December 25, 2024 • 28 mins
Holidays can be a complex tapestry of emotions, where joy and sorrow often weave together, creating a season that's as challenging as it is beautiful. Picture this: you're working at a Battered Women's Shelter during the holiday rush, finding moments of happiness amid heartbreak. Our episode peels back the layers on these poignant experiences, sharing personal stories that highlight the power of kindness and the bittersweet nature of altering traditions due to illness or loss. We embrace the beauty of making new memories, even when the past holds a tender grip on our hearts.
Ever had a kid turn a classic Christmas song into something hilarious? We kick off with such a story before venturing into the shadows cast by Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). As the days grow shorter, millions find themselves grappling with winter blues. We bring light—quite literally—into this dialogue, discussing how therapy, staying active, and new traditions can illuminate our mental landscapes. Sharing our own encounters with SAD, we offer insights into how light and connection can brighten the darkest days.
Looking at the holidays through the eyes of children, we explore the disruption of school closures and the challenges they face without their usual support systems. With a personal tale of a child navigating trust issues at school, we underscore the importance of open communication and a nurturing environment. As we anticipate an exciting Christmas trip to New York, we remember those who might need a little extra support, urging our listeners to engage in community outreach. This episode is a heartfelt reminder that together, we can craft a season of compassion and positive impact.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome to.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Real Talk.
I am Tina and I am Anne and weare getting ready for the
holiday break and right nowthere is a lot of joy in the air
, but there's also quite a fewpeople who are hurting.
When I worked at the BatteredWoman Shelter, abuse went up
during the holidays anddefinitely, you know, joy went
down.
We did as much as we could tohelp put a smile on the kids'
(00:31):
faces or their moms while theywere living there in the shelter
, but Christmas wasn't home.
But for some, however, it wastheir best Christmas because
they weren't home and they wereno longer in the hurt.
But there are people who don'thave happy situations right now.
There are people who are aloneand maybe for the first time.
There are people who might havehad a job loss and they can't
(00:53):
provide for their family.
There are people who arehomeless.
There are people who have had ahuge loss or death or maybe a
split within their family.
So we need to think of thosewho are really hurting during
this time.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
I read and shared something recently that said
someone you know was preparingfor their first Christmas
without their husband, wife,mother, father, brother, sister,
daughter or son.
Others are preparing for theirlast.
Regardless of specifics,remember the season of joy is
oftentimes a season of sorrowfor many.
Be kind, be generous, give love, give help.
(01:26):
If nothing else, just don'tgive people a hard time.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
You know what?
And it's difficult when we'rein the stores and there is a lot
of people giving people a hardtime right now.
So, yeah, just put a smile onyour face, because you don't
know what people are goingthrough.
You know, I can remember whenmy dad died at Thanksgiving and
people tried to have fun andwent through the motions of the
holidays, but I was just deadinside.
(01:53):
I mean, even at 11 years old.
It didn't matter what anyonewould have given me for
Christmas and I got a lot thatyear, but I just wanted my dad
and I just felt that huge holein my heart.
So there's a lot of mixedfeelings, and I know that there
is for you too during this timeof year, tina.
It is.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
I just had a conversation with my dad about
this very topic this morning.
He was saying how he's not surewhat to get my mom, who has
early onset Alzheimer's.
And you know I said I know itlooks so different than we had
planned.
I said, but it's okay if we gether things that she would like
(02:34):
in this stage of where life isfor her and for us opposed to
what we wish we could get her.
And so it is filled with joyseeing the excitement in the
eyes of my children and gettingto spend time with family and,
of course, eat delicious food.
But it is also a hard time, asad time, to see my mom in her
condition and that quote that Ishared or I don't know if you
(02:58):
call it a quote, I don't knowwho said it, it was just
something that I saw on socialmedia and then reshared, but it
it just really hit me.
You know, oftentimes I think wewe remember maybe more of the
firsts, but we don't know whenthe lasts will be.
And so we're in a season ofpreparing, if you will, because
(03:23):
we don't know when it will be mymom's last time, and so I think
that's what makes it a littlebit challenging for us.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Well, I'm so sorry that you guys are going through
that this year.
I thought of you when we hadtalked about what we were going
to be talking about on thepodcast and you know I my heart
went right to you.
So I am really sorry, cause Iknow what you guys are going
through during this.
(03:52):
This time it is very mixed,yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
And you know my mom loved wrapping gifts like love,
love, loved it and always didsuch a beautiful job.
Just, not just wrapping paperbut matching ribbons, matching
bows, matching gift tags andjust the little things.
When you actually stop to thinkabout what you miss or maybe
what you took for granted andyou never even meant to, just
(04:18):
all the things like that, shewould have been calling me like
what do the kids want?
I want to go shopping and gooverboard and spend exactly to
the penny the amount on each ofthem, you know it just.
And baking the cookies together.
And she loved to make jobpretzels and you know I miss, I
miss those things.
She always made holidays andbirthdays so extra special days
(04:46):
and birth days, so extra special.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Do you think that you could take some pretzels and
chocolate and maybe do that withher and maybe give her some
wrapping paper and see if shecan wrap?
You don't know what comes back,you know.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Yeah, we tried the wrapping paper thing last year
and it didn't work.
And my guess is, you knowthings have progressed since
then and that wouldn't workeither.
We're really in a stage that isjust hard.
You know you look at her andyou might not think there's
anything going on, but you knowseeing her try and be unable is
(05:19):
what's really really hard.
And you know we're not givingup, though, on the baking thing.
I plan to have her over onFriday.
I'm trying to get over ahopefully brief sickness over
here and hope to have her overon Friday so that maybe we can
do some cookies.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Okay, oh, okay.
Yeah, you try to include peopleas much as you can during the
holidays, even when you knowit's difficult.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
So, yeah, well, last year baking cookies with mom was
quite a challenge.
She kept trying to eat them all.
That's awesome.
She would try to like like lickpart of the frosting off some
of the cookie things.
She would never do, and I'm notmaking fun, you just have to
kind of laugh.
Oh right, yeah, I didn't sayanything, it was like, okay, she
would never do.
And I'm not making fun, youjust have to kind of laugh.
Oh right, yeah, I didn't sayanything, it was like, okay,
just mental note, those aremom's cookies.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
That's awesome.
Oh, so funny.
You know we tried hard to put asmile on our faces for our kids
or for your mom or whomever,when things are not really going
well, especially during thistime of year.
You know we had Denise on whenTina was taking a break and she
shared how hard her holidayswere growing up with an abusive
(06:32):
family and finally finding whata true love of an adult was all
about in a shelter.
So when I worked in the jailsystem, the women were there and
their kids were home, and manyof them did not have men to help
.
Women were there and their kidswere home, and many of them did
not have men to help them withtheir kids while they were
incarcerated.
Many of the kids relied on Toysfor Tots or other organizations
(06:53):
and we would take toys fromToys for Tots and load up our
cars and give some of the kidswhose parents were incarcerated
and give them the best Christmasthat we could.
They just lit up when we wouldwalk in with all these presents.
It was so fun.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
I imagine it would be .
That's where the joy comesthrough the pain.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Yeah, yeah, you know, I know presents aren't
everything.
I have a funny story.
My seven-year-old was singingto me the other morning and he
was just all about mama thatmorning All I want for Christmas
is you.
And he was just singing andthen I said something that he
wasn't very happy about, andthen he instantly looked at me
and said all I want forChristmas is toys, toys, not you
(07:36):
.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Oh my goodness, kids do say the darndest things,
don't they?
How smart to know to changethat up so quickly.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Oh, he's a smart one.
All right, he's only seven and,yeah, sometimes he's pretty
full of it.
So there is actually somethingcalled SAD Seasonal Affective
Disorder and Optumcom slash.
Health says 10 millionAmericans have winter depression
(08:06):
.
It is actually a clinicaldepression that starts in the
fall and winter and goes untilspring.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Yeah, the average sad episode lasts about five months
and comes back year after yearwith varying intensity,
according to that same website.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Yeah, sometimes just the cold and snow, which we have
not really been having too muchof, but today we have quite a
bit of it.
Sometimes that can just keepyou in the house and more
isolated.
Whenever I'm not around people,I can instantly feel a mild
depression coming over me, andthe longer that goes it can
become worse over time.
It reminds me of COVID, wheneverybody was isolated and
(08:45):
leaving our houses was not anoption and interacting with
people was just not a thing.
Depression was rampant for acouple of years and I honestly
think that hasn't officiallyleft everyone since that
happened.
I think there are still somepeople that are being affected
by that.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Oh, I absolutely agree and I know the isolation
to be a true factor in speedingup my mom's early onset
Alzheimer's and we're kind ofseeing the opposite to also be
true.
So we have a caretaker therefor her every day of the week
for several hours, and I do oneof the week for several hours
and I do one of the days.
Her being around people hasreally helped over the past few
(09:23):
months.
So that's something to keep inmind, that really being around
people.
We are built for connection itreally does mean something.
Now I would say I amself-diagnosed with seasonal
affective disorder.
I have worked really reallyhard over the past two years in
particular to overcome it.
(09:43):
I only like two years ago wasable to put this name to it.
So now that I've realized it, Ido know that the weather
contributes lack of sunshine andlight for me being cooped up
inside, not around people, asmuch things like that.
It's all very, very true.
When it gets dark so early,that really messes with me too.
(10:04):
So several years ago I guess itwould be right around those two
maybe this is more.
Like three years ago I've beenrealizing but my parents got me
a light therapy lamp.
It was something that I hadasked for for Christmas and I
have now made it a bucket listfor the winter to go outside and
(10:25):
even start new traditions.
I use that light therapy lamp.
I would say it helps a bit.
It's not a cure-all, but itdoes help a bit.
And it kind of helps just tellyour body like, oh, it's still
light out or, oh, wake up.
And helps you kind of wake upand just feel just a notch above
, just a little happier, becauselight just does that.
(10:47):
For me at least.
That's amazing.
Yeah, it's been really cool andI've even made myself go and
play in the snow.
See, I don't like to be cold,me either, not at all.
I've made myself.
You know, like my kids todayhave said, since there's snow
outside when we get home fromschool, can we play out in it?
And I was like, yes, you know,I was so excited because I knew
(11:10):
that I've got so many hoursbefore that comes.
And now that the time iscreeping up for when they will
be home, I'm thinking, oh, whatdid I get myself into?
It's a hospital with trying toget over the crud.
But here's what I will say withcomplete certainty it does help
.
There are still periods of timethat sad gets me.
(11:32):
But the bucket list and forcingmyself to go out and do things
kind of like the opposite ofwhat I want to do helps break
that cycle.
So if you're wondering, well,how do I know if I have SAD, I
can tell you that some of thesymptoms are low energy, sadness
, loss of interest in some ofyour favorite activities Again
like a depression, only it'sseasonally, it's weather
(11:52):
dependent, changes in appetite,some different sleep patterns,
fuzzy thinking, poorconcentration, feelings of
worthlessness or guilt, thoughtsof death or suicide.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
I know someone who had SAD and I would say it had
to do with the lack of sunshineand light like you were just
talking about, and they talkabout that in this article.
Shorter days means lesssunlight.
This actually affects circadianrhythm, your body's internal
clock that's tied to sleepingand waking.
According to Optumcom, they sayit affects your hormones, as
(12:26):
the chemical messengers tellyour body what to do and when.
Melatonin is one of thosehormones.
But in the wintertime thathormone is still releasing
melatonin during the morning,when you're supposed to be
waking up.
I found that interesting.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
I did too.
I had to read that a couple oftimes and I understand, I guess,
now what it's saying.
I guess that's why we're somuch more tired in the morning,
because our bodies think, well,maybe we're supposed to be
sleeping.
And for me, it hits me more inthe evening.
It's kind of like once it'sdark outside, my body's ready at
(13:00):
yam to go to sleep and it'slike wait, you still have
several more hours.
And I'm like but I don't wantto.
You know, I want to go to bed,right right, we've been going to
bed earlier.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
It's interesting that the kids even are like I'm
tired, I want to go to bed, andthat never happens.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
So that doesn't happen much over here.
My, my middle, my middle son isthe one who has no problem ever
going to bed, never, ever, ever, ever fights, and it's the
other two.
Yeah Well, the article thatwe've been referring to on
Optumcom also talks about.
Because of less sunlight, yourbody can produce less serotonin,
(13:38):
which is that feel good brainchemical and helps regulate mood
, and women are two to fourtimes as likely to experience
sad as men.
So it can begin to hit youbetween the ages of 20 and 30
years old, but even some kidscan have it, and of course, it
appears to be dependent on whereyou live.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
The further north you are, the more you can
experience seasonal affectivedisorder.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
I guess that is why so many people move to Florida,
if they can, or just south atleast.
The article says that only 1%of Floridians get winter
depression and 10% of NewHampshire residents get it, so I
mean that's a huge difference.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Yeah, it does matter where you live.
So if you or someone you knowbegins to have symptoms the same
time every year, like clockwork, you might want to consider
looking into seasonal affectivedisorder.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
So what can you do, I mean, when your body is telling
you to just sit and not leaveyour house?
Maybe make yourself go for awalk, like Tina was just talking
about, going out and makingsnow angels or doing whatever in
the snow.
Meet a friend for coffee, doingthose things that can give you
that jumpstart that you need.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Exactly Do the opposite of what you feel like
doing to get out of that funk.
If you keep going in thiscircle chasing the same result,
you're going to get the sameresult.
But if you kind of break thatcycle and do something a little
different, you might just beable to change that thought
pattern.
It is important to change thosethought patterns.
You got to resist the urge tohibernate, so maybe you want to
(15:17):
get together on FaceTime or Zoomif you really don't want to be
around the crowds, or there'ssickness or something like that.
Whatever you decide to do, justdo something to break the cycle
of doom and gloom.
That's what I tell myself.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Sad can be treated.
So you can talk to your doctorabout this, talk to a mental
health professional.
There are therapies just likethe bright light therapy that
Tina was just talking about,which I had never really heard
of, so that's really interesting.
It gives you the right amountof light that you need for your
hormones to reverse course, sothat's really great.
The article also says that 67%of patients with mild SAD and
(15:55):
40% with more severe feltimprovements with bright light
therapy.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
I tell you I can attest to that.
I do love my light therapy lampand, like I said, it kind of
takes it just kind of takes theedge off or puts your happiness
up a notch.
That's kind of how I describeit.
It's kind of like you turn thatlight on and your mood just
goes up because it's just brightand it's just happy.
That's really the best way Ican explain it.
(16:22):
And if you've tried the lighttherapy lamp or you've tried
some other things and you stilldon't feel like you're where you
want to be, there is alsomedication that can help you
during situational depressionsand I would encourage you to
talk with your doctor, much likeI have.
And while we're beingtransparent and real, I do take
anxiety medication.
It is new to me.
(16:43):
I started it in October and Ican tell you, and my family will
tell you with 100% certainty Ifeel so much better.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
That is great, tina.
I'm really glad that youdecided to do that.
I mean, you were really sayingit was for me.
Yeah, I remember even on thepodcast us talking that you
weren't ready for something likethat.
But you know, everybody has toget to where they're ready to be
able to do something and maybethey find alternative ways to
(17:14):
handle their anxiety ordepression.
But I mean, this is what you'vecome to during this time.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
Absolutely.
It took physical symptoms andliterally I had several brain
MRIs because of the symptomsthat I was having and they came
back clean.
And so when that happened, itwas like okay, we ruled out all
of the other things, the road isleading to anxiety.
And so when that happened, itwas like okay, we ruled out all
of the other things, the road isleading to anxiety.
(17:42):
And so I knew then it was timeto do something, because I
couldn't do it on my own.
It was time for medication.
I had tried so many otherthings and for a period of time
they did work.
And then they just stoppedworking, and I don't know if
it's because there was morestress and anxiety.
I don't know if it was becauseit just wore off after time I
(18:04):
don't exactly know or acombination of the two.
Regardless, I found somethingthat works really well for my
body, my genetic makeup, if youwill.
I don't know exactly what isall entailed with it, but I am
having some really great successwith the medication that I'm
taking, and it's a senior dose,if you will.
(18:25):
They call it just the lowestdose.
Well, you know what?
I guess I shouldn't say.
I think there's one dose lowerthan what I'm taking, but it's a
very small dose, but it makes abig, big difference.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Well, that's amazing.
That's really great that youdid what you needed to.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
So I'm yeah, you get to a point where at least I did.
I wasn't ready, but my husbandwasn't pushing me, my doctor
wasn't pushing me, my closefriends weren't pushing me, they
were just.
You know, if you think you needit, great, and if you don't,
great.
And so it was just so nice tojust okay.
(19:05):
You know, we're going to justsit with you right where you are
and accept where you are, andif you are ever ready for it,
great.
You know, they would justencourage me that.
You know, maybe you would feela little better if you tried
something and you only have tostay on it long.
And the breaking point for mewas twofold.
It was knowing that I couldn'tdo this on my own.
(19:27):
When my doctor said this isn'tyour fault, this is not
something you can will your wayout of.
Okay, that really resonatedwith me.
And the physical symptoms Icould no longer live with.
And so I met my threshold.
I exceeded my threshold andthat's when I decided I have to
(19:50):
try this.
I have to, and I'm so glad Idid.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
There is cognitive behavioral therapy, cbt, where
you learn how your thoughtsaffect your feelings and actions
.
For example, the article stateshow negative thoughts can
relate to negative moods, whichcan lead to negative behaviors,
or vice versa.
I know for a fact that thisworks because I never did CBT,
(20:14):
but I have actually beentreating myself with this, I
think, all this time.
I mean I do CPT wheneverthere's something going on with
me.
The more that you think aboutit, the more you feel it and
then your actions fall into play.
I mean I lie to myself thatfake it until you make it saying
from AA, or I talk myself intoliking something or doing
(20:36):
something, until I am doing iton my own without having to
think about it.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
It takes a lot of energy to change those thought
patterns, and I know that to betrue also.
But I can tell you, boy, whenit's successful for me, it's so
worth it and it will be for youtoo.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Please do not go through this alone, whether it's
the winter months or because ofa situation going on during the
holidays or any other time ofthe year.
Please talk with someone, findsomeone you can share, because
if you can just take this firststep, you will instantly feel a
relief and begin to feel better.
I know that that's true.
If you feel like you want toend your life, please contact
(21:14):
the Suicide Hotline at 988.
That's all you have to do iscall 988 and someone on the
other end will pick up and meetyou where you are.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
That's the whole point.
I think it's so important tojust meet people and love them
right where they are.
I know that's what resonates sowell for me not to be pushy and
just meet them where they areand let them feel the care we're
here for you.
Also at Real Talk, you cancontact us on our website,
realtalkwithtinaandanncom.
You can write us a message,send us a voicemail, by hitting
(21:48):
the mic on the bottom right andwe will respond.
You can always message us onReal Talk with Tina and Ann on
Facebook as well.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Now you had a quote for us, tina.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
Yes, there are a couple of the short quotes and I
don't have any authors, I'vekind of just compiled these over
reading various things.
But the first is self-care isnot selfish, it's necessary for
good mental health.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
I can't say that enough.
Absolutely, absolutely.
You have another one, yes.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
The second one that resonated with me for this
podcast is small steps can leadto big progress in mental health
.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Yeah, I can remember times in my life where it was
literally just taking thesmallest step and I mean it kept
me going forward.
I have this thing in my headthat as long as I'm moving
forward, I'm okay.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Yes, progress is still progress.
It can be imperfect, but it isstill progress, right?
Well, the last one, that mighteven be the biggest, most
encouraging one that I'd likeyou to take away, is you are
capable of overcoming yourmental health challenges.
(23:06):
You are capable, and I reallylike this one because, for so
many of us, our trauma or thingsthat have happened in our life
isn't our fault, and so thatpart really does stink, but it
is our responsibility to dosomething about it to make it
better for us, for our family,you know, to break the cycle, to
(23:30):
help us fully live.
And so you are capable ofovercoming your mental health
challenges really, reallyresonates with me.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Yeah, absolutely.
I know you and I both have gonethrough very difficult times
and I still picture you out onthat ledge in Hawaii where you
had to overcome and it was verydifficult and sometimes we find
ourselves right on the edge ofthat ledge in life.
But we just have to keep takingthat step and moving forward
(24:04):
and we can overcome.
I know I have, I know you have,in some of our toughest
situations.
So, and if you are having adifficult time, you can contact
us, like we said, and maybe wecan help direct you in the right
way.
Thank you so much for joiningus.
And if you're a teacher, oranybody that is, has kids in
(24:25):
your classroom that are hurtingand you know that, maybe you can
make a difference.
Maybe when they come back fromholiday break, ask them how
things were, ask them if theyneed anything when they're going
on break it's the same thingand maybe just touch base with
them.
You know my son right now ishaving a really hard time and he
(24:47):
cannot go to school and we havedone everything we can to get
him into school Now.
He has a great home but we'vehad teachers and the resource
officer and just recently thehead of student services was
here to try to talk to him andwe finally got him to school.
They're kind of using ice creamright now as a way to get him
(25:11):
to school.
But you know, he just had areally bad experience at school
and he's autistic and he made anassociation with the teacher
and right now he doesn't trustthe teacher.
So I mean, can you see howcritical it is for us to have
our kids trust the people thatthey're working with?
You know, I mean, if youthey've said that my son and I
(25:34):
know a lot of kids are builtlike this and adults it's about
connection and if the person infront of us, you know, if we
don't trust them, then we're notgoing to perform for them,
we're not going to do what wehave to do for them.
So you know, uh, I think wegoing to be able to get on the
other side of this, but it'sjust so critical, especially
during the winter months, for usto kind of touch base with
(25:56):
these kids.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
Yeah, I, oh gosh, I just I can't imagine and I don't
know how you undo that.
And that's what I love about theschool systems where we live is
that I feel like there are somany people who are so kind and
caring and trained and somehowlearn how to do things that I'm
just kind of like I don't knowwhat to do about it.
(26:19):
You know, I don't know how tofix the problem.
I have a three-year-old son whoI wasn't planning to send to
preschool next year, but myhusband said you know, we
probably should because he talksa lot but his enunciation and
clarity is maybe 25%.
I don't know how to fix that.
So I think we're going to sendthem.
(26:40):
And actually today I reachedout to the school and said, hey,
I'm really not ready, but Ithink he needs this, and so
we're already scheduling for amonth from now he'll have his
evaluation and we'll get theball rolling and I just it's
amazing what they're able to doand I'm so grateful that we have
people in place who are expertsin areas of helping kids with
(27:02):
all the different challengesthat they face, with all the
different challenges that theyface.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Yeah, and they are experts and sometimes we just
have to be careful.
And also, you know, it's okayto call your teacher out when
you feel that they haven't donesomething professional with your
child, even though they areprofessionals.
So there's nothing wrong withdoing that either.
(27:27):
And I just had a talk with histeacher, or the people that are
over her, actually, and said youknow, even though she feels
that she didn't do anythingwrong, and he does feel like she
did, all she needs to do is getdown on his level and say I
know you feel like I hurt youand I'm sorry.
(27:49):
Now, you know that takes careof so much.
Just those little words.
And I guarantee that if she didthat, that she would get more
out of him.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Well, hopefully that suggestion is heard and taken
and you see some changes.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
But he's excited for Christmas as we're going to New
York and doing some differentthings.
But I'll tell you, you knowthere are a lot of hurting kids
out there that they lose theirlifelines.
The rug is pulled out fromunder them when they can't go to
school.
So just remember that thatmaybe we could reach out and
help some kids that might behurting during this time
(28:30):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
Thank you so much for listening.
This is Real Talk with Tina andAnne and hopefully you have
wonderful holiday season withyour friends and family.
Welcome to.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Real Talk.
I am Tina and I am Anne and weare getting ready for the
holiday break and right nowthere is a lot of joy in the air
, but there's also quite a fewpeople who are hurting.
When I worked at the BatteredWoman Shelter, abuse went up
during the holidays anddefinitely, you know, joy went
down.
We did as much as we could tohelp put a smile on the kids'
(00:31):
faces or their moms while theywere living there in the shelter
, but Christmas wasn't home.
But for some, however, it wastheir best Christmas because
they weren't home and they wereno longer in the hurt.
But there are people who don'thave happy situations right now.
There are people who are aloneand maybe for the first time.
There are people who might havehad a job loss and they can't
(00:53):
provide for their family.
There are people who arehomeless.
There are people who have had ahuge loss or death or maybe a
split within their family.
So we need to think of thosewho are really hurting during
this time.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
I read and shared something recently that said
someone you know was preparingfor their first Christmas
without their husband, wife,mother, father, brother, sister,
daughter or son.
Others are preparing for theirlast.
Regardless of specifics,remember the season of joy is
oftentimes a season of sorrowfor many.
Be kind, be generous, give love, give help.
(01:26):
If nothing else, just don'tgive people a hard time.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
You know what?
And it's difficult when we'rein the stores and there is a lot
of people giving people a hardtime right now.
So, yeah, just put a smile onyour face, because you don't
know what people are goingthrough.
You know, I can remember whenmy dad died at Thanksgiving and
people tried to have fun andwent through the motions of the
holidays, but I was just deadinside.
(01:53):
I mean, even at 11 years old.
It didn't matter what anyonewould have given me for
Christmas and I got a lot thatyear, but I just wanted my dad
and I just felt that huge holein my heart.
So there's a lot of mixedfeelings, and I know that there
is for you too during this timeof year, tina.
It is.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
I just had a conversation with my dad about
this very topic this morning.
He was saying how he's not surewhat to get my mom, who has
early onset Alzheimer's.
And you know I said I know itlooks so different than we had
planned.
I said, but it's okay if we gether things that she would like
(02:34):
in this stage of where life isfor her and for us opposed to
what we wish we could get her.
And so it is filled with joyseeing the excitement in the
eyes of my children and gettingto spend time with family and,
of course, eat delicious food.
But it is also a hard time, asad time, to see my mom in her
condition and that quote that Ishared or I don't know if you
(02:58):
call it a quote, I don't knowwho said it, it was just
something that I saw on socialmedia and then reshared, but it
it just really hit me.
You know, oftentimes I think wewe remember maybe more of the
firsts, but we don't know whenthe lasts will be.
And so we're in a season ofpreparing, if you will, because
(03:23):
we don't know when it will be mymom's last time, and so I think
that's what makes it a littlebit challenging for us.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Well, I'm so sorry that you guys are going through
that this year.
I thought of you when we hadtalked about what we were going
to be talking about on thepodcast and you know I my heart
went right to you.
So I am really sorry, cause Iknow what you guys are going
through during this.
(03:52):
This time it is very mixed,yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
And you know my mom loved wrapping gifts like love,
love, loved it and always didsuch a beautiful job.
Just, not just wrapping paperbut matching ribbons, matching
bows, matching gift tags andjust the little things.
When you actually stop to thinkabout what you miss or maybe
what you took for granted andyou never even meant to, just
(04:18):
all the things like that, shewould have been calling me like
what do the kids want?
I want to go shopping and gooverboard and spend exactly to
the penny the amount on each ofthem, you know it just.
And baking the cookies together.
And she loved to make jobpretzels and you know I miss, I
miss those things.
She always made holidays andbirthdays so extra special days
(04:46):
and birth days, so extra special.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Do you think that you could take some pretzels and
chocolate and maybe do that withher and maybe give her some
wrapping paper and see if shecan wrap?
You don't know what comes back,you know.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Yeah, we tried the wrapping paper thing last year
and it didn't work.
And my guess is, you knowthings have progressed since
then and that wouldn't workeither.
We're really in a stage that isjust hard.
You know you look at her andyou might not think there's
anything going on, but you knowseeing her try and be unable is
(05:19):
what's really really hard.
And you know we're not givingup, though, on the baking thing.
I plan to have her over onFriday.
I'm trying to get over ahopefully brief sickness over
here and hope to have her overon Friday so that maybe we can
do some cookies.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Okay, oh, okay.
Yeah, you try to include peopleas much as you can during the
holidays, even when you knowit's difficult.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
So, yeah, well, last year baking cookies with mom was
quite a challenge.
She kept trying to eat them all.
That's awesome.
She would try to like like lickpart of the frosting off some
of the cookie things.
She would never do, and I'm notmaking fun, you just have to
kind of laugh.
Oh right, yeah, I didn't sayanything, it was like, okay, she
would never do.
And I'm not making fun, youjust have to kind of laugh.
Oh right, yeah, I didn't sayanything, it was like, okay,
just mental note, those aremom's cookies.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
That's awesome.
Oh, so funny.
You know we tried hard to put asmile on our faces for our kids
or for your mom or whomever,when things are not really going
well, especially during thistime of year.
You know we had Denise on whenTina was taking a break and she
shared how hard her holidayswere growing up with an abusive
(06:32):
family and finally finding whata true love of an adult was all
about in a shelter.
So when I worked in the jailsystem, the women were there and
their kids were home, and manyof them did not have men to help
.
Women were there and their kidswere home, and many of them did
not have men to help them withtheir kids while they were
incarcerated.
Many of the kids relied on Toysfor Tots or other organizations
(06:53):
and we would take toys fromToys for Tots and load up our
cars and give some of the kidswhose parents were incarcerated
and give them the best Christmasthat we could.
They just lit up when we wouldwalk in with all these presents.
It was so fun.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
I imagine it would be .
That's where the joy comesthrough the pain.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Yeah, yeah, you know, I know presents aren't
everything.
I have a funny story.
My seven-year-old was singingto me the other morning and he
was just all about mama thatmorning All I want for Christmas
is you.
And he was just singing andthen I said something that he
wasn't very happy about, andthen he instantly looked at me
and said all I want forChristmas is toys, toys, not you
(07:36):
.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Oh my goodness, kids do say the darndest things,
don't they?
How smart to know to changethat up so quickly.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Oh, he's a smart one.
All right, he's only seven and,yeah, sometimes he's pretty
full of it.
So there is actually somethingcalled SAD Seasonal Affective
Disorder and Optumcom slash.
Health says 10 millionAmericans have winter depression
(08:06):
.
It is actually a clinicaldepression that starts in the
fall and winter and goes untilspring.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Yeah, the average sad episode lasts about five months
and comes back year after yearwith varying intensity,
according to that same website.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Yeah, sometimes just the cold and snow, which we have
not really been having too muchof, but today we have quite a
bit of it.
Sometimes that can just keepyou in the house and more
isolated.
Whenever I'm not around people,I can instantly feel a mild
depression coming over me, andthe longer that goes it can
become worse over time.
It reminds me of COVID, wheneverybody was isolated and
(08:45):
leaving our houses was not anoption and interacting with
people was just not a thing.
Depression was rampant for acouple of years and I honestly
think that hasn't officiallyleft everyone since that
happened.
I think there are still somepeople that are being affected
by that.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Oh, I absolutely agree and I know the isolation
to be a true factor in speedingup my mom's early onset
Alzheimer's and we're kind ofseeing the opposite to also be
true.
So we have a caretaker therefor her every day of the week
for several hours, and I do oneof the week for several hours
and I do one of the days.
Her being around people hasreally helped over the past few
(09:23):
months.
So that's something to keep inmind, that really being around
people.
We are built for connection itreally does mean something.
Now I would say I amself-diagnosed with seasonal
affective disorder.
I have worked really reallyhard over the past two years in
particular to overcome it.
(09:43):
I only like two years ago wasable to put this name to it.
So now that I've realized it, Ido know that the weather
contributes lack of sunshine andlight for me being cooped up
inside, not around people, asmuch things like that.
It's all very, very true.
When it gets dark so early,that really messes with me too.
(10:04):
So several years ago I guess itwould be right around those two
maybe this is more.
Like three years ago I've beenrealizing but my parents got me
a light therapy lamp.
It was something that I hadasked for for Christmas and I
have now made it a bucket listfor the winter to go outside and
(10:25):
even start new traditions.
I use that light therapy lamp.
I would say it helps a bit.
It's not a cure-all, but itdoes help a bit.
And it kind of helps just tellyour body like, oh, it's still
light out or, oh, wake up.
And helps you kind of wake upand just feel just a notch above
, just a little happier, becauselight just does that.
(10:47):
For me at least.
That's amazing.
Yeah, it's been really cool andI've even made myself go and
play in the snow.
See, I don't like to be cold,me either, not at all.
I've made myself.
You know, like my kids todayhave said, since there's snow
outside when we get home fromschool, can we play out in it?
And I was like, yes, you know,I was so excited because I knew
(11:10):
that I've got so many hoursbefore that comes.
And now that the time iscreeping up for when they will
be home, I'm thinking, oh, whatdid I get myself into?
It's a hospital with trying toget over the crud.
But here's what I will say withcomplete certainty it does help
.
There are still periods of timethat sad gets me.
(11:32):
But the bucket list and forcingmyself to go out and do things
kind of like the opposite ofwhat I want to do helps break
that cycle.
So if you're wondering, well,how do I know if I have SAD, I
can tell you that some of thesymptoms are low energy, sadness
, loss of interest in some ofyour favorite activities Again
like a depression, only it'sseasonally, it's weather
(11:52):
dependent, changes in appetite,some different sleep patterns,
fuzzy thinking, poorconcentration, feelings of
worthlessness or guilt, thoughtsof death or suicide.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
I know someone who had SAD and I would say it had
to do with the lack of sunshineand light like you were just
talking about, and they talkabout that in this article.
Shorter days means lesssunlight.
This actually affects circadianrhythm, your body's internal
clock that's tied to sleepingand waking.
According to Optumcom, they sayit affects your hormones, as
(12:26):
the chemical messengers tellyour body what to do and when.
Melatonin is one of thosehormones.
But in the wintertime thathormone is still releasing
melatonin during the morning,when you're supposed to be
waking up.
I found that interesting.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
I did too.
I had to read that a couple oftimes and I understand, I guess,
now what it's saying.
I guess that's why we're somuch more tired in the morning,
because our bodies think, well,maybe we're supposed to be
sleeping.
And for me, it hits me more inthe evening.
It's kind of like once it'sdark outside, my body's ready at
(13:00):
yam to go to sleep and it'slike wait, you still have
several more hours.
And I'm like but I don't wantto.
You know, I want to go to bed,right right, we've been going to
bed earlier.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
It's interesting that the kids even are like I'm
tired, I want to go to bed, andthat never happens.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
So that doesn't happen much over here.
My, my middle, my middle son isthe one who has no problem ever
going to bed, never, ever, ever, ever fights, and it's the
other two.
Yeah Well, the article thatwe've been referring to on
Optumcom also talks about.
Because of less sunlight, yourbody can produce less serotonin,
(13:38):
which is that feel good brainchemical and helps regulate mood
, and women are two to fourtimes as likely to experience
sad as men.
So it can begin to hit youbetween the ages of 20 and 30
years old, but even some kidscan have it, and of course, it
appears to be dependent on whereyou live.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
The further north you are, the more you can
experience seasonal affectivedisorder.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
I guess that is why so many people move to Florida,
if they can, or just south atleast.
The article says that only 1%of Floridians get winter
depression and 10% of NewHampshire residents get it, so I
mean that's a huge difference.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Yeah, it does matter where you live.
So if you or someone you knowbegins to have symptoms the same
time every year, like clockwork, you might want to consider
looking into seasonal affectivedisorder.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
So what can you do, I mean, when your body is telling
you to just sit and not leaveyour house?
Maybe make yourself go for awalk, like Tina was just talking
about, going out and makingsnow angels or doing whatever in
the snow.
Meet a friend for coffee, doingthose things that can give you
that jumpstart that you need.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Exactly Do the opposite of what you feel like
doing to get out of that funk.
If you keep going in thiscircle chasing the same result,
you're going to get the sameresult.
But if you kind of break thatcycle and do something a little
different, you might just beable to change that thought
pattern.
It is important to change thosethought patterns.
You got to resist the urge tohibernate, so maybe you want to
(15:17):
get together on FaceTime or Zoomif you really don't want to be
around the crowds, or there'ssickness or something like that.
Whatever you decide to do, justdo something to break the cycle
of doom and gloom.
That's what I tell myself.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Sad can be treated.
So you can talk to your doctorabout this, talk to a mental
health professional.
There are therapies just likethe bright light therapy that
Tina was just talking about,which I had never really heard
of, so that's really interesting.
It gives you the right amountof light that you need for your
hormones to reverse course, sothat's really great.
The article also says that 67%of patients with mild SAD and
(15:55):
40% with more severe feltimprovements with bright light
therapy.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
I tell you I can attest to that.
I do love my light therapy lampand, like I said, it kind of
takes it just kind of takes theedge off or puts your happiness
up a notch.
That's kind of how I describeit.
It's kind of like you turn thatlight on and your mood just
goes up because it's just brightand it's just happy.
That's really the best way Ican explain it.
(16:22):
And if you've tried the lighttherapy lamp or you've tried
some other things and you stilldon't feel like you're where you
want to be, there is alsomedication that can help you
during situational depressionsand I would encourage you to
talk with your doctor, much likeI have.
And while we're beingtransparent and real, I do take
anxiety medication.
It is new to me.
(16:43):
I started it in October and Ican tell you, and my family will
tell you with 100% certainty Ifeel so much better.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
That is great, tina.
I'm really glad that youdecided to do that.
I mean, you were really sayingit was for me.
Yeah, I remember even on thepodcast us talking that you
weren't ready for something likethat.
But you know, everybody has toget to where they're ready to be
able to do something and maybethey find alternative ways to
(17:14):
handle their anxiety ordepression.
But I mean, this is what you'vecome to during this time.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
Absolutely.
It took physical symptoms andliterally I had several brain
MRIs because of the symptomsthat I was having and they came
back clean.
And so when that happened, itwas like okay, we ruled out all
of the other things, the road isleading to anxiety.
And so when that happened, itwas like okay, we ruled out all
of the other things, the road isleading to anxiety.
(17:42):
And so I knew then it was timeto do something, because I
couldn't do it on my own.
It was time for medication.
I had tried so many otherthings and for a period of time
they did work.
And then they just stoppedworking, and I don't know if
it's because there was morestress and anxiety.
I don't know if it was becauseit just wore off after time I
(18:04):
don't exactly know or acombination of the two.
Regardless, I found somethingthat works really well for my
body, my genetic makeup, if youwill.
I don't know exactly what isall entailed with it, but I am
having some really great successwith the medication that I'm
taking, and it's a senior dose,if you will.
(18:25):
They call it just the lowestdose.
Well, you know what?
I guess I shouldn't say.
I think there's one dose lowerthan what I'm taking, but it's a
very small dose, but it makes abig, big difference.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Well, that's amazing.
That's really great that youdid what you needed to.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
So I'm yeah, you get to a point where at least I did.
I wasn't ready, but my husbandwasn't pushing me, my doctor
wasn't pushing me, my closefriends weren't pushing me, they
were just.
You know, if you think you needit, great, and if you don't,
great.
And so it was just so nice tojust okay.
(19:05):
You know, we're going to justsit with you right where you are
and accept where you are, andif you are ever ready for it,
great.
You know, they would justencourage me that.
You know, maybe you would feela little better if you tried
something and you only have tostay on it long.
And the breaking point for mewas twofold.
It was knowing that I couldn'tdo this on my own.
(19:27):
When my doctor said this isn'tyour fault, this is not
something you can will your wayout of.
Okay, that really resonatedwith me.
And the physical symptoms Icould no longer live with.
And so I met my threshold.
I exceeded my threshold andthat's when I decided I have to
(19:50):
try this.
I have to, and I'm so glad Idid.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
There is cognitive behavioral therapy, cbt, where
you learn how your thoughtsaffect your feelings and actions
.
For example, the article stateshow negative thoughts can
relate to negative moods, whichcan lead to negative behaviors,
or vice versa.
I know for a fact that thisworks because I never did CBT,
(20:14):
but I have actually beentreating myself with this, I
think, all this time.
I mean I do CPT wheneverthere's something going on with
me.
The more that you think aboutit, the more you feel it and
then your actions fall into play.
I mean I lie to myself thatfake it until you make it saying
from AA, or I talk myself intoliking something or doing
(20:36):
something, until I am doing iton my own without having to
think about it.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
It takes a lot of energy to change those thought
patterns, and I know that to betrue also.
But I can tell you, boy, whenit's successful for me, it's so
worth it and it will be for youtoo.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Please do not go through this alone, whether it's
the winter months or because ofa situation going on during the
holidays or any other time ofthe year.
Please talk with someone, findsomeone you can share, because
if you can just take this firststep, you will instantly feel a
relief and begin to feel better.
I know that that's true.
If you feel like you want toend your life, please contact
(21:14):
the Suicide Hotline at 988.
That's all you have to do iscall 988 and someone on the
other end will pick up and meetyou where you are.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
That's the whole point.
I think it's so important tojust meet people and love them
right where they are.
I know that's what resonates sowell for me not to be pushy and
just meet them where they areand let them feel the care we're
here for you.
Also at Real Talk, you cancontact us on our website,
realtalkwithtinaandanncom.
You can write us a message,send us a voicemail, by hitting
(21:48):
the mic on the bottom right andwe will respond.
You can always message us onReal Talk with Tina and Ann on
Facebook as well.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Now you had a quote for us, tina.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
Yes, there are a couple of the short quotes and I
don't have any authors, I'vekind of just compiled these over
reading various things.
But the first is self-care isnot selfish, it's necessary for
good mental health.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
I can't say that enough.
Absolutely, absolutely.
You have another one, yes.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
The second one that resonated with me for this
podcast is small steps can leadto big progress in mental health
.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Yeah, I can remember times in my life where it was
literally just taking thesmallest step and I mean it kept
me going forward.
I have this thing in my headthat as long as I'm moving
forward, I'm okay.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Yes, progress is still progress.
It can be imperfect, but it isstill progress, right?
Well, the last one, that mighteven be the biggest, most
encouraging one that I'd likeyou to take away, is you are
capable of overcoming yourmental health challenges.
(23:06):
You are capable, and I reallylike this one because, for so
many of us, our trauma or thingsthat have happened in our life
isn't our fault, and so thatpart really does stink, but it
is our responsibility to dosomething about it to make it
better for us, for our family,you know, to break the cycle, to
(23:30):
help us fully live.
And so you are capable ofovercoming your mental health
challenges really, reallyresonates with me.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Yeah, absolutely.
I know you and I both have gonethrough very difficult times
and I still picture you out onthat ledge in Hawaii where you
had to overcome and it was verydifficult and sometimes we find
ourselves right on the edge ofthat ledge in life.
But we just have to keep takingthat step and moving forward
(24:04):
and we can overcome.
I know I have, I know you have,in some of our toughest
situations.
So, and if you are having adifficult time, you can contact
us, like we said, and maybe wecan help direct you in the right
way.
Thank you so much for joiningus.
And if you're a teacher, oranybody that is, has kids in
(24:25):
your classroom that are hurtingand you know that, maybe you can
make a difference.
Maybe when they come back fromholiday break, ask them how
things were, ask them if theyneed anything when they're going
on break it's the same thingand maybe just touch base with
them.
You know my son right now ishaving a really hard time and he
(24:47):
cannot go to school and we havedone everything we can to get
him into school Now.
He has a great home but we'vehad teachers and the resource
officer and just recently thehead of student services was
here to try to talk to him andwe finally got him to school.
They're kind of using ice creamright now as a way to get him
(25:11):
to school.
But you know, he just had areally bad experience at school
and he's autistic and he made anassociation with the teacher
and right now he doesn't trustthe teacher.
So I mean, can you see howcritical it is for us to have
our kids trust the people thatthey're working with?
You know, I mean, if youthey've said that my son and I
(25:34):
know a lot of kids are builtlike this and adults it's about
connection and if the person infront of us, you know, if we
don't trust them, then we're notgoing to perform for them,
we're not going to do what wehave to do for them.
So you know, uh, I think wegoing to be able to get on the
other side of this, but it'sjust so critical, especially
during the winter months, for usto kind of touch base with
(25:56):
these kids.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
Yeah, I, oh gosh, I just I can't imagine and I don't
know how you undo that.
And that's what I love about theschool systems where we live is
that I feel like there are somany people who are so kind and
caring and trained and somehowlearn how to do things that I'm
just kind of like I don't knowwhat to do about it.
(26:19):
You know, I don't know how tofix the problem.
I have a three-year-old son whoI wasn't planning to send to
preschool next year, but myhusband said you know, we
probably should because he talksa lot but his enunciation and
clarity is maybe 25%.
I don't know how to fix that.
So I think we're going to sendthem.
(26:40):
And actually today I reachedout to the school and said, hey,
I'm really not ready, but Ithink he needs this, and so
we're already scheduling for amonth from now he'll have his
evaluation and we'll get theball rolling and I just it's
amazing what they're able to doand I'm so grateful that we have
people in place who are expertsin areas of helping kids with
(27:02):
all the different challengesthat they face, with all the
different challenges that theyface.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Yeah, and they are experts and sometimes we just
have to be careful.
And also, you know, it's okayto call your teacher out when
you feel that they haven't donesomething professional with your
child, even though they areprofessionals.
So there's nothing wrong withdoing that either.
(27:27):
And I just had a talk with histeacher, or the people that are
over her, actually, and said youknow, even though she feels
that she didn't do anythingwrong, and he does feel like she
did, all she needs to do is getdown on his level and say I
know you feel like I hurt youand I'm sorry.
(27:49):
Now, you know that takes careof so much.
Just those little words.
And I guarantee that if she didthat, that she would get more
out of him.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Well, hopefully that suggestion is heard and taken
and you see some changes.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
But he's excited for Christmas as we're going to New
York and doing some differentthings.
But I'll tell you, you knowthere are a lot of hurting kids
out there that they lose theirlifelines.
The rug is pulled out fromunder them when they can't go to
school.
So just remember that thatmaybe we could reach out and
help some kids that might behurting during this time
(28:30):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
Thank you so much for listening.
This is Real Talk with Tina andAnne and hopefully you have
wonderful holiday season withyour friends and family.
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