My choice and process around not having children

This episode is my honest answer to a listener question (thank you, Sarah from Toronto): How did you land at the decision not to have children?

I’ve always known I wanted deep love, but I never felt that same undeniable, biological, aching pull toward having children. I assumed I’d probably have them one day but it was never a soul-deep calling for me.

When I met Steve who was very clear he didn’t want any more children, the question came to the front of the table. Is this something I genuinely want? Or something I think I should want? Can I be at peace with his door being closed while mine is maybe open, but not exactly active?

Becoming a step-mum gave me a real, unfiltered taste of parenthood. The joy. The mess. The demands. The shifts. It didn’t make the decision for me, but it did make me reflect deeply on the life I want to live and the woman I want to be.

But if I’m honest, my biggest tension wasn’t about biology or longing. It was guilt.
Guilt about not giving my mum a grandchild because she would be the most loving Lola on this earth.

The conversation I had with my mum softened everything. When I cleared that guilt with her, I finally felt free to choose the life that is true for me.

This episode is for anyone navigating choice, pressure, timelines, guilt, or the quiet knowing in your gut that doesn’t match what the world tells you you “should” want.

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