March 10, 2025 • 36 mins
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After 32 years together, Rich and I open our hearts to share the profound transformation of our relationship—a journey shaped by Soul Recovery, parenting through addiction, and rediscovering true partnership. As we celebrate Rich’s one-year sobriety anniversary, we reflect on the subtle yet powerful shifts that have deepened our connection, moving away from control and quick fixes to create a foundation of safety where vulnerability can thrive. Rich shares how learning to truly listen and express his needs has allowed us to heal individually while growing closer together, revealing the beautiful paradox that the more we focus on our own soul recovery, the stronger our relationship becomes. We also explore the wisdom gained from supporting our adult children, navigating family complexities, and facing life’s challenges with presence instead of numbing. This conversati
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Episode Transcript
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Rev Rachel Harrison (00:00):
Allowing a partnership to grow and to heal
takes a lot of work on all sides.
Today's episode is aconversation with me and my
husband, Rich, and we talk aboutthe growth that's happened in
our own relationship.
It's such an opportunity for usto step more fully not only
into how we can show up forothers, but how we can heal
ourselves and, after 32 years ofmarriage both being recovered
(00:22):
alcoholics, raising kids who areaddicts and ADHD going through
incredibly difficult years andcoming out the other side is not
luck.
It's from hard work, it's fromsoul recovery and this is an
episode about us sharing thatexperience together.
There's always hope, but thehope is that we find peace
(00:43):
within ourselves and in thatinternal peace and that internal
healing, we can share it inrelationship with the other.
Enjoy the episode.
Welcome to the Recover your Soulpodcast a spiritual path to a
happy and healthy life.
My name is Rev Rachel Harrison.
I started Recover your Soulafter having profound changes in
(01:04):
my life from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency and
control addiction.
I was guided to share the toolsand principles of spirituality
and soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives as mine
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our inner change and
(01:26):
healing, Positive results inour lives will follow.
Welcome to Recover your Soul.
I'm Rev Rachel and thank youfor joining me for the Recover
your Soul podcast and being partof the Recover your Soul
community.
We are here, indeed, to do thework to be okay when everyone
(01:46):
around us may or may not be okay, and that's a wild ride of a
journey, and I am honored andprivileged to be sitting here
today in my living room drinkingmorning coffee with my sweet
husband Rich.
Hi, Good morning, Good morning.
Thanks for coming on to thepodcast again.
Rich Harrison (02:03):
With my coffee.
Rev Rachel Harrison (02:04):
With your coffee.
Rich Harrison (02:04):
My pleasure.
Rev Rachel Harrison (02:05):
My coffee talk.
So you were asking me well,what do we want to talk about?
And there's a bazillion thingsfor us to talk about.
So it's been.
I think the last time you wereon the podcast was last fall,
after we had our littleawakening.
Rich Harrison (02:19):
Time flies.
Rev Rachel Harrison (02:20):
Time flies and here we are in March, so I'm
first going to start by sayinghappy one-year sober anniversary
, rich.
Rich Harrison (02:26):
Yeah, thank you.
Yeah, it went really fast.
Rev Rachel Harrison (02:29):
Yeah, how does that feel for you?
Rich Harrison (02:31):
Excellent, because I guess at this point I
can say I've been virtually asmy word or California sober for
it's been a long time, you know,ever since your seven years,
plus some.
You know some bouts of goodshort-term sobriety when you add
it all up, but to have theclean record of finally
(02:53):
recovered a year again is nice.
Rev Rachel Harrison (02:58):
Yeah, it is good.
It is good and it's interesting, because you and I have that
story about going into thatparticular psychiatrist when I
was pregnant with Alex, who toldus we were alcoholics and if we
had just listened to her thenso that was nearly well 28 years
ago.
28 years ago, that's nuts, itis nuts, so congratulations.
Rich Harrison (03:17):
Thank you On a year.
You are a great help andinfluence on me and I love you
dearly and you have helped me doit.
Rev Rachel Harrison (03:26):
Well, let's talk about that.
So if our, our audience, if ourcommunity members are people
who have people in their liveswho are working on their own
sobriety journeys, talk a littlebit more about what has been
helpful to you in that, maybeplaces that I've done something
different that allowed you tomake a longer stride of decision
(03:46):
for yourself.
Rich Harrison (03:49):
It's.
I think it's, um, what youhaven't done it's.
It's it's more subtle, it'sit's not a fixing or it's not a.
You got to do this or else it'snot a.
I'm doing this and you need todo it too.
You know we have to choose forourselves, and I think just more
(04:13):
of a deep understanding of loveand support and consistency
that you've brought throughRecover your Soul and through
your seven years it's justincredible.
It's been that long is theenvironment in which I was able
to stop having that littleglitch of well, just finally,
(04:37):
I'm just finally there.
I mean, my early sobriety wasreally great because it was
about choosing to be an athleteor a drinker.
That was my reason.
Then I I started playing musicand I think that's mostly the
(05:00):
trigger that you know I'd be outand I'd have a couple of NA
beers and then I'd be like, ah,screw it, I'm going to have a
real one.
And then there was also blendedin this sort of um loneliness
for that answer that I alwayshad.
I mean, my whole life wasdrinking to celebrate or
(05:20):
drinking when I felt good, um,drinking with almost anything,
and I went back to I don't knowhow to describe it perfectly.
It's like a reaching back torediscover that, that little
piece of feel good, thateuphoric youth.
That was the last piece.
And and um.
We've been talking about myrelapse journey here in the past
(05:43):
, been talking about my relapsejourney here in the past, what
your, your seven years or whatI've lost count whatever.
Rev Rachel Harrison (05:50):
Um, basically, basically for four
years, because it was threeyears in that you came to me and
said well, I actually haven'tbeen totally sober, so yeah it's
been a, it's been a ride, but Iwant to give you total credit
rich, because I've said this inthe podcast before, if you were
drinking it would be a verydifferent thing, but it was this
it was experimenting.
(06:10):
It was this continued kind ofyou know, I just have a beer
here or sort of out in the worldhaving having stuff, and I
think the hard part for me wasthat it would be like that you
weren't telling me.
Rich Harrison (06:24):
Yeah.
Rev Rachel Harrison (06:24):
Right.
The hard part for me was thatit would be like that you
weren't telling me, yeah Right,that it was a year had gone by,
and so then a trust situationcame up.
But what I want to give youcredit for throughout all of it,
a hundred percent, is reallythat you have been on a soul
recovery journey this entiretime.
So just because you're a yearcompletely free of drinking is
(06:46):
not the marker of soul recovery.
You have been doing this workof trying to really heal and
it's not soul recovery like I'mteaching soul recovery.
You're not doing the nine stepslike I've laid out, but you're
doing it in your own path.
So in that space, you know,people often say, well, you've
(07:06):
stayed with Rich and so I wantto stay with my spouse because I
see what you've done.
But you have done so much workto really heal a lot of yourself
, and my ask has always been tobe on a spiritual journey of
your own making.
So I just want to give youcredit that you are indeed doing
that, and I think that's whatmakes it so that we can be here
(07:29):
today really encouraging eachother to be our fullest selves,
and it isn't that one person'sdoing all the work and the other
person isn't.
Rich Harrison (07:39):
I think we're crediting each other, because I
think I alluded to this comingin in the conversation and I'll
say it in this way that I feelvery lucky and grateful just to
be your husband and to have theenvironment and the increasing
safety and natural experienceand expression and development
(08:05):
of our soul recovery.
So I'm lucky to have you andand I I feel for those out there
that um are kind of alone in inin the journey Um, so I think
you and I have a uniquesituation.
We've been through very toughthings together.
We almost didn't make it.
(08:27):
We um have had challengingportions of of this work and
we've just made it to a goodplace here.
You know I don't intend tosabotage that anymore.
That's nice.
You know it's so easy toself-sabotage and it's so bloody
easy and, uh, I just I thinkI'm I'm done with that.
(08:50):
You know, I did these littlebouts of self-sabotage and um
and it and, like you say, iterodes trust.
It doesn't even have to be abig thing, it can be subtle, but
have a not so great, you know,a little nasty hook in it.
Rev Rachel Harrison (09:05):
Yeah, I think safety I talk a lot about
the difference between trust andsafety Like trust has this
element that says I need you todo what I want you to do for me
to feel okay, which has acontrol level in it.
Which has a control level in it.
And safety to me is somethingthat I remember when we were,
when we first got sober and hadour friend that was having was
(09:26):
meetings with us and teaching ushow to actually talk to each
other without pointing thefinger so much or not listening,
and she gave us all these greattools on that and she really
used the word safety that wedidn't have safety in our
relationship, and that's beenreally important to me to
differentiate between the trustand safety, because safety is
(09:47):
really fundamental in being ableto be really engaged in your
relationship in a way where youcan be vulnerable, you can be
open, you can really allowyourself to lean in in ways that
make you feel like thatperson's.
Your rock, you know, is that youneed to feel safe in that space
.
Otherwise, we're in the fightor flight all the time, and I
(10:09):
think that's the value of whatyou and I have is that we've
been working diligently on thatfor a long time now and when we
had our little blip last fall,one of the things that I think
was interesting about it wasthat we were looking actually at
a deeper level of do we reallyfeel safe here?
Are we really digging in?
(10:30):
And you were the one thatactually brought up in a
conversation in the car.
You'd gone to therapy a coupletimes and then you were willing
to have a tough conversation andsay you know what?
I'm raising my hand andrecognizing I don't feel a
hundred percent safe here, andthat allowed us to move into
more conversations and continueto work on our journey together.
Rich Harrison (10:49):
Do you want to reflect on that I think you have
to give a lot in a relationshipfor safety.
I think that the naturalposition can be well me me.
I want to feel safe.
What does it take to make mefeel safe?
Give me some.
You need to do something tomake me feel safe.
(11:10):
I think in the end I learnedI'm emotional.
It's the weirdest thing.
I love it.
Rev Rachel Harrison (11:18):
I love it that your the weirdest thing.
I love it.
Rich Harrison (11:20):
I love it, just a couple of words that mean
something to me all of a suddentrigger my emotions, which don't
even come out that easynormally.
I learned that I needed to giveyou true listening, as well as
my requests, my needs.
I needed to say what my needswere, but I needed to give, give
, give, that I needed to learnhow to get to a higher place and
(11:42):
open the space in a giving,compassionate, empathic.
All of the above way to get theresults that I need, to get the
safety.
Rev Rachel Harrison (11:55):
And I appreciate that.
I love that your heart comesand that your tears come.
It's so beautiful.
That part of you that developedeven richer in the time after
that conversation and then youstarted working with a therapist
really has brought us toanother level, and I would say
(12:15):
that since then, our ability tohave difficult conversations and
move into deeper levels hasreally exponentially improved.
Rich Harrison (12:24):
And so if I can get off my emotion train right
here and talk, I think it's alsowhen I came to you and I said,
rach, there is a grit in lifethat I need to talk about and
historically we, I'll just sayas a family, didn't want to go
back and reference the past.
(12:44):
I struggled with that becauseit's like, well, you got to
reference it and acknowledge thegrit so that we can make
progress, and my goal was alwaysto say, hey, we're doing better
because we're doing the work.
Um, we may, maybe we were hereand it's gritty and it's hard,
(13:05):
but all the love that we alwayshad in our family, thank God, it
won out, even with our kids.
I mean, it's so cool to seefour addicts make it.
Rev Rachel Harrison (13:17):
And there's still grit.
I mean, I think that the thingthat's so interesting, um, you
know, we went to.
We went to california.
We were there for the birth ofrocky, our grandson.
It was a complicated birth.
You were there for part of thetime.
I was there for the rest of thetime.
Alex shared some of his youknow, a lot of emotion was
(13:38):
coming up for him because it's abig deal.
Rich Harrison (13:42):
Around me right.
Rev Rachel Harrison (13:43):
Right, dad, you know, yeah, process it in a
healthy way and share with eachother what was going on,
without defensiveness, withoutjudgment, and to be curious in a
(14:05):
way that gave so much safetyaround it.
And that's for me, that's thehugest success, because life is
going to continue to becomplicated.
Rich Harrison (14:13):
And we can expand on that a little bit.
Alex and I have like deep love,but a very unresolved
relationship, almost anundeveloped relationship.
And then he has a grandson andI think there's a lot of
opportunity and glorious loveand opportunity yet to come, but
(14:33):
it just feels like there's alot of potential to build it in
for he and I.
It's a great opportunity aroundour beautiful grandson.
So there's that.
There's things to be done withAlex and I big time, and it used
to be the issue between you andI that would result in the most
(14:55):
strain.
And then I want to open this upfor you.
I don't know how much you wantto share, but then you come home
from the trip, right, andyou're loaded.
You came home loaded In thepast.
That would be scary.
That could just so easily lighta match on the kerosene between
(15:15):
you and I.
But I felt like I was in a goodspot to receive you and then I
turn it over to you.
I mean you could talk about it.
Rev Rachel Harrison (15:24):
Yeah, you did a beautiful job and that was
, and that was that place thatyou're talking about, about
learning how to really holdspace for me for you to step in
and hold space for me was sobeautiful and it and it gives me
safety.
It goes back to the safety.
It's like one of the thingsthat your therapist had you read
(15:45):
was a book about masculine,feminine right, what is healthy
masculine to step into, and andit gave you more information, I
think, and it gave us someinteresting information about
when I step into my masculineyou know when I'm, when I
compete with you in that space,but it allowed us to stop
(16:06):
competing somewhere and so whenI got off the airplane and I was
just so filled with all thesethoughts and feelings and
everything, and to really bereceived by you, to hear me in
that situation gave me thatsafety, you know, to really feel
like you are my rock, and Iwant that so much and that's
(16:29):
something that I think thatwe've developed in our
relationship, because we bothwant it so bad, but it wasn't
there for so long.
You know, like one of yourthings that you've come to me is
that the fear of my leaving,you know, is such a painful pain
point to you and I think I havea fear of you not being there
for me.
And so when we really look at ashuman beings, on this wild ride
(16:54):
of our earth, earth school, youknow, earth journey that we're.
We're in it, learning andgrowing from each other, and
that's the healthy place.
It doesn't mean that it'sperfect, it doesn't mean that it
always works out just right, itdoesn't mean it isn't without
conflict, but it means thatwe're more and more conscious of
how to be in a more healedstate so that we can allow each
(17:18):
other to individually do thework.
So when we're in the car andyou're just allowing me, you're
receiving me and I was totallyfilled with all of my emotions
and I was able to tell you.
You know about what I wasscared of, or you know what Alex
had reflected, and you receivedit so beautifully.
Rich Harrison (17:37):
You also didn't turn it into a grand.
The sky is falling, freakingexplosion.
Our, our family is doomed.
Rev Rachel Harrison (17:45):
We're succeeding.
Look at us, we're doing it.
Rich Harrison (17:48):
Which historically you know, like
blows up into something biggerand that's what I used to resist
so bad.
I'm like then that would justthrow me off and yeah, we're
just doing so much better.
Rev Rachel Harrison (18:01):
So much better and, I think, ultimately
my awareness of what soulrecovery offers.
And again, what I love is thatyou're not doing, you don't have
to do the nine-step soulrecovery process to have success
.
Rich Harrison (18:14):
I intend to.
I've just been letting you doyour thing and time flies.
I just cannot believe that it'sseven years for you technically
and one for me, and within thattime I've just been enjoying
watching you flourish and doyour thing and I'm almost kind
of like intentionally keepingmyself on the sidelines out of
(18:35):
humility or whatever the heck itis.
I don't like a ton of limelight, but I intend to.
I intend to journey down thenine steps here.
Rev Rachel Harrison (18:45):
Well, when the book comes out, you can read
the book.
Rich Harrison (18:47):
There you go, there you go.
I'll do it with the book.
Rev Rachel Harrison (18:50):
Yeah, are you ready to step into your soul
recovery?
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoulnet to learn more
about the nine-step soulrecovery process.
I hope that you'll join us thefirst Monday of every month for
the free soul recovery supportgroup on Zoom, where we learn
more about soul recovery andconnect with each other.
If you'd like to work directlywith me to move through the
(19:13):
nine-step soul recovery process,I'm here for you, but you can
also choose to work the steps onyour own, with individual
modules intended to support youto work at your own pace and on
your own time.
And if you want even more soulrecovery, join us for the
Recover your Soul bonus podcastfor Patreon members and Apple
podcast subscribers, where Iinterview amazing people sharing
(19:34):
soul recovery tips for us andalso do spiritual book studies.
You can also find dailyinspiration on Facebook and
Instagram and join our privateFacebook community.
Visit the website for moreinformation, links and
registration for everything.
Back to the episode, which Ithink is actually cute, because
(19:54):
I bought the Audible of Just LetHim by Mel Robbins, because you
and I both love Mel Robbins andyou started listening to it
when we were in California andyou went and drove down to go
surf with Bodhi, and it reflectsso much of what Soul Recovery
offers.
Rich Harrison (20:11):
So tell me a little bit about what you felt
about the Just Let Him.
It just made so much sense ittied in I mean it just made so
(20:32):
much sense, it tied in.
I mean, you and I hadconversations again to give
ourselves credit.
We had light conversationsabout going there to occur,
allowing some chaos to go offthe rails, and just try to be a
solid person in the mix and agood influence.
(20:53):
And sometimes less is more, theless you do the better.
We were just there for them.
And if people could realizethat trick, that angle, that
hack, just be there.
You don't have to fix it, youdon't have to engage the chaos
(21:22):
and I think that's what sobrietyand soul recovery strengthens
in a person is the ability tosupport without overacting.
Rev Rachel Harrison (21:25):
Right Detachment, the healthy
detachment.
You know it's interestingbecause I've been looking at
that picture of us when we werethe same age, that Alex and Lexi
are, with Alex as a little baby, right, and it's this
hysterical 28-year-old pictureof these two young people with
horrible haircuts.
Rich Harrison (21:45):
Horrible haircut photo.
Rev Rachel Harrison (21:46):
Horrible haircut photo like an Olin Mills
or something like that or.
Sears or something.
Yes perfect and this little babysitting, it's just such a hokey
picture and it just seems likeforever ago.
And then here we have our ownchildren that are at that phase
in their life, and how much Iwant to impart upon them this
(22:08):
wisdom.
And, of course, the main thingthat I want is I want to save
them from having to go throughsome of the hardships that we
went through.
And yet I have more and moreclarity all the time that those
challenges, that those hardships, that those pieces are what
build us into our character ofwho we are.
Rich Harrison (22:27):
That's living a real life.
So, don't take it away fromsomebody.
Rev Rachel Harrison (22:30):
So don't take it away from somebody.
I often say that the successthat we have, you do a reference
of the past and I think you'regetting healthier and healthier
about not judging the differencebut having the reference from a
healthier place, because I dothink that sometimes you have to
have a touchback, but sometimesI've shared with you the
(22:52):
feedback that if you say I likeyou so much now, you're so much
better than you used to be.
Rich Harrison (22:59):
That's a family joke between you and me.
That's a family joke where I'mlike.
Rev Rachel Harrison (23:02):
you don't have to say I'm so much better
than I used to be, but we aretalking about all of our
successes, so like, how do youallow yourself to be really
present in what is?
and maybe that reflection islike I'm so grateful that we're
here now, but at the same time,it is the past that creates who
we are, and so if I am alwaysreflecting on, like how painful
(23:27):
it was, I'm within all of us.
That is really beautiful and itdoes include some of the sticky
stuff resurfacing, but becausewe're all looking at it from a
(23:50):
more healed perspective, itdoesn't stay.
It's more like the sticky stuffcomes up to be revealed and to
be healed.
But we are each responsible onour own journey to decide how we
are individually going to dothat.
And the more that I let go ofthe boys and how they're doing
it and I let go of you and howyou're doing it, the more we are
(24:14):
actually all stepping into thehealing in our own way, if we so
choose.
Rich Harrison (24:18):
I have a thought I'm hoping I can articulate
which relates to good oldEckhart Tolle and the Power of
Now, which is, I think the erroris falling into your mind and
body and the emotion of yourpast body and dealing with
something in the present versusknowing, relaxing into
(24:42):
everything you've learned, thatis, in you, in the now, and
acting on it from the now of theperson you've become.
And the slippery slope is wecan just go up and be in our
past body, or call it your painbody, which is also an Eckhart
(25:03):
term, and approach it from there, even partially.
It's hard to explain, right,but it's a beautiful thing when
you don't pull your pain body oryour victim story or anything,
any of the pain.
You don't pull it forward fromthe past, you just all you do is
automatically have what youlearned from that in the now and
(25:25):
then approach whatever'shappening from a place of love
and new understanding andlearned, learned tools.
Rev Rachel Harrison (25:33):
Exactly.
I mean, that's what soulrecovery process teaches.
Is that those old beliefs,those old stories, those old
patterns, until we recognizethem, you can't transverse them
into new ways of being, butthey're there to give you
something.
Rich Harrison (25:47):
It's information to be transmuted to now for all
its best parts, not old pain.
Rev Rachel Harrison (25:55):
Right, yeah .
So then, one of my awarenessesthat I had in this past trip is
that reminder again that I havethat I so want to save my
children from any pain, anydifficulty.
I don't want it to be hard forthem.
I had this fairy tale of whathaving a baby would be like.
Rich Harrison (26:19):
That wasn't exactly Lexi's experience.
Rev Rachel Harrison (26:21):
No.
And then bless her little heart.
She had a hard delivery andthen Lexi, I love you.
Rich Harrison (26:27):
Trooper, Shout out to you so beautifully tough.
Rev Rachel Harrison (26:31):
Yeah, no, that was.
Rich Harrison (26:34):
She's a powerhouse.
Rev Rachel Harrison (26:35):
You guys were great, they did a beautiful
job, and so then I came homeand I've had a week at and our
(27:04):
boy Alex you guys were greatcultivated and created and
worked hard for and created asafety and a peace and a
kindness to each other and aroutine that is an oasis.
It's a place where we can comeand really reset, so that you
can go out in the world and haveit be complex and that we can
be a rock for each other andthat we are each other's safe
place.
And I think that's what wealways wanted in the first place
and we did it.
Rich Harrison (27:23):
Yeah, thanks for saying that, because you can get
so into your routine thatyou're taking little things for
granted and we're so blessed andI'm so grateful to.
Every time I come through myfront door, I'm just, I'm home
and it's a beautiful thing.
Every time I come through myfront door, I'm home and it's a
beautiful thing.
Rev Rachel Harrison (27:38):
That's what the journey is about.
If you are in a relationship,it's the greatest spiritual
sandpaper that you can have.
To get to the polish, To get tothe vows that we made you know,
(28:04):
I was doing a wedding forsomebody and I pulled out our
vows and their vows were verymuch around like being super
connected and everything wastogether and I went back and
read our vows and our vows werereally about individuality.
Turns out, you know about uskeeping ourselves and walking
along each other's paths, butnot on the same path.
(28:25):
You know, drink from good build, good Jill, good Braun,
whatever his name is.
Anyway, drink from the same cup, but you know the separate cups
.
Rich Harrison (28:34):
Yeah.
Rev Rachel Harrison (28:34):
And I thought you know that's wild,
that if you really look at whatwe said in our vows to each
other, it was this individuation, and I think that's the place
where I'm grateful for usbecause we have put, I think,
more energy than we did beforeon our individual growth
(28:55):
alongside each other and in thatit's actually bringing us
together.
Rich Harrison (29:00):
In between we got knotted up in the codependency
and fixing each other and I wantto raise the kids like this oh
well, no, that's not how you doit.
All that stuff which is life.
Again, if somebody was tryingto fix us and telling us, oh,
you're doing it wrong, thatwould have just added to the
(29:22):
mess.
So in between it got reallymessy for us.
But here we are at the bookendsand it's a really wonderful
reflection of the beginning tonow that they're lining up.
Rev Rachel Harrison (29:35):
And it doesn't mean there won't be grit
.
Rich Harrison (29:36):
Of course there's more to come.
I'm warning you, Rach, there'smore to come, but we'll be
better for it, yeah.
Rev Rachel Harrison (29:44):
I really recognize how resistant I've
been to the grit and now I havea different relationship with it
.
Rich Harrison (29:52):
You've gotten grittier in a very beautiful way
.
Rev Rachel Harrison (29:55):
Well, thank you If that makes any sense.
Rich Harrison (29:56):
Thank you, makes sense to me.
Rev Rachel Harrison (30:04):
And we're in a new chapter.
I mean, ultimately, I reallyreflected on having our oldest
child have a child, and lookingat those pictures of myself with
my silver hair and crow's feet,eyes, and you just go, wow, we
really are at this phase in life, that's this whole other
chapter, are at this phase inlife, that's this whole other
chapter.
But it's a beautiful chapterbecause it's really where we get
to reap the rewards of all ofthe complex nature of what it is
(30:26):
to be alive, and we've learnedsome of the really hard lessons
so that we can be present in away that allows us to kind of
really flourish in who we'rehere to be.
Rich Harrison (30:38):
Wherever you're at, whatever station, whatever
age, just be good to yourselfand accept where you're at.
I mean, that's kind of what I'mtrying to do, and it's not.
I'm in a place I want everybodyto know.
That's not exactly easy thisage I'm at Late 50s.
I find it challenging.
(30:59):
I'm hoping there's, with allthe work, I'll get to the, the
sunset of the six, of the, thedecade of my sixties, and just
really be in place where I'm at.
And, um, I just want to sendthat out to everybody that
listens to your podcast.
You know, be good to yourselfwherever you're at, and that
includes hard times and the bestof times.
Rev Rachel Harrison (31:19):
Yeah, beautifully said.
We're not even going to go intoall that today, but I love that
you brought that out, becauseit's not like it's peaches and
roses every single day.
We're actually walking throughchanges in health, changes in
physical fitness, changes in job, you know, like having kids,
have kids, looking at thepolitical situation, parents who
(31:40):
are aging I mean there's a lotof stuff going on, but instead
of drowning it away in drinks,which is what we used to do, and
then fighting and beingincredibly miserable, we're
really just being present in itand there's a lot of peace in
this space.
Rich Harrison (31:58):
And I can remember being newly recovered
or newly sober and all of thosethings you just mentioned,
because that was a really solidlist.
That was very realistic.
It just feels like it hits youin the chest, like a boulder
hitting you in the chest becauseyou've been numbing it for so
long.
You've had this system ofintoxication to numb and I've
(32:23):
had it forever and when I wasfirst sober it was like a panic
attack.
Just life hitting me in thechest was like a panic attack.
It takes a while, but that'swhat goes away slowly and
beautiful things fill in, whichwe've talked about through this
podcast, and you get to apeaceful place.
Rev Rachel Harrison (32:40):
Well, thank you for coming on and sharing a
more Rachel and Rich lifemarriage experience and as we
move into the next chapter and Iappreciate the work that you've
been doing and being my rock-my pleasure, love you I love you
too.
Until next time, Namaste.
Pleasure Love you.
I love you too.
(33:02):
Until next time, Namaste.
Thank you for listening and Ihope that that helps support
your soul recovery process.
Just a reminder that everyFriday is the recover your soul
bonus podcast.
This podcast is for Patreonmembers and Apple podcast
subscribers and not only do youget an incredible interview or
book study that comes with beingpart of that community, but
your subscribing helps supportthis podcast and the Recover
(33:23):
your Soul community.
If you want to listen to thosebonus episodes but can't
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Visit the websiteRecoverYourSoulnet or check out
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events.
I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your friends and
(33:45):
family.
I thank you for giving it fivestars, and the reviews that are
left bring tears to my eyes.
I am honored to be part of yourlife.
Together we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
Allowing a partnership to grow and to heal
takes a lot of work on all sides.
Today's episode is aconversation with me and my
husband, Rich, and we talk aboutthe growth that's happened in
our own relationship.
It's such an opportunity for usto step more fully not only
into how we can show up forothers, but how we can heal
ourselves and, after 32 years ofmarriage both being recovered
(00:22):
alcoholics, raising kids who areaddicts and ADHD going through
incredibly difficult years andcoming out the other side is not
luck.
It's from hard work, it's fromsoul recovery and this is an
episode about us sharing thatexperience together.
There's always hope, but thehope is that we find peace
(00:43):
within ourselves and in thatinternal peace and that internal
healing, we can share it inrelationship with the other.
Enjoy the episode.
Welcome to the Recover your Soulpodcast a spiritual path to a
happy and healthy life.
My name is Rev Rachel Harrison.
I started Recover your Soulafter having profound changes in
(01:04):
my life from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency and
control addiction.
I was guided to share the toolsand principles of spirituality
and soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives as mine
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our inner change and
(01:26):
healing, Positive results inour lives will follow.
Welcome to Recover your Soul.
I'm Rev Rachel and thank youfor joining me for the Recover
your Soul podcast and being partof the Recover your Soul
community.
We are here, indeed, to do thework to be okay when everyone
(01:46):
around us may or may not be okay, and that's a wild ride of a
journey, and I am honored andprivileged to be sitting here
today in my living room drinkingmorning coffee with my sweet
husband Rich.
Hi, Good morning, Good morning.
Thanks for coming on to thepodcast again.
Rich Harrison (02:03):
With my coffee.
Rev Rachel Harrison (02:04):
With your coffee.
Rich Harrison (02:04):
My pleasure.
Rev Rachel Harrison (02:05):
My coffee talk.
So you were asking me well,what do we want to talk about?
And there's a bazillion thingsfor us to talk about.
So it's been.
I think the last time you wereon the podcast was last fall,
after we had our littleawakening.
Rich Harrison (02:19):
Time flies.
Rev Rachel Harrison (02:20):
Time flies and here we are in March, so I'm
first going to start by sayinghappy one-year sober anniversary
, rich.
Rich Harrison (02:26):
Yeah, thank you.
Yeah, it went really fast.
Rev Rachel Harrison (02:29):
Yeah, how does that feel for you?
Rich Harrison (02:31):
Excellent, because I guess at this point I
can say I've been virtually asmy word or California sober for
it's been a long time, you know,ever since your seven years,
plus some.
You know some bouts of goodshort-term sobriety when you add
it all up, but to have theclean record of finally
(02:53):
recovered a year again is nice.
Rev Rachel Harrison (02:58):
Yeah, it is good.
It is good and it's interesting, because you and I have that
story about going into thatparticular psychiatrist when I
was pregnant with Alex, who toldus we were alcoholics and if we
had just listened to her thenso that was nearly well 28 years
ago.
28 years ago, that's nuts, itis nuts, so congratulations.
Rich Harrison (03:17):
Thank you On a year.
You are a great help andinfluence on me and I love you
dearly and you have helped me doit.
Rev Rachel Harrison (03:26):
Well, let's talk about that.
So if our, our audience, if ourcommunity members are people
who have people in their liveswho are working on their own
sobriety journeys, talk a littlebit more about what has been
helpful to you in that, maybeplaces that I've done something
different that allowed you tomake a longer stride of decision
(03:46):
for yourself.
Rich Harrison (03:49):
It's.
I think it's, um, what youhaven't done it's.
It's it's more subtle, it'sit's not a fixing or it's not a.
You got to do this or else it'snot a.
I'm doing this and you need todo it too.
You know we have to choose forourselves, and I think just more
(04:13):
of a deep understanding of loveand support and consistency
that you've brought throughRecover your Soul and through
your seven years it's justincredible.
It's been that long is theenvironment in which I was able
to stop having that littleglitch of well, just finally,
(04:37):
I'm just finally there.
I mean, my early sobriety wasreally great because it was
about choosing to be an athleteor a drinker.
That was my reason.
Then I I started playing musicand I think that's mostly the
(05:00):
trigger that you know I'd be outand I'd have a couple of NA
beers and then I'd be like, ah,screw it, I'm going to have a
real one.
And then there was also blendedin this sort of um loneliness
for that answer that I alwayshad.
I mean, my whole life wasdrinking to celebrate or
(05:20):
drinking when I felt good, um,drinking with almost anything,
and I went back to I don't knowhow to describe it perfectly.
It's like a reaching back torediscover that, that little
piece of feel good, thateuphoric youth.
That was the last piece.
And and um.
We've been talking about myrelapse journey here in the past
(05:43):
, been talking about my relapsejourney here in the past, what
your, your seven years or whatI've lost count whatever.
Rev Rachel Harrison (05:50):
Um, basically, basically for four
years, because it was threeyears in that you came to me and
said well, I actually haven'tbeen totally sober, so yeah it's
been a, it's been a ride, but Iwant to give you total credit
rich, because I've said this inthe podcast before, if you were
drinking it would be a verydifferent thing, but it was this
it was experimenting.
(06:10):
It was this continued kind ofyou know, I just have a beer
here or sort of out in the worldhaving having stuff, and I
think the hard part for me wasthat it would be like that you
weren't telling me.
Rich Harrison (06:24):
Yeah.
Rev Rachel Harrison (06:24):
Right.
The hard part for me was thatit would be like that you
weren't telling me, yeah Right,that it was a year had gone by,
and so then a trust situationcame up.
But what I want to give youcredit for throughout all of it,
a hundred percent, is reallythat you have been on a soul
recovery journey this entiretime.
So just because you're a yearcompletely free of drinking is
(06:46):
not the marker of soul recovery.
You have been doing this workof trying to really heal and
it's not soul recovery like I'mteaching soul recovery.
You're not doing the nine stepslike I've laid out, but you're
doing it in your own path.
So in that space, you know,people often say, well, you've
(07:06):
stayed with Rich and so I wantto stay with my spouse because I
see what you've done.
But you have done so much workto really heal a lot of yourself
, and my ask has always been tobe on a spiritual journey of
your own making.
So I just want to give youcredit that you are indeed doing
that, and I think that's whatmakes it so that we can be here
(07:29):
today really encouraging eachother to be our fullest selves,
and it isn't that one person'sdoing all the work and the other
person isn't.
Rich Harrison (07:39):
I think we're crediting each other, because I
think I alluded to this comingin in the conversation and I'll
say it in this way that I feelvery lucky and grateful just to
be your husband and to have theenvironment and the increasing
safety and natural experienceand expression and development
(08:05):
of our soul recovery.
So I'm lucky to have you andand I I feel for those out there
that um are kind of alone in inin the journey Um, so I think
you and I have a uniquesituation.
We've been through very toughthings together.
We almost didn't make it.
(08:27):
We um have had challengingportions of of this work and
we've just made it to a goodplace here.
You know I don't intend tosabotage that anymore.
That's nice.
You know it's so easy toself-sabotage and it's so bloody
easy and, uh, I just I thinkI'm I'm done with that.
(08:50):
You know, I did these littlebouts of self-sabotage and um
and it and, like you say, iterodes trust.
It doesn't even have to be abig thing, it can be subtle, but
have a not so great, you know,a little nasty hook in it.
Rev Rachel Harrison (09:05):
Yeah, I think safety I talk a lot about
the difference between trust andsafety Like trust has this
element that says I need you todo what I want you to do for me
to feel okay, which has acontrol level in it.
Which has a control level in it.
And safety to me is somethingthat I remember when we were,
when we first got sober and hadour friend that was having was
(09:26):
meetings with us and teaching ushow to actually talk to each
other without pointing thefinger so much or not listening,
and she gave us all these greattools on that and she really
used the word safety that wedidn't have safety in our
relationship, and that's beenreally important to me to
differentiate between the trustand safety, because safety is
(09:47):
really fundamental in being ableto be really engaged in your
relationship in a way where youcan be vulnerable, you can be
open, you can really allowyourself to lean in in ways that
make you feel like thatperson's.
Your rock, you know, is that youneed to feel safe in that space
.
Otherwise, we're in the fightor flight all the time, and I
(10:09):
think that's the value of whatyou and I have is that we've
been working diligently on thatfor a long time now and when we
had our little blip last fall,one of the things that I think
was interesting about it wasthat we were looking actually at
a deeper level of do we reallyfeel safe here?
Are we really digging in?
(10:30):
And you were the one thatactually brought up in a
conversation in the car.
You'd gone to therapy a coupletimes and then you were willing
to have a tough conversation andsay you know what?
I'm raising my hand andrecognizing I don't feel a
hundred percent safe here, andthat allowed us to move into
more conversations and continueto work on our journey together.
Rich Harrison (10:49):
Do you want to reflect on that I think you have
to give a lot in a relationshipfor safety.
I think that the naturalposition can be well me me.
I want to feel safe.
What does it take to make mefeel safe?
Give me some.
You need to do something tomake me feel safe.
(11:10):
I think in the end I learnedI'm emotional.
It's the weirdest thing.
I love it.
Rev Rachel Harrison (11:18):
I love it that your the weirdest thing.
I love it.
Rich Harrison (11:20):
I love it, just a couple of words that mean
something to me all of a suddentrigger my emotions, which don't
even come out that easynormally.
I learned that I needed to giveyou true listening, as well as
my requests, my needs.
I needed to say what my needswere, but I needed to give, give
, give, that I needed to learnhow to get to a higher place and
(11:42):
open the space in a giving,compassionate, empathic.
All of the above way to get theresults that I need, to get the
safety.
Rev Rachel Harrison (11:55):
And I appreciate that.
I love that your heart comesand that your tears come.
It's so beautiful.
That part of you that developedeven richer in the time after
that conversation and then youstarted working with a therapist
really has brought us toanother level, and I would say
(12:15):
that since then, our ability tohave difficult conversations and
move into deeper levels hasreally exponentially improved.
Rich Harrison (12:24):
And so if I can get off my emotion train right
here and talk, I think it's alsowhen I came to you and I said,
rach, there is a grit in lifethat I need to talk about and
historically we, I'll just sayas a family, didn't want to go
back and reference the past.
(12:44):
I struggled with that becauseit's like, well, you got to
reference it and acknowledge thegrit so that we can make
progress, and my goal was alwaysto say, hey, we're doing better
because we're doing the work.
Um, we may, maybe we were hereand it's gritty and it's hard,
(13:05):
but all the love that we alwayshad in our family, thank God, it
won out, even with our kids.
I mean, it's so cool to seefour addicts make it.
Rev Rachel Harrison (13:17):
And there's still grit.
I mean, I think that the thingthat's so interesting, um, you
know, we went to.
We went to california.
We were there for the birth ofrocky, our grandson.
It was a complicated birth.
You were there for part of thetime.
I was there for the rest of thetime.
Alex shared some of his youknow, a lot of emotion was
(13:38):
coming up for him because it's abig deal.
Rich Harrison (13:42):
Around me right.
Rev Rachel Harrison (13:43):
Right, dad, you know, yeah, process it in a
healthy way and share with eachother what was going on,
without defensiveness, withoutjudgment, and to be curious in a
(14:05):
way that gave so much safetyaround it.
And that's for me, that's thehugest success, because life is
going to continue to becomplicated.
Rich Harrison (14:13):
And we can expand on that a little bit.
Alex and I have like deep love,but a very unresolved
relationship, almost anundeveloped relationship.
And then he has a grandson andI think there's a lot of
opportunity and glorious loveand opportunity yet to come, but
(14:33):
it just feels like there's alot of potential to build it in
for he and I.
It's a great opportunity aroundour beautiful grandson.
So there's that.
There's things to be done withAlex and I big time, and it used
to be the issue between you andI that would result in the most
(14:55):
strain.
And then I want to open this upfor you.
I don't know how much you wantto share, but then you come home
from the trip, right, andyou're loaded.
You came home loaded In thepast.
That would be scary.
That could just so easily lighta match on the kerosene between
(15:15):
you and I.
But I felt like I was in a goodspot to receive you and then I
turn it over to you.
I mean you could talk about it.
Rev Rachel Harrison (15:24):
Yeah, you did a beautiful job and that was
, and that was that place thatyou're talking about, about
learning how to really holdspace for me for you to step in
and hold space for me was sobeautiful and it and it gives me
safety.
It goes back to the safety.
It's like one of the thingsthat your therapist had you read
(15:45):
was a book about masculine,feminine right, what is healthy
masculine to step into, and andit gave you more information, I
think, and it gave us someinteresting information about
when I step into my masculineyou know when I'm, when I
compete with you in that space,but it allowed us to stop
(16:06):
competing somewhere and so whenI got off the airplane and I was
just so filled with all thesethoughts and feelings and
everything, and to really bereceived by you, to hear me in
that situation gave me thatsafety, you know, to really feel
like you are my rock, and Iwant that so much and that's
(16:29):
something that I think thatwe've developed in our
relationship, because we bothwant it so bad, but it wasn't
there for so long.
You know, like one of yourthings that you've come to me is
that the fear of my leaving,you know, is such a painful pain
point to you and I think I havea fear of you not being there
for me.
And so when we really look at ashuman beings, on this wild ride
(16:54):
of our earth, earth school, youknow, earth journey that we're.
We're in it, learning andgrowing from each other, and
that's the healthy place.
It doesn't mean that it'sperfect, it doesn't mean that it
always works out just right, itdoesn't mean it isn't without
conflict, but it means thatwe're more and more conscious of
how to be in a more healedstate so that we can allow each
(17:18):
other to individually do thework.
So when we're in the car andyou're just allowing me, you're
receiving me and I was totallyfilled with all of my emotions
and I was able to tell you.
You know about what I wasscared of, or you know what Alex
had reflected, and you receivedit so beautifully.
Rich Harrison (17:37):
You also didn't turn it into a grand.
The sky is falling, freakingexplosion.
Our, our family is doomed.
Rev Rachel Harrison (17:45):
We're succeeding.
Look at us, we're doing it.
Rich Harrison (17:48):
Which historically you know, like
blows up into something biggerand that's what I used to resist
so bad.
I'm like then that would justthrow me off and yeah, we're
just doing so much better.
Rev Rachel Harrison (18:01):
So much better and, I think, ultimately
my awareness of what soulrecovery offers.
And again, what I love is thatyou're not doing, you don't have
to do the nine-step soulrecovery process to have success
.
Rich Harrison (18:14):
I intend to.
I've just been letting you doyour thing and time flies.
I just cannot believe that it'sseven years for you technically
and one for me, and within thattime I've just been enjoying
watching you flourish and doyour thing and I'm almost kind
of like intentionally keepingmyself on the sidelines out of
(18:35):
humility or whatever the heck itis.
I don't like a ton of limelight, but I intend to.
I intend to journey down thenine steps here.
Rev Rachel Harrison (18:45):
Well, when the book comes out, you can read
the book.
Rich Harrison (18:47):
There you go, there you go.
I'll do it with the book.
Rev Rachel Harrison (18:50):
Yeah, are you ready to step into your soul
recovery?
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoulnet to learn more
about the nine-step soulrecovery process.
I hope that you'll join us thefirst Monday of every month for
the free soul recovery supportgroup on Zoom, where we learn
more about soul recovery andconnect with each other.
If you'd like to work directlywith me to move through the
(19:13):
nine-step soul recovery process,I'm here for you, but you can
also choose to work the steps onyour own, with individual
modules intended to support youto work at your own pace and on
your own time.
And if you want even more soulrecovery, join us for the
Recover your Soul bonus podcastfor Patreon members and Apple
podcast subscribers, where Iinterview amazing people sharing
(19:34):
soul recovery tips for us andalso do spiritual book studies.
You can also find dailyinspiration on Facebook and
Instagram and join our privateFacebook community.
Visit the website for moreinformation, links and
registration for everything.
Back to the episode, which Ithink is actually cute, because
(19:54):
I bought the Audible of Just LetHim by Mel Robbins, because you
and I both love Mel Robbins andyou started listening to it
when we were in California andyou went and drove down to go
surf with Bodhi, and it reflectsso much of what Soul Recovery
offers.
Rich Harrison (20:11):
So tell me a little bit about what you felt
about the Just Let Him.
It just made so much sense ittied in I mean it just made so
(20:32):
much sense, it tied in.
I mean, you and I hadconversations again to give
ourselves credit.
We had light conversationsabout going there to occur,
allowing some chaos to go offthe rails, and just try to be a
solid person in the mix and agood influence.
(20:53):
And sometimes less is more, theless you do the better.
We were just there for them.
And if people could realizethat trick, that angle, that
hack, just be there.
You don't have to fix it, youdon't have to engage the chaos
(21:22):
and I think that's what sobrietyand soul recovery strengthens
in a person is the ability tosupport without overacting.
Rev Rachel Harrison (21:25):
Right Detachment, the healthy
detachment.
You know it's interestingbecause I've been looking at
that picture of us when we werethe same age, that Alex and Lexi
are, with Alex as a little baby, right, and it's this
hysterical 28-year-old pictureof these two young people with
horrible haircuts.
Rich Harrison (21:45):
Horrible haircut photo.
Rev Rachel Harrison (21:46):
Horrible haircut photo like an Olin Mills
or something like that or.
Sears or something.
Yes perfect and this little babysitting, it's just such a hokey
picture and it just seems likeforever ago.
And then here we have our ownchildren that are at that phase
in their life, and how much Iwant to impart upon them this
(22:08):
wisdom.
And, of course, the main thingthat I want is I want to save
them from having to go throughsome of the hardships that we
went through.
And yet I have more and moreclarity all the time that those
challenges, that those hardships, that those pieces are what
build us into our character ofwho we are.
Rich Harrison (22:27):
That's living a real life.
So, don't take it away fromsomebody.
Rev Rachel Harrison (22:30):
So don't take it away from somebody.
I often say that the successthat we have, you do a reference
of the past and I think you'regetting healthier and healthier
about not judging the differencebut having the reference from a
healthier place, because I dothink that sometimes you have to
have a touchback, but sometimesI've shared with you the
(22:52):
feedback that if you say I likeyou so much now, you're so much
better than you used to be.
Rich Harrison (22:59):
That's a family joke between you and me.
That's a family joke where I'mlike.
Rev Rachel Harrison (23:02):
you don't have to say I'm so much better
than I used to be, but we aretalking about all of our
successes, so like, how do youallow yourself to be really
present in what is?
and maybe that reflection islike I'm so grateful that we're
here now, but at the same time,it is the past that creates who
we are, and so if I am alwaysreflecting on, like how painful
(23:27):
it was, I'm within all of us.
That is really beautiful and itdoes include some of the sticky
stuff resurfacing, but becausewe're all looking at it from a
(23:50):
more healed perspective, itdoesn't stay.
It's more like the sticky stuffcomes up to be revealed and to
be healed.
But we are each responsible onour own journey to decide how we
are individually going to dothat.
And the more that I let go ofthe boys and how they're doing
it and I let go of you and howyou're doing it, the more we are
(24:14):
actually all stepping into thehealing in our own way, if we so
choose.
Rich Harrison (24:18):
I have a thought I'm hoping I can articulate
which relates to good oldEckhart Tolle and the Power of
Now, which is, I think the erroris falling into your mind and
body and the emotion of yourpast body and dealing with
something in the present versusknowing, relaxing into
(24:42):
everything you've learned, thatis, in you, in the now, and
acting on it from the now of theperson you've become.
And the slippery slope is wecan just go up and be in our
past body, or call it your painbody, which is also an Eckhart
(25:03):
term, and approach it from there, even partially.
It's hard to explain, right,but it's a beautiful thing when
you don't pull your pain body oryour victim story or anything,
any of the pain.
You don't pull it forward fromthe past, you just all you do is
automatically have what youlearned from that in the now and
(25:25):
then approach whatever'shappening from a place of love
and new understanding andlearned, learned tools.
Rev Rachel Harrison (25:33):
Exactly.
I mean, that's what soulrecovery process teaches.
Is that those old beliefs,those old stories, those old
patterns, until we recognizethem, you can't transverse them
into new ways of being, butthey're there to give you
something.
Rich Harrison (25:47):
It's information to be transmuted to now for all
its best parts, not old pain.
Rev Rachel Harrison (25:55):
Right, yeah .
So then, one of my awarenessesthat I had in this past trip is
that reminder again that I havethat I so want to save my
children from any pain, anydifficulty.
I don't want it to be hard forthem.
I had this fairy tale of whathaving a baby would be like.
Rich Harrison (26:19):
That wasn't exactly Lexi's experience.
Rev Rachel Harrison (26:21):
No.
And then bless her little heart.
She had a hard delivery andthen Lexi, I love you.
Rich Harrison (26:27):
Trooper, Shout out to you so beautifully tough.
Rev Rachel Harrison (26:31):
Yeah, no, that was.
Rich Harrison (26:34):
She's a powerhouse.
Rev Rachel Harrison (26:35):
You guys were great, they did a beautiful
job, and so then I came homeand I've had a week at and our
(27:04):
boy Alex you guys were greatcultivated and created and
worked hard for and created asafety and a peace and a
kindness to each other and aroutine that is an oasis.
It's a place where we can comeand really reset, so that you
can go out in the world and haveit be complex and that we can
be a rock for each other andthat we are each other's safe
place.
And I think that's what wealways wanted in the first place
and we did it.
Rich Harrison (27:23):
Yeah, thanks for saying that, because you can get
so into your routine thatyou're taking little things for
granted and we're so blessed andI'm so grateful to.
Every time I come through myfront door, I'm just, I'm home
and it's a beautiful thing.
Every time I come through myfront door, I'm home and it's a
beautiful thing.
Rev Rachel Harrison (27:38):
That's what the journey is about.
If you are in a relationship,it's the greatest spiritual
sandpaper that you can have.
To get to the polish, To get tothe vows that we made you know,
(28:04):
I was doing a wedding forsomebody and I pulled out our
vows and their vows were verymuch around like being super
connected and everything wastogether and I went back and
read our vows and our vows werereally about individuality.
Turns out, you know about uskeeping ourselves and walking
along each other's paths, butnot on the same path.
(28:25):
You know, drink from good build, good Jill, good Braun,
whatever his name is.
Anyway, drink from the same cup, but you know the separate cups
.
Rich Harrison (28:34):
Yeah.
Rev Rachel Harrison (28:34):
And I thought you know that's wild,
that if you really look at whatwe said in our vows to each
other, it was this individuation, and I think that's the place
where I'm grateful for usbecause we have put, I think,
more energy than we did beforeon our individual growth
(28:55):
alongside each other and in thatit's actually bringing us
together.
Rich Harrison (29:00):
In between we got knotted up in the codependency
and fixing each other and I wantto raise the kids like this oh
well, no, that's not how you doit.
All that stuff which is life.
Again, if somebody was tryingto fix us and telling us, oh,
you're doing it wrong, thatwould have just added to the
(29:22):
mess.
So in between it got reallymessy for us.
But here we are at the bookendsand it's a really wonderful
reflection of the beginning tonow that they're lining up.
Rev Rachel Harrison (29:35):
And it doesn't mean there won't be grit
.
Rich Harrison (29:36):
Of course there's more to come.
I'm warning you, Rach, there'smore to come, but we'll be
better for it, yeah.
Rev Rachel Harrison (29:44):
I really recognize how resistant I've
been to the grit and now I havea different relationship with it
.
Rich Harrison (29:52):
You've gotten grittier in a very beautiful way
.
Rev Rachel Harrison (29:55):
Well, thank you If that makes any sense.
Rich Harrison (29:56):
Thank you, makes sense to me.
Rev Rachel Harrison (30:04):
And we're in a new chapter.
I mean, ultimately, I reallyreflected on having our oldest
child have a child, and lookingat those pictures of myself with
my silver hair and crow's feet,eyes, and you just go, wow, we
really are at this phase in life, that's this whole other
chapter, are at this phase inlife, that's this whole other
chapter.
But it's a beautiful chapterbecause it's really where we get
to reap the rewards of all ofthe complex nature of what it is
(30:26):
to be alive, and we've learnedsome of the really hard lessons
so that we can be present in away that allows us to kind of
really flourish in who we'rehere to be.
Rich Harrison (30:38):
Wherever you're at, whatever station, whatever
age, just be good to yourselfand accept where you're at.
I mean, that's kind of what I'mtrying to do, and it's not.
I'm in a place I want everybodyto know.
That's not exactly easy thisage I'm at Late 50s.
I find it challenging.
(30:59):
I'm hoping there's, with allthe work, I'll get to the, the
sunset of the six, of the, thedecade of my sixties, and just
really be in place where I'm at.
And, um, I just want to sendthat out to everybody that
listens to your podcast.
You know, be good to yourselfwherever you're at, and that
includes hard times and the bestof times.
Rev Rachel Harrison (31:19):
Yeah, beautifully said.
We're not even going to go intoall that today, but I love that
you brought that out, becauseit's not like it's peaches and
roses every single day.
We're actually walking throughchanges in health, changes in
physical fitness, changes in job, you know, like having kids,
have kids, looking at thepolitical situation, parents who
(31:40):
are aging I mean there's a lotof stuff going on, but instead
of drowning it away in drinks,which is what we used to do, and
then fighting and beingincredibly miserable, we're
really just being present in itand there's a lot of peace in
this space.
Rich Harrison (31:58):
And I can remember being newly recovered
or newly sober and all of thosethings you just mentioned,
because that was a really solidlist.
That was very realistic.
It just feels like it hits youin the chest, like a boulder
hitting you in the chest becauseyou've been numbing it for so
long.
You've had this system ofintoxication to numb and I've
(32:23):
had it forever and when I wasfirst sober it was like a panic
attack.
Just life hitting me in thechest was like a panic attack.
It takes a while, but that'swhat goes away slowly and
beautiful things fill in, whichwe've talked about through this
podcast, and you get to apeaceful place.
Rev Rachel Harrison (32:40):
Well, thank you for coming on and sharing a
more Rachel and Rich lifemarriage experience and as we
move into the next chapter and Iappreciate the work that you've
been doing and being my rock-my pleasure, love you I love you
too.
Until next time, Namaste.
Pleasure Love you.
I love you too.
(33:02):
Until next time, Namaste.
Thank you for listening and Ihope that that helps support
your soul recovery process.
Just a reminder that everyFriday is the recover your soul
bonus podcast.
This podcast is for Patreonmembers and Apple podcast
subscribers and not only do youget an incredible interview or
book study that comes with beingpart of that community, but
your subscribing helps supportthis podcast and the Recover
(33:23):
your Soul community.
If you want to listen to thosebonus episodes but can't
subscribe right now, do knowthat you can be a free Patreon
member and have access forlimited time to new episodes.
Visit the websiteRecoverYourSoulnet or check out
the show links below for couponsand information for upcoming
events.
I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your friends and
(33:45):
family.
I thank you for giving it fivestars, and the reviews that are
left bring tears to my eyes.
I am honored to be part of yourlife.
Together we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
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