March 17, 2025 • 34 mins
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Life is filled with challenges, but what if instead of resisting them, we embraced them as opportunities for growth and transformation? In this episode, we explore the deep connection between life’s complexities and our personal healing, especially for those of us recovering from codependence, control addiction, and the need to fix everything around us. I share my own journey of realizing that avoiding difficulty only made life more complicated, and how shifting my mindset has brought me strength, peace, and a deeper spiritual connection. Through the lens of Soul Recovery, we’ll uncover how to stop resisting, lean into our experiences with courage, and trust that even the hardest moments are guiding us toward healing. Whether you’re navigating personal challenges or supporting a loved one on their path, this episode offers insights, inspiration, and practical tools t
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Episode Transcript
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Rev Rachel Harrison (00:00):
I spent a good part of my life trying to
keep things from being difficult.
As a matter of fact, I was soobsessed with trying to keep
things from being hard anddifficult that I made them even
more difficult and complicatedthrough my codependence, through
my control addiction, andultimately became an addict as
well.
It was this part of me thatdidn't want it to be hard.
(00:22):
It didn't want it to bedifficult.
Well, life is complicated.
Life is filled with challenges.
What if we switched our mindsetand started to recognize that
those challenges actually are aplace where we can lean into the
strength of who we are and thatwe can overcome anything?
What if we stopped being inresistance and started seeing
(00:44):
the strength of who we are andstopped trying to control it and
stepped into our authentic wayof being?
That is, learning and growingand shifting in these challenges
.
That's what we're going to talkabout in the episode today.
Enjoy.
Welcome to the Recover yourSoul podcast a spiritual path to
a happy and healthy life.
(01:06):
My name is Reverend RachelHarrison.
I started Recover your Soulafter having profound changes in
my life from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency and
control addiction.
I was guided to share the toolsand principles of spirituality
and soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives, as mine
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
(01:30):
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our inner change and
healing.
Positive results in our liveswill follow.
Welcome to the Recover your Soulpodcast and community.
I'm Rev Rachel and, as always,I'm so honored and blessed to be
here in your ear today, inwhatever form that is Maybe I'm
(01:52):
on a walk with you or run, or inthe car or while you're getting
ready in the morning.
I feel you out there and what Ilove about being in this
community is that we are alltogether out there.
And what I love about being inthis community is that we are
all together and when we sit onthe once a month soul recovery
support group over zoom and yousee how many people are coming
together just to support eachother and work on our soul
(02:13):
recovery, it's this reminderthat this community is so much
more than each of us listeningalone, and for me, it's really
helped me through some of thedark times that I've gone
through, and lately I've beenthinking a lot about challenge
and I've been thinking about howlife can feel really complex
and overwhelming, and for me Ialways thought that I was trying
(02:34):
to get to a place where therewouldn't be any challenge or any
difficulty or any hardship, andI recognize that that's not
possible.
It's taken me 55 years of mylife to truly see that it isn't
about getting to some placewhere we don't have to deal with
anything hard.
It's about having the strengthand the skill set and the
(02:55):
tenacity and the ability to bepresent in what's hard in ways
that give us strength and peaceand contentment through those
difficult times.
Because if I look back athistory, there isn't any places
where it wasn't hard.
It's just been different levelsof hard, it's been different
kinds of hard.
(03:20):
And I have to be totally honestand say that I did it again.
Where I did this thing, where Ihave an expectation and a
desire for something to be thething that's going to fix or
change or make somethingsmoother or better, and then,
when it doesn't happen, I havethis disappointment isn't really
the right word.
It's more like this falling ofmy heart and a reminder that I
(03:45):
can sit with discomfort, thatthis desire that I have for
there to never be discomfort isunrealistic and it's okay
Ultimately, one of the thingsthat I hope that you get out of
soul, recovery is wherever youare, and what's happening in
your life and how you feel aboutit is all part of your process.
So this is coming aroundbecause the last episodes have
(04:06):
been around the birth of mygrandson in California.
He came on the 23rd of Februaryand I was out in California
with Alex and his girlfriend forthe birth, and I'm not going to
go into all of those things,but what I recognize is that,
even with all this work that I'mdoing on healing my
codependency and really cominginto my own and choosing a
(04:28):
spiritual path for a happy andhealthy life and leaning into
spirituality and knowing thatall is well and trusting and
being in this place, I thinkthat it is just human nature to
want things to be the solutionthat's going to make everything
smooth and okay.
And yet here's my, here's myawareness and my part of myself
(04:51):
that's having thesevisualizations, and I hope that
you get the stories the way thatthat they work for me, because
I need storyline, I need to havea visual of kind of what is
going on within me and then thathelps me to process what's
complex, all these complexfeelings and complex emotions,
(05:13):
having come from a family thatdidn't have any conflict, that
my mom was very even keel to thepoint where it impaired me from
being able to recognize thatyou can have big emotions and
that everything's going to beokay.
Well, many of you came from aplace where there was so much
(05:33):
big emotion that you werewanting for that same thing,
that same safety underneath.
But whichever way we came from,whether it was flat or
overextended, we're all lookingfor how to bring peace.
How can I be more contented?
How can everything feel safe?
How can I literally be okay?
(05:54):
That's what our nervous systemis constantly trying to give us.
How can I be okay?
And yet we are here in theearth school situation, in our
own curriculum of life, with allof our own wild ride to learn
and to grow and to expand.
And as much as I know that andas much as my heart knows that,
(06:15):
and as much as I'll even sayeverything that I have been
through, every part of my ownaddiction, every part of my own
intense, codependent behaviors,every part of me that that was
in such despair for so long canrecognize that there was value
in what those experiences werefor me, and I've grown so much
(06:36):
as a human being and as aspiritual being from them.
Some part of me wishes itdidn't have to be so hard.
Some part of me wishes that itcould just come from something
that was easy and nice.
I'm starting to have thisawareness that that's actually
an underneath belief system,just like I've been teaching you
in the soul recovery processabout really looking underneath
(07:00):
and asking yourself curiosity,asking yourself with gentleness,
asking yourself with compassion.
What is that piece that'sunderneath?
And what's underneath is thepart of me that feels like if
everything is smooth and easy,if everything out there is okay,
then I can be okay.
(07:22):
Well, you've heard me say thisa million times I'm learning how
to be okay even when they're beokay.
Well, you've heard me say thisa million times I'm learning how
to be okay even when they'renot okay, and 90% of the time
I'm doing that successfully,which is pretty amazing, because
it used to be 90% of the time Iwasn't okay.
But there's still this partthat's unlayering, that is
holding on tightly to thisbelief system that says I don't
(07:44):
even want the challenge, I don'teven want to have to bump up
against anything hard.
I just want to stay small.
Well, staying small is actuallyan aspect of our ego.
It's an aspect of our fight orflight mechanism that is working
to keep us safe, and this partis actually sometimes keeping us
from stepping out into ourbigness.
(08:08):
Now, one of the reasons why thiscame up for me was the birth of
Rocky was beautiful and hard,and it was beautiful and hard
for my son and his girlfriendand I recognized that there had
been this little part of me ormaybe bigger part of me, if I'm
totally honest that hoped thathaving a child would be a step
(08:31):
in the path that would reallyinfluence my son's healing.
He has so much woundedness, hehas a lot of things that he
needs to work on, and I'mworking on not being responsible
for his stuff, but I love him.
He's my kid and I'm alwaystrying to encourage you to look
at this process of how do weshow up for our family members
(08:55):
who are in their own situationand to not try to fix or change
or see them as broken.
I don't see my son as broken.
I don't see him as not beingable to have a life that feels
good to him.
What I see is that it's complexand that his emotions and the
things that he's been throughand how his brain works are his
(09:18):
situation, his journey, hisearth school to handle.
But it isn't easy to watchsometimes because you can see
him be really really beautifuland excited and happy and then
you can see him be really scaredand in that year he has
behavior situations that havebeen rooted in from old, old,
old ways of being right and Istill have a part of me that
(09:40):
just wishes I could fix that forhim, that I can make that
better for him.
Well, as I step more fully intomy soul recovery, more fully
into my own healing, I recognizethat his healing is is what I
want, not just for him but forme, because I want it to soothe
(10:03):
me.
Then if he's okay, then I canbe okay.
But then I'm watching myself inmy own life and I recognized
that I love challenge shows, Ilove competition, challenge
shows.
I struggle a lot with watchingtelevision that is violent is
the more I get into my soulrecovery journey.
(10:24):
I can't watch high dramas.
I have a really hard timewatching violence.
I have a really hard timewatching shows where people are
really in the mire of like beingreally mean and horrible to
each other and I just can'ttolerate it as much anymore
(10:44):
because my heart just haschanged and the way that I feel
about every single person on theplanet has changed.
The way that I feel aboutmyself has changed, and so I
tend to lean towards shows thatlike Survivor where right now
we're watching these ones aboutadventure in New Zealand and
Alaska.
I like the show alone.
I like Project Runway.
I'm watching a pottery showwhere they're making pottery and
(11:08):
have a competition aroundpottery.
I watch these shows that arearound competition but they're
really around challenge and I'vebeen really intrigued by this
lately because I recognize thatwe make a conscious decision in
our lives to attend sports, tobe in situations where we're in
(11:28):
competition with other people,and that competition sometimes
can bring out like the grittiest, most tenacious, most, like
incredibly rich and thick andpowerful and strong aspects of
ourselves as we're bumped upagainst these really difficult
challenges.
I know Alex, when he came outof rehab he did one of those mud
(11:50):
runs where you're crawlingunderneath the barbed wire and
you're swinging across the ropesand you come out and you're
totally muddy.
But you did it right.
And then I watch these shows,especially these shows where
people are really physicallypushing themselves to the limit.
They're getting very littlesleep, they're hardly giving
anything to eat.
(12:11):
They're pushing themselvesphysically and they go through
all of this intensity and almostto the breaking point.
But then they have success andthey success and they make it.
Or maybe they didn't make it ormaybe they had to pull out, but
they still have these beautifulthings to say about what they
learned about themselves, whatthey learned about another
person, how it really pushedthem and showed them how strong
(12:33):
they are and how much more thatthey can be in their life.
Are you ready to step into yoursoul recovery?
Visit the website.
Are you ready to step into yoursoul recovery?
Visit the website recover yoursoulnet to learn more about the
nine step soul recovery process.
I hope that you'll join us thefirst Monday of every month for
the free soul recovery supportgroup on zoom, where we've
learned more about soul recoveryand connect with each other.
(12:55):
If you'd like to work directlywith me to move through the nine
step soul recovery process, I'mhere for you.
But you can also choose to workthe steps on your own, with
individual modules intended tosupport you, to work at your own
pace and on your own time.
And if you want even more soulrecovery, join us for the
Recover your Soul bonus podcastfor Patreon members and Apple
(13:16):
podcast subscribers, where Iinterview amazing people sharing
soul recovery tips for us andalso do spiritual book studies.
You can also find DailyInspiration on Facebook and
Instagram and join our privateFacebook community.
Visit the website for moreinformation, links and
registration for everything.
Back to the episode.
(13:39):
And then I looked at our lifeand my life and my son's life
and your lives, and I had thisoverwhelming sense of just deep
compassion for all of us.
That says we are constantly inour own challenge show.
Our movie has an aspect ofchallenge to it that we are
resistant to.
And what if we stopped beingresistant?
(14:00):
What if we stopped pushingagainst it and saying I wish it
couldn't be like this.
I don't want it to be like that.
That's our suffering.
Our suffering is saying if itcould just be different.
But what if we switched ourmindset and recognize that,
instead of it being a difficulty, that it's actually an
opportunity for us to witnessthe capacity in which that we
(14:22):
can hold, and that we see it asa challenge, that we can make it
through these challenges andthese competitions, instead of
it being a competition againstsomebody, that somebody has to
win against ourselves, to seethe best in ourself, to push
ourselves to think broader, todo more, to believe that we are
(14:45):
more, to see that we can make itthrough difficult times, that
when we're down and out and it'sthe bottom, it feels like it's
the bottom, that it's theopportunity for us to stand in
our grit and truly step up.
Now, one of these pieces formyself is to recognize that I
put all my energy on wanting myfamily members to do that, or
(15:08):
wanting my friends to do that,or wanting my clients to see it
this way, or wanting the worldto show up in a different way,
when the opportunity is for usto recognize the only thing
we're responsible for is us, forus and how we are seeing our
lives.
And it reminds me of the thirdstep prayer in AA that I do as
(15:29):
part of the ritual in the fourthstep of soul recovery, which is
open to co-creating with ahigher power of your
understanding, and I've talkedabout this in some other
episodes, because I feel likethis third step prayer has so
many aspects to it that are sobeautiful and so powerful on a
metaphysical standpoint.
And again the prayer is God, Ioffer myself to you to build
(15:53):
with me and do with me as youwill.
You know that for soul recovery, that has a lot of power in it.
First it's I'm offer myself toyou, I'm coming willingly.
In spirituality they say that wehave free will, that we are not
in a situation whereeverything's preordained for us.
You know, it's just fate.
Don't even worry about it.
(16:14):
Whatever's going to happen isalready been laid out.
That is not what spiritualitysays.
What spirituality says thatthere is a flow of the universe
and of the way things are.
But you, every single day, youchoose whether you are in
co-creation and you have freewill for it to be whatever it is
for you.
But when you step into aspiritual life, into spirit or
(16:37):
higher power, universe beingwhatever that is for you, you're
coming and you're saying Irecognize that my free will has
part of this, but I want tobuild with you, I want to do
this together.
I want to recognize that it isnot just me.
It's not just me, so I come ofmy own free will, so that we can
build together, so I can havemy full expansion of self.
(16:59):
And I believe strongly and thespiritual teachings that I
listen to and are are inspiredby, say, the will of God or
whatever you call that higherpower is not for you to be
subservient and small.
It's for you to actuallyrecognize how incredible you are
, how incredible you are and howmuch more you can do than you
(17:21):
even give yourself credit for.
And when you start to look atGod, I offer myself to you to
build with me and do with me asyou will.
You're saying I come freely,I'm ready to listen, I'm ready
to do this together so that Ican be this full expression of
self.
And then the second line isremove me of the bondage of self
, and then the second line isremove me of the bondage of self
(17:43):
.
This is so powerful, becausethis is all those beliefs that
we're not enough, that we can'tdo it.
There's something wrong with usthat we're broken.
There is nothing wrong with you.
You are not broken.
You may have woundedness, youmay have parts of your life that
have been traumatic anddifficult, but this challenge
that you are in, this challengeof life, that this incredible,
(18:06):
precious opportunity to havethis wild ride, experience, is
something that you get todetermine how it's going to be
for you and how you choose tosee it.
Your life is what you think andfeel and believe.
It is the reality of you on theinside is what will be
reflected on the outside.
So when we get relieved fromthe bondage of self, we're
(18:29):
asking the universe, we'reasking spirit, we're asking our
own higher selves to take awayall that noise that's in our
mind, that is trying to convinceus that we're not enough so we
can be this full expression.
And then that brings me to thelast line, which is take away my
difficulties.
The victory over them can bearwitness to those that I can help
(18:52):
with your power and your loveand your way of life.
Now this line for me the firsttime I got sober, and for
probably a good five years, andI would say this line, what I
wanted it to mean was makeeverything easy for me.
I don't want any hardship, Idon't want any challenge, I just
(19:13):
want everything to go smoothly.
I just want there to be a roadthat is perfectly flat and
everything is given to me,because that would be easy for
me.
No one changes and easy.
Nothing expansive happenswithout some level of challenge.
We do not watch shows wherethey say, okay, well, you just
(19:35):
get to have a beautiful day andthere's going to be nothing to
do and you don't have to haveany strategic planning or you
don't have to push yourself and,as a matter of fact, you can
have all the time in the worldthat you want to make whatever
it is that they're supposed tomake, and there's no challenge.
We don't grow without challenge.
(19:56):
But the line says take away mydifficulties, take away the
belief and resistance that Ihave in my own mind that
believes that it is difficult.
What if it's just a challenge?
What if you could see that thatsays allow me to have strength
in my challenges so that thatcould show others, that could
(20:17):
bear witness to others of livinga spiritual life?
Being fully, fully integratedin a healthy self means that you
can handle whatever's happeningwithout all of the baggage,
without all the woundedness,without all the blame and the
suffering that you wish it wasdifferent.
Oh, if it was only different.
It was only different.
(20:39):
Well, I'm looking at a newmember of the family and I'm
looking at a child who I love somuch, who has been the reason
that I showed up to Al-Anon.
But it turns out it wasn't forhim, it was for me, because this
is his opportunity to havechallenge in life and that my
(21:01):
desire for it to be easier forhim, for him to not have to
struggle, is unfair.
He is entitled to his everyexperience and his every choice,
as I am, and my desire for himto be something different and
not have it as hard is actuallymore for me.
That's the codependent nature.
(21:23):
It's actually more for me thatsome part of me says I'll be
safer, I'll be okay, I'll besafer, I'll be okay.
But when I look at thisincredible human being who is my
son and I think abouteverything that we've been
(21:43):
through in the last 28 years andI recognize somebody who's in
his own earth school experienceand I release him completely
with unconditional love to havethe life in which he chooses, to
have the mental capacity or thelove or the joy, or the
happiness or the pain.
What if I recognize that thisis his challenge experience and
(22:04):
I stopped trying to get in theway of his challenge, and this
is what I've done with Rich too.
I recognize that he and I havejust I hope you enjoyed last
week's episode, because it wasreally wonderful to sit down
with him and have thatconversation of us really
talking about the changes thatwe've had in our marriage.
But we had so many years of ushaving these conversations where
(22:25):
, when he was talking about thegrit and the challenge in his
life, I just wanted to fix itand make it better.
I just wanted to show him a wayto see it so that it didn't
hurt him so much.
Well, I'm negating hischallenge.
I'm negating the thing that hehas to go through to grow and to
learn, and I'm actuallybelieving that I know better
(22:47):
about what that learning shouldlook like.
So, the more that I come into myown and I say okay, rachel,
what is your life challenge?
What are you stepping into sothat you can be your fullest
self?
Well, I've got a lot of my ownstuff to deal with.
Why am I spending all my timeand energy on everybody else's
(23:08):
stuff when there's plenty ofstuff for me to work on on my
own?
I have my own childhood beliefsystems to uncover.
I have my own karma.
If you believe in karma, youknow that I'm a foundational.
Buddhist is my first religionthat I grew up with.
I have my own karma.
I have my own soul's purpose.
(23:30):
I believe in our souls comingback again and again and, as I
always say, I want you to haveyour own spirituality.
So take what works for you andleave the rest.
And I'm sharing with you mybelief systems, but you don't
have to take on mine.
I believe that our souls arehere in this particular body, in
this particular experience, togrow and to learn and to have a
(23:54):
higher consciousness and toremember that we are so, so
loved and so brought here to bethese extraordinary beings.
And yet there's so much fear.
It's the fear that has theresistance, it's the fear that
says I can't handle thischallenge.
Well, I think I'd love to watch, especially the adventure
(24:16):
challenge shows so much, becauseyou see people hit against a
wall where they're terrified,they're hanging from a rope and
they've got, you know, this bigbackpack on that.
They have been on this longadventure.
They've hardly eaten, they'vehardly slept, and now you know
they've got to get to the topbefore they get the time runs
out or else they, you know, losethe chance to.
(24:37):
You know, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah and watching somebody
else push through that extremefear and and all of the
resistance they have and howthey probably just want to give
up, but they have grit.
I'm so inspired by that and I'malways just amazed at how, when
people come out the other side,there's just so much just
(24:59):
beauty that's radiating out ofthem of how they see that they
could handle it.
And I want us to recognize thatour soul recovery journey is
around us, seeing how much morecapacity that we have to be in
our life as it is, and torecognize that each one of these
(25:22):
situations that we've beenthrough joyous, painful are all
part of our own challenge.
But when we start to co-createwith spirit and you start to
recognize that your life is whatyou think and feel and believe
it is, and you stop trying tocontrol everybody else, you step
more fully into the part of youthat is the power of who you
(25:45):
are to be in your life, and tonotice that every thought that
you have has power, that whenyou think that your life is
terrible, you're gonna get moreterrible.
You're setting up what thechallenge is for you.
And when I thought that myfamily was crap and a horrendous
, painful family and even thoughthere was so much love all the
(26:08):
time, my nagging part of me waslike if it could just be
different, if it could just bedifferent, if it could just be
different, it could just bedifferent.
Well, now it's the same family.
Same family, same husband, samekids.
Some are more sober, some areless sober.
I'm sober, I'm in my challenge,I'm determining what my
(26:28):
challenge is on some level, andthen sometimes life gives me a
challenge and instead ofresisting and being pissed and
wishing it was something elseand why can't it be like this
and why can't it be easy I'mleaning in in a way that says,
ah, what am I, what am I goingto do here?
How, how can I show up with mygreatest tools, how can I show
(26:50):
up in my best soul, recoveredself, that that can handle
whatever it is, and be presentand ask questions and attend to
myself and notice really deeplyhow I feel, speak with
compassion and honesty andclarity, notice when I should
talk, when I should keep it inand really allow myself to be
completely immersed in thechallenge, and then when I
(27:10):
should talk, when I should keepit in and really allow myself to
be completely immersed in thechallenge, and then, when I get
through the challenge, to beproud of myself that I did it,
that I'm working it, I'mactually working those steps,
I'm having success, and thatfeels good.
And so I encourage you to shifthow you're looking at your life
(27:32):
and notice that thesechallenges are not difficulties.
And it's okay if you're goingthrough something that is really
, really hard, because you havemore capacity to go through it
with strength, with diligence,with a connection to something
(27:55):
greater still, to feel.
The community of the soulrecovery community around you,
surround yourself with yourfriends and those that are
trusted, that can see thishigher aspect of yourself, that
don't fall into the pity party,that can lift you up.
Those are the best teammates.
And you see, in those challengeshows, where people have really
(28:15):
good teammates and they haveones that can't really let the
other people really thrive.
We're here in this community tohelp each other thrive.
How can you stand in thechallenges of your life with a
new way of seeing?
How can you be the fullexpression of who you are and
(28:42):
lean into that third step,prayer in AA, because it's
saying you are connecting tosomething greater still that is
always there for you.
This is a spiritual path to ahappy and healthy life.
What is spirituality to you?
To a happy and healthy life?
What is spirituality to you?
The more that I recognize thatI am surrounded by all of my
team of spiritual beings aroundme, or spirit or God or whatever
you want to call it.
(29:02):
I have more wisdom that comesin more intuition that comes in
more ability to be okay, moreintuition that comes in more
ability to be okay even when thepeople in the world around me
isn't okay.
If you want help with this, ifyou're curious about the nine
steps, if you want to deepenthis journey for yourself,
continue to listen to thepodcast.
(29:24):
There's so much great stuff inthe podcast.
If you want more help, you canwork with me directly and do
coaching sessions and work thenine step process with me
directly, or you can do thesteps on your own on the website
.
I have the first four steps up.
I'm working on the rest of thesteps and it's really a
beautiful way for you to connectmore deeply with yourself, to
(29:47):
use this nine step soul recoveryprocess to work through all of
those old belief systems so thatyou are standing in your life
with your greatest skill sets,that you're not coming from
woundedness or from lack, thatyou're really standing in the
strength of who you are and youare not resisting challenge, but
you are ready to take thechallenge head on and see how
(30:11):
you can learn and grow from itand know that you have a team
behind you, a team of spiritualbeings, of friends and family,
who are have your back, becauseyou have your back, because you
believe in yourself.
That's the most important part.
And, lastly, I just want tothank you for being part of this
community.
(30:32):
You are what makes all thishappen.
So, by being here every weekand by the coaching, and even by
giving five stars or reviews,through whatever platform,
you're listening to this,sharing it with friends and
family, we're sharing soulrecovery with the world, and the
fact that I can do this fulltime is an absolute honor.
(30:55):
It's an honor and I hope thatyou are also taking advantage of
the Friday bonus episode,either as a subscriber or even
just listening to that episodeeach Friday for free on Patreon.
I really want to support you inyour soul recovery because I
believe in you.
I believe in you and I see youand you can indeed handle any
(31:16):
challenge that is coming intoyour life with incredible
strength, because you are somuch greater than you give
yourself credit for.
Until next time, namaste.
Thank you for listening and Ihope that that helps support
your soul recovery process.
Just a reminder that everyfriday is the recover your soul
(31:37):
bonus podcast.
This podcast is for patreonmembers and apple podcast
subscribers, and not only do youget an incredible interview or
book study that comes with beingpart of that community, but
your subscribing helps supportthis podcast and the Recover
your Soul community.
If you want to listen to thosebonus episodes but can't
(31:57):
subscribe right now, do knowthat you can be a free Patreon
member and have access forlimited time to new episodes.
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoulnet or check out
the show links below for couponsand information for upcoming
events.
I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your for upcoming
events.
I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your friends and
family.
I thank you for giving it fivestars, and the reviews that are
(32:17):
left bring tears to my eyes.
I am honored to be part of yourlife.
Together we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
I spent a good part of my life trying to
keep things from being difficult.
As a matter of fact, I was soobsessed with trying to keep
things from being hard anddifficult that I made them even
more difficult and complicatedthrough my codependence, through
my control addiction, andultimately became an addict as
well.
It was this part of me thatdidn't want it to be hard.
(00:22):
It didn't want it to bedifficult.
Well, life is complicated.
Life is filled with challenges.
What if we switched our mindsetand started to recognize that
those challenges actually are aplace where we can lean into the
strength of who we are and thatwe can overcome anything?
What if we stopped being inresistance and started seeing
(00:44):
the strength of who we are andstopped trying to control it and
stepped into our authentic wayof being?
That is, learning and growingand shifting in these challenges
.
That's what we're going to talkabout in the episode today.
Enjoy.
Welcome to the Recover yourSoul podcast a spiritual path to
a happy and healthy life.
(01:06):
My name is Reverend RachelHarrison.
I started Recover your Soulafter having profound changes in
my life from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency and
control addiction.
I was guided to share the toolsand principles of spirituality
and soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives, as mine
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
(01:30):
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our inner change and
healing.
Positive results in our liveswill follow.
Welcome to the Recover your Soulpodcast and community.
I'm Rev Rachel and, as always,I'm so honored and blessed to be
here in your ear today, inwhatever form that is Maybe I'm
(01:52):
on a walk with you or run, or inthe car or while you're getting
ready in the morning.
I feel you out there and what Ilove about being in this
community is that we are alltogether out there.
And what I love about being inthis community is that we are
all together and when we sit onthe once a month soul recovery
support group over zoom and yousee how many people are coming
together just to support eachother and work on our soul
(02:13):
recovery, it's this reminderthat this community is so much
more than each of us listeningalone, and for me, it's really
helped me through some of thedark times that I've gone
through, and lately I've beenthinking a lot about challenge
and I've been thinking about howlife can feel really complex
and overwhelming, and for me Ialways thought that I was trying
(02:34):
to get to a place where therewouldn't be any challenge or any
difficulty or any hardship, andI recognize that that's not
possible.
It's taken me 55 years of mylife to truly see that it isn't
about getting to some placewhere we don't have to deal with
anything hard.
It's about having the strengthand the skill set and the
(02:55):
tenacity and the ability to bepresent in what's hard in ways
that give us strength and peaceand contentment through those
difficult times.
Because if I look back athistory, there isn't any places
where it wasn't hard.
It's just been different levelsof hard, it's been different
kinds of hard.
(03:20):
And I have to be totally honestand say that I did it again.
Where I did this thing, where Ihave an expectation and a
desire for something to be thething that's going to fix or
change or make somethingsmoother or better, and then,
when it doesn't happen, I havethis disappointment isn't really
the right word.
It's more like this falling ofmy heart and a reminder that I
(03:45):
can sit with discomfort, thatthis desire that I have for
there to never be discomfort isunrealistic and it's okay
Ultimately, one of the thingsthat I hope that you get out of
soul, recovery is wherever youare, and what's happening in
your life and how you feel aboutit is all part of your process.
So this is coming aroundbecause the last episodes have
(04:06):
been around the birth of mygrandson in California.
He came on the 23rd of Februaryand I was out in California
with Alex and his girlfriend forthe birth, and I'm not going to
go into all of those things,but what I recognize is that,
even with all this work that I'mdoing on healing my
codependency and really cominginto my own and choosing a
(04:28):
spiritual path for a happy andhealthy life and leaning into
spirituality and knowing thatall is well and trusting and
being in this place, I thinkthat it is just human nature to
want things to be the solutionthat's going to make everything
smooth and okay.
And yet here's my, here's myawareness and my part of myself
(04:51):
that's having thesevisualizations, and I hope that
you get the stories the way thatthat they work for me, because
I need storyline, I need to havea visual of kind of what is
going on within me and then thathelps me to process what's
complex, all these complexfeelings and complex emotions,
(05:13):
having come from a family thatdidn't have any conflict, that
my mom was very even keel to thepoint where it impaired me from
being able to recognize thatyou can have big emotions and
that everything's going to beokay.
Well, many of you came from aplace where there was so much
(05:33):
big emotion that you werewanting for that same thing,
that same safety underneath.
But whichever way we came from,whether it was flat or
overextended, we're all lookingfor how to bring peace.
How can I be more contented?
How can everything feel safe?
How can I literally be okay?
(05:54):
That's what our nervous systemis constantly trying to give us.
How can I be okay?
And yet we are here in theearth school situation, in our
own curriculum of life, with allof our own wild ride to learn
and to grow and to expand.
And as much as I know that andas much as my heart knows that,
(06:15):
and as much as I'll even sayeverything that I have been
through, every part of my ownaddiction, every part of my own
intense, codependent behaviors,every part of me that that was
in such despair for so long canrecognize that there was value
in what those experiences werefor me, and I've grown so much
(06:36):
as a human being and as aspiritual being from them.
Some part of me wishes itdidn't have to be so hard.
Some part of me wishes that itcould just come from something
that was easy and nice.
I'm starting to have thisawareness that that's actually
an underneath belief system,just like I've been teaching you
in the soul recovery processabout really looking underneath
(07:00):
and asking yourself curiosity,asking yourself with gentleness,
asking yourself with compassion.
What is that piece that'sunderneath?
And what's underneath is thepart of me that feels like if
everything is smooth and easy,if everything out there is okay,
then I can be okay.
(07:22):
Well, you've heard me say thisa million times I'm learning how
to be okay even when they're beokay.
Well, you've heard me say thisa million times I'm learning how
to be okay even when they'renot okay, and 90% of the time
I'm doing that successfully,which is pretty amazing, because
it used to be 90% of the time Iwasn't okay.
But there's still this partthat's unlayering, that is
holding on tightly to thisbelief system that says I don't
(07:44):
even want the challenge, I don'teven want to have to bump up
against anything hard.
I just want to stay small.
Well, staying small is actuallyan aspect of our ego.
It's an aspect of our fight orflight mechanism that is working
to keep us safe, and this partis actually sometimes keeping us
from stepping out into ourbigness.
(08:08):
Now, one of the reasons why thiscame up for me was the birth of
Rocky was beautiful and hard,and it was beautiful and hard
for my son and his girlfriendand I recognized that there had
been this little part of me ormaybe bigger part of me, if I'm
totally honest that hoped thathaving a child would be a step
(08:31):
in the path that would reallyinfluence my son's healing.
He has so much woundedness, hehas a lot of things that he
needs to work on, and I'mworking on not being responsible
for his stuff, but I love him.
He's my kid and I'm alwaystrying to encourage you to look
at this process of how do weshow up for our family members
(08:55):
who are in their own situationand to not try to fix or change
or see them as broken.
I don't see my son as broken.
I don't see him as not beingable to have a life that feels
good to him.
What I see is that it's complexand that his emotions and the
things that he's been throughand how his brain works are his
(09:18):
situation, his journey, hisearth school to handle.
But it isn't easy to watchsometimes because you can see
him be really really beautifuland excited and happy and then
you can see him be really scaredand in that year he has
behavior situations that havebeen rooted in from old, old,
old ways of being right and Istill have a part of me that
(09:40):
just wishes I could fix that forhim, that I can make that
better for him.
Well, as I step more fully intomy soul recovery, more fully
into my own healing, I recognizethat his healing is is what I
want, not just for him but forme, because I want it to soothe
(10:03):
me.
Then if he's okay, then I canbe okay.
But then I'm watching myself inmy own life and I recognized
that I love challenge shows, Ilove competition, challenge
shows.
I struggle a lot with watchingtelevision that is violent is
the more I get into my soulrecovery journey.
(10:24):
I can't watch high dramas.
I have a really hard timewatching violence.
I have a really hard timewatching shows where people are
really in the mire of like beingreally mean and horrible to
each other and I just can'ttolerate it as much anymore
(10:44):
because my heart just haschanged and the way that I feel
about every single person on theplanet has changed.
The way that I feel aboutmyself has changed, and so I
tend to lean towards shows thatlike Survivor where right now
we're watching these ones aboutadventure in New Zealand and
Alaska.
I like the show alone.
I like Project Runway.
I'm watching a pottery showwhere they're making pottery and
(11:08):
have a competition aroundpottery.
I watch these shows that arearound competition but they're
really around challenge and I'vebeen really intrigued by this
lately because I recognize thatwe make a conscious decision in
our lives to attend sports, tobe in situations where we're in
(11:28):
competition with other people,and that competition sometimes
can bring out like the grittiest, most tenacious, most, like
incredibly rich and thick andpowerful and strong aspects of
ourselves as we're bumped upagainst these really difficult
challenges.
I know Alex, when he came outof rehab he did one of those mud
(11:50):
runs where you're crawlingunderneath the barbed wire and
you're swinging across the ropesand you come out and you're
totally muddy.
But you did it right.
And then I watch these shows,especially these shows where
people are really physicallypushing themselves to the limit.
They're getting very littlesleep, they're hardly giving
anything to eat.
(12:11):
They're pushing themselvesphysically and they go through
all of this intensity and almostto the breaking point.
But then they have success andthey success and they make it.
Or maybe they didn't make it ormaybe they had to pull out, but
they still have these beautifulthings to say about what they
learned about themselves, whatthey learned about another
person, how it really pushedthem and showed them how strong
(12:33):
they are and how much more thatthey can be in their life.
Are you ready to step into yoursoul recovery?
Visit the website.
Are you ready to step into yoursoul recovery?
Visit the website recover yoursoulnet to learn more about the
nine step soul recovery process.
I hope that you'll join us thefirst Monday of every month for
the free soul recovery supportgroup on zoom, where we've
learned more about soul recoveryand connect with each other.
(12:55):
If you'd like to work directlywith me to move through the nine
step soul recovery process, I'mhere for you.
But you can also choose to workthe steps on your own, with
individual modules intended tosupport you, to work at your own
pace and on your own time.
And if you want even more soulrecovery, join us for the
Recover your Soul bonus podcastfor Patreon members and Apple
(13:16):
podcast subscribers, where Iinterview amazing people sharing
soul recovery tips for us andalso do spiritual book studies.
You can also find DailyInspiration on Facebook and
Instagram and join our privateFacebook community.
Visit the website for moreinformation, links and
registration for everything.
Back to the episode.
(13:39):
And then I looked at our lifeand my life and my son's life
and your lives, and I had thisoverwhelming sense of just deep
compassion for all of us.
That says we are constantly inour own challenge show.
Our movie has an aspect ofchallenge to it that we are
resistant to.
And what if we stopped beingresistant?
(14:00):
What if we stopped pushingagainst it and saying I wish it
couldn't be like this.
I don't want it to be like that.
That's our suffering.
Our suffering is saying if itcould just be different.
But what if we switched ourmindset and recognize that,
instead of it being a difficulty, that it's actually an
opportunity for us to witnessthe capacity in which that we
(14:22):
can hold, and that we see it asa challenge, that we can make it
through these challenges andthese competitions, instead of
it being a competition againstsomebody, that somebody has to
win against ourselves, to seethe best in ourself, to push
ourselves to think broader, todo more, to believe that we are
(14:45):
more, to see that we can make itthrough difficult times, that
when we're down and out and it'sthe bottom, it feels like it's
the bottom, that it's theopportunity for us to stand in
our grit and truly step up.
Now, one of these pieces formyself is to recognize that I
put all my energy on wanting myfamily members to do that, or
(15:08):
wanting my friends to do that,or wanting my clients to see it
this way, or wanting the worldto show up in a different way,
when the opportunity is for usto recognize the only thing
we're responsible for is us, forus and how we are seeing our
lives.
And it reminds me of the thirdstep prayer in AA that I do as
(15:29):
part of the ritual in the fourthstep of soul recovery, which is
open to co-creating with ahigher power of your
understanding, and I've talkedabout this in some other
episodes, because I feel likethis third step prayer has so
many aspects to it that are sobeautiful and so powerful on a
metaphysical standpoint.
And again the prayer is God, Ioffer myself to you to build
(15:53):
with me and do with me as youwill.
You know that for soul recovery, that has a lot of power in it.
First it's I'm offer myself toyou, I'm coming willingly.
In spirituality they say that wehave free will, that we are not
in a situation whereeverything's preordained for us.
You know, it's just fate.
Don't even worry about it.
(16:14):
Whatever's going to happen isalready been laid out.
That is not what spiritualitysays.
What spirituality says thatthere is a flow of the universe
and of the way things are.
But you, every single day, youchoose whether you are in
co-creation and you have freewill for it to be whatever it is
for you.
But when you step into aspiritual life, into spirit or
(16:37):
higher power, universe beingwhatever that is for you, you're
coming and you're saying Irecognize that my free will has
part of this, but I want tobuild with you, I want to do
this together.
I want to recognize that it isnot just me.
It's not just me, so I come ofmy own free will, so that we can
build together, so I can havemy full expansion of self.
(16:59):
And I believe strongly and thespiritual teachings that I
listen to and are are inspiredby, say, the will of God or
whatever you call that higherpower is not for you to be
subservient and small.
It's for you to actuallyrecognize how incredible you are
, how incredible you are and howmuch more you can do than you
(17:21):
even give yourself credit for.
And when you start to look atGod, I offer myself to you to
build with me and do with me asyou will.
You're saying I come freely,I'm ready to listen, I'm ready
to do this together so that Ican be this full expression of
self.
And then the second line isremove me of the bondage of self
, and then the second line isremove me of the bondage of self
(17:43):
.
This is so powerful, becausethis is all those beliefs that
we're not enough, that we can'tdo it.
There's something wrong with usthat we're broken.
There is nothing wrong with you.
You are not broken.
You may have woundedness, youmay have parts of your life that
have been traumatic anddifficult, but this challenge
that you are in, this challengeof life, that this incredible,
(18:06):
precious opportunity to havethis wild ride, experience, is
something that you get todetermine how it's going to be
for you and how you choose tosee it.
Your life is what you think andfeel and believe.
It is the reality of you on theinside is what will be
reflected on the outside.
So when we get relieved fromthe bondage of self, we're
(18:29):
asking the universe, we'reasking spirit, we're asking our
own higher selves to take awayall that noise that's in our
mind, that is trying to convinceus that we're not enough so we
can be this full expression.
And then that brings me to thelast line, which is take away my
difficulties.
The victory over them can bearwitness to those that I can help
(18:52):
with your power and your loveand your way of life.
Now this line for me the firsttime I got sober, and for
probably a good five years, andI would say this line, what I
wanted it to mean was makeeverything easy for me.
I don't want any hardship, Idon't want any challenge, I just
(19:13):
want everything to go smoothly.
I just want there to be a roadthat is perfectly flat and
everything is given to me,because that would be easy for
me.
No one changes and easy.
Nothing expansive happenswithout some level of challenge.
We do not watch shows wherethey say, okay, well, you just
(19:35):
get to have a beautiful day andthere's going to be nothing to
do and you don't have to haveany strategic planning or you
don't have to push yourself and,as a matter of fact, you can
have all the time in the worldthat you want to make whatever
it is that they're supposed tomake, and there's no challenge.
We don't grow without challenge.
(19:56):
But the line says take away mydifficulties, take away the
belief and resistance that Ihave in my own mind that
believes that it is difficult.
What if it's just a challenge?
What if you could see that thatsays allow me to have strength
in my challenges so that thatcould show others, that could
(20:17):
bear witness to others of livinga spiritual life?
Being fully, fully integratedin a healthy self means that you
can handle whatever's happeningwithout all of the baggage,
without all the woundedness,without all the blame and the
suffering that you wish it wasdifferent.
Oh, if it was only different.
It was only different.
(20:39):
Well, I'm looking at a newmember of the family and I'm
looking at a child who I love somuch, who has been the reason
that I showed up to Al-Anon.
But it turns out it wasn't forhim, it was for me, because this
is his opportunity to havechallenge in life and that my
(21:01):
desire for it to be easier forhim, for him to not have to
struggle, is unfair.
He is entitled to his everyexperience and his every choice,
as I am, and my desire for himto be something different and
not have it as hard is actuallymore for me.
That's the codependent nature.
(21:23):
It's actually more for me thatsome part of me says I'll be
safer, I'll be okay, I'll besafer, I'll be okay.
But when I look at thisincredible human being who is my
son and I think abouteverything that we've been
(21:43):
through in the last 28 years andI recognize somebody who's in
his own earth school experienceand I release him completely
with unconditional love to havethe life in which he chooses, to
have the mental capacity or thelove or the joy, or the
happiness or the pain.
What if I recognize that thisis his challenge experience and
(22:04):
I stopped trying to get in theway of his challenge, and this
is what I've done with Rich too.
I recognize that he and I havejust I hope you enjoyed last
week's episode, because it wasreally wonderful to sit down
with him and have thatconversation of us really
talking about the changes thatwe've had in our marriage.
But we had so many years of ushaving these conversations where
(22:25):
, when he was talking about thegrit and the challenge in his
life, I just wanted to fix itand make it better.
I just wanted to show him a wayto see it so that it didn't
hurt him so much.
Well, I'm negating hischallenge.
I'm negating the thing that hehas to go through to grow and to
learn, and I'm actuallybelieving that I know better
(22:47):
about what that learning shouldlook like.
So, the more that I come into myown and I say okay, rachel,
what is your life challenge?
What are you stepping into sothat you can be your fullest
self?
Well, I've got a lot of my ownstuff to deal with.
Why am I spending all my timeand energy on everybody else's
(23:08):
stuff when there's plenty ofstuff for me to work on on my
own?
I have my own childhood beliefsystems to uncover.
I have my own karma.
If you believe in karma, youknow that I'm a foundational.
Buddhist is my first religionthat I grew up with.
I have my own karma.
I have my own soul's purpose.
(23:30):
I believe in our souls comingback again and again and, as I
always say, I want you to haveyour own spirituality.
So take what works for you andleave the rest.
And I'm sharing with you mybelief systems, but you don't
have to take on mine.
I believe that our souls arehere in this particular body, in
this particular experience, togrow and to learn and to have a
(23:54):
higher consciousness and toremember that we are so, so
loved and so brought here to bethese extraordinary beings.
And yet there's so much fear.
It's the fear that has theresistance, it's the fear that
says I can't handle thischallenge.
Well, I think I'd love to watch, especially the adventure
(24:16):
challenge shows so much, becauseyou see people hit against a
wall where they're terrified,they're hanging from a rope and
they've got, you know, this bigbackpack on that.
They have been on this longadventure.
They've hardly eaten, they'vehardly slept, and now you know
they've got to get to the topbefore they get the time runs
out or else they, you know, losethe chance to.
(24:37):
You know, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah and watching somebody
else push through that extremefear and and all of the
resistance they have and howthey probably just want to give
up, but they have grit.
I'm so inspired by that and I'malways just amazed at how, when
people come out the other side,there's just so much just
(24:59):
beauty that's radiating out ofthem of how they see that they
could handle it.
And I want us to recognize thatour soul recovery journey is
around us, seeing how much morecapacity that we have to be in
our life as it is, and torecognize that each one of these
(25:22):
situations that we've beenthrough joyous, painful are all
part of our own challenge.
But when we start to co-createwith spirit and you start to
recognize that your life is whatyou think and feel and believe
it is, and you stop trying tocontrol everybody else, you step
more fully into the part of youthat is the power of who you
(25:45):
are to be in your life, and tonotice that every thought that
you have has power, that whenyou think that your life is
terrible, you're gonna get moreterrible.
You're setting up what thechallenge is for you.
And when I thought that myfamily was crap and a horrendous
, painful family and even thoughthere was so much love all the
(26:08):
time, my nagging part of me waslike if it could just be
different, if it could just bedifferent, if it could just be
different, it could just bedifferent.
Well, now it's the same family.
Same family, same husband, samekids.
Some are more sober, some areless sober.
I'm sober, I'm in my challenge,I'm determining what my
(26:28):
challenge is on some level, andthen sometimes life gives me a
challenge and instead ofresisting and being pissed and
wishing it was something elseand why can't it be like this
and why can't it be easy I'mleaning in in a way that says,
ah, what am I, what am I goingto do here?
How, how can I show up with mygreatest tools, how can I show
(26:50):
up in my best soul, recoveredself, that that can handle
whatever it is, and be presentand ask questions and attend to
myself and notice really deeplyhow I feel, speak with
compassion and honesty andclarity, notice when I should
talk, when I should keep it inand really allow myself to be
completely immersed in thechallenge, and then when I
(27:10):
should talk, when I should keepit in and really allow myself to
be completely immersed in thechallenge, and then, when I get
through the challenge, to beproud of myself that I did it,
that I'm working it, I'mactually working those steps,
I'm having success, and thatfeels good.
And so I encourage you to shifthow you're looking at your life
(27:32):
and notice that thesechallenges are not difficulties.
And it's okay if you're goingthrough something that is really
, really hard, because you havemore capacity to go through it
with strength, with diligence,with a connection to something
(27:55):
greater still, to feel.
The community of the soulrecovery community around you,
surround yourself with yourfriends and those that are
trusted, that can see thishigher aspect of yourself, that
don't fall into the pity party,that can lift you up.
Those are the best teammates.
And you see, in those challengeshows, where people have really
(28:15):
good teammates and they haveones that can't really let the
other people really thrive.
We're here in this community tohelp each other thrive.
How can you stand in thechallenges of your life with a
new way of seeing?
How can you be the fullexpression of who you are and
(28:42):
lean into that third step,prayer in AA, because it's
saying you are connecting tosomething greater still that is
always there for you.
This is a spiritual path to ahappy and healthy life.
What is spirituality to you?
To a happy and healthy life?
What is spirituality to you?
The more that I recognize thatI am surrounded by all of my
team of spiritual beings aroundme, or spirit or God or whatever
you want to call it.
(29:02):
I have more wisdom that comesin more intuition that comes in
more ability to be okay, moreintuition that comes in more
ability to be okay even when thepeople in the world around me
isn't okay.
If you want help with this, ifyou're curious about the nine
steps, if you want to deepenthis journey for yourself,
continue to listen to thepodcast.
(29:24):
There's so much great stuff inthe podcast.
If you want more help, you canwork with me directly and do
coaching sessions and work thenine step process with me
directly, or you can do thesteps on your own on the website
.
I have the first four steps up.
I'm working on the rest of thesteps and it's really a
beautiful way for you to connectmore deeply with yourself, to
(29:47):
use this nine step soul recoveryprocess to work through all of
those old belief systems so thatyou are standing in your life
with your greatest skill sets,that you're not coming from
woundedness or from lack, thatyou're really standing in the
strength of who you are and youare not resisting challenge, but
you are ready to take thechallenge head on and see how
(30:11):
you can learn and grow from itand know that you have a team
behind you, a team of spiritualbeings, of friends and family,
who are have your back, becauseyou have your back, because you
believe in yourself.
That's the most important part.
And, lastly, I just want tothank you for being part of this
community.
(30:32):
You are what makes all thishappen.
So, by being here every weekand by the coaching, and even by
giving five stars or reviews,through whatever platform,
you're listening to this,sharing it with friends and
family, we're sharing soulrecovery with the world, and the
fact that I can do this fulltime is an absolute honor.
(30:55):
It's an honor and I hope thatyou are also taking advantage of
the Friday bonus episode,either as a subscriber or even
just listening to that episodeeach Friday for free on Patreon.
I really want to support you inyour soul recovery because I
believe in you.
I believe in you and I see youand you can indeed handle any
(31:16):
challenge that is coming intoyour life with incredible
strength, because you are somuch greater than you give
yourself credit for.
Until next time, namaste.
Thank you for listening and Ihope that that helps support
your soul recovery process.
Just a reminder that everyfriday is the recover your soul
(31:37):
bonus podcast.
This podcast is for patreonmembers and apple podcast
subscribers, and not only do youget an incredible interview or
book study that comes with beingpart of that community, but
your subscribing helps supportthis podcast and the Recover
your Soul community.
If you want to listen to thosebonus episodes but can't
(31:57):
subscribe right now, do knowthat you can be a free Patreon
member and have access forlimited time to new episodes.
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoulnet or check out
the show links below for couponsand information for upcoming
events.
I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your for upcoming
events.
I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your friends and
family.
I thank you for giving it fivestars, and the reviews that are
(32:17):
left bring tears to my eyes.
I am honored to be part of yourlife.
Together we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
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