsin my way all the time".
(08:48):
So if you, if those words soundfamiliar, this could be your
type.
So, like I said before, thereason why this is so important
is that when you understand thepattern that's actually driving
your inconsistency, you can stoptrying to fix yourself and
instead you start working withyourself.
It's going with that current.
(09:08):
It's not about pushing harder,it's about getting clear on
what's holding you back andgently shifting it, looking for
ways to overcome that so you canmove forward with more ease,
more confidence, and way lesspressure.
We're learning how to work withthe things that are getting in
our way, like we're going toget, we get strategic about
that.
We plan ahead for those thingsthat get in our way, and then we
(09:32):
also capitalize on the thingsthat we are strong in,
capitalize on our strengths.
So now I'm gonna expand on eachof these types just a little
bit to give you a flavor forsome tips for how to work with
each of these types.
So starting with thedisconnected doer, remember this
is the type where you're doingall the things, you know, you're
(09:54):
really trying everything.
Something just still feels off.
It feels like you're goingthrough the motions and you're
not feeling, you're not reallyseeing results and you're not
really feeling like good aboutit.
You know, you're a, might be arule follower, but you still
feel kind of blah.
You crave more energy, freedom,meaning, and you're tired of
chasing the next thing.
(10:16):
You're ready for a deeperchange.
So here's what you really need.
You need a reconnection to yourbody, to your values, what
lights you up.
Wellness isn't just abouthabits and physical health as I
mentioned before.
It's also about how alive youfeel in your life.
(10:36):
And so, if you wanna take afirst really small reset step,
ask yourself this, like, whatactually makes me feel good?
And then build from that.
Not what you should do, butwhat brings energy, what brings
ease or joy, and work with that.
So if you're, you know, goingthrough the motions of going to
(10:58):
the gym every day and just goingthrough the same old workout...
and, you know, it feels likeyou're getting a workout.
Your heart rate's getting up.
You feel good while you'redoing it.
I mean, it feels like you'reexercising, but you just kind of
don't feel excited.
It maybe feels like a drag togo to the gym.
Try something different.
Ask yourself like, what do Ilike to do?
(11:19):
How do I like to move?
Do some of that, try differentthings.
You know, maybe you even needto mix it up so you're doing
different things on differentdays.
and it depends on your goalstoo.
Like if your goals are just to,to move and, you know, get some
movement in every day, there's,you know, there that's, that's
easy.
You just look for things thatyou enjoy and do something
(11:40):
different on different days.
If your goals are a little moreconcrete and you're really
looking at building strength andwanna be in the gym lifting
weights, like there's also stuffyou can do to mix things up
that way too.
So it kind of depends on whatyou're doing, but whatever
you're doing or whatever yourgoals are, you can, you know,
just make a point to mix up and,you know, bring some variety
(12:02):
into your workouts.
Same thing with food.
If you find yourself likeyou're trying to follow a meal
plan or something, and it'slike, ew, I just am bored with
this food.
Oh my gosh, no, don't do that.
Like, there's so many goodthings to eat out there that are
really good for you.
So look around, like, can youplay around with spices, like to
(12:23):
make things taste moreinteresting?
You know, if you are eating thesame thing every day, like mix
it up a little bit.
Don't think so hard about it.
One of my favorite questionsfor a lot of things when I coach
people or even myself, likedifferent things, like how can I
make it fun and easy?
If it was fun and easy, whatwould it look like?
So that might be a greatquestion for you if you identify
(12:46):
with this disconnected doertype.
Okay, so next one is foggy andfrazzled.
So remember, foggy and frazzledis, you know, you're juggling a
lot and self-care often feelslike is one more thing on an
already big list.
When you finally have a secondto breathe, you're just like,
(13:06):
Ugh, I gotta crash.
You know, maybe you feel likeyou're just constantly on for
everyone else.
Even the basics like food andmovement or rest, they feel
outta reach.
Maybe you just feel reallytired and irritable, maybe even
a little numb.
So what you actually need...
you don't need more willpoweror another You just need some
(13:26):
space to breathe to reconnectand start with tiny wins that
refill your cup instead ofdraining it more.
So your first small reset step.
Just pick one thing, one thingthat's like a non-negotiable
self-care act.
Maybe it's a 10 minute walkwhere you combine it with
(13:50):
mindfulness and really payattention to the sounds, the
temperature, what you see, likereally being present.
Maybe it's stretching whileyou're coffee brews.
Let me tell you, I know as youget older, stretching is so
important.
So, so, so important.
Any little bit you can takeadvantage of, do it.
(14:12):
Or, maybe it's going to bed 30minutes earlier.
Just small shifts.
Small shifts add up and theymatter more than you think.
Okay, so the next one is theall or nothing overachiever.
You've got motivation andyou've got drive.
But when life gets busier, youmiss a day.
(14:32):
It's easy to feel like you'vefailed.
Does that sound familiar?
But here's the truth, you don'tneed a perfect plan.
You need a kind one.
You need self-compassion.
You need a plan that works evenon your hardest days.
Or maybe you don't need theplan on your hardest days.
Maybe on your hardest days, youjust let it go and let that be
(14:53):
okay.
So if we shift it So, yourreset step...
I actually have a few littlesteps for you.
First of all actually the, theone that I really think is
important is focus on a minimumbaseline habit.
What's the smallest version ofthe habit you can always do,
even when you're tired or shorton time, like five minutes
(15:16):
counts.
It's one of my favorite things.
I mentioned it in my lastepisode on procrastination, the
five minute trick.
So like that this kind of worksalso with what you consider
your minimum baseline.
So maybe you work out like fivedays a week, and then if you
don't meet those five days aweek, you're like, "oh, I sucked
this week.
(15:37):
This was bad.
I'm so, I'm a failure.
I never can stick to anything".
Well, I mean, it was one week.
Okay, so maybe you have aminimum baseline.
So you know that in your weekswhere you don't get to things,
at least you got this minimumthing done.
So you're kind of teaching yourbrain that there's a lot of
gray area in here.
It's not like you either do itall or it doesn't count, or you
(15:57):
know, maybe it's a minimumbaseline even within one
workout.
Let's just say you're notfeeling, maybe, maybe it's your
time of the month and you justdon't feel good, or you go out
for a run and it just feelslike...
"ugh, this does not feel good.
It's hard.
It feels really hard today.
It's just not my, not my day".
You know, give yourself somegrace with that.
(16:18):
It's better to have the mindsetthat just doing a little bit
counts.
Maybe it's not what youintended or wanted to do that
day, but you know, welcome tolife.
It doesn't always work out howwe want it to.
So, you know, give yourselfthat permission that if you
don't do the whole thing thatyou planned, it's not a failure,
(16:39):
it's just different.
So how can you reframe that?
So, you know, catch that all ornothing, voice and reframe it.
Something is better thannothing.
Five minutes is better thanzero minutes.
Right.
And then also I think that whenwe can really track
consistency, not perfection,that's gonna help you a lot,
(17:02):
just track consistency.
How many times are you doingthe habit?
You can always build on that.
Your wellness journey is the,is a long game.
It's about consistency overtime, not perfection in the
short term.
So just remember that.
It's like when I work withcoaching clients, when we have
coaching practices outside ofsessions, I always tell people
(17:26):
what's going to serve them thebest is if they think about
spending a little bit of timeconsistently engaging with what
we're working on versus justdoing exercises or practices or
whatever, like right before asession.
This is the same thing, right?
It's the idea that I'm gonnajust do a little bit and I'm
gonna get in the habit of thisand it's gonna build versus let
(17:50):
me just quick do it all so Ilook good.
You're not getting as much outof that second scenario.
You're gonna get way more outof the first one 'cause you're
making it part of your life.
And you can always build onthat once you've established it
as a consistent habit.
So the last type, theself-sabotage, self-sabotage
loop.
So like I said before, like youknow what helps you feel
(18:15):
better, but when life gets busyor something throws you off,
that inner voice kicks in andsays like, oh, why bother?
And then you feel guilty,frustrated, and the cycle just
starts over.
And a lot of times too, though.
Yeah, there's like this, Imentioned earlier that there's,
there's this underlying, beliefsystem or a thought pattern that
(18:35):
it keeps us almost like safe.
So let's just say that this is,actually surprisingly common
when people are wanting to loseweight, but they're actually
deep down underneath they havethis thing about drawing
attention to themselves.
And so there's, it's asubconscious thing too, but
sometimes people willsubconsciously self-sabotage
(18:58):
'cause they are not wanting toreach that place 'cause it's,
it's scary in some way.
Or they're, maybe they fear ifthey get to that weight goal.
What if I gain it all back?
There's some stresses that areplaying into the present from
like an underlying pattern.
And it's extremely frustrating.
(19:20):
'cause it seems like a mystery,like where is this coming from?
Why can't I stick to anything?
Why do I know what to do and Istill can't do it?
It's kind of like if you gothrough this, if, if you
experience this, you mightsometimes similar to the all or
nothing overachiever, you mightfeel like a failure because like
(19:41):
I can never do anything.
"I can never stick to anything"comes up.
A lot of these types have likecommon threads to 'em, so you
may notice more than one, comeinto play, but what you actually
really need here.
Is not a new plan.
You need a mindset reset.
And most of these types, you'dneed some sort of mind mindset
(20:03):
shift, but especially here,consistency starts with
self-compassion.
Okay?
A lot of times we're reallyhard on ourselves when we don't
live up to what our expectationsare.
You know, our inner critic isnot helpful.
However, when I ask people,well, what would it be like if
you let, if you sort of quietedthat inner critic down and said,
(20:26):
"thanks, but no thanks, I'mgonna be self-compassionate and
like, it's okay." And people aretypically really afraid to kind
of let that mindset of beinghard on themselves go.
And the reason for that is thatthey're afraid that if they let
those, sorts of thoughts go, orthose belief systems go -of you
know, of being hard onthemselves, that they're afraid
(20:47):
that then they won't bemotivated to make a change, that
things will never change orthings will get worse.
They'll, you know, just end upeating really unhealthy, or
they'll end up gaining all theweight or they'll let themselves
go.
But really research shows thatwe can motivate ourselves much
more effectively with beingself-compassionate, kind to
(21:09):
ourselves.
So remember that and also knowthat it is really common to be
afraid to give up that harshself-talk because of that
reason.
So your first small reset step.
Is to take those slip ups thatyou have and rewrite the, the
(21:30):
slip ups as learning moments.
Okay, so like, didn't work outtoday.
Cool.
What got in the way?
What would help tomorrow feeleasier?
Here, I'm a really big fan ofwhat, of like just sort of
analyzing, like thinking about,okay, what didn't work?
But let's not beat ourselves upfor it.
Let's just learn from it.
So what worked?
(21:50):
I'm sure there's something.
What didn't work?
Okay, like what about this justdidn't work well, I might need
to change it?
And then the third one is, whatmight I wanna do differently in
the future?
Three extremely amazingquestions that just really help
you learn from, well help youlearn from everything.
(22:11):
So if you are nodding along andthinking, Ugh, that's totally
me if at any point during thisepisode, I've got something that
will help, I've created a shortfree quiz that will show you
exactly which of these habithangup types you are and what
you can do about it.
You'll get personalized insightplus some simple tips that you
(22:33):
can start using right away tobuild habits that actually
stick.
So when you do the quiz, you'llget your results and then
you'll get like a week longemail drip of just different
tips that you can, you know,take and put into practice
however you see fit.
So all you need to do is headon over to
(22:54):
kortneyrivard.com/quiz andthat's it.
Take the quiz.
You'll need to put in youremail address so we know where
to send the results.
But, yeah, just go take it andsee.
You'll get some valuableinformation.
It only takes a few minutes todo the quiz, and it'll give you
so much clarity.
And once you take it, send me amessage and tell me what you
(23:17):
got.
I'd love to hear what type youare, and I'd also love to hear
if you, you know, if more thanone type resonated with you.
Yeah.
So you're just know, you'restill not alone in this.
Most people I talk to strugglewith something related to all of
this, so you're definitely notalone.
And I hope this episode gaveyou a little insight and a lot
(23:38):
of encouragement as you keepmoving forward.
All right, my friends, thankyou for tuning in today to real,
brave and Unstoppable.
I hope this was helpful.
Go take that quiz and I willtalk to you next
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