May 28, 2025 • 18 mins
Chris pulls back the curtain on his deeply personal grief journey in this powerful inaugural episode that sets the foundation for what listeners can expect from "Real Talk with Life After Grief Chris." With remarkable candor, Chris reveals how his life has been shaped by a series of profound losses—beginning with his mother's devastating cancer diagnosis in 1994, through years as her caregiver during her Alzheimer's battle, to losing both parents within months of each other in 2008.
Through raw storytelling, Chris walks us through the financial complexities that accompanied his grief, including managing nursing home costs of $5,000 monthly as a twenty-something, becoming his mother's power of attorney, and making critical end-of-life decisions. He doesn't shy away from the emotional toll these experiences took, describing his descent to "rock bottom" with anxiety and depression after compounding losses. Yet his journey takes a transformative turn through grief counseling, spiritual connection, and personal growth practices that helped him rebuild.
Perhaps most poignantly, Chris shares his most profound grief experience—losing one of his twin sons at birth in 2012—and how this became his family's first true experience with "life after grief" as they welcomed their surviving son Eli, followed by another son years later. Now a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ and Certified Financial Transitionist®, Chris combines his personal grief journey with professional expertise to guide others through the financial maze that often accompanies loss. Whether you're navigating grief yourself or an advisor seeking to better serve clients in transition, subscribe to hear Chris's unique perspective on finding meaning, making sound financial decisions, and building a life after devastating loss.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Real Talk with Life After Grief Chris,
where we talk about relevantissues as it relates to
individuals in grief as theynavigate finances and the
advisors who help them.
We help clients in griefnavigate financial matters.
We also teach advisors how toemotionally and financially work
with clients in grief throughan unparalleled process.
This week's episode issponsored by Life After Grief
(00:24):
Financial Planning and LifeAfter Grief Consulting.
Folks hope and support for lifeafter grief and hopefully, a
little education along the way.
Let me go into some of mybackground and real life
(00:48):
experience and some of this willmake sense.
I've been a griever since 1994.
I've been a caregiver since2000.
I've been a financial plannersince 2003.
I've been a certified financialplanner since 2011.
I've been a life after grieversince 2013.
I've been a hospice volunteersince 2017.
And I have been a certifiedfinancial transitionist since
(01:11):
2021.
A certified financialtransitionist basically I'm
trained to help clients navigatethrough major life events and
the financial transitions thataccompany them, and I formally
got my bachelor's in educationwith a minor in business at the
University of Florida and Ispecialized in psychology.
Now for the meat of theinaugural episode.
(01:33):
So many folks know some thingsabout me and I'd like to kind of
go into detail of what makesChris Chris.
So in 1994, my mother wasformally diagnosed with breast
cancer.
My father was the one to giveme the news and my father was a
very calming force in my lifeand he downplayed the
(01:54):
significance of the diagnosis.
I would later find out that mymother's cancer was very
significant and it would havelife altering changes on me, my
brother, my dad and my mom.
So in 1994, after I graduatedfrom high school, I went off to
college and shortly thereaftermy mother and father separated.
(02:16):
They didn't separate becausethey wanted to.
They separated because mymother's cancer was progressing
at a rapid pace.
Because my mother's cancer wasprogressing at a rapid pace, she
went to MD Anderson in Houstonbecause it was recommended that
she have a bone marrowtransplant along with the
radiation and chemotherapy.
And you can imagine what I feltlike and what my father felt
(02:38):
like.
And my brother, who was in theMidwest, he felt completely
helpless and I had feelings ofdespair.
I was crying, I was depressed.
My dad's feelings, he was verydepressed and he felt very alone
.
And there was one time hecalled me and it was out of his
(03:01):
character and he asked me tocome home me and it was out of
his character, and he asked meto come home and he was crying
on the phone and he just felt.
I felt that he was in a momentof despair and didn't know we
know where to turn.
So he turned to me.
You know I went home and wewalked through a lot of things,
you know.
Shortly thereafter my mothercame back and things seemed to
get back on track.
You know things that I visuallysaw of my mother she lost all
of her hair and she was veryweak, but things seemed to get
(03:23):
back on track.
You know things that I visuallysaw of my mother she lost all
of her hair and she was veryweak, but she seemed to gather
her strength.
For the next couple of years,and shortly after I graduated,
before 2000, I had startednoticing some odd behavior from
my mother.
My mother seemed to, you know,either forget things or she
(03:47):
would seem to really exaggerateon things that are transpiring.
I remember very distinctly onetime that she said that her and
my father were going to get adivorce.
My parents were married for 40years and that was the furthest
thing from my mind, and reallymy father's mind.
But I also realized my fatherwas becoming increasingly
agitated with my mother.
(04:08):
My father was a very patientperson.
So in the year 2000, I was wellinto my career and I was a
manager at a local Bank ofAmerica here in Orlando and I
got a call from my father.
And what transpired from thatphone call wouldn't forever
change the trajectory of all ofour lives.
The cancer was one thing, butthis next event really changed
(04:32):
things.
My mother was at a medicalprovider and was having a what I
would call a psychotic episode.
My father called the ambulanceand the fire department came and
they attempted to get my motherout of my parents' car and no
one could get her out of the carand my father asked me to come
(04:55):
and I got there and my motherwas just speaking basically in
tongues is the best way I coulddescribe it I was the only one
that was able to get her out ofthe car, to convince her to get
out of the car, and she went tothe hospital and after a couple
of days in the hospital, theyBaker acted my mother, and so if
you don't know what that means,it's basically they hold you
(05:16):
under supervision and theymedicate you while they evaluate
your psychiatric wherewithal.
Over the next eight years or so,we would be dealing with my
mother and her Alzheimer's,which we came to ultimately find
out.
I would become the secondarycaregiver.
(05:36):
My father was my mother'sprimary caregiver, but I was
overseeing the entire operation.
Basically and you know thingsthat I would go through I had to
learn about their finances, Ihad to go to a lot of doctor's
appointments and I was nowacting as a parent for both of
my folks.
My mother was in and out of thehospital.
My father was also in and outof the hospital during this time
(05:58):
due to, you know, his variousailments and the overwhelming
stress that happened with my mom.
And then, also during thisperiod, I had a lot of bad
advice from professionals,specifically elder care
attorneys.
I learned a lot by fire.
I also became my mother's powerof attorney.
My wife and I purchased theirhome.
(06:20):
You know we did that inanticipation of my parents
running out of money and toavoid any conflict with my
brother, you know, in regards toany assets that were left over.
And then we also had to dealwith respite caregivers.
My father ultimately needed abreak, a lot, and we needed
someone to be with my mother 24,seven, and my father was
(06:41):
attempting to work and earn aliving at this time, and you
know, fast forward, you knowgetting through a lot of that I
learned a tremendous amount.
One of the things that I tookaway was, ultimately, how to
recharge, how to separate myselffrom situations, and then how
(07:02):
to be extremely efficient attime management.
Extremely efficient at timemanagement, you can imagine.
All of those things werewrapped up into one, and so, in
May of 2008, my mother went tothe hospital.
We could no longer care for herat home.
She had another episode and shewas in a situation to where she
(07:23):
may have been harmful toherself and, as a result of
going to the hospital, she wasplaced in a nursing home.
So we also had to figure thatout very quickly.
And then the expense that camealong with the nursing home.
The nursing home that weselected was $5,000 a month, and
the $5,000 a month was at myexpense, and you can imagine how
(07:45):
daunting that was for a 20something year old.
But again, I learned by fireand there were some things that
I did in advance of that to makesure that my mother could have
the best possible care.
And in May of 2008, when shewent to the hospital.
She had a couple of lesions onher spine.
Her cancer came back.
It came back roughly 14 yearsafter it was in remission and in
(08:10):
August of 2008, she hadprobably 12 to 15 lesions on her
spine.
I very distinctly remember thedoctor when my mother entered
the hospital this final time,saying that her cancer was going
to be slow moving and itultimately was not.
It was very fast moving andthey could put her on
medications and things like thatto slow the progression.
(08:33):
Ultimately, the doctor waswrong.
In August my mother passed awayand some of the other decisions
and the information that I foundout was my mother didn't want
to be on life support.
We had a family meeting todiscover that, nor did my father
, and there was a situation towhere my mother stopped eating
(08:55):
and my father wanted to put afeeding tube in my mother and I
had to be the one to come to myfather and say that we need to
honor her wishes.
You can imagine that was a verydifficult conversation between
my father and I.
Ultimately, you know, I madethat decision and I have no
regrets because it was what mymother wanted, but I did have to
(09:16):
.
You know the nurse called methe hospice nurse and let me
know first that my mother hadpassed, and then I had to give
that information to my fatherand that was disseminated to the
rest of my family.
So over the next couple ofmonths, you know, I was trying
to help my dad progress in life,but I also had to remember that
, you know, he just lost hisspouse at 40 years and my father
(09:40):
was still living in the houseand the house was becoming a
financial burden for me and mywife.
My father had no income at thispoint and I was going to have
to move my father out of hishome.
Even though my wife and Ipurchased it, it was still my
mother and father's home and Iwas in the discovery phase of
finding someplace close to us.
(10:02):
And then my father ended uppassing away in November of 2008
.
He passed away, ultimately,from an infection that he had
and the infection, you know, ledto, ultimately, a heart attack.
And I had some guilt aroundthat situation because while he
was in the hospital, the doctorssaid that they needed to change
(10:23):
a port in his arm and I gavehim the go ahead and his body
couldn't it couldn't reboundfrom the surgery.
I had a lot of guilt because Imade that decision but it was
ultimately in the best interestfor my father, his infection.
The doctors that said to me heprobably would have passed away
shortly thereafter.
Anyways, then after you know canimagine, after that situation I
(10:46):
had to deal with the house.
I had to deal with the house, Ihad to renovate the house, I
had to make the decision to rentit or sell it, and that was at
the bottom of the housing market.
So I decided to rent the houseFast forward.
A year and a half later mypaternal grandmother passed away
and she had a know kind of hadto go through the dynamics of
(11:09):
vetting a nursing home andfinding a nursing home.
However, she was in a differentstate and my brother was kind
of managing that situation whileI was managing it from afar.
That was a very difficultsituation, as you can imagine.
It was so soon after my parentspassed and the day that I came
back from my grandmother'sfuneral I got several phone
(11:30):
calls and text messages from myneighbor saying that the police
are raiding your parents' house.
You can imagine the thoughtsand the emotion that was going
through my mind.
I asked my neighbor to give thepolice officer my phone number.
The police officer called meand said that we suspect that
(11:50):
one of the tenants in the homewere housing large amounts of
marijuana.
And that was news to me.
If anyone knows me or knowsabout me, I've never done any
drugs, any kind of drugs at all,and had no idea how this
situation kind of evolved.
And I just asked the policeofficers please don't damage the
house.
(12:10):
Luckily, I had surroundedmyself prior to that point by
good friends and professionals,one of which was a defense
attorney who helped me throughthe situation, and one was a
real estate attorney.
So we dealt with that situationappropriately.
And then I got on to the nextphase of life and, as you can
imagine, I had to put all of mygrief on hold to deal with the
(12:32):
financial implications of myparents passing and then
immediately move on to thesituation of grief with my
grandmother.
After the situation with mygrandmother, I hit rock bottom
bottom.
As you can well imagine, I hadextreme bouts of anxiety, I had
extreme bouts of depression andI didn't know where to go.
I utilized alcohol to numb thepain and I got to a point where
(12:57):
that was no longer effective.
So I sought out my personalpriest who I've known since I
was a teenager, and herecommended that I go to group
grief counseling.
And in group grief counseling Irealized that I was very young
to have these experiences firstand foremost.
But the experiences that I wasgoing through were normal.
They normalized what I wasgoing through and they said that
(13:18):
ultimately, your experiencesare going to help other people
and their experiences in life.
What I also did was go on amedical missionary trip to Ghana
.
It was 10 days of healing andcompletely giving to others, one
of the best trips of my lifeand I would do it in a heartbeat
again.
My support system helped me.
I had a lot of people that Ineeded to say sorry to.
(13:40):
I affected a lot of peopleduring that time of my anger
pain negatively, and I also wenton a church retreat focusing on
men and I was veryintrospective in my life and my
focus in life and what I need todo to help other people.
I also began journaling duringthis time, which was a relief
(14:04):
from some of the anxiety that Ifelt, and I still do that today
if I reach situations that Ineed help through.
So all of this set me up forwhat I would say was the hardest
grief situation in my life.
My wife and I were expectingtwins and in 2012, one of my
(14:25):
twins was born early and heultimately did not survive.
If you know anything abouttwins, once one twin is born,
the other twin normally follows,and it was a situation to where
my second son he didn't want toleave the womb he came I think
(14:46):
he was about a week late and hewas a medical miracle.
That was my wife and I's firstexperience with life after grief
.
My son, eli, who was a twin,who is living his name has
biblical significance and thenwe had our third son two years
(15:06):
later, gideon, and he, you know,further exemplified our life
after grief, and my wife and Inever looked back and you can
imagine there were several griefdecisions that I had to make,
and you know my wife had to make, and probably one of the
hardest situations, the mostheart-wrenching decisions my
(15:28):
wife and I had to ever make wasto tell our boys about their
brother, and their response wasso emblematic of everything that
we went through.
They simply said why didn't youtell us earlier?
My wife and I learned a lotabout ourselves and how each
other grieves at that moment andit brought us as a family a lot
(15:50):
closer together, and we talkabout my oldest son, who is no
longer with us.
His name was Christopher Clorse.
It really brought things withgrief full circle, and now I use
my experiences, my knowledgeand my education to help
grieving families and, frankly,their advisors overcome
obstacles so they too canexperience life after grief.
(16:10):
And ultimately, theseexperiences have led me to this
blog and you know I really wantto help other people to
experience what I've experienced.
I've had a long road and notevery day is rosy, but I
continue to fight through and Ihave a tremendous support system
God, first and foremost, myfamily, my friends.
(16:31):
You may have pulled out somethings from this podcast, like
financial decisions and times ofgrief, support systems,
experience, recharging,self-help resources and tips and
, frankly, resiliency, and I'veutilized a lot of that
information for a future podcast.
Some of the ones in the futurethat you can expect to hear how
(16:54):
do I grieve, normalcy andtimelines, what to say and what
not to say to a griever, eldercare, helpful hints, family
dysfunction, vetting the DreadedNursing Home, the Sandwich
Generation.
And then in each of thepodcasts there are going to be
various links to specificinformation and where to get
them.
Those are just some of thepodcasts that you can look
(17:16):
forward to.
Hopefully, my experience andeducation can go to help you
through your experience throughgrief and also if you're an
advisor, you know and you havenowhere to go to help your
client, you can start here.
You know.
You can really find ways tohelp your clients navigate grief
(17:38):
.
I really hope you learn a lotalong the way and I hope you
enjoy the ride and please feelfree to share this podcast, or
any ones to come, with yourfamily, friends or colleagues.
See you on the next episode.
(18:03):
Thank you for listening to ourpodcast.
If you are a client and arelooking to work directly with me
, chris and or my firm, head onover to Life After Grief FP.
That is, life After Grief FP.
The FP is forfinancialplanningcom.
If you are an advisor lookingto emotionally and financially
work with your client in grief,or if you are a client looking
(18:24):
to get your advisor's head inthe game, head on over to
lifeaftergriefconsultingcom.
That islifeaftergriefconsultingcom.
Any information referenced inthis week's podcast will be
located here in the podcastsection and, as always, please
feel free to share this week'spodcast with any friend, family
(18:46):
member or colleague.
Thanks for listening.
See you next week on the nextepisode.
Welcome to Real Talk with Life After Grief Chris,
where we talk about relevantissues as it relates to
individuals in grief as theynavigate finances and the
advisors who help them.
We help clients in griefnavigate financial matters.
We also teach advisors how toemotionally and financially work
with clients in grief throughan unparalleled process.
This week's episode issponsored by Life After Grief
(00:24):
Financial Planning and LifeAfter Grief Consulting.
Folks hope and support for lifeafter grief and hopefully, a
little education along the way.
Let me go into some of mybackground and real life
(00:48):
experience and some of this willmake sense.
I've been a griever since 1994.
I've been a caregiver since2000.
I've been a financial plannersince 2003.
I've been a certified financialplanner since 2011.
I've been a life after grieversince 2013.
I've been a hospice volunteersince 2017.
And I have been a certifiedfinancial transitionist since
(01:11):
2021.
A certified financialtransitionist basically I'm
trained to help clients navigatethrough major life events and
the financial transitions thataccompany them, and I formally
got my bachelor's in educationwith a minor in business at the
University of Florida and Ispecialized in psychology.
Now for the meat of theinaugural episode.
(01:33):
So many folks know some thingsabout me and I'd like to kind of
go into detail of what makesChris Chris.
So in 1994, my mother wasformally diagnosed with breast
cancer.
My father was the one to giveme the news and my father was a
very calming force in my lifeand he downplayed the
(01:54):
significance of the diagnosis.
I would later find out that mymother's cancer was very
significant and it would havelife altering changes on me, my
brother, my dad and my mom.
So in 1994, after I graduatedfrom high school, I went off to
college and shortly thereaftermy mother and father separated.
(02:16):
They didn't separate becausethey wanted to.
They separated because mymother's cancer was progressing
at a rapid pace.
Because my mother's cancer wasprogressing at a rapid pace, she
went to MD Anderson in Houstonbecause it was recommended that
she have a bone marrowtransplant along with the
radiation and chemotherapy.
And you can imagine what I feltlike and what my father felt
(02:38):
like.
And my brother, who was in theMidwest, he felt completely
helpless and I had feelings ofdespair.
I was crying, I was depressed.
My dad's feelings, he was verydepressed and he felt very alone
.
And there was one time hecalled me and it was out of his
(03:01):
character and he asked me tocome home me and it was out of
his character, and he asked meto come home and he was crying
on the phone and he just felt.
I felt that he was in a momentof despair and didn't know we
know where to turn.
So he turned to me.
You know I went home and wewalked through a lot of things,
you know.
Shortly thereafter my mothercame back and things seemed to
get back on track.
You know things that I visuallysaw of my mother she lost all
of her hair and she was veryweak, but things seemed to get
(03:23):
back on track.
You know things that I visuallysaw of my mother she lost all
of her hair and she was veryweak, but she seemed to gather
her strength.
For the next couple of years,and shortly after I graduated,
before 2000, I had startednoticing some odd behavior from
my mother.
My mother seemed to, you know,either forget things or she
(03:47):
would seem to really exaggerateon things that are transpiring.
I remember very distinctly onetime that she said that her and
my father were going to get adivorce.
My parents were married for 40years and that was the furthest
thing from my mind, and reallymy father's mind.
But I also realized my fatherwas becoming increasingly
agitated with my mother.
(04:08):
My father was a very patientperson.
So in the year 2000, I was wellinto my career and I was a
manager at a local Bank ofAmerica here in Orlando and I
got a call from my father.
And what transpired from thatphone call wouldn't forever
change the trajectory of all ofour lives.
The cancer was one thing, butthis next event really changed
(04:32):
things.
My mother was at a medicalprovider and was having a what I
would call a psychotic episode.
My father called the ambulanceand the fire department came and
they attempted to get my motherout of my parents' car and no
one could get her out of the carand my father asked me to come
(04:55):
and I got there and my motherwas just speaking basically in
tongues is the best way I coulddescribe it I was the only one
that was able to get her out ofthe car, to convince her to get
out of the car, and she went tothe hospital and after a couple
of days in the hospital, theyBaker acted my mother, and so if
you don't know what that means,it's basically they hold you
(05:16):
under supervision and theymedicate you while they evaluate
your psychiatric wherewithal.
Over the next eight years or so,we would be dealing with my
mother and her Alzheimer's,which we came to ultimately find
out.
I would become the secondarycaregiver.
(05:36):
My father was my mother'sprimary caregiver, but I was
overseeing the entire operation.
Basically and you know thingsthat I would go through I had to
learn about their finances, Ihad to go to a lot of doctor's
appointments and I was nowacting as a parent for both of
my folks.
My mother was in and out of thehospital.
My father was also in and outof the hospital during this time
(05:58):
due to, you know, his variousailments and the overwhelming
stress that happened with my mom.
And then, also during thisperiod, I had a lot of bad
advice from professionals,specifically elder care
attorneys.
I learned a lot by fire.
I also became my mother's powerof attorney.
My wife and I purchased theirhome.
(06:20):
You know we did that inanticipation of my parents
running out of money and toavoid any conflict with my
brother, you know, in regards toany assets that were left over.
And then we also had to dealwith respite caregivers.
My father ultimately needed abreak, a lot, and we needed
someone to be with my mother 24,seven, and my father was
(06:41):
attempting to work and earn aliving at this time, and you
know, fast forward, you knowgetting through a lot of that I
learned a tremendous amount.
One of the things that I tookaway was, ultimately, how to
recharge, how to separate myselffrom situations, and then how
(07:02):
to be extremely efficient attime management.
Extremely efficient at timemanagement, you can imagine.
All of those things werewrapped up into one, and so, in
May of 2008, my mother went tothe hospital.
We could no longer care for herat home.
She had another episode and shewas in a situation to where she
(07:23):
may have been harmful toherself and, as a result of
going to the hospital, she wasplaced in a nursing home.
So we also had to figure thatout very quickly.
And then the expense that camealong with the nursing home.
The nursing home that weselected was $5,000 a month, and
the $5,000 a month was at myexpense, and you can imagine how
(07:45):
daunting that was for a 20something year old.
But again, I learned by fireand there were some things that
I did in advance of that to makesure that my mother could have
the best possible care.
And in May of 2008, when shewent to the hospital.
She had a couple of lesions onher spine.
Her cancer came back.
It came back roughly 14 yearsafter it was in remission and in
(08:10):
August of 2008, she hadprobably 12 to 15 lesions on her
spine.
I very distinctly remember thedoctor when my mother entered
the hospital this final time,saying that her cancer was going
to be slow moving and itultimately was not.
It was very fast moving andthey could put her on
medications and things like thatto slow the progression.
(08:33):
Ultimately, the doctor waswrong.
In August my mother passed awayand some of the other decisions
and the information that I foundout was my mother didn't want
to be on life support.
We had a family meeting todiscover that, nor did my father
, and there was a situation towhere my mother stopped eating
(08:55):
and my father wanted to put afeeding tube in my mother and I
had to be the one to come to myfather and say that we need to
honor her wishes.
You can imagine that was a verydifficult conversation between
my father and I.
Ultimately, you know, I madethat decision and I have no
regrets because it was what mymother wanted, but I did have to
(09:16):
.
You know the nurse called methe hospice nurse and let me
know first that my mother hadpassed, and then I had to give
that information to my fatherand that was disseminated to the
rest of my family.
So over the next couple ofmonths, you know, I was trying
to help my dad progress in life,but I also had to remember that
, you know, he just lost hisspouse at 40 years and my father
(09:40):
was still living in the houseand the house was becoming a
financial burden for me and mywife.
My father had no income at thispoint and I was going to have
to move my father out of hishome.
Even though my wife and Ipurchased it, it was still my
mother and father's home and Iwas in the discovery phase of
finding someplace close to us.
(10:02):
And then my father ended uppassing away in November of 2008
.
He passed away, ultimately,from an infection that he had
and the infection, you know, ledto, ultimately, a heart attack.
And I had some guilt aroundthat situation because while he
was in the hospital, the doctorssaid that they needed to change
(10:23):
a port in his arm and I gavehim the go ahead and his body
couldn't it couldn't reboundfrom the surgery.
I had a lot of guilt because Imade that decision but it was
ultimately in the best interestfor my father, his infection.
The doctors that said to me heprobably would have passed away
shortly thereafter.
Anyways, then after you know canimagine, after that situation I
(10:46):
had to deal with the house.
I had to deal with the house, Ihad to renovate the house, I
had to make the decision to rentit or sell it, and that was at
the bottom of the housing market.
So I decided to rent the houseFast forward.
A year and a half later mypaternal grandmother passed away
and she had a know kind of hadto go through the dynamics of
(11:09):
vetting a nursing home andfinding a nursing home.
However, she was in a differentstate and my brother was kind
of managing that situation whileI was managing it from afar.
That was a very difficultsituation, as you can imagine.
It was so soon after my parentspassed and the day that I came
back from my grandmother'sfuneral I got several phone
(11:30):
calls and text messages from myneighbor saying that the police
are raiding your parents' house.
You can imagine the thoughtsand the emotion that was going
through my mind.
I asked my neighbor to give thepolice officer my phone number.
The police officer called meand said that we suspect that
(11:50):
one of the tenants in the homewere housing large amounts of
marijuana.
And that was news to me.
If anyone knows me or knowsabout me, I've never done any
drugs, any kind of drugs at all,and had no idea how this
situation kind of evolved.
And I just asked the policeofficers please don't damage the
house.
(12:10):
Luckily, I had surroundedmyself prior to that point by
good friends and professionals,one of which was a defense
attorney who helped me throughthe situation, and one was a
real estate attorney.
So we dealt with that situationappropriately.
And then I got on to the nextphase of life and, as you can
imagine, I had to put all of mygrief on hold to deal with the
(12:32):
financial implications of myparents passing and then
immediately move on to thesituation of grief with my
grandmother.
After the situation with mygrandmother, I hit rock bottom
bottom.
As you can well imagine, I hadextreme bouts of anxiety, I had
extreme bouts of depression andI didn't know where to go.
I utilized alcohol to numb thepain and I got to a point where
(12:57):
that was no longer effective.
So I sought out my personalpriest who I've known since I
was a teenager, and herecommended that I go to group
grief counseling.
And in group grief counseling Irealized that I was very young
to have these experiences firstand foremost.
But the experiences that I wasgoing through were normal.
They normalized what I wasgoing through and they said that
(13:18):
ultimately, your experiencesare going to help other people
and their experiences in life.
What I also did was go on amedical missionary trip to Ghana
.
It was 10 days of healing andcompletely giving to others, one
of the best trips of my lifeand I would do it in a heartbeat
again.
My support system helped me.
I had a lot of people that Ineeded to say sorry to.
(13:40):
I affected a lot of peopleduring that time of my anger
pain negatively, and I also wenton a church retreat focusing on
men and I was veryintrospective in my life and my
focus in life and what I need todo to help other people.
I also began journaling duringthis time, which was a relief
(14:04):
from some of the anxiety that Ifelt, and I still do that today
if I reach situations that Ineed help through.
So all of this set me up forwhat I would say was the hardest
grief situation in my life.
My wife and I were expectingtwins and in 2012, one of my
(14:25):
twins was born early and heultimately did not survive.
If you know anything abouttwins, once one twin is born,
the other twin normally follows,and it was a situation to where
my second son he didn't want toleave the womb he came I think
(14:46):
he was about a week late and hewas a medical miracle.
That was my wife and I's firstexperience with life after grief
.
My son, eli, who was a twin,who is living his name has
biblical significance and thenwe had our third son two years
(15:06):
later, gideon, and he, you know,further exemplified our life
after grief, and my wife and Inever looked back and you can
imagine there were several griefdecisions that I had to make,
and you know my wife had to make, and probably one of the
hardest situations, the mostheart-wrenching decisions my
(15:28):
wife and I had to ever make wasto tell our boys about their
brother, and their response wasso emblematic of everything that
we went through.
They simply said why didn't youtell us earlier?
My wife and I learned a lotabout ourselves and how each
other grieves at that moment andit brought us as a family a lot
(15:50):
closer together, and we talkabout my oldest son, who is no
longer with us.
His name was Christopher Clorse.
It really brought things withgrief full circle, and now I use
my experiences, my knowledgeand my education to help
grieving families and, frankly,their advisors overcome
obstacles so they too canexperience life after grief.
(16:10):
And ultimately, theseexperiences have led me to this
blog and you know I really wantto help other people to
experience what I've experienced.
I've had a long road and notevery day is rosy, but I
continue to fight through and Ihave a tremendous support system
God, first and foremost, myfamily, my friends.
(16:31):
You may have pulled out somethings from this podcast, like
financial decisions and times ofgrief, support systems,
experience, recharging,self-help resources and tips and
, frankly, resiliency, and I'veutilized a lot of that
information for a future podcast.
Some of the ones in the futurethat you can expect to hear how
(16:54):
do I grieve, normalcy andtimelines, what to say and what
not to say to a griever, eldercare, helpful hints, family
dysfunction, vetting the DreadedNursing Home, the Sandwich
Generation.
And then in each of thepodcasts there are going to be
various links to specificinformation and where to get
them.
Those are just some of thepodcasts that you can look
(17:16):
forward to.
Hopefully, my experience andeducation can go to help you
through your experience throughgrief and also if you're an
advisor, you know and you havenowhere to go to help your
client, you can start here.
You know.
You can really find ways tohelp your clients navigate grief
(17:38):
.
I really hope you learn a lotalong the way and I hope you
enjoy the ride and please feelfree to share this podcast, or
any ones to come, with yourfamily, friends or colleagues.
See you on the next episode.
(18:03):
Thank you for listening to ourpodcast.
If you are a client and arelooking to work directly with me
, chris and or my firm, head onover to Life After Grief FP.
That is, life After Grief FP.
The FP is forfinancialplanningcom.
If you are an advisor lookingto emotionally and financially
work with your client in grief,or if you are a client looking
(18:24):
to get your advisor's head inthe game, head on over to
lifeaftergriefconsultingcom.
That islifeaftergriefconsultingcom.
Any information referenced inthis week's podcast will be
located here in the podcastsection and, as always, please
feel free to share this week'spodcast with any friend, family
(18:46):
member or colleague.
Thanks for listening.
See you next week on the nextepisode.
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