April 29, 2024 • 40 mins
In Episode 60 of the "Reclaiming Man" podcast titled "Reclaiming Mind: Stop Lying to Yourself," Michael Beckwith initiates a conversation on the complexities of self-deception, prompted by personal experiences with his daughter Lucy's school challenges and the partial truths she shared. He explores the human tendency to lie to oneself and others to avoid disapproval or to enhance self-image, connecting this to his past behavior and general human inclinations. Michael discusses how repeated self-deceptions can solidify into perceived truths, affecting one's self-image and actions.
Brad shares his experiences as a single father, discussing his son Brixton's school behaviors and his own past struggles with addiction and self-perception. He highlights the destructive nature of lying about one's capabilities and the therapeutic potential of aligning self-perception with reality, rooted in spiritual growth and self-acceptance.
Preston reflects on the professional and personal implications of self-deception, especially in creative fields like music, discussing the pervasive issue of impostor syndrome and self-doubt among artists. He also shares anecdotes about parenting challenges related to managing children's behavior and self-expression.
Together, they delve into the importance of honesty with oneself to foster personal growth and better leadership, suggesting that acknowledging and confronting personal limitations can lead to a more authentic and fulfilling life.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Michael (00:05):
Gentlemen, episode 60, coming at you live from the
Commute Polo Podcast.
Today, we'll have Brad Pittonand Dawson Preston, the Southern
Connecticut Radomski, andmyself, Michael Beckwith,
bringing some conversationaround Reclaiming Mind.
And, haven't had a polo podcastin a while, but sometimes
(00:30):
circumstances dictate that wemust take creative measures to
to get out the podcast on aweekly basis.
That being said I was thinkingabout a good topic to discuss
relative to some recentexperiences I've had with
parenting and particularly myyounger daughter, Lucy, over the
(00:52):
past several years, a few years,unfortunately has gone through a
bunch of different, challengesat school that involved bullying
and, we switched schools forher, done some other things, and
the whole time Really trustingour, daughter that everything
(01:14):
that she was telling us wasgenerally true.
And then coming to realize overthe past year anyways, at least,
and it doesn't necessarily meanthat she's always been lying to
us, but that the whole storywasn't, told to us, right?
And so getting a bit of theadditional context from her
teachers that didn't line upwith some of the things that she
(01:35):
was telling us helped us, cometo the realization that there
was.
Some lies that she was tellingus.
And so I was thinking about thisand I was like, why she was
lying to us or why she felt likeshe needed to lie to us.
And she came up with the, reasonof, well, I didn't want to
(01:57):
disappoint you and I didn't wantto be a bad kid.
And so I didn't tell the wholetruth.
And so I was thinking about thatin the context of myself and how
I've often communicated withpeople with.
Especially I would say a lotmore in the past with the
(02:19):
various shades of the truth, butalways having situations in life
where I felt like, I didn't wantsomebody to think poorly of me.
So I'm not going to tell thewhole truth on this or I'm going
to embellish this story a littlebit or whatever it is.
There's a lot of cases where Irealized not only was I lying to
(02:40):
others but, also lying tomyself.
And so that's what the topic ofthe day is.
I'm going to talk to you todayabout how to overcome the lies
that we tell ourselves.
And in other ways, I've heardthose phrase, from Tony Robbins
or other motivational speakersof talk about motor limiting
(03:01):
beliefs at the root, limitingbeliefs.
Most of the time our lies, wetell her some ourselves
something enough times until webelieve it's true.
And so I just wondered what aresome of the lies that you've
told yourself over the past yearor.
Over the past 10 years, how havethose become truths?
(03:27):
And, there's this reallyinteresting threshold and I'm
not sure what it is, but like atsome point, you're telling
yourself a lie.
Maybe it's that, Hey, if Ichange how I tell this story, my
status will be elevated in someway.
People will think I'm funnier orpeople will think I'm, smarter,
(03:49):
or people will think that X, Y,Z, you fill it in, something
different about you than is thetruth.
And, in and of itself, thatmight have some, a little bit of
truth in it, but at the end ofthe day, again, it's a lie.
It's a lie that we're tellingourselves that by not being
truthful, we might somehow,temporarily improve our position
(04:10):
in the eyes of somebody else, orin the eyes of ourselves, and
it's not true.
So, I have been thinking aboutthat with myself, and I was
especially considering it whenit comes to the perception that
I have about what my limitationsare.
When I'm running, as an example,and my mind says, Oh, I don't
(04:34):
think you can go farther.
I don't think you can run longerthan this.
Your leg's going to get injuredor whatever it is.
I have started to realize thatthere's a lot of, there's a lot
of lies that I've told myself orthat my body is, Also
encouraging me to believe, oh,you can't do this again today,
(04:55):
your body's too sore, you're tootired.
All these excuses that, I thinkat the end of the day, they're
ultimately lies.
If there is the motivation to doit, you can overcome your body.
You can overcome yourenvironment, and you can still
hold on to some of these dreamsthat most people would say are
not worth holding on to becauseit's just not real.
(05:19):
Not reality.
I know that was a lengthyintroduction to episode 60, but
Preston, Brad, interested tohear what your thoughts are.
I have some more comments I canmake, I'm sure.
But, Lion, have you foundyourself in the past, or as you
reflect back on the past year,or past few years, Several
(05:39):
years.
Have you found any of those liesthat you've identified?
And by, identifying them andbringing them into the light,
have you been able to findfreedom from those lies and thus
reclaim part of your mind?
So let's hear it.
Brad (05:56):
What's going on?
Lieutenant Dawson, here.
Reclaiming Man Podcast.
Hulo, on the go, episode.
Love it.
I assume that you'll just recordthese and we'll get them out
(06:17):
there.
Yeah, first I want to recapafter last week, about the funk
I was in and, we say this tooshall pass and, as long as we
don't make things worse andoverreact to our emotions or our
feelings or whatever we havegoing on or, my perceptions, it
(06:41):
did, it passed, that funk I wasin has passed.
And so that's a testimony to.
Sometimes you just have to rideit out, but yeah, on the on the
topic of reclaiming mind in thesense of, and thanks Michael for
(07:05):
your.
Your intro there Kids can betough.
I have an 11 year old son Forthose that don't know his mother
Was not part of his life.
I had full custody.
Well, she was part of his life.
I had full custody She was inand out of his life Up until
last November when sheTragically passed away she
(07:30):
struggled with alcohol andaddiction and Drug addiction and
PTSD and some psychologicalproblems and, around
Thanksgiving last year, theyfound her dead in her car.
And, I've raised my son bymyself for the first couple of
years.
(07:50):
And then with my wife, Abby,since Brixton was about three
years old, when she came intoour lives.
And so I've experienced some ofthe difficulties with, just with
raising a kid and for you kids.
And some of the.
stuff that's happened with atschool.
(08:11):
Brixton, my son's name isBrixton.
He's had a, he had anything fromlike one time when he was really
young, I want to say he was inkindergarten or first grade.
He he pulled his pants down.
He said he was gonna exposehimself to the other kids.
And I remember thinking how Badas this was and My gosh, like
(08:34):
what are we gonna do?
And oh my gosh, it turned out itwas a one time thing and He was
very young at the time you know,he I Can't remember the
reasoning he had for it, butcertainly it wasn't a Perversion
right but as a parent, you know,you freak out you think this
(08:57):
would be a huge deal Had someissues As well.
However, now I think my son isprobably more of a bully that he
is bullied.
I don't think he's a bully inthis in the, traditional sense
or the extreme sense.
But there's times where he getspicked on by some other kids and
(09:18):
there's times where he picks onother kids, so he's in the
middle there.
But you never get the full storyfrom, the child, right?
I, don't think.
Valuing, the, teacher's inputand stuff like that.
It's super important.
You want to believe your kids,you want to think they're
innocent and all of that.
And I joke around and I think Ijoke around and say, they be
(09:44):
little assholes, man.
Like they're little people,they're innocent, but they're
developing manipulation and,they're experiencing getting
through life at a young agewithout being developed and
having to work their way.
I try my best to beunderstanding of all that, but
(10:08):
sometimes it's just not right,and how to correct them and all
of that.
Anyway, so the lies, I've gotsome stuff to talk about with
that because, being a recoveringalcoholic and addict, I think at
the root of that is the diseaseof perception we talk about.
(10:29):
So what is that?
That's that you don't seereality.
For what it is.
So really everything's a lie inyour head, right?
It's the constant comparison toyou the constant comparison of
yourself to others around you.
And one of the sayings that Iprobably said before on here is,
we are constantly comparing ourinsides to other people's
outsides, and so how we feel, wethen compare to how someone else
(10:54):
looks and everybody else alwaysseems to look like they have it
together or the opposite extremeis there is present when,
somebody is, extremely wrong andit's.
And it's very obvious, but Ihave a defective character,
(11:16):
which will constantly comparemyself to those around me.
And I'll tell myself one of twolies, I'll either tell myself
I'm better than everyone else.
Or I tell myself that I'm worsethan everyone else.
What I struggle with is, being aright sized, I really struggle
with just going, Hey, you knowwhat, like I am who I am and
(11:39):
some things, I need work on andsome things that, I'm really
good at, but for some reason,I'll tell myself this lie that
I'm not good enough.
And I think this is the liethat, permeates humanity, right?
Is that we're not good enough.
Somewhere in there we got thisimposter syndrome or this
secret, that we're going to showup on the job.
And even though we were hiredand we were qualified that
(12:00):
somehow everybody's going tofigure out that, it was a big
scam and I really don't knowwhat I'm doing.
And I think we all suffer fromthat.
And it's really a devastatinglie to tell yourself.
It can create paralysis, whereyou don't take any action.
(12:22):
You don't do anything becauseyou don't feel you're worthy.
You don't feel you're goodenough.
And and this is where God comesin because God loves you
unconditionally, right?
And no matter what, you do havethis sense of, like, belonging
or this sense of worthinessthat's just in you if you really
pay attention to it.
And, to me, that's God.
(12:46):
Something's always getting youthrough and even if you do fail
sometimes if you can recognizethat there's a, most of the time
there's a lesson in there,right?
in that hardship, there's somegrowth and some opportunity to
see where you're flawed andwhere you can improve.
And, yeah, so today I tellmyself some lies.
(13:09):
I tell myself that, I have thisone with drumming, because I'm
playing at a professional leveland clearly I'm good at what I
do, but I'll.
I'll focus on, some otherdrummers or what they're doing
and how good they are.
And I'll tell myself that, man,I really suck at this
instrument.
I'm not good enough and, it'ssuch a lie, but there's some
(13:31):
truth to that because the reasonI usually think that is because
there's one area of my playingor something that needs work and
I'm most of the time.
I'm not willing to put in thatwork.
And that lie can be telling, Idon't need to tell myself
negative information, ornegative.
I don't need to, talk down onmyself.
(13:51):
I just need to go, okay, well,if you don't feel like you're
good at drum solos, then youneed to focus on working on drum
solos.
And that, if I'm candid that's,the one thing that, I feel
inadequate about, but am I overhere practicing soloing every
single day?
No.
So.
What do I expect?
So I'm just not too hard onmyself and I tell myself, okay,
(14:13):
I'm gonna start to do some workand try to take some action.
Physical fitness is another goodexample.
Michael, you brought up is like,Can I go another rep?
Can I go another round?
When you want to start going tothe gym and, I've gotten to a
place where I'm, prettycompetent in the gym and I feel
good about going and Iparticipate in some classes
(14:33):
there.
Well, I've heard from somepeople that they're, scared to
go to the gym because they'reembarrassed of what people might
think of them.
And it's a lie because no one inthe gym Maybe there's some
people but typically nobody'sjudging the overweight person A
matter of fact if I see anoverweight person in the gym,
i'm like super stoked for himi'm always like man good for
you.
Like you're in there trying, andI have a lot of respect for him.
(14:55):
So there's lies we can tellourselves there.
And, for anybody that's lookingto grow, trying to, reclaim any
of these aspects of your life.
And ultimately, have personalgrowth, there's some
accountability there.
(15:15):
But also love yourself, and takeaction.
And when you take, action, youmove forward, you can build self
esteem.
I mean, the only way to buildself esteem.
Self esteem, I was taught isthrough esteemable action,
esteemable acts.
I'm a huge action guy.
I'm a huge proponent of if youdon't like something or
(15:36):
something isn't working, take anaction.
We talk about massive imperfectaction on, Reclaiming Man and,
that's huge.
It's just the action that youtake doesn't have to look right.
You don't have to feel goodabout it.
You're not, you're never goingto be 100 percent ready to go to
the gym.
You just put on the gym clothesand you go.
If the workout is not great, itdoesn't matter.
(15:57):
Improve on it, build on it.
And you'll slowly start to buildthat confidence and they build
on each other and it multipliesand that confidence will,
increase and but not to say thatyou won't ever have, I think
that's just the human condition.
You'll have those negativethoughts, but it's, what do you
do with them?
And what kind of relationship doyou have with the universe?
(16:19):
God or whatever your higherpower might be, that you can
lean on and you can trust it'sgoing to pull you through and
carry you through some of thisstuff.
So, I have struggled a lot with,lies.
Reality can be tough.
And so a lot of times we lie toourselves to avoid situations,
people, places, things.
(16:42):
But I think that's my take on itfor now.
And I'm going to head out.
I've got the church eventtonight.
And, and then I've got a gigdowntown.
So I've got a busy night.
Love you guys.
Thanks for letting me jump in onhere and, hope you guys have a
good rest of your day.
Preston (17:00):
Dang! Episode 60.
Brad, I think this is your firstpolo podcast.
I think.
I could be wrong.
Well, no, maybe it isn't becauseI feel like I, well, maybe I did
an intro for one a few weeksback, but all right The concept
of like not lying to ourselvesman there's a lot i'm like
(17:21):
listening to these as i'mdriving home and i'm not able to
like take notes, but Oh, andjust on the topic of your drum
solos, Brad, I mean, I freakinglove your drum solos, especially
like the few times we playedwith Ryan and he'll make you do
like, he'll have you do one.
And then he's like, all right,give me another one with cowbell
(17:43):
or give me another one with justsnare.
Or I remember there, you'rereally good at drum solos.
There's when you're doing them,there's such an element of just
kind of who you are and who youare as a player with every
drummer.
Whatever is whatever you'redoing.
Like I remember the last time weplayed and you were he was
(18:05):
having you do those You weren'tpaying attention to the people
behind you because your back'sto the audience on broadway But
because he made you almost dolike it felt like five minutes.
It was quite long and Like thewhole street there was like 50
people like watching you in thestreet.
It was really freaking cool Soyou're doing great on that.
(18:28):
That's not to say like don'tthink about them and practice
that so stuff.
I'm the same way.
It's like, I've got elements ofmy play and we're like, I always
feel like an imposter.
It's like, there's, there's somany musicians in the world that
get to sort of work for aliving, so to speak.
But there's, there's only reallylike one sort of Eddie Van
(18:50):
Halen, there's, clones of him orthere's people that came after
him that are in line, but it's,and that, so none of us are
really imposters.
It's like, we're just, We'rebeing artists.
We're just being creative.
And what we're doing is speakingto people.
So I totally relate to thatimposter element, I guess, in a
sense where maybe we're to theidea or the concept of like the
(19:17):
line where it's like, wesometimes maybe lie to ourselves
and tell us, tell ourselves,maybe I know I'm guilty of that.
Like, ah, like, should you evenbe wasting your time doing this?
Like you're not even that good.
And the reality is that I'mlike, I'm lying to myself
because.
I am that good.
I'm not saying that in like aconceited like type of a sense.
(19:40):
I know my limitations and I knowwhat I'm realistically capable
of.
And so, you just can't believeyour own self doubt, so to
speak.
It's so funny with your sonpulling his pants down at
school.
I mean I don't think that's badat all.
(20:00):
Like that's fucking hilarious.
If you ask me, especially thatage.
I mean, if he was like 17 andlike in 11th grade or like grade
12 or something like that, andlike did that in front of the
cheerleading squad, it'd be likeokay, we need to, I mean, that
would still be, funny to someextent, but you just can't do
(20:22):
that kind of stuff nowadays.
It's not the seventies where youguys ever watched the movie
Porky's.
Do you remember like that movie?
We're just different time backin the day.
But, yeah, I think our kids, howare they like, it's, I don't
(20:43):
know what, I mean, there's, Ithink there's an element of us
being authority, authoritative,authoritarian, like we have
authority over them in a goodway because we're trying to keep
them alive.
We're trying to keep them inline and it just doesn't always
translate the same way as when,I see how my kids will like
(21:08):
maybe open up to like theiruncle, like my wife's little
brother.
Cause he's like a goofy UncleGrant and like his buddy Tyler.
What do we used to call him backin California is we called Tyler
Uncle White Claw because theywould always, they wouldn't
always come over, but when theywould come over, like Uncle
Grant and Uncle White Clawwould, have a handle or whatever
(21:33):
and spend the night and just begoofy with the kids.
And they're, not there beingthat sort of on a daily, I hate
to use the word disciplinary.
Person in it because I'm nottrying to say like we, these
crazy disciplinary people to ourchildren, my wife and I, nor you
(21:54):
guys, but there's just adifferent relationship there and
they know they're safe and lovedby us and by their uncle.
But it's there's a, they canopen up in a different way.
And sometimes maybe I'm gettinga little off track, but I feel
like I'm going in some directionwhere it's like, it's not so
much that they want to lie tous.
(22:16):
It's just, they're like, they'renot sure.
It's like, ah, am I going to getin trouble for this?
Or.
They just hold, stuff closecause it's just sort of them in
their thoughts of what they'redoing, maybe so to speak.
So I definitely understand whereyou guys are both coming from
with your kids in that, regard.
(22:37):
I've had to deal with thebullying situation with Jackson.
Actually it was about a year agoand he was him and his, he's got
a few buddies that they playMinecraft together and, they,
one of their friends.
(22:57):
Dads built them like a serverlike a you can build your own
servers to go on so you can haveand invite your own people to be
a part of that server and havecertain games and things like
that and They hit they had itwas my son and a few of their
buddies and like one of hisbuddies like older cousins was
on There not like super old likethey're say they're seven at the
(23:21):
time I think she was like maybe10 or 11 12 Like, kind of young
ish teen and somehow they'dfigured out one of the kids.
They were, learning how tomultiple spawn, certain things
and just do goofy things thatwould mess with the world.
(23:41):
But it was sort of fun to them.
And all of a sudden, like oneday, like my son didn't want to
play Minecraft anymore.
Like him and his buddy, likeevery morning they'd get up and
they would FaceTime and playMinecraft together for like an
hour.
Like first thing in the morning.
They just loved it.
They would laugh their guts out,walking these chickens and weird
(24:04):
things around.
And then one day he was justlike, all Finn wants to do is
play Minecraft.
Like, I don't want to playMinecraft anymore.
He like had nothing, wantednothing to do with it.
And it was like, like, at firstit was just Oh, I get it.
Like you maybe are sick of that,but then it got weird and it was
like, well, well, what's goingon?
Like with, this situation, so tospeak.
(24:29):
And, I guess it ended up likeone, one of them, cause they
were able to like type to eachother and stuff.
And someone ended up calling myson.
I don't even remember who, butthey were, basically just, I
think said something like goaway idiot.
Cause he was spawning like a tonof cows or like something that
(24:52):
like, he wasn't.
Dick, but he just like, it washilarious to him that he figured
this thing out.
And so it really hurt hisfeelings and he didn't want to
play anymore.
And it was like that first, itwas very interesting because it
was a, sort of a dip into whatpeople are talking about with
the kids and the internet andlike internet bullying, it
wasn't that he was lying to usabout what had happened, but he
(25:17):
just did not want to, like, itjust took a while for it to like
us to get it out of him becauseI don't know if he was
embarrassed.
It's still just sometimes hardto talk to your kids about
things like that because theyjust are, just And eventually,
yeah, he was just like, I justfelt dumb and it was
embarrassing and hurt myfeelings.
(25:39):
I mean, obviously I'm sure noneof us are going to make it, to
the age of 80 without our kidsintentionally lying to us about
going out with a girl orsomething that we did once as
young boys or young girls.
But sometimes they're just Lyingto us because they're either
maybe embarrassed or just notreally sure how to, what to do
(26:04):
in that situation.
And just being honest is likereally the easiest part.
And if we show them that andtalk to them about that, then it
becomes much easier.
As far as lying to myself forlike a while, I feel like I've
just probably not since I'vebeen 30, but I just not really
(26:26):
been honest about, I almost havelike this backwards body
dysmorphia where I feel like I,I still look like I'm.
40 pounds lighter than I am whenI really need to get my health
in check and do something aboutthat.
And so I've almost feel likeI've been lying to myself about
that for quite a few years whereit's like you're, you're not
(26:51):
that heavy.
Like you work for FedEx, likeyou, you're walking around all
day and, but it's like, thereality is, like, I need to be
eating better, healthier andexercising more.
And I've been in the last year,I've been going through spouts
of like working out a lot more,eating a lot better.
Then I stray away from it for abit, dip a little bit back in my
(27:14):
old habits and get back on thewagon and it's just finding my
way to doing that permanently asour, my older body just doesn't
metabolize and do and react theway I was when I was, 25.
So yeah, I like this topic.
I'm curious what else you guyshave to say about it.
(27:38):
So what say you, Matthew, youwere mentioning you had a few
more things you were keen totalk about.
Brad (27:48):
What's up guys?
It's been a day, and I've beenthinking about some of the stuff
we've been talking about andfiguring out how to contribute
again here.
I don't know how long we'regonna be, doing these polos
before we decide to upload them,but just thinking about,
everything we've talked about sofar with kids and, tying this
(28:13):
into, I mean, mine.
I kinda thought aboutleadership.
Cause we're, leading our kids asfathers and we want to, lead
people, right?
(28:34):
What we're trying to do here andthis podcast through our
experience and through ourexample, we're going to lead
people into a better life.
And it's not that, we have somesuperior life.
It's that we've been throughsome things and we've had some
experience and found a way to,to overcome that and work
(28:54):
through it.
And then we've also voiced andtalked about how we're going
through things currently.
With our kids or our families orour jobs or any aspect of our
growth.
But, I was thinking about in,in, in a mental capacity, how we
need to remove the mental blocksand we often define ourselves,
(29:19):
by limitations.
And we tell ourselves, forexample, I'm not a creative
person.
Or, I'm not a healthy eater.
Or, I'm not really a gym guy.
I'm not really, I don't reallywork out.
I'm not really a gym dude.
(29:41):
I'm not really a reader.
I don't, really read.
All these things that we say,right?
Oh, he's really creative, butI'm not.
Or, he's a leader, and I'm notreally a leader.
And I think, behind thoselimitations is our potential.
And I kind of stole this fromhim.
(30:04):
Craig Groeschel, I attend LifeChurch.
If you aren't familiar with LifeChurch, it's the leaders, the
senior pastors.
Craig Groeschel, he's a New YorkTimes best selling author.
He's also got a podcast aboutleadership, so I don't want to
claim to have come up with thison my own.
But I thought this was reallygood.
(30:25):
And, We need to stop tellingourselves those things.
And so What we could do is what?
What would I do if I were areader?
What would I do if I were a gymguy?
You want to be fit, but you tellyourself you're not a gym
person.
Well, what would you do if youwere a gym person?
(30:46):
You would go to the gym soon asyou go to the gym.
You're a gym person, right?
Oh, I don't pray.
I'm not, really a prayer, youknow?
So what do you do?
You pray and now you're a prayerperson, right?
So I think we set up theselimitations in our.
In our head of what we are notand I think that's all part of
(31:09):
call it the enemy call it ifnegative thinking or whatever it
is, whatever it is you want todo It starts with action, right?
So You go do it and if it'simperfect Hey It's fine.
So Really just wanted to sharethat You Little tidbit.
(31:34):
And yeah I hope, hope to hearfor more, some more from you
guys on that and see if they canget the wheels turning and we
can talk about that a littlemore.
Sorry, the audio was a littleweird there.
I had my air conditioning on.
I was driving on the freeway.
It's a little clearer now.
But just to add to that, once wetake those steps and once we
take that action, Then we set anexample.
(31:58):
People see what we're doing.
People see the action that we'retaking.
So if we want to be goodleaders, we start by managing
our own lives, right?
We start by doing the thingsthat we would want to see others
do rather than be influenced byothers.
I mean, others need to lead ustoo sometimes, right?
You guys lead me.
(32:19):
Craig leads me.
My sponsor in AA leads me.
Every leader needs a leader,right?
I think God's the only he's thetop of the pyramid, right?
So, so we're not God.
So we all need leaders, but Weall need to be leaders and the
best way to become a leader isby taking exact taking action
(32:41):
and, setting the example.
And when you do that'sattractive, right?
That's a, that's, that willattract people.
Yeah really good stuff.
Just remove these limitations.
That we've put on ourselves.
Because they're not really true.
(33:01):
I mean, we say, we, defineourselves by what we're not.
But the truth is, we can'treally define ourselves because
we don't really know who we are.
And it changes.
It's always changing.
And, it'll change today when,You pick up a new musical
instrument.
Ah, well, I'm not a music Idon't play a musical instrument.
(33:23):
Well, if you pick one up, nowyou do.
And it does take commitment.
You gotta stick with it.
But you've gotta startsomewhere, and so every journey
starts with that first step.
So, Figured I would just add toit a little bit.
And I do wanna hear what youguys have to say on this.
So, I'm passing the baton.
Preston (33:43):
Well, Lieutenant Dangle, I think you hit on
something very important there.
I mean, I've heard, I think I'veheard it like, like said, like,
don't let your past define YouI'm not a reader.
Well, what would a reader do?
I find, When I've dipped intodoing something like 75 hard
(34:09):
where I'm forcing myself on aday to day basis to, work out
twice a day, drink a gallon ofwater, read 10 pages, like do
all the things you're supposedto do during that program that I
maybe normally wouldn't be doingon a daily basis.
(34:29):
After I do it for a week, it'sstarting to become something I
do after I've done it for amonth.
It's like, Oh, I like reading.
And I've become a reader, andthen when I'm not on 75 hard,
like I'll take a few days off.
And it's really easy to get outof the habit of doing that.
And then I think, well, why am Igetting out of the habit of
(34:49):
doing that?
Because when I was forcingmyself to do it, do to do it
every day, I loved it.
It became something that Ireally enjoyed the working out
as well.
I've never been a gym guy.
So when I do 75 harder workout,like I don't go to a gym.
I have my own routines that Iset up at home with kettlebell
(35:11):
things on YouTube or yoga andweight stuff or rucking.
And I think you're, right.
It's like, what would I, or whatwould you do if you were that
reader or that guy that goes tothe gym and just do that for a
week and see where it gets youbecause it's, we're so adaptable
(35:37):
as sort of human beings.
Not sort of human beings, we arehuman beings, but we're, we
just, we can adapt to any sortof situation.
And we live in this era ofcomfort, which is nice.
Don't get me wrong.
It's like, I like being able tograb a couple pepperoni garlic
crust pizzas on the way homefrom work and not cook a dinner.
(35:59):
It's comforting.
It's comfortable.
It's easy, but it's much yummierwhen I stop and get some meat
and like season it and eithermake a steak or make a homemade
pie.
So, I definitely like whereyou're going with this
(36:20):
Lieutenant.
Lead on, brother.
Michael (36:26):
I do totally agree with Preston's assessment.
Brad hit it right on the headwith those limiting beliefs or
the self imposed limitations,the lies that we tell ourselves.
Those are exactly what I wasgetting at when I was
referencing.
Talking about lying, becausemost of the time when we think
(36:48):
about lying, I feel like we'rethinking about lying to other
people, and it's impacting otherpeople, but we don't often think
about lying to ourself, and whatthe outcome of that is, and you
touched on it, because if yousimply believe the limitation,
or the limiting belief, or thelie that you're telling yourself
(37:11):
that you're not a reader, thenyou will not be a reader, so
then it will become the truth.
However, if you do the thing andhave the power, as Ralph Waldo
Emerson would say, then you willbecome a reader, or you will
become a, maybe not an athleteovernight, certainly not
overnight, but over time, youwill become the thing that you
(37:35):
thought you couldn't be.
Be surprised how thatfundamental shift happens.
and thinking how powerful it iswhen you consider what you're
complaining about, for instance,and then you start to reframe
what we're complaining about inthe light of or in the context
(37:55):
of, what can I change or whatcan I do differently about this?
We have more control over ourfuture because we can choose
today to do something that'sdifferent than yesterday.
We don't have to live by thepattern of yesterday or the past
year, which is very easy tohappen.
And then years blur and yourkids are out of the house and
(38:20):
maybe you didn't get the chanceto be as good of a parent as you
theoretically could have been,but again, you can start being.
As soon as today, as soon as youstart to do the things that a
good parent does, talk to theirkids more regularly, let them
know that you love them, thatyou're proud of them, that
(38:41):
you're there for them.
Like you can do these thingsvery easily and change the
narrative.
So I think that's my hope isthat this episode encourages
people to think about theirthoughts and think about the
lies that they might be tellingthemselves.
Because if I look at my life fora long time I spent my
(39:05):
innermost, maybe subconscious orunconscious thoughts believing
that I wasn't worthy ofgreatness or a great life
because I had done bad thingsand my past wasn't what I hoped
it would have been, but thatdoesn't have anything to do with
necessarily, doesn't have tohave anything to do with my
(39:25):
future.
So I hope that, our listenersare considering what are the
beliefs that we have aboutourselves.
And to your point, Brad, I thinkin many cases it is the enemy.
It is an opposing force that istrying to keep you down in life
(39:49):
and keep you from achieving thefullness that you might have if
you changed those lies to thetruth.
Truth being that there's a lotmore potential that you have
than you know, or than youcurrently or previously have
experienced.
So I'm not sure if there'sanything else that you guys have
(40:10):
for episode 60 here, but I thinkthat's a great episode.
A lot of good content for ourlisteners to think about and
consider.
And hopefully y'all have a goodevening or morning or day.
Take care.
Gentlemen, episode 60, coming at you live from the
Commute Polo Podcast.
Today, we'll have Brad Pittonand Dawson Preston, the Southern
Connecticut Radomski, andmyself, Michael Beckwith,
bringing some conversationaround Reclaiming Mind.
And, haven't had a polo podcastin a while, but sometimes
(00:30):
circumstances dictate that wemust take creative measures to
to get out the podcast on aweekly basis.
That being said I was thinkingabout a good topic to discuss
relative to some recentexperiences I've had with
parenting and particularly myyounger daughter, Lucy, over the
(00:52):
past several years, a few years,unfortunately has gone through a
bunch of different, challengesat school that involved bullying
and, we switched schools forher, done some other things, and
the whole time Really trustingour, daughter that everything
(01:14):
that she was telling us wasgenerally true.
And then coming to realize overthe past year anyways, at least,
and it doesn't necessarily meanthat she's always been lying to
us, but that the whole storywasn't, told to us, right?
And so getting a bit of theadditional context from her
teachers that didn't line upwith some of the things that she
(01:35):
was telling us helped us, cometo the realization that there
was.
Some lies that she was tellingus.
And so I was thinking about thisand I was like, why she was
lying to us or why she felt likeshe needed to lie to us.
And she came up with the, reasonof, well, I didn't want to
(01:57):
disappoint you and I didn't wantto be a bad kid.
And so I didn't tell the wholetruth.
And so I was thinking about thatin the context of myself and how
I've often communicated withpeople with.
Especially I would say a lotmore in the past with the
(02:19):
various shades of the truth, butalways having situations in life
where I felt like, I didn't wantsomebody to think poorly of me.
So I'm not going to tell thewhole truth on this or I'm going
to embellish this story a littlebit or whatever it is.
There's a lot of cases where Irealized not only was I lying to
(02:40):
others but, also lying tomyself.
And so that's what the topic ofthe day is.
I'm going to talk to you todayabout how to overcome the lies
that we tell ourselves.
And in other ways, I've heardthose phrase, from Tony Robbins
or other motivational speakersof talk about motor limiting
(03:01):
beliefs at the root, limitingbeliefs.
Most of the time our lies, wetell her some ourselves
something enough times until webelieve it's true.
And so I just wondered what aresome of the lies that you've
told yourself over the past yearor.
Over the past 10 years, how havethose become truths?
(03:27):
And, there's this reallyinteresting threshold and I'm
not sure what it is, but like atsome point, you're telling
yourself a lie.
Maybe it's that, Hey, if Ichange how I tell this story, my
status will be elevated in someway.
People will think I'm funnier orpeople will think I'm, smarter,
(03:49):
or people will think that X, Y,Z, you fill it in, something
different about you than is thetruth.
And, in and of itself, thatmight have some, a little bit of
truth in it, but at the end ofthe day, again, it's a lie.
It's a lie that we're tellingourselves that by not being
truthful, we might somehow,temporarily improve our position
(04:10):
in the eyes of somebody else, orin the eyes of ourselves, and
it's not true.
So, I have been thinking aboutthat with myself, and I was
especially considering it whenit comes to the perception that
I have about what my limitationsare.
When I'm running, as an example,and my mind says, Oh, I don't
(04:34):
think you can go farther.
I don't think you can run longerthan this.
Your leg's going to get injuredor whatever it is.
I have started to realize thatthere's a lot of, there's a lot
of lies that I've told myself orthat my body is, Also
encouraging me to believe, oh,you can't do this again today,
(04:55):
your body's too sore, you're tootired.
All these excuses that, I thinkat the end of the day, they're
ultimately lies.
If there is the motivation to doit, you can overcome your body.
You can overcome yourenvironment, and you can still
hold on to some of these dreamsthat most people would say are
not worth holding on to becauseit's just not real.
(05:19):
Not reality.
I know that was a lengthyintroduction to episode 60, but
Preston, Brad, interested tohear what your thoughts are.
I have some more comments I canmake, I'm sure.
But, Lion, have you foundyourself in the past, or as you
reflect back on the past year,or past few years, Several
(05:39):
years.
Have you found any of those liesthat you've identified?
And by, identifying them andbringing them into the light,
have you been able to findfreedom from those lies and thus
reclaim part of your mind?
So let's hear it.
Brad (05:56):
What's going on?
Lieutenant Dawson, here.
Reclaiming Man Podcast.
Hulo, on the go, episode.
Love it.
I assume that you'll just recordthese and we'll get them out
(06:17):
there.
Yeah, first I want to recapafter last week, about the funk
I was in and, we say this tooshall pass and, as long as we
don't make things worse andoverreact to our emotions or our
feelings or whatever we havegoing on or, my perceptions, it
(06:41):
did, it passed, that funk I wasin has passed.
And so that's a testimony to.
Sometimes you just have to rideit out, but yeah, on the on the
topic of reclaiming mind in thesense of, and thanks Michael for
(07:05):
your.
Your intro there Kids can betough.
I have an 11 year old son Forthose that don't know his mother
Was not part of his life.
I had full custody.
Well, she was part of his life.
I had full custody She was inand out of his life Up until
last November when sheTragically passed away she
(07:30):
struggled with alcohol andaddiction and Drug addiction and
PTSD and some psychologicalproblems and, around
Thanksgiving last year, theyfound her dead in her car.
And, I've raised my son bymyself for the first couple of
years.
(07:50):
And then with my wife, Abby,since Brixton was about three
years old, when she came intoour lives.
And so I've experienced some ofthe difficulties with, just with
raising a kid and for you kids.
And some of the.
stuff that's happened with atschool.
(08:11):
Brixton, my son's name isBrixton.
He's had a, he had anything fromlike one time when he was really
young, I want to say he was inkindergarten or first grade.
He he pulled his pants down.
He said he was gonna exposehimself to the other kids.
And I remember thinking how Badas this was and My gosh, like
(08:34):
what are we gonna do?
And oh my gosh, it turned out itwas a one time thing and He was
very young at the time you know,he I Can't remember the
reasoning he had for it, butcertainly it wasn't a Perversion
right but as a parent, you know,you freak out you think this
(08:57):
would be a huge deal Had someissues As well.
However, now I think my son isprobably more of a bully that he
is bullied.
I don't think he's a bully inthis in the, traditional sense
or the extreme sense.
But there's times where he getspicked on by some other kids and
(09:18):
there's times where he picks onother kids, so he's in the
middle there.
But you never get the full storyfrom, the child, right?
I, don't think.
Valuing, the, teacher's inputand stuff like that.
It's super important.
You want to believe your kids,you want to think they're
innocent and all of that.
And I joke around and I think Ijoke around and say, they be
(09:44):
little assholes, man.
Like they're little people,they're innocent, but they're
developing manipulation and,they're experiencing getting
through life at a young agewithout being developed and
having to work their way.
I try my best to beunderstanding of all that, but
(10:08):
sometimes it's just not right,and how to correct them and all
of that.
Anyway, so the lies, I've gotsome stuff to talk about with
that because, being a recoveringalcoholic and addict, I think at
the root of that is the diseaseof perception we talk about.
(10:29):
So what is that?
That's that you don't seereality.
For what it is.
So really everything's a lie inyour head, right?
It's the constant comparison toyou the constant comparison of
yourself to others around you.
And one of the sayings that Iprobably said before on here is,
we are constantly comparing ourinsides to other people's
outsides, and so how we feel, wethen compare to how someone else
(10:54):
looks and everybody else alwaysseems to look like they have it
together or the opposite extremeis there is present when,
somebody is, extremely wrong andit's.
And it's very obvious, but Ihave a defective character,
(11:16):
which will constantly comparemyself to those around me.
And I'll tell myself one of twolies, I'll either tell myself
I'm better than everyone else.
Or I tell myself that I'm worsethan everyone else.
What I struggle with is, being aright sized, I really struggle
with just going, Hey, you knowwhat, like I am who I am and
(11:39):
some things, I need work on andsome things that, I'm really
good at, but for some reason,I'll tell myself this lie that
I'm not good enough.
And I think this is the liethat, permeates humanity, right?
Is that we're not good enough.
Somewhere in there we got thisimposter syndrome or this
secret, that we're going to showup on the job.
And even though we were hiredand we were qualified that
(12:00):
somehow everybody's going tofigure out that, it was a big
scam and I really don't knowwhat I'm doing.
And I think we all suffer fromthat.
And it's really a devastatinglie to tell yourself.
It can create paralysis, whereyou don't take any action.
(12:22):
You don't do anything becauseyou don't feel you're worthy.
You don't feel you're goodenough.
And and this is where God comesin because God loves you
unconditionally, right?
And no matter what, you do havethis sense of, like, belonging
or this sense of worthinessthat's just in you if you really
pay attention to it.
And, to me, that's God.
(12:46):
Something's always getting youthrough and even if you do fail
sometimes if you can recognizethat there's a, most of the time
there's a lesson in there,right?
in that hardship, there's somegrowth and some opportunity to
see where you're flawed andwhere you can improve.
And, yeah, so today I tellmyself some lies.
(13:09):
I tell myself that, I have thisone with drumming, because I'm
playing at a professional leveland clearly I'm good at what I
do, but I'll.
I'll focus on, some otherdrummers or what they're doing
and how good they are.
And I'll tell myself that, man,I really suck at this
instrument.
I'm not good enough and, it'ssuch a lie, but there's some
(13:31):
truth to that because the reasonI usually think that is because
there's one area of my playingor something that needs work and
I'm most of the time.
I'm not willing to put in thatwork.
And that lie can be telling, Idon't need to tell myself
negative information, ornegative.
I don't need to, talk down onmyself.
(13:51):
I just need to go, okay, well,if you don't feel like you're
good at drum solos, then youneed to focus on working on drum
solos.
And that, if I'm candid that's,the one thing that, I feel
inadequate about, but am I overhere practicing soloing every
single day?
No.
So.
What do I expect?
So I'm just not too hard onmyself and I tell myself, okay,
(14:13):
I'm gonna start to do some workand try to take some action.
Physical fitness is another goodexample.
Michael, you brought up is like,Can I go another rep?
Can I go another round?
When you want to start going tothe gym and, I've gotten to a
place where I'm, prettycompetent in the gym and I feel
good about going and Iparticipate in some classes
(14:33):
there.
Well, I've heard from somepeople that they're, scared to
go to the gym because they'reembarrassed of what people might
think of them.
And it's a lie because no one inthe gym Maybe there's some
people but typically nobody'sjudging the overweight person A
matter of fact if I see anoverweight person in the gym,
i'm like super stoked for himi'm always like man good for
you.
Like you're in there trying, andI have a lot of respect for him.
(14:55):
So there's lies we can tellourselves there.
And, for anybody that's lookingto grow, trying to, reclaim any
of these aspects of your life.
And ultimately, have personalgrowth, there's some
accountability there.
(15:15):
But also love yourself, and takeaction.
And when you take, action, youmove forward, you can build self
esteem.
I mean, the only way to buildself esteem.
Self esteem, I was taught isthrough esteemable action,
esteemable acts.
I'm a huge action guy.
I'm a huge proponent of if youdon't like something or
(15:36):
something isn't working, take anaction.
We talk about massive imperfectaction on, Reclaiming Man and,
that's huge.
It's just the action that youtake doesn't have to look right.
You don't have to feel goodabout it.
You're not, you're never goingto be 100 percent ready to go to
the gym.
You just put on the gym clothesand you go.
If the workout is not great, itdoesn't matter.
(15:57):
Improve on it, build on it.
And you'll slowly start to buildthat confidence and they build
on each other and it multipliesand that confidence will,
increase and but not to say thatyou won't ever have, I think
that's just the human condition.
You'll have those negativethoughts, but it's, what do you
do with them?
And what kind of relationship doyou have with the universe?
(16:19):
God or whatever your higherpower might be, that you can
lean on and you can trust it'sgoing to pull you through and
carry you through some of thisstuff.
So, I have struggled a lot with,lies.
Reality can be tough.
And so a lot of times we lie toourselves to avoid situations,
people, places, things.
(16:42):
But I think that's my take on itfor now.
And I'm going to head out.
I've got the church eventtonight.
And, and then I've got a gigdowntown.
So I've got a busy night.
Love you guys.
Thanks for letting me jump in onhere and, hope you guys have a
good rest of your day.
Preston (17:00):
Dang! Episode 60.
Brad, I think this is your firstpolo podcast.
I think.
I could be wrong.
Well, no, maybe it isn't becauseI feel like I, well, maybe I did
an intro for one a few weeksback, but all right The concept
of like not lying to ourselvesman there's a lot i'm like
(17:21):
listening to these as i'mdriving home and i'm not able to
like take notes, but Oh, andjust on the topic of your drum
solos, Brad, I mean, I freakinglove your drum solos, especially
like the few times we playedwith Ryan and he'll make you do
like, he'll have you do one.
And then he's like, all right,give me another one with cowbell
(17:43):
or give me another one with justsnare.
Or I remember there, you'rereally good at drum solos.
There's when you're doing them,there's such an element of just
kind of who you are and who youare as a player with every
drummer.
Whatever is whatever you'redoing.
Like I remember the last time weplayed and you were he was
(18:05):
having you do those You weren'tpaying attention to the people
behind you because your back'sto the audience on broadway But
because he made you almost dolike it felt like five minutes.
It was quite long and Like thewhole street there was like 50
people like watching you in thestreet.
It was really freaking cool Soyou're doing great on that.
(18:28):
That's not to say like don'tthink about them and practice
that so stuff.
I'm the same way.
It's like, I've got elements ofmy play and we're like, I always
feel like an imposter.
It's like, there's, there's somany musicians in the world that
get to sort of work for aliving, so to speak.
But there's, there's only reallylike one sort of Eddie Van
(18:50):
Halen, there's, clones of him orthere's people that came after
him that are in line, but it's,and that, so none of us are
really imposters.
It's like, we're just, We'rebeing artists.
We're just being creative.
And what we're doing is speakingto people.
So I totally relate to thatimposter element, I guess, in a
sense where maybe we're to theidea or the concept of like the
(19:17):
line where it's like, wesometimes maybe lie to ourselves
and tell us, tell ourselves,maybe I know I'm guilty of that.
Like, ah, like, should you evenbe wasting your time doing this?
Like you're not even that good.
And the reality is that I'mlike, I'm lying to myself
because.
I am that good.
I'm not saying that in like aconceited like type of a sense.
(19:40):
I know my limitations and I knowwhat I'm realistically capable
of.
And so, you just can't believeyour own self doubt, so to
speak.
It's so funny with your sonpulling his pants down at
school.
I mean I don't think that's badat all.
(20:00):
Like that's fucking hilarious.
If you ask me, especially thatage.
I mean, if he was like 17 andlike in 11th grade or like grade
12 or something like that, andlike did that in front of the
cheerleading squad, it'd be likeokay, we need to, I mean, that
would still be, funny to someextent, but you just can't do
(20:22):
that kind of stuff nowadays.
It's not the seventies where youguys ever watched the movie
Porky's.
Do you remember like that movie?
We're just different time backin the day.
But, yeah, I think our kids, howare they like, it's, I don't
(20:43):
know what, I mean, there's, Ithink there's an element of us
being authority, authoritative,authoritarian, like we have
authority over them in a goodway because we're trying to keep
them alive.
We're trying to keep them inline and it just doesn't always
translate the same way as when,I see how my kids will like
(21:08):
maybe open up to like theiruncle, like my wife's little
brother.
Cause he's like a goofy UncleGrant and like his buddy Tyler.
What do we used to call him backin California is we called Tyler
Uncle White Claw because theywould always, they wouldn't
always come over, but when theywould come over, like Uncle
Grant and Uncle White Clawwould, have a handle or whatever
(21:33):
and spend the night and just begoofy with the kids.
And they're, not there beingthat sort of on a daily, I hate
to use the word disciplinary.
Person in it because I'm nottrying to say like we, these
crazy disciplinary people to ourchildren, my wife and I, nor you
(21:54):
guys, but there's just adifferent relationship there and
they know they're safe and lovedby us and by their uncle.
But it's there's a, they canopen up in a different way.
And sometimes maybe I'm gettinga little off track, but I feel
like I'm going in some directionwhere it's like, it's not so
much that they want to lie tous.
(22:16):
It's just, they're like, they'renot sure.
It's like, ah, am I going to getin trouble for this?
Or.
They just hold, stuff closecause it's just sort of them in
their thoughts of what they'redoing, maybe so to speak.
So I definitely understand whereyou guys are both coming from
with your kids in that, regard.
(22:37):
I've had to deal with thebullying situation with Jackson.
Actually it was about a year agoand he was him and his, he's got
a few buddies that they playMinecraft together and, they,
one of their friends.
(22:57):
Dads built them like a serverlike a you can build your own
servers to go on so you can haveand invite your own people to be
a part of that server and havecertain games and things like
that and They hit they had itwas my son and a few of their
buddies and like one of hisbuddies like older cousins was
on There not like super old likethey're say they're seven at the
(23:21):
time I think she was like maybe10 or 11 12 Like, kind of young
ish teen and somehow they'dfigured out one of the kids.
They were, learning how tomultiple spawn, certain things
and just do goofy things thatwould mess with the world.
(23:41):
But it was sort of fun to them.
And all of a sudden, like oneday, like my son didn't want to
play Minecraft anymore.
Like him and his buddy, likeevery morning they'd get up and
they would FaceTime and playMinecraft together for like an
hour.
Like first thing in the morning.
They just loved it.
They would laugh their guts out,walking these chickens and weird
(24:04):
things around.
And then one day he was justlike, all Finn wants to do is
play Minecraft.
Like, I don't want to playMinecraft anymore.
He like had nothing, wantednothing to do with it.
And it was like, like, at firstit was just Oh, I get it.
Like you maybe are sick of that,but then it got weird and it was
like, well, well, what's goingon?
Like with, this situation, so tospeak.
(24:29):
And, I guess it ended up likeone, one of them, cause they
were able to like type to eachother and stuff.
And someone ended up calling myson.
I don't even remember who, butthey were, basically just, I
think said something like goaway idiot.
Cause he was spawning like a tonof cows or like something that
(24:52):
like, he wasn't.
Dick, but he just like, it washilarious to him that he figured
this thing out.
And so it really hurt hisfeelings and he didn't want to
play anymore.
And it was like that first, itwas very interesting because it
was a, sort of a dip into whatpeople are talking about with
the kids and the internet andlike internet bullying, it
wasn't that he was lying to usabout what had happened, but he
(25:17):
just did not want to, like, itjust took a while for it to like
us to get it out of him becauseI don't know if he was
embarrassed.
It's still just sometimes hardto talk to your kids about
things like that because theyjust are, just And eventually,
yeah, he was just like, I justfelt dumb and it was
embarrassing and hurt myfeelings.
(25:39):
I mean, obviously I'm sure noneof us are going to make it, to
the age of 80 without our kidsintentionally lying to us about
going out with a girl orsomething that we did once as
young boys or young girls.
But sometimes they're just Lyingto us because they're either
maybe embarrassed or just notreally sure how to, what to do
(26:04):
in that situation.
And just being honest is likereally the easiest part.
And if we show them that andtalk to them about that, then it
becomes much easier.
As far as lying to myself forlike a while, I feel like I've
just probably not since I'vebeen 30, but I just not really
(26:26):
been honest about, I almost havelike this backwards body
dysmorphia where I feel like I,I still look like I'm.
40 pounds lighter than I am whenI really need to get my health
in check and do something aboutthat.
And so I've almost feel likeI've been lying to myself about
that for quite a few years whereit's like you're, you're not
(26:51):
that heavy.
Like you work for FedEx, likeyou, you're walking around all
day and, but it's like, thereality is, like, I need to be
eating better, healthier andexercising more.
And I've been in the last year,I've been going through spouts
of like working out a lot more,eating a lot better.
Then I stray away from it for abit, dip a little bit back in my
(27:14):
old habits and get back on thewagon and it's just finding my
way to doing that permanently asour, my older body just doesn't
metabolize and do and react theway I was when I was, 25.
So yeah, I like this topic.
I'm curious what else you guyshave to say about it.
(27:38):
So what say you, Matthew, youwere mentioning you had a few
more things you were keen totalk about.
Brad (27:48):
What's up guys?
It's been a day, and I've beenthinking about some of the stuff
we've been talking about andfiguring out how to contribute
again here.
I don't know how long we'regonna be, doing these polos
before we decide to upload them,but just thinking about,
everything we've talked about sofar with kids and, tying this
(28:13):
into, I mean, mine.
I kinda thought aboutleadership.
Cause we're, leading our kids asfathers and we want to, lead
people, right?
(28:34):
What we're trying to do here andthis podcast through our
experience and through ourexample, we're going to lead
people into a better life.
And it's not that, we have somesuperior life.
It's that we've been throughsome things and we've had some
experience and found a way to,to overcome that and work
(28:54):
through it.
And then we've also voiced andtalked about how we're going
through things currently.
With our kids or our families orour jobs or any aspect of our
growth.
But, I was thinking about in,in, in a mental capacity, how we
need to remove the mental blocksand we often define ourselves,
(29:19):
by limitations.
And we tell ourselves, forexample, I'm not a creative
person.
Or, I'm not a healthy eater.
Or, I'm not really a gym guy.
I'm not really, I don't reallywork out.
I'm not really a gym dude.
(29:41):
I'm not really a reader.
I don't, really read.
All these things that we say,right?
Oh, he's really creative, butI'm not.
Or, he's a leader, and I'm notreally a leader.
And I think, behind thoselimitations is our potential.
And I kind of stole this fromhim.
(30:04):
Craig Groeschel, I attend LifeChurch.
If you aren't familiar with LifeChurch, it's the leaders, the
senior pastors.
Craig Groeschel, he's a New YorkTimes best selling author.
He's also got a podcast aboutleadership, so I don't want to
claim to have come up with thison my own.
But I thought this was reallygood.
(30:25):
And, We need to stop tellingourselves those things.
And so What we could do is what?
What would I do if I were areader?
What would I do if I were a gymguy?
You want to be fit, but you tellyourself you're not a gym
person.
Well, what would you do if youwere a gym person?
(30:46):
You would go to the gym soon asyou go to the gym.
You're a gym person, right?
Oh, I don't pray.
I'm not, really a prayer, youknow?
So what do you do?
You pray and now you're a prayerperson, right?
So I think we set up theselimitations in our.
In our head of what we are notand I think that's all part of
(31:09):
call it the enemy call it ifnegative thinking or whatever it
is, whatever it is you want todo It starts with action, right?
So You go do it and if it'simperfect Hey It's fine.
So Really just wanted to sharethat You Little tidbit.
(31:34):
And yeah I hope, hope to hearfor more, some more from you
guys on that and see if they canget the wheels turning and we
can talk about that a littlemore.
Sorry, the audio was a littleweird there.
I had my air conditioning on.
I was driving on the freeway.
It's a little clearer now.
But just to add to that, once wetake those steps and once we
take that action, Then we set anexample.
(31:58):
People see what we're doing.
People see the action that we'retaking.
So if we want to be goodleaders, we start by managing
our own lives, right?
We start by doing the thingsthat we would want to see others
do rather than be influenced byothers.
I mean, others need to lead ustoo sometimes, right?
You guys lead me.
(32:19):
Craig leads me.
My sponsor in AA leads me.
Every leader needs a leader,right?
I think God's the only he's thetop of the pyramid, right?
So, so we're not God.
So we all need leaders, but Weall need to be leaders and the
best way to become a leader isby taking exact taking action
(32:41):
and, setting the example.
And when you do that'sattractive, right?
That's a, that's, that willattract people.
Yeah really good stuff.
Just remove these limitations.
That we've put on ourselves.
Because they're not really true.
(33:01):
I mean, we say, we, defineourselves by what we're not.
But the truth is, we can'treally define ourselves because
we don't really know who we are.
And it changes.
It's always changing.
And, it'll change today when,You pick up a new musical
instrument.
Ah, well, I'm not a music Idon't play a musical instrument.
(33:23):
Well, if you pick one up, nowyou do.
And it does take commitment.
You gotta stick with it.
But you've gotta startsomewhere, and so every journey
starts with that first step.
So, Figured I would just add toit a little bit.
And I do wanna hear what youguys have to say on this.
So, I'm passing the baton.
Preston (33:43):
Well, Lieutenant Dangle, I think you hit on
something very important there.
I mean, I've heard, I think I'veheard it like, like said, like,
don't let your past define YouI'm not a reader.
Well, what would a reader do?
I find, When I've dipped intodoing something like 75 hard
(34:09):
where I'm forcing myself on aday to day basis to, work out
twice a day, drink a gallon ofwater, read 10 pages, like do
all the things you're supposedto do during that program that I
maybe normally wouldn't be doingon a daily basis.
(34:29):
After I do it for a week, it'sstarting to become something I
do after I've done it for amonth.
It's like, Oh, I like reading.
And I've become a reader, andthen when I'm not on 75 hard,
like I'll take a few days off.
And it's really easy to get outof the habit of doing that.
And then I think, well, why am Igetting out of the habit of
(34:49):
doing that?
Because when I was forcingmyself to do it, do to do it
every day, I loved it.
It became something that Ireally enjoyed the working out
as well.
I've never been a gym guy.
So when I do 75 harder workout,like I don't go to a gym.
I have my own routines that Iset up at home with kettlebell
(35:11):
things on YouTube or yoga andweight stuff or rucking.
And I think you're, right.
It's like, what would I, or whatwould you do if you were that
reader or that guy that goes tothe gym and just do that for a
week and see where it gets youbecause it's, we're so adaptable
(35:37):
as sort of human beings.
Not sort of human beings, we arehuman beings, but we're, we
just, we can adapt to any sortof situation.
And we live in this era ofcomfort, which is nice.
Don't get me wrong.
It's like, I like being able tograb a couple pepperoni garlic
crust pizzas on the way homefrom work and not cook a dinner.
(35:59):
It's comforting.
It's comfortable.
It's easy, but it's much yummierwhen I stop and get some meat
and like season it and eithermake a steak or make a homemade
pie.
So, I definitely like whereyou're going with this
(36:20):
Lieutenant.
Lead on, brother.
Michael (36:26):
I do totally agree with Preston's assessment.
Brad hit it right on the headwith those limiting beliefs or
the self imposed limitations,the lies that we tell ourselves.
Those are exactly what I wasgetting at when I was
referencing.
Talking about lying, becausemost of the time when we think
(36:48):
about lying, I feel like we'rethinking about lying to other
people, and it's impacting otherpeople, but we don't often think
about lying to ourself, and whatthe outcome of that is, and you
touched on it, because if yousimply believe the limitation,
or the limiting belief, or thelie that you're telling yourself
(37:11):
that you're not a reader, thenyou will not be a reader, so
then it will become the truth.
However, if you do the thing andhave the power, as Ralph Waldo
Emerson would say, then you willbecome a reader, or you will
become a, maybe not an athleteovernight, certainly not
overnight, but over time, youwill become the thing that you
(37:35):
thought you couldn't be.
Be surprised how thatfundamental shift happens.
and thinking how powerful it iswhen you consider what you're
complaining about, for instance,and then you start to reframe
what we're complaining about inthe light of or in the context
(37:55):
of, what can I change or whatcan I do differently about this?
We have more control over ourfuture because we can choose
today to do something that'sdifferent than yesterday.
We don't have to live by thepattern of yesterday or the past
year, which is very easy tohappen.
And then years blur and yourkids are out of the house and
(38:20):
maybe you didn't get the chanceto be as good of a parent as you
theoretically could have been,but again, you can start being.
As soon as today, as soon as youstart to do the things that a
good parent does, talk to theirkids more regularly, let them
know that you love them, thatyou're proud of them, that
(38:41):
you're there for them.
Like you can do these thingsvery easily and change the
narrative.
So I think that's my hope isthat this episode encourages
people to think about theirthoughts and think about the
lies that they might be tellingthemselves.
Because if I look at my life fora long time I spent my
(39:05):
innermost, maybe subconscious orunconscious thoughts believing
that I wasn't worthy ofgreatness or a great life
because I had done bad thingsand my past wasn't what I hoped
it would have been, but thatdoesn't have anything to do with
necessarily, doesn't have tohave anything to do with my
(39:25):
future.
So I hope that, our listenersare considering what are the
beliefs that we have aboutourselves.
And to your point, Brad, I thinkin many cases it is the enemy.
It is an opposing force that istrying to keep you down in life
(39:49):
and keep you from achieving thefullness that you might have if
you changed those lies to thetruth.
Truth being that there's a lotmore potential that you have
than you know, or than youcurrently or previously have
experienced.
So I'm not sure if there'sanything else that you guys have
(40:10):
for episode 60 here, but I thinkthat's a great episode.
A lot of good content for ourlisteners to think about and
consider.
And hopefully y'all have a goodevening or morning or day.
Take care.
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