September 22, 2023 • 10 mins
Ever found yourself so tied up in expectations that reality becomes a bitter pill to swallow? Dealing with this struggle has been a part of my personal journey, and this week, we're going to explore how to manage these expectations as a key step in reinvention. We'll delve into the psychology behind how expectations are formed and why we often anchor ourselves to them, even when they seem unattainable. I'll share some useful research, personal stories, and tips for setting expectations that are grounded in reality, and how to practice positive self-talk to keep ourselves on track. Remember, it's not about rushing the process, but about giving ourselves the grace and time to navigate through it.
But what happens when our reality doesn't live up to our expectations? I'll be candid – disappointment and frustration can be tough to swallow, but accepting them is crucial in our journey of reinvention. We'll discuss how to find value in our current situations, regardless of how they compare to our expectations and I'll share some of my own experiences and insights on how to do this. After all, it's not the destination, but the journey that truly counts. So, prepare to embrace the rollercoaster of emotions, let go of what holds you back and continue moving forward.
Host: Julie Basello (Basello Media)
Email: juliebasello@gmail.com
http://www.juliebasello.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Have you ever wanted to start over, to reinvent
yourself?
Reinvention is something we alldo at some point in our lives.
Sometimes it's simple,sometimes it's complicated, but
it's often necessary to lead afulfilling life, and it's always
interesting.
I'm your host, julie Bassello.
Join me for some inspiration,as I share reinvention stories,
(00:24):
tips and tricks from real peoplejust like you.
Let's explore reinventionadventures together.
Hey, it's Julie.
Welcome to another episode ofmy podcast.
Yes, there's been a rebrand.
It's now called ReinventionAdventures.
As much as I really like thename hey it's Julie from a
marketing perspective it justwasn't illustrative enough.
(00:46):
I've made it a goal to focus onreinvention tips, tricks and
stories, and I figured thistitle might actually be a bit
more descriptive with regard tothe actual podcast content.
So here we are Name host, samepodcast, new name and slightly
new branding.
Woohoo, in between interviewsthat share reinvention stories,
I'm including episodes thatfocus on reinvention tips and
(01:07):
tricks.
These are episodes that talkabout different things that may
be a factor in a reinventionjourney and how best to navigate
said things.
I'm not only sharing my owninsights, although I've
definitely been through areinvention or two, I'm also
sharing research and informationfrom other places, as well as
one other small piece ofbusiness.
This podcast is sponsored byBicello Media.
(01:27):
Bicello Media is my contentcreation company that supports
small businesses with theircontent needs.
Websites, social media,podcasting all require content,
and Bicello Media can help yoursmall business navigate the
process.
We also edit and producepodcasts for small businesses.
If you find yourself short oncontent or want to reinvent
yourself, see what I did therewith a new podcast for your
(01:50):
brand let's talk.
For more information, visitjuliebicellocom.
That'sJ-U-L-I-E-B-A-S-E-L-L-Ocom.
And now let's dive into today'stopic in our Reinvention Toolkit
.
That topic is managingexpectations.
Managing expectations can bechallenging in all aspects of
our lives.
I'm dealing with some struggleswith this myself and my
(02:12):
personal life right now.
When it comes to managingexpectations around a
reinvention, the challenge isreal.
When you begin your journeytowards reinvention whether it's
a career change or a personalchange you'll likely begin
picturing your outcome.
You'll ask yourself what willthe result be of this new
experience?
When you ask that, a picture ofwhat the result will be will
pop into your head, that'sbasically creating an
(02:34):
expectation.
An expectation is a belief wehold on to about how something
will turn out.
Often, that belief is tied inour mind to our own happiness
with the outcome.
Expectations come from ourexperiences.
Although that can help ourexpectations to be realistic,
it's important to note that,even though you may have been in
a similar situation before, allsituations are different.
(02:54):
What worked out before may justnot work out the same way this
time.
And back to the happiness thing.
People are notoriously bad atpredicting what will make them
happy.
We get attached to the idea ofsomething and we think it will
make us happy.
Then something different occursand we end up okay in the long
run without the original outcomewe thought would make us happy.
This happens a lot.
(03:15):
Does it happen to you?
It's definitely happened to me.
We as humans sometimes become soattached to our expectations
that we're unrealistic aboutwhat is actually happening.
That leads to disappointment.
Balancing reality and notgetting our hopes up allows us
to maintain our current level ofhappiness, which is not a bad
thing.
At least it's not a level ofhappiness that's below our
(03:36):
current level.
That would be a bad thing.
Now, expectations by themselvesaren't bad.
Sometimes having an expectationcan help you set goals in order
to achieve your desired outcomeor just to keep you focused.
I think where we run intoissues is when our expectations
don't match up with what isactually achievable.
Because of this, it's importantto manage expectations as you
head into a reinvention journey.
(03:57):
But how Well?
That is what I'm here to talkto you about.
I did a little research aboutthe science of expectations.
In an article on VeryWellcom.
It states expectations are whatwe think will happen, while
reality is what actuallytranspires.
While we hope these two willmatch up, they often don't.
This disparity of expectationsversus reality can often lead to
(04:17):
feelings of discontentment andunhappiness.
It seems like the basis ofexpectations is about being
reasonable and realistic.
Sometimes that means puttingyourself in someone else's shoes
to do so.
It's always nice to dream big,but honestly, if you don't want
to set yourself up to bedisappointed, you'll want to be
honest with yourself about whatyou want and what can actually
happen.
According to PsychCentralcom,there are seven ways to set
(04:40):
realistic expectations.
Realistic expectations areessential because if you aren't
realistic, you're just settingyourself up for failure.
That isn't fun.
Making expectations achievableis a great way to set yourself
up to achieve what you'resetting out to do.
The first way to set realisticexpectations is to determine
expectations early on in theprocess.
This helps you choose the rightdirection, set the pace for
(05:03):
what you're doing and holdyourself accountable to meeting
those expectations.
The next step is learning tolet go, without ignoring your
emotions.
It's important to let go whenthings don't really go the way
you wanted them to.
It's okay to be upset.
You should acknowledge yourfeelings as you work through
what happened and where thingswent sideways.
Next, practice positiveself-talk.
Most of us are really harshwith ourselves, way harsher than
(05:26):
we would be to somebody else.
Think about it.
Does your inner self deservethat?
Why wouldn't you treat yourselfas kindly as you would treat a
friend?
Positive self-talk can help youshift your mindset into one
that will help you accomplishyour goals.
Some people find it helpful tokeep a positive self-talk
journal to reinforce positiveself-talk.
Whatever works for you, giveyourself time and grace.
(05:47):
Things don't always go asplanned and sometimes pivoting
and adjusting timelines is partof the process.
Adjust your deadlines if needed, and don't be rigid when it
comes to expectations.
Do you ever focus on whatyou've already accomplished?
That's a great tip for settingrealistic expectations.
Think of all that you'vealready achieved, and this can
help you with that positivemindset.
This goes along with the nexttip, which is to appreciate what
(06:10):
you already have.
It's so easy to focus on whereyou want to go without
considering what you arefortunate to have right now.
If you can bring yourself intothe moment, you'll be able to
appreciate all the good thingsthat you have.
Focusing on the present is agreat way to feel empowered
about ways you've alreadyachieved expectations.
The last tip is buildingconfidence.
When you're confident, you canovercome challenges that are
(06:32):
thrown your way.
It also helps you set realisticexpectations, as you're aware
of what you're capable of.
The human brain is a complicatedthing, isn't it?
We want things, but justbecause we want it doesn't mean
it will automatically happen.
That's something called magicalthinking.
It's something that childrengrow out of, but sometimes, as
adults, we still find ourselvesengaging in magical thinking.
As humans, we sometimesstruggle with letting go of the
(06:54):
idea that, just because we wantit, we can bring it to life.
Some might say that manifestingis a form of magical thinking.
I actually believe that ourthoughts do have an impact on
our realities.
Can they magically make thingshappen, though?
Likely, your thoughts willpropel you towards actions,
which will then support youroutcome.
Thoughts are powerful.
However, if you want to achieveanything, you got to do the
(07:15):
work.
I just read this quote recently.
I think it originated in12-step programs.
It's expectations arepremeditated resentments.
When you expect something tohappen based on what is
happening in your head ratherthan the more objective world
outside your head, you'refollowing the thought process
that if you expect something tohappen, you can make it happen.
Well, guess what?
You can't always make it happen.
(07:35):
That's magical thinking.
Following along those lines, wehope for something and tie it
into expectations and, in turn,our own happiness.
Yes, fulfilling ourexpectations might make us happy
, but sometimes life throws youa curveball.
You don't meet expectations andthen realize that the pivot was
actually the important part ofthe process and things actually
turned out differently than whatyou expected, but with a great
(07:58):
result.
Life can be funny that way.
Here's something that you maynot have considered when it
comes to expectations, they canactually reduce gratitude.
When your expectations gobeyond what is realistically
possible, it often prevents youfrom appreciating the things you
do have.
Gratitude is about appreciatingwhat you have.
Today, with the constantimagery that humans are
bombarded with thanks to socialmedia, it's so easy to compare
(08:21):
yourself to others and think youdon't measure up.
Certainly, most people are notposting their worst moments in
life for you to view.
Instead, they share an oftencarefully curated showcase of
their life.
If you're feeling down and thencomparing yourself to one of
the high points in someone'slife as viewed through the
filtered lens of social media,you're certainly not going to
feel positive.
Most people don't even thinkabout how mismatched that
(08:43):
comparison actually is.
They just see it, feel it, andit is very stressful and very
detrimental to their mentalhealth.
Managing expectations reallyinvolves knowing who you are and
seeking happiness based onyourself first.
If you and I were sittinghaving coffee and chatting about
expectations, that's the firstthing I would say.
Seek happiness based onyourself and not external
factors.
(09:03):
I would say be grateful for allthe good things you have in
your life.
Try your best to avoidcomparing yourself to other
people.
You never know what's actuallygoing on in someone's life and
in someone's head, no matter howglittery things look from the
outside.
When things don't go the way youhoped for and your expectations
don't meet your reality,practice accepting your emotions
.
It's okay to feel frustrated ordisappointed.
(09:25):
Things happen.
Beating yourself up ispointless and tomorrow's a new
day.
I think.
For me, learning how toappreciate what I actually have
has been an ongoing exercise.
If you're an overachiever whois constantly pushing for better
, this is a tough one.
Stopping to appreciate who youare and what you have is
sometimes the key to movingforward.
Sometimes, letting go is allyou can do.
Here's hoping that, if you letgo, that it ends up being a
(09:48):
positive part of your journey inthe long run, Because, after
all, at the end of all this,it's the journey that's most
important.
As always, thank you forlistening.
I appreciate you.
Until next time.
Have you ever wanted to start over, to reinvent
yourself?
Reinvention is something we alldo at some point in our lives.
Sometimes it's simple,sometimes it's complicated, but
it's often necessary to lead afulfilling life, and it's always
interesting.
I'm your host, julie Bassello.
Join me for some inspiration,as I share reinvention stories,
(00:24):
tips and tricks from real peoplejust like you.
Let's explore reinventionadventures together.
Hey, it's Julie.
Welcome to another episode ofmy podcast.
Yes, there's been a rebrand.
It's now called ReinventionAdventures.
As much as I really like thename hey it's Julie from a
marketing perspective it justwasn't illustrative enough.
(00:46):
I've made it a goal to focus onreinvention tips, tricks and
stories, and I figured thistitle might actually be a bit
more descriptive with regard tothe actual podcast content.
So here we are Name host, samepodcast, new name and slightly
new branding.
Woohoo, in between interviewsthat share reinvention stories,
I'm including episodes thatfocus on reinvention tips and
(01:07):
tricks.
These are episodes that talkabout different things that may
be a factor in a reinventionjourney and how best to navigate
said things.
I'm not only sharing my owninsights, although I've
definitely been through areinvention or two, I'm also
sharing research and informationfrom other places, as well as
one other small piece ofbusiness.
This podcast is sponsored byBicello Media.
(01:27):
Bicello Media is my contentcreation company that supports
small businesses with theircontent needs.
Websites, social media,podcasting all require content,
and Bicello Media can help yoursmall business navigate the
process.
We also edit and producepodcasts for small businesses.
If you find yourself short oncontent or want to reinvent
yourself, see what I did therewith a new podcast for your
(01:50):
brand let's talk.
For more information, visitjuliebicellocom.
That'sJ-U-L-I-E-B-A-S-E-L-L-Ocom.
And now let's dive into today'stopic in our Reinvention Toolkit
.
That topic is managingexpectations.
Managing expectations can bechallenging in all aspects of
our lives.
I'm dealing with some struggleswith this myself and my
(02:12):
personal life right now.
When it comes to managingexpectations around a
reinvention, the challenge isreal.
When you begin your journeytowards reinvention whether it's
a career change or a personalchange you'll likely begin
picturing your outcome.
You'll ask yourself what willthe result be of this new
experience?
When you ask that, a picture ofwhat the result will be will
pop into your head, that'sbasically creating an
(02:34):
expectation.
An expectation is a belief wehold on to about how something
will turn out.
Often, that belief is tied inour mind to our own happiness
with the outcome.
Expectations come from ourexperiences.
Although that can help ourexpectations to be realistic,
it's important to note that,even though you may have been in
a similar situation before, allsituations are different.
(02:54):
What worked out before may justnot work out the same way this
time.
And back to the happiness thing.
People are notoriously bad atpredicting what will make them
happy.
We get attached to the idea ofsomething and we think it will
make us happy.
Then something different occursand we end up okay in the long
run without the original outcomewe thought would make us happy.
This happens a lot.
(03:15):
Does it happen to you?
It's definitely happened to me.
We as humans sometimes become soattached to our expectations
that we're unrealistic aboutwhat is actually happening.
That leads to disappointment.
Balancing reality and notgetting our hopes up allows us
to maintain our current level ofhappiness, which is not a bad
thing.
At least it's not a level ofhappiness that's below our
(03:36):
current level.
That would be a bad thing.
Now, expectations by themselvesaren't bad.
Sometimes having an expectationcan help you set goals in order
to achieve your desired outcomeor just to keep you focused.
I think where we run intoissues is when our expectations
don't match up with what isactually achievable.
Because of this, it's importantto manage expectations as you
head into a reinvention journey.
(03:57):
But how Well?
That is what I'm here to talkto you about.
I did a little research aboutthe science of expectations.
In an article on VeryWellcom.
It states expectations are whatwe think will happen, while
reality is what actuallytranspires.
While we hope these two willmatch up, they often don't.
This disparity of expectationsversus reality can often lead to
(04:17):
feelings of discontentment andunhappiness.
It seems like the basis ofexpectations is about being
reasonable and realistic.
Sometimes that means puttingyourself in someone else's shoes
to do so.
It's always nice to dream big,but honestly, if you don't want
to set yourself up to bedisappointed, you'll want to be
honest with yourself about whatyou want and what can actually
happen.
According to PsychCentralcom,there are seven ways to set
(04:40):
realistic expectations.
Realistic expectations areessential because if you aren't
realistic, you're just settingyourself up for failure.
That isn't fun.
Making expectations achievableis a great way to set yourself
up to achieve what you'resetting out to do.
The first way to set realisticexpectations is to determine
expectations early on in theprocess.
This helps you choose the rightdirection, set the pace for
(05:03):
what you're doing and holdyourself accountable to meeting
those expectations.
The next step is learning tolet go, without ignoring your
emotions.
It's important to let go whenthings don't really go the way
you wanted them to.
It's okay to be upset.
You should acknowledge yourfeelings as you work through
what happened and where thingswent sideways.
Next, practice positiveself-talk.
Most of us are really harshwith ourselves, way harsher than
(05:26):
we would be to somebody else.
Think about it.
Does your inner self deservethat?
Why wouldn't you treat yourselfas kindly as you would treat a
friend?
Positive self-talk can help youshift your mindset into one
that will help you accomplishyour goals.
Some people find it helpful tokeep a positive self-talk
journal to reinforce positiveself-talk.
Whatever works for you, giveyourself time and grace.
(05:47):
Things don't always go asplanned and sometimes pivoting
and adjusting timelines is partof the process.
Adjust your deadlines if needed, and don't be rigid when it
comes to expectations.
Do you ever focus on whatyou've already accomplished?
That's a great tip for settingrealistic expectations.
Think of all that you'vealready achieved, and this can
help you with that positivemindset.
This goes along with the nexttip, which is to appreciate what
(06:10):
you already have.
It's so easy to focus on whereyou want to go without
considering what you arefortunate to have right now.
If you can bring yourself intothe moment, you'll be able to
appreciate all the good thingsthat you have.
Focusing on the present is agreat way to feel empowered
about ways you've alreadyachieved expectations.
The last tip is buildingconfidence.
When you're confident, you canovercome challenges that are
(06:32):
thrown your way.
It also helps you set realisticexpectations, as you're aware
of what you're capable of.
The human brain is a complicatedthing, isn't it?
We want things, but justbecause we want it doesn't mean
it will automatically happen.
That's something called magicalthinking.
It's something that childrengrow out of, but sometimes, as
adults, we still find ourselvesengaging in magical thinking.
As humans, we sometimesstruggle with letting go of the
(06:54):
idea that, just because we wantit, we can bring it to life.
Some might say that manifestingis a form of magical thinking.
I actually believe that ourthoughts do have an impact on
our realities.
Can they magically make thingshappen, though?
Likely, your thoughts willpropel you towards actions,
which will then support youroutcome.
Thoughts are powerful.
However, if you want to achieveanything, you got to do the
(07:15):
work.
I just read this quote recently.
I think it originated in12-step programs.
It's expectations arepremeditated resentments.
When you expect something tohappen based on what is
happening in your head ratherthan the more objective world
outside your head, you'refollowing the thought process
that if you expect something tohappen, you can make it happen.
Well, guess what?
You can't always make it happen.
(07:35):
That's magical thinking.
Following along those lines, wehope for something and tie it
into expectations and, in turn,our own happiness.
Yes, fulfilling ourexpectations might make us happy
, but sometimes life throws youa curveball.
You don't meet expectations andthen realize that the pivot was
actually the important part ofthe process and things actually
turned out differently than whatyou expected, but with a great
(07:58):
result.
Life can be funny that way.
Here's something that you maynot have considered when it
comes to expectations, they canactually reduce gratitude.
When your expectations gobeyond what is realistically
possible, it often prevents youfrom appreciating the things you
do have.
Gratitude is about appreciatingwhat you have.
Today, with the constantimagery that humans are
bombarded with thanks to socialmedia, it's so easy to compare
(08:21):
yourself to others and think youdon't measure up.
Certainly, most people are notposting their worst moments in
life for you to view.
Instead, they share an oftencarefully curated showcase of
their life.
If you're feeling down and thencomparing yourself to one of
the high points in someone'slife as viewed through the
filtered lens of social media,you're certainly not going to
feel positive.
Most people don't even thinkabout how mismatched that
(08:43):
comparison actually is.
They just see it, feel it, andit is very stressful and very
detrimental to their mentalhealth.
Managing expectations reallyinvolves knowing who you are and
seeking happiness based onyourself first.
If you and I were sittinghaving coffee and chatting about
expectations, that's the firstthing I would say.
Seek happiness based onyourself and not external
factors.
(09:03):
I would say be grateful for allthe good things you have in
your life.
Try your best to avoidcomparing yourself to other
people.
You never know what's actuallygoing on in someone's life and
in someone's head, no matter howglittery things look from the
outside.
When things don't go the way youhoped for and your expectations
don't meet your reality,practice accepting your emotions
.
It's okay to feel frustrated ordisappointed.
(09:25):
Things happen.
Beating yourself up ispointless and tomorrow's a new
day.
I think.
For me, learning how toappreciate what I actually have
has been an ongoing exercise.
If you're an overachiever whois constantly pushing for better
, this is a tough one.
Stopping to appreciate who youare and what you have is
sometimes the key to movingforward.
Sometimes, letting go is allyou can do.
Here's hoping that, if you letgo, that it ends up being a
(09:48):
positive part of your journey inthe long run, Because, after
all, at the end of all this,it's the journey that's most
important.
As always, thank you forlistening.
I appreciate you.
Until next time.
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