December 26, 2025 • 39 mins
Navigating Grief with Gratitude: A Conversation with Steve Gamlin
In this episode of Real Men Feel, host Andy Grant welcomes Steve Gamlin, known as the Motivational Firewood Guy. Steve shares his journey of grief and gratitude after losing his wife, Tina, in December 2024. The conversation delves deep into the process of living and creating with a broken heart, the power of visualization, and the impact of everyday kindness.
Steve also discusses the importance of authentic expression and being honest about where you are in life. This heartfelt discussion is both uplifting and profoundly human, providing insights into how to find strength and purpose amid profound loss.
00:00 Introduction and Personal Tragedy
00:41 Meet Steve Gamlin: The Motivational Firewood Guy
01:46 The Origin of Motivational Firewood
03:50 Understanding Visualization and Vision Boards
08:15 The Power of Everyday Kindness
14:02 Navigating Grief and Sharing the Journey
19:09 Personal Journey Through Grief
20:49 Rebuilding and Moving Forward
21:26 The Importance of Lived Experience
23:26 Honoring Tina Through Vision Boards
27:03 Daily Habits and Positivity
33:29 Future Relationships and Self-Discovery
35:32 Final Thoughts and Connection
Connect with Steve
Steve Gamlin — http://SteveGamlinSpeaker.com
Facebook — https://www.facebook.com/SteveGamlin
LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/stevegamlin/
Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:
Join me and connect with other like-minded men in the
Authentic AF Community | http://realmenfeel.org/group
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Andy Grant | https://theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Even in the middle of the toughest things.
I mean, gosh, just over a year ago, my wife passed away at age
56 and I found her in our hotel room in London.
We just arrived 24 hours earlier.
It was the worst day of my life and I'm grateful I wrote it in
my journal. I'm grateful she still had a
pulse when I found her and she passed while I was holding her,
while we were trying to revive her, while the EM TS were on
(00:21):
their way. And I was just grateful that we
went on the trip she wanted to go on.
I'm grateful that the EMTs did their best, so there's always
something. And those are the little tiny
rocks, like you're climbing a mountain that just your
fingertips can barely grab just to hang on to.
Some days, that's what gratitudecan be.
(00:42):
Hello and welcome to Real Men Feel.
I'm your host, Andy Grant. Today I'm joined by someone who
has spent decades helping peoplesee their lives with more
clarity, gratitude, and purpose,and who is now navigating one of
the deepest human experiences there is.
Steve Gamblin, known as the Motivational Firewood Guy,
blends humor, visualization, andheart centered encouragement in
(01:04):
everything he does. After losing his beloved wife
Tina in December of 2024, Steve has shown a level of
authenticity and vulnerability that's as powerful as anything
he's ever taught. In our conversation today, we
explore what it means to keep living, loving, creating, and
showing up even when your heart has been shattered.
(01:27):
We talk gratitude, kindness, manifestation, and what Steve is
learning on this journey of grief.
This one is honest, uplifting, and beautifully human.
Let's do it. Hello and welcome to Real Men
Field, Steve. Hey there, glad to be here.
So you call yourself the Motivational Firewood guy?
(01:50):
What does that mean? Well, it all came out of a
conversation very early in my speaking career.
We're talking about 2005 or 6. And somebody invited me to a
National Speakers Association meeting in the Boston area.
And I drove down there and I went in and I see all the the
tables laid out, you know, the nice lanyards in the, in the
members names and all that. And somebody points to a sharpie
(02:13):
and a thing that says, hi, my name is.
And I write Steve, slap it on mychest.
And the gentleman says, Hey Steve, happy to have you here
with us. What sets you apart as a
speaker? I said, well, I want to help
people. I said we all want to help
people, what makes you different?
And about 3 to 5 minutes later, God loved this man.
He had the patience of the Saint.
I finally spit out. I said, look, if people are
(02:35):
coming to hear me speak, it means they got a spark of
something in their heart, but they have no idea what to do and
they're stuck and they're looking for inspiration.
So if I share a story, a tip, a tactic, a strategy or something,
and the next day they actually go do something to get close to
the dream. I said it's kind of like I gave
him a piece of motivational firewood.
The guy snaps his fingers. He goes, that right there, young
(02:57):
man, he goes, that's something. Cool.
Do you know anything about trademarks?
I said, hell no. He said, look it up.
That's an interesting phrase. He said, I think that could be
big for you. And I've owned the trademark on
it ever since. Cool.
It. Has Oh yeah, because people say
I get it now because they're sick and tired of, you know,
(03:19):
speakers get up on stage lookinglike the the love child of Tony
Robbins and who's the preacher guy there?
Joel Osteen, you know, basicallygoing I can change your life by
yelling things that rhyme and these cool acronyms and all
that. And I just get up and I say,
look, if you take someone thing,I learn, I teach, and you apply
it in your life and you create astep forward and a smile,
(03:43):
today's a huge success. So the motivational firewood
thing has caught on really well.Cool, and I see you have your
gut vision shirt on and you're big on visualization.
So what do you think most peoplemisunderstand about
visualization? Oh, they go to a vision board
party at the end of the year, the beginning of the new year,
(04:05):
and they're they get marketed, you know, for like 15 or 20
bucks they can get wine, cheese,cracker, scissors, glitter, glue
sticks, poster boards and magazines and think they're,
they're manifesting things when most people don't even know what
they want yet. But they start gabbing and
getting a buzz on and leafing through magazines going, well,
this might be nice. And they slapped together a
(04:26):
vision board and then they thinkthey're manifesting.
So most people think they're arts and crafts projects.
So what are they really? They are and this is a
description that fell out of my head one day in a conversation
on a show just like this. I believe vision boards are a
wall mounted GPS for the greatest road and destinations
of your life. And how is it different from
(04:51):
wishful thinking? Way I teach it, and I always
have to preface everything by saying the way I teach it.
I teach a 10 step process for people to create a vision board
and put it this way, 10 steps. You don't gather pictures in my
way until step 7. Most people will not do steps
(05:14):
one through 6, which is evaluating where their life is
right now without just saying mylife sucks.
No go through it in eight areas of your life.
I use a life wheel. Pretty common tool in the
personal development world. Physical health, emotional
well-being, closest relationships, your core values,
your faith, your connection in real ways with the world, your
career and your money. Evaluate your life at all those
(05:37):
right now. And then just tell me one year
from now, where would you like each one of them to be?
Just start with one year. Don't start with the
Lamborghini, the yacht that mentioned the private jet, the
helicopter, the big honking goldwatch in the bank bought full of
gold bars and and piles of cash and think you're manifesting it
because you don't even know whatyou want yet.
So that's the biggest thing for me is most people don't know
(05:58):
where they are right now and exactly what they want.
And I have statistics from a survey we conducted a couple of
years ago to prove not knowing what you want and the failure to
take action of the two biggest reasons people fail.
Cool. Yeah.
So it's not just about just jumping to the magazines and,
oh, that picture, that picture looks neat.
That picture talks to me. And it's.
It's really getting clear. Yeah, before you start that.
(06:21):
Yeah, to me, it's not just what you want to get.
It's, it's a lot more about who you want to become than just
what you want to get. And most people don't see that.
They, they basically put together, they slapped together
a glorified letter to Santa Claus.
That's what a lot of people do. So if if there's a man listening
who's feeling numb, stuck and has never, you know, made a
(06:45):
visual board, has never gotten, what would you suggest as a
first step to that guy is it is,you know, being honest about
himself, where he is right now? Yeah, put pen to paper.
I mean, that's the, that's the greatest way.
Don't send yourself a text and don't just sit there and, and
marinate on it. Think about it.
Put pen to paper. Because when you do that, you're
actually using both halves of your brain.
And it's a very logical thing. And it's a great way to start
(07:06):
rewiring. If, if you're so overwhelmed by
everything I just said about howall the areas of life all work
together, get it this way. Just write down where you feel
your life is right now. If you're a numbers person,
analytical scale of 1 to 10. If you're more of a storyteller
and a creative like I am, just write yourself a little
paragraph about where you feel your life is right now.
(07:28):
And then if you get overwhelmed easily, pick one goal for the
coming year in just one area of your life you want to lose.
You know, kick 20 lbs to the curb.
Great. What actions can you start
taking? Can you stay out of the damn
fast? Fast food drive throughs and
maybe make yourself a bag of lunch every day of something
healthier. Can you choose one more healthy
(07:49):
meal today? Can you walk a little bit more?
If you walked into the gym rightnow and swiped your card with a
computer, laugh because you haven't been there in three
years. Start to think of the little
steps you can take because it's those little ones that build up
that can help rewire you to start doing more of the behavior
that's going to get you closer to where you want to be versus
(08:10):
just sinking farther into the gravy boat.
Now, I know you also talked a lot about the power of everyday
kindness. What is it about kindness that
makes it such a powerful force for for transformation?
Inside your body, in your bloodstream, in your brain, in
(08:31):
your organs, everywhere. When you commit acts of kindness
or you cheer somebody on or you,you pay someone to compliment
or, or you, you, you just do something, a gesture even there
are things being secreted into your bloodstream that are
basically happy chemicals and most people aren't aware of it.
It's, it's all scientifically proven.
(08:51):
I explained things in a very nonscientific way.
Too many people think all this is woo woo.
I, I refer to as blue collar woobecause I'm a blue collar guy,
blue collar background. If you take the tools and you
just use them everyday, you can build something pretty amazing.
So if you just hold the door forsomeone today and don't be one
of those people who, if somebodydoesn't say thank you, if you
don't hear them, don't yell you're and slam the door on
(09:16):
them. Do kindness for kindness sake.
Just know, Hey, you know what? I just made an effort and I'm
good enough with that. And some people say, well, I, I
don't have the money to be kind or I don't have time to be kind.
Next time you go to the store, any store, if you see a shopping
cart left out somewhere, go get it and return it to the corral
or the store and don't sit thereand bitch about how lazy people
(09:36):
are for leaving it there. I, I literally just a couple
days ago, I, I Parkway in the back at the grocery stores and I
collect carriages all the way. I watched this guy, probably I'd
say the early 50s, I'm in my late 50s and a younger guy with
him walk right past a cart that was right there near where they
parked. Somebody had left it out for
(09:56):
whatever reason. I watched them walk right past
it and they walked in the store and grabbed a cart because I was
right behind them with that abandoned cart the whole way.
And I was going to offer it to them and they went and got
another one. So just leave situations better
than you find them and you mightfind out those are your favorite
moments to be grateful for everysingle day because gratitude is
(10:17):
another huge thing that I talk about.
What is a moment of unexpected kindness that you experienced
that that really changed you? There's.
So many As soon as you asked, I thought I remember.
I mean, this is when I was in myearly 20s and just broke as
hell. And my girlfriend at the time
(10:39):
had just got in her own apartment and I wanted to get
her a Christmas tree and decorations while she was at
work to surprise her because it was her first Christmas away
from her family. They were, they all lived in
Montana and she moved back here to New Hampshire.
And I think I had $20. And there was a tree that was 25
or $30. And I, I said, well, how much is
(11:00):
this one? And they said the price.
I said, oh, I'm sorry, I'll haveto, I'll put it back and I'll
get a smaller one. And they said, well, how much do
you have? I said I have $20 and the
husband and wife looked at each other and they said, OK, the
price is $20. And I almost started crying
right there in front of them. And I never, ever forgot that.
And I was able to set up that tree, put some ornaments on it.
(11:23):
I'd gotten a few ornaments at Osco or CVS or something at the
time for a few bucks and was able to give her a beautiful
Christmas for first one away from the family.
So I mean, there were there werehundreds I could think of, but
that one just fell into my head for the first time in a long
time. So thank you for asking that.
Awesome. Well, thanks for sharing it.
And, and you, you mentioned gratitude as as well.
(11:46):
And you know, I think for most people, gratitude, they know
what it is when they're feeling good and it's kind of obvious.
Do you have any tips for how to tap into gratitude on those days
that you're not feeling it or earlier?
If you, you, you think your lifesucks, how can you tap into
gratitude? Yeah, it can take a little time
and you might want to put on thegloves that go all the way up to
(12:08):
your elbow because you get a sift through some crap and slime
to get to it. Some days I get it, but even on
my worst days and and two I can think of right now, in October
of 2018, the day my dad died andI was holding his hand when he
passed in the next morning, because I write my gratitudes in
the morning from the previous day.
I always pick my three favorite moments from the previous day.
(12:30):
I don't broad brush anything. I don't say my house, my spouse,
my job. I was grateful that I was able
to hold my dad's hand as he passed.
I was grateful that my sister and our stepmom was there with
us. And I was grateful that right
before he began to actively pass, we were all laughing in
his room because we're watching his favorite TV show, Midday The
(12:51):
Price is Right, and somebody wasbidding on a trip to Croatia,
plus a bunch of other stuff. And we looked at each other and
we said, damn, now we'll never know who went to Croatia.
And we all started laughing. And that's still to this day, if
you ask my sister anything with the word Croatia in it, she
starts laughing and remembers dad gave us that last laugh.
(13:14):
So even in the middle of the toughest things, I mean, gosh,
just over a year ago, my wife passed away at age 56.
And I found her in our hotel room in London.
We just arrived 24 hours earlier.
It was the worst day of my life,and I'm grateful I wrote it in
my journal. I'm grateful she still had a
pulse when I found her and she passed while I was holding her,
(13:35):
while we were trying to revive her, while the EMTs were on
their way. And I was just grateful that we
went on the trip she wanted to go on.
I'm grateful that the the EMTs did their best, and I'm grateful
that she had a pulse when I found her.
So there's always something. And those are the little tiny
rocks, like you're climbing a mountain that just your
(13:55):
fingertips can barely grab just to hang on to.
Some days, that's what gratitudecan be.
I know you've you've shared a lot publicly about this this
past year of of dealing with grief.
What made you choose to let people in to witness that part
of your life? Just always been that way.
(14:16):
My journey is my journey becausein in a relates a lot to the way
I speak. When I'm on stage, people always
say, oh, I love the people in the front.
They're so excited and they're clapping and they're this I said
that's great. And I love those people too.
I aim for the shadows, the people sitting way in the back
and the people sitting way off to the side.
They will not make eye contact with you.
(14:37):
They won't raise their hand, they won't speak, they may not
even take notes. They may just sit there with
their head down. And I aim really hard for those
seats to shine the light as brightly as I can because it
bright light will chase away shadows because that's where I
used to sit. I'm a person who's dealt with
depression throughout his life, issues with self worth and all
of that. So if I can share my story in a
very authentic way and it can help somebody else who feels
(14:59):
stuck in the shadows and not worthy of being in the light,
that's why I share. This journey in this past year
has been the toughest one ever, but it's also been one that
helps me to share love. I mean, Tina and I get to be in
love for 6386 days, 17 1/2 years.
Everyone has been with me that whole journey.
So she's gone physically, but our love just continues on.
(15:23):
So I continue to share what I miss most about her and I'm in a
number of grief communities and people are always saying I love
your story because it gives me hope to find somebody in my life
like that and a gentleman right within two weeks after Tina
died, after I talked about it onsocial media, sent me Adm and he
(15:43):
said, Steve, I love that you added up how many days you got
to be in love. It's over 6000.
He said, I've never had one day like that in my life.
So please know even though she'sgone, that your love still
matters to people like me. So that's why I keep sharing it.
Is there anything related to grief that you wish more men
(16:06):
knew? It's OK to cry and to feel.
Don't you say I'll deal with it later, I'll deal with it later,
I'll deal with it later. Because the more you push it
down, the more it's going to alljust stack and coagulate into
something that could really hurtyou badly.
And you're also doing a disservice to your family, your
(16:27):
friends, and yourself if you keep tamping it down and not
dealing with it. Because you're going to become a
version of yourself eventually that you don't like very much.
So I encourage people to be openand honest and speak to somebody
qualified to deal with whatever you're struggling or suffering
through. That's something I'm glad I did
(16:47):
because I'm a guy that I'll dealwith it, I'll deal with it, I'll
take care of it, I'll take care of it.
I've just always been that way. I knew within a day, sitting in
that hotel all alone in England,shattered and just physically
shaking, I was already Googling grief support groups in the
towns near my home and near our home here in New Hampshire,
(17:08):
saying, look, I can't cocoon on this one because you're not
going to get a beautiful butterfly at the end of this
cocoon. You're going to get a tarp full
of sludge, if you survive it at all.
So find somebody qualified to guide you through and feel your
feelings. Holy crap don't drown them in
alcohol or drugs please. I haven't had a drink of alcohol
in 4 1/2 years. Don't do that.
(17:32):
You mentioned if you survived did.
You can ask. You couldn't get through it
through that. No no in in past years like you
said, I've dealt with depressionmy whole life.
Have you ever had thoughts of checking out?
Sure have I in this past year? Absolutely not.
This was the healthiest journey I've ever gone through from the
(17:54):
biggest, most catastrophic loss of my life in my life.
But too many people, gosh, I've known people who have, they felt
like they were all alone. They felt like nobody understood
what they were dealing with. And they checked out.
And I, I wish they'd asked for help or found somebody or
trusted somebody to do it because, you know, me checking
(18:20):
out doesn't guarantee I'm going to be with Tina.
It guarantees that a lot of people are going to be really,
really sad who have been there for me this past year.
And I'm just going to keep staying here shining my light as
best I can. And I wish everybody knew that
there's light out there somewhere for them.
They just need to keep looking for it.
Was it challenging to find that that balance of maintaining your
(18:45):
motivational outlook in the speaking career with your
heartbreak and and healing? Yeah, in a way, though, it
actually opened up a new pillar for my business because I'll be
speaking at grief conferences. So the way I go about being a
speaker, it's never just rah, rah, rah by myself.
Everything I do is an authentic,genuine representation of who I
(19:08):
am. So none of that actually
changed. Everything I share is really
what's gotten me through this year and helped me to survive
it. And now everything I've gone
through, and I called my agent from England three days after
Tina died because the third day is when I actually said
(19:29):
something on social media about it.
And I did not want her to read it.
And I told her from 3000 plus miles away, I said, just know
when I'm ready. I need you to book me on stages
at grief conferences because I'mgoing to take a lot of notes and
I'm going to chronicle everything I'm going through so
(19:49):
that the next person knows that there's somebody that can relate
to what they have to say who's not a therapist, who's not a
psychologist or psychiatrist, who's a guy who who survived it.
And I've got a little chalkboardhere in my recording studio.
Everything that I speak on. Here's how I qualify it.
I wrote it on the chalkboard onetime when I get sick and tired
of people asking me if I was certified and all this.
(20:10):
And I wrote, this guy lived it. And I drew an arrow and I put it
next to my head and I took a selfie.
And every time somebody gets snotty and says, what the hell
qualifies you to talk about that?
Dude, I survived it and I took alot of notes and you can stick
your, your certification that you got online for $19.95 up
(20:31):
here. But because I lived this and
that's why I talk about it. So it didn't necessarily it, I
mean, obviously I didn't have time to put into my business for
a while because I had to go through, I, I spent three
months, my full time job was tracking down all of our
accounts and every and just everything.
But yeah, coming back better than ever in the new year.
(20:51):
And I've been very quietly behind the scenes rebuilding my
entire business to get it back out there.
Yeah, I find lived experience, Trump's research and books
anytime and as as far as anyone I've ever met and engaged with.
So yeah. Yeah, yeah, there's too many
people out there getting these certifications.
Apparently. The other day I found out for
(21:12):
$12.00 I can be a certified grief counselor.
No, I'd rather just tell my stories.
Yeah, hold out for the $20 version.
I'm sure that's much better. Yeah, it probably has one-on-one
coaching with an AI bot or something.
Yeah. So, so going through your grief
journey and speaking and being part of groups, what is there
(21:34):
one thing that helped more than other things?
Or A1 best first step if if if somebody has just lost Someone
Like You had like yeah, like I Iimagine the average guy is not
as aware as you were to start looking for support right away.
Yeah, most, most guys aren't, but I'm not most guys.
Tina, Tina, because I was alwaysthe one that remembered all of
(21:55):
our anniversaries and all this and notes and cards and a lot.
And Tina looked at me one day and said, you realize you're the
chick in this relationship, right?
Hell yes, I do. She goes, OK, I said you like
getting all the notes and cards.She goes.
So yeah, I'm not the traditional, you know, guy
mentality when it comes to this stuff.
(22:16):
You know, guys are told be tough.
You know, men don't cry. Men don't feel men does this,
this we do. We just channel it differently.
So I encourage if if you're dealing with stuff, just look
for a group online, a free group.
Because the first thing I realized the first day when I
walked into that first meeting, Oh my God, these are my people.
(22:37):
And I'm not, I'm not alone and I'm not the only one dealing
with this. And it's a safe place to admit
how you're really feeling because everyone else is going
through their own version of it too.
Matter of fact, just yesterday, the grief group I was in, it was
an 8 week program. We still meet once a month at
the home of one of the members of the grief group.
(22:59):
And every month we get together and we ask, how are you doing?
How are you doing? How are you doing?
And it's, it's everyone has the same pain and we help each other
through it. So I mean, just like what you
do, you've got this audience of men and you, you bring in people
who can share a little bit of something that maybe they can
(23:19):
think, hey, you know what? It's not just me.
I'm not the only one feeling this.
And yeah, it is good to talk about it.
How has visualization helped or not helped the grief process?
It's been tough to, to even go through my own teachings.
I for most of the year I've beenlike, oh, I got to make a new
vision board for next year and what's going to go on and this
(23:42):
and that. It's, it's tough envisioning my
life without Tina because I actually built our relationship
on vision boards 2 starting two years before it even happened.
So seeing me in this next version of my life, the center
has always been Tina and I. And before that, the center was
(24:04):
whatever dream woman I was goingto fall in love with.
It was representations of the relationship I wanted.
And I'm part of a 30 day challenge right now with a good
dear friend of mine who's been abig help this year with my
business. And I said one of the 10 actions
that I'm going to take every dayis create one image or word or
hashtag or something for my new vision board.
(24:25):
And we're on day 25 and I've gotjust about everything from my
vision board. And I decided the center of the
board very simple hashtag honor my Tina.
So I've got our my favorite pictures of us, ways that we've
developed. My family and I have a small
nonprofit called Beach Bum Philanthropy.
We came up with these giving missions and these giving
(24:47):
practices that are directly related to stuff that Tina
wanted to do. So this next board, it starts
with honoring her, but it also includes all areas of my life
all around it, how everything isconnected.
So I'm building the ultimate vision for my life in 2026 by
doing what I've always done. Honor Tina and and my love for
(25:09):
her and everything else that goes around that.
Because all 8 areas of your lifework together 24/7.
So I can't just say I'm going tosit here and honor Tina and let
the rest of my life go to hell, because that's not honoring
Tina. So the honoring her at the
center and it's how that's expressed.
What are the things that fuels for you?
(25:31):
Yeah, yeah, 100% and, and a lot of kindness and giving that she
was a part of and and also a a question she asked me in January
2023. She was, it was early on
menopause for her. She, she struggled for two years
with menopause and she had not slept a full night in at least
(25:51):
two years. And she was struggling and she
was exhausted and she was frustrated.
And she came to the living room,put her head on my chest,
wrapped her arms around me and looked up and said, honey, can I
ask you a question? I said, sure, babe, can this be
the year you get famous again? So I can quit my job and get
something less stressful becausemy business has got both of them
got wiped out during the pandemic because it's all
(26:11):
personal appearances and live events.
So I was still putting my business back together.
I mean, I got steamrolled and depression and three deaths, 4
including Tina in about 6 years and also was inhaling toxic
black mold for two years coming through the vent above my desk
up in my office from the attic. So I was in very rough shape.
(26:34):
And I said, baby, I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying.
So this coming year I've got that written up on my whiteboard
on my wall above my desk. Can this be the year that you
get famous again, Tina? January 2023.
So that's on my vision board forthis year too.
And by famous, all she meant wasto be getting paid to speak and
(26:55):
travel to speak again. That's all that was.
Yeah, yeah. Getting paid to be you.
Yeah. And all your glory.
Yeah. Yeah.
You know, I, I was going to ask how grief is fueling your life
now, but that that that that's not accurate.
It's it's, it's more honoring isfueling your life.
Yeah, 100%. I, I, I hear her saying things
(27:18):
to me, she's come to me in dreams several times, which I
asked her every single night andsaid, baby, if you can, I know I
ask you everyday, please come tome in my dreams.
It, it shows up in the songs that will play on Alexa at
random when I just say Alexa played this song and then
something will come on next thathas no logical connection, but
it's one of our songs. I was on the peloton this
(27:41):
morning. I ride 5 mornings a week and
there was a Michael Bublé ride. Well, two of Michael Bublé's
songs are our songs. Everything in his version of
home. They were both in that workout.
So there I am in the middle of the workout, standing up,
pedaling, crying, tears running down my face, singing this song,
annoying the cat. And so she was there.
(28:06):
What are you learning most aboutyou in this grief journey?
I'm not a total idiot. You had doubts before.
I've had, well, somebody recently blew me off for a Zoom
call. It was a young lady.
I was, I was going to, I was just helping her out.
She was struggling with some stuff and she blew off the call.
(28:27):
And I reached out to her the next day.
I said, hey, we had a call yesterday, I hope everything's
OK. And she said, well, I'm kind of
embarrassed to admit it. I said, here's the Zoom link,
let's get on. And I said, so what's going on?
You said you missed the call. She goes, I'm intimidated by
your confidence. And I was afraid to even get on
a call with you and I busted outlaughing and I said she said,
why are you laughing? Are you laughing at me?
(28:48):
I said, no, I'm just laughing atthis.
My confidence can barely drive acar and I sure as hell can't buy
a beer yet. She said what does that mean?
I said at the time, I said I'm 56 years old and my confidence
is about 17 or 18 because for most of my life I had horrible
self talk, no self-confidence, self esteem issues and all of
(29:13):
that. And sometimes, especially this
year when things were down and Iwas struggling with stuff, my
mind every once in a while I would kind of go back to that.
But what this year has really shown me is I'm the best at what
I do because what I do is just be me.
So it doesn't matter if other speakers dress nicer or have a
(29:34):
better smile or have more hair or what, or, you know, yell
things that rhyme and get peoplewhooped into a frenzy.
I'm not comparing myself to anyone else anymore.
I'm. I'm the best version of me there
is because every single day I'm putting myself out there
authentically and genuinely. And the world is responding in a
(29:55):
very nice way. So yeah.
And and there's no certificationto be Steve.
No, I got the little chalkboard that says this guy lived it, and
that's enough for me. Yeah.
Awesome. As you're pondering 2026, and I
shouldn't say pondering because yeah, you're not pondering.
You're getting clear and making your 2026.
(30:18):
So what's lighting you up most about what's to come?
I just had, just a few weeks ago, one of my favorite keynote
speeches ever, and it's the one that got me back on stage.
And as soon as I was up there inthe first set of eyeballs I
connected with and somebody justnodded at something I was
saying, I said, oh, this is good.
(30:39):
So I'm so excited to be getting back out there on stages and
connecting live. I've, I've been doing virtual
stuff right along and virtual iscool and it's great and it's
easy, it's convenient, but there's nothing like being there
with an audience and just getting them to believe in
themselves a little bit more forthe time that we spend together.
So that's what I'm very excited about right now.
(31:00):
Got a brand new website being built.
We are relaunching my vision board mastery learning program,
rebranding it and adding some new stuff and calling it
Ultimate Life vision because it's a much better
representation of what it is. So it's that's been very
exciting to put that together this past year, you know, under,
you know, under the radar, behind the behind the curtain.
(31:20):
There's been a lot going on, butthat's what I'm most excited
about is, is just getting back out there connecting with people
again. I miss that so much.
Grief is very isolating and it can be really tough and you can
start to second guess yourself in a lot of things.
But getting back out there, especially with the acts of
kindness on a regular basis, myself and my family in Tina's
(31:42):
name in getting back out there speaking.
Those are the the big ones for next year.
What? What part of your message and
and what you share with an audience has has grown or
perhaps sharpened the most sincelosing Tina?
Well that actually comes from my4th book of four books which is
(32:06):
written by a little dog and it says wake up every day and wag
yourself happy. Meaning find the littlest
tiniest thing. As bad as things might be going
as tough as things are. And believe me, this is the
greatest loss of my life is losing Tina.
Every single day I get up and I don't watch the news and I don't
get right on social media. I get up and I work out and I
(32:29):
play a couple songs through my phone for SXM and I just find
something that rocks out and I'mhappy.
Or if I'm just feeling a little bit down, I'll watch something,
listen to something funny or funny video on YouTube.
I listen to a lot of podcasts, apositive people that I really
enjoy who inspire me. And I just I wake up every day.
I cheer people on. I send DMS to people for their
(32:50):
birthdays. If it's somebody I really know
well, I'll get on my phone and do an audio message or video
message. This is all within the first
couple hours of waking up in themorning.
So that's what's really helped me to go.
I still get up at five O 5 everymorning, turn off the alarm
within 5 beeps, count to 5 both feet on the floor, high 5 myself
in the bathroom mirror and say Ilove you.
(33:11):
And thanks to Mel Robbins for all of those habits, her high 5
habit in the 5 second rule combined.
Those have not been abandoned just because there's nobody in
the other half of my bed anymorethat that has kept me going.
Do you think you will ever be inanother relationship?
(33:32):
Is that something you definitelydon't want right now or are
willing to let yourself fall into one?
What What's what's that like foryou?
Right now, absolutely not. Because kind of just like
before, Tina and I fell in love.I've been divorced at that point
for four years and we fell in love because I finally wrote in
my journal one day I'm ready to fall in love and 10 days later
(33:53):
an e-mail came from 1300 miles away from a girl I hadn't talked
to in 21 years. Will there be another
relationship falling in love? I honestly have no idea.
Right now I'm not even interested.
But if it happens, it's because Tina sent her.
And I'll do just like I did whenTina was saying she liked me
(34:15):
even back in high school becauseI had a crush on her but never
asked her out. Tina's going to have to come to
me in a dream like 14 nights in a row and go and hey, dummy, I
sent her. It's OK.
So she will send me someone whenthe time is right.
And that's, that's just the way I see it.
I'm not looking. I know people who lose somebody
(34:35):
and within a couple of months they're in a relationship
because they can't stand being alone.
And that's that's kind of sad because they're not back to
being their best self yet. It's more of a Band-Aid or
emotional, you know, Band-Aid, Iguess, but.
Yeah, it's it's to avoid those horrible feelings.
Yeah, yeah. That just show up in a
(34:55):
destructive way down the road inin my experience.
Yeah, and, and one thing I'll say to to anyone whoever wants
to be in a relationship with me,you'll never be Tina.
And that's OK. And I say that actually more to
remind myself that no one else will ever be Tina.
I mean, Oh my gosh, we literallybrought a fairy tale to life.
(35:16):
So there. It's apples and oranges.
They'll never be another Tina. But that doesn't mean I I won't
be happy moving on without her. But she'll always be very
special. Part of my heart forever.
And Steve, what's the best way for people to connect with you,
follow you? Are you active on any particular
(35:37):
social media platforms more thanothers?
Yeah, Facebook and LinkedIn I'm on quite a bit, but the others
not quite as much. I will be doing a lot more
YouTube in the new year. I've gotten away from that and
I've got to get back to it. But you can just find me by
looking at my name Steve Gamlin,GAMLIN and my website which the
new ones coming, it'll be this same web address
stevegamlinspeaker.com. And and finally, Steve, what's
(36:02):
one thing you wish more men knew?
They have so much more power then they may believe.
And if you just listen to this one lesson that I learned by
observing one of my grandfather's, that just the
other day I said, Oh my gosh, I am Pepe because he was on the
French side, so is Pepe. Leave as many situations as you
(36:25):
can better than you find them, and you're going to see a
version of yourself emerge that you may never have even known
you had that much value if you just look for ways to leave the
world a little bit better. We never know where the ripples
go, but they're always going to be inside you.
So please do that. Because if you've been put down,
(36:47):
if you've been dragged down, if you're just feeling like, you
know, unappreciated, whatever, just start leaving the world a
little bit better in the tiniestways.
Pick up a piece of trash, rescuea shopping cart, cheer somebody
on, hold the door open. Let somebody else merge into
traffic instead of getting mad and letting a wreck your day a
(37:09):
little way. Leave the world a better place
than you found it. Steve, thanks so much for your
uncertified version of you and, and for unloading so much
firewood for all of us today. You know, I'm, I'm tempted to
say the cliche, you know, sorry for your loss, but I'm not
right? I I wish more people used loss
(37:33):
to fuel so much growth and service the way you are.
Yeah, yeah. All the things that we're doing
now, myself and my family, I wouldn't have done a year ago if
Tina was still here right now inher honor.
Oh, my gosh. We are feeling so connected to
the world in ways I've never felt before.
So it's a transition, not necessarily a loss.
(37:54):
It's a lateral move with with a new mindset.
A new mindset is available to all of us.
We don't right this, we don't. We don't have to wait for a loss
to want to better and improve our outlook in whatever we do.
Yeah, exactly, 100%. Awesome.
Well, thanks again, Steve, and I'm looking forward to all the
(38:17):
new creations that the New Year brings you.
Thank you very. Much and have a great new year
yourself and to all your viewersand listeners as well.
A huge thank you to Steve Gamblin for sharing his wisdom,
humor, and heart, and reminding us that gratitude and grief can
coexist and that kindness is always worth choosing.
If today's conversation moved you, inspired you, or simply
(38:38):
reminded you that you are not alone, I invite you to join me
in Authentic AF, my free men's community, where we talk openly
about real life, real feelings, and real growth.
You don't have to do life alone.Join us at
realmanfield.org/group and untilnext time, be good to yourself.
Even in the middle of the toughest things.
I mean, gosh, just over a year ago, my wife passed away at age
56 and I found her in our hotel room in London.
We just arrived 24 hours earlier.
It was the worst day of my life and I'm grateful I wrote it in
my journal. I'm grateful she still had a
pulse when I found her and she passed while I was holding her,
while we were trying to revive her, while the EM TS were on
(00:21):
their way. And I was just grateful that we
went on the trip she wanted to go on.
I'm grateful that the EMTs did their best, so there's always
something. And those are the little tiny
rocks, like you're climbing a mountain that just your
fingertips can barely grab just to hang on to.
Some days, that's what gratitudecan be.
(00:42):
Hello and welcome to Real Men Feel.
I'm your host, Andy Grant. Today I'm joined by someone who
has spent decades helping peoplesee their lives with more
clarity, gratitude, and purpose,and who is now navigating one of
the deepest human experiences there is.
Steve Gamblin, known as the Motivational Firewood Guy,
blends humor, visualization, andheart centered encouragement in
(01:04):
everything he does. After losing his beloved wife
Tina in December of 2024, Steve has shown a level of
authenticity and vulnerability that's as powerful as anything
he's ever taught. In our conversation today, we
explore what it means to keep living, loving, creating, and
showing up even when your heart has been shattered.
(01:27):
We talk gratitude, kindness, manifestation, and what Steve is
learning on this journey of grief.
This one is honest, uplifting, and beautifully human.
Let's do it. Hello and welcome to Real Men
Field, Steve. Hey there, glad to be here.
So you call yourself the Motivational Firewood guy?
(01:50):
What does that mean? Well, it all came out of a
conversation very early in my speaking career.
We're talking about 2005 or 6. And somebody invited me to a
National Speakers Association meeting in the Boston area.
And I drove down there and I went in and I see all the the
tables laid out, you know, the nice lanyards in the, in the
members names and all that. And somebody points to a sharpie
(02:13):
and a thing that says, hi, my name is.
And I write Steve, slap it on mychest.
And the gentleman says, Hey Steve, happy to have you here
with us. What sets you apart as a
speaker? I said, well, I want to help
people. I said we all want to help
people, what makes you different?
And about 3 to 5 minutes later, God loved this man.
He had the patience of the Saint.
I finally spit out. I said, look, if people are
(02:35):
coming to hear me speak, it means they got a spark of
something in their heart, but they have no idea what to do and
they're stuck and they're looking for inspiration.
So if I share a story, a tip, a tactic, a strategy or something,
and the next day they actually go do something to get close to
the dream. I said it's kind of like I gave
him a piece of motivational firewood.
The guy snaps his fingers. He goes, that right there, young
(02:57):
man, he goes, that's something. Cool.
Do you know anything about trademarks?
I said, hell no. He said, look it up.
That's an interesting phrase. He said, I think that could be
big for you. And I've owned the trademark on
it ever since. Cool.
It. Has Oh yeah, because people say
I get it now because they're sick and tired of, you know,
(03:19):
speakers get up on stage lookinglike the the love child of Tony
Robbins and who's the preacher guy there?
Joel Osteen, you know, basicallygoing I can change your life by
yelling things that rhyme and these cool acronyms and all
that. And I just get up and I say,
look, if you take someone thing,I learn, I teach, and you apply
it in your life and you create astep forward and a smile,
(03:43):
today's a huge success. So the motivational firewood
thing has caught on really well.Cool, and I see you have your
gut vision shirt on and you're big on visualization.
So what do you think most peoplemisunderstand about
visualization? Oh, they go to a vision board
party at the end of the year, the beginning of the new year,
(04:05):
and they're they get marketed, you know, for like 15 or 20
bucks they can get wine, cheese,cracker, scissors, glitter, glue
sticks, poster boards and magazines and think they're,
they're manifesting things when most people don't even know what
they want yet. But they start gabbing and
getting a buzz on and leafing through magazines going, well,
this might be nice. And they slapped together a
(04:26):
vision board and then they thinkthey're manifesting.
So most people think they're arts and crafts projects.
So what are they really? They are and this is a
description that fell out of my head one day in a conversation
on a show just like this. I believe vision boards are a
wall mounted GPS for the greatest road and destinations
of your life. And how is it different from
(04:51):
wishful thinking? Way I teach it, and I always
have to preface everything by saying the way I teach it.
I teach a 10 step process for people to create a vision board
and put it this way, 10 steps. You don't gather pictures in my
way until step 7. Most people will not do steps
(05:14):
one through 6, which is evaluating where their life is
right now without just saying mylife sucks.
No go through it in eight areas of your life.
I use a life wheel. Pretty common tool in the
personal development world. Physical health, emotional
well-being, closest relationships, your core values,
your faith, your connection in real ways with the world, your
career and your money. Evaluate your life at all those
(05:37):
right now. And then just tell me one year
from now, where would you like each one of them to be?
Just start with one year. Don't start with the
Lamborghini, the yacht that mentioned the private jet, the
helicopter, the big honking goldwatch in the bank bought full of
gold bars and and piles of cash and think you're manifesting it
because you don't even know whatyou want yet.
So that's the biggest thing for me is most people don't know
(05:58):
where they are right now and exactly what they want.
And I have statistics from a survey we conducted a couple of
years ago to prove not knowing what you want and the failure to
take action of the two biggest reasons people fail.
Cool. Yeah.
So it's not just about just jumping to the magazines and,
oh, that picture, that picture looks neat.
That picture talks to me. And it's.
It's really getting clear. Yeah, before you start that.
(06:21):
Yeah, to me, it's not just what you want to get.
It's, it's a lot more about who you want to become than just
what you want to get. And most people don't see that.
They, they basically put together, they slapped together
a glorified letter to Santa Claus.
That's what a lot of people do. So if if there's a man listening
who's feeling numb, stuck and has never, you know, made a
(06:45):
visual board, has never gotten, what would you suggest as a
first step to that guy is it is,you know, being honest about
himself, where he is right now? Yeah, put pen to paper.
I mean, that's the, that's the greatest way.
Don't send yourself a text and don't just sit there and, and
marinate on it. Think about it.
Put pen to paper. Because when you do that, you're
actually using both halves of your brain.
And it's a very logical thing. And it's a great way to start
(07:06):
rewiring. If, if you're so overwhelmed by
everything I just said about howall the areas of life all work
together, get it this way. Just write down where you feel
your life is right now. If you're a numbers person,
analytical scale of 1 to 10. If you're more of a storyteller
and a creative like I am, just write yourself a little
paragraph about where you feel your life is right now.
(07:28):
And then if you get overwhelmed easily, pick one goal for the
coming year in just one area of your life you want to lose.
You know, kick 20 lbs to the curb.
Great. What actions can you start
taking? Can you stay out of the damn
fast? Fast food drive throughs and
maybe make yourself a bag of lunch every day of something
healthier. Can you choose one more healthy
(07:49):
meal today? Can you walk a little bit more?
If you walked into the gym rightnow and swiped your card with a
computer, laugh because you haven't been there in three
years. Start to think of the little
steps you can take because it's those little ones that build up
that can help rewire you to start doing more of the behavior
that's going to get you closer to where you want to be versus
(08:10):
just sinking farther into the gravy boat.
Now, I know you also talked a lot about the power of everyday
kindness. What is it about kindness that
makes it such a powerful force for for transformation?
Inside your body, in your bloodstream, in your brain, in
(08:31):
your organs, everywhere. When you commit acts of kindness
or you cheer somebody on or you,you pay someone to compliment
or, or you, you, you just do something, a gesture even there
are things being secreted into your bloodstream that are
basically happy chemicals and most people aren't aware of it.
It's, it's all scientifically proven.
(08:51):
I explained things in a very nonscientific way.
Too many people think all this is woo woo.
I, I refer to as blue collar woobecause I'm a blue collar guy,
blue collar background. If you take the tools and you
just use them everyday, you can build something pretty amazing.
So if you just hold the door forsomeone today and don't be one
of those people who, if somebodydoesn't say thank you, if you
don't hear them, don't yell you're and slam the door on
(09:16):
them. Do kindness for kindness sake.
Just know, Hey, you know what? I just made an effort and I'm
good enough with that. And some people say, well, I, I
don't have the money to be kind or I don't have time to be kind.
Next time you go to the store, any store, if you see a shopping
cart left out somewhere, go get it and return it to the corral
or the store and don't sit thereand bitch about how lazy people
(09:36):
are for leaving it there. I, I literally just a couple
days ago, I, I Parkway in the back at the grocery stores and I
collect carriages all the way. I watched this guy, probably I'd
say the early 50s, I'm in my late 50s and a younger guy with
him walk right past a cart that was right there near where they
parked. Somebody had left it out for
(09:56):
whatever reason. I watched them walk right past
it and they walked in the store and grabbed a cart because I was
right behind them with that abandoned cart the whole way.
And I was going to offer it to them and they went and got
another one. So just leave situations better
than you find them and you mightfind out those are your favorite
moments to be grateful for everysingle day because gratitude is
(10:17):
another huge thing that I talk about.
What is a moment of unexpected kindness that you experienced
that that really changed you? There's.
So many As soon as you asked, I thought I remember.
I mean, this is when I was in myearly 20s and just broke as
hell. And my girlfriend at the time
(10:39):
had just got in her own apartment and I wanted to get
her a Christmas tree and decorations while she was at
work to surprise her because it was her first Christmas away
from her family. They were, they all lived in
Montana and she moved back here to New Hampshire.
And I think I had $20. And there was a tree that was 25
or $30. And I, I said, well, how much is
(11:00):
this one? And they said the price.
I said, oh, I'm sorry, I'll haveto, I'll put it back and I'll
get a smaller one. And they said, well, how much do
you have? I said I have $20 and the
husband and wife looked at each other and they said, OK, the
price is $20. And I almost started crying
right there in front of them. And I never, ever forgot that.
And I was able to set up that tree, put some ornaments on it.
(11:23):
I'd gotten a few ornaments at Osco or CVS or something at the
time for a few bucks and was able to give her a beautiful
Christmas for first one away from the family.
So I mean, there were there werehundreds I could think of, but
that one just fell into my head for the first time in a long
time. So thank you for asking that.
Awesome. Well, thanks for sharing it.
And, and you, you mentioned gratitude as as well.
(11:46):
And you know, I think for most people, gratitude, they know
what it is when they're feeling good and it's kind of obvious.
Do you have any tips for how to tap into gratitude on those days
that you're not feeling it or earlier?
If you, you, you think your lifesucks, how can you tap into
gratitude? Yeah, it can take a little time
and you might want to put on thegloves that go all the way up to
(12:08):
your elbow because you get a sift through some crap and slime
to get to it. Some days I get it, but even on
my worst days and and two I can think of right now, in October
of 2018, the day my dad died andI was holding his hand when he
passed in the next morning, because I write my gratitudes in
the morning from the previous day.
I always pick my three favorite moments from the previous day.
(12:30):
I don't broad brush anything. I don't say my house, my spouse,
my job. I was grateful that I was able
to hold my dad's hand as he passed.
I was grateful that my sister and our stepmom was there with
us. And I was grateful that right
before he began to actively pass, we were all laughing in
his room because we're watching his favorite TV show, Midday The
(12:51):
Price is Right, and somebody wasbidding on a trip to Croatia,
plus a bunch of other stuff. And we looked at each other and
we said, damn, now we'll never know who went to Croatia.
And we all started laughing. And that's still to this day, if
you ask my sister anything with the word Croatia in it, she
starts laughing and remembers dad gave us that last laugh.
(13:14):
So even in the middle of the toughest things, I mean, gosh,
just over a year ago, my wife passed away at age 56.
And I found her in our hotel room in London.
We just arrived 24 hours earlier.
It was the worst day of my life,and I'm grateful I wrote it in
my journal. I'm grateful she still had a
pulse when I found her and she passed while I was holding her,
(13:35):
while we were trying to revive her, while the EMTs were on
their way. And I was just grateful that we
went on the trip she wanted to go on.
I'm grateful that the the EMTs did their best, and I'm grateful
that she had a pulse when I found her.
So there's always something. And those are the little tiny
rocks, like you're climbing a mountain that just your
(13:55):
fingertips can barely grab just to hang on to.
Some days, that's what gratitudecan be.
I know you've you've shared a lot publicly about this this
past year of of dealing with grief.
What made you choose to let people in to witness that part
of your life? Just always been that way.
(14:16):
My journey is my journey becausein in a relates a lot to the way
I speak. When I'm on stage, people always
say, oh, I love the people in the front.
They're so excited and they're clapping and they're this I said
that's great. And I love those people too.
I aim for the shadows, the people sitting way in the back
and the people sitting way off to the side.
They will not make eye contact with you.
(14:37):
They won't raise their hand, they won't speak, they may not
even take notes. They may just sit there with
their head down. And I aim really hard for those
seats to shine the light as brightly as I can because it
bright light will chase away shadows because that's where I
used to sit. I'm a person who's dealt with
depression throughout his life, issues with self worth and all
of that. So if I can share my story in a
very authentic way and it can help somebody else who feels
(14:59):
stuck in the shadows and not worthy of being in the light,
that's why I share. This journey in this past year
has been the toughest one ever, but it's also been one that
helps me to share love. I mean, Tina and I get to be in
love for 6386 days, 17 1/2 years.
Everyone has been with me that whole journey.
So she's gone physically, but our love just continues on.
(15:23):
So I continue to share what I miss most about her and I'm in a
number of grief communities and people are always saying I love
your story because it gives me hope to find somebody in my life
like that and a gentleman right within two weeks after Tina
died, after I talked about it onsocial media, sent me Adm and he
(15:43):
said, Steve, I love that you added up how many days you got
to be in love. It's over 6000.
He said, I've never had one day like that in my life.
So please know even though she'sgone, that your love still
matters to people like me. So that's why I keep sharing it.
Is there anything related to grief that you wish more men
(16:06):
knew? It's OK to cry and to feel.
Don't you say I'll deal with it later, I'll deal with it later,
I'll deal with it later. Because the more you push it
down, the more it's going to alljust stack and coagulate into
something that could really hurtyou badly.
And you're also doing a disservice to your family, your
(16:27):
friends, and yourself if you keep tamping it down and not
dealing with it. Because you're going to become a
version of yourself eventually that you don't like very much.
So I encourage people to be openand honest and speak to somebody
qualified to deal with whatever you're struggling or suffering
through. That's something I'm glad I did
(16:47):
because I'm a guy that I'll dealwith it, I'll deal with it, I'll
take care of it, I'll take care of it.
I've just always been that way. I knew within a day, sitting in
that hotel all alone in England,shattered and just physically
shaking, I was already Googling grief support groups in the
towns near my home and near our home here in New Hampshire,
(17:08):
saying, look, I can't cocoon on this one because you're not
going to get a beautiful butterfly at the end of this
cocoon. You're going to get a tarp full
of sludge, if you survive it at all.
So find somebody qualified to guide you through and feel your
feelings. Holy crap don't drown them in
alcohol or drugs please. I haven't had a drink of alcohol
in 4 1/2 years. Don't do that.
(17:32):
You mentioned if you survived did.
You can ask. You couldn't get through it
through that. No no in in past years like you
said, I've dealt with depressionmy whole life.
Have you ever had thoughts of checking out?
Sure have I in this past year? Absolutely not.
This was the healthiest journey I've ever gone through from the
(17:54):
biggest, most catastrophic loss of my life in my life.
But too many people, gosh, I've known people who have, they felt
like they were all alone. They felt like nobody understood
what they were dealing with. And they checked out.
And I, I wish they'd asked for help or found somebody or
trusted somebody to do it because, you know, me checking
(18:20):
out doesn't guarantee I'm going to be with Tina.
It guarantees that a lot of people are going to be really,
really sad who have been there for me this past year.
And I'm just going to keep staying here shining my light as
best I can. And I wish everybody knew that
there's light out there somewhere for them.
They just need to keep looking for it.
Was it challenging to find that that balance of maintaining your
(18:45):
motivational outlook in the speaking career with your
heartbreak and and healing? Yeah, in a way, though, it
actually opened up a new pillar for my business because I'll be
speaking at grief conferences. So the way I go about being a
speaker, it's never just rah, rah, rah by myself.
Everything I do is an authentic,genuine representation of who I
(19:08):
am. So none of that actually
changed. Everything I share is really
what's gotten me through this year and helped me to survive
it. And now everything I've gone
through, and I called my agent from England three days after
Tina died because the third day is when I actually said
(19:29):
something on social media about it.
And I did not want her to read it.
And I told her from 3000 plus miles away, I said, just know
when I'm ready. I need you to book me on stages
at grief conferences because I'mgoing to take a lot of notes and
I'm going to chronicle everything I'm going through so
(19:49):
that the next person knows that there's somebody that can relate
to what they have to say who's not a therapist, who's not a
psychologist or psychiatrist, who's a guy who who survived it.
And I've got a little chalkboardhere in my recording studio.
Everything that I speak on. Here's how I qualify it.
I wrote it on the chalkboard onetime when I get sick and tired
of people asking me if I was certified and all this.
(20:10):
And I wrote, this guy lived it. And I drew an arrow and I put it
next to my head and I took a selfie.
And every time somebody gets snotty and says, what the hell
qualifies you to talk about that?
Dude, I survived it and I took alot of notes and you can stick
your, your certification that you got online for $19.95 up
(20:31):
here. But because I lived this and
that's why I talk about it. So it didn't necessarily it, I
mean, obviously I didn't have time to put into my business for
a while because I had to go through, I, I spent three
months, my full time job was tracking down all of our
accounts and every and just everything.
But yeah, coming back better than ever in the new year.
(20:51):
And I've been very quietly behind the scenes rebuilding my
entire business to get it back out there.
Yeah, I find lived experience, Trump's research and books
anytime and as as far as anyone I've ever met and engaged with.
So yeah. Yeah, yeah, there's too many
people out there getting these certifications.
Apparently. The other day I found out for
(21:12):
$12.00 I can be a certified grief counselor.
No, I'd rather just tell my stories.
Yeah, hold out for the $20 version.
I'm sure that's much better. Yeah, it probably has one-on-one
coaching with an AI bot or something.
Yeah. So, so going through your grief
journey and speaking and being part of groups, what is there
(21:34):
one thing that helped more than other things?
Or A1 best first step if if if somebody has just lost Someone
Like You had like yeah, like I Iimagine the average guy is not
as aware as you were to start looking for support right away.
Yeah, most, most guys aren't, but I'm not most guys.
Tina, Tina, because I was alwaysthe one that remembered all of
(21:55):
our anniversaries and all this and notes and cards and a lot.
And Tina looked at me one day and said, you realize you're the
chick in this relationship, right?
Hell yes, I do. She goes, OK, I said you like
getting all the notes and cards.She goes.
So yeah, I'm not the traditional, you know, guy
mentality when it comes to this stuff.
(22:16):
You know, guys are told be tough.
You know, men don't cry. Men don't feel men does this,
this we do. We just channel it differently.
So I encourage if if you're dealing with stuff, just look
for a group online, a free group.
Because the first thing I realized the first day when I
walked into that first meeting, Oh my God, these are my people.
(22:37):
And I'm not, I'm not alone and I'm not the only one dealing
with this. And it's a safe place to admit
how you're really feeling because everyone else is going
through their own version of it too.
Matter of fact, just yesterday, the grief group I was in, it was
an 8 week program. We still meet once a month at
the home of one of the members of the grief group.
(22:59):
And every month we get together and we ask, how are you doing?
How are you doing? How are you doing?
And it's, it's everyone has the same pain and we help each other
through it. So I mean, just like what you
do, you've got this audience of men and you, you bring in people
who can share a little bit of something that maybe they can
(23:19):
think, hey, you know what? It's not just me.
I'm not the only one feeling this.
And yeah, it is good to talk about it.
How has visualization helped or not helped the grief process?
It's been tough to, to even go through my own teachings.
I for most of the year I've beenlike, oh, I got to make a new
vision board for next year and what's going to go on and this
(23:42):
and that. It's, it's tough envisioning my
life without Tina because I actually built our relationship
on vision boards 2 starting two years before it even happened.
So seeing me in this next version of my life, the center
has always been Tina and I. And before that, the center was
(24:04):
whatever dream woman I was goingto fall in love with.
It was representations of the relationship I wanted.
And I'm part of a 30 day challenge right now with a good
dear friend of mine who's been abig help this year with my
business. And I said one of the 10 actions
that I'm going to take every dayis create one image or word or
hashtag or something for my new vision board.
(24:25):
And we're on day 25 and I've gotjust about everything from my
vision board. And I decided the center of the
board very simple hashtag honor my Tina.
So I've got our my favorite pictures of us, ways that we've
developed. My family and I have a small
nonprofit called Beach Bum Philanthropy.
We came up with these giving missions and these giving
(24:47):
practices that are directly related to stuff that Tina
wanted to do. So this next board, it starts
with honoring her, but it also includes all areas of my life
all around it, how everything isconnected.
So I'm building the ultimate vision for my life in 2026 by
doing what I've always done. Honor Tina and and my love for
(25:09):
her and everything else that goes around that.
Because all 8 areas of your lifework together 24/7.
So I can't just say I'm going tosit here and honor Tina and let
the rest of my life go to hell, because that's not honoring
Tina. So the honoring her at the
center and it's how that's expressed.
What are the things that fuels for you?
(25:31):
Yeah, yeah, 100% and, and a lot of kindness and giving that she
was a part of and and also a a question she asked me in January
2023. She was, it was early on
menopause for her. She, she struggled for two years
with menopause and she had not slept a full night in at least
(25:51):
two years. And she was struggling and she
was exhausted and she was frustrated.
And she came to the living room,put her head on my chest,
wrapped her arms around me and looked up and said, honey, can I
ask you a question? I said, sure, babe, can this be
the year you get famous again? So I can quit my job and get
something less stressful becausemy business has got both of them
got wiped out during the pandemic because it's all
(26:11):
personal appearances and live events.
So I was still putting my business back together.
I mean, I got steamrolled and depression and three deaths, 4
including Tina in about 6 years and also was inhaling toxic
black mold for two years coming through the vent above my desk
up in my office from the attic. So I was in very rough shape.
(26:34):
And I said, baby, I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying.
So this coming year I've got that written up on my whiteboard
on my wall above my desk. Can this be the year that you
get famous again, Tina? January 2023.
So that's on my vision board forthis year too.
And by famous, all she meant wasto be getting paid to speak and
(26:55):
travel to speak again. That's all that was.
Yeah, yeah. Getting paid to be you.
Yeah. And all your glory.
Yeah. Yeah.
You know, I, I was going to ask how grief is fueling your life
now, but that that that that's not accurate.
It's it's, it's more honoring isfueling your life.
Yeah, 100%. I, I, I hear her saying things
(27:18):
to me, she's come to me in dreams several times, which I
asked her every single night andsaid, baby, if you can, I know I
ask you everyday, please come tome in my dreams.
It, it shows up in the songs that will play on Alexa at
random when I just say Alexa played this song and then
something will come on next thathas no logical connection, but
it's one of our songs. I was on the peloton this
(27:41):
morning. I ride 5 mornings a week and
there was a Michael Bublé ride. Well, two of Michael Bublé's
songs are our songs. Everything in his version of
home. They were both in that workout.
So there I am in the middle of the workout, standing up,
pedaling, crying, tears running down my face, singing this song,
annoying the cat. And so she was there.
(28:06):
What are you learning most aboutyou in this grief journey?
I'm not a total idiot. You had doubts before.
I've had, well, somebody recently blew me off for a Zoom
call. It was a young lady.
I was, I was going to, I was just helping her out.
She was struggling with some stuff and she blew off the call.
(28:27):
And I reached out to her the next day.
I said, hey, we had a call yesterday, I hope everything's
OK. And she said, well, I'm kind of
embarrassed to admit it. I said, here's the Zoom link,
let's get on. And I said, so what's going on?
You said you missed the call. She goes, I'm intimidated by
your confidence. And I was afraid to even get on
a call with you and I busted outlaughing and I said she said,
why are you laughing? Are you laughing at me?
(28:48):
I said, no, I'm just laughing atthis.
My confidence can barely drive acar and I sure as hell can't buy
a beer yet. She said what does that mean?
I said at the time, I said I'm 56 years old and my confidence
is about 17 or 18 because for most of my life I had horrible
self talk, no self-confidence, self esteem issues and all of
(29:13):
that. And sometimes, especially this
year when things were down and Iwas struggling with stuff, my
mind every once in a while I would kind of go back to that.
But what this year has really shown me is I'm the best at what
I do because what I do is just be me.
So it doesn't matter if other speakers dress nicer or have a
(29:34):
better smile or have more hair or what, or, you know, yell
things that rhyme and get peoplewhooped into a frenzy.
I'm not comparing myself to anyone else anymore.
I'm. I'm the best version of me there
is because every single day I'm putting myself out there
authentically and genuinely. And the world is responding in a
(29:55):
very nice way. So yeah.
And and there's no certificationto be Steve.
No, I got the little chalkboard that says this guy lived it, and
that's enough for me. Yeah.
Awesome. As you're pondering 2026, and I
shouldn't say pondering because yeah, you're not pondering.
You're getting clear and making your 2026.
(30:18):
So what's lighting you up most about what's to come?
I just had, just a few weeks ago, one of my favorite keynote
speeches ever, and it's the one that got me back on stage.
And as soon as I was up there inthe first set of eyeballs I
connected with and somebody justnodded at something I was
saying, I said, oh, this is good.
(30:39):
So I'm so excited to be getting back out there on stages and
connecting live. I've, I've been doing virtual
stuff right along and virtual iscool and it's great and it's
easy, it's convenient, but there's nothing like being there
with an audience and just getting them to believe in
themselves a little bit more forthe time that we spend together.
So that's what I'm very excited about right now.
(31:00):
Got a brand new website being built.
We are relaunching my vision board mastery learning program,
rebranding it and adding some new stuff and calling it
Ultimate Life vision because it's a much better
representation of what it is. So it's that's been very
exciting to put that together this past year, you know, under,
you know, under the radar, behind the behind the curtain.
(31:20):
There's been a lot going on, butthat's what I'm most excited
about is, is just getting back out there connecting with people
again. I miss that so much.
Grief is very isolating and it can be really tough and you can
start to second guess yourself in a lot of things.
But getting back out there, especially with the acts of
kindness on a regular basis, myself and my family in Tina's
(31:42):
name in getting back out there speaking.
Those are the the big ones for next year.
What? What part of your message and
and what you share with an audience has has grown or
perhaps sharpened the most sincelosing Tina?
Well that actually comes from my4th book of four books which is
(32:06):
written by a little dog and it says wake up every day and wag
yourself happy. Meaning find the littlest
tiniest thing. As bad as things might be going
as tough as things are. And believe me, this is the
greatest loss of my life is losing Tina.
Every single day I get up and I don't watch the news and I don't
get right on social media. I get up and I work out and I
(32:29):
play a couple songs through my phone for SXM and I just find
something that rocks out and I'mhappy.
Or if I'm just feeling a little bit down, I'll watch something,
listen to something funny or funny video on YouTube.
I listen to a lot of podcasts, apositive people that I really
enjoy who inspire me. And I just I wake up every day.
I cheer people on. I send DMS to people for their
(32:50):
birthdays. If it's somebody I really know
well, I'll get on my phone and do an audio message or video
message. This is all within the first
couple hours of waking up in themorning.
So that's what's really helped me to go.
I still get up at five O 5 everymorning, turn off the alarm
within 5 beeps, count to 5 both feet on the floor, high 5 myself
in the bathroom mirror and say Ilove you.
(33:11):
And thanks to Mel Robbins for all of those habits, her high 5
habit in the 5 second rule combined.
Those have not been abandoned just because there's nobody in
the other half of my bed anymorethat that has kept me going.
Do you think you will ever be inanother relationship?
(33:32):
Is that something you definitelydon't want right now or are
willing to let yourself fall into one?
What What's what's that like foryou?
Right now, absolutely not. Because kind of just like
before, Tina and I fell in love.I've been divorced at that point
for four years and we fell in love because I finally wrote in
my journal one day I'm ready to fall in love and 10 days later
(33:53):
an e-mail came from 1300 miles away from a girl I hadn't talked
to in 21 years. Will there be another
relationship falling in love? I honestly have no idea.
Right now I'm not even interested.
But if it happens, it's because Tina sent her.
And I'll do just like I did whenTina was saying she liked me
(34:15):
even back in high school becauseI had a crush on her but never
asked her out. Tina's going to have to come to
me in a dream like 14 nights in a row and go and hey, dummy, I
sent her. It's OK.
So she will send me someone whenthe time is right.
And that's, that's just the way I see it.
I'm not looking. I know people who lose somebody
(34:35):
and within a couple of months they're in a relationship
because they can't stand being alone.
And that's that's kind of sad because they're not back to
being their best self yet. It's more of a Band-Aid or
emotional, you know, Band-Aid, Iguess, but.
Yeah, it's it's to avoid those horrible feelings.
Yeah, yeah. That just show up in a
(34:55):
destructive way down the road inin my experience.
Yeah, and, and one thing I'll say to to anyone whoever wants
to be in a relationship with me,you'll never be Tina.
And that's OK. And I say that actually more to
remind myself that no one else will ever be Tina.
I mean, Oh my gosh, we literallybrought a fairy tale to life.
(35:16):
So there. It's apples and oranges.
They'll never be another Tina. But that doesn't mean I I won't
be happy moving on without her. But she'll always be very
special. Part of my heart forever.
And Steve, what's the best way for people to connect with you,
follow you? Are you active on any particular
(35:37):
social media platforms more thanothers?
Yeah, Facebook and LinkedIn I'm on quite a bit, but the others
not quite as much. I will be doing a lot more
YouTube in the new year. I've gotten away from that and
I've got to get back to it. But you can just find me by
looking at my name Steve Gamlin,GAMLIN and my website which the
new ones coming, it'll be this same web address
stevegamlinspeaker.com. And and finally, Steve, what's
(36:02):
one thing you wish more men knew?
They have so much more power then they may believe.
And if you just listen to this one lesson that I learned by
observing one of my grandfather's, that just the
other day I said, Oh my gosh, I am Pepe because he was on the
French side, so is Pepe. Leave as many situations as you
(36:25):
can better than you find them, and you're going to see a
version of yourself emerge that you may never have even known
you had that much value if you just look for ways to leave the
world a little bit better. We never know where the ripples
go, but they're always going to be inside you.
So please do that. Because if you've been put down,
(36:47):
if you've been dragged down, if you're just feeling like, you
know, unappreciated, whatever, just start leaving the world a
little bit better in the tiniestways.
Pick up a piece of trash, rescuea shopping cart, cheer somebody
on, hold the door open. Let somebody else merge into
traffic instead of getting mad and letting a wreck your day a
(37:09):
little way. Leave the world a better place
than you found it. Steve, thanks so much for your
uncertified version of you and, and for unloading so much
firewood for all of us today. You know, I'm, I'm tempted to
say the cliche, you know, sorry for your loss, but I'm not
right? I I wish more people used loss
(37:33):
to fuel so much growth and service the way you are.
Yeah, yeah. All the things that we're doing
now, myself and my family, I wouldn't have done a year ago if
Tina was still here right now inher honor.
Oh, my gosh. We are feeling so connected to
the world in ways I've never felt before.
So it's a transition, not necessarily a loss.
(37:54):
It's a lateral move with with a new mindset.
A new mindset is available to all of us.
We don't right this, we don't. We don't have to wait for a loss
to want to better and improve our outlook in whatever we do.
Yeah, exactly, 100%. Awesome.
Well, thanks again, Steve, and I'm looking forward to all the
(38:17):
new creations that the New Year brings you.
Thank you very. Much and have a great new year
yourself and to all your viewersand listeners as well.
A huge thank you to Steve Gamblin for sharing his wisdom,
humor, and heart, and reminding us that gratitude and grief can
coexist and that kindness is always worth choosing.
If today's conversation moved you, inspired you, or simply
(38:38):
reminded you that you are not alone, I invite you to join me
in Authentic AF, my free men's community, where we talk openly
about real life, real feelings, and real growth.
You don't have to do life alone.Join us at
realmanfield.org/group and untilnext time, be good to yourself.
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