Episode Transcript
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Rev Rachel Harrison (00:00):
Talking
about and processing the past
isn't easy, but it is anessential part of the shadow
work that can be done, that canheal what those core wounds are.
We all have some level of corewounds.
In a recent conversation withmy son, who just had his first
baby around his core wounds whenhe was growing up was a really
(00:20):
important reflection for both ofus and our family.
That is healing from being analcoholic system when they were
raised and now that we are allhealing, we are all really doing
our soul recovery work.
There is an element of theability to be able to reflect on
those old pains and learn andgrow from them and use
(00:42):
forgiveness from the soulrecovery perspective to use the
ability to see and havegratitude for your life as it is
today and through thatgratitude, through that
spiritual self, to be able toprocess those wounds and to
forgive and to let them go, totruly transform how you're
showing up and to allow the pastto teach you something and not
(01:06):
be a core wound anymore.
Enjoy the episode.
Welcome to the Recover your Soulpodcast a spiritual path to a
happy and healthy life.
My name is Reverend RachelHarrison.
I started Recover your Soulafter having profound changes in
my life from my recovery ofalcoholism.
After having profound changesin my life from my recovery of
alcoholism, codependency andcontrol addiction, I was guided
(01:28):
to share the tools andprinciples of spirituality and
soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives as mine
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our inner change and
healing.
Positive results in our liveswill follow.
(01:49):
Welcome to the Recover yourSoul community and podcast.
I'm Rev Rachel.
This is a place where we areindeed learning how to be okay
when the world around us feelsheavy or intense and other
people's emotions or otherpeople's addictive choices.
We are learning how to step outof codependency, how to step
(02:11):
out of people pleasing, how tolet go of other people's lives
and turn the attention toourselves and choose a spiritual
path to a happy and healthylife for ourselves.
And it isn't easy.
It isn't easy and it is complex, but it is about us being on
our own soul's journey ofhealing and awareness and
(02:33):
awakening, and it's actually apretty wild ride, but it's worth
the ride.
If you've listened to theepisodes over the last couple
weeks, you know that I'm inSacramento, california, right
now.
My son and his girlfriend justhad their baby boy my first
grandson and the last episodewas as we were anticipating his
(02:54):
arrival.
The context of all is well, Iam well and trusting that,
regardless of how things playout, that we can actually be in
the process of trusting andknowing that we're supported and
loved through all of it.
And it is their story to telland not necessarily my story.
But I know a lot of people havebeen waiting and I didn't post
(03:15):
anything big on social mediabecause we're waiting for them
to do their post officially andit's their baby and not my baby.
But he was born.
It was a little bit rougherentry than what we had
anticipated and everything isfine and well and baby is good,
mama is good and it's been aninteresting journey for me.
(03:36):
So what we talk about in soulrecovery is that there's so much
stuff going on around us, butwe're always coming back to our
own experience so that we cangrow, so that we can heal, so
that we can see aspects ofourselves that need to be given
attention, so that we can be ourstrength of who we actually are
(03:57):
in situations and that we canbe present for people where they
are, in their situations.
The request from Alex and Lexihad been that the grandparents
weren't in the hospital or, youknow, in the room of delivery or
any of those things, and sothey wanted to be able to do it
for themselves, that that wasimportant to them and that was a
(04:19):
really beautiful boundary thatthey had a request that they had
, and you know boundary thatthey had a request that they had
, and you know it's interestinghow much we want to have what we
want right, and luckily for me,I didn't actually have too much
preference around it.
My preference and my desire wasthat they get exactly what they
(04:39):
want and that they're presentfor their new life, that they're
creating their time togetherthe way that they wanted it.
But when she went in for herinduction at six o'clock on a
Friday night, you certainlyweren't thinking that it was
going to be this huge ordeal,and so, as Alex was relaying
everything that was happening,you know you're, you're
(04:59):
somewhere else, you're not rightthere, able to be present with
it, and so I really recognized alot in myself around utilizing
my soul recovery tools and juststaying grounded and not falling
into fear and sending out lightand love and and being
supportive over text message andjust being whatever I could to
(05:22):
help them through the processand in the end he was indeed
delivered, but he had to go tothe NICU and so then you know
you're in that situation whereyou want to go see the baby but
you can't go see the baby, andwe know that all is well and so
that offering support from evenjust you know two miles away
which I'm glad that I was closeI really felt so grounded in my
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ability to really provide thesupport for my son that I wanted
to, because part of what we'relearning in soul recovery is
we're learning to havecompassion and love for the
people in our lives, especiallyour grown children, to take
responsibility for their livesand not to show up and try to
(06:06):
fix or save or you know all thethings that we want to do
because it is complicated, it ishard and luckily it wasn't like
a life or death or that we'rereally scared or you know things
.
It just this is a standardpractice.
You know he's up there makingsure that he gets everything
that he needs and it didn't looklike what we had all hoped and
(06:29):
dreamed and envisioned that itwould look like.
And yet, at the same time I wasfeeling the truth of what I had
shared in last week's episode,which is all is well to really
be in that place where you standin the grounded center.
And over the last couple ofdays I've been pulling Oracle
cards because you know how muchI love Oracle cards and I have
(06:51):
this one deck and I pulled avariety of times, shuffling,
shuffling, shuffling, alwayspull three cards, and every time
I pulled one of the three cardswas flexibility, which I
thought was really interesting,and what it said was that, in
flexibility, it's about stayinggrounded, that your roots are in
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the earth, that you're solid inyour foundation of strength and
faith and that you can allowthe storm and all of the
wildness that's going on aroundyou to happen and you just sway
with it, you allow it to happenbut you stay in your grounded
center.
And that that is being flexible, to not get caught up in fear,
(07:34):
to not be rigid, to not try toforce or control, right To just
allow.
And I thought it was such abeautiful, beautiful message
from the universe that resonatesso much with what I think and
feel and believe, and so it wasreally reflecting that back to
me, that that is the truth andso, as I've been here, I've been
(07:54):
a support person, but I haven'tactually gotten to spend that
much time seeing my grandbabybecause he's been in the NICU.
It's very limited amount ofvisitors and how many, you know
there's a lot of moving parts,but he's now with his mom and
dad in the room and they'regetting used to everything all
together and they're doing it.
(08:16):
You know, they're doing thisprocess, and one of the things
that I wanted to reflect on andtalk about today in this episode
that's really coming up for meis, you know, when you have
grandchildren and I know many ofthe people that listen to this
podcast are in a similar agerange to me, lots of people who
(08:38):
are younger, some people who areolder, but what the
demographics show me in myanalytics is that you know we're
in this mostly 35 or 40 on up,but a lot of people that are
similar to me in mid 50s, whenyou have a child, who has a
child.
You just moved up a station andI was laughing at the pictures
(09:00):
of me holding this new littlegrandbaby with my salt and
pepper hair and my wrinkles inmy eyes, and you know the thing
that's happening under the chin.
I don't know if you have one ofthose things that's happening
under the chin.
It's a little interesting.
But you know, you really lookand you're like, yeah, look at
that, like we're moving up astation.
And it allowed me to reallyreflect on what it feels like
(09:24):
for Alex to be where I was, youknow, 28 years ago when I was
having my first child.
As I was in the hospital withhim last night and just really
having some time together, hewas reflecting on what it was
like for him to be a child andthat for him to be a child and
that for him, these pieces ofwhat he wants to be as a dad and
(09:54):
how he wants to relate to hisson.
And in our conversation aroundthat he brought up some of the
memories that he had from whenhe was little.
You know I'm always cautious.
You know I share so so so muchof what our lives were and at
the same time, I'm always tryingto be really cautious of what
other people's experiences were,what other people in my
family's experiences were,because we talk a lot about the
(10:14):
fact that what I want to sharewith you is what it felt like to
me, because everybody has theirown feel and look of what it is
and it's really important thatthey're all held in what that
was for them.
But the conversation was aroundwhat it was like to be raised
in an alcoholic home and I'vebeen really thinking about that
(10:36):
and I'm glad that I'm recordingthis podcast now here, just you
know, a couple days before it'llair.
Now here, just you know, acouple days before it'll air
Because this is what's happeningright now for me in my life.
And Alex was really vulnerablysharing as a little kid what it
was like to be an alcoholic homewith parents who you didn't
(10:59):
know what you were going to get,and that some of the reactivity
that came came from us notreally being able to regulate
that, to react instead ofrespond.
He shared some very painfulmemories of interactions with
his dad and I feel very gratefulthat I have this ability now to
(11:21):
to be present in a way that isa beautiful marriage of a mom
for him and Rev Rachel.
That soul recovery has given meso many tools and so many
abilities to see from aperception that's bigger,
broader, more aware, more awakeand, at the same time, to really
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recognize this incredible giftthat he was giving of sharing
how he felt and that I couldtake myself out of it enough to
just reflect for him, in thesame way that I do when I'm
doing coaching for you, that I'mI'm here to support and reflect
for you.
I'm here to really feel andwitness your experience, and I
(12:09):
hope that he could feel thoseexperiences that he was sharing,
because they were not ones thatI'd ever heard before.
There were things I didn't knowlike.
He's 28 years old and he'ssharing these experiences of
what it felt like to him and Icould see so clearly, more than
ever, how those experiencescreated his belief systems and
(12:30):
his patterns and his defensemechanisms that have been part
of how he reflects out in theworld.
That's the nine step soulrecovery processes that you see
that what happened to you whenyou were little, what your
parents did, whether they wereaware of it or not, most of what
happens when we're childrenisn't somebody trying to harm us
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, but it does create wounds.
It creates these core woundswithin us and then we set up a
belief system that we then goout in the world and reflect
back.
We want validation for whatthis belief system is, and so
often those belief systems comeout of a place of safety, of not
(13:14):
feeling safe, and he wassharing that he didn't feel safe
.
Well, that is part of beingraised in an alcoholic home, and
I know for many of you, you toowere raised in a situation
where you didn't have safetyeither, because somebody was an
addict in your life.
Well, it was both Rich and I,and we each presented our
(13:39):
addiction in our own ways.
Rich had more anger, I had morecheckout and indifference, and
all of that created a situationthat wasn't ideal.
So here we have this, thisbeautiful young man who's
looking at his newborn baby andsaying I never want to create
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that same situation for for mybaby and and as I was reflecting
around it and we did, you know,a lot of talking last night,
but it's also there's a lot moreto process, but it's not mine
to process for him, unless heasks right.
So this is another thing thatwe've been learning, and
(14:21):
teaching is he's sharing with mesomething, and I want to give
him what I've learned, but Ialso need to let him be in the
experience that he's having,because this is his experience
to have.
These are his feelings thathe's reflecting, and it's his
healing to choose, and I want tosupport and love him and give
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him as much encouragement as Ican and much reflection as I can
.
But I had to watch that part ofme that wants to go in and save
it, that wants to fix it, thatwants to keep him from that hurt
.
And then I came back home and Ihad this intense sadness around
my participation in that that Ihadn't saved him from those
(15:07):
interactions that I hadparticipated in ways by not
seeing or not maybe being indenial of what was really going
on or thinking that I couldcounteract sort of the wounding
that he was feeling from his dadin ways that I was doing.
(15:28):
And I felt a lot of shame aroundmy part and I sat with that and
I thought a lot about how thatcomes in the soul recovery
process, that we are here tohave these very complex human
experiences so that we can growand so that we can learn.
(15:50):
And forgiveness is such a hugepiece of this experience of soul
recovery.
But I'm always sharing that.
It's never to diminish how youfelt and I really talked about
that a lot last night with Alexthat you know he kept saying,
yeah, but that was a long timeago and I don't.
You know I don't really actuallylike talking about how it felt
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back then and I was saying you,you've got to be able to share
what that is, because thoseparts within you they want to be
able to be heard, and I'mfeeling the part of me that is
so sad that my child you knowI'm looking at this grown man
(16:31):
holding a baby and my baby, Ididn't keep him safe and a lot
of my old feelings and my ownpain came up around the past,
and the past has so many layersto it and I think that it's
(16:52):
always important to recognizethe value of looking at these
parts of our lives from awholeness, from a loving, from a
compassionate place, because Icould see the part of me that
wanted to go and get angry againor blame rich, or be mad at my
(17:13):
younger self even, or feel likeI failed.
You know I have people thatwork with me, that still have
that part in your soul that saysif I had done something
different, then my childwouldn't have these issues or
these problems.
Well, I can definitely look atmy kids and say if we had done
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something different, then a lotof this stuff wouldn't have
happened, but it's veryimportant not to blame ourselves
and to understand that we don'tknow what the larger picture is
.
We don't know why it has to beso messy and crunchy, but we do.
(17:54):
You know it has to be messy andcrunchy.
And while Rich was here in townand we were just having a quick
interaction with Alex, while wewere dropping something off at
the hospital, alex wasreflecting that he, you know,
hadn't partaken in anything forthe whole time they'd been in
the hospital for almost a weekand he said I think I'm going to
(18:15):
keep that up.
And Rich looked at him and saidI'd highly recommend it because
our lives would be totallydifferent if your mom and I had
not chosen to be alcoholics.
And that is the trueststatement that we can say.
But you can't go back andchange what was.
It already is.
And so this work that we'redoing in soul recovery is this
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unfolding, it's this revealingand allowing ourselves to
actually feel the feelings andthen to use forgiveness from the
perspective that says it washurtful, but we're not blaming,
we're not going to attachsomeone as the villain.
We're going to try to see alevel of compassion.
(19:00):
Hurt people, hurt people.
We're all responding from thebest that we had from our
upbringing, best that we hadfrom our upbringing, from our
defendedness and whateverchoices I made in my raising of
my kids that was not the bestchoices wasn't because I'm a bad
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person or I had mal intent.
It was because that was theonly tool that I had in the
toolbox Right.
And I look at Rich and I thinkyou know for him, these were the
only tools that he had in thetoolbox right.
And I look at Rich and I thinkyou know for him, these were the
only tools that he had in hiswounded toolbox.
And we're one step out and bothof my kids, who are 26 and 28
years old, they have so manymore tools in their toolbox at
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this age than I did when I wastheir age.
And so this desire to continueto lengthen our ability to heal
the dynamics of addiction anddysfunction in our families is
so powerful because it ishappening.
It is happening our waking upand having awareness within
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ourselves and my ability to holdspace for my son and have him
share these incredibly,incredibly vulnerable,
vulnerable memories with me andnot fix it, not diminish it, not
push it away because it felthard for me to hear it and allow
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him to have that process sothat he can actually have these
awarenesses, so that he can makedifferent choices, so that
maybe, maybe he'll choose moresobriety in his life for
different reasons than we didn'tchoose.
Sobriety and forgiveness issuch a powerful tool from the
soul recovery perspective.
It's and I've said this before,it's my main reflection of this
(20:52):
is really around Course inMiracles and some other
spiritual teachings.
That is not about holding on togrievance.
It's about releasing thegrievance, because when we
release that resentment and thatgrievance and that attack, it
doesn't mean that what happeneddidn't happen.
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What it means is that you'regoing to allow it to be part of
a larger storyline.
You're not going to hold on tothe wounded, pain victim piece.
You're going to say, yes, thishappened and this is why I set
up this protection mechanism.
This is why I didn't feel safe.
Oh, I don't have a safety.
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I don't have safety in my life,for my upbringing.
I have this level underneatheverything that doesn't have
safety.
Well, it's for a very differentreason than what my kids don't
have safety for, and it's a verydifferent reason for what you
don't have safety for safety for, and it's a very different
reason for what you don't havesafety for.
But isn't it interesting thatmost of us have a foundational
(21:55):
underbelly that is lacking alevel of safety.
Are you ready to step into yoursoul recovery?
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoulnet to learn more
about the nine step soulrecovery process.
I hope that you'll join us thefirst Monday of every month for
the free soul recovery supportgroup on Zoom, where we learn
(22:17):
more about soul recovery andconnect with each other.
If you'd like to work directlywith me to move through the
nine-step soul recovery process,I'm here for you.
But you can also choose to workthe steps on your own, with
individual modules intended tosupport you to work at your own
pace and on your own time.
And if you want even more soulrecovery, join us for the
Recover your Soul bonus podcastfor Patreon members and Apple
(22:41):
podcast subscribers, where Iinterview amazing people sharing
soul recovery tips for us andalso do spiritual book studies.
You can also find dailyinspiration on Facebook and
Instagram and join our privateFacebook community.
Visit the website for moreinformation, links and
registration for everything.
Back to the episode, and Ibelieve so strongly that the
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spiritual journey is aboutgiving you that safety within
yourself through your connectionto something even greater still
To recognize that you can makeit through difficult times and
this is one of the things I wassaying to Alex and Lexi is, you
know, this birth didn't come theway that everybody had
envisioned it, but they did it.
They went through somethingvery intense and they're doing
(23:28):
it.
You're doing it together andsometimes it's messy and
sometimes it's beautiful, butthey have this beautiful baby
boy and they have this beautifulopportunity to see how strong
they are, that they can actuallymake it through anything.
That, if they can make itthrough this week and learning
what to do with the brand newbaby man, they can do through
(23:49):
anything.
But you have to stay in yourstrength.
You have to come out of theplace that wants to collapse,
that wants to fall into thoseold, wounded places.
And for Alex to be able toreflect and to see so clearly
where some of this hurt and fearand non-safety comes from means
that he can let it go so thathe can create safety within
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himself, so that he can createsafety for his son.
And for me, what I find is themore that I do forgiveness work,
the more gratitude that I havefor my life, the more that I see
the things that are working,the more that I have gratitude
for my relationships, all of myrelationships, and the part of
(24:33):
me that can move into a placethat you know.
You've heard me say there were10 or 15 very complicated years
in my marriage and if I show upin my relationship with Rich
today from those 10 or 15 yearsof difficult, complicated
marriage, we're never going tomake it, because they were hard.
(24:54):
But I learned things aboutmyself.
I grew.
He's growing.
He is not the same person thatwas a reactive, alcoholic dad
who loved his kids, whoabsolutely dearly and devotedly
loved his children and did somethings that weren't that great.
(25:16):
I loved my children, I wasdevoted.
I did things that weren't thatgreat.
But when we can use forgivenessfor ourselves first and foremost
and then forgiveness for theothers in our life, we can open
up to this concept that we'reall just souls, each having our
(25:39):
own unique experience, and itwebs in with each other.
And the more that we let go ofthe grievance and the more that
we let go of the pain and themore that we let go of the blame
, it untangles all of theemotions and you can be free
yourself of what you're holdingonto from the past that is
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keeping you from being your bestperson today, and the only
person who can choose their ownhealing is the person who is in
the experience.
So for me, I have to put all myenergy on me healing myself, me
being true to myself, me doingmy soul recovery work so that I
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can be grounded, so I can beflexible, so that I can have my
roots in the earth and I canhave safety within myself.
And then I can radiate that outto others.
And only Alex can choose his,his healing, his groundedness,
his decision to make differentchoices and to release the pain
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that is within him.
And only Rich can do it for him.
And you realize how much wewant to fix the other, but
really it's to try to giveourselves our safety.
And so this morning, when I wokeup and was really reflecting on
all of this and wanted to sharethis with you, I wanted to do a
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guided meditation.
I went on Insight Timer and Ilooked up forgiveness and I
didn't really see anything.
And I said I think I did ameditation on insight timer on
forgiveness, and I did mymeditation and I am so grateful
for this meditation that spiritgave me.
It's about gratitude andforgiveness and it's a process
(27:28):
that starts with us feelinggrateful, seeing the beauty that
we do have in our lives,because what you think and feel
and believe is what youexperience.
So if we can touch in with thegratitude and see what is
working, what is beautiful, whatis like the strength of who we
(27:51):
are, it shines our light and itincreases our energy and our
ability to then hold space forthat which is complicated and
hard.
And in that space where you'rereally open hearted, it can
release and let go.
We can use gratitude to be thecatalyst for forgiveness,
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gratitude to be the catalyst forforgiveness.
So what I'm going to do is I'mgoing to have that be a separate
episode today.
So this episode that you'relistening to now will come first
and then I'm going to have itset so that the gratitude and
forgiveness meditation can comenext.
So if you have time right now,after this episode, to spend 20
minutes with yourself and do agratitude and forgiveness
(28:40):
practice, that's great.
If you do not, then I wouldsuggest and invite you to think
about what is happening in yourown life that might need some
space around forgiveness,because I want to make sure I'm
forgiving myself first andforemost, for my indiscretions,
(29:01):
for my places where I faulted,for the places that I didn't see
, everything that was happeningor I couldn't see or I couldn't
save at those times.
And I also want to haveforgiveness for all of my family
members, my husband inparticular, so that I'm not
continuing to attach to thewounds and the pains that
(29:24):
happened a long time ago, a longtime ago, because I want to be
present in my life today, inthis moment, because this moment
right now is the only momentthat is here.
It's the only thing that exists.
If I'm living in thewoundedness of my past, I'm
going to be using old tools andpatterns and beliefs that do not
(29:47):
serve me, that are coming frompain and from fear.
But if I can release those andpractice forgiveness and be in
gratitude, I can be here andgrounded now to be able to hear
and feel the complexity of allthat has come before and see the
strength and the growth thathas come from it and what we've
(30:09):
all learned and who we are.
And then my favorite part thathappened last night is Alex said
you know, but I can reallyrecognize that everything I've
been through brought me to whereI am right here today with the
love of my life with my newbornbaby in my arms.
That's amazing.
(30:29):
In each moment we choose.
We choose how we are going tosee it.
We choose if we're going to beof the light.
We choose if we're going to bein the healing.
We choose if we're going to bethe greatest that we can
possibly be or whether we'regoing to be afraid and move into
our old patterns and our beliefsystems.
(30:49):
That will not bring us to ourhighest self and that's just our
ego that is trying to keep ussmall and tight and closed
because it has so much fear.
But when we can open our hearts,when we can recognize that
we're all faulted, I believethat there's nothing wrong with
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any of us.
I believe that we are all whole.
I do not believe that we arebroken, but I think that our
hearts can feel broken.
I think that we can be in aplace where we are lost.
I think that we can be in aplace where the fear surrounds
us and keeps us closed, keepsour hearts closed, our eyes
(31:32):
closed, our emotions closed.
And the more that we do thiswork, the more we're actually
opening up to our own experience, so that we can be clear about
who we were meant to be and howwe can use everything that came
before as learning tools,awarenesses.
(31:53):
And when I'm in my whole place,I look back and I think, my God,
our family went through it.
Holy shit, we went through somuch.
But when you see who we aretoday and all four of us showed
up for Alex, all four of us werehere with love and compassion
(32:19):
and support for each other tocelebrate this new life that's
coming into our family and tocelebrate my son, who is moving
up the rung of the ladder intoparenthood and into adulthood in
a new way.
And I want us all to be healthyand I want us all to be happy.
(32:41):
But the only control I have isfor myself to choose a spiritual
path to a happy and healthylife, to shine my light, to have
my most healed self show up inevery moment, to be flexible.
To be flexible.
So look for that othermeditation on gratitude and
(33:02):
forgiveness in the episodes.
It's also on Insight Timer.
I have a lot of guidedmeditations on Insight Timer
that are free and you can doInsight Timer for free.
This process that we're workingon in our own lives is for our
own ability to truly stand andbe in complexity of life in our
(33:26):
most healed self, which oftenfeels deeply, feels deeply the
emotions, and to allow what isand then to move forward from
there Until next time.
Namaste, thank you for listeningand I hope that that helps
support your soul recoveryprocess.
(33:47):
Just a reminder that everyFriday is the Recover your Soul
bonus podcast.
This podcast is for Patreonmembers and Apple podcast
subscribers, and not only do youget an incredible interview or
book study that comes with beingpart of that community, but
your subscribing helps supportthis podcast and the Recover
your Soul community.
(34:08):
If you want to listen to thosebonus episodes but can't
subscribe right now, do knowthat you can be a free Patreon
member and have access forlimited time to new episodes.
Visit the websiteRecoverYourSoulnet or check out
the show links below for couponsand information for upcoming
events.
I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your friends and
(34:28):
family.
I thank you for giving it fivestars, and the reviews that are
left bring tears to my eyes.
I am honored to be part of yourlife.
Together we can do the workthat will recover your soul.