March 5, 2025 • 28 mins
Discover the unfiltered truths of recovery in our latest episode that delves into the complex interplay between faith and raw honesty. Are spirituality and the language surrounding it clean-cut? This episode disrupts that notion as we explore the surprising intersection of faith and, yes, even four-letter words.
Join our candid conversations filled with personal anecdotes that highlight vulnerability in recovery. When we embrace our struggles and share our hardships, we create a supportive community that lifts everyone up. We discuss the essential role of connection and authenticity in recovery and how embracing our entire experience—including the messy bits—can lead to profound transformations.
This episode reminds us that navigating faith during dark times can be messy. However, it is precisely in that messiness that we often find the deepest truths about ourselves and our relationships with a higher power. Each story told urges listeners to confront their own experiences without glossing over the discomfort in the pursuit of healing.
If you're craving thought-provoking discussions that challenge norms, this episode is for you. Let’s lean into the beauty of raw honesty together, recognizing the messy, often uncomfortable truth that surrounds our journey of recovery. Don't forget to subscribe, share, or leave a review if you enjoyed the episode!
Thank You for Joining Us.. Please share with friends. If you or anyone you know is struggling with alcoholism please reach out to us. We can get you help. recoveryunfilteredpodcast@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
We'll see.
Ask very little.
However, you will hear the wordGod in a four-letter word in
the same sentence.
You will also be offended.
So if you are easily offended,just pass us by.
This podcast is not for you.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Our opinions are just that.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Why not a three-letter?
Speaker 1 (00:32):
word Say that's okay, we're going to love you anyways
.
What is a bad three-letter word?
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Cow, god be cow, grab a beverage of your choice and
get ready.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Let's go.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Hello Robert, what's?
Up Because you know whatfour-letter word we're talking
about when they say that.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Hey, what did I say right from the very beginning?
One of the first AA meetings Iwas into.
Aa is the only place where weheard God and fuck in the same
sentence.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Yeah, you know, by a man who's walking with him Right
.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
It's crazy.
I was just talking to somebodythe other day.
I said you know, I grew up inthe church, but my relationship
with God since I've been in AAis tenfold different tenfold,
but better.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
It's actually a relationship.
It's not knowledge, it's arelationship, oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Now it is Like I said I can sit and speak, talk with
him, just like you and I aresitting here talking, right?
Speaker 2 (01:23):
I have zero problem working around outside doing the
things I'm doing driving downthe road, just him and I having
a conversation sometimes it'seven better just turn the radio
off, don't listen to podcast orwhatever, and just I do that a
lot and just be with just bewith him.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
I do that a lot and just kind of right.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
I do that a lot you know that's my.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
When I'm dry because I drive so much right me, I
listen to a podcast or I listento something, but there's a lot
of times I'll just get in thetruck and hell, I'll be down the
road a couple hours before Irealize shit.
I haven't turned the radio, Ihaven't done anything, just
thinking.
Just thinking you know that's adangerous place to be is inside
my brain Sometimes, especiallywhen we were drinking.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Drinking thinking, not just thinking.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
You threw your wife on a plane this morning.
Huh brother, yes, I did.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Five o'clock.
Well, actually we were there at4.30.
Her plane went off at like 5.20.
It's in Sacramento, so it wasnice, that's an easy airport.
She goes.
You're not going to walk inwith me?
I said, babe, I can only away.
I'm going to boot you out andgo.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Get your shit and get the fuck out.
Hey, speaking of that, soTammy's having surgery Monday.
So they found her rubber bandsmall enough to put her shoulder
back together.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Put her shoulder back together and hopefully it holds
this time, Because she reallydidn't do anything to tear it.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
She didn't actually fall or nothing like that she's
lifting herself up onto thecabinet, probably.
Sorry, tammy, little peopleproblems.
They make step stools forpeople like you.
They make little people houses.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Well, the doctor said he thought her tendons and
ligaments were strong enough tohold, and apparently they
weren't.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
It's that old age.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Yeah, you got to go back.
Can you imagine going back?
Speaker 1 (03:05):
She's going to go on a step stool and punch me if I
ever see her.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Oh yeah, with a good hand, the rebuilt one, she got
cadavered.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
So you're alone for six weeks.
Six weeks, oh my God.
What are you going to?
Speaker 2 (03:17):
do, we'll do some fishing you are.
Oh yeah, I, I'm going to godown and shoot some guns.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
We ought to do a podcast every day while she's
gone.
Let's do it.
I can do that.
Do some step work.
My wife will shoot me if you'rehere every day.
Hey, so I got a phone callyesterday.
You know I'm coming up on mythree year.
This is kind of a little bit Iwas going to talk about today.
I'm coming up on my three yearand I know I talked about this
the other night in the men'sgroup, but you know it's.
(03:44):
I got a phone call from aprimary purpose yesterday and I
know you know about this but itwas.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
You know, that's a God.
It's still a God it is.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
It is and I, you know , I, I spoke last two or three
weeks ago and I, you know, I Ienjoy speaking.
I mean, we talk about that allthe time, I don't really care
and it it does a lot for me andI enjoy it.
And but Jeanette called meyesterday and, um, and it was
kind of blue and I was like,well, hello, ms Jeanette.
And you know, we talked for aminute and she's like, what are
(04:13):
you doing on the third Friday ofnext month?
And I'm like I have to look atmy calendar and and I said, well
, I think I'm, I'm home, shegoes, you want to come speak?
And I got goosebumps and I'mlike, seriously, she's like,
yeah, she goes, you think you'reready, I go, I'm ready anytime
you want.
I'm just, you know, it's myhome group, it's where I got and
(04:36):
I just it was just I gotbutterflies for that one.
And when you asked me to speakat New Hope, I didn't get or
Living Sober, I didn't get thegoosebumps like I did there.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
It's nothing like your home group.
Right, right, I didn't speak atmy home group until I was 12
years, sober, I mean, they askeda few times, but it just didn't
work out until someone fellthrough and I was she goes, I
need someone because it was June, right, and she goes, I need
someone next month to speak.
No, it was the beginning ofJuly.
The speaker's not going to beable to show up.
(05:08):
All right, it was a shortnotice thing and I killed it.
Of course you did.
I don't know if I did that, Ijust said that to brag, but I
don't know if I did anyway, youprobably did.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
You probably did so, yeah, so of my three years, and
you know, I got to go to dinnerand brad will be getting his
chip.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
That right.
Yes, when you speak, so that'sthat's even more special.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
That'll be fun.
You got to make sure jeanetteknows to have a birthday card
this year I'll probably hit ameeting this week.
Okay, because when or when I hita meeting because bonnie's
gonna be gone, so I'll have moretime I'll hit a meeting and
I'll start a card for right um,so I got to have dinner with
jason last night, oh yeah, yeah,it was cool, you know, because
my main office is over in Marinawhere he's working at all the
(05:48):
time.
So I called him up to go todinner so we had some good
conversations so it's alwaysgreat to see him.
Man, I love that guy, I misshim.
Yeah, he's, you know, he'sstarting to get a little burnt
out over there.
It sounds like, you know, knowhe it's a lot, it's a lot.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
He's been over there it's heavy on him, so he toured
me around some of those houseshe's building.
My that was probably.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
I mean that probably really picked him up too, though
it was fun I enjoyed.
those houses are freakinggorgeous.
You know we, you know, jason, Ihave a lot in common, right,
we're away from home a lot,right, yep, and we're.
You know, for me I don't haveI'm not in the same spot like
jason is, like Jason's there allweek long, every week in the
same spot.
I'm not right, I'm all over theplace.
(06:29):
So he Like cow shit, there yougo.
So he was telling me he starteddigging into his wallet.
He goes, look at here.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
And he had a chip for his six year and I've got one
for him because I was going toget one for him, but and he had
a chip for his sixth year andI've got one for him because I
was going to get one for him.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
But I was just excited.
I'm like you finally got a homegroup over here and he goes.
Yeah, he goes.
You know, I didn't think Ireally did until they gave me
that he goes.
Now I just kind of feel like Igot a home group over here, so
good for him.
I think that made him happy,that made him feel at home.
You know, for me, like friday,on monday, at the meeting I
don't know what it is andhopefully, you, you keep saying
(07:08):
I hope it never goes away.
You know, because for somereason, this last three months,
starting in february, thefebruary, march and then april,
I, leading up to my birthday, Ijust get anxious, I get angry,
um, I get anxious.
I start reliving all these lastthree, these, you know, these
(07:32):
last two and a half months in myhead, starting February, right,
that, the conference I justwent to, right, I hadn't been to
it in three years.
I went back this year and it'sall started.
It didn't all start there.
My, my hard end started there,right?
So I, you know, I startedreally just, oh my god, just
(07:54):
overthinking shit like we do andgetting you know, and I've been
, but I noticed I haven't beenpraying of a morning.
I've gotten busy, right, I'vegotten extremely busy at work.
I haven't been praying of amorning, I haven't been spending
the time in my book, I haven'tbeen doing the things that I you
know that I normally do kind ofgot now that routine and uh, so
I kind of and I the balance ofwhere I was at with my sobriety
(08:18):
is kind of kicked.
You know it's not there.
So I'm just struggling withthat a little bit and, you know,
trying to figure out okay, howto.
You know, we're in my busyschedule because with this new
job that I got you know Istarted in October longer I'm
there, the more my feet get duginto the operation right, the
more.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
And more God gives us these times, so we can not hold
on to that anchor too bad.
Let it go and trust in him alittle more.
And when I said I didn't wantyou, I hope you never forget
that.
Right, you know, they say it'stwofold.
They say if you don't rememberyour last drink, you haven't had
it yet.
Right, right, one, that's avery good statement.
And two, because I had the samething In early sobriety what I
(08:56):
considered the first five yearsMay I would get it.
I just but the in May, becauseJune 1st is it.
I just want that month to getover with Right, because I'd
start getting anxious a littlebit, like not that I was going
to drink, but it was just.
It was just what.
I just want to get it to June1st.
Okay, another year down.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
And then it was.
I don't know what it was, but Ialso did relive a little bit,
and I don't have that I don'thave that.
I can't drop that emotion thatyou did, which is awesome.
I get it.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
I love that.
That's powerful.
No it, you know what?
Because that's a deeperappreciation for what we got.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
I do appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Don't don't for any moment that I don't appreciate
that, but man, sometimes I wishit would, the pain would dull a
little bit bit.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
it will, it will because time will do what time
does right, and it's just.
You know.
I remember, you know, when Ihad to see some people that I
haven't seen in a few years,right, I've done my amends to
them, but I didn't get to seethem face to face because they
live on the other side of thecountry they live out of.
One was in canada, so I hadn'tgot to see them and and, uh, we
got to do that face to face andyou know, I thought it was.
You know, once again you playthese scenarios out in your head
(10:05):
.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
You know, I wasn't for sure how we were going to
interact together and how to golike we were best friends still
like like you, nothing likeyou're back together yesterday
yeah, I just overplayedeverything in my head like we do
, oh, we do and I.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
I had all these scenarios and seeing people that
I haven't seen since I've beensober and not knowing how they
were going to just overplayingshit, sitting in the bar and
doing all that stuff that Ireally don't give a shit about.
Sitting in the bar wasn't aworry for me.
It was how people were going toreact to me, which we can't
control.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
No, we can't, but we think about such things, we do.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
And it's hard, so people don't know how to act
around us.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Oh, and it's hard.
You know it's hard, so peopledon't know how to act around us.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Oh, you know that's even worse, right?
So I mean they don't, andespecially if they give a shit
about you, right?
Speaker 2 (10:51):
oh yeah, if they give a shit about you, they really
don't know how to put their, puttheir behind their back right
hide that god damn old fashion.
What?
Speaker 1 (11:01):
one of the.
I went out to dinner on um, Idon't know what did you eat
while you were in Vegas?
Speaker 2 (11:06):
What did you eat?
Come on, talk to us.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
I went to Lowry Steakhouse one night with some
friends.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Prime rib, of course.
Oh yeah, Was it the best primerib you ever had?
Was it really good prime rib?
Speaker 1 (11:15):
It's good, I've had better.
I like Lowry's, don't get mewrong, but I mean I've had
better.
Okay, it's good.
You know, the nice thing aboutthat place is how they present
it, because they come out.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
They come out with a cart.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
They come out with that big-ass cart and cut it
right there in front of you.
You know to me I'm a meat andtater kind of guy, yeah baby.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
That's all I eat, right.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
You can even hold the tater sometimes, right, and
they try to.
They try to doctor up thetaters too much.
You know the guys I was withwere drinking and you know
they're having a good time and Iordered my Pellegrino and you
know, it's it, it, it's no bigdeal.
Then Tuesday night I went outwith the another group and, um,
the, there was actually just twoof us and both of them ordered
(12:00):
an iced tea.
Because I ordered an iced tea.
No, I'm sorry, I ordered aPellegrino and she ordered an
iced tea.
No, I'm sorry, I ordered aPellegrino and she ordered an
iced tea.
And the other guy ordered aniced tea.
And I'm like, I looked at bothof them.
I go.
If you motherfuckers don'torder a drink, I'm leaving and
they go.
Well, we the one.
Well, you know, I just feeluncomfortable.
(12:23):
I'm like if you feeluncomfortable, think about one
ounce.
And I told her I go.
You make me uncomfortable bynot having a drink.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Yeah, ain't going to bother me.
Just don't hold me down andpour it down my throat.
We'll be all right, we'll beall right.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
So anyway, so yeah, it was fine.
And then, like I said, cominghome from that, there's just a
lot.
These memories just come backup and come.
The end of about mid-March iswhen I started really going to
the doctor and started gettingthe bad diagnoses.
Started shitting blood andpuking blood the blood coming
(12:54):
out and the bad stuff, the storywe read that's called
esophageal hemorrhage is whatyou had.
The story that we read the othernight.
It was absolutely just broughtall that shit back up again
because it was basically tellingmy story, yeah, and then you
know, so it just all that stuff.
And then I had to, I had to gothrough my list of uh, because I
(13:16):
actually, when this lands, I'llbe post-op two days, so I'm
having surgery on monday, niceI'll drop wednesday no that's.
Is that an in and outer?
It's a very simple surgery.
They're just pinning my sijoints together.
So I mean, it's the.
You'll be walking out, are theygonna?
no, I, they said I, I knowthey'll small incisions small
incisions with three screws onboth sides, you know, pinning my
(13:39):
si joints together, but they um.
So yeah, when this lands onwednesday I'll be, you know,
recouping when this basicallylands, and then you know.
So I had a.
I had to read I don't know whyon this, on this one, but I had
to read like all my, I had toprove all my past medical
history and I started reading.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
And I started reading about all the trips to the
hospital, those last, but Iwanted to ask you what was the
time frame in that in thosestarted?
Speaker 1 (14:04):
january 24th 2022 of 2022 that's when you said that.
What was the timeframe in thosetrips?
It started January 24th.
Oh, 2022.
Of 2022.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
That's when you said that because that was the end.
That to March or April was theend January 2024.
And how many trips were there?
Speaker 1 (14:14):
Seven.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Yeah, between For the alcoholism, for the guts and
the.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Well, I mean, I was trying to blame it on, you know,
oh my God, I got heartburn.
I God, I got heartburn.
I got this, I got that, youknow, but shit, I lost.
From probably about mid-Marchuntil April 12th, I lost 45
pounds.
You know, I went from being abloated, overweight turd to
losing 45 pounds.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
That's a hell of a diet.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Yeah, atkins, not one , I would suggest.
Yeah, right, it was painful.
Right, I mean you don't eat,you got, I mean you don't eat.
It was painful and I wasblaming it on everything.
But, and the doctor, one of thelast visits he just do you
drink?
Oh, I drink a little bit, liar.
(14:56):
Why do you ask Liar?
He knew, yeah, they know.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
It says right in Look at your liver.
What do they call it?
Your liver function or yournumbers?
Speaker 1 (15:04):
Yeah, they knew your, your what do they call it?
Your liver function or the?
You know your numbers?
Yeah, they knew.
I mean, like I said, I can readdown through my medical.
I'm like, yep, remember thatone, remember that one, I
remember that one, and it justyou know.
But I start reliving that stuffand it's not I don't feel the
pain, for I think of my wife andmy kids, right, and I just
(15:26):
think how hard that had to be,because I think if I had to
watch my wife do that, howmiserable I would be watching
her and how much it would hurtfor me to watch her go through
it.
And then it hurts, right,because I'm like she had to
watch me go through all thisshit, and it's like, and it
(15:47):
hurts because I feel for her.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Well, because now we actually don't, because the
alcoholic addict either way, sixone half dozen are the most
selfish and self-centered humanbeings, in my opinion, on the
fucking planet.
Then, once we take this stepand we get God in our lives, we
start loving people as we shouldproperly.
Then we can actually haveempathy and hurt for them.
Man, look at the shit I putthem through, cause.
(16:09):
Now you know, and that's whatyou're feeling, which is awesome
.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Yeah, the empathy is.
You know I I've never felt thatbefore.
You know, Katie, I don't give ashit about no one but me.
No, no, my Katie and I werejust talking about this.
The other my feelings to otherpeople is sometimes it gets in
the way.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
It's not that I didn't have feelings, but they
weren't as strong as the ones Ihad to roll around.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
I didn't give a shit about them, especially if they
got in the way of my drinking.
Yeah, come on Right.
No, you don't.
You know, don't get in the wayof my drinking.
You want me to feel sorry foryou?
I'll feel sorry for you.
Let's go have a beer.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Yeah, let's go sit and have a beer and talk about
it.
And once I get my needs met,once I got what I need and I'm
right, then I'll help you, right, yeah?
Speaker 1 (16:50):
So then, chana called me from Maynard's.
I go up there this Friday tospeak up there again.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Okay, good, that's fine yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
I haven't been to the gels.
Because of work right and therunning, I haven't had a chance
to go into the jails and I thinkthat's a little bit of my
balance issues right.
So I haven't been able tochance to go in and do that
because I used to get so muchout of that and I'm not getting
that.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
But you notice God is supplementing with other things
a lot, right, you know almostright because you know I didn't
she.
She called me.
She says hey.
I said yep, she goes.
Do you think larry's ready tospeak?
And I know what she was talkingabout.
I said he's born ready.
She was, I need you, she was.
Would you please shut up?
Yeah, get off.
God, get one of them fuckingshepherd's hooks and rip it.
(17:33):
Shepherd, shepherd hook, get itanyway, and I said she was.
Would you please get me someother names of some speakers?
I need some people will come up, sure, but it wasn't.
I didn't refer, I didn't referyou.
She called and asked are youready?
Yeah, he's ready.
So that's a god thing.
God puts you on her mind, right, you know, to keep you
supplemented from we got anotherguy from primary I think I told
you about it.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Um, he, he, oh, the the yeah to have him on maybe
yeah, I, I think that would bean interesting.
He studied in moleculemolecular biology Right and he
you know he, he started going toprimary and you know he got our
name through Dawson and Michael, who's been on the show Right,
he's listened to it and he wantsto come on and talk about he.
(18:14):
Wants to come on and talk aboutthe effects.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
He's a new.
He's a new, he's really anewbie, which is great yeah,
since december of 2023.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
So he's got a.
He's got a little over a year,yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
So yeah, I'm trying to get him on, but the effects
alcohol has on the body not justmakes us loopy, but you know
the.
Because when I went in for myhip, you know, when I first went
to my hip doctor and he was toask me questions about, he asked
me did you ever drink you knowto excess?
And I was like, well, questionsabout.
He asked me, did you ever drinkyou know to excess?
And I was like, well, yeah,absolutely.
(18:43):
Why do you ask you?
Because because that, becausethe necrosis that started this
could come from alcohol abuse.
I'm like, are you shitting me?
That stuff is.
I've been told that.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
I've been told that, with all the with all the damage
that's going on in my back Idid not know.
You know, yeah, I've been toldthat a couple times.
You know, in fact, the ladythat did my intake today.
Um, she asked, she goes, she'sgoing down through the list, do
you do this, do you do this?
And then she says do you drinkalcohol?
I go, boy, did I?
And she started laughing ohyeah, I was.
I was I haven't for almostthree years, but I was pretty.
(19:16):
Yeah, I was a pretty harddrinker.
And she says well, you know,that could be a problem with a
lot of this stuff.
And I go well, you're not thefirst one to tell me that right,
that's something.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
So it'd be cool to get them on and just to see the
short-term effects, which weknow some of, right, but you
know, and of course thecirrhosis and that.
But there's more than just theliver oh, as we're finding out,
as we're finding out what it cando, so that'd be kind of cool.
But you know, what though, rob?
Speaker 1 (19:39):
The recovery process.
I know my bones probably won'tre-heal themselves, but the rest
of my body from everything, ispretty much healed itself back.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
Oh yeah, no, no, no, but it's the bones that are good
, right.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Yeah, it's just the bones and all the accidents I
was in and everything else, andit's just.
You know, this would be my 24thsurgery and, um, yeah, that's a
lot, that's a lot, yeah.
so you know, and I go back and Istart thinking about all the
you're like the jay walker inthe book running up, walking out
in front of shit, I go back andI start counting the surgeries
and I think that you know thatone's from alcohol, that one's
(20:11):
from alcohol, that one's fromalcohol, you know, because it
all stems back to a wreck, right, that I was in in 1988.
Right, I mean I, I go back andthis that was from the wreck,
that was from the wreck, thatwas from the wreck.
So, yeah, I mean it all stemsback, you know, and it started
in 2015 when I fell down andbroke my hip.
It it scattered the calcium.
Were you drunk too?
I'd been drinking that wholemorning.
(20:32):
Yeah, sweet, yeah.
So I mean it it all stems backto that one way or another one
way or another, that's somethingone way or another.
One way or another, that'ssomething One way or another.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
What else going on?
I don't know what is going on.
I don't know.
I got the two Daniels doinggood now With one Daniel, the
bigger kid, doing real good.
God's got a hold of him, whichis awesome to see.
That's the big guy, that's thebig guy.
So what about, uh, the triggerman?
(21:01):
No, I haven't heard.
He's not been.
He's not been back to a meetingyet.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
I haven't seen him, haven't seen roy, all we can do
is pray man yeah you know it's asad deal, but we all knew.
Well, I don't know about, weall knew, but we whenever he's
started speaking about it Ifucking knew.
Well, yeah, I mean I I'm alittle cautious, but when he
started talking about it, youalready started planning.
He was planning for that Right.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
But when you give yourself an out, I got triggers
and this is it Okay.
But then you went out and thatwasn't Right.
So did you find another one?
That's the whole joke with thetripping over the Roger's horse.
Bullshit, right, you know.
But when he comes back, we'lllove him and and we'll work
through that.
Hey, do you see now where yourproblem lies?
That ain't out here, it's, it'sin between your ears, you know?
(21:46):
Let's, let's work on that,brother so I just thought about
something.
I'm probably gonna leave thisone and remember curtis yeah no,
he's still doing very well what, how, yeah, where, when, what
so I?
Speaker 1 (21:58):
haven't got a chance and mir's probably going to kick
me in the ass for even bringingthis up.
But no kidding, yeah, he'sdoing very good, very good,
going to CR, yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Yeah, Going to CR if that's where he found his home.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
Is he still with Crazy?
Speaker 1 (22:12):
And Miranda said he was going to call me, but he
hasn't yet.
And it's all right, it's like Itold Miranda.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
I said I don't care if he calls me or not.
I thought that guy was going to.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
So do you and me both yeah.
He was on his way to death.
I thought he was dead.
I just hadn't heard from himand Miranda said he's doing
amazing.
She saw him, man, that's good.
Yeah, I don't give a shit wherehe goes.
I don't.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Eventually, he'll find his way to us.
Well, you know, I just whatever.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
As long as he stays sober and he's happy and he's
got joy in his life.
Good for you.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
That's good.
That's good to hear.
That makes my weekend.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
Yeah, it made me happy when Miranda told me I was
like what?
And she goes yeah, and I'm likeyou know what?
From the last time I spoke tohim I said don't you ever
fucking call me again.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Yeah, he has.
Okay Is that when he was drunkin the car and then got arrested
, he got the DUI?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
I know what's, when I was in Austin and last time I
was in Austin and uh.
I haven't heard from him since.
That was the last job you got anew job since.
So yeah, I don't know.
Just, you know we hear thosekind of things and it's the same
thing.
When we speak, right we, wewant to hit that one soul and
(23:24):
sometimes that soul gets.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
You know, sometimes that soul but him coming to our
meetings for a while plantedseeds and then someone else
watered it and someone elsehelped it grow Awesome.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
No, and he found his.
We pray, you know, we pray thathe found his, his way to
sobriety through.
You know, celebrate recoveryRight.
And yeah, I mean, some peopleget it.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
I know the God that's over there.
Yeah, yeah, same God I got.
He's mine.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
He works over there too, does he?
It was funny, jason was askingme last night.
He was like, cause I wastelling him about you know this
guy and he goes jay javali goes.
What is cr?
So I'm like, really I go and Iexplained it to him.
He's like well, I had to.
We talked about it a little bitso anyways.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
So we were jason a, jason a got his seven years
right.
Friday night we got.
We and a few of the boys weredown there where in oakdale okay
, he got, he got his down there.
It's good, huge beating.
Where was it in the oakdale?
Okay, he got, he got his downthere it was good, huge beating.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Where was it in the oakdale meeting?
Speaker 2 (24:22):
yeah, huge inside that little inside that little,
every chair and about half ofthem off the wall were there
really yeah, and the fire at.
The fire chief came in, we'dall get kicked out because it
was way over capacity was thefireman scott.
There, you know, he was likehey, what's capacity here's?
Don't say no, I'm not, I'mretired.
Bill got his 37.
Bill, old Bill, okay, okay, sohe's been sober.
(24:44):
He got sober at 37.
He just celebrated 37 years sohe's been sober half his life,
which is that's a goal.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
That's a goal for everybody.
That's pretty cool.
That's really cool.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
Unless you got sober at five, then that's not an
accomplishment at all, bitches.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
No no.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
I got to go 38 years, fuck.
So how old would that make me?
Speaker 1 (25:01):
38 is what I'll have to be 104.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
I'll have to be 104.
70 fucking four.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
I'd have to be 104.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Oh, you ain't going to make it you might make it.
By the time we get there,they'll have some shit you can
inject in your ass.
That'll, that's funny.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
Give you a new life.
That's funny, that sorry, Iforgot to shut my phone off that
.
So yeah, those birthdays we gota lot of birthdays coming up
inside of our group, right nowNext month, Right, Brad and me
Kevin.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
We just had Kevin.
I got his Pat.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Pat just celebrated 32.
Yes, so I mean we got a lot ofanniversaries coming up for some
reason.
For some reason, we have a lotcoming up this time of year.
So anyways, hey, I didn't sayour where you could reach us at.
You can reach us at recoveryunfiltered uh podcast podcast.
Sorry, recovery unfilteredpodcast at gmailcom.
(25:51):
If you got any questionsconcerns I.
I know this is going to be ashorty today because or if we're
pissed you off, oh, call rob.
Let us have it Just call Rob, ifyou disagree with something,
let me have it.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Call Rob, though.
I will just give it.
Give me, give us, give me, giveme all your venom.
Or if we said something thatthat touched your heart, sure,
Let us know that.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Yeah, a lot of words of encouragement and I haven't
really had a chance we do andand I and I love those.
You know, those are the onesthat I really enjoy, the ones
that you know I haven't seen andit's you know.
You can take it as a good orbad, I don't.
I haven't seen one in a whilesaying that they need, you know,
help us find some help.
And you know I just hope ifyou're out there and you're
(26:36):
questioning, don't don't worryabout it.
Just call or email me.
We'll figure out how to get intouch with somebody.
We did have a new—.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
Hey, I'm a single man .
For six weeks, my wife's inWyoming, so if you need help
I'll drive.
I got extra time.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Have Subaru we'll travel.
Anyways, rob, I appreciate youdoing this at the last minute.
I wanted to drop another one inreal fast before the surgery
and everything happens.
So, once again, if you have, uh, if you got any concerns, want
to jump out and see us?
It's recovery unfiltered.
Hey, you know what?
sorry, before I jump out Iprobably just lost a bunch of
(27:14):
people, though.
So if bonnie's in you inwyoming now, now will you guys
still be going there for yoursummer vacation?
Or now are you going to go tothe international convention?
Jason wanted me to ask you thatI'm not going to that thing why
I ain't going.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Are you driving?
Are we flying?
Flying?
She wants me to.
I don't know.
I'm gonna text.
I want to go somewhere with her.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Okay, we'll take her yeah, but I don't want to and I
ain't taking her I'm not, I know, but I ain't taking her to
freaking canada.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
She wouldn't want to go to canada to be part of that.
She'll just sit in the hotelroom.
She ain't gonna be part of that.
Kim is actually right.
You know, my wife don't likepeople, doesn't like cold, they
don't like to travel and I justsent her all three.
You know that's funny, but Iwant to do something with just
us, right?
No, that's good.
So I we might fly back to,because what they want me to do,
because they've been trying toget me back there.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Go back and see your sister.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
I might drive back there to pick her up, okay, but
probably not because of what'sgoing on with work and stuff.
You know, we'll just have totime it different, okay, they?
Speaker 1 (28:07):
fucked everything up.
All right, recovery.
Unfiltered Podcast at gmailcom.
Hope you learned somethingtoday that will help you If you
did not come back next week, andwe'll try again.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
If you like what we heard, give us a five-star
review.
If you don't like what youheard, kiss my ass.
I can't say that, can you?
Anyway, if you don't like whatyou heard, go ahead and tell us
that too.
We'll see what we can improve.
We Thanks.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
Rob, come back next week and hopefully something
will be different and somethingwill sink in.
Take care, this has beenRecovery, unfiltered.
We'll see.
Ask very little.
However, you will hear the wordGod in a four-letter word in
the same sentence.
You will also be offended.
So if you are easily offended,just pass us by.
This podcast is not for you.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Our opinions are just that.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Why not a three-letter?
Speaker 1 (00:32):
word Say that's okay, we're going to love you anyways
.
What is a bad three-letter word?
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Cow, god be cow, grab a beverage of your choice and
get ready.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Let's go.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Hello Robert, what's?
Up Because you know whatfour-letter word we're talking
about when they say that.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Hey, what did I say right from the very beginning?
One of the first AA meetings Iwas into.
Aa is the only place where weheard God and fuck in the same
sentence.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Yeah, you know, by a man who's walking with him Right
.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
It's crazy.
I was just talking to somebodythe other day.
I said you know, I grew up inthe church, but my relationship
with God since I've been in AAis tenfold different tenfold,
but better.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
It's actually a relationship.
It's not knowledge, it's arelationship, oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Now it is Like I said I can sit and speak, talk with
him, just like you and I aresitting here talking, right?
Speaker 2 (01:23):
I have zero problem working around outside doing the
things I'm doing driving downthe road, just him and I having
a conversation sometimes it'seven better just turn the radio
off, don't listen to podcast orwhatever, and just I do that a
lot and just be with just bewith him.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
I do that a lot and just kind of right.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
I do that a lot you know that's my.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
When I'm dry because I drive so much right me, I
listen to a podcast or I listento something, but there's a lot
of times I'll just get in thetruck and hell, I'll be down the
road a couple hours before Irealize shit.
I haven't turned the radio, Ihaven't done anything, just
thinking.
Just thinking you know that's adangerous place to be is inside
my brain Sometimes, especiallywhen we were drinking.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Drinking thinking, not just thinking.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
You threw your wife on a plane this morning.
Huh brother, yes, I did.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Five o'clock.
Well, actually we were there at4.30.
Her plane went off at like 5.20.
It's in Sacramento, so it wasnice, that's an easy airport.
She goes.
You're not going to walk inwith me?
I said, babe, I can only away.
I'm going to boot you out andgo.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Get your shit and get the fuck out.
Hey, speaking of that, soTammy's having surgery Monday.
So they found her rubber bandsmall enough to put her shoulder
back together.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Put her shoulder back together and hopefully it holds
this time, Because she reallydidn't do anything to tear it.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
She didn't actually fall or nothing like that she's
lifting herself up onto thecabinet, probably.
Sorry, tammy, little peopleproblems.
They make step stools forpeople like you.
They make little people houses.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Well, the doctor said he thought her tendons and
ligaments were strong enough tohold, and apparently they
weren't.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
It's that old age.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Yeah, you got to go back.
Can you imagine going back?
Speaker 1 (03:05):
She's going to go on a step stool and punch me if I
ever see her.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Oh yeah, with a good hand, the rebuilt one, she got
cadavered.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
So you're alone for six weeks.
Six weeks, oh my God.
What are you going to?
Speaker 2 (03:17):
do, we'll do some fishing you are.
Oh yeah, I, I'm going to godown and shoot some guns.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
We ought to do a podcast every day while she's
gone.
Let's do it.
I can do that.
Do some step work.
My wife will shoot me if you'rehere every day.
Hey, so I got a phone callyesterday.
You know I'm coming up on mythree year.
This is kind of a little bit Iwas going to talk about today.
I'm coming up on my three yearand I know I talked about this
the other night in the men'sgroup, but you know it's.
(03:44):
I got a phone call from aprimary purpose yesterday and I
know you know about this but itwas.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
You know, that's a God.
It's still a God it is.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
It is and I, you know , I, I spoke last two or three
weeks ago and I, you know, I Ienjoy speaking.
I mean, we talk about that allthe time, I don't really care
and it it does a lot for me andI enjoy it.
And but Jeanette called meyesterday and, um, and it was
kind of blue and I was like,well, hello, ms Jeanette.
And you know, we talked for aminute and she's like, what are
(04:13):
you doing on the third Friday ofnext month?
And I'm like I have to look atmy calendar and and I said, well
, I think I'm, I'm home, shegoes, you want to come speak?
And I got goosebumps and I'mlike, seriously, she's like,
yeah, she goes, you think you'reready, I go, I'm ready anytime
you want.
I'm just, you know, it's myhome group, it's where I got and
(04:36):
I just it was just I gotbutterflies for that one.
And when you asked me to speakat New Hope, I didn't get or
Living Sober, I didn't get thegoosebumps like I did there.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
It's nothing like your home group.
Right, right, I didn't speak atmy home group until I was 12
years, sober, I mean, they askeda few times, but it just didn't
work out until someone fellthrough and I was she goes, I
need someone because it was June, right, and she goes, I need
someone next month to speak.
No, it was the beginning ofJuly.
The speaker's not going to beable to show up.
(05:08):
All right, it was a shortnotice thing and I killed it.
Of course you did.
I don't know if I did that, Ijust said that to brag, but I
don't know if I did anyway, youprobably did.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
You probably did so, yeah, so of my three years, and
you know, I got to go to dinnerand brad will be getting his
chip.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
That right.
Yes, when you speak, so that'sthat's even more special.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
That'll be fun.
You got to make sure jeanetteknows to have a birthday card
this year I'll probably hit ameeting this week.
Okay, because when or when I hita meeting because bonnie's
gonna be gone, so I'll have moretime I'll hit a meeting and
I'll start a card for right um,so I got to have dinner with
jason last night, oh yeah, yeah,it was cool, you know, because
my main office is over in Marinawhere he's working at all the
(05:48):
time.
So I called him up to go todinner so we had some good
conversations so it's alwaysgreat to see him.
Man, I love that guy, I misshim.
Yeah, he's, you know, he'sstarting to get a little burnt
out over there.
It sounds like, you know, knowhe it's a lot, it's a lot.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
He's been over there it's heavy on him, so he toured
me around some of those houseshe's building.
My that was probably.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
I mean that probably really picked him up too, though
it was fun I enjoyed.
those houses are freakinggorgeous.
You know we, you know, jason, Ihave a lot in common, right,
we're away from home a lot,right, yep, and we're.
You know, for me I don't haveI'm not in the same spot like
jason is, like Jason's there allweek long, every week in the
same spot.
I'm not right, I'm all over theplace.
(06:29):
So he Like cow shit, there yougo.
So he was telling me he starteddigging into his wallet.
He goes, look at here.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
And he had a chip for his six year and I've got one
for him because I was going toget one for him, but and he had
a chip for his sixth year andI've got one for him because I
was going to get one for him.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
But I was just excited.
I'm like you finally got a homegroup over here and he goes.
Yeah, he goes.
You know, I didn't think Ireally did until they gave me
that he goes.
Now I just kind of feel like Igot a home group over here, so
good for him.
I think that made him happy,that made him feel at home.
You know, for me, like friday,on monday, at the meeting I
don't know what it is andhopefully, you, you keep saying
(07:08):
I hope it never goes away.
You know, because for somereason, this last three months,
starting in february, thefebruary, march and then april,
I, leading up to my birthday, Ijust get anxious, I get angry,
um, I get anxious.
I start reliving all these lastthree, these, you know, these
(07:32):
last two and a half months in myhead, starting February, right,
that, the conference I justwent to, right, I hadn't been to
it in three years.
I went back this year and it'sall started.
It didn't all start there.
My, my hard end started there,right?
So I, you know, I startedreally just, oh my god, just
(07:54):
overthinking shit like we do andgetting you know, and I've been
, but I noticed I haven't beenpraying of a morning.
I've gotten busy, right, I'vegotten extremely busy at work.
I haven't been praying of amorning, I haven't been spending
the time in my book, I haven'tbeen doing the things that I you
know that I normally do kind ofgot now that routine and uh, so
I kind of and I the balance ofwhere I was at with my sobriety
(08:18):
is kind of kicked.
You know it's not there.
So I'm just struggling withthat a little bit and, you know,
trying to figure out okay, howto.
You know, we're in my busyschedule because with this new
job that I got you know Istarted in October longer I'm
there, the more my feet get duginto the operation right, the
more.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
And more God gives us these times, so we can not hold
on to that anchor too bad.
Let it go and trust in him alittle more.
And when I said I didn't wantyou, I hope you never forget
that.
Right, you know, they say it'stwofold.
They say if you don't rememberyour last drink, you haven't had
it yet.
Right, right, one, that's avery good statement.
And two, because I had the samething In early sobriety what I
(08:56):
considered the first five yearsMay I would get it.
I just but the in May, becauseJune 1st is it.
I just want that month to getover with Right, because I'd
start getting anxious a littlebit, like not that I was going
to drink, but it was just.
It was just what.
I just want to get it to June1st.
Okay, another year down.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
And then it was.
I don't know what it was, but Ialso did relive a little bit,
and I don't have that I don'thave that.
I can't drop that emotion thatyou did, which is awesome.
I get it.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
I love that.
That's powerful.
No it, you know what?
Because that's a deeperappreciation for what we got.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
I do appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Don't don't for any moment that I don't appreciate
that, but man, sometimes I wishit would, the pain would dull a
little bit bit.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
it will, it will because time will do what time
does right, and it's just.
You know.
I remember, you know, when Ihad to see some people that I
haven't seen in a few years,right, I've done my amends to
them, but I didn't get to seethem face to face because they
live on the other side of thecountry they live out of.
One was in canada, so I hadn'tgot to see them and and, uh, we
got to do that face to face andyou know, I thought it was.
You know, once again you playthese scenarios out in your head
(10:05):
.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
You know, I wasn't for sure how we were going to
interact together and how to golike we were best friends still
like like you, nothing likeyou're back together yesterday
yeah, I just overplayedeverything in my head like we do
, oh, we do and I.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
I had all these scenarios and seeing people that
I haven't seen since I've beensober and not knowing how they
were going to just overplayingshit, sitting in the bar and
doing all that stuff that Ireally don't give a shit about.
Sitting in the bar wasn't aworry for me.
It was how people were going toreact to me, which we can't
control.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
No, we can't, but we think about such things, we do.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
And it's hard, so people don't know how to act
around us.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Oh, and it's hard.
You know it's hard, so peopledon't know how to act around us.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Oh, you know that's even worse, right?
So I mean they don't, andespecially if they give a shit
about you, right?
Speaker 2 (10:51):
oh yeah, if they give a shit about you, they really
don't know how to put their, puttheir behind their back right
hide that god damn old fashion.
What?
Speaker 1 (11:01):
one of the.
I went out to dinner on um, Idon't know what did you eat
while you were in Vegas?
Speaker 2 (11:06):
What did you eat?
Come on, talk to us.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
I went to Lowry Steakhouse one night with some
friends.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Prime rib, of course.
Oh yeah, Was it the best primerib you ever had?
Was it really good prime rib?
Speaker 1 (11:15):
It's good, I've had better.
I like Lowry's, don't get mewrong, but I mean I've had
better.
Okay, it's good.
You know, the nice thing aboutthat place is how they present
it, because they come out.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
They come out with a cart.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
They come out with that big-ass cart and cut it
right there in front of you.
You know to me I'm a meat andtater kind of guy, yeah baby.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
That's all I eat, right.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
You can even hold the tater sometimes, right, and
they try to.
They try to doctor up thetaters too much.
You know the guys I was withwere drinking and you know
they're having a good time and Iordered my Pellegrino and you
know, it's it, it, it's no bigdeal.
Then Tuesday night I went outwith the another group and, um,
the, there was actually just twoof us and both of them ordered
(12:00):
an iced tea.
Because I ordered an iced tea.
No, I'm sorry, I ordered aPellegrino and she ordered an
iced tea.
No, I'm sorry, I ordered aPellegrino and she ordered an
iced tea.
And the other guy ordered aniced tea.
And I'm like, I looked at bothof them.
I go.
If you motherfuckers don'torder a drink, I'm leaving and
they go.
Well, we the one.
Well, you know, I just feeluncomfortable.
(12:23):
I'm like if you feeluncomfortable, think about one
ounce.
And I told her I go.
You make me uncomfortable bynot having a drink.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Yeah, ain't going to bother me.
Just don't hold me down andpour it down my throat.
We'll be all right, we'll beall right.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
So anyway, so yeah, it was fine.
And then, like I said, cominghome from that, there's just a
lot.
These memories just come backup and come.
The end of about mid-March iswhen I started really going to
the doctor and started gettingthe bad diagnoses.
Started shitting blood andpuking blood the blood coming
(12:54):
out and the bad stuff, the storywe read that's called
esophageal hemorrhage is whatyou had.
The story that we read the othernight.
It was absolutely just broughtall that shit back up again
because it was basically tellingmy story, yeah, and then you
know, so it just all that stuff.
And then I had to, I had to gothrough my list of uh, because I
(13:16):
actually, when this lands, I'llbe post-op two days, so I'm
having surgery on monday, niceI'll drop wednesday no that's.
Is that an in and outer?
It's a very simple surgery.
They're just pinning my sijoints together.
So I mean, it's the.
You'll be walking out, are theygonna?
no, I, they said I, I knowthey'll small incisions small
incisions with three screws onboth sides, you know, pinning my
(13:39):
si joints together, but they um.
So yeah, when this lands onwednesday I'll be, you know,
recouping when this basicallylands, and then you know.
So I had a.
I had to read I don't know whyon this, on this one, but I had
to read like all my, I had toprove all my past medical
history and I started reading.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
And I started reading about all the trips to the
hospital, those last, but Iwanted to ask you what was the
time frame in that in thosestarted?
Speaker 1 (14:04):
january 24th 2022 of 2022 that's when you said that.
What was the timeframe in thosetrips?
It started January 24th.
Oh, 2022.
Of 2022.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
That's when you said that because that was the end.
That to March or April was theend January 2024.
And how many trips were there?
Speaker 1 (14:14):
Seven.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Yeah, between For the alcoholism, for the guts and
the.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Well, I mean, I was trying to blame it on, you know,
oh my God, I got heartburn.
I God, I got heartburn.
I got this, I got that, youknow, but shit, I lost.
From probably about mid-Marchuntil April 12th, I lost 45
pounds.
You know, I went from being abloated, overweight turd to
losing 45 pounds.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
That's a hell of a diet.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Yeah, atkins, not one , I would suggest.
Yeah, right, it was painful.
Right, I mean you don't eat,you got, I mean you don't eat.
It was painful and I wasblaming it on everything.
But, and the doctor, one of thelast visits he just do you
drink?
Oh, I drink a little bit, liar.
(14:56):
Why do you ask Liar?
He knew, yeah, they know.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
It says right in Look at your liver.
What do they call it?
Your liver function or yournumbers?
Speaker 1 (15:04):
Yeah, they knew your, your what do they call it?
Your liver function or the?
You know your numbers?
Yeah, they knew.
I mean, like I said, I can readdown through my medical.
I'm like, yep, remember thatone, remember that one, I
remember that one, and it justyou know.
But I start reliving that stuffand it's not I don't feel the
pain, for I think of my wife andmy kids, right, and I just
(15:26):
think how hard that had to be,because I think if I had to
watch my wife do that, howmiserable I would be watching
her and how much it would hurtfor me to watch her go through
it.
And then it hurts, right,because I'm like she had to
watch me go through all thisshit, and it's like, and it
(15:47):
hurts because I feel for her.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Well, because now we actually don't, because the
alcoholic addict either way, sixone half dozen are the most
selfish and self-centered humanbeings, in my opinion, on the
fucking planet.
Then, once we take this stepand we get God in our lives, we
start loving people as we shouldproperly.
Then we can actually haveempathy and hurt for them.
Man, look at the shit I putthem through, cause.
(16:09):
Now you know, and that's whatyou're feeling, which is awesome
.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Yeah, the empathy is.
You know I I've never felt thatbefore.
You know, Katie, I don't give ashit about no one but me.
No, no, my Katie and I werejust talking about this.
The other my feelings to otherpeople is sometimes it gets in
the way.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
It's not that I didn't have feelings, but they
weren't as strong as the ones Ihad to roll around.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
I didn't give a shit about them, especially if they
got in the way of my drinking.
Yeah, come on Right.
No, you don't.
You know, don't get in the wayof my drinking.
You want me to feel sorry foryou?
I'll feel sorry for you.
Let's go have a beer.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Yeah, let's go sit and have a beer and talk about
it.
And once I get my needs met,once I got what I need and I'm
right, then I'll help you, right, yeah?
Speaker 1 (16:50):
So then, chana called me from Maynard's.
I go up there this Friday tospeak up there again.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Okay, good, that's fine yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
I haven't been to the gels.
Because of work right and therunning, I haven't had a chance
to go into the jails and I thinkthat's a little bit of my
balance issues right.
So I haven't been able tochance to go in and do that
because I used to get so muchout of that and I'm not getting
that.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
But you notice God is supplementing with other things
a lot, right, you know almostright because you know I didn't
she.
She called me.
She says hey.
I said yep, she goes.
Do you think larry's ready tospeak?
And I know what she was talkingabout.
I said he's born ready.
She was, I need you, she was.
Would you please shut up?
Yeah, get off.
God, get one of them fuckingshepherd's hooks and rip it.
(17:33):
Shepherd, shepherd hook, get itanyway, and I said she was.
Would you please get me someother names of some speakers?
I need some people will come up, sure, but it wasn't.
I didn't refer, I didn't referyou.
She called and asked are youready?
Yeah, he's ready.
So that's a god thing.
God puts you on her mind, right, you know, to keep you
supplemented from we got anotherguy from primary I think I told
you about it.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Um, he, he, oh, the the yeah to have him on maybe
yeah, I, I think that would bean interesting.
He studied in moleculemolecular biology Right and he
you know he, he started going toprimary and you know he got our
name through Dawson and Michael, who's been on the show Right,
he's listened to it and he wantsto come on and talk about he.
(18:14):
Wants to come on and talk aboutthe effects.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
He's a new.
He's a new, he's really anewbie, which is great yeah,
since december of 2023.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
So he's got a.
He's got a little over a year,yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
So yeah, I'm trying to get him on, but the effects
alcohol has on the body not justmakes us loopy, but you know
the.
Because when I went in for myhip, you know, when I first went
to my hip doctor and he was toask me questions about, he asked
me did you ever drink you knowto excess?
And I was like, well, questionsabout.
He asked me, did you ever drinkyou know to excess?
And I was like, well, yeah,absolutely.
(18:43):
Why do you ask you?
Because because that, becausethe necrosis that started this
could come from alcohol abuse.
I'm like, are you shitting me?
That stuff is.
I've been told that.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
I've been told that, with all the with all the damage
that's going on in my back Idid not know.
You know, yeah, I've been toldthat a couple times.
You know, in fact, the ladythat did my intake today.
Um, she asked, she goes, she'sgoing down through the list, do
you do this, do you do this?
And then she says do you drinkalcohol?
I go, boy, did I?
And she started laughing ohyeah, I was.
I was I haven't for almostthree years, but I was pretty.
(19:16):
Yeah, I was a pretty harddrinker.
And she says well, you know,that could be a problem with a
lot of this stuff.
And I go well, you're not thefirst one to tell me that right,
that's something.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
So it'd be cool to get them on and just to see the
short-term effects, which weknow some of, right, but you
know, and of course thecirrhosis and that.
But there's more than just theliver oh, as we're finding out,
as we're finding out what it cando, so that'd be kind of cool.
But you know, what though, rob?
Speaker 1 (19:39):
The recovery process.
I know my bones probably won'tre-heal themselves, but the rest
of my body from everything, ispretty much healed itself back.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
Oh yeah, no, no, no, but it's the bones that are good
, right.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Yeah, it's just the bones and all the accidents I
was in and everything else, andit's just.
You know, this would be my 24thsurgery and, um, yeah, that's a
lot, that's a lot, yeah.
so you know, and I go back and Istart thinking about all the
you're like the jay walker inthe book running up, walking out
in front of shit, I go back andI start counting the surgeries
and I think that you know thatone's from alcohol, that one's
(20:11):
from alcohol, that one's fromalcohol, you know, because it
all stems back to a wreck, right, that I was in in 1988.
Right, I mean I, I go back andthis that was from the wreck,
that was from the wreck, thatwas from the wreck.
So, yeah, I mean it all stemsback, you know, and it started
in 2015 when I fell down andbroke my hip.
It it scattered the calcium.
Were you drunk too?
I'd been drinking that wholemorning.
(20:32):
Yeah, sweet, yeah.
So I mean it it all stems backto that one way or another one
way or another, that's somethingone way or another.
One way or another, that'ssomething One way or another.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
What else going on?
I don't know what is going on.
I don't know.
I got the two Daniels doinggood now With one Daniel, the
bigger kid, doing real good.
God's got a hold of him, whichis awesome to see.
That's the big guy, that's thebig guy.
So what about, uh, the triggerman?
(21:01):
No, I haven't heard.
He's not been.
He's not been back to a meetingyet.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
I haven't seen him, haven't seen roy, all we can do
is pray man yeah you know it's asad deal, but we all knew.
Well, I don't know about, weall knew, but we whenever he's
started speaking about it Ifucking knew.
Well, yeah, I mean I I'm alittle cautious, but when he
started talking about it, youalready started planning.
He was planning for that Right.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
But when you give yourself an out, I got triggers
and this is it Okay.
But then you went out and thatwasn't Right.
So did you find another one?
That's the whole joke with thetripping over the Roger's horse.
Bullshit, right, you know.
But when he comes back, we'lllove him and and we'll work
through that.
Hey, do you see now where yourproblem lies?
That ain't out here, it's, it'sin between your ears, you know?
(21:46):
Let's, let's work on that,brother so I just thought about
something.
I'm probably gonna leave thisone and remember curtis yeah no,
he's still doing very well what, how, yeah, where, when, what
so I?
Speaker 1 (21:58):
haven't got a chance and mir's probably going to kick
me in the ass for even bringingthis up.
But no kidding, yeah, he'sdoing very good, very good,
going to CR, yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Yeah, Going to CR if that's where he found his home.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
Is he still with Crazy?
Speaker 1 (22:12):
And Miranda said he was going to call me, but he
hasn't yet.
And it's all right, it's like Itold Miranda.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
I said I don't care if he calls me or not.
I thought that guy was going to.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
So do you and me both yeah.
He was on his way to death.
I thought he was dead.
I just hadn't heard from himand Miranda said he's doing
amazing.
She saw him, man, that's good.
Yeah, I don't give a shit wherehe goes.
I don't.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Eventually, he'll find his way to us.
Well, you know, I just whatever.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
As long as he stays sober and he's happy and he's
got joy in his life.
Good for you.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
That's good.
That's good to hear.
That makes my weekend.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
Yeah, it made me happy when Miranda told me I was
like what?
And she goes yeah, and I'm likeyou know what?
From the last time I spoke tohim I said don't you ever
fucking call me again.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Yeah, he has.
Okay Is that when he was drunkin the car and then got arrested
, he got the DUI?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
I know what's, when I was in Austin and last time I
was in Austin and uh.
I haven't heard from him since.
That was the last job you got anew job since.
So yeah, I don't know.
Just, you know we hear thosekind of things and it's the same
thing.
When we speak, right we, wewant to hit that one soul and
(23:24):
sometimes that soul gets.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
You know, sometimes that soul but him coming to our
meetings for a while plantedseeds and then someone else
watered it and someone elsehelped it grow Awesome.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
No, and he found his.
We pray, you know, we pray thathe found his, his way to
sobriety through.
You know, celebrate recoveryRight.
And yeah, I mean, some peopleget it.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
I know the God that's over there.
Yeah, yeah, same God I got.
He's mine.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
He works over there too, does he?
It was funny, jason was askingme last night.
He was like, cause I wastelling him about you know this
guy and he goes jay javali goes.
What is cr?
So I'm like, really I go and Iexplained it to him.
He's like well, I had to.
We talked about it a little bitso anyways.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
So we were jason a, jason a got his seven years
right.
Friday night we got.
We and a few of the boys weredown there where in oakdale okay
, he got, he got his down there.
It's good, huge beating.
Where was it in the oakdale?
Okay, he got, he got his downthere it was good, huge beating.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Where was it in the oakdale meeting?
Speaker 2 (24:22):
yeah, huge inside that little inside that little,
every chair and about half ofthem off the wall were there
really yeah, and the fire at.
The fire chief came in, we'dall get kicked out because it
was way over capacity was thefireman scott.
There, you know, he was likehey, what's capacity here's?
Don't say no, I'm not, I'mretired.
Bill got his 37.
Bill, old Bill, okay, okay, sohe's been sober.
(24:44):
He got sober at 37.
He just celebrated 37 years sohe's been sober half his life,
which is that's a goal.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
That's a goal for everybody.
That's pretty cool.
That's really cool.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
Unless you got sober at five, then that's not an
accomplishment at all, bitches.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
No no.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
I got to go 38 years, fuck.
So how old would that make me?
Speaker 1 (25:01):
38 is what I'll have to be 104.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
I'll have to be 104.
70 fucking four.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
I'd have to be 104.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Oh, you ain't going to make it you might make it.
By the time we get there,they'll have some shit you can
inject in your ass.
That'll, that's funny.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
Give you a new life.
That's funny, that sorry, Iforgot to shut my phone off that
.
So yeah, those birthdays we gota lot of birthdays coming up
inside of our group, right nowNext month, Right, Brad and me
Kevin.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
We just had Kevin.
I got his Pat.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Pat just celebrated 32.
Yes, so I mean we got a lot ofanniversaries coming up for some
reason.
For some reason, we have a lotcoming up this time of year.
So anyways, hey, I didn't sayour where you could reach us at.
You can reach us at recoveryunfiltered uh podcast podcast.
Sorry, recovery unfilteredpodcast at gmailcom.
(25:51):
If you got any questionsconcerns I.
I know this is going to be ashorty today because or if we're
pissed you off, oh, call rob.
Let us have it Just call Rob, ifyou disagree with something,
let me have it.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Call Rob, though.
I will just give it.
Give me, give us, give me, giveme all your venom.
Or if we said something thatthat touched your heart, sure,
Let us know that.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Yeah, a lot of words of encouragement and I haven't
really had a chance we do andand I and I love those.
You know, those are the onesthat I really enjoy, the ones
that you know I haven't seen andit's you know.
You can take it as a good orbad, I don't.
I haven't seen one in a whilesaying that they need, you know,
help us find some help.
And you know I just hope ifyou're out there and you're
(26:36):
questioning, don't don't worryabout it.
Just call or email me.
We'll figure out how to get intouch with somebody.
We did have a new—.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
Hey, I'm a single man .
For six weeks, my wife's inWyoming, so if you need help
I'll drive.
I got extra time.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Have Subaru we'll travel.
Anyways, rob, I appreciate youdoing this at the last minute.
I wanted to drop another one inreal fast before the surgery
and everything happens.
So, once again, if you have, uh, if you got any concerns, want
to jump out and see us?
It's recovery unfiltered.
Hey, you know what?
sorry, before I jump out Iprobably just lost a bunch of
(27:14):
people, though.
So if bonnie's in you inwyoming now, now will you guys
still be going there for yoursummer vacation?
Or now are you going to go tothe international convention?
Jason wanted me to ask you thatI'm not going to that thing why
I ain't going.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Are you driving?
Are we flying?
Flying?
She wants me to.
I don't know.
I'm gonna text.
I want to go somewhere with her.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Okay, we'll take her yeah, but I don't want to and I
ain't taking her I'm not, I know, but I ain't taking her to
freaking canada.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
She wouldn't want to go to canada to be part of that.
She'll just sit in the hotelroom.
She ain't gonna be part of that.
Kim is actually right.
You know, my wife don't likepeople, doesn't like cold, they
don't like to travel and I justsent her all three.
You know that's funny, but Iwant to do something with just
us, right?
No, that's good.
So I we might fly back to,because what they want me to do,
because they've been trying toget me back there.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Go back and see your sister.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
I might drive back there to pick her up, okay, but
probably not because of what'sgoing on with work and stuff.
You know, we'll just have totime it different, okay, they?
Speaker 1 (28:07):
fucked everything up.
All right, recovery.
Unfiltered Podcast at gmailcom.
Hope you learned somethingtoday that will help you If you
did not come back next week, andwe'll try again.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
If you like what we heard, give us a five-star
review.
If you don't like what youheard, kiss my ass.
I can't say that, can you?
Anyway, if you don't like whatyou heard, go ahead and tell us
that too.
We'll see what we can improve.
We Thanks.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
Rob, come back next week and hopefully something
will be different and somethingwill sink in.
Take care, this has beenRecovery, unfiltered.
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