November 14, 2025 • 27 mins
What my energy experiment taught me about staying steady when life gets busy and how I'm applying my learnings to the upcoming holidays.
Episode Summary:
If the holidays tend to leave you feeling off-track or exhausted, this episode is for you. I’m wrapping up my October energy experiment with some surprising takeaways — including what actually fueled my energy (hint: it’s not just sleep, water, and protein) — and how to stay grounded through the busy season ahead.
You’ll hear what I learned about creating lightness and freedom around healthy habits, how mental clutter impacts energy, and why self-compassion and structure can coexist beautifully. Plus, I’ll share a few simple ways to protect your peace, plan ahead, and enter January feeling calm, confident, and connected.
What You'll Learn:
- Why feeling energized isn’t just about your body — it’s also about mindset and emotional space
- The small daily shifts that made the biggest difference in my energy (including my favorite one-minute rule)
- How mental clutter drains your energy more than you might realize — and what to do about it
- The power of structure and flexibility when it comes to maintaining energy and ease
- Practical ways to stay grounded and intentional through the holidays so you don’t crash in January
Links & Resources Mentioned:
- ⬇️ Download: The Grounding Guide (Free Checklist)
- 🎤 Links to previous episodes mentioned:
- 📸 Follow me on Instagram for more tips on staying grounded this season
Want more?
For more information about the podcast, visit www.realbraveunstoppable.com. To learn more about your host, Kortney Rivard, visit www.kortneyrivard.com
Follow Kortney on Social media:
Instagram
Facebook
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello, hello, and welcome backto Real, brave and Unstoppable.
I'm so glad you're here with metoday.
If you have been followingalong.
You know that I've been doingthese monthly experiments as
part of a bigger project,ongoing project.
I'm really just focusing on onepart of my wellness to see how
(00:20):
it shifts my life.
And I've been looking at thesethings through the lens of what
contributes to feeling a greatersense of happiness, freedom, and
what I call aliveness.
So we are wrapping up theOctober energy experiment.
And honestly, I learned so muchmore than I expected and in
(00:43):
different ways than I expected.
If you're new here and youaren't sure what the heck I'm
talking about, you can go backand listen to episodes.
132, 133 and 134 to get caughtup.
So I went into the monththinking, yeah, energy is
simple.
(01:03):
Like we get sleep, we drinkwater, we get good exercise or
movement-workouts, we eatprotein, and that covers it.
At least broad strokes.
And don't get me wrong, thosethings definitely do matter.
If you didn't have any of thosethings in place and then you
made those changes, I think youwould notice a huge difference.
(01:27):
I already have those thingspretty consistent, so it makes
sense that I maybe wouldn'tnotice as big of a difference
with those.
So you might notice a biggerdifference just focusing on
those physical things than I'mcommunicating here.
But one thing I was reallysurprised about was the
non-physical things that Inoticed really sucked my energy.
(01:49):
Or by contrast, notice thethings that really gave me some
life.
So I'm gonna share some of myOctober takeaways with you
today.
What I learned and what I'mkeeping going into the rest of
my year, and hopefully maybelife.
And the timing honestly couldn'tbe better because we're headed
(02:10):
into the holiday season, whichis like the Olympics of managing
energy and mental load.
So I'm gonna dive into how youcan stay grounded during the
next couple of months so youdon't end up having to do so
much getting back on track inJanuary.
That in and of itself takes upmental and emotional load.
(02:32):
But first I wanna share a littlebit about my Freedom and
Aliveness project for November,which is connection.
And I'm talking about connectionin relation to both friendship
and for me since I'm singledating.
Why connection?
(02:52):
Well.
I think the connections we havein life can either help us feel
happier, more connected, duh,and alive.
Or they can also really drainus.
But when we're engaging inhealthy connections with other
people, it can really make ourlives feel so much better.
Human beings are wired forbelonging.
(03:15):
It's a basic human need to haveconnection.
So stay tuned for more on that.
I'll be talking a lot about theholidays over the next month or
so too, and connection is areally big part of that.
But engaging in meaningfulconnection takes energy and we
need to protect that energy wheneverything around us is
(03:36):
demanding it.
So anyway, let's get to talkingabout my October energy
takeaways.
I have five to share.
The first one is just kind ofwhat I mentioned a minute ago.
Energy is not just physical,it's emotional and mental too.
This is perhaps my biggesttakeaway is that there are so
(03:57):
many things that aren'tnecessarily, you know, nutrition
or movement or things like that,that are really big energy
drains or can be big energydrains.
I talk a lot about the threepillars of body, mind, and
spirit in my work, and thesethree pillars create the
foundation of everything that Italk about and everything that I
(04:20):
do.
Obviously, the physical things Imentioned, you know, moving your
body, eating good food, gettingenough sleep and drinking water
are things that are incrediblyimportant, so don't neglect
those.
But throughout October, therewere times when I felt like all
of that was really on point, butI still felt drained and just
(04:42):
exhausted, kind of burned out.
So I noticed when I took thetime to be present with myself,
and in the moment I feltlighter, I felt more connected
to myself.
I felt more grounded.
I also noticed that when mymindset was crappy, if I was
negative about things, lettingworries get the better of me, or
(05:05):
being really hard on myself, Ifelt really dull and burned out,
almost numb.
If I had a lot of spinningthoughts or unanswered
questions, I also felt reallydrained.
And to add to that, I alsonoticed that my environment made
a big difference too.
I noticed that physical cluttercontributed a lot to mental
(05:30):
load, and I felt so much moreenergized when I took a few
minutes to pick things up aroundthe house.
More on that in a bit.
My second takeaway was thatbeing kind to myself helped me
have more energy So I sharedabout this in episode 133.
I noticed that being judgmentalof myself was a huge, sneaky
(05:54):
energy drain.
I'd never really thought aboutit before.
One thing that I observed wasthat when I noticed judgment and
practiced some self-compassion,I felt so much lighter.
And I notice that when I'mjudgmental of myself, I really
kind of get stuck in it.
I feel bogged down.
It weighs on my mind even thoughI'm not realizing it.
(06:17):
And it makes sense if youconsider that thoughts create
feelings, and our feelings caninfluence our behavior.
If my thoughts are veryself-deprecating, I'm likely
going to feel kind of shitty.
And in contrast, if I'm kind andencouraging to myself, I might
feel more inspired or motivated.
Very different actions are bornfrom those very different
(06:38):
emotions.
We do different things when wefeel bad about ourselves than we
do when we feel really goodabout ourselves.
Research shows thatself-compassion is more
effective than being hard onourselves when it comes to
personal growth.
In other words, less pressureleads to more joy.
More joy leads to more energy.
(07:01):
My third takeaway is aroundhaving structure.
So I learned that structure isvery helpful to me, but it does
need to be flexible.
Things like workouts andplanning meals, they're really
helpful to me.
A morning routine is verygrounding.
So with workouts, I like to havethem planned in advance so I can
(07:21):
really stay on top of everythingI have planned in my strength
training program.
I'm very intentional about this.
However, there were some dayswhen I was just exhausted and I
didn't feel like getting out tomy garage gym in the morning to
work out.
Yes, I do not have a gymmembership.
(07:41):
I actually have a pretty fullgym set up with everything I
could need in my garage.
It becomes a problem in thewinters in Maryland when it's 20
degrees, but other than that,it's a pretty good deal and it's
free.
Anyway, I digress.
So I let this be a littleflexible.
(08:02):
Some days I swapped out the timewith something else I planned
and did my workout later in theday.
There were a couple days thoughwhen I thought, you know, I
think my body is reallyscreaming at me for some rest.
And I took it just like, yeah,I'm just take the day off.
It was amazing how much thathelped me.
(08:24):
I was very surprised that Inoticed a difference the next
day.
I was ready to go.
It's all good.
I also do notice that I have amuch harder time feeling
motivated to go out and workout.
If I don't have my morningstructure in place.
My daughter gets on the bus at 625 in the morning and those days
(08:46):
I am religious about gettingthat workout in the days that
she's with her dad.
And I don't have to get up forthat.
I have a much harder time'causeI don't have like a bookend.
So I end up juggling things alot.
That's an example of where Idon't have the structure
necessarily, and I might need tocreate a little bit because that
(09:08):
is a little draining when I'mhaving to shuffle things around
too much.
So there's like a fine balancethere for myself.
I'm also someone who's prettygood about planning out meals
for the week, but I also givemyself a little flexibility
there.
Especially with lunches orswapping days around for various
meals.
For example, last week there wasone night where the thing I was
(09:30):
making was a little moreinvolved than I felt like doing
because I, I just quite frankly,felt fried after my work day.
So I just swapped it with adifferent recipe and then.
You know, that worked betterconsidering the energy capacity
I had that day.
So, you know, flexibility isreally key when it comes to, to
(09:51):
this stuff.
Keeping in mind what energy,what resources do I have?
Can I be flexible with thethings that I have planned or
the things that I have to do,and consider is there a better
fit for my energy level today?
That's actually why in my to-dolist, like my task list I have I
(10:11):
mentioned this app called Notionthat I absolutely love, but I
have a field in there for theamount of energy it takes to
complete the task, like high,low, medium.
And so I consider that when I'mplanning out things to do.
Like I'm not gonna pick fivereally high energy tasks to put
(10:32):
in my day that.
It's not gonna happen.
So that's just another thought.
Try to work with the energy notagainst it.
And the next takeaway was thattiny tasks mattered more than I
thought they did.
So I mentioned the one-minuterule in another episode.
That was a game changer for me,honestly.
(10:53):
It sounds so silly.
And I got the idea for the oneminute rule from the Happiness
Project book.
But the idea is that if a taskis going to take one minute or
less, I'm just gonna do it now.
No procrastinating, just doingthe thing instead of letting it
follow me around mentally allday.
And it was such a relief.
(11:13):
And this might sound kind offunny, but I also felt very
proud of myself for puttingstuff away as I went.
Historically, I tend to putthings off like that.
So this felt like a lot ofprogress to me.
And another big takeaway wasusing my time intentionally
actually really gave backenergy.
So I don't thrive in rigidity.
(11:36):
Because I very rarely follow arigid plan, and I get hard on
myself like a lot of us do.
So I don't, that doesn't workfor me to have a super rigid
plan, schedule, plan, but alittle planning or a little
rhythm to the week is reallynecessary for me.
That's that structure.
That actually made life feeleasier.
So each night, or most nights atleast, I spent a few minutes
(12:00):
looking ahead to the next day.
So where did I haveappointments?
Where was I scheduling inworkouts?
What were my meal plans?
Where were my breaks?
And when I looked at this, likeI literally wrote it down on a
blank, hourly calendar, likeblocked things out.
And then I saw where I had myblanks, And one thing for me is
(12:22):
I'm really terrible aboutgetting like the littlest things
on my to-do list...
I'm being really judgmental ofmyself.
I don't always let me reframethat...
I don't always get little thingsthat are on my to-do list done
in a time that I feel like isreasonable.
I'm kind of, I get kind of laidback about that stuff.
But what I started doing islittle things like that, like
(12:45):
make a doctor appointment.
I started thinking about mybreak times, my down times, and
kind of being more intentionalabout what I was gonna do in
those time blocks, but nottotally planned out.
Like I'd add a thing or two.
These are two things you have toget done.
Or, you know, I'm gonna work onbusiness stuff during this
block, or I'm gonna work onhouse, you know, laundry or
(13:07):
house tasks during this block.
I can't even tell you how muchthat helped me to know that.
That these were the things, Iwas gonna do at that time.
And it was really helpfulbecause I'm somebody who can
very easily, like just kind ofpiddle away time really easily.
So when I wasn't procrastinatingor overcommitting, I felt a lot
(13:30):
more free and mentally spaciousknowing when I had downtime in
my day and planning ahead howhow I was gonna use it felt
super empowering and productive.
And I actually felt proud ofmyself, which might sound weird,
but it was a really motivatingfeeling.
So what are some things I'mkeeping from October?
(13:52):
First of all, self-compassion asa daily practice.
The one minute rule.
Flexible structure plus tryingto implement some simple
routines into a couple areas ofmy day, protecting my time, like
(14:12):
the valuable thing it is, andalso, I didn't mention this, but
some movement that feels fun,like I like working out, but
sometimes it's nice just to movefor the point of like for just
like enjoying it and notthinking about it as like a
workout per se.
So I've been walking my dog alot more.
(14:34):
And that just feels really nice.
And then the other bonus, it, ithas is that I, a lot of times
will walk her in the morningbefore I work out and it just is
like a nice breath.
Like the fresh air in themorning is very energizing.
Okay, so let's shift becauseright as I'm feeling this
momentum, the holidays areshowing up, and if we're not
(14:59):
intentional, the season canreally wipe out every ounce of
energy progress that we make.
So during the holidays, I thinkmost of us would agree.
That there's a sense of pressureto do more.
You know, I should make theseason magical.
I should show up to everything.
(15:20):
I need to get the perfect gifts.
I should stay joyful andgrateful and energized.
Meanwhile...
for myself, I'm holding spacefor people all day in my work.
Supporting their emotions, theirstresses, their wellbeing, and I
love that work.
Don't get me wrong, it's aprivilege to be able to do that,
(15:40):
but when life outside of workramps up, my energy doesn't
magically increase to match thatpace, and that's when overwhelm
hits and the first thing to slipwhen we feel overwhelmed a lot
of times is the care that wegive to ourselves.
And that's a recipe for burnoutand exhaustion.
(16:02):
So this year I'd really like torewrite that story to work a
little better for me...
to work with my intention offeeling happier, more free and
alive.
Less shoulds, more boundaries,more recovery, more protecting
the energy that lets me show upas my best self.
I love this season and for along time I didn't enjoy it
(16:24):
because my ex-husband and Isplit up around this time, but
now I'm back to loving it.
And it's really important for meto enjoy it and just be in the
magic of it.
Let it be magic.
And that's what today is reallyall about.
Staying grounded through theholidays so we don't hit
January.
Feeling like we're starting overfrom zero.
(16:47):
So the truth is, during theholidays, our healthy routines
tend to fall apart.
Are you with me?
And this is because, well, thisis for a lot of reasons.
We have more social events to goto, so our sleep might get
disrupted.
Our food patterns definitely dobusier schedules mean possibly
(17:12):
fewer workouts, less time toourselves.
There is more alcohol, moresugar, more heavy food around,
so we tend to not eat ashealthy.
And this isn't everyone, butlike generally, and that this
can lead to dips in energy.
(17:33):
There's a lot more emotionallabor during the holidays.
Just things on our mind.
We're taking care of people,we're, you know, it's hard to
set boundaries sometimes, sothere's a lot more of that.
And more is mental overload.
We have more decisions to make,which gives us mental fatigue
(17:53):
also.
And there are oftentimes a lotmore people that we're
interacting with, which gives usless time alone to recharge.
If you're an introvert, like youknow this well, that this is,
that can be a hard time of theyear.
So in, it's like all of thedials get turned up at once.
(18:14):
So instead of waiting untilJanuary to recover from all of
this, we can stay grounded inthe midst of all the chaos.
It is possible.
Not necessarily easy, but whenwe think about it as I'm gonna
make the choices based on what'simportant to me, it is possible.
So I've created a little bit ofa checklist for myself to make
(18:37):
this simple, because it reallycan be simple.
And I've also put this into alittle freebie checklist that
you can use if it's helpful toyou.
So if you want it, just go tothe real, brave, unstoppable
website, real braveunstoppable.com and there's just
a little box you put your emailaddress into and I'll send it
(19:00):
right over.
So my little checklist startswith doing a daily check-in.
So this is a, a quick scan witha few questions.
How do I feel?
What's going on today?
What do I need today to feellike myself?
Do I need a nap?
Do I need some fruits andveggies?
(19:22):
Maybe I need a nice walk in thefresh air instead of the
treadmill workout at the gym,maybe I need a chat with a
friend.
Maybe I just need some kindwords to myself.
Small needs count.
So pick something to giveyourself today.
So the next thing is to pick onenon-negotiable for the day.
(19:43):
You're gonna protect one habit,just one thing if, if you can
protect more than one great, butyou can just pick one
non-negotiable.
So examples of that can bewater, movement or exercise,
bedtime on time, a real meal, acoaching or therapy session...
this is the one thing peopleironically tend to cancel first
(20:07):
when they get busy.
As a coach, that's my experienceis a lot of people are like, oh,
I'm too busy to have my session.
When it's like the one thing,it's really like sacred...
it is time for you that you getto just focus on you.
I mentioned the one minute rule,that's, that's another one.
(20:27):
Brain dumping or journaling istwo of my favorite things.
Just kind of get thoughts outtamy head.
Tidying and decluttering.
Closing the kitchen afterdinner, which means, okay, I'm
done with dinner, now I'm gonnaclean everything up and close it
down so there's no moresnacking.
Making meal plans or mealprepping.
Those are all ideas of likelittle habits that you can set
(20:50):
as a non-negotiable.
I mean, there are others too,but those are some examples.
Pick one, keep it.
It doesn't have to be the sameone every day either.
Just give yourself that onething, like, I just need to get
this.
Keep this in place.
The third thing on my checklistis to plan some joy.
Joy may or may not happen byaccident this month.
(21:16):
In the middle of a lot ofstress, a lot of stuff going on,
we really have to be intentionalsometimes about planning those
things that do help us find joyor feel joy.
You know, going for a walk withsome hot cocoa, going out and
looking at the holiday lights,driving through those holiday
displays.
(21:36):
Holiday, movie night.
Just be creative.
Put those things on thecalendar.
The fourth thing, flexiblestructure.
This one is so important.
I mentioned earlier the bestlaid plans do not always pan
out.
Plans can shift.
You're allowed to rest.
So when we give ourselves gracearound that, life just feels
(21:57):
lighter.
And then the last thing on myoverall checklist here is
dropping the invisible pressure.
So asking ourselves what'simportant to me What matters And
letting that guide our choices.
If it doesn't feel like, likelove or care, if it's, you know,
(22:18):
it's probably just obligation.
And then we have to askourselves like, why does this
matter to me?
Is it really important or is ita should?
You get to choose what holidayenergy you carry.
It's not our job to produce thisseason for everyone else.
We deserve to enjoy it too.
So I just went over like thesort of main bullet points in my
(22:41):
checklist, but there are someother examples of having some
non-negotiable anchors.
And I, and there are a bunch ofthese ideas in the little cheat
sheet checklist that you canget.
But here are some otherexamples.
So first of all, sleep.
I, I think I mentioned thatalready, but sleep comes first.
If, if I have to choose, sleepwins every single.
(23:05):
Time.
Making sure that I'm having likeone meal that's nourishing, like
a day at least, like doesn'thave to be perfect.
Just like can I get a, do a mealwhere I get, you know, a palm or
two serving a protein, a couplefistfuls of veggies you know,
making sure that we have atleast one meal where we are
(23:29):
getting some good food in us.
Okay.
Using movement as a, a moodtool.
So this one can be a hardmindset shift, but using
exercise or movement as a moodtool and not a calorie strategy.
So that's, I talked aboutnon-exercise activity
thermogenesis in one of mysocial media posts last week.
(23:51):
And that's really just allexercise that is like unplanned.
It's not meant to be for aworkout, it's just movement.
And that can be walks,stretching, dancing, cleaning
the house.
It can be walking slow too.
Just keep the body online, keepit engaged.
You know, the yes or no test youcan commit to, to that.
(24:14):
It's non-negotiable.
I'm gonna ask myself, I'm gonnado this test every time I have
something.
If it's not a hell yes, it'sprobably a no.
So let me really ask myself, whyis that important?
You know, checking in on that.
A quiet moment every day.
Even if it's just a coupleminutes.
Stillness.
Creates energy too.
(24:36):
And I've mentioned practicingself-compassion.
This is so important duringthese next couple of months.
Have compassion for yourself.
Don't, you don't have to do itall.
You don't have to do it allperfect.
Holiday burnout is optional.
Joy is not.
If you, if you're getting burnedout, you have to ask yourself
why.
And ask yourself about yourchoices.
(24:59):
So here's what I wanna leave youwith today.
Question.
What is one grounding practiceyou can commit to this holiday
season?
Just one.
Small.
Sustainable.
You can pick one and do it thewhole month and a half-ish
month, I guess, or you can picka few and rotate through them.
(25:22):
But write it down.
Tell a friend.
Protect that like your energydepends on it.
'cause it does.
So if this episode resonatedwith you, if you're feeling that
mix of excitement and overwhelmheading into the holidays, share
this episode with a friend whomight need it too.
And if you need support stayinggrounded and energized through
(25:42):
the season, I have somethingcoming next week that's gonna
help a lot.
So make sure you're subscribedand following along.
We can make this holiday seasonfeel different.
Less pressure, more presence,more connection, more you
feeling alive and energized inyour own life.
So thank you my friend, forspending this time with me
(26:04):
today, and I will see you nexttime.
Hello, hello, and welcome backto Real, brave and Unstoppable.
I'm so glad you're here with metoday.
If you have been followingalong.
You know that I've been doingthese monthly experiments as
part of a bigger project,ongoing project.
I'm really just focusing on onepart of my wellness to see how
(00:20):
it shifts my life.
And I've been looking at thesethings through the lens of what
contributes to feeling a greatersense of happiness, freedom, and
what I call aliveness.
So we are wrapping up theOctober energy experiment.
And honestly, I learned so muchmore than I expected and in
(00:43):
different ways than I expected.
If you're new here and youaren't sure what the heck I'm
talking about, you can go backand listen to episodes.
132, 133 and 134 to get caughtup.
So I went into the monththinking, yeah, energy is
simple.
(01:03):
Like we get sleep, we drinkwater, we get good exercise or
movement-workouts, we eatprotein, and that covers it.
At least broad strokes.
And don't get me wrong, thosethings definitely do matter.
If you didn't have any of thosethings in place and then you
made those changes, I think youwould notice a huge difference.
(01:27):
I already have those thingspretty consistent, so it makes
sense that I maybe wouldn'tnotice as big of a difference
with those.
So you might notice a biggerdifference just focusing on
those physical things than I'mcommunicating here.
But one thing I was reallysurprised about was the
non-physical things that Inoticed really sucked my energy.
(01:49):
Or by contrast, notice thethings that really gave me some
life.
So I'm gonna share some of myOctober takeaways with you
today.
What I learned and what I'mkeeping going into the rest of
my year, and hopefully maybelife.
And the timing honestly couldn'tbe better because we're headed
(02:10):
into the holiday season, whichis like the Olympics of managing
energy and mental load.
So I'm gonna dive into how youcan stay grounded during the
next couple of months so youdon't end up having to do so
much getting back on track inJanuary.
That in and of itself takes upmental and emotional load.
(02:32):
But first I wanna share a littlebit about my Freedom and
Aliveness project for November,which is connection.
And I'm talking about connectionin relation to both friendship
and for me since I'm singledating.
Why connection?
(02:52):
Well.
I think the connections we havein life can either help us feel
happier, more connected, duh,and alive.
Or they can also really drainus.
But when we're engaging inhealthy connections with other
people, it can really make ourlives feel so much better.
Human beings are wired forbelonging.
(03:15):
It's a basic human need to haveconnection.
So stay tuned for more on that.
I'll be talking a lot about theholidays over the next month or
so too, and connection is areally big part of that.
But engaging in meaningfulconnection takes energy and we
need to protect that energy wheneverything around us is
(03:36):
demanding it.
So anyway, let's get to talkingabout my October energy
takeaways.
I have five to share.
The first one is just kind ofwhat I mentioned a minute ago.
Energy is not just physical,it's emotional and mental too.
This is perhaps my biggesttakeaway is that there are so
(03:57):
many things that aren'tnecessarily, you know, nutrition
or movement or things like that,that are really big energy
drains or can be big energydrains.
I talk a lot about the threepillars of body, mind, and
spirit in my work, and thesethree pillars create the
foundation of everything that Italk about and everything that I
(04:20):
do.
Obviously, the physical things Imentioned, you know, moving your
body, eating good food, gettingenough sleep and drinking water
are things that are incrediblyimportant, so don't neglect
those.
But throughout October, therewere times when I felt like all
of that was really on point, butI still felt drained and just
(04:42):
exhausted, kind of burned out.
So I noticed when I took thetime to be present with myself,
and in the moment I feltlighter, I felt more connected
to myself.
I felt more grounded.
I also noticed that when mymindset was crappy, if I was
negative about things, lettingworries get the better of me, or
(05:05):
being really hard on myself, Ifelt really dull and burned out,
almost numb.
If I had a lot of spinningthoughts or unanswered
questions, I also felt reallydrained.
And to add to that, I alsonoticed that my environment made
a big difference too.
I noticed that physical cluttercontributed a lot to mental
(05:30):
load, and I felt so much moreenergized when I took a few
minutes to pick things up aroundthe house.
More on that in a bit.
My second takeaway was thatbeing kind to myself helped me
have more energy So I sharedabout this in episode 133.
I noticed that being judgmentalof myself was a huge, sneaky
(05:54):
energy drain.
I'd never really thought aboutit before.
One thing that I observed wasthat when I noticed judgment and
practiced some self-compassion,I felt so much lighter.
And I notice that when I'mjudgmental of myself, I really
kind of get stuck in it.
I feel bogged down.
It weighs on my mind even thoughI'm not realizing it.
(06:17):
And it makes sense if youconsider that thoughts create
feelings, and our feelings caninfluence our behavior.
If my thoughts are veryself-deprecating, I'm likely
going to feel kind of shitty.
And in contrast, if I'm kind andencouraging to myself, I might
feel more inspired or motivated.
Very different actions are bornfrom those very different
(06:38):
emotions.
We do different things when wefeel bad about ourselves than we
do when we feel really goodabout ourselves.
Research shows thatself-compassion is more
effective than being hard onourselves when it comes to
personal growth.
In other words, less pressureleads to more joy.
More joy leads to more energy.
(07:01):
My third takeaway is aroundhaving structure.
So I learned that structure isvery helpful to me, but it does
need to be flexible.
Things like workouts andplanning meals, they're really
helpful to me.
A morning routine is verygrounding.
So with workouts, I like to havethem planned in advance so I can
(07:21):
really stay on top of everythingI have planned in my strength
training program.
I'm very intentional about this.
However, there were some dayswhen I was just exhausted and I
didn't feel like getting out tomy garage gym in the morning to
work out.
Yes, I do not have a gymmembership.
(07:41):
I actually have a pretty fullgym set up with everything I
could need in my garage.
It becomes a problem in thewinters in Maryland when it's 20
degrees, but other than that,it's a pretty good deal and it's
free.
Anyway, I digress.
So I let this be a littleflexible.
(08:02):
Some days I swapped out the timewith something else I planned
and did my workout later in theday.
There were a couple days thoughwhen I thought, you know, I
think my body is reallyscreaming at me for some rest.
And I took it just like, yeah,I'm just take the day off.
It was amazing how much thathelped me.
(08:24):
I was very surprised that Inoticed a difference the next
day.
I was ready to go.
It's all good.
I also do notice that I have amuch harder time feeling
motivated to go out and workout.
If I don't have my morningstructure in place.
My daughter gets on the bus at 625 in the morning and those days
(08:46):
I am religious about gettingthat workout in the days that
she's with her dad.
And I don't have to get up forthat.
I have a much harder time'causeI don't have like a bookend.
So I end up juggling things alot.
That's an example of where Idon't have the structure
necessarily, and I might need tocreate a little bit because that
(09:08):
is a little draining when I'mhaving to shuffle things around
too much.
So there's like a fine balancethere for myself.
I'm also someone who's prettygood about planning out meals
for the week, but I also givemyself a little flexibility
there.
Especially with lunches orswapping days around for various
meals.
For example, last week there wasone night where the thing I was
(09:30):
making was a little moreinvolved than I felt like doing
because I, I just quite frankly,felt fried after my work day.
So I just swapped it with adifferent recipe and then.
You know, that worked betterconsidering the energy capacity
I had that day.
So, you know, flexibility isreally key when it comes to, to
(09:51):
this stuff.
Keeping in mind what energy,what resources do I have?
Can I be flexible with thethings that I have planned or
the things that I have to do,and consider is there a better
fit for my energy level today?
That's actually why in my to-dolist, like my task list I have I
(10:11):
mentioned this app called Notionthat I absolutely love, but I
have a field in there for theamount of energy it takes to
complete the task, like high,low, medium.
And so I consider that when I'mplanning out things to do.
Like I'm not gonna pick fivereally high energy tasks to put
(10:32):
in my day that.
It's not gonna happen.
So that's just another thought.
Try to work with the energy notagainst it.
And the next takeaway was thattiny tasks mattered more than I
thought they did.
So I mentioned the one-minuterule in another episode.
That was a game changer for me,honestly.
(10:53):
It sounds so silly.
And I got the idea for the oneminute rule from the Happiness
Project book.
But the idea is that if a taskis going to take one minute or
less, I'm just gonna do it now.
No procrastinating, just doingthe thing instead of letting it
follow me around mentally allday.
And it was such a relief.
(11:13):
And this might sound kind offunny, but I also felt very
proud of myself for puttingstuff away as I went.
Historically, I tend to putthings off like that.
So this felt like a lot ofprogress to me.
And another big takeaway wasusing my time intentionally
actually really gave backenergy.
So I don't thrive in rigidity.
(11:36):
Because I very rarely follow arigid plan, and I get hard on
myself like a lot of us do.
So I don't, that doesn't workfor me to have a super rigid
plan, schedule, plan, but alittle planning or a little
rhythm to the week is reallynecessary for me.
That's that structure.
That actually made life feeleasier.
So each night, or most nights atleast, I spent a few minutes
(12:00):
looking ahead to the next day.
So where did I haveappointments?
Where was I scheduling inworkouts?
What were my meal plans?
Where were my breaks?
And when I looked at this, likeI literally wrote it down on a
blank, hourly calendar, likeblocked things out.
And then I saw where I had myblanks, And one thing for me is
(12:22):
I'm really terrible aboutgetting like the littlest things
on my to-do list...
I'm being really judgmental ofmyself.
I don't always let me reframethat...
I don't always get little thingsthat are on my to-do list done
in a time that I feel like isreasonable.
I'm kind of, I get kind of laidback about that stuff.
But what I started doing islittle things like that, like
(12:45):
make a doctor appointment.
I started thinking about mybreak times, my down times, and
kind of being more intentionalabout what I was gonna do in
those time blocks, but nottotally planned out.
Like I'd add a thing or two.
These are two things you have toget done.
Or, you know, I'm gonna work onbusiness stuff during this
block, or I'm gonna work onhouse, you know, laundry or
(13:07):
house tasks during this block.
I can't even tell you how muchthat helped me to know that.
That these were the things, Iwas gonna do at that time.
And it was really helpfulbecause I'm somebody who can
very easily, like just kind ofpiddle away time really easily.
So when I wasn't procrastinatingor overcommitting, I felt a lot
(13:30):
more free and mentally spaciousknowing when I had downtime in
my day and planning ahead howhow I was gonna use it felt
super empowering and productive.
And I actually felt proud ofmyself, which might sound weird,
but it was a really motivatingfeeling.
So what are some things I'mkeeping from October?
(13:52):
First of all, self-compassion asa daily practice.
The one minute rule.
Flexible structure plus tryingto implement some simple
routines into a couple areas ofmy day, protecting my time, like
(14:12):
the valuable thing it is, andalso, I didn't mention this, but
some movement that feels fun,like I like working out, but
sometimes it's nice just to movefor the point of like for just
like enjoying it and notthinking about it as like a
workout per se.
So I've been walking my dog alot more.
(14:34):
And that just feels really nice.
And then the other bonus, it, ithas is that I, a lot of times
will walk her in the morningbefore I work out and it just is
like a nice breath.
Like the fresh air in themorning is very energizing.
Okay, so let's shift becauseright as I'm feeling this
momentum, the holidays areshowing up, and if we're not
(14:59):
intentional, the season canreally wipe out every ounce of
energy progress that we make.
So during the holidays, I thinkmost of us would agree.
That there's a sense of pressureto do more.
You know, I should make theseason magical.
I should show up to everything.
(15:20):
I need to get the perfect gifts.
I should stay joyful andgrateful and energized.
Meanwhile...
for myself, I'm holding spacefor people all day in my work.
Supporting their emotions, theirstresses, their wellbeing, and I
love that work.
Don't get me wrong, it's aprivilege to be able to do that,
(15:40):
but when life outside of workramps up, my energy doesn't
magically increase to match thatpace, and that's when overwhelm
hits and the first thing to slipwhen we feel overwhelmed a lot
of times is the care that wegive to ourselves.
And that's a recipe for burnoutand exhaustion.
(16:02):
So this year I'd really like torewrite that story to work a
little better for me...
to work with my intention offeeling happier, more free and
alive.
Less shoulds, more boundaries,more recovery, more protecting
the energy that lets me show upas my best self.
I love this season and for along time I didn't enjoy it
(16:24):
because my ex-husband and Isplit up around this time, but
now I'm back to loving it.
And it's really important for meto enjoy it and just be in the
magic of it.
Let it be magic.
And that's what today is reallyall about.
Staying grounded through theholidays so we don't hit
January.
Feeling like we're starting overfrom zero.
(16:47):
So the truth is, during theholidays, our healthy routines
tend to fall apart.
Are you with me?
And this is because, well, thisis for a lot of reasons.
We have more social events to goto, so our sleep might get
disrupted.
Our food patterns definitely dobusier schedules mean possibly
(17:12):
fewer workouts, less time toourselves.
There is more alcohol, moresugar, more heavy food around,
so we tend to not eat ashealthy.
And this isn't everyone, butlike generally, and that this
can lead to dips in energy.
(17:33):
There's a lot more emotionallabor during the holidays.
Just things on our mind.
We're taking care of people,we're, you know, it's hard to
set boundaries sometimes, sothere's a lot more of that.
And more is mental overload.
We have more decisions to make,which gives us mental fatigue
(17:53):
also.
And there are oftentimes a lotmore people that we're
interacting with, which gives usless time alone to recharge.
If you're an introvert, like youknow this well, that this is,
that can be a hard time of theyear.
So in, it's like all of thedials get turned up at once.
(18:14):
So instead of waiting untilJanuary to recover from all of
this, we can stay grounded inthe midst of all the chaos.
It is possible.
Not necessarily easy, but whenwe think about it as I'm gonna
make the choices based on what'simportant to me, it is possible.
So I've created a little bit ofa checklist for myself to make
(18:37):
this simple, because it reallycan be simple.
And I've also put this into alittle freebie checklist that
you can use if it's helpful toyou.
So if you want it, just go tothe real, brave, unstoppable
website, real braveunstoppable.com and there's just
a little box you put your emailaddress into and I'll send it
(19:00):
right over.
So my little checklist startswith doing a daily check-in.
So this is a, a quick scan witha few questions.
How do I feel?
What's going on today?
What do I need today to feellike myself?
Do I need a nap?
Do I need some fruits andveggies?
(19:22):
Maybe I need a nice walk in thefresh air instead of the
treadmill workout at the gym,maybe I need a chat with a
friend.
Maybe I just need some kindwords to myself.
Small needs count.
So pick something to giveyourself today.
So the next thing is to pick onenon-negotiable for the day.
(19:43):
You're gonna protect one habit,just one thing if, if you can
protect more than one great, butyou can just pick one
non-negotiable.
So examples of that can bewater, movement or exercise,
bedtime on time, a real meal, acoaching or therapy session...
this is the one thing peopleironically tend to cancel first
(20:07):
when they get busy.
As a coach, that's my experienceis a lot of people are like, oh,
I'm too busy to have my session.
When it's like the one thing,it's really like sacred...
it is time for you that you getto just focus on you.
I mentioned the one minute rule,that's, that's another one.
(20:27):
Brain dumping or journaling istwo of my favorite things.
Just kind of get thoughts outtamy head.
Tidying and decluttering.
Closing the kitchen afterdinner, which means, okay, I'm
done with dinner, now I'm gonnaclean everything up and close it
down so there's no moresnacking.
Making meal plans or mealprepping.
Those are all ideas of likelittle habits that you can set
(20:50):
as a non-negotiable.
I mean, there are others too,but those are some examples.
Pick one, keep it.
It doesn't have to be the sameone every day either.
Just give yourself that onething, like, I just need to get
this.
Keep this in place.
The third thing on my checklistis to plan some joy.
Joy may or may not happen byaccident this month.
(21:16):
In the middle of a lot ofstress, a lot of stuff going on,
we really have to be intentionalsometimes about planning those
things that do help us find joyor feel joy.
You know, going for a walk withsome hot cocoa, going out and
looking at the holiday lights,driving through those holiday
displays.
(21:36):
Holiday, movie night.
Just be creative.
Put those things on thecalendar.
The fourth thing, flexiblestructure.
This one is so important.
I mentioned earlier the bestlaid plans do not always pan
out.
Plans can shift.
You're allowed to rest.
So when we give ourselves gracearound that, life just feels
(21:57):
lighter.
And then the last thing on myoverall checklist here is
dropping the invisible pressure.
So asking ourselves what'simportant to me What matters And
letting that guide our choices.
If it doesn't feel like, likelove or care, if it's, you know,
(22:18):
it's probably just obligation.
And then we have to askourselves like, why does this
matter to me?
Is it really important or is ita should?
You get to choose what holidayenergy you carry.
It's not our job to produce thisseason for everyone else.
We deserve to enjoy it too.
So I just went over like thesort of main bullet points in my
(22:41):
checklist, but there are someother examples of having some
non-negotiable anchors.
And I, and there are a bunch ofthese ideas in the little cheat
sheet checklist that you canget.
But here are some otherexamples.
So first of all, sleep.
I, I think I mentioned thatalready, but sleep comes first.
If, if I have to choose, sleepwins every single.
(23:05):
Time.
Making sure that I'm having likeone meal that's nourishing, like
a day at least, like doesn'thave to be perfect.
Just like can I get a, do a mealwhere I get, you know, a palm or
two serving a protein, a couplefistfuls of veggies you know,
making sure that we have atleast one meal where we are
(23:29):
getting some good food in us.
Okay.
Using movement as a, a moodtool.
So this one can be a hardmindset shift, but using
exercise or movement as a moodtool and not a calorie strategy.
So that's, I talked aboutnon-exercise activity
thermogenesis in one of mysocial media posts last week.
(23:51):
And that's really just allexercise that is like unplanned.
It's not meant to be for aworkout, it's just movement.
And that can be walks,stretching, dancing, cleaning
the house.
It can be walking slow too.
Just keep the body online, keepit engaged.
You know, the yes or no test youcan commit to, to that.
(24:14):
It's non-negotiable.
I'm gonna ask myself, I'm gonnado this test every time I have
something.
If it's not a hell yes, it'sprobably a no.
So let me really ask myself, whyis that important?
You know, checking in on that.
A quiet moment every day.
Even if it's just a coupleminutes.
Stillness.
Creates energy too.
(24:36):
And I've mentioned practicingself-compassion.
This is so important duringthese next couple of months.
Have compassion for yourself.
Don't, you don't have to do itall.
You don't have to do it allperfect.
Holiday burnout is optional.
Joy is not.
If you, if you're getting burnedout, you have to ask yourself
why.
And ask yourself about yourchoices.
(24:59):
So here's what I wanna leave youwith today.
Question.
What is one grounding practiceyou can commit to this holiday
season?
Just one.
Small.
Sustainable.
You can pick one and do it thewhole month and a half-ish
month, I guess, or you can picka few and rotate through them.
(25:22):
But write it down.
Tell a friend.
Protect that like your energydepends on it.
'cause it does.
So if this episode resonatedwith you, if you're feeling that
mix of excitement and overwhelmheading into the holidays, share
this episode with a friend whomight need it too.
And if you need support stayinggrounded and energized through
(25:42):
the season, I have somethingcoming next week that's gonna
help a lot.
So make sure you're subscribedand following along.
We can make this holiday seasonfeel different.
Less pressure, more presence,more connection, more you
feeling alive and energized inyour own life.
So thank you my friend, forspending this time with me
(26:04):
today, and I will see you nexttime.
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