October 31, 2025 • 22 mins
What happens when your focus on health quietly turns into a need for validation or proving your worth? In this episode, I share a real moment of self-awareness that made me realize when my fitness goals were drifting away from focusing fully on health and feeling good toward being seen, approved of, and “enough.”
I’ll walk you through how I noticed this pattern, what helped me shift my perspective, and how to build a healthy body image mindset that comes from self-respect instead of self-criticism.
If you’ve ever caught yourself chasing fitness to feel worthy, this one’s for you.
Timestamps:
00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
00:24 Personal Project Update: Energy and Habits
01:25 Mindset and Self-Judgment
03:51 Fitness Goals: Health vs. Validation
05:51 The Moment of Realization
08:21 Shifting Motivation: From Fear to Self-Respect
18:12 Conclusion and Takeaways
Key Takeaways:
- Why awareness is the first step toward changing how we relate to our bodies.
- The subtle difference between striving for health and chasing validation.
- How to use tracking and data as neutral tools, not measures of worth.
- Simple mindset shifts to reconnect with your healthiest, most authentic self.
Resources & Links:
- Read the blog post: https://www.kortneyrivard.com/blog
- Take the free "Habit Hangups" Quiz HERE
- Connect on Instagram: @kortney.a.rivard
Want more?
For more information about the podcast, visit www.realbraveunstoppable.com. To learn more about your host, Kortney Rivard, visit www.kortneyrivard.com
Follow Kortney on Social media:
Instagram
Facebook
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello.
(00:00):
Hello my friends, and welcome toReal Brave and Unstoppable,
episode number 134.
Today we're gonna talk aboutwhen fitness goals become about
validation and not actualhealth.
We're gonna talk a little bitabout our mindset and how it
(00:21):
relates to our body image.
So first of all though, I justwant to share another update
about the project I've beenworking on.
If you've been following alongwith that.
It's been an interesting monthas I've been paying attention to
energy levels and differentthings that I can do in my life
to, you know, create good habitsto kind of nurture more of a
(00:44):
sense of energy and, andtherefore freedom, happiness
feeling alive.
It is interesting because Inotice like going to bed
earlier, even just a little bitearlier, seems to have a pretty
big impact.
And I do notice that when I amgood about really being
(01:06):
intentional about my foodchoices, I do tend to feel.
It's like more energetic.
And I'm sure that a lot of thathas to do with the actual food
choices themselves, but I alsothink that it has something to
do with the mental aspect oflike, I made a good choice.
I feel good about that.
Last episode I talked aboutself-judgment and how I noticed
(01:29):
that creeping in and what a bigdrain on our energy that is.
And so I think this is sort ofsimilar when we can really
acknowledge ourselves for doingsomething that we've set out to
do and feel good about that, itactually is also kind of an
energy boost.
I mentioned in my last episode,the one minute rule I've been
(01:49):
kind of trying to follow whereif there's a little task that's
gonna take a minute or less, Ijust do it right then and there.
And there's no, oh, I'll comeback to that later.
And it's funny because even justthat little action has felt
really good.
Then I notice myself feeling,well, two things.
(02:10):
One is I don't have as muchstuff to circle back to, but the
second thing is that there'salmost this little sense of, I'm
so proud of myself.
I don't, I'm doing a thing Idon't normally do, which, you
know, I think that kind of stuffI.
It really adds up and reallypoints to if you think about it,
as humans, we tend to focus onthe negative stuff first.
(02:32):
That's just our built-innegativity bias.
But when we actually take thetime to acknowledge that, oh,
maybe there's something positiveI'm also doing, you know, it
makes sense when we have morepositive feelings, we do.
Things that align with thosemore positive feelings.
When we're always feelingnegative, we do things that
(02:52):
align with those negativefeelings.
There's nothing wrong withfeeling negative, it's just that
it's.
It usually worth reminding ourbrain that while you're really
helpful, sometimes brain,sometimes you're not.
And sometimes I need to likestep out of you and remind you
that there are some other waysof looking at things.
(03:14):
So overall, as we wrap upOctober, the the month of energy
yeah.
So those were my takeaways, likethose things that I.
The things that I set out toreally focus on Yeah, helpful,
but I think to me, I noticed thebigger help was really looking
at where my mindset leaks were,where, where the, my mindset,
(03:35):
where my thinking was reallydragging me down.
And I think to, to be honest,for me, I think I realized that
was my biggest energy drain.
So I'd love to hear if you, ifyou've been playing along, I'd
love to hear what you notice.
So please reach out.
So back to today, and I wannatalk about something that I
(03:55):
recently realized while workingon this project, and it's
something that might surprise alot of us.
Maybe not, but how easily ourfitness goals or health goals
can drift from being abouthealth to really being more
about validation.
And here's what I mean.
(04:16):
Recently I started feeling alittle like worried that maybe.
After my month of August ofvacations and my unexpected
hospital visit and having a hardtime getting back into my like,
healthy routine, I maybe hadgained some weight or was not
(04:38):
looking how I wanted to look.
And I, I started to, yeah, Istarted to get a little
obsessive about it, admittedly,and then I, I paused and I went,
you know what?
The only way to.
The only thing to do here is tojust, just take my measurements.
I don't weigh myself really.
'cause I don't, like, I have adifficult relationship with the
(04:59):
skill, so I don't really weighmyself.
I'll do measurements instead ofweighing.
And I don't do it all the time.
I just do it as a check-in.
So I decided to do that check-inand when I, when I took them, my
brain went to, ugh.
Damn.
Like, yeah, and it wasn't likeas bad as I probably thought it
was gonna be, but you know, Iwent to that sort of
(05:20):
self-judgment about it.
But then I, then I went to, oh,if I just lose a little bit,
then, you know, a.
I'll look caught again.
Like dating will be easier.
People will notice.
Like I won't have to worry asmuch about that.
And if I wasn't really payingattention, like if I wasn't a
self-aware person my motivationcould have slipped totally.
(05:43):
I.
Back into proving my worthrather than just caring for
myself and treating myself withrespect and kindness.
So today I just wanna kind ofunpack that moment and explore
it and talk about what, how,what it taught me about mindset
and body image and how we canshift our motivation from fear
of that to more of a sense offreedom around it.
(06:06):
So let me take you through thatmoment.
I had the tape measure in myhand thinking, okay, I'm just
gonna see where I'm at.
But almost immediately I startedgoing into like this, just this
sort of, yeah, fear of like,well, what if, what if this
isn't good?
And then, you know, I, I need tolook better than I did before.
(06:27):
I want other people to know.
I want people to notice me.
I don't wanna be as heavy as Iwas when I was with Ben, my, my
ex-boyfriend because he's gross.
This is not very nice.
I know.
But.
Does that sound familiar?
Anyone?
I think for a lot of us, we, westart with really healthy
intentions.
We wanna feel strong, we wannafeel energized, we wanna feel
(06:48):
confident, and then suddenly,all of a sudden we're comparing
ourselves to other people andlike.
This fear creeps in.
I recognize this is noteveryone, but I know that there
are a lot of us that strugglewith that.
There's so much stuff all aroundus that says, here's what a good
body looks like, or Here's whatyou should look like, or Here's
what people, here's what peoplenotice, and, and things like
(07:09):
that.
And it's hard not to succumb tothat.
But that moment of awarenessjust was a great reminder for me
that, oh, this isn't why we careabout this.
It's what my brain that has allof these years of rules and
input from the external world.
(07:29):
It's what my, that inner criticbrain.
Is misguidedly thinking matters,but it doesn't.
So thankfully I have theself-awareness to catch that and
be able to reframe it and thensit with any emotions that feel
uncomfortable in that moment.
but I did wanna spend some timewith it because, you know.
(07:51):
If I let this go, my fitnessgoals, my health goals could
shift completely back towardsproving my worth or looking for
that external validation insteadof really taking care of myself.
And letting that be thepriority, my driving force.
And that's when I started askinglike, like, why am I doing that?
Why am I doing this?
(08:11):
Like, why am I in this?
What do I care right now?
What?
Why am I focused on this?
Like, what am I trying to get?
Or what am I trying to avoid?
Great questions to ask yourself.
So here's the thing, this issuper subtle.
Validation driven motivationdoesn't really feel dramatic at
first.
It just kind of quietly steersyou.
(08:32):
You're, it, it's what we startdoing from a very, very well
Since we're born, we're alwayslooking for reinforcement that
we're doing the right thing,that we're, we're okay, like
we're, am I doing the rightthing?
You know, just think about atime when you're really little
and you're like looking to anadult as for that like, look of
approval.
It's, it's just what we do.
(08:53):
It's, we have to learn how to behuman.
And the adults in our livesteach us.
So we're looking, am I doing itright?
So we start, we just do this.
That's what we've, we're kind ofwired that way.
But you know, when we don't payattention to it, we're not aware
of it, we, it might, it's easyto start measuring worth by
numbers, by looks, by otherpeople's opinions.
(09:16):
You know, it's really sneaky.
It sneaks in if we're not payingattention.
And suddenly our actions arecoming from this place of
pressure and not, like I said,not caring for ourselves.
And so I do wanna be reallyclear that wanting to look good,
there's nothing wrong with that.
The difference really is whenthe motivation comes from fear
or.
(09:37):
External approval instead ofcuriosity, self-respect, and
health.
So that's when it startsdraining your energy and really
disconnecting you from yourbody.
Now you're in your head thinkingabout it.
You're not really feelingyourself.
Move through life.
(09:57):
So in all of my years ofstruggling with this kind of
stuff, like I've realized thatmy mindset around body image is
really the key.
Your thoughts create yourfeelings, so.
How I think about progressshapes, how I move, how I eat,
how I treat myself, andawareness.
(10:18):
I always say this, awareness ishalf the battle, and it's also
the first step in taking backthat power and control.
Don't give it to your brain.
Who's telling you that you'renot enough?
We need to take that power back,take that control back.
So here's what I did next.
And I just wanna really be clearthat this is a, this is a
(10:40):
process that most of us willhave to repeat many times in our
lives.
I've been through this beforeand every time I come back to
the same thing, the shift, we,we reframe things.
Here's what, here's what I didnext.
I like, I reframe the way Ilooked at my measurements and my
progress.
So I noticed a lot of judgmentcoming up.
(11:03):
The first thing I do is I say,oh, I noticed there's me doing
that thing again where I judgemyself.
My brain is giving me thisfaulty information that now I'm
hooking into, and then likebasing everything off of.
So instead I was like, okay,what do I need to do here?
These numbers, okay, they arenumbers.
(11:24):
They don't mean anything until Igive them meaning they're data.
So if I'm gonna be a scientistin this, I'm gonna look at them
as numbers only.
What?
How can I make sense of thesenumbers?
They're not a score of worth,they're information.
That's it.
(11:44):
Their information to help me seewhat's working and what might
need some adjustment.
And I used the word mightbecause there might be nothing
that needs adjustment.
So I started asking, okay, whichhabits make me feel strong,
energized, aligned.
Which patterns drain me ofenergy or pull me outta balance.
(12:08):
So this simple shift fromjudgment of, oh my gosh, like I
need to look different, I needto be careful.
Ooh, if you don't, if you don'tget on top of this, things are
gonna get worse.
Like, does that sound familiar?
So that simple shift from thatjudgmental space, that
(12:29):
fear-based thinking to one of a,a space of curiosity.
Ooh, that's juicy.
It's changes everything.
I, of course care aboutprogress, like, you know, it's
not a bad thing to have goals.
Like, you know, I strength traina lot.
I'm working towards certaingoals there.
You know, but I have a whybehind it.
(12:51):
I care about how I feel in mybody.
I care about having energy,about being strong, about
feeling this sense of vitality.
If I looked like what my braintells me, the perfect body is
and all of that, but I feltsluggish and tired and weak and
(13:13):
miserable, I don't think I wouldchoose looking that way.
I would choose feeling the way Iwanna feel.
So we need to really think aboutthis.
You can try this too.
Next time that you check in onyour goals, just pause and ask
yourself, okay, am I doing thisto prove something or to care
(13:36):
for myself?
Where's my motivation lying.
It is way more motivating whenyou are actually doing it for
yourself.
When you're able to get down tothat underneath the surface, why
go real deep?
That's way more motivating.
So let's talk about whatmotivation looks like in
(13:57):
practice.
Healthy motivation looksdifferent.
So it's rooted in this respectfor myself.
For yourself.
It's respe.
It's rooted in, you know, I'mdoing this because I want this
thing, I'm moving towardssomething.
It's not rooted in fear, whichis.
I'm running away from somethingI don't want.
(14:18):
We move because it feels good.
We eat because it nourishes us.
We track progress because itinforms us, not because progress
judges us as being good or bad,it's just information.
So here are some signs that yourmotivation is shifting towards
(14:40):
health and freedom andvalues-driven reasons.
First, you celebrate winsinstead of focusing on the
flaws.
You notice when you're feelingstrong and grounded and alive,
not focusing in on what you'renot doing.
(15:00):
Another one is your choices comefrom care and self respect, not
comparison.
You're self-compassionate.
By the way I've said this beforeon the show, but
self-compassion, people arereally afraid if they're
self-compassionate, that they'regonna not push themselves or
they're gonna let themselves go.
Research shows thatself-compassion in terms of
(15:24):
self-improvement is way moremotivating than being judgmental
or self-deprecating.
This kind of awareness of howyou're treating yourself here
makes a huge difference.
It changes what you do, but italso changes how you experience
(15:47):
your body and how you movethrough your life in your body.
A lot of times when we do thisjudgmental stuff or we focus in
on, you know, I'm not enough inthis way, it's our brains kind
of messed up way of protectingus from something that we're
afraid of.
So for example, like let's justsay I am afraid of what other
(16:09):
people think of me.
Well, if I listen to my brain,you know, you should fit into
this size pants because X, Y, Zdoes, and there's something in
me that says, well, if I don'ttry to do that.
Then other people are gonnathink I'm not pretty enough, or
I'm not athletic enough, orwhatever.
Like our brain is afraid ofsomething.
(16:31):
So it's trying to make us thatthat narrative is creating this
fear of being that,'cause wedon't wanna be judged.
Yet we judge ourselves moreharshly than anyone ever would
judge us.
So it's from this place of fear.
So when we can actually say.
You know what?
(16:52):
I feel Maybe I wanna feel alittle stronger though.
Okay.
What can I do to, to achievethat?
You know, and let's just say Iwanna feel stronger and I miss
three workouts of my four of theweek.
Instead of saying, oh, you're soterrible.
Like, you're never gonna fitinto those jeans.
Instead, you say, oh, okay, wellthis week didn't go so well in
(17:14):
that way.
Like, I missed that.
What happened?
What can I learn from that?
And move forward.
Much kinder, much moremotivating.
Think of how you feel whenyou're beating yourself up.
You might feel like shame orinadequacy or things like that.
Well, what actions do you takewhen you feel that way?
(17:34):
Probably just keep beatingyourself up or now you're taking
actions that aren't reallygetting you closer to what you
really want at the end of theday.
Whereas if you feel like...
let's just say you do thatwhole, like, what didn't work
here?
What can I learn from this?
Maybe you feel like empowered tomake different choices.
Well, you make differentchoices.
(17:55):
So that's where beingself-compassionate and kinder to
ourselves can actually really bemore motivating in the long run.
You just have to know how to doit.
You just have to know what toreally, you know, harness in
order to help you do that.
And I can help you with that.
So today was a shorter episode,but here's what I want you to
(18:17):
take away from this.
So I think it's reallyimportant...
We all need to be kinder toourselves and we need to, when
we have these goals for fitnessand health, we need to approach
it from a place of like, I don'tneed to do these things to prove
that I'm enough.
I wanna do these things for mebecause...
i've heard people like that havegrandkids say, I wanna be able
(18:39):
to play with my grandkids or Iwanna be able to travel with my
partner you know, until I'm inmy eighties.
But the idea is that you'redoing it because something
matters to you.
It matters to you for somereason.
So here's what I want you totake away from today's episode.
First of all, self-awareness.
(19:00):
Friends awareness is half thebattle.
Fitness goals can drift towardsthat place of validation without
us even noticing it.
And pretty soon we're deep in itAwareness is also the first step
towards reclaiming thatmotivation that is healthy and
sustainable that doesn't beat usdown.
Lifts us up.
(19:23):
Shifting mindset towards ahealthy body image.
It transforms how you move, howyou eat, how you feel.
Remember our thoughts, createour feelings.
So if our thoughts are you suck,we're not gonna feel very good.
If our thoughts are, yeah, I'mpretty good.
I'm making good choices.
(19:44):
I'm doing my best with what Ihave today.
It's a little more motivating.
So think about that too.
So your action for today is tojust take a moment and ask
yourself like, what, what areyour health and fitness goals?
What's motivating those?
Is it fear or is it movingtowards something else, like
(20:04):
feeling more free?
And how might noticing thosepatterns change your choices
this week?
I would also add to that too is,where are you really being hard
on yourself and how can you bemore self-compassionate as you
work towards these things thatare important to you?
(20:26):
So that is it for today,friends.
Thanks for listening.
I hope this gave you someinsights into your own
motivation and body image.
If you wanna dive deeper intothis.
Send me an email and let's chat.
I help people with this all thetime, and it's something very
near and dear to my heart, aswell as somebody who has, like
(20:47):
many of us, struggled with itmyself.
So visit my website- link is inthe show notes, send me a
message.
Reach out, get on my email list.
I'll put all of those links inthe show notes.
And finally, if you enjoyed thisepisode, please, if you wouldn't
mind taking the time to leave mea rating and a review.
That's super helpful in helpingother people find the show,
(21:08):
which is what we want.
Yeah.
So remember, as you go into yourday, awareness is where freedom
begins, and that little pausecan change everything.
Awareness is half the battle,and I will talk to you next
time.
Hello.
(00:00):
Hello my friends, and welcome toReal Brave and Unstoppable,
episode number 134.
Today we're gonna talk aboutwhen fitness goals become about
validation and not actualhealth.
We're gonna talk a little bitabout our mindset and how it
(00:21):
relates to our body image.
So first of all though, I justwant to share another update
about the project I've beenworking on.
If you've been following alongwith that.
It's been an interesting monthas I've been paying attention to
energy levels and differentthings that I can do in my life
to, you know, create good habitsto kind of nurture more of a
(00:44):
sense of energy and, andtherefore freedom, happiness
feeling alive.
It is interesting because Inotice like going to bed
earlier, even just a little bitearlier, seems to have a pretty
big impact.
And I do notice that when I amgood about really being
(01:06):
intentional about my foodchoices, I do tend to feel.
It's like more energetic.
And I'm sure that a lot of thathas to do with the actual food
choices themselves, but I alsothink that it has something to
do with the mental aspect oflike, I made a good choice.
I feel good about that.
Last episode I talked aboutself-judgment and how I noticed
(01:29):
that creeping in and what a bigdrain on our energy that is.
And so I think this is sort ofsimilar when we can really
acknowledge ourselves for doingsomething that we've set out to
do and feel good about that, itactually is also kind of an
energy boost.
I mentioned in my last episode,the one minute rule I've been
(01:49):
kind of trying to follow whereif there's a little task that's
gonna take a minute or less, Ijust do it right then and there.
And there's no, oh, I'll comeback to that later.
And it's funny because even justthat little action has felt
really good.
Then I notice myself feeling,well, two things.
(02:10):
One is I don't have as muchstuff to circle back to, but the
second thing is that there'salmost this little sense of, I'm
so proud of myself.
I don't, I'm doing a thing Idon't normally do, which, you
know, I think that kind of stuffI.
It really adds up and reallypoints to if you think about it,
as humans, we tend to focus onthe negative stuff first.
(02:32):
That's just our built-innegativity bias.
But when we actually take thetime to acknowledge that, oh,
maybe there's something positiveI'm also doing, you know, it
makes sense when we have morepositive feelings, we do.
Things that align with thosemore positive feelings.
When we're always feelingnegative, we do things that
(02:52):
align with those negativefeelings.
There's nothing wrong withfeeling negative, it's just that
it's.
It usually worth reminding ourbrain that while you're really
helpful, sometimes brain,sometimes you're not.
And sometimes I need to likestep out of you and remind you
that there are some other waysof looking at things.
(03:14):
So overall, as we wrap upOctober, the the month of energy
yeah.
So those were my takeaways, likethose things that I.
The things that I set out toreally focus on Yeah, helpful,
but I think to me, I noticed thebigger help was really looking
at where my mindset leaks were,where, where the, my mindset,
(03:35):
where my thinking was reallydragging me down.
And I think to, to be honest,for me, I think I realized that
was my biggest energy drain.
So I'd love to hear if you, ifyou've been playing along, I'd
love to hear what you notice.
So please reach out.
So back to today, and I wannatalk about something that I
(03:55):
recently realized while workingon this project, and it's
something that might surprise alot of us.
Maybe not, but how easily ourfitness goals or health goals
can drift from being abouthealth to really being more
about validation.
And here's what I mean.
(04:16):
Recently I started feeling alittle like worried that maybe.
After my month of August ofvacations and my unexpected
hospital visit and having a hardtime getting back into my like,
healthy routine, I maybe hadgained some weight or was not
(04:38):
looking how I wanted to look.
And I, I started to, yeah, Istarted to get a little
obsessive about it, admittedly,and then I, I paused and I went,
you know what?
The only way to.
The only thing to do here is tojust, just take my measurements.
I don't weigh myself really.
'cause I don't, like, I have adifficult relationship with the
(04:59):
skill, so I don't really weighmyself.
I'll do measurements instead ofweighing.
And I don't do it all the time.
I just do it as a check-in.
So I decided to do that check-inand when I, when I took them, my
brain went to, ugh.
Damn.
Like, yeah, and it wasn't likeas bad as I probably thought it
was gonna be, but you know, Iwent to that sort of
(05:20):
self-judgment about it.
But then I, then I went to, oh,if I just lose a little bit,
then, you know, a.
I'll look caught again.
Like dating will be easier.
People will notice.
Like I won't have to worry asmuch about that.
And if I wasn't really payingattention, like if I wasn't a
self-aware person my motivationcould have slipped totally.
(05:43):
I.
Back into proving my worthrather than just caring for
myself and treating myself withrespect and kindness.
So today I just wanna kind ofunpack that moment and explore
it and talk about what, how,what it taught me about mindset
and body image and how we canshift our motivation from fear
of that to more of a sense offreedom around it.
(06:06):
So let me take you through thatmoment.
I had the tape measure in myhand thinking, okay, I'm just
gonna see where I'm at.
But almost immediately I startedgoing into like this, just this
sort of, yeah, fear of like,well, what if, what if this
isn't good?
And then, you know, I, I need tolook better than I did before.
(06:27):
I want other people to know.
I want people to notice me.
I don't wanna be as heavy as Iwas when I was with Ben, my, my
ex-boyfriend because he's gross.
This is not very nice.
I know.
But.
Does that sound familiar?
Anyone?
I think for a lot of us, we, westart with really healthy
intentions.
We wanna feel strong, we wannafeel energized, we wanna feel
(06:48):
confident, and then suddenly,all of a sudden we're comparing
ourselves to other people andlike.
This fear creeps in.
I recognize this is noteveryone, but I know that there
are a lot of us that strugglewith that.
There's so much stuff all aroundus that says, here's what a good
body looks like, or Here's whatyou should look like, or Here's
what people, here's what peoplenotice, and, and things like
(07:09):
that.
And it's hard not to succumb tothat.
But that moment of awarenessjust was a great reminder for me
that, oh, this isn't why we careabout this.
It's what my brain that has allof these years of rules and
input from the external world.
(07:29):
It's what my, that inner criticbrain.
Is misguidedly thinking matters,but it doesn't.
So thankfully I have theself-awareness to catch that and
be able to reframe it and thensit with any emotions that feel
uncomfortable in that moment.
but I did wanna spend some timewith it because, you know.
(07:51):
If I let this go, my fitnessgoals, my health goals could
shift completely back towardsproving my worth or looking for
that external validation insteadof really taking care of myself.
And letting that be thepriority, my driving force.
And that's when I started askinglike, like, why am I doing that?
Why am I doing this?
(08:11):
Like, why am I in this?
What do I care right now?
What?
Why am I focused on this?
Like, what am I trying to get?
Or what am I trying to avoid?
Great questions to ask yourself.
So here's the thing, this issuper subtle.
Validation driven motivationdoesn't really feel dramatic at
first.
It just kind of quietly steersyou.
(08:32):
You're, it, it's what we startdoing from a very, very well
Since we're born, we're alwayslooking for reinforcement that
we're doing the right thing,that we're, we're okay, like
we're, am I doing the rightthing?
You know, just think about atime when you're really little
and you're like looking to anadult as for that like, look of
approval.
It's, it's just what we do.
(08:53):
It's, we have to learn how to behuman.
And the adults in our livesteach us.
So we're looking, am I doing itright?
So we start, we just do this.
That's what we've, we're kind ofwired that way.
But you know, when we don't payattention to it, we're not aware
of it, we, it might, it's easyto start measuring worth by
numbers, by looks, by otherpeople's opinions.
(09:16):
You know, it's really sneaky.
It sneaks in if we're not payingattention.
And suddenly our actions arecoming from this place of
pressure and not, like I said,not caring for ourselves.
And so I do wanna be reallyclear that wanting to look good,
there's nothing wrong with that.
The difference really is whenthe motivation comes from fear
or.
(09:37):
External approval instead ofcuriosity, self-respect, and
health.
So that's when it startsdraining your energy and really
disconnecting you from yourbody.
Now you're in your head thinkingabout it.
You're not really feelingyourself.
Move through life.
(09:57):
So in all of my years ofstruggling with this kind of
stuff, like I've realized thatmy mindset around body image is
really the key.
Your thoughts create yourfeelings, so.
How I think about progressshapes, how I move, how I eat,
how I treat myself, andawareness.
(10:18):
I always say this, awareness ishalf the battle, and it's also
the first step in taking backthat power and control.
Don't give it to your brain.
Who's telling you that you'renot enough?
We need to take that power back,take that control back.
So here's what I did next.
And I just wanna really be clearthat this is a, this is a
(10:40):
process that most of us willhave to repeat many times in our
lives.
I've been through this beforeand every time I come back to
the same thing, the shift, we,we reframe things.
Here's what, here's what I didnext.
I like, I reframe the way Ilooked at my measurements and my
progress.
So I noticed a lot of judgmentcoming up.
(11:03):
The first thing I do is I say,oh, I noticed there's me doing
that thing again where I judgemyself.
My brain is giving me thisfaulty information that now I'm
hooking into, and then likebasing everything off of.
So instead I was like, okay,what do I need to do here?
These numbers, okay, they arenumbers.
(11:24):
They don't mean anything until Igive them meaning they're data.
So if I'm gonna be a scientistin this, I'm gonna look at them
as numbers only.
What?
How can I make sense of thesenumbers?
They're not a score of worth,they're information.
That's it.
(11:44):
Their information to help me seewhat's working and what might
need some adjustment.
And I used the word mightbecause there might be nothing
that needs adjustment.
So I started asking, okay, whichhabits make me feel strong,
energized, aligned.
Which patterns drain me ofenergy or pull me outta balance.
(12:08):
So this simple shift fromjudgment of, oh my gosh, like I
need to look different, I needto be careful.
Ooh, if you don't, if you don'tget on top of this, things are
gonna get worse.
Like, does that sound familiar?
So that simple shift from thatjudgmental space, that
(12:29):
fear-based thinking to one of a,a space of curiosity.
Ooh, that's juicy.
It's changes everything.
I, of course care aboutprogress, like, you know, it's
not a bad thing to have goals.
Like, you know, I strength traina lot.
I'm working towards certaingoals there.
You know, but I have a whybehind it.
(12:51):
I care about how I feel in mybody.
I care about having energy,about being strong, about
feeling this sense of vitality.
If I looked like what my braintells me, the perfect body is
and all of that, but I feltsluggish and tired and weak and
(13:13):
miserable, I don't think I wouldchoose looking that way.
I would choose feeling the way Iwanna feel.
So we need to really think aboutthis.
You can try this too.
Next time that you check in onyour goals, just pause and ask
yourself, okay, am I doing thisto prove something or to care
(13:36):
for myself?
Where's my motivation lying.
It is way more motivating whenyou are actually doing it for
yourself.
When you're able to get down tothat underneath the surface, why
go real deep?
That's way more motivating.
So let's talk about whatmotivation looks like in
(13:57):
practice.
Healthy motivation looksdifferent.
So it's rooted in this respectfor myself.
For yourself.
It's respe.
It's rooted in, you know, I'mdoing this because I want this
thing, I'm moving towardssomething.
It's not rooted in fear, whichis.
I'm running away from somethingI don't want.
(14:18):
We move because it feels good.
We eat because it nourishes us.
We track progress because itinforms us, not because progress
judges us as being good or bad,it's just information.
So here are some signs that yourmotivation is shifting towards
(14:40):
health and freedom andvalues-driven reasons.
First, you celebrate winsinstead of focusing on the
flaws.
You notice when you're feelingstrong and grounded and alive,
not focusing in on what you'renot doing.
(15:00):
Another one is your choices comefrom care and self respect, not
comparison.
You're self-compassionate.
By the way I've said this beforeon the show, but
self-compassion, people arereally afraid if they're
self-compassionate, that they'regonna not push themselves or
they're gonna let themselves go.
Research shows thatself-compassion in terms of
(15:24):
self-improvement is way moremotivating than being judgmental
or self-deprecating.
This kind of awareness of howyou're treating yourself here
makes a huge difference.
It changes what you do, but italso changes how you experience
(15:47):
your body and how you movethrough your life in your body.
A lot of times when we do thisjudgmental stuff or we focus in
on, you know, I'm not enough inthis way, it's our brains kind
of messed up way of protectingus from something that we're
afraid of.
So for example, like let's justsay I am afraid of what other
(16:09):
people think of me.
Well, if I listen to my brain,you know, you should fit into
this size pants because X, Y, Zdoes, and there's something in
me that says, well, if I don'ttry to do that.
Then other people are gonnathink I'm not pretty enough, or
I'm not athletic enough, orwhatever.
Like our brain is afraid ofsomething.
(16:31):
So it's trying to make us thatthat narrative is creating this
fear of being that,'cause wedon't wanna be judged.
Yet we judge ourselves moreharshly than anyone ever would
judge us.
So it's from this place of fear.
So when we can actually say.
You know what?
(16:52):
I feel Maybe I wanna feel alittle stronger though.
Okay.
What can I do to, to achievethat?
You know, and let's just say Iwanna feel stronger and I miss
three workouts of my four of theweek.
Instead of saying, oh, you're soterrible.
Like, you're never gonna fitinto those jeans.
Instead, you say, oh, okay, wellthis week didn't go so well in
(17:14):
that way.
Like, I missed that.
What happened?
What can I learn from that?
And move forward.
Much kinder, much moremotivating.
Think of how you feel whenyou're beating yourself up.
You might feel like shame orinadequacy or things like that.
Well, what actions do you takewhen you feel that way?
(17:34):
Probably just keep beatingyourself up or now you're taking
actions that aren't reallygetting you closer to what you
really want at the end of theday.
Whereas if you feel like...
let's just say you do thatwhole, like, what didn't work
here?
What can I learn from this?
Maybe you feel like empowered tomake different choices.
Well, you make differentchoices.
(17:55):
So that's where beingself-compassionate and kinder to
ourselves can actually really bemore motivating in the long run.
You just have to know how to doit.
You just have to know what toreally, you know, harness in
order to help you do that.
And I can help you with that.
So today was a shorter episode,but here's what I want you to
(18:17):
take away from this.
So I think it's reallyimportant...
We all need to be kinder toourselves and we need to, when
we have these goals for fitnessand health, we need to approach
it from a place of like, I don'tneed to do these things to prove
that I'm enough.
I wanna do these things for mebecause...
i've heard people like that havegrandkids say, I wanna be able
(18:39):
to play with my grandkids or Iwanna be able to travel with my
partner you know, until I'm inmy eighties.
But the idea is that you'redoing it because something
matters to you.
It matters to you for somereason.
So here's what I want you totake away from today's episode.
First of all, self-awareness.
(19:00):
Friends awareness is half thebattle.
Fitness goals can drift towardsthat place of validation without
us even noticing it.
And pretty soon we're deep in itAwareness is also the first step
towards reclaiming thatmotivation that is healthy and
sustainable that doesn't beat usdown.
Lifts us up.
(19:23):
Shifting mindset towards ahealthy body image.
It transforms how you move, howyou eat, how you feel.
Remember our thoughts, createour feelings.
So if our thoughts are you suck,we're not gonna feel very good.
If our thoughts are, yeah, I'mpretty good.
I'm making good choices.
(19:44):
I'm doing my best with what Ihave today.
It's a little more motivating.
So think about that too.
So your action for today is tojust take a moment and ask
yourself like, what, what areyour health and fitness goals?
What's motivating those?
Is it fear or is it movingtowards something else, like
(20:04):
feeling more free?
And how might noticing thosepatterns change your choices
this week?
I would also add to that too is,where are you really being hard
on yourself and how can you bemore self-compassionate as you
work towards these things thatare important to you?
(20:26):
So that is it for today,friends.
Thanks for listening.
I hope this gave you someinsights into your own
motivation and body image.
If you wanna dive deeper intothis.
Send me an email and let's chat.
I help people with this all thetime, and it's something very
near and dear to my heart, aswell as somebody who has, like
(20:47):
many of us, struggled with itmyself.
So visit my website- link is inthe show notes, send me a
message.
Reach out, get on my email list.
I'll put all of those links inthe show notes.
And finally, if you enjoyed thisepisode, please, if you wouldn't
mind taking the time to leave mea rating and a review.
That's super helpful in helpingother people find the show,
(21:08):
which is what we want.
Yeah.
So remember, as you go into yourday, awareness is where freedom
begins, and that little pausecan change everything.
Awareness is half the battle,and I will talk to you next
time.
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