December 25, 2023 • 28 mins
Remember those New Year resolutions that fizzled out before we could hit February? Join me on the Receptive Impact Podcast as I share my unique approach to setting goals, a process that's given me more joy and a deeper connection with myself. The focus is less on the end result and more on the journey, the experiences, and the personal growth that comes along with it.
Ever had that overwhelming feeling of setting too many goals at once? I've got you covered! Tune in to know more about how to simplify your goals and make setting them less daunting. I'll let you in on how I plan small, manageable actions for each goal, making it less about pressure and more about exploration and play. You'll also learn about my quarterly retreats where I reassess my goals in a pressure-free space, maintaining the spirit of play and experimentation.
Serving as your guide, I'll share my journey from hitting rock bottom on my path to self-realization, and how it led me to this unique goal-setting process. I've learned to take responsibility for my reality, be honest with myself, and find joy in life. This episode is all about inspiring you to approach goal-setting from a fresh perspective - whether you're looking to create new experiences, stretch beyond your comfort zone, or deepen your connection with yourself, this episode is for you. Let's embark on this journey together, shall we?
About Nina
Nina is an author, artist, musician, Human Design Specialist, and podcast host of Receptive Impact. Open & curious to adventure and change, Nina Elise navigates the path of self-discovery, inviting you to explore the boundless opportunities that arise when we step out of our comfort zones.
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Music intro/outro: "In the Forest" by Lesfm
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the Receptive Impact Podcast.
I'm your host, nina Elise.
Hello friends, it is Nina and Iam fresh out of a weekend-long
quarterly retreat that I do withmyself every few months where I
set goals, and I really justwanted to explain my process of
(00:26):
setting goals because I feellike it's unique and very
different and it's not like atypical way that people set
goals at least the intentionbehind it because for me, the
goals that I set are actuallynot really things that I care if
I'm mute or not.
It's just more like the journeyalong the way of actually
(00:47):
getting to the goals.
So, if anyone is familiar withthe book the Alchemist by Paulo
Coelho, that's kind of how Idescribe my process with setting
goals, and so in this episode Iam going to take you through my
process of setting goals andhow I actually reach that place
and why I do it and theintentions behind it and what
(01:10):
it's kind of led to and theexperiences that I've had in my
life and how it has becomesomething that I really look
forward to every few months,because it is less about the
goals, there's no pressure.
It's basically like thisplayground that I have created
for myself that I get to playand experiment in, and there's
absolutely no pressure, noexpectations of actually meeting
(01:31):
the goals.
It's just more, like I said,the journey of making my way
towards that goal and theexperiences that I have and the
people that I meet and thegrowth and the learning that
occurs along the way and theactual person that I become on
the way to that goal.
So, as I am sharing this rightnow, it is about mid-October and
(01:54):
the way that I actually workwith recording my podcasts, I do
them in bulk, so I tend torecord a bunch of episodes back
to back and then I schedule themtwo weeks out.
So, as of right now, I haveepisodes scheduled out through
mid-December.
So this is actually veryperfect timing.
I did not plan this at all, butI will most likely be posting
(02:15):
this in December, I think onChristmas actually.
So Merry Christmas if you guysare listening to this, and I
feel like this will be perfectfor anyone who is really into
setting goals for the new year.
Some people set them on the newyear, some people set them
whatever the heck they want.
I don't think that there's anyexact timing, but I think, from
like a social perspective or theway society has done it.
(02:37):
January tends to be the day orthe time of the year that goals
are set and we get to reflect onthe previous year and say I
like this or I didn't like this.
What I want to do different,how can I make changes in my
life to make me feel healthier,happier or whatever that may be.
And so I'm excited to releasethis episode in December.
So basically, the way that Iwant to approach this is I want
(03:00):
to give you a little bit of abackground so you can understand
how I got to this place ofsetting this quarterly goals
retreat.
So basically I lock myself inmy house for two days and I
review previous goals from thelast few months and kind of look
at my journey and what I'veaccomplished over the last few
months and really acknowledgethat, and then, based on that, I
(03:25):
say what did I learn and how doI want to move forward?
What goals do I want tocontinue working towards?
What do I want to change?
Maybe I can just completelydrop this goal, and so it
becomes this really fun processof just kind of playing around
with like what kind of realitydo I want to create for myself.
So it's become like this reallyfun thing that I do with myself
.
That's really actually deepenedmy connection with myself and
(03:48):
provided a little bit moremeaning to my life and a little
bit more well, a lot more playinto my life, because I really
love to have new experiences andthis is one thing that really
helps me in like accomplish thatin this journey of life.
So just to give you guys alittle bit of a background,
about a year or so ago Ibasically like hit rock bottom,
(04:09):
like went through what I wouldcall like a spiritual awakening
or just basically whereeverything that I thought was
important to me basically leftmy life, whether it was a
relationship or a job or justlike just anything that I had
really big attachments toessentially and it was
incredibly disabilizing.
And at the same time, it wasall of my shadows and all of my
(04:33):
old belief systems and patternsand destructive behaviors like
came up for me to look at.
Like, basically, it was likesomeone was shining a mirror on
me in this moment and I got to aplace where, basically, I was
living with my dad for a coupleof months and I didn't have a
job.
All of my belongings that Iowned fit in the back of my Jeep
(04:53):
.
I was basically living out ofmy car and staying at my dad's
for a couple of months while Igot on my feet, and it was
probably like the lowest pointor moment of my entire life.
And it was one of those momentswhere I was like I need to
change, like it is me, like Icreated my reality, I created
these relationships, I createdthese scenarios that happened in
my life and I need to takeresponsibility for how I was
(05:17):
showing up in these differentways and be really really
radically honest with myselfabout what kind of life I was
creating and who I was actuallybeing in that process.
And so, while it was, you know,incredibly devastating and
really painful to go throughbecause it was basically like
going through this really bigdeath of this old life and this
(05:37):
old version of myself it wasreally beautiful because I knew
that it had to happen, like allof us had to be looked at in
order for me to really begin toget clear about what is it that
I really really want in life,like who am I Like?
Who?
Who do I want to choose?
Or who am I deciding to show upas every single day?
What kind of person do I wantto be, what kind of boundaries
(05:59):
do I want to set, what kind ofexperiences do I want to have?
And while I do believe thatthere is an underlying current
of just going with the flow oflife and there are things that
are completely out of ourcontrol, there are things like
our mindset and our intentionsand our emotions and our
thoughts that we do have controlover, and so this is where the
(06:20):
goal setting kind of comes in.
So, after about like I wouldsay, six months or so of me kind
of clearing through all ofthese emotions and really
sitting with them and like beingreally honest with myself, I
kind of came to this blank slateand I had no idea what I wanted
or who I was or like what I wasgoing to do in my life.
(06:40):
You know, in a previous life Ithought I knew what I wanted,
but it was basically based on alot of attachments and I put a
lot of people and things onpedestals, like nothing was ever
good enough.
And when I reached this pointof like this blank slate, it was
like this moment of merealizing that it was my job or
(07:01):
like my responsibility, tocreate my life and I could do
that based on what I wasintentionally putting my energy
and my attention on every singleday.
So the best way I coulddescribe it is like it was like
being in a white room and I wasjust there alone and it was like
there was a switchboard thatwas in front of me and all of
(07:23):
the like flips and knobs andwhatever represented different
things.
So, for example, if I turned oneknob one way, then, like, my
life would go down one route.
So, for example, if I'm like oh, I decided to be a lawyer, or I
decided to be a chef or youknow whatever, if I decided to
pursue something, I would changea couple of knobs or flip a
(07:43):
switch or something on thatboard and I could create this
life based on that.
And basically, to me, thatmeant that there were so many,
like an infinite amount ofpossibilities, the way that I
could live my life and thedifferent timelines that I could
go down.
And at first it was incrediblyoverwhelming, because you're
(08:04):
like there's an infinite amountof possibilities, like what life
do I want to create?
It's my choice and there'sabsolutely no right or wrong.
And so when I arrived at thatplace, it was just like, okay,
what do I choose, and because Ihad gone so deep into fears and
insecurities and like peeledback all these layers and I was
(08:26):
at this blank slate, there werelike a handful of things that
were left where I was like, okay, like I know that I love the
ocean, I know that I loveexperiencing new things, I know
that I love playing the guitarand singing, so these were like
a handful of things where I waslike, okay, let's just start
here.
(08:46):
So I started with things that,like I naturally love, like
these were things that didn'tfall away when I hit rock bottom
.
They just stayed with mebecause I personally enjoyed
them.
It wasn't something that couldbe taken from me.
And so what was really helpful,the way that I started my goal
setting was reading, thinkingI'm pretty sure everyone's
familiar with this book butbasically I created a definite
(09:07):
statement that became this likeoverarching statement of like my
purpose, my why and I usekeywords from my human design
profile and my incarnation costsand then also my top values in
order to create this definitestatement.
And basically what I did was,like I wrote that out.
I became very clear.
I did a couple of iterationsover the course of like a couple
(09:29):
of months, quite honestly,until I felt like, okay, this is
it, like this is going to belike my guiding light throughout
my life, what I base mydecisions on and how I choose
things, because this is who I'mchoosing to be.
And so it was really helpfulfor me to have that overarching
statement for myself, and Ireported it on an audio and I
would listen to it like five,six, seven, eight, nine, ten
(09:51):
times a day, I kid you not.
And I did that for months andmonths and I had, I had it
memorized and it just becamelike very ingrained in my mind
and like who I was.
And so, basically, when it cametime to set my goals, it was
like, okay, is this an alignmentwith my definite purpose and my
values?
What is my intention behinddoing something?
(10:11):
So, just to get into the actualquarterly retreat, it became
like this weekend event where,basically, I start out by
writing out all the things Iwant to accomplish or enjoy, or
learn, or like what I want togrow in, like things that
interest me, and then from thereI decide on top categories that
these goals will fall under,and I typically choose two to
(10:31):
four categories because,honestly, when I first started
doing this, I had fourcategories, and I was trying to
do so many things at once andtrying to accomplish all these
things that I didn't feel like Icould truly master or be fully
present in all of the goals, andso what ended up happening was
I ended up setting smaller goalsor setting less goals every
(10:53):
single quarter.
So just something to keep inmind, like, for example, I was
trying to learn Spanish and be apart of all these organizations
and just all these differentthings, and my energy was being
pulled in so many differentdirections.
And so this is where, like,some people really enjoy that,
but for me, I needed somethingmore slow paced, where I wasn't
like trying to do a milliondifferent things at once.
(11:15):
I needed rest, I needed to bepresent and really enjoy
something and like, really be inthe moment and be present with
whatever I was doing.
And it was hard to do that whenI was like running from thing
to thing or being like, okay, Ineed to schedule this time to
study and I need to do this, andI need to read this book, and
then I need to record thispodcast and I need to do this.
So, again, just keep that inthe back of your mind, like if
(11:37):
you're sending goals, makingsure that you set maybe like one
or two goals up to like fourgoals, depending on how you work
and making it so that it's notso overwhelming for you.
And so my categories, just toshare, typically surrounding,
like business and money, andthat's the first one.
The second one is philanthropyand service Like how am I
(11:58):
getting back, how am I workingin the community?
And the third one is growth andplay Like how can I grow?
What are things that I'm reallyinterested in and where can I
do certain things a few times aweek, just to continue to grow,
whether it's playing the guitaror taking voice lessons or
learning Spanish or things likethat.
And then my fourth one iscommunity and relationship.
(12:20):
So how am I integrating withthe community?
Like, how am I interacting withthem?
How am I building it?
How am I building relationshipswith friends and new people?
Because connection and intimacyis very, very important for me.
So what I typically do is I pickone main thing or a few small
things under each category.
So, again, nothing overwhelmingand what's really helpful,
(12:42):
especially when you have thatdefinite statement of, like your
life statement or whatever youwant to call it.
It helps me to have all of mymy different things connected
because all the goals that Itypically set they are typically
connected and overlap.
So, for example, volunteeringunder service, it satisfies my
goal under community andrelationships, because I get to
(13:05):
connect deeper with thecommunity and meet new people.
So when you're aligned withyour overarching goal and you
start to set these goals, you'llmost likely notice that some of
your goals start to overlap andso again, it kind of reduces
that pressure from being like,oh, I need to do all of these
different things in order tomeet all of my goals.
So After this, once I get clearon my top goals, I start
writing potential house.
(13:26):
So, for example, if I set mygoal to become a chef and I
don't know why I keep using thatexample, but it keeps popping
into my head then I would say,okay, if I wanted to be a chef,
what would I do?
So then I would go and follow abunch of chefs on social media
and I would see their journeyand I would see maybe they sell
courses, or I would look onlinefor different courses and I
(13:49):
would go and watch YouTubevideos and kind of see what the
journey is to become a chef andI would kind of like take that
in.
And then I would say, okay, thehouse of becoming a chef, okay,
I'm going to take an onlinecourse or an in-person course,
so I'll find something local andI'll say, okay, I'm going to
take a course over the course ofthe next few months for this
(14:09):
quarter's goals.
And another small thing that Ican do is maybe like committing
to cooking one brand new mealand experimenting with it every
single week, and so those can belike two really small hows that
help push me towards meetingthat goal of becoming a chef.
And, quite honestly, it doesn'teven matter like what these
(14:31):
small goals are or what the howsare, because life will always
bring things to you and it willalways surprise you.
So it's the actual act ofsetting an intention and then
taking an action, no matter howsmall or silly it may seem.
So just to give you guys anotherexample, something my personal
example, like when I firststarted doing these quarterly
(14:51):
retreats, so I wanted to giveback to the community outside of
my job as a nonprofitconsultant and I love the ocean,
so I found a few localnonprofits to check out that
support the environment and thatwas my goal choose a nonprofit
I want to commit to.
So the hows for me wereattending a few meetups and
meetings over the course of thenext few months and seeing, like
(15:13):
, how I fit, like, did I reallylove these nonprofits?
Did I connect with them?
Did I connect with the people?
And another how underneath thatwas watching videos on YouTube
before I would go to bed everysingle night about the
environment, about the wildlifein the ocean, and learning about
the ecosystem and differentthings in the actual area, so
(15:34):
that I could deepen myunderstanding of how to take
care of the actual ecosystem inthe area and what that really
entails.
So it was like I was upping myknowledge and my understanding
of what that really means andhow I can actually contribute to
that, whether it's doing beachcleanups or recycling a certain
way or learning different thingsabout recycling.
So these are actually reallysmall things that I did over the
(15:56):
course of a few months where Iwas able to see what I really
connected to.
And, honestly, I had chosen onenonprofit that I went to and it
just didn't feel super right,but I actually met somebody
there who told me about anothernonprofit I wasn't aware of.
Then I'm actually much moreengaged and have chosen that as
my nonprofit.
So for me there's no likefailure in any of this.
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It's literally just thisexperimentation.
You're saying I'm going tochoose this and I'm going to go
here, and then life will justkind of like take it from there
and it will always guide you tothe next thing or to the thing
that is like most in alignmentto you.
And so what's been reallyhelpful for me is, under each
goal I write an underlyingintention for why I'm choosing
to give my time and energytowards these goals, and it
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gives me meaning and purpose,and my intentions normally fall
under keywords like growth andconnection, and I think when you
have an intention towardssomething, it just helps guide
you a little bit more.
So after all of this, I cut allof this out.
I write it out all mywhiteboard or an oversized sheet
of paper, and I hang this up soI can revisit from time to time
(17:01):
, so I might look on it and say,okay, you know, I said I was
going to take voice lessons.
Okay, I have some time toschedule and start working with
somebody.
Or I want to volunteer once amonth?
Okay, what is that one thingthat I can do, and then I go and
look and then I set that up andhave that set for the month,
and so it's just kind of likethis reminder and it's not
something I have to look atevery single day because,
(17:22):
honestly, when you set yourgoals and you have your
intentions, it's in yourunconscious You're being
intentional about what is thatyou want to give your time and
your energy to, and it's justkind of like a way to check in
when you see it hanging up inyour house, or, for me
personally, when it's hanging inmy house.
So setting these goals for me itis such a fun exercise and,
like I said, there's no suchthing as failing because it's my
(17:46):
goal system that has noexpectations.
It's purely for my enjoymentand growth.
It is not dependent on anyoneelse or anything.
It is rooted on a foundation ofthings that bring me joy that
no one can take from me at all,and so it's not dependent on
anything external.
Basically, and another thingthat I really want to talk about
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is that there are things thatmay fall over the course of the
months and that's okay.
So when I say, this is, like youknow, a fun exercise for my own
personal enjoyment and growthin previous quarterly goals.
It just means that as I gothrough the month, maybe I
wasn't invested or maybe therewere no-transcript, that I
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thought I wanted to do something, but when I actually went and
did it I was like, oh, maybethis isn't what I wanted to do.
So after a few months, when Ihave my quarterly retreat,
basically what I do is I revisitmy goals and I say I did this
or I didn't do this, and why didI do this or not do this?
What worked and did it work?
And maybe realizing like, oh, Iwas doing this because I
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thought I wanted to or wascoming from an egoic place and I
wanted to prove myself orwhatever, and just being honest
with myself about it, becauseit's just honestly funny at the
end of the day, because we allhave our own blind spots, but
just like being honest with it,about like, maybe I'm not
passionate about this and maybeI thought I was and I just
wanted to have this experience.
So it's easier for me to justset that aside and let it go.
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And then, when I do that,without any shame or blame or
expectation, I'm able to let itgo and create space for
something new to come up for me,to experience or work towards.
And I think the biggest thingwhen I do my quarterly retreats
is I also celebrate the wins andall of the things that I've
done, because it highlights mygrowth and how I've changed as a
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person over the previous fewmonths and, honestly, I'm the
only person who will truly knowthe inner transformation that I
have gone through, and so it'sso important for me to make a
list and acknowledge all ofthose things, not just the
external things that I have done, but the inner shifts like, oh,
I learned how to manage myemotions better, or when I was
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angry, or the times that I gotangry, I was able to manage that
and I was able to clearlycommunicate and react in a
different way.
And so when you'reacknowledging this within
yourself, it's much moremotivating for you to continue
on and also like, if you're notyour own cheerleader, who will
be?
And so that's always been likea huge thing for me is I'm
(20:15):
always gonna celebrate myselfand I'm always going to really
just pump myself up and be likewow, you're doing a really
incredible job, nina, becausenot everyone else is going to
see that, not everyone is goingto see your internal process and
how you have shifted andchanged and the things that
you've done and the work thatyou have put in as you've worked
towards these goals, or thethings that you've experimented
with.
One additional thing that I dowant to mention that is like a
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super fun exercise to do, that Istarted doing last year.
It's a wild mind notebook.
So basically what I do is andthis kind of goes along the
goals because it helps to expand, like, what is possible that
you can experience.
So what I do is I write downthese seemingly outrageous goals
like being on Oprah or writinga New York Times bestselling
(21:00):
book and I don't really careabout these things, but just the
act of thinking about it andwriting it down and just
considering that it could evenbe a possibility, it like
stretches my mind to what ispossible and in turn, it expands
what is possible in my externalreality, because there's a part
of me that now believes like,oh well, I wrote it down and
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what if this is possible?
What if this is an actual thingthat could happen?
So it's a fun exercise to playand use your imagination.
So I think I have something likeplay acres of sunflowers on a
farm, or sing on a stage infront of thousands of people and
own my own private jet, andagain, like I'm not attached to
any of this but it's fun to playaround with and be like, oh,
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that'd be cool to experience,and not just that.
But it gets me thinking, well,what if, like, I never
considered it before, and so tome it pointed out a lot of like
limiting beliefs that I hadabout myself.
I'm like, well, why?
Why do I think that I can't dothis?
Like it is possible, likeanybody could do this, if I
really like put my mind to itand I like set my goals.
And this is something that Iwanted to experience and I could
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totally do it.
And so I think it's just a funexercise to kind of just expand
your consciousness, expandpotential limitations that you
have in your mind about whetheryou can do something or not.
And so these are like reallyoutlandish goals that I write
down.
So it's in the small notebookthat I have and I just jot down
fun ideas from time to time justto kind of like give me some
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creative ideas or kind of justhave some fun and start to
stretch my imagination a littlebit, because you know, when you
think about when you're kids,you're just like, yeah, I'm
gonna do this and I'm gonna bean astronaut on the moon and
whatever.
And it's like you had all thisbelief in yourself that you
could do anything and we kind ofjust stopped that.
And so this is just a reallyincredible exercise to do that
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really allows us to kind ofawaken that and our child within
us and start to believe like,wait, anything can really be
possible if we really put ourmind to it and we do something
like set these goals, where wetake small, bite-sized goals and
start working towards them.
Because, like I said, it's notlike you set this goal and
you're like, oh, this is sooverwhelming, how am I gonna get
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there?
It's like you literally justtake one step at a time and you
start with these small things.
That's literally like, oh okay,today I'm going to research
something about being a cheftalking about being a chef again
, but just to kind of go offwhat I said before, like I'm
gonna research potential chefschools in the area this week
and then the next week I'mactually going to decide what
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chef school that I may want togo to and then, like the week
after that I'm gonna actuallypay for that course and I'm
gonna sign up for it.
And so it's like you just takethese small steps and the
universe will reward you,because when you set your
intention, it's gonna start likethe snowball effect, where
things will really start toalign with that, because you are
intentionally deciding thatthis is the path that you're
going on.
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And so this is where the funcomes in, because a lot of
things will come up thatsurprise you and you're like, oh
, I put on my goal sheet thatthis was how I was gonna get
there, but this other thingshowed up and it actually
brought me here in thiscompletely different way that I
didn't even think about before.
And I think that is where, like,the juiciness of life is and
where you can have so much fun,because there's no way that we
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could totally control everythingin our lives.
Like it's just foolish toreally think that we could do
that.
I truly believe that we comehere to experience and learn and
grow different lessons, andthere is this underlying current
that just takes us and if weare more intentional with our
thoughts in our mind and likewhat's going on in our mind and
like our emotions, we're able toreact to life differently and
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we can kind of steer a littlebit as we're being taken on that
river, and so I just wanted toshare that aspect of it, because
I think that some people canget overwhelmed or there's like
comparison to what's going on.
But having these goal settingquarterly retreats with myself,
it's very much like this is me,this is just my relationship
with me, and creating thisintimate connection with myself
(25:03):
that no one else can really likebe a part of or, like you know,
have a say in, because I'mdoing this for myself and it's a
fun exercise and I get to tapinto my inner child and I get to
imagine and I get to expandwhat I thought was possible.
So I believe that is all that Ihave to say about setting goals
(25:25):
and this quarterly retreat thatI do for myself.
It's such a fun thing that I doevery few months.
Like I said, I do it over thecourse of one or two days, and
typically those days I turn offmy phone, I do things like I'll
do like a workout in the morningor I'll juice and just kind of
like get myself in a state whereI feel really, really good, and
then I go through that wholeprocess of setting my goals and
(25:48):
sometimes I'll do it over thecourse of two days.
I'll take pauses in between soI'm not just like sitting down
for 10 hours straight and likedoing this and then I'll make
sure that I do some fun things,like taking a walk on the beach
or like I'll go out and like Ithink one time I like took
myself out for ice cream fordinner one night, like I was
just like having fun with it andit was like I'm gonna do
whatever I want this weekend andit was just me and me setting
(26:09):
my goals and I got to dowhatever I wanted and it was
just like I was kind of datingmyself and creating this
beautiful relationship andconnection with myself.
And so I really hope that youguys enjoyed this episode.
This is a very intimate processthat I do with myself and I
don't know how everyone elsesets their goals or how they do
it, but this has been a verylong drawn-up process that I
(26:30):
have shifted and changed overtime and kind of created into
this new process of like how Ican actually have fun with my
reality and play around with itand I will say so many things
have come true, like the thingsthat I worked towards with my
goals, and it has actually blownmy mind about the things that
have shown up in my reality andthe most unexpected ways from
(26:52):
what the goals that I wasactually setting.
So, again, this stuff kind oftakes time too, because there
were things that I was doing andI was like, why is this not
happening?
Why is this not happening?
And I was just kind of beingimpatient about it and then,
like four or five months later,something happened that I was
like, oh my gosh, this is what Ihave been working for and it is
finally here, and it was in acompletely different way than I
expected.
And so to me, there's proof,because I've gone through this
(27:15):
process quite a few times overthe past year or so and there
are things that are showing upin my reality based on being
consistent and like having funand playing with this.
So that is all.
So thank you all for tuning in.
So remember to share with anyonewho may be interested in
setting goals or may not be surewhere to start, if you go
through your own process and youmaybe follow what I shared or
(27:37):
took bits and parts of what Ishared with you and integrated
that into your goal settingprocess.
I would absolutely love to hearhow you have done that and what
your process is, because whenyou break down something like
this in small steps, it justmakes it way less intimidating
and so much more fun, which wasmy intention with sharing all of
this to not take life soseriously, to not take goal
setting so seriously, andbecause life is all about
(28:00):
adventure and learning andgrowing and doing things
differently and removing anyexpectations or shame.
That may be what we have beenconditioned to do, and so when
you approach life from theperspective of no expectations
and just playing everything inlife will be such a pleasant
surprise and be so, so enjoyable.
(28:22):
So thanks you guys, so muchAgain for listening.
I love you guys and I will talkto you in the next episode.
Bye, elinehollandmonetalycom.
Welcome to the Receptive Impact Podcast.
I'm your host, nina Elise.
Hello friends, it is Nina and Iam fresh out of a weekend-long
quarterly retreat that I do withmyself every few months where I
set goals, and I really justwanted to explain my process of
(00:26):
setting goals because I feellike it's unique and very
different and it's not like atypical way that people set
goals at least the intentionbehind it because for me, the
goals that I set are actuallynot really things that I care if
I'm mute or not.
It's just more like the journeyalong the way of actually
(00:47):
getting to the goals.
So, if anyone is familiar withthe book the Alchemist by Paulo
Coelho, that's kind of how Idescribe my process with setting
goals, and so in this episode Iam going to take you through my
process of setting goals andhow I actually reach that place
and why I do it and theintentions behind it and what
(01:10):
it's kind of led to and theexperiences that I've had in my
life and how it has becomesomething that I really look
forward to every few months,because it is less about the
goals, there's no pressure.
It's basically like thisplayground that I have created
for myself that I get to playand experiment in, and there's
absolutely no pressure, noexpectations of actually meeting
(01:31):
the goals.
It's just more, like I said,the journey of making my way
towards that goal and theexperiences that I have and the
people that I meet and thegrowth and the learning that
occurs along the way and theactual person that I become on
the way to that goal.
So, as I am sharing this rightnow, it is about mid-October and
(01:54):
the way that I actually workwith recording my podcasts, I do
them in bulk, so I tend torecord a bunch of episodes back
to back and then I schedule themtwo weeks out.
So, as of right now, I haveepisodes scheduled out through
mid-December.
So this is actually veryperfect timing.
I did not plan this at all, butI will most likely be posting
(02:15):
this in December, I think onChristmas actually.
So Merry Christmas if you guysare listening to this, and I
feel like this will be perfectfor anyone who is really into
setting goals for the new year.
Some people set them on the newyear, some people set them
whatever the heck they want.
I don't think that there's anyexact timing, but I think, from
like a social perspective or theway society has done it.
(02:37):
January tends to be the day orthe time of the year that goals
are set and we get to reflect onthe previous year and say I
like this or I didn't like this.
What I want to do different,how can I make changes in my
life to make me feel healthier,happier or whatever that may be.
And so I'm excited to releasethis episode in December.
So basically, the way that Iwant to approach this is I want
(03:00):
to give you a little bit of abackground so you can understand
how I got to this place ofsetting this quarterly goals
retreat.
So basically I lock myself inmy house for two days and I
review previous goals from thelast few months and kind of look
at my journey and what I'veaccomplished over the last few
months and really acknowledgethat, and then, based on that, I
(03:25):
say what did I learn and how doI want to move forward?
What goals do I want tocontinue working towards?
What do I want to change?
Maybe I can just completelydrop this goal, and so it
becomes this really fun processof just kind of playing around
with like what kind of realitydo I want to create for myself.
So it's become like this reallyfun thing that I do with myself
.
That's really actually deepenedmy connection with myself and
(03:48):
provided a little bit moremeaning to my life and a little
bit more well, a lot more playinto my life, because I really
love to have new experiences andthis is one thing that really
helps me in like accomplish thatin this journey of life.
So just to give you guys alittle bit of a background,
about a year or so ago Ibasically like hit rock bottom,
(04:09):
like went through what I wouldcall like a spiritual awakening
or just basically whereeverything that I thought was
important to me basically leftmy life, whether it was a
relationship or a job or justlike just anything that I had
really big attachments toessentially and it was
incredibly disabilizing.
And at the same time, it wasall of my shadows and all of my
(04:33):
old belief systems and patternsand destructive behaviors like
came up for me to look at.
Like, basically, it was likesomeone was shining a mirror on
me in this moment and I got to aplace where, basically, I was
living with my dad for a coupleof months and I didn't have a
job.
All of my belongings that Iowned fit in the back of my Jeep
(04:53):
.
I was basically living out ofmy car and staying at my dad's
for a couple of months while Igot on my feet, and it was
probably like the lowest pointor moment of my entire life.
And it was one of those momentswhere I was like I need to
change, like it is me, like Icreated my reality, I created
these relationships, I createdthese scenarios that happened in
my life and I need to takeresponsibility for how I was
(05:17):
showing up in these differentways and be really really
radically honest with myselfabout what kind of life I was
creating and who I was actuallybeing in that process.
And so, while it was, you know,incredibly devastating and
really painful to go throughbecause it was basically like
going through this really bigdeath of this old life and this
(05:37):
old version of myself it wasreally beautiful because I knew
that it had to happen, like allof us had to be looked at in
order for me to really begin toget clear about what is it that
I really really want in life,like who am I Like?
Who?
Who do I want to choose?
Or who am I deciding to show upas every single day?
What kind of person do I wantto be, what kind of boundaries
(05:59):
do I want to set, what kind ofexperiences do I want to have?
And while I do believe thatthere is an underlying current
of just going with the flow oflife and there are things that
are completely out of ourcontrol, there are things like
our mindset and our intentionsand our emotions and our
thoughts that we do have controlover, and so this is where the
(06:20):
goal setting kind of comes in.
So, after about like I wouldsay, six months or so of me kind
of clearing through all ofthese emotions and really
sitting with them and like beingreally honest with myself, I
kind of came to this blank slateand I had no idea what I wanted
or who I was or like what I wasgoing to do in my life.
(06:40):
You know, in a previous life Ithought I knew what I wanted,
but it was basically based on alot of attachments and I put a
lot of people and things onpedestals, like nothing was ever
good enough.
And when I reached this pointof like this blank slate, it was
like this moment of merealizing that it was my job or
(07:01):
like my responsibility, tocreate my life and I could do
that based on what I wasintentionally putting my energy
and my attention on every singleday.
So the best way I coulddescribe it is like it was like
being in a white room and I wasjust there alone and it was like
there was a switchboard thatwas in front of me and all of
(07:23):
the like flips and knobs andwhatever represented different
things.
So, for example, if I turned oneknob one way, then, like, my
life would go down one route.
So, for example, if I'm like oh, I decided to be a lawyer, or I
decided to be a chef or youknow whatever, if I decided to
pursue something, I would changea couple of knobs or flip a
(07:43):
switch or something on thatboard and I could create this
life based on that.
And basically, to me, thatmeant that there were so many,
like an infinite amount ofpossibilities, the way that I
could live my life and thedifferent timelines that I could
go down.
And at first it was incrediblyoverwhelming, because you're
(08:04):
like there's an infinite amountof possibilities, like what life
do I want to create?
It's my choice and there'sabsolutely no right or wrong.
And so when I arrived at thatplace, it was just like, okay,
what do I choose, and because Ihad gone so deep into fears and
insecurities and like peeledback all these layers and I was
(08:26):
at this blank slate, there werelike a handful of things that
were left where I was like, okay, like I know that I love the
ocean, I know that I loveexperiencing new things, I know
that I love playing the guitarand singing, so these were like
a handful of things where I waslike, okay, let's just start
here.
(08:46):
So I started with things that,like I naturally love, like
these were things that didn'tfall away when I hit rock bottom
.
They just stayed with mebecause I personally enjoyed
them.
It wasn't something that couldbe taken from me.
And so what was really helpful,the way that I started my goal
setting was reading, thinkingI'm pretty sure everyone's
familiar with this book butbasically I created a definite
(09:07):
statement that became this likeoverarching statement of like my
purpose, my why and I usekeywords from my human design
profile and my incarnation costsand then also my top values in
order to create this definitestatement.
And basically what I did was,like I wrote that out.
I became very clear.
I did a couple of iterationsover the course of like a couple
(09:29):
of months, quite honestly,until I felt like, okay, this is
it, like this is going to belike my guiding light throughout
my life, what I base mydecisions on and how I choose
things, because this is who I'mchoosing to be.
And so it was really helpfulfor me to have that overarching
statement for myself, and Ireported it on an audio and I
would listen to it like five,six, seven, eight, nine, ten
(09:51):
times a day, I kid you not.
And I did that for months andmonths and I had, I had it
memorized and it just becamelike very ingrained in my mind
and like who I was.
And so, basically, when it cametime to set my goals, it was
like, okay, is this an alignmentwith my definite purpose and my
values?
What is my intention behinddoing something?
(10:11):
So, just to get into the actualquarterly retreat, it became
like this weekend event where,basically, I start out by
writing out all the things Iwant to accomplish or enjoy, or
learn, or like what I want togrow in, like things that
interest me, and then from thereI decide on top categories that
these goals will fall under,and I typically choose two to
(10:31):
four categories because,honestly, when I first started
doing this, I had fourcategories, and I was trying to
do so many things at once andtrying to accomplish all these
things that I didn't feel like Icould truly master or be fully
present in all of the goals, andso what ended up happening was
I ended up setting smaller goalsor setting less goals every
(10:53):
single quarter.
So just something to keep inmind, like, for example, I was
trying to learn Spanish and be apart of all these organizations
and just all these differentthings, and my energy was being
pulled in so many differentdirections.
And so this is where, like,some people really enjoy that,
but for me, I needed somethingmore slow paced, where I wasn't
like trying to do a milliondifferent things at once.
(11:15):
I needed rest, I needed to bepresent and really enjoy
something and like, really be inthe moment and be present with
whatever I was doing.
And it was hard to do that whenI was like running from thing
to thing or being like, okay, Ineed to schedule this time to
study and I need to do this, andI need to read this book, and
then I need to record thispodcast and I need to do this.
So, again, just keep that inthe back of your mind, like if
(11:37):
you're sending goals, makingsure that you set maybe like one
or two goals up to like fourgoals, depending on how you work
and making it so that it's notso overwhelming for you.
And so my categories, just toshare, typically surrounding,
like business and money, andthat's the first one.
The second one is philanthropyand service Like how am I
(11:58):
getting back, how am I workingin the community?
And the third one is growth andplay Like how can I grow?
What are things that I'm reallyinterested in and where can I
do certain things a few times aweek, just to continue to grow,
whether it's playing the guitaror taking voice lessons or
learning Spanish or things likethat.
And then my fourth one iscommunity and relationship.
(12:20):
So how am I integrating withthe community?
Like, how am I interacting withthem?
How am I building it?
How am I building relationshipswith friends and new people?
Because connection and intimacyis very, very important for me.
So what I typically do is I pickone main thing or a few small
things under each category.
So, again, nothing overwhelmingand what's really helpful,
(12:42):
especially when you have thatdefinite statement of, like your
life statement or whatever youwant to call it.
It helps me to have all of mymy different things connected
because all the goals that Itypically set they are typically
connected and overlap.
So, for example, volunteeringunder service, it satisfies my
goal under community andrelationships, because I get to
(13:05):
connect deeper with thecommunity and meet new people.
So when you're aligned withyour overarching goal and you
start to set these goals, you'llmost likely notice that some of
your goals start to overlap andso again, it kind of reduces
that pressure from being like,oh, I need to do all of these
different things in order tomeet all of my goals.
So After this, once I get clearon my top goals, I start
writing potential house.
(13:26):
So, for example, if I set mygoal to become a chef and I
don't know why I keep using thatexample, but it keeps popping
into my head then I would say,okay, if I wanted to be a chef,
what would I do?
So then I would go and follow abunch of chefs on social media
and I would see their journeyand I would see maybe they sell
courses, or I would look onlinefor different courses and I
(13:49):
would go and watch YouTubevideos and kind of see what the
journey is to become a chef andI would kind of like take that
in.
And then I would say, okay, thehouse of becoming a chef, okay,
I'm going to take an onlinecourse or an in-person course,
so I'll find something local andI'll say, okay, I'm going to
take a course over the course ofthe next few months for this
(14:09):
quarter's goals.
And another small thing that Ican do is maybe like committing
to cooking one brand new mealand experimenting with it every
single week, and so those can belike two really small hows that
help push me towards meetingthat goal of becoming a chef.
And, quite honestly, it doesn'teven matter like what these
(14:31):
small goals are or what the howsare, because life will always
bring things to you and it willalways surprise you.
So it's the actual act ofsetting an intention and then
taking an action, no matter howsmall or silly it may seem.
So just to give you guys anotherexample, something my personal
example, like when I firststarted doing these quarterly
(14:51):
retreats, so I wanted to giveback to the community outside of
my job as a nonprofitconsultant and I love the ocean,
so I found a few localnonprofits to check out that
support the environment and thatwas my goal choose a nonprofit
I want to commit to.
So the hows for me wereattending a few meetups and
meetings over the course of thenext few months and seeing, like
(15:13):
, how I fit, like, did I reallylove these nonprofits?
Did I connect with them?
Did I connect with the people?
And another how underneath thatwas watching videos on YouTube
before I would go to bed everysingle night about the
environment, about the wildlifein the ocean, and learning about
the ecosystem and differentthings in the actual area, so
(15:34):
that I could deepen myunderstanding of how to take
care of the actual ecosystem inthe area and what that really
entails.
So it was like I was upping myknowledge and my understanding
of what that really means andhow I can actually contribute to
that, whether it's doing beachcleanups or recycling a certain
way or learning different thingsabout recycling.
So these are actually reallysmall things that I did over the
(15:56):
course of a few months where Iwas able to see what I really
connected to.
And, honestly, I had chosen onenonprofit that I went to and it
just didn't feel super right,but I actually met somebody
there who told me about anothernonprofit I wasn't aware of.
Then I'm actually much moreengaged and have chosen that as
my nonprofit.
So for me there's no likefailure in any of this.
(16:17):
It's literally just thisexperimentation.
You're saying I'm going tochoose this and I'm going to go
here, and then life will justkind of like take it from there
and it will always guide you tothe next thing or to the thing
that is like most in alignmentto you.
And so what's been reallyhelpful for me is, under each
goal I write an underlyingintention for why I'm choosing
to give my time and energytowards these goals, and it
(16:40):
gives me meaning and purpose,and my intentions normally fall
under keywords like growth andconnection, and I think when you
have an intention towardssomething, it just helps guide
you a little bit more.
So after all of this, I cut allof this out.
I write it out all mywhiteboard or an oversized sheet
of paper, and I hang this up soI can revisit from time to time
(17:01):
, so I might look on it and say,okay, you know, I said I was
going to take voice lessons.
Okay, I have some time toschedule and start working with
somebody.
Or I want to volunteer once amonth?
Okay, what is that one thingthat I can do, and then I go and
look and then I set that up andhave that set for the month,
and so it's just kind of likethis reminder and it's not
something I have to look atevery single day because,
(17:22):
honestly, when you set yourgoals and you have your
intentions, it's in yourunconscious You're being
intentional about what is thatyou want to give your time and
your energy to, and it's justkind of like a way to check in
when you see it hanging up inyour house, or, for me
personally, when it's hanging inmy house.
So setting these goals for me itis such a fun exercise and,
like I said, there's no suchthing as failing because it's my
(17:46):
goal system that has noexpectations.
It's purely for my enjoymentand growth.
It is not dependent on anyoneelse or anything.
It is rooted on a foundation ofthings that bring me joy that
no one can take from me at all,and so it's not dependent on
anything external.
Basically, and another thingthat I really want to talk about
(18:09):
is that there are things thatmay fall over the course of the
months and that's okay.
So when I say, this is, like youknow, a fun exercise for my own
personal enjoyment and growthin previous quarterly goals.
It just means that as I gothrough the month, maybe I
wasn't invested or maybe therewere no-transcript, that I
(18:29):
thought I wanted to do something, but when I actually went and
did it I was like, oh, maybethis isn't what I wanted to do.
So after a few months, when Ihave my quarterly retreat,
basically what I do is I revisitmy goals and I say I did this
or I didn't do this, and why didI do this or not do this?
What worked and did it work?
And maybe realizing like, oh, Iwas doing this because I
(18:50):
thought I wanted to or wascoming from an egoic place and I
wanted to prove myself orwhatever, and just being honest
with myself about it, becauseit's just honestly funny at the
end of the day, because we allhave our own blind spots, but
just like being honest with it,about like, maybe I'm not
passionate about this and maybeI thought I was and I just
wanted to have this experience.
So it's easier for me to justset that aside and let it go.
(19:11):
And then, when I do that,without any shame or blame or
expectation, I'm able to let itgo and create space for
something new to come up for me,to experience or work towards.
And I think the biggest thingwhen I do my quarterly retreats
is I also celebrate the wins andall of the things that I've
done, because it highlights mygrowth and how I've changed as a
(19:32):
person over the previous fewmonths and, honestly, I'm the
only person who will truly knowthe inner transformation that I
have gone through, and so it'sso important for me to make a
list and acknowledge all ofthose things, not just the
external things that I have done, but the inner shifts like, oh,
I learned how to manage myemotions better, or when I was
(19:53):
angry, or the times that I gotangry, I was able to manage that
and I was able to clearlycommunicate and react in a
different way.
And so when you'reacknowledging this within
yourself, it's much moremotivating for you to continue
on and also like, if you're notyour own cheerleader, who will
be?
And so that's always been likea huge thing for me is I'm
(20:15):
always gonna celebrate myselfand I'm always going to really
just pump myself up and be likewow, you're doing a really
incredible job, nina, becausenot everyone else is going to
see that, not everyone is goingto see your internal process and
how you have shifted andchanged and the things that
you've done and the work thatyou have put in as you've worked
towards these goals, or thethings that you've experimented
with.
One additional thing that I dowant to mention that is like a
(20:37):
super fun exercise to do, that Istarted doing last year.
It's a wild mind notebook.
So basically what I do is andthis kind of goes along the
goals because it helps to expand, like, what is possible that
you can experience.
So what I do is I write downthese seemingly outrageous goals
like being on Oprah or writinga New York Times bestselling
(21:00):
book and I don't really careabout these things, but just the
act of thinking about it andwriting it down and just
considering that it could evenbe a possibility, it like
stretches my mind to what ispossible and in turn, it expands
what is possible in my externalreality, because there's a part
of me that now believes like,oh well, I wrote it down and
(21:24):
what if this is possible?
What if this is an actual thingthat could happen?
So it's a fun exercise to playand use your imagination.
So I think I have something likeplay acres of sunflowers on a
farm, or sing on a stage infront of thousands of people and
own my own private jet, andagain, like I'm not attached to
any of this but it's fun to playaround with and be like, oh,
(21:45):
that'd be cool to experience,and not just that.
But it gets me thinking, well,what if, like, I never
considered it before, and so tome it pointed out a lot of like
limiting beliefs that I hadabout myself.
I'm like, well, why?
Why do I think that I can't dothis?
Like it is possible, likeanybody could do this, if I
really like put my mind to itand I like set my goals.
And this is something that Iwanted to experience and I could
(22:07):
totally do it.
And so I think it's just a funexercise to kind of just expand
your consciousness, expandpotential limitations that you
have in your mind about whetheryou can do something or not.
And so these are like reallyoutlandish goals that I write
down.
So it's in the small notebookthat I have and I just jot down
fun ideas from time to time justto kind of like give me some
(22:30):
creative ideas or kind of justhave some fun and start to
stretch my imagination a littlebit, because you know, when you
think about when you're kids,you're just like, yeah, I'm
gonna do this and I'm gonna bean astronaut on the moon and
whatever.
And it's like you had all thisbelief in yourself that you
could do anything and we kind ofjust stopped that.
And so this is just a reallyincredible exercise to do that
(22:52):
really allows us to kind ofawaken that and our child within
us and start to believe like,wait, anything can really be
possible if we really put ourmind to it and we do something
like set these goals, where wetake small, bite-sized goals and
start working towards them.
Because, like I said, it's notlike you set this goal and
you're like, oh, this is sooverwhelming, how am I gonna get
(23:14):
there?
It's like you literally justtake one step at a time and you
start with these small things.
That's literally like, oh okay,today I'm going to research
something about being a cheftalking about being a chef again
, but just to kind of go offwhat I said before, like I'm
gonna research potential chefschools in the area this week
and then the next week I'mactually going to decide what
(23:35):
chef school that I may want togo to and then, like the week
after that I'm gonna actuallypay for that course and I'm
gonna sign up for it.
And so it's like you just takethese small steps and the
universe will reward you,because when you set your
intention, it's gonna start likethe snowball effect, where
things will really start toalign with that, because you are
intentionally deciding thatthis is the path that you're
going on.
(23:55):
And so this is where the funcomes in, because a lot of
things will come up thatsurprise you and you're like, oh
, I put on my goal sheet thatthis was how I was gonna get
there, but this other thingshowed up and it actually
brought me here in thiscompletely different way that I
didn't even think about before.
And I think that is where, like,the juiciness of life is and
where you can have so much fun,because there's no way that we
(24:15):
could totally control everythingin our lives.
Like it's just foolish toreally think that we could do
that.
I truly believe that we comehere to experience and learn and
grow different lessons, andthere is this underlying current
that just takes us and if weare more intentional with our
thoughts in our mind and likewhat's going on in our mind and
like our emotions, we're able toreact to life differently and
(24:41):
we can kind of steer a littlebit as we're being taken on that
river, and so I just wanted toshare that aspect of it, because
I think that some people canget overwhelmed or there's like
comparison to what's going on.
But having these goal settingquarterly retreats with myself,
it's very much like this is me,this is just my relationship
with me, and creating thisintimate connection with myself
(25:03):
that no one else can really likebe a part of or, like you know,
have a say in, because I'mdoing this for myself and it's a
fun exercise and I get to tapinto my inner child and I get to
imagine and I get to expandwhat I thought was possible.
So I believe that is all that Ihave to say about setting goals
(25:25):
and this quarterly retreat thatI do for myself.
It's such a fun thing that I doevery few months.
Like I said, I do it over thecourse of one or two days, and
typically those days I turn offmy phone, I do things like I'll
do like a workout in the morningor I'll juice and just kind of
like get myself in a state whereI feel really, really good, and
then I go through that wholeprocess of setting my goals and
(25:48):
sometimes I'll do it over thecourse of two days.
I'll take pauses in between soI'm not just like sitting down
for 10 hours straight and likedoing this and then I'll make
sure that I do some fun things,like taking a walk on the beach
or like I'll go out and like Ithink one time I like took
myself out for ice cream fordinner one night, like I was
just like having fun with it andit was like I'm gonna do
whatever I want this weekend andit was just me and me setting
(26:09):
my goals and I got to dowhatever I wanted and it was
just like I was kind of datingmyself and creating this
beautiful relationship andconnection with myself.
And so I really hope that youguys enjoyed this episode.
This is a very intimate processthat I do with myself and I
don't know how everyone elsesets their goals or how they do
it, but this has been a verylong drawn-up process that I
(26:30):
have shifted and changed overtime and kind of created into
this new process of like how Ican actually have fun with my
reality and play around with itand I will say so many things
have come true, like the thingsthat I worked towards with my
goals, and it has actually blownmy mind about the things that
have shown up in my reality andthe most unexpected ways from
(26:52):
what the goals that I wasactually setting.
So, again, this stuff kind oftakes time too, because there
were things that I was doing andI was like, why is this not
happening?
Why is this not happening?
And I was just kind of beingimpatient about it and then,
like four or five months later,something happened that I was
like, oh my gosh, this is what Ihave been working for and it is
finally here, and it was in acompletely different way than I
expected.
And so to me, there's proof,because I've gone through this
(27:15):
process quite a few times overthe past year or so and there
are things that are showing upin my reality based on being
consistent and like having funand playing with this.
So that is all.
So thank you all for tuning in.
So remember to share with anyonewho may be interested in
setting goals or may not be surewhere to start, if you go
through your own process and youmaybe follow what I shared or
(27:37):
took bits and parts of what Ishared with you and integrated
that into your goal settingprocess.
I would absolutely love to hearhow you have done that and what
your process is, because whenyou break down something like
this in small steps, it justmakes it way less intimidating
and so much more fun, which wasmy intention with sharing all of
this to not take life soseriously, to not take goal
setting so seriously, andbecause life is all about
(28:00):
adventure and learning andgrowing and doing things
differently and removing anyexpectations or shame.
That may be what we have beenconditioned to do, and so when
you approach life from theperspective of no expectations
and just playing everything inlife will be such a pleasant
surprise and be so, so enjoyable.
(28:22):
So thanks you guys, so muchAgain for listening.
I love you guys and I will talkto you in the next episode.
Bye, elinehollandmonetalycom.
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