October 4, 2023 • 45 mins
In this episode Reggie and Dannielle dive into red and yellow flags. We talk about how factors like age can influence your tolerance levels, and how failing to address yellow flags can escalate into deal-breaking red flags. We're also unwrapping the importance of communication in recognizing and addressing these flags.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
It's Reginald ATL, coming to you from the lovely
city of Atlanta, georgia, goingout to what I assume I guess is
a sunny city of Los Angeles toknow.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
How's it going?
Very, very safe assumption.
I like that.
Let's keep that going.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
We could just repeat that over, and over and over
again.
We survived the first, you know,the last show we did.
We were talking about, like, Iguess, like deal breakers and
stuff like that, and we're kindof there too.
We're going to talk about redflags here, which I'm pretty
sure you have more of them thanI do.
I don't know if women ingeneral have more red flags than
men.
The red flags are you like?
(00:39):
If so, if you're a straight man, the red flag is a lot of times
just you not being a woman, andthen, once you've cleared that
hurdle, we're through most ofour red flags there.
You know what I mean.
Like especially depending on howmuch interaction there's going
to be, which I do have aquestion about too.
So let's start on this.
With red flags in general,they're very hard to prepare for
(01:02):
because they are so subjectiveto know, right Like they are.
So, depending on eachindividual, one person red flag,
we're like he ate chicken wingswith his hands, and I just
don't like it.
And then one might be like heate chicken wings with a fork
and I just can't take that.
Like you know, it's like it's adifferent situation for
different people.
So how do you prepare for that?
(01:23):
Like, how does a person?
Because you know there's a lotof things that you can do better
to get your dating life betteror your romantic life better.
Right, you can dress better.
You can just practice.
I tell people all the time withany kind of social situation,
practice makes perfect.
You know, if you're justpracticing a lot and that will
make you better at something,but this is not something that
(01:44):
you can necessarily practice forright.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
No, and I feel like we have to tell the difference
between yellow flag and red flag, because I feel like yellow
flag, yellow flag.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Interesting that you don't like.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Red flag is like run away, I won't talk to you
anymore, type stuff.
That's what I see.
I feel like, oh, like he choosewith his mouth open, that's a
yellow flag Like you couldprobably deal, or you guys
didn't tell him to close hismouth, or?
maybe nobody told him his wholelife.
You know you're the one to lethim know.
Um, that's the yellow flag.
Like a red flag is like you.
(02:18):
He chooses an album.
He told him to keep it closedand he just like spits the food
at you or something.
That's a red flag.
Like yeah, that's a bit extremethere, or actually the anger
that he has when you tell him tomaybe close his mouth.
That could be an issue.
Um, I would look at it that way.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
So what's interesting here is the yellow flag versus
red flag.
I've never looked at it.
So the green flag, I guess, isall good, the yellow flag is
maybe you could work with it andthe red flag is absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Basically, yeah, pretty much like.
This is the no go.
We don't need to talk anymore,we're done.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
So have you had it?
What are your?
What have you seen on theyellow flag situation from you
that you've just like your realworld experience?
You don't have to like callthem out, but like your
situation that you've seen, thatyou felt you could deal with,
and then did it get better, likedid it turn into a red flag
later.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Okay, so one instance would be he brushed his teeth
with my toothbrush.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Okay, well, no, no, no, no, no no no, no, that is a
red flag off top.
That is a red flag off top.
I mean where you at Whose housewere where.
What was this?
How did this occur?
Speaker 2 (03:32):
That's what I'm saying.
He came over at my house Idon't know if he didn't want to
ask for one, or God is whateverbut at first I was like, oh,
let's use this one because youknow, like you know, we're
already getting it in, so that'snot too far of a reach to use
our toothbrush For me.
I was like you are disgusting.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
And no, don't do that .
Not the person I thought youwere.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Yeah, and I'm of course not going to use that
after you like no good.
For when I can, like I can getyou another toothbrush, or like
we have multiples, like we makethis work for me, that I would
say first time yellow flag, likehey, don't use my stuff like
that, that's gross.
But if you do it again, no, nonasty.
(04:14):
I know we do other things, butI don't want your like your
tooth, like your.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
That is gross, that is nasty.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
You're talking to me.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Oh yeah.
So how did you know he?
Did you walk in?
Speaker 2 (04:28):
I happened to walk in and I was like is that what
we're saying?
We?
Speaker 1 (04:32):
gotta have it right.
Then, though we gotta have.
We're not putting thisconversation.
What about that?
I just got to know.
So did you say it right then,or did you like walk back out
and compose yourself?
What did you do?
Speaker 2 (04:42):
It was a shock.
I had to say something.
Then I walked in and I like youknow you look through, you have
your stuff in a certain way,like I have my bathroom set up
anyways, you know it's easy,quick, efficient, whatever.
And I look over, I'm like it'snot in its normal place and I
see him brushing and I'm like oh, no, it's not really like a
slow motion.
We're like oh no, this is notreal.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Because that cannot be actually happening.
It cannot be actually happening.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
So you have an inner monologue.
And then it just came out likeis that my toothbrush?
And he was like oh yeah, like Ididn't have one.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
So I was like so that was your option, like that's,
that's, that's where you, that'swhere you decided to go.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
And I was like oh, like, I hope you don't give you
done that to other people, otherpeople.
Where did you learn this?
From who?
Speaker 1 (05:25):
are you?
Speaker 2 (05:25):
with before, Were they just like oh, now we're so
close Like we'll share it.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
How long had y'all been like together?
Or was it even a person thatyou were just maybe just
smashing, or the person that youwere actually like, dating and
like?
Speaker 2 (05:40):
we were, we were together.
So I don't know, maybe that'swhy I thought I was like oh yeah
, we're cool, we're together,we're never that together.
I'll tell you that I don't likesharing my words.
I don't even want you reachingover with your fork on my plate,
damn near.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
You know what I mean.
Like I feel a certain way.
I don't I don't feel all theway about that, but I do feel
away about it.
You know what I mean.
So what do you think I wouldfeel about this?
Like this is.
This is horrible.
Ladies and gentlemen,toothbrush is not toilet paper
Like you're not going to be overhere, like just sharing it.
This is it's not communal Likewith.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
now I have to share my toothpaste, but you can't
can't share my toothbrush.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Goodness gracious, that would be absolutely.
You talked about disaster,disaster.
You know what I mean, and Ihave some crazy yellow and red
flags.
Oh, tell me I do think this oneis absolute red flags.
That's because I don't like it.
I don't like it I won't be ableto look at.
I won't be able to look atthings the same way.
So they're like the, the yellowflags, and this is going to
(06:44):
sound.
It's crazy because whenever wedo these episodes here to know,
I always come like, soundinglike some kind of like.
I don't want to say that Idon't.
I don't know if it's like.
I'm not superficial, but at thesame time, I just have my
preferences and sometimes theycome off as superficial when you
say them and you just expressthem.
Yeah superficial tendencies.
Yeah, right, right, I havesuperficial leanings.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
It's kind of like but but I'm not all the way
superficial.
I understand that these thingsaren't okay, so for one here and
it's going to sound crazy.
But nails, okay Nails.
I don't like when women andthis has been something.
I've not been able to shakethis.
I've been like this like all mylife.
(07:30):
Okay, I would like I call itlike the island of nail polish.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
When you look at women nailed.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
When you look at a woman's nail and the nail polish
is disintegrated off of hernails, like she has for some
reason, refusing to take it offand fighting to keep it on, like
, and it's just like gettingsmaller and smaller by the day
and it's kind of like.
So, basically, the nail polishis like the island in the middle
(07:57):
of the nail and the nail is theocean.
And when you're looking at itand you're like why don't you
just give it?
Just just you want it all threemonths.
It's been 90 days.
Please take it off, like, like,and I know it's so with me.
I'm so much a live and let liveperson, didn't know.
I've told you this before.
We've had other conversationslike, I'm not going to try to
(08:19):
change a person, but these arethings I would definitely look
at for a person that, if I wasyou would hand her no polish
remover and a cotton ball.
Listen, listen, I.
These are things that whenpeople are dating and they're
checking for certain things,this is one of the things I'm
checking for, like, I'm checkingfor it on multiple, multiple
dates.
Like, if you're coming off thisoffer on, that's my, that's my
(08:40):
pet peeve offer on, you knowwhat I mean.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Okay.
So nail polish, okay.
But what about like having fakenails or whatever your?
If you have gel nails, acrylicor whatever, yo, if the joints
is growing out if the growingout don't get to get your
cuticle game together.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Don't think I'm not hip to it.
You know what I mean.
I know I am hip to it and I seeit.
You know what I mean.
And it's kind of like a littlegrowth, okay, but I feel like
you could have got ahead of that.
Yeah, like half your nailsshowing.
I got ahead of that.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
My nails grow fast.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
I'm just saying this is that's just a situation, that
, and then like so and this isI'm not.
You know, it's funny because Ihad a conversation with somebody
about feet yesterday Because Iwas doing an event yesterday
where a guy, one of my coworkers, had said that one of
the people that were at theevent was an only fans person.
(09:38):
And we were like and they askeda person like how do you know
they're only fans person?
He's like, because I'm asubscriber and I and I know
that's her and in which shespecializes in is naked feet
pics.
And I said naked feet pics,what is a naked feet pic?
And I had another, so was amixture, so it was me, it's a
couple guys and a femalecoworker.
(10:00):
We're kind of all just kind oftalking.
She's like yeah, man, like youknow, there's a, there's a
movement out there called nofeet for free.
It's going on out there onsocial media no free, no, no
free feet pics.
And they're like taking fullbody pics and like blur, like
blurring out their feet or likecutting off the picture at the
bottom, and I'm like is thisreally good?
money, I do not know, I mean Iguess.
(10:21):
So I mean you get your feetgame together and you might
change your life.
And evidently that's what hesaid about.
He's like you know, that's whatshe specializes in.
I guess she's naked and thenshe's on her feet, which I feel
like it's like an accessory ofyou being naked.
Of course your feet are showing, your feet are showing when
your clothes.
A lot of times this goes likethey're called like sandals, but
(10:41):
but it's, it's.
I guess some people are reallyhave this fetish.
So with me I don't have like afoot fetish, but I do like nice
looking feet.
They cannot be busted Like.
There was a scene and this isgoing to like for pieces of all
we back in the day is calledBoomerang, eddie Murphy, great,
great classic movie.
If you're able, johnWitherspoon, eddie Murphy, go
(11:01):
back and watch it.
It's a movie called Boomerangand there's a scene of
remembering correctly the scenein the movie.
I'm not, I'm kind of forgetting.
I'm not sure if it was EddieMurphy who was in the scene, but
a guy, he sleeps with a womanand then he, I guess in middle
of the night, like he like pullsthe sheet up to like look at
her feet and they were likebusted, busted, looking, and
(11:23):
that's the kind of stuff rightthere that I remember my life
that's.
That's a red flag.
That was both of them.
Both of them are kind of likered flags To be honest, they're
like on you, they're a little no, if you look like you can like
like climb a tree barefoot, noproblem.
I'm not the guy for you.
(11:43):
You know you're not dating likea dancer.
Valerie is high style Becausethey're going to have some like
sports and stuff like that, andyou're like athletes feet and
I'm not talking about athletesfeet, I mean an athlete's foot,
like if you, if that's what youhave and if you're all busted, I
mean.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
I applaud your dedication to your job.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
You know what I mean.
That's a very I mean maybe I'llcome see you, you know play or
something like that, but it'skind of like I don't know.
We're not going to be together.
No, and the socks is a no go.
I'm going to need to see it,you're not.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Oh, you won't.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
You're not bullying me, man.
It happened with one person,but it's like it's.
You're not.
No, you're not fully me here.
I'm going to need to at leastsee them every now and then you
know what I mean.
Just so I can know what I'mgetting into.
Because it's it, that's thesituation, that it doesn't.
It's not like I want to,because you know some people.
Then they'll they have likefoot fetishes, like they want to
(12:37):
touch them, they want tomassage them, they're all kinds
of like.
In that I'm not in it any that.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
So that would be perfect.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
It's gonna be like Visually okay, yeah, like right
like just visually I okay, likethey're not necessary, like I'm
not like measuring inch, likehey, you're, your big toe was
about an inch shorter than yourother toes, like what it was
going on here, like it's not,it's not like that, it's just a
situation where I just want themlike nice and in the same
situation with them with thenail polish.
(13:04):
It's the same situation, likeeither on or off, you know, I
mean, that's not too crazy.
I feel like that's like normal.
You know.
I mean, is that or does thatsound wild?
Speaker 2 (13:13):
No, it doesn't sound wild and I could see like you're
just like you have to have thiscertain type of nail style or
you know the length and onlythis color and touch up twice a
week.
You know that kind of stuff alittle Little bit right but like
you know, it's, it's whatever,like sort of the nail chipping.
I can get that because that'sit's really not too much to grab
Some freaking nail polish and acotton swab and just know real
quick right across that month.
(13:33):
So I can see that.
But if you're doing like more,like acrylics and stuff, it
could be pretty pricey to go andget that feeling there every
once in a while.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
You know what, man, I think I would have to put in on
that?
Let me know where the budgetshortfall is and I'll throw
something on it.
I.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Feel like you would, you would see it, and then you
would send her like a cat or afreaking Venom and it's like
Right, I just made anappointment for you.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
You need to stop by here at three.
They're gonna take you to sugar.
She's gonna hook you up, don'tworry about it.
You know, I like already knowswhat I'm looking for.
So yeah, you just.
So when we're talking about whenwe're talking about the red
flags.
We talked about a couple of Redand yellow flags on my side,
and I'm pretty sure we mightcircle back to that at some
(14:20):
point.
What are your yellow flags?
Red flag situations?
Now, no one is it done?
That toothbrush situation is ablack flag.
By the way, I can give a oh.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
I got one more red flag.
I got one more red flag.
I got a, I gotta add.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
I gotta add this.
This one I have to add becauseI have a story to it and I have
to add it and it's gonna.
This one sounds crazy to a lotof people, but you would not
believe how many every womanI've been with I've just not
been a problem.
I do not like women passing gasin front of me.
It's just gonna happen.
It's not gonna happen like ifthat.
If it happens, things justwon't be the same, and I've
(14:57):
tried to work it out.
I've tried to work it out.
I've actually been in thissituation.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
What does she have to do?
Go to the whole restroom, leaveyou and then no, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
I don't know what my exes have done, but you gotta do
what they did.
I'm not sure what the hell theydid.
Now I'm like like what I thinkwhen I have some really long
relationships.
I'm not sure she didn't passguys for 10 years around.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure what she did.
She did something and the thingis it happened to me and I was,
um, it happened to me and Ithink this is before, I'm not
(15:33):
sure this is before we werehaving sex Because it was
happening, me and she was likethat kid and I was that kid and
I'm trying to, like, get her inthe mood.
I'm doing my thing, trying toget her in the mood.
And, um, I remember like Idon't know if it's just the way
that we were laying, but shefarted like on my left knee and
I felt it.
And I remember going.
I remember going To work thenext day, right, because she was
(15:58):
like, oh, my bad, you know, I'mlike all right, cool, I'm not
listen, I'm not gonna ruin themoment, we're here now.
We're here now.
I'm not gonna ruin the moment.
So we're kind of doing ourthing.
You know, whatever, we did ourthing.
And then I remember going towork the next day and being like
, huh, I don't think this isgonna work out.
And I worked with a lot of womenat that time and they were like
what's going on?
What happened?
And I told them and they werelike wow, that was just like yo
(16:19):
listen.
Um, I told her it was all good,but I know it's not all good
because I cannot unfeel that Onmy knee and even now that was 11
years ago I still feel it.
You know what I mean.
I still know exactly where Iwas.
I know exactly how it felt.
(16:41):
You know what I mean.
It's not like it smelled oranything.
It was like a little big typething and it was like, and I was
, and she was like oops, my bad.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
I'm dead, I can't.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
And I remember thinking like it's all good,
it's a human bodily function,like it's all good, but it's not
all good.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Have you farted in front of your girlfriend?
Speaker 1 (17:07):
I try not to.
I'm not over here like burpingmy name out and shit and like
doing all kinds of crazy stufflike and like Inspecting her to
be all prim and prist, like Itry to like reciprocate that to
a certain degree, um, but thething is, if so, if it's a
(17:30):
happening I was to hear it Maybewe get over it.
If it's like silent, one.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
What if you smell something?
It's over.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
It is F and over, and I'm just telling you right now,
like there, there is a problem,right there there's a problem
right there.
I can't unsmell that shit, andthe thing is just like you can't
touch up on you and you're likeno.
Nope, because every time wesmash or something, we think I'm
gonna think about it and I'mgonna lose it.
I'm gonna lose it.
Like you know, I'm not gonna beable to Maintain a consistent
(18:03):
situation If that was, if thatwas to happen, because you know,
sometimes, especially if you'relike Having a lot of sex with
you in your relationship- yeah,like you're part of something
like that, yeah.
I mean, wow, sometimes,sometimes your mind wanders and
you know I might just bethinking about hey, well, you
know, I'm not the game.
(18:23):
You know what I mean, and if Icannot have that be one of the
things in the rotation of mind,it will mess you up.
It will mess me up because thenit's instantly over, like it's
over, like some things.
I can catch it if I'm justthinking about hey, you know
what I, I'm smashing into my hey, what I gotta do at work
tomorrow and I kind of lose likeno red.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
You're really crazy, like you're in a moment.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Let's come back, let's turn back.
I can get back on the road.
I'm good to go, something likethat.
I'm off the road.
I'm off road, not busted attire.
I'm not gonna get back on theroad.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Okay.
So she's sweet and lets one.
She doesn't know she'sunconscious.
So it's like can you, can youlet that go?
Speaker 1 (19:00):
or she's just like I feel like I have to to a certain
degree, but it better not smelllike, like, because here's the
thing about smells have you everwent someplace and then like a
smell reminds you of a placelike that?
Or a smell like a certain kindof perfume or cologne that
reminds you of a person sayssmells a very powerful sense.
It's one of the five senses,danelle.
(19:21):
It's very powerful and it'skind of like it reminds you,
like you can smell somethinglike you maybe go on vacation,
something you remember how itsmells like, or an X, and you
smell that Perfume or colognelater on in life.
You know I can remind youinstantly of that person.
But that's the same thing for a, I guess, gonna remind you
instantly of the situation.
(19:42):
It's gonna remind you of it.
Lasting thing to remind you, umso, no, no, I can't use the
restroom in your like she got togo.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Bad number two you gonna make her hold it.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
You can't go on your way if you think that first it's
a red flag, this is a burgundyflag.
You know what I mean.
You better not like.
You better find a situationwhere you better listen.
I, I told and and I and this istrue story I told my because we
had a situation where we're atthese one restroom because we're
at have other restroom wasgetting like worked on.
So we had one restroom, we hadto use it.
(20:12):
And I told my girl said listen,if you go, I, there's a few
things you need to do.
You need to make sure that therunway is clear, like I cannot.
The runway, yeah, I got to knowGive me, give me, give me some
range.
Like you got to know give me 20to 30 minutes.
(20:32):
I need to know that this isyour window of time.
You got to go.
I can know you're doing it, butI can't.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
You don't want to, you want to get you done it.
No evidence whatsoever, Right?
Speaker 1 (20:42):
So I was like yo, you need to get your spray together
.
Put a window.
If you got to get your courtesyflush on, do whatever you got
to do.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
You're there, bested and poopery.
I can see you, I don't.
It is absolutely there.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
It is absolutely there.
Pupri is in the restroom, bythe way, ladies and gentlemen,
it's not a game.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
What if it's accident ?
Or like no, say she's, shemight have ideas.
So you're not going to date agirl.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
I cannot know, like I can't have you go into restroom
and making all kinds of noisesin there and then thinking like
it's all, like it's all good,because it is not.
It's not going to be all good,I don't want you coming to blow.
I remember one time I did thatto somebody's restroom and I
felt horrible, like I went inthere and I destroyed it and I
remember thinking like yo, I wastrying to like make sure didn't
stop up the toilet.
I'm trying to make sure likeeverything's good, because I
(21:31):
didn't really.
We weren't really dating likethat, it was more of like a
fling, so I didn't really wantit to be like that.
And this is the kind ofsituations I just can't have.
Like I can't have, I can't have, lord forbid.
Like I told her like listen, Iwant to just let you shoot the
last and I'm doing everything Ican to ensure that it will last
a long time.
And so I'm just telling youright ahead Now, this is just a
(21:54):
thing that I that's like a supersub burgundy flag.
It's more than the red subburgundy red.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
Oh, that's hilarious that I can't say that.
I've said they're a rip one infront of a duke's note.
Like who?
I don't.
Personally, I don't want to bedoing that anyway.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Right.
First and foremost, I don'tthink I'm a tyrant.
I feel like, first, what kindof human being just wants to be
doing that in general, like,what are you doing?
Speaker 2 (22:22):
But I'm like you use the restroom and it's.
I don't want to like leavestreets behind, but that's
regardless of anybody.
I just don't want them like ohhey, look what you did, like no,
so I will little.
There's a scrubber there and Isee something.
I will scrub the toilet.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Yo, so how big.
I mean, it's not every guy islike this, like, and I'm telling
you right, this is one of thethings that, where there are
just preferences in life, likethere are just preferences, and
one of the worst things aboutthis particular one ending with
the nail one, whether it's anail one or whether it's the
passing gas going to therestroom.
Like the women that I've datedin the past, it's not been an
(22:58):
issue, except the one thatfarted on my knee and that
didn't last long.
And the women in general, likeit hasn't been an issue.
So they're making it hard foryou.
You know what I mean.
Like if you have what we datedand they've been you're, you've
been with and it's neverhappened, it's kind of like I
know it's possible and that'syou know.
Know it's possible.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
It's, one day could happen, and I don't know man, I
would say one of my red flags.
I personally, I mean I don't,I'm not into weed and I don't
really want someone else aroundme, I know it is so hard.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
It was hard, but I just don't know.
I don't want this.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Well, I think it's more so, like a lot of people
that are around, like thereliance on weed itself, except
like you're avoiding dealingwith what the really issue is or
whatever it's causing you towant to have to need to relax,
type mentality.
So I think that's what my mainproblem with that would be is
that, like you're using as acrutch it's instead of dealing
with the problems that'sinteresting.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
That's interesting.
And is that isolated to justweed Like it?
Can't that be like a lot ofdifferent?
Speaker 2 (24:10):
No, it's same.
Yeah, it would be all of it.
So mostly weeks I can't tell.
I hate smell, but it's the samething with alcohol or anything
else.
If something's becoming more oflike, this is what I do in order
to relieve stress instead ofactually dealing with whatever
problem that's going on.
Or it's more of like a triggerno, that's the red flag for me,
like because I'd rather somebodywho at least communicate or or
let me know like hey, I'm goingthrough something.
Like I need some help with this, you know, especially if you
(24:32):
want a long lasting relationship.
I don't want them to be theirfirst thoughts, like I'm going
to just know self medicate thisway instead of actually working
things out.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
So what?
What do you?
Because me, I don't thinkthat's really unfair because I
don't like smokers in general.
I don't date smokers in general.
If I was a day smoker, maybe Iwould date it.
If we spoke before, I woulddate a cigarette smokers, but I
think that I would prefer.
Like your vape.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
You need to get your vape game together, like I could
do with that Water vaporpneumonia and it's like like the
same with hookah or you know, Ithink they're almost all the
same to me, where I'm just like,nah, I'm good.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
So then, where?
Where is that?
That's on your, your red flags,and that's not like a yellow
flag.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
No, that's more of a, that's definitely red flags.
I just can't.
I literally can't stand it andI was like it's no, you do it,
cool on you and do your thing orwhatever, Just won't be with me
.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
So then you never dated a smoker, a person that's
not I have, and that's why Idon't like it.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
No, that's the red smoker no, but a weed smoker,
yeah, and I'm like, no, I'm good.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
So then, what are your your?
Is that your biggest red?
Do you think that's yourbiggest red flag that you have?
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Yeah, because that literally eliminates a whole
half of people Cause you were,I'm in California, it is, it is.
Everybody does it out here.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
So just finding somebody who is not about that
life, I'm like, uh, one day sowhat about the yellow flags then
?
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Like, if that's your massive cause, cause, because I
don't want this show to be likeseven hours.
I don't want to go through allthe flags here.
I'm not sure how many flags youhave on your list there to know
.
Well, I would go for definitelyyour biggest flag, you said
earlier, I've got a list.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
No, I would say I'm being honest, it is.
But uh, I would say yellow issomebody who drinks excessively,
um, who doesn't know how tocome like an alcoholic.
Uh, I didn't even be stayinglike a step below that where
it's like I don't want you toknow alcoholic yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
First, that's not necessarily like hiding liquor
and bottles or books and stufflike that, but people don't read
books anymore, so people arerunning out of place to hide.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
If they had one, that I'd be considered like.
You have alcohol on there,don't you Right?
Speaker 1 (26:47):
I have a single book.
That is the only book I've everhad.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
I'm just saying what I carry on every time.
I just love reading it all thetime.
Um, I would be yeah, definitelysomebody who really can't have
fun without drinking alcohol.
Like, if there's anything andthey're going to be out in this,
even like remotely social,they're going to drink.
And I'm like, if you don't knowhow to have fun without that,
then why are we together?
Like cause you have to be tipsyevery single time?
Speaker 1 (27:12):
No, that's interesting Cause I would think
that myself a social drinker,but um cause, I can drink, but
I'm not A person that is likewaking up hitting a bottle, not
the person that feels like everyinteraction with my, my girl,
needs to be.
I need to go take a shot orsomething.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
So you're going into a vent and they're like we don't
have alcohol, you, but I'mgonna leave.
Nah, nah, I'm not that Somebodywho's like can't be there, than
no.
What's wrong with you, bro?
Speaker 1 (27:42):
Like you, you don't have a personality outside I do
agree kind of with that, likeyou, you, if you go to a place
like it depends to becausesometimes I think that it would
depend, dennell on On thatperson preference, like, let's
say that you set it up and it'slike they're going out for the
week and they haven't drank allweek, and it's a Friday and they
want to go out, and they wantto go out and and they want to
go to a place that has drinks.
(28:03):
I don't know if, if choosinganother place that does have
drinks is indicative of an issue, you know, because they haven't
drank up to that point, youknow.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
I would say it's more of like literally, if only time
where for every time we go outyou have to drink, than no Like
if we, you can't enjoy yourselfwithout that, then no, I'm good
because I'm like, then you're,then you like.
Your alcohol is yourpersonality.
The only way that I can feelloose and have fun or enjoy
myself or be outgoing oranything like that is alcohol
than not.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
That's interesting because I I don't think I've
ever been with anybody like that.
I'm trying to think in my head.
I don't think I've ever been.
I'm a big social I don't saybig social drinker because I'm
not.
I'm a lightweight drinker, soI'm not like I can't like throw
them back.
You know what I mean.
Um, but I do like to drink insocial settings.
(28:54):
I've always felt like If you'rewaking up in the morning and
there's like a glass of winenext to your bed, yeah, it's a
little like, it's a bit much.
I call that like your.
If you're chronic daytimedrinking is how and I know that
maybe even that sounds judgment,I don't know but if you're
(29:16):
Constant daytime drinking, itmakes me wonder like that's just
a different way of life in thesense of like I don't know why
you don't have things you haveto do.
You got nothing else going on,sir.
Like I'm just saying like,don't you go to like the store
(29:37):
or something.
So if you're like banging itback, 930 am.
You know what I mean and it'slike yo, you started your day
like this.
It's usually Maybe that'sindicative of an issue, I don't
know.
You know it's.
(29:57):
I haven't really done anythinglike that, would be kind of on
my teetering on my.
No, that's an absolute red flag.
It's not even.
I would say no, you're not gonnabe like just waking up,
drinking and stuff like that.
Now Do you consider like so?
So what's the difference?
That a red flag basically islike a deal breaker, right?
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
So when a person's making their list, let's go,
let's go through your listPerson that's making your list
there to know is your list likea deal breaker list or is it a
Yellow red flag list, or is itjust deal breaker list?
Speaker 2 (30:30):
It's impends what stage we are, because, like my
beginning ones, definitely Iwould look more for the red
flags, is I'm like why am Igonna waste my time?
Speaker 1 (30:39):
be here three time Eliminate basically.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
Yeah, yeah.
So, and then after that, then Igive them more grace and have
the yellow flags.
You know things we can kind ofwork on together.
I'm sure they'll have stuffabout me that they don't
particularly care for.
Whatever, I understand that I'm, you know, everybody's human.
They got their preferences forstuff for sure.
I would start with red flagsfirst and then turn into the
goal with the yellow flags.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
How many are you tolerating on the yellow place?
How many yellow flags become ared flag?
Is it like three yellow flagsequals a red flag?
As I get older, you get.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
You're getting the first one and Like nope, nope,
sir, no, you know, I mean as ayounger, yeah, I would give you
more chances.
I'm just like oh, I meanFlexibility.
You know they're learning,we're learning together, but I
feel like when you get tocertain ages, like you should
know better for some of thesethings, especially if I'm able
to communicate.
That was an issue for me.
Not being able to communicate.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
I think communicate is very important, so that would
be a hundred percent at the topof Any situations.
As much as I talk about thephysical situations, that's like
number one, right, because IDon't like non people who are
being nonverbal in relationships.
Kind of, if you earn arelationship with somebody,
you're sleeping with them,you're living with them and all
(31:49):
this other stuff.
You can't like say stuff tothem, but then you're going to
work and you're you're runningit all your mouth to everybody.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
Yeah, especially at a grown age, like you two were on
to be doing on it, I like whyare you not letting a person
know who was actually like inyour household with you like?
I would say that would be one ofmy red flags right there too,
because you have the people whoare just like you're having a
conversation with them and Ican't bring something up Okay,
you know, this was an issue forme and then they dump on you
(32:15):
everything that they've had anissue with.
I was like, okay, right, likeright.
Why are you holding all of thatin, waiting till now to let go
and then be like, oh, you knowyou were doing it, so I'm gonna
do it too.
I was like you could have donethat before and we could have
nipped these little things in abutton, yes, piling it to one
big dump.
Now I don't know what to dowith all that.
How can we even go go fix allthat and stuff?
So I don't like that one whenpeople just kind of complaint
(32:37):
dump on you.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
So what do you?
What do you do then with theyellow?
How much time are you giving onthose yellow pads you are you
having conversations about themimmediately?
Are you kind of like, all right, well, we'll just see if this
gets better?
And then, because People maybejust we wanted to see if things
can get better before they likereally go in about it, you know.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
Yeah, I would say even Almost.
I want to say, like my yellowflags are reserved for me being
in a relationship with thisperson, like, yes, we had the
conversation, I want to be withyou or you know, we're gonna see
, see things out further.
I think those right yellowflags are reserved for them,
like they would get more gracethan anybody else.
Somebody's been on the streetyesterday and it's definitely
one of those like hey, we talkedabout it, maybe, you know,
(33:18):
maybe something that I couldwork on.
It's not that big a deal andsomething we kind of push past
or work through, or if it, ifthey continue to ignore a
boundary that I said, then yeah,it's gonna be a red flag and
we're not talking about that.
So if you're gonna do that now,at this young stage of our
relationship, then what I'mgonna do later on we actually
get through the advice of thestandard of you ignoring me or
(33:39):
not considering my feelings inin our relationship, then it's
only gonna grow from there.
So like, why would I toleratethat and begin with.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
I think that's fair.
That's fair.
That's there's nothing.
There's nothing.
There's there's a.
I don't think anythingirrational in that.
They sound way more rationalthan than mine.
Like you're mine, mine's verystraight forward.
Compared to mine, they'reabsolute deal breakers.
(34:11):
Yeah, even still, I can't, Ican't.
That's just me being honestwith myself and honest with them
.
That's my communication part,right there.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Well then now I have to think of a funny red flag
where, just like people will belike really, that's one.
Yeah, it is, I need another onefor you.
What's another deal breaker foryou besides parting and feet?
Speaker 1 (34:32):
Yeah, it's probably like all like this is stuff like
that, like it's stuff like badbreath.
I can't unsmell it, like it's,it's, it's.
I can't like you're, you're, Iguess, like hygiene in general,
like your hygiene game has to betogether, because I keep buying
together your hygiene games tobe together and I think that's
one that's more like substantial.
It's not really just crazy, issettling, don't, do not settle,
(34:57):
because I feel like when youmean by that, though I?
mean like.
So sometimes we get intorelationships and we're in them
for a very long time and then wejust feel like the person, like
the we've talked about thisbefore.
In a certain sense, the lovewill keep them.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
There are the level here, except whatever I give you
type stuff.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
Yeah, and it feel like, hey, when you first met me
, I was, I was hit, jim, I wasdoing everything.
And then now that we've beentogether for a few years, I'm on
the couch, let myself go alittle bit because, hey, she
loves me now and I got her, gother down, so I'm gonna kind of
just lean on that and I feellike that's complacency.
It's a certain degree, and I donot like that because I am not
(35:38):
like that myself and and a lotof these things too, all these
things I'm not walking aroundlike dirty busted nails that
you're not like.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
All these things that I know you're like, you're like
, clear absolutely do not there.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
There, everything is together.
Over here it's all the way offall the time and the thing is is
like I'm the kind of person islike I am definitely
reciprocating what I want frompeople.
You know what I mean.
So I'm not that guy is going tobe.
I'm not taking a person forgranted.
You know what I mean.
I'm not going to take a person.
I believe time is precious.
Anybody just decided they wantto spend any amount of time with
(36:10):
you.
It should be respected.
It shouldn't be looked at andyou get to the point where
somebody's just where they'retreating strangers better than
they're treating you.
Yeah, and once that gets to that, once it gets to that level,
right there where and I remembera friend who's dating somebody
like man, whatever somebody newcomes around, she's like a
different person.
That person I first met, likeyou know to be just, but then
(36:32):
when they leave it's kind oflike, well, you know, back to
just, it's just you know, it'sjust you energy and I hate that
it's just you energy because Ilike that we put that?
Speaker 2 (36:42):
yeah, that's hard.
I never even thought about that.
Just you energy.
Yeah, I could, yeah it's.
Speaker 1 (36:48):
That's a massive deal breaker for me, because that's
my time, is still my time.
Like I don't, because we're ina relationship and been
relationship for four or five,six, seven years doesn't mean
that now I have 30 hours in myday, or now I'm going to live to
be 130 now because we'veextended.
We've extended on my life andmy time doesn't matter no more.
No, I believe, like your timealways matters, that 24 hours a
(37:09):
day always matters, and whoyou're choosing to spend your
life with always matters.
So it's kind of like I wantthat to be reciprocated.
You know what I mean.
Like I don't want, if you thethings that attracted me or the
same things I want you to bedoing, I'm not going to have it
where, years down the line,you're just not doing it because
you've gotten so used to mebeing around so comfortable yeah
(37:30):
, I can write with that.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
Yeah, cuz I'm like I, especially somebody that I
truly care about, I would wantto keep impressing you.
I want you to be like this ismy girl.
I don't know where ever we go,so, of course, like I want to, I
want to keep myself up and allkind of stuff and then you know
whatever it is, but whateverthat means for our relationship
pretty much, and I definitelywanted to be like impress every
time I come through.
Like dang, that's her.
I got that like who wouldn'twouldn't want that feeling.
(37:53):
I'm not going to be like thatall the time.
Speaker 1 (37:56):
So, even as you guys go by, and know, like with
people, like saying that you gotto walk around and high heels
and lingerie all day, typethings.
It's not that.
It's not that, it's just asense of like the same things
that brought you to the tablewould be the same things that
keep you at the table.
You know what I mean.
And a lot of times people'sbehavior changes with time
because the comfort sets in andthen you start to think that
(38:17):
this person will never leave me.
And I've seen this.
I've seen this and then I'veseen massive hurt in
relationships when the persondoes leave.
Our friend that's going throughthat now.
She left for us and her husbandher ex husband thought she
would never leave me.
He literally told her that Ijust didn't think you were ever
leaving, so he was never thehell he wanted to do.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
Yeah, that's easy to me they think that, like you
know, being married to somebodyor in a long term relationship
is like a lock, like you in,like you done.
I was like no, I still get out.
Freedom is freedom.
That is what it is, and peopleare only going to tolerate so
much, especially when you, whenyou have always been with this
person or even put this personso long, and then, like you said
, with your friend, they'rearound somebody different or new
(39:00):
and you see a whole new side.
I think that would be the redflag to like when you go meet
the family for the first timeand they act totally different,
like in your shock, like who isthis person like?
Especially if it's a guy, likeyou've been dating for a while,
you're expected to do certainthings from, like some of the
traditional people, whatevercould clean all that stuff.
And then you get to like go seehis family and you have been
hanging around them for a littlebit.
You see him doing things thathe don't even do at your house.
(39:21):
You like, well, you done, putyour plate up.
What the hell right, you neverwant to dish in your life over
here or you know big one, likeif you want to go back to the
little housewives or what knowsit, love and hit power,
something like that.
I guess like somebody you hadtaken so much from within the
(39:42):
relationship we've been overbackwards, you know, accepted
things or whatever, and you seehim around another woman and he
shows her a level of care andconsideration that you didn't
think was possible.
Yes that was like a stab, youknow.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
I've been doing all this.
You know to be like I'm theperson that's actually going to
be here for you.
These are complete strangers.
You know people and that can bethe same way with social media,
like paying so much moreattention to your virtual
friends.
When you need money, you're notgoing to ask your virtual
friends, you're asking theperson with you all the
communication skills in theworld online with your friends,
(40:20):
your Mr, mr or Mrs bubbly online, but you can't be that same
person for the human beingthat's actually caring for you
in your house, right like it.
You kind of like devalue that.
So I would say that that'sprobably that in communication
are like massive, massive redflags for me.
Speaker 2 (40:39):
I would, yeah, I same , I would have to agree.
I was gonna say, if there'sgonna be like a oh, a funny red
flag for me personally, oh,we'll be.
I, oh, I'm a teeth personmeaning.
Clean teeth period if youforget to brush your teeth just
once You're done.
Sir, I want you know plaque, Idon't.
Speaker 1 (41:03):
Get that dinner plan.
Nails said you better like forthe dental plan if you don't
take nothing else.
Speaker 2 (41:11):
You know, at least If you're missing a couple of them
.
But I like, I like a good smile.
Speaker 1 (41:22):
Have a very teethy smile like my.
My smile is like all teeth man.
Speaker 2 (41:27):
They're clean teeth and that's the thing, and I
guess it goes back to having theclean like the fresh breath.
You got a rotten tooth in theback.
Oh, dentist, I have greathealth care.
Speaker 1 (41:39):
Let's collaborate.
I'm getting that fix for you.
Speaker 2 (41:44):
Yeah, they don't have to be fantastic, but at least
like if you roll through acouple mornings and it's like
hey, what's up?
And I'm like bro, you don't seethat, you know, you know it's
gracious.
Oh.
Speaker 1 (41:58):
What if it's just like I'm too picked?
Promise go, just go.
Go go to the bathroom andhandle that go.
Speaker 2 (42:05):
Yeah, that's fine if I'm able to tell you that.
But if you're just like, oh,it's fine, no, it's not fine,
tell me to have.
I got something, my tea, let meknow.
Or or you know what people havelike little the corner mouth
bitties, oh, Goodness gracious.
My pet peeves don't, if peopledon't tell you that you have
(42:25):
something on your face likeyou're gonna be red, like would
it be yellow flag, because somepeople like the firmware they
like.
Speaker 1 (42:32):
With some people there that's a not.
Sometimes they think it's beingrude actually say that needs to
be happening instantaneously,like that is Before you even
leave the crib like, don't evenlet the person walk out the door
, like that.
If you see it, why and whywould you hold that in?
(42:53):
I don't want to look at thatshit.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
Notting my downfall.
Aren't you like, cuz?
I've seen people do it and likethey're like a dude I like?
No, I know you didn't tell heras she got some of a face and
you let her go around talking topeople.
I know you see it, but you'renot gonna tell her anyway, cuz I
feel like it's a slow key, it'smanipulative, you trying to
humble her a little bit becausewhen she finally figures out and
you're like you, let me walkaround all this time with the
stuff on my face.
You like he had fire.
I didn't know.
(43:17):
You didn't know what you mean,I didn't know the problem.
Yeah, you did, sir, like youplaying and that's that kind of
little things that are somanipulative.
I can't stand that.
I'm like I had a coupleinstances.
People do that to a woman oranybody around them, not and not
say anything.
I was like you got they got themost crusty as boogers up in
there.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
Goodness, my red flag .
Just you having them, I mightbe out of here.
Just on that, goodness gracious, we went full circle Back to my
red play.
Listen, that's what a bed isfor you.
Better get in it.
Go, get in that bed.
Me work that out like a littlenose crusty.
No, no, not red.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
What about I booger?
Speaker 1 (44:01):
Nope, I Can take that purse, but no, work it out.
Work it out, man, work it out.
Let me taste.
The women are better, I'm gonnabetter human beings.
There's a higher levelexpectation because women are
just better like man.
I, if I was like a woman, I'dbe such be a lesbian.
You kidding me, I would not befucking these dudes, what so
ever.
(44:21):
Women are better, smell better,they're smarter, they're just
better.
So it's kind of like I Justcouldn't, I can't, I can't go
with any bro type stuff.
You know what I mean.
And you being crusty, you likeBurpin, farting and stuff,
that's all dude stuff to me andI can't, I can't have it, people
(44:42):
are comfortable.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
There's this thing it's like a level of closeness
that I I don't think I'll everachieve, or nor do I Right like
like somebody use yourtoothbrush right?
Speaker 1 (44:52):
I never, would ever be that close to you.
Speaker 2 (44:56):
And like, with the advent of social media, people
are sharing stuff.
It's like, like I said, likeplease bring back shame.
Speaker 1 (45:02):
Yes, absolutely Absolutely, and he's lucky like
it.
You didn't really put him outthere because you could be
warning everybody else.
Like listen, hide yourtoothbrush if just dudes around
like because he sees no problemswith it.
You know me, he sees noproblems with grabbing your
stuff.
You know what I mean, and it'snot just lotion he's grabbing on
.
So it's kind of like no, no,I'm with that and I appreciate
(45:24):
you taking some time out becausewe want to talk more.
We do a lot of these subjects,would do some more research or
fun subjects to do.
Appreciate you taking some timehere to know.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
No, thank you.
I mean I have time to likereally think about some of these
things and definitely upgradeit to my yellows to red.
So thank you, I appreciate itWell making progress here.
Speaker 1 (45:40):
This is a regin atl.
Check us out, stitch your heart.
Radio, google podcast, applepodcast, spotify, where we find
your podcast.
See you next time.
It's Reginald ATL, coming to you from the lovely
city of Atlanta, georgia, goingout to what I assume I guess is
a sunny city of Los Angeles toknow.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
How's it going?
Very, very safe assumption.
I like that.
Let's keep that going.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
We could just repeat that over, and over and over
again.
We survived the first, you know,the last show we did.
We were talking about, like, Iguess, like deal breakers and
stuff like that, and we're kindof there too.
We're going to talk about redflags here, which I'm pretty
sure you have more of them thanI do.
I don't know if women ingeneral have more red flags than
men.
The red flags are you like?
(00:39):
If so, if you're a straight man, the red flag is a lot of times
just you not being a woman, andthen, once you've cleared that
hurdle, we're through most ofour red flags there.
You know what I mean.
Like especially depending on howmuch interaction there's going
to be, which I do have aquestion about too.
So let's start on this.
With red flags in general,they're very hard to prepare for
(01:02):
because they are so subjectiveto know, right Like they are.
So, depending on eachindividual, one person red flag,
we're like he ate chicken wingswith his hands, and I just
don't like it.
And then one might be like heate chicken wings with a fork
and I just can't take that.
Like you know, it's like it's adifferent situation for
different people.
So how do you prepare for that?
(01:23):
Like, how does a person?
Because you know there's a lotof things that you can do better
to get your dating life betteror your romantic life better.
Right, you can dress better.
You can just practice.
I tell people all the time withany kind of social situation,
practice makes perfect.
You know, if you're justpracticing a lot and that will
make you better at something,but this is not something that
(01:44):
you can necessarily practice forright.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
No, and I feel like we have to tell the difference
between yellow flag and red flag, because I feel like yellow
flag, yellow flag.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Interesting that you don't like.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Red flag is like run away, I won't talk to you
anymore, type stuff.
That's what I see.
I feel like, oh, like he choosewith his mouth open, that's a
yellow flag Like you couldprobably deal, or you guys
didn't tell him to close hismouth, or?
maybe nobody told him his wholelife.
You know you're the one to lethim know.
Um, that's the yellow flag.
Like a red flag is like you.
(02:18):
He chooses an album.
He told him to keep it closedand he just like spits the food
at you or something.
That's a red flag.
Like yeah, that's a bit extremethere, or actually the anger
that he has when you tell him tomaybe close his mouth.
That could be an issue.
Um, I would look at it that way.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
So what's interesting here is the yellow flag versus
red flag.
I've never looked at it.
So the green flag, I guess, isall good, the yellow flag is
maybe you could work with it andthe red flag is absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Basically, yeah, pretty much like.
This is the no go.
We don't need to talk anymore,we're done.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
So have you had it?
What are your?
What have you seen on theyellow flag situation from you
that you've just like your realworld experience?
You don't have to like callthem out, but like your
situation that you've seen, thatyou felt you could deal with,
and then did it get better, likedid it turn into a red flag
later.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Okay, so one instance would be he brushed his teeth
with my toothbrush.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Okay, well, no, no, no, no, no no no, no, that is a
red flag off top.
That is a red flag off top.
I mean where you at Whose housewere where.
What was this?
How did this occur?
Speaker 2 (03:32):
That's what I'm saying.
He came over at my house Idon't know if he didn't want to
ask for one, or God is whateverbut at first I was like, oh,
let's use this one because youknow, like you know, we're
already getting it in, so that'snot too far of a reach to use
our toothbrush For me.
I was like you are disgusting.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
And no, don't do that .
Not the person I thought youwere.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Yeah, and I'm of course not going to use that
after you like no good.
For when I can, like I can getyou another toothbrush, or like
we have multiples, like we makethis work for me, that I would
say first time yellow flag, likehey, don't use my stuff like
that, that's gross.
But if you do it again, no, nonasty.
(04:14):
I know we do other things, butI don't want your like your
tooth, like your.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
That is gross, that is nasty.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
You're talking to me.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Oh yeah.
So how did you know he?
Did you walk in?
Speaker 2 (04:28):
I happened to walk in and I was like is that what
we're saying?
We?
Speaker 1 (04:32):
gotta have it right.
Then, though we gotta have.
We're not putting thisconversation.
What about that?
I just got to know.
So did you say it right then,or did you like walk back out
and compose yourself?
What did you do?
Speaker 2 (04:42):
It was a shock.
I had to say something.
Then I walked in and I like youknow you look through, you have
your stuff in a certain way,like I have my bathroom set up
anyways, you know it's easy,quick, efficient, whatever.
And I look over, I'm like it'snot in its normal place and I
see him brushing and I'm like oh, no, it's not really like a
slow motion.
We're like oh no, this is notreal.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Because that cannot be actually happening.
It cannot be actually happening.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
So you have an inner monologue.
And then it just came out likeis that my toothbrush?
And he was like oh yeah, like Ididn't have one.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
So I was like so that was your option, like that's,
that's, that's where you, that'swhere you decided to go.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
And I was like oh, like, I hope you don't give you
done that to other people, otherpeople.
Where did you learn this?
From who?
Speaker 1 (05:25):
are you?
Speaker 2 (05:25):
with before, Were they just like oh, now we're so
close Like we'll share it.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
How long had y'all been like together?
Or was it even a person thatyou were just maybe just
smashing, or the person that youwere actually like, dating and
like?
Speaker 2 (05:40):
we were, we were together.
So I don't know, maybe that'swhy I thought I was like oh yeah
, we're cool, we're together,we're never that together.
I'll tell you that I don't likesharing my words.
I don't even want you reachingover with your fork on my plate,
damn near.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
You know what I mean.
Like I feel a certain way.
I don't I don't feel all theway about that, but I do feel
away about it.
You know what I mean.
So what do you think I wouldfeel about this?
Like this is.
This is horrible.
Ladies and gentlemen,toothbrush is not toilet paper
Like you're not going to be overhere, like just sharing it.
This is it's not communal Likewith.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
now I have to share my toothpaste, but you can't
can't share my toothbrush.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Goodness gracious, that would be absolutely.
You talked about disaster,disaster.
You know what I mean, and Ihave some crazy yellow and red
flags.
Oh, tell me I do think this oneis absolute red flags.
That's because I don't like it.
I don't like it I won't be ableto look at.
I won't be able to look atthings the same way.
So they're like the, the yellowflags, and this is going to
(06:44):
sound.
It's crazy because whenever wedo these episodes here to know,
I always come like, soundinglike some kind of like.
I don't want to say that Idon't.
I don't know if it's like.
I'm not superficial, but at thesame time, I just have my
preferences and sometimes theycome off as superficial when you
say them and you just expressthem.
Yeah superficial tendencies.
Yeah, right, right, I havesuperficial leanings.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
It's kind of like but but I'm not all the way
superficial.
I understand that these thingsaren't okay, so for one here and
it's going to sound crazy.
But nails, okay Nails.
I don't like when women andthis has been something.
I've not been able to shakethis.
I've been like this like all mylife.
(07:30):
Okay, I would like I call itlike the island of nail polish.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
When you look at women nailed.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
When you look at a woman's nail and the nail polish
is disintegrated off of hernails, like she has for some
reason, refusing to take it offand fighting to keep it on, like
, and it's just like gettingsmaller and smaller by the day
and it's kind of like.
So, basically, the nail polishis like the island in the middle
(07:57):
of the nail and the nail is theocean.
And when you're looking at itand you're like why don't you
just give it?
Just just you want it all threemonths.
It's been 90 days.
Please take it off, like, like,and I know it's so with me.
I'm so much a live and let liveperson, didn't know.
I've told you this before.
We've had other conversationslike, I'm not going to try to
(08:19):
change a person, but these arethings I would definitely look
at for a person that, if I wasyou would hand her no polish
remover and a cotton ball.
Listen, listen, I.
These are things that whenpeople are dating and they're
checking for certain things,this is one of the things I'm
checking for, like, I'm checkingfor it on multiple, multiple
dates.
Like, if you're coming off thisoffer on, that's my, that's my
(08:40):
pet peeve offer on, you knowwhat I mean.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Okay.
So nail polish, okay.
But what about like having fakenails or whatever your?
If you have gel nails, acrylicor whatever, yo, if the joints
is growing out if the growingout don't get to get your
cuticle game together.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Don't think I'm not hip to it.
You know what I mean.
I know I am hip to it and I seeit.
You know what I mean.
And it's kind of like a littlegrowth, okay, but I feel like
you could have got ahead of that.
Yeah, like half your nailsshowing.
I got ahead of that.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
My nails grow fast.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
I'm just saying this is that's just a situation, that
, and then like so and this isI'm not.
You know, it's funny because Ihad a conversation with somebody
about feet yesterday Because Iwas doing an event yesterday
where a guy, one of my coworkers, had said that one of
the people that were at theevent was an only fans person.
(09:38):
And we were like and they askeda person like how do you know
they're only fans person?
He's like, because I'm asubscriber and I and I know
that's her and in which shespecializes in is naked feet
pics.
And I said naked feet pics,what is a naked feet pic?
And I had another, so was amixture, so it was me, it's a
couple guys and a femalecoworker.
(10:00):
We're kind of all just kind oftalking.
She's like yeah, man, like youknow, there's a, there's a
movement out there called nofeet for free.
It's going on out there onsocial media no free, no, no
free feet pics.
And they're like taking fullbody pics and like blur, like
blurring out their feet or likecutting off the picture at the
bottom, and I'm like is thisreally good?
money, I do not know, I mean Iguess.
(10:21):
So I mean you get your feetgame together and you might
change your life.
And evidently that's what hesaid about.
He's like you know, that's whatshe specializes in.
I guess she's naked and thenshe's on her feet, which I feel
like it's like an accessory ofyou being naked.
Of course your feet are showing, your feet are showing when
your clothes.
A lot of times this goes likethey're called like sandals, but
(10:41):
but it's, it's.
I guess some people are reallyhave this fetish.
So with me I don't have like afoot fetish, but I do like nice
looking feet.
They cannot be busted Like.
There was a scene and this isgoing to like for pieces of all
we back in the day is calledBoomerang, eddie Murphy, great,
great classic movie.
If you're able, johnWitherspoon, eddie Murphy, go
(11:01):
back and watch it.
It's a movie called Boomerangand there's a scene of
remembering correctly the scenein the movie.
I'm not, I'm kind of forgetting.
I'm not sure if it was EddieMurphy who was in the scene, but
a guy, he sleeps with a womanand then he, I guess in middle
of the night, like he like pullsthe sheet up to like look at
her feet and they were likebusted, busted, looking, and
(11:23):
that's the kind of stuff rightthere that I remember my life
that's.
That's a red flag.
That was both of them.
Both of them are kind of likered flags To be honest, they're
like on you, they're a little no, if you look like you can like
like climb a tree barefoot, noproblem.
I'm not the guy for you.
(11:43):
You know you're not dating likea dancer.
Valerie is high style Becausethey're going to have some like
sports and stuff like that, andyou're like athletes feet and
I'm not talking about athletesfeet, I mean an athlete's foot,
like if you, if that's what youhave and if you're all busted, I
mean.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
I applaud your dedication to your job.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
You know what I mean.
That's a very I mean maybe I'llcome see you, you know play or
something like that, but it'skind of like I don't know.
We're not going to be together.
No, and the socks is a no go.
I'm going to need to see it,you're not.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Oh, you won't.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
You're not bullying me, man.
It happened with one person,but it's like it's.
You're not.
No, you're not fully me here.
I'm going to need to at leastsee them every now and then you
know what I mean.
Just so I can know what I'mgetting into.
Because it's it, that's thesituation, that it doesn't.
It's not like I want to,because you know some people.
Then they'll they have likefoot fetishes, like they want to
(12:37):
touch them, they want tomassage them, they're all kinds
of like.
In that I'm not in it any that.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
So that would be perfect.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
It's gonna be like Visually okay, yeah, like right
like just visually I okay, likethey're not necessary, like I'm
not like measuring inch, likehey, you're, your big toe was
about an inch shorter than yourother toes, like what it was
going on here, like it's not,it's not like that, it's just a
situation where I just want themlike nice and in the same
situation with them with thenail polish.
(13:04):
It's the same situation, likeeither on or off, you know, I
mean, that's not too crazy.
I feel like that's like normal.
You know.
I mean, is that or does thatsound wild?
Speaker 2 (13:13):
No, it doesn't sound wild and I could see like you're
just like you have to have thiscertain type of nail style or
you know the length and onlythis color and touch up twice a
week.
You know that kind of stuff alittle Little bit right but like
you know, it's, it's whatever,like sort of the nail chipping.
I can get that because that'sit's really not too much to grab
Some freaking nail polish and acotton swab and just know real
quick right across that month.
(13:33):
So I can see that.
But if you're doing like more,like acrylics and stuff, it
could be pretty pricey to go andget that feeling there every
once in a while.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
You know what, man, I think I would have to put in on
that?
Let me know where the budgetshortfall is and I'll throw
something on it.
I.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Feel like you would, you would see it, and then you
would send her like a cat or afreaking Venom and it's like
Right, I just made anappointment for you.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
You need to stop by here at three.
They're gonna take you to sugar.
She's gonna hook you up, don'tworry about it.
You know, I like already knowswhat I'm looking for.
So yeah, you just.
So when we're talking about whenwe're talking about the red
flags.
We talked about a couple of Redand yellow flags on my side,
and I'm pretty sure we mightcircle back to that at some
(14:20):
point.
What are your yellow flags?
Red flag situations?
Now, no one is it done?
That toothbrush situation is ablack flag.
By the way, I can give a oh.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
I got one more red flag.
I got one more red flag.
I got a, I gotta add.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
I gotta add this.
This one I have to add becauseI have a story to it and I have
to add it and it's gonna.
This one sounds crazy to a lotof people, but you would not
believe how many every womanI've been with I've just not
been a problem.
I do not like women passing gasin front of me.
It's just gonna happen.
It's not gonna happen like ifthat.
If it happens, things justwon't be the same, and I've
(14:57):
tried to work it out.
I've tried to work it out.
I've actually been in thissituation.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
What does she have to do?
Go to the whole restroom, leaveyou and then no, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
I don't know what my exes have done, but you gotta do
what they did.
I'm not sure what the hell theydid.
Now I'm like like what I thinkwhen I have some really long
relationships.
I'm not sure she didn't passguys for 10 years around.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure what she did.
She did something and the thingis it happened to me and I was,
um, it happened to me and Ithink this is before, I'm not
(15:33):
sure this is before we werehaving sex Because it was
happening, me and she was likethat kid and I was that kid and
I'm trying to, like, get her inthe mood.
I'm doing my thing, trying toget her in the mood.
And, um, I remember like Idon't know if it's just the way
that we were laying, but shefarted like on my left knee and
I felt it.
And I remember going.
I remember going To work thenext day, right, because she was
(15:58):
like, oh, my bad, you know, I'mlike all right, cool, I'm not
listen, I'm not gonna ruin themoment, we're here now.
We're here now.
I'm not gonna ruin the moment.
So we're kind of doing ourthing.
You know, whatever, we did ourthing.
And then I remember going towork the next day and being like
, huh, I don't think this isgonna work out.
And I worked with a lot of womenat that time and they were like
what's going on?
What happened?
And I told them and they werelike wow, that was just like yo
(16:19):
listen.
Um, I told her it was all good,but I know it's not all good
because I cannot unfeel that Onmy knee and even now that was 11
years ago I still feel it.
You know what I mean.
I still know exactly where Iwas.
I know exactly how it felt.
(16:41):
You know what I mean.
It's not like it smelled oranything.
It was like a little big typething and it was like, and I was
, and she was like oops, my bad.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
I'm dead, I can't.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
And I remember thinking like it's all good,
it's a human bodily function,like it's all good, but it's not
all good.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Have you farted in front of your girlfriend?
Speaker 1 (17:07):
I try not to.
I'm not over here like burpingmy name out and shit and like
doing all kinds of crazy stufflike and like Inspecting her to
be all prim and prist, like Itry to like reciprocate that to
a certain degree, um, but thething is, if so, if it's a
(17:30):
happening I was to hear it Maybewe get over it.
If it's like silent, one.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
What if you smell something?
It's over.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
It is F and over, and I'm just telling you right now,
like there, there is a problem,right there there's a problem
right there.
I can't unsmell that shit, andthe thing is just like you can't
touch up on you and you're likeno.
Nope, because every time wesmash or something, we think I'm
gonna think about it and I'mgonna lose it.
I'm gonna lose it.
Like you know, I'm not gonna beable to Maintain a consistent
(18:03):
situation If that was, if thatwas to happen, because you know,
sometimes, especially if you'relike Having a lot of sex with
you in your relationship- yeah,like you're part of something
like that, yeah.
I mean, wow, sometimes,sometimes your mind wanders and
you know I might just bethinking about hey, well, you
know, I'm not the game.
(18:23):
You know what I mean, and if Icannot have that be one of the
things in the rotation of mind,it will mess you up.
It will mess me up because thenit's instantly over, like it's
over, like some things.
I can catch it if I'm justthinking about hey, you know
what I, I'm smashing into my hey, what I gotta do at work
tomorrow and I kind of lose likeno red.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
You're really crazy, like you're in a moment.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Let's come back, let's turn back.
I can get back on the road.
I'm good to go, something likethat.
I'm off the road.
I'm off road, not busted attire.
I'm not gonna get back on theroad.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Okay.
So she's sweet and lets one.
She doesn't know she'sunconscious.
So it's like can you, can youlet that go?
Speaker 1 (19:00):
or she's just like I feel like I have to to a certain
degree, but it better not smelllike, like, because here's the
thing about smells have you everwent someplace and then like a
smell reminds you of a placelike that?
Or a smell like a certain kindof perfume or cologne that
reminds you of a person sayssmells a very powerful sense.
It's one of the five senses,danelle.
(19:21):
It's very powerful and it'skind of like it reminds you,
like you can smell somethinglike you maybe go on vacation,
something you remember how itsmells like, or an X, and you
smell that Perfume or colognelater on in life.
You know I can remind youinstantly of that person.
But that's the same thing for a, I guess, gonna remind you
instantly of the situation.
(19:42):
It's gonna remind you of it.
Lasting thing to remind you, umso, no, no, I can't use the
restroom in your like she got togo.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Bad number two you gonna make her hold it.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
You can't go on your way if you think that first it's
a red flag, this is a burgundyflag.
You know what I mean.
You better not like.
You better find a situationwhere you better listen.
I, I told and and I and this istrue story I told my because we
had a situation where we're atthese one restroom because we're
at have other restroom wasgetting like worked on.
So we had one restroom, we hadto use it.
(20:12):
And I told my girl said listen,if you go, I, there's a few
things you need to do.
You need to make sure that therunway is clear, like I cannot.
The runway, yeah, I got to knowGive me, give me, give me some
range.
Like you got to know give me 20to 30 minutes.
(20:32):
I need to know that this isyour window of time.
You got to go.
I can know you're doing it, butI can't.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
You don't want to, you want to get you done it.
No evidence whatsoever, Right?
Speaker 1 (20:42):
So I was like yo, you need to get your spray together
.
Put a window.
If you got to get your courtesyflush on, do whatever you got
to do.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
You're there, bested and poopery.
I can see you, I don't.
It is absolutely there.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
It is absolutely there.
Pupri is in the restroom, bythe way, ladies and gentlemen,
it's not a game.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
What if it's accident ?
Or like no, say she's, shemight have ideas.
So you're not going to date agirl.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
I cannot know, like I can't have you go into restroom
and making all kinds of noisesin there and then thinking like
it's all, like it's all good,because it is not.
It's not going to be all good,I don't want you coming to blow.
I remember one time I did thatto somebody's restroom and I
felt horrible, like I went inthere and I destroyed it and I
remember thinking like yo, I wastrying to like make sure didn't
stop up the toilet.
I'm trying to make sure likeeverything's good, because I
(21:31):
didn't really.
We weren't really dating likethat, it was more of like a
fling, so I didn't really wantit to be like that.
And this is the kind ofsituations I just can't have.
Like I can't have, I can't have, lord forbid.
Like I told her like listen, Iwant to just let you shoot the
last and I'm doing everything Ican to ensure that it will last
a long time.
And so I'm just telling youright ahead Now, this is just a
(21:54):
thing that I that's like a supersub burgundy flag.
It's more than the red subburgundy red.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
Oh, that's hilarious that I can't say that.
I've said they're a rip one infront of a duke's note.
Like who?
I don't.
Personally, I don't want to bedoing that anyway.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Right.
First and foremost, I don'tthink I'm a tyrant.
I feel like, first, what kindof human being just wants to be
doing that in general, like,what are you doing?
Speaker 2 (22:22):
But I'm like you use the restroom and it's.
I don't want to like leavestreets behind, but that's
regardless of anybody.
I just don't want them like ohhey, look what you did, like no,
so I will little.
There's a scrubber there and Isee something.
I will scrub the toilet.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Yo, so how big.
I mean, it's not every guy islike this, like, and I'm telling
you right, this is one of thethings that, where there are
just preferences in life, likethere are just preferences, and
one of the worst things aboutthis particular one ending with
the nail one, whether it's anail one or whether it's the
passing gas going to therestroom.
Like the women that I've datedin the past, it's not been an
(22:58):
issue, except the one thatfarted on my knee and that
didn't last long.
And the women in general, likeit hasn't been an issue.
So they're making it hard foryou.
You know what I mean.
Like if you have what we datedand they've been you're, you've
been with and it's neverhappened, it's kind of like I
know it's possible and that'syou know.
Know it's possible.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
It's, one day could happen, and I don't know man, I
would say one of my red flags.
I personally, I mean I don't,I'm not into weed and I don't
really want someone else aroundme, I know it is so hard.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
It was hard, but I just don't know.
I don't want this.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Well, I think it's more so, like a lot of people
that are around, like thereliance on weed itself, except
like you're avoiding dealingwith what the really issue is or
whatever it's causing you towant to have to need to relax,
type mentality.
So I think that's what my mainproblem with that would be is
that, like you're using as acrutch it's instead of dealing
with the problems that'sinteresting.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
That's interesting.
And is that isolated to justweed Like it?
Can't that be like a lot ofdifferent?
Speaker 2 (24:10):
No, it's same.
Yeah, it would be all of it.
So mostly weeks I can't tell.
I hate smell, but it's the samething with alcohol or anything
else.
If something's becoming more oflike, this is what I do in order
to relieve stress instead ofactually dealing with whatever
problem that's going on.
Or it's more of like a triggerno, that's the red flag for me,
like because I'd rather somebodywho at least communicate or or
let me know like hey, I'm goingthrough something.
Like I need some help with this, you know, especially if you
(24:32):
want a long lasting relationship.
I don't want them to be theirfirst thoughts, like I'm going
to just know self medicate thisway instead of actually working
things out.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
So what?
What do you?
Because me, I don't thinkthat's really unfair because I
don't like smokers in general.
I don't date smokers in general.
If I was a day smoker, maybe Iwould date it.
If we spoke before, I woulddate a cigarette smokers, but I
think that I would prefer.
Like your vape.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
You need to get your vape game together, like I could
do with that Water vaporpneumonia and it's like like the
same with hookah or you know, Ithink they're almost all the
same to me, where I'm just like,nah, I'm good.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
So then, where?
Where is that?
That's on your, your red flags,and that's not like a yellow
flag.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
No, that's more of a, that's definitely red flags.
I just can't.
I literally can't stand it andI was like it's no, you do it,
cool on you and do your thing orwhatever, Just won't be with me
.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
So then you never dated a smoker, a person that's
not I have, and that's why Idon't like it.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
No, that's the red smoker no, but a weed smoker,
yeah, and I'm like, no, I'm good.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
So then, what are your your?
Is that your biggest red?
Do you think that's yourbiggest red flag that you have?
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Yeah, because that literally eliminates a whole
half of people Cause you were,I'm in California, it is, it is.
Everybody does it out here.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
So just finding somebody who is not about that
life, I'm like, uh, one day sowhat about the yellow flags then
?
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Like, if that's your massive cause, cause, because I
don't want this show to be likeseven hours.
I don't want to go through allthe flags here.
I'm not sure how many flags youhave on your list there to know
.
Well, I would go for definitelyyour biggest flag, you said
earlier, I've got a list.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
No, I would say I'm being honest, it is.
But uh, I would say yellow issomebody who drinks excessively,
um, who doesn't know how tocome like an alcoholic.
Uh, I didn't even be stayinglike a step below that where
it's like I don't want you toknow alcoholic yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
First, that's not necessarily like hiding liquor
and bottles or books and stufflike that, but people don't read
books anymore, so people arerunning out of place to hide.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
If they had one, that I'd be considered like.
You have alcohol on there,don't you Right?
Speaker 1 (26:47):
I have a single book.
That is the only book I've everhad.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
I'm just saying what I carry on every time.
I just love reading it all thetime.
Um, I would be yeah, definitelysomebody who really can't have
fun without drinking alcohol.
Like, if there's anything andthey're going to be out in this,
even like remotely social,they're going to drink.
And I'm like, if you don't knowhow to have fun without that,
then why are we together?
Like cause you have to be tipsyevery single time?
Speaker 1 (27:12):
No, that's interesting Cause I would think
that myself a social drinker,but um cause, I can drink, but
I'm not A person that is likewaking up hitting a bottle, not
the person that feels like everyinteraction with my, my girl,
needs to be.
I need to go take a shot orsomething.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
So you're going into a vent and they're like we don't
have alcohol, you, but I'mgonna leave.
Nah, nah, I'm not that Somebodywho's like can't be there, than
no.
What's wrong with you, bro?
Speaker 1 (27:42):
Like you, you don't have a personality outside I do
agree kind of with that, likeyou, you, if you go to a place
like it depends to becausesometimes I think that it would
depend, dennell on On thatperson preference, like, let's
say that you set it up and it'slike they're going out for the
week and they haven't drank allweek, and it's a Friday and they
want to go out, and they wantto go out and and they want to
go to a place that has drinks.
(28:03):
I don't know if, if choosinganother place that does have
drinks is indicative of an issue, you know, because they haven't
drank up to that point, youknow.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
I would say it's more of like literally, if only time
where for every time we go outyou have to drink, than no Like
if we, you can't enjoy yourselfwithout that, then no, I'm good
because I'm like, then you're,then you like.
Your alcohol is yourpersonality.
The only way that I can feelloose and have fun or enjoy
myself or be outgoing oranything like that is alcohol
than not.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
That's interesting because I I don't think I've
ever been with anybody like that.
I'm trying to think in my head.
I don't think I've ever been.
I'm a big social I don't saybig social drinker because I'm
not.
I'm a lightweight drinker, soI'm not like I can't like throw
them back.
You know what I mean.
Um, but I do like to drink insocial settings.
(28:54):
I've always felt like If you'rewaking up in the morning and
there's like a glass of winenext to your bed, yeah, it's a
little like, it's a bit much.
I call that like your.
If you're chronic daytimedrinking is how and I know that
maybe even that sounds judgment,I don't know but if you're
(29:16):
Constant daytime drinking, itmakes me wonder like that's just
a different way of life in thesense of like I don't know why
you don't have things you haveto do.
You got nothing else going on,sir.
Like I'm just saying like,don't you go to like the store
(29:37):
or something.
So if you're like banging itback, 930 am.
You know what I mean and it'slike yo, you started your day
like this.
It's usually Maybe that'sindicative of an issue, I don't
know.
You know it's.
(29:57):
I haven't really done anythinglike that, would be kind of on
my teetering on my.
No, that's an absolute red flag.
It's not even.
I would say no, you're not gonnabe like just waking up,
drinking and stuff like that.
Now Do you consider like so?
So what's the difference?
That a red flag basically islike a deal breaker, right?
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
So when a person's making their list, let's go,
let's go through your listPerson that's making your list
there to know is your list likea deal breaker list or is it a
Yellow red flag list, or is itjust deal breaker list?
Speaker 2 (30:30):
It's impends what stage we are, because, like my
beginning ones, definitely Iwould look more for the red
flags, is I'm like why am Igonna waste my time?
Speaker 1 (30:39):
be here three time Eliminate basically.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
Yeah, yeah.
So, and then after that, then Igive them more grace and have
the yellow flags.
You know things we can kind ofwork on together.
I'm sure they'll have stuffabout me that they don't
particularly care for.
Whatever, I understand that I'm, you know, everybody's human.
They got their preferences forstuff for sure.
I would start with red flagsfirst and then turn into the
goal with the yellow flags.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
How many are you tolerating on the yellow place?
How many yellow flags become ared flag?
Is it like three yellow flagsequals a red flag?
As I get older, you get.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
You're getting the first one and Like nope, nope,
sir, no, you know, I mean as ayounger, yeah, I would give you
more chances.
I'm just like oh, I meanFlexibility.
You know they're learning,we're learning together, but I
feel like when you get tocertain ages, like you should
know better for some of thesethings, especially if I'm able
to communicate.
That was an issue for me.
Not being able to communicate.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
I think communicate is very important, so that would
be a hundred percent at the topof Any situations.
As much as I talk about thephysical situations, that's like
number one, right, because IDon't like non people who are
being nonverbal in relationships.
Kind of, if you earn arelationship with somebody,
you're sleeping with them,you're living with them and all
(31:49):
this other stuff.
You can't like say stuff tothem, but then you're going to
work and you're you're runningit all your mouth to everybody.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
Yeah, especially at a grown age, like you two were on
to be doing on it, I like whyare you not letting a person
know who was actually like inyour household with you like?
I would say that would be one ofmy red flags right there too,
because you have the people whoare just like you're having a
conversation with them and Ican't bring something up Okay,
you know, this was an issue forme and then they dump on you
(32:15):
everything that they've had anissue with.
I was like, okay, right, likeright.
Why are you holding all of thatin, waiting till now to let go
and then be like, oh, you knowyou were doing it, so I'm gonna
do it too.
I was like you could have donethat before and we could have
nipped these little things in abutton, yes, piling it to one
big dump.
Now I don't know what to dowith all that.
How can we even go go fix allthat and stuff?
So I don't like that one whenpeople just kind of complaint
(32:37):
dump on you.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
So what do you?
What do you do then with theyellow?
How much time are you giving onthose yellow pads you are you
having conversations about themimmediately?
Are you kind of like, all right, well, we'll just see if this
gets better?
And then, because People maybejust we wanted to see if things
can get better before they likereally go in about it, you know.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
Yeah, I would say even Almost.
I want to say, like my yellowflags are reserved for me being
in a relationship with thisperson, like, yes, we had the
conversation, I want to be withyou or you know, we're gonna see
, see things out further.
I think those right yellowflags are reserved for them,
like they would get more gracethan anybody else.
Somebody's been on the streetyesterday and it's definitely
one of those like hey, we talkedabout it, maybe, you know,
(33:18):
maybe something that I couldwork on.
It's not that big a deal andsomething we kind of push past
or work through, or if it, ifthey continue to ignore a
boundary that I said, then yeah,it's gonna be a red flag and
we're not talking about that.
So if you're gonna do that now,at this young stage of our
relationship, then what I'mgonna do later on we actually
get through the advice of thestandard of you ignoring me or
(33:39):
not considering my feelings inin our relationship, then it's
only gonna grow from there.
So like, why would I toleratethat and begin with.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
I think that's fair.
That's fair.
That's there's nothing.
There's nothing.
There's there's a.
I don't think anythingirrational in that.
They sound way more rationalthan than mine.
Like you're mine, mine's verystraight forward.
Compared to mine, they'reabsolute deal breakers.
(34:11):
Yeah, even still, I can't, Ican't.
That's just me being honestwith myself and honest with them
.
That's my communication part,right there.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Well then now I have to think of a funny red flag
where, just like people will belike really, that's one.
Yeah, it is, I need another onefor you.
What's another deal breaker foryou besides parting and feet?
Speaker 1 (34:32):
Yeah, it's probably like all like this is stuff like
that, like it's stuff like badbreath.
I can't unsmell it, like it's,it's, it's.
I can't like you're, you're, Iguess, like hygiene in general,
like your hygiene game has to betogether, because I keep buying
together your hygiene games tobe together and I think that's
one that's more like substantial.
It's not really just crazy, issettling, don't, do not settle,
(34:57):
because I feel like when youmean by that, though I?
mean like.
So sometimes we get intorelationships and we're in them
for a very long time and then wejust feel like the person, like
the we've talked about thisbefore.
In a certain sense, the lovewill keep them.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
There are the level here, except whatever I give you
type stuff.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
Yeah, and it feel like, hey, when you first met me
, I was, I was hit, jim, I wasdoing everything.
And then now that we've beentogether for a few years, I'm on
the couch, let myself go alittle bit because, hey, she
loves me now and I got her, gother down, so I'm gonna kind of
just lean on that and I feellike that's complacency.
It's a certain degree, and I donot like that because I am not
(35:38):
like that myself and and a lotof these things too, all these
things I'm not walking aroundlike dirty busted nails that
you're not like.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
All these things that I know you're like, you're like
, clear absolutely do not there.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
There, everything is together.
Over here it's all the way offall the time and the thing is is
like I'm the kind of person islike I am definitely
reciprocating what I want frompeople.
You know what I mean.
So I'm not that guy is going tobe.
I'm not taking a person forgranted.
You know what I mean.
I'm not going to take a person.
I believe time is precious.
Anybody just decided they wantto spend any amount of time with
(36:10):
you.
It should be respected.
It shouldn't be looked at andyou get to the point where
somebody's just where they'retreating strangers better than
they're treating you.
Yeah, and once that gets to that, once it gets to that level,
right there where and I remembera friend who's dating somebody
like man, whatever somebody newcomes around, she's like a
different person.
That person I first met, likeyou know to be just, but then
(36:32):
when they leave it's kind oflike, well, you know, back to
just, it's just you know, it'sjust you energy and I hate that
it's just you energy because Ilike that we put that?
Speaker 2 (36:42):
yeah, that's hard.
I never even thought about that.
Just you energy.
Yeah, I could, yeah it's.
Speaker 1 (36:48):
That's a massive deal breaker for me, because that's
my time, is still my time.
Like I don't, because we're ina relationship and been
relationship for four or five,six, seven years doesn't mean
that now I have 30 hours in myday, or now I'm going to live to
be 130 now because we'veextended.
We've extended on my life andmy time doesn't matter no more.
No, I believe, like your timealways matters, that 24 hours a
(37:09):
day always matters, and whoyou're choosing to spend your
life with always matters.
So it's kind of like I wantthat to be reciprocated.
You know what I mean.
Like I don't want, if you thethings that attracted me or the
same things I want you to bedoing, I'm not going to have it
where, years down the line,you're just not doing it because
you've gotten so used to mebeing around so comfortable yeah
(37:30):
, I can write with that.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
Yeah, cuz I'm like I, especially somebody that I
truly care about, I would wantto keep impressing you.
I want you to be like this ismy girl.
I don't know where ever we go,so, of course, like I want to, I
want to keep myself up and allkind of stuff and then you know
whatever it is, but whateverthat means for our relationship
pretty much, and I definitelywanted to be like impress every
time I come through.
Like dang, that's her.
I got that like who wouldn'twouldn't want that feeling.
(37:53):
I'm not going to be like thatall the time.
Speaker 1 (37:56):
So, even as you guys go by, and know, like with
people, like saying that you gotto walk around and high heels
and lingerie all day, typethings.
It's not that.
It's not that, it's just asense of like the same things
that brought you to the tablewould be the same things that
keep you at the table.
You know what I mean.
And a lot of times people'sbehavior changes with time
because the comfort sets in andthen you start to think that
(38:17):
this person will never leave me.
And I've seen this.
I've seen this and then I'veseen massive hurt in
relationships when the persondoes leave.
Our friend that's going throughthat now.
She left for us and her husbandher ex husband thought she
would never leave me.
He literally told her that Ijust didn't think you were ever
leaving, so he was never thehell he wanted to do.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
Yeah, that's easy to me they think that, like you
know, being married to somebodyor in a long term relationship
is like a lock, like you in,like you done.
I was like no, I still get out.
Freedom is freedom.
That is what it is, and peopleare only going to tolerate so
much, especially when you, whenyou have always been with this
person or even put this personso long, and then, like you said
, with your friend, they'rearound somebody different or new
(39:00):
and you see a whole new side.
I think that would be the redflag to like when you go meet
the family for the first timeand they act totally different,
like in your shock, like who isthis person like?
Especially if it's a guy, likeyou've been dating for a while,
you're expected to do certainthings from, like some of the
traditional people, whatevercould clean all that stuff.
And then you get to like go seehis family and you have been
hanging around them for a littlebit.
You see him doing things thathe don't even do at your house.
(39:21):
You like, well, you done, putyour plate up.
What the hell right, you neverwant to dish in your life over
here or you know big one, likeif you want to go back to the
little housewives or what knowsit, love and hit power,
something like that.
I guess like somebody you hadtaken so much from within the
(39:42):
relationship we've been overbackwards, you know, accepted
things or whatever, and you seehim around another woman and he
shows her a level of care andconsideration that you didn't
think was possible.
Yes that was like a stab, youknow.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
I've been doing all this.
You know to be like I'm theperson that's actually going to
be here for you.
These are complete strangers.
You know people and that can bethe same way with social media,
like paying so much moreattention to your virtual
friends.
When you need money, you're notgoing to ask your virtual
friends, you're asking theperson with you all the
communication skills in theworld online with your friends,
(40:20):
your Mr, mr or Mrs bubbly online, but you can't be that same
person for the human beingthat's actually caring for you
in your house, right like it.
You kind of like devalue that.
So I would say that that'sprobably that in communication
are like massive, massive redflags for me.
Speaker 2 (40:39):
I would, yeah, I same , I would have to agree.
I was gonna say, if there'sgonna be like a oh, a funny red
flag for me personally, oh,we'll be.
I, oh, I'm a teeth personmeaning.
Clean teeth period if youforget to brush your teeth just
once You're done.
Sir, I want you know plaque, Idon't.
Speaker 1 (41:03):
Get that dinner plan.
Nails said you better like forthe dental plan if you don't
take nothing else.
Speaker 2 (41:11):
You know, at least If you're missing a couple of them
.
But I like, I like a good smile.
Speaker 1 (41:22):
Have a very teethy smile like my.
My smile is like all teeth man.
Speaker 2 (41:27):
They're clean teeth and that's the thing, and I
guess it goes back to having theclean like the fresh breath.
You got a rotten tooth in theback.
Oh, dentist, I have greathealth care.
Speaker 1 (41:39):
Let's collaborate.
I'm getting that fix for you.
Speaker 2 (41:44):
Yeah, they don't have to be fantastic, but at least
like if you roll through acouple mornings and it's like
hey, what's up?
And I'm like bro, you don't seethat, you know, you know it's
gracious.
Oh.
Speaker 1 (41:58):
What if it's just like I'm too picked?
Promise go, just go.
Go go to the bathroom andhandle that go.
Speaker 2 (42:05):
Yeah, that's fine if I'm able to tell you that.
But if you're just like, oh,it's fine, no, it's not fine,
tell me to have.
I got something, my tea, let meknow.
Or or you know what people havelike little the corner mouth
bitties, oh, Goodness gracious.
My pet peeves don't, if peopledon't tell you that you have
(42:25):
something on your face likeyou're gonna be red, like would
it be yellow flag, because somepeople like the firmware they
like.
Speaker 1 (42:32):
With some people there that's a not.
Sometimes they think it's beingrude actually say that needs to
be happening instantaneously,like that is Before you even
leave the crib like, don't evenlet the person walk out the door
, like that.
If you see it, why and whywould you hold that in?
(42:53):
I don't want to look at thatshit.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
Notting my downfall.
Aren't you like, cuz?
I've seen people do it and likethey're like a dude I like?
No, I know you didn't tell heras she got some of a face and
you let her go around talking topeople.
I know you see it, but you'renot gonna tell her anyway, cuz I
feel like it's a slow key, it'smanipulative, you trying to
humble her a little bit becausewhen she finally figures out and
you're like you, let me walkaround all this time with the
stuff on my face.
You like he had fire.
I didn't know.
(43:17):
You didn't know what you mean,I didn't know the problem.
Yeah, you did, sir, like youplaying and that's that kind of
little things that are somanipulative.
I can't stand that.
I'm like I had a coupleinstances.
People do that to a woman oranybody around them, not and not
say anything.
I was like you got they got themost crusty as boogers up in
there.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
Goodness, my red flag .
Just you having them, I mightbe out of here.
Just on that, goodness gracious, we went full circle Back to my
red play.
Listen, that's what a bed isfor you.
Better get in it.
Go, get in that bed.
Me work that out like a littlenose crusty.
No, no, not red.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
What about I booger?
Speaker 1 (44:01):
Nope, I Can take that purse, but no, work it out.
Work it out, man, work it out.
Let me taste.
The women are better, I'm gonnabetter human beings.
There's a higher levelexpectation because women are
just better like man.
I, if I was like a woman, I'dbe such be a lesbian.
You kidding me, I would not befucking these dudes, what so
ever.
(44:21):
Women are better, smell better,they're smarter, they're just
better.
So it's kind of like I Justcouldn't, I can't, I can't go
with any bro type stuff.
You know what I mean.
And you being crusty, you likeBurpin, farting and stuff,
that's all dude stuff to me andI can't, I can't have it, people
(44:42):
are comfortable.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
There's this thing it's like a level of closeness
that I I don't think I'll everachieve, or nor do I Right like
like somebody use yourtoothbrush right?
Speaker 1 (44:52):
I never, would ever be that close to you.
Speaker 2 (44:56):
And like, with the advent of social media, people
are sharing stuff.
It's like, like I said, likeplease bring back shame.
Speaker 1 (45:02):
Yes, absolutely Absolutely, and he's lucky like
it.
You didn't really put him outthere because you could be
warning everybody else.
Like listen, hide yourtoothbrush if just dudes around
like because he sees no problemswith it.
You know me, he sees noproblems with grabbing your
stuff.
You know what I mean, and it'snot just lotion he's grabbing on
.
So it's kind of like no, no,I'm with that and I appreciate
(45:24):
you taking some time out becausewe want to talk more.
We do a lot of these subjects,would do some more research or
fun subjects to do.
Appreciate you taking some timehere to know.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
No, thank you.
I mean I have time to likereally think about some of these
things and definitely upgradeit to my yellows to red.
So thank you, I appreciate itWell making progress here.
Speaker 1 (45:40):
This is a regin atl.
Check us out, stitch your heart.
Radio, google podcast, applepodcast, spotify, where we find
your podcast.
See you next time.
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Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.