Purpose & Respect | What Do Men Really Want?

I recently came across a NY Times opinion piece titled Men Need Purpose More Than "Respect" by David French. I don't read enough opinion pieces to know if I've read anything by Mr. French before, but I agreed with the headline, so I dove in.

The article was in response to a viral tweet written by another man I don't know, conservative podcaster Matt Walsh (@MattWalshBlog on Twitter) - Which stated: "All a man wants is to come home from a long day at work to a grateful wife and children who are glad to see him, and dinner cooking on the stove. This is literally all it takes to make a man happy. We are simple. Give us this and you will have given us nearly everything we need."

I don't believe men are that simple. If you don't have a grateful wife, children, and dinner, you might think that's all you need, but humans are creative and expansive creatures. There's always more. Happiness from the same thing day after day quickly wears off.

Many people say that women want love while men want respect. So let's define respect. Oxford dictionary says
"a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements."

Respect is something we get from others. We can't control what others think of us or how they treat us. Anything relying on others is on shaky ground, to begin with.

If my self-worth doesn't come from within, I don't really have any. If my self-respect requires respect from others, then I have none. I'm chasing the approval and feedback of others. Let people respect you because you have integrity; you are kind, value yourself and others, and make a positive difference in the world.

Demanding respect from others can get you a lot of false respect. People can act as if they respect you to make you go away. The illusion of respect could be rooted in pity or fear.

But if you have a purpose. If you decide your life and actions have meaning - you will be happier. You will radiate joy - that will be noticed, appreciated, and respected.

So while men may say they want respect, they need purpose.

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Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Hello and welcome to real men field.
I am your host author coach and healer and e-grant.
You can learn more about me at VA and grants.com.
Real Mencia reminds men that they are human and have the
right to experience and express all of their emotions.
We have conversations that most men are not having but that all
men can benefit from. I recently came across a New

(00:22):
York Times opinion. Piece titled, men need purpose
more than Respect by David French.
Now I don't read opinion piece. Has enough to know if I've ever
read anything by mr. French before but I agreed with
that headline. So I dove in the article was
written in response to a viral tweet written by another man
that I do not know, conservativepodcaster, Matt Walsh.

(00:46):
He's at Matt Walsh blog on Twitter.
His tweet stated all a man wants, is to come home from a
long day at work to a grateful wife and children, who are glad
to see him and dinner cooking onthe stove.
This is literally all it takes to make a man happy, we are.
Simple. Give us this and you have given

(01:06):
us nearly everything. We Need.
I don't believe mother that simple.
If you don't have a grateful wife, children and dinner
waiting for you. Well, maybe you might think that
is all you need, but humans are creative and expansive
creatures. There's always more happiness

(01:26):
from the same thing day after day.
Quickly wears off. I shared that tweet in the
private, real men, feel Facebook, group, visit real men,
feel dot org, slash group. If you want to be part of that
and I asked what other men thought.
One man pointed out that including nearly at the end, is
him backing off his big claim ofall at the beginning.

(01:50):
Another wrote, I'm not trying tosound too disapproving because
yes, that's of course. Something that would make me
happy. But like, man, it would be
awesome if my wife didn't have to work, but I don't know many
houses that are single income and taking care of a house, is
96 hours a week, so I'm being outworked.
Am I okay with that? Do I Want My Wife and Kids

(02:11):
grateful or do I want them authentic?
If I have to make, if I have to make that decision, I'll choose
the latter, is that what she wants?
Or she performing a service out of indebtedness.
I've seen many people say that women want love while men want
respect. So let's define respect the

(02:32):
Oxford. Dictionary says, respect is a
feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by
their abilities qualities, or achievements.
So respect is something we get from others.
We can't control what others think of us or how they treat
us. So anything relying on others, I
find it's on Shaky Ground to begin with.

(02:54):
So in the original article, David French wrote, I raise this
because an overwhelming amount of evidence from suicide to drug
overdoses to education. Achievement gaps indicates that
millions of men are in crisis and simply put while many men
demand respect what they need ispurpose and the Quest for

(03:15):
respect can sometimes underminedthe sense of purpose that will
help make them whole to put it more simply still what men need
is not for others to do things for them.
They need to do things for others, for spouses, or
children, for family, and friends, and colleagues, and
quote, if my self-worth doesn't come from within, I don't really

(03:41):
have any if my self-respect requires respect from others,
then I have none on my own I'm chasing the approval and
feedback of other people. Let people respect you because
you have integrity, because you are kind, you value yourself,
and others. You make a positive impact on

(04:04):
the world. Demanding respect demanding
respect from others can get you a lot of false respect people
can act like they respect you just so you'll go away and the
illusion of respect could actually be rooted in pity or
fear. But if you have purpose, if you

(04:25):
decide your life and actions have meaning, you will be
happier, you will radiate joy and that will be noticed
appreciated and respected. So men might say they want
respect what they need is purpose.
I believe that men who insist that respect of others is the

(04:45):
most important thing. Well, they don't have the guts
to say what they really want andneed is love.
Of. I'll close with the final bit
from mr. French's, original piece.
Virtuous purpose is worth more than any other person's
conditional and unreliable respect.
It is rooted in service and sacrifice, not entitlement.

(05:08):
And those qualities bring a degree of meaning and joy, far
more important than the gifts that others, The Grateful spouse
who cooks dinner, the implausibly reverential children
can ever offer. What we do for?
Others is infinitely more rewarding than what we asked
them to do for us. Us.

(05:28):
I could not agree more. Thank you for listening, please
visit real men, feel dot org andsee the blog post for this
episode. It will have all various links
mentioned and resources discussed if you want to
explore, what you if thank you for listening, please visit real
men field at org and see the blog post for this episode which

(05:51):
will have all the various links and resources discussed if you
want to explore what you really need book, a free Clarity call
with me. Visit v&e, Grant.com, talk So
until next time, be good to yourself.
So until next time, be good to yourself.