February 17, 2025 • 40 mins
Send one way text to Rev Rachel
Is it too late to change? To heal? To detach with love? In this episode of Recover Your Soul, we explore the powerful Al-Anon principle of detachment through the lens of Soul Recovery, reminding you that it's never too late to step into a new way of being. If you've struggled with codependency and people-pleasing, this episode will help you release the need to fix, control, or take responsibility for others, so you can focus on your own healing. Together, we’ll reflect on the Seven Detachments from Al-Anon: 1) Not to suffer because of the actions or reactions of others. 2) Not to allow ourselves to be used or abused. 3) Not to do for others what they can do for themselves. 4) Not to manipulate situations so others behave as we see fit. 5) Not to cover up for another’s mistakes. 6) Not to create a crisis. 7) Not to pr
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Episode Transcript
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Rev Rachel Harrison (00:00):
Today's episode is about that question.
We ask ourselves is it too late?
Is it too late to start new?
Is it too late to heal?
Is it too late to change myrelationship?
Is it too late to learn how todetach with love?
And whether you've been on thisjourney for a while or whether
you're just starting?
I think this is a very validquestion to ask.
But in soul recovery we'relearning.
(00:21):
It's never too late.
This episode is around theconcept of how do we step into a
new way of being every day.
How do you learn how to changeslowly, one step at a time,
patterns that are very old andvery deeply rooted into our way
of being?
My answer is you can.
There is always hope and it'snever too late.
(00:46):
Welcome to the Recover your Soulpodcast a spiritual path to a
happy and healthy life.
My name is Reverend RachelHarrison.
I started Recover your Soulafter having profound changes in
my life from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency and
control addiction.
I was guided to share the toolsand principles of spirituality
(01:06):
and soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives as mine
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our inner change and
healing, positive results inour lives will follow.
Welcome to the Recover yourSoul podcast.
(01:28):
It's Rev Rachel and I am soglad to be spending more time
together today.
We're here learning how to beourselves.
We're learning how to regulateour own experience, no matter
what's happening on the outside.
And you know I often say tolearn how to be okay if others
aren't okay, but what I'm reallysaying is to learn how to feel
however you feel, regardless ofhow other people feel or what's
(01:52):
happening in the world aroundyou, and those feelings are so
important.
The feelings that you havewithin yourself are really your
own guidance system to help younavigate what's complex out
there and to come into your ownbeing, your own wholeness, your
own guidance system to help younavigate what's complex out
there and to come into your ownbeing, your own wholeness, your
own awareness.
That's where all the power is,and we do this a lot from the
(02:14):
power of detachment.
Detachment is still one of themain, main focused issues here
in soul recovery.
It's how many of you found thispodcast, which I think is so
great that that episode fromseason one is still the number
one listen to episode of all theepisodes.
So clearly detachment meanssomething and for today's
(02:35):
episode I wanted to respond toone of the one way text messages
that I got you know in the shownotes there's a little link
that says messages that I gotyou know in the show notes
there's a little link that sayssend Rachel a one way text and I
love this because you guys aredoing it and just like in
getting these one way textswhere you have comments or
questions or you just want toshare how the podcast is working
(02:57):
in your life.
I also am so grateful for thereviews that you offer in Apple
and on Spotify that allow peopleto see how this podcast is
helping you, how soul recoveryis helping in your life.
But reading those responses isjust.
It's so incredible for mebecause I can feel you, I can
(03:17):
feel this community and it helpsme to understand more about how
I'm reflecting in your life andthat's really beautiful to me.
But I also love getting thesequestions that you can offer in
this way because it helps meunderstand more about what you
want to talk about.
So this was a response todetachment and they said I have
(03:38):
a question, I need some support.
I was just listening to yourepisode discussing detachment
and Al-Anon, and I'm assumingthat they mean one of those
original episodes on detachment.
But there has been lots ofepisodes on detachment on the
Recovery Soul podcast.
So if that is of interest toyou, there's lots and lots to
choose from.
But I'm going to assume thatshe's talking about one of those
early episodes and it worriesme because I've done everything
(04:03):
wrong with my husband who has analcohol addiction.
The seven detachments makeperfect sense, but I've done the
opposite and ultimately been anenabler.
I worry that there's no comingback from that.
And is it too late to detachnow?
This is a beautiful questionand I'm so excited to be able to
(04:24):
reflect on this because I knowthat this is a big question in
life.
Is it too late?
Is it too late, have I gone toofar in whatever's been
happening in my relationship orhow I've been in situations to
go back?
And what I love about thisquestion is that this is a
(04:45):
powerful spiritual question,because so often I think,
regardless of whether we'retalking about is it too late to
learn how to detach, sometimeswe're talking about is it too
late to do something in my life.
That's totally different.
Have I gone down the road sofar that I can't recheck in who
I am in myself, I can't rebuildmy life, I can't make different
(05:09):
decisions, I can't do thingsdifferently.
It's been this way for so long.
And this is actually the powerof soul recovery.
And there's a couple differentthings that we're going to talk
about in this, because one ofthe number one things, number
one things that I had such anawareness around when I redid
the nine steps, was step one,the new step one in soul
(05:31):
recovery, ready for awakeningfor you, your disappointments,
your dissatisfaction, yoursuffering, whatever it is that,
of course, this is where you'reat in your life, because you
(05:52):
have lived a certain way, you'vehad certain thoughts, you've
shown up in a certain way inyour life.
It is this moment of gracewhere you take your power back,
where you realize that you havebeen needing things on the
outside to be a certain way andyou recognize that you can stand
in your own strength, that youcan been needing things on the
outside to be a certain way andyou recognize that you can stand
in your own strength, that youcan stand in your own strength.
It is this powerful moment,this moment of choice of your
(06:15):
own.
And so, regardless of how youwere, not even five minutes ago,
much less an entirerelationship or much less your
entire life.
You can always make a change inhow you are going to be with it
, how you're going to see it,how you're going to perceive it,
how you're going to feel it.
(06:36):
This is about you standing inyour own strength.
And one of the things that Ithink about a lot in my life and
I know that I've said thisbefore is if I'm always judging
Rich, for example, or my kids,or even myself or friends for
what happened in the past, whowe were in the past, I'm not
(06:59):
giving them a chance to be whothey are today, and I'm not
giving myself a chance to be whoI am today.
So, yes, the past always hassome play in it, but it doesn't
mean that we have to continue tolive from those past ways of
thinking, feeling, believing,those old patterns.
And that's the same in theseven detachments, in the ways
(07:23):
that we've been with people.
As soon as you know better, youcan do better.
Now is it a switch thatswitches right away and you make
some sort of amazing detachment, switch and everything
thereafter is completelydifferent and everything's fixed
and changed.
I wish it was that easy.
I wish I could tell you it'sthat easy, but it's not.
(07:43):
It is about learning, it'sabout changing your perception,
it's about seeing through a newlens, and that's what the
nine-step soul recovery processwalks us through.
It walks us through a way toactually be able to change the
relationships that we have withthe people in our lives so that
(08:05):
we can be empowered, so that wecan have the ability to let them
have their own experience andtheir own consequences, and that
we can stop being so harshlyaffected by what can often be
unhealthy around us.
When I think of this in my ownlife in terms of the is it too
(08:27):
late for detachment?
You know the stuff that I wentthrough with Alex in particular,
and with Rich, and having a kidwho was so heavily lost and on
drugs and had such lowself-esteem, and the amount of
enabling that I did, theincredible amount of enabling
(08:50):
that I did to try to make Alexfeel better about himself, to
try to get him to do the thingsthat I thought would make it so
that he would, you know, go tojobs or go to school.
For crying out loud, I just hadlunch with some long, long,
long time friends and she wassaying that her son had a hard
(09:11):
time in high school andespecially his senior year, and
he was able to pull it out.
And you know, I, part of me hasall this awareness that I tried
all of those things for my kidand that enabling isn't because
we're trying to.
You know, when you're in themiddle of doing it, when you're
(09:34):
in the middle of enabling, it ispurely out of love.
It's out of love and fear.
You know, I think so much abouthow afraid I was in those years
when Alex was really at hislowest point and that I just
didn't see a way out.
(09:57):
He would either kill himself ofhis own hand, he would die of a
drug overdose, he would die ofa car accident.
From, you know, beinginebriated and being out in the
world, I didn't know what wasgoing to happen.
But mostly I was terrified thathe wasn't going to get to live
(10:18):
a full and happy life.
And seeing him in the depths ofso much internal turmoil and
darkness within himself, that'sthe part that is the hardest.
When suffering, we all willchoose something that will numb
(10:48):
that pain, that will cover thatpain, and it comes in all kinds
of shapes and sizes, you know.
I mean, even if it's just anhour of scrolling on your phone,
sometimes you really arelooking at what is going on
there.
Why are we so checked out?
Why are we more invested inwhat's happening in these
people's lives than what'shappening in our own life?
And oftentimes it's because ourown life feels heavy.
(11:10):
It feels heavy but what we'redoing here is we're not
immediately making a change,we're not making a fix that
flips a switch and makeseverybody around us change.
Makes everybody around uschange.
It's this ability for us tolook at the power that we have
to slowly but surely makedifferent choices along the way
(11:34):
that align better with who weare, what we actually need, and
allowing others to have thespace to have their own
experience, whatever it is forthem.
So when I did my initial podcastepisode in season one about the
detachments and I read theAl-Anon detachments, which I'm
(11:55):
going to read again because Ithink they're so powerful and
the seven detachments are not tosuffer because of the actions
or reactions of other people.
Are not to suffer because ofthe actions or reactions of
other people, and think of thisoutside of addiction.
Think of this just as a humanbeing.
Let's pretend like addiction'snot even in it.
Not to suffer.
You know what I talk about allthe time.
(12:16):
Suffering is the wanting it tobe different.
Suffering is beyond the painyou can have, the emotions and
the hurt that comes from being ahuman being.
That's what it is being a humanbeing.
But to suffer means that wewish that it was different.
So, not to suffer because of theactions or reactions of other
people.
Not to allow ourselves to beused or abused by others in the
(12:40):
interest of another's recoveryand you can just take the
other's recovery and just saynot to allow yourself to be used
or abused by others.
Right To not allow ourselves tobe harmed by others, to be used
by them.
Not to do for others what theycan do for themselves.
How often are we doing forothers what they can't do for
(13:04):
themselves?
Not to manipulate situations sothat others will eat, go to bed
, get up pay bills, not drink orbehave as we see fit.
Not to cover up for another'smistakes or misdeeds.
Not to create a crisis and notto prevent a crisis if it's the
(13:25):
natural course of events.
Who are being apathetic or intotheir video games or don't want
to help around the house orwhatever the standard teenage,
(13:46):
young adult situation is withthe kids and the humans in our
house.
Maybe it's a partner, maybeit's your friends, maybe it's
your co-workers.
This plays into so many thingsand the answer is it's never too
late, because this is not aboutthem, this is about you.
This is about you and how youare choosing to show up.
(14:10):
Behaviors and patterns take awhile to switch.
They take a while to change.
The first step is to not judgeyourself.
The first step is to giveyourself some grace that you did
the best that you could withwhat you thought was the only
solution you had at the time.
That's what I saw with my sonwhen I was watching him,
completely in the depths ofdespair at those times, and I
(14:33):
didn't have all the tools and Iwas just in fear.
That was the best that I had atthat time.
And so doing all of the thingsthat are on this particular
sheet not doing a single one ofthem the way that Al-Anon
teaches, but trying to get himup to go to school, being
completely upset if he was upset, letting him speak poorly to me
(14:54):
, doing for him what he could bedoing for himself I would try
to prevent all the crises and ina lot of it I would create a
crisis because I was overdoingit.
I would cover up for him sothat he wouldn't get in trouble.
I did every single one of thesethings, every single one of
these things, on a regular basisbecause I thought that it was
(15:15):
going to help it.
Are you ready to step into yoursoul recovery?
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoulnet to learn more
about the nine step soulrecovery process.
I hope that you'll join us thefirst Monday of every month for
the free soul recovery supportgroup on zoom, where we learn
more about soul recovery andconnect with each other.
(15:36):
If you'd like to work directlywith me to move through the nine
step soul recovery process, I'mhere for you, but you can also
choose to work the steps on yourown, with individual modules
intended to support you to workat your own pace and on your own
time.
And if you want even more soulrecovery, join us for the
Recover your Soul bonus podcastfor Patreon members and Apple
(15:56):
podcast subscribers, where Iinterview amazing people sharing
soul recovery tips for us andalso do spiritual book studies.
You can also find dailyinspiration on Facebook and
Instagram and join our privateFacebook community.
Visit the website for moreinformation, links and
registration for everything.
Back to the episode.
If you listen to my story, anda lot of people go back and
(16:23):
start at the beginning of thepodcast, which I think is
amazing because it is atransformational journey that
I've been on, that I've beensharing with you.
That episode where I talk aboutthis was in 2020.
And it was intense and therewas a lot going on at that time.
That was before Alex had movedto California.
(16:43):
It was before he had gotten hislife together.
It was before he had found abeautiful and loving life
partner.
It was before he had discoveredwho he was.
It was when he was in thedepths of his despair.
And so, as I read these things,I had to do the same principles
that I've been teaching youabout the law of attraction you
have to give yourself a littlebit of space to call out for
(17:08):
what you want, even if it's nothere yet, because if we don't
give ourselves grace for how weare showing up, then we're just
in judgment of ourselves.
We're using our inner critic toget all over us and to cover us
in shame and guilt.
And you can't get anywhere withshame and guilt, because guess
(17:29):
what you're doing with shame andguilt.
You are still enabling, you'restill enabling others and you're
enabling yourself to be in yourlowest place.
But when you step back and yougive yourself some grace, and
you give yourself some grace andyou give yourself some
compassion and you say this ishow I thought it was the best,
then you're moving in that space.
(17:50):
That's the new step one, whereyou're saying I have been
behaving out of the only waythat I've known how to behave,
that I've known how to show upand how to react and how to
respond.
But now that I know better, I'mgoing to do better and I'm
powerless over every singlething outside of myself.
This is step two in soulrecovery powerless over every
(18:12):
single thing outside of myself.
I'm powerless over theiraddiction.
I'm powerless over how theyfeel.
I'm powerless over how theyfeel about themselves.
But I can take my power backand I can attend to myself and I
can begin to show up in adifferent way and I'm going to
give myself time to make thosesmall and steady changes.
(18:34):
Those small and steady changesand what happened with me and
Alex and Rich and Bodhi and, youknow, my whole family is I had
been so enabling for so longthat when I started to switch, I
fumbled it a lot.
I didn't do it very smooth alot, because sometimes I would
(18:56):
swing the pendulum way over toofar and be way too rigid and
then sometimes then I would feelguilty about how rigid I was
being and then I would swingback into enabling again.
And you know, that's justlearning.
It's just learning it.
You just got to give yourselfsome space to change the
behaviors.
(19:17):
Man, when we think about thepeople in our lives who are
really having a hard time, ifeverybody just made one little
degree of positive change everyday, by the time you've stacked
(19:38):
up days, huge amounts of changehappens.
But part of what's happening isthat we're all making these
adjustments or non-adjustments,as some people may be doing in
collection with each other.
It isn't just that one personmakes the change and it changes
everything.
If you think about a bighighway, you can't just change
all the lanes.
You have to change one lane ata time and check is it clear?
(19:59):
Is it okay?
Is this now okay to move overhere?
Should I be in the fast lane onthe left or should I be on the
slow lane on the right?
If I know I need to exit.
I've got to think these manysteps ahead.
It's kind of like that with thehuman beings in your life too,
but the more.
This is the perfect time to usethe stay in your lane time to
(20:20):
use the stay in your lane.
I love the stay in your lanebecause as a driver on the
highway, you may be pissed offat all the other drivers, but
really the only person you're incontrol of is you, and the more
that you attend to your journey, your driving, how you're
interacting with the peoplearound you in a healthy way,
you're actually helping theentire system work better.
(20:43):
That when you do better, theycan do better.
But we're not in charge of them.
You're only in charge of you.
So it's never too late todetach, because the detachments
within yourself you werepowerless over all the stuff
that they were doing anyway.
When we really start to realizehow intense somebody else's
(21:06):
feelings and somebody else'ssituation and their addiction
and all of the noise that's intheir own head is and we've been
trying to figure it out forthem.
We've been trying to heal thatfor them.
We've been trying to give themthe self-esteem that they so
need and want.
We've been trying to tell themthat if they would get the work
(21:27):
or get the help or go gettherapy or do the recovery, that
things would be better.
We're powerless over whetherthey make those choices, and
that's hard when they're notmaking those choices.
But when you come back intoyour own lane, when you turn the
attention to yourself and yourecognize every moment, every
(21:49):
second is an opportunity tostart new, to start fresh, to
get on the path to be a betterparticipator in the huge
spectrum of this highway of allof us, and you leave the past
behind and you stop judgingyourself and others.
Beyond this moment, right now,it's never too late.
(22:12):
It's never too late Becausethen we are taking our power
back to ourselves.
We are in this space where wecan respond in a more loving,
compassionate manner.
We can speak more clearly andhonestly about what it is that
we need.
(22:32):
We can heal.
This is what soul recovery isall about.
Step three in soul recovery webegin to look at what are these
core wounds, what are thesebeliefs and patterns that are
what I'm looking at the worldthrough, and how are they
keeping me stuck?
And one of those core beliefsand wounds for me was that it
(22:55):
was my personal job to make surethat everyone in my family was
okay and happy, and if theyweren't, then I couldn't be
either.
That was a belief that waskeeping me stuck and it kept me
in an enabling role, because Ikept going back out to try to
fix and change them.
(23:15):
But the more I could just givethem grace for wherever they
were, the more that I couldstand in my strength and follow
these detachments and say I'mnot going to suffer, I'm not
going to feel bad, I'm not goingto not be happy because of the
choices that you're making inyour life.
That's the first one.
(23:37):
The second Al-Anon detachmentis not to allow ourselves to be
used or abused by others.
I got very clear about myboundaries.
I can look at my family membersnot that we've had these kinds
of words in a long time, butwhen I started to be able to say
things like it doesn't feelgood to me when you talk to me
like that.
I won't allow that kind ofbehavior.
(24:00):
If you're going to speak to melike that, I'm going to hang up
the phone.
Call me back when you're ableto deal with this in a more calm
way.
Those were things I could neversay before because I was afraid
that if I said those things,then Alex would freak out or
something bad would happen, andthen I'd be responsible for his
(24:21):
unhappiness.
You just start realizing.
No, I can just take this babystep and I'll tell you.
When I say those strong thingsback in those couple years ago
when I was in that space where Iwas having to learn how to say
these things, my heart ispumping, I have a dry throat, I
have a stomach ache.
You know, I'm afraid to speakin this strong way because the
(24:46):
underbelly of me feelsresponsible for him, or did used
to feel responsible for him,and then I'm not going to do for
him what he can do for himself.
I'm not going to do for Richwhat he can do for himself
anymore.
This part of me that wentaround and just waited on
everybody and did everything foreveryone else.
It took time and you know Istill catch myself.
(25:09):
I still catch myself on thisone, and that's okay.
This isn't about being perfect.
This is about having awarenessthat these are not our roles and
that we can just slowly, slowlydetach.
Detachment is for you,detachment is loving, detachment
means that we stop hurting andsuffering over somebody else's
(25:35):
choices.
Then the other one is not tomanipulate situations so others
will eat, go to bed, get up paybills, not drink or behave as we
see fit.
Wow, that's the.
Just let them.
That's the.
They are responsible for theirown happiness or demise.
They have got to do their ownthing.
(25:58):
That is the step back.
Step back and allow them tohave their own life.
Give them sovereignty over whothey are.
And if that means that there'sgoing to be some consequences,
then you're moving into the notcreating a crisis or preventing
(26:19):
a crisis, not lying for somebodyelse, covering up mistakes or
misdeeds.
So as I started to practicethese principles, my
relationships changed, but ittook time.
It took time because when youstart setting boundaries and a
boundary being the behavior thatyou're going to do if somebody
(26:43):
else is behaving a certain way,if you think a boundary is
you're telling somebody else howto be, that's control.
But a boundary, a healthyboundary says when you speak to
me that way, I'm going to leave,right, you're saying what
you're going to do.
I have a boundary about drinkingand I've said this story many
(27:05):
times.
Rich is coming up on a.
We actually picked a date theother day when I celebrated my
seven year anniversary ofsobriety, which was like when
was it that I went to Californiaand we looked and it was March
and he's like that is the lastdrink that I've had.
I'd like to actually claim thatday so that I can start to
really mark my time too.
His sobriety is his deal, butmy boundary is not an ultimatum
(27:31):
or control, about saying youcan't drink.
And if you've listened to thepodcast for any period of time,
you've heard all the storiesabout him going back out or him
testing the waters again or, youknow, a year later telling me
that he was still doing Now.
If he had been drinking in thehouse on a regular basis, I had
(27:56):
said to him very clearly I amnot going to set an ultimatum
that says this is how I demandthat you behave, for me to be in
your life.
But a boundary says if youchoose to have this be the way
that you want to have your life,I'm not going to control what
(28:16):
you do.
You are more than welcome to bea drinker.
If you want to have your life,I'm not going to control what
you do.
You are more than welcome to bea drinker if you want to.
It no longer works for me andso if that's a choice that
you're going to make.
I'm going to make a choicethat's right for me.
So that's very different than aboundary being called, saying I
have a boundary that he can'tdrink, no, no, no.
(28:37):
The boundary is not that hecan't drink.
The boundary is that if hechooses to live a lifestyle that
is around drinking, I'm goingto make a choice for myself that
is likely to not be married.
Now, I'm very grateful and I'mvery aware of the fact that over
the last four years that hefive, six, seven, yeah, the last
four years that he five, six,seven, yeah, so four years that
(29:00):
he has been continuing to kindof dance this dance.
It hasn't looked like the dancethat many of you are in right
now, but, man, we did that dancefor 15, 20 years together.
So I know exactly how thatfeels.
But it's taken me a while toget to the place where I can see
these detachments and I canrecognize it's not like an all
(29:24):
or nothing.
It's a slow and steady shiftwithin myself, and every day is
actually a new day for me toalign more clearly with who I am
and what I want in my life andhow to show up in my best self,
and some days are really goodand I'm on track and it's on
(29:47):
target, and some days arecompletely not.
It still is a slippery slope,but this is the part of being
human which means it's never toolate.
It's never too late.
And then the other piece, justas a final close, which is this
isn't about reaching somedestination where everything's
(30:08):
easy and fine, for somedestination that doesn't have
the complexity of life is onlysuffering.
It's only going to continue tobring us to a place where we're
never satisfied that ourexpectations are so unrealistic
(30:29):
and so high that we miss thepart that says oh, life is
sticky and complex and beautifuland wild and weird, and good
and bad.
And if I just show up everysingle day in this present
moment, right now, not in thepast, not in the future, but
here today, living from the bestI can today, and sometimes it's
(30:54):
stronger, sometimes it's weaker, sometimes it's stronger,
sometimes it's weaker, okay,that's just fine.
But to be in your heart today,to love yourself today, that's
all that matters, because thatslow, steady shift every single
day to be in awareness, to be inhigher consciousness, to
(31:14):
remember your wholeness, to seeand have compassion for the
people around you, for their ownexperience and to not take
responsibility for them, and topractice to your best ability
these seven detachments withgentleness and grace to yourself
.
You are on the right path.
That's all we can ask for.
That's all that is asked for.
(31:35):
That is healing.
For that's all that is askedfor.
That is healing, that isself-love.
So if you're in a relationshipwhere you're looking at it and
you're saying I have not done it, quote unquote right, that's
okay.
There is no right or wrong.
Soul recovery is void ofjudgment.
It's about awareness.
(31:56):
Soul recovery is void ofjudgment.
It's about awareness and justthe fact that you've opened your
eyes and began to look at theseconcepts and searched for
detachment, searched to go toAl-Anon rooms, searched for soul
recovery.
That is it.
That means that you areawakening, that means that you
(32:16):
are healing from whatever it isthat's in there.
That's where you're steppinginto connection with a higher
power.
That's the next step, that'sstep four in soul recovery to
connect to a higher power.
And now that you've seen thepatterns and the beliefs and the
stories that are in thererolling around, the patterns and
(32:40):
the beliefs and the storiesthat are in there rolling around
, now you say there's somethinggreater still, and I'm ready to
connect to that.
I'm ready to have that heal mylife.
Then you work through the nextsteps, which are about releasing
and letting go of those beliefsthat no longer serve you,
stepping into the fullness ofwho you are, deepening your
spiritual practice and becominga light in the world.
Now, all of that together isthe process of recovering your
(33:04):
soul, but it's not a one anddone.
It's a process that gives youthe tools to handle what is hard
in life, and I always want toremind you that the value of the
relationships that you have ismore than you can understand,
(33:25):
sometimes in the depths of oursorrow, and it's never about
what's coming.
It's never about abandoning whoyou are.
I want you to stand in thestrength of who you are always,
and I'm a big proponent ofreally healing yourself in the
(33:48):
midst of whatever is going on,so that, whatever choices that
you make, you make from yourwhole healed self instead of
running.
You make from your whole healedself instead of running, but
also having the ability to trulylook and say how enmeshed am I
in these relationships withpeople that do not want to
change or can't change or where,no matter what happens, I can't
(34:14):
fully stand in the strength ofwho I am, I can't fully awaken,
I can't fully move forward in mytrue nature of who I am, my
authentic self.
And to notice that thesedetachments speak to that too
Not to suffer because of theactions or reactions of other
(34:37):
people.
Not allow yourself to be usedor abused by others in the
interest of their life.
Not to do for others what theycan do for themselves.
Where are you in your lifewhere you can step fully into
your own authentic self?
How can you move into healthy,loving detachment in all areas,
(35:04):
with all people, which reallymeans that you turn over other
people's lives and you standfully in your own?
As always, I am here for you tohelp you on the soul recovery
journey.
You can work the steps on yourown through the soul recovery
programs.
Each one is modules with videoswith me helping you move
(35:28):
through the step guidedmeditation, journaling, prompts.
I would love for everybody totake advantage of these, because
it's kind of like being insession with me but you get to
do it on your own.
Or you can do one-on-onesessions with me, either as a
check-in just to get somesupport along the way, or I'm
here to work the whole processwith you.
(35:49):
Join me on a retreat, come andjoin us for the once a month
soul recovery support group.
There's just so many ways tostep into this process, but the
only ask, the only ask, is thatyou love yourself enough to
choose you and your journey, toreally be desiring of
(36:13):
understanding who you are andhow you can heal for your own
wellbeing, so that you can healfor your own well-being, so that
you can be your brightest lightand as that light shines, it
indeed and fully does affect thepeople around you.
It really does.
All it takes is one person totruly make remarkable change, to
(36:36):
inspire others to do the samefor themselves.
Until next time, namaste, thankyou for listening and I hope
that that helps support yoursoul recovery process.
Just a reminder that everyFriday is the Recover your Soul
bonus podcast.
This podcast is for Patreonmembers and Apple podcast
(36:58):
subscribers, and not only do youget an incredible interview or
book study that comes with beingpart of that community, but
your subscribing helps supportthis podcast and the Recover
your Soul community.
If you want to listen to thosebonus episodes but can't
subscribe right now, do knowthat you can be a free Patreon
member and have access forlimited time to new episodes.
(37:21):
Visit the websiteRecoverYourSoulnet or check out
the show links below for couponsand information for upcoming
events.
I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your friends and
family.
I thank you for giving it fivestars, and the reviews that are
left bring tears to my eyes.
I am honored to be part of yourlife.
Together, we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
Today's episode is about that question.
We ask ourselves is it too late?
Is it too late to start new?
Is it too late to heal?
Is it too late to change myrelationship?
Is it too late to learn how todetach with love?
And whether you've been on thisjourney for a while or whether
you're just starting?
I think this is a very validquestion to ask.
But in soul recovery we'relearning.
(00:21):
It's never too late.
This episode is around theconcept of how do we step into a
new way of being every day.
How do you learn how to changeslowly, one step at a time,
patterns that are very old andvery deeply rooted into our way
of being?
My answer is you can.
There is always hope and it'snever too late.
(00:46):
Welcome to the Recover your Soulpodcast a spiritual path to a
happy and healthy life.
My name is Reverend RachelHarrison.
I started Recover your Soulafter having profound changes in
my life from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency and
control addiction.
I was guided to share the toolsand principles of spirituality
(01:06):
and soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives as mine
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our inner change and
healing, positive results inour lives will follow.
Welcome to the Recover yourSoul podcast.
(01:28):
It's Rev Rachel and I am soglad to be spending more time
together today.
We're here learning how to beourselves.
We're learning how to regulateour own experience, no matter
what's happening on the outside.
And you know I often say tolearn how to be okay if others
aren't okay, but what I'm reallysaying is to learn how to feel
however you feel, regardless ofhow other people feel or what's
(01:52):
happening in the world aroundyou, and those feelings are so
important.
The feelings that you havewithin yourself are really your
own guidance system to help younavigate what's complex out
there and to come into your ownbeing, your own wholeness, your
own guidance system to help younavigate what's complex out
there and to come into your ownbeing, your own wholeness, your
own awareness.
That's where all the power is,and we do this a lot from the
(02:14):
power of detachment.
Detachment is still one of themain, main focused issues here
in soul recovery.
It's how many of you found thispodcast, which I think is so
great that that episode fromseason one is still the number
one listen to episode of all theepisodes.
So clearly detachment meanssomething and for today's
(02:35):
episode I wanted to respond toone of the one way text messages
that I got you know in the shownotes there's a little link
that says messages that I gotyou know in the show notes
there's a little link that sayssend Rachel a one way text and I
love this because you guys aredoing it and just like in
getting these one way textswhere you have comments or
questions or you just want toshare how the podcast is working
(02:57):
in your life.
I also am so grateful for thereviews that you offer in Apple
and on Spotify that allow peopleto see how this podcast is
helping you, how soul recoveryis helping in your life.
But reading those responses isjust.
It's so incredible for mebecause I can feel you, I can
(03:17):
feel this community and it helpsme to understand more about how
I'm reflecting in your life andthat's really beautiful to me.
But I also love getting thesequestions that you can offer in
this way because it helps meunderstand more about what you
want to talk about.
So this was a response todetachment and they said I have
(03:38):
a question, I need some support.
I was just listening to yourepisode discussing detachment
and Al-Anon, and I'm assumingthat they mean one of those
original episodes on detachment.
But there has been lots ofepisodes on detachment on the
Recovery Soul podcast.
So if that is of interest toyou, there's lots and lots to
choose from.
But I'm going to assume thatshe's talking about one of those
early episodes and it worriesme because I've done everything
(04:03):
wrong with my husband who has analcohol addiction.
The seven detachments makeperfect sense, but I've done the
opposite and ultimately been anenabler.
I worry that there's no comingback from that.
And is it too late to detachnow?
This is a beautiful questionand I'm so excited to be able to
(04:24):
reflect on this because I knowthat this is a big question in
life.
Is it too late?
Is it too late, have I gone toofar in whatever's been
happening in my relationship orhow I've been in situations to
go back?
And what I love about thisquestion is that this is a
(04:45):
powerful spiritual question,because so often I think,
regardless of whether we'retalking about is it too late to
learn how to detach, sometimeswe're talking about is it too
late to do something in my life.
That's totally different.
Have I gone down the road sofar that I can't recheck in who
I am in myself, I can't rebuildmy life, I can't make different
(05:09):
decisions, I can't do thingsdifferently.
It's been this way for so long.
And this is actually the powerof soul recovery.
And there's a couple differentthings that we're going to talk
about in this, because one ofthe number one things, number
one things that I had such anawareness around when I redid
the nine steps, was step one,the new step one in soul
(05:31):
recovery, ready for awakeningfor you, your disappointments,
your dissatisfaction, yoursuffering, whatever it is that,
of course, this is where you'reat in your life, because you
(05:52):
have lived a certain way, you'vehad certain thoughts, you've
shown up in a certain way inyour life.
It is this moment of gracewhere you take your power back,
where you realize that you havebeen needing things on the
outside to be a certain way andyou recognize that you can stand
in your own strength, that youcan been needing things on the
outside to be a certain way andyou recognize that you can stand
in your own strength, that youcan stand in your own strength.
It is this powerful moment,this moment of choice of your
(06:15):
own.
And so, regardless of how youwere, not even five minutes ago,
much less an entirerelationship or much less your
entire life.
You can always make a change inhow you are going to be with it
, how you're going to see it,how you're going to perceive it,
how you're going to feel it.
(06:36):
This is about you standing inyour own strength.
And one of the things that Ithink about a lot in my life and
I know that I've said thisbefore is if I'm always judging
Rich, for example, or my kids,or even myself or friends for
what happened in the past, whowe were in the past, I'm not
(06:59):
giving them a chance to be whothey are today, and I'm not
giving myself a chance to be whoI am today.
So, yes, the past always hassome play in it, but it doesn't
mean that we have to continue tolive from those past ways of
thinking, feeling, believing,those old patterns.
And that's the same in theseven detachments, in the ways
(07:23):
that we've been with people.
As soon as you know better, youcan do better.
Now is it a switch thatswitches right away and you make
some sort of amazing detachment, switch and everything
thereafter is completelydifferent and everything's fixed
and changed.
I wish it was that easy.
I wish I could tell you it'sthat easy, but it's not.
(07:43):
It is about learning, it'sabout changing your perception,
it's about seeing through a newlens, and that's what the
nine-step soul recovery processwalks us through.
It walks us through a way toactually be able to change the
relationships that we have withthe people in our lives so that
(08:05):
we can be empowered, so that wecan have the ability to let them
have their own experience andtheir own consequences, and that
we can stop being so harshlyaffected by what can often be
unhealthy around us.
When I think of this in my ownlife in terms of the is it too
(08:27):
late for detachment?
You know the stuff that I wentthrough with Alex in particular,
and with Rich, and having a kidwho was so heavily lost and on
drugs and had such lowself-esteem, and the amount of
enabling that I did, theincredible amount of enabling
(08:50):
that I did to try to make Alexfeel better about himself, to
try to get him to do the thingsthat I thought would make it so
that he would, you know, go tojobs or go to school.
For crying out loud, I just hadlunch with some long, long,
long time friends and she wassaying that her son had a hard
(09:11):
time in high school andespecially his senior year, and
he was able to pull it out.
And you know, I, part of me hasall this awareness that I tried
all of those things for my kidand that enabling isn't because
we're trying to.
You know, when you're in themiddle of doing it, when you're
(09:34):
in the middle of enabling, it ispurely out of love.
It's out of love and fear.
You know, I think so much abouthow afraid I was in those years
when Alex was really at hislowest point and that I just
didn't see a way out.
(09:57):
He would either kill himself ofhis own hand, he would die of a
drug overdose, he would die ofa car accident.
From, you know, beinginebriated and being out in the
world, I didn't know what wasgoing to happen.
But mostly I was terrified thathe wasn't going to get to live
(10:18):
a full and happy life.
And seeing him in the depths ofso much internal turmoil and
darkness within himself, that'sthe part that is the hardest.
When suffering, we all willchoose something that will numb
(10:48):
that pain, that will cover thatpain, and it comes in all kinds
of shapes and sizes, you know.
I mean, even if it's just anhour of scrolling on your phone,
sometimes you really arelooking at what is going on
there.
Why are we so checked out?
Why are we more invested inwhat's happening in these
people's lives than what'shappening in our own life?
And oftentimes it's because ourown life feels heavy.
(11:10):
It feels heavy but what we'redoing here is we're not
immediately making a change,we're not making a fix that
flips a switch and makeseverybody around us change.
Makes everybody around uschange.
It's this ability for us tolook at the power that we have
to slowly but surely makedifferent choices along the way
(11:34):
that align better with who weare, what we actually need, and
allowing others to have thespace to have their own
experience, whatever it is forthem.
So when I did my initial podcastepisode in season one about the
detachments and I read theAl-Anon detachments, which I'm
(11:55):
going to read again because Ithink they're so powerful and
the seven detachments are not tosuffer because of the actions
or reactions of other people.
Are not to suffer because ofthe actions or reactions of
other people, and think of thisoutside of addiction.
Think of this just as a humanbeing.
Let's pretend like addiction'snot even in it.
Not to suffer.
You know what I talk about allthe time.
(12:16):
Suffering is the wanting it tobe different.
Suffering is beyond the painyou can have, the emotions and
the hurt that comes from being ahuman being.
That's what it is being a humanbeing.
But to suffer means that wewish that it was different.
So, not to suffer because of theactions or reactions of other
people.
Not to allow ourselves to beused or abused by others in the
(12:40):
interest of another's recoveryand you can just take the
other's recovery and just saynot to allow yourself to be used
or abused by others.
Right To not allow ourselves tobe harmed by others, to be used
by them.
Not to do for others what theycan do for themselves.
How often are we doing forothers what they can't do for
(13:04):
themselves?
Not to manipulate situations sothat others will eat, go to bed
, get up pay bills, not drink orbehave as we see fit.
Not to cover up for another'smistakes or misdeeds.
Not to create a crisis and notto prevent a crisis if it's the
(13:25):
natural course of events.
Who are being apathetic or intotheir video games or don't want
to help around the house orwhatever the standard teenage,
(13:46):
young adult situation is withthe kids and the humans in our
house.
Maybe it's a partner, maybeit's your friends, maybe it's
your co-workers.
This plays into so many thingsand the answer is it's never too
late, because this is not aboutthem, this is about you.
This is about you and how youare choosing to show up.
(14:10):
Behaviors and patterns take awhile to switch.
They take a while to change.
The first step is to not judgeyourself.
The first step is to giveyourself some grace that you did
the best that you could withwhat you thought was the only
solution you had at the time.
That's what I saw with my sonwhen I was watching him,
completely in the depths ofdespair at those times, and I
(14:33):
didn't have all the tools and Iwas just in fear.
That was the best that I had atthat time.
And so doing all of the thingsthat are on this particular
sheet not doing a single one ofthem the way that Al-Anon
teaches, but trying to get himup to go to school, being
completely upset if he was upset, letting him speak poorly to me
(14:54):
, doing for him what he could bedoing for himself I would try
to prevent all the crises and ina lot of it I would create a
crisis because I was overdoingit.
I would cover up for him sothat he wouldn't get in trouble.
I did every single one of thesethings, every single one of
these things, on a regular basisbecause I thought that it was
(15:15):
going to help it.
Are you ready to step into yoursoul recovery?
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoulnet to learn more
about the nine step soulrecovery process.
I hope that you'll join us thefirst Monday of every month for
the free soul recovery supportgroup on zoom, where we learn
more about soul recovery andconnect with each other.
(15:36):
If you'd like to work directlywith me to move through the nine
step soul recovery process, I'mhere for you, but you can also
choose to work the steps on yourown, with individual modules
intended to support you to workat your own pace and on your own
time.
And if you want even more soulrecovery, join us for the
Recover your Soul bonus podcastfor Patreon members and Apple
(15:56):
podcast subscribers, where Iinterview amazing people sharing
soul recovery tips for us andalso do spiritual book studies.
You can also find dailyinspiration on Facebook and
Instagram and join our privateFacebook community.
Visit the website for moreinformation, links and
registration for everything.
Back to the episode.
If you listen to my story, anda lot of people go back and
(16:23):
start at the beginning of thepodcast, which I think is
amazing because it is atransformational journey that
I've been on, that I've beensharing with you.
That episode where I talk aboutthis was in 2020.
And it was intense and therewas a lot going on at that time.
That was before Alex had movedto California.
(16:43):
It was before he had gotten hislife together.
It was before he had found abeautiful and loving life
partner.
It was before he had discoveredwho he was.
It was when he was in thedepths of his despair.
And so, as I read these things,I had to do the same principles
that I've been teaching youabout the law of attraction you
have to give yourself a littlebit of space to call out for
(17:08):
what you want, even if it's nothere yet, because if we don't
give ourselves grace for how weare showing up, then we're just
in judgment of ourselves.
We're using our inner critic toget all over us and to cover us
in shame and guilt.
And you can't get anywhere withshame and guilt, because guess
(17:29):
what you're doing with shame andguilt.
You are still enabling, you'restill enabling others and you're
enabling yourself to be in yourlowest place.
But when you step back and yougive yourself some grace, and
you give yourself some grace andyou give yourself some
compassion and you say this ishow I thought it was the best,
then you're moving in that space.
(17:50):
That's the new step one, whereyou're saying I have been
behaving out of the only waythat I've known how to behave,
that I've known how to show upand how to react and how to
respond.
But now that I know better, I'mgoing to do better and I'm
powerless over every singlething outside of myself.
This is step two in soulrecovery powerless over every
(18:12):
single thing outside of myself.
I'm powerless over theiraddiction.
I'm powerless over how theyfeel.
I'm powerless over how theyfeel about themselves.
But I can take my power backand I can attend to myself and I
can begin to show up in adifferent way and I'm going to
give myself time to make thosesmall and steady changes.
(18:34):
Those small and steady changesand what happened with me and
Alex and Rich and Bodhi and, youknow, my whole family is I had
been so enabling for so longthat when I started to switch, I
fumbled it a lot.
I didn't do it very smooth alot, because sometimes I would
(18:56):
swing the pendulum way over toofar and be way too rigid and
then sometimes then I would feelguilty about how rigid I was
being and then I would swingback into enabling again.
And you know, that's justlearning.
It's just learning it.
You just got to give yourselfsome space to change the
behaviors.
(19:17):
Man, when we think about thepeople in our lives who are
really having a hard time, ifeverybody just made one little
degree of positive change everyday, by the time you've stacked
(19:38):
up days, huge amounts of changehappens.
But part of what's happening isthat we're all making these
adjustments or non-adjustments,as some people may be doing in
collection with each other.
It isn't just that one personmakes the change and it changes
everything.
If you think about a bighighway, you can't just change
all the lanes.
You have to change one lane ata time and check is it clear?
(19:59):
Is it okay?
Is this now okay to move overhere?
Should I be in the fast lane onthe left or should I be on the
slow lane on the right?
If I know I need to exit.
I've got to think these manysteps ahead.
It's kind of like that with thehuman beings in your life too,
but the more.
This is the perfect time to usethe stay in your lane time to
(20:20):
use the stay in your lane.
I love the stay in your lanebecause as a driver on the
highway, you may be pissed offat all the other drivers, but
really the only person you're incontrol of is you, and the more
that you attend to your journey, your driving, how you're
interacting with the peoplearound you in a healthy way,
you're actually helping theentire system work better.
(20:43):
That when you do better, theycan do better.
But we're not in charge of them.
You're only in charge of you.
So it's never too late todetach, because the detachments
within yourself you werepowerless over all the stuff
that they were doing anyway.
When we really start to realizehow intense somebody else's
(21:06):
feelings and somebody else'ssituation and their addiction
and all of the noise that's intheir own head is and we've been
trying to figure it out forthem.
We've been trying to heal thatfor them.
We've been trying to give themthe self-esteem that they so
need and want.
We've been trying to tell themthat if they would get the work
(21:27):
or get the help or go gettherapy or do the recovery, that
things would be better.
We're powerless over whetherthey make those choices, and
that's hard when they're notmaking those choices.
But when you come back intoyour own lane, when you turn the
attention to yourself and yourecognize every moment, every
(21:49):
second is an opportunity tostart new, to start fresh, to
get on the path to be a betterparticipator in the huge
spectrum of this highway of allof us, and you leave the past
behind and you stop judgingyourself and others.
Beyond this moment, right now,it's never too late.
(22:12):
It's never too late Becausethen we are taking our power
back to ourselves.
We are in this space where wecan respond in a more loving,
compassionate manner.
We can speak more clearly andhonestly about what it is that
we need.
(22:32):
We can heal.
This is what soul recovery isall about.
Step three in soul recovery webegin to look at what are these
core wounds, what are thesebeliefs and patterns that are
what I'm looking at the worldthrough, and how are they
keeping me stuck?
And one of those core beliefsand wounds for me was that it
(22:55):
was my personal job to make surethat everyone in my family was
okay and happy, and if theyweren't, then I couldn't be
either.
That was a belief that waskeeping me stuck and it kept me
in an enabling role, because Ikept going back out to try to
fix and change them.
(23:15):
But the more I could just givethem grace for wherever they
were, the more that I couldstand in my strength and follow
these detachments and say I'mnot going to suffer, I'm not
going to feel bad, I'm not goingto not be happy because of the
choices that you're making inyour life.
That's the first one.
(23:37):
The second Al-Anon detachmentis not to allow ourselves to be
used or abused by others.
I got very clear about myboundaries.
I can look at my family membersnot that we've had these kinds
of words in a long time, butwhen I started to be able to say
things like it doesn't feelgood to me when you talk to me
like that.
I won't allow that kind ofbehavior.
(24:00):
If you're going to speak to melike that, I'm going to hang up
the phone.
Call me back when you're ableto deal with this in a more calm
way.
Those were things I could neversay before because I was afraid
that if I said those things,then Alex would freak out or
something bad would happen, andthen I'd be responsible for his
(24:21):
unhappiness.
You just start realizing.
No, I can just take this babystep and I'll tell you.
When I say those strong thingsback in those couple years ago
when I was in that space where Iwas having to learn how to say
these things, my heart ispumping, I have a dry throat, I
have a stomach ache.
You know, I'm afraid to speakin this strong way because the
(24:46):
underbelly of me feelsresponsible for him, or did used
to feel responsible for him,and then I'm not going to do for
him what he can do for himself.
I'm not going to do for Richwhat he can do for himself
anymore.
This part of me that wentaround and just waited on
everybody and did everything foreveryone else.
It took time and you know Istill catch myself.
(25:09):
I still catch myself on thisone, and that's okay.
This isn't about being perfect.
This is about having awarenessthat these are not our roles and
that we can just slowly, slowlydetach.
Detachment is for you,detachment is loving, detachment
means that we stop hurting andsuffering over somebody else's
(25:35):
choices.
Then the other one is not tomanipulate situations so others
will eat, go to bed, get up paybills, not drink or behave as we
see fit.
Wow, that's the.
Just let them.
That's the.
They are responsible for theirown happiness or demise.
They have got to do their ownthing.
(25:58):
That is the step back.
Step back and allow them tohave their own life.
Give them sovereignty over whothey are.
And if that means that there'sgoing to be some consequences,
then you're moving into the notcreating a crisis or preventing
(26:19):
a crisis, not lying for somebodyelse, covering up mistakes or
misdeeds.
So as I started to practicethese principles, my
relationships changed, but ittook time.
It took time because when youstart setting boundaries and a
boundary being the behavior thatyou're going to do if somebody
(26:43):
else is behaving a certain way,if you think a boundary is
you're telling somebody else howto be, that's control.
But a boundary, a healthyboundary says when you speak to
me that way, I'm going to leave,right, you're saying what
you're going to do.
I have a boundary about drinkingand I've said this story many
(27:05):
times.
Rich is coming up on a.
We actually picked a date theother day when I celebrated my
seven year anniversary ofsobriety, which was like when
was it that I went to Californiaand we looked and it was March
and he's like that is the lastdrink that I've had.
I'd like to actually claim thatday so that I can start to
really mark my time too.
His sobriety is his deal, butmy boundary is not an ultimatum
(27:31):
or control, about saying youcan't drink.
And if you've listened to thepodcast for any period of time,
you've heard all the storiesabout him going back out or him
testing the waters again or, youknow, a year later telling me
that he was still doing Now.
If he had been drinking in thehouse on a regular basis, I had
(27:56):
said to him very clearly I amnot going to set an ultimatum
that says this is how I demandthat you behave, for me to be in
your life.
But a boundary says if youchoose to have this be the way
that you want to have your life,I'm not going to control what
(28:16):
you do.
You are more than welcome to bea drinker.
If you want to have your life,I'm not going to control what
you do.
You are more than welcome to bea drinker if you want to.
It no longer works for me andso if that's a choice that
you're going to make.
I'm going to make a choicethat's right for me.
So that's very different than aboundary being called, saying I
have a boundary that he can'tdrink, no, no, no.
(28:37):
The boundary is not that hecan't drink.
The boundary is that if hechooses to live a lifestyle that
is around drinking, I'm goingto make a choice for myself that
is likely to not be married.
Now, I'm very grateful and I'mvery aware of the fact that over
the last four years that hefive, six, seven, yeah, the last
four years that he five, six,seven, yeah, so four years that
(29:00):
he has been continuing to kindof dance this dance.
It hasn't looked like the dancethat many of you are in right
now, but, man, we did that dancefor 15, 20 years together.
So I know exactly how thatfeels.
But it's taken me a while toget to the place where I can see
these detachments and I canrecognize it's not like an all
(29:24):
or nothing.
It's a slow and steady shiftwithin myself, and every day is
actually a new day for me toalign more clearly with who I am
and what I want in my life andhow to show up in my best self,
and some days are really goodand I'm on track and it's on
(29:47):
target, and some days arecompletely not.
It still is a slippery slope,but this is the part of being
human which means it's never toolate.
It's never too late.
And then the other piece, justas a final close, which is this
isn't about reaching somedestination where everything's
(30:08):
easy and fine, for somedestination that doesn't have
the complexity of life is onlysuffering.
It's only going to continue tobring us to a place where we're
never satisfied that ourexpectations are so unrealistic
(30:29):
and so high that we miss thepart that says oh, life is
sticky and complex and beautifuland wild and weird, and good
and bad.
And if I just show up everysingle day in this present
moment, right now, not in thepast, not in the future, but
here today, living from the bestI can today, and sometimes it's
(30:54):
stronger, sometimes it's weaker, sometimes it's stronger,
sometimes it's weaker, okay,that's just fine.
But to be in your heart today,to love yourself today, that's
all that matters, because thatslow, steady shift every single
day to be in awareness, to be inhigher consciousness, to
(31:14):
remember your wholeness, to seeand have compassion for the
people around you, for their ownexperience and to not take
responsibility for them, and topractice to your best ability
these seven detachments withgentleness and grace to yourself
.
You are on the right path.
That's all we can ask for.
That's all that is asked for.
(31:35):
That is healing.
For that's all that is askedfor.
That is healing, that isself-love.
So if you're in a relationshipwhere you're looking at it and
you're saying I have not done it, quote unquote right, that's
okay.
There is no right or wrong.
Soul recovery is void ofjudgment.
It's about awareness.
(31:56):
Soul recovery is void ofjudgment.
It's about awareness and justthe fact that you've opened your
eyes and began to look at theseconcepts and searched for
detachment, searched to go toAl-Anon rooms, searched for soul
recovery.
That is it.
That means that you areawakening, that means that you
(32:16):
are healing from whatever it isthat's in there.
That's where you're steppinginto connection with a higher
power.
That's the next step, that'sstep four in soul recovery to
connect to a higher power.
And now that you've seen thepatterns and the beliefs and the
stories that are in thererolling around, the patterns and
(32:40):
the beliefs and the storiesthat are in there rolling around
, now you say there's somethinggreater still, and I'm ready to
connect to that.
I'm ready to have that heal mylife.
Then you work through the nextsteps, which are about releasing
and letting go of those beliefsthat no longer serve you,
stepping into the fullness ofwho you are, deepening your
spiritual practice and becominga light in the world.
Now, all of that together isthe process of recovering your
(33:04):
soul, but it's not a one anddone.
It's a process that gives youthe tools to handle what is hard
in life, and I always want toremind you that the value of the
relationships that you have ismore than you can understand,
(33:25):
sometimes in the depths of oursorrow, and it's never about
what's coming.
It's never about abandoning whoyou are.
I want you to stand in thestrength of who you are always,
and I'm a big proponent ofreally healing yourself in the
(33:48):
midst of whatever is going on,so that, whatever choices that
you make, you make from yourwhole healed self instead of
running.
You make from your whole healedself instead of running, but
also having the ability to trulylook and say how enmeshed am I
in these relationships withpeople that do not want to
change or can't change or where,no matter what happens, I can't
(34:14):
fully stand in the strength ofwho I am, I can't fully awaken,
I can't fully move forward in mytrue nature of who I am, my
authentic self.
And to notice that thesedetachments speak to that too
Not to suffer because of theactions or reactions of other
(34:37):
people.
Not allow yourself to be usedor abused by others in the
interest of their life.
Not to do for others what theycan do for themselves.
Where are you in your lifewhere you can step fully into
your own authentic self?
How can you move into healthy,loving detachment in all areas,
(35:04):
with all people, which reallymeans that you turn over other
people's lives and you standfully in your own?
As always, I am here for you tohelp you on the soul recovery
journey.
You can work the steps on yourown through the soul recovery
programs.
Each one is modules with videoswith me helping you move
(35:28):
through the step guidedmeditation, journaling, prompts.
I would love for everybody totake advantage of these, because
it's kind of like being insession with me but you get to
do it on your own.
Or you can do one-on-onesessions with me, either as a
check-in just to get somesupport along the way, or I'm
here to work the whole processwith you.
(35:49):
Join me on a retreat, come andjoin us for the once a month
soul recovery support group.
There's just so many ways tostep into this process, but the
only ask, the only ask, is thatyou love yourself enough to
choose you and your journey, toreally be desiring of
(36:13):
understanding who you are andhow you can heal for your own
wellbeing, so that you can healfor your own well-being, so that
you can be your brightest lightand as that light shines, it
indeed and fully does affect thepeople around you.
It really does.
All it takes is one person totruly make remarkable change, to
(36:36):
inspire others to do the samefor themselves.
Until next time, namaste, thankyou for listening and I hope
that that helps support yoursoul recovery process.
Just a reminder that everyFriday is the Recover your Soul
bonus podcast.
This podcast is for Patreonmembers and Apple podcast
(36:58):
subscribers, and not only do youget an incredible interview or
book study that comes with beingpart of that community, but
your subscribing helps supportthis podcast and the Recover
your Soul community.
If you want to listen to thosebonus episodes but can't
subscribe right now, do knowthat you can be a free Patreon
member and have access forlimited time to new episodes.
(37:21):
Visit the websiteRecoverYourSoulnet or check out
the show links below for couponsand information for upcoming
events.
I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your friends and
family.
I thank you for giving it fivestars, and the reviews that are
left bring tears to my eyes.
I am honored to be part of yourlife.
Together, we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
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