January 29, 2024 • 34 mins
Send Rev Rachel a Text Message!!!! What do you love and what would you like to hear more about?
I've weathered the storm of living alongside those engulfed by the shadows of anxiety and depression with my own kids and friends as well experiencing it for myself at different times in my life. It can be very hard to stay on our healing journey and stay connected to our Higher Power when those we love, and often live with, are suffering from the grips of mental health issues. In this episode I share how using the tools and principles of Soul Recovery can help us to navigate this complex and painful path for everyone involved.
For more information about Rev. Rachel Harrison and Recover Your Soul- visit the website www.recoveryoursoul.net use the code TRYASESSION for 40% off your first Spiritual Coaching session when you book on the website. Visit the website for all events and groups to get involved in Soul Recovery and the community.
Soul Recovery Support Group on Zoom -The 1st Monday of the Month, 6PM Mountain Time. This is a drop in support group where we can come together to explore, connect and support each other on our Soul Recovery journey. Visit the website to register and receive the meeting invite. Free to attend and donations appreciated.
This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not allied or representative of any organizations or religions, but is based on the opinions and experience of Rev. Rachel Harrison. The host claims no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the information presented herein. Take what you need and leave the rest.
Make a one time donation to support the Recover Your Soul Podcast on the home page or become a monthly supporter from $3 to $10, follow us on Instagram, Insight Timer, TikTok, YouTube and Facebook and join the private Facebook group to be part of the RYS community. Support this podcast and have access to bonus content by becoming a Patreon Member or subscribing on Apple Podcasts and have access to an EXTRA episode each Friday. Episode Transcripts found here https://recoveryoursoul.buzzsprout.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Rev Rachel Harrison (00:00):
On a recent social media post, I had asked
what do you want to hear moreabout?
And one of the answers was froma community member who said how
do you live with somebody whohas severe anxiety or depression
?
How do you hold on to andmaintain your relationship with
your higher power while they'resuffering so greatly?
This is a great question andthe source of inspiration for
(00:23):
this episode.
Welcome to the Recovery yourSoul podcast a spiritual path to
a happy and healthy life.
My name is Reverend RachelHarrison.
I started Recovery your Soulafter having profound changes in
my life, from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency and
control addiction.
I was guided to share the toolsand principles of spirituality
(00:47):
and soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives, as mine
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
the attention to the mind, toourselves, focusing on our
interchange and healing.
Positive results in our liveswill follow.
Welcome to Recovery your Soul.
(01:07):
I'm Reverend Rachel and I thankyou for choosing to spend your
time with me here today On yoursoul recovery journey.
Many of you continue to comeback and I am so honored and
grateful that you do and in thatI've become part of your life,
which I love that we're here.
Maybe I'm on a walk with you,or maybe on your drive to work.
(01:29):
Thank you for putting me in theplace in your life where it's
part of your routine, part ofyour spiritual practice.
And if you're new to the soulrecovery community, welcome,
welcome, welcome.
I'm so glad that you're here.
Today's episode is in responseto one of the community members
that answered my question on theRecovery your Soul community
(01:53):
Facebook page when I said whatdo you want to hear more about
in the fifth season?
And this person said I'd reallylike to know more about how to
maintain our soul recovery, howto trust our process, to be
turning the attention toourselves when somebody in our
life is dealing with mentalhealth issues, specifically
(02:15):
depression or anxiety, and Ithought that was such a
beautiful, beautiful topic.
It's not an easy topic, but Ithink it's a topic that we
should shed some light on,because there's a lot of that
out in the world.
There are more people that weknow of suffering specifically
from mental health issues thanever before.
(02:36):
We have more disconnection,more separation.
With the social media and theplatforms that are available to
us that could bring us together,it seems like there's even more
of us being isolated, feelingalone and having stress and
(02:56):
anxiety.
The more complicated our worldgets, the more the people are
struggling.
So many of you have come becauseyou did a word search on some
platform Maybe it was in ApplePodcasts or Spotify or just on
Google saying, hey, I want toknow more about Alan on Podcasts
, or I want to know more abouthow to deal with adult children
(03:20):
who are addicts, or I want toknow more about codependence, or
I want to heal from something,and it popped up the podcast.
I'm so glad that you're hereand I'm so grateful that these
ways of connecting bring us here.
What I want to share in that isthat we're actually talking
about the same thing, so that ifyou came here because you have
(03:45):
someone in your life who isaddicted to something, who is
actively in addiction, whatwe're actually saying is this
person in my life is depressed,is not healthy, is dysfunctional
.
If you are in a relationshipwhere you've become addicted or
codependent to another person,you rely on another person for
(04:07):
your emotional, spiritual,financial well-being.
We are doing the same thing.
That is about putting energyinto a place that is around
unhealthiness.
It's around being not whole,not being enough, and isn't that
the foundation of depressionand of anxiety.
(04:30):
Now, if you haven't listened tothis podcast before, I want to
say two things.
One is, in everything that Isay, I am not an expert.
I am not speaking for anyreligions or any programs or
allied with anything along thoselines, so take what you need
and leave the rest.
This is my interpretations of awhole bunch of stuff, and
(04:53):
that's something I've calledsoul recovery.
And the other is I have beenthere.
I don't speak this by sayingthat I wasn't there.
I have been clinicallydepressed, I have been riddled
with incredible, excruciatinganxiety, and I have been an
(05:15):
addict, and I have been addictedto other people and their
behavior and I have tried tocontrol it all.
So I am coming from thisplatform, from a place that says
not only have I witnessed otherpeople who have had these
things in their life, with myhusband and my kids in
particular, but I personallyhave been through it.
(05:39):
I have been in the darkness, Ihave had suicide thoughts, I
have not wanted to open my eyes,I have not wanted to live
another day, and when you feelthat darkness, it is so real.
And so to have come from thatto where I am today, where I
(06:02):
wake up every day and I thinkaren't I lucky?
Aren't I lucky that I get tohave this experience?
It has been a journey, and Isee it from both sides, and
that's what gives me thisplatform to stand on and to be
able to share with you, in SoulRecovery, these experiences that
(06:24):
I've had, this work that I'vedone that allows me to pull from
this whole continuum of allthese resources spiritual,
psychology, metaphysics,religion and put something
together that I call SoulRecovery and say if you decide
(06:47):
that you are ready to be well,if you decide that you are ready
to be able to be present forwhatever's happening in your
life and whoever is in your lifein the way that they are and
choose the spiritual path to ahappy and healthy life, that you
too can come into balance, thatyou too can find healing, that
(07:08):
you too can hold space forsomebody who is not well.
So that is the energy in theplatform in which I'm going to
speak on this particular topic.
Which is what happens, and howdo you keep your Soul Recovery,
how do you continue to stay ontrack with what's going on with
(07:29):
you when the people around youare suffering?
Now, what I think is sointeresting is most people found
this podcast by searching.
Maybe it was Alenon or CodeDependents or how to deal with
adult kids who are addicts.
Those are kind of the SEOfinders that people find to get
(07:50):
here.
And then you walk through thedoor, you look at this podcast
and you're like, ah, I want toknow how to fix them.
But what you're really learningin Soul Recovery is that the
true answer to healing, the trueanswer to healing somebody else
, the true answer to happinessis to turn the attention to
(08:12):
yourself and to recognize thatyou're powerless over everything
outside of yourself and thatyour choosing your own life is
the greatest gift that you cangive yourself and others.
Now, that doesn't mean that youcan do this work and walk
around with all kinds of halosand butterflies flying around
(08:36):
you and that everything's alwaysgoing to be this rainbow
situation and you're just oozingjoy and happiness and that the
people around you are going tolove it, or that they're going
to feel better, or that it'sgoing to change anything.
That's crap, right.
(08:56):
That's like the fairy tale.
What we're learning in SoulRecovery is we're learning to
see and understand each personin their experience, for exactly
what's going on with them andwe're learning how to interact
and be present in everysituation from a authentic,
(09:17):
aware, healthy space.
If you're ready for SoulRecovery, as a spiritual coach I
can support your healing tohelp make real changes that will
bring you a life of peace,happiness, connection and
abundance.
You can also work in smallergroups by taking a deep dive in
a Zoom workshop or with me inperson at a retreat or an event.
(09:39):
Join others on the SoulRecovery path, once a month for
the free Zoom support group ordaily on the private Facebook
page.
Visit the websiteRecoveryyourSoulnet to book
coaching sessions with me orfind all the information you
need about Soul Recovery datesthat are coming up and how to
register for those groups andworkshops.
To support the podcast and thecommunity, check the links in
(10:02):
the show notes to make a smallmonthly donation or a one-time
donation of your choice.
That will make a huge impact tosupport this community and the
Soul Recovery mission.
Together we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
So if you went around somebodywho wasn't doing well, either
(10:24):
from drugs or alcohol or frombeing emotionally not well, and
you're polyanizing them to deathand saying, well, if you would
just think positive, everythingwould be just fine.
You're not actually going to behelping the situation.
You're going to be making it sothat they actually have a level
of resistance and they'repushing on you.
(10:45):
But if you can be present in away where you remember that your
emotional integrity is the onlything that you have control of
and is your only responsibility,and that their choice of what
their emotion is going to be iswhat they're responsible for,
(11:08):
then you can start to be presentfor people and really hear them
where they're at, really bepresent for them where they're
at and stop trying to fix them,stop trying to change it for
them.
Now I have a feeling that theperson who wrote this request on
the Facebook page probablylives with somebody who is
(11:29):
experiencing depression oranxiety either a husband, a wife
or a child.
So I just want to say out loudthat being in relationship with
people who are struggling isreally difficult, and nobody is
saying that it isn't hard.
No one is saying that itdoesn't affect you.
I had a session today with ahusband and a wife.
(11:50):
They were expressing how whenthe other one is really good, it
really helps the other one feelreally good, but when the other
one isn't well, they have towork that much harder to
maintain their own individualself and to not fall into the
pattern of codependence whereyou want the other person to be
(12:13):
okay, for you to be okay, butthey have a very true preference
that the other person reallyfeels good and that's
understandable and that's good.
So what happens if you're in arelationship with somebody who
is having a hard time?
What happens when their heartis breaking and you're there to
(12:36):
witness it?
I think, first and foremost, oneof the things that I share, and
I hope that you hear, is thatwe're not in sole recovery in a
place where we're beingencouraged to be quiet, where
we're being encouraged to notspeak to the elephant in the
(12:56):
room.
I think there's a lot of mixedmessages in the recovery
community around what to say,and I think that there's a fine
line in learning how to bepresent in what's really going
on with you from a healthy placeand having a voice and trying
(13:19):
to control another person or fixanother person or judge another
person.
So what we can really recognizein our soul recovery journey
and path is that checking inwith yourself and how you're
feeling is the number one thingthat you need to be doing,
(13:41):
recognizing that, asking howsomeone is doing or having
suggestions.
To be honest, you know so I'lljust you know I always do better
when I use an example.
So, luckily, just with absolutejoy and celebration, I want to
announce that both of my kidsare doing better than they've
ever done in their adult lifeever.
(14:02):
And if you've listened to thispodcast, this is a fricking
miracle upon all miracles, andit's a miracle that I'm doing
better too, and it's a miraclethat Rich is doing better.
I mean, the truth is that ourfamily is probably in its best
emotional mental state that it'sbeen in since I don't even know
(14:22):
how long, probably in aneternity, right in our making
and when I think about whatsteps did I take to get to the
place where I could give mychildren and my husband their
emotional well-being and theirbalance back?
And there has definitely beentimes when that's not the state
(14:45):
that they're in.
So, with both of the boys and Italk about Alex so much so I'm
just going to, you know, bringBodhi in as well so with both of
the kids, there has definitelybeen times when they are in a
pretty frightening place ofdarkness.
Bodhi, in particular, has beenup and down over the last couple
(15:07):
of years.
He's been on the podcastnumerous times.
He's shared incrediblyvulnerably and openly about this
journey that he's been on.
That doesn't only includeaddiction.
It includes his mental healthand, to be honest, addiction is
a reaction and a response to notbeing mentally well.
There is a component ofaddictive substances that create
(15:32):
addiction, but generally wedon't go into that addictive
space if we're not feelingunbalanced and unwell within
ourselves in the first place.
There's always somethingunderneath that is trying to
heal or not feel the pain.
So the truth is, anxiety anddepression usually are the
(15:56):
reasons why people are using inthe first place they're trying
to cover up or do somethingabout those uncomfortable
feelings.
So over the last couple ofyears, bodhi in particular has
really struggled with a lot ofhis internal feelings.
He had a lot of self-loathing.
He had a lot of really high endpressure of thinking that he
(16:19):
needed to be perfect, that heneeded to really meet the
expectations of not only us butan entire community that he's in
, and the heaviness that weighedon him.
Now I always am suggesting tomy kids they get help if they
need it.
However, have they taken thatsuggestion?
(16:41):
Not one time have they saidokay, I'm going to go get
counseling.
The piece that is our solerecovery journey that we need to
remember is that it isn't aboutnot talking about it and it
isn't about forcing them to dosomething.
It's this balance in betweenwhere we're witnessing and
(17:02):
looking at being a mirror for,but really holding space for,
the complexity and thedifficulty and the pain that it
is to be human, because that'swhat we're doing for ourselves.
And here you are doing the workon you.
You've made a choice to listento this podcast.
You've made a choice to readthe books that you're reading.
(17:23):
You've made a choice to eitherget counseling from me or for
someone else.
You've made a choice to dosomething about it for yourself.
You are here working on you,and that is the number one
important thing that you'refollowing your spiritual path.
Then here we are with the otherpeople and we're noticing and
(17:46):
we're seeing.
It's difficult for them Now whenit affects you in relationship.
When Alex and Bodhi were livingwith us, their energy would
affect the whole house.
If they weren't happy or ifsomething was going on, you
could feel that tension and wetalk about it as walking on
(18:08):
eggshells.
Now what I can see now that Icouldn't see then was every time
I walk on the eggshells, I'mencouraging them to be in the
behavior in which they areexuding themselves.
They're controlling, they're intheir protector mode.
They're utilizing whatevertheir skills are to try to get
(18:29):
whatever their needs that theyare trying to get met in an
unhealthy way.
And it isn't about beingPollyanna and walking around
like everything's just fine andpretending like it doesn't exist
either.
And again, all of this isnuanced and complicated and
every family is different.
But what I recognize thatstarted to change was I started
(18:52):
to decide that I was responsiblefor how I felt and that if I
could hold space for them, withthe knowing that they too are
resourced and held by a higherpower if they so choose to see
it, that's step two in soulrecovery, open to awareness of a
power greater than ourselveswho can offer healing.
(19:14):
Insanity in our lives, that'snot just for me, that's for them
.
So when I'm in presence withsomebody who's having their dark
night of the soul and I stopthinking that I have to fix it,
if I stop thinking I need to dosomething about it, and I start
thinking they too have a powergreater than themselves that can
(19:38):
restore them to sanity if theychoose to see it Now, if it is
affecting you in your life whereyou have maybe you have a
spouse who lost their job and ofcourse they're going through it
.
I'm actually kind of goingthrough this with Rich because
(19:58):
his work in the business thathe's self-employed in doing
yards and construction dried upfor the winter so he wasn't laid
off by somebody else.
But there's no jobs right nowfor him.
And I'll tell you what.
He went down the tank there fora minute and he got scared and
(20:19):
he got.
He doesn't get angry anymore.
He gets in this place wherehe's checked out.
He's not emotionally presentand he wants to control and fix
and he kind of gets dog maticabout like, well, here's what
we're going to do and here'swhat this is, and I don't like
(20:42):
it.
But in the past I would have.
I would have coached him, to behonest, I would have coached
him and I would have tried tohave him listen to some Abraham
Hicks.
I would have tried to reassurehim about what was going on and
fluff up the situation to try tomake him feel better about
(21:04):
himself and to try to make himstop being uncomfortable and
stop being controlling and stopbeing intense.
And what I did this time was wetalked about it and we talked
about it from this place.
That is new for me in the lastcouple of years, where I do the
(21:25):
work that we've talked about inprevious episodes, about me
attending to my younger selves,making sure that my protectors
have their new roles and jobs.
If you listen to that episodearound holding space and not
feeling like I have to hold hisresponsibility.
And for the first time hereally started to share what was
(21:49):
really going on with him.
He's 57 years old and doingthis hard labor.
He's really coming to an endwith it and it scares him.
It scares him that physicallyhe can't do it and that he
doesn't know what to do next,that he's worked for himself for
so long and he's unsure of whatto happen next.
(22:13):
And I sat and I just listenedand I just held space and I saw
him from my perspective, from myside.
I saw him as whole.
I saw him as sharing instead ofas complaining.
I didn't fall into my fear andhe said you know, I think you
(22:33):
heard me.
I think this is the first timethat I really felt heard by you
on this topic, because in thepast, I'd always do the thing
that was like, oh, somethingwill always come up and will be
fine, and you're so talented,honey, and everything's going to
be Pollyanna, pollyanna,pollyanna.
Well, that didn't make him feelheard.
(22:54):
So what's interesting is I wasable to come back and say here's
our financial situation, here'show much money I'm making in my
business, here's what we havein savings, here's what we can
do right now.
We're safe for this amount oftime.
And that gives you enough spacefor this amount of time for you
(23:16):
to start to contemplate whatyou want to do next and for us
to figure out how we're going tosupport each other, how we're
going to be in this together.
And it gave him space to notfall into fear.
But who had to choose?
That was him.
He had to be the one thatdecided that.
(23:39):
Now, when you have somebody whois depressed or full of anxiety
and they're not choosing to wantto be better, there's something
very real about that, and themore that we allow their actions
to affect us in a negative way,we're taking away every bit of
(24:00):
strength that we have and we'rehanding it to them.
We're losing our power.
Now, if Rich had gone into amajor depression and I said I
think it'd be a really good timefor you to see a doctor.
I think there's alwaysimportant to look at medications
.
I think there's alwaysimportance to speak to somebody.
(24:22):
I actually did say I think itmight be a good idea for you to
find a coach, or to find amentor or somebody that can help
walk you through this, becausehe doesn't like me to coach him.
I'm his wife.
I'm not his coach.
I may be a spiritual being, butto him I'm his wife and he
chose not to do that.
(24:45):
But it's important for us toshare and to speak from our
heart and to offer these thingsand then, if they don't take
them, then we're handing themthe responsibility for their own
well-being.
Now, just pretending that hehad gone down a really dark road
.
Maybe he started to drinkheavily again, maybe he went off
(25:11):
the rails in some way, andthese things do happen.
There's a big differencebetween being present for
somebody in their darkness andgiving them space to move
through that and not beingaffected by it, and allowing and
accepting people to be exactlywho they are, and also the
(25:32):
balance of somebody who is notchoosing to make moves for
themselves, who is stuck andthat we may have to make
decisions that are really aroundour best benefit, that are
around us, taking care ofourselves, maybe our kids, maybe
(25:52):
making sure that we arefinancially okay when somebody
is making poor decisions.
Being loving doesn't mean thatyou allow unacceptable behavior,
and people can be in very darkplaces and still have the grace
and the awareness to want tochoose to be better Now.
(26:14):
It doesn't mean that they'regoing to be better right away.
It doesn't mean that they takemedication and a month later
everything's fine and dandy.
But you have to really look atwhat it is for you and I'm not
telling you to stay, I'm nottelling you to leave.
I'm not telling you anythingoutside of the piece that says
(26:35):
you know in your heart who thatperson is and what their
participation in their ownwellness is, and from that place
and from your healed place ofsoul recovery, you can make
decisions for yourself and youcan be present in that
relationship and you can attendto yourself and you can
(26:58):
participate in everyconversation, from a place that
is around your wholeness and theexpectation and seeing them as
their wholeness, but notallowing behaviors that are
going to be detrimental to youor your family in the long run
(27:19):
Now, letting my kids go throughthe stuff that they've gone
through, letting Bodhi gothrough that really difficult
time, which included himchoosing drugs and alcohol as
his main form of checkout.
And all those years ago, whenAlex was really in his darkest,
darkest place, man did I try toget him to therapy.
(27:40):
Man did I try to get him help.
He was resistant and said noevery single time.
And the more that I learned howto just love them, the more that
I learned how to see them intheir wholeness and to respond
to them from a place is, as Iknow, you've got this.
(28:02):
I know that you are going to beable to work through this.
This is tough.
These are hard decisions tomake.
Yeah, yeah, you're right.
That must have been reallypainful.
I see how hard that was for you.
No, I'm not going to save youthis time.
I think that you can do thisfor yourself.
I see you being able to make itthrough this.
(28:24):
I wish you could see how muchyou are loved and how talented
you are.
The way that I see how lovedyou are and how talented you are
.
I wish you could see it from myperspective.
I held space for them andthrough that, with the grace of
spirit and my doing my work sothat I could let them be
(28:47):
themselves, they're findingtheir way and Bodhi just today
posted on social media that he'shappier than he's ever been,
that he changed jobs, he changedhis life and he moved into a
place where he was able to putmore time and energy into his
mental well-being and he'schoosing less and less of the
(29:08):
behaviors that aren't good forhim.
Alex has gotten into one of thehealthiest relationships I've
ever seen him in and he wastruly happy in our time together
in December.
And when I talk to him he'shandling his life in a way that
is healthier than I've ever seenhim.
(29:28):
And there's still a lot ofdifficult, weird stuff going on.
He's got a lot of adultingissues, but I can hold that
space that says I don't have tobe thinking constantly around
are they okay?
Because when I do that I'mactually energetically into the
(29:49):
world saying they're not okay.
If I hold this space that saysI see them as whole and I see
them as well and I hold theknowing that they too can choose
to see themselves that way andbe and live that way if they
decide that they are ready andwant to.
I'm holding space andattracting the healthier way of
(30:15):
being.
So if you have somebody wholives in your house who is
dealing with heavy depression,with heavy anxiety, my heart
goes out to you.
It's not easy, but the solerecovery journey is around us
turning the attention toourselves and our own spiritual
practice and remembering thateach of us is making a conscious
(30:39):
decision every step of the wayof how we choose to see it.
We are responsible for how wechoose to see it.
Our lives are what we think andfeel and believe they are.
And if we model wholeness, ifwe model healthy living, if we
model seeing ourselves as happy,healthy and whole, we are
(31:00):
reflecting that opportunity forthem to see themselves the same.
And if we can only connectenergetically in ways that
encourage that in them, butdon't control or demand or judge
them, they are given more spacefor them to make that decision
(31:21):
for themselves.
But some people may need toleave the immediate area of
somebody who is choosing to notget better to save themselves,
and that's okay.
Not easy, but it's okay.
Being a human being isdifficult, it's complicated, but
(31:44):
the more that we do thespiritual work, the more that
the weight of the world and theheaviness is lifted and we just
see the tenderness and thecomplexity of the human
condition, and then we do ourspiritual work of remembering
that we don't have to be in thepain.
(32:07):
We can be in the present momentand remember the wholeness of
who we are.
Until next time, namaste, thankyou for listening to the
Recovery Soul podcast and if youloved what you heard here,
every Friday we have a bonusepisode and you can access this
by becoming a subscriber throughApple podcasts for only $3.99 a
(32:31):
month, or become a Patreonmember and on this platform you
can choose $5.15 or $25 a monthto show what you want to support
the show with.
On both of these subscriberplatforms is an entire catalog
of back episodes intended toinspire and support you on your
soul recovery journey.
I really want to inviteeverybody to attend the free
(32:54):
once a month, every first Mondayof the month support group.
This is on Zoom.
Everyone is welcome to attendand by giving a like or a review
and sharing this with yourfriends and family really helps
us to share the soul recoverymessage with even more people.
We are on social media.
We are on all the platforms.
I am on TikTok.
You can listen to guidedmeditations by Rev Rachel
(33:16):
Harrison on Insight Timer.
Thank you for supporting theshow.
Thank you for being part of thecommunity.
To find out more about soulrecovery and everything that's
being offered, visit the websitewwwrecoveryoursoulnet.
Together we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
On a recent social media post, I had asked
what do you want to hear moreabout?
And one of the answers was froma community member who said how
do you live with somebody whohas severe anxiety or depression
?
How do you hold on to andmaintain your relationship with
your higher power while they'resuffering so greatly?
This is a great question andthe source of inspiration for
(00:23):
this episode.
Welcome to the Recovery yourSoul podcast a spiritual path to
a happy and healthy life.
My name is Reverend RachelHarrison.
I started Recovery your Soulafter having profound changes in
my life, from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency and
control addiction.
I was guided to share the toolsand principles of spirituality
(00:47):
and soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives, as mine
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
the attention to the mind, toourselves, focusing on our
interchange and healing.
Positive results in our liveswill follow.
Welcome to Recovery your Soul.
(01:07):
I'm Reverend Rachel and I thankyou for choosing to spend your
time with me here today On yoursoul recovery journey.
Many of you continue to comeback and I am so honored and
grateful that you do and in thatI've become part of your life,
which I love that we're here.
Maybe I'm on a walk with you,or maybe on your drive to work.
(01:29):
Thank you for putting me in theplace in your life where it's
part of your routine, part ofyour spiritual practice.
And if you're new to the soulrecovery community, welcome,
welcome, welcome.
I'm so glad that you're here.
Today's episode is in responseto one of the community members
that answered my question on theRecovery your Soul community
(01:53):
Facebook page when I said whatdo you want to hear more about
in the fifth season?
And this person said I'd reallylike to know more about how to
maintain our soul recovery, howto trust our process, to be
turning the attention toourselves when somebody in our
life is dealing with mentalhealth issues, specifically
(02:15):
depression or anxiety, and Ithought that was such a
beautiful, beautiful topic.
It's not an easy topic, but Ithink it's a topic that we
should shed some light on,because there's a lot of that
out in the world.
There are more people that weknow of suffering specifically
from mental health issues thanever before.
(02:36):
We have more disconnection,more separation.
With the social media and theplatforms that are available to
us that could bring us together,it seems like there's even more
of us being isolated, feelingalone and having stress and
(02:56):
anxiety.
The more complicated our worldgets, the more the people are
struggling.
So many of you have come becauseyou did a word search on some
platform Maybe it was in ApplePodcasts or Spotify or just on
Google saying, hey, I want toknow more about Alan on Podcasts
, or I want to know more abouthow to deal with adult children
(03:20):
who are addicts, or I want toknow more about codependence, or
I want to heal from something,and it popped up the podcast.
I'm so glad that you're hereand I'm so grateful that these
ways of connecting bring us here.
What I want to share in that isthat we're actually talking
about the same thing, so that ifyou came here because you have
(03:45):
someone in your life who isaddicted to something, who is
actively in addiction, whatwe're actually saying is this
person in my life is depressed,is not healthy, is dysfunctional
.
If you are in a relationshipwhere you've become addicted or
codependent to another person,you rely on another person for
(04:07):
your emotional, spiritual,financial well-being.
We are doing the same thing.
That is about putting energyinto a place that is around
unhealthiness.
It's around being not whole,not being enough, and isn't that
the foundation of depressionand of anxiety.
(04:30):
Now, if you haven't listened tothis podcast before, I want to
say two things.
One is, in everything that Isay, I am not an expert.
I am not speaking for anyreligions or any programs or
allied with anything along thoselines, so take what you need
and leave the rest.
This is my interpretations of awhole bunch of stuff, and
(04:53):
that's something I've calledsoul recovery.
And the other is I have beenthere.
I don't speak this by sayingthat I wasn't there.
I have been clinicallydepressed, I have been riddled
with incredible, excruciatinganxiety, and I have been an
(05:15):
addict, and I have been addictedto other people and their
behavior and I have tried tocontrol it all.
So I am coming from thisplatform, from a place that says
not only have I witnessed otherpeople who have had these
things in their life, with myhusband and my kids in
particular, but I personallyhave been through it.
(05:39):
I have been in the darkness, Ihave had suicide thoughts, I
have not wanted to open my eyes,I have not wanted to live
another day, and when you feelthat darkness, it is so real.
And so to have come from thatto where I am today, where I
(06:02):
wake up every day and I thinkaren't I lucky?
Aren't I lucky that I get tohave this experience?
It has been a journey, and Isee it from both sides, and
that's what gives me thisplatform to stand on and to be
able to share with you, in SoulRecovery, these experiences that
(06:24):
I've had, this work that I'vedone that allows me to pull from
this whole continuum of allthese resources spiritual,
psychology, metaphysics,religion and put something
together that I call SoulRecovery and say if you decide
(06:47):
that you are ready to be well,if you decide that you are ready
to be able to be present forwhatever's happening in your
life and whoever is in your lifein the way that they are and
choose the spiritual path to ahappy and healthy life, that you
too can come into balance, thatyou too can find healing, that
(07:08):
you too can hold space forsomebody who is not well.
So that is the energy in theplatform in which I'm going to
speak on this particular topic.
Which is what happens, and howdo you keep your Soul Recovery,
how do you continue to stay ontrack with what's going on with
(07:29):
you when the people around youare suffering?
Now, what I think is sointeresting is most people found
this podcast by searching.
Maybe it was Alenon or CodeDependents or how to deal with
adult kids who are addicts.
Those are kind of the SEOfinders that people find to get
(07:50):
here.
And then you walk through thedoor, you look at this podcast
and you're like, ah, I want toknow how to fix them.
But what you're really learningin Soul Recovery is that the
true answer to healing, the trueanswer to healing somebody else
, the true answer to happinessis to turn the attention to
(08:12):
yourself and to recognize thatyou're powerless over everything
outside of yourself and thatyour choosing your own life is
the greatest gift that you cangive yourself and others.
Now, that doesn't mean that youcan do this work and walk
around with all kinds of halosand butterflies flying around
(08:36):
you and that everything's alwaysgoing to be this rainbow
situation and you're just oozingjoy and happiness and that the
people around you are going tolove it, or that they're going
to feel better, or that it'sgoing to change anything.
That's crap, right.
(08:56):
That's like the fairy tale.
What we're learning in SoulRecovery is we're learning to
see and understand each personin their experience, for exactly
what's going on with them andwe're learning how to interact
and be present in everysituation from a authentic,
(09:17):
aware, healthy space.
If you're ready for SoulRecovery, as a spiritual coach I
can support your healing tohelp make real changes that will
bring you a life of peace,happiness, connection and
abundance.
You can also work in smallergroups by taking a deep dive in
a Zoom workshop or with me inperson at a retreat or an event.
(09:39):
Join others on the SoulRecovery path, once a month for
the free Zoom support group ordaily on the private Facebook
page.
Visit the websiteRecoveryyourSoulnet to book
coaching sessions with me orfind all the information you
need about Soul Recovery datesthat are coming up and how to
register for those groups andworkshops.
To support the podcast and thecommunity, check the links in
(10:02):
the show notes to make a smallmonthly donation or a one-time
donation of your choice.
That will make a huge impact tosupport this community and the
Soul Recovery mission.
Together we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
So if you went around somebodywho wasn't doing well, either
(10:24):
from drugs or alcohol or frombeing emotionally not well, and
you're polyanizing them to deathand saying, well, if you would
just think positive, everythingwould be just fine.
You're not actually going to behelping the situation.
You're going to be making it sothat they actually have a level
of resistance and they'repushing on you.
(10:45):
But if you can be present in away where you remember that your
emotional integrity is the onlything that you have control of
and is your only responsibility,and that their choice of what
their emotion is going to be iswhat they're responsible for,
(11:08):
then you can start to be presentfor people and really hear them
where they're at, really bepresent for them where they're
at and stop trying to fix them,stop trying to change it for
them.
Now I have a feeling that theperson who wrote this request on
the Facebook page probablylives with somebody who is
(11:29):
experiencing depression oranxiety either a husband, a wife
or a child.
So I just want to say out loudthat being in relationship with
people who are struggling isreally difficult, and nobody is
saying that it isn't hard.
No one is saying that itdoesn't affect you.
I had a session today with ahusband and a wife.
(11:50):
They were expressing how whenthe other one is really good, it
really helps the other one feelreally good, but when the other
one isn't well, they have towork that much harder to
maintain their own individualself and to not fall into the
pattern of codependence whereyou want the other person to be
(12:13):
okay, for you to be okay, butthey have a very true preference
that the other person reallyfeels good and that's
understandable and that's good.
So what happens if you're in arelationship with somebody who
is having a hard time?
What happens when their heartis breaking and you're there to
(12:36):
witness it?
I think, first and foremost, oneof the things that I share, and
I hope that you hear, is thatwe're not in sole recovery in a
place where we're beingencouraged to be quiet, where
we're being encouraged to notspeak to the elephant in the
(12:56):
room.
I think there's a lot of mixedmessages in the recovery
community around what to say,and I think that there's a fine
line in learning how to bepresent in what's really going
on with you from a healthy placeand having a voice and trying
(13:19):
to control another person or fixanother person or judge another
person.
So what we can really recognizein our soul recovery journey
and path is that checking inwith yourself and how you're
feeling is the number one thingthat you need to be doing,
(13:41):
recognizing that, asking howsomeone is doing or having
suggestions.
To be honest, you know so I'lljust you know I always do better
when I use an example.
So, luckily, just with absolutejoy and celebration, I want to
announce that both of my kidsare doing better than they've
ever done in their adult lifeever.
(14:02):
And if you've listened to thispodcast, this is a fricking
miracle upon all miracles, andit's a miracle that I'm doing
better too, and it's a miraclethat Rich is doing better.
I mean, the truth is that ourfamily is probably in its best
emotional mental state that it'sbeen in since I don't even know
(14:22):
how long, probably in aneternity, right in our making
and when I think about whatsteps did I take to get to the
place where I could give mychildren and my husband their
emotional well-being and theirbalance back?
And there has definitely beentimes when that's not the state
(14:45):
that they're in.
So, with both of the boys and Italk about Alex so much so I'm
just going to, you know, bringBodhi in as well so with both of
the kids, there has definitelybeen times when they are in a
pretty frightening place ofdarkness.
Bodhi, in particular, has beenup and down over the last couple
(15:07):
of years.
He's been on the podcastnumerous times.
He's shared incrediblyvulnerably and openly about this
journey that he's been on.
That doesn't only includeaddiction.
It includes his mental healthand, to be honest, addiction is
a reaction and a response to notbeing mentally well.
There is a component ofaddictive substances that create
(15:32):
addiction, but generally wedon't go into that addictive
space if we're not feelingunbalanced and unwell within
ourselves in the first place.
There's always somethingunderneath that is trying to
heal or not feel the pain.
So the truth is, anxiety anddepression usually are the
(15:56):
reasons why people are using inthe first place they're trying
to cover up or do somethingabout those uncomfortable
feelings.
So over the last couple ofyears, bodhi in particular has
really struggled with a lot ofhis internal feelings.
He had a lot of self-loathing.
He had a lot of really high endpressure of thinking that he
(16:19):
needed to be perfect, that heneeded to really meet the
expectations of not only us butan entire community that he's in
, and the heaviness that weighedon him.
Now I always am suggesting tomy kids they get help if they
need it.
However, have they taken thatsuggestion?
(16:41):
Not one time have they saidokay, I'm going to go get
counseling.
The piece that is our solerecovery journey that we need to
remember is that it isn't aboutnot talking about it and it
isn't about forcing them to dosomething.
It's this balance in betweenwhere we're witnessing and
(17:02):
looking at being a mirror for,but really holding space for,
the complexity and thedifficulty and the pain that it
is to be human, because that'swhat we're doing for ourselves.
And here you are doing the workon you.
You've made a choice to listento this podcast.
You've made a choice to readthe books that you're reading.
(17:23):
You've made a choice to eitherget counseling from me or for
someone else.
You've made a choice to dosomething about it for yourself.
You are here working on you,and that is the number one
important thing that you'refollowing your spiritual path.
Then here we are with the otherpeople and we're noticing and
(17:46):
we're seeing.
It's difficult for them Now whenit affects you in relationship.
When Alex and Bodhi were livingwith us, their energy would
affect the whole house.
If they weren't happy or ifsomething was going on, you
could feel that tension and wetalk about it as walking on
(18:08):
eggshells.
Now what I can see now that Icouldn't see then was every time
I walk on the eggshells, I'mencouraging them to be in the
behavior in which they areexuding themselves.
They're controlling, they're intheir protector mode.
They're utilizing whatevertheir skills are to try to get
(18:29):
whatever their needs that theyare trying to get met in an
unhealthy way.
And it isn't about beingPollyanna and walking around
like everything's just fine andpretending like it doesn't exist
either.
And again, all of this isnuanced and complicated and
every family is different.
But what I recognize thatstarted to change was I started
(18:52):
to decide that I was responsiblefor how I felt and that if I
could hold space for them, withthe knowing that they too are
resourced and held by a higherpower if they so choose to see
it, that's step two in soulrecovery, open to awareness of a
power greater than ourselveswho can offer healing.
(19:14):
Insanity in our lives, that'snot just for me, that's for them
.
So when I'm in presence withsomebody who's having their dark
night of the soul and I stopthinking that I have to fix it,
if I stop thinking I need to dosomething about it, and I start
thinking they too have a powergreater than themselves that can
(19:38):
restore them to sanity if theychoose to see it Now, if it is
affecting you in your life whereyou have maybe you have a
spouse who lost their job and ofcourse they're going through it
.
I'm actually kind of goingthrough this with Rich because
(19:58):
his work in the business thathe's self-employed in doing
yards and construction dried upfor the winter so he wasn't laid
off by somebody else.
But there's no jobs right nowfor him.
And I'll tell you what.
He went down the tank there fora minute and he got scared and
(20:19):
he got.
He doesn't get angry anymore.
He gets in this place wherehe's checked out.
He's not emotionally presentand he wants to control and fix
and he kind of gets dog maticabout like, well, here's what
we're going to do and here'swhat this is, and I don't like
(20:42):
it.
But in the past I would have.
I would have coached him, to behonest, I would have coached
him and I would have tried tohave him listen to some Abraham
Hicks.
I would have tried to reassurehim about what was going on and
fluff up the situation to try tomake him feel better about
(21:04):
himself and to try to make himstop being uncomfortable and
stop being controlling and stopbeing intense.
And what I did this time was wetalked about it and we talked
about it from this place.
That is new for me in the lastcouple of years, where I do the
(21:25):
work that we've talked about inprevious episodes, about me
attending to my younger selves,making sure that my protectors
have their new roles and jobs.
If you listen to that episodearound holding space and not
feeling like I have to hold hisresponsibility.
And for the first time hereally started to share what was
(21:49):
really going on with him.
He's 57 years old and doingthis hard labor.
He's really coming to an endwith it and it scares him.
It scares him that physicallyhe can't do it and that he
doesn't know what to do next,that he's worked for himself for
so long and he's unsure of whatto happen next.
(22:13):
And I sat and I just listenedand I just held space and I saw
him from my perspective, from myside.
I saw him as whole.
I saw him as sharing instead ofas complaining.
I didn't fall into my fear andhe said you know, I think you
(22:33):
heard me.
I think this is the first timethat I really felt heard by you
on this topic, because in thepast, I'd always do the thing
that was like, oh, somethingwill always come up and will be
fine, and you're so talented,honey, and everything's going to
be Pollyanna, pollyanna,pollyanna.
Well, that didn't make him feelheard.
(22:54):
So what's interesting is I wasable to come back and say here's
our financial situation, here'show much money I'm making in my
business, here's what we havein savings, here's what we can
do right now.
We're safe for this amount oftime.
And that gives you enough spacefor this amount of time for you
(23:16):
to start to contemplate whatyou want to do next and for us
to figure out how we're going tosupport each other, how we're
going to be in this together.
And it gave him space to notfall into fear.
But who had to choose?
That was him.
He had to be the one thatdecided that.
(23:39):
Now, when you have somebody whois depressed or full of anxiety
and they're not choosing to wantto be better, there's something
very real about that, and themore that we allow their actions
to affect us in a negative way,we're taking away every bit of
(24:00):
strength that we have and we'rehanding it to them.
We're losing our power.
Now, if Rich had gone into amajor depression and I said I
think it'd be a really good timefor you to see a doctor.
I think there's alwaysimportant to look at medications
.
I think there's alwaysimportance to speak to somebody.
(24:22):
I actually did say I think itmight be a good idea for you to
find a coach, or to find amentor or somebody that can help
walk you through this, becausehe doesn't like me to coach him.
I'm his wife.
I'm not his coach.
I may be a spiritual being, butto him I'm his wife and he
chose not to do that.
(24:45):
But it's important for us toshare and to speak from our
heart and to offer these thingsand then, if they don't take
them, then we're handing themthe responsibility for their own
well-being.
Now, just pretending that hehad gone down a really dark road
.
Maybe he started to drinkheavily again, maybe he went off
(25:11):
the rails in some way, andthese things do happen.
There's a big differencebetween being present for
somebody in their darkness andgiving them space to move
through that and not beingaffected by it, and allowing and
accepting people to be exactlywho they are, and also the
(25:32):
balance of somebody who is notchoosing to make moves for
themselves, who is stuck andthat we may have to make
decisions that are really aroundour best benefit, that are
around us, taking care ofourselves, maybe our kids, maybe
(25:52):
making sure that we arefinancially okay when somebody
is making poor decisions.
Being loving doesn't mean thatyou allow unacceptable behavior,
and people can be in very darkplaces and still have the grace
and the awareness to want tochoose to be better Now.
(26:14):
It doesn't mean that they'regoing to be better right away.
It doesn't mean that they takemedication and a month later
everything's fine and dandy.
But you have to really look atwhat it is for you and I'm not
telling you to stay, I'm nottelling you to leave.
I'm not telling you anythingoutside of the piece that says
(26:35):
you know in your heart who thatperson is and what their
participation in their ownwellness is, and from that place
and from your healed place ofsoul recovery, you can make
decisions for yourself and youcan be present in that
relationship and you can attendto yourself and you can
(26:58):
participate in everyconversation, from a place that
is around your wholeness and theexpectation and seeing them as
their wholeness, but notallowing behaviors that are
going to be detrimental to youor your family in the long run
(27:19):
Now, letting my kids go throughthe stuff that they've gone
through, letting Bodhi gothrough that really difficult
time, which included himchoosing drugs and alcohol as
his main form of checkout.
And all those years ago, whenAlex was really in his darkest,
darkest place, man did I try toget him to therapy.
(27:40):
Man did I try to get him help.
He was resistant and said noevery single time.
And the more that I learned howto just love them, the more that
I learned how to see them intheir wholeness and to respond
to them from a place is, as Iknow, you've got this.
(28:02):
I know that you are going to beable to work through this.
This is tough.
These are hard decisions tomake.
Yeah, yeah, you're right.
That must have been reallypainful.
I see how hard that was for you.
No, I'm not going to save youthis time.
I think that you can do thisfor yourself.
I see you being able to make itthrough this.
(28:24):
I wish you could see how muchyou are loved and how talented
you are.
The way that I see how lovedyou are and how talented you are
.
I wish you could see it from myperspective.
I held space for them andthrough that, with the grace of
spirit and my doing my work sothat I could let them be
(28:47):
themselves, they're findingtheir way and Bodhi just today
posted on social media that he'shappier than he's ever been,
that he changed jobs, he changedhis life and he moved into a
place where he was able to putmore time and energy into his
mental well-being and he'schoosing less and less of the
(29:08):
behaviors that aren't good forhim.
Alex has gotten into one of thehealthiest relationships I've
ever seen him in and he wastruly happy in our time together
in December.
And when I talk to him he'shandling his life in a way that
is healthier than I've ever seenhim.
(29:28):
And there's still a lot ofdifficult, weird stuff going on.
He's got a lot of adultingissues, but I can hold that
space that says I don't have tobe thinking constantly around
are they okay?
Because when I do that I'mactually energetically into the
(29:49):
world saying they're not okay.
If I hold this space that saysI see them as whole and I see
them as well and I hold theknowing that they too can choose
to see themselves that way andbe and live that way if they
decide that they are ready andwant to.
I'm holding space andattracting the healthier way of
(30:15):
being.
So if you have somebody wholives in your house who is
dealing with heavy depression,with heavy anxiety, my heart
goes out to you.
It's not easy, but the solerecovery journey is around us
turning the attention toourselves and our own spiritual
practice and remembering thateach of us is making a conscious
(30:39):
decision every step of the wayof how we choose to see it.
We are responsible for how wechoose to see it.
Our lives are what we think andfeel and believe they are.
And if we model wholeness, ifwe model healthy living, if we
model seeing ourselves as happy,healthy and whole, we are
(31:00):
reflecting that opportunity forthem to see themselves the same.
And if we can only connectenergetically in ways that
encourage that in them, butdon't control or demand or judge
them, they are given more spacefor them to make that decision
(31:21):
for themselves.
But some people may need toleave the immediate area of
somebody who is choosing to notget better to save themselves,
and that's okay.
Not easy, but it's okay.
Being a human being isdifficult, it's complicated, but
(31:44):
the more that we do thespiritual work, the more that
the weight of the world and theheaviness is lifted and we just
see the tenderness and thecomplexity of the human
condition, and then we do ourspiritual work of remembering
that we don't have to be in thepain.
(32:07):
We can be in the present momentand remember the wholeness of
who we are.
Until next time, namaste, thankyou for listening to the
Recovery Soul podcast and if youloved what you heard here,
every Friday we have a bonusepisode and you can access this
by becoming a subscriber throughApple podcasts for only $3.99 a
(32:31):
month, or become a Patreonmember and on this platform you
can choose $5.15 or $25 a monthto show what you want to support
the show with.
On both of these subscriberplatforms is an entire catalog
of back episodes intended toinspire and support you on your
soul recovery journey.
I really want to inviteeverybody to attend the free
(32:54):
once a month, every first Mondayof the month support group.
This is on Zoom.
Everyone is welcome to attendand by giving a like or a review
and sharing this with yourfriends and family really helps
us to share the soul recoverymessage with even more people.
We are on social media.
We are on all the platforms.
I am on TikTok.
You can listen to guidedmeditations by Rev Rachel
(33:16):
Harrison on Insight Timer.
Thank you for supporting theshow.
Thank you for being part of thecommunity.
To find out more about soulrecovery and everything that's
being offered, visit the websitewwwrecoveryoursoulnet.
Together we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
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