February 24, 2025 • 31 mins
Send one way text to Rev Rachel
In this heartfelt episode of the Recover Your Soul podcast, Rev. Rachel shares her journey of learning to let go of control and trust the natural flow of life. By shifting from resistance to acceptance, she discovered a powerful path to healing anxiety and finding peace within.
Rev. Rachel opens up about her struggles with loneliness, control addiction, and the constant need to manage everything around her. Through her mantra, “All is well, I am well,” she learned to relax into life’s messiness and trust that everything is working out, even when it feels uncertain.
Join Rev. Rachel as she explores how Soul Recovery teaches us to co-create with a Higher Power, embrace life’s challenges with grace, and find freedom in simply allowing life to unfold.
Key Takeaways:
- Releasing control to find peace and healing anxiety.
- Shifting
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See you there!!! Rev Rachel
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Rev Rachel Harrison (00:00):
For so long in my life I was trying to
manage and control everything.
I wanted to make it all work.
But the more that I was doingthat, the more I was actually
resisting the natural flow ofhow things are and sometimes
things are messy and complicatedand sticky.
That things are working out forus, that all is well and I am
(00:28):
well that we can just allow theprocess to unfold and we can see
that there is an alignment andthings, even when it doesn't
seem like it at the time, we canrelax and allow it to actually
play out in the way that mightbe how it's supposed to be or
might be the best for us in thelong run and we don't know the
answer to those things.
But when we let go of control,we're actually opening up to
(00:52):
something even greater still.
Enjoy the episode.
Welcome to the Recover your Soulpodcast a spiritual path to a
happy and healthy life.
My name is Reverend RachelHarrison.
I started Recover your Soulafter having profound changes in
my life from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency and
control addiction.
(01:13):
I was guided to share the toolsand principles of spirituality
and soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives as mine
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our inner change and
healing.
Positive results in our liveswill follow.
(01:35):
It's Rev Rachel.
Welcome to the Recover your Soulpodcast and this beautiful,
incredible community.
I love that we're all in thistogether.
I know I say that a lot, but itmeans a lot to me to really
know that when we feel likewe're so alone.
I was reflecting this morningin my journaling around how much
(01:57):
loneliness I had as a child andwhen I reflect about what's
happened in my life as I'vegotten older, it's been about
gathering community, communityof your own.
We come in with our family oforigin, as it's called, and
there's such value in ourfamilies, but really it's around
the community that you gather,around yourself, and so, as we
(02:19):
are all in our individual spaceslistening to this podcast,
we're really in it together.
It's like we're in a big roomfeeling each other's energy and
I hope you feel that, because Ifeel that Today I wanted to talk
about the concept of it'shappening for me instead of to
me, and even more about being inthe flow that we can trust that
(02:42):
things are working out for us,flow that we can trust that
things are working out for us,that we can trust that it is
happening for me, and that thatpart of us that is really in
reaction to things that havebeen difficult in the past, or
our desire to try to control ormanage everything around us, is
in resistance, is in resistanceto this flow of energy.
(03:05):
This is everything's workingout, it's all okay.
When I first started myspiritual journey seven years
ago, one of the courses that Itook on insight timer was a
mantra course, and it was 30days, I believe, of these
mantras, and so every morning Iwould wake up and I would turn
(03:25):
on these mantras, and it's beenso long I can't really remember
what they were, or really thefoundation of the course, but
what I remember is that it wasthe beginning of my evening, out
of my nervous system, that Ihad been on such high alert for
so long and things had been sodifficult for such a long time
(03:48):
that this practice that I wasdoing every morning of listening
to this woman doing thesemantras and you were supposed to
sing with her on these mantras,what I started singing instead
of what she was saying in themantra was all is well, all is
well.
I am well is well, all is well,I am well, all is well, I am
(04:11):
well.
And it was this switch in how Ihad been seeing it, because
what I have been feeling isnothing's okay, nothing is well,
I'm not safe, it's not safe.
I don't like how it is aroundhere.
I don't feel good.
How do I change it?
How do I fix it?
All of those places where we'repowerless.
And, of course, my anxiety wason a level nine, because all I
was thinking was I'm not safe,all is not well, I'm not well.
(04:34):
And I remember that abouthalfway through that process of
waking up every morning and thisis when the kids were still
around a lot and I remember thatin our bedroom, downstairs, at
our houses, in the basement andso the upper level, we have a
tiny little house it's 1400square feet or something, and
it's the bedrooms downstairs,with a bathroom and what used to
(04:58):
be another bedroom, now it's amusic room for Rich, and then on
the main level is a living room, dining room, kitchen, bedroom,
so it's a little box.
So I'm down in the bedroom inthe basement and I'm listening
to these mantras and the kidsand Rich are upstairs and
there's some kerfuffle happening.
Right, there's something thatwas happening.
(05:20):
And as I was down in my bedroomlistening to this mantra saying
all is well, I am well, all is.
And as I was down in my bedroomlistening to this mantra saying
all is well, I am well, all iswell, I am well, I could feel
the shift starting to happeninside of me that could hold
space for the contrast, for thecomplexity, for the messiness
(05:40):
right that's happening and thatwhatever was happening upstairs,
I could actually let it go.
And I remember on thatparticular day because it was
one of those times when in thepast, I probably would have
jumped up and gotten allinvolved and tried to
triangulate and do the thingthat I do to go in and fix it
and try to manage the situation.
(06:01):
And by the time I finished mymantra thing, whatever the
kerfuffle was, was over, I meancompletely over.
And then I got up with my dayand they were fine and I was
fine because I had regulatedmyself.
And the more that I step into mysoul recovery journey, the more
I'm getting in the flow.
(06:22):
I mean I talk about this a lot,about being in the flow of the
universe.
What is that flow of theuniverse?
Being in the flow of the riverand that the river.
I love the vision of the riverbecause sometimes the river is
smooth and easy and sometimesit's these huge rapids.
The walls constrict the water'srushing in.
(06:45):
It's intense, and the peoplethat make it in those rough
waters are the ones that workwith the water.
They don't resist, they don'ttry to push against it, they
don't try to do somethingdifferent.
You just stay in your boat andyou oar and you move through and
you let the water push youthrough and then there'll be
(07:06):
tranquility again.
This, this life that we're on,is such an interesting journey
and when I started to make theshift for everything is actually
working out for me and that Ican open up to a higher power.
The fourth step in soulrecovery is co-creating with a
power greater than yourself.
(07:27):
It's this co-creation that forso long we've been in a place
where maybe we think we're theonly one doing it.
There's no one there for us.
This loneliness that I felt as achild wasn't because I didn't
have parents that weren't aroundor didn't love me, but I was
sent off on my own from a veryearly age to take care of my own
(07:48):
needs, to play with myself, tomake myself comfortable to
soothe myself.
You know this reflection that Ihave sometimes when I am
curious about what are my corewounds, what are those pieces of
me that are still working on mystuff.
We're always uncovering morestuff and that piece that
(08:11):
doesn't know how to be.
In the contrast, because therewasn't a lot of conflict when I
was growing up, I recognize thatit's like it doesn't feel
comfortable in the rapids of theriver and I'm learning, even at
55 years old, how to trust thatI can be okay.
(08:33):
Right, that loneliness that Ifelt created a sense of
isolation, that there's no onethere for me and that no one's
there for me translated out intonot having the depth of
spiritual trust that I wanted tohave.
That has always been in there.
Right, the things that I say ifthey, if they, speak to you,
it's because you feel it already.
(08:55):
I'm not telling you anythingthat you don't already have
within you.
I'm just reminding you of whoyou are, just like I was
reminded of who I was and Icontinue to be reminded.
It's a it's an evolving journey.
So this piece of resistancethat we have is really us trying
to protect ourselves.
And if you haven't listened tothe episode on protectors and
(09:16):
parts.
I highly recommend that episodefrom last year.
I love that episode becausewhen I really start looking at
how I have created some of thenot so desirable aspects of
myself, or the parts of me thatkeep me stuck, or the parts of
me that keep me from opening tolove, or the parts of me that
(09:37):
keep me from trusting, they'rejust protections.
They're just the parts of methat are protecting other parts
of me from my old, woundedbelief systems.
Right, this little girl whofelt like she had to do it all
on her own and I was alsoreflecting this morning about
how, you know, my mom was such alovely mom in so many ways Like
(10:02):
.
She's so peaceful, she's soeasygoing.
She doesn't tell me what to do,she is a Buddhist.
She doesn't tell me what to do,she is a Buddhist.
She's very even keeled.
You know, when her house burneddown, she got a tear in her eye
one time, right I sobbedhysterically when her house
burned down, but she was able tolet it go.
(10:24):
Well, if you look at that fromthe side of learning how to have
emotions, her emotions are soflat that I didn't learn how to
have in reflection.
You know if you're reflectingfrom how your parents are.
So many of you came fromfamilies that had some a totally
different story, where it wasso tumultuous, so intense.
(10:48):
Right, you didn't know if itwas going to be big anger or big
upset, and then and then theone that you're going to get.
You know, am I getting the thecheerful mom or the heavy mom?
Am I getting the cheerful,loving dad, or am I getting the
angry, intense dad?
So many of you came fromaddiction, and so this piece
where you're, you're using yourparents as a reflection tool to
(11:11):
learn how to feel, and for me,it was just, it was very flat,
and and I've been reallythinking a lot about that
because I, the more that I diginto it, the more I realize I
didn't really know how to handlemy own up and down emotions,
because the expectation in myown mind was that it would just.
You just stayed flat.
(11:32):
It should all just be good.
Well, life isn't just good allthe time.
Life is complex and messy.
Life is complicated.
It has twists and turns.
We are creative beings andcreativity is solving problems.
We love stories that have theseintense storylines of trial and
tribulation and the hero'sjourney, and they make it and
(11:55):
they figure it out.
This is who we are, and yet inour own lives we kind of want to
achieve this flatness.
Well, the flatness actuallydoesn't have a lot of the spark
or energy either.
So this part of me, as a littlegirl that was kind of trying to
understand the serious nature ofmy mom, is still, I think,
(12:16):
searching for that and resiststhe waves, the turbulence, right
, that turbulence of being inthe river when it's intense and
when I lean into the fact thateverything's actually working
out.
What if everything's workingout, even the hard stuff?
What if that's part of somejourney?
(12:39):
And instead of seeing it ashardship, what if I just see it
as part of the adventure?
Then it shifts the mindset, itresets, it reframes how you're
showing up in it.
But what's interesting is themore you let go of the
resistance at least this hasbeen my huge, so true the more I
(13:01):
let go of the resistance, themore it unfolds beautifully,
naturally, it just opens up.
You don't have to try to figureit all out, because the
controller in me wants to lineit all up.
You don't have to try to figureit all out because the
controller in me wants to lineit all up, because if it's all
lined up then I can feel safeand I feel safe, then
everything's even right.
You see how it all starts tolean back and you can start to
(13:22):
see where these belief systemswere created.
But if I step into myco-creation with a higher power,
if I truly, truly believe withall of my heart that I am being
cared for well, attended to,that everything that I need is
available to me, that I have totrust, and I'm not saying this
makes your life easy and simple.
I'm saying that you can trust,that you can trust.
(13:46):
The less you resist, the moreyou can lean in and trust.
So here I am.
I'm recording this podcast inSacramento, california, a few
days before my son Alex and hisgirlfriend Lexi are going to be
(14:06):
induced to have their baby.
And it was interesting, as wewere getting closer to planning
this trip, my control stuff wascoming up around, you know,
getting airplane tickets andwanting to be there, and my
biggest desire was I didn't wantto miss it.
You know I had not gone anddone the baby shower.
(14:27):
So if you've been listening tothe podcast, you know these
storylines and you can go backand pick up on some of those
storylines.
And there's an episode aroundChristmas, around this.
But I made the choice to leaveCalifornia at Christmas, in
which meant that I missed thebaby shower.
And so Alex said it's okay tomiss the baby shower, but it's
really important to me thatyou're there for the birth.
(14:49):
Well, babies don't justgenerally come on a day.
Generally they come when theydarn well feel like it, when the
universe shoots them into theworld to have their experience.
And yet, you know, I have, Ihave a schedule, I have clients,
I have a business, I havethings that I need to do, and
that part of me, that controlpart of me, was really activated
(15:10):
Because my biggest fear wasthat I would let my son down by
not being here for the birth ofhis baby, because that's
important here for the birth ofhis baby, because that's
important.
And how do I show up, how doyou plan when there's no
planning?
And then I would just say tomyself I'm all right, all is
well, I am well, everything isworking out for us, everything
(15:32):
is smooth and easy.
The more I just lean into, it'sall going to work out, rachel,
it's okay.
But it also means that I neededto take action.
Are you ready to step into yoursoul recovery?
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoulnet to learn more
about the nine step soulrecovery process.
I hope that you'll join us thefirst Monday of every month for
(15:54):
the free soul recovery supportgroup on zoom, where we learn
more about soul recovery andconnect with each other.
If you'd like to work directlywith me to move through the
nine-step soul recovery process,I'm here for you, but you can
also choose to work the steps onyour own, with individual
modules intended to support youto work at your own pace and on
your own time.
(16:14):
And if you want even more soulrecovery, join us for the
Recover your Soul bonus podcastfor Patreon members and Apple
podcast subscribers, where Iinterview amazing people sharing
soul recovery tips for us andalso do spiritual book studies.
You can also find dailyinspiration on Facebook and
Instagram and join our privateFacebook community.
(16:34):
Visit the website for moreinformation, links and
registration for everything.
Back to the episode.
So lexi has um hypertension, soshe needs to be induced if she
didn't have the baby already andnow we're at the place where he
didn't come but um more aboutthat.
So because of her hypertension,they did decide that they were
(16:58):
going to book a date.
Now, I don't know if you'veheard the whole story about when
they found out that they werepregnant.
The due date given was 222.
And Lexi's been wearing anecklace that says 222 for years
, and so it was just thisbeautiful moment where this due
date that was given was the samedue date of a number that is
(17:20):
one of her favorite numbers.
And this is the kind of stuffthat, if you allow yourself to
be in the flow, if you allowyourself to really recognize
that it's not like there's somerule book or playbook or
something that you don't don'thave free will because
(17:42):
spirituality says you absolutelyhave free will that the whole
thing about our human experiencehere on earth school is that
there is this, this energy, thispower greater than ourselves.
That is a web of creative force.
That is frequency.
And if you listen to the bonuspodcast on Friday, which I
(18:04):
actually was a talk that I gaveat a spiritual center, which I
loaded the full video on YouTube.
So if you're not an Applepodcast subscriber or Patreon
member which I encourage you,become a Patreon member.
It's free.
If you want to support thepodcast, that's great, and you
can become a paid subscriber andhave access to all the past
(18:25):
episodes and those bonusepisodes it's.
I am so grateful for thiscommunity.
If you want to just listen onthe the first week that those
episodes are dropped free,members can do that.
So get on Patreon and get theseepisodes because they will help
support your soul recoveryjourney with all the beautiful
interviews and the book studieswe're going to about to dive
(18:46):
deeply into more Al-Anon andcodependency stuff from a poll
from the community.
Okay, all that aside, so lastFriday I did this episode.
That was a talk that I gave at aspiritual center about energy
and about light.
Right, we are actuallyattracting the frequency in
(19:07):
which we feel on the inside.
Our lives on the outside are adirect reflection of how we feel
on the inside and my spiritualjourney is evidence of that on
the inside.
And my spiritual journey isevidence of that that when I was
in chaos, when I was unhappy,when I was miserable, my life
was chaotic and miserable.
I got the same people in mylife.
(19:28):
I have the same people in mylife.
I got that same husband.
I got those same kids.
They're still with their ownissues.
One is sober, one is not sober.
You know, my husband is stillrich, even though he's sober, he
still has his own stuff.
We will end up raising thevibration through our own
(19:50):
healing.
We will shine a light in theworld around us by being our
most healed selves and trulybelieving that everything is
indeed working out for us.
So here's this baby who was dueon 222.
And then, you know, because ofher hypertension, then they're
(20:12):
scheduling things and I'mthinking to myself I've got to,
I've got to plan, I've got toget a date, I've got to get an
Airbnb, I've got to.
You know all the planning thatwe need to do.
And I'm always connecting withmy spirit guides, with my
internal knowings, and askingfor what's right from that place
(20:32):
of everything's working out forme and that trusting.
And when I push you can, I canfeel it.
You can feel it when it feelslike you're pushing against
something.
That's hard, but when you allow, it's like things just happen.
So I looked at the airfares andI picked the 19th because it was
(20:54):
a cheap day to fly.
Then I went down and I said, oh, I think I'll stay two weeks.
And then I decided two weekswas too long.
So then I backed it off alittle bit and made it be 12
days, and then I said you knowwhat, if the baby comes before
then, I'll pop on a flight andI'll get there before then.
It was this release of thatresistance that we have to plan
(21:18):
everything.
Release of that resistance thatwe have to plan everything.
And when they went in to gettheir last doctor's appointment,
they picked an induction date.
The induction date was the 21st.
So now I've come, coming in onthe 19th, I pick an Airbnb and
you know Airbnbs won't give youthe address.
But I picked one that waswithin a couple blocks from what
the little picture was fromwhere they live here in
(21:42):
Sacramento, and I kept going inand looking again and again,
again.
You ever do that.
Where you like go in, you'relike I'm gonna pick something
and then something.
And he was like oh, am I makingthe right choice?
There's so much of me that likewants to do it right and wants
to have it be smooth and easy.
But this one place just keptpopping again and again and
again, saying pick me, pick me,pick me.
(22:03):
So I finally commit and I getthe reservation.
I pay that extra $100 so thatif I needed to cancel or change
it, you know, just for my ownpeace of mind.
And then I get the email thatgives me the actual address of
this Airbnb and it is literallyexactly across the street from
(22:25):
Alex and Lexi's apartment I meanacross the street from them and
I felt that feelingeverything's working out when I
trust and allow.
And then we get here and we geta car and Rich drives down to
Santa Cruz to go be with Bodhiso that he can go get some
(22:46):
surfing in, so that he'ssatisfied, and I just settled in
.
I just had that Everything'sworking out, everything's
working out.
And now they just changed theinduction so that it's likely
that she's going to have thatbaby on 222.
222, just like has been showingup.
(23:08):
Rich has so many screenshotsthat he has from looking down at
his phone and it's 222.
I mean screenshot afterscreenshot after screenshot.
And it's that.
What if we trust?
What if you allow?
What if you just say I want tobe part of something greater
still, I want to stop being theone in charge, I want to co
(23:29):
create, I want to allow it to bein the flow, I want to trust
that, even if it's hard, I canhandle it.
You know, by the time this airs, we'll know whether it actually
came on 222, before or after.
He'll come when he's ready.
He'll come when it's time forhim.
But this part of me that wantsto figure everything out, wants
(23:53):
to make sure that everything iseasy, wants to soothe that child
that is trying to keep thatbaseline.
The more healed I get, the moreI recognize that if I'm
grounded, if I'm steady, it canbe turbulent and I'm going to be
okay.
It's really not my adult selfwho can't handle it, it's really
(24:18):
these younger parts of myself.
And they continue to have moreand more freedom to say I'm
scared or I don't know what todo about this, or I want to
figure it out, or I don't wantpeople to be upset.
And then I do all this innerdialogue with myself that
doesn't take all that much time,that nobody knows that I'm
doing, and I just am kind tomyself and I just allow it to
(24:42):
relax.
Now, is this situation with Alexand Lexi going to be smooth and
easy?
I don't know.
You know, I would love for itto.
I would love to set up somesort of magic wand that could
make it be without any issues.
But really is that what life isall about?
We are problem solvers.
(25:04):
We are heroes having a hero'sjourney.
We are here to explore and tohave an adventure, so I want
everything to go smoothly on somany different levels.
But I also know that it's goingto be whatever it's going to be
and that we can all handle it,and we can handle it with grace
and kindness and sweetness.
(25:26):
And I was on the phone with Richthis morning, checking in, and
he and Bodhi were just about togo out and do their surfing and
he was just so sweet.
He just said you know, what I'mmost happy about is that our
family is here doing thistogether and I just thought, wow
, I would have never you know,10 years ago, when things were
(25:49):
especially horrendous, I wouldhave never thought that we'd be
on the phone and he would justbe so giddy and excited to be in
life with our family.
And that was my experience.
If you were to ask him, heprobably has a whole different
experience of how all this wholestory has been for him, but for
(26:13):
me, to really see the healingthat has happened in our family
is so profound and it's becauseI've switched my switch to
saying everything actually isworking out.
It may not be working out to beeasy.
It may not be working out to bewithout contrast or without
(26:33):
complexity or without mess, butit is working out and I can
trust that and the more I leaninto it, the more things just
line up.
Easy going.
Easy does it Including beingable to be here across the
street from Alex and Lexi?
I've done about three loads oflaundry already in this little
(26:56):
Airbnb.
I get to meet up with peoplewho are in this area next
weekend and have a little sacredcircle.
I get to experience the birthof this new little baby coming
into the world.
It's a soul coming in to haveits own experience, and it chose
our family.
What a blessing.
I'll keep you posted on howeverything's going and I'll
(27:21):
probably do some social mediaposts, maybe with or without
babies.
We'll see if they let pictureshappen.
But I'm just, you know, I'mjust here for the ride and the
more that I let go of the needto control, the more enjoyable
the ride is, and that's the partI'm grateful for.
As a reminder, if you wantsupport with this, my suggestion
(27:42):
would be to go to the website,check out recoveryyoursoulnet,
look at the nine step soulrecovery process.
If you want to do it on yourown, you can do the modules
yourself and I have the firstfour steps up and ready to go.
I'm working on the remainingsteps.
You can also work with me as aspiritual coach.
Please come and join the freesoul recovery support group the
(28:06):
first Monday of every month.
It's a beautiful group.
I have retreats and workshops.
This year we're just here doingour work together because
together we can do the work thatwill recover our soul.
Work together because togetherwe can do the work that will
recover our soul.
Until next time, namaste, thankyou for listening and I hope
(28:27):
that that helps support yoursoul recovery process.
Just a reminder that everyFriday is the recover your soul
bonus podcast.
This podcast is for Patreonmembers and Apple podcast
subscribers and not only do youget an incredible interview or
book study that comes with beingpart of that community, but
your subscribing helps supportthis podcast and the Recover
your Soul community.
If you want to listen to thosebonus episodes but can't
(28:50):
subscribe right now, do knowthat you can be a free Patreon
member and have access forlimited time to new episodes.
Visit the websiteRecoverYourSoulnet or check out
the show links below for couponsand information for upcoming
events.
I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your friends and
family.
I thank you for giving it fivestars, and the reviews that are
(29:10):
left bring tears to my eyes.
I am honored to be part of yourlife.
Together, we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
For so long in my life I was trying to
manage and control everything.
I wanted to make it all work.
But the more that I was doingthat, the more I was actually
resisting the natural flow ofhow things are and sometimes
things are messy and complicatedand sticky.
That things are working out forus, that all is well and I am
(00:28):
well that we can just allow theprocess to unfold and we can see
that there is an alignment andthings, even when it doesn't
seem like it at the time, we canrelax and allow it to actually
play out in the way that mightbe how it's supposed to be or
might be the best for us in thelong run and we don't know the
answer to those things.
But when we let go of control,we're actually opening up to
(00:52):
something even greater still.
Enjoy the episode.
Welcome to the Recover your Soulpodcast a spiritual path to a
happy and healthy life.
My name is Reverend RachelHarrison.
I started Recover your Soulafter having profound changes in
my life from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency and
control addiction.
(01:13):
I was guided to share the toolsand principles of spirituality
and soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives as mine
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our inner change and
healing.
Positive results in our liveswill follow.
(01:35):
It's Rev Rachel.
Welcome to the Recover your Soulpodcast and this beautiful,
incredible community.
I love that we're all in thistogether.
I know I say that a lot, but itmeans a lot to me to really
know that when we feel likewe're so alone.
I was reflecting this morningin my journaling around how much
(01:57):
loneliness I had as a child andwhen I reflect about what's
happened in my life as I'vegotten older, it's been about
gathering community, communityof your own.
We come in with our family oforigin, as it's called, and
there's such value in ourfamilies, but really it's around
the community that you gather,around yourself, and so, as we
(02:19):
are all in our individual spaceslistening to this podcast,
we're really in it together.
It's like we're in a big roomfeeling each other's energy and
I hope you feel that, because Ifeel that Today I wanted to talk
about the concept of it'shappening for me instead of to
me, and even more about being inthe flow that we can trust that
(02:42):
things are working out for us,flow that we can trust that
things are working out for us,that we can trust that it is
happening for me, and that thatpart of us that is really in
reaction to things that havebeen difficult in the past, or
our desire to try to control ormanage everything around us, is
in resistance, is in resistanceto this flow of energy.
(03:05):
This is everything's workingout, it's all okay.
When I first started myspiritual journey seven years
ago, one of the courses that Itook on insight timer was a
mantra course, and it was 30days, I believe, of these
mantras, and so every morning Iwould wake up and I would turn
(03:25):
on these mantras, and it's beenso long I can't really remember
what they were, or really thefoundation of the course, but
what I remember is that it wasthe beginning of my evening, out
of my nervous system, that Ihad been on such high alert for
so long and things had been sodifficult for such a long time
(03:48):
that this practice that I wasdoing every morning of listening
to this woman doing thesemantras and you were supposed to
sing with her on these mantras,what I started singing instead
of what she was saying in themantra was all is well, all is
well.
I am well is well, all is well,I am well, all is well, I am
(04:11):
well.
And it was this switch in how Ihad been seeing it, because
what I have been feeling isnothing's okay, nothing is well,
I'm not safe, it's not safe.
I don't like how it is aroundhere.
I don't feel good.
How do I change it?
How do I fix it?
All of those places where we'repowerless.
And, of course, my anxiety wason a level nine, because all I
was thinking was I'm not safe,all is not well, I'm not well.
(04:34):
And I remember that abouthalfway through that process of
waking up every morning and thisis when the kids were still
around a lot and I remember thatin our bedroom, downstairs, at
our houses, in the basement andso the upper level, we have a
tiny little house it's 1400square feet or something, and
it's the bedrooms downstairs,with a bathroom and what used to
(04:58):
be another bedroom, now it's amusic room for Rich, and then on
the main level is a living room, dining room, kitchen, bedroom,
so it's a little box.
So I'm down in the bedroom inthe basement and I'm listening
to these mantras and the kidsand Rich are upstairs and
there's some kerfuffle happening.
Right, there's something thatwas happening.
(05:20):
And as I was down in my bedroomlistening to this mantra saying
all is well, I am well, all is.
And as I was down in my bedroomlistening to this mantra saying
all is well, I am well, all iswell, I am well, I could feel
the shift starting to happeninside of me that could hold
space for the contrast, for thecomplexity, for the messiness
(05:40):
right that's happening and thatwhatever was happening upstairs,
I could actually let it go.
And I remember on thatparticular day because it was
one of those times when in thepast, I probably would have
jumped up and gotten allinvolved and tried to
triangulate and do the thingthat I do to go in and fix it
and try to manage the situation.
(06:01):
And by the time I finished mymantra thing, whatever the
kerfuffle was, was over, I meancompletely over.
And then I got up with my dayand they were fine and I was
fine because I had regulatedmyself.
And the more that I step into mysoul recovery journey, the more
I'm getting in the flow.
(06:22):
I mean I talk about this a lot,about being in the flow of the
universe.
What is that flow of theuniverse?
Being in the flow of the riverand that the river.
I love the vision of the riverbecause sometimes the river is
smooth and easy and sometimesit's these huge rapids.
The walls constrict the water'srushing in.
(06:45):
It's intense, and the peoplethat make it in those rough
waters are the ones that workwith the water.
They don't resist, they don'ttry to push against it, they
don't try to do somethingdifferent.
You just stay in your boat andyou oar and you move through and
you let the water push youthrough and then there'll be
(07:06):
tranquility again.
This, this life that we're on,is such an interesting journey
and when I started to make theshift for everything is actually
working out for me and that Ican open up to a higher power.
The fourth step in soulrecovery is co-creating with a
power greater than yourself.
(07:27):
It's this co-creation that forso long we've been in a place
where maybe we think we're theonly one doing it.
There's no one there for us.
This loneliness that I felt as achild wasn't because I didn't
have parents that weren't aroundor didn't love me, but I was
sent off on my own from a veryearly age to take care of my own
(07:48):
needs, to play with myself, tomake myself comfortable to
soothe myself.
You know this reflection that Ihave sometimes when I am
curious about what are my corewounds, what are those pieces of
me that are still working on mystuff.
We're always uncovering morestuff and that piece that
(08:11):
doesn't know how to be.
In the contrast, because therewasn't a lot of conflict when I
was growing up, I recognize thatit's like it doesn't feel
comfortable in the rapids of theriver and I'm learning, even at
55 years old, how to trust thatI can be okay.
(08:33):
Right, that loneliness that Ifelt created a sense of
isolation, that there's no onethere for me and that no one's
there for me translated out intonot having the depth of
spiritual trust that I wanted tohave.
That has always been in there.
Right, the things that I say ifthey, if they, speak to you,
it's because you feel it already.
(08:55):
I'm not telling you anythingthat you don't already have
within you.
I'm just reminding you of whoyou are, just like I was
reminded of who I was and Icontinue to be reminded.
It's a it's an evolving journey.
So this piece of resistancethat we have is really us trying
to protect ourselves.
And if you haven't listened tothe episode on protectors and
(09:16):
parts.
I highly recommend that episodefrom last year.
I love that episode becausewhen I really start looking at
how I have created some of thenot so desirable aspects of
myself, or the parts of me thatkeep me stuck, or the parts of
me that keep me from opening tolove, or the parts of me that
(09:37):
keep me from trusting, they'rejust protections.
They're just the parts of methat are protecting other parts
of me from my old, woundedbelief systems.
Right, this little girl whofelt like she had to do it all
on her own and I was alsoreflecting this morning about
how, you know, my mom was such alovely mom in so many ways Like
(10:02):
.
She's so peaceful, she's soeasygoing.
She doesn't tell me what to do,she is a Buddhist.
She doesn't tell me what to do,she is a Buddhist.
She's very even keeled.
You know, when her house burneddown, she got a tear in her eye
one time, right I sobbedhysterically when her house
burned down, but she was able tolet it go.
(10:24):
Well, if you look at that fromthe side of learning how to have
emotions, her emotions are soflat that I didn't learn how to
have in reflection.
You know if you're reflectingfrom how your parents are.
So many of you came fromfamilies that had some a totally
different story, where it wasso tumultuous, so intense.
(10:48):
Right, you didn't know if itwas going to be big anger or big
upset, and then and then theone that you're going to get.
You know, am I getting the thecheerful mom or the heavy mom?
Am I getting the cheerful,loving dad, or am I getting the
angry, intense dad?
So many of you came fromaddiction, and so this piece
where you're, you're using yourparents as a reflection tool to
(11:11):
learn how to feel, and for me,it was just, it was very flat,
and and I've been reallythinking a lot about that
because I, the more that I diginto it, the more I realize I
didn't really know how to handlemy own up and down emotions,
because the expectation in myown mind was that it would just.
You just stayed flat.
(11:32):
It should all just be good.
Well, life isn't just good allthe time.
Life is complex and messy.
Life is complicated.
It has twists and turns.
We are creative beings andcreativity is solving problems.
We love stories that have theseintense storylines of trial and
tribulation and the hero'sjourney, and they make it and
(11:55):
they figure it out.
This is who we are, and yet inour own lives we kind of want to
achieve this flatness.
Well, the flatness actuallydoesn't have a lot of the spark
or energy either.
So this part of me, as a littlegirl that was kind of trying to
understand the serious nature ofmy mom, is still, I think,
(12:16):
searching for that and resiststhe waves, the turbulence, right
, that turbulence of being inthe river when it's intense and
when I lean into the fact thateverything's actually working
out.
What if everything's workingout, even the hard stuff?
What if that's part of somejourney?
(12:39):
And instead of seeing it ashardship, what if I just see it
as part of the adventure?
Then it shifts the mindset, itresets, it reframes how you're
showing up in it.
But what's interesting is themore you let go of the
resistance at least this hasbeen my huge, so true the more I
(13:01):
let go of the resistance, themore it unfolds beautifully,
naturally, it just opens up.
You don't have to try to figureit all out, because the
controller in me wants to lineit all up.
You don't have to try to figureit all out because the
controller in me wants to lineit all up, because if it's all
lined up then I can feel safeand I feel safe, then
everything's even right.
You see how it all starts tolean back and you can start to
(13:22):
see where these belief systemswere created.
But if I step into myco-creation with a higher power,
if I truly, truly believe withall of my heart that I am being
cared for well, attended to,that everything that I need is
available to me, that I have totrust, and I'm not saying this
makes your life easy and simple.
I'm saying that you can trust,that you can trust.
(13:46):
The less you resist, the moreyou can lean in and trust.
So here I am.
I'm recording this podcast inSacramento, california, a few
days before my son Alex and hisgirlfriend Lexi are going to be
(14:06):
induced to have their baby.
And it was interesting, as wewere getting closer to planning
this trip, my control stuff wascoming up around, you know,
getting airplane tickets andwanting to be there, and my
biggest desire was I didn't wantto miss it.
You know I had not gone anddone the baby shower.
(14:27):
So if you've been listening tothe podcast, you know these
storylines and you can go backand pick up on some of those
storylines.
And there's an episode aroundChristmas, around this.
But I made the choice to leaveCalifornia at Christmas, in
which meant that I missed thebaby shower.
And so Alex said it's okay tomiss the baby shower, but it's
really important to me thatyou're there for the birth.
(14:49):
Well, babies don't justgenerally come on a day.
Generally they come when theydarn well feel like it, when the
universe shoots them into theworld to have their experience.
And yet, you know, I have, Ihave a schedule, I have clients,
I have a business, I havethings that I need to do, and
that part of me, that controlpart of me, was really activated
(15:10):
Because my biggest fear wasthat I would let my son down by
not being here for the birth ofhis baby, because that's
important here for the birth ofhis baby, because that's
important.
And how do I show up, how doyou plan when there's no
planning?
And then I would just say tomyself I'm all right, all is
well, I am well, everything isworking out for us, everything
(15:32):
is smooth and easy.
The more I just lean into, it'sall going to work out, rachel,
it's okay.
But it also means that I neededto take action.
Are you ready to step into yoursoul recovery?
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoulnet to learn more
about the nine step soulrecovery process.
I hope that you'll join us thefirst Monday of every month for
(15:54):
the free soul recovery supportgroup on zoom, where we learn
more about soul recovery andconnect with each other.
If you'd like to work directlywith me to move through the
nine-step soul recovery process,I'm here for you, but you can
also choose to work the steps onyour own, with individual
modules intended to support youto work at your own pace and on
your own time.
(16:14):
And if you want even more soulrecovery, join us for the
Recover your Soul bonus podcastfor Patreon members and Apple
podcast subscribers, where Iinterview amazing people sharing
soul recovery tips for us andalso do spiritual book studies.
You can also find dailyinspiration on Facebook and
Instagram and join our privateFacebook community.
(16:34):
Visit the website for moreinformation, links and
registration for everything.
Back to the episode.
So lexi has um hypertension, soshe needs to be induced if she
didn't have the baby already andnow we're at the place where he
didn't come but um more aboutthat.
So because of her hypertension,they did decide that they were
(16:58):
going to book a date.
Now, I don't know if you'veheard the whole story about when
they found out that they werepregnant.
The due date given was 222.
And Lexi's been wearing anecklace that says 222 for years
, and so it was just thisbeautiful moment where this due
date that was given was the samedue date of a number that is
(17:20):
one of her favorite numbers.
And this is the kind of stuffthat, if you allow yourself to
be in the flow, if you allowyourself to really recognize
that it's not like there's somerule book or playbook or
something that you don't don'thave free will because
(17:42):
spirituality says you absolutelyhave free will that the whole
thing about our human experiencehere on earth school is that
there is this, this energy, thispower greater than ourselves.
That is a web of creative force.
That is frequency.
And if you listen to the bonuspodcast on Friday, which I
(18:04):
actually was a talk that I gaveat a spiritual center, which I
loaded the full video on YouTube.
So if you're not an Applepodcast subscriber or Patreon
member which I encourage you,become a Patreon member.
It's free.
If you want to support thepodcast, that's great, and you
can become a paid subscriber andhave access to all the past
(18:25):
episodes and those bonusepisodes it's.
I am so grateful for thiscommunity.
If you want to just listen onthe the first week that those
episodes are dropped free,members can do that.
So get on Patreon and get theseepisodes because they will help
support your soul recoveryjourney with all the beautiful
interviews and the book studieswe're going to about to dive
(18:46):
deeply into more Al-Anon andcodependency stuff from a poll
from the community.
Okay, all that aside, so lastFriday I did this episode.
That was a talk that I gave at aspiritual center about energy
and about light.
Right, we are actuallyattracting the frequency in
(19:07):
which we feel on the inside.
Our lives on the outside are adirect reflection of how we feel
on the inside and my spiritualjourney is evidence of that on
the inside.
And my spiritual journey isevidence of that that when I was
in chaos, when I was unhappy,when I was miserable, my life
was chaotic and miserable.
I got the same people in mylife.
(19:28):
I have the same people in mylife.
I got that same husband.
I got those same kids.
They're still with their ownissues.
One is sober, one is not sober.
You know, my husband is stillrich, even though he's sober, he
still has his own stuff.
We will end up raising thevibration through our own
(19:50):
healing.
We will shine a light in theworld around us by being our
most healed selves and trulybelieving that everything is
indeed working out for us.
So here's this baby who was dueon 222.
And then, you know, because ofher hypertension, then they're
(20:12):
scheduling things and I'mthinking to myself I've got to,
I've got to plan, I've got toget a date, I've got to get an
Airbnb, I've got to.
You know all the planning thatwe need to do.
And I'm always connecting withmy spirit guides, with my
internal knowings, and askingfor what's right from that place
(20:32):
of everything's working out forme and that trusting.
And when I push you can, I canfeel it.
You can feel it when it feelslike you're pushing against
something.
That's hard, but when you allow, it's like things just happen.
So I looked at the airfares andI picked the 19th because it was
(20:54):
a cheap day to fly.
Then I went down and I said, oh, I think I'll stay two weeks.
And then I decided two weekswas too long.
So then I backed it off alittle bit and made it be 12
days, and then I said you knowwhat, if the baby comes before
then, I'll pop on a flight andI'll get there before then.
It was this release of thatresistance that we have to plan
(21:18):
everything.
Release of that resistance thatwe have to plan everything.
And when they went in to gettheir last doctor's appointment,
they picked an induction date.
The induction date was the 21st.
So now I've come, coming in onthe 19th, I pick an Airbnb and
you know Airbnbs won't give youthe address.
But I picked one that waswithin a couple blocks from what
the little picture was fromwhere they live here in
(21:42):
Sacramento, and I kept going inand looking again and again,
again.
You ever do that.
Where you like go in, you'relike I'm gonna pick something
and then something.
And he was like oh, am I makingthe right choice?
There's so much of me that likewants to do it right and wants
to have it be smooth and easy.
But this one place just keptpopping again and again and
again, saying pick me, pick me,pick me.
(22:03):
So I finally commit and I getthe reservation.
I pay that extra $100 so thatif I needed to cancel or change
it, you know, just for my ownpeace of mind.
And then I get the email thatgives me the actual address of
this Airbnb and it is literallyexactly across the street from
(22:25):
Alex and Lexi's apartment I meanacross the street from them and
I felt that feelingeverything's working out when I
trust and allow.
And then we get here and we geta car and Rich drives down to
Santa Cruz to go be with Bodhiso that he can go get some
(22:46):
surfing in, so that he'ssatisfied, and I just settled in
.
I just had that Everything'sworking out, everything's
working out.
And now they just changed theinduction so that it's likely
that she's going to have thatbaby on 222.
222, just like has been showingup.
(23:08):
Rich has so many screenshotsthat he has from looking down at
his phone and it's 222.
I mean screenshot afterscreenshot after screenshot.
And it's that.
What if we trust?
What if you allow?
What if you just say I want tobe part of something greater
still, I want to stop being theone in charge, I want to co
(23:29):
create, I want to allow it to bein the flow, I want to trust
that, even if it's hard, I canhandle it.
You know, by the time this airs, we'll know whether it actually
came on 222, before or after.
He'll come when he's ready.
He'll come when it's time forhim.
But this part of me that wantsto figure everything out, wants
(23:53):
to make sure that everything iseasy, wants to soothe that child
that is trying to keep thatbaseline.
The more healed I get, the moreI recognize that if I'm
grounded, if I'm steady, it canbe turbulent and I'm going to be
okay.
It's really not my adult selfwho can't handle it, it's really
(24:18):
these younger parts of myself.
And they continue to have moreand more freedom to say I'm
scared or I don't know what todo about this, or I want to
figure it out, or I don't wantpeople to be upset.
And then I do all this innerdialogue with myself that
doesn't take all that much time,that nobody knows that I'm
doing, and I just am kind tomyself and I just allow it to
(24:42):
relax.
Now, is this situation with Alexand Lexi going to be smooth and
easy?
I don't know.
You know, I would love for itto.
I would love to set up somesort of magic wand that could
make it be without any issues.
But really is that what life isall about?
We are problem solvers.
(25:04):
We are heroes having a hero'sjourney.
We are here to explore and tohave an adventure, so I want
everything to go smoothly on somany different levels.
But I also know that it's goingto be whatever it's going to be
and that we can all handle it,and we can handle it with grace
and kindness and sweetness.
(25:26):
And I was on the phone with Richthis morning, checking in, and
he and Bodhi were just about togo out and do their surfing and
he was just so sweet.
He just said you know, what I'mmost happy about is that our
family is here doing thistogether and I just thought, wow
, I would have never you know,10 years ago, when things were
(25:49):
especially horrendous, I wouldhave never thought that we'd be
on the phone and he would justbe so giddy and excited to be in
life with our family.
And that was my experience.
If you were to ask him, heprobably has a whole different
experience of how all this wholestory has been for him, but for
(26:13):
me, to really see the healingthat has happened in our family
is so profound and it's becauseI've switched my switch to
saying everything actually isworking out.
It may not be working out to beeasy.
It may not be working out to bewithout contrast or without
(26:33):
complexity or without mess, butit is working out and I can
trust that and the more I leaninto it, the more things just
line up.
Easy going.
Easy does it Including beingable to be here across the
street from Alex and Lexi?
I've done about three loads oflaundry already in this little
(26:56):
Airbnb.
I get to meet up with peoplewho are in this area next
weekend and have a little sacredcircle.
I get to experience the birthof this new little baby coming
into the world.
It's a soul coming in to haveits own experience, and it chose
our family.
What a blessing.
I'll keep you posted on howeverything's going and I'll
(27:21):
probably do some social mediaposts, maybe with or without
babies.
We'll see if they let pictureshappen.
But I'm just, you know, I'mjust here for the ride and the
more that I let go of the needto control, the more enjoyable
the ride is, and that's the partI'm grateful for.
As a reminder, if you wantsupport with this, my suggestion
(27:42):
would be to go to the website,check out recoveryyoursoulnet,
look at the nine step soulrecovery process.
If you want to do it on yourown, you can do the modules
yourself and I have the firstfour steps up and ready to go.
I'm working on the remainingsteps.
You can also work with me as aspiritual coach.
Please come and join the freesoul recovery support group the
(28:06):
first Monday of every month.
It's a beautiful group.
I have retreats and workshops.
This year we're just here doingour work together because
together we can do the work thatwill recover our soul.
Work together because togetherwe can do the work that will
recover our soul.
Until next time, namaste, thankyou for listening and I hope
(28:27):
that that helps support yoursoul recovery process.
Just a reminder that everyFriday is the recover your soul
bonus podcast.
This podcast is for Patreonmembers and Apple podcast
subscribers and not only do youget an incredible interview or
book study that comes with beingpart of that community, but
your subscribing helps supportthis podcast and the Recover
your Soul community.
If you want to listen to thosebonus episodes but can't
(28:50):
subscribe right now, do knowthat you can be a free Patreon
member and have access forlimited time to new episodes.
Visit the websiteRecoverYourSoulnet or check out
the show links below for couponsand information for upcoming
events.
I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your friends and
family.
I thank you for giving it fivestars, and the reviews that are
(29:10):
left bring tears to my eyes.
I am honored to be part of yourlife.
Together, we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
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