April 9, 2025 • 47 mins
Depression doesn't magically vanish when the alcohol does. In our 40th episode, Larry bravely shares his recent struggle with depression despite approaching his three-year sobriety milestone. This raw conversation explores the reality that getting sober doesn't automatically fix all mental health issues, and sometimes professional help is needed alongside recovery work.
We dive deep into the telltale signs sponsors recognize before someone relapses—communication patterns changing, disengagement from meetings, and the façade that "everything's great" when behavior suggests otherwise. These insights aren't just valuable for sponsors but for anyone with loved ones in recovery. The emotional toll of watching someone return to drinking is palpable as we discuss two recent relapses in our community, balancing frustration with genuine concern and compassion.
The episode also celebrates recovery victories, including Larry's trip to Texas with family where he enjoyed concerts and activities while remaining sober. These moments highlight how recovery enables authentic connection and presence, even in environments where alcohol flows freely. We announce upcoming episodes featuring two fathers who lost sons in the same accident—a powerful testament to how people process grief differently while finding recovery from both substance abuse and devastating loss.
Whether you're in recovery yourself or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers valuable perspective on the ongoing work required to maintain not just sobriety, but emotional and mental wellbeing. Listen, share, and remember—seeking help isn't weakness, it's courage in action.
Thank You for Joining Us.. Please share with friends. If you or anyone you know is struggling with alcoholism please reach out to us. We can get you help. recoveryunfilteredpodcast@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
We'll be right back.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Very little.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
You will hear the word God in a four-letter word
in the same sentence.
You will also be offended.
So if you are easily offended,just pass us by.
This podcast is not for you.
What?
Speaker 1 (00:29):
the fuck was that?
If you don't agree with whatwe're saying, that's okay.
We're going to love you anyways.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
I don't know Any way I feel you with it.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
You can tell I'm getting bored with her.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
So sit back, grab a beverage of.
Yeah, those are good.
Hi Robert, how you doing?
Kid Good buddy, how are you?
I forgot to tell you Bonniewasn't yesterday before she's a
kid.
Now that she's with Tammy,she's been listening to the
podcast.
Well, that's fucked up.
So she goes.
In the last podcast we hadNathan.
(00:57):
She said that Larry has saidthat it's really hard for you.
When Nathan said, you know,he's just really at peace, what
is that?
The serenity is overwhelmingcalmness.
Overwhelming calmness, and I'veused that multiple times this
week and she said that youreally that it's really a lot.
It's harder for you, a lotharder for you now to get upset
anymore.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Me.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
You know, it takes a lot more to get you upset.
You don't even you know.
And she says challenge accepteddamn it.
You know it's funny as I wasloud at first.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
How am I doing right now?
Yeah, I turned you back down.
Sorry, I don't know wherethings have gone here.
I don't know if one of mygrandkids got up here or what.
Um, so yeah, I turnedeverything back down a little
bit.
Um, so, yeah, no, that, youknow it's very hard for me to
get upset anymore.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
I I don't except for oh, I'm way down now yeah,
except for the doctor who uh youknow what that was?
Speaker 1 (01:50):
a um.
What was so bad about that isjust because I'd worked so hard
to be able to take that time offfor my surgery that it was just
like caught you off guard, dude.
It caught me so far off guard.
What does it say in our book?
We got to always be preparedfor the unexpected, and I was
not prepared for that at all.
(02:11):
Man, that one got me, that onegot me.
Yes, she did, she got you.
Speaking of getting so, I hadthe very, very pleasure of
taking my oldest daughter,miranda, to.
We bought her.
She's had a bucket list thingthat she's always wanted to do.
She wanted to see Rascal Flats.
You know, they broke, theystopped touring a few years back
(02:32):
and uh really, yeah, and theyhaven't toured in seven years.
I think it was so for Miranda's, for her Christmas, we gave her
tickets to go to Rascal Flatsin Fort Worth, texas, at the
Dickies arena, and it was seemedlike a real extravagant present
to me.
But then when we startedbreaking it down, it really
wasn't all that.
I mean it was extravagant, ofcourse, but it wasn't more than
(02:53):
what I thought.
So we planted over a period oftime and it was me and Katie and
Eric and Miranda, and the fourof us haven't really done
anything together just the fourof us in a long time.
So, my God, what a pleasure itwas.
You know, it's just I lovethose two.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
So much, we got the pictures.
That's what's cool about themen's group Right All the
pictures and stuff, yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
I mean it was just a pleasure.
Katie had you know, katie hadme stop at the hat store.
It was just.
It was an actual, just apleasure speaking of that, what
happened?
Speaker 2 (03:24):
I have because, again , I'm I'm knowledgeable in a lot
of things and I'm ignorant tomore things than I've you know.
I did not know that a hat wouldcost that much.
I was talking to the boys likebig Brian my Indian brother.
He said I said, and I wasshowing him the hat, he goes,
man, that's you know, becausethe steaming and the stuff and I
go.
And then I showed him the pricegoes.
Yeah, that's a hand, that's youknow.
(03:46):
It's.
Yeah, come on, rob, I didn'tknow no, that's I.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
You know what, when I say I'm blessed, that my wife
surprised me with that because Iwas like there's, you know,
because mckenna, my youngest, isgetting married and they, they
wanted me to buy a new hat.
You know, my, the mostexpensive hat I've ever had was
a 20 X.
You know, that's how they ratethe beavers.
The beaver felt this one was ahundred X.
Oh my gosh, this thing is, youknow, they had them in there 200
(04:12):
X and but it's like never feltanything like that before and
it's just pristine and it's, youknow, it's locked up in my safe
right now.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
You know, that thing's gorgeous you know, by
felt I mean I mean uh, straw?
No, no, I've never been becauseyou know because all my buddies
, you know, growing up rightbecause I never wore yeah, but
they've.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
You know, the seasons change, you go from felt to
straw for some reason, I'venever been able to wear a straw
hat, even in the middle ofsummer.
You'll hear, see, watch mewearing a felt hat.
I don't know why, I just can'twear them.
No, I just, I never, never, wasone for those.
But anyways, it was a fun trip.
And so, saturday we the concertwe flew in on thursday morning
and the concert that we weregoing to was thursday night.
(04:54):
Right, tired, blah, blah, weall naps and and uh, then we
came home.
Thursday friday we did thebucky-ee's tour.
My wife is a fanatic forBuc-ee's.
Buc-ee's.
It's in Texas, texas, I don'tknow.
There's some in Florida.
They're southern, they're justa huge.
(05:16):
They're not a travel, oh no,it's like a big Think about a
gas station.
Okay, on steroids, I'm talkinglike a love's truck.
Stop, yeah, but without thediesel just gas and you walk in
and it's an over.
I mean it's a walmart ofbuckies.
(05:38):
I'll send you a video of it.
Yeah, I'll send you a video ofit.
Inside it they're and they makebriskets and they have just all
kinds of.
They got big meat counter withall kinds of different beef
jerkies and smoked sausages.
That sounds good.
Oh my gosh, buc-ee's are huge.
And anyways, when I say we tooka Buc-ee tour, because my wife
(05:59):
is infatuated with those withBuc-ee's right, she follows us
on instagram.
You can't order none of theirstuff online.
You have to actually go intothe buckies, just buy anything.
Yeah, and they're only backthere the further.
The closest one week to us isnorthern tech or western texas.
I mean, they're nothing, it'sall all east of texas.
(06:21):
Yeah, I'll be down, but yeah,there there's something else.
You ever walk into one.
The experience is different,very much different, anyway.
So Friday we did that.
We came home and my once again,I didn't.
They were going to go to a, aconcert at Billy Bob's in Fort
Worth, right, and um, we hadbeen walking around.
We went down and watch thestampede and did all that.
(06:42):
And you know, talking about thepleasures of being sober, right
, I'm able to sit there enjoythat all day long while my wife
and my daughter and myson-in-law they have their
cocktails.
They enjoy themselves becausemy wife can enjoy it, because
she's not worried about herhusband getting drunk and doing
stupid shit.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
You know what I?
Speaker 1 (07:01):
mean, she literally just had a great day and I had a
great.
It was just a just a blessing,as it's supposed to be.
Went home, went back to thehotel this is the part I decided
to get to went to the hotellaid down for a little bit.
They were going back to theconcert at Billy Bob's, and
Billy Bob's is just is thelargest bar in around.
It's like 26 000 square feet,eight or nine bars inside.
(07:25):
They always have live concerts.
I mean, some major people havestarted there and it's beautiful
place.
Well, they were going to go toa concert that started at 10
o'clock.
I can't even remember the guy'sname anyways.
I didn't know who the guy was.
I'm not not a country music fananyways.
So I told katie's like larry,you don't have to go, you can
just stay down.
I'm okay, I may just stay inthe hotel.
(07:46):
You guys go have a good time.
And the more I laid there, themore I laid there, the more I
was like, fuck that, if I layhere, they're going to go have a
good time.
I am going to miss that moment,right, I'm going to miss that
moment.
I said I'm going to order us anUber, we're going to go
together, we'll don't have toworry about parking.
So I ordered Uber to pick us upat nine 15.
(08:06):
We go downstairs, see the Ubershows up.
I open up the.
So it's my wife, eric andMiranda getting in the back seat
.
And I opened up the front doorand I look across and in the
middle of the guy's lap is abrown paper bag with about that
much blue sticking out from thetop of it.
And I looked.
I go, what's in the bag?
Goose, you know, I was justjoking.
(08:30):
And Rob, he literally did noteven hesitate Bud Light.
And I'm like you are notdriving my family around with a
Bud Light.
He goes it's okay, man, I'llput it right here.
And he put it in the centerconsole.
I was like ain't gonna make itany better.
But and then so he left and wegot into my, our vehicle.
(08:51):
I just thought you know I'm notgonna order another uber we pull
out as we pulled out of thehotel and turn the corner, go,
there's the paper bag in the budlight cans laying on the side
of the road.
You know it goes back to thatis.
You know, you don't want tojudge if somebody's an alcoholic
, right, you don't want to dothat.
(09:12):
But the insanity of driving anUber car and thinking that it's
okay to pick up completestrangers, complete strangers,
with a Bud Light between yourlegs.
I was just baffled by that.
That's funny, baffled.
Wow.
Anyways, at least he was honest.
Oh, straight up, he didn't evenhesitate Bud Light.
(09:36):
I'm like yeah, no, and Mirandawas already in the back of this
car and everything.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
And I'm like Eric's kind of What'd they say?
What'd Eric say?
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Eric back of this car and everything.
And I'm like eric, what theysay, what eric say, eric, eric,
as soon as I said it, as soon ashe heard it, eric was looking
at miranda, telling miranda toget out right, because miranda
already sat down.
I mean, if the guy was to getpissed off and took off, miranda
was in the back of the car.
But man eric was like, get out,get out.
Finally got out.
It was I mean it wasn't like adramatic thing, but I mean it
was funny for me.
And then just the more Ithought about it, the more I was
(10:10):
like I can't believe that justfucking happened.
I just just crazy, crazy, crazy.
Why am I doing all the talking?
Well, you're telling the story.
What?
Speaker 2 (10:19):
the fuck story.
I don't know the story, tellyou, I know but fucking now
brad's gonna say I wouldn't shutup.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
He's gonna say that no matter what you do so hey, so
this is episode 20 for us, no40, I'm sorry, episode 40 for us
, yeah, so we got a few thingsgoing on.
I mean, you and I startedtalking earlier about a few
things when we were doing alittle bit of show prep.
One of the things that I'vebeen fighting a little bit is,
you know, I, ever since I gotsober, I haven't had, um, uh, I
(10:50):
have been fighting.
I'll fight depression everyonce in a while, right, now.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
What do you mean?
Break that down for me.
What do you?
What are you feeling when youtalk?
Speaker 1 (10:57):
about just fucking like black cloud.
You know that, that black cloud, that I talk just tired, not
giving a fuck about anything.
You know getting phone callsand not really just wanting to
fucking deal with the phonecalls and just not giving a fuck
.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Okay, apathy.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
I don't know what the fuck that is.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Not giving a fuck.
Oh yeah, I'm just not giving afuck, I just don't.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
And just zero energy, just nothing, just fucking
nothing.
I just don't and just zeroenergy, just nothing, just
fucking nothing.
You know, and I had that alittle bit before we left on our
trip and I've been fighting itback and forth after my back
surgery and going through thepain pills and doing all that
shit and I stopped taking thepain pills completely and that
pain is still pretty intense alittle bit and having some
(11:42):
problems with that and that poorme a little bit and having some
problems with that and you knowthat poor me a little bit.
But man, last time I wasthinking we got home on Sunday
and Monday Sunday, monday,tuesday, it was just brutal.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Brutal.
But now do you think that couldhave something to do with, I
mean, going on that trip withthe family?
There was no reason Just tohide and just coming off that?
Speaker 1 (12:02):
No, it was absolutely .
It was the same feeling that Ihad prior and I, you know, thank
God for my wife.
I love her so much Cause sheI'm able to talk to her through
these things now because, as Itold her, when I would drink,
when I was drinking and I feltthose coming on, is when the you
(12:23):
know, the 36, you know, the oneor two pints of whiskey a day
would turn into four or fivepints of it.
I would double up my alcoholwhen I would start filling that
way because I would go in wavesof it.
So, Katie and I really talkedabout it and I haven't, you know
, I went through some how oftendoes it come up?
That's the first time since I'vebeen sober.
(12:44):
Really, yeah, went through some.
How often does it come up orhow?
That's the first time sinceI've been sober, really yeah,
yeah, okay like that?
Speaker 2 (12:48):
that I mean, I've had it.
Good, you're damn near threeyears, so when do you?
When's your three years up?
It's april 12th coming up.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Yep, yep, that's pretty damn good rate.
I mean once in three years Imean, I've had little ones
little bouts right, I've, I'vebeen through it a little bit and
I'm able to shake them off alittle bit by changing my
latitude a little bit.
You know, hey, no, I gotta dosomething different here.
You know you guys have heard metalk about it that I, you know,
I got to change something up.
I'm not, something's not right.
I got to change something up.
(13:14):
Well, this time in, you know,about two or three weeks after
about two weeks of it, I wasstill trying to change some
stuff up and I just could notshake it, couldn't shake it and
I still really haven't right.
I'm still just working throughit.
You know there's still kind ofups and lows right now, but
Katie and I talked about it.
I actually go in to see.
I'm going to go back to mydoctor.
(13:34):
You know I tried a lot of theother medicines.
You know some some medicinesprior to me.
You know, giving up the alcoholand stopping my drinking and
getting help.
I haven't went back at all.
I think that that I still fightit a little bit.
You know, I think I still havea little bit of that, that
chemical imbalance.
So you know, I thought I'vebeen fighting through and I
(13:56):
thought I was gonna be okay, butI think I still fighting it a
little bit, so I I do think I'mgonna go back to the doctor and
get that get some professionalhelp.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Yeah, just to see.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Yeah, because see yeah because I didn't like it.
Outside help is alwaysrecommended.
I didn't like that.
I don't like it right.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
You know, the positive thing about it is never
at one time did I ever think,fuck it, I'm just going to go
drink, right.
Never, I mean.
And Katie and I talked for thatobsession to be so far gone,
right, that I just don't.
I just never got, never eventhought that that was an answer
(14:32):
to any of it.
Everything I was doing was youknow, what can I do?
How can I change this?
What do I need to change?
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Well, the big book talks about some of us need
outside help.
Go get it Right.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Yeah, so that's one of the things.
Like I said, it's the.
And what I don't like is myperformance shows, right, my
performance in work, myperformance as a husband, my
performance as a dad In thebedroom?
No, in the bedroom, maybe, Idon't know, I'm fine, for me,
(15:09):
I'm good'm good, you know.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
but well, go get some baby no, yeah, I just you know.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
I think the reason why I wanted to bring it up is,
you know, even if you are sober,this, this sobriety, this aa
and this how we work throughthis.
We are not affiliated with aa.
Yes, thank, thank you, rob.
This way of living, it's a wayof living, right, it's a way of
living, but I still have thingsthat I need to work on that
(15:35):
being sober is not going to fixright.
There's still things that Ineed to deal with mentally that
AA is probably not going to fix.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
That's where it was outside.
That's what we seek Right you?
Speaker 1 (15:54):
know, seek it, and it's taken three years to get to
me to that point and I'm verymuch okay with it, but look at
the difference God's made inthree years.
You know it's crazy, right?
Just the blessings that's comeover, blessings that I've had.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
And a lot of you know .
Speaker 1 (16:08):
Clear away the records, get rid of the alcohol
Right right, and let's say okay,now, Right now let's work on
let's get down to business andwork on some stuff, but you know
the other thing I was going tosay, you know.
So one more thing going tostart talking about um, there's
something important we want togo over.
But one of the things I loveabout you, rob, that you've
you've allowed for me, is,because of my crazy ass schedule
(16:31):
, I can just call you up and go,hey, I need to record in a
couple hours.
And you immediately, all right,see you in a couple hours.
And I, you know, I appreciatethat, because when we started
this, we said we're going to try, and you know we're going to
drop.
We're going to try and you knowwe're going to drop every week.
Right, that was my number onegoal.
We're going to drop somethingevery week.
And we have done that.
And we have, right, today thiswill be recording 40, and it'll
(16:57):
be 40 weeks in a row that wehave dropped.
You know, some of them aregreat, some of them, you know,
just you and I bull, I bullshitlike we're doing here, but
you've always done that and evenwith all my crazy ass shot,
crazy ass traveling here andthere, you know you've made that
possible and I appreciate that.
No, you're welcome, hey, so Idon't want to blow your head up
(17:19):
too much, but I appreciate itit's still same size, trust me.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
So I'm right, I'm fucking right size.
Sorry about that.
I'm right sized, you are, youget kept there quite often.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Yeah, so I want to talk about something that and
we're I am very excited aboutthis and I hope to and pray that
it continues and this reallydoes come into play.
So back on episode three, wehad our first guest was jason
allen, right, very close dearfriend of ours.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Um, for you and me three and four episode three it
was three and four.
Yeah, his, his episode gotsplit up because his story was
um, we were when we were justlearning, I mean, we were fresh,
we're still green, we're stilllearning we are learning right,
we were.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Everything was so green.
I mean, we started it in myoffice with uh, you know, we had
mike crazy, mike stands, andyou know, but the one thing that
was with the consistent when,when you asked about this and
right decided to do this and allthe prayer.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
we knew who the first guest we want oh, jason, was
from the very beginning.
There was no question.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
No question that Jason was going to be that first
guest, and here we are, yeah.
Yeah, so here we are, then, atepisode 20.
So what I'm saying is, ifplease go back and listen to
episodes three and four andyou're going to know why here in
just a minute, cause I'm goingto, I'm going to kind of
preference why so three and fouris important, and then episode
(18:48):
20, all during that my wife kepttelling me, katie kept saying
Larry, jason's story is notfinished, jason's story is not
finished.
And I was like what do you mean?
She goes.
There's still so much more thatyou need to come, you need to,
you need to get Jason in here sowe can get the afterwards right
.
What it's like.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
And the second family and Jenny was in here.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Jenny's got her podcast going now after she's
been on here.
She's doing very good with hers.
So we got in here and she andwe got Jason on number 20, right
.
So about six months ago we hada gentleman come into the
program that reached out to you,was a good friend of yours
(19:31):
prior to it.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
He was not who, mikey .
Speaker 1 (19:33):
No, no, you didn't really know him before.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
I only met him one or two times, when the accident
happened Right and when we'd gettogether, we'd have parties
with Tyler.
I only met him one or two timeswhen the accident happened.
Right, okay, and when we'd gettogether we'd have parties with
Tyler.
That's when I only met him acouple times.
We didn't know each other, wejust met.
This is Mike, really yeah.
Well you know what, when hecame in, I just started giving
him a ration of shit.
It's okay.
And Mike had the steps comingbecause I know, he's not doing
(19:58):
them, so I was just busting hisGotcha yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Okay, well, we shook hands and went back and forth,
back and forth for a littlewhile and about two months,
about two and a half months intoit, I knew he was fairly new to
sobriety and fairly new, andprobably about two or three
months into it, you, I think youtold me or somebody told me,
(20:21):
and goes that's Mikey's dad, whowas in the accident with Jason
Allen.
I'm like with Tyler and I'mlike what really?
And I'm like, wow, so I've been, we've every time I've gotten
to know Mike a little bit moreand a little bit more and a
little bit more as he's comingthrough the program and a little
bit more and a little bit moreand a little bit more as he's
coming through the program.
And you know, and watching himcome alive has been amazing.
(20:45):
Has he started working thesteps with you?
No, is he going to?
Speaker 2 (20:49):
No, I don't know.
He's got to.
Okay, I'm doing air quotes,he's got to, and I like the guy
who's his sponsor, who's not inthe rooms right now.
I don't know if I should evensay any of this bullshit.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
No, no, no, no, he's not.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
He's not actually working steps.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
He's talking about it .
I think he's getting there.
I think because I haveliterally watched Mike he better
boy.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
He's going because I bust his balls.
So much about it.
I know you do.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
He's going to do it.
He calls how much he hatesright now, I think mike well, I
think, what's I mean?
Speaker 2 (21:19):
because let's just, we're gonna have both these men
on the podcast the next two.
You know this, this 40 is gonnabe this one.
Yep, then 41 to 42 are gonna bemike and jay.
We've done rude and designanybody mike and jason right,
it's not.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
I mean, we didn't, yeah, it's, you know it.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
In that, this is what that's gonna be, fucking pow
and I'm using that powerful well, and I, I think, the reason why
.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
I wanted to preference me too.
I'm even thinking about it.
I mean, you know, and I'm justgoing to keep praying.
I mean they both agreed right.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Oh, they're coming.
Well it's only today.
I already got Jason on the mat.
I balled him up a little bit.
I'll be there, rob, they'll bethere, rob, they'll be there,
they'll be there.
And I've been.
And I saw him on thursday andyes, which is yesterday, yeah,
at my meeting and he goes.
Oh man, I was joking with mike,who's in the back, who came in
late, and I gave him one ofthese come in late to my fucking
(22:11):
meeting and I said well, that'sall right, we're gonna see you.
Oh, did I agree to that?
You know he was joking around.
Yeah, oh yeah but, what makes itmore comfortable is he knows
jason's going to be here, sothat that's really what he
actually got excited, larry, tobe right.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Well, and you know, and the reason why this came up
for me is because mike startedcoming into our did I, did we
really say that mike, mike's sonand tyler were in that accident
together?
We said that you just did.
Okay.
Yeah, I wanted to make sure.
I thought I jumped over Maybe.
I thought I maybe did.
It's just Mike's voice.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Mike Mikey, right right.
He died on impact, he died onthe scene.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Right Tyler lived for three to four years.
So, we're going to have Mikehere, whose son died on impact,
and then Jason, whose son livedfor a few years.
Jason, got sober a few yearsafter tyler, after tyler, mike's
mike working on it, working onit right now and you know, and
(23:09):
what, like I said, going back towatching him grow in his
sobriety has been you know, andI've said you know on the mic
before is watching people gofrom zero to six months to a
year, watching that flower cometo bloom.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
If it does, if they're doing the deal, it does.
And you're right, rob, you'reright.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
But watching it and you can tell, right, oh fuck you
, you can tell the ones thataren't growing because they're
just sitting there and they'restill just that dark cloud over
them, right, but the ones thatyou watch, they're putting in
the work.
You're seeing them at onemeeting, then two meetings, then
three meetings.
Then you're seeing them beinginvolved and they're talking and
they're getting there andthey're sharing stuff that they
(23:53):
haven't shared before.
Mike started sharing and hestarted coming to our Mondays
meeting and as soon as I saw himthere, I'm like fuck, yeah,
right, I get excited.
And then to hear him startsharing and bringing out some of
the stuff that he's done, andhe's been instrumental because
Jason's been busy, so he hasn't.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
I mean I talked to him to help with Matt.
I'm talking about Matt.
We've heard Matt and Mary'sstory when they lost Adam, but
Mike has been on a coupleoccasions been really
instrumental in helping me withMatt and helping Matt point
blank, because they've got that.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Right, right.
They have that in common Sameway, as they have the alcoholism
Right.
So, it's just what a gift it is, and you know what Painful gift
it is, and you know whatPainful gift it is and I'm so
blessed that God has given usthe opportunity to have this
quorum, that we're having thisvenue, to allow Jason and to
(24:51):
allow Mike come on here and toshare this story to more people
than just the Monday nightgroups, the Thursday night
groups, and this is why I wantedto share prior.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Let me tell you something Almost I don't know
how many people, but there's alot of folks at the Oakdale
Fellowship and beyond who arelistening to this now.
Yep, the Destro Fellowship said, listen, oh, you guys got the
podcast.
Yeah, I want to be on it.
No, I know.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
We got a good little list of Hold on a second.
Have you seen that yet?
Yeah, send me a picture, dude.
That is some painful stuffInside the arm, I bet.
Oh, I got serenity put on theinside of my bicep, holy cow.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
Looks good though.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Hey, you know what's funny and ironic about that?
Nothing about that was serene,I bet.
Yeah, it is.
I actually even looked at thetattoo guy and go do you
actually realize you'retattooing serenity?
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Now, how long does some work like that take?
Speaker 1 (25:44):
That right, there was about an hour and a half not
long my lab was.
Can you see that?
Yeah, my lab on the backside.
That was about two and a halfhours.
I'm done.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
What would that serenity cost?
Speaker 1 (26:00):
I don't want to talk about that on the air why?
Speaker 2 (26:02):
what's the difference ?
Speaker 1 (26:03):
let's just tell me why are you doing that on the
air?
What does it matter?
I don't want that shit out onthe air, damn it.
I'm cutting all this, hey, um,yeah, it's not cheap, okay, no
tattoo is cheap.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
Well, I don't know, I mean I'm sure some of them.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Let me just tell on this arm, right here, you could
have bought a small car.
Okay, yeah, yeah, so.
But you know, and I tell peopleall the time, everything on
this arm is tells my story.
It starts from my sobriety dateto my, to my, to the.
The unity triangle on here isit tells my story to my serenity
(26:42):
, all the way.
Anyways, I don't know how I gotfucking down that rabbit hole.
Yeah, it happens.
I think because I'm over hereand the fucking arm is bloodshot
September.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
What happened?
Hold on, can you start talking?
I'm about to sneeze.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
Don't do that.
I'm going to go back to what wewere talking about before.
I rudely interrupted us.
My point was in telling, inbringing up the thought of these
two coming onto the podcast.
Two things One, it's a way topush it because we've kind of
(27:19):
stalled out right now at about18 to 2200 listeners depending
on the episode.
So I'm trying to get back outthere because I want to get more
people.
We need to get some video thenwe need to start video, whatever
we need to do to start pushingthis.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Speaking of that, september Emily is going to be
on.
Oh, did you get her?
Okay, all right, she goes.
I'll do it after my one year.
So when's your one year?
September, you got it All right.
She goes, I'll do it after myone year, so when's your?
Speaker 1 (27:41):
one year, september.
You got it All right.
We'll put that on.
I got another girl that Iworked with years ago.
She's been sober probablyalmost 20 years and she reached
out to me.
She goes to Turlock Fellowship.
She wants to be on here, goodfriend, yeah, we got some good
stuff coming on, but the otherreason to bring it up, like I
said, is please don't listen tothat episode.
(28:03):
It's going to be very, veryemotional.
Please don't listen to it.
No, please don't listen to itat work or driving.
I'm just going to say it couldbe very emotional, but please
tell somebody about it, please.
If they're going to listen toit and never listen to the Jason
A, listen to three and four.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
For sure they're going to listen to it and never
listen to the Jason A Listen tothree and four.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
You've got to listen to three and four, you've got to
understand the wreckage thatJason went through.
But then again listen to number20, which is the opposite of
Jason's wreckage this wonderfullife that he lives now.
So listen to episode 20.
And number 41 is going to bejason a and mike s um talking
(28:46):
about that'll probably be likemike's story well, it's going to
be two episodes.
Right, mike's version.
Right, we're going to do twoepisodes.
We're going to do mike s'sstory.
Right, we're going to tell hisstory and then we're going to
come back with Jason Right.
Cause they were good friendsbefore right.
They're all part of thatwrestling community, and then
(29:07):
the second episode is going tobe the four of us talking about,
you know, whatever, whatever,bringing bringing all this to
life, talking about this and,you know, talking about his
story, with Jason and Jasonincluded, and Jason's a very
bright I mean, he's a brightguest.
I love it when he's on here,you know, and it's going to, I'm
very excited for it.
So, anyways, I, I, we had toget it.
(29:29):
We didn't have to.
You know, I wanted to get anepisode out.
I didn't want to miss anepisode, I didn't want to miss a
week.
I know this seems like a veryshort one, but I feel like I've
been talking the entire time.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
You have been again, which is perfect fucker I could
have done this without you today.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Then I got a new sponsee.
Who oh, that's what other thingI want to talk about.
Who's your new sponsee?
Have you never sponsored himbefore?
Yes, I have.
Okay, I'm bringing that up.
I don't care, byron, I fuckinglove you and I love you to death
and I will fucking, I would cutoff and right arm for that man.
Yeah, and he's gonna be on thispodcast someday because he's
(30:06):
got a fucking story that'll makeyour dick.
Oops, sorry, I'll back up.
He's got a story that'llabsolutely curl your toes.
Yeah, right to hear what he'sbeen through and to still
fucking drink yeah, is a cunning, baffling, powerful, wow and
patient, yes, so I, I justabsolutely I love that man.
(30:29):
I spoke to him this morning, sowe just I just hope he's in
enough pain.
Have you punched him, like yousaid you're going to?
No, I haven't, because you knowwhat.
There you go rob I know Ididn't.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
I didn my word.
There's got to be consequencesto your actions.
If I told him, if he did itagain, I was going to bust his
nose.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
You should have told him.
The only way I'm going tosponsor you again is, if you,
let me punch you right in themouth.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Then you won't be able to speak for days.
So that ain't going to.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
I want you to edit this episode so you can hear
that about that Motherfucker.
Speaker 2 (30:57):
Sorry, no, we've got.
And to my, because I did notkeep my word on my fourth rule.
You let him waste your fuckingtime.
Yeah, I did, I allowed it.
And now you're going to hearpeople say, oh, helping people
is never a waste of time.
Go fuck yourself, don't tell.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
I would agree with you, rob, it can be a waste of
time.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Yes, it is.
I did allow him to waste mytime.
We're going to come on newground, but I too, he's my
brother, I love him and I don't.
Okay.
Just because I tell someone,hey, you know what, it's time to
go find another sponsor, itdoesn't mean I've given up on
you, it means we're not right.
Whatever's going on, go findsomething else.
(31:39):
You know, because there'ssomeone that wants the way I'm
going to deliver, whatever Right.
So you know, but I don't.
It's not like I'm giving up onthem.
If I fire somebody, they'll gofind another sponsor.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
You know what, Rob?
We can sit here and talk allthe big, you know big bullshit
we want.
At the end of the day, we love,right, we love, we love, we
love, we love, we help we help,we help.
No matter the way I deal with mypain with certain people is, I
have to say I don't fucking care.
Inside it's breaking our hearts, right, yeah, inside it's
(32:10):
tearing me down, like Chris.
I spoke to his sister the otherday and said how's he doing?
I don't know.
I haven't seen him and you knowokay.
So in my heart I'm like fuck it.
Fuck it right, but not really,but not really Right Because it
hurts.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
I put a lot of fucking time and because we know
, with someone like Chris, thenext thing we're actually going
to hear about him from someone.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
A read in the obituary, yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
That's what I'm talking about.
He's going to be dead.
We know that Right.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
And basically said he's right back to where he was
at.
Yeah, of course, but that'swhat, right back, right back,
the big book says that.
So anyways, um, yeah, uh, soanyways.
We had another brother thatfell off and you know I'm I pray
for them, I check on them everyday and you know it's hard what
bugs you about it is the factthat I call you know I can call
it within the day and I thinkwe're.
That was something I wanted tobring up and I've already talked
to those guys.
You know, listen, rob, and Iwant to make sure everybody
knows Rob is not a medium.
(33:11):
He can't see the future oranything else like that, but he
can see the tells.
Right, he sees it.
You fucking called on the one,right?
You fucking called it.
You said it ain't very far out,and sure enough, it fucking
wasn't very far out.
You know the other one, yousaid it the other day and I was
like no way he's not back todrinking and you said, yeah,
(33:32):
sure enough he was.
And you know, and it's justthose telltale signs and I
wanted to ask you, withoutbringing up names, you know,
without tell, tell me some ofthose signs that you see
everybody's.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
It's like a poker game.
Okay, you see, it's like apoker game.
Okay, that's what a tell is.
When someone's got a good handor a bad hand, or when you've
seen them, you've been aroundthem so long and some are the
same, right.
But when the communicationstarts to slow down, that
behavior starts to change.
And then when you do talk tothem, man, everything is
(34:04):
beautiful, going great, yeah,hold on.
Now, you know.
And then, or they show up tothe meetings, when, when, when
the pain is on them, we know,when they, when they fucked up
again, right, they're engaged,you know, they're, they're,
they're, they're focused,they're engaged in what's going
on.
And then, as the heat starts todrop, you know they're not
(34:26):
really doing, they're doing justenough, right.
Then this shit starts lookingat the phone.
You know they're you knowthey're at a fewer meetings and
they're not engaged, right?
You know everything's a fuckingjoke, right?
You know that kind of stuffstarts happening and then it's
slow and even, even, but even.
And I and I had told the onesome of his tells and he knows
who he is.
I'm calling you, I'm callingyou just so you know I'm doing
(34:48):
all right.
I know, yeah, just because Idon't say it.
Right and I tell you guys,because I know it's a gift.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
Well, because I ask, I mean, and I think the reason
why I bring that up is some ofknow, some of our listeners, if
the wives are listening to thatof an alcoholic, you know what's
our sign, what's something thatwe can see, and I, I mean, I
would imagine you know, and Ihave one of the wives which some
people again the same thingthat when, when I talked to you,
like you, or reaches out to mebecause, well, it doesn't bother
(35:27):
me as much anymore becauseanyways, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
But those communications, just like when
I'm doing step work, what I tellyou right, what I rule my rules
, what I say to you, what yousay to me stays between you, me
and god, right, it ain't yourwife's fucking business right it
ain't my wife's fuckingbusiness.
So when I'm talking to a wife, Itell her the same thing.
But you and I talk aboutbecause you're the one, she's
the one that reached out to me,right, to help her.
Would you please help myhusband?
Sure, right, she was the onethat initiated everything, right
?
But when we talk, if you everuse my words against him, we're
(35:52):
done and I'm done with him.
I'm done with you too, right?
But so much has never happened.
But still, you know, they know,yeah, they know, if you started
fooling, katie would know.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
Oh for sure, because I know she would, yeah, yeah I
if I started pulling away.
And I think that's what, katie,that you know, when I start
going through these littledepression and I hate to even
call it that, but it is what itis Right, I got to give it a
name, but I got to give it aname Right, and I'm once again,
I'm going to take care of it.
You know she can, but here's thedifference for me, and
(36:24):
hopefully this will help someother men.
As I felt it, I talked to herabout it.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
You've got to voice it.
You've got to vocalize it, youhave to.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
Because I don't want her going through those feelings
of the same feelings that shewas getting when I was drinking,
right.
I don't want her having thosefeelings.
So, as I'm feeling this, when Ion tuesday I think it was where
it was just hitting me thehardest I called her.
I said hey, babe, I just got totell you this is what's going
(36:53):
on yeah, and she goes.
Yeah, let's go, let's, you know,let's.
I think this is what you shoulddo, but you know.
But anyways, that's the reasonwhy I wanted to bring it up a
little bit, and what would youwant me I open up some a little
bit about me on that, because,it's, you know, I I've talked
about it and I said my serenityand it I'm missing a little bit
of my serenity right now andit's, it's, I'm not getting it
(37:13):
and I'm doing the things thatI've known to do and I've
switched which is good, becausesometimes the growth right,
you're in it because you'recoming up on three and that also
hits you when you're coming upFor some reason it still hits me
every year, for some reason.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
So this is a period of growth, a season of growth.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
Good.
So I mean just a little bit.
And getting that serenity,getting that overwhelming
calmness, has not been easy forme and so I just want to get
that.
I want to let wives know ifyou're seeing that in your
husbands or husbands to theirwives.
If you're seeing thatuneasement, it's different.
(37:52):
Try to open up a conversation.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
Don't wait, don't wait for it to go off the rails.
Say something.
No, absolutely Reach out.
It probably won't change afucking thing.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
No, sorry about that, buddy.
No, and you're right, just likeour two buddies that we're just
talking about.
I don't know if it would havechanged anything with them I've
tried, I've.
Those two had reservations andthey and they're not going to
change it and here's what I wantto say about sponsorship.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
And you know, because , when you, when you would, when
you're, when uh b reached outto you and said one day, they,
you know that you know know yousaid you wanted to get an answer
out of him.
And he says well, I'm workingwith Rob as if that's some kind
of magic, fucking elixir.
You know it's not.
I mean, even though God has hadgreat success, god has had
great success through me, right,you know, with other people, oh
(38:40):
for sure, amazing.
We don't get him drunk, nope,and we don't get them drunk and
we don't get them sober.
It's them, it's them and God.
We're just facilitators, it's aconduit.
So, and that's when you want tobe there.
You want to know I'm rightsized.
Those two cocksuckers will keepyou right sized.
You know what you think, jesus,you got your head so far up
(39:03):
your ass.
You're counting cavities likecome on, guys.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
Oh you know, when the first one came in Monday night
and he sat down and thatbrokenness on his face, I wanted
to just cry.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
Just cry, but you're so mad too.
Speaker 1 (39:22):
I never did get mad.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
I did.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
I'm sure you did, because of the amount of time
that you've put into that tothat person.
Right, I didn't.
I wanted to get inside and pullall that pain out of him and
hold on to that.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
I'm mad because you're pissed because of the
amount of work, I would think no, no, no, no, that's, I mean
because that's not, and I joke,it's a waste of my fucking time,
eh not, I love him Right.
And the danger, the positionyou put yourself in oh my God,
oh my God With the shit that'sout there one touch you're dead.
(39:55):
And then now who's going to?
You're fucking dead, right, Istand in front of your fucking
kids Right and explain Right.
Kids right and explain right,not you, yeah rob.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
That's why I'm pissed , yeah, yeah, and you've talked
about that of having to dealwith that before, and it's just
you know, it's because he'sfamily, yes, he is.
You know that's family,everybody in that room on monday
night's family to me.
Speaker 2 (40:15):
But that motherfucker's family.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
Yeah, you're right, yeah, you're right, they're a
little closer than most, right,you're, you're, you're over
there quite a bit.
But yeah, I don't know, man, Ilike I said it, and it seems
like those two go out at thesame time.
You ever notice that they'vegone out together before too,
have they?
Really yeah, not too long agooh my god, I love you too, if
you're listening, more than life.
(40:39):
I love you more than life, hey.
Speaker 2 (40:41):
But you know what?
It's just constant reminder.
Well, fuck it, it's just.
It sure isn't good out there.
I'll stay sober.
You know that is a good thing,right, my?
Speaker 1 (40:48):
brother Brad, says the same thing.
It still don't work.
The great thing about thoseguys going out is it gives us
something to watch, by God.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
They're trying.
They're giving it A for effort,boys, but I appreciate the fact
that you Thanks for taking onfor the team those, but I
appreciate the fact that youThanks for taking one for the
team.
Come and get those scouts.
We'll stay right here.
We got local scouts who come upwith arrows stuck in their ass.
Engines are still out there,boys.
Speaker 1 (41:10):
That fucking alcohol still grabs you.
God damn it.
Speaker 2 (41:14):
Yeah, yeah, I just and we can laugh at that, yeah
we can.
Until one of them doesn't makeit back in the rooms, because
not only did you know what,though?
Speaker 1 (41:22):
Both of those guys would laugh about that
themselves, right we're going tohave both of them on here one
day.
We're going to have them ontogether.
We've been fucking trying.
One of them, yeah, no, we wouldlove to have them on, both of
them on at the same fucking timenext week.
Why are they still goingthrough this?
Let's work it out togetherright here on the fucking air.
(41:49):
Well, we got.
We got mike.
I know mike, but you knowthat's not a fucking bad idea.
I almost told you to grab themand bring them.
So what?
I?
Speaker 2 (41:51):
almost told you to grab them and bring them here.
That's not a bad idea.
No, I don't think so.
You're talking green fresh.
Grab both of them.
Speaker 1 (41:56):
Put them right here on these mics, and we'll work it
out right here.
That shit is still green.
You know what, though, and whatthey need to understand is it's
not just helping them, helpingus.
The amount of people we canreach to help other people with
their stories and what theystruggle with, the telltale
signs of shit is just going goodand then fuck it right, fuck it
.
You know what I mean.
(42:16):
The fuck that I just.
I think I get so fucking mad atit because you know, once again
, I'm gonna turn around and lookat me just how much I travel,
the, the amount of shit that Igo with, the amount of bars I
mean, all the shit that I do.
How easy it would be to sayfuck it right.
(42:37):
How easy.
You wouldn't know, katie,wouldn't know nobody, would
fucking know nobody.
But why I have to live withmyself.
You would, god, god, would Ihave to live with myself?
I don't know how you could dothat I don't what, I, what I'm
always wondering.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
I don't think he's, I don't think either one has had
a spiritual awakening result.
Speaker 1 (42:59):
These steps, a real one you know you said that
earlier today.
Speaker 2 (43:03):
I don't think happened, because I've seen it
and I've worked with both ofthem, right, right, everyone
from Jump Street, right, andhe's had periods, but he's
always had reservations, right,you know, there's always been.
You know, because the minuteand this is another thing that
pisses me off the minute he justlooks God's way, blessings
(43:24):
start coming, yes, and I thinkthat's a bad thing, but who am I
to question God?
Speaker 1 (43:28):
I just see it, I agree.
Speaker 2 (43:29):
And then, what if I don't want what God wants for me
?
And I've heard that mentionedmany times Like why wouldn't you
, but still it's a lot.
Speaker 1 (43:36):
It's crazy.
Speaker 2 (43:38):
When you're in your ministry, whatever you got to do
.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
He does well at it.
Speaker 2 (43:42):
But when God's got you in your and you're doing
like what I'm doing, right, ittakes a lot of time, it's a lot
of work.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
It'll soak.
It'll soak, you want to talkabout soaking mental Mentally.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
soak it right out of you, yeah, and I, you know
that's Right, yeah, and I'vebeen, I was doing it yesterday
down a couple guys just to workthrough some things which I love
to do, right, but there's acost, yep, and they don't want
to pay the cost.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
Right, Right, Yep, you know that's.
The other thing is I was goingto ask you.
You've got to be getting closeto your girl coming home
Wednesday.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
Wednesday at 1.30.
She's flying to SacramentoWednesday.
She no one's more ready thanshe is.
Hey, no one's more ready thanshe is.
Speaker 1 (44:23):
No, I mean she is.
It's not because of Tammy.
She loves Tammy.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
Oh, they love each other.
Speaker 1 (44:27):
But it's a lot.
She's away from her home.
She's ready to come home, yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:31):
You know it's in a little apartment and you know
whenever Tammy because Tammycan't move a lot, she can't so
in the middle of the night, soBonnie's not getting any what
was that You're going to shutthat fucking phone off at 1.30
and not turn it back on untilyou go to work the next morning.
I'm not going to work nextmorning.
Speaker 1 (44:49):
Then fucking leave it off.
Speaker 2 (44:50):
Well, I'm picking her up at the airport.
I've already got a hotel rightby the Texas Roadhouse in Elk
Grove.
Atta boy, the FairfieldMarriott.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
We're right there.
You couldn't even wait to gethome to get a steak.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
We've got a hotel.
Then in the morning we'll getup and drive slow.
Speaker 1 (45:04):
I'm so fucking happy for you.
Robin.
Shut that goddamn phone off.
Speaker 2 (45:07):
Oh it's going off.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
Atta boy, leave that fucker in the car, enjoy her.
Enjoy her, you both deserve it.
Yeah, no, you know what she'sgetting you drank?
Speaker 2 (45:16):
fucking God damn.
Mark that down.
Fucking brick.
All she wants is to lay herhead on my chest for a while and
a back rub, because she hasn'tbeen getting her back rub.
She hasn't been getting herfoot rubs.
I'm a massage.
I got magic hands, so that'swhat she loves.
Speaker 1 (45:32):
She hasn't got any massages any rubbed hands.
Well, I'm happy for you.
You know what I was thinkingabout, that, coming home, that
she had to be getting clothes,and that's another thing on top
of you know, because God doesn'tslow down Right.
Speaker 2 (45:43):
No With what he asks of me to do no, no, helping no
and then I had on top of youknow?
No, You've had a rough sixweeks, bro.
No, it's been full, it's beenreally good, I guess you're
right.
Speaker 1 (45:59):
It hasn't been rough.
It's yeah, and you're going toget some rest on Wednesday night
and all you knuckleheads fromMonday night Don't be calling
our board.
Speaker 2 (46:06):
Call if you want.
It's not going to be off Rightand I'm gone.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
I'm gone for the next three weeks from Monday night.
Oh no shit.
Yeah, yeah, all right, brother,let's get out of here.
Speaker 2 (46:15):
He's waiting for me next Sunday.
Speaker 1 (46:17):
Oh wait, left, come back, come back.
You can catch us at oh recoveryunfiltered podcast at gmailcom.
I had a.
I had two, four comments fromthe last one that said and
honestly love nathan.
I mean we did great, just had.
The response that I got onnathan's was pretty decent.
(46:39):
I needed to send those to himyeah, he had three good
responses yeah, he had threereally good responses, so I need
to get that over to him.
Speaker 2 (46:46):
So anyways, recoveryunfilteredpodcast at
gmailcom.
Speaker 1 (46:50):
I love them.
Yeah, love them All right.
Thanks, rob Later.
Thank you for joining us today.
We hope you learned somethingtoday that will help you If you
did not come back a five-starreview.
Speaker 2 (47:01):
If you don't like what you heard, kiss my ass.
I can't say that, can you?
Anyway, if you don't like whatyou heard, go ahead and tell us
that too.
We'll see what we can improve.
We probably won't changenothing, but do it anyway, hey
thanks, Rob.
Speaker 1 (47:10):
Come back next week and hopefully something will be
different and something willsink in.
Take care, this has beenRecovery Unfiltered.
(47:33):
Thank you.
We'll be right back.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Very little.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
You will hear the word God in a four-letter word
in the same sentence.
You will also be offended.
So if you are easily offended,just pass us by.
This podcast is not for you.
What?
Speaker 1 (00:29):
the fuck was that?
If you don't agree with whatwe're saying, that's okay.
We're going to love you anyways.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
I don't know Any way I feel you with it.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
You can tell I'm getting bored with her.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
So sit back, grab a beverage of.
Yeah, those are good.
Hi Robert, how you doing?
Kid Good buddy, how are you?
I forgot to tell you Bonniewasn't yesterday before she's a
kid.
Now that she's with Tammy,she's been listening to the
podcast.
Well, that's fucked up.
So she goes.
In the last podcast we hadNathan.
(00:57):
She said that Larry has saidthat it's really hard for you.
When Nathan said, you know,he's just really at peace, what
is that?
The serenity is overwhelmingcalmness.
Overwhelming calmness, and I'veused that multiple times this
week and she said that youreally that it's really a lot.
It's harder for you, a lotharder for you now to get upset
anymore.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Me.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
You know, it takes a lot more to get you upset.
You don't even you know.
And she says challenge accepteddamn it.
You know it's funny as I wasloud at first.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
How am I doing right now?
Yeah, I turned you back down.
Sorry, I don't know wherethings have gone here.
I don't know if one of mygrandkids got up here or what.
Um, so yeah, I turnedeverything back down a little
bit.
Um, so, yeah, no, that, youknow it's very hard for me to
get upset anymore.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
I I don't except for oh, I'm way down now yeah,
except for the doctor who uh youknow what that was?
Speaker 1 (01:50):
a um.
What was so bad about that isjust because I'd worked so hard
to be able to take that time offfor my surgery that it was just
like caught you off guard, dude.
It caught me so far off guard.
What does it say in our book?
We got to always be preparedfor the unexpected, and I was
not prepared for that at all.
(02:11):
Man, that one got me, that onegot me.
Yes, she did, she got you.
Speaking of getting so, I hadthe very, very pleasure of
taking my oldest daughter,miranda, to.
We bought her.
She's had a bucket list thingthat she's always wanted to do.
She wanted to see Rascal Flats.
You know, they broke, theystopped touring a few years back
(02:32):
and uh really, yeah, and theyhaven't toured in seven years.
I think it was so for Miranda's, for her Christmas, we gave her
tickets to go to Rascal Flatsin Fort Worth, texas, at the
Dickies arena, and it was seemedlike a real extravagant present
to me.
But then when we startedbreaking it down, it really
wasn't all that.
I mean it was extravagant, ofcourse, but it wasn't more than
(02:53):
what I thought.
So we planted over a period oftime and it was me and Katie and
Eric and Miranda, and the fourof us haven't really done
anything together just the fourof us in a long time.
So, my God, what a pleasure itwas.
You know, it's just I lovethose two.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
So much, we got the pictures.
That's what's cool about themen's group Right All the
pictures and stuff, yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
I mean it was just a pleasure.
Katie had you know, katie hadme stop at the hat store.
It was just.
It was an actual, just apleasure speaking of that, what
happened?
Speaker 2 (03:24):
I have because, again , I'm I'm knowledgeable in a lot
of things and I'm ignorant tomore things than I've you know.
I did not know that a hat wouldcost that much.
I was talking to the boys likebig Brian my Indian brother.
He said I said, and I wasshowing him the hat, he goes,
man, that's you know, becausethe steaming and the stuff and I
go.
And then I showed him the pricegoes.
Yeah, that's a hand, that's youknow.
(03:46):
It's.
Yeah, come on, rob, I didn'tknow no, that's I.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
You know what, when I say I'm blessed, that my wife
surprised me with that because Iwas like there's, you know,
because mckenna, my youngest, isgetting married and they, they
wanted me to buy a new hat.
You know, my, the mostexpensive hat I've ever had was
a 20 X.
You know, that's how they ratethe beavers.
The beaver felt this one was ahundred X.
Oh my gosh, this thing is, youknow, they had them in there 200
(04:12):
X and but it's like never feltanything like that before and
it's just pristine and it's, youknow, it's locked up in my safe
right now.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
You know, that thing's gorgeous you know, by
felt I mean I mean uh, straw?
No, no, I've never been becauseyou know because all my buddies
, you know, growing up rightbecause I never wore yeah, but
they've.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
You know, the seasons change, you go from felt to
straw for some reason, I'venever been able to wear a straw
hat, even in the middle ofsummer.
You'll hear, see, watch mewearing a felt hat.
I don't know why, I just can'twear them.
No, I just, I never, never, wasone for those.
But anyways, it was a fun trip.
And so, saturday we the concertwe flew in on thursday morning
and the concert that we weregoing to was thursday night.
(04:54):
Right, tired, blah, blah, weall naps and and uh, then we
came home.
Thursday friday we did thebucky-ee's tour.
My wife is a fanatic forBuc-ee's.
Buc-ee's.
It's in Texas, texas, I don'tknow.
There's some in Florida.
They're southern, they're justa huge.
(05:16):
They're not a travel, oh no,it's like a big Think about a
gas station.
Okay, on steroids, I'm talkinglike a love's truck.
Stop, yeah, but without thediesel just gas and you walk in
and it's an over.
I mean it's a walmart ofbuckies.
(05:38):
I'll send you a video of it.
Yeah, I'll send you a video ofit.
Inside it they're and they makebriskets and they have just all
kinds of.
They got big meat counter withall kinds of different beef
jerkies and smoked sausages.
That sounds good.
Oh my gosh, buc-ee's are huge.
And anyways, when I say we tooka Buc-ee tour, because my wife
(05:59):
is infatuated with those withBuc-ee's right, she follows us
on instagram.
You can't order none of theirstuff online.
You have to actually go intothe buckies, just buy anything.
Yeah, and they're only backthere the further.
The closest one week to us isnorthern tech or western texas.
I mean, they're nothing, it'sall all east of texas.
(06:21):
Yeah, I'll be down, but yeah,there there's something else.
You ever walk into one.
The experience is different,very much different, anyway.
So Friday we did that.
We came home and my once again,I didn't.
They were going to go to a, aconcert at Billy Bob's in Fort
Worth, right, and um, we hadbeen walking around.
We went down and watch thestampede and did all that.
(06:42):
And you know, talking about thepleasures of being sober, right
, I'm able to sit there enjoythat all day long while my wife
and my daughter and myson-in-law they have their
cocktails.
They enjoy themselves becausemy wife can enjoy it, because
she's not worried about herhusband getting drunk and doing
stupid shit.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
You know what I?
Speaker 1 (07:01):
mean, she literally just had a great day and I had a
great.
It was just a just a blessing,as it's supposed to be.
Went home, went back to thehotel this is the part I decided
to get to went to the hotellaid down for a little bit.
They were going back to theconcert at Billy Bob's, and
Billy Bob's is just is thelargest bar in around.
It's like 26 000 square feet,eight or nine bars inside.
(07:25):
They always have live concerts.
I mean, some major people havestarted there and it's beautiful
place.
Well, they were going to go toa concert that started at 10
o'clock.
I can't even remember the guy'sname anyways.
I didn't know who the guy was.
I'm not not a country music fananyways.
So I told katie's like larry,you don't have to go, you can
just stay down.
I'm okay, I may just stay inthe hotel.
(07:46):
You guys go have a good time.
And the more I laid there, themore I laid there, the more I
was like, fuck that, if I layhere, they're going to go have a
good time.
I am going to miss that moment,right, I'm going to miss that
moment.
I said I'm going to order us anUber, we're going to go
together, we'll don't have toworry about parking.
So I ordered Uber to pick us upat nine 15.
(08:06):
We go downstairs, see the Ubershows up.
I open up the.
So it's my wife, eric andMiranda getting in the back seat
.
And I opened up the front doorand I look across and in the
middle of the guy's lap is abrown paper bag with about that
much blue sticking out from thetop of it.
And I looked.
I go, what's in the bag?
Goose, you know, I was justjoking.
(08:30):
And Rob, he literally did noteven hesitate Bud Light.
And I'm like you are notdriving my family around with a
Bud Light.
He goes it's okay, man, I'llput it right here.
And he put it in the centerconsole.
I was like ain't gonna make itany better.
But and then so he left and wegot into my, our vehicle.
(08:51):
I just thought you know I'm notgonna order another uber we pull
out as we pulled out of thehotel and turn the corner, go,
there's the paper bag in the budlight cans laying on the side
of the road.
You know it goes back to thatis.
You know, you don't want tojudge if somebody's an alcoholic
, right, you don't want to dothat.
(09:12):
But the insanity of driving anUber car and thinking that it's
okay to pick up completestrangers, complete strangers,
with a Bud Light between yourlegs.
I was just baffled by that.
That's funny, baffled.
Wow.
Anyways, at least he was honest.
Oh, straight up, he didn't evenhesitate Bud Light.
(09:36):
I'm like yeah, no, and Mirandawas already in the back of this
car and everything.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
And I'm like Eric's kind of What'd they say?
What'd Eric say?
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Eric back of this car and everything.
And I'm like eric, what theysay, what eric say, eric, eric,
as soon as I said it, as soon ashe heard it, eric was looking
at miranda, telling miranda toget out right, because miranda
already sat down.
I mean, if the guy was to getpissed off and took off, miranda
was in the back of the car.
But man eric was like, get out,get out.
Finally got out.
It was I mean it wasn't like adramatic thing, but I mean it
was funny for me.
And then just the more Ithought about it, the more I was
(10:10):
like I can't believe that justfucking happened.
I just just crazy, crazy, crazy.
Why am I doing all the talking?
Well, you're telling the story.
What?
Speaker 2 (10:19):
the fuck story.
I don't know the story, tellyou, I know but fucking now
brad's gonna say I wouldn't shutup.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
He's gonna say that no matter what you do so hey, so
this is episode 20 for us, no40, I'm sorry, episode 40 for us
, yeah, so we got a few thingsgoing on.
I mean, you and I startedtalking earlier about a few
things when we were doing alittle bit of show prep.
One of the things that I'vebeen fighting a little bit is,
you know, I, ever since I gotsober, I haven't had, um, uh, I
(10:50):
have been fighting.
I'll fight depression everyonce in a while, right, now.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
What do you mean?
Break that down for me.
What do you?
What are you feeling when youtalk?
Speaker 1 (10:57):
about just fucking like black cloud.
You know that, that black cloud, that I talk just tired, not
giving a fuck about anything.
You know getting phone callsand not really just wanting to
fucking deal with the phonecalls and just not giving a fuck
.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Okay, apathy.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
I don't know what the fuck that is.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Not giving a fuck.
Oh yeah, I'm just not giving afuck, I just don't.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
And just zero energy, just nothing, just fucking
nothing.
I just don't and just zeroenergy, just nothing, just
fucking nothing.
You know, and I had that alittle bit before we left on our
trip and I've been fighting itback and forth after my back
surgery and going through thepain pills and doing all that
shit and I stopped taking thepain pills completely and that
pain is still pretty intense alittle bit and having some
(11:42):
problems with that and that poorme a little bit and having some
problems with that and you knowthat poor me a little bit.
But man, last time I wasthinking we got home on Sunday
and Monday Sunday, monday,tuesday, it was just brutal.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Brutal.
But now do you think that couldhave something to do with, I
mean, going on that trip withthe family?
There was no reason Just tohide and just coming off that?
Speaker 1 (12:02):
No, it was absolutely .
It was the same feeling that Ihad prior and I, you know, thank
God for my wife.
I love her so much Cause sheI'm able to talk to her through
these things now because, as Itold her, when I would drink,
when I was drinking and I feltthose coming on, is when the you
(12:23):
know, the 36, you know, the oneor two pints of whiskey a day
would turn into four or fivepints of it.
I would double up my alcoholwhen I would start filling that
way because I would go in wavesof it.
So, Katie and I really talkedabout it and I haven't, you know
, I went through some how oftendoes it come up?
That's the first time since I'vebeen sober.
(12:44):
Really, yeah, went through some.
How often does it come up orhow?
That's the first time sinceI've been sober, really yeah,
yeah, okay like that?
Speaker 2 (12:48):
that I mean, I've had it.
Good, you're damn near threeyears, so when do you?
When's your three years up?
It's april 12th coming up.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Yep, yep, that's pretty damn good rate.
I mean once in three years Imean, I've had little ones
little bouts right, I've, I'vebeen through it a little bit and
I'm able to shake them off alittle bit by changing my
latitude a little bit.
You know, hey, no, I gotta dosomething different here.
You know you guys have heard metalk about it that I, you know,
I got to change something up.
I'm not, something's not right.
I got to change something up.
(13:14):
Well, this time in, you know,about two or three weeks after
about two weeks of it, I wasstill trying to change some
stuff up and I just could notshake it, couldn't shake it and
I still really haven't right.
I'm still just working throughit.
You know there's still kind ofups and lows right now, but
Katie and I talked about it.
I actually go in to see.
I'm going to go back to mydoctor.
(13:34):
You know I tried a lot of theother medicines.
You know some some medicinesprior to me.
You know, giving up the alcoholand stopping my drinking and
getting help.
I haven't went back at all.
I think that that I still fightit a little bit.
You know, I think I still havea little bit of that, that
chemical imbalance.
So you know, I thought I'vebeen fighting through and I
(13:56):
thought I was gonna be okay, butI think I still fighting it a
little bit, so I I do think I'mgonna go back to the doctor and
get that get some professionalhelp.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Yeah, just to see.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Yeah, because see yeah because I didn't like it.
Outside help is alwaysrecommended.
I didn't like that.
I don't like it right.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
You know, the positive thing about it is never
at one time did I ever think,fuck it, I'm just going to go
drink, right.
Never, I mean.
And Katie and I talked for thatobsession to be so far gone,
right, that I just don't.
I just never got, never eventhought that that was an answer
(14:32):
to any of it.
Everything I was doing was youknow, what can I do?
How can I change this?
What do I need to change?
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Well, the big book talks about some of us need
outside help.
Go get it Right.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Yeah, so that's one of the things.
Like I said, it's the.
And what I don't like is myperformance shows, right, my
performance in work, myperformance as a husband, my
performance as a dad In thebedroom?
No, in the bedroom, maybe, Idon't know, I'm fine, for me,
(15:09):
I'm good'm good, you know.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
but well, go get some baby no, yeah, I just you know.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
I think the reason why I wanted to bring it up is,
you know, even if you are sober,this, this sobriety, this aa
and this how we work throughthis.
We are not affiliated with aa.
Yes, thank, thank you, rob.
This way of living, it's a wayof living, right, it's a way of
living, but I still have thingsthat I need to work on that
(15:35):
being sober is not going to fixright.
There's still things that Ineed to deal with mentally that
AA is probably not going to fix.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
That's where it was outside.
That's what we seek Right you?
Speaker 1 (15:54):
know, seek it, and it's taken three years to get to
me to that point and I'm verymuch okay with it, but look at
the difference God's made inthree years.
You know it's crazy, right?
Just the blessings that's comeover, blessings that I've had.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
And a lot of you know .
Speaker 1 (16:08):
Clear away the records, get rid of the alcohol
Right right, and let's say okay,now, Right now let's work on
let's get down to business andwork on some stuff, but you know
the other thing I was going tosay, you know.
So one more thing going tostart talking about um, there's
something important we want togo over.
But one of the things I loveabout you, rob, that you've
you've allowed for me, is,because of my crazy ass schedule
(16:31):
, I can just call you up and go,hey, I need to record in a
couple hours.
And you immediately, all right,see you in a couple hours.
And I, you know, I appreciatethat, because when we started
this, we said we're going to try, and you know we're going to
drop.
We're going to try and you knowwe're going to drop every week.
Right, that was my number onegoal.
We're going to drop somethingevery week.
And we have done that.
And we have, right, today thiswill be recording 40, and it'll
(16:57):
be 40 weeks in a row that wehave dropped.
You know, some of them aregreat, some of them, you know,
just you and I bull, I bullshitlike we're doing here, but
you've always done that and evenwith all my crazy ass shot,
crazy ass traveling here andthere, you know you've made that
possible and I appreciate that.
No, you're welcome, hey, so Idon't want to blow your head up
(17:19):
too much, but I appreciate itit's still same size, trust me.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
So I'm right, I'm fucking right size.
Sorry about that.
I'm right sized, you are, youget kept there quite often.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Yeah, so I want to talk about something that and
we're I am very excited aboutthis and I hope to and pray that
it continues and this reallydoes come into play.
So back on episode three, wehad our first guest was jason
allen, right, very close dearfriend of ours.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Um, for you and me three and four episode three it
was three and four.
Yeah, his, his episode gotsplit up because his story was
um, we were when we were justlearning, I mean, we were fresh,
we're still green, we're stilllearning we are learning right,
we were.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Everything was so green.
I mean, we started it in myoffice with uh, you know, we had
mike crazy, mike stands, andyou know, but the one thing that
was with the consistent when,when you asked about this and
right decided to do this and allthe prayer.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
we knew who the first guest we want oh, jason, was
from the very beginning.
There was no question.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
No question that Jason was going to be that first
guest, and here we are, yeah.
Yeah, so here we are, then, atepisode 20.
So what I'm saying is, ifplease go back and listen to
episodes three and four andyou're going to know why here in
just a minute, cause I'm goingto, I'm going to kind of
preference why so three and fouris important, and then episode
(18:48):
20, all during that my wife kepttelling me, katie kept saying
Larry, jason's story is notfinished, jason's story is not
finished.
And I was like what do you mean?
She goes.
There's still so much more thatyou need to come, you need to,
you need to get Jason in here sowe can get the afterwards right
.
What it's like.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
And the second family and Jenny was in here.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Jenny's got her podcast going now after she's
been on here.
She's doing very good with hers.
So we got in here and she andwe got Jason on number 20, right
.
So about six months ago we hada gentleman come into the
program that reached out to you,was a good friend of yours
(19:31):
prior to it.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
He was not who, mikey .
Speaker 1 (19:33):
No, no, you didn't really know him before.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
I only met him one or two times, when the accident
happened Right and when we'd gettogether, we'd have parties
with Tyler.
I only met him one or two timeswhen the accident happened.
Right, okay, and when we'd gettogether we'd have parties with
Tyler.
That's when I only met him acouple times.
We didn't know each other, wejust met.
This is Mike, really yeah.
Well you know what, when hecame in, I just started giving
him a ration of shit.
It's okay.
And Mike had the steps comingbecause I know, he's not doing
(19:58):
them, so I was just busting hisGotcha yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Okay, well, we shook hands and went back and forth,
back and forth for a littlewhile and about two months,
about two and a half months intoit, I knew he was fairly new to
sobriety and fairly new, andprobably about two or three
months into it, you, I think youtold me or somebody told me,
(20:21):
and goes that's Mikey's dad, whowas in the accident with Jason
Allen.
I'm like with Tyler and I'mlike what really?
And I'm like, wow, so I've been, we've every time I've gotten
to know Mike a little bit moreand a little bit more and a
little bit more as he's comingthrough the program and a little
bit more and a little bit moreand a little bit more as he's
coming through the program.
And you know, and watching himcome alive has been amazing.
(20:45):
Has he started working thesteps with you?
No, is he going to?
Speaker 2 (20:49):
No, I don't know.
He's got to.
Okay, I'm doing air quotes,he's got to, and I like the guy
who's his sponsor, who's not inthe rooms right now.
I don't know if I should evensay any of this bullshit.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
No, no, no, no, he's not.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
He's not actually working steps.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
He's talking about it .
I think he's getting there.
I think because I haveliterally watched Mike he better
boy.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
He's going because I bust his balls.
So much about it.
I know you do.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
He's going to do it.
He calls how much he hatesright now, I think mike well, I
think, what's I mean?
Speaker 2 (21:19):
because let's just, we're gonna have both these men
on the podcast the next two.
You know this, this 40 is gonnabe this one.
Yep, then 41 to 42 are gonna bemike and jay.
We've done rude and designanybody mike and jason right,
it's not.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
I mean, we didn't, yeah, it's, you know it.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
In that, this is what that's gonna be, fucking pow
and I'm using that powerful well, and I, I think, the reason why
.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
I wanted to preference me too.
I'm even thinking about it.
I mean, you know, and I'm justgoing to keep praying.
I mean they both agreed right.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Oh, they're coming.
Well it's only today.
I already got Jason on the mat.
I balled him up a little bit.
I'll be there, rob, they'll bethere, rob, they'll be there,
they'll be there.
And I've been.
And I saw him on thursday andyes, which is yesterday, yeah,
at my meeting and he goes.
Oh man, I was joking with mike,who's in the back, who came in
late, and I gave him one ofthese come in late to my fucking
(22:11):
meeting and I said well, that'sall right, we're gonna see you.
Oh, did I agree to that?
You know he was joking around.
Yeah, oh yeah but, what makes itmore comfortable is he knows
jason's going to be here, sothat that's really what he
actually got excited, larry, tobe right.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Well, and you know, and the reason why this came up
for me is because mike startedcoming into our did I, did we
really say that mike, mike's sonand tyler were in that accident
together?
We said that you just did.
Okay.
Yeah, I wanted to make sure.
I thought I jumped over Maybe.
I thought I maybe did.
It's just Mike's voice.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Mike Mikey, right right.
He died on impact, he died onthe scene.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Right Tyler lived for three to four years.
So, we're going to have Mikehere, whose son died on impact,
and then Jason, whose son livedfor a few years.
Jason, got sober a few yearsafter tyler, after tyler, mike's
mike working on it, working onit right now and you know, and
(23:09):
what, like I said, going back towatching him grow in his
sobriety has been you know, andI've said you know on the mic
before is watching people gofrom zero to six months to a
year, watching that flower cometo bloom.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
If it does, if they're doing the deal, it does.
And you're right, rob, you'reright.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
But watching it and you can tell, right, oh fuck you
, you can tell the ones thataren't growing because they're
just sitting there and they'restill just that dark cloud over
them, right, but the ones thatyou watch, they're putting in
the work.
You're seeing them at onemeeting, then two meetings, then
three meetings.
Then you're seeing them beinginvolved and they're talking and
they're getting there andthey're sharing stuff that they
(23:53):
haven't shared before.
Mike started sharing and hestarted coming to our Mondays
meeting and as soon as I saw himthere, I'm like fuck, yeah,
right, I get excited.
And then to hear him startsharing and bringing out some of
the stuff that he's done, andhe's been instrumental because
Jason's been busy, so he hasn't.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
I mean I talked to him to help with Matt.
I'm talking about Matt.
We've heard Matt and Mary'sstory when they lost Adam, but
Mike has been on a coupleoccasions been really
instrumental in helping me withMatt and helping Matt point
blank, because they've got that.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Right, right.
They have that in common Sameway, as they have the alcoholism
Right.
So, it's just what a gift it is, and you know what Painful gift
it is, and you know whatPainful gift it is and I'm so
blessed that God has given usthe opportunity to have this
quorum, that we're having thisvenue, to allow Jason and to
(24:51):
allow Mike come on here and toshare this story to more people
than just the Monday nightgroups, the Thursday night
groups, and this is why I wantedto share prior.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Let me tell you something Almost I don't know
how many people, but there's alot of folks at the Oakdale
Fellowship and beyond who arelistening to this now.
Yep, the Destro Fellowship said, listen, oh, you guys got the
podcast.
Yeah, I want to be on it.
No, I know.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
We got a good little list of Hold on a second.
Have you seen that yet?
Yeah, send me a picture, dude.
That is some painful stuffInside the arm, I bet.
Oh, I got serenity put on theinside of my bicep, holy cow.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
Looks good though.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Hey, you know what's funny and ironic about that?
Nothing about that was serene,I bet.
Yeah, it is.
I actually even looked at thetattoo guy and go do you
actually realize you'retattooing serenity?
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Now, how long does some work like that take?
Speaker 1 (25:44):
That right, there was about an hour and a half not
long my lab was.
Can you see that?
Yeah, my lab on the backside.
That was about two and a halfhours.
I'm done.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
What would that serenity cost?
Speaker 1 (26:00):
I don't want to talk about that on the air why?
Speaker 2 (26:02):
what's the difference ?
Speaker 1 (26:03):
let's just tell me why are you doing that on the
air?
What does it matter?
I don't want that shit out onthe air, damn it.
I'm cutting all this, hey, um,yeah, it's not cheap, okay, no
tattoo is cheap.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
Well, I don't know, I mean I'm sure some of them.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Let me just tell on this arm, right here, you could
have bought a small car.
Okay, yeah, yeah, so.
But you know, and I tell peopleall the time, everything on
this arm is tells my story.
It starts from my sobriety dateto my, to my, to the.
The unity triangle on here isit tells my story to my serenity
(26:42):
, all the way.
Anyways, I don't know how I gotfucking down that rabbit hole.
Yeah, it happens.
I think because I'm over hereand the fucking arm is bloodshot
September.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
What happened?
Hold on, can you start talking?
I'm about to sneeze.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
Don't do that.
I'm going to go back to what wewere talking about before.
I rudely interrupted us.
My point was in telling, inbringing up the thought of these
two coming onto the podcast.
Two things One, it's a way topush it because we've kind of
(27:19):
stalled out right now at about18 to 2200 listeners depending
on the episode.
So I'm trying to get back outthere because I want to get more
people.
We need to get some video thenwe need to start video, whatever
we need to do to start pushingthis.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Speaking of that, september Emily is going to be
on.
Oh, did you get her?
Okay, all right, she goes.
I'll do it after my one year.
So when's your one year?
September, you got it All right.
She goes, I'll do it after myone year, so when's your?
Speaker 1 (27:41):
one year, september.
You got it All right.
We'll put that on.
I got another girl that Iworked with years ago.
She's been sober probablyalmost 20 years and she reached
out to me.
She goes to Turlock Fellowship.
She wants to be on here, goodfriend, yeah, we got some good
stuff coming on, but the otherreason to bring it up, like I
said, is please don't listen tothat episode.
(28:03):
It's going to be very, veryemotional.
Please don't listen to it.
No, please don't listen to itat work or driving.
I'm just going to say it couldbe very emotional, but please
tell somebody about it, please.
If they're going to listen toit and never listen to the Jason
A, listen to three and four.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
For sure they're going to listen to it and never
listen to the Jason A Listen tothree and four.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
You've got to listen to three and four, you've got to
understand the wreckage thatJason went through.
But then again listen to number20, which is the opposite of
Jason's wreckage this wonderfullife that he lives now.
So listen to episode 20.
And number 41 is going to bejason a and mike s um talking
(28:46):
about that'll probably be likemike's story well, it's going to
be two episodes.
Right, mike's version.
Right, we're going to do twoepisodes.
We're going to do mike s'sstory.
Right, we're going to tell hisstory and then we're going to
come back with Jason Right.
Cause they were good friendsbefore right.
They're all part of thatwrestling community, and then
(29:07):
the second episode is going tobe the four of us talking about,
you know, whatever, whatever,bringing bringing all this to
life, talking about this and,you know, talking about his
story, with Jason and Jasonincluded, and Jason's a very
bright I mean, he's a brightguest.
I love it when he's on here,you know, and it's going to, I'm
very excited for it.
So, anyways, I, I, we had toget it.
(29:29):
We didn't have to.
You know, I wanted to get anepisode out.
I didn't want to miss anepisode, I didn't want to miss a
week.
I know this seems like a veryshort one, but I feel like I've
been talking the entire time.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
You have been again, which is perfect fucker I could
have done this without you today.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Then I got a new sponsee.
Who oh, that's what other thingI want to talk about.
Who's your new sponsee?
Have you never sponsored himbefore?
Yes, I have.
Okay, I'm bringing that up.
I don't care, byron, I fuckinglove you and I love you to death
and I will fucking, I would cutoff and right arm for that man.
Yeah, and he's gonna be on thispodcast someday because he's
(30:06):
got a fucking story that'll makeyour dick.
Oops, sorry, I'll back up.
He's got a story that'llabsolutely curl your toes.
Yeah, right to hear what he'sbeen through and to still
fucking drink yeah, is a cunning, baffling, powerful, wow and
patient, yes, so I, I justabsolutely I love that man.
(30:29):
I spoke to him this morning, sowe just I just hope he's in
enough pain.
Have you punched him, like yousaid you're going to?
No, I haven't, because you knowwhat.
There you go rob I know Ididn't.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
I didn my word.
There's got to be consequencesto your actions.
If I told him, if he did itagain, I was going to bust his
nose.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
You should have told him.
The only way I'm going tosponsor you again is, if you,
let me punch you right in themouth.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Then you won't be able to speak for days.
So that ain't going to.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
I want you to edit this episode so you can hear
that about that Motherfucker.
Speaker 2 (30:57):
Sorry, no, we've got.
And to my, because I did notkeep my word on my fourth rule.
You let him waste your fuckingtime.
Yeah, I did, I allowed it.
And now you're going to hearpeople say, oh, helping people
is never a waste of time.
Go fuck yourself, don't tell.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
I would agree with you, rob, it can be a waste of
time.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Yes, it is.
I did allow him to waste mytime.
We're going to come on newground, but I too, he's my
brother, I love him and I don't.
Okay.
Just because I tell someone,hey, you know what, it's time to
go find another sponsor, itdoesn't mean I've given up on
you, it means we're not right.
Whatever's going on, go findsomething else.
(31:39):
You know, because there'ssomeone that wants the way I'm
going to deliver, whatever Right.
So you know, but I don't.
It's not like I'm giving up onthem.
If I fire somebody, they'll gofind another sponsor.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
You know what, Rob?
We can sit here and talk allthe big, you know big bullshit
we want.
At the end of the day, we love,right, we love, we love, we
love, we love, we help we help,we help.
No matter the way I deal with mypain with certain people is, I
have to say I don't fucking care.
Inside it's breaking our hearts, right, yeah, inside it's
(32:10):
tearing me down, like Chris.
I spoke to his sister the otherday and said how's he doing?
I don't know.
I haven't seen him and you knowokay.
So in my heart I'm like fuck it.
Fuck it right, but not really,but not really Right Because it
hurts.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
I put a lot of fucking time and because we know
, with someone like Chris, thenext thing we're actually going
to hear about him from someone.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
A read in the obituary, yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
That's what I'm talking about.
He's going to be dead.
We know that Right.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
And basically said he's right back to where he was
at.
Yeah, of course, but that'swhat, right back, right back,
the big book says that.
So anyways, um, yeah, uh, soanyways.
We had another brother thatfell off and you know I'm I pray
for them, I check on them everyday and you know it's hard what
bugs you about it is the factthat I call you know I can call
it within the day and I thinkwe're.
That was something I wanted tobring up and I've already talked
to those guys.
You know, listen, rob, and Iwant to make sure everybody
knows Rob is not a medium.
(33:11):
He can't see the future oranything else like that, but he
can see the tells.
Right, he sees it.
You fucking called on the one,right?
You fucking called it.
You said it ain't very far out,and sure enough, it fucking
wasn't very far out.
You know the other one, yousaid it the other day and I was
like no way he's not back todrinking and you said, yeah,
(33:32):
sure enough he was.
And you know, and it's justthose telltale signs and I
wanted to ask you, withoutbringing up names, you know,
without tell, tell me some ofthose signs that you see
everybody's.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
It's like a poker game.
Okay, you see, it's like apoker game.
Okay, that's what a tell is.
When someone's got a good handor a bad hand, or when you've
seen them, you've been aroundthem so long and some are the
same, right.
But when the communicationstarts to slow down, that
behavior starts to change.
And then when you do talk tothem, man, everything is
(34:04):
beautiful, going great, yeah,hold on.
Now, you know.
And then, or they show up tothe meetings, when, when, when
the pain is on them, we know,when they, when they fucked up
again, right, they're engaged,you know, they're, they're,
they're, they're focused,they're engaged in what's going
on.
And then, as the heat starts todrop, you know they're not
(34:26):
really doing, they're doing justenough, right.
Then this shit starts lookingat the phone.
You know they're you knowthey're at a fewer meetings and
they're not engaged, right?
You know everything's a fuckingjoke, right?
You know that kind of stuffstarts happening and then it's
slow and even, even, but even.
And I and I had told the onesome of his tells and he knows
who he is.
I'm calling you, I'm callingyou just so you know I'm doing
(34:48):
all right.
I know, yeah, just because Idon't say it.
Right and I tell you guys,because I know it's a gift.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
Well, because I ask, I mean, and I think the reason
why I bring that up is some ofknow, some of our listeners, if
the wives are listening to thatof an alcoholic, you know what's
our sign, what's something thatwe can see, and I, I mean, I
would imagine you know, and Ihave one of the wives which some
people again the same thingthat when, when I talked to you,
like you, or reaches out to mebecause, well, it doesn't bother
(35:27):
me as much anymore becauseanyways, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
But those communications, just like when
I'm doing step work, what I tellyou right, what I rule my rules
, what I say to you, what yousay to me stays between you, me
and god, right, it ain't yourwife's fucking business right it
ain't my wife's fuckingbusiness.
So when I'm talking to a wife, Itell her the same thing.
But you and I talk aboutbecause you're the one, she's
the one that reached out to me,right, to help her.
Would you please help myhusband?
Sure, right, she was the onethat initiated everything, right
?
But when we talk, if you everuse my words against him, we're
(35:52):
done and I'm done with him.
I'm done with you too, right?
But so much has never happened.
But still, you know, they know,yeah, they know, if you started
fooling, katie would know.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
Oh for sure, because I know she would, yeah, yeah I
if I started pulling away.
And I think that's what, katie,that you know, when I start
going through these littledepression and I hate to even
call it that, but it is what itis Right, I got to give it a
name, but I got to give it aname Right, and I'm once again,
I'm going to take care of it.
You know she can, but here's thedifference for me, and
(36:24):
hopefully this will help someother men.
As I felt it, I talked to herabout it.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
You've got to voice it.
You've got to vocalize it, youhave to.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
Because I don't want her going through those feelings
of the same feelings that shewas getting when I was drinking,
right.
I don't want her having thosefeelings.
So, as I'm feeling this, when Ion tuesday I think it was where
it was just hitting me thehardest I called her.
I said hey, babe, I just got totell you this is what's going
(36:53):
on yeah, and she goes.
Yeah, let's go, let's, you know,let's.
I think this is what you shoulddo, but you know.
But anyways, that's the reasonwhy I wanted to bring it up a
little bit, and what would youwant me I open up some a little
bit about me on that, because,it's, you know, I I've talked
about it and I said my serenityand it I'm missing a little bit
of my serenity right now andit's, it's, I'm not getting it
(37:13):
and I'm doing the things thatI've known to do and I've
switched which is good, becausesometimes the growth right,
you're in it because you'recoming up on three and that also
hits you when you're coming upFor some reason it still hits me
every year, for some reason.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
So this is a period of growth, a season of growth.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
Good.
So I mean just a little bit.
And getting that serenity,getting that overwhelming
calmness, has not been easy forme and so I just want to get
that.
I want to let wives know ifyou're seeing that in your
husbands or husbands to theirwives.
If you're seeing thatuneasement, it's different.
(37:52):
Try to open up a conversation.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
Don't wait, don't wait for it to go off the rails.
Say something.
No, absolutely Reach out.
It probably won't change afucking thing.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
No, sorry about that, buddy.
No, and you're right, just likeour two buddies that we're just
talking about.
I don't know if it would havechanged anything with them I've
tried, I've.
Those two had reservations andthey and they're not going to
change it and here's what I wantto say about sponsorship.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
And you know, because , when you, when you would, when
you're, when uh b reached outto you and said one day, they,
you know that you know know yousaid you wanted to get an answer
out of him.
And he says well, I'm workingwith Rob as if that's some kind
of magic, fucking elixir.
You know it's not.
I mean, even though God has hadgreat success, god has had
great success through me, right,you know, with other people, oh
(38:40):
for sure, amazing.
We don't get him drunk, nope,and we don't get them drunk and
we don't get them sober.
It's them, it's them and God.
We're just facilitators, it's aconduit.
So, and that's when you want tobe there.
You want to know I'm rightsized.
Those two cocksuckers will keepyou right sized.
You know what you think, jesus,you got your head so far up
(39:03):
your ass.
You're counting cavities likecome on, guys.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
Oh you know, when the first one came in Monday night
and he sat down and thatbrokenness on his face, I wanted
to just cry.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
Just cry, but you're so mad too.
Speaker 1 (39:22):
I never did get mad.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
I did.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
I'm sure you did, because of the amount of time
that you've put into that tothat person.
Right, I didn't.
I wanted to get inside and pullall that pain out of him and
hold on to that.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
I'm mad because you're pissed because of the
amount of work, I would think no, no, no, no, that's, I mean
because that's not, and I joke,it's a waste of my fucking time,
eh not, I love him Right.
And the danger, the positionyou put yourself in oh my God,
oh my God With the shit that'sout there one touch you're dead.
(39:55):
And then now who's going to?
You're fucking dead, right, Istand in front of your fucking
kids Right and explain Right.
Kids right and explain right,not you, yeah rob.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
That's why I'm pissed , yeah, yeah, and you've talked
about that of having to dealwith that before, and it's just
you know, it's because he'sfamily, yes, he is.
You know that's family,everybody in that room on monday
night's family to me.
Speaker 2 (40:15):
But that motherfucker's family.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
Yeah, you're right, yeah, you're right, they're a
little closer than most, right,you're, you're, you're over
there quite a bit.
But yeah, I don't know, man, Ilike I said it, and it seems
like those two go out at thesame time.
You ever notice that they'vegone out together before too,
have they?
Really yeah, not too long agooh my god, I love you too, if
you're listening, more than life.
(40:39):
I love you more than life, hey.
Speaker 2 (40:41):
But you know what?
It's just constant reminder.
Well, fuck it, it's just.
It sure isn't good out there.
I'll stay sober.
You know that is a good thing,right, my?
Speaker 1 (40:48):
brother Brad, says the same thing.
It still don't work.
The great thing about thoseguys going out is it gives us
something to watch, by God.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
They're trying.
They're giving it A for effort,boys, but I appreciate the fact
that you Thanks for taking onfor the team those, but I
appreciate the fact that youThanks for taking one for the
team.
Come and get those scouts.
We'll stay right here.
We got local scouts who come upwith arrows stuck in their ass.
Engines are still out there,boys.
Speaker 1 (41:10):
That fucking alcohol still grabs you.
God damn it.
Speaker 2 (41:14):
Yeah, yeah, I just and we can laugh at that, yeah
we can.
Until one of them doesn't makeit back in the rooms, because
not only did you know what,though?
Speaker 1 (41:22):
Both of those guys would laugh about that
themselves, right we're going tohave both of them on here one
day.
We're going to have them ontogether.
We've been fucking trying.
One of them, yeah, no, we wouldlove to have them on, both of
them on at the same fucking timenext week.
Why are they still goingthrough this?
Let's work it out togetherright here on the fucking air.
(41:49):
Well, we got.
We got mike.
I know mike, but you knowthat's not a fucking bad idea.
I almost told you to grab themand bring them.
So what?
I?
Speaker 2 (41:51):
almost told you to grab them and bring them here.
That's not a bad idea.
No, I don't think so.
You're talking green fresh.
Grab both of them.
Speaker 1 (41:56):
Put them right here on these mics, and we'll work it
out right here.
That shit is still green.
You know what, though, and whatthey need to understand is it's
not just helping them, helpingus.
The amount of people we canreach to help other people with
their stories and what theystruggle with, the telltale
signs of shit is just going goodand then fuck it right, fuck it
.
You know what I mean.
(42:16):
The fuck that I just.
I think I get so fucking mad atit because you know, once again
, I'm gonna turn around and lookat me just how much I travel,
the, the amount of shit that Igo with, the amount of bars I
mean, all the shit that I do.
How easy it would be to sayfuck it right.
(42:37):
How easy.
You wouldn't know, katie,wouldn't know nobody, would
fucking know nobody.
But why I have to live withmyself.
You would, god, god, would Ihave to live with myself?
I don't know how you could dothat I don't what, I, what I'm
always wondering.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
I don't think he's, I don't think either one has had
a spiritual awakening result.
Speaker 1 (42:59):
These steps, a real one you know you said that
earlier today.
Speaker 2 (43:03):
I don't think happened, because I've seen it
and I've worked with both ofthem, right, right, everyone
from Jump Street, right, andhe's had periods, but he's
always had reservations, right,you know, there's always been.
You know, because the minuteand this is another thing that
pisses me off the minute he justlooks God's way, blessings
(43:24):
start coming, yes, and I thinkthat's a bad thing, but who am I
to question God?
Speaker 1 (43:28):
I just see it, I agree.
Speaker 2 (43:29):
And then, what if I don't want what God wants for me
?
And I've heard that mentionedmany times Like why wouldn't you
, but still it's a lot.
Speaker 1 (43:36):
It's crazy.
Speaker 2 (43:38):
When you're in your ministry, whatever you got to do
.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
He does well at it.
Speaker 2 (43:42):
But when God's got you in your and you're doing
like what I'm doing, right, ittakes a lot of time, it's a lot
of work.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
It'll soak.
It'll soak, you want to talkabout soaking mental Mentally.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
soak it right out of you, yeah, and I, you know
that's Right, yeah, and I'vebeen, I was doing it yesterday
down a couple guys just to workthrough some things which I love
to do, right, but there's acost, yep, and they don't want
to pay the cost.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
Right, Right, Yep, you know that's.
The other thing is I was goingto ask you.
You've got to be getting closeto your girl coming home
Wednesday.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
Wednesday at 1.30.
She's flying to SacramentoWednesday.
She no one's more ready thanshe is.
Hey, no one's more ready thanshe is.
Speaker 1 (44:23):
No, I mean she is.
It's not because of Tammy.
She loves Tammy.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
Oh, they love each other.
Speaker 1 (44:27):
But it's a lot.
She's away from her home.
She's ready to come home, yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:31):
You know it's in a little apartment and you know
whenever Tammy because Tammycan't move a lot, she can't so
in the middle of the night, soBonnie's not getting any what
was that You're going to shutthat fucking phone off at 1.30
and not turn it back on untilyou go to work the next morning.
I'm not going to work nextmorning.
Speaker 1 (44:49):
Then fucking leave it off.
Speaker 2 (44:50):
Well, I'm picking her up at the airport.
I've already got a hotel rightby the Texas Roadhouse in Elk
Grove.
Atta boy, the FairfieldMarriott.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
We're right there.
You couldn't even wait to gethome to get a steak.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
We've got a hotel.
Then in the morning we'll getup and drive slow.
Speaker 1 (45:04):
I'm so fucking happy for you.
Robin.
Shut that goddamn phone off.
Speaker 2 (45:07):
Oh it's going off.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
Atta boy, leave that fucker in the car, enjoy her.
Enjoy her, you both deserve it.
Yeah, no, you know what she'sgetting you drank?
Speaker 2 (45:16):
fucking God damn.
Mark that down.
Fucking brick.
All she wants is to lay herhead on my chest for a while and
a back rub, because she hasn'tbeen getting her back rub.
She hasn't been getting herfoot rubs.
I'm a massage.
I got magic hands, so that'swhat she loves.
Speaker 1 (45:32):
She hasn't got any massages any rubbed hands.
Well, I'm happy for you.
You know what I was thinkingabout, that, coming home, that
she had to be getting clothes,and that's another thing on top
of you know, because God doesn'tslow down Right.
Speaker 2 (45:43):
No With what he asks of me to do no, no, helping no
and then I had on top of youknow?
No, You've had a rough sixweeks, bro.
No, it's been full, it's beenreally good, I guess you're
right.
Speaker 1 (45:59):
It hasn't been rough.
It's yeah, and you're going toget some rest on Wednesday night
and all you knuckleheads fromMonday night Don't be calling
our board.
Speaker 2 (46:06):
Call if you want.
It's not going to be off Rightand I'm gone.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
I'm gone for the next three weeks from Monday night.
Oh no shit.
Yeah, yeah, all right, brother,let's get out of here.
Speaker 2 (46:15):
He's waiting for me next Sunday.
Speaker 1 (46:17):
Oh wait, left, come back, come back.
You can catch us at oh recoveryunfiltered podcast at gmailcom.
I had a.
I had two, four comments fromthe last one that said and
honestly love nathan.
I mean we did great, just had.
The response that I got onnathan's was pretty decent.
(46:39):
I needed to send those to himyeah, he had three good
responses yeah, he had threereally good responses, so I need
to get that over to him.
Speaker 2 (46:46):
So anyways, recoveryunfilteredpodcast at
gmailcom.
Speaker 1 (46:50):
I love them.
Yeah, love them All right.
Thanks, rob Later.
Thank you for joining us today.
We hope you learned somethingtoday that will help you If you
did not come back a five-starreview.
Speaker 2 (47:01):
If you don't like what you heard, kiss my ass.
I can't say that, can you?
Anyway, if you don't like whatyou heard, go ahead and tell us
that too.
We'll see what we can improve.
We probably won't changenothing, but do it anyway, hey
thanks, Rob.
Speaker 1 (47:10):
Come back next week and hopefully something will be
different and something willsink in.
Take care, this has beenRecovery Unfiltered.
(47:33):
Thank you.
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