August 30, 2023 • 42 mins
In this episode we challenge the notion of whether having a racial preference is considered racist, and we also explore the fine line between preferences and deal-breakers in relationships, standards and whether they should evolve over time.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
I Said natl, come a team from love city of Atlanta,
georgia, going out to the rainycity, which I Know.
But now that rena getting in LAis not gonna be as bad, I don't
feel bad that you guys aregetting Welcome to the rest of
the country.
You know, like United States ofAmerica, ladies and gentlemen,
for people in Cali, you know, Ithink that little rain, you know
(00:29):
, maybe to make y'all feel likeyou belong, because I know it
being in Cali, being out thereon the west coast and everything
Is so gravy all the time.
Like you guys, are living yourprivileged life, that you don't
know what it's like here for therest of us.
And now you got some rain andeverything.
Hopefully it's not too crazy.
How do you, how's it goingthere for you to know?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
So you're saying, right, you know, this is our
punishment or something I don't.
I just feel like you guys Wakeup call here.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
You're in the United States of America and I don't
feel like you guys have had thatwe call in years and it's been
gonna bring us into the fold now, like we've been outliers for
so long.
Welcome to the country.
Yeah, that's.
All it took was a little rainto get you here.
I.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Don't like this.
I don't want to be here anymore.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Well, how long is that gonna last for you guys?
I think I mean, maybe you guysget maybe 24 hours of it.
Are you gonna move?
Speaker 2 (01:18):
We went to a tropical storm.
Now it's still serious.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Oh my god.
Well, hopefully everything willbe alright for the nail out
there.
You know, we did an episodehere where we were discussing
Kind of some dating topics and Iwanted to kind of piggyback off
that episode because I had aconversation with some friends A
while back ago and they weretalking we were just talking
about just dating, people'sdating preferences and stuff
like that, and One of the thingswe brought up was is it racist,
(01:44):
like not to date another, aspecific race, not, not this, no
other race?
You know, date to date, to notdate a specific races?
And I Personally didn't thinkso, because I think that your
preferences are your preferences.
I think everybody's got themlike.
Sometimes it's race in terms ofdifferent things.
So we'll go down a fewdifferent things here.
We're we'll kind of talk abouta race or a official standpoint
(02:06):
or if it's just a preferencestandpoint.
And since we are starting thereon that, because you know, I
read statistically and I'm notsure if this is still true to
know that black women inparticular, or the least likely
to date other races is, is blackwomen For one.
Has that been your, your caseand do you is it?
Is it wide open the nails andthey're like welcome one,
(02:29):
welcome all.
That's how my, as I am, it'swide open over here opportunity.
I'm like the employment stuffyou build out.
That's my dating life as well.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
I Would like to say that I am the same, but, yes, I
do have a preference.
I prefer black men in general,just because I feel like there's
a lot of experiences that Ihave that I.
It would be easier to for themto relate to.
But no, am I limiting myself?
No, not at all.
It's like it's a preference ona requirement, and I think
that's what people interestinghave an issue distinction.
(03:03):
Yeah, because some peoplerequire their specific other to
be this way.
And then what happens?
You do like a DNA test.
They find out that's not them.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Then you're gonna leave them.
You gotta leave.
Like bro, you were just lightskinned you were.
You weren't even like, youweren't even black.
We found out later on and itwas just you were just like a
little bit darker, but but youwere not black.
So now is that a situation thatcause for concern, my cause for
leaving that individuals withyour site?
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Yeah, if you find out that that person doesn't have
that quality or that thatNationality or whatever that was
anymore, would you?
Would you leave them?
Would you be like bye, I don'twant you anymore.
That's.
I feel that it borderlines onno, it is an issue at that point
.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Okay, so then we Will discuss that a little bit and
then I was gonna list I'm like awhole list here and we'll just
go down the list to see if youfeel it's superficial or you
feel like such preference whichI feel like spoiler alert that
most of these are justpreferences only because I
believe that a lot of times,when it comes to decisions that
people make in their life toknow there are very few
(04:02):
decisions you can make your lifelike who you're gonna be with,
it's almost like totally yourdecision.
You're picking that person,you're picking to be with that
person.
You know, when it comes to likewhere you live and stuff like
that, sometimes that depends onwhere you were born, you're
socio-economic status.
You know what I mean.
You can't always just pick upand go and be exactly where you
want to be, but at least you canbe with the person you want to
(04:23):
be with.
You know, if nothing else,bearman, I really believe that
going across.
So, when it comes to like therace situation and the way that
you explained it, that's kind ofwhere I was getting at in a
sense of people just have theirpreferences like for whatever
reason it, and I, like that youmade did make the distinction
there between Kind of like anecessity versus like a
(04:45):
preference, because some peoplehave that necessity.
And do you find that from yourlist of because some people call
these like I guess not, notreally red flags or really want
your deal breakers that's,that's the world looking for
some people have like a list ofdeal breakers.
So, before we finish on thislist, so do you find that that
is Beneficial for a person tohave, because some people like I
(05:06):
don't want to lower my standardever?
You heard that statement right.
Yeah, when, when people are nota list that has like a million
things on it, they say, well, Ihave standards and I just don't
want to lower my standards andgo for anything out here.
Do you, where do you stand on ahard list of deal breakers?
That's hard, there's gotta besomething on there.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
No, I do feel like, yes, you should have standards,
but I also feel like thereshould be some kind of
flexibility with certain things.
Everybody has theirnon-negotiables like I cannot
live without this, like I needthis, this kind of thing, this
kind of no in my life, whatever.
So I get that.
But I feel like when you're soimmovable, where you just like
(05:48):
and Eliminated a wholesubsection of the population,
it's a bit weird.
It's a bit weird because you'realso not allowing, you're
putting people in a box and Notallowing for any movement
outside of that.
People change, people grow,people do different things.
So I feel like that's that's.
You might need somebody whodoesn't have all your, your
boxes checked and you can helpthem get that last box.
(06:12):
Or, if they do have all thoseboxes, what happens if they lose
one of those boxes in them,process of you, you being with
them?
So say, like you needed, likehe is, needs to be at a certain
income and he loses a job youknow, lose him to like, like how
, how rigid are you with thesethings?
I think that's what reallymatters, not not necessarily
that you have a standard.
It's just is your standard, isyour standard flexible as it
(06:36):
moved, as it grows to changewith time.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Do you have?
Did you have a list of dealbreakers yourself?
And I know it's.
There's got to be something onthat list.
And now I know there's at leastone thing you got to have on a
list of bill.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Um, yes, I would say, yes, I have my own list of deal
break, because I do wantsomebody who is financially
stable or able to do that,because I look as man is being
the head of our household, aleader, and if you can't manage
his finances, how can he manageme or anything else that we do?
Speaker 1 (07:02):
That's something that is at a certain dollar amount,
I'm coming in.
If I'm coming in in a strong35k a year and I and, but I
manage my 35k Is there becauseyou know some women like yo, he
needs six figures, somebody,some women, some women in your
mind, and now they have, likespecific dollar amount no, no,
definitely.
Is that so?
Is that superficial, or is thata preference, or is that
(07:23):
superficial?
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Well, I think that depends too, because did you
meet me, knowing that I am atthis certain level?
I or I'm a certain I require acertain level of maintenance,
and if you can't sustain thatmaintenance, why are you even
talking to me?
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Goodness gracious it like a car.
What kind of maintenance are wetalking about?
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Relationships, looking for a baddie, looking
for a girl to be a certain wayand that with that certain look
or preference, it comes with Anexpenditure, like it's costly.
It's like you, you have yourjob, you have to get different
certifications and all kind ofstuff to get to maintain the job
that you have.
So why wouldn't yourrelationship be the same way?
And if you met her at a certainlevel and you knew, like you
(08:07):
could tell this girl expensive,it's not that she just surprised
you with it.
Like she came out of thewoodworks like I want to leave
the time, I want you to, I wantspa days, all kind of stuff.
No, normally those women are upfront about what they need and
what they want.
So if you approach her at your30k talking about you gonna, you
know, gotta tick me, as I am.
No, sir, move on.
30k has Other things attached toit, like he's got, like it's my
(08:30):
30k, it's my regular salary.
But I have a side also whereI'm doing this or whatever, or
I'm trying to grow this or I'myou have a plan in and that
you're actually working towardsthat I could see like how this
is what he's going for.
Fine with it, do you?
Like it doesn't matter to me.
I I'm working and having my ownanyway.
Um, but then it just.
I guess it gets down to like,if we're gonna be paying for
(08:51):
things and taking care of stuff,like who's gonna be bearing the
brunt of that?
I personally feel like somethings aren't gonna be 50-50.
Like whoever's making more isgonna have to be putting in a
little bit more.
It's like why would you wannadownplay or like, basically, why
would you wanna make it harderfor your partner to be with you
because you want 50-50?
That's interesting.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
That's interesting, because I think that I don't
think that's.
I mean, I don't all the waythink that's unfair only because
people, if you're used to acertain lifestyle, should you
have to go down in thatlifestyle to be with a certain
individual?
I don't think that a lot ofpeople are yeah yeah, I mean,
you know it's different when youmeet somebody.
at a certain point y'all arecoming up together, but it's
(09:33):
very but, I think once peopleare established and they're used
to certain things maybe they'reused to vacations, maybe
they're used to a certain kindof lifestyle they've already
provided for themselves then whywould you take a step down for
somebody else?
I do think that that is it, notthat's it, but I do think that
that's fair.
I should say you know thatparticular requirement is fair.
But I don't think where I thinkit's kind of crazy is when it's
(09:55):
way more than what the personis providing themselves.
So that means, let's say,you're at a 30K person and you
want a person that's making like$150,000, but you're making
like 30, 40 yourself, you know,then I think, like you're just
looking for somebody to kind oftake care of you, to a certain
degree Right, I come up and Idon't necessarily.
(10:15):
I've never dated women like that.
Personally, I don't wantsomebody that I have to like
write off on my taxes like can Iclaim you?
Speaker 2 (10:24):
You know what I mean, you know what.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
I mean, you know what I mean?
I depend it.
No, I don't want to depend, andit's weird.
It's weird Because I feel like,just from relationship
standpoint in general, I thinkthe best ones are based on 50-50
effort 50-50 effort.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
I like that 50-50 effort.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Mental effort is not always money effort, because I
think you're right, if a personis one person is making more,
the other person can make thatup in other ways.
So I think a 50-50 mentaleffort into making that
relationship work I think is notan unfair situation.
Now, one of the things you saidbefore was having a we're
talking about the list is havinga list that eliminates a
(11:00):
certain portion of thepopulation.
So is there a certainpercentage like that becomes a
red flag on somebody's dealbreaker list, like you have a
deal breaker that eliminateslike 80%.
Now I can tell you what one ofthose deal breakers would be.
If somebody says I wantsomebody who makes six figures,
you've just eliminated a goodpercentage of the population
(11:22):
With just that one.
With just that one would youhave a good percentage of the
population.
Just that one deal breaker.
You've eliminated a goodpercentage of the population at
that point.
And then that percentage of thepopulation has a lot of options
, so a lot of people feel liketo know they fit into those
options, wouldn't?
Speaker 2 (11:38):
you think it's gonna be, don't.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
It's gonna be some wake up calls there.
You know what I mean.
If they keep pursuing that line.
There's a lot of people who arevying for that.
Is there a certain percentageof the population that you feel
like is kind of like restrictive, like yo, you can have it,
because we can all have ourpreferences, but is there a
certain amount of like realisticrealism that we kind of have to
(12:01):
interject into these things sothat you have a realistic
proposition of finding somebody?
Or do you wait till you're likea hundred and then you know,
maybe you get a hundred.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
I mean somebody's finding them.
They're not getting thesethings out of nowhere.
You know it's something, it'scoming from something, so the
people that are around, I thinkit's the internet right, because
when you look on the internetyou can see that 1%.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
I can see the 1% on social media.
I can see people shopping,doing, living a certain
lifestyle that looks like it'sbigger than what the actual
percentage is if I'm looking onsocial media.
So I feel like, hey, it's soeasily attainable but it's not
necessarily realistic in life,Like statistics don't bear that
out, you know.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
True.
I have mixed feelings with thatbecause I feel like a lot of
people who have thoseexpectations.
They have other qualities orthings that they know are
desirable to a certain subset ofpeople.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Is that just like being?
Speaker 2 (12:52):
hot.
No, not necessarily becausethere's more to being hot,
especially when you're doingdifferent business stuff Like it
can lead a lot of, I would say,clout to a man in a business
setting.
If your wife is hot, if yourfriends want her, it is constant
boost and other things.
So I feel like but it goes backto what you said like it's that
(13:12):
50-50 effort, like her effortneeds to match yours.
So if your income's at acertain level, she's got to be
at certain level as far as whatyou want for looks, what you
want for physicality, all thatkind of stuff, and be okay with
that.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
So there's that trade off?
Have you ever looked atsomebody's significant other and
felt that way Like look atsomebody's significant other?
I've never looked at somebody'ssignificant other.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
You don't think of Dr .
Speaker 1 (13:27):
Parr.
Well, I've never looked atsomebody's significant other and
use that as a feel for like,how good or bad that guy may be.
Like I've never seen his like.
Oh, that's a bad woman.
He must be this, or you knowwhat I mean.
I've never equated that.
Now I've seen it underneath,now I have seen it.
If there is a massive disparityin the looks like you know what
(13:48):
I mean.
You see, one person like one isway more attractive than the
other then maybe you're thinkinglike yo could be something
there you know what I mean, butI haven't really done it with
just like a mutual, like a closeto attraction.
See a guy with a trophy wife, soto speak, and feel like he's a
better human being of any sort.
(14:08):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
I feel like it depends when.
So, background wise, I used tobe in commercial real estate and
real estate can be veryincredibly superficial about how
you look and how you carryyourself.
It sells, you know that's whatit is.
I will say that there's beenconversations with people and
they felt that if theirsignificant other wasn't up to
par as far as, like, educational, background, looks or whatever
(14:34):
didn't fit in with the rest ofthe group, they would not do
business with them.
They take being a single man isnot good in some of these
business circles.
You need to have someone elsewith you, you need to have a
significant other, because theyfeel like if you can't hold a
relationship, especially not onthe long term, then why would
they do business with you longterm, like it?
becomes kind of like a qualifier.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
It's interesting because I feel like that can
lead to a lot of people beingdeceived.
If you're looking at thesethings that don't necessarily
have factual correlations andthey're just correlations in
your head, then that leads toyou being able to be deceived in
that way.
That's why people can dress acertain way and deceive people
right.
That's why people can look thepart and deceive you because you
are drawing a correlationthat's not really there.
You know the businesscorrelation is going to be value
(15:18):
proposition.
You know, either the valueproposition is good or it's not.
The value proposition hasnothing to do with who you're
dating, who you're married toyou see what I'm saying it can.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
That's why you see so many people saying these
relationships when other one'scheating, doing all this crazy
stuff but money is on the line.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Is that a cheaper to keep her?
Is that a cheaper to keep hertype situation or a cheaper to
keep him type situation?
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Yeah, I feel like that plays a role, because it's
not just financial when you'resaying cheap to keep him, it's
also status-wise, it's alsosocial clout.
It carries weight and whenyou're ostracized from that
because you divorced or split orwhatever, it can be an issue.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
That's interesting, so like in order to stay in
there, yeah.
Do you feel like people are soin tune to that?
Because I think a lot of times,when it comes to people and the
public in general, people arekind of like they have tunnel
vision for their own lives, lotsof them not even paying
attention to your life, likethat.
You know what I mean.
And I feel like a lot of peopleput a big emphasis on the, on
(16:14):
the public's interest, like asif the public is interested in
you that much.
When the public is not all theway paying attention To you.
Maybe they, maybe they see youwith an attractive woman and
think like, hey, this is a guywho's got it all together.
Maybe, but that's why I was aperson themselves.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
It depends on your, your friend group.
So the big thing right now isbeing like on, take up, they
have their, their whole friendgroups and stuff.
So I feel like in order to fitin certain friend groups, you
have to be a certain way andhave certain things.
So you know, if you end uplosing those things, because
Whatever circumstances it youcan be, you can be on the outs.
Nobody wants, everybody wantsto be included.
So it's not necessarily thatlike societal, like you're gonna
(16:50):
be I, nobody's really payingattention to you, all kind of
stuff.
It's more so the people thatI'm already in with I don't want
to be on the out, I want to beincluded, I want to, I want to
be a part of the bigger group orhave these kind of things.
It's almost like when peoplesay like, oh, like you're a
certain age, you should havethese things, or this kind of
milestone, or why don't you havekids when you're married?
All this other stuff.
The same thing.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
I.
I Feel like it's.
It's rough for people who pay aton of attention to these
societal pressures because IHaven't.
I mean, I'm pretty popular inmy circles and I put in zero
effort, put in no, zero effort.
I could just not.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
But personality, isn't it maybe?
Speaker 1 (17:31):
I guess I mean because it's a situation where I
Don't know how people careabout these things.
I don't.
That's why my social media isso horrible, like I have no clue
how people care about whatstrangers think, because it's
like if you, if you're not herewhen those bills are, if you're
not putting anything on thesebills, you're not here in these
(17:53):
tough times.
Why do I care about what youthink otherwise, like you're,
you're not really a factor in mylife like that.
So your perspective you're theanarchy factor.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
You're not the norm.
That's my wish me is so big.
You see, these influences, I'vegot millions of people follow
them.
That's not that's not for noreason.
It's not out of the blue,they're influenced.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
Well, you saw the one AI influencer right.
That was like an.
Ai blind blonde woman.
Hey, I very real.
He had like mad followers.
She's not even a person, hisimagination and she had a lot
more followers than real humanbeings walking this earth.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
And I bet you she had a certain way because people
expected a certain thing out ofher.
So it's like yo.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
From a guy stand for my other tractor standpoint.
Of course it's got me superofficial standpoint like hey,
I'll cook.
I don't mind seeing her pop upon my feet every now and then.
You know she's attractive.
But I don't think there's anysubstance to that.
You can't you can't have You'renever gonna meet this human
being because they're not real.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
It's no different than your favorite celebrity.
Like they have a whole idea ofwho this person is, what they
stand for, your favorite actoror act literally the same thing
they have.
They made a whole narrative intheir head about what this
person stands for, who they are,how they'll interact with me.
If they'll See me one time at aconcert will lock eyes and
they'll be so into me.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
We'll follow right, I might pull you up on stage and
everything.
I'll just go ahead and ride offinto the sunset.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Yeah, all I had to do by the album when we're this
out, that is very real, oh thatis hilarious.
And me being who I am, I'm likeI don't understand it, but I
know it's there and I get itEspecially working in like sales
and leasing and everything else.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
I'm sure it's like attractive sales departments
there.
So we're gonna go down our listbecause we have about rough
almost another 10 or 15 minutes.
We're gonna our list real quick.
We do like a rapid-firesituation.
So we're gonna do like is itsuperficial, worry to talk about
the race and Did you gosuperficial or do we go just
(19:57):
preference on that?
Prefer you particular?
It's a preference, but it's notlike a deal breaker.
And how do you feel like thatis for other people?
I guess because you feel thatway about black men, I guess
imagine you wouldn't feelnegative about other people
having that same perspective,about Only dating one race or
not dating specific races andstuff like that you don't like
that's just a racist situation.
That's just a preference.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
I feel like it depends, when it arises to a
level to where you're puttingdown others because of it, like
if your preference Also requiresyou to be like I can't stand
this other stuff, or you know,literally like a visceral
reaction.
Like you, I Think it's wrong.
I don't think that's right.
Like I, I prefer not to eatrice, but I eat it sometimes.
(20:41):
You know it goes hand-in-handwith sushi.
So I feel like when it gets tothe point where it's like I'm
putting down all Asian foodbecause I don't like rice, or
all Indian food or African foodbecause I don't like rice, like
it doesn't make any sense,especially when what you're
(21:02):
saying is detrimental to peoplebecause it's it's degrading and
the people see you doing thisand it just doesn't make sense.
Like why and then also you're,you're creating such a broad
stroke over a whole area ofpeople or personalities or
anything like that Like whywould you count all of them out?
Because then it's like not allthe same, everybody is different
(21:22):
, everybody has differentnuances, quarks, all kind of
stuff up bringing that play arole to who they are as a person
.
So you would rather not evenget a chance to experience All
these mini characters and theway these different attributes
can combine and become somebodylike you're.
Like now, I want to give that achance.
I just don't like it.
No, done.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
That's very interesting.
I'm very interesting and Itotally, I totally agree with
their over generalizations.
I'm not, I can't stand that.
Now, this was a little moreinteresting.
We're about religion a littlemore interesting, right?
Because it can be a dealbreaker for a lot of people,
whether it's Jewish or Muslim orChristian or wherever, whatever
it may be.
Do you feel that is it's apreference or is that kind of
(22:02):
like a legit I so to speak.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
I have mixed feelings on that too, because, although
I would like somebody to alignwith my beliefs, just because
this makes it Once again, itjust sets a standard for how how
we're gonna continue our livestogether.
I think it also gets morecomplicated when you have
Children or family members thatare in the mix as well, that
feel like you be performingcertain traditions, rituals and
(22:29):
things like that.
It can be incrediblycomplicated.
So I feel like when you don'tfully understand how your
religion plays a role in yourlife or you don't have your own,
you're not firm in yourreligion or in the other person
that you're.
You're wanting to partner withthey.
You guys don't explore thattogether, how you're, how your
(22:49):
religion fit together, prettymuch because if you have kids,
it's like who's who's religionyour kids gonna have right, yeah
.
And then now your kids are inthe middle and then it's like or
if mom and dad, your parents,want them to be a certain way,
or they want this to happen atthis age because it's how it's
supposed to be, or it becomes up, you're break kids, going to
(23:09):
hell because they don't believethis way.
You know it can be right very,very hard to navigate.
So I feel like you need toDefinitely explore that before
you guys go to the next level inyour relationship or want to
pursue that, because if youdon't have a good Understanding
of how these things are gonnaaffect you long term and I feel
like you're you're doing adisservice to each other.
But I feel like that's the samething with going and having
(23:30):
Interracial marriage or having areligion or or other other
purposes that people have orother Things that they are
standards that they have.
I feel like you're not open andhonest with that beforehand and
truly communicating andthinking about how this is gonna
affect us long term in ourrelationship, then it what's the
point you're just playingaround here's gonna cause more
problems in the long run.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
Okay, I mean, I'm very open.
I'm an open person, though manI am all.
It's because I, because of thisnext one, I'm gonna ask them.
I've been had a lot ofexperiences in different types
of experiences.
I don't know if I've ever datedanybody that was Muslim, I
don't think a few differentreligions, but I do think that
there is legit legitimacy todiscussing this one, in
(24:12):
particular because of what yousaid before, like what do we do
on certain days?
Maybe you go on Sunday, maybewe go Saturday, like when
there's a lot of things thatwould need to be discussed from
religious standpoint.
Now, this one is similar to race, but they're not exactly the
same, and this is could beculture or nationality, because
we know you can be black, brown,white in all and a lot of
different cultures andnationalities.
So this one is one that's beenamazing for me is Dating women
(24:37):
from different cultures beenabsolutely eye-opening.
Amazing for me, because you getsuch a this, you can read about
another culture and stuff likethat, but it's very different
when you're with somebody fromthat culture and you're seeing,
you're living that culture,right.
It's very, very differentsituation.
So I Think this is maybe just apreference, but you may have
(25:00):
people.
I can see this in and I'm gonnause the Ukraine Russian thing as
an example here Because of theconflict that that exists here
right now with Ukraine andRussia.
So I could see maybe somebodynot wanting to be with somebody.
If you're Ukrainian, I couldsee you not one to be with
somebody's Russian, especiallyright now, just due to
everything's not to say thatthat person Sympathizes with
(25:21):
Russia is not to say that personbelieves because there's up
there, just because you'reRussian doesn't mean you
sympathize with what Putin andwhat's going on yeah country you
know what I mean.
We know that from just being inthe United States.
Right Like yeah.
I agree with everything that'sgoing on in your country, but I
but I would get it.
You know what I mean.
It'd be a.
It'd be a get if you're justlike hey, for right now at least
, now, I'm just not gonna dateanybody from that particular
(25:43):
culture.
Do you fight?
This is something that is moresuperficial or legitimate
preference there.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
I Feel like it's more superficial a little bit,
because it goes back to what yousaid, like you can't put the
weight of the whole nation'sdecisions on somebody.
But I feel like it's somethingthat you personally can't get
past and you will look at thisperson a certain way.
It'll cause Not necessarilyenvy, but like animosity is it
(26:09):
like resentment, so to speak?
yeah, yeah, some resentment.
I think that that's since yourmate.
You're grown enough to makethat Known beforehand.
I think that's acceptable.
I feel like if you were to gointo that relationship and they
may be like, oh, I can't reallydo this because of this, or you
start treating that person acertain way and they're like
what's going on?
Like you were totally and youlove bombing me.
(26:29):
Before we are great and nowit's an issue.
I want you to change who youare as a person now, because I
can't deal with it.
I think that's why it rises thelevel of a red flag.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Okay, so then let's go to.
We're down to like the lastthree year.
Let's go to Wait.
This is wait is always a bigone, because people have what
they like.
Some people like bigger women,some people like smaller women,
some people like bigger guys,some people like smaller guys.
We were like big guys, muscleguys, and I've been it.
Someone who don't like thatmuscle no, that big muscle look.
(27:01):
Is this superficial or alegitimate preference?
Speaker 2 (27:07):
I feel as though it's superficial.
Wow, a little bit is, becauseif You're looking at is this
person can't change from whatthey were when you first met
them, it's, it's superficial.
But if you're looking at it as,like you know, I just want you
to be fit and healthy, I can, Ican roll with that, because who
(27:29):
doesn't?
Speaker 1 (27:30):
I want my partner Would date any any guy of any
weight like.
Do you feel like you would dothat?
Speaker 2 (27:37):
Uh, it depends.
I'm not necessarily attractedto bigger guys, but it depends
on how big that that is.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
If they're not healthy.
That's where I'm kind of herewith the, with the legitimate
preference.
I think it's more yourattraction, your attraction,
right.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
But if they're not healthy, I don't want anything
to do with it, because you don't.
If you can't take care of you,how do you take care of me?
And that's it so like beinglike a stockier guy.
Now, fine, personalities.
On point, I'm here More to live.
Throw me up, I Know.
I mean I would like for themnot to be skinnier than me.
I'm just like you look hungryand I don't feel like yo.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
You gotta find the eat the eat a sandwich crowd
there.
So You're somewhere in betweenhere and you know.
So you went superficial on this, I'm gonna, I would go
legitimate preference on these.
Oh well, on these last three,all three, and then you can kind
of just give me what yourperspective is on the last two,
because I believe, like thatfeeling of attraction that you
(28:32):
may get, it's like a feelingright to know.
Like it, you know how you may,and especially in the world of
like online dating, you mighthave some people that date in
their their writing and not evenonline dating, long distance
dating, right, like people candate somebody long distance for
a very long time and they callit that spark, but when you meet
them it's not that spark, it'sjust not it's just not there,
(28:56):
right.
So it's kind of like is thatbeing superficial or is that
just a spark?
Is legit not there.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Oh, because I feel like, because do long, I've done
long distance relationships andI feel like the person that you
make up in your head and theperson that might be in front of
you when you actually meet themCan be two different people.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
So I can do your man size right on that front end
right.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
Yeah, and when you're actually in the same room,
you're like you, you pick up onthings.
You know what is things aboutthis person that you can't see
through the camera or on thephone.
So of course it would change.
You'd be like.
You know I'm not actually intoyou, but I feel like attracting
itself, I Traction itself it.
I feel like it's kind ofsuperficial because you can, it
(29:42):
can come and go.
I feel like desire matters morethan attraction.
Attraction gets you in the door.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
It gets you to each other.
Are they, like, related to eachother to a certain degree?
Speaker 2 (29:52):
There is a relation, but I feel like desires more
long-term It'll, it'll, it'll.
Last years I can desire thisperson, you know, and people go
after war and they come backlike I still won't.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
you, babe, dear John, letters like that was this oh,
that that's interesting becauseI would one like, I feel like,
if you're maintaining the firstthing, like so if we were saying
like, let's say that.
And me personally I have notwhen it comes to the wait
situation, I prefer in themiddle and actually more like I
(30:25):
would prefer heavier thanlighter, to be honest with you,
but at the same time I don't, ICan't say I think for the
long-term situation, because inthe beginning you have such the
Honeymoon effect, the nail therein that beginning that's gonna
get you through a lot athoneymoon effects.
I'm sure you do a lot of stuff,man, and then, when that
(30:47):
honeymoon effect starts to weighoff, if you went against what
your natural preference is andThen you keep going out into the
world and you see in thatpreference over and, over and
over again, I think it's gonnawear away at you at a certain
point.
I don't think that it's theIndulge it all be at all,
because I'm we're not talking,I'm talking about it.
Personalities are good here I'mnot necessarily gonna talk
about, because we know there canbe a wide range of these
(31:07):
outcomes based on personality,right?
So for sure I'm not gonna.
I'm talking as if thepersonalities are good and
you're just kind of looking atthe, these other things that may
have attracted to you, to theperson to begin with, you know,
may attract you to walk up tothat person or that person to
walk up to you to begin with.
So that's it on weight.
And what about the height?
Speaker 2 (31:28):
For me.
I think it's more the heightmatters.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
I.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
Would say legitimate.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
Not legitimate on the way, but legitimate on the
height because the way placeworld and you're being healthy.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
A height necessarily doesn't.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
I mean, some people are like running stuff, they're
just big bone people like somepeople.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
I'm saying if you're healthy, I'm fine with that.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
You can be healthy, it doesn't matter if you're, if
the person is actually healthy,because they are healthy, yeah,
who just like just no biggerpeople?
Speaker 2 (31:59):
Yeah, there's been what I call it.
Was it I found the skinny fat?
Or like your skinny person, butyou're not healthy.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
Yeah, absolutely for sure.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
I it comes from all directions for that stuff, but I
feel as a height only reasonwhy I would say a height is not
superficial, because thementality plays a role and,
being a taller woman, I findthat a lot of times when I'm
with a shorter guy.
It's an issue, it's very tallerwoman.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
Are you like six, three or you like basketball?
Speaker 2 (32:27):
player status.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Okay, so then, what is the minimum then?
Danelle, minimum of height, youlower that you would go.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
I would do, I height.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
I gotta.
So this other guy has to be atleast six feet himself.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Yes, because I find most of the ones who are six
feet or over.
They don't have the same kindof mental hardships with me
being tall.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
Wow, mental hardships .
Speaker 2 (32:53):
It almost is, because it comes a lot of attention.
A lot of them aren't used tothat or aren't ready for that.
They see the height differenceand they're just like, oh,
little man, you're going to geta lot of jokes, a lot of jabs.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
and because I'm with them, it takes a very secure guy
right.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Yeah, I think that's what I'm trying to get at Like.
I find when they're shorterthan me, it tends to be a lot of
insecurities that come alongwith me being taller.
Then they have a lot ofrequirements as far as I don't
want you to wear heels and allthis other stuff.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Oh yeah, man, I mean me personally.
I'm 5'9", 6'5", 3 to 4 inchheels.
You disappeared on me.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
Yeah, pretty much.
I'm looking at the head like Ican literally put my chin like.
But yo.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
Denel, is this a situation that a lot of guys
some guys are more secure thanothers, though you know what I
mean.
There's some guys I havefriends who date taller women
and they're very secure.
They're not.
You know, they're not.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
I haven't yet to find one that is.
I'm fine with that.
I can do a short keying, so isit?
Speaker 1 (33:48):
just, is it so for you in particular, denel?
It comes down to the securitystandpoint.
Like the insecure which I find,like a lot of women don't like
in any perspective, by the way,like that insecurity tends to be
a turnoff across the board,across a bunch of different
spectrums.
You know what I mean.
All right, so now this was kindof a little bit different,
because we talked about thisbefore and we talked about this
(34:10):
people having preferences for,like, hair type, where the dread
, the fade, the whatever a womanmight have a perspective for or
a preference for for a guy'shair type and vice versa.
So I would say that hair maybein general, if we're talking
about hair type, length type,color, stuff of that nature, so
the color can change right,can't you?
(34:32):
You can change your hair colorif you wanted to.
But if somebody does change it,let's say that you meet the
guys got the dreads and there'sno regular dreads, and then you
pops up two weeks later he's gotthe purple, hot top fade.
How do you feel about it?
Speaker 2 (34:47):
Hair is like so pretty and it can be changed,
and that's that's pretty muchhow I feel it.
It I changed mine.
Do you feel like you didn'tgrow those dreads?
How long is it?
Speaker 1 (34:54):
going to take when the dreaded grows those dreads
back.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
It's going to be a minute you talk about you didn't
?
No, it's going to be a minute.
They got a dread.
Now you see them again.
Yo, you want to.
You want to be this much.
Extensions is what you'retelling them now.
Can you do extensions?
You asked me that.
You asked me that.
You asked me that.
You asked me that.
You asked me that.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
Do you do and be right back at the game.
So yo, you're anything to know.
You pop it because I'm going tohave some require.
You didn't pop enough.
I'm not anything.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
I'm not anything I don't.
I prefer not to have dreads I Ilike them on people, just not
on the people I'm with.
Yikes, I prefer I prefer fade,but that's for a different
reason.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
So so you wouldn't if the dreads so let's say those
fake dreads did show up, thisdidn't.
You're going to be like yo takethose dreads off.
Like, are you going to be likeyo?
You got to rock with it.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
I would not be enthused.
But if you get them done inthere, uh, you have the upkeep
for it, Do you know it's notgoing to change.
I'm like, uh, no, I don't wantyou, no more.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
So it's not going to matter a lot to your personal
attraction level.
So you feel like that is moresuperficial than you'd put that
than legitimate preference.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
I would say it's more superficial because, like I
said, it's hair is an accessory,you can change it, I can wear
different wigs, all that stuff,Cause you can get the people who
are like, oh no, I don't wantyou, you know so wins, no, none
of that stuff.
Blah, blah, blah.
I was like bro.
Sometimes you even tell heain't got a clue.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
Wow, goodness gracious, I personally like
certain things.
Well, no, I like certain typesof hair styles, like, so it's.
When it comes to that, like I'mnot a one style guy, I'll tell
you that I'm not like I'm notmarried to.
Like it's gotta be, I gotta.
I'm not pulling the ruler outand stuff like that.
(36:26):
That's, that's ridiculous.
You're not going to bobbin it.
No, I'm not.
I'm not going to be that guy.
But at the same time, I thinkthat, just like you can have
that spark.
We talked about the things thatmay attract and now there's
things that unattract peopleLike it is possible, it is, it
is out there.
I don't know if sugarcoatingthat makes things better.
Like to act like that.
It's just not a thing.
(36:47):
Like attraction is not a thing,just the way attraction is.
You know what I mean.
Like there's just you want totake anything, right?
I don't want somebody and andthis is not we're taking out all
of the medical situations herethat may cause any issues Right?
So somebody breaks their legand you want people who can walk
when they break their leg, thenokay.
And then if you're okay withpeople who may go through, uh,
(37:10):
cancer treatments and stuff ofthat nature, I believe that
you're.
It's kind of a jerk move.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
Are you saying no to girls or things?
I'm out of here.
Are you saying no to girls orthings?
No, no, no, not for me.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
I don't want us to be able to go, if we can go, both
beginning, shaped up at the sametime.
I don't, I don't, I don't.
It's not for me, it's not forme, but at the same time I've
seen him like that's.
That's a nice look, a woman,you know what.
I mean yeah, and I don't thinkthat that woman should care what
anybody else's thinks to eat it.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
So you see, what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
It's a situation where my specific preference is
my specific preference, but Ibelieve that about every human
being though Everybody's youknow what I mean I think you're
entitled to that.
You're entitled to live thelife.
If you want your high top, goget your high top.
Hey, forget what any dudesaying.
You know that's inclusive ofmyself.
Forget it what anybody's saying, um, but I do believe that if
you have an object desire andyou want that specific person,
(37:57):
you might want to tune into whatthey attracts them Like.
I don't think that's crazy.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
No, I agree, no, no, I agree with that because I feel
I, as a woman, like, I want tobe attracted to the, to the man
that I'm with.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
So of course.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
I'm going to.
I'm going to hear what he wants.
So I'm going to hear about,like, what preferences he has or
what he, what he doesn't,doesn't like, and I will most
likely go along with thatbecause it doesn't matter to me,
it is what it is, it doesn'tbother me.
It's not like he's asking me togo under, like undertake
surgery or anything.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
That's what I'm ridiculous, you know.
You guys out there who are likethat to know tell you I need
you go get shaped up, I need you, I need you to go see somebody.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
He doesn't send me recommendations for a doctor,
like no, we're not doing that.
Speaker 1 (38:36):
I know you see that out there in LA.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
But if he was like, no, I know you see that out
there.
If he was like sometimes I likeyou, I like them.
Sweats with a, with a messy bun, I'll rock that.
I want it because you want tobe attracted to the person with
you with.
So I don't.
I don't have a problem withthat, but when it gets to the
point where it's like you, Ieither you got to wear this all
the time or you got to look atthis all the time.
or, you know, maybe they'regoing through something and,
like they, they fall out of that, or for a moment, or whatever.
(38:59):
Or it's something like Igenuinely don't like this.
Please don't make me do thesethings.
Like you would hope that theywould be able to change their
preference to find somethingdifferent, like there's such a
variety in in things that youcould be attracted to, like find
something else.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
Is there.
Is that, then, room forconversation, cause some people
that's an undercomfortableconversation to have and I feel
like me personally, I definitelyfeel like you should have every
conversation in relationshipsIf it's on your mind, other
person doesn't owe you mindreading.
You know you should let themknow this is how you feel about
a situation they didn't see ifhopefully it could get worked
(39:33):
out, because you never know ifit can right, and sometimes
people what they end up doing isgoing and finding that other
person and they never talked tothem about the, the high top
eight or the dreads.
They never had thatconversation.
They never talked to them aboutcutting their hair to a certain
length.
Or maybe you're a person wholikes blondes and then maybe
they come back, they've died ina different color.
Maybe your person doesn't likeblondes.
They've come back and they'vedied at blonde.
You see what I'm saying.
(39:54):
Like there's a lot of differenttypes of things of these
natures that can be definitelysuperficial, but I believe
you're owed that a little bit.
When it comes to nobody has todate every human being, like
nobody has to be attracted toevery human being for for a PC
purpose Cause I believe.
I think it's more politicallycorrect to say that that's what
(40:14):
you would do.
Right To not really eliminateanybody.
Anyone can get it.
Somebody's going to get mad onthat other.
You know what I mean.
So, but I think that even thatperson doesn't date every person
and that's what I had to tellmy friends.
I'm like well, you might saythis about different cultures
and everything but you that theydon't date everybody themselves
.
They have people they've curved.
(40:34):
I'm like, how did you thinkthey felt when you curve them?
Like so I think sometimespeople look at these things and
feel like they don't want tohurt somebody's feelings, so
they don't say nothing aboutthem, but then they go out when
they're caught on a cheater.
You're watching show cheaters.
I'm going through a cheaterspage right now and I've been
watching.
I've been watching cheaters.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
But a rabbit hole.
Speaker 1 (40:54):
I'm a lot, I have it on YouTube and it's quite a bit
for anybody who wants to get outthere and watch us nightly.
Watch you here the last coupleof weeks here.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
But I feel like it goes back to being flexible
within that too, like, if you're, if you want, there's no room
for compromise and the why areyou going to have a relationship
?
You got to be room.
Like, say, I like blond, likeshe's, she dyed her hair red.
I'm like, well, can you do astrawberry blonde babe?
Like find a middle ground.
Speaker 1 (41:20):
How do we work our way back to?
Speaker 2 (41:21):
I mean, you might find out that you had something
that you liked, that you didn'tknow they might surprise you
with a look and you're like ohyes, I'm good with this Like
experiment finding.
I feel like that.
I go back to what you weresaying Communication is key.
I feel like you shoulddefinitely talk about those
things.
So some people will literallymove on to the next relationship
and not even get that other onea chance.
That is making me think it'slike up and late, like 100%.
Speaker 1 (41:43):
I'm going to leave there because I can't say
anything better than that.
Danelle, I appreciate youtaking some time out here.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
No, thank you for having me.
I'm going to go.
Uh, maybe swim for a little bit.
Try not to get blown away bythe winds.
Hopefully my internet stays.
I've already downloaded most ofNetflix.
I'm good.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
Well, well, well, hopefully we'll see on future
shows if Danelle has been sweptaway or if she is back, which
I'm pretty sure.
I'm hoping that she will beback and definitely appreciate
her taking some time out herethis Reggie Natio, check us out
to try her radio Google podcast,apple podcast, spotify,
wherever you find your podcast.
See you next time.
So what's going on there now?
Like are you, like is it?
Is it picking up?
I Said natl, come a team from love city of Atlanta,
georgia, going out to the rainycity, which I Know.
But now that rena getting in LAis not gonna be as bad, I don't
feel bad that you guys aregetting Welcome to the rest of
the country.
You know, like United States ofAmerica, ladies and gentlemen,
for people in Cali, you know, Ithink that little rain, you know
(00:29):
, maybe to make y'all feel likeyou belong, because I know it
being in Cali, being out thereon the west coast and everything
Is so gravy all the time.
Like you guys, are living yourprivileged life, that you don't
know what it's like here for therest of us.
And now you got some rain andeverything.
Hopefully it's not too crazy.
How do you, how's it goingthere for you to know?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
So you're saying, right, you know, this is our
punishment or something I don't.
I just feel like you guys Wakeup call here.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
You're in the United States of America and I don't
feel like you guys have had thatwe call in years and it's been
gonna bring us into the fold now, like we've been outliers for
so long.
Welcome to the country.
Yeah, that's.
All it took was a little rainto get you here.
I.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Don't like this.
I don't want to be here anymore.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Well, how long is that gonna last for you guys?
I think I mean, maybe you guysget maybe 24 hours of it.
Are you gonna move?
Speaker 2 (01:18):
We went to a tropical storm.
Now it's still serious.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Oh my god.
Well, hopefully everything willbe alright for the nail out
there.
You know, we did an episodehere where we were discussing
Kind of some dating topics and Iwanted to kind of piggyback off
that episode because I had aconversation with some friends A
while back ago and they weretalking we were just talking
about just dating, people'sdating preferences and stuff
like that, and One of the thingswe brought up was is it racist,
(01:44):
like not to date another, aspecific race, not, not this, no
other race?
You know, date to date, to notdate a specific races?
And I Personally didn't thinkso, because I think that your
preferences are your preferences.
I think everybody's got themlike.
Sometimes it's race in terms ofdifferent things.
So we'll go down a fewdifferent things here.
We're we'll kind of talk abouta race or a official standpoint
(02:06):
or if it's just a preferencestandpoint.
And since we are starting thereon that, because you know, I
read statistically and I'm notsure if this is still true to
know that black women inparticular, or the least likely
to date other races is, is blackwomen For one.
Has that been your, your caseand do you is it?
Is it wide open the nails andthey're like welcome one,
(02:29):
welcome all.
That's how my, as I am, it'swide open over here opportunity.
I'm like the employment stuffyou build out.
That's my dating life as well.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
I Would like to say that I am the same, but, yes, I
do have a preference.
I prefer black men in general,just because I feel like there's
a lot of experiences that Ihave that I.
It would be easier to for themto relate to.
But no, am I limiting myself?
No, not at all.
It's like it's a preference ona requirement, and I think
that's what people interestinghave an issue distinction.
(03:03):
Yeah, because some peoplerequire their specific other to
be this way.
And then what happens?
You do like a DNA test.
They find out that's not them.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Then you're gonna leave them.
You gotta leave.
Like bro, you were just lightskinned you were.
You weren't even like, youweren't even black.
We found out later on and itwas just you were just like a
little bit darker, but but youwere not black.
So now is that a situation thatcause for concern, my cause for
leaving that individuals withyour site?
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Yeah, if you find out that that person doesn't have
that quality or that thatNationality or whatever that was
anymore, would you?
Would you leave them?
Would you be like bye, I don'twant you anymore.
That's.
I feel that it borderlines onno, it is an issue at that point
.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Okay, so then we Will discuss that a little bit and
then I was gonna list I'm like awhole list here and we'll just
go down the list to see if youfeel it's superficial or you
feel like such preference whichI feel like spoiler alert that
most of these are justpreferences only because I
believe that a lot of times,when it comes to decisions that
people make in their life toknow there are very few
(04:02):
decisions you can make your lifelike who you're gonna be with,
it's almost like totally yourdecision.
You're picking that person,you're picking to be with that
person.
You know, when it comes to likewhere you live and stuff like
that, sometimes that depends onwhere you were born, you're
socio-economic status.
You know what I mean.
You can't always just pick upand go and be exactly where you
want to be, but at least you canbe with the person you want to
(04:23):
be with.
You know, if nothing else,bearman, I really believe that
going across.
So, when it comes to like therace situation and the way that
you explained it, that's kind ofwhere I was getting at in a
sense of people just have theirpreferences like for whatever
reason it, and I, like that youmade did make the distinction
there between Kind of like anecessity versus like a
(04:45):
preference, because some peoplehave that necessity.
And do you find that from yourlist of because some people call
these like I guess not, notreally red flags or really want
your deal breakers that's,that's the world looking for
some people have like a list ofdeal breakers.
So, before we finish on thislist, so do you find that that
is Beneficial for a person tohave, because some people like I
(05:06):
don't want to lower my standardever?
You heard that statement right.
Yeah, when, when people are nota list that has like a million
things on it, they say, well, Ihave standards and I just don't
want to lower my standards andgo for anything out here.
Do you, where do you stand on ahard list of deal breakers?
That's hard, there's gotta besomething on there.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
No, I do feel like, yes, you should have standards,
but I also feel like thereshould be some kind of
flexibility with certain things.
Everybody has theirnon-negotiables like I cannot
live without this, like I needthis, this kind of thing, this
kind of no in my life, whatever.
So I get that.
But I feel like when you're soimmovable, where you just like
(05:48):
and Eliminated a wholesubsection of the population,
it's a bit weird.
It's a bit weird because you'realso not allowing, you're
putting people in a box and Notallowing for any movement
outside of that.
People change, people grow,people do different things.
So I feel like that's that's.
You might need somebody whodoesn't have all your, your
boxes checked and you can helpthem get that last box.
(06:12):
Or, if they do have all thoseboxes, what happens if they lose
one of those boxes in them,process of you, you being with
them?
So say, like you needed, likehe is, needs to be at a certain
income and he loses a job youknow, lose him to like, like how
, how rigid are you with thesethings?
I think that's what reallymatters, not not necessarily
that you have a standard.
It's just is your standard, isyour standard flexible as it
(06:36):
moved, as it grows to changewith time.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Do you have?
Did you have a list of dealbreakers yourself?
And I know it's.
There's got to be something onthat list.
And now I know there's at leastone thing you got to have on a
list of bill.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Um, yes, I would say, yes, I have my own list of deal
break, because I do wantsomebody who is financially
stable or able to do that,because I look as man is being
the head of our household, aleader, and if you can't manage
his finances, how can he manageme or anything else that we do?
Speaker 1 (07:02):
That's something that is at a certain dollar amount,
I'm coming in.
If I'm coming in in a strong35k a year and I and, but I
manage my 35k Is there becauseyou know some women like yo, he
needs six figures, somebody,some women, some women in your
mind, and now they have, likespecific dollar amount no, no,
definitely.
Is that so?
Is that superficial, or is thata preference, or is that
(07:23):
superficial?
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Well, I think that depends too, because did you
meet me, knowing that I am atthis certain level?
I or I'm a certain I require acertain level of maintenance,
and if you can't sustain thatmaintenance, why are you even
talking to me?
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Goodness gracious it like a car.
What kind of maintenance are wetalking about?
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Relationships, looking for a baddie, looking
for a girl to be a certain wayand that with that certain look
or preference, it comes with Anexpenditure, like it's costly.
It's like you, you have yourjob, you have to get different
certifications and all kind ofstuff to get to maintain the job
that you have.
So why wouldn't yourrelationship be the same way?
And if you met her at a certainlevel and you knew, like you
(08:07):
could tell this girl expensive,it's not that she just surprised
you with it.
Like she came out of thewoodworks like I want to leave
the time, I want you to, I wantspa days, all kind of stuff.
No, normally those women are upfront about what they need and
what they want.
So if you approach her at your30k talking about you gonna, you
know, gotta tick me, as I am.
No, sir, move on.
30k has Other things attached toit, like he's got, like it's my
(08:30):
30k, it's my regular salary.
But I have a side also whereI'm doing this or whatever, or
I'm trying to grow this or I'myou have a plan in and that
you're actually working towardsthat I could see like how this
is what he's going for.
Fine with it, do you?
Like it doesn't matter to me.
I I'm working and having my ownanyway.
Um, but then it just.
I guess it gets down to like,if we're gonna be paying for
(08:51):
things and taking care of stuff,like who's gonna be bearing the
brunt of that?
I personally feel like somethings aren't gonna be 50-50.
Like whoever's making more isgonna have to be putting in a
little bit more.
It's like why would you wannadownplay or like, basically, why
would you wanna make it harderfor your partner to be with you
because you want 50-50?
That's interesting.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
That's interesting, because I think that I don't
think that's.
I mean, I don't all the waythink that's unfair only because
people, if you're used to acertain lifestyle, should you
have to go down in thatlifestyle to be with a certain
individual?
I don't think that a lot ofpeople are yeah yeah, I mean,
you know it's different when youmeet somebody.
at a certain point y'all arecoming up together, but it's
(09:33):
very but, I think once peopleare established and they're used
to certain things maybe they'reused to vacations, maybe
they're used to a certain kindof lifestyle they've already
provided for themselves then whywould you take a step down for
somebody else?
I do think that that is it, notthat's it, but I do think that
that's fair.
I should say you know thatparticular requirement is fair.
But I don't think where I thinkit's kind of crazy is when it's
(09:55):
way more than what the personis providing themselves.
So that means, let's say,you're at a 30K person and you
want a person that's making like$150,000, but you're making
like 30, 40 yourself, you know,then I think, like you're just
looking for somebody to kind oftake care of you, to a certain
degree Right, I come up and Idon't necessarily.
(10:15):
I've never dated women like that.
Personally, I don't wantsomebody that I have to like
write off on my taxes like can Iclaim you?
Speaker 2 (10:24):
You know what I mean, you know what.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
I mean, you know what I mean?
I depend it.
No, I don't want to depend, andit's weird.
It's weird Because I feel like,just from relationship
standpoint in general, I thinkthe best ones are based on 50-50
effort 50-50 effort.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
I like that 50-50 effort.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Mental effort is not always money effort, because I
think you're right, if a personis one person is making more,
the other person can make thatup in other ways.
So I think a 50-50 mentaleffort into making that
relationship work I think is notan unfair situation.
Now, one of the things you saidbefore was having a we're
talking about the list is havinga list that eliminates a
(11:00):
certain portion of thepopulation.
So is there a certainpercentage like that becomes a
red flag on somebody's dealbreaker list, like you have a
deal breaker that eliminateslike 80%.
Now I can tell you what one ofthose deal breakers would be.
If somebody says I wantsomebody who makes six figures,
you've just eliminated a goodpercentage of the population
(11:22):
With just that one.
With just that one would youhave a good percentage of the
population.
Just that one deal breaker.
You've eliminated a goodpercentage of the population at
that point.
And then that percentage of thepopulation has a lot of options
, so a lot of people feel liketo know they fit into those
options, wouldn't?
Speaker 2 (11:38):
you think it's gonna be, don't.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
It's gonna be some wake up calls there.
You know what I mean.
If they keep pursuing that line.
There's a lot of people who arevying for that.
Is there a certain percentageof the population that you feel
like is kind of like restrictive, like yo, you can have it,
because we can all have ourpreferences, but is there a
certain amount of like realisticrealism that we kind of have to
(12:01):
interject into these things sothat you have a realistic
proposition of finding somebody?
Or do you wait till you're likea hundred and then you know,
maybe you get a hundred.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
I mean somebody's finding them.
They're not getting thesethings out of nowhere.
You know it's something, it'scoming from something, so the
people that are around, I thinkit's the internet right, because
when you look on the internetyou can see that 1%.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
I can see the 1% on social media.
I can see people shopping,doing, living a certain
lifestyle that looks like it'sbigger than what the actual
percentage is if I'm looking onsocial media.
So I feel like, hey, it's soeasily attainable but it's not
necessarily realistic in life,Like statistics don't bear that
out, you know.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
True.
I have mixed feelings with thatbecause I feel like a lot of
people who have thoseexpectations.
They have other qualities orthings that they know are
desirable to a certain subset ofpeople.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Is that just like being?
Speaker 2 (12:52):
hot.
No, not necessarily becausethere's more to being hot,
especially when you're doingdifferent business stuff Like it
can lead a lot of, I would say,clout to a man in a business
setting.
If your wife is hot, if yourfriends want her, it is constant
boost and other things.
So I feel like but it goes backto what you said like it's that
(13:12):
50-50 effort, like her effortneeds to match yours.
So if your income's at acertain level, she's got to be
at certain level as far as whatyou want for looks, what you
want for physicality, all thatkind of stuff, and be okay with
that.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
So there's that trade off?
Have you ever looked atsomebody's significant other and
felt that way Like look atsomebody's significant other?
I've never looked at somebody'ssignificant other.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
You don't think of Dr .
Speaker 1 (13:27):
Parr.
Well, I've never looked atsomebody's significant other and
use that as a feel for like,how good or bad that guy may be.
Like I've never seen his like.
Oh, that's a bad woman.
He must be this, or you knowwhat I mean.
I've never equated that.
Now I've seen it underneath,now I have seen it.
If there is a massive disparityin the looks like you know what
(13:48):
I mean.
You see, one person like one isway more attractive than the
other then maybe you're thinkinglike yo could be something
there you know what I mean, butI haven't really done it with
just like a mutual, like a closeto attraction.
See a guy with a trophy wife, soto speak, and feel like he's a
better human being of any sort.
(14:08):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
I feel like it depends when.
So, background wise, I used tobe in commercial real estate and
real estate can be veryincredibly superficial about how
you look and how you carryyourself.
It sells, you know that's whatit is.
I will say that there's beenconversations with people and
they felt that if theirsignificant other wasn't up to
par as far as, like, educational, background, looks or whatever
(14:34):
didn't fit in with the rest ofthe group, they would not do
business with them.
They take being a single man isnot good in some of these
business circles.
You need to have someone elsewith you, you need to have a
significant other, because theyfeel like if you can't hold a
relationship, especially not onthe long term, then why would
they do business with you longterm, like it?
becomes kind of like a qualifier.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
It's interesting because I feel like that can
lead to a lot of people beingdeceived.
If you're looking at thesethings that don't necessarily
have factual correlations andthey're just correlations in
your head, then that leads toyou being able to be deceived in
that way.
That's why people can dress acertain way and deceive people
right.
That's why people can look thepart and deceive you because you
are drawing a correlationthat's not really there.
You know the businesscorrelation is going to be value
(15:18):
proposition.
You know, either the valueproposition is good or it's not.
The value proposition hasnothing to do with who you're
dating, who you're married toyou see what I'm saying it can.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
That's why you see so many people saying these
relationships when other one'scheating, doing all this crazy
stuff but money is on the line.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Is that a cheaper to keep her?
Is that a cheaper to keep hertype situation or a cheaper to
keep him type situation?
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Yeah, I feel like that plays a role, because it's
not just financial when you'resaying cheap to keep him, it's
also status-wise, it's alsosocial clout.
It carries weight and whenyou're ostracized from that
because you divorced or split orwhatever, it can be an issue.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
That's interesting, so like in order to stay in
there, yeah.
Do you feel like people are soin tune to that?
Because I think a lot of times,when it comes to people and the
public in general, people arekind of like they have tunnel
vision for their own lives, lotsof them not even paying
attention to your life, likethat.
You know what I mean.
And I feel like a lot of peopleput a big emphasis on the, on
(16:14):
the public's interest, like asif the public is interested in
you that much.
When the public is not all theway paying attention To you.
Maybe they, maybe they see youwith an attractive woman and
think like, hey, this is a guywho's got it all together.
Maybe, but that's why I was aperson themselves.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
It depends on your, your friend group.
So the big thing right now isbeing like on, take up, they
have their, their whole friendgroups and stuff.
So I feel like in order to fitin certain friend groups, you
have to be a certain way andhave certain things.
So you know, if you end uplosing those things, because
Whatever circumstances it youcan be, you can be on the outs.
Nobody wants, everybody wantsto be included.
So it's not necessarily thatlike societal, like you're gonna
(16:50):
be I, nobody's really payingattention to you, all kind of
stuff.
It's more so the people thatI'm already in with I don't want
to be on the out, I want to beincluded, I want to, I want to
be a part of the bigger group orhave these kind of things.
It's almost like when peoplesay like, oh, like you're a
certain age, you should havethese things, or this kind of
milestone, or why don't you havekids when you're married?
All this other stuff.
The same thing.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
I.
I Feel like it's.
It's rough for people who pay aton of attention to these
societal pressures because IHaven't.
I mean, I'm pretty popular inmy circles and I put in zero
effort, put in no, zero effort.
I could just not.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
But personality, isn't it maybe?
Speaker 1 (17:31):
I guess I mean because it's a situation where I
Don't know how people careabout these things.
I don't.
That's why my social media isso horrible, like I have no clue
how people care about whatstrangers think, because it's
like if you, if you're not herewhen those bills are, if you're
not putting anything on thesebills, you're not here in these
(17:53):
tough times.
Why do I care about what youthink otherwise, like you're,
you're not really a factor in mylife like that.
So your perspective you're theanarchy factor.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
You're not the norm.
That's my wish me is so big.
You see, these influences, I'vegot millions of people follow
them.
That's not that's not for noreason.
It's not out of the blue,they're influenced.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
Well, you saw the one AI influencer right.
That was like an.
Ai blind blonde woman.
Hey, I very real.
He had like mad followers.
She's not even a person, hisimagination and she had a lot
more followers than real humanbeings walking this earth.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
And I bet you she had a certain way because people
expected a certain thing out ofher.
So it's like yo.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
From a guy stand for my other tractor standpoint.
Of course it's got me superofficial standpoint like hey,
I'll cook.
I don't mind seeing her pop upon my feet every now and then.
You know she's attractive.
But I don't think there's anysubstance to that.
You can't you can't have You'renever gonna meet this human
being because they're not real.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
It's no different than your favorite celebrity.
Like they have a whole idea ofwho this person is, what they
stand for, your favorite actoror act literally the same thing
they have.
They made a whole narrative intheir head about what this
person stands for, who they are,how they'll interact with me.
If they'll See me one time at aconcert will lock eyes and
they'll be so into me.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
We'll follow right, I might pull you up on stage and
everything.
I'll just go ahead and ride offinto the sunset.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Yeah, all I had to do by the album when we're this
out, that is very real, oh thatis hilarious.
And me being who I am, I'm likeI don't understand it, but I
know it's there and I get itEspecially working in like sales
and leasing and everything else.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
I'm sure it's like attractive sales departments
there.
So we're gonna go down our listbecause we have about rough
almost another 10 or 15 minutes.
We're gonna our list real quick.
We do like a rapid-firesituation.
So we're gonna do like is itsuperficial, worry to talk about
the race and Did you gosuperficial or do we go just
(19:57):
preference on that?
Prefer you particular?
It's a preference, but it's notlike a deal breaker.
And how do you feel like thatis for other people?
I guess because you feel thatway about black men, I guess
imagine you wouldn't feelnegative about other people
having that same perspective,about Only dating one race or
not dating specific races andstuff like that you don't like
that's just a racist situation.
That's just a preference.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
I feel like it depends, when it arises to a
level to where you're puttingdown others because of it, like
if your preference Also requiresyou to be like I can't stand
this other stuff, or you know,literally like a visceral
reaction.
Like you, I Think it's wrong.
I don't think that's right.
Like I, I prefer not to eatrice, but I eat it sometimes.
(20:41):
You know it goes hand-in-handwith sushi.
So I feel like when it gets tothe point where it's like I'm
putting down all Asian foodbecause I don't like rice, or
all Indian food or African foodbecause I don't like rice, like
it doesn't make any sense,especially when what you're
(21:02):
saying is detrimental to peoplebecause it's it's degrading and
the people see you doing thisand it just doesn't make sense.
Like why and then also you're,you're creating such a broad
stroke over a whole area ofpeople or personalities or
anything like that Like whywould you count all of them out?
Because then it's like not allthe same, everybody is different
(21:22):
, everybody has differentnuances, quarks, all kind of
stuff up bringing that play arole to who they are as a person
.
So you would rather not evenget a chance to experience All
these mini characters and theway these different attributes
can combine and become somebodylike you're.
Like now, I want to give that achance.
I just don't like it.
No, done.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
That's very interesting.
I'm very interesting and Itotally, I totally agree with
their over generalizations.
I'm not, I can't stand that.
Now, this was a little moreinteresting.
We're about religion a littlemore interesting, right?
Because it can be a dealbreaker for a lot of people,
whether it's Jewish or Muslim orChristian or wherever, whatever
it may be.
Do you feel that is it's apreference or is that kind of
(22:02):
like a legit I so to speak.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
I have mixed feelings on that too, because, although
I would like somebody to alignwith my beliefs, just because
this makes it Once again, itjust sets a standard for how how
we're gonna continue our livestogether.
I think it also gets morecomplicated when you have
Children or family members thatare in the mix as well, that
feel like you be performingcertain traditions, rituals and
(22:29):
things like that.
It can be incrediblycomplicated.
So I feel like when you don'tfully understand how your
religion plays a role in yourlife or you don't have your own,
you're not firm in yourreligion or in the other person
that you're.
You're wanting to partner withthey.
You guys don't explore thattogether, how you're, how your
(22:49):
religion fit together, prettymuch because if you have kids,
it's like who's who's religionyour kids gonna have right, yeah
.
And then now your kids are inthe middle and then it's like or
if mom and dad, your parents,want them to be a certain way,
or they want this to happen atthis age because it's how it's
supposed to be, or it becomes up, you're break kids, going to
(23:09):
hell because they don't believethis way.
You know it can be right very,very hard to navigate.
So I feel like you need toDefinitely explore that before
you guys go to the next level inyour relationship or want to
pursue that, because if youdon't have a good Understanding
of how these things are gonnaaffect you long term and I feel
like you're you're doing adisservice to each other.
But I feel like that's the samething with going and having
(23:30):
Interracial marriage or having areligion or or other other
purposes that people have orother Things that they are
standards that they have.
I feel like you're not open andhonest with that beforehand and
truly communicating andthinking about how this is gonna
affect us long term in ourrelationship, then it what's the
point you're just playingaround here's gonna cause more
problems in the long run.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
Okay, I mean, I'm very open.
I'm an open person, though manI am all.
It's because I, because of thisnext one, I'm gonna ask them.
I've been had a lot ofexperiences in different types
of experiences.
I don't know if I've ever datedanybody that was Muslim, I
don't think a few differentreligions, but I do think that
there is legit legitimacy todiscussing this one, in
(24:12):
particular because of what yousaid before, like what do we do
on certain days?
Maybe you go on Sunday, maybewe go Saturday, like when
there's a lot of things thatwould need to be discussed from
religious standpoint.
Now, this one is similar to race, but they're not exactly the
same, and this is could beculture or nationality, because
we know you can be black, brown,white in all and a lot of
different cultures andnationalities.
So this one is one that's beenamazing for me is Dating women
(24:37):
from different cultures beenabsolutely eye-opening.
Amazing for me, because you getsuch a this, you can read about
another culture and stuff likethat, but it's very different
when you're with somebody fromthat culture and you're seeing,
you're living that culture,right.
It's very, very differentsituation.
So I Think this is maybe just apreference, but you may have
(25:00):
people.
I can see this in and I'm gonnause the Ukraine Russian thing as
an example here Because of theconflict that that exists here
right now with Ukraine andRussia.
So I could see maybe somebodynot wanting to be with somebody.
If you're Ukrainian, I couldsee you not one to be with
somebody's Russian, especiallyright now, just due to
everything's not to say thatthat person Sympathizes with
(25:21):
Russia is not to say that personbelieves because there's up
there, just because you'reRussian doesn't mean you
sympathize with what Putin andwhat's going on yeah country you
know what I mean.
We know that from just being inthe United States.
Right Like yeah.
I agree with everything that'sgoing on in your country, but I
but I would get it.
You know what I mean.
It'd be a.
It'd be a get if you're justlike hey, for right now at least
, now, I'm just not gonna dateanybody from that particular
(25:43):
culture.
Do you fight?
This is something that is moresuperficial or legitimate
preference there.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
I Feel like it's more superficial a little bit,
because it goes back to what yousaid, like you can't put the
weight of the whole nation'sdecisions on somebody.
But I feel like it's somethingthat you personally can't get
past and you will look at thisperson a certain way.
It'll cause Not necessarilyenvy, but like animosity is it
(26:09):
like resentment, so to speak?
yeah, yeah, some resentment.
I think that that's since yourmate.
You're grown enough to makethat Known beforehand.
I think that's acceptable.
I feel like if you were to gointo that relationship and they
may be like, oh, I can't reallydo this because of this, or you
start treating that person acertain way and they're like
what's going on?
Like you were totally and youlove bombing me.
(26:29):
Before we are great and nowit's an issue.
I want you to change who youare as a person now, because I
can't deal with it.
I think that's why it rises thelevel of a red flag.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Okay, so then let's go to.
We're down to like the lastthree year.
Let's go to Wait.
This is wait is always a bigone, because people have what
they like.
Some people like bigger women,some people like smaller women,
some people like bigger guys,some people like smaller guys.
We were like big guys, muscleguys, and I've been it.
Someone who don't like thatmuscle no, that big muscle look.
(27:01):
Is this superficial or alegitimate preference?
Speaker 2 (27:07):
I feel as though it's superficial.
Wow, a little bit is, becauseif You're looking at is this
person can't change from whatthey were when you first met
them, it's, it's superficial.
But if you're looking at it as,like you know, I just want you
to be fit and healthy, I can, Ican roll with that, because who
(27:29):
doesn't?
Speaker 1 (27:30):
I want my partner Would date any any guy of any
weight like.
Do you feel like you would dothat?
Speaker 2 (27:37):
Uh, it depends.
I'm not necessarily attractedto bigger guys, but it depends
on how big that that is.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
If they're not healthy.
That's where I'm kind of herewith the, with the legitimate
preference.
I think it's more yourattraction, your attraction,
right.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
But if they're not healthy, I don't want anything
to do with it, because you don't.
If you can't take care of you,how do you take care of me?
And that's it so like beinglike a stockier guy.
Now, fine, personalities.
On point, I'm here More to live.
Throw me up, I Know.
I mean I would like for themnot to be skinnier than me.
I'm just like you look hungryand I don't feel like yo.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
You gotta find the eat the eat a sandwich crowd
there.
So You're somewhere in betweenhere and you know.
So you went superficial on this, I'm gonna, I would go
legitimate preference on these.
Oh well, on these last three,all three, and then you can kind
of just give me what yourperspective is on the last two,
because I believe, like thatfeeling of attraction that you
(28:32):
may get, it's like a feelingright to know.
Like it, you know how you may,and especially in the world of
like online dating, you mighthave some people that date in
their their writing and not evenonline dating, long distance
dating, right, like people candate somebody long distance for
a very long time and they callit that spark, but when you meet
them it's not that spark, it'sjust not it's just not there,
(28:56):
right.
So it's kind of like is thatbeing superficial or is that
just a spark?
Is legit not there.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Oh, because I feel like, because do long, I've done
long distance relationships andI feel like the person that you
make up in your head and theperson that might be in front of
you when you actually meet themCan be two different people.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
So I can do your man size right on that front end
right.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
Yeah, and when you're actually in the same room,
you're like you, you pick up onthings.
You know what is things aboutthis person that you can't see
through the camera or on thephone.
So of course it would change.
You'd be like.
You know I'm not actually intoyou, but I feel like attracting
itself, I Traction itself it.
I feel like it's kind ofsuperficial because you can, it
(29:42):
can come and go.
I feel like desire matters morethan attraction.
Attraction gets you in the door.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
It gets you to each other.
Are they, like, related to eachother to a certain degree?
Speaker 2 (29:52):
There is a relation, but I feel like desires more
long-term It'll, it'll, it'll.
Last years I can desire thisperson, you know, and people go
after war and they come backlike I still won't.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
you, babe, dear John, letters like that was this oh,
that that's interesting becauseI would one like, I feel like,
if you're maintaining the firstthing, like so if we were saying
like, let's say that.
And me personally I have notwhen it comes to the wait
situation, I prefer in themiddle and actually more like I
(30:25):
would prefer heavier thanlighter, to be honest with you,
but at the same time I don't, ICan't say I think for the
long-term situation, because inthe beginning you have such the
Honeymoon effect, the nail therein that beginning that's gonna
get you through a lot athoneymoon effects.
I'm sure you do a lot of stuff,man, and then, when that
(30:47):
honeymoon effect starts to weighoff, if you went against what
your natural preference is andThen you keep going out into the
world and you see in thatpreference over and, over and
over again, I think it's gonnawear away at you at a certain
point.
I don't think that it's theIndulge it all be at all,
because I'm we're not talking,I'm talking about it.
Personalities are good here I'mnot necessarily gonna talk
about, because we know there canbe a wide range of these
(31:07):
outcomes based on personality,right?
So for sure I'm not gonna.
I'm talking as if thepersonalities are good and
you're just kind of looking atthe, these other things that may
have attracted to you, to theperson to begin with, you know,
may attract you to walk up tothat person or that person to
walk up to you to begin with.
So that's it on weight.
And what about the height?
Speaker 2 (31:28):
For me.
I think it's more the heightmatters.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
I.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
Would say legitimate.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
Not legitimate on the way, but legitimate on the
height because the way placeworld and you're being healthy.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
A height necessarily doesn't.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
I mean, some people are like running stuff, they're
just big bone people like somepeople.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
I'm saying if you're healthy, I'm fine with that.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
You can be healthy, it doesn't matter if you're, if
the person is actually healthy,because they are healthy, yeah,
who just like just no biggerpeople?
Speaker 2 (31:59):
Yeah, there's been what I call it.
Was it I found the skinny fat?
Or like your skinny person, butyou're not healthy.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
Yeah, absolutely for sure.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
I it comes from all directions for that stuff, but I
feel as a height only reasonwhy I would say a height is not
superficial, because thementality plays a role and,
being a taller woman, I findthat a lot of times when I'm
with a shorter guy.
It's an issue, it's very tallerwoman.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
Are you like six, three or you like basketball?
Speaker 2 (32:27):
player status.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Okay, so then, what is the minimum then?
Danelle, minimum of height, youlower that you would go.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
I would do, I height.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
I gotta.
So this other guy has to be atleast six feet himself.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Yes, because I find most of the ones who are six
feet or over.
They don't have the same kindof mental hardships with me
being tall.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
Wow, mental hardships .
Speaker 2 (32:53):
It almost is, because it comes a lot of attention.
A lot of them aren't used tothat or aren't ready for that.
They see the height differenceand they're just like, oh,
little man, you're going to geta lot of jokes, a lot of jabs.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
and because I'm with them, it takes a very secure guy
right.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Yeah, I think that's what I'm trying to get at Like.
I find when they're shorterthan me, it tends to be a lot of
insecurities that come alongwith me being taller.
Then they have a lot ofrequirements as far as I don't
want you to wear heels and allthis other stuff.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Oh yeah, man, I mean me personally.
I'm 5'9", 6'5", 3 to 4 inchheels.
You disappeared on me.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
Yeah, pretty much.
I'm looking at the head like Ican literally put my chin like.
But yo.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
Denel, is this a situation that a lot of guys
some guys are more secure thanothers, though you know what I
mean.
There's some guys I havefriends who date taller women
and they're very secure.
They're not.
You know, they're not.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
I haven't yet to find one that is.
I'm fine with that.
I can do a short keying, so isit?
Speaker 1 (33:48):
just, is it so for you in particular, denel?
It comes down to the securitystandpoint.
Like the insecure which I find,like a lot of women don't like
in any perspective, by the way,like that insecurity tends to be
a turnoff across the board,across a bunch of different
spectrums.
You know what I mean.
All right, so now this was kindof a little bit different,
because we talked about thisbefore and we talked about this
(34:10):
people having preferences for,like, hair type, where the dread
, the fade, the whatever a womanmight have a perspective for or
a preference for for a guy'shair type and vice versa.
So I would say that hair maybein general, if we're talking
about hair type, length type,color, stuff of that nature, so
the color can change right,can't you?
(34:32):
You can change your hair colorif you wanted to.
But if somebody does change it,let's say that you meet the
guys got the dreads and there'sno regular dreads, and then you
pops up two weeks later he's gotthe purple, hot top fade.
How do you feel about it?
Speaker 2 (34:47):
Hair is like so pretty and it can be changed,
and that's that's pretty muchhow I feel it.
It I changed mine.
Do you feel like you didn'tgrow those dreads?
How long is it?
Speaker 1 (34:54):
going to take when the dreaded grows those dreads
back.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
It's going to be a minute you talk about you didn't
?
No, it's going to be a minute.
They got a dread.
Now you see them again.
Yo, you want to.
You want to be this much.
Extensions is what you'retelling them now.
Can you do extensions?
You asked me that.
You asked me that.
You asked me that.
You asked me that.
You asked me that.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
Do you do and be right back at the game.
So yo, you're anything to know.
You pop it because I'm going tohave some require.
You didn't pop enough.
I'm not anything.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
I'm not anything I don't.
I prefer not to have dreads I Ilike them on people, just not
on the people I'm with.
Yikes, I prefer I prefer fade,but that's for a different
reason.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
So so you wouldn't if the dreads so let's say those
fake dreads did show up, thisdidn't.
You're going to be like yo takethose dreads off.
Like, are you going to be likeyo?
You got to rock with it.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
I would not be enthused.
But if you get them done inthere, uh, you have the upkeep
for it, Do you know it's notgoing to change.
I'm like, uh, no, I don't wantyou, no more.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
So it's not going to matter a lot to your personal
attraction level.
So you feel like that is moresuperficial than you'd put that
than legitimate preference.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
I would say it's more superficial because, like I
said, it's hair is an accessory,you can change it, I can wear
different wigs, all that stuff,Cause you can get the people who
are like, oh no, I don't wantyou, you know so wins, no, none
of that stuff.
Blah, blah, blah.
I was like bro.
Sometimes you even tell heain't got a clue.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
Wow, goodness gracious, I personally like
certain things.
Well, no, I like certain typesof hair styles, like, so it's.
When it comes to that, like I'mnot a one style guy, I'll tell
you that I'm not like I'm notmarried to.
Like it's gotta be, I gotta.
I'm not pulling the ruler outand stuff like that.
(36:26):
That's, that's ridiculous.
You're not going to bobbin it.
No, I'm not.
I'm not going to be that guy.
But at the same time, I thinkthat, just like you can have
that spark.
We talked about the things thatmay attract and now there's
things that unattract peopleLike it is possible, it is, it
is out there.
I don't know if sugarcoatingthat makes things better.
Like to act like that.
It's just not a thing.
(36:47):
Like attraction is not a thing,just the way attraction is.
You know what I mean.
Like there's just you want totake anything, right?
I don't want somebody and andthis is not we're taking out all
of the medical situations herethat may cause any issues Right?
So somebody breaks their legand you want people who can walk
when they break their leg, thenokay.
And then if you're okay withpeople who may go through, uh,
(37:10):
cancer treatments and stuff ofthat nature, I believe that
you're.
It's kind of a jerk move.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
Are you saying no to girls or things?
I'm out of here.
Are you saying no to girls orthings?
No, no, no, not for me.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
I don't want us to be able to go, if we can go, both
beginning, shaped up at the sametime.
I don't, I don't, I don't.
It's not for me, it's not forme, but at the same time I've
seen him like that's.
That's a nice look, a woman,you know what.
I mean yeah, and I don't thinkthat that woman should care what
anybody else's thinks to eat it.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
So you see, what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
It's a situation where my specific preference is
my specific preference, but Ibelieve that about every human
being though Everybody's youknow what I mean I think you're
entitled to that.
You're entitled to live thelife.
If you want your high top, goget your high top.
Hey, forget what any dudesaying.
You know that's inclusive ofmyself.
Forget it what anybody's saying, um, but I do believe that if
you have an object desire andyou want that specific person,
(37:57):
you might want to tune into whatthey attracts them Like.
I don't think that's crazy.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
No, I agree, no, no, I agree with that because I feel
I, as a woman, like, I want tobe attracted to the, to the man
that I'm with.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
So of course.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
I'm going to.
I'm going to hear what he wants.
So I'm going to hear about,like, what preferences he has or
what he, what he doesn't,doesn't like, and I will most
likely go along with thatbecause it doesn't matter to me,
it is what it is, it doesn'tbother me.
It's not like he's asking me togo under, like undertake
surgery or anything.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
That's what I'm ridiculous, you know.
You guys out there who are likethat to know tell you I need
you go get shaped up, I need you, I need you to go see somebody.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
He doesn't send me recommendations for a doctor,
like no, we're not doing that.
Speaker 1 (38:36):
I know you see that out there in LA.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
But if he was like, no, I know you see that out
there.
If he was like sometimes I likeyou, I like them.
Sweats with a, with a messy bun, I'll rock that.
I want it because you want tobe attracted to the person with
you with.
So I don't.
I don't have a problem withthat, but when it gets to the
point where it's like you, Ieither you got to wear this all
the time or you got to look atthis all the time.
or, you know, maybe they'regoing through something and,
like they, they fall out of that, or for a moment, or whatever.
(38:59):
Or it's something like Igenuinely don't like this.
Please don't make me do thesethings.
Like you would hope that theywould be able to change their
preference to find somethingdifferent, like there's such a
variety in in things that youcould be attracted to, like find
something else.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
Is there.
Is that, then, room forconversation, cause some people
that's an undercomfortableconversation to have and I feel
like me personally, I definitelyfeel like you should have every
conversation in relationshipsIf it's on your mind, other
person doesn't owe you mindreading.
You know you should let themknow this is how you feel about
a situation they didn't see ifhopefully it could get worked
(39:33):
out, because you never know ifit can right, and sometimes
people what they end up doing isgoing and finding that other
person and they never talked tothem about the, the high top
eight or the dreads.
They never had thatconversation.
They never talked to them aboutcutting their hair to a certain
length.
Or maybe you're a person wholikes blondes and then maybe
they come back, they've died ina different color.
Maybe your person doesn't likeblondes.
They've come back and they'vedied at blonde.
You see what I'm saying.
(39:54):
Like there's a lot of differenttypes of things of these
natures that can be definitelysuperficial, but I believe
you're owed that a little bit.
When it comes to nobody has todate every human being, like
nobody has to be attracted toevery human being for for a PC
purpose Cause I believe.
I think it's more politicallycorrect to say that that's what
(40:14):
you would do.
Right To not really eliminateanybody.
Anyone can get it.
Somebody's going to get mad onthat other.
You know what I mean.
So, but I think that even thatperson doesn't date every person
and that's what I had to tellmy friends.
I'm like well, you might saythis about different cultures
and everything but you that theydon't date everybody themselves
.
They have people they've curved.
(40:34):
I'm like, how did you thinkthey felt when you curve them?
Like so I think sometimespeople look at these things and
feel like they don't want tohurt somebody's feelings, so
they don't say nothing aboutthem, but then they go out when
they're caught on a cheater.
You're watching show cheaters.
I'm going through a cheaterspage right now and I've been
watching.
I've been watching cheaters.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
But a rabbit hole.
Speaker 1 (40:54):
I'm a lot, I have it on YouTube and it's quite a bit
for anybody who wants to get outthere and watch us nightly.
Watch you here the last coupleof weeks here.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
But I feel like it goes back to being flexible
within that too, like, if you're, if you want, there's no room
for compromise and the why areyou going to have a relationship
?
You got to be room.
Like, say, I like blond, likeshe's, she dyed her hair red.
I'm like, well, can you do astrawberry blonde babe?
Like find a middle ground.
Speaker 1 (41:20):
How do we work our way back to?
Speaker 2 (41:21):
I mean, you might find out that you had something
that you liked, that you didn'tknow they might surprise you
with a look and you're like ohyes, I'm good with this Like
experiment finding.
I feel like that.
I go back to what you weresaying Communication is key.
I feel like you shoulddefinitely talk about those
things.
So some people will literallymove on to the next relationship
and not even get that other onea chance.
That is making me think it'slike up and late, like 100%.
Speaker 1 (41:43):
I'm going to leave there because I can't say
anything better than that.
Danelle, I appreciate youtaking some time out here.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
No, thank you for having me.
I'm going to go.
Uh, maybe swim for a little bit.
Try not to get blown away bythe winds.
Hopefully my internet stays.
I've already downloaded most ofNetflix.
I'm good.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
Well, well, well, hopefully we'll see on future
shows if Danelle has been sweptaway or if she is back, which
I'm pretty sure.
I'm hoping that she will beback and definitely appreciate
her taking some time out herethis Reggie Natio, check us out
to try her radio Google podcast,apple podcast, spotify,
wherever you find your podcast.
See you next time.
So what's going on there now?
Like are you, like is it?
Is it picking up?
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