August 18, 2025 • 81 mins
Grief is the shadow side of love. It comes in waves, sometimes from one event, sometimes from many that pile up until our hearts feel too heavy to carry.
In this deeply personal episode, Pam Allen-LeBlanc shares her own journey through losing Bud and Star after an election loss, and the surprising lessons that followed.
We’ll explore how grief can tempt us to build walls around our hearts — and why those walls keep out the very love we need most. Drawing on the teachings of Rebecca Campbell, Brené Brown, and the messages from Pam’s beloved horse, Star, we’ll talk about love as life’s ultimate purpose, how animals can be soulmates, and how connection is never truly lost.
You’ll learn how to integrate Reiki into your daily life to support grief processing, find balance in your work and personal life, and reopen to joy. Together, we’ll journey through a guided Reiki meditation, “Singing You Home,” to release heart walls, allow grief to heal, and welcome yourself back to living fully in the present moment.
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Pam Allen-LeBlanc is a scientist, businesswoman, and Licensed Reiki Master Teacher (LRMT) with the International Center for Reiki Training.
Get in Touch with Pam:
pam@reikifromthefarm.com
www.reikifromthefarm.com
Register for our newsletter!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Welcome everyone to this month'spodcast and or this week's
podcast and this month's Reikishare.
I'm so glad that you're here.
This Reiki share is actually aweek later than it was going to
be.
I had an opportunity.
I was on holidays last week, soI really appreciate everybody
(00:21):
showing up and your patience aswe've got an extra week in
between the podcast.
We had a really lovely holidaywhere our daughters came down to
Campobello.
I'm still here now, and duringwe just started getting rain and
a thunder shower.
And I just have to tell you thatwhenever I do a really big
(00:43):
amount of work at the farm,whenever we're releasing a lot
of dense, heavy energies, whatseems to happen is there seems
to be, even if it's, if itdoesn't happen anywhere else,
there'll be like a big wind andsometimes some rain that comes
and washes things away.
And we are actually, in NewBrunswick where I live, the
(01:03):
woods are closed.
There are some wildfires thatare happening that they've been
really struggling to get undercontrol and this is very unusual
for us.
This is not typical weather forus at all.
And so we haven't had rain in avery long time.
So this rain is fantastic, but Ido just wanna let those of you
(01:23):
who are here live with me knowthat if I lose you, if the
connection breaks, I will do mybest to come back in.
And and and in any event, wewill, the energy will still go
through, but.
Tonight's topic is travelingthrough love and loss.
(01:44):
And so it's a big topic.
It's an important topic, and yetit's something that nobody talks
about or we don't talk about,and it's something we don't
learn about, and it's somethingthat we often even avoid.
And so I was guided veryheavily.
(02:06):
I'll, I'll, I'll bring youthrough the stories and and what
led to this and where we'regoing with it.
Before we go too far in though,I do wanna let you know that
this weekend we have an ICRTAnimal Reiki Level one and two
course which is online at thispoint.
All of the people attending ouronline, and you're welcome to
(02:28):
still join us.
There is still space.
And next week the.
From August 18th to 20th is anonline animal Reiki master
teacher class.
Would love to have you join thatas well if it speaks to you.
A lot of you have been askingabout the healthcare Reiki
course that Tracy Sullivan and Ihave been working on, and we're
(02:52):
really thrilled with the courseitself and how it has been
coming together.
We are teaching that September15th and 16th in the evening, so
it's a Monday, Tuesday eveningand the following week, the 22nd
and 23rd, which is the followingMonday and Tuesday evening from
(03:12):
five 30 to 10:00 PM Eastern timejust to make it possible.
For those of you who might wantto join us and are.
Have to work through the day orif you're in Australia, if you
are in Asia.
That way we felt that you couldstill get the healthcare Reiki
class.
(03:32):
I don't have any additionaldates at this time, but I'm
meeting with Tracy tomorrow andwe will put additional dates.
I will put additional dates inthe newsletter as soon as we
compare our schedules and seewhen we can teach it.
I also have in October 18th and19th, a Reiki level one and two
class at the farm, which is bothonline and in person.
(03:56):
That's followed by a Reikimasterclass that is online in
the evenings, October 20th to23rd.
I have the following weekend anICRT animal Reiki one and two
training October 25th and 26th,both online and in person at the
farm.
And that too is followed by anevening animal Reiki master
(04:19):
teacher class in the evenings,October 22nd, seventh to 30th.
And I have a UNA Reiki class.
And for those of you who don'tknow what Una Reiki, it's an
advanced master class.
You have to have been a masterfor at least six months.
And it really elevates us.
It really takes things to thenext level.
(04:40):
That's November 17th to 20th inthe evenings and.
I also wanna let you know thatfor animal communication, I'm
teaching right now and as I'mdone teaching, I'll be swinging
into finishing the animalcommunication for Reiki
practitioners book.
My friend Laura is working tomake some updates to the manual.
(05:04):
Anybody who studied the animalcommunication masterclass will
get an updated manual once thatis updated.
And we have some animalcommunication classes coming up.
Level one and two, November 22ndto 23rd, a weekend online.
And then animal communicationlevel three, which is the
(05:25):
professional practitioner,November 24th and 25th online in
the evenings.
And that's just leading intoThanksgiving for my American
friends.
And then an animal communicationmaster teacher.
December 1st to third online inthe evenings, and that it begins
the Monday, Tuesday, Wednesdayafter Thanksgiving.
(05:48):
I also wanted you to be thefirst to know about some really
exciting new projects that arecoming up.
I am looking at teaching someclasses in Kenya in February,
and if that speaks to you, we'regoing to be, I'm going to be
teaching a level one and twoclass and healthcare Reiki
(06:12):
there.
I'm also going to be teachingeither animal Reiki one and two,
or animal communication one andtwo or both.
And in between the classes we'regoing to have some really
amazing opportunities to visitan elephant sanctuary, a
giraffe.
Sanctuary and so on, and at theend of the classes and you can
(06:35):
actually attend and you don'teven have to.
Oh, Susan, I hope you can comeand thanks for the heart and you
can attend.
And even if you don't take allof the classes, take some time
to see Nairobi where work, we'llbe working with an Airbnb there
that can also host the classes.
But after the classes, we aregonna travel just a little bit
(06:57):
further and go on an actualsafari.
And there's I'm just talkingwith a travel agent right now.
The other thing I do want to tryto arrange, but I don't know
what that's gonna look like yet,is we do want to work with some
of the children's schools thatare there.
And that's these, that is, weused to call them orphanages,
(07:19):
they call them children'sschools.
And so these are young peoplewhose parents aren't there are
no longer with them.
And so I am, we are going to beinvestigating what can be done,
what can be done there.
I've saw, I saw a long time agoa potential project that might
even be sponsored by those of ushere and maybe even the ICRT
(07:41):
where we do work with some ofthe children that need help in
some of these countries and thismay be the entry point.
So we're just starting in talksabout that.
But I'm super excited aboutclasses in Kenya and I am gonna
offer that if you've alreadytaken a class from me, a level
one and two class, but want tocome to Kenya and review it, you
(08:03):
can still do that at half fee.
So that might be reallyinteresting.
I've also been asked to teach inHong Kong that'll probably be
September or October next year.
And I'm gonna investigatewhether there's any interest in
Japan and Korea as well at thesame time.
And also I am looking at NewZealand and Australia, so I'm
(08:24):
just working on my 2026schedule, and it will be in our
newsletter as soon as it'savailable.
And for those of you listeningto the podcast who don't receive
an invitation to join us livefor the Reiki share, just go
onto my website Reiki from thefarm.com, sign up for our
newsletter, and you willautomatically be invited to join
(08:47):
us in real time.
And you don't need Reiki, youdon't need to have studied here.
You don't need Reiki to join us.
We would love, love, love to seeyou.
I've also been asked to do someReiki mentoring, and so I am
taking out and dusting off andconsidering the Reiki Master
Mentor course and possiblyputting it together with my
(09:10):
Reiki business book as a bookclub slash mentoring
opportunity.
And so any of you who are at thestage where.
You would like to you could usesome mentoring with your
business, with your life, withanything.
Look for that in January,although I am also looking at my
(09:33):
schedule to see if I may be ableto back it up to September,
October.
Just not certain yet, but thenewsletter you will be the first
to know.
And then I've also been asked tostart to offer them the
marketing course and theabundance course.
Again, those will be January.
My daughter teaches those withme and she works full-time and
(09:55):
she's finishing her.
MBA part-time and she's I'vediscussed it with her and she
said, look, mom, when I'm donewith my MBA we'll schedule
something, so January orFebruary of this year.
And then also just wanted to letyou know that I'm also working.
There's also a lot of otherprojects around horses and our
(10:16):
horse work and our horse Reikiwork that are starting to
incubate and starting to cometogether.
Keep an eye on our newsletter.
I'll, you guys are always goingto be the first ones to know,
and sometimes it's only bytelling you about these that it
holds me accountable and, makesure that it gets done on a
specific deadline.
(10:37):
Guys, we are talking about loveand loss tonight and about.
Traveling through, through loveand loss and through grief.
And we're talking about allowingand just allowing ourselves to
to feel it, allowing ourselvesto go into it.
(11:01):
And so we're going to talk abouta number of things, the many
faces of grief.
We're going to talk about mystory this past year and why
grief has been a theme for me.
And I know grief is a theme forso many of us, so many of you.
I recently had an opportunity toattend a course with Rebecca
(11:23):
Campbell.
And so I'm going to talk aboutsome of the key teachings that I
took away from that, fromRebecca, and that caused me to
look into Brene Brown, who issomebody else that I really
admire and follow, and some ofthe overlap.
And I also have some messagesfor you from my horses and from
(11:46):
the other side of grief.
And, we're going to talk about afew things that we can do to
help ourselves every day, andthen go into a really powerful
meditation with Reiki andsinging the Grief Home.
If you don't already have anotebook, something to write
(12:08):
with and on, I'm gonna inviteyou to go grab something because
we are going to be making alist.
I think sometimes when we thinkabout grief, we think about
losing loved ones, andabsolutely that's grief, but we
can experience grief for so manythings.
(12:28):
And so I'm just going to inviteyou to be sure that you have a
journal a pen, paper, somethingthat you can write on, and you
may want a paper that you canthen, tear up or burn or, soak
in water and redistributeafterward.
So you might not want to writein a journal if that's the case.
(12:53):
As we go into our invocationtoday, I'd like to talk about
some of the many faces of grief,and I'd like you to just
consider which of these you haveexperienced.
And even though we're in themedica medi invocation, I invite
(13:16):
you to write down anything thatcomes up for you.
So I'm just gonna invite you tobring your hands together in
Gassho and just activate Reikiand any symbols that you have.
If you have symbols.
(13:37):
And if there are any symbolsthat speak to you, go ahead and
draw them over your heart.
And if, like me, your heart isfeeling a bit painful right now,
we're going to talk about thatas well.
(14:01):
And I'd just like you to, withyour eyes opened or closed, just
think about some of the lossthat you've experienced in your
life.
I began losing people andanimals that were dear to me
(14:21):
from a very young age, and maybeyou did too.
Some of the common causes ofgrief are death of loved ones,
people, animals, and griefusually shows up when it is a
(14:42):
loss that was outside of yourcontrol.
Sometimes though, we also feelgrief at the end of a
relationship, divorce whenfriendships end or loving
(15:03):
relationships end.
We can also feel grief at theloss of health, the loss of
youth, the loss of vitality aswe age.
We can feel grief when we loseour home or place, even if we
(15:23):
choose to move.
I know several people whorelocated here to Canada from
other countries, and it's beenso interesting being in
friendship with them becauseI've noticed that when they're
in Canada, they miss the lovedones from their homeland and
(15:49):
when they visit their homeland,they miss Canada.
And so even when it's a choice,when you move, change your
place, even if you're still inthe same hometown, but you move
to a different apartment, adifferent home, there can be
grief around that.
There can be grief around jobloss, retirement, forced
(16:13):
retirement.
It can be grief around betrayalor loss of trust, and there's
almost always grief when we areestranged from loved ones, we
(16:34):
can experience grief when welose our dreams, the loss of our
dreams.
If we have a dream and itbecomes obvious, we're not going
to be able to attain it.
Or if we have plans for thefuture and they're not going to
happen, there can be griefaround that.
(16:59):
There can also be collectivegrief from global events, and I
think we're all experiencingsome of that these days.
We are moving into a verydifferent world and there is
some grief because we areleaving behind.
A lifestyle a sense of securitythat we maybe took for granted,
(17:22):
but it was always there.
There can also be grief becauseof a loss of innocence or
safety, and it's even possibleto feel grief before something
happens.
I remember that I grieved for anentire year before my eldest
daughter went to universitybecause I knew that our very
(17:46):
tight, close knit family unitwas not going to be the same
after that, and in fact, itwasn't.
And you have to be open towhat's coming.
And there can be other reasonsfor grief.
Maybe this triggered or made youthink of other areas, other
(18:10):
reasons that you felt grief.
I had somebody in my Reiki classrecently who reminded me of
myself because she said, I don'tlike to say goodbye.
I can remember that every timethat I attended a conference,
every time that I attended ahorse show, an exhibition
(18:33):
together with family, and justdid things that I loved.
At the end of that event, it wasI, it was just very difficult to
say goodbye and to let it go.
So for whatever reason that youmay feel grief or loss, I invite
(18:54):
you to be tender with yourselfnow, and I invite you to
consider surrendering this griefor loss that you may feel to
Reiki.
If you don't feel ready to letit all go, just think about what
percentage you're willing to letgo, and you can go ahead and
(19:20):
allow Reiki to assist you withthat.
And I invite you to place yourhands on your heart and to be
very kind to yourself.
This is a very tender moment.
We are very vulnerable at thistime, and it takes a lot of
(19:44):
courage, a lot of bravery toallow ourselves to be
vulnerable, to allow ourselvesto feel the things that are
difficult to feel.
And in fact, I recently had anopportunity to visit.
(20:07):
Hyde Park, the home of Eleanorand Franklin Roosevelt.
And there are a couple of quotesof Eleanor Roosevelt's that I
brought home on fridge magnets.
I just loved them so much.
One was, you must do the thingyou think you cannot do.
So if processing grief issomething that you think you
(20:28):
cannot do, we must do it.
And she says, courage, braveryis always more exhilarating than
fear.
And in the end it is easier.
(20:48):
And so I applaud you for havingthe courage to tune into this
episode to show up today and forthe openness and vulnerability.
Bravery and courage that you areusing as you're willing to allow
(21:13):
your grief to come to thesurface to be healed.
I invite you to come back inyour own time in a way that
works the best for you, andwe'll go into our, the heart of
(21:38):
our podcast today.
So one of the things that I'vebeen reflecting on with this
podcast is how we can oftenhandle one thing, one loss, but
for some reason in life.
(21:59):
Losses and difficulties oftencome to us in multiples, and I'm
not sure why that is, but veryoften we'll experience multiple
losses, multiple difficulties,all at one time, and that can be
(22:19):
overwhelming.
I know that it may not seem likemuch, but when you run
politically, especially whenit's something that you care
deeply about and the environmentand having a safe.
Place for all of the people thatI love, which is everyone
(22:40):
really.
And for my children goingforward is really important to
me.
And, there, there might be somegrief at what we see happening
collectively with theenvironment.
Certainly there is a lot of ecoanxiety among people these days
and that is as a result of somecollective grief.
And so the elections were reallyimportant to me and losing two
(23:03):
of them, I, I could handle that.
It was disappointing and Iacknowledged that there was some
loss there and that but thesecond loss I really, I found it
a little bit difficult toprocess then, and it was so
quickly after the first loss.
And yet I was okay with that.
(23:24):
Some of you have heard me talkabout my Heart Horse, big buddy.
And my husband always used tosay, you love that horse more
than you love me.
And I don't know if that's true,but I just didn't answer because
it was really close.
And it is possible to have ananimal soulmate.
And for me, that animal soulmatewas big buddy.
(23:47):
I had never worked with a horsethat was so easy to work with in
my life.
And anytime my confidence, I wasbringing new concepts into the
world with horses and intohorsemanship.
And as a result of, bringingsomething new forward, I was
(24:08):
getting, tossed off and knockedoff.
And my confidence was beingrattled on a pretty regular
basis.
And big buddy would always comeand pick me up.
And show me how I could do itbetter.
And he would just bring myconfidence back so that I would
keep on trying and keep pushingwhat was possible, keep pushing
(24:30):
the limits.
And I so appreciated that abouthim.
But also for anybody who's lovedan animal, we can just be
completely and totally ourselveswith an animal.
And there can be this just deep,unconditional love and
(24:50):
acceptance.
And I really felt that fromBuddy and it was just an
absolute heart connection.
So just after the election, Iwent into a fairly long stretch
of couple of weeks of teaching,and the evening after Mother's
Day, I finished teaching onMother's Day.
And something didn't look rightwith him, but I talked myself
(25:13):
out of it.
And then.
The next day he really wasn'tright.
And I ran out, but he jumped upand he acted like he was okay.
So again, I talked myself out ofit.
But by that evening, he had anintestinal block and he couldn't
he wasn't able to survive.
And the veterinarian, thankfullymy veterinarian was on call.
(25:35):
He got there, he helped usthrough, but I was devastated.
And it was just one more lossafter a few losses that were
also impacting me more than Irealized maybe.
And so I did what I needed to doto make his arrangements.
I couldn't even tell peopleabout it for a while because my
(25:57):
horses are so public and they'veworked with so many people that
even though I knew I was goingto need to share the loss with
them so that they could processtheir loss as well, that horse
had been with me for almost 19years, and we worked together
and we saw each other just aboutevery day.
And he, along with Star, helpedme start my business and they
(26:23):
brought me to Reiki and theyjust meant so very much to me
that I just needed to keep it tomyself for a little while.
It was just too big of a lossand I wasn't ready to share it
right away.
And I thought to myself, mygoodness, it's cruel what we do
when people pass because theirloved ones have to hold services
(26:45):
and so on right away.
And you're still in a state ofshock sometimes and that's very
difficult.
But I knew just I needed alittle bit of time to process it
myself.
After all of his arrangementswere made and he was buried, my
daughters came out and saidgoodbye to him.
And Bertina was with me when hepassed.
(27:08):
And and so we buried him and Ineeded to come to Campobello to
heal my heart.
I had one more weekend ofteaching healthcare Reiki, and
by the end of that class, Ithought, okay, I think I was
exhausted also from theelections and just the pace that
you needed to go through andthen exhausted from the grief.
(27:31):
And I thought, okay, I think Ican handle this now.
I think, I can finally letpeople know.
And so it was my intention totake Monday to myself.
I hadn't really had a quiet daysince.
I don't know.
This was May and I hadn't had aquiet day since sometime in
January.
And I thought, okay, I'm goingto share this with people now.
(27:53):
And Monday I got a call thatStar wasn't well.
And so we got home as quickly aswe could off of an island when
you have to rely on ferries.
And I'm very grateful that I hadTessa and Joanne and Kim and
Bertina who went to, who were,who went to support Tessa.
Tessa let me know that Starwasn't well, put me on FaceTime
(28:15):
with her.
I called the vet immediately.
We didn't have our regular vetthis time and that's always a
little bit more difficult.
But, we did what we could.
That evening we thought maybe itwas improving and that she would
come around.
We thought it was an infection,and so we left her.
And then early in the morningwhen I went to check on her, she
(28:36):
was, she should have been doingbetter.
She was no better.
In fact, maybe a bit worse, ourregular veterinarian was able to
come out and we worked with herall day and we lost her too.
And that was just too much.
Now I did.
Let people know.
And we made arrangements and weheld a little service for some
of the people that have beenwith me at the farm the longest.
(29:00):
And we let all the people knowwho the horses meant something
to.
But I have to say that I reallywent into a deep place after
that.
And I think what happens is thatwhen you are in a place of
grief, there's a contraction.
And that's, there's this lovebrings about expansion.
(29:25):
And when you're in a place ofgrief, it brings about
contraction.
And I even discovered only todaythat.
In that place of contraction,you sometimes set up a heart
wall around your heart toprotect yourself.
But the complication of a heartwall is that love can't get in
(29:48):
or out.
If you live behind a heart wall,love can't get in or out.
And so I encourage you toconsider today.
And the funny thing is I hadreleased my heart wall a long
time ago, and yet this new griefbuilt something up again, and I
(30:09):
only became aware of it today.
I knew that it was.
That, that I really wasn'tmyself, and I knew that I gave
myself the grace of some timeoff for this summer.
The guidance I received was justbe graceful with myself.
Take it easy, find balance,don't, you don't need to work as
(30:31):
much.
It's time to just really nurtureyourself.
And I allowed myself just agradual return to work in life.
And I'll be honest, I'm onlyreally getting there now, and
I'm not even a hundred percentyet, but it is coming.
And today I realized that infact, although I normally don't
(30:52):
live behind a heart wall, theseevents caused me to create one.
And so I'd like you to consider,could there be a heart wall
around your heart as a result ofsome of what you've experienced?
And I just want to let you knowthat if there is.
(31:14):
Be gentle with yourself.
Be kind with yourself, nurtureyourself, and you get to form a
decision about whether you areready to let that heart wall go
again.
Because what I've noticed isthat we think this wall will
protect us, but it also reallystifles us and it prevents us
(31:39):
from experiencing or feelinglove.
Now, last November, I was guidedto register for a conference at
Omega Institute with RebeccaCampbell around her new book.
Your Soul Had a Dream.
Your Life Is it.
(32:00):
And I didn't know why I wasguided.
I didn't even really know whatwe were talking about, but I
thought I'm supposed to attendthat.
So I registered, I paid and acouple of weekends ago I went
down to New York to attend thisconference and what would you
know?
But she was talking about grief.
Now, the last time I had been atOmega was for the wisdom of
(32:23):
Reiki conference.
The year before, the day after,we had to put Breaker dawn down.
And so as I was on that campus.
I brought home the fact that Ihad lost three horses in less
than a year, in 11 months,within 11 months of each other.
(32:43):
And that's just a lot of loss.
And I realized that it was lossthat maybe that, that I
definitely needed helpprocessing.
And so when the topic that wewere talking about was grief, I
thought, how interesting isthat?
(33:03):
So I'd like to share a few ofthe key insights that I took
away from Rebecca's course.
And the first one actually.
One of my dear friends when Ilost Bud and Star and I posted
about it on Facebook, I justwanna thank all of you for just
the grace and the love that Ifelt coming to me.
(33:27):
I wasn't able to receive it allcompletely and fully, but just
knowing that it was there was sovery helpful.
And when you are in a state ofgrief, you can't always receive
that love.
But you know what?
Just hold it around yourself forwhen you are able to receive it.
And knowing that it's there ishelpful.
(33:49):
But one of the people, one ofthe comments, all of your
comments were so beautiful, butone comment came from my
childhood best friend and.
We aren't ter, we aren't stillvery connected, but I always
know she's there.
And I think the world of her,and she has experienced, I think
(34:12):
one of the most difficult typesof grief.
And that was that she lost achild who took his life at a
very young age.
And in fact, she was the one whofound that child.
And so I attended the funeral.
Of course I did.
I I wanted to be there for myfriend.
I could feel just howdevastating this was for her
(34:37):
family.
And yet she wrote to me, Pam,remember that grief only exists
because there was love, becauselove and love was first.
Love was there first.
So wherever there's grief andwhen there's great grief, it's
(35:00):
only because there was greatlove.
And we have been experiencinggrief from the beginning.
We believe we were kicked out ofthe Garden of Eden.
We were never kicked out of theGarden of Eden.
But in some ways, we believewe've lost connection with
source.
(35:20):
There can be grief around that.
Rebecca talks about grief beinglove with nowhere to go.
It's not the opposite of love.
It's the shadow that proves thatlove existed.
Where there is grief, there waslove.
The depth of our grief mirrors,the depth of our connection.
(35:42):
And Rebecca went on to talkabout the importance of
something that I talk about alot, allowing.
Not making something happen, butallowing, not resisting.
She talked about the fact thathealing comes from letting grief
move through us, not suppressingit, not trying to rush it,
(36:03):
allowing it to move through atthe pace that it needs.
And some people may, some of youmay have experienced grief that
is so much greater than mine or,it's not about that.
It's about allowing your griefto process in the way that it
needs to.
She talked about the fact thatsometimes that loss brings about
(36:26):
an initiation, that grief canawaken us to our deeper purpose,
to compassion, and to moreconnection with the divine.
She talks about the fact that wenever lose connection with those
we love.
We never truly lose it.
That bond exists.
It exists beyond time and space.
(36:47):
And I'm going to tell you abouta horse who helped me understand
that in a little bit.
She talked about the Garden ofEden, as a metaphor that we were
never kicked out.
We can return to a sense ofbelonging or connection at any
time with our loved ones or withsource.
(37:09):
And she also talked aboutsomething that I really noticed
happened in my situation, thatgrief can strip away the
inessential revealing ourauthentic truth and purpose.
I realized that I was caught upin so many things and not all of
(37:33):
them were really important.
And going through this griefreally helped me strip things
down and see what was reallyimportant to me and where do I
want to focus my energy goingforward.
And so there can be this beautyand purpose in grief.
(37:54):
When I came home, I decided todig in just a little deeper to
grief and vulnerability and oneof the experts, because I was
shown that when we do livebehind a heart wall, we aren't
living fully.
(38:15):
And it occurred to me that Ididn't want to, although I was
allowing my grief to process andI was allowing it to do what it
needed and take the time itneeded to take.
I wanted to move back to livingfully because that is how I can
best honor those horses that Ilove.
(38:37):
All the people I've love lost somany people in my life.
All the people that I love.
The best way to honor them is tolive fully and wholeheartedly.
And Brene Brown is an expert inthis and she's somebody that I
love.
She wrote daring Greatly, risingStrong Atlas of the Heart, among
other things.
Her TED Talks are really wellknown around vulnerability and
(39:01):
emotional courage, the humanneed for connection.
She talks about the fact thatgrief is the loss of something
loved or deeply valued.
It's not just about death.
It's any ch change that altersour connection to the things
that we cherish.
And I want to mention to youthat if you are spending any
time looking back at something,wishing it could be that way
(39:24):
again.
That is grief.
You're not being fully presentin what is you're looking at.
What was and that is grief.
She talks about the power ofvulnerability that in order to
truly heal, we have to bewilling to feel pain and talk
about it openly.
And we are so lucky because wehave Reiki to help us as we feel
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the pain, even though we stilldo feel it, but it can help
relieve it and release it for usas much as is possible.
She talked even about somethingwhich I hadn't thought of
before, which was thisdisenfranchised grief, even the
grief around miscarriages andsome of the things that I've
(40:10):
talked about earlier.
Miscarriages, job loss, petloss, which disenfranchised
grief is that society ignores ordismisses certain types of loss
and that only intensifies thepain.
And I hadn't thought of it thatway before.
And she talks about the factthat we can't selectively numb.
(40:33):
So if we shut out grief, we'realso shutting out joy, love, and
meaning.
And so just the importance ofallowing ourselves to feel it.
Courage over comfort.
She talks about the fact thatleaning into grief, it does take
an act of courage, but it leadsto deeper resilience afterward.
(40:55):
She also talks about theimportance of something she
calls story stewardship, whichis listening to our own and
other people's stories of griefwith empathy and no judging.
And the fact that this bringshealing, builds healing and
connection, and the res thatresilience is born.
(41:16):
When we get to a point where wecan make meaning, finding the
purpose of the pain andintegrating it into our life
narrative, that this helps usmove forward.
And I'd like to share a storyaround that as well.
So both of these.
I don't know what to call them.
(41:37):
They're leaders for sure.
They're people that are veryconnected, people that are very
intelligent people that Iappreciate.
They both see grief as a proofof love rather than something to
hide from.
They both talk about theimportance of allowing and
feeling it fully rather thannumbing it.
They both encourage reconnectionto self, others the divine and
(42:01):
that this is the path forward.
And they all, they also bothhonor grief as a transformative
process that deepens ourcapacity for love of.
Now.
It took me a while to be able toconnect with the horses and to
be honest, I haven't reallyconnected with them fully.
(42:21):
And there's a reason for that.
Jock the Clydesdale.
He's a horse that we talk aboutin animal Reiki because I've
been given permission to talk,to share his story from his
human caretaker.
And when Jocks was about to losehis pastor mate that had been
(42:43):
with him for years he knew thathe was going to experience
grief.
His human asked me to talk withhim and asked would he be okay.
And Jocks said that he knew hewas going to experience grief
and, but that as a horse, heknew what to do with it, whereas
humans often suppressed it or wewould.
(43:05):
And then it would fester and,poison our blood.
Basically the same as if we justcovered over a wound, a physical
wound and ignored it andpretended it wasn't there.
It would actually eventuallylead to infection and blood
poison, potentially bloodpoisoning.
He said that's what grief can doif we suppress it.
And then he said some of, alsohe had noticed that humans pick
(43:27):
at the scab and pick at the scaband pick at the scab.
And that he wasn't going to dothat.
That he knew he needed to be sadfor a while in order to allow
the grief to process.
Because he showed me that whenhis cord to his friend, when he
remained in the physical worldand his friend did not, there
(43:49):
was a cord that connected thetwo of them, that relationship
cord.
And he showed that his friendwould be holding some of that
could you take Baxter's boneplease?
Would be.
Pulling some of his soul withhim when he left and went to the
other dimension and he showedthat there would be just, there
(44:11):
would be a wound there.
There can't help but be, andafter he experienced his
sadness, that wound would fillin.
And he used it in the same waythat we would a physical wound.
Sometimes a physical wound fillsin and you can't tell there was
ever a wound there.
(44:32):
Other times it fills in withscar tissue and in either event
it would fill in, whether itfilled in whole and complete or
with scar tissue, it would fillin.
Once that wound to his soulfilled, he was then going to
connect with his friend Moie.
(44:53):
From the other direction, and heshowed me, instead of a
horizontal connection, it wouldbe a vertical connection.
Now, I don't know if theconnection is actually
horizontal or vertical, I justthink that maybe he was trying
to show it in that way so that Icould see that it would be a
different type of connection.
And so I know that as I allow myhorse's grief to proce the grief
(45:14):
I have, while we're losing myhorses to process, I know that
I'll be able to connect withthem again.
And the connections are juststarting now.
It's been a while.
They're just starting to takeplace and I'm not going to judge
that.
It's going to take the time thatit takes.
I just need to be gentle withmyself through that.
(45:35):
And animals also tell us thatsometimes if we get too focused
on the grief, we forget thepurpose.
The purpose of us being togetherand loving was to learn and grow
together.
And my friend's dog they, thatthey were, that definitely was a
(45:57):
soul connection.
You never saw a betterrelationship than what my friend
Jill had with her dog.
And Jasmine showed us abeautiful bucket of water, and
the bucket was perfect.
The water was pristine.
You knew that it was the mostlovely life-giving water ever,
and you just wanted to drink itall.
(46:19):
And she showed a drop on the wayto the bucket, and she asked us,
please focus on the bucket.
Please focus on the 12 years wehad together, not the drop,
which was the two days of mydeath.
Please focus on that.
What we had together wasimportant.
And the death is a process.
It's part of it.
And even still, it is stilldifficult when we lose our loved
(46:42):
ones.
I know that with Star.
I did, I was able to connectwith her and I asked her to show
me the bucket.
And I asked her if she forgaveme because I tried so hard and
we weren't able to keep her,here.
(47:06):
And she said, I accomplishedeverything I was meant to.
And she showed me that what shecame to earth to do was to love
and to experience all of thedifferent facets of love.
And in her 19, almost 20 yearsof life, just shy of 20 years,
(47:32):
she did.
She loved me, she loved mydaughter, she loved our family.
She loved the other horses inher herd.
She loved her students.
She loved adventure when wewould take her out to shows, and
especially when we took her outto trail rides, places that she
(47:54):
had never been.
She loved that.
She just got so excited and sheloved that.
She loved being in communionwith people, with her herd, with
our herd, with our people.
She loved teaching people.
Animal communication, Reiki,animal Reiki.
She loved all of that.
And six years ago, she had theopportunity to become a mother
(48:19):
and experience what it was to bea mother and have a mother's
love.
She lived with her sisters.
She experienced that love.
And so she just, she loved Buddyas a friend.
She she just got so manyopportunities to experience
love.
And she said that was the point.
That was her point.
And she had done that and it wasokay that it was her time to go.
(48:43):
And she said, it's our purposetoo, to experience love in all
of its facets, in all of itsforms.
And that includes sometimesexperiencing loss.
Loss is part of love.
Loss is not the opposite oflove.
It's the shadow of it.
It's the other side of it.
It's what shines a light on howbright that love was.
(49:07):
Bud told me that he alsoaccomplished his life purpose
with me as a spiritual soulmateand all of the teaching that he
was able to do.
He also had an opportunity tolove his students and he really
built confidence in everyone.
He, it wasn't just me.
He had a unique style, but healso, in addition to having he
(49:30):
was my soulmate, but his actualmate was breaker Dawn.
And if I'm honest, from the timethat she had passed 11 months
earlier, he really didn'tthrive.
He missed her greatly.
And I think that he was reallyready to join her in the spirit
world.
He was there, but he reallywasn't in a place that he could.
(49:55):
He could really thrive withouthis actual mate breaker, Dawn.
And so he let me know that I'mentering a new phase.
All three of them are with me.
They can be more easily with meall the time.
I felt them very much at OmegaInstitute.
I'm going actually next June,I'm going back to Omega to speak
(50:15):
at the wisdom of Reikiconference as one of the
speakers.
And I'm so honored to be able todo that.
I hope if any of you are aroundNew York you'll register and
you'll join me.
But I know that their messages,that's gonna be a special place.
And I know that I'm meant toshare their messages there.
In fact, I'm going to be talkingabout animal communication and
(50:39):
they left a message for metoday, and it's a message I want
to share with you.
They wanted me to share witheveryone experiencing grief,
experiencing loss, you are safe.
You are seen, you are heard, youare held, and you are so very
loved.
(51:02):
When we get to the other side ofgrief, there can be bliss,
reconnection, authenticity.
We have a hunger in us, ayearning for connection with
each other, and that's reallyalso a hunger and a yearning for
connection with the sacred andfor connection with ourselves,
(51:24):
our true selves.
On the other side of grief, welive in the present with our
gaze forward weaving connectionback into our lives.
One of the things that has shownup for me is that one of the
(51:47):
essential oils I created inorder to help me train horses
better is called present.
And I created that because I canlose focus.
And many times as my horsetraining evolved, I could have a
very frightened juvenile horsethat I am working with.
And I tended to do it in aclinical setting and as a clinic
(52:09):
with all kinds of people aroundme and a microphone on so that I
could explain to the people whatI was doing, why I was doing it,
and sharing our work.
And I needed to be very present.
If I lost focus for an instant,I could lose the horse.
And I did lose a horse once.
(52:30):
And, it was very hard.
I regretted it.
We did not have the time to gether back and in the sense that I
lost her trust and I just neededto make sure that would never
happen.
And what a side effect of thisessential oil is that a grief
counselor discovered it andstarted using it with her
(52:51):
clients.
And when she used the essentialoil present, her clients would
have their first full night'ssleep and so on.
So this can be something thisshowed me the importance of
being in the present.
And the other side of grief isbeing able to be fully present
and aware.
(53:13):
So after I spent my time atOmega and I really processed my
grief and I was feeling so muchbetter, I was driving home.
I had taken some extra time togo and visit Hyde Pod to see
Eleanor and Roosevelt's Eleanorand Franklin Roosevelt's real
home because their summer homeis here on the island of
(53:34):
Campobello where I am right now.
And so it was dark and I justthe pa the speed shifted it.
We, there was a lot of, therewas a lot, it was very long
drive.
It was a nine or 10 hour driveand the speed zone had just
shifted, but most of the trafficwas still going the regular
(53:55):
speed.
So I pulled into the passingzone to follow the new speed
limit, and I was passing a longline of cars that were still
going at the slower.
Speed limit.
And didn't I come across twojuvenile raccoons and there was
(54:17):
absolutely nothing I could do?
I haven't hid an animal in Idon't know how long, because I
always place Reiki around mycar.
And I let them know that eventhough being hit by a car is a
very fast, efficient, easy wayto go, and some animals when
they're done living their life,and this is something I teach in
my animal communication class,some animals, when they're done
(54:41):
being that animal, when they'redone with their experience and
want to move on,'cause animalsare fully engaged and they know
what's on the other side.
They know what's waiting.
They sometimes choose death bycar, but I've always let the
animals know I don't wannaparticipate in that.
And in this instance, I couldsee that actually I saw the
(55:02):
looks on their faces.
It was just as, as they cameinto my headlight beam and I,
there was nothing I could do.
I hit them.
I'm certain that I killed them.
I was going 123 kilometers anhour, which was the speed limit.
And I could see by their facesthat they weren't dumb being
raccoons, that they had made adumb mistake.
(55:23):
They were juveniles.
And we all know teenagers.
I've lost a lot of friends whojust made, who made dumb
juvenile mistakes.
And that's what these raccoonswere doing.
And suddenly the grief hit meagain, just full in the heart.
And I thought, oh, I finally, Ithought I was finally on the
other side of it.
(55:43):
And not only did I feel grief,but I felt guilt.
And I felt ashamed that therewas nothing that I could do to
prevent what had happened.
Prevent hitting those raccoons.
And what came from this is Iwent back to these lessons that
I've just shared with you, and Ithought, what am I supposed to
(56:07):
learn from this?
Thank you, Carissa.
And I realized there's stillmore grief to process.
And I asked how can I processthis grief?
And I was shown you're going tosing them home.
So we're going to move into ameditation today.
(56:29):
And in this meditation, if youhave a heart wall, you'll have
an opportunity to release it orrelease whatever portion of it
that you feel like, feel willingto release.
You don't have to be able torelease it.
That's the key with Reiki.
You don't have to think, oh, Ithink I can do this.
It's allowing if you are willingto do it, Reiki will do the work
(56:52):
for you.
You don't have to do the work ofthe releasing it's just
allowing.
We're also going to take amoment to allow Reiki to heal
and lift whatever portion of thegrief is ready to go at this
time for any, at all of theexperiences in your lifetime
(57:13):
when you felt grief.
We'll then move fully into thepresent, and then I'm going to
invite you to sing your griefhome with me.
I'm going to share with you, andI do wanna let you know that
some of you have heard thisbefore, some of you haven't.
(57:34):
When I was young in the juniorchoir at my church, my mother
was the choir director.
My mother has a beautiful altovoice.
My sister has the voice of anangel, and then there's me.
And my mother used to tell me,sing quieter Pam.
She used to sit my sister nextto me, sing louder, Shauna, and
just basically try to drown meout.
(57:56):
And so if as I lead you throughthe singing you home, it's, it
terrifies me.
I'm not gonna lie.
If I'm off tune, we're gonnacall it sound healing.
Okay.
We'll go with that.
And, but I am gonna invite you,you're all muted.
I'm gonna invite you to sing.
As long as you want.
(58:17):
As loudly as you want, because Idid find it very cathartic.
And at the end I sang for 40minutes or more, maybe an hour
for those raccoons.
And at the end of the singing, Ifelt one of the raccoons come
back to me and say, we're home.
We made it home to the mother inthe arms of the mother.
(58:40):
Thank you for singing us home.
And he said, nobody has beensung any better than what we
were just sung home.
So thank you.
And so I invite you to do thebest that you can singing your
grief home.
And I also wanna let you knowthat there are a few things we
(59:02):
can do to every day to help withthis.
You can sing every day.
Sing your grief home.
Until it feels like it's, it ishealed.
But you can also start each dayactivating Reiki, placing one
heart on the hand and one on thebelly, and just allowing Reiki
to flow, because this is wheregrief seems to set up in our
(59:25):
bodies, in our physical bodies.
Every night before bed, placethe Reiki symbols in your room
and ask them to surround youwith light and just continue
healing you, releasing yourgrief, allowing you to sleep.
Because sleep can evade us whenwe are deep in the process of
(59:48):
grief.
Every day when you send Reiki,you can just be aware of and ask
it to release a bit more of yourgrief that day.
Whatever's appropriate.
Be gentle with yourself.
Be kind.
Allow it, and allow it to movevery gently.
(01:00:09):
You can also use essential oilsas I was mentioning.
I'm happy to send you somepresence oil if you would like.
You can go onto my website oremail me for that.
You can use scents, you can usenature and just an awareness of
the simple pleasures in life tojust anchor you into the
(01:00:32):
present.
Just that awareness of being inthe present and looking forward.
You can also journal with Reiki.
Do some automatic writing.
Let the symbols open up yourtruth.
You can be mad.
I was angry, why did I have tolose these horses?
They star had one of the bestlessons.
(01:00:52):
This was Monday, the Saturday.
She cantered and she gave herstudents a wonderful lesson.
Whatever you need to feel.
Allow it and let the journaling,the symbols, the Reiki open you
to your truth.
And you can also offer distanceReiki to the times of your loss
(01:01:13):
in the past.
Go back to when you werehurting, when you felt alone,
when you were missing whateverit is that you're missing.
And send Reiki to all of those,and you can also always sing at
home.
So as we move into ourmeditation today, I'd like to
(01:01:36):
invite you to place both handsover your heart, allowing Reiki
to flow into your heart, andjust feel the steady rhythm of
your heart beneath your hands.
(01:01:58):
Take a deep breath in.
Breathing in Reiki, and thentake a breath out releasing
whatever you no longer need andjust invite Reiki to flow into
you and through you now intoyour body.
(01:02:19):
On your breath, it may look likea warm golden light.
The Reiki frequency you'rebringing in may have a different
color.
Just allow it to move in and outof your body as you breathe
deeply.
(01:02:40):
In fact, you may want tovisualize a beautiful cocoon of
Reiki wrapping itself gentlyaround you, and within that
cocoon or that space of Reiki.
I want you to know that you aresafe.
(01:03:02):
You are seen, you are heard, youare held, and you are loved.
And if you haven't already, Iinvite you to ask yourself if
you may have set up a heart walland you can close your eyes.
(01:03:31):
You can ask to see.
It might look like stone orglass, or you might even see
barbed wire.
It may be thick or thin.
It may be beautiful.
It may be intimidating, it maybe imposing, it may be slight.
(01:03:52):
If you do have a wall aroundyour heart, I invite you to look
for it and see it now.
And as Reiki begins flowing,just allow it to soften, to
melt, to dissolve, to crumble,to whatever extent and degree
(01:04:15):
that you feel comfortable, justknow that your heart is safe to
open, and that Reiki holds you.
(01:04:39):
And as your heart begins toopen, you can say hello and
welcome the grief that mightlive there.
You don't have to push it away.
It has a story.
It has a story of great love,passion.
(01:05:00):
It is the stuff that all of theimportant stories have ever been
told about.
And your grief carries thememory of a great love.
As you examine and look at thegrief, notice how much of it is
(01:05:25):
love.
Look for the love.
Think of the love.
Remember the love.
And with every breath that youtake, just allow Reiki to begin
gently moving through yourgrief, lifting it, sifting it,
(01:05:48):
lightning it.
Transforming it, letting some ofit go, some of it may remain,
but helping you become aware ofthe wisdom and love that exists
(01:06:09):
within the grief.
And we're going to remain herefor several breaths together as
you allow Reiki to just sift andsort, lighten and transform and
show you the truth of yourgrief, which is that it is only
(01:06:33):
there because there was greatlove.
(01:11:17):
I invite you now to just feelyour awareness settling into
this moment here and now noticethe breath entering and exiting
your lungs and the gentle Reikienergy moving through your
heart, through your hands.
(01:11:41):
You are here now, and I'd likeyou to think of that page of
grief that may have even beenmore than one page that you are
or have been carrying, and we'regoing to sing at home together
(01:12:06):
today.
I'd like you to take all of thethings, all of the grief, all of
the things you've listed on yourpage, and we'll sing them home.
Now.
I'll sing you the chorus andI'll invite you to join me for
that, and we'll always come backto that and you can join me with
(01:12:28):
the other lines as well, if theyfeel appropriate to you.
And so what came through as Isang the raccoon's home was the
following Shanti.
(01:12:49):
Oh, singing you home.
Singing you home.
Singing you home.
Oh, singing you home.
(01:13:12):
Singing you home.
Singing you home.
Oh, please join me home.
Oh oh.
(01:13:34):
Oh, I'm singing you home.
I'm singing you home.
I'm singing you home.
Oh.
Singing you home.
(01:13:56):
Singing you home.
Singing You home.
Home again.
Oh oh.
Singing you home.
(01:14:19):
Singing you home.
Singing you home?
Home.
I'm singing you home.
I'm singing you home.
I'm singing you home.
(01:14:41):
Oh.
Feel free to do this as manytimes as you need.
Oh.
Oh, Shanti.
Oh, Han.
Oh.
I'm singing you home.
(01:15:02):
I'm singing you home.
I'm singing you home, home.
I am singing you home.
I'm singing you home.
I'm singing you home home,Shante home.
(01:15:38):
And if you have ever felt anyguilt, I'd like you to join me
in the following.
I am sorry.
I am sorry.
I am sorry for my role.
I am sorry.
(01:15:59):
I am sorry.
I am sorry for my role.
Please forgive me.
Please forgive me.
Please forgive.
I love you.
(01:16:21):
I love you.
I so very love you.
I love you.
I love you.
We shared great love.
I am sorry.
(01:16:42):
I am sorry.
I am sorry for my role.
Please forgive me.
Please forgive me.
Oh, won't you Please forgive me.
I love you.
I love you.
(01:17:03):
Please return me to the love.
I see you.
I see you.
I see you whole.
I see you.
I hear you.
(01:17:25):
I trust you.
I love you.
I revere you.
You are beautiful.
I see you.
I see you.
I see you whole.
(01:17:45):
I see you.
I hear you.
I trust you.
I review you.
I love you.
You are beautiful.
Now we speak to the Great Motherand we say Please receive her.
(01:18:06):
Please receive him.
Please receive them.
Please receive me home.
Please receive her.
Please receive him.
Please receive them.
Please receive me home.
(01:18:27):
Please receive her.
Please receive him.
Please receive them.
Please receive us.
Please receive me home.
We return to you.
We return to you.
(01:18:50):
We all return to you our love,our loss returns.
We please receive her.
Please receive him.
Please receive me home.
Please receive them.
(01:19:12):
Please receive us.
We return to you.
We return to you.
We return to you.
I thank you for being here.
(01:19:36):
Being with me as I sing my owngrief home.
And I hope that you are able toreceive, sing some of your grief
home too.
I encourage you to keep singing.
I encourage you to alter thissong as you need to, and I
encourage you to remember thatyou loved, yes, there was grief,
(01:20:01):
but there was only grief becauseyou loved, there was love first,
and that's the whole point.
I invite you to feel the love,the connection to each other, to
(01:20:21):
bud, to star, to all of thosethat you've loved and lost, even
if you barely knew them.
They're always here, always.
Be gentle with yourself.
As you return from thismeditation, you have proof in
(01:20:44):
your grief that you loved andthat it was a great love, invite
you to just be conscious ofbeing present to being conscious
of living with your heart wideopen even after loss, because
the contraction can lead to anexpansion to an even greater
(01:21:08):
ability to love, a greaterability to appreciate the love
that you do have.
I leave you with Reikiblessings, and I thank you for
being who you are, and thank youfor the great love that you are
(01:21:30):
contributing.
The planet at this time when itso needs it.
Bless you.
Welcome everyone to this month'spodcast and or this week's
podcast and this month's Reikishare.
I'm so glad that you're here.
This Reiki share is actually aweek later than it was going to
be.
I had an opportunity.
I was on holidays last week, soI really appreciate everybody
(00:21):
showing up and your patience aswe've got an extra week in
between the podcast.
We had a really lovely holidaywhere our daughters came down to
Campobello.
I'm still here now, and duringwe just started getting rain and
a thunder shower.
And I just have to tell you thatwhenever I do a really big
(00:43):
amount of work at the farm,whenever we're releasing a lot
of dense, heavy energies, whatseems to happen is there seems
to be, even if it's, if itdoesn't happen anywhere else,
there'll be like a big wind andsometimes some rain that comes
and washes things away.
And we are actually, in NewBrunswick where I live, the
(01:03):
woods are closed.
There are some wildfires thatare happening that they've been
really struggling to get undercontrol and this is very unusual
for us.
This is not typical weather forus at all.
And so we haven't had rain in avery long time.
So this rain is fantastic, but Ido just wanna let those of you
(01:23):
who are here live with me knowthat if I lose you, if the
connection breaks, I will do mybest to come back in.
And and and in any event, wewill, the energy will still go
through, but.
Tonight's topic is travelingthrough love and loss.
(01:44):
And so it's a big topic.
It's an important topic, and yetit's something that nobody talks
about or we don't talk about,and it's something we don't
learn about, and it's somethingthat we often even avoid.
And so I was guided veryheavily.
(02:06):
I'll, I'll, I'll bring youthrough the stories and and what
led to this and where we'regoing with it.
Before we go too far in though,I do wanna let you know that
this weekend we have an ICRTAnimal Reiki Level one and two
course which is online at thispoint.
All of the people attending ouronline, and you're welcome to
(02:28):
still join us.
There is still space.
And next week the.
From August 18th to 20th is anonline animal Reiki master
teacher class.
Would love to have you join thatas well if it speaks to you.
A lot of you have been askingabout the healthcare Reiki
course that Tracy Sullivan and Ihave been working on, and we're
(02:52):
really thrilled with the courseitself and how it has been
coming together.
We are teaching that September15th and 16th in the evening, so
it's a Monday, Tuesday eveningand the following week, the 22nd
and 23rd, which is the followingMonday and Tuesday evening from
(03:12):
five 30 to 10:00 PM Eastern timejust to make it possible.
For those of you who might wantto join us and are.
Have to work through the day orif you're in Australia, if you
are in Asia.
That way we felt that you couldstill get the healthcare Reiki
class.
(03:32):
I don't have any additionaldates at this time, but I'm
meeting with Tracy tomorrow andwe will put additional dates.
I will put additional dates inthe newsletter as soon as we
compare our schedules and seewhen we can teach it.
I also have in October 18th and19th, a Reiki level one and two
class at the farm, which is bothonline and in person.
(03:56):
That's followed by a Reikimasterclass that is online in
the evenings, October 20th to23rd.
I have the following weekend anICRT animal Reiki one and two
training October 25th and 26th,both online and in person at the
farm.
And that too is followed by anevening animal Reiki master
(04:19):
teacher class in the evenings,October 22nd, seventh to 30th.
And I have a UNA Reiki class.
And for those of you who don'tknow what Una Reiki, it's an
advanced master class.
You have to have been a masterfor at least six months.
And it really elevates us.
It really takes things to thenext level.
(04:40):
That's November 17th to 20th inthe evenings and.
I also wanna let you know thatfor animal communication, I'm
teaching right now and as I'mdone teaching, I'll be swinging
into finishing the animalcommunication for Reiki
practitioners book.
My friend Laura is working tomake some updates to the manual.
(05:04):
Anybody who studied the animalcommunication masterclass will
get an updated manual once thatis updated.
And we have some animalcommunication classes coming up.
Level one and two, November 22ndto 23rd, a weekend online.
And then animal communicationlevel three, which is the
(05:25):
professional practitioner,November 24th and 25th online in
the evenings.
And that's just leading intoThanksgiving for my American
friends.
And then an animal communicationmaster teacher.
December 1st to third online inthe evenings, and that it begins
the Monday, Tuesday, Wednesdayafter Thanksgiving.
(05:48):
I also wanted you to be thefirst to know about some really
exciting new projects that arecoming up.
I am looking at teaching someclasses in Kenya in February,
and if that speaks to you, we'regoing to be, I'm going to be
teaching a level one and twoclass and healthcare Reiki
(06:12):
there.
I'm also going to be teachingeither animal Reiki one and two,
or animal communication one andtwo or both.
And in between the classes we'regoing to have some really
amazing opportunities to visitan elephant sanctuary, a
giraffe.
Sanctuary and so on, and at theend of the classes and you can
(06:35):
actually attend and you don'teven have to.
Oh, Susan, I hope you can comeand thanks for the heart and you
can attend.
And even if you don't take allof the classes, take some time
to see Nairobi where work, we'llbe working with an Airbnb there
that can also host the classes.
But after the classes, we aregonna travel just a little bit
(06:57):
further and go on an actualsafari.
And there's I'm just talkingwith a travel agent right now.
The other thing I do want to tryto arrange, but I don't know
what that's gonna look like yet,is we do want to work with some
of the children's schools thatare there.
And that's these, that is, weused to call them orphanages,
(07:19):
they call them children'sschools.
And so these are young peoplewhose parents aren't there are
no longer with them.
And so I am, we are going to beinvestigating what can be done,
what can be done there.
I've saw, I saw a long time agoa potential project that might
even be sponsored by those of ushere and maybe even the ICRT
(07:41):
where we do work with some ofthe children that need help in
some of these countries and thismay be the entry point.
So we're just starting in talksabout that.
But I'm super excited aboutclasses in Kenya and I am gonna
offer that if you've alreadytaken a class from me, a level
one and two class, but want tocome to Kenya and review it, you
(08:03):
can still do that at half fee.
So that might be reallyinteresting.
I've also been asked to teach inHong Kong that'll probably be
September or October next year.
And I'm gonna investigatewhether there's any interest in
Japan and Korea as well at thesame time.
And also I am looking at NewZealand and Australia, so I'm
(08:24):
just working on my 2026schedule, and it will be in our
newsletter as soon as it'savailable.
And for those of you listeningto the podcast who don't receive
an invitation to join us livefor the Reiki share, just go
onto my website Reiki from thefarm.com, sign up for our
newsletter, and you willautomatically be invited to join
(08:47):
us in real time.
And you don't need Reiki, youdon't need to have studied here.
You don't need Reiki to join us.
We would love, love, love to seeyou.
I've also been asked to do someReiki mentoring, and so I am
taking out and dusting off andconsidering the Reiki Master
Mentor course and possiblyputting it together with my
(09:10):
Reiki business book as a bookclub slash mentoring
opportunity.
And so any of you who are at thestage where.
You would like to you could usesome mentoring with your
business, with your life, withanything.
Look for that in January,although I am also looking at my
(09:33):
schedule to see if I may be ableto back it up to September,
October.
Just not certain yet, but thenewsletter you will be the first
to know.
And then I've also been asked tostart to offer them the
marketing course and theabundance course.
Again, those will be January.
My daughter teaches those withme and she works full-time and
(09:55):
she's finishing her.
MBA part-time and she's I'vediscussed it with her and she
said, look, mom, when I'm donewith my MBA we'll schedule
something, so January orFebruary of this year.
And then also just wanted to letyou know that I'm also working.
There's also a lot of otherprojects around horses and our
(10:16):
horse work and our horse Reikiwork that are starting to
incubate and starting to cometogether.
Keep an eye on our newsletter.
I'll, you guys are always goingto be the first ones to know,
and sometimes it's only bytelling you about these that it
holds me accountable and, makesure that it gets done on a
specific deadline.
(10:37):
Guys, we are talking about loveand loss tonight and about.
Traveling through, through loveand loss and through grief.
And we're talking about allowingand just allowing ourselves to
to feel it, allowing ourselvesto go into it.
(11:01):
And so we're going to talk abouta number of things, the many
faces of grief.
We're going to talk about mystory this past year and why
grief has been a theme for me.
And I know grief is a theme forso many of us, so many of you.
I recently had an opportunity toattend a course with Rebecca
(11:23):
Campbell.
And so I'm going to talk aboutsome of the key teachings that I
took away from that, fromRebecca, and that caused me to
look into Brene Brown, who issomebody else that I really
admire and follow, and some ofthe overlap.
And I also have some messagesfor you from my horses and from
(11:46):
the other side of grief.
And, we're going to talk about afew things that we can do to
help ourselves every day, andthen go into a really powerful
meditation with Reiki andsinging the Grief Home.
If you don't already have anotebook, something to write
(12:08):
with and on, I'm gonna inviteyou to go grab something because
we are going to be making alist.
I think sometimes when we thinkabout grief, we think about
losing loved ones, andabsolutely that's grief, but we
can experience grief for so manythings.
(12:28):
And so I'm just going to inviteyou to be sure that you have a
journal a pen, paper, somethingthat you can write on, and you
may want a paper that you canthen, tear up or burn or, soak
in water and redistributeafterward.
So you might not want to writein a journal if that's the case.
(12:53):
As we go into our invocationtoday, I'd like to talk about
some of the many faces of grief,and I'd like you to just
consider which of these you haveexperienced.
And even though we're in themedica medi invocation, I invite
(13:16):
you to write down anything thatcomes up for you.
So I'm just gonna invite you tobring your hands together in
Gassho and just activate Reikiand any symbols that you have.
If you have symbols.
(13:37):
And if there are any symbolsthat speak to you, go ahead and
draw them over your heart.
And if, like me, your heart isfeeling a bit painful right now,
we're going to talk about thatas well.
(14:01):
And I'd just like you to, withyour eyes opened or closed, just
think about some of the lossthat you've experienced in your
life.
I began losing people andanimals that were dear to me
(14:21):
from a very young age, and maybeyou did too.
Some of the common causes ofgrief are death of loved ones,
people, animals, and griefusually shows up when it is a
(14:42):
loss that was outside of yourcontrol.
Sometimes though, we also feelgrief at the end of a
relationship, divorce whenfriendships end or loving
(15:03):
relationships end.
We can also feel grief at theloss of health, the loss of
youth, the loss of vitality aswe age.
We can feel grief when we loseour home or place, even if we
(15:23):
choose to move.
I know several people whorelocated here to Canada from
other countries, and it's beenso interesting being in
friendship with them becauseI've noticed that when they're
in Canada, they miss the lovedones from their homeland and
(15:49):
when they visit their homeland,they miss Canada.
And so even when it's a choice,when you move, change your
place, even if you're still inthe same hometown, but you move
to a different apartment, adifferent home, there can be
grief around that.
There can be grief around jobloss, retirement, forced
(16:13):
retirement.
It can be grief around betrayalor loss of trust, and there's
almost always grief when we areestranged from loved ones, we
(16:34):
can experience grief when welose our dreams, the loss of our
dreams.
If we have a dream and itbecomes obvious, we're not going
to be able to attain it.
Or if we have plans for thefuture and they're not going to
happen, there can be griefaround that.
(16:59):
There can also be collectivegrief from global events, and I
think we're all experiencingsome of that these days.
We are moving into a verydifferent world and there is
some grief because we areleaving behind.
A lifestyle a sense of securitythat we maybe took for granted,
(17:22):
but it was always there.
There can also be grief becauseof a loss of innocence or
safety, and it's even possibleto feel grief before something
happens.
I remember that I grieved for anentire year before my eldest
daughter went to universitybecause I knew that our very
(17:46):
tight, close knit family unitwas not going to be the same
after that, and in fact, itwasn't.
And you have to be open towhat's coming.
And there can be other reasonsfor grief.
Maybe this triggered or made youthink of other areas, other
(18:10):
reasons that you felt grief.
I had somebody in my Reiki classrecently who reminded me of
myself because she said, I don'tlike to say goodbye.
I can remember that every timethat I attended a conference,
every time that I attended ahorse show, an exhibition
(18:33):
together with family, and justdid things that I loved.
At the end of that event, it wasI, it was just very difficult to
say goodbye and to let it go.
So for whatever reason that youmay feel grief or loss, I invite
(18:54):
you to be tender with yourselfnow, and I invite you to
consider surrendering this griefor loss that you may feel to
Reiki.
If you don't feel ready to letit all go, just think about what
percentage you're willing to letgo, and you can go ahead and
(19:20):
allow Reiki to assist you withthat.
And I invite you to place yourhands on your heart and to be
very kind to yourself.
This is a very tender moment.
We are very vulnerable at thistime, and it takes a lot of
(19:44):
courage, a lot of bravery toallow ourselves to be
vulnerable, to allow ourselvesto feel the things that are
difficult to feel.
And in fact, I recently had anopportunity to visit.
(20:07):
Hyde Park, the home of Eleanorand Franklin Roosevelt.
And there are a couple of quotesof Eleanor Roosevelt's that I
brought home on fridge magnets.
I just loved them so much.
One was, you must do the thingyou think you cannot do.
So if processing grief issomething that you think you
(20:28):
cannot do, we must do it.
And she says, courage, braveryis always more exhilarating than
fear.
And in the end it is easier.
(20:48):
And so I applaud you for havingthe courage to tune into this
episode to show up today and forthe openness and vulnerability.
Bravery and courage that you areusing as you're willing to allow
(21:13):
your grief to come to thesurface to be healed.
I invite you to come back inyour own time in a way that
works the best for you, andwe'll go into our, the heart of
(21:38):
our podcast today.
So one of the things that I'vebeen reflecting on with this
podcast is how we can oftenhandle one thing, one loss, but
for some reason in life.
(21:59):
Losses and difficulties oftencome to us in multiples, and I'm
not sure why that is, but veryoften we'll experience multiple
losses, multiple difficulties,all at one time, and that can be
(22:19):
overwhelming.
I know that it may not seem likemuch, but when you run
politically, especially whenit's something that you care
deeply about and the environmentand having a safe.
Place for all of the people thatI love, which is everyone
(22:40):
really.
And for my children goingforward is really important to
me.
And, there, there might be somegrief at what we see happening
collectively with theenvironment.
Certainly there is a lot of ecoanxiety among people these days
and that is as a result of somecollective grief.
And so the elections were reallyimportant to me and losing two
(23:03):
of them, I, I could handle that.
It was disappointing and Iacknowledged that there was some
loss there and that but thesecond loss I really, I found it
a little bit difficult toprocess then, and it was so
quickly after the first loss.
And yet I was okay with that.
(23:24):
Some of you have heard me talkabout my Heart Horse, big buddy.
And my husband always used tosay, you love that horse more
than you love me.
And I don't know if that's true,but I just didn't answer because
it was really close.
And it is possible to have ananimal soulmate.
And for me, that animal soulmatewas big buddy.
(23:47):
I had never worked with a horsethat was so easy to work with in
my life.
And anytime my confidence, I wasbringing new concepts into the
world with horses and intohorsemanship.
And as a result of, bringingsomething new forward, I was
(24:08):
getting, tossed off and knockedoff.
And my confidence was beingrattled on a pretty regular
basis.
And big buddy would always comeand pick me up.
And show me how I could do itbetter.
And he would just bring myconfidence back so that I would
keep on trying and keep pushingwhat was possible, keep pushing
(24:30):
the limits.
And I so appreciated that abouthim.
But also for anybody who's lovedan animal, we can just be
completely and totally ourselveswith an animal.
And there can be this just deep,unconditional love and
(24:50):
acceptance.
And I really felt that fromBuddy and it was just an
absolute heart connection.
So just after the election, Iwent into a fairly long stretch
of couple of weeks of teaching,and the evening after Mother's
Day, I finished teaching onMother's Day.
And something didn't look rightwith him, but I talked myself
(25:13):
out of it.
And then.
The next day he really wasn'tright.
And I ran out, but he jumped upand he acted like he was okay.
So again, I talked myself out ofit.
But by that evening, he had anintestinal block and he couldn't
he wasn't able to survive.
And the veterinarian, thankfullymy veterinarian was on call.
(25:35):
He got there, he helped usthrough, but I was devastated.
And it was just one more lossafter a few losses that were
also impacting me more than Irealized maybe.
And so I did what I needed to doto make his arrangements.
I couldn't even tell peopleabout it for a while because my
(25:57):
horses are so public and they'veworked with so many people that
even though I knew I was goingto need to share the loss with
them so that they could processtheir loss as well, that horse
had been with me for almost 19years, and we worked together
and we saw each other just aboutevery day.
And he, along with Star, helpedme start my business and they
(26:23):
brought me to Reiki and theyjust meant so very much to me
that I just needed to keep it tomyself for a little while.
It was just too big of a lossand I wasn't ready to share it
right away.
And I thought to myself, mygoodness, it's cruel what we do
when people pass because theirloved ones have to hold services
(26:45):
and so on right away.
And you're still in a state ofshock sometimes and that's very
difficult.
But I knew just I needed alittle bit of time to process it
myself.
After all of his arrangementswere made and he was buried, my
daughters came out and saidgoodbye to him.
And Bertina was with me when hepassed.
(27:08):
And and so we buried him and Ineeded to come to Campobello to
heal my heart.
I had one more weekend ofteaching healthcare Reiki, and
by the end of that class, Ithought, okay, I think I was
exhausted also from theelections and just the pace that
you needed to go through andthen exhausted from the grief.
(27:31):
And I thought, okay, I think Ican handle this now.
I think, I can finally letpeople know.
And so it was my intention totake Monday to myself.
I hadn't really had a quiet daysince.
I don't know.
This was May and I hadn't had aquiet day since sometime in
January.
And I thought, okay, I'm goingto share this with people now.
(27:53):
And Monday I got a call thatStar wasn't well.
And so we got home as quickly aswe could off of an island when
you have to rely on ferries.
And I'm very grateful that I hadTessa and Joanne and Kim and
Bertina who went to, who were,who went to support Tessa.
Tessa let me know that Starwasn't well, put me on FaceTime
(28:15):
with her.
I called the vet immediately.
We didn't have our regular vetthis time and that's always a
little bit more difficult.
But, we did what we could.
That evening we thought maybe itwas improving and that she would
come around.
We thought it was an infection,and so we left her.
And then early in the morningwhen I went to check on her, she
(28:36):
was, she should have been doingbetter.
She was no better.
In fact, maybe a bit worse, ourregular veterinarian was able to
come out and we worked with herall day and we lost her too.
And that was just too much.
Now I did.
Let people know.
And we made arrangements and weheld a little service for some
of the people that have beenwith me at the farm the longest.
(29:00):
And we let all the people knowwho the horses meant something
to.
But I have to say that I reallywent into a deep place after
that.
And I think what happens is thatwhen you are in a place of
grief, there's a contraction.
And that's, there's this lovebrings about expansion.
(29:25):
And when you're in a place ofgrief, it brings about
contraction.
And I even discovered only todaythat.
In that place of contraction,you sometimes set up a heart
wall around your heart toprotect yourself.
But the complication of a heartwall is that love can't get in
(29:48):
or out.
If you live behind a heart wall,love can't get in or out.
And so I encourage you toconsider today.
And the funny thing is I hadreleased my heart wall a long
time ago, and yet this new griefbuilt something up again, and I
(30:09):
only became aware of it today.
I knew that it was.
That, that I really wasn'tmyself, and I knew that I gave
myself the grace of some timeoff for this summer.
The guidance I received was justbe graceful with myself.
Take it easy, find balance,don't, you don't need to work as
(30:31):
much.
It's time to just really nurtureyourself.
And I allowed myself just agradual return to work in life.
And I'll be honest, I'm onlyreally getting there now, and
I'm not even a hundred percentyet, but it is coming.
And today I realized that infact, although I normally don't
(30:52):
live behind a heart wall, theseevents caused me to create one.
And so I'd like you to consider,could there be a heart wall
around your heart as a result ofsome of what you've experienced?
And I just want to let you knowthat if there is.
(31:14):
Be gentle with yourself.
Be kind with yourself, nurtureyourself, and you get to form a
decision about whether you areready to let that heart wall go
again.
Because what I've noticed isthat we think this wall will
protect us, but it also reallystifles us and it prevents us
(31:39):
from experiencing or feelinglove.
Now, last November, I was guidedto register for a conference at
Omega Institute with RebeccaCampbell around her new book.
Your Soul Had a Dream.
Your Life Is it.
(32:00):
And I didn't know why I wasguided.
I didn't even really know whatwe were talking about, but I
thought I'm supposed to attendthat.
So I registered, I paid and acouple of weekends ago I went
down to New York to attend thisconference and what would you
know?
But she was talking about grief.
Now, the last time I had been atOmega was for the wisdom of
(32:23):
Reiki conference.
The year before, the day after,we had to put Breaker dawn down.
And so as I was on that campus.
I brought home the fact that Ihad lost three horses in less
than a year, in 11 months,within 11 months of each other.
(32:43):
And that's just a lot of loss.
And I realized that it was lossthat maybe that, that I
definitely needed helpprocessing.
And so when the topic that wewere talking about was grief, I
thought, how interesting isthat?
(33:03):
So I'd like to share a few ofthe key insights that I took
away from Rebecca's course.
And the first one actually.
One of my dear friends when Ilost Bud and Star and I posted
about it on Facebook, I justwanna thank all of you for just
the grace and the love that Ifelt coming to me.
(33:27):
I wasn't able to receive it allcompletely and fully, but just
knowing that it was there was sovery helpful.
And when you are in a state ofgrief, you can't always receive
that love.
But you know what?
Just hold it around yourself forwhen you are able to receive it.
And knowing that it's there ishelpful.
(33:49):
But one of the people, one ofthe comments, all of your
comments were so beautiful, butone comment came from my
childhood best friend and.
We aren't ter, we aren't stillvery connected, but I always
know she's there.
And I think the world of her,and she has experienced, I think
(34:12):
one of the most difficult typesof grief.
And that was that she lost achild who took his life at a
very young age.
And in fact, she was the one whofound that child.
And so I attended the funeral.
Of course I did.
I I wanted to be there for myfriend.
I could feel just howdevastating this was for her
(34:37):
family.
And yet she wrote to me, Pam,remember that grief only exists
because there was love, becauselove and love was first.
Love was there first.
So wherever there's grief andwhen there's great grief, it's
(35:00):
only because there was greatlove.
And we have been experiencinggrief from the beginning.
We believe we were kicked out ofthe Garden of Eden.
We were never kicked out of theGarden of Eden.
But in some ways, we believewe've lost connection with
source.
(35:20):
There can be grief around that.
Rebecca talks about grief beinglove with nowhere to go.
It's not the opposite of love.
It's the shadow that proves thatlove existed.
Where there is grief, there waslove.
The depth of our grief mirrors,the depth of our connection.
(35:42):
And Rebecca went on to talkabout the importance of
something that I talk about alot, allowing.
Not making something happen, butallowing, not resisting.
She talked about the fact thathealing comes from letting grief
move through us, not suppressingit, not trying to rush it,
(36:03):
allowing it to move through atthe pace that it needs.
And some people may, some of youmay have experienced grief that
is so much greater than mine or,it's not about that.
It's about allowing your griefto process in the way that it
needs to.
She talked about the fact thatsometimes that loss brings about
(36:26):
an initiation, that grief canawaken us to our deeper purpose,
to compassion, and to moreconnection with the divine.
She talks about the fact that wenever lose connection with those
we love.
We never truly lose it.
That bond exists.
It exists beyond time and space.
(36:47):
And I'm going to tell you abouta horse who helped me understand
that in a little bit.
She talked about the Garden ofEden, as a metaphor that we were
never kicked out.
We can return to a sense ofbelonging or connection at any
time with our loved ones or withsource.
(37:09):
And she also talked aboutsomething that I really noticed
happened in my situation, thatgrief can strip away the
inessential revealing ourauthentic truth and purpose.
I realized that I was caught upin so many things and not all of
(37:33):
them were really important.
And going through this griefreally helped me strip things
down and see what was reallyimportant to me and where do I
want to focus my energy goingforward.
And so there can be this beautyand purpose in grief.
(37:54):
When I came home, I decided todig in just a little deeper to
grief and vulnerability and oneof the experts, because I was
shown that when we do livebehind a heart wall, we aren't
living fully.
(38:15):
And it occurred to me that Ididn't want to, although I was
allowing my grief to process andI was allowing it to do what it
needed and take the time itneeded to take.
I wanted to move back to livingfully because that is how I can
best honor those horses that Ilove.
(38:37):
All the people I've love lost somany people in my life.
All the people that I love.
The best way to honor them is tolive fully and wholeheartedly.
And Brene Brown is an expert inthis and she's somebody that I
love.
She wrote daring Greatly, risingStrong Atlas of the Heart, among
other things.
Her TED Talks are really wellknown around vulnerability and
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emotional courage, the humanneed for connection.
She talks about the fact thatgrief is the loss of something
loved or deeply valued.
It's not just about death.
It's any ch change that altersour connection to the things
that we cherish.
And I want to mention to youthat if you are spending any
time looking back at something,wishing it could be that way
(39:24):
again.
That is grief.
You're not being fully presentin what is you're looking at.
What was and that is grief.
She talks about the power ofvulnerability that in order to
truly heal, we have to bewilling to feel pain and talk
about it openly.
And we are so lucky because wehave Reiki to help us as we feel
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the pain, even though we stilldo feel it, but it can help
relieve it and release it for usas much as is possible.
She talked even about somethingwhich I hadn't thought of
before, which was thisdisenfranchised grief, even the
grief around miscarriages andsome of the things that I've
(40:10):
talked about earlier.
Miscarriages, job loss, petloss, which disenfranchised
grief is that society ignores ordismisses certain types of loss
and that only intensifies thepain.
And I hadn't thought of it thatway before.
And she talks about the factthat we can't selectively numb.
(40:33):
So if we shut out grief, we'realso shutting out joy, love, and
meaning.
And so just the importance ofallowing ourselves to feel it.
Courage over comfort.
She talks about the fact thatleaning into grief, it does take
an act of courage, but it leadsto deeper resilience afterward.
(40:55):
She also talks about theimportance of something she
calls story stewardship, whichis listening to our own and
other people's stories of griefwith empathy and no judging.
And the fact that this bringshealing, builds healing and
connection, and the res thatresilience is born.
(41:16):
When we get to a point where wecan make meaning, finding the
purpose of the pain andintegrating it into our life
narrative, that this helps usmove forward.
And I'd like to share a storyaround that as well.
So both of these.
I don't know what to call them.
(41:37):
They're leaders for sure.
They're people that are veryconnected, people that are very
intelligent people that Iappreciate.
They both see grief as a proofof love rather than something to
hide from.
They both talk about theimportance of allowing and
feeling it fully rather thannumbing it.
They both encourage reconnectionto self, others the divine and
(42:01):
that this is the path forward.
And they all, they also bothhonor grief as a transformative
process that deepens ourcapacity for love of.
Now.
It took me a while to be able toconnect with the horses and to
be honest, I haven't reallyconnected with them fully.
(42:21):
And there's a reason for that.
Jock the Clydesdale.
He's a horse that we talk aboutin animal Reiki because I've
been given permission to talk,to share his story from his
human caretaker.
And when Jocks was about to losehis pastor mate that had been
(42:43):
with him for years he knew thathe was going to experience
grief.
His human asked me to talk withhim and asked would he be okay.
And Jocks said that he knew hewas going to experience grief
and, but that as a horse, heknew what to do with it, whereas
humans often suppressed it or wewould.
(43:05):
And then it would fester and,poison our blood.
Basically the same as if we justcovered over a wound, a physical
wound and ignored it andpretended it wasn't there.
It would actually eventuallylead to infection and blood
poison, potentially bloodpoisoning.
He said that's what grief can doif we suppress it.
And then he said some of, alsohe had noticed that humans pick
(43:27):
at the scab and pick at the scaband pick at the scab.
And that he wasn't going to dothat.
That he knew he needed to be sadfor a while in order to allow
the grief to process.
Because he showed me that whenhis cord to his friend, when he
remained in the physical worldand his friend did not, there
(43:49):
was a cord that connected thetwo of them, that relationship
cord.
And he showed that his friendwould be holding some of that
could you take Baxter's boneplease?
Would be.
Pulling some of his soul withhim when he left and went to the
other dimension and he showedthat there would be just, there
(44:11):
would be a wound there.
There can't help but be, andafter he experienced his
sadness, that wound would fillin.
And he used it in the same waythat we would a physical wound.
Sometimes a physical wound fillsin and you can't tell there was
ever a wound there.
(44:32):
Other times it fills in withscar tissue and in either event
it would fill in, whether itfilled in whole and complete or
with scar tissue, it would fillin.
Once that wound to his soulfilled, he was then going to
connect with his friend Moie.
(44:53):
From the other direction, and heshowed me, instead of a
horizontal connection, it wouldbe a vertical connection.
Now, I don't know if theconnection is actually
horizontal or vertical, I justthink that maybe he was trying
to show it in that way so that Icould see that it would be a
different type of connection.
And so I know that as I allow myhorse's grief to proce the grief
(45:14):
I have, while we're losing myhorses to process, I know that
I'll be able to connect withthem again.
And the connections are juststarting now.
It's been a while.
They're just starting to takeplace and I'm not going to judge
that.
It's going to take the time thatit takes.
I just need to be gentle withmyself through that.
(45:35):
And animals also tell us thatsometimes if we get too focused
on the grief, we forget thepurpose.
The purpose of us being togetherand loving was to learn and grow
together.
And my friend's dog they, thatthey were, that definitely was a
(45:57):
soul connection.
You never saw a betterrelationship than what my friend
Jill had with her dog.
And Jasmine showed us abeautiful bucket of water, and
the bucket was perfect.
The water was pristine.
You knew that it was the mostlovely life-giving water ever,
and you just wanted to drink itall.
(46:19):
And she showed a drop on the wayto the bucket, and she asked us,
please focus on the bucket.
Please focus on the 12 years wehad together, not the drop,
which was the two days of mydeath.
Please focus on that.
What we had together wasimportant.
And the death is a process.
It's part of it.
And even still, it is stilldifficult when we lose our loved
(46:42):
ones.
I know that with Star.
I did, I was able to connectwith her and I asked her to show
me the bucket.
And I asked her if she forgaveme because I tried so hard and
we weren't able to keep her,here.
(47:06):
And she said, I accomplishedeverything I was meant to.
And she showed me that what shecame to earth to do was to love
and to experience all of thedifferent facets of love.
And in her 19, almost 20 yearsof life, just shy of 20 years,
(47:32):
she did.
She loved me, she loved mydaughter, she loved our family.
She loved the other horses inher herd.
She loved her students.
She loved adventure when wewould take her out to shows, and
especially when we took her outto trail rides, places that she
(47:54):
had never been.
She loved that.
She just got so excited and sheloved that.
She loved being in communionwith people, with her herd, with
our herd, with our people.
She loved teaching people.
Animal communication, Reiki,animal Reiki.
She loved all of that.
And six years ago, she had theopportunity to become a mother
(48:19):
and experience what it was to bea mother and have a mother's
love.
She lived with her sisters.
She experienced that love.
And so she just, she loved Buddyas a friend.
She she just got so manyopportunities to experience
love.
And she said that was the point.
That was her point.
And she had done that and it wasokay that it was her time to go.
(48:43):
And she said, it's our purposetoo, to experience love in all
of its facets, in all of itsforms.
And that includes sometimesexperiencing loss.
Loss is part of love.
Loss is not the opposite oflove.
It's the shadow of it.
It's the other side of it.
It's what shines a light on howbright that love was.
(49:07):
Bud told me that he alsoaccomplished his life purpose
with me as a spiritual soulmateand all of the teaching that he
was able to do.
He also had an opportunity tolove his students and he really
built confidence in everyone.
He, it wasn't just me.
He had a unique style, but healso, in addition to having he
(49:30):
was my soulmate, but his actualmate was breaker Dawn.
And if I'm honest, from the timethat she had passed 11 months
earlier, he really didn'tthrive.
He missed her greatly.
And I think that he was reallyready to join her in the spirit
world.
He was there, but he reallywasn't in a place that he could.
(49:55):
He could really thrive withouthis actual mate breaker, Dawn.
And so he let me know that I'mentering a new phase.
All three of them are with me.
They can be more easily with meall the time.
I felt them very much at OmegaInstitute.
I'm going actually next June,I'm going back to Omega to speak
(50:15):
at the wisdom of Reikiconference as one of the
speakers.
And I'm so honored to be able todo that.
I hope if any of you are aroundNew York you'll register and
you'll join me.
But I know that their messages,that's gonna be a special place.
And I know that I'm meant toshare their messages there.
In fact, I'm going to be talkingabout animal communication and
(50:39):
they left a message for metoday, and it's a message I want
to share with you.
They wanted me to share witheveryone experiencing grief,
experiencing loss, you are safe.
You are seen, you are heard, youare held, and you are so very
loved.
(51:02):
When we get to the other side ofgrief, there can be bliss,
reconnection, authenticity.
We have a hunger in us, ayearning for connection with
each other, and that's reallyalso a hunger and a yearning for
connection with the sacred andfor connection with ourselves,
(51:24):
our true selves.
On the other side of grief, welive in the present with our
gaze forward weaving connectionback into our lives.
One of the things that has shownup for me is that one of the
(51:47):
essential oils I created inorder to help me train horses
better is called present.
And I created that because I canlose focus.
And many times as my horsetraining evolved, I could have a
very frightened juvenile horsethat I am working with.
And I tended to do it in aclinical setting and as a clinic
(52:09):
with all kinds of people aroundme and a microphone on so that I
could explain to the people whatI was doing, why I was doing it,
and sharing our work.
And I needed to be very present.
If I lost focus for an instant,I could lose the horse.
And I did lose a horse once.
(52:30):
And, it was very hard.
I regretted it.
We did not have the time to gether back and in the sense that I
lost her trust and I just neededto make sure that would never
happen.
And what a side effect of thisessential oil is that a grief
counselor discovered it andstarted using it with her
(52:51):
clients.
And when she used the essentialoil present, her clients would
have their first full night'ssleep and so on.
So this can be something thisshowed me the importance of
being in the present.
And the other side of grief isbeing able to be fully present
and aware.
(53:13):
So after I spent my time atOmega and I really processed my
grief and I was feeling so muchbetter, I was driving home.
I had taken some extra time togo and visit Hyde Pod to see
Eleanor and Roosevelt's Eleanorand Franklin Roosevelt's real
home because their summer homeis here on the island of
(53:34):
Campobello where I am right now.
And so it was dark and I justthe pa the speed shifted it.
We, there was a lot of, therewas a lot, it was very long
drive.
It was a nine or 10 hour driveand the speed zone had just
shifted, but most of the trafficwas still going the regular
(53:55):
speed.
So I pulled into the passingzone to follow the new speed
limit, and I was passing a longline of cars that were still
going at the slower.
Speed limit.
And didn't I come across twojuvenile raccoons and there was
(54:17):
absolutely nothing I could do?
I haven't hid an animal in Idon't know how long, because I
always place Reiki around mycar.
And I let them know that eventhough being hit by a car is a
very fast, efficient, easy wayto go, and some animals when
they're done living their life,and this is something I teach in
my animal communication class,some animals, when they're done
(54:41):
being that animal, when they'redone with their experience and
want to move on,'cause animalsare fully engaged and they know
what's on the other side.
They know what's waiting.
They sometimes choose death bycar, but I've always let the
animals know I don't wannaparticipate in that.
And in this instance, I couldsee that actually I saw the
(55:02):
looks on their faces.
It was just as, as they cameinto my headlight beam and I,
there was nothing I could do.
I hit them.
I'm certain that I killed them.
I was going 123 kilometers anhour, which was the speed limit.
And I could see by their facesthat they weren't dumb being
raccoons, that they had made adumb mistake.
(55:23):
They were juveniles.
And we all know teenagers.
I've lost a lot of friends whojust made, who made dumb
juvenile mistakes.
And that's what these raccoonswere doing.
And suddenly the grief hit meagain, just full in the heart.
And I thought, oh, I finally, Ithought I was finally on the
other side of it.
(55:43):
And not only did I feel grief,but I felt guilt.
And I felt ashamed that therewas nothing that I could do to
prevent what had happened.
Prevent hitting those raccoons.
And what came from this is Iwent back to these lessons that
I've just shared with you, and Ithought, what am I supposed to
(56:07):
learn from this?
Thank you, Carissa.
And I realized there's stillmore grief to process.
And I asked how can I processthis grief?
And I was shown you're going tosing them home.
So we're going to move into ameditation today.
(56:29):
And in this meditation, if youhave a heart wall, you'll have
an opportunity to release it orrelease whatever portion of it
that you feel like, feel willingto release.
You don't have to be able torelease it.
That's the key with Reiki.
You don't have to think, oh, Ithink I can do this.
It's allowing if you are willingto do it, Reiki will do the work
(56:52):
for you.
You don't have to do the work ofthe releasing it's just
allowing.
We're also going to take amoment to allow Reiki to heal
and lift whatever portion of thegrief is ready to go at this
time for any, at all of theexperiences in your lifetime
(57:13):
when you felt grief.
We'll then move fully into thepresent, and then I'm going to
invite you to sing your griefhome with me.
I'm going to share with you, andI do wanna let you know that
some of you have heard thisbefore, some of you haven't.
(57:34):
When I was young in the juniorchoir at my church, my mother
was the choir director.
My mother has a beautiful altovoice.
My sister has the voice of anangel, and then there's me.
And my mother used to tell me,sing quieter Pam.
She used to sit my sister nextto me, sing louder, Shauna, and
just basically try to drown meout.
(57:56):
And so if as I lead you throughthe singing you home, it's, it
terrifies me.
I'm not gonna lie.
If I'm off tune, we're gonnacall it sound healing.
Okay.
We'll go with that.
And, but I am gonna invite you,you're all muted.
I'm gonna invite you to sing.
As long as you want.
(58:17):
As loudly as you want, because Idid find it very cathartic.
And at the end I sang for 40minutes or more, maybe an hour
for those raccoons.
And at the end of the singing, Ifelt one of the raccoons come
back to me and say, we're home.
We made it home to the mother inthe arms of the mother.
(58:40):
Thank you for singing us home.
And he said, nobody has beensung any better than what we
were just sung home.
So thank you.
And so I invite you to do thebest that you can singing your
grief home.
And I also wanna let you knowthat there are a few things we
(59:02):
can do to every day to help withthis.
You can sing every day.
Sing your grief home.
Until it feels like it's, it ishealed.
But you can also start each dayactivating Reiki, placing one
heart on the hand and one on thebelly, and just allowing Reiki
to flow, because this is wheregrief seems to set up in our
(59:25):
bodies, in our physical bodies.
Every night before bed, placethe Reiki symbols in your room
and ask them to surround youwith light and just continue
healing you, releasing yourgrief, allowing you to sleep.
Because sleep can evade us whenwe are deep in the process of
(59:48):
grief.
Every day when you send Reiki,you can just be aware of and ask
it to release a bit more of yourgrief that day.
Whatever's appropriate.
Be gentle with yourself.
Be kind.
Allow it, and allow it to movevery gently.
(01:00:09):
You can also use essential oilsas I was mentioning.
I'm happy to send you somepresence oil if you would like.
You can go onto my website oremail me for that.
You can use scents, you can usenature and just an awareness of
the simple pleasures in life tojust anchor you into the
(01:00:32):
present.
Just that awareness of being inthe present and looking forward.
You can also journal with Reiki.
Do some automatic writing.
Let the symbols open up yourtruth.
You can be mad.
I was angry, why did I have tolose these horses?
They star had one of the bestlessons.
(01:00:52):
This was Monday, the Saturday.
She cantered and she gave herstudents a wonderful lesson.
Whatever you need to feel.
Allow it and let the journaling,the symbols, the Reiki open you
to your truth.
And you can also offer distanceReiki to the times of your loss
(01:01:13):
in the past.
Go back to when you werehurting, when you felt alone,
when you were missing whateverit is that you're missing.
And send Reiki to all of those,and you can also always sing at
home.
So as we move into ourmeditation today, I'd like to
(01:01:36):
invite you to place both handsover your heart, allowing Reiki
to flow into your heart, andjust feel the steady rhythm of
your heart beneath your hands.
(01:01:58):
Take a deep breath in.
Breathing in Reiki, and thentake a breath out releasing
whatever you no longer need andjust invite Reiki to flow into
you and through you now intoyour body.
(01:02:19):
On your breath, it may look likea warm golden light.
The Reiki frequency you'rebringing in may have a different
color.
Just allow it to move in and outof your body as you breathe
deeply.
(01:02:40):
In fact, you may want tovisualize a beautiful cocoon of
Reiki wrapping itself gentlyaround you, and within that
cocoon or that space of Reiki.
I want you to know that you aresafe.
(01:03:02):
You are seen, you are heard, youare held, and you are loved.
And if you haven't already, Iinvite you to ask yourself if
you may have set up a heart walland you can close your eyes.
(01:03:31):
You can ask to see.
It might look like stone orglass, or you might even see
barbed wire.
It may be thick or thin.
It may be beautiful.
It may be intimidating, it maybe imposing, it may be slight.
(01:03:52):
If you do have a wall aroundyour heart, I invite you to look
for it and see it now.
And as Reiki begins flowing,just allow it to soften, to
melt, to dissolve, to crumble,to whatever extent and degree
(01:04:15):
that you feel comfortable, justknow that your heart is safe to
open, and that Reiki holds you.
(01:04:39):
And as your heart begins toopen, you can say hello and
welcome the grief that mightlive there.
You don't have to push it away.
It has a story.
It has a story of great love,passion.
(01:05:00):
It is the stuff that all of theimportant stories have ever been
told about.
And your grief carries thememory of a great love.
As you examine and look at thegrief, notice how much of it is
(01:05:25):
love.
Look for the love.
Think of the love.
Remember the love.
And with every breath that youtake, just allow Reiki to begin
gently moving through yourgrief, lifting it, sifting it,
(01:05:48):
lightning it.
Transforming it, letting some ofit go, some of it may remain,
but helping you become aware ofthe wisdom and love that exists
(01:06:09):
within the grief.
And we're going to remain herefor several breaths together as
you allow Reiki to just sift andsort, lighten and transform and
show you the truth of yourgrief, which is that it is only
(01:06:33):
there because there was greatlove.
(01:11:17):
I invite you now to just feelyour awareness settling into
this moment here and now noticethe breath entering and exiting
your lungs and the gentle Reikienergy moving through your
heart, through your hands.
(01:11:41):
You are here now, and I'd likeyou to think of that page of
grief that may have even beenmore than one page that you are
or have been carrying, and we'regoing to sing at home together
(01:12:06):
today.
I'd like you to take all of thethings, all of the grief, all of
the things you've listed on yourpage, and we'll sing them home.
Now.
I'll sing you the chorus andI'll invite you to join me for
that, and we'll always come backto that and you can join me with
(01:12:28):
the other lines as well, if theyfeel appropriate to you.
And so what came through as Isang the raccoon's home was the
following Shanti.
(01:12:49):
Oh, singing you home.
Singing you home.
Singing you home.
Oh, singing you home.
(01:13:12):
Singing you home.
Singing you home.
Oh, please join me home.
Oh oh.
(01:13:34):
Oh, I'm singing you home.
I'm singing you home.
I'm singing you home.
Oh.
Singing you home.
(01:13:56):
Singing you home.
Singing You home.
Home again.
Oh oh.
Singing you home.
(01:14:19):
Singing you home.
Singing you home?
Home.
I'm singing you home.
I'm singing you home.
I'm singing you home.
(01:14:41):
Oh.
Feel free to do this as manytimes as you need.
Oh.
Oh, Shanti.
Oh, Han.
Oh.
I'm singing you home.
(01:15:02):
I'm singing you home.
I'm singing you home, home.
I am singing you home.
I'm singing you home.
I'm singing you home home,Shante home.
(01:15:38):
And if you have ever felt anyguilt, I'd like you to join me
in the following.
I am sorry.
I am sorry.
I am sorry for my role.
I am sorry.
(01:15:59):
I am sorry.
I am sorry for my role.
Please forgive me.
Please forgive me.
Please forgive.
I love you.
(01:16:21):
I love you.
I so very love you.
I love you.
I love you.
We shared great love.
I am sorry.
(01:16:42):
I am sorry.
I am sorry for my role.
Please forgive me.
Please forgive me.
Oh, won't you Please forgive me.
I love you.
I love you.
(01:17:03):
Please return me to the love.
I see you.
I see you.
I see you whole.
I see you.
I hear you.
(01:17:25):
I trust you.
I love you.
I revere you.
You are beautiful.
I see you.
I see you.
I see you whole.
(01:17:45):
I see you.
I hear you.
I trust you.
I review you.
I love you.
You are beautiful.
Now we speak to the Great Motherand we say Please receive her.
(01:18:06):
Please receive him.
Please receive them.
Please receive me home.
Please receive her.
Please receive him.
Please receive them.
Please receive me home.
(01:18:27):
Please receive her.
Please receive him.
Please receive them.
Please receive us.
Please receive me home.
We return to you.
We return to you.
(01:18:50):
We all return to you our love,our loss returns.
We please receive her.
Please receive him.
Please receive me home.
Please receive them.
(01:19:12):
Please receive us.
We return to you.
We return to you.
We return to you.
I thank you for being here.
(01:19:36):
Being with me as I sing my owngrief home.
And I hope that you are able toreceive, sing some of your grief
home too.
I encourage you to keep singing.
I encourage you to alter thissong as you need to, and I
encourage you to remember thatyou loved, yes, there was grief,
(01:20:01):
but there was only grief becauseyou loved, there was love first,
and that's the whole point.
I invite you to feel the love,the connection to each other, to
(01:20:21):
bud, to star, to all of thosethat you've loved and lost, even
if you barely knew them.
They're always here, always.
Be gentle with yourself.
As you return from thismeditation, you have proof in
(01:20:44):
your grief that you loved andthat it was a great love, invite
you to just be conscious ofbeing present to being conscious
of living with your heart wideopen even after loss, because
the contraction can lead to anexpansion to an even greater
(01:21:08):
ability to love, a greaterability to appreciate the love
that you do have.
I leave you with Reikiblessings, and I thank you for
being who you are, and thank youfor the great love that you are
(01:21:30):
contributing.
The planet at this time when itso needs it.
Bless you.
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